http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:lovingthedark&section=today deviantART RSS for by:lovingthedark en-us Copyright 2010, deviantART.com Wed, 06 Jan 2010 02:13:46 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/13730149/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/13730149/ Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:04:39 PDT
Fortunately, I went out and got a new digital SLR Nikon d40x and sent my old camera in to be fixed.

Unfortunately, so far I liked my old camera better and the new one doesn't fit in my pocket by a long shot.

Fortunately, I'm going back to Maine for vacation for the next two weeks, so to hell with any technological disgruntlement, because I have the treedom (long story) to get used to it and some gorgeous friggin' landscapes and loverly peoples.

Furthermore, I purchased an adobe production software bundle so I shall once again have my dear photoshop in addition to a glorious copy of flash and someother beautiful programs.

Unfortunately oddlyness.

]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/11836361/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/11836361/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:36:24 PST
]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/11451072/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/11451072/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 17:36:14 PST
Um. Me:
I finally graduated high school last Thursday. Community college this next semester, art school in the fall. (Probably- I’m not sure what college I want, and I don’t know when will be “too late” to apply to transfer.)

I’d been enjoying my high school studio art class quite a bit, in spite of the fact that it started at 7:25 A.M. I’ll miss it.
I improved a bit with my human facial feature sketches, and I might post them if my pride manages to defeat my laziness. They’re hardly masterpieces but they are better than most of the human subjects I’ve tried before and my improvement matters to me. Unfortunately, stopping in the middle of the school year signifies that I won’t get a chance to learn anything about oil painting.

No real love life. I’ve recovered from my last battle with desire, mostly by virtue of my poor memory, but I’m still reassembling myself from the deadened pieces it left me in. Friendships occupy a similar position in my life.

Um. Technology.
My camera’s still in the shop, so I’ve kidnapped the slightly-lower-quality family camera for the meantime. My laptop monitor is dead, so I’ll probably end up getting another laptop altogether to replace it. My tablet stylus is broken but still works, like the rest of my life.
I’m trying to teach myself video editing/directing/writing/stuff etc., but it’s hard to do when I’m not sure whether I’m working with the right supplies.

I wrote a song, and all my efforts to arrange it digitally have failed miserably. Shareware etc. is frustrating.

]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/10402912/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/10402912/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:36:57 PDT
The end.

]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9884595/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9884595/ Mon, 28 Aug 2006 12:55:06 PDT ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9782145/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9782145/ Sat, 19 Aug 2006 12:10:28 PDT ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9707189/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9707189/ Sat, 12 Aug 2006 21:34:59 PDT

and, here's a thing stolen from . I'm sorry.
~Theater Kid~ 03/10
[x] Ever been in a School play? (it was a requirement at elementary school, and I used to be in chorus)
[ ] Have you ever seen a Broadway/West End show?Nope.
[ ] Seen more than 10 shows? not on broadway
[x] Have you ever been/Are you in school shows? (this is the same as the first question)
[ ] Does your current job involve theater in some way?
[ ] Want to end up working in/for theater? ( Might be nice, but it's not part of my master plan. I think. )
[ ] Can you recite all of the lyrics to your favorite play/musical?
[x] Do you break out into random songs whenever/wherever!!
[ ] Do you like the Sound of Music? (I don't remember)
[ ] Did you like the Broadway show?


~Redneck~ 00/10
[ ] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[ ] Do you drive a four-wheeler?
[ ] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[ ] Do you like to get dirty?
[ ] Do you like country music?
[ ] Do you have a broken car in your back yard? (I have a broken ear!)
[ ] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[ ] Do you live on more then 1 acres?
[ ] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home? (do ants count?)
[ ] Do you watch Larry the Cable Guy movies?


~Goth~ 04/09
[ ] Do you wear black eyeliner? (no)
[x] Is most of your clothing dark? (yup)
[x] Do you think about death often? (sort of. I think about life all the time, and with it the death it includes)
[ ] Do you want to die? (not now, particularly. someday, sure.)
[ ] Are you a social outcast? (as in, the minority?)
[x ] Are you pale? (yeah)
[x] Do you own something from Hot Topic? (soo expensive, but I have a journal someone gave me)
[ ] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies? (actually, no. not really. I alwaysthink i will, but I've never been able to connect)
[ ] Are you mean? (I'm surprised I still have friends!)


~Punk~ 05/11
[ ] Can you skateboard? (no)
[ ] Do you wear Vans, dcs, converse, ect.?
[x] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends? (with and without)
[ ] Have you gotten in trouble with the Cops?
[x] Do you watch the x-games? (sometimes)
[x] Do you have any piercings? (ears)
[ ] Do you like/wear a mohawk? (people with mohawks look like zebras. honest)
[x] Do you wear Band t-shirts?
[x] Are you a rebel without a cause? (eh... sort of)
[ ] Have you called someone a poseur recently?
[ ] Does it piss you off when people say poser instead of poseur?(there's more than one way???)


~Prep~ 02/10
[ ] Do you say the word "like" alot? (not more than most people)
[ ] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie&Fitch/AE/Aero? (UGLY!)
[ ] Do the people in Hot Topic scare you?
[x] Do you laugh alot?
[ ] Have/do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[x] Do you like pop music? (some)
[ ] Do you want/have a little dog? (small, yappy, messy things piss me off)
[ ] Do you smile a lot?
[ ] Do you hang out with your friends alot?
[ ] Do you always carry a purse/wallet. (No, but my camera and I are attached at the hip)


~Hippie~ 07/11
[x] Is your hair long?
[ ] Do you own a tye-dye shirt? (yes, but I dislike it severely)
[x] Do you want to save the animals? (sure- why not)
[x] Do you think war is unnecessary? (you bet your ass)
[x] Do you like classic rock and trippy music? (most)
[x] Have you ever participated in a protest? (mostly anti-war protests)
[x] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree? (long story)
[ ] Do you play a ukulele or os? (no)
[ ] Do/have you ever smoked the peace pipe? (drugs are icky)
[ ] Do you wear a peace sign around your neck?
[x] Do you just sit in the grass with your friends and play guitar? (If i could play a guitar, I would. I settle for being one of the friends.)


~Gangsta~ 02/09
[ ] Do you act ghetto?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[x] Do you like hip-hop? (some)
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[ ] Do you believe he's alive?
[ ] Do you like afros?
[ ] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[x] Do you like to dance? (I'm not very good, though.)
[ ] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?


~Emo~ 05/10
[ ] Do you cry often?
[ ] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do you like hard music? (yup)
[ ] Do people not understand you? (only because I don't bother to expl... ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9681964/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9681964/ Thu, 10 Aug 2006 18:35:50 PDT ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9594447/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9594447/ Fri, 04 Aug 2006 05:03:01 PDT ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9534970/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9534970/ Sat, 29 Jul 2006 16:12:25 PDT mind is blown
conscious shreds


Just watched The Jacket.
Microsoft Word disabled.
No poems, none old.
Save short rambles, confused cofessions.
Cryptic bullshit.



Love remains, but calcifies ,
a problem cyst, a sigh to work out
Guilt in inaction, repetitive self-inflicted isolation.


I thought i had decided

so many times

to proclaim my heart, try the truth.
and now...

I don't know. What to do, what to say, where to live, who to be.

I told the truth. Love is a fire, and I burn myself in a pyromaniacal frenzy.
Still, all the poems, all the pictures, all the tears, all the confessions. I offered them, but i don't know if he heard. What do i do? I am a fool, a cild with too many matches in a room full of straw. Should i give chase, demand an answer? I have no way.

Book a plane, show up on his doorstep? An unwelcome guest in a house with enough sorrow of its own?

Write him a letter? I tried I don't even know his address. ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9357925/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9357925/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 19:31:49 PDT
I also know that noone needs thos contagious journal surveys, but since 'Girliness' is one of the few things that piss me off, I have succumbed to the peer pressure filtered my rant through this survey.

Stolen from , who stole it from , who stole it from , etc.



Take this quiz and find out how girly you are. (GUYS TOO) Put x's beside each thing that's true. Each x that you put is one percent. Have fun!!

[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always done
[ ] During the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] My favorite toys as a child were barbies
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple (I hate both with a fiery passion, although I mostly only dislike purple because of it's connection with pink)
[x] I did Gymnastics. (for roughly 4-5 years, on and off. I'm very flexible, and can turn my arms inside out, do front and back walkovers, bridge and touch my heels, and do flips when on a rampoline or diving board. Yeah...I show off a lot.)
[ ] I love skirts. (they aren't comfortable)
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop (never heard of it)
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear. ( I wear whatever i have that's clean)
[x] I love chocolate (every human loves chocolate)
[ ] I've never had a real job. (hard labor at minimum wage: woo-hoo!)

TOTAL: 2

[ ] My hair is almost always straightened (why would i bother?)
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures (I don't have a myspace )
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week (only food shopping for dinner with parents but I know that's not what you mean...)
[x] I love to hang out at the mall with friends (I live for videogame stores and borders/barnes and nobles )
[x] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings. (i have stuff that's probably just costume ewlry, but enough that i'm fairly certain some of it is real)
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.
[x ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes. (yeah, but 75% don't fit, are singles, or are busted)
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach. (never seen either of them )
[ ] I change my icon weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.

TOTAL: 3

[ ] I dont shop at Hot Topic. (I have, but it's so overpriced)
[ ] My cell phone might as well become a part of me. (I have no clue where it is, the battery is dead, and my mother made me get it)
[ ] I wear mascara everyday.
[ ] I've been or am on a diet.
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable.
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[ ] Big sunglasses are hott.
[x ] I have gotten my nails done before. (once or twice... so not worth the time and energy)
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels. (basic cable)

TOTAL: 1

[ ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys! (boys are very nice, but sleep is nice too)
[ ] I love to have gurls do my hair.
[x] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs.
[x] Carnivals are so fun!
[ ] Summer is THE best season. (too hot. autumn kicks ass)
[x] My swimsuit has 2 pieces (I have many swimsits, including 2 2-piece ones)
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. (a hot guy I love who loves me back, sure, but what is it with the whole knight thing? plate mail would get to be such a pain.)
[x] Musicians are so hot. (Not all, but a lot of dumb teenagers with musical talents in a rock direction can be pardoned slightly. Other than that, I just get jealous of people's abilities.)
[ ] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours. (If I actually like your poetry beyond the you've-been-very-nice-to-me-so-i-won't-point-out-that-your-poetry-sucks--...-I-mean,-does-not-suit-me level, then sure. If I think you mean it, and I'm not already in love with someone else...Love is complicated and sucks that way. I guess thats probably a no.)

TOTAL: 4

[x] I am self-conscious.
[ ] I cry often.
[ ] My car smells like vanilla or cherry. (I have no car)
[x] My dishes get washed more than once a week.
[x] I dont do sports. (not standar... ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9041848/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9041848/ Sun, 11 Jun 2006 22:43:47 PDT
Music; My Immortal- Evanescence
Be My Echo- the Illiterati

I have a fortune telling deck I use now and again, and Mother Mary keeps appearing in my future colomn, under the heading of "Expect a Miracle". I define miracle as recieving something that you want but know you will never have, and I think I will lose my mind if I try to expect such a miracle. The other recurring cards (my notice of their frequency is probably effected by my interpretation) are: Diana ("Focused Intention"), and Sarasvati ("The Arts"). All my intentions seem to focus on the same thing these days, even art. Especially art. ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9001495/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/9001495/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 17:20:17 PDT
I'm sick. I'll live. End of story.

Incidently, 2 quotes I came across recently;

(on a bumper sticker) Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?


Struit insidias lacrimis cum femina plorat.
When a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears.
- Latin saying w/ translation ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8903832/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8903832/ Sun, 28 May 2006 16:36:20 PDT ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8875257/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8875257/ Thu, 25 May 2006 15:33:13 PDT willie we have missed you- grey de lisle
paint it black
if i apologized- iain ballamy ;
esp.
it wouldn't mean you wanted me to stay
if i apologized/ i don't suppose you'd even notice/even though i'd whisper it inside
if i apologized/we could be the perfect couple/well we could but only in my mind
but its a dream...

word: maudlin

17/119/1/4/10


Today was… better. No major crying fits, no dying inside, no maudlin angsty poetry. Hopefully I can get over this whole aah-I’m-in-love-with-a-guy-who-lives-in-California-I-hate-my-life thing, and at least function as a student and human being. Although, I must say, he is so perfect- the right balance of dark and light, smart and weird, strange and simple. I want him more than I can say, more than I can have—okay, there was no angsty poetry. Still, I am not emotionally imbalanced as I have been these last couple weeks, but I still wish he was here. His presence would definitely not have a positive effect on my emotional tranquility, but still… I have a hard time thinking of going to a school without him in it. Nevermnd the fact that all my seniors were graduating, that he was leaving anyway, but still…. I ache without him. Every time I leave the building I look at the bench where he had sat once, and I don’t know how to spend my lunch without him.

That sounds so … odd. I don’t know. Childish. Too innocent, perhaps, than I usually think of myself. Weak-willed, perhaps, though perhaps I am trying too hard to protect my self from dreaming. I ran across two of my poems recently in published format, and one of them was impromptu goddess, which I will post presently. It reminded me that every single heartache and heartbreak love has caused me, I asked for. I left myself open to it (although I doubt that anyone could possibly avoid it), and I knew it would happen. Love….is. I should accept that. I pretend otherwise, but I am still a romantic at heart. The thought of fairytale love makes me wince, the silicone Cinderella disgusts me and I find the plastic Prince Charming revolting than it should be,
But love, as an ideal, is sacred to me. Love is the sacrament my politics are based on, and while I mentally envision my attempts as lesser-- stalking, obsession, the shame of any feminist, unrealistic, boy-hungry, weak-willed, foolish hopes, awkward, embarrassing, overly dominant- I still wish he was here. My heart aches for him.


The day before yesterday I wrote a note on myself in permanent marker: love without fear is no love at all. Yesterday I finished it;
Ifear o lord I fear
I fear
Ilove him
So damn much
It ruins me for otherthings
Friends and flowers turn to ash for he is not mine and I fear hislosss
What would I do, if he died without ever seeing me again
It would feel so damn broken, like I chained myself to a sinking ship, and I never had him I want him I’m losing him he’s so perfect how could I fear him his mind is so intricate exotic psychotic desired. Good god I want him
Your stories are twisted with broken glass and broken knives cast against the endless urban nightmare






Lord, I am a fool. ]]> ~lovingthedark http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8837173/ http://lovingthedark.deviantart.com/journal/8837173/ Mon, 22 May 2006 20:05:01 PDT I Miss You- Incubus (sung by my cousin)
the Butcher Boy- traditional (sung by the Mammals)
The Last Time I Saw Richard- Joni Mitchell ]]> ~lovingthedark