What a weird Thanksgiving! It's the first time in over 20 years that we haven't gone to my in laws for the fun and joy that is being with insane family members!

For those of you who don't know, my mother in law has declared all of us dead to her. She hasn't had any contact with us since July. I don't give a shit about her not talking to me but it pisses me off that she hasn't contacted the kids. No cards for their birthdays or holidays.

In reality, it's for the best because she is a total manipulative bitch. She's losing out on being with her grand kids so it's her loss.

I still miss someone deeply but until I get my life together, I can't hurt her by getting her involved with this situation.

School is going well. I'm frustrated with a few of my classes but there's nothing I can do about it. Let's just hope I go somewhere nice for my externship and they can teach me how to use the medical software that my instructor was supposed to teach me. I can't do self taught. I can't read from a book and figure out what I'm supposed to do. I need to be taught step by step.

Only a few more months until I head out for my externship! I want to work in a dermatologist's office or in a mental health facility. I'm starting to look into offices and locations and getting excited about putting into practice what I've learned.

My life is seriously spinning out of control. I'm stressed, going bald DUE to said stress and I can barely keep my head screwed on straight.

I've been dealing with school, changes in my personal life and most likely, a change of address. When I'm getting kicked out of my house, I have no idea but there's a very good fucking chance that I'll be forced to move back in with my parents. *insert humorless laugh and the sound of karma kicking my ass all over town*

I won't be around here much for a few months. I need to focus on myself and my kids and hopefully not have to focus on getting a lawyer and heading to court for child and spousal support but I'm steeling myself for that becoming all to real a possibility.

Thanks for everyone's understanding.

Come home from school today and I'm extremely tired. I don't know why but maybe it's the weather. It's cold and rainy here.

ANYWAY...I find out I have a package.

Huh? I didn't order anything from Poland... *opens package. Sees a green shirt*

Wahhh? What the...



*mouth drops open, heart beats fast and the some words come out of my mouth*

ADI!!!! You little sneak! *grabs you and hugs you tightly* I had no idea that you were gonna do this! I'll admit, when I saw the shirt I was all "gimme gimme want want want" but I never thought that you'd give it to me!

You are sooooooooooooo sweet! Saturday, I'm heading out to see Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D with some classmates and I'm showing off my 58 mine shirt! This weekend, I will take pictures of me and Becca in our fantastic shirts that you made us.


And you deserve every freaking penny I sent you.

I was sick with apprehension, worried about rejection and basically... a ball of nerves.

I always thought being alone would be preferable to getting my heart broken. I guess I was wrong.

It's from a movie but I like to think of this quote as my new personal motto.

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived.

I'm trying my best to not live my life in fear, to grab every moment and rejoice in it. To be happy with who I am and make goals and stick with them. To realize that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't so far away and I CAN reach it.

That attitude is what I wish for my friends, my family and most of all, My Special Someone Who Is Just For Me.


I Love You.

are without health insurance in the US.

Due to some circumstances, which I don't want to get into cause it will only cause my blood pressure to sky rocket again, I'm without health insurance as of September 1st.

The kids are covered through a state program and John's covered through the VA but as for me...

Well, I'm shit out of luck.

There's a slim possibility that I might be able to get coverage if I fill out a bunch of paperwork and the state decides that I'm sick enough to warrant coverage. Also, I have to fill out paperwork for the drug companies, practically begging them to give me free drugs.

My hair is falling out even more and you can see right through to my scalp all over the top of my head. The inside of my mouth is torn apart cause I'm so stressed and constantly chewing it. I've got a test on Monday in Anatomy and Physiology and it's only 30 questions, which means I can only get 1 or 2 wrong and still have an A and it's on the blood system, which is a bitch of a system to learn.

I just wanna curl up into a corner and not come out.

Oh and coding? It's a bitch. I dream every night about it. Last night, I dreamed that I had to code and bill Sashi and Rine's wedding. *headdesk* Your flowers needed modifiers, the ring bearer had at least three different codes and diagnoses and I couldn't find the ICD-9 code for Rine's dress!

And I've got 8 more months of school to go! *sobs*

I tried to hold myself back for as long as I could and that lasted 2 hours. Week three is over!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me though. Got a four page typed paper to write about a heart or blood condition. I picked HIV/AIDS. There's tons of good info out there so it should be easy to find enough stuff to write about. I've also got to do a poster for a disease that's caused by a nutritional deficiency. I picked Scurvy.

Ten points to whomever can tell me what that disease is and NO GOOGLING IT!

Did very well on my tests this week. I'm carrying a 4.0 so far this semester. My nickname is OA for over achiever. If I thought they meant it, I would be upset. I do have another nickname. Staples...cause I have pens, pencils, rubber bands, folders, paper, etc. They tease me that I'm a walking Staples store.

I've been wearing wrist braces for carpel tunnel and they've helped a lot. I still have to be careful not to type too much or my fingers and hands will start to burn and throb.

The kids are in Vegas with my parents this week. I'll miss them terribly over the weekend but the house will be quiet so I can get my stuff done. Sashi, you should take a trip to Vegas and find them. I'm sure my mom would LOVE you!! XD

I'm going to a technical school to learn Medical Billing and Coding. The first semester is five weeks long and ends on the eighteenth of August. In Anatomy and Physiology, I will be learning Basic Word structure which includes Root words, Prefixes and Suffixes. That took 300 note cards. I'm learning the Integumentary System which is your skin, hair, nails, etc. Next up is the Cardiovascular System and the Respiratory System and last up is the Digestive system.

That's the first five weeks in Anatomy and Physiology. Needless to say, my fingers are cramped, my head is full of Latin and Greek terms and I'm spending my nights flipping those damn index cards until my fingers have little paper cuts.

But, I got a A on my first test. I've got two more semesters of Anatomy and Physiology to go.

My next class is Medical Office Procedures. We learn how to fill out patient charts, scheduling, filing, things like that. We had to write a essay about one of the major health organizations, like WHO or CDC or Department of Health and Human Services. I picked the last one and got an A. We had a test today and I think I did pretty well.

My favorite class is Law and Ethics. I think I'm the only one in the class that actually likes the class and the teacher, which is a good thing seeing that she's going to be my teacher when we get into Coding.

Had my first test in that class on Monday and got an A.

I wasted my educational opportunity when I was younger but I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste it now.

To all of you who follow my stories, I'm sorry to say that they are all on hiatus. My homework load is 4 hours a night. I come home at 4, eat dinner, relax for a bit and by 5pm, I've got the books open and I'm reviewing, filling out blanks and coloring diagrams.

There's just no way I can write with this heavy of a class load and it's just gonna get worse. In February, I start what they call an Externship. That means instead of going to class, I got to a Doctor's office and do on the job training. I've started to look into what kind of office I want to be in. I'm going to look into hospice care or perhaps dermatology.

My Ikkou is just wonderful, dressing up in loli cheerleader outfits and shaking their booty for me. (At least that's what you're wearing in MY mind.)

You've got a twin in PA. She looks so much like you that I keep wanting to call her Koumy!

I miss you so damn much! I miss talking to you, writing little silly drabbles for you and chatting with you online. Honey? I wanna watch House with you and be all geeky and nerdy and breakdown all the medical terms!

Sleepy now. Five AM comes pretty early.

Don't panic, I'm not gonna be doing these every week.

Well, I made it through my first week of classes. We only go four days a week, which is going to be really nice cause I'll have three days to process all of the information I learned in that week.

My classes for this term are Anatomy and Physiology, Medical Office Procedures and Law & Ethics. I'm loving Medical Office and Law & Ethics! For Medical Office, we had to do a practice exercise of typing up a letter. Mine got read to the class and my teacher kept it to use as an example on how a business letter should read. I was . I jokingly asked for a gold star and she put one on the letter! Today, she gave it back to me and asked if I was gonna put it on the fridge. I told her my kids wanted me to bring it home so I could put it on the fridge! Both her and my Law & Ethics teacher are so nice and so fun to talk to.

Watching House and Bones has given me a little edge in Anatomy an Physiology but not much. We have to learn the root of the word, prefixes and suffixes. I wrote over 250 flash cards to help me learn. I've got 15 spelling words to memorize for a test on Monday. Words like electrocardiogram. That word means to record the electricity in the heart. Exciting huh?

I don't know if I'll be online at all this weekend. John is leaving for CA tomorrow and I'm sure I won't be on then. I'm dreading tomorrow for the kids' sake.

Holy cow! Erie is drowning in rain at the moment. Major roadways are closed all over the region and it's crazy! One road, that's got a little creek running behind it, is so flooded that the fire station is halfway under water and cars are floating down the road with water up to their windows.

So what do I do? Go and get a few groceries we need. What usually takes me 20 minutes took me 2 hours. Thank goodness I know my way around little used back roads.

I had a nice little case of food poisoning for a few days. I don't think I ever want to see my toilet that close again.


Thank you :iconvintage-aerth: for the three month sub!! Go and visit her and give her some love. Hubby felt guilty for wiping clean my comp and bought me a two year sub (after he bitched about spending his money on me) but the sub from means so much more. That was given out of love and not guilt.

I've got one more month left on my subscription and no money for another one.

Comp problems and I lost EVERYTHING!!!! All of my iTunes, my stories, my pictures...EVERYTHING! So, if some jackass tells you to do a system restore, don't listen to him.

If anybody can help me by sending me any files of my stories that I may have sent to you, please send it to me. My email is Sorsha2423@yahoo.com.

Man oh man! These trips really take a lot out of me. Most of you know I fell several years ago and screwed up my back. We went to the Cleveland Zoo for two days five years ago, before I screwed up my back. I walked around the Zoo for two days with not a problem.

The Toledo zoo is about half the size of the Cleveland Zoo and it was torture for me. I shuffled the last hour and ended up sitting on a picnic table while John took the kids shopping. I am so sore it's not funny. It burns me up that in five years I went from a healthy, active mom to one who can't even walk a mile without being in pain.

Anyway, the hotel we stayed at had a hot tub and that was spectacular! The pool was small but both times we all went swimming, we had the place to ourselves. The first night I slept with Becca, who still moves around the bed as if she's a worm or something. I woke up on my back, with her legs under my legs and her upper half was hanging off the bed. The next night I slept with Dev, who happens to have about 1% body fat and is always freezing. He rolled himself up into the covers and all I could see was his eyes.

Spangler Candy Company was a disappointment. We rode on a trolly but didn't see any candy being made. Instead we saw the thrilling packing room! The sexy receiving room! The thrill a minute wrapping machine that wraps the skids of candy! *yawn* They did have a dvd showing how they made candy but that was it.

Went to Cabela's which is a huge outdoors store. Becca took tons of pictures of all the dead things hanging on the wall or posing attacking other dead things. Bought salt water taffy and ate too much of it. *groan*

Thanks for all of you guys, especially my ikkou family. You have no idea how much I'm gonna need you in the next few weeks. We're planning on telling the kids sometime this week. I'm letting John tell them cause as the parent who is leaving, he should be the one to explain himself to them. We got into an argument this afternoon because he "thought I should be happy that he's moving and going back to school to fulfill himself and find himself".

I could have cheerfully shot him but I'm too tired to clean up blood and guts. Becca is becoming concerned about her weight (thanks asshole MIL who told her that she was a pretty little chunky gal) and has stopped eating breakfast and lunch and will only drink water. She was upset with me being at Martha's Vineyard for 4 days, I can't imagine how she's gonna handle John leaving.

I haven't even posted about my last trip before I'm heading off again.

We're all going to Toledo for a few days to visit the zoo and the Spangler Candy Company. They make Dum Dums suckers and awesome candy canes. You tour the factory in little trollies and I had to promise the kids I wouldn't ask where the Oompa Loompas were or if we could see Willy Wonka.

Had the kids school picnic on Sunday and Monday dealt with a lovely bug that was bothering Becca. Dev was sick last week and Becca got it this week. Once she got all the junk out of her system, she was fine.

I'm gonna need a vacation from all these vacations!! See you all on Friday!!