http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:lin-sama&section=today deviantART RSS for by:lin-sama en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:10:37 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27631474/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27631474/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 11:29:50 PDT

may or may not be permanent

plz redirect your watches

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27568378/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27568378/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:50:53 PDT
but i guess you would know that

blahblahblah asfgsakjfg i've been so underproductive lately ): but something makes me laugh. and that something is the fact that people seem to be more sexually interested by my characters the more "xeno" they are. the vanilla ones don't get attention. the fucked-up ones do.

i can't say i really expected that. xD;;

however, what does NOT surprise me is that i seem to frighten many people with my character designs. the arachnophobes don't like jii, the not-so-slug-savvy avoid tide, and the sane keep their hands away from aivyn.

station joins the family now. :)

i can't wait to design arbor. he's gonna be so rad

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27514381/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27514381/ Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:57:27 PDT UPDATE i have a new main. 8D his name is visnu and he is a chanter.

[link]

lumiel server asmodian side

character names are eloster and luziel. i'm primarily using eloster at the moment. :V

[link] I MAEK FRANDZ

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27485743/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27485743/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:01:22 PDT
he said he didn't understand why "a man would go through that whole process just to end up a lesbian." and the other employee agreed. :/ i tried to explain to them that it'd be no different from a regular woman liking other women, but they just didn't get it.

i think what a lot of people don't understand is that there is a very, very big difference between gender and sexual preference.

do most gay men wish they were women? i don't think so.

do most lesbians wish they were men? probably not.

i think the illusion that being trans means you're just a gay man/woman who has a fascination with the opposite sex stems from both stereotypes of homosexuals, and general misunderstandings from the cisgendered heterosexual community.

i'm not trans because i want to have a "heterosexual" relationship with a woman. i'm trans because i feel misplaced in my body and i don't like being recognized as a woman, because inside, that's not what i am.

not all transmen are extremely butch. not all transwomen are flowery. just like cisgendered men and women, there is a spectrum. there is no black and white. some transmen are gay, some transwomen are lesbians, and there are most definitely roles in-between.

me? i'm pansexual. however, just like being trans, that does not define who i am. there is more to me as a person beyond what i see in myself and others as being "right" or "sexually appealing."

i just wish more people would understand that. :/

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27464670/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27464670/ Mon, 28 Sep 2009 09:52:08 PDT
so, if i'm on your buddylist, plz to be IMing me (schiovar) so i can re-add you.

sorry for the inconvenience

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27456775/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27456775/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:51:43 PDT [link]

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27384977/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27384977/ Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:40:36 PDT
enjoy the newly organized gallery of shit

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27364369/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27364369/ Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:28:50 PDT
]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27334682/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27334682/ Mon, 21 Sep 2009 08:40:28 PDT
i'm still suffering from random depression but i'm hoping it'll blow over soon and i can be productive again.

just throwing this up because i don't want it saying i'm all hjdsagkcscared on my main page when i'm all okay now.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27288849/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27288849/ Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:46:29 PDT
i had a very stressful day. to make matters worse, my dad has severe anger management problems (and he's quitting tobacco, so they're only amplified) and mom's out of town for a few days so i have to deal with him rather directly until she's back

i'll go ahead and admit it: i'm terrified of my father sometimes. he drives very recklessly/aggressively when he's angry and he angers very easily. he starts yelling and if you know me well at all, you know i get very frightened when people raise their voices at me.

he yells when he sneezes and starts punching things and throwing things and being very aggressive and while he SAYS he'd never intentionally hurt me, it hurts me a lot on the inside when he has pissfits like this.

i'm sad and i haven't eaten anything today and i'm scared and i need some company plz halp

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27265085/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27265085/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:21:08 PDT
anyway, i decided on the second wig. gonna be ordering it tomorrow after i get my paycheck.

also. announcement. if i owe you a drawing for whatever reason, plz to be posting here along with what exactly it is that i owe you. i'm trying to catch up on this shit.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27249657/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27249657/ Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:25:46 PDT [link] ) for Halloween and possibly Nebraskon if I change my mind about Guy.

I need a wig. They do not make Syncwigs.

I am between three generic green wigs and I need input.

Here they are:

1. [link]
2. [link]
3. [link]

Simply post the number of the wig you think would work best. :3

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27143278/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27143278/ Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:25:18 PDT
i am organizing a dA icon family for dissidia! if interested, PLEASE post here with the character whose icon you'd be interested in taking!

i am still working on the icons. the linearts for all of the cosmos-side characters are finished, and coloring is on the way. chaos-side characters will be soon to follow.

I WILL POST IMAGES OF THE ICONS AS THEY ARE FINISHED. until then, you'll have to make due with the linearts. D: sorries.

ROSTER
COSMOS
1 - Warrior of Light - OPEN - [link]
2 - Firion - ~Luna-Bluebell - [link]
3 - Onion Knight - ~Filifar - [link]
4 - Cecil Harvey - ~lin-sama - [link]
5 - Bartz Klauser - OPEN - [link]
6 - Terra Branford - ~enidfreyr - [link]
7 - Cloud Strife - OPEN - [link]
8 - Squall Leonhart - ~SatanicSunshine - [link]
9 - Zidane Tribal - *crispin - [link]
10 - Tidus - ~PrinceLarsy - [link]

CHAOS
1 - Garland - OPEN - image pending
2 - Emperor Mateus - OPEN - image pending
3 - Cloud of Darkness - OPEN - image pending
4 - Golbez - OPEN - image pending
5 - ExDeath - OPEN - image pending
6 - Kefka Palazzo - ~Kinky-Kitten - image pending
7 - Sephiroth - OPEN - image pending
8 - Ultimecia - ~Katelin7249 - image pending
9 - Kuja - ~Sakuya-chan - image pending
10 - Jecht - OPEN - image pending

as you can see, i'm STILL in DESPERATE need of family members, particularly on the chaos side. ;_;...

additional characters may be added (such as shantotto, gabranth, cosmos, etc.) should the need arise, but for now, i'm just going with the main ten from each side. x:

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27136554/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27136554/ Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:44:43 PDT
therefore, i am opening this journal as a free question-asking board: ask me a personal question, and i will answer. i DO have my limitations, however. please don't ask me for my address, phone number, SSN, etc.

that's a bit TOO personal. xD;;

however, i'm a-okay with answering questions regarding my philosophies, artwork, cosplay, fandom, lifestyle, tastes, et cetera. 8D i love talking. gimme somethin' to talk about, eh~?

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27106583/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27106583/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:12:21 PDT )<

So, parents are back in town! THIS IS GOOD. Mom got hold of Doctor West and it turns out she DOES have some samples I can take, and we're gonna try and get me some kind of assistance from the state government to help me pay for my medical care in general after those run out. Yeah, lots of good news this time around.

I've actually been doing okay. I've had some HORRIBLE headaches...and I've been consistently dizzy for about five days now. I don't mean like dizzy spells or headrushes or anything, either. I mean I have been dizzy every minute of every hour for the past few days and let me tell you, it is rather debilitating. It sucks a lot, feeling disoriented at work and having to hold yourself up by your checkstand.

But, again: I have been doing okay. Only one major depressive episode and it didn't last long enough to kill me. It'll be great to take those pills again tomorrow...I feel pretty unstable in comparison to how I've been for the past however-many years.

One positive thing I've noticed is my heightened creative output. That kind of took me by surprise. Lots more motivation to put work into drawings and stories, which is great. Probably won't last much longer, though, since I'll be starting on the samplemeds tomorrow. But still, good while it lasted!

In closing, I still need to find more people in the area who play Dissidia. THE MOON LEADS ME.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27055290/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27055290/ Sun, 06 Sep 2009 13:40:25 PDT
it kinda blows.

but...i've been taking the opportunity to catch up on my gaming! there are a LOT of games i own but have barely touched...my handhelds in particular. i've been playing ffivDS for a while, and it's fun. 8D i just got the airship.

the music in this game is great, too...if a little repetitious. i like the BGM in mysidia. xD it makes me smile and reminds me of the black mage village music from ffix.

come to thing of it, a LOT about this game is reminiscent of ffix. maybe that's why i like it so much. 8D;;

but i guess there's only so much variety you can get out of the first nine FF games, eh? and honestly, while i AM excited for ffxiii (and i LOVE the character designs!), i kind of wish final fantasy was what it used to be...i mean, it's hardly even "fantasy" anymore.

don't get me wrong, i love final scifantasy. the spirits within was a great movie, and some of the science-fiction elements of the later games were well-introduced, such as ffx's zanarkand. however, it seems rather inappropriate to me to continue calling the series final fantasy when it hardly fits into that category anymore...

also, dissidia!

i think firion is shaping up to be my alternate. which means my two mains are cecil and firion, two characters i'd hardly expected to use at ALL. i've actually found that i do not play squall, zidane, or tidus very well. and cloud is just cheating, so i never use him >_>;

so, yeah. usin' the classic dudes. what a surprise. o_o

i feel so spoony

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27008393/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/27008393/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 03:24:29 PDT cecil.

granted, he was the first one i genuinely PLAYED, even after my brief foray with WoL and zidane in the japanese version. but something about the way he handles is very appealing to me, even if he's not the easiest character to use.

he'll be the first character i'm maxing, that's for sure. :3

nothing else to report on, really. just that i was very surprised at my character choice.

ran ran ruuuuu

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26988064/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26988064/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 23:45:30 PDT
was nice knowing you all.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26948548/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26948548/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 00:30:57 PDT [link]

happy september now i'm going to sleep

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26932290/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26932290/ Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:04:28 PDT
i draw for my OWN pleasure, whether i'm drawing my characters or someone else's. i don't do commissions for the money; if i did, i'd pretty much draw any concept thrown at me. rather, i do it because i like the subject matter. similarly, things i draw for myself, or for free, are not drawn to make everyone else happy. they're drawn because i get some kind of sick gratification from drawing. so weird, isn't it? i mean, who actually enjoys drawing these days? psh.

frankly i'm sick of people thinking they're so high and mighty in the art world that they honestly think that i need their approval to draw what i do. seriously, i'm not about to limit my spectrum of creativity to make YOU or ANYONE happy, and i'm not going to pander by only posting the select few of my drawings that happen to be "acceptable" or whatever.

i post sketches or unfinished works. a lot of people don't like that, but i do it anyway.

i post some severely fucked-up character designs. a lot of people get weirded out, but i do it anyway.

i change my style every now and then for a picture or two. a lot of people get upset with me for that, but i do it anyway.

i draw gift art for other artists, or for my friends. some people get jealous, but i do it anyway.

i draw fan art from various series. a lot of people lose respect for me. i do it anyway.

in other words...and i'm going to say this in a way that EVERYONE can understand...i do not give a flying fuck what you think. i do not need your approval to draw what i do, nor do i WANT it.

thank you.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26868890/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26868890/ Fri, 28 Aug 2009 02:59:09 PDT
...
most of the tracks

are trance.

...

......

OH

MY

BUDDHHA

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26803222/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26803222/ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:30:59 PDT Journal Entry" from now on. xD it sounds like a good idea.

so i've been playing a lot of TotA lately and i've been REALLY getting into it. 8D it's really really fun and the characters are all so interesting!

i've kind of changed my mind on what i wanna cosplay to nebraskon, too. i'd feel kind of weird doing two p3 cosplays in a row anyway, sooo i'm gonna be going as

guy. [link]

making most of it from scratch, too. i needed a new project.

oh, and i'm not actually gynephobic. the journal title actually has a rather harmless meaning if you're familiar with guy's character.

anyway i haven't actually beaten tota yet but i'm hoping i will have done so by the time the con rolls around. most likely i will have, since i've been tooootally addicted lately. >_>;

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26745310/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26745310/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 23:36:32 PDT
]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26668182/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26668182/ Tue, 18 Aug 2009 09:54:24 PDT [link]

IF ANYONE CAN GUESS WHY I RAGED ABOUT THIS YOU WILL GET A FUCKING PICTURE. except i'm only doing it for one person and yeah. like a kiriban. kind of.

but ARRFGJHGDVsajlgbfl;kjsab THIS MADE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY YOU HAVE NO IDEA ))))<<<<<<

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26638307/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26638307/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:26:17 PDT [link]

I KISSED A BOMB AND I LIKED IT

god my legs are aaaaching >:

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26568207/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26568207/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:02:40 PDT
i didn't get gino done in time to take him to the con itself. /: i feel like a bad person but i guess as long as everyone understands and doesn't make a huge stink about it, it shouldn't be a source of drama. which i hope will be the case.

i actually would really like to finish the costume ASAP after AI's done with, though, if only to get pictures with the rest of my group. it'd be nice to get some with suzaku and kallen.

i'm actually REALLY excited about this con. xD i'll be waking up early tomorrow to do any last-minute packing (after tonight's, of course) and to grab my paycheck, which i've figured out will not be an issue at all since mom can drive me over there and back in the early morning when customer service first opens.

after that it's all downhill. i just hope they finally got me my raise, because if they did then that means i have plenty of spending money, PLUS extra.

eeeeee i can't wait <3

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26537444/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26537444/ Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:58:54 PDT
i DID get my suitcase and water grenades for jin, but that didn't require a whole lot of effort. again, i'm not worried about actually HAVING a costume to wear for the con since i have jin. but my friends were really counting on me to finish gino and i feel like a total traitor, lawl 8D;;

i'm off on thursday (the day before the con, lawl) and i ought to be able to finish the cape then if i hurry, but...after that i'm still without a shirt and a tailcoat, which leaves me with half a gino. >: i really don't want to pressure josh to let me borrow his stuff, either. it probably would barely fit me anyway.

i'm just...i'm not confident that i'll get the costume finished. i'm kind of wondering if it's even worth the effort to try.

i'm also under a lot of pressure as far as my paycheck is concerned. we're leaving on friday and that's when i get paid, and i'm unsure if i'll have enough time prior to being picked up by my friends to grab the check and cash it. i mean if they're willing to make a stop for me to grab it that's one thing, but i dunno if they'd do that for me, especially if i'm not part of the cosplay group...xD

i dunno, i am probably just being paranoid.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26446040/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26446040/ Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:50:29 PDT [link]

[link]

wig still needs a few fixings, and i need to adjust the pockets on my jacket

but other than that, jin's good to go

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26408027/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26408027/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:43:28 PDT
[link]

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26379232/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26379232/ Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:40:07 PDT
i bought a wig yesterday and it still needs to be tweaked somewhat, but i've gotten it cut into a relatively-accurate style. it's of surprisingly good quality, too, since i bought it locally as opposed to ordering it off ebay. xD

at the moment i'm still drafting on how i wanna do the gloves...it might end up killing me if i don't figure it out soon. xD it's already driving me crazy...

the fabric i bought is also rather thin, so i may end up having to reinforce it with felt or something. which would suck. but that's what i get for being careless, i guess.

anyway, as soon as i figure out how to work the damn sewing machine, i'm gonna be patching all the pieces together. i don't foresee myself having TOO much difficulty with it...but idk, my mom's sewing machine is pretty funky compared to the one(s) i've been using...

anyway, if this all doesn't work out then i might just buy a jacket and mod it. >: i don't wanna have to do that, though, since i bought somuchfuckingfabric. buuut either way i'll have it done by the con, guaranteed.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26310629/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26310629/ Sat, 01 Aug 2009 02:23:35 PDT
]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26295469/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26295469/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:50:05 PDT
Here are the rules:

1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post 8 things about themselves on their journal.
3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. No tag-backs!



Here are my 8 things:

1. i am suicidal. lolyeah. i don't self-injure (i used to, though) but if i get the option i will put myself in harm's way. i've also attempted to kill myself multiple times in recent days.
2. i am very easy to hurt; you could say i have a fragile psyche.
3. i am addicted to tamarind soda.
4. unlike most of my coworkers, i love my job. it's like high school but with more effort. and boy do i miss high school.
5. i am the only one (?) out of my immediate circle of friends who is not attending, or planning to attend, college.
6. i like to be the center of attention, and sometimes i try too hard. i'm prone to making lame jokes and acting like a complete moron. i also tend to make rash decisions.
7. i am a firm believer in the human rights of sex offenders.
8. i am a habitual "shipper" and chances are i've considered any pairing you could possibly throw at me, granted i'm familiar with the series

not tagging anyone because no one ever responds to my tags anyway

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26212120/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26212120/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:09:27 PDT
i'm finally progressing some on my gino cosplay which makes me le happie. my shinji coat shipped, too, which excites me. i can't wait until it arrives! xD my coworkers are gonna be like "whut" if i ever come in wearing it. they were already pretty confused about me showing up in a wig once, so yeah. this oughtta be interesting.

...and knowing me, i probably will do it. oh, maybe THAT'S what i should wear to work for halloween.

...nah, it's not intricate enough. xD no one would recognize it as a costume. i should proooobably just stick with gino.

welllll anyway,

i seriously need to stop making new gaia accounts. it's like a disease. they just released a new item with a scarf pose that'd be PERFECT for ryoji, but...D: i already have an akihiko, a junpei (technically), a hermes, AND a takaya. oh, and yosuke from p4. can't forget that fucker.

let's not forget my numerous cosplay accounts from other series, too...~_~

bah, anyway...

i'm planning to move out of my parents' house and into an apartment by the end of the year and i'm interested to see if anyone who lives in the area would be willing to room together. i don't wanna room with anyone who doesn't have a job or otherwise steady method of income, and i'd prefer my roommate(s) to have a car as well.

SPEAKING OF TRANSPORTATION i think i'm gonna try and finally learn how to ride a bike soon so i can get to work more easily. as it is, i walk most of the time and it's not exactly good for me. i wear a lot of layers and it's hot here in the summer, so i'm always exhausted when i get there. aaand, taking off layers isn't really an option for me.

well, 's all for now. gotta get ready for work before it gets too much later.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26090725/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26090725/ Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:48:08 PDT bam, it just strikes you like a hurricane and you're falling to your knees and clutching your face and trying to hide your tears but you can't because he's dead he's dead and this is the last door you'll go through, duffy, i'm sorry.

and it was so strange, just...just as soon as his heart stopped beating he wasn't even him anymore, just a body...just an empty vessel that once held so much.

it still feels unreal.

touching his head as it lolled to the side, heavy...even his fur felt different. lifeless. his whole body was stiff in a way i'd never seen before and it just just disturbing as hell and yet so, so sad, because i just...

i just can't describe the feeling of guilt that washed over me as i let go and left the room and mom was crying and dad was crying and mom offered to drive home and god

most emotionally draining experience in my life.

this is going to be a very, very long workday.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26077260/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26077260/ Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:17:25 PDT do you hate me?

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26050712/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26050712/ Sun, 19 Jul 2009 18:35:03 PDT
R.I.P bonnetpudder

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26010970/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/26010970/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:58:13 PDT

speaking of names, i finally decided which name of the "big four" i wanted for myself. it was between Ian, Justin, Mark, and Lucas.

i decided on Justin.

not sure on the middle name yet. 8D;; probably goin' with Lucas but i can't be sure..

either way, i'm so happy. so, so happy. i haven't been this happy in a long time. i hope it lasts.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25998060/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25998060/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:59:18 PDT man

I FOUND THE MOTHERLODE

OF P3 GOOD!FICS

I THINK I PRACTICALLY JIZZED IN MY PANTS WHEN I READ THIS SHIT IT WAS THAT FUCKING GOOD sakdvgsalj butit'smostlypornsoyeah

OKAY BEFORE MY LEFT SHIFT KEY BREAKS AND BEFORE I PASS OUT FROM EXHAUSTION FUCKIT'SALMOSTFOURINTHEMORNING, FIC-REC TIEM IS NAO

MAJORITY ARE NOT WORK-SAFE AND I RECOMMEND BEING OF LEGAL AGE TO VIEW THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL BEFORE CLICKING IN A MOST FOOLHARDY FASHION; UNDERAGE WATCHERS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE )<
link: [link]

i have not touched the crossovers for two main reasons: one, i haven't played many of the "accompanying" games, and two, i'm NOT a big fan of crossovers in general...

at any rate, my personal favorites are Trouble Like This, Memento and Haunting, THOUGH I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ENJOYED A FEW OF THE MORE KINK-DRIVEN ONES AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT.

...speaking of kinks i didn't know i had

there's a p4 fic on there called Shook Up World and it's NOT my pairing at ALL but ohmyfuckinggodineverknewiwasintocrossdressing. that seriously...yeah. just.

just read it. fuckin' amazing stuff.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25938746/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25938746/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:44:42 PDT
HOOO BOY. Life has been interesting lately, that much I can say for certain. A lot's been weighing heavily on my mind and I dunno if it'll let up anytime soon, especially since it's all related to a single person (you know who you are D< ). It's hard to even concentrate at work these days...I end up randomly grinning like an idiot or snorting or shaking my head. It's almost a strange kind of euphoria.

That aside, my parents will not stop asking me for money and it pisses me off, especially since I can't say no. I can understand maybe, I dunno, two-hundred a month, but it's gotten to the point where they more than half each paycheck I get. God, as every day goes by I'm wishing more and more that I could just...move out.

But that's kinda hard, when you've got nowhere to go, and you've got a job to be getting to in the morning and you haven't showered anyway but who gives a fuck when you're walking so you're gonna be sweating your ass off by the time you get there and you'll probably just faint after a few hours on the sales floor anyway.

I need to see a doctor, but I don't have insurance nor the money to pay for that kind of thing on my own. But I'm an adult now so I need to pay my own way, regardless of the fact that my older sister is still getting money out of my parents' pockets whenever she needs it and no, as a matter of fact I am NOT jealous.

A lot of the time I feel like I've driven myself into a shithole and there's no way I can get out, not with how far I've fallen. Quitting school was one thing...losing my insurance was just icing on the hahaha-you-fucker-you're-gonna-be-flipping-burgers-for-the-rest-of-your-life cake. If you can even call that a cake. Ugh.

I got a job to motivate myself. I've never been a particularly "driven" individual, so I figured if I had some sort of responsibility again then I'd become more...well...responsible. Unfortunately I haven't really felt the tug yet and I'm kinda wondering if I ever will. I don't have any life goals. None long-term, none short-term either. Not really anyway.

I'd like to someday become an editor. But no way in HELL that's happening unless I go to school, and THAT just isn't happening.

I guess my one real hope in life is to die young so I don't have to wallow in my own misery for the rest of my painful existence. Maybe this recent turn for the worse in my health will help--HELLO MORBID THOUGHTS GO AWAY NOW. D< Ugh, I promised myself I'd stop thinking about that kind of thing...

Man, this has gotten way too personal. Kinda wondering if I should even post this.

Oh well, I'm clicking the button anyway.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25905262/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25905262/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:32:27 PDT
hard.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25883483/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25883483/ Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:25:04 PDT
it was horrible.

i really would like to figure out why this is continuously happening to me...aaaand it's a pretty recent thing, too. first that one day at my desk, then the day at work, then two more times at home...now again at work? i'm honestly growing concerned about this.

it can't be lack of sleep, that much i know.

mom says i may have low blood sugar, or maybe an iron deficiency. she has the same problem (it's borderline anemia for herself), so i might have inherited it...

i just hope i'll be okay. i've always been scared of not having control over my own well-being, so if it's something bad...god, i dunno what i'd do...

i'm scared.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25866937/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25866937/ Fri, 10 Jul 2009 19:01:01 PDT
Come on, hey, give the remote,
Don't you know you're letting all the junk flood in?
Try to stick the bone,
Don't be cookin' on the go,
But I don't use hay,
I Lean Cuisine!

Loading, loading loading,
Makin' me reachin' my curiosity.
Warn it, warn it, warn it,
Gonna shot-suit it, no, I dented it.

California potato powers!
Kitchen gleams all over the world.
Stupid meltdown will get you nowhere.
Hell looked up in your mind.

We are trapped with a maze of relationships,
That goes on with or without you.
I swim in the sea of the unconscious.
I search, for you're hard.

Pursuing my true self.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25842263/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25842263/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:29:45 PDT
EVOKERS ARE INVOLVED

IF I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT IT OR IF YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THE INCIDENT ITSELF THEN PLEASE DON'T GIVE IT AWAY.

I WANNA HEAR YOU GUESS.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25793892/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25793892/ Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:51:21 PDT
i've replied, "i don't know."

i don't really know what love is. it may very well be that i have never experienced the emotion; or, perhaps it's that i once knew but have forgotten. or maybe i'm hitting a roadblock somewhere, a roadblock i've put up myself to protect myself.

maybe i just don't know anymore.

i'm an awkward person...i'll admit that. for how often i hit on people and make dirty jokes and inappropriate comments, i really don't get a whole lot of action. you could say i'm..."all talk and no walk," i guess. but maybe it's better that way, since i don't know how to respond to touchy-feely situations and i get uncomfortable and unresponsive whenever they arise.

if i've ever been in a "romantic" situation with you, you've probably noticed. chances are you haven't since a lot of my exes are not frequent watchers or they just don't read my journals (god knows why ). but anyway, here are some examples:

situation: you start talking about what you wish you could do to me if we met up in real life (this mostly applies to online relationships i've had; i try to avoid those now as they were extreme failures and i always ended up philandering one way or another anyway)
my response: i don't know what to say because such a situation is beyond my comprehension. i get uncomfortable and probably just "go along with it" with some noncommittal reply like, "yeah, that'd be great," or, "sure, sounds like fun."

situation: you say, "i love you."
my response: i start crying.

situation: you try to kiss me and succeed (granted this only happened once, but it's a pretty strong example even so)
my response: my entire body locks up, all my muscles go stiff and my hands get cold and shaky. i don't try to pull away but i don't make any effort to reciprocate, either. i might start crying.

situation: you start touching me.
my response: not that different from the "kiss" scenario; i go stiff and unresponsive and get very nervous.

summary: i am one fucked-up individual.

i dunno if i can attribute it all to childhood trauma. i mean, maybe SOME of it...but a lot of it might just be my own innate uselessness. at this point i'm not sure i should even try for a relationship again because they always fail. always

i mean, my idea of a relationship would be a slight step above friendship...a significant other would be a friend i could confide in and gradually explore my boundaries with. maybe that's not what a boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to be, but it's what i want.

maybe that's what i had in my relationships all along, but just never realized it and never made an effort to try.

maybe i just don't understand.

maybe i never will.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25784199/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25784199/ Mon, 06 Jul 2009 21:19:59 PDT
...

...they did it

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25761319/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25761319/ Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:11:18 PDT terrified of fireworks

brb cowering in the basement

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25685028/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25685028/ Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:12:32 PDT
i've been so burnt out on games lately...MMORPGs and console games in particular. i somehow managed to rock out in pokemon platinum and i've gotten reasonably far in FFTA2, PLUS i beat both the star ocean PSP ports

however, i have been severely lagging in regards to console games.

my current roster of unplayed or unfinished console games that i own (or am borrowing):
Wild Arms 3 (not even started)
Tales of the Abyss (not even started)
Shadow Hearts: Covenant (not even started)
Xenosaga Ep. 2 (close to finishing...but i've been borrowing it for like a year now)
Valkyrie Profile 2 (very barely started)
SMT Persona 4 (not even started)
Disgaea (very, very, very barely started)
Growlanser Generations (not even started; noticing a pattern? xD)

then OF COURSE there's always the amazingly-lengthy list of games i've been meaning to beat for myself for many many years now...ffviii being the main one, but there's also saga frontier 2 and the (original) phantasy star series

BUT ANYWAY the purpose of this journal is essentially to brag that i am finally progressing in persona 3 beyond the very fucking beginning of the game.

i spent four hours playing tonight and jesus christ this game is amazing i have no fuckingcluehowieverevenputitdown >:

BUT

BUT

i rescued fuuka :B man what an awesome thing to happen on my birthday. i mean, seriously, i don't share a birthday with any game characters or even a birth month with any well-known ones, or ones i care about. BUT THE FACT THAT MY BIRTHDAY INCLUDED A MAJOR PLOT EVENT IN P3 IS A HUGE EGO-BOOSTER FOR ME even if it is total coinkydink >:

but oh man am i longing to play more. D: THIS IS SO EXCITING MAN YOU HAVE NO IDEAAA ;_; MY FIRE HAS BEEN REIGNITED eeeee

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25680285/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25680285/ Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:35:30 PDT
like a rockstar

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25617033/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25617033/ Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:36:25 PDT [link]
MY HAIR IS SHAVED
MY GLASSES ARE NEW
LIN-SAMA'S DEPRAVED
AND SO ARE YOU )<

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25597568/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25597568/ Sun, 28 Jun 2009 00:14:39 PDT
a lot of people don't.

sometimes i feel as though i answer many unasked questions, though more often than not i feel like i just talk about myself in uncalled-for ways. i feel like i come across as being selfish, or braggy, or overly talkative, or i feel like i have no sense of inhibition.

in short, i talk about myself a lot.

i talk about the worst events in my past with near-strangers. i discuss the less-prominent aspects of my psyche with people who likely couldn't care less. i talk about sex, and fetishes, and kinks, and turns-on and turns-off as though they were nothing out of ordinary human discussion. worse yet, i often post very personal things online, in blogs, or here on dA, or, god forbid, even gaia. i do it in very non-anonymous ways, too. i'm not afraid of people knowing who i am in real life. the truth is, well, i don't really mind blending real life and internet life, as my two lives are very much intertwined with one another, and they interact with each other on a very personal basis. i may act somewhat different online...i may act less shy, less inhibited. but the fact is that it's merely another facet of my personality, which is more easily manifested in an impersonal world.

to tell you the truth (whoever 'you' may be), i have a veritable trove of emotional scars. in order to compensate for this shortcoming, i allow myself to form as many social bonds as possible and regularly encourage myself to strengthen them. unfortunately, this tactic often leads to my demise, as i often too quickly rush into relationships, and tend to find myself disappointed, disagreed with, or even outright discarded. to mend these wounds, i again seek out companionship...truly a vicious cycle. but such is the nature of life, i suppose.

to this day i have difficulty forming relationships on anything beyond an emotional level. the very concept of consummation terrifies me. without beating around the bush, i'll say it outright: i am a tactophobe. due to past experiences forcing me into such a format of mind, i remain to find it difficult to associate touch with affection. even something as minor as a pat on the back will make me jump and shiver; anything farther than a kiss would surely send me into a panic attack. in every relationship i've ever been in, my partner has commented on how unresponsive i am when touched, or told, "i love you." i'd been told i "locked up" or got very tense, and my partner had begun to worry, but i stated i was uncomfortable or politely asked my partner to back off. or if i didn't ask and simply sat there unresponsive, my partner got bored with me and backed off even without being asked.

i won't deny that i truly wish to have a physical relationship with someone...but it becomes increasingly difficult the more i am reminded of my own shortcomings. i'm unattractive, i'm a ditz, and i don't really have any talents to speak of. i have numerous crippling phobias, i have several "inabilities" (can't ride a bike, can't swim, etc.) and worst yet, i'm stubborn.

oh, and did i forget to mention that i have difficulty being monogamous?

perhaps it has something to do with my sexually-open upbringing by sexually-open parents, or maybe even my childhood crises involving repeated sexual abuse. any way you slice it, i am a philanderer. i can't stick to a single person and never understood how anyone could. "with so many fish in the sea, why go home with just the first catch?" i'd ask myself. i never believed in soulmates. it never seemed possible to me to have a single person in the world one could bond with, with everyone else being set on the back burner. it seemed like such an egocentric mentality to me...and honestly, it still does.

i suppose some people are satisfied to stick with the same person throughout their lives, but...i dunno. to me, love is a lot like friendship. you can be in love with more than one person, just like you can be friends with more than one person. all it takes is the right capacity of mind, of which i can almost be certain most human beings possess. really, to me anyway, love is merely the pinnacle of friendship: a closeness not easily achieved by most people due to mental inhibition. unfortunately for me, i do not have that inhibition, so it's hard for me to understand when people are so fiercely protective of their partners and refuse to even let them SEE those of the opposite sex

which leads me to the purpose of this journal.

it's my turn to ask a question.

reader, how do you feel about the concept of a relationship between more than two people? and i don't mean flings, or affairs, or sexual-contact-exclusive three/four/sixsomes. i mean a genuine caring consensual relationship that just happens to involve three (or more) peo... ]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25545375/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25545375/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:10:48 PDT How does it feel?
How does it feel,
When you're alone,
and you're cold inside?"

it's a strange feeling.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25507486/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25507486/ Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:16:44 PDT [link]

...

...yeah

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25479440/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25479440/ Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:24:55 PDT [link]

you're welcome to write here about your thoughts while viewing the video, should you choose to view it in the first place.

(mood is not rage, deviantart just sucks. :V)

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25405024/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25405024/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:23:12 PDT
FUNNY STORY RIGHT

THIS DUDE WALKS INTO MY LINE AT WORK, ASKS FOR SOME CIGARETTES

HE'S ON HIS PHONE AND I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE HE'S TALKING WITH SOME DRUG DEALER OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE HE'S LIKE "DUDE I NEED SOME POT YOU GOT ANY POT I ALSO NEED SOME FOR MY GURLFREN"

I HAND HIM THE CIGS AND HE LOOKS APPRECIATIVE, PAYS UP REAL GOOD

THEN AS HE'S LEAVING, ASKS IF I'VE GOT ANY POT

MAKES THIS REAL CUTE GESTURE LIKE HE'S SMOKING A JOINT

I GIVE HIM A LOOK LIKE WTF MAN YOU'RE IN A PUBLIC GROCERY STORE DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL THE COPS ON YOU BECAUSE I FUCKING WOULD YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD

and then he leaves, laughs like damn take a chill pill dude

and i'm incredibly flustered and i call my manager over and tell him about it, manager laughs it off, says it's hilarious

yeah

my job's great.

(note: mood not rly rage, more like INCREDIBLY AMUSED, but dA is being a gigantic cocksucking faggot at the mo' and won't let me change it)

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25371392/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25371392/ Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:06:16 PDT
Artists complaining about people uploading their art to photobucket, or saving the files to their computer, for PERSONAL use, need to die k.

"Oh, but I'm not getting paid! They're stealing my art and they're not paying me for it!"

I'm sorry, most people probably will regard me as being a fucking psychopath for saying this, but if you are only in drawing for the money then you are not an artist. Many now-famous artists were not regarded as such in their time; they made close to zero money off their work, but they still drew and painted anyway. Art is not about profit; it's about personal expression and gaining personal pleasure from taking pen to paper.

"They're taking credit for my work!"

Not unless they blatantly state that they drew it. Half the time someone saves a file to their computer or, in my case, puts it on photobucket so they won't lose it in an inevitable hard-drive reformatting, it's for personal use. The person enjoys viewing the image because it is pleasing to look at, or it's part of the person's collection of images of that variety. It's not being freely distributed under the collector's name, especially if the album is private (like mine), and thus is not theft of any sort.

"The watermark CLEARLY states that I do not want this piece freely distributed across the internet!"

Now, this I can understand...but again, if it's for personal use or just for showing pics to friends and the like, what's the big deal?

...

Yeah. I went there.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25281080/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25281080/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:57:52 PDT INCOMING VISTA RANT

WHY MUST VISTA EMPLOY CONSISTENT SPARKLY GRAPHICS WHERE THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY AND DETRIMENTAL TO THE CASUAL USER'S ATTEMPTS TO CREATE THINGS OF GREAT GRAVITY AND IMPORTANCE

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHY THEY WOULD DO THIS

OKAY SO I WAS TRYING TO DRAW SOME SHIT IN MSPAINT TODAY, YEAH, CAN'T STAND THE NEW MSPAINT BUT ANYWAY

WHENEVER I APPLIED PRESSURE TO THE TABLET WITH MY PEN IT WOULD DO THIS WEIRD CIRCLE THING AROUND MY CURSOR AND I COULDN'T MOVE THE PEN TO CREATE A MARK.

I WAS LIKE OKAY, WHATEVER, CAN ALWAYS TURN THAT SHIT OFF, RIGHT

BUT OH BOI HOWDEE WAS I WRONG.

BECAUSE YOU SEE VISTA IS MUCH LIKE DREAMWEAVER IN TAHT IT ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO BE, IN THE LEAST BIT, USER-FRIENDLY, PARTICULARLY FOR THOSE WHO ARE ACCUSTOMED TO A SANE OPERATING SYSTEM.

I OPENED UP MY CONTROL PANEL, DID SOME CLICKING AROUND UNTIL I FOUND MY TABLET CONFIGURATOR. NOW, SEE, VISTA IS MUCH LIKE SOME CONTROL-FREAK'S WET DREAM IN THAT IT FUCKING REFUSES TO LET THE SYSTEM'S THIRD-PARTY DRIVERS WORK FOR THEMSELVES; WHY IN FACT IT HAS COUNTLESS APPLICATIONS DEVOTED TO ATTEMPTING TO SURPASS ANY THIRD-PARTY DRIVERS BY MAKING EVERYTHING SPARKLY AND APPEALING AND OH SO VERY WINDOWS

WELL ANYWAY I OPENED THE TABLET PC CONFIGURATOIN AND SET TO WORK DISABLING FUCKING EVERYTHING BECAUSE DAMN IT MY TABLET CAN WORK FOR ITSELF WITHOUT SOME SHITTY WINDOWS SETTINGS DEMANDING ABSOLUTE TOTALITARIAN CONTROL OVER MY PERIPHERALS

TABBED BACK OVER TO MSPAINT AND TRIED DRAWING AGAIN, I WAS LIKE OH GREAT HOW LOVELY I MAY HATE THIS PROGRAM WITH A BURNING PASSION EQUAL TO THAT OF A THOUSAND MAGMORTARS' BUT AT LEAST NOW I CAN DRAW

OH BABY

OH BABY WAS I WRONG

NOW WHILE I SUCCEEDED IN DISABLING ANY OBNOXIOUS CLIKING GRAPHICS AND ROADBLOCKS TO THE CONTRARY, ATTEMPTING TO USE THE TABLET'S CLICKER ON THE SIDE AS A RIGHT-CLICK-AKA-ERASER DID THE SAME EXACT THING AS THE INITIAL BUTTON-HOLDING MINUS THE CLUNKY CIRCLE GRAPHIC: IT SLOWED MY PEN MOVEMENT TO A HALT AND PREVENTED ME FROM GUIDING MY PEN SMOOTHLY ACROSS MY PRISTINE PIXELATED CANVAS

AND TO THIS VERY MOMENT I HAVE NOT FIGURED OUT HOW TO FIX THIS.

I TRIED TO LIKE YOU, VISTA

REALLY I DID

BUT THIS IS JUST FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25264911/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25264911/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:09:39 PDT
[link]

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25194402/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25194402/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:30:34 PDT
]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25168149/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25168149/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 20:07:10 PDT
i really

really

really really do not need that kind of treatment from my parents right now.

especially when it's some kind of bipolar two-faced argument where i get verbally thrown against the wall and later hugged and kissed and told it's all going to be okay, i'm loved and i'm important but god damnit if i would just fucking grow a brain

yeah

don't need that bullshit right now.

thanks.

additionally: no, mom, i do not believe you when you tell me that this is my father's way of showing affection. being told to get out of the fucking house is not a kindly gesture and never was.

]]> ~lin-sama http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25123028/ http://lin-sama.deviantart.com/journal/25123028/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 10:40:19 PDT
~UPCOMING COSPLAYS~

Otaku Omaha: Kuroshitsuji - Agni
Anime Iowa: Code Geass - Gino Weinberg (Knights of Round...s)
Nebraskon: Persona 3 - Akihiko Sanada

~COMPLETED COSPLAYS~

Narotutu - Narutu Sandninja (an hero version)
Sailor Moon - Luna
Final Fantasy Tactis - White Mage (male)
Ragnarok Online - Rogue (female)
Death Note - Mello
.hack//G.U. - Kuhn
Code Geass - Gino Weinberg (school uniform)
Legend of Zelda - "Fucking Real" Zelda

~DREAM COSPLAY~

Chrono Cross - Glenn
Persona 4 - Teddie (mascot AND human)
Star Ocean 3 - Cliff Fittir
Star Ocean 3 - Luther Lansfeld
Star Ocean 2 - Ashton Anchors
Star Ocean 1 - Marvel Frozen/Mavelle Froesson
Star Ocean 1 - Tinek Arukena/T'nique Arcana
Pokemon - Roark
Final Fantasy IX - Zidane Tribal
Xenosaga - Ziggy
Xenosaga - Gaignun Kukai/Nigredo
Xenogears - Jessiah Blanche (elements)
Xenogears - Billy Lee Black

--

four daaaaaays )<

]]> ~lin-sama