http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:immense-chagrin&section=today deviantART RSS for by:immense-chagrin en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:33:23 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14649077/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14649077/ Sat, 15 Sep 2007 18:50:21 PDT




i love brand new.

today was amazing.
sam and i were up 'til like threesomething.
and then we woke up at like one.
at one forty ish my phone rang
boy<3.
i went to his house.
where funtimes, hamburgers, and long walks ensued.

i wish i didn't have to come home.<3


goddddamn.
i'm happy.
likeholyshit.
i just want to scream with happiness.


i need a job, yo.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14333348/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14333348/ Sat, 25 Aug 2007 11:44:11 PDT

i like bright eyes..


since i turned eighteen, i did start smoking again. i like parliaments and the pretty camels that are pink!!!

i have been staying out late a lot, and sleeping in late a lot.
too bad theres school.


ive decided i like real coffee, with two creams, 3 sugars.
tch does that qualify? probably not.

i got a new laptop. its yellow and a dell its a yell! (a yellow dell) i amuse myself.

last night i was out until about five
therefore i dont know if i am grounded tonight.
i have to call melissa.
she is sleeping over still, iduncare what my parents say.


yep pretty much boring usual life here.
lots of music lots of brand new and lots of bright eyes.
most of all lots of kisses with jaime and lots of love


as for my love life anyways
its there.
i guess. it doesnt really have anything to it.
theres a few minor feelings, a few major feelings,
nothing to get caught up in.
all there is is time.

and i guess since that's all ive got, i have to wait for it.

but i should just be optimistic :] i've got nothing else to do.


lovelovelove!

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14112369/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14112369/ Fri, 10 Aug 2007 22:30:47 PDT things are looking up?

(hope i don't get crushed)


ireallylikecottoncandy!

which reminds me of thomas!

"i like puppies
i like candy
i like cotton candy
& did you know theres no cotton in cotton candy?!"


aghhg.

FOUR DAYS.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14008526/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/14008526/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:42:10 PDT but Johnny and I are over.
I don't mean over for two months over
i mean over over.
i mean i lost the best thing that ever happened to me over.
so expect some sappy poetry later

i wish i would have written more when i were happy
but i was too focused on being happy

i havent stopped crying really in three days

i talked to him tonight
and it hurt so bad
it hurts so much
i dont know how he does it.
i dont know how he doesnt feel it.

love hurts when its gone
i have never been hurt so bad

i dont think i'll ever fall in love again
i dont want to hurt like that ever again

luckily i have some pretty good friends
who try to help me through it
and then friends that dont understand

i think i'm gonna go sleep
or cry
or something
i really really really really really miss him
and he really really really really hates me

and to think
a week ago we were on the phone and i was gonna go to sleep soon
or something like that
probably

they always said love hurts
i never thought it'd get me too.
i thought we were perfect
i mean,
we both promised love forever
we promised marriage,
children,
prom, simpler things
theyre all gone now.
i should've expected that.

i shouldn't have been so naive
naivety hurts more than anything
and then the naivety of thinking i'll get it back

"look, we don't work as a couple ok"

those words sting.
i dont know.

i'm gonna start smoking again.




i'm gonna stop believing again.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/13713515/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/13713515/ Thu, 12 Jul 2007 21:33:38 PDT
Well, I don't know. So Sunday, Rich decided to make a rather reckless decision of buying an Xbox 360 Elite and not telling my mother at all. Needless to say, she found it (on the credit card bill) and they are not on speaking terms. Oddly, that is the least of my worries.

Sometime early in the week, I think it was Monday, I tried to set up a newer wireless network in my house so my grandmother could have the internet. Unfortunately, my sub-par knowledge of networking is terrible, yet exceeds my parents'. Yet, the sub-par knowledge led me into a terrible hole I seem unable to pull myself out of. It turns out that I screwed up the wireless connection on the laptop when enabling the one on Grandma's PC. And ours is all out of whack too. Oddly, my mother fixed it, but grandma has no internet. I guess I could have done that.

We got school schedules. I was oddly disappointed. Oh well. I was also discouraged, I guess, and I felt rather stupid compared to my brilliant boy.

Then I went to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I must say, I was THOROUGHLY disappointed. If she would have included more of the true details, I would have stuck around for another hour to have a better representation of the book. I mean, c'mon, an 890-page novel crammed into two hours eighteen minutes. Anyone else see a problem??

The good thing that came out of that was that my boy is officially reading a Harry Potter book! Yes! Johnny! Reading Harry Potter!

However, we went out to my car and realized I had a flat tire. After an hour of waiting, kicking, and swearing, my mother showed up and we had the spare on. I was, however, a chickenshit and would not drive my car home, so Stephen did it for me. I guess somewhere I ran over a nail. Oops!

I don't know. Today I went to U of C for my doctor's appointment. I have some more extensive tests tomorrow. I'm kind of scared. I don't have to do injections anymore, but instead, I'm starting Remicade infusions. I have my first one next week, joy.

I went to the zoo today with my mommy. I pet a goat and some stingrays. It was fun and cute. I want Johnny to go there with me but he doesn't like the idea of keeping animals in captivity. I understand that, but the baby poluh bayuh is so damned cute!!! Aw, I just wanna cuddle with it!!! And I saw some leapords and a baby giraffe.

I went to Johnny's later. It just occurred to me that it's been nine months. Damn. I love him more than the number of snowflakes that fall on mountaintops.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/13099601/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/13099601/ Sat, 26 May 2007 10:21:25 PDT
i am rather tired. I actually slept for the first time in like a week and a half. it was great. ten hours. ughhsfhgojsdfhg orgasm.

school's out. cool? i have stuff to do. i guess i'm going on my college visit the weekend before my birthday.
my mom is going to vegas for a week or something in july/august.
she just told me.
im going to key west for like 5 days during march of next year.
sheeit, nigs that's awesome.

so i talked to my manager yesterday about a possible promotion?
sam quit, so i have all her hours. i hit overtime.
good paycheck.

i am hungry for pierogies.
no tengo!

i am rather bored. i have to work in like 3 hours. blugh.


i love johnnybear with all my heart.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12941041/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12941041/ Sun, 13 May 2007 11:38:19 PDT First, I went over to his house and we chilled for like an hour, because I was tired, too tired to get up and go to acen.
Then we went to acen, waited in line together and shit, and just were together.
We went shopping and got some birthday shopping done, and i did some indulging. i love gaara.
we went to the masquerade, and i saw the cutest thing ever!
and then we went to "relationships in anime"
we were going to attend soap bubble, or i had planned to, but an early curfew and a stomachache made me decide against it.
we went to ken's place and ordered pizza and watched a bit of versus and some random internet videos (mosh pits??). funtimes.
then at like eleven eleven, i embarked home, alone, and i got stuck in traffic. i was sleepy.

and I just went back and added the second sentence of this post, and i smiled a bit inside.
damn thats unbelievable.

i woke up this morning and started bitching at my mom for doing laundry today and not buying me cereal.
then rich was like "oh yeah, happy mothers day"

i miss my bear
but he is wif his bruvver.

(i love you johnny.)

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12845911/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12845911/ Fri, 04 May 2007 22:07:06 PDT Sleep, school, cian getting the shit kicked out of him, johnny's, home, work, johnny's, home.

Yep. I've listened to handcuffs so many times today.

I feel like writing, but it's useless.

Mehhhh....
Interview with peter krowiak today. Interesting.
Kate is fun.

Sleep is funner.

Goodnight.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12694424/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12694424/ Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:28:50 PDT I'm disappointed with myself.
Newspaper Design - 2nd place, again.
Newspaper Sportswriting - 3rd place, from 1st last year.

For state, it's me, Alex something (girl), Kate something, Rachel Martiniak, Brandon Johnson, and Toni Bryant.
It should be fun, but I'm gonna miss BP.
She's mah main gurl.

State interferes with work and I feel like a jackass for making Mr. Thomas drive an extra 3 hours to take me home early so i can go to work on time.


Oh well.
The night was good anyways.

I never realized how much I really love him.
Like, obviously I have.
I think I never really realized how much he really loves me.
I don't know how I missed it though.
He holds me and kisses me like no one else does.
I guess I'm just an idiot, but my 1.57 GPA should have told you that.
I feel like shit. I have so much homework.

My feet are soft. I bought four pairs of shoes today. And lacey, pretty underwear from Victoria's Secret.

I'm buying Stephen Armored Core 4 for his birthday.

We hung out today; that kid is a blast.

I don't know.
I've been in this anti-life mood since I got home from shoeshopping. I feel like shit for spending so much money on myself.

I'm such a fuckhead.
How am I going to buy a Yaris if I keep doing this!

What the fuck?
Why do I exist.


iohgaedlk/j egh.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12573400/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12573400/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 21:25:20 PDT yeah.


(that is all.)

(dude, something cute happened today*.
so boy and i were watching tv/ cuddling,
and the lady on the tv said "i'm in love."
and he just said "me too."

it was adorable!)

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12339940/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12339940/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 17:25:19 PDT




_______________________



UGHHHH two jobs tearing me apart

moreso my relationship


today i overreacted about something that was still a big deal
i was angry up until 40 minutes ago
when he called me
and i got the most sincere apology
i have ever gotten from him

im so scared to lose him over this

i wish he understood better.


in lighter news, i have to work in forty minutes and i love that job
so im okay with that...

i also am buying a GORGEOUS dress tomorrow
flippin' amazing...


welll i dont have much to say on my life
staple tits is my best friend 'gain
who is surprised by that?
not i.

haha, stapletits.





... i have things to write but my hands hurt too much to type.

<3


i deserve a back rub

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12162117/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12162117/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 20:37:34 PDT
yeah
I said it.
One year.
Since the very first time he asked me out
he's such a sweetie.

I've been meaning to write a poem about him
but
er
i'm at a loss
for words
to express things
(how i feel, duh).


_____________________


my poems of broken things
and normal things
don't relate to this
this poem of unsurpassed love.

because that's how i feel
for you
right now (and always)

everything else is real to me
but you,
you're extraordinary

i see you differently

you're the crayola
in my everyday
monochromatic life.

you're the sunshine
in my cloudy skies,
taking away the rain
that i so loathe.

you're the warmth
that wraps around me
on blustry days.

you're my guardian
watching out for me
keeping away
the everyday evils.

although my dreams
at night are filled
with crazy things,
you're all i see
in my dreams
of the future

i'm only hoping
you feel the same way
or stronger

because without you
everyday
is monochromatic
and rainy, cold, and evil.

my days aren't filled with
just my broken things
and my normal things
but instead
they're filled with
extraordinary, unsurpassed love.

______________________________


yeah.duh for him.
i love him more than life.

(another pathetic attempt at expressing it)

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12072503/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/12072503/ Mon, 05 Mar 2007 18:42:43 PST
]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11897700/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11897700/ Tue, 20 Feb 2007 16:34:34 PST

Okay, I told him I wasn't going to retype a blog after that error, and I swear I'm not, because this is completely different.


I swear I am so sick of people taking bad moods out on other people. Displacement is NOT the way to go, people. It keeps happening to me. Not really at work, oddly. But at home I keep getting all this shit for the smallest thing just because my parents are really stressed out lately. I understand, and I would help them and talk at any moment if I could, but unfortunately, I can't do that! They don't want to talk, they just want to yell at me for all my flaws.

And Johnny keeps apologizing for calling me stupid and an idiot because he feels worse for it than he did before and I think that has to do with what I read to him earlier this week.

And I keep trying and I'm still FAILING spanish but I have a 3.14, which is the best I have had since Freshman year. I feel like such a failure no matter what I do.

I'm really honestly scared for our relationship. Johnny and I, that is, of course. Because I keep fucking up with that too. I keep saying all the wrong things, doing all the wrong things, writing all the wrong things... I don't know what to do. I wish I could just do something right, for once.

Johnny is mad at me because I posted a blog on his MySpace. I shouldn't have. See, fucking up again.

Today is terrible; I think I'll sleep.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11703627/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11703627/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 21:23:06 PST i'm all yours
whatchu waitin' for.

(that is not meant to be taken seriously, i'm just listening to it. i miss glen!)

_____________

Lately life has been great. I have been writing a HELL OF A LOT more than usual, and I'm thinking in two forms: Oddly, I'm thinking in freecell...which is just where I play games of freecell in my head. Also, I'm thinking in a form in which I'm narrating/writing everything in my head right now.

Most of my new writing shall be private, as I decided I'm going to work on a long piece and I don't want it viewed until it is complete. This is due to the fact that it is also a journal piece, and I don't know what I'll say that may be offensive. This is planning to be my first complete work. I hope I can fucking devote myself to it.

Well, I'm tired, and I just stayed on my computer long enough to hear "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland. That song reminds me of an odd time, and I hate that I love it so much.

I got a new ringtone as well. "First Day of my Life" by Bright Eyes. Yep.

Well I called Johnny at ten forty, and I woke him up. I feel like an ass for it.

I'm going to bed fo sho right now.
See you later.

Thanks for reading,
Jes

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11670979/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11670979/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 12:05:39 PST
_______________________

Okay, er. Where to start?
It's been like a century since I've posted an actual journal entry, and I'd like to catch up on that.

I started a new job like two weeks ago, at Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers, or something like that. It's alright. The people I work with are normal, and for the most part, not evil. The time goes slower there, I swear it. I get paid alright money, and I get my first check Monday. It will be put to good use.

Somehow, as usual, I couldn't keep a secret / surprise, and I ended up telling Johnny what I'm getting him for Valentine's Day. I hate myself for it. It would have been better as a surprise, plus I can't find it anywhere. Valentine's Day is approaching faster than I'd expected, and for some reason I am vaguely more aware of Sam's theory that Johnny and I will break up right after Valentine's Day. That scares me.]

Johnny and I have been fighting lately. We got into a pretty bad argument last night. Actually, it wasn't even an argument. He's just upset / angry with me because I was a complete bitch to him last night. I really regret it. I didn't want to be a bitch to him; it's just that I didn't want to sit there on the phone with him while Stephen was right next to me. That's rude. And I really appreciate it when he does it for me, but ... I don't know. I'm such a hypocrite.

Last night I was a half-hour late for my curfew-y thing. I came home at like eleven thirty; I was told to be home at eleven. I woke up at Stephen's at eleven o eight. Luckily, my parents were not home, therefore I'm not in trouble. They called at eleven fifty one, and assumed they missed my call. I love their naivety at times.

Things at home have been as normal as they can get with this family. Arguments have become more scarce due to my new battle technique: evade. I walk out of rooms whenever situations become tense. It works wonders. Rich and I barely yell at each other anymore because we're never within twenty feet of each other. It's fantastic.

As for my mom, I love her. She's been working out a lot lately, which -- due to the endorphin-releasing thing -- has been putting her into a much better mood. She's starting to trust me a lot more too.

I called my father today and we talked for like twenty minutes, which was nice. Derek's being stupid as usual, I've heard. I don't know if he's still not drinking, but I hope so. It kind of seems like it. I'd like to believe it. I plan to go out there sometime soon.

I've been working on another new story. It's about sunflowers, and that's all I plan to tell anyone. So far its at like three or four pages, handwritten. Typed, it's like one... in ten point, single spaced. I'm happy with it so far, but I'm sure I'll end up hating it.

Well, I have to go shower and clean some stuff. I have plans with the boy I love more than life later. I hope he and I can fix things. I really love him. Last night... Nevermind.


Thanks for reading my update on life,
Jes.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11416239/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11416239/ Fri, 12 Jan 2007 22:34:53 PST highly doubt it.


::skeptical::

allright.
im ugly.
who wants to love me?



[yepyepyep justttttttttttttkdiding]


ohyeahi hate my speech class
it makes me want to buy a gun
(and NOT shoot MYSELF)
(but some idiot[s]/slut[s])

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11352719/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11352719/ Sun, 07 Jan 2007 16:55:14 PST and i quit.
forever.


yep i just thought you should know.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11278015/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11278015/ Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:45:59 PST actually, i bet i don't.

mmk im so tired.
my head is pounding.
and johnny is mad at me for drinking
but if only he understood
that seriously i am so done with alcohol

fucking gay.
so i really really miss derek.






headaches!
headaches!
headaches!
(quieter)
h e a d a c h e s


i got some bukowski books.
two paid
one stolen

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11224657/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11224657/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 15:56:49 PST
________________

I love John Mayer.
And I hate staples.
but hangman is fun
and so are drawings
they are fun-ny.


wow john mayer makes me smile!


er uh er.
uhh
i dont have anything to say


surprisingly, no interesting photography yet
i've been too busy ripping my skin off with
shark ish staple removers
fuckers.
fuckers.

err i think its time for
a classic
livejournal!
entry

so check it if youre interested.
because uh
yep. it might not be interesting
but its more interesting than this!



yep.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11184850/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11184850/ Mon, 25 Dec 2006 07:06:57 PST
I'm pretty excited though just to spend christmas with Johnny and Sam and Dan. I mean, I already spent 2 hours with my family, and now I get to spend the rest of the day with the friends I love.

Oh man.

I got a camera today.

I love it. It turns on really fast which is awesome compared to my old digital cameras.

yep.

yep yep yep.

and i got a hundred dollar h&m card, but i knew that
and 50 for b&n (bukowski addiction?).
and 50 for jewel for gas.
20 for speedway
and i have 30.75 left for target
and i havent even seen father yet.



i also got both pirates movies for christmas
and a bracelet,
and pearl earrings.
i'm forgetting some things; i know it.
err, a memory stick thingy.
the usb things, y'know?
i love christmas.
and my mommie loves her presents that i am so proud of.
she's so hard to shop for.


hopefully johnny loves his!

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11155920/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11155920/ Fri, 22 Dec 2006 22:09:18 PST i'm guilty of breaking my rap restrictions.
i quit; i swear.

whatever.

uh, i'm starting a new story.
partially with ideas and love from ~happyrainbowfunfest
it's NOT harry potter fanfiction, or potterotica

yes. potterotica.

it's called the 'howtobeagoodboyfriendbook'
we were supposed to write it a long time ago
but i got lazy; don't i always?

i love my use of semicolons, and short wierd sentences.
comma fault.

i got a hundred dollar giftcard to H&M for christmas from my parents
i snuck a peek at the presents in their room. i feel guilty.
i regret it, i guess. i mean, it would have been better as a surprise.

i'm never peeking at presents again.

well.
i'm still in love, but it doesn't feel the same.
i'm scared, but not paranoid.
i'm scared in the sense that i'm fucking something up.
do i think it will tear us apart? no, definitely not.
that's not even sarcasm. i wish i could type in actual paragraphs like, you know, a real human being. fucking trying to be poetic. i hate capital letters anyways.

well, uh. i guess i dont have much to say that matters.
i guess this is too much of a ramble
because i'm tired as balls (12:03) and i guess i'm upset,
but what about, i don't know. (12:04)

Uhm, I still feel like writing.

When did I start punctuating?

Work has been interesting. Sitting next to Rose is hilarious, especially with our bell to let us know when motherfuckers come in. (12:05). We talk about everything, and pepper our conversations with the occasional singing of Bright Eyes. (Change song from Superman to 'Til I Collapse on The Eminem Show. 12:06).

I really like our singalongs. And our car rides home are great; I love erotica.


Well, uh, I guess that's as much as I can say.

I'm really not interesting.(12:07).

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11044899/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11044899/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 20:32:55 PST and i feel all right
sinking deeper all the time
inside a hole deep in my mind
but i love you
i love you more than life
________________________

UH OH PT 2

well i suck at relationships
even though im still in it.

i have my ways of dealing with things
and they work better than yours
so i dont see why youre so angry
like, i do. but its my way of coping
please understand
please realize i really love you
i swear it. i do.



i love you more than life.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11010709/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/11010709/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 21:12:41 PST and i feel all right
sinking deeper all the time
inside a hole deep in my mind
but i love you
i love you more than life
________________________

I JUST WANT TO SUBMIT OUR FANFICTION GODDAMNIT.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10987688/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10987688/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 18:52:30 PST that you know
that you told her
that you loved her
but you don't.
________________________

I quit my job today. I'm not upset.
I'm all right with that actually.
I mean, I have money and a best friend that supports me when I need it because she knows I did it for her.

But I'm not very excited for Christmas.
My whole life turned upside down this week.
From my relationship, which is no longer rated as 'great' but 'okay.'
And my job, obviously gone. Also, my cell phone got stolen.
And I am failing psychology. (wtf?) I have to start doing my homework.

I guess that's all anyone else needs to know.
I'm really glad that Rose and I patched things up though.
Like uber glad.
I wouldn't be anything without her right now.



...I still love Johnny Valles.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10959640/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10959640/ Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:52:41 PST the way you are alone.

________________________

i have so much to say about this
but all i can think to say is
this is so fucking surreal.


wow.
fucking.
surreal.






for the first time in my life
i cant even describe how i feel.

and i dont even know
if thats a good thing.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10907075/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10907075/ Thu, 30 Nov 2006 21:19:54 PST babies want God's love,
or maybe as sure as
tomorrow will come.
________________________

Sure.
Today or tomorrow
is the day that
every motherfucker
in the Minooka area is going to write some
goddamn journal entry about how
fucking BEAUTIFUL the snow is.

Sure. I'll fucking hear it.

Of you motherfuckers,
who drove in the shit.
Yeah, I didn't say snow.
I didn't say sparkling diamonds of ice.
I didn't say anything of that sort.
I said shit. Because this sleeting that's going on.
Is really upsetting.
I really love snow; I swear it, i do!
It's just that...
motherfuckers don't know how to drive.


And you, boy.
You should have talked to me.
It's cold
and I'm rather lonely.
We didn't see each other today.
So you better kiss me extra hard tomorrow.
You kiss me extra good.
I miss your lips
and hopefully they don't freeze to mine
because I won't settle for eskimo kisses.

But tomorrow,
I'm wearing pajamas.
I swear it.
Fuck this snow shit.
I can't believe I live for this time of year.

That was my rant about snow
And my poetic feelings about kisses??

I dont know.

________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10872248/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10872248/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 19:28:08 PST And all the things I scripted
They sound unfounded
And it's the look that your giving me
That tells me exactly what you are thinking:
"This ain't working anymore"

____________________________

The above lyric means nothing. I just liked it a lot.

Well, today was a bleh day. This weekend was amazing.
I guess I should start with the good.

wed- johnny/work/johnny
thurs - johnny all day
fri - shopping with johnny / work / johnny
sat - christmas tree with johnny / johnny's
sunday - work all day. bleh

then today school was alright.
then shopping/food with rose
then food/shopping with stephen
then angrytime with johnny

which is why today was bleh
we're not talking
i called him
said 'nevermind'
hung up,
and he called my cell
i didnt answer cuz it was upstairs
and then i called back and he was show'ring.
and i have homework to do.








god, i'm so scared of everything.

_________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10802797/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10802797/ Tue, 21 Nov 2006 17:13:27 PST and i feel alright
sinking deeper, all the time
inside a hole deep in my mind
but i love you,
i love you more than life
__________________________

today was shit.

not like, THE shit.
just shit.
today started great
(donuts, laughs, kisses, etc...)
but it is ending terribly
i have to work tomorrow
and the fam is probably making me stay home with them
on turkey day
fuck the fam
....seriously, fuck the fam

jesus christ.i hate them.

in lighter news,
iloveyou.


i dont have any real news regarding my life.
im just pissed off as a nigger
because seriously
we spend every goddamn day together
and i cant see you
and im pissed.










for some reason
i realized
that it has been too long
since i've gotten drunk.

_________________________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10700516/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10700516/ Sun, 12 Nov 2006 11:57:56 PST
__________________________

So today.
The twefth.
marks one month between us.
and it seems like so much longer
but last sunday
the fifth,
marks eight since the first time.

and i never knew
that i could grow to love you
like i do right now
because when i told rose
two months ago
that i thought i was in love with you
i smiled and laughed to myself
as if i was kidding

and i never knew that you could grow to love me
after all that rose had said about
you having troubles with love
and i envied her
because you told her you loved her
and you always said you didnt know

but that day
oh that day
when i laughed so hard
at the stupidest thing
and you smiled at me
and just sighed
'i love you'
for the first time

that day has changed me
it's changed us.
it's changed everything.
and its silly to think
that three little words
that we say so much
mean so much to us
and hold us together

and i know its only been a month
and its unfortunate that you were stupid
as you put it so kindly
but we're together now.
don't fuck it up again
please, please. don't fuck it up again.

i dont want to talk about what i would do
if i lost you
again
because im scared
but im not really scared
if you know what i mean
i love you
and you wont leave me
you promised me

now i know
when we're laughing in your room
sitting next to each other
and i fuck you up in call of duty
because i want to sit in your lap
and you turn it off because you know
that i have to leave soon

i know that you love me

i know because five minutes after i get home
from spending 8 hours with you
i call you
and we talk for another hour

i know because everyday i want to spend more time with you
and every hug and kiss we have goodbye is followed by another
with regret that we are parting.

i never want to leave you.

i love you.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10673471/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10673471/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 20:41:49 PST
__________________________

i went to the poetry slam tonight
it wasn't a success, unfortunately
but it was a lot of fun

johnny said he was glad he went

i wrote a poem during it.
the man,
george miller,
who is a great poet,
said he really liked it

{i'll post it when johnny tells me what it is}


rosie said she liked it too
johnny apparently liked it
because of the line
'and i have a boy who holds me'

and he took it
and didnt tell me
til i went to his house and he put it
on his dresser.

but back to the po-slam
everyone that went had a great time
i just wish more people showed up
it was great.
ilovepoetry
andmostofall
iloveyou.
yes, johnnyvalles, you.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10581106/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10581106/ Wed, 01 Nov 2006 10:49:55 PST Move like a man
Pushing like a father
Pulling like a friend
Whatever it takes forever it seems
But despite of all that all is well

__________________________

Halloween was fun. And delicious.

Actually, I didn't go trick or treating. It was too damn cold in that French maid costume. But I got several compliments, dirty glares, and requests for sex. Ryan, I will most definitely have to take pictures.

Last night had an interesting set of events.
Dropped off Johnny.
Went to:
my house
johnny's
rose's
fazoli's
school for Daniel
johnny's
stephen's
hucul's
forajter's
jewel
fazoli's again
forajter's
rose's
then took dan home, and I went to johnny's
my parents showed up.
pissed
needless to say

i came home, got yelled at, but i dont really think i'm grounded ^_^
got my cell taken away
called boy to tell him to get his own ride to school
stayed home
i think i have strep throat. damn.
no more kissing for a while, boy.
doctor's appointment tomorrow
because of the intestines. damn you.
uhm. i don't know.
i'm making pierogies right now
and i miss him

johnnyvalles,iloveyousomuch.
brittanyamber,weneedtohangoutdesperately.
everyoneelse,fuckoff.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10505393/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10505393/ Wed, 25 Oct 2006 10:27:52 PDT whenever you kiss me
and when im away from you
i love how you miss me
i love the way you always treat me tenderly.
but darling, most of all
i love how you love me.

- bobby vinton.
if you read it in my profile on AIM, and it's different thats because it's a neutral milk hotel cover.

________________________________

mmm.. Neutral milk hotel.
I ditched today. Kinda.
3&4th. i left at like 10:20
but i didnt ever go to 3rd hour.
i stayed in the Journalism room
it was funtimes.

everyone thinks i'm going to be e-i-c next year.
damn straight.
<3

i feel bad because i kinda got psuedo grounded yesterday
and i had plans with him.
and i couldnt hang out with him
but i guess it was for the better. i got my layouts done.

but
tomorrow is strictly his.
and friday i may or may not be joining in an adventure to moving with him
i am not sure if he wants me there.
doubtful.
saturday i have a work meeting at nine am (bleh!)
and then i work four to eight.
sunday i work twelve to eight. (bleh!)
that's eight rows of bread.
thats 160 pans.
(uberbleh)

i got my braces off.
my teeth are slimy feeling
and they hurt.
lots.
and i have like 89 lisps.

im pissed off. i didnt buy dashboard tickets for me and the boy
and the show is friday
i am ubersad.


but this journal entry doesnt really mean anything (none of them do)
and i'm kinda sad
because i know he will read this
and that sucks. because this used to be the only one he doesnt read.
hopefully he doesnt read the LJ.

whatever.
johnnyvalles, iloveyou.

brittanyamber, i'm sorry.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10460970/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10460970/ Fri, 20 Oct 2006 22:34:41 PDT singing softly as you fall asleep
you wake up in the morning and it's still there
adding up the things you'll never be.

_________________________________

mmmm... today was...grand.


i spent like 10 hours with him.
mmm i'd spend like 30 million more.


even if its just watching him play call of duty.
because i'm a pansy and i won't play.

eventually, i'm hoping to retrieve my ps2 again.

but he can keep it for a while.
as long as i can keep him.<3


gack i'm so fucking happy.
he makes me smile so much.
im going to like fucking die.


.asdf.iloveyou.jkl;.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. He makes me laugh more than a lot of my friends. Plus, his four a.m. phone calls make me smile.
~exquisite-one - A friend for a long time. She's a bit off her rocker though; she does drive her jeep upsidedown and backwards.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10385444/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10385444/ Fri, 13 Oct 2006 22:44:31 PDT






and in my dreams
you're alive and youre crying
as your mouth moves in mine,
soft and sweet
rings of flowers 'round your eyes
and i'll love you
for the rest of your life
when you're ready.


__________________________________

Mmm... I taste swell.

So the party got canceled today.
I guess it's my fault. Not really. Everyone thinks it is.

But I had a better time.

I broke his bed today while we were watching porn.
I laughed so hard I almost cried.
It was fucking hilarious. Sam and Dan were like "oh my GOD jessica!"
and he was just like "don't worry about it"
and we put the mattress on the floor.
and then we turned off the porn and put in the shining

at some point, subway was consumed
so was taco bell, to my excitement and to his dismay
i'm SORRY it's not AUTHENTIC enough

{ryry, is it authentic enough for you?}



this is where im going to get reflective/personal/poetic::

i mean
oh well if everyone thinks
that it's a joke
i really love him
i swear it. i do.

i love the way he smiles at me
when i mess things up
and pulls me closer no matter
how much i fight him
he actually cares about
the things i say
he's not just faking it

i love that he wants
what i have to give
i love that he gives me things
and buys me food
even though i have a job.
i love that he gives me nicknames
like jessi rabbit
and pumpkin
and baby.
...what else does he call me?

i love that he really cares
about me
and that he knows
that we've made mistakes
and we're trying to fix them

i love that he'll listen
to me talk
for two hours
when he really has to
do his homework
and he needs to sleep
but he knows i can't
so he'll stay awake with me

i love that every kiss with him
is just as good as the first one
or better
like that one time...

we discussed this today.
so it's not for you to know

i love that he knows
that he's losing friends
over this
but when i asked him if
he wanted to end it
he sounded offended
and like he wanted to yell
no.

i love that
this time
he really wants
to be with
me.

[/end poetic rant of love]



oh yeah
and i think he read
my story
because now
he kisses me on the neck.

gack i'm so happy.



EDIT. I FORGOT TO SAY THAT. did anyone notice i renewed my dA subscription?!?!?!
it's flippin' (lex flippin' luthor??...tehe. too bad he don't read this.) awesome.

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. I love him more than like, anything.
~exquisite-one - Quite the Deviant, and the friend.
~yellowsnowflake - An awesome friend. He buys me cigs and a DevART subscription in the same week. And I trust him with things I can tell no one else. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10363774/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10363774/ Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:01:39 PDT
Ryan fucking Tavarez is the only motherfucker that will catch the meaning of the title.

[I'd do you, ryry<3]

Unfortunately for Ryan, my life in the relationship department may be improving once again.
If the fuckhead matured a bit.


What can I say? I'm amazing.


But I'm happy.
Sam called me SIX times today when I was at work.
I called her back.
She told me.
I didn't believe her.
I was in shock.
Srsly, I couldn't drive well. Well, I can't normally, but I was WORSE because I was in so much shock.

But I am happy as fuck...







[no one saw this one coming though]

________________________________________ _________

~hades102 - Ryan is great. I love him more than like, anything. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10255880/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10255880/ Mon, 02 Oct 2006 05:41:21 PDT
sans last night's conversation.

what can i say
another douchebag.

you'd think i'd be used to it.



gackkk.

im tired.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10185411/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10185411/ Mon, 25 Sep 2006 18:16:45 PDT just for a second, i swear,
i could stop this catastrophe.


I'm thinking about resubscribing to dA. I miss the perks. And I have messages to check. Too bad I have concert tickets to buy.

Things are going swell. Chet and I are either dating or will be by the end of the week.
I like him a lot.
I really do.

Mmmmhmm. I love Dresden Dolls more than usual.
A lot more than usual.

I'm excited to hang out with Chet tomorrow.

Yeah, Chet will be my only topic of conversation for the next four or so months.
Or more, hopefully.

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10112128/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/10112128/ Mon, 18 Sep 2006 13:57:03 PDT

Yes, for everyone that knows me in real life on dA or is like my dA bffl (ryan fucking tavarez), life has been swell. I suppose that's what you can make of it.

Today has been longer than I wished.
Yesterday was way too long. However, I slept only 4 hours of it. That could be why.

I called Johnny, hung up as it was ringing, and called Kyle at midnight. Johnny called back & I linked the call.

By 1 something, Johnny and I were sure Kyle was off the phone and began to talk about our relationship. By 2:45 we were done, and by 3 I was walking down the street.

I went to none other than stephen consiglio's house. I was there until four, where I decided that it would be a good time to go home, and I got home circa 4:30.

At circa 4:45, my parents told me to go to bed. I woke up at 9:30
and spent the rest of the day cleaning or out.

...Good times with my gangstuh friend kyle and my bff stephen.

But this is way too much detail.
Would you like the basics of what went down?

good. here it is.
Actually, this is for me to remember by in like 5 years.

Johnny and I--
march 5 06
together
march 25 06
end
may 12 06
together
june 7 06
end
august 14 06
together
september 17 06
end.

and bob is an ass because he called it
ALSO.
for everyone that thinks so
there is NOT going to be a fourth time.


P.S. RYAN IF YOU READ THIS FAR
CAN YOU PLEASE CALL ME
i miss you ryry..<3

P.P.S. i'm resolving to be a better person
wish me luck. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/8483230/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/8483230/ Sat, 15 Apr 2006 21:20:59 PDT
However, I don't think my things are purdy, therefore everything is going into scraps.

Plus, I'd rather have my writing and photography in my gallery because I don't feel like I've worked hard enough on my apophysis things. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/8378362/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/8378362/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 20:41:23 PDT Then I'm renewing my subscription. then I'm checking all 666 of my messages.


I submitted a new poem and a new scrap, so check them out if you want.

Stephen called the poem amazing.
I think it's shit.

but that's just me.
I hate my writing.
The poem is an attempt at transcendentalism.
but it's all over the place.

i've been writing a lot lately, i'll see if i get around to updating any of it.

i think im going to put a lot more scraps in.


have a great day everyone. see you friday when i probably renew my sub.


<333 much love
jes ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/7373022/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/7373022/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 12:47:45 PST Listening to: Hurt - Johnny Cash
Reading: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (from brittany)
Watching: none

I gotta say I never update this. DeviantART in general that is.
But I check it as often as I can.
However, finals have taken over my life.
But I've made some new friends and people I watch in the past week.
I got some new fav's...
So check them out. They're some great stuff.

School's bleh. My coffee is getting cold in the living room. I'm gonna go get it.
That's all for now...

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~exquisite-one< ~hades102 RyRy is the bestest!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

i support °jark

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6459298/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6459298/ Fri, 09 Sep 2005 13:44:25 PDT Mood: tired
Listening to: Acriss the Ocean - Azure Ray
Reading: my sister's keeper - jodi picoult
Watching: nothing

Well.. My subscription expires in a soon while.

And I watch like 63 people. i could not do that without one.

so i need one.

sorry if i havent been commenting lately. i have so many but i love you alls.

<333


but what im saying is if anyone wants to buy me a 3 or 1 month to hold me over...id love you forever<3

p.s. im working on two new stories! love--the jessjess<3

p.s.s. RYRY IS THE BEST

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 RyRy is the bestest!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

i support °jark

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6113069/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6113069/ Tue, 02 Aug 2005 13:54:12 PDT jes

go to ~jarksupport for more information.

to add more, just tell me the number of the deviation

thanks, bye.

Mood: wtf?
Listening to: nothing
Reading: reading is for n00bs.





~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6087318/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6087318/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 10:21:45 PDT Mood: wtf?
Listening to: nothing
Reading: reading is for n00bs.



that's all for now.

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

i want °jark back

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6071773/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6071773/ Fri, 29 Jul 2005 21:18:30 PDT Mood: wtf?
Listening to: nothing
Reading: reading is for n00bs.



read it and follow. and read [link]

as well

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

i want °jark back

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6071728/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/6071728/ Fri, 29 Jul 2005 20:51:54 PDT Mood: wtf?
Listening to: nothing
Reading: reading is for n00bs.

what the hell is going on???

i notice with meghan that deviantART isnt like a community, everyone's right.

but people are complaining, so fucken get it together and help some artists out.

no one gives random comments anymore. i'm trying but one person cannot do much.

thats why i tried to get people to find more writers.

well there's no reward, but you might help deviant.

and i'm so in the dark as to whats going on right now?

wtf is up with spyed, jark, and matteo??

ohhhhh shit.

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

i want °jark back

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5980101/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5980101/ Tue, 19 Jul 2005 18:22:59 PDT Mood: ambitious.
Listening to: Passenger Seat - DCFC
Reading: Odyssey - Homer

I'm working very hard on a story called monochromatic.

The poem kind of describes it. but not at all.

Character names:

Rachael Bryant
Faye Brown
Ryan Brown
Elliott James
Katelyn Lark

Yes, Katelyn and Brown came from that girl, Katelyn Brown, I met at the HBP thingy with Meghan.

As for the story... It's three pages hand written so far. So yeah.


and as for that challenge. I kind of canceled it because no one tried and i have no $$$. so it will be up when i have cash.

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5849609/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5849609/ Thu, 07 Jul 2005 13:21:00 PDT Mood: busy
Listening to: Transatlanticism - DCFC
Reading: I don't read. Reading is for n00bs.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have about 10 days until release.

and I need your help.

Help me find Chicagoland photographers and painters/digital artists/whatever.

Lesser-knowns, preferably.

Thanks much,

The management,
jesica.

my friends:
~littlemistress<< ~sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< *hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?!

email me at thenemy@gmail.com if you would like to become a featured artist on ~exquisite-one's, ~littlemistress's, ~sleep-on-needles's and mine's e-zine.

[did i mention we favor chicagoans, not as a biased thing, as a chicago e-zine thing]

]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5746477/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5746477/ Fri, 24 Jun 2005 20:10:47 PDT Mood: bleh
Listening to: hold on love - azure ray
Reading: The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson

I bought some semi good watercolors and some acrylics today. from target. so theyre not good but better than what i was using. oh yah and some watercolor paper. maybe i'll share my paintings when done. <33 bye.

- jesica

my friends:
~littlemistress<< *sleep-on-needles<< I LOVE THAT GIRL SOOOO MUCH!
~exquisite-one< ~hades102 BECAUSE RYAN IS AWESOME?! yes ?! ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5665063/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5665063/ Thu, 16 Jun 2005 10:13:21 PDT
Mood: gonna kick some ass
Listening to: Desperate Guys - The Faint
Reading: The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson

i declared a pageview war on ~hades102 and the first to 750 wins.

and im like 60 ahead of him, but i already was when we started but I've had a deviantart longer (by like 4 months)

so everyone get pageviewin'

in other news i got a free subscription for a week.

THANK YOU DEVIANTART!

my friends:
~littlemistress
~sleep-on-needles
~exquisite-one ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5493814/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5493814/ Sun, 29 May 2005 14:26:38 PDT submit stuff or we'll have nothing
or ill force =littlemistress to go find good shit. and we'll notify you if you use it. so <3

get emailin. i suggest to the art editor

[link] MEGHAN

[link] ME ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5461223/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5461223/ Wed, 25 May 2005 20:19:34 PDT design is done. not the site. just the design. check it out at [link] or [link]
i put like 7 hours into this and you cant even tell.
but as you can see theres an art section. heres the catch. there is a featured artist every two weeks. i will post your site or deviantart. but ONE featured artist per two weeks per category.
the categories are very general so its kind of hard
and brittany sowacke, meghan forajter, andrea jennings, and i are judging. so oh well.
but the categories are::
writings
photography(including light photomanips)
other visual arts.

limit of three per time you want to submit anything to me.
email at thenemy@gmail.com ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5433182/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5433182/ Sun, 22 May 2005 20:32:28 PDT
& as for me and brittany amber, my dearest, we're grand.
i heart her so.

and the mars volta are ORGASMIC ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5328790/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5328790/ Wed, 11 May 2005 10:57:13 PDT i will have to find time
in my oh so busy life
[out there]
for him.
and i miss him so
and it's harder
than it's ever been
because i dont think he cares
and that's that hardest part
but then
the confusion comes
with his <3s
and his "hun"s
and his conversations
that take me back...

back to that february
i drift away into dreams
and he doesnt remember
but i do.
and back to that march,
and that april, and may,
and june,
and july and august,
and september through december
until january comes
and i dont want to go back to that
that was a bad time
but february comes again,
i remember the silence between us
and march is fine
and april is splendid
and may is missing him
and june is sadness & love
and july is gone too fast
and august means almost goodbye
and september is the last of it
and october is far too lonely.
and november is worse
and december i see him
and january i miss him
and february i cry
and i go out with someone
but its not the same
never will be
and march i'm drugged up
and it doesnt even fucking matter
but he cares
and that makes me happy
and april he has someone.
and i have someone
and we split apart
farther than ever before
but were somewhat happy without
the presence of each other
maybe hes happy
but im not completely

and its 5 months
and this makes it so hard.
and in may
its still impossible
i hear his voice
tears fall
and i cant think anymore
because what was
never will be again.
and i have to suck it up
and live with it
and i'm in denial
and i cant take it
because i always have hope
and i'll never fucking give up.
and he knows that
and thats why i think he cares. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5284039/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5284039/ Fri, 06 May 2005 18:08:00 PDT the new peace pipe chatter editors for arts and entertainment are eric reynolds and MEEEEE

YAY
hoshit im happy

editttt:::not posting any pictures til i watermark them. i like these too much to have them fucking stolen. if you want original copies for yourself. then fine i'll get to it. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5238307/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5238307/ Sun, 01 May 2005 12:48:51 PDT but goddamnit people stop posting complete shit.
there is a category called scraps for your snapshots and sketches. if it sucks don't upload it. i'm trying to browse and find good art and i'm disappointed to say i've seen so many snapshots and crap.
put it in scraps
or get a photobucket
because this is NOT a photo uploading site,
its a fucking art site.
if its not art keep it off here.
because you suck.
okay. you know who you are. keep your shit in scraps.
and this applies to no one on my watch list
because if you suck i'm not watching you.

and sometime soon i hope that deviantart goes through and edits this and puts your shit in scraps. even if you think its good. i'm glad youre making progress but put it in your fucking scraps. it clogs up good amazing art. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5215718/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5215718/ Thu, 28 Apr 2005 18:49:53 PDT well i bought my ticket and vince's [~ HawksteinPLUS] ticket
and he paid me already
saying "this is for last night" and handing me $105 dollars.
i'm not that cheap. but i heart him so kay

and my mom's kinda mad
rich is pisssed
he said he would have never agreed
but its for andie[~sleep-on-needles ]birthday
and i heart her

and i told vince if andie doesnt get a ticket, then she gets his
he agreed reluctantly
god hes amazing
and hes gonna read this

and that makes me happy ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5180491/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5180491/ Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:51:45 PDT
i'm too tired to write. im going to actually attempt to do my homework.

expect some writing sometime soon.

and some photos. i have a new photo spot in the forest and only ~ exquisite-one knows about it.

bye. ]]> ~immense-chagrin http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5157828/ http://immense-chagrin.deviantart.com/journal/5157828/ Fri, 22 Apr 2005 12:06:50 PDT maybe tomorrow
chicago bitches

happy birthday daddy
i didnt forget yours.

bye. ]]> ~immense-chagrin