http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:jnrtalentsquad&section=today deviantART RSS for by:jnrtalentsquad en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:55:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/13502632/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/13502632/ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 18:56:13 PDT
it. is. cold.

(but
your
love
keeps
me
warm!)



finding someone, for yourself, is like. .. finding another piece of a puzzle you want so badly to finish, but know you never will.

the security you feel, with someone, is superficial.
the lonliness you feel, without someone, is real.

im such an expert at heartbreak.

yet im quite head-over-heels in love.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/12044377/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/12044377/ Sat, 03 Mar 2007 18:49:04 PST
try and catch me for a second.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/11381433/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/11381433/ Tue, 09 Jan 2007 23:23:30 PST on a whim, rebound, fallout, once every-so-often, rainy day girl
and to make it worse, there is a drought.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10609469/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10609469/ Fri, 03 Nov 2006 23:27:42 PST
I.
Don't.
Need.
This.
Bullshit.
To.
Know.
I'm.
Out.
Of.
Control

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10371919/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10371919/ Thu, 12 Oct 2006 17:21:20 PDT never realised how much living my life, doing and saying the things i do. . it hurts people.

storylines chilled me.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10297104/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10297104/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 18:59:38 PDT
i know you want to.









all my pics lately suck. well, suck more than they usually suck.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10188491/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10188491/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 02:04:44 PDT no.
i mean really lonely.
like, standing in a room full of people, and you feel like nothing you ever do could be enough.
like, everyone who ever meant anything to you has walked away.
like, you have all the time in the world and nothing to fill it with.
like, everything is going by too fast and you're missing out but there isn't a thing you can do about it?



i do.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10072223/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/10072223/ Thu, 14 Sep 2006 16:09:12 PDT



She's riding shotgun beside me.
She's tuning the radio.
There's snow globes sitting on the dashboard.
From places it don't even snow.

She is completely medicated.
And those bruises match her dress.
And the demons in her head.
Keep her company instead...
When I can't be there.

Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming tonight.
I'm better off here in my memories.
And in years to come I will reminisce.
About Lyla's Kisses on my lips.

She writes 'I love you' on the window.
On the mist that her breath left.
She waves goodbye with a red suitcase by her side.
And traffic moves and planets move and she's removed from my eyes.

Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming tonight.
I'm better off here in my memories.
And in years to come I will reminisce.
About Lyla's Kisses on my lips.

Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming tonight.
I'm better off here in my memories.
I'm just sitting here on some moonlit roadside...
With Lyla's kisses on my mind.



anyone else know this song?

anyone else know this feeling? ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9731488/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9731488/ Mon, 14 Aug 2006 23:34:21 PDT ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9548926/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9548926/ Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:15:39 PDT
THIS is called watching me bleed ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9417742/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9417742/ Tue, 18 Jul 2006 15:31:29 PDT 02) Your nickname: Loz, Laurie, Lizzy
03) Date of birth: 18th Januarym1988
04) Horoscope sign: Capricorn, not that it means anything
05) Birth town: Sydney.
06) Religion: Is a personal thing, which no-one should ever have to explain for.
07) Nationality: Australian with a bit of Ukranian and Maltese parentage. (i'm fruit salad!)
08) Parents: Yes, i have those.
09) Do you love them: Yes, they give me so much.
10) Brothers or sisters: A younger sister who is my best friend and my worst enemy.
11) Do you like the place where you live: Surrounded by bush, not TOO far from the city, in the suburbs. .. could be worse.
13) Colour of your eyes: Blue
14) Height: 163cm.
15) Weight: 50kg.
16) What school/grade are you going to: I'm in first year uni.
17) What marks do you have: Just on the computer looking them up now. They aren't THAT good, but that's okay. .. gives me something to aim for.
18) Do you work anywhere: Yeah. A nursing home and a basketball stadium.
19) What do you want to be in your life: A Doctor, A mother, A wife, A good friend.
20) Your life style: Erratic but stable.
21) Personal quote: 'oh! that's ace!'
22) Lucky number: 2222
23) What are you interested in: People, Music, Time, Medicine/Illness, Travelling.
24) Good side of your character: Outgoing, bubbly, fun, loud, spontaneous, friendly, warm, charming or flirty.
25) Bad side of it: Obsessive, Moody, Bitchy at times.
26) Is your life happy: It mainly is. I really don't have anything to complain about.
27) Do you think that you are crazy: Yes, very much so.

28) What is the time: 0803 (im up early to check uni marks) (what a nerd!)
29) What is the date: 19th July 2006
30) What’s the weather like: 11DegreesCelcius, Light showers and rain, Southerly Wind at aprox. 39km/h, with 87% humidity.
31) Favourite day in a week: Friday, day off!
32) Favourite music: Alternative, Indie, Rock, Pop-Folk (that sounds so weird), Acoustic and a bit of Electronica and Classical.
33) Singer: Uhh, I dunno. I like Julie Andrews, especially in The King And I soundtrack. Also, Lior.
34) Band: Red Hot Chill Peppers, The Smashing Pumpkins, Epicure.
35) Song: Too many.
36) Best concert you have been: Green Day without a doubt! I also very muchly enjoyed The Darkness but Green Day was good for many reasons
37) Actress: I don't have favourites. It's not like i KNOW them anyway.
38) Actor: Same as above.
39) Films: I don't know. Anything funny, romantic, with a message, gruesome, scary, deep, meaningful. .. doesn't really matter.
40) TV programs: HaHa, Big Brother is like a car crash, can't help but look. But i also enjoy Grey's Anatomy, The Surgeon (not that it's on anymore) (), Boston Legal, The Simpsons, OC, yeah that's about it.
41) Theatre play: uh. I have been to one, one night in year 11 we had four people in our class and our teacher took us out to dinner and to the theatre. 2 girls and 2 boys packed into his TIIIINY BMW. We'd never sat so close, it was VERY uncomfortable/ full of sexual tension.
42) Film director: Not fussy, eh.
43) Do you want to be famous: If i do something cool and deserve it.
44) Do you want to be an acter/actress: No!
45) Do you want to be a singer: Can't sing for crap.
46) Book: Scar Tissue (Anthony Kiedis), A Million Little Pieces (James Frey), 48 Shades of Brown (Nick Earls).
47) Colour: Black, even if it's a shade.
48) Flower: I like daphne.
49) Food: Chicken, tomato, banana, icecream, oranges, pasta, bread.
50) Drink: Usually water or apple juice. Alcohol is vodka drinks or beers.
51) Sweet: Marshmallows.
52) Fruit: banana, mango, orange, strawberries, apple. I like all fruit- even custard apple!
53) The worst food: Fish or seafood.
54) Drink: This alcohol stuff my dad gave me once to 'clear up my chest infection'. .. it burnt my toes before it had left my mouth.
55) Singer: Even seen Idol auditions?
56) Band: Ever seen what comes out of Idol?
57) Actor: *cough* Aussie soapy "stars"
58) Actress: As above.
59) Movie: lol, B-grade porn
60) Book: I don't know. Check the 'young adult' section of the library.
61) Do you drink alchocol: Not too often.
62) Do you smoke: Na.
63) Do you take some drugs (and what): Iron tablets?
64) What do you adore to wear: My new shoes. They. Are. Sex.
65) Do you think that you are pretty: Uhh, if I make an effort.
66) What languages do you speak: English.
... ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9371717/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9371717/ Fri, 14 Jul 2006 04:06:07 PDT ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9327721/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9327721/ Mon, 10 Jul 2006 01:38:33 PDT

i miss you


three words


boo.


I FUCKING MISS YOU ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9308227/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9308227/ Sat, 08 Jul 2006 02:27:33 PDT I'll be waiting here for you
Pack your things, fly to me
Scatter me across the sky
I'll shine all night
And just like a star
I'll fall for you

Baby if you want me to
I'd do anything for you
Just say the words and I'd give you the world
Yeah, but that's not good enough

Starlit sea will be our dance floor
And birds will sing our song
And your scars, your scars will heal
For You

Baby if you want me to
I'd do anything for you
And just say the words, and I'd give you the world
Yeah, but that's not good enough

And Baby if you wanted me to, why not say so
Let me go cause I cant shine bright enough for you

I shine for you

I fall
Dream baby for me
I'll be waiting here for you ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9215581/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9215581/ Wed, 28 Jun 2006 22:29:14 PDT the slowest form of suicide

* is a Shadow Deviant
* is Female
* is a deviant since Mar 27, 2005, 7:56 AM
* has 6,969 pageviews
* is located in Australia
* is online
* is currently Dangerous
* is an MSN Messenger user; yup! just ask



i think thats cool ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9154267/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9154267/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 23:55:00 PDT can it come back and be the present?
will it maybe last in to the future?

how do we choose what we remember and what we block out?
if we blocked something out for years, when will it come back?
if anything comes back, will it be good memories, or bad?

can we make a future by searching through the past and throwing it into the present?

is there life-sized band-aids we can throw on. .. they only really have to be big enough to cover the sucky stuff. the rest can leak, if it wants to. .. ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9098247/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/9098247/ Sat, 17 Jun 2006 17:07:27 PDT ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8764210/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8764210/ Sun, 14 May 2006 00:41:34 PDT we're all just passing through this life. .. through each other's lives

i miss my DA friends. (yes, you!)
one day i will know when, it will be a time for me to come back again. until then, stay safe. ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8410411/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8410411/ Sat, 08 Apr 2006 17:38:53 PDT
give them all you can, all your love and all your hope. and all your faith, passion, time and patience. ..

people you adore deserve nothing less ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8393546/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8393546/ Fri, 07 Apr 2006 04:18:49 PDT
some days we can spend time with our family in an attempt to find out more about where we came from and admire the things we can become. our family will always show us unconditional love and we can practice basing all our relationships on the love which our family models.

some days we can enjoy our own company and our own private thoughts. we can go for a walk and just take our sweet ass time to get wherever we're going. we don't always have to rush and be in front, it's nice to enjoy our own company.

some days we can't stand being alone and hate the silence it brings. we want to scream at the top of our lungs and run forever.

but,

some days we can see the point of all the "hard work" we put in.

some days, when everything is a bit muddled up it's best to just breathe in and out and say that it is okay, because EVERYDAY (not just some days), life is fun.

i choose to spend my time with people who inspire me, influence me and make my life an adventure. this means that some days, it is a little dangerous. and some days, i do get really hurt when i try my hardest and nothing seems to work. . . the important thing is that every night i snuggle up in bed and think about my day, and very rarely do i cry. . . that's simply because, life is good and we should never forget that. ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8369726/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8369726/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 02:02:08 PDT past i look at my gallery and feel the urge to delete SO much. but i wont. mainly it would take too long. also, i can't deny my past. it made me how i am today.

present i love everyone's new works and im sorry i havent commented on them, i really love them all and keep it up. .. im rather lazy. presently a combnation of working my ass off, bogged down by uni work (both of which are learning curves) and decisions. .. big ones.

future is full of uncertainty. but trust me when i say, if there is ONE person i want in it. .. they know who they are. ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8327634/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8327634/ Fri, 31 Mar 2006 20:56:12 PST uni AND work kills me, my new job at an aged care facility is awesome fun but really tiring
i got told i have depression this week. im on medication which makes me want to sleep CONSTANTLY and they arent really related i dont think.
i feel excellent.
despite original fears, it has been a lot easier to not hurt about losing a certain piece of myself just staying off the computer makes that easier. so no DA. and tons of uni work which i sorta just do and enjoy. and watching TV but not House.
i dont know who is reading this but have fun anyway ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8221957/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8221957/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 21:24:44 PST ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8200779/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8200779/ Sat, 18 Mar 2006 19:06:26 PST
i've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart.

scared but you can follow me i'm too weird to live but much too rare to die. ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8148910/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8148910/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 12:06:00 PST ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8125434/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8125434/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 20:51:36 PST Mood: ugh

i told my parents i wanted to kill myself

my mum thinks it's all in my head and im making it up. .. but i REALLY feel like shit, i cry a whole lot and i don't know why.
it's shit that when i try to get help from them, they don't really believe me and how i feel

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8116101/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8116101/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 20:13:34 PST Mood: peh

" There's no rhyme, and
There's no reason
You're the secret in the back of my skull
There's no logic
So please believe me
That love's confusing,
But it never gets dull "

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8070846/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8070846/ Sun, 05 Mar 2006 03:19:06 PST Mood: ick

Blaise Pascal:

We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything.

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8039469/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8039469/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 16:34:59 PST Mood: want. to. die

i want to die
over and over again
choke on my own vomit
and be numb from something toxic

]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8033445/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8033445/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 00:33:21 PST "when i get this feeling, it's hard for me to come back down. .. i could be, that everything you need"

Mood: need. some. time.
Listening to: 'drops of jupiter', train (album)

words.
if only they were everything we needed.
if only they were all that counted.
if only words could convince us, hold us, ease us. .. in essence, make us.

stupid actions.
why does a look change it all?
why does a smile make you feel something?
why can missing someone make you worry, doubt even. .. ?

and if im giving someone everything i can, how can they still want more?
what do i have left to give?

so i am just sititng here and time goes fast, but days go slow. no words come to me, even though all i seem to do is listen to music and stare out the window.
it's like i speak another language, because i don't understand this.

GOD DAMN I LOVE HIM!


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8000935/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/8000935/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:11:55 PST "i was sitting waiting wishing"

Mood: quiet time
Listening to: jack johnson, in bewteen dreams (album)

stolen from *the--Link, gorgeous Samah

if i were. ..


If I were a month I would be: January
If I were a day of the week I would be: Sunday
If I were a time of day I would be: 2222
If I were a planet I would be: Mercury
If I were a animal I would be: A fish
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A futon
If I were a historical figure I would be: Jane Austen
If I were a liquid I would be: Water
If I were a tree I would be: A palm tree
If I were a flower/plant I would be: Daisy
If I were a kind of weather I would be: Sunshine
If I were a musical instrument I would be: An oboe
If I were an emotion/feeling I would be: Hyperactive
If I were a color I would be: Black
If I were a vegetable I would be: Bok Choy
If I were a sound I would be: Soft music on a lazy morning
If I were an element I would be: Fire
If I were a car I would be: Toyota Celica (red)
If I were a song I would be: Forgettable
If I were a place I would be: Comforting, relaxing and interesting
If I were a taste I would be: Tomato
If I were a scent I would be: Soap
If I were a shape I would be: Circle
If I were a number I would be: 8


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7994571/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7994571/ Fri, 24 Feb 2006 22:05:17 PST "stacked actors, stacked to the rafters"

stole this from ~annmawy's journal

THE BLOG GAME

Timeline

15 years ago
i was 3 and i had a sister. .. herrrm. i was. .. well, 3.

10 years ago
i was 8, and the baddest badass bitch in the Westside. (for the record, where i live gets refereed to as 'the west side' by those who live here, because it's title is prefaceds by "west")

5 years ago
i turned 13 in Las Vagas. .. such an awesome time of my life

2 years ago
i was 16, and going insane. literally. i was smoking weed and doing lines (speed). not a pretty place to be.

1 year ago
i was doing year 12. .. after deciding the drugs just weren't right for me.

Present
about to start university to study a bachelor of nursing, so i can eventually travel and work in Seattle.

Life Right now

Today, I woke up at...
8:31am

... and got up at...
8:32am

Last night, I went to bed at...
uhmmm, maybe about 2300? (that's the earliest for months!)

This means I slept for...
about 9 and a half hours i guess.

For breakfast, I...
read some uni notes in the sun and gave my fish some new water.

Today, I wear...
black shorts and a referee shirt.

This morning, I...
talked to Charles, (my fish) and then went to basketball. i refrereed 4 games. every week, the shitness of private school boys and their 'best as money can buy' NBL playing coaches and the sass they give me takes me to a new level of anger

For lunch, I...
walked to the local shops (near basketball) and bought a bread stick and some tomato dip. i then watched the firsts team play and had a picnic with ben, ace and my sister.

This afternoon, I...
was still at basketball. .. til 3. .. so then i went to the shops on the way home with mum and saw taylah and gareth and talked for ages. and shane asked me if i was a wrestling ref. ..

For supper, I...
will have pizza.

Tonight, I...
will look at the stars, go for a walk, listen to music. .. and think, maybe draw. .. heerm, and maybe read up my new text books

Tonight, I plan getting to bed at...
whenever jules goes home, because i miss talking to him

... and I'll sleep at...
when i let it take me over. stupid overwhelming tiredness


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7967353/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7967353/ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 15:57:47 PST "We the people fight for our existence
We don't claim to be perfect
But we're free
We dream our dreams alone
With no resistance
Fading like the stars we wish to be

You know I didn't mean
What I just said
But my God woke up
On the wrong side of his bed
And it just don't matter now

Cos little by little
We gave you everything
You ever dreamed of
Little by little
The wheels of your life
Have slowly fallen off
Little by little
You have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why
You're really here

True perfection has to be imperfect
I know that that sounds foolish but it's true
The day has come
And now you'll have to accept
The life inside your head we give to you"

edit:

i posted a parcel to julian. .. EXPRESS POST ROCKS! (just took me 45min to find a post office in broadway)
he got it the next day, as promised by post lady. ..
i hope he does like it!

i went to the beach yesterday and got HELL sunburnt! poor back. top up my tan for winter is on the way.

uni starts monday. i am going to get MORE text books today. .. blah.
stupid.


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7944248/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7944248/ Sun, 19 Feb 2006 14:36:56 PST "and as for now. .. i'll sit alone and wonder"

today, i got my uni timetable.

3 days a week in university, one in the big campus, two in the smaller one, close to my house. and one in a hospital on practice. ..

my life is so much like im standing at the edge of a cliff. .. and i don't know who is going to ask me to sit back down, think about this, and be safe. ..

i need, something.


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7899182/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7899182/ Tue, 14 Feb 2006 18:11:08 PST "errrrm. .. no"

anyway.
people keep asking me if im 'emo'. it is making me angry (hence the title here). ..

anyway. i like black clothes, and i like a certain type of music, and i like my hair darker, and i like black nailpolish and i like, like, WHAT THE FUCK, how does that make me an emo?!

this picture, (in Julian's gallery), may have made people think that. .... and yeah its fine, i took it for fucks sake. but how come i have to be in a category?!

RAAAAAAAAAAAH!

anyway, today i been tidying my room. but not the usual, 'stuff this shit just under here' type of clean. ..
more like the more psycho 'throwing stuff i used to have when i was 4 years old'
hectic.
and dusty


check out - sporks are so very cool
i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7867911/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7867911/ Sat, 11 Feb 2006 19:27:41 PST "a perfect mess. .."

i wonder who i am

and

where i belong






the only thing to ease my mind, is music



i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7839304/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7839304/ Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:08:45 PST "la la la la la la la "

well, tagged by Julian. ... hmmm. .. here goes. .. (i swear i have already done this!)

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"go". .. contents page for "fast talk spanish"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
aiiiiiir. ... and now my mum wants to know why i am doing Pilates whilst on the computer

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Home and Away, last night. excellent viewing. trash as always.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
(i just heard the clock) so i'd go with 11am

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11am, im too good.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My mummy.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 20min ago. taking pictures. i will go back out soon

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
journals and also my fingernails. they are so chipped. must re-do them before work tonight

9. What are you wearing?
old school leadership shirt ('learn to live, live to lead') and soccer shorts. clearly, im all class.

10. Did you dream last night?
yeah. .. about, well, stuff!

11. When did you last laugh?
this morning, because i went to my check up at the hospital and they said was going well and im fine!

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
dart board. and shelves

13. Seen anything weird lately?
mirror!

14. What do you think of this quiz?
i can not believe Julian did it.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Memoirs of a Geisha

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Julian a new MANUAL car. .. me an AUTO car, and a house. .. to live in. .. with a pool. .. and can then make Julian move to that house, heheh and then never miss him again!

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
who am i telling this to? if it is Julian (since he tagged me). .. you don't know how much i love you. .. if it is any random, you don't know how much i love Julian!
i guess somehting odd and funny was that if i was a boy i might have been called Julian because my parents like that name. .. mad!

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I wouldmake communisim work. .. or, uhm, move Canberra next to Sydney. .. whichever is easier

19. Do you like to dance?
yeah, but i suck at it

20. George Bush:
i think he is probably a nice man deep down

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Lacey, or Elizabeth mwahah

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I don't think i really want a boy. .. hmm, maybe like, Tannar.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Seattle, i am there!

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? punk is dead!

25. 4 people who must also do this in THEIR journal:
i choose not to inflict this upon anyone who does not wish to do it. but i woudl enjoy it if ~Mumma ~NymphoTash and ~savioth do it






i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7824241/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7824241/ Mon, 06 Feb 2006 23:44:52 PST "la la la la la la la "

wow
the 2nd entry for today

my mood changed



how happy am i. .. ABOUT 10?!

i have a new avatar JULIAN MADE IT!! how cool is it?!

i love!

and i can do 3-point-turns in a manual, ALL BY MYSELF!




i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7822029/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7822029/ Mon, 06 Feb 2006 18:37:07 PST "you can have it all, my empire of dirt. .. i will bring you down, i will make you hurt. .."

blaaaaaah!

i have a realy cool way of pushing people away

i am cranky

and i have a sore arm from a injection needle (as opposed to blood test) in my forearm.

i don't know what is wrong with me! i am so tired, and i sleep more than ever. .. i am easily irritated and i have a small attention spand and i cant sit still. it's shit. i am so mean and cranky and moody and irrationa and i don't have an appetite and i don't really have any interest in anything. blah

my mind is practically shut down form not using it, because im not studying or working. ..

i just feel like screaming at everyone. even though i don't have a reason.

one of my best friends told me i hurt her feelings and all i could say was sorry. that feels pathetic. .. very weak. but i don;t really even feel like calling her, because i wasn't in the wrong. .. so unlike me. i would usually step down for this girl.

it's like, a major effort to be nice to anyone. strangley, except Jules. .. but it has always been easy to be nice to him- he just melts my heart. ..

this is the longest holidays i have ever had from school / learning EVER and i feel like i haven't got anything to do. ..

i think i want to make jelly. ..

i had things i liked, now i don't do them. ..
i liked sitting on the rock, looking at the never ending bush and smoking.
now i don't do that.
i used to like going out with friends and drinking like a maniac and dancing and having fun and flirting.
now i don't do that.

it burns. wish i could see him more often




i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7811353/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7811353/ Sun, 05 Feb 2006 16:45:30 PST "everlong, i've waited here for you"

Mood: la la la la la
Listening to: everlong, foofighters
Reading: ScarTissue, Anthony Kiedis

there was a mouse-trap full of peanut butter that caught one. and then it was killed. and next to it, was it's mate making squeeking noises and it wouldn't leave, even though the other one was dead.
that's true love.

alex wanted me to tell you that story.

and before she told me it, peanut butter used to turn me on


i may or may not have donated my kidney to

i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7786792/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7786792/ Fri, 03 Feb 2006 03:17:04 PST "is there someone out there who feels just like me? . .. there is. .."

Mood: raaaah!
Listening to: there is, box car racer
Reading: ScarTissue, Anthony Kiedis

i was so brave today.
i got a needle.
because i didn't cry, i got a jellybean. it was black



i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7763334/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7763334/ Tue, 31 Jan 2006 16:35:24 PST "one. .. two. .. ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

Mood: raaaah!
Listening to: international superhits! GREEN DAY
Reading: ScarTissue, Anthony Kiedis

rah


When you read this, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want—good or bad—BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your journal and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Come on, people, get creative!



i julian ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7757396/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7757396/ Tue, 31 Jan 2006 01:34:37 PST "wake up wake up wake up"

Mood: enjoying love
Listening to: Sexual Healing- Ben Harper, etc
Reading: ScarTissue, Anthony Kiedis

whenever something happens, that shakes my world, i go back to the basics. ..

music
friends
walking aimlessly
jules


these are a few of my favourite things. my most favourite is jules. i don't think i could ever get bored of him. .. staying up allllllllll night talking to him made being mad tired today worth it.

in some aspects of self, i feel like im slipping out of control, i hate being out of control. .. it scares me so much.
what i hate more is seeing other people slipping out, and not being able to help them. and then when i try, them thinking i want to hurt them. ..

anyway, as it stands now, i have an awesome boyfriend, and so much to look forward to because we both can learn from mistakes. no matter how much it hurts, we always learn something

latest pictures are from Canberra. the place i love

perfection takes human form. .. in Jules!


: ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7710090/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7710090/ Thu, 26 Jan 2006 03:07:28 PST "uuuuuuuuuhgh"

Mood: bad me
Listening to: stomach grumble

i am a shit girlfriend.
i had so much to drink
but happy australia day ^^ w000000h000000
i feel bad but drunk
drunk but bad
anyway
i dunno what im on about.
i had a goodnight at Mitch's house. .. all the old crew were there and we drank up. man. i hate jess. but i have a fake tatoo on my face
its hot

speaking of hot, i get to see Jules this weekend.
i love him, even though i dont deserve him. im so shit

anyway, i hope i am okay in the morning, i am catching a train then a bus. .......... to see him. i love him. always.

my heart is his. ... forever and a day. there is nothing i want more then to be in Jules' arms.
he makes me love life

off laybuy! at 100% - maybe as you read this, in his arms, man i love jules! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7691187/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7691187/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 02:05:01 PST "a life sentence in your arms"

Mood: need....... sleep
Listening to: Epicure- Life Sentence EP

life.
what a ride. .. up and down and all that stuff in the middle. and i don't think that i, the wordy one, could ever find the words. ..

firstly,
im now 18. wow.

secondly,
my party was on saturday, it was really fun, good, exciting, memorable. all that good stuff. except Jules didn't come. i had him on my mind all night. .. it's like he is with me everywhere i go. i love him.
and,
i got a fish form my best friends. he is cute, i named him Charles because when i wake up and i seehim watchign me, i say, " how goes it Charles? and he eats his breakfast and i love him. he doesn't like other fish because he is a Siamese Fighter and he'd kick the shit out of them (or his reflection, mind you. i brought him home in a bowl in a bucket. the bucket is on th floor inmy bathroom it is the STRAWBERRY PREPERATION bucket- 280 serves.

thirdly,
i went to uni to enrol today- Bachelor Of Nursing at UTS (University Of Technology, Sydney). it was really hard. so much lining up. no-one really wants to help all that much, because we don't get spoonfed now. big kids. but i feel lost and scared.

fourthly,
i got a stethascope. and a nurses watch. and i get a uniform. and i got scissors.

fifthly,
this hurts like fuck

sixthly,
i love jules

seventhly,
this hurts

off laybuy! at 100% - jules is to far away ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7615183/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7615183/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 21:43:11 PST
off laybuy! at 100% - jules is awesome! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7606784/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7606784/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 00:31:22 PST
" la la la la la . .."


Mood: blah
Listening to: my sister's playlists- all so relaxing

My birthday, well, it's on Wednesday right? . .. Well, my friends for ages we had this planned to go out to the rocks and have daiquiri’s and pancakes etc, this is all cool and fun and with my dear buddies something I am looking forward to- my 18th after all!!!!
..... and then Jules told me that he gets that day off, and I feel like a fucking bitch telling him I can't see him (when it is REALLY one of the things I would LOVE to do on my birthday, I mean, time with the boy I not only love but also adore and care about and am totally madly crazy about!!!!)…
so I told him the that I am going out with friends, and after explaining I come to thinking that it’s fine, because even though I want to see him on my birthday I already had this planned, and I am seeing him soon and I love him and he knows that so all is fine (unless he actually hates me, but I am guessing not)
. …. So a few days later (as in, today) my mum TELLS ME (as opposed to asks me) about taking me to lunch and to this exhibition photography thing which I had sort of mentioned in an off-handed way about thinking it would be nice to go to….. but not on my birthday, you know- any other fucking random day but my birthday!!! And she did not even ask me if my good friends wanted to come, NO! I ALREADY HAD PLANS WITH THEM BUT I HAVE TO FUCK THEM UP.
So we’re going with HER best friend and my little sister and HER best friend!!!!! How is that fair or cool or fun or exciting? Huh?
And while I'm complaining, I may as well go on about how for weeks, I have been asking my dad if he is having my birthday off work and he has been saying, “yes, yes, yes Lauren, of course I am, why wouldn’t I. ..?” and then I ask him if he is coming to this thing I am getting dragged along to and OF COURSE HE ISN’T, HE HAS TO FUCKING GO TO WORK, RIGHT?
I know that you are reading this thinking I’m a fucking brat, and that I can’t be complaining about my dad not being ALLOWED TO take the day off, BUT, you know what- HE IS THE BOSS AND HE TAKES DAYS OFF TO GO BIKE RIDING OR DO NOTHING AT HOME, AND HE WON’T TAKE THE FUCKING DAY OFF FOR MY FUCKING 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!! :angry:
So now, I have to go to this lunch thing, WITHOUT my friends and our (already made) plans but instead with other people’s friends, and WITHOUT MY BOYFRIEND. … So I am really mad and upset and feeling emotional and cranky- not fun.
Blah.
So parents are mad at me anyway today. I know why too. … last night they went out, and I had to organise dinner, so I invited friends (Darren and Vanessa) (who are going back home to South Africa soon) over for after I finished work, and we made pizza and then my old friend Stuart came over also. … and we swam and hung out. Then my sister had an allergic reaction to something and her lips got swollen (this happens to her when she eats something she can’t- but she hadn’t eaten for hours) so we had to go to hospital…… but no parents home, right? So then I went to Darren’s (quickly!) and his Dad and step-Mum took her, and then I had to call the parentals and they were pissed cause it happened firstly, and then because they had to come home early from being out, and then wait in a hospital. …..
HOW ABOUT, “thank you for being so responsible and making sure your sister didn’t get killed and doing the right thing and making sure the house was all locked up before you left with the nearest responsible adults (as opposed to taking our car and driving her unlicensed). ”
Fuck this. I feel shit.

off laybuy! at 100% - i'm in love- with jules. .. forever! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7587032/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7587032/ Thu, 12 Jan 2006 20:00:51 PST
" la la la la la . .."


Mood: hehehehe
Listening to: triple j, of course.

i don't like julian. ..... i love him!!
not one person, has ever made me so happy. .. and so alive.
i think i drive him crazy. i'm really annoying

i don't have anything to say. being away was as usual. .. life is, going on.

it's going to be my b'day on wednesday- woo for 18. .. hmmm

off laybuy! at 100% - me and julian, mmm, happy!! ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7539430/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7539430/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 20:57:51 PST
" a long time ago, we used to be friends. .. "


Mood: ugh
Listening to: we used to be friends - the dandy warhols

so, i am going away again. i really do not want to!
i hate being between 2 houses, and i hate the parents arguing about when we leave or come back. ..

yesterday afternoon at the bowling club was great. had a few drinks, relaxed with mates and that in general. .. talked to some people who i had burned the bridges with - making up and moving on is always good, even when it takes almost 2 years!

last night was pretty screwed up. unfortunatly, alcohol was to blame. .. but hey, as long as everyone is happy now what can i say?

i was heaps upset actually, and worried. i love jules- i messaged him and he made me feel better, saying he's there for me. i really appreciate it! . .. infact. i think i might just be the luckiest person i know - to have someone so special loving me!!!!!! mmmm, i am so so so so happy with everything to do with jules, and then that just leaks into life in general like a druuuuuug hehe

anyway, i feel that whilst i am gone, the 4000th page view may just pass me by. .. i wonder if anyone shall catch it?!?!?

ciao for now all, can't wait to be back and see all your new stuff. ..

xo

off laybuy! at 100% - julian is peeeerfect!! ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7532022/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7532022/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 01:52:38 PST
"a little bit of resolve, is what i need now. .. show me how"


Mood: ugh
Listening to: resolve- foo fighters

so new years resolutions. .. i know you're thinking im a week late. .. i start mine on the 18th of january (my birthday). ..
i have some ideas. .......... let me run them by you:
- only eating ONE serving size of stuff at a time. this serves the purpose of NOT letting me just sit and eat a whole tub of icecream. .. which i do!

- ALWAYS finding something nice to say about people, rather than nasty. this is something i always try to work on, but since Munroe pointed out "gee lauren, you're so nice to everyone. .. until they walk away!" i realised how true it is.

- get fit. lose tummy wobble in the process.

- be a good girlfriend. in the past, i have slipped a few times.

- dedicate myself to my studies and the work i do with it.

- also, smoke less. not that i smoke a whole lot, but for jules, i'd do anything and i guess when he says " oh grose! don't!" i reckon i don't want my own boyfriend to be not attracted to me. ..



anyway, life is chugging along. .. i am sort of disappointed in some people, but they don't really need to be told about it. i think i am being overly sensitive.

hmm, anyway, i best be off. .. just not really in the best of moods. need a hug

off laybuy! at 100% - jules rules ! ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7513316/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7513316/ Wed, 04 Jan 2006 23:45:11 PST
"raaaaaaaaah"


Mood: yay for life
Listening to: triple j
Reading: a million little pieces- james frey

so i hope everyone had a radical time this holiday season!

i am back at this house, and i am glad. sorta. it's different and annoying living in 2 houses.

new years went off. me and kat and alex went into the city and had pancakes and some alcoholic beverage, and then met up with merric, rob, chris, waller, adam, hayden, caddy and the rest of the barker crew. went off totally. we had a spot at blue's point, right infrot of the harbour bridge. and afterwards we went back to hayden's, then caught a cab back to where alex is staying (this like HELL POSH mansion) and chilled and drank and swam. went ot bed at 5am, in my swimmers. class.

so the next day we chilled some more, i got hella burned. it was a heat wave in sydney. then couldn't get home, cause of fires, so stayed another night in heaven (damn shame) to go into the city the next day to see my one and only, JULES!
didn't see the poor thing for long. .. but i think that he knows what i mean when i say, THE TRAIN! lol. .. i didn't eat any grass, so i got kissed! hahahahah, awesome! im so happy, jules is to blame! hehe it's awesome! he's so tops!
i loooooove him!

anyway, tomorrow, my family celebrates christmas. the ukranian one. how fun is that!?

also, for my birthday, the present i am getting from hayley and alex is a trip to canberra. .. the nations capital. and OMG JULES LIVES THERE! whole weekend of fun!

peace all



off laybuy! at 100% - i julian ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7384030/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7384030/ Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:57:33 PST
"love is the answer to the questions in my heart"


Mood: yipppeee
Listening to: triple j

Hmmmmmm, where to start. ..

Firstly, I hate iTunes. It is a big fat bitch! It turned all my music files into iTunes ones, (I usually use MediaPlayer for fear of WinAmp being better and Julian being right all along!) and then turns them into some file type like aac or something. So then I go through the shit of making them all mp3’s again, to then have them all automatically update into my MediaPlayer library TWICE (once as aac and once as mp3). What a load of shit. I think I have to go through the whole thing and delete the ones I don’t like. That might take some time.
If anyone knows an alternative don’t hesitate to share.

In other news, I have been working quite a bit. I AM enjoying it, but it is tiring because all I am used to is school which isn’t that much effort (or wasn’t for me) and now I’m a big working girl catching the bus and all that jazz. .. it’s a bit of a change.

I have been using my summer to the best of its ability- staying up late and getting up early! I’m tired as but loving every minute of it! It’s better to be tired as but having fun I reckon!
Last night we went late night swimming (11:30ish) when Darren (Jeremy) and Vanessa came over, and it rocked! Since Jen and Vanessa piked out, me and Darren played a new version of Marco Polo called 'Darren-Lauren" which is far cooler! I love doing random things like that!

Another thing I really love is the fact that I finally feel relaxed about myself and who I am and what I can and can’t do. It’s really refreshing to finally feel at ease and to feel happy about it. I think a lot of it has to do with Jules, and for the fact that we get along really well and I genuinely care about him. It’s satisfying to care and be cared about and have someone like him to be exactly what I wanted all along.

Christmas is REALLYREALLY soon, and on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas for those missing that) I am going up the coast with my family for our annual getaway. We’re staying up there until about the 6th I believe, because this is when the Ukrainian part of my family celebrates Christmas. I’ll be coming down to Sydney for work and to see Jules but won’t be on here and I'm sorry about not replying to comments, but I sure will when I get back! I can’t wait to see new works from everyone who I enjoy watching so much!
So. ..

Peace to all-
may you be blessed this Christmas season, (even if Christmas is not something you celebrate),
may you be happy, healthy and filled with love to share with others and keep to warm your own heart,
may you find the strength to celebrate the way you deserve, and also the tranquillity to reflect upon everything you have achieved this year,
may you tell those you love how much they mean to you and thank them for everything, because they help to make you who you enjoy being so much,
may you dance, sing and laugh until it hurts (because that’s the best way!)
and lastly,
may you enjoy every single minute of it, because you only live once!!

off laybuy! at 100% - jules makes sunshine ! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7340389/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7340389/ Sat, 17 Dec 2005 21:08:00 PST
"julian is hot! visit his site and check out his gallery! "


Mood: nearing death
Listening to: triple j

i am so so so so so so tired. infact, i don't even know how i am awake to be writing this, or how i drove home. .. i was on auto pilot. which is not cool.

i am also sick, with what i suspect to be chicken pox. the red dots give that away.

and i miss julian

off laybuy! at 100% - jules is awesomest boyfriend ever! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7321594/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7321594/ Thu, 15 Dec 2005 18:21:27 PST
"im fucking lazy. .. take me away to paradise!"


Mood: kinda tired, meh!
Listening to: anything Greenday (esp LONGVIEW!)

squeeeeee.

tired last night.
woke at 3am.
woke at 3:20am
woke at 4:05am
woke at 5:35am
got a message, 5:54am. ..
my hsc!!!!!!!
i actually did better than i thought i would. .. which is cool.
uai's tomorrow. that's not cool.

something cool, is. .. that julian [link] now calls me his girlfriend, and i call him my boyfriend. .. hehe OMG lol, yeah. .. that's way cool actually
jules is a really good kid, and a great mate to me, and i don't know how to explain it, other than i am really lucky to know him, let alone be his mate, let alone be his girlfriend. .. he's someone that would care about someone else, to the point that he's screw himself out of happiness and whose smile makes me smile, who has a rad taste in music, who is actually blond but denies it, who is coming to cuba with me, who has my lip gloss, who just, well . .. jules rocks my world

off laybuy! at 100% - jules is awesome ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7306951/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7306951/ Wed, 14 Dec 2005 06:09:20 PST
"don't let anyone tell you what the fuck to do or dictate your lives! fuck authority!"
-billy joe armstrong
(god)

OMG ITS REALLY NOT THAT LATE BUT OMG OMG OMG SUCKED IN TO WHOEVER DIDNT GO TO GREENDAY! BILLY JOE IS MY FUCKING IDOL!!!!!!!! HE IS GOD!!

I LOVE WAITING ANF GETTING BURNED AND THEN LETTING JULES AND TOM IN AND UHHHM WELL ALL THE FUSS AND SWEAT AND MCR SORTA SUCKED BUT JIMMY ATE WORLD OH YEAH!!!!!!!! AND UHM OMG OMG OMG and uhm billy joe masturbated on stage and in the queuse i wrote GO TEAM JOHN on like 19 people's arms! yeeeeeeaaaahaaaaaaa

GREEEEEEEEEEEEEENDAY!!

AND SOME NICE GUYS LOL JULES AND SOME OTHER GUY LIFTED ME UP!

THIS WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER EVER EVER!!!



on laybuy at 99.95% - so close to perfect ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7295828/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7295828/ Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:22:44 PST
"either stand tall or sit the fuck down"


it's so strange how we all change so much. and until we look back we never notice how much. ..
i look back and i don't know where everything became different, or even how. then i look at my friends and i see them differently to how i remember, but i still love them.
and then sometimes we drift away from people, like me and logan ()- yeah the distance makes it hard, but we're too alike to not be close still. i guess his role in my life changed, from someone who i told everything to, to someone im sorta scared of telling everything to. and i don't even know why. .. and im sorry logan but i know you won't be mad cause honesty always makes it okay. but i love it when you ask my advice, feels like old days!

and life is a crazy mix of all these feelings and experiences and lessons, and even though every day feels weird or hard or even happy and fun, the week as a whole, the month you just had or the life you keep on making has a purpose so deep you probably can't work it out, not for a long time.

so we keep looking for something. do many people know what they are looking for?
i have an idea, what i might want, who might be able to help me and how i can go about it. .. then again, life just mixes it up, sends me spinning and makes it a little more difficult to get to that. ..

what else have i come to expect?

on laybuy at 98.5% - i wish and i hope and i pray ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7287267/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7287267/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 22:04:24 PST
"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt"


blah. im feeling emo, so what?

i am allowed to be upset, just once in a while right?
i can't have everyone else's shit and mine and still be ok. .. how is that possible?

right now, i feel so lost and confused and broken.

i didn't mean to hurt someone, and i did. and now that they are shattered, or broken i don't even think i deserve to be happy ever again. and to that person, i am truely sorry. i hope you are reading this, please tell me you are.

oh and we get our hsc on friday. .. crap fuckety fuck!

words fail me.

can people stop saying i am this and i am that. .. and ask me how i feel?
can life slow down. .. and let me catch my breath?

on laybuy at 98.5% - god, how i'd love a hug ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7265990/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7265990/ Fri, 09 Dec 2005 14:56:44 PST
"ooooooooooooooooooooh"


i had a great freaking night at alex's . .. her mum took us to maccas at 3am. .. and we made friends with drunks haahaaa
HAPPY MEALS ROCK!

and omg greendya on wednesday.

and tamika's 18th tonight. wikkkid!

i was pretty drunk last night, lol, fun times

anyway im really sorry julian, for my drunken stupidity. .. howeer, it is very important that you stay away from Loreal Translucide

anyway i love you all

on laybuy at 98.5% - i'll TUNE him (IF HE LETS ME) ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7252512/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7252512/ Thu, 08 Dec 2005 03:24:48 PST
"i am one of those, melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it"


im crazy

insane

fucked in the head

i can't rest. .. but i spend all day tired

and i know what i want! just. .. too. .. far. .. away!

im a poor messed up in the head love sick, love stuck unaffectonate girl, who just wants to be held. ..

come save me already jules! - we can drive all day to RHCP and sing and put the windows down and sing loud and be cRaZy!
oh crap, now *he* knows who *he* is. ..

on laybuy at 98% - i'll TUNE him RIGHT UP! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7243822/ http://jnrtalentsquad.deviantart.com/journal/7243822/ Wed, 07 Dec 2005 03:21:39 PST
"my song is love. .."


pardon the emo-ness. ..

i hate my life

im shit
and fat
and ugly
and lame
and uncool
and fucked in the head
and crap
and i hate it all
hate hate hate

hmm, its a strong word.

what i'd LOVE. ..
if he just took me, put his hands on my face, my cheeks. .. if he looked into my eyes and kissed me softly. that'd rock my world

on laybuy at 98% - i'll TUNE him! ]]> ~jnrtalentsquad