http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:kof2e2ad2ikt&section=today deviantART RSS for by:kof2e2ad2ikt en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:10:59 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/24992442/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/24992442/ Thu, 28 May 2009 06:42:52 PDT
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. " ~ Ambrose Redmoon
*******

So, I'm taking the initial step of buying a large format printer. That way I can print on demand, whether it be RPG modules or posters or clock faces or large T-shirt transfers. And I'm getting one which I can later use for transfers for mugs, tiles, etc. Which means I'll be buying a heat press within the next few months. And then I have to decide whether to get an actual mug press or start with mug wraps...

I'm blaming [link] for the push that finally made me get off my butt & get moving on this. I've certainly been dawdling on this part long enough >wry smile<

The game plan is to keep managing the game/toy store & start production work on the side so eventually I can open my own store & already have a stream of income... And in the process, I should be able to start producing an actual income for my very talented son [link] Right now, the method of production costs too much to make ti very profitable. That should change significantly once I have my own equipment & am not jobbing it all out to someone else.

So... for a little under $5000 total (gulp) I should be able to get a running start...

In the meantime, I'm writing again. Not a lot yet, but getting back in the habit at least.

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/23378442/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/23378442/ Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:44:01 PST
"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." ~Jennifer Yane

"These people are natural born *idiots*, if you ask me! They don't appreciate what they have here. This ship is the match of any vessel within a hundred light years, and what do they do with it? - Well, uh, let's see if we can't find some space anomaly today that might rip it apart!" ~Neelix

Life seems to be moving at the speed of sound right about now >wry smile<
The new store space is finally coming together & 2 out of 3 employees are doing what they are supposed to (the 3rd person & I are having some personality conflicts - as much my fault as hers). The store is doing well; sales are up; it's in a really nice mall; It's never slow enough for me to be bored. And yet...

I miss being at the other mall. I miss people knowing my name. I miss the obnoxious kids. I miss the regulars. I miss dealing with people who play RPGs & MtG (the new store is more toys & Melissa & Doug). I miss conversations with people about things no-one at this mall gets (kush-ball tribble jokes just aren't funny if the person listening has no idea what a tribble is & I'm pretty unable to converse about Family Guy, the newest movies, or the latest celebrity gossip)(Yes, I do know I'm being judgemental, but I haven't heard a single intelligent conversation on the floor yet).

I'm sure I'll eventually find my space here - I always do; that's part of being me. But right now, I feel homesick. How's that for a laugh?

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/22893654/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/22893654/ Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:13:44 PST
So... I've been asked to take over a bigger store... in a more upscale mall... with a lot higher sales volume. I'm flattered & nervous & excited &...

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/21443307/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/21443307/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:44:42 PST
Hi all! I am alive & more or less well & actually have time to post a realish blog - not that anyone cares, but I like talking to myself...

Where to start?

In a rather disappointing turn of events, I wound up not opening my own game store this fall. Looking at what the economy did, I'm not sure that was such a bad thing. So then, I took a part time job working for Spirit Halloween, which rapidly turned into an assistant manager position. At about the same time, I discovered that It's Your Move, a locally owned & operated game store where I used to work, was opening a new store & needed another manager. Woo-Hoo! So I'm now the manager of a game store I like, at a mall I like, about 10 minutes from my apartment...

Of course, there were 4 or 5 weeks in there where I had both jobs, which meant 65 - 75 hours a week (plus drive time, since they were at 2 different malls in opposite directions from my place) & some interesting moments where I answered the phone with something like "Hello, thank you for calling... umm.... uhhhh...." Add to that the lack of sleep & anything approaching real food & it should not have surprised me that as soon as the Spirit job ended, I got sick. So then there was a week of me going to work @ IYM dosed up on Dayquill & sucking down as much vitamin C as I could stand.

But now, here I am, pretty much doing exactly what I want to be doing. How did that happen??? Well, however it happened, I'm ecstatic.

This also means that once the Holidazed season is over, I will have time to get back to writing & maybe doing some actual painting! Oh yeah, I am SO happy about this.

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/20807096/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/20807096/ Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:02:01 PDT
So... I am an assistant manager @ a Halloween store through the 1st week of November & I am now manager of a game store... 12 hour days anyone?

On an up side, even though plans to open my own store this year fell through, I will be working at It's Your Move as manager of one of their stores - & that is very very cool!

So, nothing really new to add. I am on lunch break & headed back to work in a few & just wanted to say something positive here.

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/20457590/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/20457590/ Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:56:36 PDT River Tam: I do. But I like to hear you say it.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love. You can know all the math in the 'Verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her home.
River Tam: Storm's getting worse.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We'll pass through it soon enough.

So... opening the store fell through, although in a way it turned out to be a good thing since the economy kind of took a major downturn about that time. So I'm OK. Disappointed, but OK.

I'm currently working at Spirit Halloween store & mostly having fun. I'm writing & will hopefully have 3 modules ready to publish by the end of November. Other than that, I'm staying busy with eBay & trying to wrap up a dozen projects I have started but never found the time to finish...

Not too much exciting in my world >wry smile<

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/19257993/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/19257993/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:57:15 PDT River Tam: I do. But I like to hear you say it.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love. You can know all the math in the 'Verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her home.
River Tam: Storm's getting worse.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We'll pass through it soon enough.

Deep breath... Deep breath...

So, I've taken the plunge, bought the business license, written the business plan, found the store space, started making out order forms...

I have all the support I could possibly ask for.

So here we go on the grand adventure of running a games & collectibles store...

Deep breath... Deep breath...

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/18450793/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/18450793/ Thu, 22 May 2008 16:36:17 PDT
"The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away." ~Barbara Kingsolver

Nothing profound to write; I'm in kind of a weird mood today.
Lots of packing to move & thinking about friends & people in general.
On an up note, spent yesterday at the amusement park & rode the roller coasters & actually had fun...
I dunno, I feel... stuck somehow. Like I ought to be doing something, but I can't remember what...
Anyways, like I said, nothing important...

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/18245305/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/18245305/ Fri, 09 May 2008 16:48:25 PDT
"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties." ~Erich Fromm

So... I'm working on reawakening my creative muse... she seems to be slumbering soundly - probably a result of being subjected to the H&R Block parade of numbers for the last few months. >sigh<

I'll see what happens now that I am at least thinking about being creative again & looking at some of my older poems & pictures...

Wish me luck >wry smile<

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/17900599/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/17900599/ Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:43:54 PDT
People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income. ~Robert Half

...ahhhhhhh
Tax season is over with.
Now maybe I'll have time to do something creative...

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/17087382/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/17087382/ Wed, 27 Feb 2008 11:05:45 PST
"Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." ~Epictetus

OK... I thought I understood the idea of sagging... it's laid back, antifashion, got the I-just-don't-care attitude...

Then the pants slid lower & lower & lower...

So now I am seeing guys with pants belted below their butt cheeks... I hesitate to speculate about their private parts - I suspect most of them tuck down but there are times when I think the only thing holding their pants up has got to be their hardon... Thank goodness they mostly wear boxers, because I do NOT want to see that much bare skin showing...

And the walk... I've started noticing a particular walk associated with these guys. Kind of a spread-legged rolling walk which looks like it is the only way to keep their pants from falling off when they're moving. They make me think of bow-legged sailors on shore leave.

Watching them stand around is interesting - they talk, they move a step, they pull their pants up, they point at something & shift their weight, they pull their pants up, they bend over, they pull their pants up. Do we see a trend here? I watched a guy the other day who was holding his pants up with one hand while he was kicking a hack around. I saw another guy dismount & flip his board up, only to let it fall because he had to grab his pants.

So, I guess I don't get it after all... someone care to offer an explanation? Anyone?

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/16655570/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/16655570/ Thu, 31 Jan 2008 08:23:57 PST
"So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter." ~Gordon W. Allport

I knew that doing taxes would mean I was busy for the last part of January & the first couple of weeks of Febuary; I guess I just hadn't realized *how* busy... yeesh. Most days I wind up so tired I can't think straight by the time I pull into the driveway.

The good news is that it should calm down in a couple more weeks.

Hopefully, I'll have something to post before the end of Feb...

And now I'm off to work...

Koƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/16125492/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/16125492/ Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:51:19 PST
The calm before the storm...
The Hectic Holidaze is over & the tax season has not yet begun.
I'm snowed in & can't get out of the house to do anything today.
So what am I doing...? As many online classes as I can cram in before the tax season starts...
What am I? Insane? (OK - nobody answer that!)

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." ~ James Agate

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15927997/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15927997/ Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:12:13 PST stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons.
It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

“When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels”

I always do this to myself over the Holidaze; I pack my time so full that I can't turn around without meeting myself coming or going. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm certain it means something. >sigh<

Things should slow back down to a reasonable amount of chaos after the 1st week in January. I'm itching to write & can't find time... And I have no-one to blame but myself...

Hope everyone out there in the DAverse has a safe & sane Holidaze season.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15620895/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15620895/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 12:32:10 PST
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~Marcel Proust

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." ~Meister Eckhart

While the history of this holiday has been mangled, rewritten & idealized, I am still grateful for the reminder each year to take a few moments & give thanks for all that I have in my world. Too often, I get brought down by awful headlines or overwhelmed by daily frustrations & find myself complaining about life; I forget just how fortunate I am. So, before I get caught up in the Holidaze madness, here is a partial list of things I am thankful for:

I am thankful ...

... for friends & family - whether they are close or far away, they are what make everything in life worthwhile

... for the ability to keep in touch with people who are far away - even though I am not always so good at it

... for the food on the table & people I care about to share this meal with

... that I am able to give time & money to help others who might not be so fortunate

... that I am healthy - something I will never take for granted

... for electricity, running water, indoor plumbing & central heating

... for all the people who make my life easier by growing & processing my food & getting it to the grocery store so all I have to do is pick it up & take it home

... for the teachers who truly care about the education of future generations

... for the firefighters & police officers & EMTs who make the world around me safer

... for the Dr.s & nurses who dedicate their lives to helping others

... for everybody who has ever given of their time to help another, not because they expected anything in return, but just because it was the right thing to do

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15475190/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15475190/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 07:49:14 PST
...and once again I find myself working multiple jobs, taking classes & otherwise keeping myself overoccupied...

You'd think I'd learn.

On the up-side, I am working p/t at It's Your Move for the Holidaze & enjoying it. Yeah, I know, who'd a thunk I'd miss working at the mall for just-above-minimum wage? I like retail. I really enjoy selling games & hobby stuff. It's particularly cool that some of the long-time regulars are happy to see me there.

So why, I hear you asking, don't I re-open a brick & mortar store of my own? Answer, I'm getting there. All things being equal, I should be ready to take the plunge next summer.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15407913/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15407913/ Wed, 07 Nov 2007 14:58:53 PST And step into the darkness of the unknown
Believe that one of the two will happen to you
Either you'll find something solid to stand on
Or you'll be taught how to fly!” ~Richard Bach

Someone once told me that I was afraid of success. I thought they were nuts at the time, but over the years, I have begun to see their point.

Time after time I have proven to myself that I *can* do anything I set my mind to. But when I am doing things important to me, I tend to get squirrely. I've got 3 D20 modules this close to being ready to publish & most of a world setting written. And what am I doing...? The dishes, the laundry, going to the library, taking photos downtown... pretty much anything I can find to keep me from putting the finishing touches on them. It's not the 1st time something like this has happened, but certainly one of the silliest.

So, in between work & classes, my goal for the next 2 weeks is to finish the modules & my goal before the end of the year is to finish the world setting. Let's see how well I do...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15284346/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15284346/ Tue, 30 Oct 2007 08:54:01 PDT
"Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too." ~Voltaire

"We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people." ~John F. Kennedy

“Life doesn’t begin at conception and end at birth.” ~Mike Huckabee

"A man who lives, not by what he loves but what he hates, is a sick man." ~Archibald Macleish

My email inbox gets inundated on a fairly regular basis with political or religious or social commentary in the form of cute stories, petitions, outraged chain letters, etc.

I firmly believe that everyone has a right to their opinions & the right to exress those opinions, even when I may not agree with them. What I do find objectionable is the way in which some of those opinions are expressed. Most of these multiply forwarded emails I just skim & delete; every now & then I find something that is inspiring or interesting enough to pass along to someone. Then occasionally, I receive something that just outrages & upsets me. The most recent was an email that was so angry & hate-filled that I literally felt ill after reading it.

I do not understand how someone can advocate genocide to cure terrorism, or allow people to starve or die of easily cured problems in an effort to stop illegal immigration, or imprison someone based on their ethnicity or religion. These measures seem extreme in a country which espouses democracy & equal rights & respect for human life. They also seem hypocritical & contradictory when they come from people who consider themselves good Christians or spiritually enlightened or even rational.

I don't have a grand solution. I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with the emails from the people I know & like. I'm pretty sure I need to write an email which says some of this & send it to them to let them know that this type of mob-mentality hate-mongering upsets me. I'm also pretty sure that at least a couple of them are going to flame me for it as being some kind of naive Pollyanna. I do know that I have to say something. There's a hopeful part of me that wants to believe maybe someone will listen & think about what they are passing along before sending it. I want to believe that people aren't really hateful - especially when they are people I care about. Can I make a difference? I don't know; but I know I have to try...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15186056/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15186056/ Tue, 23 Oct 2007 10:34:06 PDT ~ Gilda Radner

You could say that I am not particularly close to my family. Truthfully, I hardly know most of them anymore. My choice, not theirs. I just never felt like I really fit in. Somehow the normal teenage angst of "They just don't understand me" became a permanent part of my psyche.

This morning I noticed that I had a voice message on my cell; I hardly ever have the ringer turned on, so it was really no surprise to realize that it was from yesterday. What was surprising is that it was from my Grandmother (who has even more difficulty knowing what to say on the phone than I do, as hard as that is to imagine >wry smile< ) My cousin B is in surgery this morning & is not expected to pull through.

I haven't spoke to B for something like 5 years now. There was a time when the 2 of us were close, but neither of us is very good at keeping in touch & both of us had some pretty serious problems occur in our lives. He had a brain tumour removed & has had several seizures since then; they are getting progressively worse & the last left him partially paralyzed on his right side. So they took him back into surgery this morning to see if they can fix the problem. His mother, my Aunt M, must be hurting. I don't even know her phone number & am not certain what I could say if I could reach her. So now I'm waiting for a phone call...

What I do know is that if B makes it through, I will be in touch. If he doesn't, I'll send flowers... Hopefully I will find it within myself to speak with Aunt M & be able to voice what is in my heart.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15175045/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15175045/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:00:27 PDT here for something funny or click here for something guaranteed to annoy everyone you know.

How is that I don't have a job, but I still can't find enough hours in the day to accomplish everything...?

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15030215/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/15030215/ Fri, 12 Oct 2007 14:13:26 PDT
A few weeks back I took on a 13 week contract position doing a job that I was uncertain I was going to like. Turns out that I really didn't like it, but not neccessarily for the reasons I thought I'd have problems with it. I am now finished with the contract & I am both relieved & troubled. Troubled, because I learned a lot from this job & I am not certain how I feel about all of it yet. Relieved, because I was so not liking working in that environment.

I did enjoy being downtown & watching people. I've met a few interesting people & taken lots of photos & gotten tons of ideas for stories & poems (some of which I am actually working on). However, it may be the most boring job I've ever had.

The biggest thing I learned is that I'm not happy working in Cubicle World. That realization came the day I thought "I'd rather be digging ditches than going in to work today." So I'm back to finding ways to make a living that don't include 8 hours a day trapped inside an office building, doing something that improves the world around me in some way...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14359755/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14359755/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 05:07:00 PDT
I am *finally* getting back to actually writing on a semi-regular basis & actually getting somewhere.

I've had this setting/story/batch of ideas fermenting in my head for 3 years now & it is finally beginning to take shape. Let's see if I can kee the train rolling >wry smile<

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14242983/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14242983/ Sun, 19 Aug 2007 15:53:39 PDT
"My faith is very private to me. It plays an important part in my life, but I do not try and throw my beliefs at others. I have tremendous respect for all faiths and beliefs, but have a deep concern that religion and faith are currently a long way apart from each other." ~~ Rick Wakeman

Religion & faith are very difficult topics for me to discuss. There are a lot of reasons, but I suppose it boils down to the fact that, for years, I have felt betrayed by both the Church (being Christianity in general) & many so-called Christians.

When I was younger, I was certain I had been Called by God to teach, both in the Sacred & the secular forums. As I started studying the Bible, I lost my belief in the veracity of the book &, as a result of asking questions, I lost my faith in the people I had looked up to. I never really lost my faith in the Divine or the Infinite (yes, I hesitate even to use the name "God" anymore) but I lost my faith in Religion.

I thought I had it all sorted out in my head; in fact, I was pretty damned sure of myself, but the wind got taken out of my sails a few weeks ago when someone near & dear to me exploded & accused me of mocking his faith... More to the point, he accused me of mocking people's faith in general. Once I got past being stunned, I got angry, because he should know me better than that. Once I got past being angry, I felt betrayed, because - at that moment, in my head - he was just like so many people in my past. Once I got past feeling betrayed (& done wallowing in self-pity) I sat down & actually thought about what he had said & how he had gotten there.

I realized that I had become just as rabid in expressing my views as any over-the-top Fundamentalist or any die-hard Atheist could possibly be. So there I was, being as loud & negative & obnoxious as anybody on either side of the debate & feeling self-satisfied that I was more enlightened & tolerant than either side could possibly be...

The Greeks called it Hubris. Not a particularly proud moment in my life.

It doesn't matter what other people have said or done or what an organized religion has promoted; what matters is what is in my own heart & mind & soul. God didn't betray me; people did & I have no right or reason to hold that against other people.

What it comes down to is that I don't know all the answers. I know what I believe. I can't really tell you why I believe exactly the way I do, just that it's what I feel to be Truth. For me, that Truth is contained in a rainbow, an ocean, a baby's laughter, a dragonfly, a thunderstorm... Other have different beliefs, different reasons, different rituals (& don't kid yourself, we ALL have rituals of one kind or another). My ways are right for me, your ways are right for you, & their ways are right for them. Unless someone is actively causing harm, it's not my place to judge.

As for me, not only do I need to make sure that I am not doing harm to others, I need to work on doing what I can to make my corner of the world better. I need to be more positive in my approach to others & in how I express my views. As someone told me today, "any ass can kick down a door; it takes a carpenter to build a barn." Or as Heinlein puts it, "there are 3 kinds of people: makers, takers & fakers." It's not enough for me to not be a taker or a faker; I need to work on being a maker. Or to take a thought from Ghandi, "You must be the change you want to see in the world. "

So, I'm working on thinking before I open my mouth & I'm working on ways to be positive, instead of negative. Any prayers, positive energy, happy thoughts, commentary or even advice you might like to send my way is appreciated.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14184248/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/14184248/ Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:31:51 PDT
“They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.” ~Janet Reno

When I was a kid (many, many years ago) I kept hearing how technology would make our lives easier, make us smarter, & keep us in touch with people, no matter how far away they are. Instead, it seems to me, that computers create all sorts of never-before-thought-of problems, give us less reasons to think for ourselves, and make it possible to never actually speak to another human being face to face - and frankly, emails & text messaging just are not the same as real conversations.

Working in cubicle world, I keep realizing how little I actually talk with people during the day. My lunches are generally spent walking around 16th Street Mall & talking with people like Claude (Gods' Shoe Representative - he shines shoes on Welton & I'm becoming a regular customer) & Roger (who makes gorgeous copper wire & bead insects to sell) & the girl with the guitar who knows I like Van Morrison & the guy who always stands in the same spot on California St & smiles at everyone - you get the picture. Which is a lot more talking than I generally manage with my co-workers. Weird...

There are times when I really do think I'd prefer life on a beach weaving hammocks...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13850001/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13850001/ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:48:06 PDT [link]
Pachabel Rant

Working in downtown Denver is very cool, if for no other reason than I can spend my lunch hour walking around 16th Street Mall. I could care less about the stores, but the people are great.

There are almost always street musicians out during lunch hour. There is usually a sanctioned group in yellow T-shirts, playing in the center of the street, sometimes with others joining in. There is the 80 yr old gentleman on the Scooter, with handwritten signs proclaiming him to be the oldest still working street musician in Denver. The other day there was a guy with a guitar, an adorable puppy and a sign that read "Ninjas killed my family. Need money for Judo lessons." And today there was possibly the most interesting trio I have ever seen. The girl had a guitar. One guy had nylon whisk thingies & a styrofoam box. And the 3rd guy... well, the 3rd guy had... a cello. And they were good, too...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13823391/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13823391/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 16:36:51 PDT ~~Albus Dumbledore

So we're at the local Borders® looking for the soundtrack for "Man of la Mancha" (which they didn't have) & the Investor's Business Daily Monday edition (which they did have) (have I mentioned that my partner & I are both total geeks?) & we get up to the checkstand where a gentleman with a list is checking off the names of people in line who are waiting to pick up their reserved copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"...

He gets to us & looks up expectantly. When I tell him that we aren't there to buy Harry Potter, he looks at us rather strangely, notices the paper in my partner's hand & says "Oh. You're here to buy something *else*!?" Then he tells us we can just go to the next available cashier and moves on to more important customers.

The next-available-cashier says, "Oh, you're buying a *newspaper*!" Then, with a look of surprise on her face, she asks, "Did you *want* to purchase a copy of Harry Potter?"

We left laughing.

I'm a bit amazed by the whole hoopla surrounding the Harry Potter phenomenon. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for Harry Potter, if for no other reason than it gets people to read. I cannot, however, remember another instance where so many people were so anxious/excited/anticipatory about a book release. Movies, yes. But a book?

☼ How do we make that happen more often???

Think about it. People actually reading something instead of passively being entertained. Children learning to reason & think & use their imagination...

Yes, I realize books aren't the only answer, but I do believe they are a definite step in the right direction. It just seems to me that there are far too few imaginative, creative people out there & even less who remember how to reason & use logic. (Don't even get me started on common sense) And reading a series of books will definitely lead to reasoning & imagination.

So while I may laugh about the frenzy with which the 7th Harry Potter book has been received, I have to say that I am very happy to see it.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13760243/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13760243/ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:38:30 PDT ~~Kahlil Gibran

I distinctly remember thinking I wanted a part-time job so I'd have time to write & paint & make stuff...

I know I told the Employment agency that I definitely did NOT want a call-center type position because I wanted face to face people contact...

I vaguely remember thinking that it was silly to interview for a full-time, outbound sales position...

Of course, the kick in the butt is that it's not a sales position; it's a lead qualifying position. So today, I made 103 calls (that doesn't count the invalid or incorrect #s) & talked to maybe 20 live people & wrote up 2 leads for the field sales team. Most of my day was: dial the phone, manuever through the automated system, locate the person I want to contact, leave a voice message, hang up, lather, rinse, repeat...

Can you say "BORING"?

This is a contract temp-to-hire position & I am pretty certain that I'm going to be offered the job at the end of 13 weeks - assuming I make it through 13 weeks without going completely insane. Then what am I gonna do...?

I am working downtown & find myself envious of the street peddlars & artisans working on 16th St...

All I really want is a little corner shop where I can sell books & games & hobby supplies & consigned arts & crafts. How dumb is that?

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13578285/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13578285/ Mon, 02 Jul 2007 12:59:04 PDT He's got the country in a whirl.
What's his name?
Shhh...Secret Squirrel."


So, we have some neighbors - well sort of neighbors. they live in the wall above & behind the fireplace. I'm guessing a mama squirrel & babies, although I haven;t actually seen them, just heard them; heard them scratching & thumping & squeaking & generally being rambunctious.

Now, I like squirrels. They're kinda cute and they're fun to watch & I'e even been know to feed them peanuts. But I don't like them living in the wall & waking me up at night or drowning out the TV because they are apparently trying to scratch the nest deeper. And I certainly don't like the idea of a smelly, mite ridden nest being above/beside the flue of my fireplace - especially since I suspect that the chimney is partially blocked.

So the dilemma... do I just live with it until the baby squirrels are big enough to get out of the nest & then have them chased out, or do I call maintenence & have them removed ASAP, knowing that the baby squirrels will probably not survive...?

While I was busy waffling, my partner has been busy having allergic reactions to the squirrels. I keep forgetting he's VERY allergic to fuzzy critters.

So I called maintenence today. They sounded skeptical, like I might be hallucinatory, but the squirrels were thumping around & the maintence guy had to agree that there was indeed a nest of squirrels in the wall. They'll be climbing on the roof later today & figuring out how to remove them.

I think I have conflicting feelings about the squirrels, but I'm hoping that having them removed will help both of us sleep better at night...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13228719/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13228719/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 14:07:36 PDT
It used to be that when you wanted a job, you printed off your resumé, put on your interview clothes & physically went to business, where you would hand your paper resumé to a real live person. If you were smart, you'd have researched the company a bit & written a cover letter explaining why you really, really, really wanted to work for them, instead of some other company & outlining how your talents matched their needs. If you didn't get a call, you were encouraged to check back with the company.

Somehow that has all changed.

Now you go to a website (or many websites) & type in key words about what kind of job you are looking for & hope that the website pulls up jobs you actually are interested in (& qualified for) based on the keywords you have chosen. Then you email a copy of your resumé - frequently without having a clue what company you are applying for, what the pay scale is or, too often, knowing exactly what job you are applying for. This makes it a little difficult to write a compelling cover letter. If you manage to catch their interest, they have someone call you on the phone to give you a screening interview. Then, you get another phone interview & finally, if you are lucky, you get a face to face interview. (Remember not to wear your pajamas to the real interview)

OK, I understand the world is changing, but it's a lot harder to impress someone (sell myself) on the phone than in person. (well, unless the interview is for a call center - but I'm trying to avoid that) It would be nice to walk in & decide if I want to work for the company before going through 2 or 3 interviews first...

The other thing that's really bugging me is that all the job-search specific websites (Monster, HotJobs, Dice, etc) seem to be a lot less useful than Craig'sList & using Craig'sList means I have to weed through a LOT of pay-me-money-and-I'll-show-you-the-secret-to-making-a-fortune type ads. Don't get me wrong, I like Craig'sList. They're one of the most useful sites around, in my opinion. And they are good about pulling down the outright scams. But there is still a lot of junk in the jobs section. So I've spent hours - & I do mean hours - filtering through the jobs to find ones I think I might want to apply to. Still, I shouldn't gripe; I've gotten 4 job interviews in 2 weeks from there & none from any of the other sites. >sigh<

I don't suppose anyone wants to hand me money on a regular basis because I'm just that cool? Yeah, I didn't think so.

OK, now that I've vented, back to the job search...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13111151/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/13111151/ Sun, 27 May 2007 09:13:42 PDT
Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. -- Rodin

...and so the adventure party returned to the Inn, tallied up the treasure & experience points, advanced a level, added a point to Wisdom & decided to rest before the next adventure.

We are back in Denver, almost unpacked & I am already itching to paint minis - something I haven't done the entire time we were in Vancouver. We are becoming reacquainted with friends, meeting new people & enjoying being in familiar surroundings. We even enjoyed standing on the balcony this morning watching all the birds chatter about their morning activities. It's good to be home. It's good to know where home is.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12873637/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12873637/ Mon, 07 May 2007 08:41:06 PDT ~ Honoré de Balzac (1799-1859)

Most of my life, I have listened to whatever music was on the radio or whatever someone else put on the turntable/tape deck/cd player. When I sing in the shower/kitchen/car it tends to be either older ballads, filk, or show tunes. I have a pretty eclectic collection of music that I know and/or like, but it's mostly a song here and a song there. I certainly can't discuss which album by a particular artist was better or who does the best rendition of a certain song. A few weeks ago, I decided I wanted an MP3 player so I could listen to music while walking, which brought me to the realization that I had no idea what I wanted to put on it...

My favourite band at the moment is Aqua (Blame my son - imagine him singing "I'm a Barbie Girl" & you'll get an idea of why I first listened to Aqua. I discovered that I like them & am disappointed that they only released 2 albums) and I own a few other CDS (Everything Billy Joel ever released, Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette, Sailing to Philadelphis by Mark Knopfler - see what I mean by eclectic?) but when I went to look at buying more CDs, I was pretty much lost. So I did 2 things: I had my Partner (who does know music & can discuss albums) go with me to look through CDs & make suggestions & I went to Napster to listen to songs. And I made some interesting discoveries...

I won't bore anyone who might be reading this with all the details, but suffice it to say that a lot of the bands I used to like aren't nearly as good as I remember them. I'm currently trying to decide whether my taste in music has changed that much or whether my memories have put familiar things into the "I must like that" category. (Bob Dylan is a good example here. Had anyone asked me, I would have said I like quite a bit of what he did. In a week of poking around, I can't find even one of his songs I like.) I've also discovered bands that I could not have named a week ago (Five For Fighting for instance) that I like - & actually I was familiar with several of their songs, just had no idea who did them. Some things haven't changed; I still like Genesis, Billy Joel, Kansas, Paul Simon & Phil Collins.

So, I am slowly discovering what kind of music I like. If you have any great suggestions, let me know

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12731778/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12731778/ Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:03:00 PDT
I'm walking through Fred Meyer the other day & there was a woman pushing a shopping cart, sobbing hysterically into her cellphone. It rapidly became apparent that she was in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend. By phone. In the middle of a store. While continuing to shop.

So there I was, trying to choose which shampoo to purchase, listening to very private details of a complete stranger's life. I admit to a moment of fascination - like the kind you have while watching a train wreck or a presidential election - but about the time she started yelling at him that the only reason she had slept with some other guy was because he had been sleeping with some other woman first, I decided that my shampoo choice could wait a few minutes.

So I wandered over to the linen. But lo & behold, she headed for the garden department & back into earshot. While continuing to tell him what an insensitive b*****d he was, she selected 3 small potted plants (they were on sale 3 for $5.) and some potting soil & headed back towards the grocery setion.

I left the store, but I suspect that she continued shopping - she had a list after all - & I imagine her still yelling into her cell phone as she went through the checkout line.

What kills me is that no-one else around us seemed to think this was strange. Am I really that out of touch with the world? Is this normal/acceptable behavior? Maybe everyone else just respected her "privacy" and so pretended not to notice... if so, then what else are we (as a society) going to "not notice" as it happens around us?

I dunno, maybe it's just me...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12679695/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12679695/ Sat, 21 Apr 2007 11:39:54 PDT
We're almost completely packed & counting down the days (24 in case you were curious) until we fly Home.

I spent several hours yesterday just walking around. I shopped - well, I actually only bought a pair of earrings, lunch & a fuzzy bat with magnets in the wings - but I wandered around a LOT of stores. I ate lunch in the park & watched a little dog playing with his owner & a big orange toy. The weather was great, sunny & 50ish. And I was homesick.

Go figure.

So I am going to try & spend the next 3 weeks getting the GargoylePress website up & running. We'll see how that goes. (I HATE coding HTML - I really do)

On the brighter side, my kid just landed a job w/Wizards of the Coast. I understand it is a contract position w/possibilities of becoming permanent. I'm excited If it becomes permanent (keep your fingers & toes crossed), I'm going to have to tease him about working for Hasbro.

For now, I am off to breakfast. I'm thinking an omelette... Unborn baby birds with charred animal flesh & wilted vegetation. Yum! (OK, I stold the idea from Longshot).

Laterz all!

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12541912/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/12541912/ Tue, 10 Apr 2007 16:02:29 PDT
A year ago, my partner & I were sitting in Denver talking about how much we missed the NorthWest. We were remembering all the good things - life was less crowded, a little slower paced, people weren't as stressed, there was more Oxygen, more plants, a more temperate climate...

And so we finally took the plunge and decided to move (not as impromptu as it sounds, since we had been discussing it for a couple of years by this point).

We took a week off to check out the Portland area & found a nice apartment in a perfect neighborhood in Vancouver, WA. One of our friends foolishly volunteered to help us move (see journal entry from July 27, 2006) & we relocated.

The next 8 months were spent trying to find our place here & trying to learn the new rules & trying to figure out why nothing was quite like we remembered it.

Then one day, my partner looked at me & asked what I would think if he said he wanted to move back to Colorado. I told him I thought we'd need more boxes.

Once we started talking, we realized that we have both been unhappy & unsettled since we moved, not to mention stressed, depressed & frequently sick. Somehow (for both of us) Denver had become Home; we just hadn't realized it. We also missed our few close friends & all the familiar faces & places.

About 90% of everything is in boxes & we'll be heading Home soon. We've learned a lot from this little adventure. I think maybe the most important thing I've learned is that we don't always see what is right in front of us.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11765222/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11765222/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 20:22:25 PST Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948), "Non-Violence in Peace and War"

Today I spoke with a young man stationed in Irag. He's an Alabama boy & he was calling to order flowers for his girlfriend back home for Valentine's Day. He had tried to order them online from the website, but was having trouble & just wanted to talk to a live person so he could make certain that the roses would reach her on time. So he made a phone call, from halfway across the planet, & talked with me.

He was a polite young man; his manners shone through, even with the noise in the background & the few seconds lag in the phone lines. He ordered 2 dozen red roses & a big teddy bear & a box of chocolate & on the card he had me write "I didn't forget".

He told me he had been over there for a little over a year now. My heart was aching for this young man; I could hear so many unspoken words & emotions coming across that phone line. We got ready to finish the sale & I told him the price, which he shrugged off. Obviously he would have paid any amount just to get the message home to her that he loved her & missed her like crazy. He read me his credit card number, but when I asked him for his home address, he stopped for a minute. He couldn't remember. He'd been gone from home & in the middle of a war for over a year & he couldn't remember his zip code or the house number. I found the zip code on line - he was from a small town - & he guessed at the house number. I got his email address so we could let him know when the flowers were delivered & he gave me his mother's phone number so I could call her in case there was any problem with the order or the delivery. I promised him I would take care of the order & make certain everything went OK.

As we finished the conversation, both of us were near to tears. I told him to take care of himself. He laughed and said "Ma'am, I'll try. All I can do is try."

After we hung up, I called his Mother to get the correct address for the credit card. (Our system will reject the sale if the address doesn't match & I already knew from the computer that the address he gave me was incorrect) It was a brief conversation & I had no way to tell her how brave I thought her son was for being over there & fighting or how brave I thought she was for living with the knowledge that her son was over there.

That was my last phone call today before I clocked out & drove home. I cried most of the way.

I think the war in Iraq is wrong. I thought that even when there was a possibility that there might have been WMDs there. I am embarrassed & ashamed at the way our government handled the situation in the beginning & of the many bad decisions along the way. But the way I feel about the war does not impact how I feel about the men & women who are serving there. They are brave young people who are doing the best they can in a very bad situation. They are sons & daughters & husbands & wives & parents & sweethearts. They are very far from home & trying to remember that the world is not all sand & fear.

And back home, a girl gets 2 dozen roses & thinks about her young man so very far away.

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11750993/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11750993/ Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:14:37 PST
So a few months back I was walking through the supermarket when I saw a woman apparently arguing with an invisible someone as she was shopping. It took a minute to register that she had a speaker stuck in her ear & was arguing with someone on her cell phone. (Mind you, I think THAT behavior is pretty crazy too, but society seems to accept it)

So yesterday, I was at the supermarket & saw a woman apparently arguing with someone on her cell phone... and then I realized she didn't have a cell phone or a speaker in her ear, but really did have a psychological problem & was arguing with an invisible someone.

So now how do I know who's genuinely crazy & who's just crazy in my view?

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11639464/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11639464/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:39:30 PST -Roger McBride Allen-
-The Ring of Charon-

In Boston, a publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger causes wide-spread panic & requires the bomb squad.

In Seattle, a 9 year old runs away from home & manages to board not one, but 2 airplane flights before being caught.

In Tampa FL a mysterious chunk of ice falls on a Mustang and squashes it (not the classic blue ice from the airplane toilet BTW - really mysterious stuff)

In Portsmouth, RI a legal battle is fought as to whether or not a student can have his picture in the year book while wearing chain-mail & a sword. (which IMO is not as strange as the fact that he is planning to wear a pink tux to his prom)

A drug which costs about $360 for a regimen, protects against a sexually tramsmitted disease & is produced by only 1 drug company is being considered as a mandatory innoculation for 4th grade girls. (mind you, I think the drug has promise, but jeez!)

A 66 year old woman lied to a fertility clinic & said she was only 55 so she could receive in vitro fertilization & have a baby. (She had twins)

A human soul (or more precisely a certificate of ownership for a year, a journal & a year of following buyer's religion of choice & listening to their advice) sold on eBay for US $152.57 + $4.25 S/H (before you rush out to try the same thing, several others copycats have already put their's up for sale & are not getting nibbles - sometimes you just have to be the first or at least the most original)

Woman dies from drinking too much water.

***********************************************

Is it just me, or has the world gotten REALLY weird lately?

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11504391/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11504391/ Sat, 20 Jan 2007 10:29:47 PST own it, but you can use it. You can't keep
it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it
you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey MacKay

I have discovered that my box of photos has gotten damp at some point, probably from humidity. The upshot of this is that the majority of my actual photographs are going into the trashbin. Fortunately, I have negatives for most of them - although not all.
So, I am in the process of sorting through them & scanning many of them.

It's funny how photos bring back memories & emotions: the joy of a child's birthday; the sorrow for a lost friend; the triumph of a graduation. Our lives are captured in snapshots, each one a suspended drop of time...

Кoƒ²e²ad²ik† ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11257286/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11257286/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 11:10:42 PST
The Holidaze season is almost over; another year begins; and with any luck, things will head back to normal - whatever "normal" means.

I found out Friday that my seasonal job is now a permanent job, so I can stop freaking about that at least. And I will have a 40 hour work week instead of the insanity that existed before Christmas. (60 hours in 6 days is too much to work in a week, especially when the work day starts at 5:00am) Since my new schedule means I should be home around 3:00 each day, I will have time to actually do some writing & artwork - now I just need to find the motivation and follow-through. I'm occassionally (read that often) very bad at keeping to a schedule. My first project is going to be to organize my work area, then to get my web site up and working correctly, then to make a schedule.

On lighter notes, my Partner bought me a PSP for Christmas. The point of the PSP is that the original Lemmings game is available for it. So now I have Lemmings & a PSP & a memory stick so I can save my games & I can go about saving Lemmings whenever I feel the need. Sounds dorky, but I like Lemmings. And the PSP version is very true to the original w/better graphics. And they're cute :-D

I've also decided I need to start carrying my digital camera with me on the way to work. I have missed some absolutely awesome shots in the last week or 2. I think I ought to get a new battery for it though - and have someone else insert it. The more I handle electronic items, the more I realize what a bad effect I have on things like batteries & memory sticks. My cell phone currently won't hold a charge for more than about 8 hours - and it's only 6 or 7 months old. It worked just fine when I took it back from my son about 4 months ago, but then about a month or so later, it stopped holding a charge. My battery for my camera worked OK for about 2 months & then quit holding a charge for more than a couple of hours at a time. And I trashed 2 memory sticks before I realized that I was the problem. Annoying. I don't know why it didn't dawn on me earlier, because I have never been able to wear a watch and when I worked on an archaeology dig - years ago - I couldn't hold the magnetometer pole because I whacked out the readings. Go figure. In any case, I had my Partner insert both the battery & the mem stick into my PSP so I wouldn't be directly handling them at least.

Ok enough of my ramblings. I think we are off to get some breakfast... at just before noon >wry smile< But hey, the sun is shining , the squirrels are being cute, the ravens are basking in the trees & I will soon have a cup of chai & breakfast with my Partner! Could life get any better? ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11185049/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/11185049/ Mon, 25 Dec 2006 07:29:17 PST The world once again turns, & another year begins; a time to look towards the future. So here are my wishes (however idealistic some of them may be) for the coming year.

I wish my son some calm & security, & the opportunities to do the things he loves yet still manage to eat & keep a roof over his head.

I wish my partner a saner job, where everyone is not in constant crisis.

I wish my friends health & happiness & success in all their varied pursuits.

I wish the children of the world clean water, safe shelter, enough food to grow & enough education to survive.

I wish the various countries & factions a little tolerance & respect for peoples' differences & the ability to learn from each other.

And I wish all of the DAverse a happy & creative 2007...

]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10944428/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10944428/ Mon, 04 Dec 2006 05:06:32 PST How is it possible that in an age of instant communication - web cams, telephone, IM, email etc - humans have managed to use that technology to distance themselves further from other humans? Why do people who can chat in realtime with people halfway around the globe, not even know their neighbors names? What happened...?

]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10909312/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10909312/ Fri, 01 Dec 2006 04:55:43 PST
Why did I think it was a great idea to change jobs right before the Holidaze? And why did I think it was good idea to take a job in an industry which is going to be BUSY as heck during the Holidaze? And, furthermore, how did I manage to convince myself that being at work before 6:00 am every morning would be a good idea? >sigh< I'm off to find another before I head out the door to work...

]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10847204/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10847204/ Sat, 25 Nov 2006 16:11:05 PST So I've been reading the headlines about Black Friday - currently being touted as Black & Blue Friday - and I simply can't help but wonder why it is that people seem to think they are actually going to get a great deal by venturing out into sardine-packed insanity because some ad said there was a sale...? >sigh< And is TMX Elmo REALLY worth the risk of getting your ribs broken? And does anyone really NEED a 42 inch plasma TV?

I hope this holiday season finds you happy, healthy & sane (or as sane as is normal for you)


For a bit of silliness, go to ->

[link]

]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10687735/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10687735/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 08:19:00 PST
In any case, I liked the idea and so now I have stolen it too

Rules:
List 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.
Don’t say who they pertain to.
Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
Never discuss it again.

Remember, 11 RANDOM people! They can be anyone! DA, some other site, people in real life! xD ...

1) You were there for me when the thunder scared me at night. You were there for me when I won my first spelling bee. You were there for me when my dog got run over. You were there for me when I was getting ready for my first dance. You taught me to sew, to cook, and to care for those around me who couldn't care for themselves. I sat up late nights with you and read to you while you were in the hospital. I embarrassed the family when I cried at your funeral. Even though you are no longer a physical part of my life, you live in my heart always.

2) You were my whole world, my teacher, my knight, my king. Then you betrayed that faith and stole my childhood and turned my dreams into nightmares. You told them I lied. You told me it was my fault. You blamed it on the drugs. You blamed it on my mother. The one thing you never did was say "I'm sorry." That's all it would have taken, but you couldn't admit responsibility. So many years later and I still wake up in the middle of the night, afraid I'll hear your footsteps.

3) The two of you were my childhood idols. You were so gloriously rebellious in a time when rebels had become passé. You opened the windows to my world and let sunlight pour rainbows through the prisms of our imagination. You showed me the magic in the clouds and the raindrops. Wherever you are today, I hope you are both happy and still full of the magic you shared with me.

4) You were the first boy I ever had a crush on. I wonder if you knew? Because of you, I started reading science fiction and worked a lot harder in science so you’d notice me. I rode past your house a zillion times. You wrote a poem for me once and drew a picture. You gave it to me on the school bus and I kept it for years. I still cherish the sparkle of laughter in your grey eyes and the sound of your voice. Dreams of you kept a young girl hopeful and memories of you soften the edges of my past.

5) I owe you an apology. We should never have gotten together. I was too messed up. You thought that you could save me, and I guess I thought so too. It took years before I learned that the only person who could save me was myself. I read your blog sometimes; we still have mutual friends. I’m glad to read that you’re happy with your life and your family. I’m sorry for the things I said and did and I wish you the very best in your future.

6) Who are you, really? The person I first met and thought I knew or the monster you became? Was the monster always there, or did it somehow take possession of you? Do you lie awake at night, remembering the people you have hurt? If so, do you feel loathing for your actions, or are you still bragging about them to yourself? How did your mind and soul become so twisted? I'm glad you're gone from my life. I hope you someday overcome the monster and become the person I first met.

7) We hardly ever talk and yet you are still one of my closest friends. As years go by, we slide in and out of each others lives - sometimes on a gentle wave and sometimes on the edge of a storm – yet we always find each other. Although we are miles a... ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10146140/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10146140/ Thu, 21 Sep 2006 18:53:42 PDT sigh< ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10057828/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/10057828/ Wed, 13 Sep 2006 07:36:16 PDT
And the days whirl past, and suddenly I'm another year older...

I find it odd (to say the least) to have my birthday shadowed by the memory of 9/11. It does, however, put life into perspective. My mother was killed at age 32 & for a long time when I firmly believed I would not see my 33rd birthday, as if my life were somehow a reflection of hers (which I suppose it has been in many ways). When I reached 33, I was pretty shocked & when I made it to 34, I had to stop and rethink my life. (Plan? There ain't no plan.) So here I am at 44, trying to make sense out of it all.

I've seen a lot of the world & met a lot of people, done some good things & some things I am not so proud of. I hope I've helped a few people along the way; I know I've hurt others. I've learned a lot & found out just how much I really don't know. I finally have a handle on who I am (at least most days) and what I want out of life, but not always a coherent picture of how to get from here to there - although there isn't really so far away from here. The one thing I really want is a sane & safe world &, unfortunately, I think that part is out of my control.

Humans are intelligent & imaginative & resourceful and have the ability to create so much, yet our species continues to be destructive to the planet, each other & even ourselves. We only seem to find unity when "we" are fighting against "them" - whoever the "them" may be at the moment. This seems to be true at all levels of human interaction from small town racism &/or politics, to large city gangs, to civil wars, to international conflicts. We define our selves by our ethnic background, our religion, our political party, our nationality, our gender, our sexual preference, our generation - the list seems to be endless - & each of these divisions lends itself to an "us vs. them" mentality, which is used to justify all sorts of behavior which should be unacceptable: intimidation, rape, theft, torture, murder, job discrimination - again, the list seems to be endless.

Do the ends justify the means? If we kill someone for a "good" cause, are we doing the "right" thing? If a car full of people kills several young people in a drive-by shooting, is the parent of one of the people killed then justified in blowing up the homes of those people who participated in the shootings? If we torture someone to gain information which might lead us to a "bad guy" and then bomb a building, killing a couple of dozen people, in the hopes of "getting" that "bad guy" does this make it all OK? Where do we draw the lines?

I don't have the answers. I do know that in 40 years our ideas of right & wrong have been compromised to a level which bothers me very much; I'm no longer cerain which are the "good guys" and which are the "bad guys".

This post didn't go quite where I expected it to, but I think I'll leave it as it is.
To anyone reading this: may you have a sane & safe day... ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/9509168/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/9509168/ Thu, 27 Jul 2006 08:29:48 PDT
The trip here was - eventful - which is to say it was about like every other major move I have ever made. >wry smile< The real start of the problems came just outside of Denver, where my car decided that it didn't want to move up north and promptly blew the transmission. (I emphasize "real" because at least one person on this trip would say the actual start of the problems began when we weren't completely loaded and ready to go by 8:00am) After coasting across several lanes of traffic & pulling safely to a stop on the shoulder of the road (facing uphill, of course, so I couldn't coast to the next exit) I called my traveling companions (who were in 2 other vehicles) and they came back to get me. Mind you, it took the better part of an hour for them both to get back to me... The problem being that all 3 vehicles, one of which was towing a U-Haul, were packed with stuff. So we decided the only logical thing was for the 2 guys to take one vehicle & go fetch a rental car, while I stayed with my car and the Jeep with the U-Haul. So, a couple of hours later (the closest rental available was in Boulder) they came back. In the meantime, I managed to unload most of the stuff out of my car off to the side of the road, adroitly avoiding traffic (NONE of which stopped to offer assistance, including the 4 police cars I saw go past) and to call a salvage yard, who agreed to send a tow truck to come take my car away & give me money for it. (On a side note, trying to find the number for a local salvage yard, using a cell phone, while stranded on the side of the road, and having NO idea of what zip code you are in, is a bit problematic. The first two operators I spoke with were, shall we say, less than helpful. The third operator deserves a gold star, a hero cookie and a raise!) So we start loading the stuff into the rental...

Maybe it's all the games of Tetris I've played, or maybe it was the experience bussing tables, or maybe the Toyota Camry has some extra-dimensional space built into the manufacturing specs, but whatever the reason, one thing soon became apparent - all the stuff that came out of my car was not going to fit into the rented Jeep Cherokee. So we did some juggling and some repacking and finally managed to get everything from the car into the other three vehicles. Then we went looking for the title to my car, since you have to provide one for someone to tow your car away, let alone give you money for it.

My partner is a very methodical person. I generally hand all of my important paperwork over to him, because I know that I am a bit, hmmm, shall we say chaotic, in my organizational skills. He has files for everything and labels on the files and we knew where the file boxes were. You'd think finding something like a car title should be easy... About the time I started getting hysterically panicky (well, inside my head, anyways - I have no idea what it looked like from the outside) our friend (who was insane enough to volunteer to assist us on this move) noticed that there was a piece of official looking paper in the file box next to the file which ought to have contained the title. Title located, file boxes moved back into the pickup truck, now we sat and waited for the tow truck. And waited. And waited. Finally the tow truck showed up, I signed a piece of paper, and the driver handed me $165. We piled into the vehicles, pulled out into traffic, and away we went - about 6 hours later than the original anticipated departure time.

The highlights of rest of the trip included:

* A motel with the worst water I have ever smelled. After showering in it, I smelled worse than the fish tank. (Did I mention that I brought my fish? Driving a Mazda pickup with a tank of fish in the passenger seat makes one very, very careful about corners and bumps.) The motel would have been the perfect setting for a horror movie - the kind of place where the main characters stop overnight on the road trip and never leave.

* A lack of air-conditioning in 2 of the vehicles meant that the unusual heat was a huge problem. Added to that was a lack of music in the Mazda I was driving. I realized that I know all the lyrics to tons of really depressing ballads and lots of show tunes.

* A certain amount of negotiation each morning as to what was meant by “early” since one of the people on this expedition is very much a ready-to-go person in the morning and another is pretty much non-functional in the morning (unless drinking coffee and making bad puns counts as functioning).

* Some rather dramatic scenery - by dramatic, I mean, absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful, including some rather high, curved bridges over some rather precipitous dr... ]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/8486262/ http://kof2e2ad2ikt.deviantart.com/journal/8486262/ Sun, 16 Apr 2006 07:01:49 PDT It's just another Sunday morning.

I'm up too early, wandering around the apartment, not certain what to do, but knowing I can't go back to sleep.

The woodpecker who lives somewhere in the building is making jackhammer noises that echo inside the fireplace.

I've finally managed to make a pot of coffee & am waiting patiently for the first cup.

Everything is just a bit out of focus as I try to bring myself into synch with reality. My mind is walking too many pathways simultaneously & I have to sort through them & decide which ones are relevant & which ones should be ignored for now.

Early mornings get weird for me, partly because I don't really think of myself as a morning person. I kind of go through this routine where I read through my email (business & work) & scan the morning news - then wish I hadn't because it enrages me. Somewhere in there I get a cup of coffee. Then I check my little enterprises at eBay & Half.com & CafePress & peek through Deviant Art to see what catches my fancy. Eventually, I've killed 2 hours or so & am more or less ready to begin the day. This isn't the most efficient & productive use of my mornings by any means, but it seems to be the pattern I have settled into during the last year. Having something to focus on that isn't inside my own head gives me a chance to let the chaos settle out. When I first get up I feel like a snowglobe that's been shaken. There are all these images/thoughts/ideas swirling around inside my brain & none of it seems to make any sense. As I go through my routine, things kind of settle out & I can grab onto a handful of things to work with & let everything else fall to the ground. (Of course, some days it seems like someone keeps shaking the snowglobe every few minutes & it never gets sorted out, but, thankfully, those days aren't too frequent.) So I guess my morning time is really a chance to prepare to face a world I don't really feel a part of. Frankly, there are a lot of days I'm not sure I want to be part of it, but that's an entry for another time >wry smile<
]]> *kof2e2ad2ikt