The other day I was browsing and came across two Dr. House stamps. I almost grabbed them, but didn't have time to add them to my journal and just figured I'd go pick them up later. I made a mental note as to where they were. Now that is forgotten. *sigh* If anyone knows, I'd appreciate the thumb reference. I want to add him to my collection.

Why? Because Dr. House is my Hero. Not because he is so brilliant, not because he can figure out the most obscure of conditions (though I would love to have a doc like that, wouldn't we all.) No it's not that. What makes him my hero is how he deals with his chronic pain problem.

Lower those raised eyebrows. I'm serious here. More than you realize. Yes, he's addicted to pain pills. But without those pills, without that addiction, he would be in terrible pain. So, he pops those pills like candy and to heck with what anyone thinks.

I think one of my favorite episodes was the one where someone bet him he couldn't go off the pills, because he was addicted. He admitted he was addicted, but he took the bet and went off the pills. He went through the whole addictive withdrawal symptoms, shakiness, sweats, horrible stuff. But he did it - he got beyond the body's physical addiction. And what happened after he "kicked the habit"? He was left with excruciating pain.

Because the pain is a permanent factor in his life. And without those pills, without that "addiction" he cannot function.

So yes, Dr. House is my hero. Because he lives with chronic pain, and he does what he can to continue functioning, and to hell with all the rest, or what others might think of him.

Now, you might be asking, why does this make him my hero?

Because I live with chronic pain, and the only way I can function is to take pain medication. I don't pop pills like candy, I stay within the prescribed limits, but yeah, I'm addicted. A junkie. I'm sure if I tried to stop the pills, I would go through all the withdrawal symptoms of an addict. And what would I be left with at the end of it? Pain.

Pain due to a condition that has no "fix" no cure. For the record, and the curious, I was treated with Cobalt Radiation when I was 15, for Hodgkin's Disease. The upper thoracis, cervical and underarm area was blasted with thousands of particles of whatever. That treatment cured me, literally, of what was at that time still considered to be a "deadly" cancer. My life expectancy, with treatment, was about 5 years. Heh, I fooled them didn't I!

Now, many many years later, that area of my body is changing, the muscles are atrophied, the thyroid shriveled down to nothing and had to be removed, tissues are changing on the cellular / molecular level, and they are now talking about some spinal cord damage. Tons of specialists, and they all say the same thing. Nothing to do, the condition is progressive, the damage is irreversible, so just take your pills and accept it.

Btw, I'm just explaining, not complaining. I'm alive and 55 - That's 40 (and hopefully more) years of life extension and certainly nothing to complain about. I know the why of the pain, and I accept it. I'm quite happy to be here! ;D

Most of the time. Until I have a "Flare", and then the pain becomes terribly distracting, because with the flares, I'm dealing with neuropathic pain, the kind of pain that burns and runs like an electrical current all through the body. Not much you can do about that besides hold on and let it pass.

Some of you out there deal with Fibromyalgia, so I know that you know exactly what I am talking about when I speak of flares. And those flares are something that make me think that I also have Fibro mixed in with this other condition. In fact, I was diagnosed with Fibro by a neurologist years ago when the symptoms first started. And that was the "official" label the docs put on my pain, until they found the underlying condition. Then all of a sudden, according to them, the Fibro doesn't exist, it's this condition that causes the pain. Okay... but I think the Fibro does exist and it is that which causes the flares. I don't know why doctors are so reluctant to deal with Fibro - maybe they are better about it in the States, but here in Europe, they still treat it like a psychological condition. And they can't explain the flares. But I can. I know what causes them, and try to avoid them as much as possible, though they still manage to catch me by surprise.

So why am I here talking about all this, putting my pain on display to the public? I'm not sure. Maybe because the doctors have decided to "do something" rather than just leave me in peace with my pills. They've decided I should try some physiotherapy, try to strengthen some muscles to compensate for the ones that are semi-destroyed.

... ]]> ~judee3d http://judee3d.deviantart.com/journal/13211725/ http://judee3d.deviantart.com/journal/13211725/ Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:03:36 PDT

::News::

So... what have I been up to? Wasting time, that's what. But that's okay. Even though time is precious, I think we all need to waste some now and then. Makes us appreciate the time we don't waste that much more.

So, I followed the drama at a certain unnamed site all of last week. (And if you don't know what I'm talking about, good for you!) What a tragedy! I spend a good part of my time reading, trying to keep up with things, wondering how something like that could happen. I feel bad for the victims - and there are more than one. I just hope that some learning has come from this terrible display of Trial by Forum. Forums are not the place for such things. Forums should be places of community and learning and fun. This site in particular has a wonderful Forum, with some great people participating and helping. And though I've never been an active member there, I still plan on visiting and enjoying the reads.

For the record, yes, I was one who pulled their store from the site. And no, I have no plans of returning there as a Vendor. My reasons are my own, and I don't care to get into them other than to say that I was NOT simply following crowd mentality. I thought long and hard before pulling out. And i made my decision based on personal convictions.

Will I return to the site to visit? Sure. Like I said above, there are plenty of great people there. Will I make purchases there? Perhaps. But I will likely limit my purchases to those who are exclusive there. If I can find a particular product elsewhere, I prefer to go.. elsewhere.

Was that week spent ruminating and reading one of wasted time? In a way, yes. Why? Because I understood the implications and ramifications early on. There was no need for me to continue following the threads. But I did. It's that powerful attraction that is built into human nature when a tragedy occurs. We watch, fascinated, horrified even, and we continue to watch as the drama plays out. Perhaps we are simply grateful that it is not happing to us, perhaps we are so trained by tv shows and movies, that we can't look away until we see "the end" on the screen. Problem with this one is that the happy or at least resolved ending never really arrived. And ultimately, maybe that is why I feel the time was wasted...

Meanwhile, I'm back on track and un-wasting my time. Well, mostly. I'm working on getting a couple more products done, and then I think I will take a break and start doing some renders. Summer is coming, and while I won't be spending it outside, at least I can spend it relaxing and having fun with all my 3d and 2d toys.

And browsing. Yes, I think I would enjoy spending some time just browsing different forums and enjoying the art. That is certainly not wasted time, it's one of the best and most enjoyable things I can think of.

Till soon,
judee