http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:malinca&section=today deviantART RSS for by:malinca en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 20:01:36 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/28020148/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/28020148/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:41:29 PDT
-List five things that you WISH would happen but that are totally and utterly impossible and you know this. You KNOW this.
Why? because they might be possible anyway |D you might as well speak 'em into existence and see what happens, eh?
-Aaaaaand tag like three people after this because tagging needs more love. It really does.
-Feel free to add more or less numbers to either of those if you feel like it :3

1. to have the abilities: drawing something and making it come to life; having complete control over paper (folding into origami birds and stuff or just shooting them at people and giving them papercuts XD); being able to turn into any animal i want (specifically a dragon), and also change size, so i can be a hugemongous gnat or a bity whale ^-^
ALL AT ONCE (all 3 of these powers)

2. to meet my perfect and true equal, where our moods can alter at the same times in order to fit each other, where we both feel the same things at the same time and tehrefore can satisfy each other's needs at those same times... in other words, if i need comfort and they need comfort, then we can comfort each other, if i need absolute and complete attention, and they do too, then we can attend to each other
someone whom fights are just a thing to laugh about in the end, someone who understands me just as i understand them, someone who will be there for me just as i will for them
complete devotion on both sides and everything
you get my point
my perfect counter that happens to be male whom i will marry and live happily ever after woot!

3. to live my life solely on art. as in, live HAPPILY and contently only on the money i make off of doing something i always like to do and am very good at, that is, art. with no rush and no worries about things, just for fun and also paying well without having to worry about looking for another job just to do for the money and all

4. to have a fairy tale happen to me, which is kinda basically 1 and 2 except not the same powers as 1, more like, i would have SOME power that makes me different from others, but i spend my life figuring out that power and meet my true equal in the process and find out he has something of the same power, or at least the same difference from others and we will go through a few hard times but in the end, we will live happily ever after
[[rofl, that sounds so dumbly hilarious, but idk]]

5. to publish a bestseller book
or one of the top books ever in existance
...that's be nice, yes yes.

6. to be able to exist in any of my stories at any time i feel like it. to become a character and not know what will happen, or to be one and know exactly how things will happen
basically, to have my stories happen like i'm in a dream, where i could know what will happen to me, or i could not know and figure it all out myself, or i could zoom out and watch my characters interact, i could see other character's thoughts, mix two stories, mix three stories, mix ALL stories (i had a day dream about that once, IT WAS SO AWESOME, cause i was A CHARACTER and i told everyone that i made thema ll up and so forth, it's just really cool and the only people who could understand are the ones who've read EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY STORIES which happens to be no one but me so yea)

7. to be in other people's stories as i see fit, and to change them up as much as i want to what i deem necessary, or to bring certain characters/creatures/powers/objects/etc to this world

8. to have all my dreams come true at once, where all will be in my power where i can change it as i please

as in, if i find out one of my wishes is one of those "careful what you wish for" wishes, then i have the ability to change it to something more fitting to my inner wishes which i cannot explain fully because i don't know them completely yet
just things i would fancy, and hopefuly they are my deep true wishes
if not, as i said, thsi wish says i can change it so it fits better

i tag YOU
(so if you read this, then YES YOU)

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27946799/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27946799/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:25:00 PDT everyone cares
tehre are tons of people and friends taht i have that care very much about me
so what makes me feel so down? so depressed that i torture myself AND my friends?

i'm focusing on just a few people
people i want to see me
people i wish i could be more with than whatever we are

and the sad thing is, if i look at it in a more adult mature point of view, this entire thought process is completely pointless
why am i looking for a companion when i am only 17 years of age?
when all the people i ever knew in my life are either gone or not even mature yet, still in highschool

i set levels of who i like the most, the least
why do i do that?

and the ones at the top of my list end up being worse than i thought they were when i meet them, and they shoot down the list because of that, making me start to get annoyed at THEM as if it were their fault that they didn't meet my high expectations

and as i said, i'm only in highschool! i'm barely satisfied with those at the top of my list but they are at the top, so i feel like i'm completely devoted and in love with them and think they are the only ones i'll stay with for the rest of my life and i can deal with their faults
but they are only the top of the list of highschool students

not a very broad variety of people, i'd like to emphasize.

so the top guy on my list right now may be at the bottom of my list when i meet more and more people
when i grow older and meet more mature people who have the same qualities but less faults!
hard to imagine when i'm in this hormone-crazy-control state



god it hurts to do the right thing
what if i'm wrong?
that's what i ask myself because i don't want it to hurt
i want to do something else to avoid the pain i have to go through

it hurts so much to lose a friend
we were so much more than friends, but it could never be
it was wrong to even think anything would work
and why did i keep going with it?
because i didn't want to lose this special feeling loving someone who actually loved you back

hell, i never even met him
but it hurts how easily he threw it away
i thought he was more mature than that...

-sigh-
it hurts when you find out a deep secret that explains everything that you should have seen but didn't let yourself because you were afraid of the pain
not that the pain would dissappear when you eventually figured it out
in fact, it's worse

you know when you really want something and you finally get it and you're excited for a while but then, it starts to not be something you really care about so much anymore?

you get it and you don't want it anymore
you would have freaked out if you didn't get it, but now that you have it, it could just sit in the corner for all you care
but once you lose it, you'll start wanting it again

you want what you can't have
but when you have it, then it's not in your interest anymore and you go look for something else to want

i feel like i'm going through this with someone right now
i feel like i want him so much but there's no way i can have him
i like to dream that i can, that somehow i could spend precious moments with him even though i know it's not forever
like i could just have him for comfort for a few months, just so i can get through these last months of highschool and finally start meeting new people and improving my list

but it feels wrong
how horrid! how can i just throw them away like that after highschool?
things can't work like that...
if i share things like that with him now, then it will only hurt to separate in the end, feel awkward to find someone else, it just wouldn't work out at all
plus, he probably wouldn't want to do this in the first place
maybe for the same reason, maybe not

..i wonder if he knows i'm talking about him
-sigh- conflictions: i want him to know and i don't want him to know at the same time

whatever happens, i'll be fine with it though
i'll take whatever comes at me
it's only a few months..
I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
...right?



________________________________________
100 theme challenge:
Working on*
Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27784499/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27784499/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:53:40 PDT [link]

i need more motivation, but it sucks to ask for you to care because it ruins the concept, if you're caring just because i'm asking, then you're not doing what i'm looking for, so yeah

but anyway, i think i'll start writing again soon, please read and give feedback? your thoughts and feeligns about everything is great
what parts you liked, didn't like, what you think will happen,etcetcetc.

FROM AN OLD JOURNAL:
*******K so you all know i don't have a title for this story (hence i call it "unsure of title")
so.....................
for those of you who read it
do you think this would be sufficient enough?

Heart for Souls

or something to that effect?

A heart for souls

souls for a heart

human hearts and human souls

demon heart (maybe... but then it would be like.. emma isn't main character with that title, OOH THAT COULD BE WHEN I WRITE ABOUT KWA'S POINT OF VIEW!!!)

hearts for souls (s makes a difference)

[something] of heart and soul (i want to put something in the [something] spot but idk what... something like courage, or maybe love, or connection, or story? story would be good..)

(story of heart and soul)

story of [add all those titles i mentioned above for the new ideas]

etc

what do you think sounds best?
i can prolly think of more, but i really have to get started on my homework now.....********

i think "of heart and soul" sounds good, or something tha has to do with pure hearts or the human heart or something.. human souls?
demon heart is definately going to be the title of Kwa's point of view O.o



________________________________________
100 theme challenge:
Working on*
Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
...26. Tears
27. Foreign
...28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
...35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
...38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
...43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
...53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
...55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
...58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
...60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
...71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
...73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
...76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
...82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
...88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
...91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
...93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
...99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27275242/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27275242/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:33:21 PDT Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
...26. Tears
27. Foreign
...28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
...35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
...38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
...43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
...53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
...55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
...58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
...60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
...71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
...73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
...76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
...82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
...88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
...91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
...93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
...99. Solitude
100. Relaxation


01. What time is it?
5:54pm

02. Are you busy?
nope

03. Are you supposed to be doing something?
homework

04. What are you wearing?
camo pants!

05. What are you doing now?
taking a quiz and feeling full of food

06. What were you doing at midnight this morning?
sleeping as usual

07. What's your favorite color?
blue

08. Favorite pie?
pumpkin

09. How often do you bathe?
every other day

10. Any hobbies?
TONS: reading books, writing stories, writing poetry, making up music, playing piano, drawing, coloring my drawings, making things on Flash, making crafts, learning other instruments like guitar and violin, sometimes painting, etc, etc, etc.

11. Why do you think there are 11 questions for each section?
boredom

Random:

01. Do you know the muffin man?
i dunno, do i?

02. If everyone knew you by how you cooked, what would you be known as?
someone who knows how to cook eggs? XD

03. Can you lick or kiss your elbow?
i'm about a centimeter from doing so last time i checked

04. Did you just try to lick or kiss your elbow?
nope ^-^

05. Do you know how to cuss in another language?
never wanted to learn

06. How would you describe color to a person who was born blind?
it's like a texture that you can sense from far away without any previous knowledge of it, almost like smell, except smell is limited by the area, while color is limited by the distance from you

07. Where would you get a tattoo?
i wouldn't....

08. If you could spend a whole day with a celebrity, who would it be?
jackie chan, or maybe perhaps mel gibson, but i think i'll connect with jackie chan a bit more in conversation XD

09. How does your two-year old picture compare to how you look now?
i'm 15 years older now O_o

10. If someone went into your room, what would they think of you?
organized chaos

11. Without using a dictionary (living or otherwise), what is the definition of 'confection'?
opposite of perfection? XD idk

Factual:

01. What was the first word you ever said?
no idea

02. Can you drive?
no

03. How many times have you dyed your hair?
never

04. How tall are you?
5'4" i think

05. How often do you get in trouble?
not much

06. Do you think in a language other than english?
i have done so before but not usually..
unless thinking without words counts

07. What do the first letters in each of your names spell?
MLC MILK! XD

08. Literally speaking, how big would you say your mouth is?
O.o no idea?

09. How often do you get... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27141858/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/27141858/ Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:21:08 PDT i think of everything at once
and i mean EVERYTHING
there's so much in my mind that i couldn't possibly reach the speed to type it all or even say it

which sucks cause now i'll lose my train of thought while i'm typing cause i already missed a gazillion thoughts O.o

now what was i going to say?

god i'm confused about emotions again
darn hormones i swear
i'll always talk them down

wondering, are they going to cool down themselves or am i just going to have to get used to them?
geez

so anyway, the ending of the whatever we had between me and the 'one' that i love was supposed to make me feel more free and happy and less stressed
we're purely friends now
or so i thought
until darn hormones started popping up out of nowhere

i mean, i didn't deny that i loved him even after the 'end'
but i started to want more again

stupid stupid.

and then i got sad again
and so forth
i can barely talk to him anymore without feeling sad
i try to talk happy and then i start saying things that are sad
which will make him sad
...or angry

and it makes me feel even more alone...

=\


gosh why do i have to wait anymore?
it's tough to go through life with no one close to you in that loving way... (i know there are others close to me as friends, but i'm not complaining about you, k? thanks for being my friends....)

maybe my problem is that i get too obsessed over things

it's so annoying when someone else complains about it
and even more annoying when they complain about me complaining about it
it's not my fault dangit
i'm not trying to be obsessed, i just think about it so much that it becomes practically my life
what? don't think about it?

go away and leave me alone
this is my mind you can't tell me what not to think

who am i yelling at? O.o

anyway, i cry again
and sometimes i actually just feel like crying so i listen to my list of songs that make me cry

almost like crying gives me relief

yet i hate it still

to hate it yet to ask for it, i must be crazy.

i don't even know what i'm saying anymore T_T
my thoughts are far beyond this now, i skipped so much, alright, review time.


ah, alright
why is it that no one wants to help someone who is depressed?
you see someone who isn't talking to anyone because she thinks everyone hates her and doesn't want to bother them no matter how much she needs a companion, but what does everyone do? they ignore her because she's just some weird girl that doesn't have any friends maybe the reason for that is cause she's crazy and dumb and stupid stay away from her she's a depressing emo freak thing not even human
run away.

no one just puts out their hand and offers their help to someone sad
except maybe someone who had been sad before

ah, isn't it lovely? i want my life to be a romantic dream
great movies, putting the happy yay ideas into my head that this can be possible

i'm only 17 years old, i'm not going to meet the love of my life that i will hold and cherish forever who will do the exact same thing to me
someone who will obsess over me as much as i'll obsess over them
never let go no matter what

the only reason i let go of the 'one' that i love was because of the distance and the constant stress i had from that distance
i could never know where he was
i wouldn't know if he was lying or telling the truth
he wouldn't say everything he did even though i shouldn't be stressing at all
love = trust
they cannot be without the other!
or it all falls to ruin like this damn thing


by no means am i complaining about my friends now
i suppose i'm merely just wanting a romantic relationship with someone like those in stories and friends can't give that


there's so many opportunities that someone could come along and just be a part of my life in that way i always wanted
i'm here for you to find... but are you even looking?

instances where i'm sad are a nice start
just take my hand and i will notice your existance immediately

yesterday at the end of a class, i was walking out the door behind some people and the door was closing, my hand was ready to keep it open as usual, but the guy who was already at the POINT OF NO RETURN for most go-thru-door people TURNED AROUND and held it open for me

what did this do to me?
well, i smiled at him and he smiled back
that was really really nice..
a happy happy feeling that someone i didn't even know had noticed me like that...

and then the rest of t... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26924219/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26924219/ Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:09:25 PDT the damn a hole finally got fed up with my asking him all the time and just now i was trying to ask what price he would buy at and he (irritated and annoyed) said "fine, just give me the version you need and we'll look it up"


geebus took him long enough


i might add that it's been a year and a half since the first time i asked


oh no wait, i remember in 8th grade (4 years ago or so) when i had to get a scientific calc (which he was irritated at getting too cause it was "too expensive") and i told him that everyone told me i should get the graphing calc cause then i wouldn't have to worry about it when i take calculus

guess who didn't listen.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26901803/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26901803/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 18:42:54 PDT [x] You have your own room.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[x] You have an iPod/ mp3 player.
[x] Your parents are still married.
[x] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
T 0 T A L: 5

[x] You dress how you want to.
[x] You hang out with friends more than once a week. [only at school tho]
[x] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[x] You have never been beaten up. [emotionally doesn't count i suppose]
[ ] You never cry more than twice a month.
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[...] Your room is big enough for you. [it's really crowded with papers and books and stuff
[x] People don't use you for something you have.
[ ] You have been to a concert.
T 0 T A L: 6.5

[ ] You have over 50 friends on MySpace. [myspace looks dumb]
[ ] Your parents let you have a MySpace. [probably not but i still don't want one if they did]
[ ] You get allowance. [ONLY if i remember, which i haven't, ($1 a week)]
[ ] You collect something normal. [i collect weird things]
[ ] You look forward to going to school.
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else. [i always do]
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You do something after school.
T 0 T A L: ZERO =O

[ ] You have your own car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents. [HAHAHAHA THIS IS FUNNY]
[ ] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-conscious at all.
[x] You have never got a failing grade in your life.
[x] You have friends.
T 0 T A L: 2

[ ] You know what is going on in the world. [it's always something bad T_T and i don't want to be even more stressed]
[...] You care about so many people. [this is a complicated question]
[ ] You are happy with your life. [this ones funneh too]
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[X] You know the lyrics to at least 5 songs. [i always remember lyrics!!! XD]
[...] You don't have any enemies. [does the entire human race count?]
[x] You are a generally nice person. [definate]
T O T A L: 6

58.5%

Now count your numbers and multiply by three.
Then title this journal "My life is --% Happy"

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26870307/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26870307/ Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:59:39 PDT maybe it's cause my allergies are making me feel like i'm sick with a super stuffy nose and sore throat and sneezing and junk
hopefully i'm not really sick

anyway
i dreamed that i woke up.
=O
and i went to my computer which is what i normally do when i wake up and i found out it was on
I must have forgotten to turn it off last night, which sucks cause i dont' want to waste energy
but then i notice YIM was on and i was signed in, and i definately remember turning it off last night so i was curious. As i was moving my mouse to sign off, some random person that i didn't know popped up on my list and came online
he said something i forget what, but i think it was like.. just a simple 'hello there'
BUT I WAS INVISIBLE TO EVERYONE
this guy knew i was on
then i noticed the screen looked different than my normal
it was all black and red and stuff
and when i tried to go to start, it wouldn't let me
it signed me up on the internet and went to a yahoo page and it showed this cartoon yahoo page with fake stories on it
this guy completely took over my computer
it was really creepy
so since i couldn't shut it down or use the windows task manager at all, i pressed the restart button, and turned it back on to see if i still had my files or if it stopped his hacking thing. but i didn't htink it would cause it had been on all night
it didn't
then i dreamed i went downstairs or somethign to tell my dad had a virus
the reasoni had the virus was because the previous day "in the dream" he told me to go somewhere to look something up so it was his fault O.o

around there i woke up...

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26862241/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26862241/ Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:55:35 PDT
my dad thinks that distance can negative
i don't

what do you think?

i think he's interrelating position and distance, but whenever i say that, he says they're the same thing
he doesn't believe otherwise no matter how many examples i give of "how FAR am i away from whatever" HE"LL SAY EFFING NEGATIVE IF I"M AT NEGATIVE 2 WHICH IS THE GODDAMN POSITION DAMNIT

i'm sorry for cussing but he's pissing me off
so then he starts going on something about vectors and scalers
how vectors are what direction you are and how far from zero
and scalers are just how far you are from zero

he just described distance and position in that
and so taking things slow
i asked him if position is a vector
he said yes
i asked if position is a scaler
he said no
is distance a vector?
no
is distance a scaler?
yes
can a scaler be negative?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
yes it can be negative

i asked HOW
HE SAID HE COULDN"T EXPLAIN IT


i swear sometimes i just wish he would die
he's so annoying with his closed mind I SWEAR

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26841825/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26841825/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:27:15 PDT so.....................
for those of you who read it
do you think this would be sufficient enough?

Heart for Souls

or something to that effect?

A heart for souls

souls for a heart

human hearts and human souls

demon heart (maybe... but then it would be like.. emma isn't main character with that title, OOH THAT COULD BE WHEN I WRITE ABOUT KWA'S POINT OF VIEW!!!)

hearts for souls (s makes a difference)

[something] of heart and soul (i want to put something in the [something] spot but idk what... something like courage, or maybe love, or connection, or story? story would be good..)

(story of heart and soul)

story of [add all those titles i mentioned above for the new ideas]

etc

what do you think sounds best?
i can prolly think of more, but i really have to get started on my homework now.....

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26789840/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26789840/ Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:04:05 PDT if you're on gaia online, would you please vote for my avatar?
[link]

i've submitted so many good ones, but i never win because all the other people who win have their hundreds of friends to back them up! =_=
and i don't.

it's nu fair...
so i'm trying to make my chances a little better
but you'd probably all ignore this anyway cause i'm asking you to do something = P


UPDATE
thanks for your votes
i didn't win.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26754841/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26754841/ Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:42:59 PDT
i've been working on this damn thing for 2 hours and i CAN"T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE ACTIONS FOR A BUTTON


i know how to make a button
i know how to make an action for a frame/layer thing
i know the codes i want to use
but when i select the button and go to actions, it just says "current selection cannot have actions applied to it."
WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?!?!?
I SWEAR TO GOD!
i looked at the help file thing
and that thing is a piece of junk, they just say YOU CAN DO THIS well thank you so much for that info NOW HOW THE HELL DO I DO IT?

i looked up the adobe scripting thing on the adobe site, but that's as bad as the help file

i looked up the tutorial on the youtube but it seems cs3 professional is different from normal cs3 or something?

when i select the button it has no name on the actions thing
but then it'll show the name at the bottom tab thing of the layer (cause i can make actions for frames/layers)

i restarted a few times
i made at least 5 buttons already
i'm feeling sick right now
i feel like i'm gong to throw up, but it's not because i ahve a disease, this thing is givingme a dizzy feeling
i'm stressing out cause it's such a damn simple thing and i don't know how to do it


AND MY DAD NEEDS TO DIE I SWEAR TO GOD DON"T EVEN LET ME START WITH MY PROBLEM WITH HIM RIGHT NOW


please help.



****************UPDATE**********
THANK YOU SO MUCH KOVUJACKSON!!!!!!! (and anyone else who tried as well ^-^)

k, so basically, the problem was i started the new flash as a 3.0 and it only works in 2.0
not quite sure why it doesn't work in 3.0 but it doesn't


but it's not just my flash, it happened in another too
SO YAY!
MINE ISN"T MESSED UP!

so simple...
but IT WORKS NOW!!!
I"M SO HAPPY!!!!


now i has a question

can you click the buttons in a flash you submit on deviantart?
i had this game i made up a long time ago that i can remake and i was wondering if you could 'lay' it

(it's purely a clicking game, and not like a gazillion clicks per second, just a 'find the smiley face' game XD rather simple, but i made it up nonetheless)

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26740974/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26740974/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:21:42 PDT
1) If you are one of the first 15 people to comment on this journal entry, I will add you to the list!

2) For each of the 15 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list~

3) If you answer, you'll have to do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on the first place, completing this way the list with 15 people. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!

1. [link] [link] [link]
2. [link] [link] [link]
3. [link] [link] [link]
4. [link] [link] [link]
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26657305/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26657305/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:01:28 PDT

>=\











]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26541670/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26541670/ Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:42:03 PDT
You're such a wuss.
you cant' say that any more intelligent?

Ha! But I'm smarter than you!
so you think

Your crush has a crush on me
prove it

I didn't know you were so dumb when it comes to math
lol, you obviously don't observe very much

Hurry up would you?
don't rush me

You're so snobbish
again with the small words?

Wanna settle this outside?
rofl, you want to fight me?

You afraid of me?
-laughs in cute happy way-

He/she loves me more!
prove it

You have bad grades
cause my one B is so horribly BAD
--
What if your crush told you...

I don't love you.
alright..

I think I love you already
define love..

Can I copy your answers?
i don't let anyone copy, but do you need help? i can show you after school?

I think I have a crush on your friend
Hope you've found who you're looking for..

Can I sit next to you?
^-^ of course!

Would you like to dance with me?
huh? (XD that's what i'd say at first...)

I think you have a crush on me
-smiles while not moving from previous position or turning my head towards him, and says nothing-

You have a cute smile
-smiles awkwardly-

Why are you so nice to me?
it's how i am? XD

--
What's your reaction if your parents told you...
Go home before it gets dark
ok

Look at your sibling, he/she is so good at school
i dun have a sibling, you're going crazy O.o

Go to bed early
why? (depends on if i know i have to wake up early for something or if there's something big tomorrow, if i knew there was i'd just say 'ok'

Clean the house, wash the dishes, water the plants
what part of the house do you want me to clean?

Study hard ok?
-rolls eyes- as if i haven't been doing that >=\

When I was your age I only had 1 peso as lunch money
i don't even eat lunch at school

Why can't you be more like him?
i dunno, what part of him do you want me to be?

When I say no... I MEAN NO!
but WHY? is all i'm asking

(i usually get the reply, "because i'm your father" which is the worst reply ever, i really feel screaming then...)

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26531808/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26531808/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:51:39 PDT

so today, i actually seriously concidered these kinds of jobs..
i mean..
i've never had a goal for a job
i just wander aimlessly for something and i learn everything i feel like
i happen to be best at math and art
i love art, and i like math, but as for math requiring jobs, not so much
but psychology/etc, sounds like the perfect thing for me

my mom doesn't think so
which apparently makes me want it more or something?
no, i want it just as much as i did before i talked to her about it

god, everything i find interesting enough to do and seriously concider majoring in or whatever, my parents keep saying something wrong with it

they want me to be an engineer, i'm pretty sure
but that sounds kinda boring to me
engineers have no artisticness in them whatsoever
what are you thinking now? i should be the first artistic engineer?
no.

it's just not my thing.

so i'm stuck again

what the hell does everyeone want me to do?
why does college have to be so damn complicated, i swear to god, doesn't the world want smarter people in it?
no?
who cares about the rest of the world
the government works for us, not the other way around

but wait
i thought the government was run by the people?
that concept is completely gone from everyone's mind

who's running the government anymore?
not us, we think the government is just taking our money for things we don't want

if we want the government to work for us, we'll have to work for them as well
what, you think they'll be a perfect system, you just hand them the money and they get everything you want?

no, you're going to have to sacrifice a bit of yourself in order to help EVERYONE and not just you
how many people do you know think this way?


not many.

do you see what i mean?
philosophy runs naturally with me, but only when i'm talking to either no one (in this case, i'm not focusing on anyone.. maybe just the majority, which i do not consider a group for some reason cause i'm not even close to nervous) or one person

i can't talk to groups... lots of you already know that
and i've been trying but it's so damn hard...


i'll have to get over that fear i suppose, if i want to be a psychologist
solve my own problems before i solve others?
but solving other people's problems relieves me...
i LOVE solving someone else's problem...

maybe it's cause... i can do it with so much more of a calmer mind than they can since they are the ones having the problem


hell, i bet none of you read this entire thing

if you did, then congradulations for your care, mind leaving a comment just as long? (actually, i dont' care how long it is, just leave a comment, please?)

so i should stop now or i'll go on forever and i have homework to do

i feel like going on to THAT tangent, but i guess that's for another day

***********UPDATE*************

K, i'm going to go into AP psychology instead of normal
i went tothe councelor's office to ask if they could switch me, but of course, i need a signature to go to an AP class
how the hell would my psychology teacher be able to tell that i can go to the AP class after just 3 days of having me as ONE student out of TWO HUNDRED in his class?

whatever, he has the power, and he better use it right or he won't be considered a great teacher to me anymore
that can be a threat or not, take it or leave it!

btw, i haven't been sleeping these past three days..
i mean, i have slept, but i couldn't get to sleep easily and i'd wake up in the middle of the night a whole bunch of times, and i have a feeling that's going to happen again tonight
my dad says i should take one of my mom's herbs or something to get to sleep
I DONT" WANT TO RELY ON SOMETHING TO CONSUME TO GET ME TO SLEEP
so irritating...

so anyway, more tomorrow i guess, on whether i get the class or not or whatever..


*****************UPDATE 2*************************

YAY i got my AP psych class!!!!
i'm going in it tomorrow! ^-^


now... i need to get art 2... which i might ahve by tomorrow, but the councelor said it wasn't open but she'd try to get me in it by tomorrow so idk..

anyways
i wanted to update because...
i just found something that seems practically JUST RIGHT for me!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

(but psychology and philosophy and stuff is still totally awesome, so maybe it'll be a stepping stone or osmething XD)

QUANTUM PHYSICS/MECHANICS/ETC (there's so much, i just like the quantum parts of it...)
ok, so i had this discussion with my dad... ab... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26508490/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26508490/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:47:27 PDT
how it began:
1 i see my friends! yay!
2 going to classes and meeting the teachers
-they were pretty cool
3 going to classes and meeting the students
-ick, i hate everyone in my classes... that's what i get for taking only 1 AP class... these ones are really sucky this year tho... (and everyone in my AP class is fine XD)
4 lunch time and i sat by myself in A quad, and did some of my HOMEWORK (a 1 page essay for physics) and then gave up and went into one of my old teacher's classroom to say hi
i soon found someone to stay with later, but it's not the group i would normally be with T_T
5 school finally out and it's a short day! yay!
6 oh wait, I HAVE TO PICK UP ALL MY BOOKS SINCE I DIDN"T DO IT OVER THE SUMMER T_T
7 one hour in line waiting for books is tiring
8 during the hour, i happened to see one of my best friends walking by with a stack of bio books into the library! yay!
9 hour has passed and i get my books, i'm already sore from the line
10 finally out of line and walking home
11 the walk home was pure agony

-summer heat
-5 books to carry
-approximately 1 mile to walk
-3/4 in sun
-completely alone in a desert since school got out an hour ago
-i now have blisters on my feet
-my neck and shoulders are sore

and i think that's how it ended

how was your day?


UPDATE
OK, I"M ANGRY NOW

so i'm sitting at home, trying to do my homework, and realizing it's pretty hot in here cause we don't normally turn the AC on very high
which made me think of how the school always has the AC on super high sometimes...
which makes me remember THIS MORNING
when i first got into school

THE GRASS WAS PURE GREEN
ALL of our neighbor's yards have even a LITTLE yellow in them
but the school's?
NOOOoooooo
LET"S WASTE WATER AND NOT CARE ABOUT THE DARN DROUGHT WE"RE IN

GRASS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SAVING WATER, HECK

AND when coming out of school in the end of the day, there was WATER WAS POURING ALL OVER THE STREET and into the gutter
i mean, come on!

i should write to the water company or something cause this is crap

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26489424/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26489424/ Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:54:32 PDT
The 100 Theme Challenge
i'm guessing i have to make each of these themes in an art form.. (does it have to be a picture? O.o)
sounded fun, but idk where it started (yet) and i don't know the exact directions
while skimming the list, i saw a theme... 67%
what is that??!?!
XD
whatever, i'm trying it.

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26432420/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26432420/ Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:01:14 PDT
PAGE 18 IS BLANK O________o
-The Book Theif
By Markus Zuzak

2) Stretch out your left hand as far as you can - what is it you find?

tissues O.o

3) What was the last thing you saw on TV?

ummm.... i think that was a few weeks ago at an inn we stayed at
animal planet... i think it was that bear man journal thingie show?
i forgot what it was called... but i loved the foxes!!!

4) Don't look at a clock – and tell the time!
um......agh, the URGE!!!
8:00

5) Now look to a clock; what's the actual time?

8:50
i got the 8 right!

6) What do you hear at the moment?

wind blowing my curtains

7) When did you last leave your home and what for?

yesterday to see if i could get a drawing class at AVC
which i can't, it's filled T_T

8) Before you started answering to this questions, what did you look at?

my reply to my poem that only a few read and commented on (irritation to the rest of you)

9)What clothes are you wearing right now?

all brown O.o (just so happened XD wow)

10) Do you remember your dream from last night?

i did this morning T_T

11) When did you last laugh?

when i saw a cute part in a movie...
no, that was like a chuckle..
ooh ooh!!!
I MADE A REALLY REALLY REALLY SUPER CUTE SPORE CREATURE AND IT MADE ME GIGGLE!!!!! i'll have to upload a pic of that XD

12) What do you have on the wall of your room?

i have the most amazing collection of white paint O.o

13) Do you watch something freakish?

ELFEN LIED IS AWESOME

14) What do you think about this quiz?

pretty fun ^-^

15) What's the last movie you saw?

Minority Report
just finished 5 minutes ago or so XD

16) If you were a zillionaire, what do you want to buy?

um... a galaxy maybe? XD

17) Tell me something about you I don't know yet.

um... i don't normally keep secrets from anyone unless they are not mine to tell

18) If you could change one thing in the world – independent of guilt or policy – what would it be?

humans need to die.

19) Do you like to dance?

when no one's watching... XD

20) George Bush:
was the president before Obama!

21) Imagine your first baby will be a girl - what would her name be?

... something short? i dunno, i'll decide that with my husband if i get one

22) Imagine your first baby will be a boy - what would his name be?

something starting with a j, maybe a k

23) Do you think about living in another country?

not really..

24) What do you want to hear from God, standing at Heaven's gate?

you've done your best with the body you were provided, no one has done better, congradulations

(i don't really believe in heaven, the whole heaven and hell thing is completely made from the simple minds of humans, it's so obvious)

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26412820/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26412820/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:25:17 PDT
here is the [link]

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26289063/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26289063/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:12:19 PDT
I"M HOME I"M HOME I"M HOME!


HOWEVER
i honestly feel like sleeping in the car tonight



-Ants infested our kitchen and masterbedroom bathroom, AND there are scouts on this very desk i'm sitting at
-the water was turned off about a month ago because there was a leak or something and the neighbors complained of water wastage so we have no water at all
*water fixed at 9am, and it turns out the tree wasn't brown from a month without water... quite shocking (we couldnt' see the color last night XD)*

-i forgot my room is a complete disaster and mess, there is a total of 2x2 feet of carpet i can step on... (i had to leave in a hurry and couldn't find something and put everything back in the time i had when i left in the beginning of the trip)
*MY ROOM IS THE CLEANEST IT"S EVER BEEN! NOTHING is under my bed anymore! i packed most of it onto the shelves... I SPENT 5 HOURS STRAIGHT CLEANING IT THIS MORNING!
the floor looks so clean!!!
i might have to do something about the piles of stuff in the hallway though O.o*

-i think a dust mite bit me on the neck or something, so i'm not too comforted about that
-the only computer with internet is the one in this room and my computer in my room doesn't have it
*fixed this myself, i forgot we switched all the multi outlet power things off which shut off the internet access to my computer (lol, found this all out while trying to play the piano, keyboard thing)*

-it's 1:50am and i should be getting to sleep, but the ants bother me.. (honestly, i get nightmares from them sometimes when they are in the house T_T, they make me feel dilusional so when i wake up, i go back to the same dream)
*actually, the real problem was the heat... it took a few minutes to remember that i usually leave my windows open on summer nights*

-my vacation has ended, there will be no relax time until school starts with cleaning up XD
*it's actually quite relaxing to clean up and know you're getting something done.. it's like, at the end of the vacation, i was just looking for something to do to keep from getting bored... so tired of just sitting there in the car, and when i got home and woke up this morning I HAD SOMETHING I COULD SET MY MIND TO that didn't require much thought, so poof*

-well, maybe some
*i watched rush hour again.. my uncle gave us the dvd XD*


thats just the bad stuff
so don't be completely overwhelmed!

-i got a new computer from my uncle! i believe it's faster than all the other computers my dad has O.o but i'm not sure.. it IS faster than mine though!
-i got an old worn out used mp3 player from my cousin (daughter of computer-giving-uncle) but i still like it! it works! ^-^ (plus i got a few songs too!)
-i got Sims 2000 for 50 cents at a yard sale.. i've been looking for one of those games for quite some time (I LOVE MAXIS) it may be old, but it's still pretty cool! and i got to play it at my uncle's house, but now i can play at home!
-i might finally be able to meet someone i wanted to for a long time! (now that there's more time to do it since i'm home early, that's a good thing!) i just need to call him, which i was unable to do while on the vacation thingy
*nope, ^that's not happening, he can't come.*

*-i forgot to put that i would get my AP scores.. BUT we just looked through all the mail AND I DIDN"T GET IT!!!!!!!!!! -cries- (not really, just really bummed out now about it)*

-and i can't think of any more right now XD


time for bed!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26218722/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26218722/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:51:13 PDT
impatience
especially those impatient with innocent children
i swear to god, i'm listening to my 9-10 year old cousin cry with his mom right next to him rushing him and telling him to practice the damn piano
if he just had 5 minutes to calm down, he could do it
but she keeps rushing him
lovely, and my high school graduate cousin just told him 'shut up already!' from upstairs
i swear to god
why the hell?

maybe i'm just feeling how he felt
you know how after you play a few games and your parent immediately tells you to go do something?
i know i was supposed to do it, but i can't do it immediately right after you yell at me to tell me to do it
geezus, i have a life too
just tell me when you want it done ahead of time and i'll do it!
GIVE ME SOME TIME AND HAVE SOME PATIENCE

and since he didn't get enough time to finish what he was doing, he got angry at his mom's impatience
she clapped her hands to rush him up while he was getting ready and he burst out angrilly
i don't blame him
he had to practice piano
when she finally left him alone
he came and played minuete in G major quite well, only a few mistakes here and there, i wouldn't have minded
then he finished after a few times playing it and his mom realized he stopped and told him to play scales
he got irritated and went to search for the book, he couldn't find it and his mom rushed him again from the kitchen
then he gave up and she came and looked for it and found it after a while of searching
when he was playing she walked away to the kitchen and then came back, sitting right next to him saying "do the right hand" "Do the left hand" "do both" as if he didn't know that
and when he made a mistake, even after correcting it himself his mom said a loud and annoying "wrong"
i swear
she's got the worst impression on me...
she's my aunt IN LAW
i really don't see what my uncle saw in her...
cause i don't see a damn thing
and i'm the type of person who sees the good in everyone!
so anyway, his dad told him to go take a shower, cause in the middle of scales that his mom kept rushing, he couldn't stop crying. he stopped to cry for a few minutes and then his mom started RUSHING him again DAMNIT
i had so great an urge to comfort him or SOMETHING that i couldn't type at all, couldn't do anything but stare at the screen and wince at his loud bursts and tense angrilly at his mom's impatient demands
finally, after what seemed like hours, but only happened in the time i wrote this journal, his dad sent him to take a shower, to relax him, which it kinda did.


BUT IT"S NOT OVER YET
as he was upstairs, he was still slightly sobbing, his DAD called his name, being impatient but my cousin was only waiting for the person who was still in the bathroom, which he said, "there's someone in the bathroom"
HIS MOM DIDN"T BELEIVE HIM
DAMN HER

sorry for being angry, but this really bugs me...
hence the ranting

UPDATE:
SO
instead of clapping her hands... i found out she actually smacked him with something... it was some foam ball attatched to this springy stick thing.. so i don't think it hurt.. and i don't know where she hit cause i wasn't looking at the time (hence the not knowing what she quite did in the first place) so THAT's why he got so angry, he barely did anything!!!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26177249/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26177249/ Sat, 25 Jul 2009 19:27:01 PDT i'm still in austin, texas... and we're leaving tuesday... but we're going to see the grand canyon and stuff and won't be home by the end of this month...
leaving me less than 10 day at home for summer..
ugh... so long from home... i'm staying in texas longer than i'll stay at home!!!
plus, i want to see my scores for the AP test that are in the mail at home...
and i missed getting my books... i thought i could get them before school some time, but i guess not...
plus, i want to scan in all my stuff that i drew (which isn't too much, but still)
and i wanted to add more songs on my mp3 player cause the one thing i forgot to take on the trip was the media converter for the laptop, which is the only way i can get the files onto the mp3 player....
-sigh-
and so forth XD
hmm.. gotta go
internet's going to be slow for a bit cause my cousin needs to upload something O.o

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26145557/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/26145557/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 07:24:11 PDT
in all honesty, i never really cared for michael jackson because everyone always talked bad of him and i didn't want to be part of that with the gossip and all
but i was at my great aunt's house and she had tv and she was playing the mj stuff so i watched and it showed his home, neverland...

ALL MY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM CHANGED
at first, i thought he was a great dancer, good singer, and so forth, but a bit odd and there was too much talk about him

now, after seeing his dream home...
wow, he's just a really artistic guy that always wanted to be a kid and wasn't afraid of what people would say about it.. though it did stress him out

stupid media
i hate it.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25701698/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25701698/ Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:37:33 PDT IN THE CAR
but i can't type cause
1 i'll get car sick
2 the battery on the laptop runs out really quick

=\
and when i get to someone's house, i don't want to spend all my time on the computer so...
yet again i must postpone the unsure of title story

i would upload all the rest i have typed up, but this is someone else's computer and it's too tedious

my dad's going to come any minute and say "ONLY EMAIL" damnit

so ...

moving on

i went to michigan and BOUGHT my first BOUGHT souvenir (however you spell?) which is a NEW JACKET that's GRAY, not CAMO and it's REALLY REALLY WARM
unlike my camo which was becomming a not-a-jacket-anymore

my new jacket says Mackinac Island (hence the name of the place i got it, around the island between the 2 michigan sections) and it's kinda baggy O.o
but no worries!
it's comfy!
except the zipper catches sometimes... (on itself O.o) but i think that's cause it's brand new and needs to be used a bit more to be smooth zipping O.o

um....
i've been feeling really weird lately since i was without internet
like i've secluded into myself again
i'm an individual again and have no one to hang on to
no one to follow
no one to talk to
no one who will listen
sound depressing?
i'm actually not depressed in the slightest
well
maybe slightly
but... i feel pretty ok right now.
content?
now i am
but yesterday i felt dead
not happy, not sad, not mad, not content
emotionless

but not anymore!
kinda content now
and annoyed at my dad's cousin's spoiled son O.o
selfishness is one of my pet peeves, don't yell at me just because i don't like a super spoiled 4 year old.

eheh, i should stop now XD
see you later, whoever listened!
(now on to looking at 81 journals, 4 replies and i don't know how many comments XD)

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25422582/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25422582/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:26:27 PDT CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?
i have 12 right here in a waterbottle with the top cut off...
(MY PARENTS ARE CHEAP even though we had tons of glasses and jars and stuff)
THEIR SO COOL!!!
too bad i can't quite feed them...
they eat insects and snails and slugs (though i think snails and slugs are when they are glowworms....) and they also eat........
don don don..
OTHER FIREFLIES

i remember a long time ago when i played a The Magic School Bus game, where they said fireflies blink their lights at a certain pattern to attract a mate, but some fireflies copy the blinking pattern of other fireflies to attract FOOD (ahem, another firefly)
XDXD
such lovely creatures....
so gentle and cunning and cute...

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25420181/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25420181/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:59:55 PDT [ ] You are rather wild, and let your instincts run you.
[ ] You get drunk a lot.
[ ] Bravery and boldness is second nature to you.
[ ] You have a deep love for astronomy and the universe.
[ ] You like to read your daily horoscope.
[ ] You have a high level of pride in yourself.
[x] In the woods is the best place for you to be.
[x] You are spiritual.
[ ] The horse is your favorite animal.
[ ] You are possessive and territorial.

Total: 2


Elf:
[ ] Your ears are slightly pointed at the tips (be honest).
[x] You are very intelligent.
[x] Your five senses are extremely keen.
[x] Your weight is quite a bit lighter than the average person at your particular height.
[ ] You always wear elegant clothes and speak as politely as possible.
[x] You are most at peace when you are gazing at something beautiful, like nature.
[x] You look very young for your age.
[ ] You rarely get sick.
[ ] You are a very hard worker.
[x] Above all other superpowers, you would love to read minds or see the future.

Total: 6

Fairy:
[ ] You are happy a lot of the time.
[ ] The best superpower to you would be to fly.
[x] You are very shy.
[x] You love the forest and plant life in general.
[x] You are always willing to help others, even if you might not be the best to offer aid.
[x] You are young and short.
[ ] Dancing is one of your favorite pastimes.
[x] If someone ticks you off, you are very clever with getting them back.
[x] Your clothing isn't always presentable, but you are comfortable with what you wear.
[ ] Circles are a wonderful symbol of unity to you.

Total: 6

Gnome/Dwarf:
[ ] You are excellent with crafts and handiwork.
[x] In social situations, you tend to be a little awkward.
[ ] You are short for your age.
[x] You are an isolationist.
[ ] You love to play practical jokes on people.
[ ] You are extremely fascinated with jewelry.
[ ] You look older than your age.
[x] You love the woods and the mountains.
[~] You are well off, or come from a family that is well off.
[ ] You have a short temper.
Total: 3.5

Harpy/Siren:
[ ] You are best at talking bad about people behind their backs and not to their face.
[ ] When you are annoyed, you will go to a great extent to torment whoever did so to you.
[ ] You often take things that aren't yours.
[ ] You are easily angered.
[x] Death fascinates you.
[x] You are female, or a feminine-looking man.
[ ] You associate yourself with the wind element.
[x] You can switch quickly between your light and dark side.
[ ] You love to trick others.
[ ] You have a ravenous appetite.
Total: 3

Mermaid:
[x] You love the beach more so because of the water than the shore itself.
[x] Fish are some of the most beautiful creatures to you.
[x] The ultimate superpower to you would be to breathe underwater.
[ ] You enjoy looking at ships, but not riding them, as well as you like ships for traveling, not hunting in the sea.
[x] You are good at swimming.
[x] You like to collect shells.
[x] You use sea items as jewelry or decoration.
[x] You enjoy learning about the ocean and the life inside it.
[x] You are extremely against ocean pollution, and someday, perhaps if you will work to stop that.
[ ] Legs on land are not as important as a fin in the sea.

Total: 8

Vampire:
[x] You're a night person.
[x] You have a fascination with blood.
[x] You are extremely pale.
[ ] You wish you had a bat as a pet.
[x] You are not religious at all.
[x] Tight spaces are not scary or uncomfortable for you.
[x] The sun's glare annoys you all too often.
[ ] You hate food with lots of garlic in it.
[x] To you, a kiss on the neck is more romantic than a kiss on the cheek or lips.
[ ] You don't like sharp objects near you.

Total: 7

Werewolf:
[ ] The full moon is the most beautiful scene to you.
[ ] You have a lot of body hair.
[ ] The ability to shapeshift is the best superpower to you.
[x] You prefer gold over silver items.
[ ] You lack self control.
[x] You find it easier to have sympathy for animals than for humans.
[x] You have a deep respect for wolves and wild dogs.
[x] You like to be alone.
[x] You have a terrible secret and you only tell people you trust 100% about it.
[~] You'd rather be outdoors than indoors.

Total: 5.5

Wizard/Witch:
[ ] You love chemistry.
[x] You are intuitive and good at analyzing people, to the point that people seriously or jokingly say you're psychic.
[x] The most amazing supernatural power to you is controlling the elements. ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25358371/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25358371/ Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:00:04 PDT it's not just a few seconds or whatever either
I CAN RIDE ALONG THE STREET IN ALMOST A STRAIGHT LINE ABOUT 1000 FEET WITHOUT HANDS
**********************AND WHILE PEDALLING**************************
HOW FREAKEN AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?
i'm shocked at myself
i tried it a little bit yesterday, but i could only go a few seconds and it was my first serious try
and then i tried again today and I DID IT

i still can't make turns onto a perpendicular street though
and i won't get a chance to try AGAIN (i mastered riding without hands around the beginning of today's bike ride, so then i was working on turning to the perp. street, but i kept wobbling too much...) tomorrow cause we're leaving for our next stop in the morning =\
and i got asthma again because i rode so much...
and my legs are numb when i go down the stairs...



other than that^
THIS IS AWESOME!
I"M PROUD OF MYSELF ^-^

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25356137/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25356137/ Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:01:31 PDT can you believe i found out another reason?
i honestly think this is more of the reason than any other i might have given before (since i have tons of little reasons why i get sad) but this one.. wow
i realized that i don't really have anyone that i can just...
well
cry in front of
i don't feel comfortable crying in front of anyone
i have no one to comfort me in that way and in the way that doesn't make me feel awkward
honestly, i'm sorry but to all my friends that i know, i would feel awkward crying in front of you
i don't know who i can possibly cry in front of but i know i haven't met them yet...

hmm
i wonder..
would i be able to cry in front of j?
i almost did... once...
but i didn't want to be sad in front of him... it wasn't a "i don't want to cry cause it would be awkward" moment like everyone else, it was like a "i don't want him to be sad while i cry" =\
but it was on the phone so idk what it would be like in person...
heh
just a theory as to what the cause of my depression is..
this one hit deep when i thought of it.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25259344/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25259344/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:29:23 PDT i tried it just for fun and POOF
i got what i wanted!!!!!!!!!!!
AN EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's been what? 2 weeks? and i was expecting every other day in the least...
so yeah
I"M HAPPY

PLUS
there's a SLIGHT chance that i will get what i'm waiting for after all!
WOOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-squeals in head cause there are people around me that i don't want to tell my situation to...-
XD
HAVE A NICE DAY!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25201853/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25201853/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:43:43 PDT i guess it's cause i feel kinda lonely... but idk..

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25187546/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25187546/ Sun, 07 Jun 2009 21:02:17 PDT i say it all the time
BUT THAT"S CAUSE IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME
dangit.





PS i'm in Washington state now O.o
that much closer to idaho
but what am i thinking?
what i was waiting for (in idaho) isn't even going to happen.





~~
||||
T_T

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25075903/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25075903/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:18:03 PDT

[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.


[x] You own a credit card. (If a debit card counts)

[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car.


[x] You've done your own laundry.


[ ] You can vote in an election.


[x] You can cook for yourself.


[ ] You think politics are interesting.



TOTAL SO FAR: 4



[ ] You show up for school late a lot.


[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.


[ ] You've never gotten a detention.


[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.


[x] You like to take walks by yourself.


[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.


[ ] You drink caffeine at least once a week



TOTAL SO FAR: 7



[x] You know how to do the dishes.


[x] You can count to 10 in another language.


[x] When you say you're going to do something you usually do it.


[ ] You can mow the lawn.


[x] You study even when you don't have to.


[x] You have hand washed a car before.




TOTAL SO FAR: 12



[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.


[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.


[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out.


[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.


[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.


[x] You can type pretty quick.




TOTAL SO FAR: 15




[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.


[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.


[x] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.


[ ] You have more bills than you can pay.


[x] You have been to the beach.


[x] You use the internet every day.


[ ] You have been outside of the united states 3 or more times.


[~] You make your bed in the morning.

Total: 18 and a half

I make my bed look decent in the morning, but not a fullblown army tight bed XD

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25067053/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/25067053/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:12:04 PDT i got to stop home to eat and brush my teeth and stuff
so far, the things we've forgotten are
my mp3 player media converter thing so i can't put more songs on it, unless i use windows media player, which.. the last time i tried.. it froze the computer even though there were only 2 songs... O__o
and my dad forgot his shirts...

i'm in santa clara now, as i have been since friday at 7:30pm
except we did go to san francisco to china town 2 days ago...
which was irritating actually
great place, just too many people T_T

and we're leaving in a few hours to....
somewhere else
i don't know anymore XD

yesterday was really cool though, one of the friends of my dad's friend's kids had a baseball, baseball bat and baseball mitts
i'd never touched a baseball (only softballs) nor a baseball mitt in my entire life until yesterday
guess what?
i was like a pro at catching and throwing
i feel special
when i got back to the house place (now, where we sleep is called home)
or home, my dad said he thought i'd done that before, and i caught really well
-smiles-
awesome!
i feel talented XD
the kid was really good too
when he hit with the bat, he aimed SUPRE WELL
and hit quite far for a 10 year old... (or so)
wait.. wasn'th e younger? 7 or something?
idk..

anyway, he does falter as everyone does and he accidentaly hit a bullet ball straight at me (he was trying to hit a bullet but not straight at me XD) and i stupidly tried to catch it...
it didn't work and hit me in the arm...
i have a U shaped red mark there now XD
but the experience was awesome!
kk
we have to go soon and i have to get ready
not to mention, i wanted to take a pic of my arm for a souvenier so to say (however you spell it)
lol
i'm weird
kk
that's my update!
i'll say more when i can!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24974097/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24974097/ Wed, 27 May 2009 06:02:55 PDT REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN >=\
(daayan, thank you very much for the comment on the journal poem! ^-^)

anyway
i need a bit of a boost in confidence and i'm tired of high school drama right now
if you have any special feelings for me that you're hiding away, please tell me now
and don't worry
i won't start ignoring you
i won't get mad at you
i won't hate you
i will definately stay your friend (this has happened to one person before, who admitted feelings, but we just stayed friends and i'm always happy around him cause of the confidence he gave me... i want to thank him again..)
give me confidence boost?

[[[[[EDIT]]]]] if you can't say it on here, would you please note me?

PS EVEN IF YOU DON"T HAVE SPECIAL FEELINGS, could you please comment? that way i know if you read it..... O.o



[[[[[EDIT2]]]]] this isn't going to work.......................

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24970168/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24970168/ Tue, 26 May 2009 21:30:50 PDT Explain your relationship status:
long distance

-How many people have you kissed in '09?
none T_T

-What did you wear today?
my camo jacket, as always

-How many windows are open on your computer?
2

-What are you doing after this?
going to bed for the night

-How tall are you?
5'4" (or more.. it was this last a checked.. and i don't remember when that was...)

-Last hug from the opposite sex?
today at lunch, saying bye to seniors who are leaving.. T_T

-Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
uh..? i'd rather have it blue or something XD

-Is something bothering you?
i wait and wait and wait and it turns out what i'm waiting for isn't coming AGAIN (damnit.)

-When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I LOOK DIFFERENT!!! (HINT HINT COUGH CHOKE NUDGE WINK POKE TRIP GRUNT)
for those of you who know me in real life, you'll find out tomorrow (the 27th)

-When's the last time you got stung by a bee?
never have! ^-^

-What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?
floor

-Name the shoe brand you are wearing?
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....?

-What color underwear you have on?
white.. O.o

-Did you take a nap today?
no

-Three days from now, will you be in a relationship?
long distance... yes.

-Would you be willing to live with your best friend?
definately! ^-^

-If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
it would definately be a boost in confidence, but i have someone else.... (that's so far away X_x)

-Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
all the time T_T

Do you believe your ex thinks about you?
i don't think i have an ex... O.o (XD, no, i don't.)

-Who was the last person you cried in front of?
does on the phone count? it was on saturday...

-Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
ummm... actually, surprisingly, no.
hmm, didn't notice that till now...

-What's wrong with you?
i'm always depressed about something, though i hide it pretty well sometimes...

-Do you think anyone's lying to you right now?
...

-Do you straighten your hair?
don't have a straightener...

-What is the last movie you watched?
some King Arthur movie... i think the word "knight" was in the title... like the first knight or something?

-What do you hear?
my mom making a smoothie in the blender downstairs that i'm not going to drink cause i'm going to sleep soon

-What time did you wake up today?
4:45am as always

-Last thing you drank?
Dole juice.. it had guava in it is all i remember..

-Ever felt like you're not good enough?
-sigh-

-Think a lot before you fall asleep?
ALL THE TIME

-Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
not so cross dressy when you're a girl... but i've worn a huge t-shirt before..

-Do you smoke weed everyday?
definately NOT

-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
yes!
i would be shocked by anyone that couldn't, but then again, PRACTICALLY my whole school of teenagers is like that
so... i guess my shock has faded...

-What will you be doing this weekend?
going on the trip around the united states visiting friends (OF MY PARENTS) and family...
and the meeting of my dearest love was cancelled T~T T~T T~T T~T T~T
T~~~~~~~T

-What were you doing at 8 am today?
drawing in my loads of free time in school (even thoughi have artist's block right now, i shaded my teachers names in my special way ^-^)

-What were you doing at 10 am?
drawing in a different period

-Will your next kiss be a mistake?
if it's how i want/plan it to be, then no.

-Do you like the President of the United States?
he seems fairly intelligent

-Will tomorrow be better than today?
maybe.

-Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
all the time

-Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
yes

-Do you get along with girls?
well..... it depends on the person, whether she's a girl or not.

-How much longer until your birthday?
um.. my birthday was a week and 4 days ago soooo....
354 days left!

-Who bought you the clothes your wearing?
mom

-How often do you say I love you?
uhh... there's only one person i really say it to anymore... and i haven't done so in the past week cause i've been really down..

-Who is the last person you told you loved them?
my love... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24898623/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24898623/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:40:21 PDT _> sorta.... <_< O_o

how can someone be so much like someone else and not be the same person?
and at the same time, be so different that they are so obviously not the same person...

he talks the same way, he looks the same way, he acts the same way
but he's smarter, he's confined, and he's already got someone of his own...
someone who i wish was me, because she gets those tender gentle feelings that were promised to me, she gets those soft kind words of love and beauty, she gets his kiss and his hope and his PRESENCE

while i am here, always waiting
always stuck without it
where my hope is always faultering
because there is no one here for me
no one here to give me hope when i need it


loneliness and feeling left out
it's sad that i get nervous near this man so much like the other that i love
it's sad that i long to be near this man and yet shy away from this man who reminds me of the other that i love
it's sad that i cannot speak near this man who i see as the same man that i love
it's as if i love them both but i can have neither

one is far away, i cannot reach him
and the other is so close, but i still cannot reach him

two men i see as one sometimes
and i pity myself into sadness again
and i anger myself by my pity
and i relax myself with the thought that i can change it if i want to
and i confuse myself of what i want and do not what

what do i want?
i want someone to care for me the way this man does her
i want someone to be here for me and stay forever near me like he does her
but the only man who can, cannot, for he is far away
so very far away...







i feel like this is a poem....
a sad poem, like my every other..




...sorta.



******************UPDATE:*********************
we are once again thrown farther away from each other due to the plans someone else made for him.
His parents want him to go to meet his grandparents a few more states away, i cannot meet him in the time we had planned
yet another obstacle from someone who desperately wants me (us?) to suffer.

and so now, i will look at this man who reminds me of my dearest love
and i'll look away in either anger or sadness of defeat
perhaps he knows who he is
but i have had no hint that he has read this, so i might never know unless he comments or says something in school
i might note, "sorta" is a clue.
=\
that is, if you really wanted to know if it was you or not...
if you don't get it, forget it, it does not concern you except to poke at your curiosity.

-sigh-
i'm such a pitiful teenager
why can't these hormones relax already!?

*********************UPDATE 2**********************

I want you to know who you are, one who reminds me of the other
but how can i tell you?
it will only make your life more confusing than mine, would it not? or would you know how to deal with it, with your oh so talented ways

I'm beginning to doubt the other, the one that i loved
His excuses are blending together, and there were so many that i'm starting to believe they are all fake
But then i have fear that... what if everything he says is truth? then i'm hurting him like i'd never want to hurt a single being because i felt that pain before, i just don't remember feeling it because i erased my own memory of so many things...

And then i think of you.

Everyone said i could do better than that guy, he's not the brightest in the bunch, but i do have feelings for him. Or are my feelings for him only because he had feelings for me? which, i'd been wanting so long that i immediately held on to him because he was able to satisfy my hunger to be loved by the opposing gender in that special way that will amount to life lasting?
Maybe everyone's right
Maybe i should stop waiting because it's been just too long for it to be real anymore
He's wasting my life, telling me to wait for him, but i can't anymore! i'm worn out
i'm tired of waiting
i'm sick of it
and he's not helping in the slightest, even though it's all on him
i tried already, now it's his turn.
i was even courteous enough to skip his turn, since his turn was first, and went straight to my turn, so it's really his turn AGAIN

Well, back to what everyone thinks, taht i can do better...
You, one who reminds me of the other
you not only have the qualities i so loved in him, but you have more
and you understand me
you've been through how i feel
you FEEL how i feel

One who reminds me of the other, i thank you for noticing me out of the crowd...

but i'm just another teenager following her emotions
~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24846724/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24846724/ Tue, 19 May 2009 21:21:22 PDT

i got my retainerth today...
and now i have the thlurring of the thpeech

yay for F'th and TH'th!!!

i can have a lot of fun with thith thtuff

like...
hmm
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFPAMMAGE



lol
that was really hilariouf when i did that my friend..

wath it for you? =O

it'th hard to type without ef'th


lol
i think i uthe TH more than i uthe F but i like F fo FFFFFFFFFF

lol
i wonder if i write a thentenfe with tonth of f'th in it fo that you could barely underthtand...


naw, too tediouth

i'm done now XD

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24748940/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24748940/ Thu, 14 May 2009 05:31:37 PDT i promised myself i wouldn't cry for 2 months
and i broke my promise

so after crying in my room alone, i washed my eyes out so it wouldn't look too bad and went downstairs to work on my project
i started crying again and got angry with myself and asked if my mom knew how to stop crying.

she didn't .

for 15 minutes i tried not to cry
and failure because i kept thinking i was in this alone
i asked my mom to tell me a story or something
she said she couldn't, she was eating
which made it all worse
i was in this alone.
until i was shaking in violent fits of trying not to cry
and then suddenly
i stopped
i felt like i died
and i didn't talk for the rest of the night
i wasn't stressed till now, and i'm still not stressed
i feel completely emotionless
but hey, this is the only way i can cope i suppose
i don't even know why i'm sending you this if i'm so "emotionless"
eh, i guess it's nice to let it out or something..
but yeah... my parents probably think i'm mad at them right now, but i'm not.
just apathetic and uncaring of what they say or do, what they tell me, what they want
i'll just do things
i cleaned up last night, which isn't normal..
i moved with simple movements of a robot and i didn't respond unless i really needed to make a nod or something when my parents spoke to me about something.
although, other things like when my mom asked "do you want to eat something?"
i didn't reply at all.
which is why she probably thinks i'm mad at her


i feel like a dead robot
dead

hope you had a fun day.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24745019/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24745019/ Wed, 13 May 2009 20:21:16 PDT
]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24744862/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24744862/ Wed, 13 May 2009 20:09:12 PDT except....
on the graphing calculator section

because i didn't have a graphing calculator at home
sure, we had them in class
but that's not enough to get to know it! T_T

so i probably got a 3 or 4 instead of a 5 because my dad thinks the calculators are too expensive, which i know they are, but hell, can't we just get something expensive FOR ME just once? (the only expensive things he gets are for his own damn self)
but i'm not angry right now
there's irritation
but no anger right now

however...
there's a whole crapload of sad
sad without tears because i promised myself i wouldn't cry for 2 months
it's been hard
i've been tearing up, but i don't count that as crying
the thing is, i had to stop myself
last week, each day, i had a feeling of wanting to cry

on tuesday, i wanted to cry because of all my stress

and today i want to cry cause of the incident at walmart


lovely

so, i have a project due on friday
it's about pink floyd and i needed to do something creative for the background so i thought out loud to my dad about it and he suggested i use paint
i didn't really want to cause it would crack but i really didn't see any other way
so we look for paint in the garage
there is none

good thing i told him to look for it cause he sent me out alone, but i refused

so then, i left him for a while and when i came back (after some thought) i suggested i could just tell my teacher i can't do as well on this cause my dad is cheap
then he offered to go to the store to buy paints


shock.



then we go to the store, walmart, and find fingerpaints =\

and i was looking in some other sections and happened to pass by the graphing calculators..........
i was in a rush so i went back to tell my dad, but i didn't see the price, so when we came back...
the cheapest one was $95
i know that's a lot, but still, it'll last so much longer

he said no
i explained my AP test score, how it was harder cause i didn't own one of these
and you know what he said?

you should have learned to use that old one


honestly, i should tell you how OLD the OLD one was
i have no clue what this means but this is the name on the top:
CASIO scientific calculator fx-7000G GRAPHICS


this is the calculator with a SWITCH to turn on the calculator, it has a bunch of buttons in random places and i don't know any of them.
hell, if you saw this calculator you'd be shocked at how old it looked

really, you think i want to take the instruction manual (booklet) to school and spend 15 minutes figuring out how to do a function on here while the rest of the class did it in 5 seconds?
THIS CALCULATOR IS EFFING EMBARRASING
holy hell

i have about 20 graphs on it that i don't know how to erase except to reset the whole calculator cause there's a RESET BUTTON
you know, those old mechanical things that have that button on the back that you can only push with a PIN?
IT HAS THAT



did i mention it's embarrasing?
everyone's got this high tech calculator and i have this THING

god damn it
don't cry, may
it's not worth it

i hope i don't have to start over on my promise to myself
or i'll be really pissed at myself
and my birthday is in 2 days

now my eyes hurt

congradulations
you've seen my train of thoughts that lead to my crying
hope you enjoyed a special moment of my life, brought to you by my dad's cheapness and this old embarrassing effing calculator that's his excuse to not get the new one


really, he can spend 100 dollars (each) for 2 flat screen monitors he doesn't even use but he can't spend 95 dollars on a calculator that i need for an AP class in the subject i'm best at?


acceptance

just accept it may
it's no big deal

so what if you get a 3 on the AP calc test when you could have gotten a 5

so what?
IT"S NO EFFING BIG DEAL
get a damn hold of yourself
and stop typing to yourself where everyone can see.



the mood won't work, so i'm putting my mood here, i don't care if it's not onthe list:
EMPTY

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24724236/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24724236/ Tue, 12 May 2009 16:30:50 PDT you're already dead!
-GASP-
BRACES ARE OFF!
GONE!
DEAD!
ELIMINATED!
THEY CEASE TO EXIST FROM MY MOUTH!!!!!!
MWAHAHA!
i feel like i'm making a speech on how i'm going to rule the world O.o


WEWT!!!
my mouth feels so
SOFT



i would die happy
but i just found out today that i have yet another project
so now i have 4 projects total

history due friday (my birthday =O)
same with the history homework packet and history test

calculus and biology due monday

and spanish due next wednesday

big whoop


i felt like this last year too
that was the year i had an AP TEST on my BIRTHDAY
and it sucked a lot

but hey, i'll be fine!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24643485/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24643485/ Thu, 07 May 2009 21:47:04 PDT writing it all down might help
(using was for past days, is for next days)
k, tuesday was when my history packet was due, and the day of the history test
but my calculus AP test (more important) was on the day after that, wednesday
so i barely studied for my history test and was stressed and couldn't focus on it and ended up getting a 50/50 on the test O.o
that got out of the way, but i still got the whole rest of the world on my shoulders
i had a spanish translation due on the day of my calculus class but i had to turn it in on thursday instead
then i have a test tomorrow, friday, in spanish that i barely studied for and don't understand still
i have a biology AP test on monday which i still need to study for


my mind keeps going blank from all the stress i'm having

moving on, i'm functional again
i had to read a story in my english class from the book..
i have a 100 page script (i have 83 pages sorta) that's due monday, which i just now realized is the biology test... i need to tell my teacher that tomorrow
i have an orthodonist appointment in the middle of my school time on tuesday to get my braces off
my just assigned on wednesday (just found out about today, thursday) history project has a due date of the subject of the project i'm doing due tomorrow and the full project/posterboard/thing due on my birthday, which is friday of next week (not tomorrow, it's the week after tomorrow)
my friend wanted to go to disneyland with me on my birthday but i have to take off of 2 hours of school to go to that and i'll miss more school and stuff
and i have an appointment for the doctors on the 20th, i don't even know what day that is
and i think i'm going to get another appointment for the orthodonist a week after my tuesday appointment...
my spanish project is due somewhere in that week...
i have another spanish test on my birthday...
and i have to plan for the summer vacation trip we're taking around the united states

anything else?
i'm done for the now

oh wait
i also have history homework due tomorrow, where i have to read and answer the questions

oh please let me not have extra math homework T_T
we already took the AP test, but i beleive we have a math FINAL we have to take as well for the class T_T
that sucks....



i need to clean my room....... O.o

k, what do i want to focus on now?

do history homework
that's first
then study for spanish test tomorrow...
i got my permission slip signed for schindler's list we're watching in english, so that's a load off my back
already asked my mom to get a poster board.... two posterboards for my 2 projects due in the next 2 weeks...
so yeah, history and spanish and study for biology if possible
and poof

that's it for today


thankfully, a friend's soothing words and voice from on the phone helped me relax a bit today


but my mind kept going blank!!!
it's happened 20 times (no exaggeration) today!!!
that's the most ever!
this is the most stressed i've ever been
holy crap, i can't focus on anything...
k, i'm goign to bed
i need it T_T
gnight!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24629848/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24629848/ Thu, 07 May 2009 05:04:47 PDT Then i had to ride with someone else, and on the way, the driver (a mom) DIED right next to me... i had to walk the rest of the way
there were no policemen or anything, it didnt' matter
i was shaking the whole way to school
which wasn't my school, even though it was my house where they picked me up
i was unhappy about j having left again, crying cause of that
and shaking because of the death, i had to tell the other car, the kids and family about it...
it was painful
another guy was in that car too


you know what?
for some reason, the family was african american, but i didn't know any of them in real life (i realized after i woke up)
so anyway
next i go to my math class
where joyce and dony are sitting together in front, in the middle of the class (not their normal seats i realize after i wake)
and i didn't sit in my original seat, and went to sit in the empty seats behind them
they were cheerful about something in their convo
later, joyce turns to me and says "you're depressed AGAIN?"
i forgot the rest of math class
but suddenly, i was at home again
in my garage, but it has no cars in it...

the garage was half closed and we were all looking outside
four people
i forgot why we were doing it..
maybe there was a yard sale or something?
or something. =\
anyway
first on the left, there's me
sulking like hell, and crying cause this was the worst day of my entire life (the worst dream i guess too... the worst dream that made sense), shaking and trembling from the sudden death of someone that happened right next to me

next to me was mark w. and he was giving me advice like he always does... (thank you mark w. for doing that.. it really helps whether you know it or not, just giving pieces of what you think and stuff)
i think he said something like "it's always sad when someoen dies" or something (lol, that sounds kinda funny now that i think about it... he said it in a better way though... something better..)
next to mark was eileen, a chinese girl in my acrobatics class i knew since i was 8 or something...
she was telling me to move on in that nice way of hers...
and i don't ... remember who was the fourth person
just a side person, i think it was one of those people i don't know in real life but kinda know in the dream?
=\

that's all i remember of the dream...
because i grew restless and woke up and tried to sleep and woke up
an hour of not being able to sleep right/well, but always trying...


so...
i miss j and don't want him to go

and i fear of someone dying near me and having to tell their family
and i remember the advice people give me and who gives it...



and this probably isn't true, but someone might die soon? o~o
yeah...
i don't think i'm that psychic...


what do you think?


PS btw, when i woke up from this dream, i feel like i had lucid dreamed
but there was no part of the dream where i knew i was dreaming.. i just have that relaxed aware of everything, refreshed... fresh feeling that i've gotten after all my lucid dreams....
so idk.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24484235/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24484235/ Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:50:47 PDT i have braces
my dad doesn't
i've seen retainers
my dad hasn't
i know how it works
my dad didn't do the research for it
HOW THE HELL does he think he knows more about this than i do?

we had a huge argument about braces and retainers and crap

and he acted like he knew it all when he knew nothing except maybe engineering knowledge... but he doesn't even know the structure of retainers!!! and i don't think he knows braces either damnit.

i was so angry at him, i clenched my hand so hard that my fingernails probably left a bruise on my palm
-_-

so we get home since this argument was in the car
and i try to explain my logic....
i did it in the way that i was one on one with him, talking to him like i would talk to a friend, to explain my side of why i was arguing so ruthelessly and trying to resolve

he said "go to your room and don't talk to me like that"
WHAT DID I TEL YOU ALL BEFORE WHO"VE READ MY STUFF ABOUT HIM HMMMMM?????
HE"S SO FED UP INTO HIMSELF
HE'S THE DAMN LEADER OF THE HOUSE CAUSE HE'S LIVED THE LONGEST AND HE'S OLDEST AND HE'S A MAN
HE DESERVES EFFING RESPECT FOR THE LITTLE AMOUNT OF EFFORT HE PUTS IN LIVING AND THE MONEY HE COLLECTS FOR US FROM HIS SOCIAL SECURITY CAUSE HE'S RETIRED AND TOO EFFING LAZY TO GET A JOB
I KNOW HE'S EFFING LAZY BECAUSE HE CAN DO TONS OF STUFF, HE'S NOT TO DAMN OLD FOR IT
he's also the reason i've been angry in the past 2 days
it was always him that got me out of a good mood and kept me out of one because i couldn't get out of the bad mood since i hadn't been in one for a long time
sure he got me angry before, but i never stayed in a bad mood
two days ago, i did.

damnit
i hate him
i tried not to
i tried for months not to hate him
and it isn't working
should i quit?
i know, i know "don't quit!" but jesus, how long do you think it'll take?
how the hell can there be a solution?
i want to scream at him
and much much more...

>=\
and now i'll go and sulk

heck, i don't even feel like crying i'm so damn pissed off
maybe i'll just do pushups or something...
i need to work on my arm strength anyway...


EDIT: YUP, there's a bruise in my palm. It's been 15 minutes since i clenched my hand so hard and it's already an official bruise
dangit...
i'm not blaming him for this, my body did it to it's own accord, just saying how much he pissed me off that my body felt like doing this to itself.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24030133/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24030133/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:28:45 PDT it's actually
deviantart!
i think it's cause of the advertisements....
they're all the ones that slow your computer, make it want to get a popup, speak out LOUD, take a long time to load, start errors, give viruses, make the computer system crash
geebus!
i wrote a fairly long journal and BAM!
sorry to inform you, but internet explorer has to close
well crap!
i tried to open up wordpad before i let it close and it opened up RIGHT over the text
so when i moved it, the text was gone and replaced by copies of wordpad
O.o
well anyway

my deleted journal was about a song called "Mad World" by Gary something, i lost that page too ad don't feel like relooking it up
(coincidentally, Gary is my dad's name O.o)
anyways
it's a good song (to me)
and i realized something interesting when i was listening to it
there's a part where it goes osmething like... "getting nervous, no one knows me, no one knows me..." or something and later in the song (like a few seconds after i heard that) i realized i was STARTING to bite my nails!!!
i mean..
i never really thought i bit my nails because i got nervous.. i thought it was jst because i like to nibble on things sometimes just did it when i felt like it..
but now i suddenly know...
it's because i'm nervous that i feel like it!!!!!
O.o
great
just don't be nervous, May.
all will be well
-slumps-
at least i didn't bite anything off like last time..... -_-
all is well in the fingernail department!!! ^-^
YAY IE lived through 5 minutes of deviantart this time!!!
^-^
-smiles-

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24018621/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/24018621/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 06:29:56 PDT
[ ] I shop at Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, or Aerospatiale.
[ ] I am/was a cheerleader.
[ ] I'm pretty ditzy.
[ ] I wear pink 24/7.
[ ] My looks are very important to me.
[ ] I can’t live without my cell phone.
[ ] My hair is always straight
[ ] I say 'like' and 'omigod' a lot.
[ ] I laugh 24/7.
[ ] I have a million friends.
[ ] I always hang at the mall or movies.
[ ] I'll only date popular guys.
[ ] I listen to rap & pop music.
[ ] I have at least one designer bag.
[ ] My myspace pics are of me making a kissy face or are mirror pics.
[ ] It takes me at least an hour to get ready for school in the mornings.
[ ] Uggs + Miniskirts = Love
[x] I don't have a job
[ ] I wear lots of makeup.
[ ] I can be stuck up or snobby sometimes.
[ ] I flirt with any guy, as long as he's cute
Total = 1 XD

Emo

[ ] I cry a lot
[ ] I go to local shows.
[...] I wear black everyday.
[X] I write sad poetry.
[x] I play an acoustic guitar.
[...] My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy , My Chemical Romance, or Panic! at the Disco.
[ ] I self mutilate myself.
[...] I think about suicide or death often.
[X] People have told me to cheer up.
[ ] I cry when I see dead animals.
[ ] My myspace pics are black and white or angled.
[ ] I wear many band shirts.
[ ] No one understands me.
[ ] I look down when I walk.
[ ] I wear black eyeliner.
[ ] My fingernails are black.
[ ] I have an ex I still cry over.
[ ] My hair is black.
[ ] My hair covers one of my eyes.
[ ] I love Hot Topic.
[x] I always say 'life sucks'.
Total = 5.5 ("..."= maybe or kinda or sometimes O.o)

Nerd

[ ] have straight A's.
[x] I wear glasses.
[...] I always do my homework and study.
[ ] Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement.
[x] Computer games = Love.
[...] I'm a 'teachers pet'.
[...] I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend.
[x] I have a bedtime.
[...] I use an asthma inhaler. [i have asthma and could be prescribed to one]
[x] I carry a calculator with me. [in backpack, always]
[ ] I bring my lunch to school.
[x] I always follow the rules.
[x] I'm shy around the opposite sex.
[x] I'm always on the computer.
[x] I've never had beer or cigarettes.
[ ] I always answer every question in class right. [i don't talk much to the whole class]
[x] I correct people's grammar.
[x] I read a lot.
[ ] School is very important to me.
[ ] I always stump people.
Total = 12

Rebel

[ ] I always speak my mind.
[x] I have 0% of school spirit.
[ ] I won't do what you tell me!
[x] I stand up for what I think is right.
[ ] On spirit days at school, I wear the rebel's colors.
[...] Whenever people are doing something, I do the complete opposite.
[ ] I won't listen to authority figures.
[ ] I always break the rules.
[ ] I refuse to compromise.
[ ] I'm always arguing with people.
[ ] I love debate.
[ ] I always do what's unexpected of me.
[...] I don't give a crap what people think of me.
[ ] If I watch a crappy movie in theaters, right after it's over, I'll say 'that sucked'.
[ ] I'm not afraid to trash people's opinions.
[ ] I only respect my own beliefs.
[ ] If I don't want to do something, I won't do it, no matter what.
[ ] I laugh at compromising people.
[ ] I cheer on the rival's sport team to stand out.
[ ] Rules were meant to be broken.
Total = 3 O.o

Jock

[ ] I'm on one or more sport teams.
[ ] I always wear my varsity jacket.
[ ] I've won awards for my athletic ability.
[ ] I will only date popular girls/guys.
[ ] School Spirit 100%.
[ ] I'm going to a college for sports.
[ ] I watch sports on TV all the time.
[...] I'm muscular.
[ ] I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.
[ ] Go Team!
[ ] I'm a chick/dude magnet.
[ ] I eat a lot.
[ ] I'm egotistical.
[ ] I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.
[ ] I sit at the jock lunch table.
[ ] All I talk about with my friends is sports.
[ ] I go to lots of sports games.
[...] I'm very athletic
[ ] I wear sport inspired clothing.
[ ] I play at least 3 different sports.
Total = 1

Comedian

[...] I'm very funny.
[ ] I'm always making jokes.
[ ] I interrupt class by making people laugh.
[ ] I always entertain people by being funny.
[ ] I worship Kevin Smith.
[ ] I watch comedies more than anything.
[ ] I also watch SNL and Mad TV a lot.
[x] I'm sarcastic.
[x] I've been told I'm hilarious.
[ ] I always imitate people.
[ ] I pull lots o... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23838006/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23838006/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 18:41:36 PDT people say i shouldn't hate
people say i don't hate him
people think he's my dad and i just feel this way because i am a teenager and hormones are running my life
but damnit
i hate him
EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES
i hate being around him
i hate talking to him
i hate when he talks to me
i hate i hate i hate him
even though i tried not to
what angered me this time?
not just him, actually
just coincidence
or someone trying to ruin my life

so it's spring break, right?
spring BREAK
meaning
RELAXING TIME
NO SCHOOL
i have homework in every freaken class
and since it's still the weekend and i desperately need to relax, i'm postponing doing most of my homework for tomorrow
and i actually already did a few things today so that's a plus

so i'm relaxing, listening to music..
singing to it, cause i suddenly know how to sing now..
it's like my sickness healing and stuff made me singing voice super good and i can sing notes i couldn't sing before O.o
and then i hear my dad's heavy footsteps coming and i stop singing while the song plays on cause i dont' want him to see me or hear me singing
it's like i'm not letting my gaurd down to the enemy
well
as expected
he said something i didn't want to hear
"i don't want you fooling around on the internet until your homework is done"
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE?
GO AWAY AND LET ME BE DAMNIT
YOU THINK I CAN JUST FINISH IT ALL IN ONE NIGHT!???
he said i watched a movie and that was a break enough
WHAT DOES HE DO ALL DAY?
spider solitair
damn spider solitaire needs to be erased from the universe
so yeah, coincidence that he didn't see me when i was actually doing my homework
and i hate him for TELLING ME WHAT I ALREADY DAMN KNOW
WHY DOES HE TREAT ME LIKE THIS?
HE KNOWS I DON"T LIEK IT AND IT"S NOT HELPING ME!!!!!!
AAAGGGHHH I HATE HIM SO MUCH I"M CRYING
anger tears
god, he's the only reason i want to move out of this house...

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23816561/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23816561/ Sat, 21 Mar 2009 15:30:21 PDT [x] You drink a lot of tea.
[ ] You know what a brolly is.
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life.
[ ] You wanted Ben to win X Factor.
[ ] You use the word "bugger" or the phrase "bloody hell."
[ ] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[ ] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[ ] You dislike emos almost as much as you dislike chavs.
[ ] Its football...not soccer.
Total = 1

Australian
[ ] You wear flip flops all year.
[ ] You call flipflops thongs not flip flops.
[ ] You love a backyard barbie.
[ ] You know a barbie is not a doll.
[x] You love the beach.
[ ] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[ ] You're a sports fanatic.
[ ] You are tanned.
[ ] You're a bit of a bogan.
[ ] You have an australian something.
Total = 1

Italian
[ ] The Sopranos is a great show.
[x] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[ ] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[ ] You know how a real meatball tastes.
[ ] You know Italian songs.
[x] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
[ ] You speak some italian.
[x] You are under 5'10''.
[ ] You know what a italian horn is
[x] You talk with your hands.
Total = 4

Spanish
[ ] You say member instead of Remember.
[ ] You speak spanish or some.
[x] You like tacos.
[ ] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[ ] You are dark skinned.
[ ] You know what a Puta is.
[ ] You talk fast occasionally.
[ ] You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[ ] You know what platanos are.
Total = 1

Russian
[ ] You say villian as: Vee-lon.
[ ] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[x] You get cold easily.
[x] Rain is fun for you.
[ ] You get into contests all the time.
[ ] You can easily make do with the cold weather.
Total = 2

Irish
[ ] You think beer is the best.
[ ] You have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murph, O', Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y.
[ ] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
[ ] You have been to a St. Patty's Day party.
[ ] You have a family member from Ireland.
[ ] You have blonde hair.
[x] You have/had freckles.
[ ] Your family gettogethers always include drinking and singing.
Total = 2

African American
[ ] You say nigga/nukka casually
[ ] You have nappy hair.
[ ] You like rap.
[ ] You know how to shoot a gun
[ ] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[x] You like chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[ ] You can dance.
[ ] You can 'sing' gospel.
Total = 2

Asian
[...?] You have slanty/small eyes.
[x] You like rice a lot.
[x] You are good at math.
[x] You have played the piano.
[x] You have family from Asia.
[x] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[x] Most people think you're Chinese.
[ ] You call hurricanes typhoons.
[ ] You go to Baulko.
Total = 6.5

German
[x] You like bread.
[X!!!!!] You think German Chocolate is good.
[ ] You Speak some German.
[ ] You know what Schnitzel is.
[ ] You hate it when stupid people call you a Nazi.
[ ]You went to Pre-school.
[x] You're over 5'2.
Total = 3 (plus .5 CAUSE I LOVE GERMAN CHOCOLATE!!!!)
WOO i'm asian
WHO WOULDA THOUGHT??!?!?!?
XD
------------------------
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
it's in german.... O.o (slaughter house five)
"...stadtische Ordnung heingesat; da ruhmte mir der..."

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
My bed O.o

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
I don't remember.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
3:00

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
3:09

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Wind against our house

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About an 30 minutes ago coming home from acrobatics with a sore left heel cause i kicked the teacher's elbow on the point stead of his arm........ IT HURTS! T_T

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
other journals...

9. What are you wearing?
camo jacket, black shirt, blue acrobatics/PE pants...

10. Did you dream last night?
yea..

11. When did you last laugh?
in acrobatics... or on the car ride home when i realized i could suddenly sing a high pitched note i couldn't hit before!!! ^-^

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
nothing... i'z boring T_T

13. Seen anything weird lately?
um.... i have some abstract art that looks... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23531475/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23531475/ Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:11:04 PST i'm looking to talk to a real person with real words that aren't just typed
"i feel better and worse at the same time" i say to my dad (the only person available to talk because my mom is, as always, busy at work)
i explain to him how my cough was worse than before i went to school, simply talking about the 'worse' part of my conversation ever since school
"my cough got immediately worse when i walked in school, instead of it being like a cough, nothing comes out with this cough" unless i try really hard to cough really hard...... which hurts a lot
he said that i was probably developing another sickness, which i could believe, for good reason
different cough=different sickness
"so i got another sickness from school.. great..."
"no.."
"what?"
"you already had the sickness in your body, and when your body gets weaker, the sicknesses take advantage of it and you get a different sickness"
"So i have two sicknesses at once? That sucks. But i still basically got it from school right?"
"no"
"why not? my cough started changing only when i got in school..."
"school has nothing to do with it, that was just a coincidence."
"pretty big coincidence if you ask me, i mean, i coughed different this morning and right when i'm in school, my cough is different-"

by this time, we were both a bit flustered, but apparently, i was ticking him off because i didn't understand his reasoning and didn't beleive that school had nothing to do with it...
i remember explaining that school must have made me weaker somewhere up there, but i forgot already...
so after being so fed up with me and wondering why i'm arguing which i am actually giving the reasons for he says
"you know what, i dont' want to argue with you anymore"
HE ALWAYS DOES THAT
right when i make an important point that proved him wrong is when he says it
and he says it in that tone...
that horrid rutheless evil tone that needs to burn in hell forever
the tone is like he is boss of everyone no matter what
he is higher than everyone and therefore shouldn't be pestered with trivial matters such as his daughter being sick
i dont' deserve a let out mode other than typing cause he is closed for conversation
so anyway, i wasn't done yet, he always does this, so i decided to step up and say something about how unfair he's being
but he's not done yet either..
and you know what he said?
it's the moment i've been leading up to...
he said things like he didn't care
he said things like he was "HAPPY I WAS SICK" exact words that i remember...
he said things like he didn't want to be bothered by stuff like this
he said things that affirmed the reason why he was acting like he did
HE DOESN"T EFFING CARE PEOPLE
i'm actually kind of releived
now i'll know
tomorrow or something, he might do one of these things:
not talk to me because he's still angry with me
be nicer to me because he feels guilty for what he said
not change at all cause he really doesn't care
possibly be meaner cause that's how he actually wanted to be because if he continued what he was doing, he'd be trying to pretend (TRYING TO DAMN PRETEND) that he cared, but now, since he doesn't have to show he cares anymore, he will be meaner than usual, proving once and for all
that my dad is a load of shit and a selfish son of a bitch.

edit:
and worse yet, he may have passed some of those genes i hate on to me, can't you effing tell?

thank you for listening to my rant about my lovely day
hope yours went better.

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23516164/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23516164/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:48:39 PST sorry if i seem rather offensive, i'm meerly being offensive to -points to throat while coughing-
not -points to awesome friend who cares-

here was my reply to him:
"depends on your definition of 'better'
i'm pretty sure i'm getting better
and everytime i wake up i think "i'm feeling better"
but then i go through the day... and then it's nighttime and i'm still sleepy after spending the day in feverish naps
my sense of time is awry so that an hour seems like an entire night
i have scheduled fevers!!!!!!! (holy crap!)
the whole day that isn't spent asleep is used by my very slow walking cause if i walked fast i would have surely lost my balance and fell
there's also the dust/paint mask idea...
ah, the dust/paint mask idea...
-slumps-
there's the medicine i have to take, which obviously tastes like crap
well, they DID try to hide it with...... 'something'........ O.o
(i just randomly thought of school lunch food eating me =O)
there's this mush of a real fruit smoothie [my mom makes] that usually tastes great but you'd understand how awful it would be when you're not allowed to drink cold liquids
that's right, i have to drink a HOT smoothie
THERE SHOULDN"T BE SUCH A THING AS A HOT SMOOTHIE ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET!!!!
craploads
and guess what i get to do now?
sleep........
sleep sleep sleep....
i'm going to get a scheduled fever again....
i dont' know how my body does it, but it's SCHEDULED!!!
i got these fevers the same time yesterday =O!!!!!!!
wth?????
asthma and allergies to everything SUCK!
if i didn't have asthma or allergies, i would[[[N'T]]] [wow, major typo] have a SINUS INFECTION, i'd just be SICK
i'm not going to be better tomorrow and if i turn out to be crappy, please do not be offended cause it's not you, it's my freaken life with asthma, allergies, sickness, and sinus infection
and my freaken dad if you care to read my very super long journal [sick, worse, worse, better, better, WORSE], you will find that my dad seriously PISSED ME OFF this weekend...
i guess i'll see you tomorrow
nice... complaining to you
thanks for reading
PS I DIDN"T EVEN MENTION COUGHS!!!!!!! GEEZ THAT"S LIKE THE WHOLE SICKNESS IS COUGHING!!!!!
the muscles in my stomach area HURT because i was COUGHING so much!!!!!!
MY COUGHING MUSCLES HURT!!!!
i need to write another journal... i think i'll use this comment..."
and poof! here is the journal for all to see!
there's also the side effects of the meds which include a FEVER AND HEADACHE AND SORE THROAT AND STOMACH ACHE (these are just the ones i've gotten SO FAR)
i already had a fever and headache so that's probably why they gave it to me..
if i already had it, then a little extra fever and headache won't hurt too much WILL IT>??!!!?!?!!??!?!
>
and the sore throat?
actually, it makes your throat DRY which then TURNS INTO A SORE THROAT
wow, that's awesome...
make my cough hurt a lot worse, that'll be ok, IT PROBABLY WON"T HURT TOO MUCH COMPARED TO BEFORE!!!
craploads...
and the stomach ache...
it was just a little at first, but in the second day of taking the meds (i have to take 12mL a day, which i do so in the morning) as the day grew past, i started to realize something that might become very messy
not just a stomach ache......
but the actual feeling that i'm going to vomit which i see as NOT GOOD
maybe it is good
maybe vomitting will get rid of the ickiness since it sure isn't going out my nose and when i cough, i don't know how to get it out of the back of my throat except to swallow......... O______o
but to me, vomitting sounds horrible...
ah the memories of vomiting.....
macaroni and cheese.....
and cherries
such lovely memories of vomitting...
won't i just cherish them forever...
and pass those lovely wonderous memories to you, my dear friends reading it
since you probably just imagined it...
macaroni and cheese and cherries people!
-slumps-
that was the worst vomit i ever saw
and it was MY OWN
geez, that's horrid....
OH MY GOD!
I HAVE AN ORTHODONIST APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK
what if i cough in their face?
wow, that will be rather awkward...
"What color do you want?"
"COUGH"
"blue it is"
heh....
dont' ask, i'm being cheesy now...
hmmm......
i should go to bed now....
BTW
ONE good thing about being sick
i got to stay home and watch movies!!!
although, half the time i didn't understand them cause i was half feverish and trying to sleep... and i didn't... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23487477/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23487477/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 11:06:11 PST we got an appointment at 9am (found out this morning) and went there (only 15 mile or so drive! , mebe less? idk...)
waiting
waiting
waiting
poof, doctor's OFFICE..
waiting
waiting
waiting
poof, doctor
he asks for symptoms, i tell him most of what i can remember....
coughing, headache, fever (when and how much), um...... what else did i say?
i don't remember..
but when he looked in my ears (with that one light thing), my mouth, and my nose (with that light thing with the pointed part that sticks into your ear usually) and poof
Sinus Infection
questions?
=\
i'm shocked...
he makes doctor's note and perscription
we go to perscription place
20 minutes of waiting
we get the medications which are the antibiotic for sinus infection WHICH I MIGHT BE ALLERGIC TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cause if you're allergic to pennisilin (like me) you have a 10% chance of being allergic to the sinus infection antibiotic
so if something goes wrong, then stop taking it...
the other thing is something i'm supposed to spray in my nose to prevent allergies with side effects of mild headaches and dryness..........
don't you just love doctors?
come home...
place medications on table
go upstairs to lie on bed and relax coughing from being outside
go back downstairs and read the whole bottle of the medication
take 12mL of it, like i'm supposed to.... notice weird bad medicine taste that they tried to cover up.
leave nasal thing there cause my dad doesn't want me taking it yet cause it's for nose allergies to cats and dogs and pollen and stuff..
i can understand him... i don't know if i want to be stuck on a medication like that for my whole life? i would have to take it everyday!!! -_-
so now i'm up here, no one to talk to but someone who will see it in a few hours or so and my throat feels dry.....
not sure if that's what it's supposed to feel like with the med or not...
i'll wait a while...
mebe watch a movie or something
=\
SINUS INFECTION!!!
O___________________________________________________o





UPDATE
i took the medicine.... and i got a DRY throat and a stomach ache...
but of course, my dad says it doesn't matter cause i had a stomach ache before
I DID NOT HAVE A STOMACH ACHE BEFORE
I HAD A MUSCLE-AROUND-THE-STOMACH ACHE BEFORE
THE MUSCLES THAT MAKE YOU COUGH??? YA KNOW>????????
=\
i really don't like my dad in case you can't tell...
that's very sad.... but hey, you know what, i tried....

so... so far those are only side effects unless it also caused SUPER dilusionness cause i replaced words with random words whiel talking to my friend
"in the middle of it"
was supposed to be
"in the beginning of it"

"sighs at the evil cold again"
was supposed to be
"sighs at the evil sickness/sinusinfection" and i don't know where i got again.... mebe cause i sighed before.. idk.... =\

"when i'm sorry"
supposed to be
"when you're sorry"
like how the heck did i get that wrong?
-shakes head-


and in the middle of the conversation, i arbitrarily said my height.... it just popped in my head and i remembered i wanted to tell him...
talking about sickness and how evil my dad is and then suddenly
"i'm 5 feet 4 inches"
O.o
The other journal seemed to be all over the place with inchronologoly........
it wasn't chronological like usual things are and i could barely understand it while i was typing... heck. i just knew that i was angry... and sick.

and then i heard this random voice in my head, singing "fall for you" by secondhand serenade
the "tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again" part....
except...
it was a very weak, weird, creepy and eerie, tired, soft, scary voice....

and it was mine.




that was REALLY WEIRD
but ok
enough about weird stuff..
i'm not even going to start with the dream i had in the 3 hour nap
alright, maybe i'll say some of it
i basically dreamed that i was coughing everywhere and saying i was sick to everyone.... somewhere public...... and....
-_____o
-tries to remember-
i think that the more i twisted and turned, the more sick i looked meaning i won't have to go to school or i will have to go to school or something, i forget...
and people i haven't seen before surrounded my bed that i was sleeping on... it looked like some ritual... as if they were monks that would chant something, but all was silent except for my head which was filled with n... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23474743/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/23474743/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 16:50:02 PST PS update way down VVVthereVVV at the end...


i suppose i could say it's wednesday when i was sick cause i think maybe that's the night when i got a fever... (although, i had a SUPER MAJOR HEADACHE over the weekend before last wednesday, 21st and 22nd?) ....the next day (thursday) i had to go to school of course because i had to do my biology test and wanted to watch my friend's debate to see how well she did... she did ok...
rested through creative writing cause i can't sleep at school... i guess i just can't allow myself to...
everyone knows i'm sick
that night, i can barely sleep... um... i forget which night is which now... sadly, but i know that all my nights of being sick, i couldn't sleep well cause i would either have trouble breathing, coughing too much or i'd be dreaming some scary crap...
-coughs-
.......
i feel better in the morning and go to school to take a test in spanish (which the makeup is supposed to be harder, so i didn't want to take it, i suck at HIS CLASS, not necessarily at spanish, just that my teacher isn't the best teacher for me... =\) then i had to take the last part of the test in Bio AP and also a quiz in math which i didn't know about and then watch a debate in english, take another resting period in creative writing (time is so LONG when you don't do anything... i felt like i was there for 30 minutes when it had been 10 minutes... so the whole period felt like what? 20 hours? heck!) 6th period, my teacher may or may not have known i was sick, but i coughed a lot so she might have known. We had to watch a movie in that class... well, it was just people reading war letters and i heard one that sounded like something i would have written to my loved one if he were in war, it almost made me cry, so i had feint tears in my eyes, but i guess my sickness prevented them from coming out or something.. maybe i was too weak to cry at te time or something? idk...
this day, unlike thursday, i didn't get a ride home from my dad cause he was out in the yard cutting the tree which had split in half down the middle of the trunk that tme we had our first snow for a long time....
-coughs-
ugh... hurts to cough...
finally i get home and poof, what do i notice? i'm out of breath, my asthma has acted up again, and it hasn't acted up like that since 8th grade after running a mile in PE O.o
scary...
well, that made my night a whole lot worse
it got a bit better and then right when i try to go to sleep, i can't breathe easily. I try to relax myself and stuff, and i felt like i slept on and off for 6 hours or so.. which isn't that much for me honestly (i normally go to sleep at 9, friday i went to sleep at 8, the day before was at 7 O.o) but guess how long i really 'slept'? i slept until 10:45pm
it was then that i went downstairs to get my mom to help me ... i haven't seen her that often cause she's been at work every time i'm awake... and when i'm asleep she comes home...
so she gave me a back massage with this chinese oil thing that usually helps my asthma and stuff...
and then she stops... which was weird... she went back to her cooking after only about 3 minutes of it.. usually she does it for a bit longer, but i guess that was a long time ago...
so i went back to bed and mannaged to sleep until 5am when i usually wake up... seriously couldn't sleep any more after that, i really wanted to get up...

i felt a little better that day, but i didn't want to go to acrobatics, which i have on saturdays and sundays....
so i didn't
we did however GO TO THE PROPERTY WHERE OUR NEW HOUSE IS BEING BUILT (it has been 'being built' since 3-5 years ago =\)
it's in pearblossom
and in case you don't know
IT"S DUSTY AND WINDY THERE
why did we have to go?
my dad wanted me to see the new driveway we got put in....
AGH!!!!
the dryness and dustiness and windiness brought up my asthma again so i couldn't breathe easily and i was struggling the whole way home
blah blah blah
boring stuff about trying to find something to do that would relax me
sleep was horrible again
i had washed my blankets and was drying them, but for some certain reason, the dryer seemed to choose today to work wrong and they were super wet by the time it was time for me to go to sleep
so i went to sleep with other blankets i found arond the house and in closets and stuff
not comfy T_T
then i wake up in the middle of the night with asthma again, which actually gets better when i walk out my room as i realize my room was really stuffy, which i also realized that at the property, it wasn't entirely the dust and stuff making my asthma, it was just lack of oxygen...
anyways
i wake in middle of night to go to dryer since i turned it on again so i might have them ready in the morning o... ]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22932481/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22932481/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 22:38:34 PST so as you prolly know, the dragon dance was today... i had to dance in front of 300 or more people.. big woop for me right? sarcasm)
i hate groups
BUT
OMIGOSH IT WAS AWESOME!
we were last and the dragon dance is so concentration consuming that i never had time to look at the audience (until the end when we bowed) and therefore, had no time to get nervous! i treated it like it was just practice again and it doesn't matter if you mess up (we didn't usually mess up in practice anyway) and POOF
it was perfectly fine! of course they loved it, and if we messed up, they'd have understood ^-^
i was around the front (3rd person), so i don't know exactly how well we did.. but i know i did fine! ^-^
awesome awesome awesome

now i'm tired as heck
too much standing........
too much walking....
too much make-me-hyper candy....
too much energy expended during hyper time.....
-slumps-

OH LOOKIE!!!!!!!!!
my friend is online! ^-^
-hyper mode ON!-
byes!

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22914252/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22914252/ Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:42:30 PST
i just finished it like 30 minutes ago and i'm still hyped up about it!!!
Mel Gibson is a GREAT actor, i have seen 4 of his movies and i love his acting and his part in ALL of them!!!
(lethal weap 1, 2, and 4... and conspiracy theory ^-^)
OMIGOSH IT"S SUCH AN AWESOME MOVIE!!!!
i don't want to give it all away, but just saying, Mel Gibson tends to play the kinda crazy guy... he's crazy, but he has a heart.. it's kinda like forest gump, but instead of him being mentally retarded, he's mentally crazy O.o
but it's so awesome!!! he's such a good actor at it! and he always makes it funny, just the way he presents things, it's awesome!!!
and the whole movie was incredibly awesome... and THE ENDING WAS AWESOME!!!! which is the thing i was looking foreward to.. since the endings of things always seems to get me.. liek the story "the doppleganger" i told you about before.. it was great except for the ending... but CONSPIRACY THEORY IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER (on my list) because its ending WAS BETTER THAN I"D THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (although, i bet i just raised your expectations of it... and you'll watch it and say "it wasn't that great! she made it seem like it was absolutely phenominal!" well it is to me, idk what your taste is, BUT I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!)
-squeels-
now i can't sleep...
well, i dont' think i would have been able to sleep anyway cause i'm nervous about the dragon dance tomorrow... 250 people or more will be attending... watching me and my group....
-stares down at fingers-

oh...
great!
-rolls eyes-

my nails are all shortened........
looks like someone bit them....
>.>
<.<
O.o
-_-
=-=
T_T

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22869766/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22869766/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:28:46 PST
|1|.Post these rules
|2|.Each tagged person must post 8 things about their selves on their journal.
|3|.At the end you have to choose 8 people to tag, and post their icons on the same journal.
|4|.Go to their page and send a message saying you tagged them.
|5|.NO tag-backs.

1) I LOVE DRAGONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) I have a weird memory
3) I have a fear of groups of 3 or more
4) I get bored easily and may randomly burst out doing something...
5) I'm very artistic, but i'm also very good at math...
6) I write stories and poems and music, i draw, i make crafts and origami, i'm very creative.....
7) I'm logical and like puzzles (but not crosswords!!! XP) and stuff
8) I bite my nails cause i'm weird and need something to nibble on... i've been trying to refrain from my nails and nibble on toothpicks but..... -stares at short fingernails on left hand- yeah....... at least my right hand is fine! for now..... O.o

I TAG YOU:



]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22852196/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22852196/ Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:09:33 PST
i looked it up on veoh, not sure if it's on youtube or not XD
anyway, i think that's it..
dont' really have many deviations due to classwork and homework... and i haven't scanned in my most recent shaded dragons yet due to forgetfulness (i can't do it now cause my dad sleeps in the room with the scanner XP and i'll forget next time i'm supposed to remember... oh well XD)

hmm, this is too short!
let's see...
a friend was super impressed (or just really happy or shocked or something) that i had "the random" XD which was really awesome... made me feel special! and i like feeling special...
-giggles- there is one person that makes me feel super special all the time... ^-^ but let's not get into that shall we?
hmm...

does everyone know that i got spore for xmas?
well, if you didn't, then now you know, i got spore for xmas and it's a really awesome game, but due to my lack of time at home.. i haven't played it as much as i wanted...

BTW THIS IS A BIG THING:
some people seem to have it in their mind that i have a lot of time on my hands... they take one look at my art work and see how much there is in just a year or 2 or 3 and think immediately "someone has a lot of time on their hands" well guess what? I DON"T! well, not this year anyway... somewhat last year, soemwhat not, and definately lots of free time freshman year... but this year NO
i have free time AT SCHOOL but not AT HOME
get it straight, k?
at school, i always finish my work before everyone else does.. meaning i have an extra 5-30 minutes (each period O.o) to myself that i dedicate to drawing, reading, or writing... or even other homework so i can free up some time at home...
then there's lunch... then i get home and do a few things on the computer... and start up on homework that's due tomorrow, and pieces of things that are due later in week and stuff... and if my friend goes online, he's top priority on my list, and i talk to him.. if he doesn't go online, then i'll feel a tad deprived and everythign will be done slower.. heh...
if i finish my homework, i'll probably work on something that really interests me (or even before i finish homework XD) like if i read a book taht was really awesome and i have to finish it that day that i got it (that happened last week.. Doppleganger, by David Stahler Jr was a great book, i just didn't like the ending was all ^-^) chores get in the way too... and then there's also the fact that i am probably super different from other teenagers.. i don't have any game systems except the computer and my SP (which the SP i haven't touched for about 5 months... O.o) so i don't spend my time playing games all that much.. i don't go out to parties or with friends that much... yeah, a loner i guess... being an only child i guess does that to you or something.... i don't have satellite or cable or anything.. no television, though i do have a tv set to watch movies on.. but we only get movies at the thrift store...... and that's only like... once a month or something... so you might think i have more free time that most cause of that... but then i also have acrobatics from 9am-1pm (take a 30 minutes to an hour off to get there and back...) and for some reason.. i can't go with only 7 hours of sleep.. i need 8 hours of sleep or more, otherwise i cannot function.. i'll have a headache and everything, i tried for a week just trying to sleep 7 hours a night and it didn't work, i got sick XP
maybe i'll try it again in the summer or something... -sighs-
sometimes i hate how long it takes to sleep, sure the dreams are really awesome, but why does it ahve to take 8 hours of each day? i envy those of you who can sleep just 2 hours a night and be perfectly fine every single day...

sighs..
well, that turned into a rant quick
i wonder how many people actually read this...
thanks for reading then ^-^
comments?

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22744249/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22744249/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:00:55 PST geez, i also have this slight fear that i'm going to forget what i hold most dear.. my friends.. my family... my... heh, very best guy friend... whom i believe i have deep feelings for...
i don't want to lose my memory of them... but is this just... is this normal?
heck... why did it start now? is it cause of stress and drama of school again? hitting me too hard? am i pushing myself too hard for things? are there too many deadlines? am i being too pessimistic? am i trying to hard to stay optimistic?

let's see... i forgot what my friend said today before school, i forgot when the last time my best friend went online (nicole for those of you who know of her).... i forgot what happened in my story that i'm writing even though it's only been two weeks or less in writing it.. i have to reread it..... i forgot what my teacher lectured on yesterday until i was remineded of it today (this is actually awkward for me btw)... i even forgot to eat dinner yesterday... i forgot when i last fed my turtles.. did i feed them this morning? yesterday? i dont' remember...... i forgot...what else i'm forgetting =_=

that's it for now...
k, my headache i think is cause i'm tired... or because i'm stressed from homework and drama of people in school and stuff... or both

and i'm feeling really dillusional now and then like none of this is real... like i'm in a dream sometimes, but i'm not even lucid dreaming or anything! and i know i'm not in a dream when i think about it, but i'll still feel that weird... dillusional, head is heavy feeling...

and then there's that weird scary thing where i think i'm going to die soon... i SWEAR TO YOU ON EVERYTHING THAT I"M NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE
i'm not like that.. to be honest, i have thought about suicide.. but in the end, i realized it isn't worth it. for one thing, i dont' want to hurt the ones i love...
for another, i'm too curious about life to let it go just like that because of some stupid problems i have with humans.....
anyways, i feel like none of this will matter cause i'm going to die before any of what i'm doing all this for happens...
it's like.. all that i'm learning and all that i'm doing will be worthless cause i'll never be able to use it...
i feel like i'm going to die soon of what, i don't know... but i just feel it and it creeps me out........

is something wrong with me?


UPDATE 1:
alright, today i was talking with a friend which helped me remember another reason why i got freaked out.. also in the past few days or weeks or whatever, i'd been having trouble with various things... having to do with words
when i type, i'd sometimes mix words, letters, or even type words over again without actually realizing it. it wasn't a typo that was my hands' fault, it was my head's fault!

it hasn't happened with reading yet...
but i had actually said things like this as well
for example 3 days ago (i remember ) i was telling my friend it was like a 'speck dust'
I SPECIFICALLY THOUGHT 'DUST SPECK' AND THEN I SAID SPECK DUST!
i barely realized i said it wrong.. it took me a few seconds ... and my friend wasn't listening anyway... so she didn't get it >=\
so i'd mix up words even while talking? i dont' think many people have typos in their speech unless they're drunk, which i assure you, i was not.

-worries about self-
what makes me feel the most afraid.. is if there is something wrong with me... then it would be even worse on my friends, family, loved ones, etc........
T_T

end update 1

]]> ~malinca http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22470045/ http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22470045/ Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:46:02 PST ok, i'm sorry everyone... (or anyone who's reading it daily) but i can't submit my story now (today again), i am in absolutely NO MOOD WHATSOEVER to write about it...
way too much to think about.. stress and drama and crap...
not to mention homework due tomorrow i haven't even started on =_=
i'm sorry once again...
and... just cause i can, i'm leaving this journal up still so that maybe someone might comment on my story and perhaps improve my day just a tad....


i'll prolly update on weekend tho... so possibly friday, but possibly not, i'll update journal again telling you if i'm not tho...
k, that's it for teh update, thanks for reading


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so it's been 12 days since i started my story...
i submitted a part every day
and is it just me, or does it seem like people lost interest in it?
i only have a few people comment on it anymore...
please guys, come on! without comments, without readers, i'll have no motivation!
did you lose interest or just ran out of time?
will you ever have enough time to read my story? i have like 4 people i'm waiting for to read my story... and they keep postponing it..
just to let you know, i'm ok with taht if you really don't have time, but after a while, you're going to run out of excuses..
and there's more and more to read each day and it will keep building. I'm not going to mix up my 1-part-a-day thing yet! so you're just adding to the pile everyday you put it off...
and if you're not going to read it at all, JUST TELL ME and i will stop pestering you!
no harsh feelings if you tell me you won't read it at all, at least i won't be downhearted after expecting it for so long O.o
i'm perfectly fine with you telling me i assure you, even ask joyce, she said she isn't going to read it, and i was ok with it.
i would like readers, but i don't want to offend anyone with my pestering. I am sorry if i did, deeply sorry... please accept my apology if i became even the slightest bit annoying, but if you see my perspective, was i annoying for good reason?

alright, this is turning into a rant, i'll end it now...
i'm not even sure if anyone got that at all^ i got interupted which interrupted my normal flow of words O.o
anyways, i hope you read, here's the rest of the journal i had before, and the link around the bottom ^-^
have fun whatever you do!

------------------------------

I WANT COMMENTS ON THE STORY PLEASE!!!! LIKE.... REALLY BADLY!!!!
i'm writing a story and posting it up preferably everyday...
it's called "unsure of title...#" cause i don't have a title for it yet... i'll probably have one by the end of it... but it will take a long time to finish since it's so long... in my head it is anyway, i really don't know XD
I REALLY WANT COMMENTS ON IT THOUGH!
so IF you even do read it..... i'd really like you to comment on it.. give me feedback or it might not turn out the way i'd like it to T_T
please?
it's not much to ask if you're reading the story anyway is it? tell me anything.. your favorite part, your least favorite part, how it made you feel, if you like or dislike the character, if you liked or dislike the way the story is going, if you want to guess what's goign to happen, if you think the story could be improved in anyway, if you found an gramatical mistakes, if you think the speed of the story is wrong, if you think there was something that could make it better, if you hate it and wish it would die (please tell me what you dislike about it tho, not just a simple "i hate it" XP), etc. just... PLEASE COMMENT????? don't just fav it and that's it? i want to know WHY it's your fav? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE???
well thanks for reading..... ^-^
COMMENT ON MY STORY!!!!!!!! -points to story links below-
[link]
AND ALSO!
if you're just starting to read it, would you mind commenting on each part? that'll get me more comments!!!!!
but if you dont' have time or dont' want to or something.. that's fine too... just comment on the last one or something..
-points to story link above-
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Here's something my friend did for me, so i'm doing it for him too.. i might decide to do it for a few people i know.. just to spread and advertise for them i guess? maybe it'd be cool if this were an actual feature for deviantart huh? if you could just post 3 pics from each deviant that you like or something? idk XD

http://malinca.deviantart.com/journal/22389693/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 08:49:21 PST the postponed xmas party was yesterday AND GUESS WHAT I GOT?
A DRAGON DRAWING TUTORIAL BOOK!
and it's not like one of those cheap ones either, it's really reall REALLY AWESOME!
i love it lots ^-^
k, that's it guys XD
-goes back to reading-

]]> ~malinca