http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:madphotographer&section=today deviantART RSS for by:madphotographer en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:41:25 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/27396106/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/27396106/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:46:22 PDT My scanner is, though
Been drawing, taking some photos. Eh. Just relaxing after graduating <3

Yeah. Life is alright. Holla back yo <3

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/26657976/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/26657976/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:35:49 PDT Japan failed, come and gone. Thank you, swine flu.
School will finish this week.
I've made many friends upset.
I've cut out even more.
My heart has been torn into shreds. I think the warranty on this one has finally expired. Can't read the date anymore. And its so much trouble to put it back together the same way, so I don't mind investing in a new one.

Still floating along, though not as I'd prefer. Lost hours at work. Money is an issue, to keep up with myself. One can say my past is eating away at my future, but the reality is that the past is pushing me into a harder trial that I must undertake. I'm grateful to have the insight to accept this, and pray for strength to stick by my values and never settle for less than who I am and what I shall become.

Cut out the bad circle. Sick of bad ju-ju. What an odd word.

Exposure to love has been an interesting battle, to say the least. There are two places I would love nothing more than to ride to, and reside where I've felt protected, comfortable, at peace. But I cannot do that anymore. I've realized that with other people, I just cannot rush into their hearts like I used to. But I guess I was so used to simply being accepted. Family has spoiled me rotten. *sigh* But no matter. I have two feet, two hands, and have access to my brother's car. I'll go to Bauhaus where I am amongst the many but a quiet brick on the wall.

And as for Saturday night...
On all levels, I'm happy that it happened. I'm sorry it happened. What has transpired can never be taken back but honestly taken as a gift that was meant to share the real self I'd been hiding.

*sigh*

I hate the club scene. I hate the drunken debauchery. I hate the music that drives the physical but not the spiritual. It wears me down, and I'm sick, done, and tired of wearing the mask to the benefit of my closest friends who desire to use the scene as an escape. I don't escape like that anymore. I don't need the primal hunger pushing me into the shady lights and sweaty bodies. I don't like being touched like that. I don't like being looked upon like that. I don't like any of it and I simply refuse to be a part of it anymore.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you seek comfort in such empty, dark promises. I can't help but run away from you who oh so love to fall this way. *sigh* I know you're frustrated, lonely, and that by being around others who are just as internally miserable as you is a comforting thing. Oh, how misery loves company.

I deserve to be alone. I deserve to be approached in a non-sexual, non-promiscuous manner. I deserve to be a lady. I'm done lowering my standards just for the sake of company. Its not YOU, but the scene. Oh, how the scene needs to crumble. Its already a wicked mess. Wicked, wicked,...

I hope you understand. That I had to escape from your escapism. That even *I* need to be alone.. Even *I* need to grow into someone completely different. I just sought the Light, and not the henny.

How the henny will be the destruction of our genny. Cheers to that one, brats.

+ + +

The battle is almost over, this war shall be won. And in the midst of it all, I still love you for who you are. Your afflictions, your shortcomings. Your dark dancing with your light. I love you and truly, I cannot desire you in any other way, for you are you and that is all I ever really need.

May my hand give you strength, to choose the good over the bad, to stay true to yourself.
May my words give you inspiration, to fly high into your dreams and embrace the world wholly for what it is.
May my smile brighten your day, when you least expect a moment of kindness to turn around the negativity of a day's burdens.
May my heart fill yours with love, for John Lennon had it down - all you need is Love.

Be empowered to be you. You have done so for me, in oh so many ways, I cannot even describe. Words will never be enough. I hope, however, that the course of my life, will show you how much you've meant to me.

<3

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/25084897/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/25084897/ Tue, 02 Jun 2009 08:46:23 PDT
Speaking of rushing into things, I'm leaving for Hekinan, Japan on July 16. HOLY HELL. Can't believe I found out about it on February 15th. That's just how it goes, you know? Two, three more meetings with the students and then the trip! God, its weird to "act like an adult" but since I want out, this is pretty much the transition I have to go through. Has it really been nine years? Mama mia!

And yes, my 50mm, 85mm, and 18-55mm are coming along for the ride. We get one day in Kyoto as well -ZOMG! <3<3<3 I'm beyond excited for the trip

I've met someone new in the last few weeks of May and he's been nothing short of amazing. Inspiring and I can already see that he's going to be a pillar of support, Phil may be a busy body, but is someone that encourages me to take my strengths and go for it. Sure, everyone I know already FEELS that way, but this fresh soul in my vicinity is that recharge I've been missing this last year. Yay for new muses!

So at the moment, my scanner is totally down for the count, and I've been a bit ashamed at the level of photography I've been "shooting" -but it's just me still burnt out from the last year. It seems everyone I know is looking for a photographer and the emails are pouring on through. Tis going to be interesting, get the balance of work, play, and art all going the same way without me losing whatever is left of my sanity. So it goes, so I go!

Go to work, that is Homework on the rise. Oh boy! We'll see how high I feel like flying today. Cheerio kiddos

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/21444831/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/21444831/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:16:45 PST
So in part to keeping my sanity in check, I'll be doing my best to get art back up here. As I simply have a larger following on this username versus the other one, I'll stick with MadP until further notice.

Peace, cheese, and applesauce,

~Vanessa

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/17067619/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/17067619/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 02:44:04 PST
[link]

lots of love,

V

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/16699936/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/16699936/ Sun, 03 Feb 2008 01:57:16 PST
]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/15710491/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/15710491/ Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:41:42 PST
Alright, all my love,

me.

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/11691825/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/11691825/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 01:37:31 PST Anyway, please enjoy! I will have more up in few days, during my next day off, hopefully.

Sleep calls!

<333

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/11583318/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/11583318/ Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:55:52 PST

Anyway. Hope you're well. <333

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/10364193/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/10364193/ Wed, 11 Oct 2006 23:14:07 PDT

and that, foiks, is what brings me back to my tea addictions. MMMM TEA! <333

]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6969990/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6969990/ Sun, 06 Nov 2005 09:27:53 PST
Some thoughts that have been floating around in my mind.

///

After seeing this beautiful composition I'm kind of stuck on the idea of finishing my studies abroad.

No, not Japan.

I was thinking more along the lines of the University of San Carlos in Cebu City, Cebu.

The Philippines.

Years ago, before I was influenced by a strange pull towards Japan, I was intent on actually being fluent in *both* major dialects of Filipino, which are Tagalog and Visayan. (( say those with an English accent and I will kill you! buwahha )).

It kind of helps that I've only been known as Baneessa in my family.

///

Another thing -the time is coming closer and closer... the plot thickens!... I'm going to give up the N70 for a D50 ((including the Tamron lens)). !!!! Yes, I know. I'm... eh. it kind of hurts. but if I really want it... I can always buy it back later. It doesn't help that my point+shoot digi for my projects is just now starting to give out on me after a good 2+years of working hard. *shrugs*

///

I think Adobe Illustrator misses me. I miss my vector art work. I also miss sleep.

Bah.

///

Bastard Secretary is such a sexy gothic script.

///

MySpace is evil.

///

*flops back into bed* I will never make another double-sided business card for as long as I live, I swear.

///

I think that's it. La ti ti ta. I miss you guys. *hugs* ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6951824/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6951824/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 08:29:14 PST

just thought i'd say hi again.

so yes, hi. ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6392357/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/6392357/ Thu, 01 Sep 2005 21:33:36 PDT
Can't type. Blah.

Not much else, keeping the drama in drama-llama land. Do llamas go "baaaaah"? I don't know. Someone find out? No, no recordings necessary. Thank you much.

Design jobs here and there, bashing relationships gone sour. Yah. And being happy with my family and meeting new people. Mmmm italian sodas and pretty eyes make me happy

Night night.
Oyasumi ne! ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/3780043/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/3780043/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 20:14:19 PST
sketches? neh
photos? more than likely
moi? haha... i look like #$%@!!! baaaaaaaah! ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/3182333/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/3182333/ Sat, 21 Aug 2004 18:31:40 PDT
*sigh*

In other news, I'm becoming a touch more confident when it comes to vector work. I'm still getting used to it as a whole, but it's so much nicer when I create clean, flat graphics. Even then, the control just seems more evident in Illustrator.

Maybe I just feel pathetic in Photoshop :-S

Anyways, vertigo. Whoa.

Gonna keep sketching simple figures for AI work. I dunno, still searching for some new inspiration... ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/2610050/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/2610050/ Tue, 08 Jun 2004 03:32:07 PDT
so anyways, i've been a zombie. school is almost done but i'm far from finished.


ok goodnight!!! ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1810461/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1810461/ Sat, 07 Feb 2004 22:48:46 PST
the candle wax drips quietly in the background
as our fingers lay intertwined, our hearts slowing from the race
to the finish line and back to start
bamboo shoots towering over our fazed-out smiles
drunk off the love we found tonight

my glasses cracked in half
your chucks married my sketchers

antique table shade blinks uncontrollably
while our breathing finds the path back to what they called reality
to the finish line and back to start
find a pattern in the hovering disco ball
when you find it, don't change, fear it, follow it through the rest of the dawn

my heart broke in half
your soul married mine

glass of water always sufficient
but a bottle of ale never did harm
bowl of crackers kept midnight company
but a kiss from you would have me full forever

collect the wax and pour it in that mold on the corner
leave your mark and not your heart
scratching hands and going off-kilter
the bamboo continues to grow

my figuring broke in half
your burn married my skin ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1747671/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1747671/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 21:45:22 PST ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1717736/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1717736/ Wed, 21 Jan 2004 11:52:09 PST Opeth__Harvest
(I love Opeth... SATURDAY SHOW! HELL YEAH!...)





Ya know, life works in weird ways... I don't like journaling so much on my Lj anymore. Its like, wtf, why do I have it? I don't do much anymore... ah well... ooh sketches! Yeah I'll post when I feel like it





^^^omg lol^^^ ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1635897/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1635897/ Mon, 05 Jan 2004 22:22:38 PST ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1622229/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1622229/ Sat, 03 Jan 2004 01:44:21 PST
+++

Yes, I picked up the damn pencil and drew those silly pretty girls. Hey, I looked at Kane's work; I couldn't help it.

+++

I got a new white keyboard for the mac! Yay! I no longer have to kill my pinky to type the letter A and I can do shortcuts with just my left hand again! Convenience!

+++

I might have a few more pictures here and there. Tornglass, thank you for everything you've shared -you will be missed!

+++

School starts Monday. Dum dum dum... I don't think I'll be going out Sunday night... as much as I want to get smashed with my girlfriends on the dance floor... oh wai... I just might do that to end the winter break... mmmm... sounds like a plan... ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1578495/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1578495/ Wed, 24 Dec 2003 15:52:28 PST
I truly am a mad photographer.

I'll do it. I'm going to get my shiet done next quarter. If Japan is given to me, I will work my ass off -IN PHOTOGRAPHY. Studio work, that is what I am thinking. Iridio is a great company in Seattle. I saw their offices and studios *dies in happiness*

If Japan isn't in my calling, then I am quitting the design program at SCC and going into photography. Why didn't I just go that way to begin with?

I've been so scared of failure. Not pleasing my parents and those around me.

FUCK IT. I'm doing this for myself. I'll be the starving artist. I know my eye is beautiful and so is the world. Even in all the pain, there is such beauty, no?

If you can't see it, let me capture it for you. Let me prove you wrong. Let the pain go away with a sigh and a kiss and a look of longing from a child's smile...

+++

So don't expect too much doodle work anymore. Or and other designs, unless something wonderful is created. Now that I realize what I love most -what I can capture with light's permission- I will revel in it. Oh how I'll love my life...

+++

Read Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. You MUST read it. What is your inspiration?

+++ ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1559584/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1559584/ Sat, 20 Dec 2003 04:57:28 PST ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1523887/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1523887/ Fri, 12 Dec 2003 01:58:55 PST ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1523878/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1523878/ Fri, 12 Dec 2003 01:50:47 PST ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1502069/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1502069/ Sun, 07 Dec 2003 10:15:03 PST
I just ... I just miss being creative. You know? You know. Stuck in the rut. Oh bother. ]]> ~madphotographer http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1460801/ http://madphotographer.deviantart.com/journal/1460801/ Thu, 27 Nov 2003 22:56:25 PST ~madphotographer