http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:kittenish&section=today deviantART RSS for by:kittenish en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 05:52:55 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/9696608/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/9696608/ Fri, 11 Aug 2006 22:28:41 PDT I'm going to school still for something non-art related (I've got to make a living).

And things are doing fairly well. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/8079616/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/8079616/ Sun, 05 Mar 2006 23:55:26 PST
But I'm here.

I felt I should update since my journal hasn't been updated in over a year. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/4574643/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/4574643/ Sun, 13 Feb 2005 22:46:58 PST
broke, but that's nothing new. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/3456330/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/3456330/ Mon, 27 Sep 2004 07:07:41 PDT Listening to: tv

i am smitten with this boy like you wouldn't believe!



i'm happy.

]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/3349634/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/3349634/ Sun, 12 Sep 2004 17:59:30 PDT Listening to: tv

sometimes television can be strangely insightful. on some commercial (for sex& thecity, i think), this woman goes:

"i've been dating since i was fifteen. where is he?"

i think that about sums it up.

]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2983827/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2983827/ Tue, 27 Jul 2004 22:00:43 PDT Mood: loved, loving, (in)

life is good. happy.

"I wanna hold you high and steal your pain" ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2900034/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2900034/ Fri, 16 Jul 2004 20:57:24 PDT Mood: vulcan - src

Seether (featuring Amy Lee) - Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2108723/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2108723/ Mon, 29 Mar 2004 12:49:05 PST Your 226 deviations were viewed 14,928 times, with 2,190 fullsize views.
Overall, people left 889 comments and added your deviations to their favourites 71 times.
Your most commented deviation was Miss Kitty All Over Again with 23 comments, while your most favourited one was Alices Conscience with 8 favourites.
Average comments per deviation: 3.93
Average favourites per deviation: 0.31
1 Favourites were given for every 10 Comments
Every 4 days you upload a new deviation, and you uploaded 24% (55) of your deviations on Tuesdays, while your favorite time of the day during the week to upload is at 11 AM with 45 deviations.
Your busiest month was October 2003 with 35 (15%) deviations.


Stats provided by ~micahgoulart @ Ingenial.com [link]

]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2069716/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/2069716/ Tue, 23 Mar 2004 14:06:23 PST
Mood: Accomplished

I have been officially accepted to the San Francisco Art Institute.

Hurrah!

]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/1453008/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/1453008/ Wed, 26 Nov 2003 06:59:09 PST !

-----------

from `disintegration's journal



there was once a reunion in wich was gathered a zoophiliac, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac, and a masochist. they all were very bored. suddenly, the zoophiliac says: " hey, let's rape a cat!"

the sadist says: "yeah, let's a rape a cat... and beat the shit out of it!"

the murderer says: "let's rape the cat, beat the shit ouf ot it... and kill it!"

the necrophiliac says: "yes... let's rape the cat, beat the shit out of it, kill it... and then we rape it again!"

the pryromaniac says: "ok, let's rape the cat, beat it, kill it, rape it again... and then we set it on fire!"

and the masochist says:












"meow"

----------------

~SF-Bay-Area-Deviants

Far-Away Friends
~alijha, ~bluenine, ~pewxi, ~solstice, ~ valkyrieee

For Art
~asunder, ~azhrarn, ~Exmeromotu, ~ greenfaery, ~hatefelt, `jezebel, ~ kentsoul, *kittynn, `missmisery, ~ NAiMA79, ~nanya, *pu-sama, ~saintartaud , `scissors-hands, *shebadapuddytat, * skiesofchaos, ~turing, ~twilight-moon, ~ zarry

Real Life
~bellakiss, ~bourgogne, ~despise, ~ itsnotart, ~feroce, ~lucasartsltd, * lysis, ~petitemarde, ~photobrat, ~pun, ~ schmieding, *sfmoe, *shagie, ~ somthingtodowithbatm, ~TremereBadAss, * vozz, `zeruch ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/1328606/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/1328606/ Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:23:28 PST San Francisco Art Institute! This means I just have to finish my application and then it's all good. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/607238/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/607238/ Wed, 09 Apr 2003 12:13:09 PDT ayellowsubmarine (12:00:43 PM): ill be looking for your art in museums one day im sure of it ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/573387/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/573387/ Thu, 27 Mar 2003 22:39:08 PST
"i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now..."

"can you help me? i'm bent. i'm scared that i'll never get put back together."

"by now you should have realized what you're not to do."

"i will always love you."

"i mean that loving is strange, and adored by me throughout."

"tying yourself to me, stitch up my emptiness, cause you're the death of me."

"i feel so good i feel so numb, yeah."

"the best things in life drive her to cry."

"i would die for you. i've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine. i will cry for you, i will wash away your pain with all my tears... and drown your fears."

"see your face every place that i'm walking. hear your voice every time that i'm talking."

"i will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart.. and tear it apart."

"throw away all the pain that i'm living."

"IN MY NOTHING YOU MEANT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING TO ME."

"i still recall the taste of your tears, echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears. my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore, scraping through my head 'til i don't want to sleep anymore."

"YOU MAKE THIS ALL GO AWAY."

"everywhere i look you're all i see."

"I've done all I can do, could I please come with you?"

"i'm always falling down the same hill bamboo puncturing this skin and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall I'm drowning in."

"if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place"

"i'm your casualty, just a casualty."

" By day I praised you
and never knew it.
By night I stayed with you
and never knew it.
I always thought that
I was me--but no,
I was you
and never knew it. "
- Molana Molavi Rumi ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/569511/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/569511/ Wed, 26 Mar 2003 12:25:59 PST Something is cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
[chorus repeat] ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/546838/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/546838/ Sun, 16 Mar 2003 13:15:01 PST [link] ... isn't it wonderful?

The Gothic Bible

1.1 - 1.5
In the beginning, there was Goth. And Goth was good and the earth was formless and desolate. Everything was engulfed in total darkness and it was a really nice place. Then Goth commanded, "Let there be light" - and light appeared. Then, blinded, Goth screamed, "Too bright! Too bright!" - and Goth separated the light from the darkness and knew there'd been a terrible mistake in creating light. But it was too late. Evening passed and morning came and Goth had three cups of coffee, created sunglasses and sunscreen - that was the first day.

1.6 - 1.8
Then Goth commanded, "Let there be a dome to divide the water so my velvet doesn't get wet" - and it was done. So Goth made a dome and it separated the sky from the water below it. Goth dried his velvet and decided the decision to divide water from air was much better than the creation of light. Evening passed and morning came - that was the second day.

1.9 - 1.13
Then Goth commanded, "Let the water below the sky come together in one place, so that the land will appear" - and it was done. There was earth and there was sea and Goth was pleased that there was a solid place for dancing and carousing. Goth decided to make the solid stuff pretty and commanded, "Let the earth produce all sorts of plants" - and it was done. So the earth produced weeping willows, hemlock, poppies, lilies, roses, bella donna and daisies. Goth wasn't so pleased with the daisies, but decided to ignore them for the time being. Evening passed and morning came - that was the third day.

1.14 - 1.19
Then Goth commanded, "Let a little bit of light, but only a little bit this time, appear in the sky to separate night from day" - and it was done. Tiny sparkling stars shone in the sky and twinkled like club lights. Goth was pleased. Evening passed and morning came - that was the fourth day.

1.20 - 1.23
Then Goth commanded, "Let the water be filled with all sorts of living things, and let the air be filled with birds." So Goth created goldfish and Goth's cat spent hours watching them swim back and forth in a little glass bowl. And Goth listened to the crows caw, and was pleased. Evening passed and morning came - that was the fifth day.

1.24 - 1.31
And then Goth said, "And now I'll make a human being; it will be like me and will resemble me." So Goth created a human with pale flesh, black hair and long tapered fingernails. Goth gave it black eyeliner and black fingernail polish to play with and the human was pretty. Goth told it, "I'm putting you in charge of my goldfish. Feed them well. And the crows and all the other wild animals. I have provided all kinds of plants and stuff. Aren't I nice?" - and it was done. Goth looked at everything which had been made and was fairly satisfied, except for the whole light thing... Goth really wished the light hadn't happened but it was too late. Evening passed and morning came - that was the sixth day.

2.1 - 2.4
And so the whole universe was completed. By the seventh day Goth finished and stopped creating stuff. Goth relaxed, drank some red wine, smoked a clove and listened to the Sisters of Mercy. And that was how the universe was created.

2.15 - 2.20
Goth placed the little human in a really nice garden to cultivate and guard it. Goth told the human, "You may not wear the khakis of the tree that gives knowledge of what is preppy and what is not; if you do, you will regret it and I'll be pissed." The little human looked at the khaki tree with indifference and said, "Screw the tree. I'm lonely. Give me a pretty little goth girl."

2.21 - 2.25
So Goth slipped some nightshade into the little human's wine and made a little goth girl to keep him company so he would have someone to share his misery and depression with and to have someone to dance and drink with. The goth boy and goth girl were pale and naked, but they weren't embarassed.

3.1 - 3.3
Satan appeared. He was wearing Birkenstock sandals, khaki pants, an Old Navy sweatshirt and a Gap hat. Satan was listening to some insipid boy band on his headphones when he spied the goth girl. He said to her, "Did Goth really tell you not to wear the khakis of that tree over there?" The goth girl answered, "Yeah. Goth told us that if we did, we'd regret it."

3.4 - 3.5
Satan replied, "That's such bullshit. You won't regret it... Goth said that because Goth knows that when you wear them, you will be like Goth and know what is good and what is bad. Besides... they're not so bad... they're really comfortable."

3.6 - 3.7
The goth girl saw how soft the khakis looked and thought it'd be wonderful to become wise si... ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/543990/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/543990/ Fri, 14 Mar 2003 19:25:40 PST STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/498047/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/498047/ Sun, 16 Feb 2003 21:12:49 PST

my boyfriend and i got each other the exact same present... we both laughed so hard.

ohhh, i him.. he is the bestest boyfriend EVER. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/479113/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/479113/ Wed, 05 Feb 2003 07:55:53 PST And I don't regret the rain
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way.
Every road I had to take
Every time my heart would break,
It was just something that I had to get through
To get me to you

from ~kuroineko


my clothes are covered in oil paints, charcoal, and contes... and i love it! suddenly my hands begin to fly around canvas and paper, and something comes out that i didn't know existed.

this friday i think i am going down to berkeley to get a bunch of canvases and canvas-making supplies, because with the way i go through canvases in painting class (1-3 a day), i really need some more. not only that, but i'm tired of these damned 12x16 and 11x14 and crap.. 18x24 isn't big enough, really, either... i'm talking BIG. but i dunno, we'll see how that goes.. seeing as i don't have a ton of money.

valentine's day is just around the corner... and i can't wait to spend another full weekend with my kitten...

oh yes, and in the works is... a new domain!

now i just have to think up a name.... ^-^ ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/209625/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/209625/ Sun, 28 Jul 2002 17:07:20 PDT PAUSE>.

current music: 'it's been a while' - staind

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately - about life, friends, family, and emotions. and i have to go on. yes, granted a lot of things have changed in the past year.

-i have lost friends
-my father has moved out
-i have begun and ended my relationship with robert
-mike and i 'ended it for good' numerous times
-i have had two hospital stays
-i have started medication
-i have tried to overdose
-i have been taken away from my mom by CPS and stayed away for 6 months
-i have lived with my dad
-i have lived with monroe
-chris and i started talking again, started a relationship
-i got my high school proficiency
-i left high school without finishing sophomore year
-i am enrolled in the junior college for the fall semester

but great. life changes, fuck it. i can't sit around trying to adjust to everything, laying in my room sleeping and eating watching movies all day and being a hermit. i've gained 30 pounds in the past 6 months while being away from home because of my eating (as a result of my depression). the time has past to be weak and need people to take care of me. and no one is going to pamper me and take care of me like mike used to, being there every second of every day. it's obvious that he's not coming back, not even as a friend, and i just have to try to deal with the loss of one of my closest and only friends. but i am strong. i have survived this year and the 15 before that year, andi will survive for longer. i am strong.

so with 3 weeks until fall semester starting, i am getting myself into a working routine. getting up in the morning, exercising (to lose at least 10 pounds and tone up), showering every day (this has been a major problem with me in my depression), eating breakfast (another problem), taking my meds and having a day every day. driving my brothers to school (they go to year round school) every morning around 8 or so, and being productive.

no one else needs me to be strong save my mother, and for her alone i will keep going. my mother is the one true thing that fuels me, the true fire and passion behind my life force. and i will do it for her. i will succeed, i will graduate, i will make a living and support her when she ages. i will take care of myself and her and life will go on.

PLAY. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/209397/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/209397/ Sun, 28 Jul 2002 13:20:00 PDT
21 days.

3 weeks until i go back to school.

passion and love are such painful emotions, but without them we would be nothing.

i guess if there is no emotion misery kicks in, because angst and pain and depression make better art. fuel for better fights. better agony. screaming is passion. crying is release. pain is my pleasure.

i watched mtv for about 2 or 3 hours this morning and saw most of one of their 'true life' series, ironically it was 'true life: i'm bipolar.'

it was strange hearing other people say the same things i feel day in and day out even though i haven't been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, only been told that i am too young to diagnose and probably won't be able to until 19 or 20. some of the people they followed had been diagnosed as early as 7 or 10. but everyone's different, right? my psychiatrist said that i might be a type of bipolar a while ago, but i've never really been diagnosed. i guess when my dad switches health insurance and we move to kaiser and i have to get evaluated (mentally) to figure out what kind of meds they'll give me and such, maybe then i'll get some kind of diagnosis. maybe that will content me just a little bit more.

i'm beginning to wonder if the lithium isn't just making my mood swings worse. ]]> ~kittenish http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/208243/ http://kittenish.deviantart.com/journal/208243/ Sat, 27 Jul 2002 10:48:46 PDT
last night i dreamt about being at school (the high school mind you) and it was the last day, i was running around school trying to find mike before it was too late, crying and sobbing my eyes out. i tried calling mike's house on my cell but it called ryan's cell and talked to him, and he said something about 'oh you haven't seen him yet?' and i was freaking out.

i had another dream, i don't remember much, but mike and i were together and we ended up having sex, and then all of a sudden vince was there.. and it was just weird.

i can't stop thinking that i've done something wrong, that i am out of place and alone and i can't find my niche in life. no friends, no passion to speak of, nothing. my heart is gone.

love is forever.

but where is mine? ]]> ~kittenish