http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:malcite&section=today deviantART RSS for by:malcite en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 09:29:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28978595/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28978595/ Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:05:08 PST
Today was my first trial as a bus driver with passengers after 3 weeks of learning the routes and how things work. Needless to say, it didn't go that well.
My driving was not good enough, i was slow as hell, and to top it of i was delayed at just about every corner with either red lights, or traffic chaos.
To top it of, the first bus i drove was crap. The heater was broken, the door brake that wasn't supposed to be there wouldn't go of when i left the bus stop so i had to shut down the bus and restart it to get it of (went easier when i discovered that it was related to the front and rear door being open together), and i couldn't even get into the bus because the damn door button was broken.

to top it of, while do have an experienced driver with me these first few days to get the hang of it, he really isn't my type. He is ok, not mean or anything, but he contradicts himself as far as driving goes. He says i am going to fast into corners that might be slippery and that i am to fast into roundabouts, but when he drives himself he doesn't do it any different. I am going the speedlimit as best i can to keep tabs on the destination time, and i also service the passengers as best i can (which isn't much since most pay by electronic cards these days)

Right now there is just one thing i want to do and that is get to bed with my headache and depression of a crappy day and when i do wake up again, i hope to leave those bedtime buddies behind at home.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28940648/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28940648/ Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:06:10 PST
Today was the last day of driving with an instructor and the day itself went pretty ok. I still have some small wrinkles i need to iron out here and there as far as my driving goes, but all in all it has improved greatly.
But thats not the bad part.

It has been raining all day today and while in most cases that is actually ok, its not at this time. Its December, Christmas is around the corner and its not falling snow anywhere. In fact, the little of ice that is around is almost gone. By now the ground should be hard as rock yet when i walk around on the dirt i can see the soft mud giving in to my weight. The bus we drove had these windshield wipers that was making this pain in the ass noise every time they wiped the windshield, and since it was raining i couldn't exactly leave them alone.

Then later after we where done at work we decided to borrow a bus to do some extra driving to see if our skills in getting around the area where as good as we thought they where (which they where) but we had to wait 3 hours to get the bus. Now for me who lives a good 45min away from work (if i was to follow the speedlimit and all) that means its basically to go home just to go back again so i had to wait in the city. Normally that just means i would go to a buddy of mine but since he was ill i didn't very well want to risk getting sick myself (not that i call having a little soar throat and runny nose "ill") so there i was in the middle of the city, nothing to do. I got some food which made an hour pass and the rest of the time i went window-shopping at the mall looking at the things i wanted and thought where to expensive and the things i wanted but really didn't bother to get.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28863280/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28863280/ Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:09:39 PST

here i am, having just bought myself what is without a doubt the god mouse of MMO gaming and what do i do with it? I start playing solitaire ><

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28744048/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28744048/ Fri, 04 Dec 2009 10:31:17 PST
Anyway, i didn't delay any further but seeing as logitech has actually disappointed me somewhat with their latest in the MX series of mouses, i decided to try something new, so i ordered a Razer Naga. Lucky for me it was even cheaper than the latest MX series mouse, but i will have to get used to using a cord again. But then again the MX took a new direction there too, seeing as they have a cord charger (meaning i can use it and charge it at the same time) so i guess i won't notice it as much.
In the end i am just happy to get a new mouse. Wonder if i can adapt to using 17 buttons though..

As for keyboard well, gonna hold on that at least. Payday is around the corner and while the mouse could be considered an early christmas gift, it can also be considered a delayed birthday present to me from me (yes of course i am always looking for an excuse got get new stuff )

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28741556/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28741556/ Fri, 04 Dec 2009 06:50:20 PST
But all in all i think its going rather well. The drivers all swear to a method for learning the routes on a stop by stop basis, but that doesn't work for me.
Having been a flower deliverer for a while before i am more accustomed to learning the actual paths. So far that hasn't been 100% either but its better at least and the only reason i don't remember the routes by my method is mostly due to getting up at 0600 in the morning to get to work which starts (for the time being) at 0800. I just have a poor concentration level in the morning hours and i just end up sitting there yawning even though i have had my 6-8 hour sleep prior to getting up.

But i am confident i can get the hang of it, i have had a dual purpose for the driving too seeing as it had almost been a full 6 months since i drove a bus last so i had to learn to get the hang of driving one of these big butted vehicles.
Other than that, well i haven't had the mandatory slippery drive "test" which one has to get within a year after getting the license to legally be able to operate said vehicle beyond a year, so driving in this time of year will give me some interesting new experiences before i even get it done.

What else is new, well not much. I am still looking for a place closer to work to move too and i look forward to getting out of this house. I look forward to getting back into WoW after so long, especially when the next expansion pack isn't that far away and all.

Also i think i finally wore out my mouse, or rather the small rubber pads beneath it. At the moment it is working as if it had a life of its own and went on strike or something. It won't move properly as the laser isn't reflecting the light correct because of the angle. Also the buttons are refusing to work from time to time. It could be the new mousepad i bought, but it doesn't seem right as it was designed with laser and optical mouses in mind.

Oh well it has been a few years since i got a new mouse anyway so i guess its time to get a new one. However i'll wait until i get paid on the 11th (or around then) so i can get one i really want. Of course i could wish for one, but the one i have in mind cost a bit more than i think i really wish to wish for. My parents have a bad habit of getting things at a high price for us kids and while i know they want to do that for us, we feel guilty about it. We want to be able to stand on our own and get our own things, and this is one of those things. I might even chip in for a new keyboard depending on if i feel like it. Nothing wrong with this keyboard though, its fantastic actually, but the logitech G15 (which i have) isn't as cool as the G19 (which i want).

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28612552/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28612552/ Fri, 27 Nov 2009 14:45:36 PST
That doesn't mean that i will quit making new stuff, or that i will give up my dream of working with images and the like someday, it just means that i have to put it on hold for the time being and simply try to remember who i am while i am walking a different path.

But to get back to what i was supposed to say (aka the slightly funny part)
I have a couple of works that have received a little attention, One is an eye that i was kindly granted permission to change and manipulate a bit as i wished (green and gold eye, can't miss it) and the other more recent one is one from an anime show (Fairy Tail) in which i thought the logo of one of the mage guilds (same name as the show) was pretty cool. The last one however i could never get a hold of a really clean and crispy version of the logo and neither was it ever really shown fully in any of the online manga releases i found (not that i looked that much, i got one source for manga that i use and sticking too it)
Anyway, that lead me to thinking that i should make a high-res version of the logo for anyone else that might enjoy it or have use for it.

Between these two images there is a timespan of several years. The Eyeball was done some 3 years ago while the logo was done this year on august.
Now the eyeball image has over time made some favorite lists here and there (17 to be exact, and in case any of you are reading this, thanks for the ) Its not a whole lot, but its an image that has just popped up in my message box every now and then telling me that it was time and time again. Personally i like the image. Its some of my better work i think and to be honest i think it even outshines my island image (island with a bridge leading up to it with a big ol' tree in the middle) which i thought for a while would be the bigger challenge.
However the newcomer, namely the fairy tail logo, has in its short life surpassed the amount of of that image.
I don't mind really, its just strange and a bit amusing how these things can shift and turn at ever corner.

And in case you where wondering why, the reason i think the eyeball image is better than the island one or any of the others really for that matter. Its because when i make an image, i always remember the process of making that image. Maybe its strange, maybe its not, but i do anyway and to me it makes me think of how simple i did something to make it look this good, and how much fun i had when making it.
The island image, while fun, grew a bit dull over time. In that case it was the image in my head that was pushing me forward, but it never fully lived up to what i hoped.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28567638/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28567638/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:15:25 PST
Well its not that long since i got a car, but it does feel like it has been a while since my last entry despite the relative short term since that entry.

Not much has been going on actually. I am so far just working my way through learning all the routes of the bus company i work for (which is quite a collection) So far i have been around 4-5 routes all criss crossing each other and zigzagging their way through the city from one end to the other. If i remember them now, well no, not really. I do know parts of them very well and the other parts i don't remember at all.
Don't think wrong though, i am trying, it's just that its a bit hard. Before i started the journey down this road i made myself the bad habit of staying up late. Now, up till 2am might not seem that bad, but in my case 2am usually leads to 4am within a very short time, however going about it the opposite direction isn't quite as easy.
I can never seem to turn back my biological "sleep timer" to what it was once i have changed it. I can only push it forward or have whatever distracts me from this routine (such as the job) push it back.
Its never a pleasant experience though. I usually get nosebleeds from changing the time and on top of that, i feel tired and sleepy all the time for a prolonged period of time which again is why i lack concentration. But its hard to avoid. Longer periods of dead time where i basically don't have anything to do just makes me alert for longer periods of time during a day. Sure i could workout but then that costs money and without a job, money isn't something i feel i can use that easily. I basically end up in a bad cycle.

But i have been through this a few times before and i know it will sort itself out. I am a bit relieved that the job is actually a bit easier though than i first anticipated. By having bus lanes (like most cities have) the job gets considerably easier (although bus lanes aren't really a good term for it since taxis, ambulances, mcs and other emergency vehicles can also operate them legally either by default or under special circumstances).
I still have a few issues where i end up scratching up against the edge of the curbs here and there but its getting better. Its to be expected when i have had hardly any training on the bus and the bus i was using i always seemed to have to wrestle with the gear (which is automatic on ALL the city buses) or something else wrong with it. Here i can fully focus on driving the best possible and just get better at it.

What else is there.... OH, i got my phone back from the repair shop today (YAY!) been gone for like 3 weeks now so about time it got back. Whats a bit funny is that while i sent it in for a speaker replacement (the old one broke for some reason), it came back with not only that (and they actually replaced both speakers) but while the list only states the speakers where changed, the display somehow looks cleaner/newer. I recall my phone being rather scratched up on that part but this one looks brand spanking new.

While on pause between lessons today i also ran into 3 of my former classmates whom are already working for the bus company i am getting into. One of them could even tell me that one of our other classmates had lost his license (he said it was probably due to speeding) none of us where really surprised at that though. But the way i have been driving earlier (and slightly now too) i am surprised i haven't been fined or anything myself yet. I am no perfect driver i know that much, but i also know that i am pretty far from it, but i have been lucky on my lapses of judgment (don't think there is a better term for it) Luckily that doesn't seem to be rubbing on to my bus driving skills though. Not perfect there either, but much better still

Oh well, enough ranting. Hope you all are well and continue to prosper

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28468383/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28468383/ Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:04:33 PST After a few days of browsing the cars for sale online looking for a decent one that wasn't to expensive (but not to cheap either) i finally landed on a tiny VW Golf.
Sure it got a few years on it, but from what the service history tells it has been taken well care of and it runs really smooth. It doesn't have any turbo on it but honestly i don't need it either as i basically just need it to take me where i need to go.

And if things go as i want, i won't be using it that much either so hopefully i will keep the cost down too. The beauty of my job is that it comes with free usage of the buses within the company. So as i only really need the car to get to work in the morning for the first shift (and depending on where i get my residence in the city, in the night) Other than that of course to get home every now and then. But beyond these things i don't need the car much but its nice to not be dependent on the bus or train when i really need to get somewhere, not to mention having to carry all the stuff i eventually am going to be buying.

I am even more glad that the feelings i usually get when buying something above a certain amount of money (which is a nervous feeling filled with doubt asking me "is this the right choice?") didn't come. I guess that in the grand scheme of things, what is destined to be will only feel right

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28434034/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28434034/ Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:27:43 PST
Needless to say after working some odd hours on it, it refused to work even though most things are in order. (in fact the car just needs a new set of headlights and have a checkup for oil leaks (it leaks a drop every now and then) and thats it) The problem from what we figured out (me and my dad after consolidating a a service manual i found for the car that was pretty detailed and well renowned among the car dealers) was somewhere in the ignition switch. Since that requires some more unique tools that we don't have i got no choice but to abandon it, so currently i am looking for a new car though.

Other than that, well i have been looking for an apartment. I was on a viewing today with a friend and while i would be living with a couple of new guys, the place was AWESOME.
Penthouse style apartment (albeit a bit smaller) with one small personal terrace and a rooftop terrace on top of that (no lack of space for a nice party to say the least) The cost was pretty ok, in fact most say its cheap considering, electricity, cable-tv and internet is included. The room was a bit small, but not going to be spending much time in the bedroom anyway other than at night (or when i use my own pc)
I hope they consider me a decent roommate and accept me cause it was one sweet place. There wasn't a great deal that had been there to see the place either so if i am lucky i might just get it

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28367021/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28367021/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:12:48 PST
Right now they wanted to know my thoughts about moving out seeing as i am looking for a place of my own a bit closer to work and all, and while my dad didn't try to make things complicated, my mom tried to put most of her ideas into my head. Needless to say, i am going to pick a few and the rest will have to get trashed. I understand that she is worried about me, if its one thing that runs strong in her its the maternal instinct, and especially for me seeing as i have my little disability. Didn't help much that i was literally seconds away from being kidnapped once when i was a kid either (but thats for another story)

The problem has always been that she wants to protect me, and i don't want her to. I feel weak every time she tries and i just get weaker. I need to learn for myself what it means to stand alone. Its not that i don't want their help, its more that i want them to be there for moral support than actually doing things. I want to know that if i need help i can ask them, but other than that, they are to just sit back and watch.

I haven't found a place for myself yet and i start work in a week so it will be a tight fit to get sorted out and all but its how i pretty much thought it would be. I got no car up either quite yet as i have been working on the old mercedes sitting outside. Its a good car, but without a compartment fan its going to be rather cold to be in it and i don't want that for myself. My uncle who is a mechanic is going to take a quick look at it, but if he shows up or not before i need it is another matter. In the worst case i will have to buy a new cheap car on top of moving out. Its quite a bit of work but i am confident that i can handle it.
As far as money go, well i have made it easy on myself. I know what amount of money i have to work with, so i have set myself an amount i know i can use for both car, and the place for myself. Between those two expenditures there is a flexible buffer which can pull in either direction depending on where i feel i need to spend it. I figure that the biggest problem at the moment will be the car anyway, so i got some safety there regardless, but i do believe it will be resolved.

Seeing as i am a first-timer on all of this, i know that i can't expect to know or predict everything, but while there is murphys law (anything that can go wrong will go wrong) there is also the unlikelihood of such an event. I simply can't think to complex about things nor to simple about it at the same time, i have to think of what i have to work with, and what i need. Nothing more, nothing less.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28328606/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28328606/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:31:13 PST As part of a little contest held by i got featured as i guessed some songs in her private little contest.

Here you can see the feature: [link]

While i don't actually have any intention of being featured when i make my work, its nice to get noticed every now and then i suppose. My work here on dA has always been more of a little repository of information so to speak. I store the (mostly) finished work here so i know that even though my raw files get lost (which they usually do in my never changing, ever messy system) the completed work can still be found some place safe.

The other reason for posting work here is not because all the work is mine. most of the lineart is cleaned up images from anime series i have enjoyed and just colored by me. These images are open for all to use and even though they are colored, as clean as the images are, they can still be easily changed to vector for those that wish to see it through their own fresh perspective of things.

Another funny thing. I do get a new favorite every now and then, and every so often i think its quite amusing to look at the statistics of my site. The forum stats have always been an amusing stat since i haven't been in the dA forums in ages now. Still though, my stat say that for every 10 comment i received, i gave 398 back. Basically even though i haven't been near any forum in a long while, i still make statistically 1,64 comments a day which is quite a bit when i haven't been there in such a long time.

Oh well i have been known to be active on forums so its not that unusual and i doubt i am the biggest badass out there on the forums either, but for myself i think its a bit interesting.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28233237/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28233237/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:06:28 PST
]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28210597/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28210597/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 04:01:48 PST
My dad i don't think he is that old (although he seems to like playing old and frail despite what i have seen him do) but he also likes to tell me things. Only natural of course and perhaps more so seeing as i am the only boy among my siblings and thus carry the family name (well as far as tradition dictates anyway) on after he is gone.
My dad likes to work with woodcrafts, he doesn't do it for a living or anything, nor does he hold any diploma that certifies him as a carpenter, but one thing is sure though, he is very skilled. He takes after my grandfather who was a carpenter and an extremely good one at that. My dad says his skills doesn't match that of my grandfather but i think that is only because he doesn't have the liberties my grandfather had. Its the difference in wives that dictated said liberties but thats a different story.

My dad tells me just about anything, i try to listen but truth be said, i have trouble getting most of it because its much so technical things about tools and stuff he talks about. I put on a good show of course so i seem interested, and don't get me wrong, i do like working with wood too, i have been since i got my first knife at around the age of 8.

But when i look at a friend of mine, he is a former classmate of mine and a very special friend in many ways, i wonder about how i will be when i get to that age. I mean he is good with words, don't get me wrong there, but he actually doesn't use them much. He always seem to fall back on his actions which i have seen him do many times and its a work of art. When he sets his mind to something he doesn't have to explain what he intends to do, he naturally get people to trust him by what he does. He has a way of doing things that just makes sense and when you see it, its so obvious one wonders how one didn't think about it themselves.

I am not that good with words, the written word has never been an ally of mine and to be honest it just feels as if i have been in a very awkward truce every now and then to accomplish anything regarding just that. I am fairly talented with my hands and my mind however. While workshop didn't go the best, textile crafts and art classes seem to fall naturally to me and the teachers always end up giving me praise, even for the things i don't intend (and thats even the mean angry teachers who generally puts everyone down)
my grades in there where also some of my better ones.

I am not good at showing my intentions through my actions however. I can never seem to make it plain or make people look at it and encourage their trust in what i do even if its my best, so i wonder again how it will be for me when i am old.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28203785/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28203785/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:02:03 PST I think its healthy to have wishes like these but also leave them unfulfilled, it leaves us with goals no matter how material and shallow they are they get a bigger purpose when not getting it.

Some of these things will be my own little gift for myself once i find my own little housing to crawl into (which seems closer now than ever before)

The things i do wish for are actually divided into three groups, stuff i have a connection too, stuff i just want and of course the category "other" for everything else, just random stuff really.

1. Playstation. I actually want this because its a nice media player, great entertainment center when having friends over and with linux in it, you got a badass pc screen in the livingroom. Its a nice backup pc to use if you don't want to risk getting all sorts of crap on a work machine or something like that, so its in the "stuff i just want" box

2. new harddrive. Right now i have an external drive of 750gb which is a great deal of space but i do have all my series in there (well not all, in fact i burned most of them to dvd because it was so loaded) which take up most of the space. Even after sorting through it all (even the porn )it still lacks sufficient space, so i wish for a couple of new 1TB drives to take the slots of the empty SATA ports i have empty on my motherboard. i can manage but i consider it something for the "stuff i just want" box because of the possibilities of it.

3. New keyboard. I got the logitech G15 keyboard at the moment and its actually a really sweek keyboard with USB connectors, display, media buttons and all that, not to mention the 18 macro buttons i can program to just about anything i want. However while i like it and it still works fine, the light seems to have gone down recently which is odd since its LED light which again shouldn't die out so fast. Don't get me wrong the light is there, it just seems to have faded since i got it (and yes i have looked at it in pitch black surroundings and its not the same there either) The logitech G19 has been out for a while now and it has much the same features only twice as many macros, adjustable light (so i can have white light for best illumination) color screen (whereas mine is just orange on brighter orange) the USB connectors on this one also is powered so it won't reduce the speed or anything whereas my current is powerless so i can't plug in any powerneedy USB units. However since i do manage fine with my current and as said i am pleased with it, this goes in the "other" box. I don't really need it, i am just a gadget freak who loves to have the newest of the new stuff when it comes down to it.

4. New mouse. and no, i don't want a setup of both mouse and keyboard, they rarely serve me what i need in their combinations, they mostly just go together for the looks. my current mouse while it also works has been acting up lately. The scroll works, the buttons work, but when i move it, sometimes it takes on life of its own. There is no hair or any dust to indicate obstruction in the sensor area, but 3 years (i got it when it was brand new) usually wears out these poor things in my care even though i like to think i take good care of them (well not dropped them, clean them from dust and all sorts of things do qualify as good care doesn't it?) however it does work but i still place this in the "stuff i just want" box

5. Something i have been dying to get for a long time now is the collected work of Stargate SG-1. For those that don't know it or dislike sci-fi you probably won't know it but its one of the more infamous series out there spanning 10 seasons with 20 episodes in each this show in my opinion has it all, action, love, drama, secrecy and of course sci-fi.
When women watch Dallas, glamour or sunset beach or whatever, this is what men wished they where watching. Its drama for men basically. The boxed collection contains all the episodes from the show in a really nice package and its a show dear to my heart which is why this wish goes into the "connections" box

6. Stargate this one too, but its Atlantis, the daughter series of SG-1 but it doesn't go in the connections box, but i did find it to be nice too, so it does go into the "stuff i just want" box

(and btw, the numbers don't really mean anything i just think it looks tidier with it)

7. well whats playstation without guitarhero or extra controllers (seeing as the standard package only contains 1 controller) so thats the 7th wish but its in the "others" box as it comes down to... ]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28196303/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28196303/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 10:58:59 PST
I love weirdoes because they dare to be unique, they dare to stand alone and stand infront of everyone and frankly there is not a damn thing they can do about it either. Either they become one themselves or they are left in the shadows of the masses.

I am weird, i just don't look it. I talk the talk and from the response i had a while back in here it was pretty apparent, although not in a positive sense that time i believe that will change.

As for another matter, well i have been looking for a new place nearer to work which begins in less than a month (Eeeeeek!) I have sent a mail regarding some parking issues as i need a car to get to and from my parents house and so forth.
I have been having A LOT of trouble sleeping lately due to my anxiety issues surfacing more so than usual and much stronger the closer i get to starting my new job but if there is on thing that runs in my family its the stubbornness. It runs on both sides and i am to damn stubborn to let something like that bother me which means i basically am just left with one option; i have to have hope and pull through or else i would be completely lost.

Now, if i could just find a nice little cozy place to stay and i wouldn't mind a nice cozy little lady to follow along with it then everything would be pretty sweet in my life.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28147357/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28147357/ Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:04:14 PST
One of my former classmates from junior high just lost her brother.

The reason it is extra sad as far as i am concerned is that it makes the second person i know and whom i have had a more personal connection too that happens to end up going through exactly what i went through some years ago.

before this one there was another classmate from the same school whom lost her sister.

I hate to be thinking selfishly when someone else is in pain but it just really really sucks to be around when something so painful seems to come again in a deja vu sort of manner.

I never knew any of these ladies particularly well as i was an outcast those three years we went together. One of them i liked but i was immature and stupid beyond recognition to actually create a bond with (instead i pretty much ruined it) and the other person, well i never really liked her very much because of who she was as a person back then.

But today i actually wouldn't mind being friend with either. I know that today we are all different persons and despite me being a social outcast and them actually bullying me for it (well one of them at part anyway) i don't think about it. Not that i don't want too, i just don't. I have a forgiving nature i guess.

While i regret not going to the first victims (after me that is) funeral i think i might show up in this one. Not just because she deserves support, but because just maybe something good can come of it. In any case even if nothing else, i can show her some support.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28138498/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28138498/ Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:47:02 PST
The phone i borrowed went flat after a day from full battery to zero battery which meant to me it was useless hence i turned it in as soon as the shop opened the following monday (i sent my phone in on saturday)

Silly me of course forgot about all the older phones i have had throughout the years, so i got my most recent one and hey what do ya know, it worked like a charm and i could actually charge this one unlike the other one (as i didn't even get a charger to use with it) seeing as this one used the same charger as my cell in for service.

But thats not the end of it. Since i started using it, it has done two things. 1 tried to go surfing the web or 2 (which is the most frequent option) simply start thinking that the SIM card inside isn't there despite it never having left its place.
So basically i can't move it much before it starts acting up for some reason (although i don't deny the fact that it might also be a software bug of some sort)

So basically my weekend has been like this: phone broke down -> phone goes to service and i get a temp replacement -> temp replacement dies out due to crappy battery and no charger to recharge -> i return phone 2 and use my own older phone 3 which keep acting up with a life of its own.

funny ain't it....NOT!

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28089428/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28089428/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:36:27 PST
There are a lot of contestants and i need a lot of help to get ahead of them.

So why should you help me, well if you don't want to you don't have to. I just really really hope you can find the time to push the little button that says "Gi din anbefaling" (which translates "give your recommendation")

My reason for winning a car is quite simple really. Since i was in junior high i have aspired to become a grapical artist in some advertisement agency anywhere really, but the problem is that slots for such a job are very very rare here in Norway, they are almost nonexistent. The only way to actually get there is to create my own business, something i don't want to do because i have no clue how to run a business and i am not a leader either.

However it hasn't stopped me from trying to get ahead with my dream, but i haven't come any closer than i was 4 years ago. I have tried higher education but theoretical work isn't my strong suit, i am a practical person but internships while a bit more available than the actual job are still heavily contested and i have yet to get ahead there either.

During the 4 years i have been at this however i have done other things. I have taken a course for learning to drive a buss and trucks. I am not the best bus driver around with my limited experience with them, but it was enough to convince the good people down at the DMV that i was safe to drive (which is the main point in the bigger picture )
As a result of this again a local bus company was willing to give me a chance and hired me as a driver and as such i start this november on the 23rd.

In the month i have in advance i wish to relocate myself a bit closer to work so i don't have to get up in the middle of the night to get to work (first shift is at 0400 and i live an hour away at the moment and i need an hour to get ready before that) but the only car i have at the moment is an old Mercedes 190 which is older than me. While it is good to drive still, it has dents on one side and a big long (and now rusty) scratch stretching the entire length of the other side and the ventilation unit has seized to work completely. On top of this, the car is very moist in the flooring as a result of fluid leaks i had a while back when the hydraulic clutch broke down and leaked into the car through a broken pipeline so in the winter i am sitting in a car with no heating as i can't get any hot air from the engine to heat the inside and the bodyheat of everyone sitting in my car or even me alone results in me having to wipe the windows of condensation every so often while i drive which really isn't safe.

With this i hope you can find it in your hearts to take the few seconds it takes for the flash page to load and press the "Gi din anbefaling" button (written with common english letters so easy to see ) to give me your vote

Here is the link to vote: [link]

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28042387/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28042387/ Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:33:24 PDT
Anyway, despite hanging up on random people in my half-sleep state and then to be annoyed by the alarmclock while i am in the tub later on (not once but twice) i did get a pleasant call not to much later on.

It was from the bus company i was at an interview for a week ago, they called to let me know that the job was mine if i still wanted it, so starting the 23rd of november with 4 weeks of training, I GOT A JOB!

For the time being i am going to be looking for a new place to live a bit closer to work as i wish to be able to sleep properly and not have to worry about driving at 3am to get to work on time for periods of my work. If all goes well i will be up an running within a month and before i actually start the new job

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28031925/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28031925/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:57:12 PDT
While the browser itself has been pretty ok (other than the fact that Java won't work and most of the extensions also seem to get themselves tangled up into trouble every now and then (usually out of date)) i had some issues with a particular extension which i really like.

The extension basically removes adds from certain sites within its database making the pages look cleaner, even dA was a part of it for some time so it was almost as if i didn't have to pay to get rid of the adds there.

Anyway, i was updating it when firefox decided to act up and fail every single try at the install. I was thinking of doing a manual install, but i was rash and reinstalled firefox instead. BIG MISTAKE!

I managed to forget to backup all my bookmarks, all my passwords. EVERYTHING lost. But you see that was not the end of my own shortsightedness. you see, firefox upon uninstall automatically makes a backup of the last bookmarks incase of these things so you would think i was actually safe right?

WRONG. I realized my mistake after installing it and went ahead and uninstalled again to see if it was possible to revert to a previous install (which it wasn't) but by doing so i also reset the bookmarks altogether making the new install the default backup which means they where lost.

If it wasn't my oh so lucky fortune for having IF and opera installed it would have been gone forever. And i might add i have atleast 200 or so bookmarks, so its not something i can remember at the top of my head. Luckily i did a recent transfer to IE just because the java part of FF didn't work so i was able to get back most of them. I still lost some but i don't think its to much.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28025336/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/28025336/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:13:40 PDT
Halloween in particular i really like. While i don't like trick or treaters going around getting candy at the door (not that i'm greedy or anything, its just that i think i have experienced enough begging at the doors as it is without that, and i have formed the association which puts them in the same category) i don't mind doing something extra for the evening to have some fun.

Some of the more traditional ideas that has surfaced has been to simply have a home movie night with friends watching the really creepy and scary movies out there while sitting there in pitch black room with nothing but the glow from the screen and perhaps some small candles here and there to set the mood (and of course candy on the table)
Doing it this way is something i really enjoy as it is more about the company than about everything else. Everything else just brings it all together.

The other idea that has been on my mind for quite some years but that i never had a good chance to follow up has been to have a halloween party. Really dressing up the place for creepy and scary and of course dressing up ourselves as anything other than ourselves. Again the idea is to bring people together and theme parties like that to me and most whom i have asked have always sounded great.

Luckily this year i got to well take part in such an event. A local student house (for the lack of a better word) is decorating their house and invites students and non-students alike to come for a good time dressed up (or not) at their place. They are actually a bar but unlike most bars in Norway (think its safe to say that) its like many bars in the same place just divided into smaller rooms with different moods and the house itself actually has a rather peculiar layout by default with the winding stairs, its grand ballroom and many other features which makes it a great place to host such an event.
When i say take part in such an event i don't mean that i deal with the preparation they do at this place, but i did get to help on the foreplay party. A friend of mine offered up his place on my suggestion of going to this party and thus the invites where sent out. Hopefully there will be a great number of people there both old friends and new faces to get aquainted.

What personally attracts me to halloween has always been the absurdity of the holiday. I mean, we treat this day as an unholy day when in truth it was a celebration of those passed away in ages past. It was only made occult because the church didn't like it (like most things back in the olden days)
It is also the fact that this day is the one true day of the year anyone can look like a complete idiot and actually be proud of it.
I got a simple costume this year, its not really that complex either, its a semi suit attire with a gold hat and some freaky glasses i found while shopping today (along with the hat) The glasses have this holographic image of eyeballs on them that looks like they are popping out of the sockets which look creepy as hell and at the same time hilarious XD
I honestly can't wait to show up at my friends doorstep wearing that simple attire ^^
Only wish the hat was slightly bigger, but i guess my head is just accomodating my brain rather than hats

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27974162/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27974162/ Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:50:16 PDT It was at a local bus company which i have for a while considered to be a place where my driving skills in the city can really get tested.

As for how it went, thats a different story. It started with me going there and arriving an hour before the actual interview. Yepp, i had a full hour of sitting there to do and as if that wasn't enough, i also had just about every person walking by me looking at me as if i was something alien to them or something. (well i suppose in a sense i was)
Anyway, time passed (slowly) and evenutally my interview was about to take place. I presented myself to the two guys who where doing the interview and at first it all seemed pretty ok. They seemed pretty polite and all, but as we progressed they came to the point where i managed to answer 1 question for every 5 they asked. To top it of i had to sort out what they where saying as they where asking questions on top of each other about all sorts of things. Well i suppose there is a small comfort in knowing that they knew what to ask. As for my answers, well a bit of this and that. I couldn't really make heads or tails from what they where saying then and even after thinking about it i still don't have a gut feeling or even an idea of how i did.

As for my interest in working there, well some of the questions made me feel like i less and less actually wanted the job, but i have arrived to that if i do get it i will take it. Better an undesireable job than no job. I was hoping that some of the other companies i applied to would consider me and call me in for an interview but alas that has yet to happen.

But in any case, if i get it or not, it has been a valuable experience for future interviews. I badly need to work on my answers, how i cope with the intensity of the situation and in general, how to sell myself, to make myself appeal to the place i apply for work. But man i still wish that we could rather be designated a work we are good at. True it won't work for all, but still it would make it easier.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27906988/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27906988/ Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:17:55 PDT While i don't doubt the good intentions with them, what actually happens is what worries me.

To me, nursing homes has since i was a kid been a place i as well as most i assume, been associated with old people, old people smell and lastly, old people whom seem devoid of life just sitting there staring at empty space, maybe chatting up each other every now and then but mostly silence like they where already 3/4th dead.

Why i see them so grim? Well, my great aunt whom i consider to be the best example of all living to the astounding age of 104 (having been born in 1901) was in pretty good shape up to around her 100th birthday. She actually spent very little time in a home having lived most of her life here and there before settling down in the local town in what would be her own permanent home. She was a cheerful old lady and was able to do most of the house cleaning on her own having a little help come by twice a week just for the high places and such harder tasks. Heck, she had those wheelie strollers but she mostly just used them for support, her back was straight as an arrow. Mentally, well she could be forgetful from time to time, but just one reminder was often all it took to bring her up to speed. She looked her age, but she rarely acted it. For all i know i would have said she was 30 years younger in her mind by that.
However after she was moved to a nursing home, things only went downhill. She didn't have anything to do around the place like clean and keep busy, she like most rarely get the company they deserve (for the reasons i mentioned above i suspect) and while she always had my mum who works there around her, it still isn't the same.
Those places for all their noble intentions just have a way of draining the last fragments of life from someone. I pretty much feel older just walking in there, as if time has somehow just picked up speed and made me old too.

The day i end up in one of those places its better to just stick me in a grave and just bury me right away. I just couldn't bare feeling the humiliation of being cared for like that nor just ending up sitting there day in and day out waiting for the inevitable death. I don't fear death, infact in a weird way i look forward to it. I know what i believe in and i hope it holds true for me that there is some sort of afterlife waiting for me. While i know i will be missed by those around me, i don't see the reason to have them care for me when i am already so far gone that i have to be cared for. I have no further purpose and i just wish to lay my physical form to its rest. I wish for those around me at that time to remember my spirit instead. I know memories don't last forever and will fade away. I don't seek immortality, but even for a short time, if someone can remember my spirit, how i lived then i think i can die much more peacefully than anything else.

My view on things is that unless you actually feel that this is a way of living and feel that you can actually have some purpose then i feel its better to just give me a quick and painless death. Its simply better to die while knowing whats happening rather than the slow method of old age where one is just being eaten away bit by bit.

There are other examples of this, my sister told me many stories from her brief time as an employee at a different nursing home and then there are the personal experiences of others around me that they have told me and i feel they somehow say the same thing i have said just here.

I don't expect most to feel the way i do. even the ones that told me their stories didn't like my view, but i guess i have just a very radical and different view of what life is or should be, but then again. It would also be boring if everyone agreed with me.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27887626/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27887626/ Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:56:28 PDT
So i was looking up a small issue i had with one of my computer components and it turns out that the driver was missing for it. I could oddly enough use it, but alas the driver was still missing so i suspect had i known how to use it to the fullest then the functionality would have been limited.

I have had many computers over the years. I got my first pc back when i was around 12 years old, only then it was more a family computer than just my own. That machine was already back then outdated. It used a HDD which was so old that when it broke down and we sent it in for repair, they gave us a new disk which was 5 times as big because the disk we had wasn't being manufactured anymore.

Not long after i got a machine from social services as an aid since i was hearing impaired. (how they figured a computer would help me i don't know). This machine was stationed at my school, and while it was officially just mine, i didn't have any reason to keep my classmates out of the dark. I might not have been liked by them, but i still chose to be the better person and share what i had. (even though the teachers oddly enough didn't like that) This machine ended up being ravaged by all sorts of things though. Milk in the keyboard, formated and me finding it with windows 3.1 on it after spring break and much else.

Since then i have had many machines, i got my second machine from the money i was given as part of my confirmation. That machine was a beast compared to the old one and it was all mine too. I could do whatever i wanted with it, and for the most part i played games on it and attended computer parties (some of the biggest in the world even). It was good times with loads of fun with friends and equals whom i shared a common interest, but alas even this computer would like all of them become old. This machine ended up being scrapped because its components where becoming obsolete and unuseable in newer machines so it was actually traded away to my brother in-law who deemed it fitting to use in the car.

The machine i got after that, the machine that mostly resembles the one i got now is the one that has been with me the longest. It was created from what i considered the pinnacle of computers for the average person and whom also had a good understanding of computers in advance and knew what i wanted. It was a beast of a machine and it surprised me in how stable it was and how long i could use it. This machine would have been around 7 years old now had it still been around. But of course i am not that fortunate. Since i got that machine it has been electrocuted from lightning (lightning struck down around 500m away from the house), gone out with a bang having its power supply blow out and lastly having the motherboard get burned from dust which happened to stick to a memory chip i was putting in there.
3 generations that computer has changed ever so slightly, the biggest change being to PCI-e and from IDE disks to S-ATA
The current generation is 3 years old and it still thinks its brand new. I haven't changed anything in it. The soundcard is actually the same card which was in the first generation 7 years ago.

Which brings me to the odd twist. The soundcard while being found by windows, it doesn't have any drivers that can support it. Nor does the producer support it and i am not proficient enough to create a driver myself for the system. In effect the card is so out of date that while i can still use it to play sound, the other ports on it can't be used for anything.

Thus i have decided that when i get a job whatever job that may be, the first thing i will do is treat myself to a new sound card. A soundcard that will make it easy to use headsets and communicate with my fellow WoW players, and a soundcard that can honor the great surround system it is connected too.

Yes i sound like a computer madman thinking the computer has a soul or something, yes i do so deliberately and yes i intend to continue to do so. It doesn't have a soul, but it does give me great joy and it will continue to give me countless more.

Always changing, always remaining the same, stuck in a cycle of rebirth.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27870535/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27870535/ Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:55:54 PDT
In any case, the idiots and the misguided ones where funny at the beginning but now they are more of an annoyance appearing here and there as long as the link to the entry still exist. In either case, i wonder what it will take to get people to think twice before they write something. I am not one to be hurt by the words of a stranger, but i do care for how we learn to develop ourselves. I really get disappointed at people who just go on trolling and really just spout giberish and filthy language for no good reason.

I have said it before and i say it still, the freedom of speech is a right we all have, but i more than once wish it would become a privilige reserved for those who can think a bit further than just infront of their own eyes.
I am not one that wish to take away people right to express themselves, nor am i one to say that people aren't allowed to curse and swear at others from time to time, i actually think that kind of verbal communication is healthy, but as for what is written online, well its meaning is lost. What is written online loses the passion of the voice expressing the passion. In fact it is only the reader who can put passion into it again and lets face it. Lame comments such as "YOU ARE AND IDIOT AND SHOULD SHUT YER HOLE!" isn't really going to infuriate someone. The only thing happening is people seeing it and thinking "what 8 year old wrote that?"

It is of this reason i think that freedom to express oneselves online should be a right reserved for those that can express themselves in a constructive and normal manner. I am not saying i should be some judge to deal with this, i don't want to nor would i accept such a position if i was offered it. All i am is a person who thinks its about high time we as a specie started to evolve ourselves beyond what we show on an everyday basis here.
Within us lies unlimited potential of greatness. And no its not something i would claim god gave us (just have to say that so what i write isn't misinterpreted that way) it is something we gained through our evolution. We where the single race that managed to evolve to the point where technology is a part of our evolution rather than something that all other species below us at some point would consider acts of god.

We have survived the iceage. We have developed the means to escape our planet. We are still developing things that just a few decades ago would be considered impossible (talking about invisibility and such here)
I hope that we aren't far enough from realizing true space flight and being able to leave and enter our solar system as we please at a speed that won't take us forever.

I have hopes for us as a specie, but i hate something as dumb as these dumb comments ruining even a part of that great potential. I am aware that its a part of our anger, but we are aware of this and we can control it, channel it and use it for something constructive rather than destructive.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27819930/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27819930/ Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:31:57 PDT
Anyway, my reason for bringing the show up is just something that came to mind about a certain character class in the series. I call them class because they are a spesific group of people with no emotions and unique gifts which they have to "pay" to use. (by pay i mean they have to do odd things as payment for them, like everything from shedding blood to breaking your own fingers to kissing a certain amount of people or drinking alcohol, absolutely anything goes, even growing younger is possible)

Anyway, what got me thinking was the emotion part. They completely lack it, meaning all their actions are based soley on rational thoughts and logical choices. If that meant killing their kids then they wouldn't hesitate, they are that rational and logical. I mean this of course could in some ways be translated back to Star Trek and the Vulcans there which are logical too, but as has also been told, they merely supress them, they still have them. These have a complete lack of them.

My thoughts where what would happen to the world if everyone was like that. I imagine it would be a better place, but also more boring. My reason is because if it was logical and rational then for one, science would be first of all. Logically, evolution is the core of any species. Its about becoming something more. As for school, well i don't know how that would be affected but i assume that it would even improve there, cause the choices there would also be logical. Nothing that didn't make sense wouldn't happen, but the other side is, what would happen to the things we know as art, fantasy, beating the odds, creativity? Love is a given that would have to be logical here, basically it would be a matter of eugenics (the compatibility of two people to procreate) and hwo smart they where (as it has been proven that the offspring of two people have the brains of them, but it is never a given in our world that they will be a great mind. They can still be anything as would not happen in this odd world)

I wonder if sacrificing all these things we take as a given today would be worth it. It would effectively create a world peace i think cause logically, war is never good, its a lose-lose situation, and logically, the unification of the world to be governed as one is also logical. Everyone under the same rule and guidance to work together rather than separate.

Anyway its just an idea i have like so many others and i just can't help thinking about it.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27020711/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/27020711/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:00:12 PDT
Anyway, seeing as i am working on getting a new job and all and i plan to move not to long after that, i want my own place you know, making my own rules and all. And seeing as this means i can basically have a new start and get rid of a lot of junk i intend to try and get it as close to what i want as possible. I know that i won't get it right the first time and doubtfully any time before i am dead, but i can get close and i figured i would start with the thing i have spent the most time with except the computer itself, namely the desk.

Currently i am using a handcrafted desk made by my father, but as with anything, this was made by my father under his own inspiration and the only input i got was some basic outlines. Heck even the position was off limits to me because that my mother wanted control of.

Anyway, i like this desk but it has 3 flaws i want to do away with because they are either annoying, frustrating or impractical.
What are these you ask?
Well lets start with the first one. During fabrication we had to cut some rather large plates of wood. These would be the bench plate in the end, but due to a slight miscalculation on the saw while cutting, its not a clean corner size bench. Its like 89°. Now this isn't that noticeable with the top shelf sitting on top of the screen, but i don't really want that. I like shelves on the wall instead or drawers and sideboards. In addition i got a screen that is actually sunk down into the bench (for some reason my dad thought that was more comfortable for the neck, which is actually the opposite of the truth)
Now i merged those to one flaw because they are all parts that make up a whole.
blooper two is the sideboard on my right side. It can't be closed. At best its always 1cm open because of yet another mistake during fabrication. My drawers on the left side has similar issues, needing to be lifted at an angle to close or needing a good kick to close.
Mistake three is the keyboard area. Its basically a plate which can be removed during transport (yes it is a module based desk)so the center bench plate, the sideboard, the drawer section and the upper shelves and the screen bench are all separate units. Now because of the misalignment with the bench it means this plate can be rickety and moved left to right with just a few fingers. Now i don't want that. I want something that fits together perfect and i want it to hold my screen. I want my screen to be on top of the center bench plate because its more comfortable to lean back and look slightly up than down (and it feels better for my back)

On top of this i have a few other things i wish to design my bench for. I want it to be able to hold 2 screens. I don't have two, but it will need space that can be used for other things while i get there.
I don't want it to be a corner bench. The reason for that is simple. Any bench designed for corners will have to be placed in a corner, it simply can't be placed anywhere else. A bench that on the other hand is designed to be a rectangle (seeing it from above that is) can be placed in a corner or in the middle of the wall as one sees fit. Sure it won't look the best there (got an example of that downstairs) but better than if a corner bench did the same. I will most likely have it in a corner anyway, but it also makes the bench look less dominating.
I want the bench designed with cabling in mind. Seeing as wireless transfers of power and basically everything else is still in the early phases of technology i have to accept that cables will have to be present and i want them hidden but easily accessible for when i need to remove or change them. I hate seeing a cable mess and i would know, i got several of them but can't get rid of them with the present conditions.
Of course i am going to have a printer and stuff, but that is going to be placed in the sideboard and stuff. The bench area is going to be as open as possible cause it gets messy enough as it is.

Don't get me wrong here. I appreciate what my father did for me and i am grateful, but i want something that i can be happy with and to be honest, this bench is more suited where it is right now. It isn't designed to be moved about no matter how module based it is.

This is the reason why i want my father to be a part of the new desk too, so i am going to include him in the design process to see if he has some ideas on making things even better, but the general idea and overall look will be mine. But the craft will be both of us which is the important part. I want to do it with him because it means much to us b... ]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/23826004/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/23826004/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 05:51:01 PDT We where both born in 86 so it makes sense actually, that year was the sign of the tiger by the chinese zodiacs.

Personally i knew that the dragon was one of the signs before he told me this and i was actually hoping that it would be the case, but alas no.

I have always liked dragons, they hold the power of the myths within them. They are majestic, virtually invulnerable and they have also according to the myths the strongest magic within them.

In norse myth dragons where to my knowledge (and relatively limited research) never good. They where wise, but also evil. They where greedy and usually held hordes of treasures that the even greedier humans around them sought to attain. The dragons themselves never bothered much with human affairs except when they needed to feed or wanted something.
However evil the dragons where in norse, they commanded respect cause they where so hard to do anything about.

If we look to the east the situation is a different one, here we meet mostly gentle and kind dragons that sought to help our kin and live as one with them. They where bringers of great luck and good fortune, they where said to be able to grant wishes and to grant great protection to those that favored it.

In terms of looks the dragons where different in norse and in eastern myths. The norse dragons where usually built big and bulky, they have massive bellies with big legs to carry them. They had relatively long necks, although nothing like a giraffe or anything. They had this fin thing running down from their heads to the tip of their tails. No matter how evil they where they looked as majestic beings in complete control of their own destiny.
In eastern tales the dragons where more of a snakelike nature. They would be long, thin, seemingly like the snake in terms of body except with legs. Wings where not apparently visible unlike their norse cousins who could create storms with theirs.

So you see its not without reason that i like dragons. They command the powers of myths and mysteries.

Tigers, well what can be said about them, they too are mystical creatures. Don't get me wrong, we know a great deal about them these days, but personally i chose to forget a bit about it. If the tigers where to ever go extinct (something i hope won't ever happen) i wish to remember them as mystical, majestic, independent kings of the woods.
The tiger is more and more frequently viewed as the king of the cats because of their very being. The lions as we know them where declared kings first mostly cause of their manes which commanded a bit of respect, but alas the male lions as we know them are actually a lazy bunch who leave hunting and such to their more ferocious female counterparts.

I have wanted to see a live tiger in the wild for some time. I don't deny the tiger that lives in me, we are temperamental, independent, strong, mysterious, secluded and prideful. We can also be playful, cuddly, lovable and caring if you catch us at the right time.

There isn't to my knowledge any reference to tigers in norse myth, but in eastern myths they are both the rivals of dragons but also well sought after for their protection and good fortunes.

i couldn't find many references (to lazy to look outside wiki) but seemingly the tiger is initially a good animal.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/23765150/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/23765150/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 14:41:26 PDT It ain't much this time its just about something that to me has been a pretty big step all in all but which really shouldn't be anything to worry about in general.

To me, tattoos have always been fascinating. I love them regardless if they are big or small and i usually end up admiring the people wearing them too, not just because of their ability to actually go through with the tattoo which for most people is a relatively permanent choice you can't take back. (well you can but it cost so much that most don't do it for that reason i believe) but also because they willingly seek out the pain that comes with it, but also because they tend to very colorful people. You can say what you want about celebrities and models, but whenever i see them i just get the impression of a sterile and boring crowd that just has one behavioral pattern and one way to act. They basically end up being shallow and dull to me. I like the alternative lifestyle because it encourages people to be unique be that for good or bad (mostly good though) With this comes a new way of thinking that challenges everything we actually believe about beauty and society and just about everything really because they too are bored with the traditional image of beauty.

I love normal people and i love the more freaky looking people but i don't really like the dolled up models and celebrities for their lifestyles. Don't get me wrong, there are always exceptions to the rules. Johnny Depp i think is one of them, same with Elton John and Willie Nelson among many others. But the majority is still the boring celebrities that lead one lifestyle like everyone else and end up screwing it up. Its only if you dare to be different that you really become something.

Personally this admiration comes from me not feeling like one or the other. I am not normal because if i was then i would feel accepted more than i do and i would notice that acceptance too which i don't really do (not to be confused with having little friends, but it can be a side effect) I am not a freaky type either. I am an outsider outside the other outsiders, i am to normal to fit in with them and to dull to be one of them. I have seen myself as a goth, but i can't dress like one because it doesn't fit me and i don't really like scaring people (that way). I am a punker but i can't get the spiky hair cause i expect myself to get a decent job among the normals cause thats the type of job i wish to have.

The perhaps odd aspect is that i wish to work among the boring life i don't like. I like being creative and working with images is something i am good at and like to do.
I could have been a photographer, but i didn't really see myself as a real one because i felt i would get bored of it if i had it as a job and i didn't want that. I like having it as a hobby.

This fascination with images is what drove me to look at tattoos too. Before photography i always loved to do doodles. I was however never good with the pen and paper, my natural environment was always the pc. But this love of doodles inspired an interest in art of all kinds (music, movie and pictures alike) This interest grew in high school with some subjects i had which needed me to have a deeper understanding of the classic arts and artists.

Of course this is where googles relatively random search patterns (within specified parameters) comes up. With art searches comes tattoos, and personally thats the greatest art of all cause you like it so much you put it on your own body.
I got to look at one then another then a third and before i knew it i was hooked on them and wanted to get one of my own. I came close in high school but i chickened out the first time cause i didn't feel comfortable with my own image (which i made myself from scratch) nor was i sure that i could deal with the pain (although several friends of mine repeatedly told me that was not a real issue)
Anyway, that plan was placed on ice and now 4 years later i am back on that idea.

What got me thinking about it again you say?
Well it was to no small part several friends in my class. These are friends i admire a lot. They make me feel like a part of them and accept me, i actually feel like i fit in among them and the perhaps fun part is that they show with every fiber of their beings that they love life. They have fun, do fun stuff all the time but at the same time you can have a real conversation with them and they are good at including everyone even if they don't show any sign of wanting that.
Of course i still need to find out what i wish to have a tattoo.

I haven't begun to narrow it down yet. I love mythology and i love symbolism. Greek myth especially fascinates me, but i find very little there that i feel comfortable imprinting on my body. in symbols i find a great many t... ]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/20273510/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/20273510/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 14:14:54 PDT
When i made my collage called "The True Heroes" ([link]) I had no idea that i would get the response it has been given. And it isn't even finished so i am pretty keen on getting started with it again.
While it won't be right away, it will be soon, this i can promise you. I have given it a bit of thought and i have decided that i am going to buy a cheap sketch board rather than waiting until later to get a bit more expensive and without a doubt more awesome model.

I had initially thought i would get a model that would allow me to use airbrushing pens to simulate airbrush strokes similar to how they use airbrushes on cars when they paint them, but i think i can make due without for now.
While the artist is only as good as his gear still is something i believe in, i also believe that i can make due with less and still go way farther with it than if i where to wait longer and stay at "this" level (which for me still feels a bit amateur-ish).

Anyway, i just have to decide on what model i want and i am on my merry way to finishing the image.

But back on track to what i wanted to say. The True Heroes are still not really pictured in the image cause the true heroes are those of you who actually liked it enough to add it to your favorites, it is also those of you who inspire me to keep working to get better and hopefully someday catch up to you.

A hero in my eyes are not those that dream on behalf of others, its those who dare to take action and make those dreams a reality.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/17312030/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/17312030/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 06:48:48 PDT )

Anyways, i'll be listing it randomly. There is no absolute favorite, in fact most of the shows simply share traits of a general genre that appeals to me. It can be the romantic nature of the show (i like that when it comes to anime) or the comedy and such like that. I will on the other hand be listing up some stuff that may seem odd, but i'll be making an explanation for those at the bottom so bear with me. Anyway here goes:

Name: Genre: Origin:
Avatar: The Last Airbender Animation USA
Naruto (shippuuden) Manga/Anime Japan
Bleach Manga/Anime Japan
Stargate SG-1 RL fiction USA
Stargate Atlantis RL fiction USA
Star Trek: The Next Gen RL fiction USA
Mahou Sensei Negima! Manga/Anime Japan
Love Hina Manga/Anime Japan
FullMetal Alchemist Manga Japan
Claymore Manga Japan
Chobits Anime Japan
Darker Than Black Anime Japan
Zero no Tsukaima (futatsuki no kishi) Anime Japan

For now this will have to do (all i can remember at the time)

Anyway, lets get on the explanations. There wasn't that many of them as i expected. But the definitions below are my own so there is no point looking them up anywhere.

Animation: The reason 1 is called animation and not anime is because while the nature of the characters design can be written of as anime, the motion of the characters while in the show cannot. Anime genre has a somewhat repetitive use of their movements which makes it a unique style within the world of animation and makes it valid for its own genre. The motion is less important then the words spoken and the actual story behind the show.

Anime: A unique style of making cartoon shows where the story gets more importance than the actual environment of the show. So less details to show and more depth in the actual story is emphasized.

RL fiction: RL short for Real Life so while the term is a bit in contradiction with itself it is a valid one. What i mean by this is that the actors and actresses are real life persons rather than just voices added to a character. The story is still fictional.

Manga: this is the written form of an anime and is usually the origins of any anime. Animes are based on the stories in the mangas.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/16729554/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/16729554/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:27:13 PST )

courtesy goes to for allowing me to use her fabulous image that she took of her hubbys eye (recommend you take a look at that too )

The image got its own explanation so i'm not going to start yapping about it here (and for a change try and keep this journal short)

Other than that the day has come (and gone) pretty smooth. Still a heavy day since i still struggle with a job. I have applied to a company nearby that makes the ear plugs that are used with hearing aids. If they where to just call me i think i can actually prove that i am a valuable asset to them seeing as i like so many others have a hearing disability. I have dropped of a resume with phone numbers and other important information. While having a hearing disability itself isn't a good reason i do on the other hand possess more knowledge as to where the ear plugs can start to give problems like gall and such. (which was and still is a problem for me every time i get new plugs)
Anyway (going to cut myself short here or the entry will again be to long) i hope to hear from them soon so i can at least come in for an interview.

Other than that me and a buddy of mine went to grab a Hell burger (Seeing as the region i live in is actually called Hell) which actually was rather nice seeing as it has been a long time since the last time i tasted their burgers (which are like wicked good)

The last thing i want to say is that i am working on a new image. Its something special to me, but i ain't going to say what it is just yet. All i will say is that it will be related to one of the songs from the new Sonata Arctica album called Unia (very good album, i highly recommend it if you like symphony metal) and its about something i have felt guilty about for a long time now that happened in my past.

]]> ~malcite http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/16499877/ http://malcite.deviantart.com/journal/16499877/ Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:50:36 PST
While it doesn't exist gear (well not for the average consumer) that actually notices what direction the hand is held, there is however airbrush tools and such which is close enough. Even a basic tablet with a pen is better than a mouse. I have only tried it once before and that in all fairness was 4 years ago too, but the odd thing is that the natural feeling i had when i used it still resonates through my bones like some vibration.

I can't shake that feeling of and neither do i wish to do so. When i put a pen in my hand i feel like my hand is doing a dance of its own. It takes life and shapes, colors and edits stuff at free will. Its like my soul has taken direct control of my hand and is trying to show me something.
It is the most marvelous feeling i have ever felt and i wish to feel it again. I wish to show what an artist can do with the right tools.

I hope that i can find a more permanent job or even an internship somewhere so i can start really saving up for a Cintiq 21UX ([link]) or a Cintiq 20WSX ([link]) They cost a small fortune, but they allow me to see what i am working on directly on the tablet and to use different pens with different custom settings (one for airbrushing, one for art and one for classic use) and really offer a canvas workspace where i can freely draw without concerning myself if i draw to much and need to erase (which is a problem for me on regular paper)

The 21UX is my most likely wish as it has the ability to use the airbrush pen ([link]) and that is something i really look forward to using. (airbrush images are some of my favorite)

For the time being i am sticking to coloring and i am coloring one of my favorite shows which is where NARUTO comes in (and ye he is also my favorite character because of the many similarities we have growing up (well only i don't have an actual demon inside me, other than my own self)

So until then i will be left with my mouse (which i can 'outdance' anyone on strategy games on )

So continue your own dance. Listen to the music inside you that resonates through your entire being and let it carry you away to the most fantastic places

Your friend always, Trond

PS. this Journal Entry is gonna be one of those that are saved for later for those that wish to have the links used later for some reason. Works as my little memo about these fabulous tablets aswell

]]> ~malcite