http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:mattb3671&section=today deviantART RSS for by:mattb3671 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:40:28 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/25341463/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/25341463/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:56:33 PDT

So I quit drinking. Nice. 10 months; I kick ass.

I still wait for change in my personal life.

I subscribe to the fact that I cannot change other people, places or things in my life. I can only effect me.

So why wait?

Peace, Love & THANKS!

Still think this is best: [link]

'His other hand claimed the convex swell of her breast, just a handful, his thumb resting on her still solid point. Not pinching, not rolling, just resting. His lips curled against the top of her head, grinning. At that moment, he was perfect.'

One day, I'll be perfect.

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/25222723/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/25222723/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:16:12 PDT
I'm talkin' to you.

I gotta mohawk! Sweet!

Peace, Love & Thanks!

<--------------------

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24738539/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24738539/ Wed, 13 May 2009 14:10:02 PDT

Just cleaning house. Rock On.

[link]

[link]

Peace, Love & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24639916/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24639916/ Thu, 07 May 2009 17:48:10 PDT
Peace, Love & Thanks!






(THE LINKS WORK!!!)


]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24597336/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24597336/ Tue, 05 May 2009 07:48:45 PDT

I ride my bike to make my body healthier.

I do my job for a sliver of purpose, and because life needs fuel.

I make music because I love to. It's my passion.

I need little. I want a lot. I am human.

I believe in a Spirit of my own understanding.

I try to be less self-centered, and more self-involved.

I share.

I love you. Even those I don't like much.

I value truth.

Peace, Love & Thanks!


]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24587246/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24587246/ Mon, 04 May 2009 16:08:46 PDT

Here's me naked.

[link]

Peace, Love & Thanks!


]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24564460/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24564460/ Sun, 03 May 2009 11:17:45 PDT

Here's a new video. I'm a cheezmonster.

[link]

Question: Should I get a mowhawk? Really?

Peace, Love & Thanks!


]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24459577/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24459577/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 09:11:23 PDT

New song, hope you enjoy. Two of my tunes are sitting in the Top 10 over at soundclick.com right now. I feel like a rock star.

Shoot, I AM a rock star!

[link]

Peace, Love & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24326800/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24326800/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 13:45:16 PDT

I've been tracking my arse off! Three new tracks/tunes done!(In the sense that 'rough draft' is done.) Hot off the press and ready to share.

K-Tel presents:

I'm So Small - Not about my wanger. Seriously. It's bigger than that. I mean the song is bigger. Wait. Shut up, perv! Enjoy!

(Think I'm)Sick - I think waaaay too much. Wrote a song about it; here it be. Dig!

Carolina Roadtrip - Lost my virginity same week my rents split. Poor me! Took me since 1988 to arrange & record this tune. Not as blue as the content would seem. Rock on!

Do me a solid; listen & tell me what about. I have an ego to feed!

[link]

Until next week, keep your head in the clouds & keep reaching for the stars.

Peace, Love & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24271118/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24271118/ Thu, 16 Apr 2009 09:36:00 PDT
The loss of Argus. Unbelievable. Many a night I ran long drunken story ideas by the man, and he never seemed to mind. Always had time to chat. Terrific writer; great dude. Fellow southern boy.

I hadn't spoken to him much lately, but still felt close. Same way I feel close to all the KP nuts. I love you guys.

Args, be well. I'll see you again. Love ya!
Peace, Love & THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24199716/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/24199716/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 11:26:11 PDT

So, since getting off the sauce, I've been trying the last 8 months to implement a new way of living. Less fear, less projection, more positive self-contentedness.

I subscribe to the idea of believing in a power higher than myself. A God, a Super-Being, a Universal Force, a Time Lord, etc. I'm not really sure what 'face' I place on this entity; not even sure that concept matters.

I also am trying to living in the moment, "in the now". This is really, really hard. But it seems to work quite fine, when I allow it to.

Living in the past or future, for me, is living in fear/projection. Thinking I know what is going to happen, or what others are thinking, when I don't. I'm only speculating, guessing. Not to say I don't or can't learn from the past, to prepare for the future, but do I really know what is going to happen, or what others are thinking? The answer, in the now, is 'No'.

Everything changes. Every second. The only limited control I have, is of my own thinking.

I see that I get what I need everyday. I don't get what I want, nor do I always enjoy what I need, but it still comes. Sometimes I do enjoy it; sometimes I enjoy it without realizing it until after.

'WANT' is a past/future term. I don't think that makes it bad, but that's what it is, I believe.

I 'want' to eat. I 'want' to rest comfortably in a warm, dry place. I 'want' enjoyable moments with those around me.

I also 'want' a Les Paul Black Beauty delivered by a willing lush supermodel who toots 100 dollar bills.

So far, I eat. I stay in a warm, dry place. I have fun with friends.

No six-string baring hottie nymphos with currency flatulence problems have shown up.

Ok, yes, I'm being a silly-head. I should be happy I eat, sleep, and live well. I am.

But I still get angry, sad, etc. when I don't get what I want.

WELL GOSH DANG IT, I DESERVE IT!!

Who says? And why do I deserve "it"?

I don't. I'm a great dude, digging life, but I don't deserve a reward.

I'm already getting everything I need.

Enough! I don't know nuttin'.

Peace, Love & THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/23694395/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/23694395/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:57:12 PDT

I'm at a place in life where I can do whatever I want!

I have no idea what that is!

Ain't that some shit!?

No, it's OK. I recently put down the 400lb bag of crap I was carrying around for my entire life. It's much easier to do everything.

I still pick the bag up from time to time. I was very attached to it. Then I put it back down again. It gets easier. Practice.

Peace, Love, & THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/23551886/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/23551886/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 05:14:57 PST
I'm 38. First sober B-Day in 20+ years.

I fugging ROCK!

Peace. Love. And THANKS!
Matty

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/22591862/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/22591862/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:21:24 PST
Enjoy!

Peace Love & Thanks!

[link]

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/22538439/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/22538439/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 06:51:13 PST
Made a cheesy video for a scratch track song called 'King of the Jungle'. Check it out, and please critique!

!:[link]

(If that doesn't fly, I'm 'mattb3671' on youtube as well)

So glad my musical skills weren't reliant on booze & doobie.

Peace, Love, & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/21926365/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/21926365/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:28:09 PST
Just a note to wish all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Ho-Ho-Ho!

Dec. 15 will be 4 months clean for moi. Matthew, there is a Santa Claus!

I'm working at UPS & Enrolling in school to finally complete my degree - I've switched my major to music. Do what you love and all that jazz.

Hope all are well, and Spirit be with everyone this holiday. I love you all.

Peace, Love, & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/20983680/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/20983680/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:26:28 PDT
General Update:

I was drinking way to much; also smoking a lot of green cigarettes. I was unable to stop myself.

So I checked meself into rehab.

Honestly, I now wish I had done so years ago.

Coming up on 60 days clean. Lovin' it.

I drank WAY to much. Isolating. Hiding from my own feelings. Not sure (yet) why.

Things are good. Living in Laurel, MD. Trying to land a job. Learning how to socialize again. Bitchin' good time.

Hope all are well. Go Red Sox!!

Peace, Love, & Thanks!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19776391/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19776391/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:50:28 PDT
A certain popstar will change public opinion about herself tonight. Big Deal.

HUZZAH!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19368390/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19368390/ Sun, 13 Jul 2008 08:37:42 PDT
Lots of cheesy overlays too. I was playing.


[link]

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19259244/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/19259244/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:14:42 PDT
It's the EXCUSE.

Want to get out of something?
ANYTHING!?

Shit yer pants.

There is no non-calamity you will not be sent away from.

I'll say no more.

Keep it secret, keep it safe.

P&L! THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18649214/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18649214/ Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:00:49 PDT
I think I mis-spoke.

give me yer depraved dog-edge toppings.

the ones you do in secret, like pineapple & hot sauce. Like chopped onions & bacon. like... dare i... marshmellows & mustard. (i've tried it; you have to use the mini's, but it's palletable).

BRING. you're funkiest, please & thank you.



THANKS! Peace & Love!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18580126/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18580126/ Fri, 30 May 2008 16:27:03 PDT Hope yer all well!

Alas, this entry is not K9 based. But bow-wow-wow-yippie-O-yippie-A!

It's about hot dogs. Franks. Vieners, da?

I've got a 'new' idea about a possible new biz-venture. I need some help.

How do you like yer hot dog dressed? Yeah, ketchup, mustard, onions, maybe chili; beans or no beans. Those are kinda standard.

Tell me, please, about any weird, different, or strange toppers you lay on yer hound del fuego. Don't be scared, it's yer tummy.

Lemme know. How do you do yer Hottie?

THANKS! Peace & Love Y'all!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18380444/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/18380444/ Sun, 18 May 2008 10:07:59 PDT
You thought I had passed on, eh? Well, only the good die young, so I may be living a long time.

Me brother & I sold the Bagel Connection in February. I bummed around being a lazy-butt for about a month, then got bored. Now I'm running the parts counter for a local small engine repair shop here in Annapolis.

A Mechaniacal Engineer, you might say.

My muse for KP comes and goes now, mostly staying away. I've had some story ideas, but have yet to put a pen to paper.

My 'new' apartment(see last Journal) had no way for me to hook up to the net, and it took some time for me to convince my landlords(super-peeps!) to let me install a wireless router on their connection. I have prevailed, and as of today, I are connected. Whoopie!

I'm sorry, to all, that I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a bit. The hours I kept at the Bagel Connection turned me into quite the hermit. I think I became a little depressed from lack of social activities.

I missed each and every one of y'all, and the good times we had.

Anyhows, drop me a line, MSN me, note me here. Lemme know whats up. I'll answer.


As always & forever, Peace, Love, & THANKS!


]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14784346/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14784346/ Tue, 25 Sep 2007 10:01:18 PDT

Well, after a year here in the Bay area, I've decided to put down roots.

Been living with my bro Joey since last November, and while we are brothers, living and working with anybody 24/7 can lead to some interesting discussions, to say the least. Verily so when it's two grown men who are both used to being 'King of the Castle', so to speak.

Anyhows, I have found an apartment, an 'in-law' type, over a two-car garage at a private home about 15 minutes from the Bagel Connection, in Annapolis. Price was right; the homeowners were cool, so I took it.

Ahhhhh, me casa.

Just the feeling of having a place of mine own brings a grin to my ruggedly handsome yet not so ruggedly handsome face.

I move in on the 1st. Pics to follow, and I should have ALOT more time to 'be myself' as such. Maybe perhaps some new smuff in days ahead.

For the past year+, I have felt like the Steward of Smuffdor, under the influence of Wormbrother's 'I'm going thru a divorce!' 's ways. Don't get me wrong, I love me Bro, and will help him forever, but there comes a time when you have to tell someone "Hey, yer wife doesn't love you anymore. Put on the big boy pants and move on."

I don't mean to sound sullen. I am part owner of a good business because of Joey, and he's a good man. And yes, I realize divorce is a rough time, even though I've never been married(seeing friends & relatives going thru divorce is a big reason why I never hitched up).

But hey, I've got my own life to live. Bagels to make, music to play, and women to do the cha-cha with.

Ok, this sorta turnt into a rant. Well, so be it.

By the by, the Red Sox are driving me crazy. Just another Sept./Oct. for a member of the Nation.

In closing, I'm a "Peace & Love" Guy. Time to rid myself of this 'Anger & Negativity' living sitch. I guess thats what I'm saying/doing.

for my dudes. for my sweeties. Luv you guys! Please think positive thoughts for me during the next two weeks; I need some radar love.

THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14551427/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14551427/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 20:16:36 PDT

Straight up: Anybody got the KP Season ender to send me? I dint get to see it; I go to bed to early. Heard it was good...

Anywhos, two big news items.

One, an investment group has made an offer on the Bagel Connection. (Thats my bagel shop, FYI)
We'll see what comes of that. Mad money? Maybe...

Two, my niece started at Boston University last week. She can see Fenway from her dorm window(lucky doll). Please wish her luck!


Also: jamming with Annapolis's best Sunday night, as far as jingles go. Met one of the owners of a big ad jingle company (thru bagels!) here in the bay; they will test my skills tomorrow night.

FYI, I play bass. I've gone jingle work in the NC/SC area. Easy money, good work, when you can get it.

Cross yer fingers!

THANKS!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14241228/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14241228/ Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:40:19 PDT

Today I had a rough one. I caught two kids 'discounting' for their friends at the shop. Ya know, giving their buds the 'nice price' for stuff.

It's a funny sitch, 'cause I did the same thing when I was 16.

But I'm not 16 anymore. And I own a business.

I had to fire them both. One, I knew wouldn't last.

The other, I was close to. A funny, creative young man, with lots of anger about his homelife dwelling in his insides. Typical good kid making a bad choice. I been there, when I was 16.

Most ventures I have owned before, I was both owner & sole worker. I had weekend help, but knew those peeps well, and trusted them. No probs there.

Nowadays, on the weekends at the bagel shop, I have a crew of up to 6 'kids'; 15 to 18 yrs old, and I do my interviews like I'm an NSA agent. My management style is one that works with loyality, not fear.

That's who I am. You do good by me, I'll pay it back.

I won't hire you unless yer a good person, and I'll let you go within a week if I don't see a good worker. I thought I had become a good judge of character.

I like to think that, anyways.

Ya know, sometimes life sucks. Daily doings make you cynical, and rough.

I got nailed by a kid that was a hard worker, a go-getter, a kid who was pushed by his friends to do wrong, to abuse my trust in him by his friends.

Remember how easy that is, when yer 16? To bend, to do what's 'cool'? How tempting?

Man, I forgot.

Ya know, kids are go people. Most of them.

Money, and power, will change peeps.

Peer Pressure. What a bitch. What an unholy bitch.

I fired him, and told his parents.

I have become THE MAN. THE GROWN UP.

I liked this kid. He was a good boy. a good worker.



Be good, young peeps. Live hard, and live fast, and have much fun, but hold tight to yer morals.

They will save you down the road.

More than ever,

Peace & Love,
(cause thats all we really have to give)
Matty.

P.S.

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14129081/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/14129081/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:56:25 PDT

Today I'm going up to Camden Yard, in Baltimore, to watch the O's play the Red Sox.

I, of course, am a diehard citizen of the Red Sox Nation.

We here in Maryland sometimes refer to the Yard as 'Fenway II'.

I'm taking my nephew Logan. He is an O's fan.

I'm working on it. Maybe one day, the lad will see the wicked awesome light.

Anyhows, if yer watching the game today, and they pan the cameras to the left field stands, look for the guy with the big orange afro and long kung-fu master goatee. Cause that will be moi!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/13602560/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/13602560/ Wed, 04 Jul 2007 05:41:15 PDT

I'm still alive. Still makin' bagels. Still livin', thrivin', and survivin'.

Haven't been around much; I hope you all have been behaving yerselves.



Like that EVER happened. Or ever will.

My time is eaten up betwixt the bagel shop and...

(prep for announcement)

I'm in the recording studio alot these days. I've traded bass work for studio time with a local producer. Soon I should have enough time allotted to begin work on a CD of tunes I have written over the years.

Once I get some songs complete, I plan to break down and do the MySpace thing to get them out there. If only DA would allow the posting of tunage...

Hope all my friends are well(you know who you's is), and living life to the fullest.

Happy 4th of July! HUZZAH!!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/11138572/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/11138572/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 12:49:12 PST I missed you guys!

Well, I'm relocated; living in Annapolis, MD, running The Bagel Connection with my bro Joey. We are supercool and are having a blast doing our thing.

Our shop has a real local, home town bakery appeal, lots of regulars, and the freshest bagels around. We're the only bakers in the area that bake fresh every morning; no frozen crud here. Bagels, muffins, scones, cinny-buns, etc. Also tasty coffee that we call 'Baltimore-Annapolis Railway Fuel', named after our store location. The shop is in a strip mall where Arnold Station, the mid-way stop on an old rail line betwix Baltimore & Annapolis used to be. It's really neato living in a harbor town; lots of old & new all mixed up.

For lunch we do yummy samitches featuring the bagels and Boar's Head meats. We also have our 'famous' tuna, whitefish, chicken, and egg salads. I suggest the 'Metro', tasty Roast Beef & Turkey with lettuce, tomato, and onions on the bagel of yer choice. (I like the sun-dried tomato.)

I'm up every morn at 2am! This schedule kicked my ass for the first couple of weeks, but I'm used to it now. You just have to go to bed at 7pm.

I'm really having fun, and making loot to boot. Our staff is mostly kids, so of course I'm staying young at heart. It's how I roll.

I'm learning so much about baking! Cinny-buns are my fav; I put faces on the tops with the frosting. Cool!

Anyhows, I'll be around again. Like I said, I missed yous guys. If yer ever in MD, stop in. We'll have a coffee and a bagel; sit and talk for a bit. Good times.

Here's a pic of me & my bro Joey at the back door> [link]

More to come!

Peace, Love, & Bagels! (Yes, I'm having that monogrammed on our aprons. )

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10721290/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10721290/ Tue, 14 Nov 2006 09:19:35 PST

Big news!

If you recall, or even if you don't, a while back I was going into business with my brother. A bagel shop.

Well, back then, the timing wasn't right for me to move up to Maryland(where the shop is). Well, things have changed.

I'll be moving there before the end of the week! ZOOM! I'm running around this week selling things, canceling things, storing things, etc. After that, some time this weekend I think, I'm jetting up to Arnold, Maryland! It's right outside of Annapolis, which a pretty cool old city.

I'm pretty much starting over when I get up there, which, although daunting, is also exciting. The only thing I'm bringing up from SC is my cars and my clothes. I'll be moving into an apartment at first, and setting up home from nuttin'. Challenging, but very exciting.

Anyhows, by the end of the week, I'm going to disappear for a while. I'll be back; once I get set up. I figger 30 days at the most. I'll miss you guys!

Wish me luck! Eat more bagels! Peace & Love!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10623308/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10623308/ Sun, 05 Nov 2006 09:42:17 PST

About:

Name: Matthew (Matt or Matty)

Age: 35

Height: 5'12"

Eye color: Green.

Ethnic background: Scots-Irish.

Label me: Smufflord.

Country: U.S.A.

Siblings: 4, all older.

Four words that describe me: Motivated, outgoing, geek, supercool!

Four things I like: Music, marinating, good eats, KP.

Four things I hate: Eggplant, negative peeps, being stomach sick, posers.

====
Favorites:

Tv show: KP, but Heroes is climbing...

Anime: Not a huge anime guy.

Video game: Starcraft.

Board game: Scrabble.

Family member: Oldest Brother.

Thing to wear: Cargos & Tee's. Kickin' my Chuck Taylor's.

Food: Been on a fresh fish kick lately. Not fried; baked or grilled.

Drink: Honestly, water. I have rehydrate from all the Guinness.

Ice Cream Flavor: All 31.

Time of day: Nightime is the rightime.

Season: Fall/Winter.

Band: RHCP, Metallica, Billy Joel, old blues. Any good songwriters.

Animal: Fish. I suffer from Ron's Dad Syndrome.

Celebrity: 'Claire' from Heroes makes me feel like a Chester.

Movie: Spidey's, X-Men I & II. LotR.

Magazine: Lego Brickmaster.

Comic book: See 'Movie' choices.

Holiday: Christmas.

Artist: All my KP art buddies! You know who you are.

====
Have you ever:

Tried smoking: Yes. If they'd legalize the doobage, I'd smoke it. It's to much of a hassle being illegal.

Tried drugs: Yes. None of the 'hard' ones, and no 'speed'. My idiot brain moves fast enough.

Drank an alcoholic beverage: Currently.

Gotten drunk: Yes. Haven't been stupid drunk in years though.

Gotten kicked out of your house: Yeah.

Ran away: No.

Got beaten up: I'm a lover, not a fighter. (read: YES)

Beat someone up: Yes.

Been teased: Just look at the pics I post. Doy!

Teased someone else: Sure. I'm human.

Had your heart broken: Oh yeah. It always sucks.

Broken someone's heart: I like to think 'no', but that might be selective memory.

Peed in a swimming pool: That's just a friggin' gross question.

Slept in your swimsuit: I used to live in Birdwell's as a kid.

Actually WENT to a school dance: Yes. I like to boogie.

Been asked out: Yep.

Been rejected: Yeppers. But I keep on askin'.

Thrown a video game controller out of rage: Yes. And a mouse, and a keyboard. Frickin' ZURGS!!!

Swallowed bubblegum: Yes.

Slept with plush toys: I don't remember ever having any plush.

Slept on the floor: Oh yeah. Nothing like a Sunday floor nap.

Fallen down the stairs: Yep. Sucks.

Hurt yourself on purpose: Nope.

Whined to get your way: As a wee laddie.

Jumped out of a moving vehicle: Not so much jumped...

Danced to the 80's music: Oh my yes. I'll stop the world and melt with just about any chica who wants to boogie.

Read a harry potter book: Yeah, I got 'em.

Crushed on a celebrity: Oh, this is where I shoulda put my chester-y Claire/Heroes comment.

Crushed on a friend: Yes.

Crushed on a family member: Hell no! My sissy's are gross & mean!

Been kissed: Yes. I enjoy the lip-locking.

Given a wet willy: Args: It's when you lick yer finger, then jam it in somebodies ear. And yes.

Gone to jail: Only for Having Too Much Fun.

Dyed your hair: Yah. I had blonde highlights back in HS, for a while.

Eaten moldy food on purpose: Yeah, only in cheese. Does yogert count?
<... ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10421637/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10421637/ Tue, 17 Oct 2006 09:41:30 PDT

Coming in Monday night from a long, long day of sweating my ass off cleaning carpets, the song 'Magic Carpet Ride' by Steppenwolf came on the radio.

I was tempted to change the station; I wanted nothing at all to do with carpet at that moment. I was beat.

But, I let it play. It's a great song, nice little groove...

... close yer eyes girl...

I even began to sing along. Those of you who've heard my Christmas song know I got a Steppenwolfy type of voice.

... look inside girl...

I stopped at a red light, singin' my big ole ass off...

... let the sound take you awaaaaay!

Next thing, I hear a carload of punky-hippie high school kids laughing and mock cheering from the car beside me. It was a cool fall night, and my window was wide open.

"You ROCK!" one of the kids shouted, as the light turned green, and they drove off in hysterics.

I was a little embarassed at first, but then I thought:

'I DO Rock!'

Ok; maybe I'm a big geek. A BIG ROCKIN' GEEK!! BOOYAH!!

Anywho's, just wanted to share. Here's a survey thingy I, yet again, stole from Argus.

What's your name spelt backwards? - wehttam nosyrb.
What did you do last night? - slept like a fat dog on a porch.
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? - Java crap.
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? - ZZZZZT!
Last time you swam in a pool? - Last month.
What are you wearing? - T & cargos. And my badass Chuck T's!
How many cars have you owned? - uhm, about 7.
Type of music you dislike most? - Gangsta Hip Hop. Good call, Argy.
Are you registered to vote? - Yeah. Meh.
Do you have cable? - Yeah.
What kind of computer do you use? - Bastard HP.
Ever made a prank phone call? - Is yer fridge running?
You like anyone right now? - I like lots of peeps.
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Sky diving, yeah. Bungee jumping is whack.
Furthest place you ever traveled? - Sweden.
What's your favorite comic strip? - Peanuts. ARRRRGG!
Do you know all the words to the national anthem? Yeah, if I sing it.
Shower, morning or night? - Morning, night, whatever. Showers rule.
Best movie you've seen in the past month? - Kung Fu Hustle. It was a trip.
Favorite pizza toppings? - Load it up. Extra BACON, please & thank you.
Chips or popcorn? - Chips. Unless at the movies.
What cell phone provider do you have? - Sprint/Nextel. (SEXTEL!?)
Have you ever smoked peanut shells? - Uhm, why?
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? - Only in Monopoly games.
Orange Juice or apple? - Yes please.
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? - My friends Hank & Missy.
Favorite chocolate bar? - Hershey Special Dark.
Who is your longest friend and how long? - I guess my brother.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? - Yesterday, with ranch dressing. Yummers!
Have you ever won a trophy? - Yeah, I was a sporto kid.
Favorite arcade game? - Pole Position. I ruled that game!
Ever ordered from an infomercial? - I've been tempted to call Enzyte for shits & giggles.
Sprite or 7-UP? - Neither. I'm a juice guy.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? - Yeah, both.
Last thing you bought at Walgreens? - I'm not sure that I've ever went to Walgreens. Hmmm...
Ever thrown up in public? - Yes.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? - No contest! True love!
Do you believe in love at first sight? - Oh my yes. Over and over...
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON? - KP & Rondo!
Long hair as a youn... ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10304958/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10304958/ Fri, 06 Oct 2006 14:44:39 PDT

I'm not dead.

Just busy, and keeping weird hours. I might wake up at 5pm, go coach football, come home and sleep a little more, then steam some restaurants or businesses at night, maybe sleep a bit more, then steam some houses.

Or just sleep 12 hours straight like last night.

Anywho's, I miss everybody, and will try to keep in touch as I build the business up. When I become the Steam King of the World, I will have a big party, and we will all lustily enjoy the ultra-clean carpets in my Steam Palace. HUZZAH!

Anyhow, swiped this from Sqwee & Argy. Vote to open dA to the Saudi's. Silly gov't!

1.YOUR PORN STAR NAME
(name of first pet + street you live on)
Chow Oak Ridge (I got WOOD!)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack)
Duke Pork Rinds (Sounds like another porn name to me.)

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant)
Kool China Garden (I sound like Eurotrash.)

4. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME
(silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied):
Matchu Greenville (Meh.)

5. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first initial + first three letters of your last name)
M-BRY (Eat it, K-Fed!)

6. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal + name of high school):
Naked Mole Rat Mann (No foolin'.)

7. YOUR BARFLY NAME
(last snack food you ate + your favorite drink)
Tuna Fish Guinness. (My fellow fly's call me 'Fishy'.)

8. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name + city where you were born)
Sebastian Hartford (That's actually corny enough to work!)

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME
(favorite candy + favorite musician's last name)
Mounds Osbourne (Ok, I just wanted to use the word 'Mounds'.)

10. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use):
Jodi Sprint (Meh.)

11. YOUR STAR WARS NAME
(first 3 letters of your last name + last 3 letters of mother's maiden name)
Bry Ity (Me thinks I be related to Jar-Jar.)

That is all. P&L!

]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10050221/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10050221/ Tue, 12 Sep 2006 13:20:25 PDT

Well, the Taylors Falcons (Pee Wee) Football team had its first game last night.

We lost.

Ya know that one kid in town who's just faster than everybody else?

He was on the other team.

My team played really well, but :whew!: that kid was fast! We got a few touchdowns, played good football, but if that little booger got out in the open, he was gone!

Oh, well, good for him. The kids had fun, the coaches had fun, and the 'rents had fun. A dad & uncle of one the the boys brought a cooler full of Gatoraid's & little snack size chips for the team. The kids loved it. We coaches got the boys helmet stickers and sweatbands from usafootball.com (freebies! ), and they were stoked about those.

Nobody got hurt, always a plus!

A couple of mom's brought some 'eyeblack', so all the boys had that mean, tough football look. Many pics were taken.

I wish they could have won. But hey, next week is coming! GO FALCONS!!

Personal Note: From last thursday until last night, between the TV and little league, I've been in FOOTBALL HEAVEN!!!

Peace & Love all! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10006199/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/10006199/ Fri, 08 Sep 2006 06:17:04 PDT

Man, I've been busy as hell lately. But I got a day off, and its a Friday!! Was up all night doing carpets in all the Bojangle's in the SC Upstate. Greasy! It's Friday morning, I'm in my boxers, and I'm enjoying vodka.

Here's the tell-all I stole from my galpal MuttLi...

1.- If I were a fruit I'd be... a banana; yes, thats a phallic reference.
2.- If I were a colour I'd be... green.
3.- If I were an animal I'd be... a dog. a shaggly St. Bernard.
4.- If I were a domestic appliance... a toaster-oven.
5.- If I were book, I'd be... a coloring one. Don't worry on the lines, just scribble!
6.- If I were a clothing item I'd be... a thong.
7.- If I were a jewel I'd be... a ruby.
8.- If I were an object I'd be... of yer affection!
9.- If I were a car I'd be... an '85 Astro with a steamcleaner getup inside.
10.- If I were an element I'd be... plutonium.
11.- If I were a tree I'd be... an oak.
12.- If I were a drink I'd be... a boilermaker.
13.- If I were an ice cream flavor I'd be... coffee, with Bailey's Irish on top.
14.- If I were a person I'd be... 'that' guy...
15.- If I were a planet I'd be... way out there.
16.- If I were an insect I'd be... a stinkbug.
17.- If I were public transport I'd be... a train. Choo-choo!
18.- If I were a song I'd be... funky!
19.- If I were a movie I'd be... Braveheart. I luv ya; always 'ave.
20.- If I were a season I'd be... winter. *throws snowball*
21.- If I were a flower I'd be... a morning flower.
22.- If I were a job I'd be... easy-pleezy.
23.- If I were a cartoon I'd be... the SuperFriends. Meanwhile...
24.- If I were a place I'd be... Linville, NC.
25.- If I were a gift I'd be... returned for store credit.
26.- If I were a memory I'd be... thought of warmly.
27.- If I were a city I'd be... Asheville.
28.- If I were a sense I'd be... touch.
29.- If I were a game I'd be... Operation, the wacky doctor's game!
30.- If I were a candy I'd be... Snicker's. Cause the commerical with the guy singing the song is tooooooo funny!
31.- If I were a time of the day... supper time. Let's eat!
32.- If I were an invention I'd be... able to cut thru a tin can, yet still sharp enough to slice a fresh tomato! Amazing!
33.- If I were a bodypart I'd be... oh, come on, do I even have to answer this one!?
34.- If I were a country I'd be... somewhere Dutch...
35.- If I were a flavor I'd be... salty.
36.- If I were a sport I'd be... football. American football.
37.- If I were a smell I'd be... nasty.
38.- If I were a subject I'd be... gym.
39.- If I were a flag I'd be... that one they left on the moon.
40.- If I were a building I'd be... built.
41.- If I were a month I'd be... October. BOO!
42.- If I were a perfume I'd be... Cool Water. But I'd be the aftershave lotion.
43.- If I were a gummy candy I'd be... a worm.
45.- If I were a toy I'd be... gotta go with Argy on this one... LEGO! LEGO rocks my socks!
46.- If I were a textile I'd be... dry clean only.
47.- If I were a shape I'd be... oval-ish.
48.- If I were an answer I'd be... wrong.
49.- If I were a common licorice I'd be... a common licorice.
50.- If I were a word I'd be... smuff. It's the only one I claim...

There. 50 questions. Number 49 is just weird!

Peace & Love all! http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9764113/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 19:19:11 PDT

Remember 'ROCKY II'? The 'Eye of the Tiger'?

Many 9-10 year old boys don't know about the 'Eye'. Sure, some of my boys are born warriors, the compeditive streak runs strong in them. Out of 25 kids, I'd say my team has 10 'tigers'. They've got good 'body control', they pay attention, and they understand that while Pee Wee football is about having fun with yer pals, winning is the sweet cherry on top of the tasty sundae. They are also usually the bigger boys.

Now, the other 15, they are the kids that make it fun to coach.

We went 'full contact' for the first time today. All the boys were excited, but you could see a bit of fear in many.

'Is it gonna hurt real bad?'
'Man, what if I cry?'
'I'm too little. I wish I was bigger.'
'The big kids are being mean.'

25 little men, in plastic armor, some about to enter an arena totally strange to them. It's a first year of football, or little league sports in general for some.

First, we did the 'hug' drill. Two single file lines, face to face, you walk in and just hug the man opposite you.

The first three or four pairs come together in a timid hug. Everybody giggles a bit. 'It's pretty stupid, the coaches want us to hug...'

Then you blow the whistle. Get with another coach, show them how to hug.
Me and the other coach 'tackle/hug', slapping each other good and hard on the back, rough-housing. We grunt and say funny stuff; "Good to see you, man!", "Falcons don't shake hands, Falcons hug!", etc. Everybody laughs some more.

The next pair of kids try to copy the coaches. Cause it's funny.

After two or three more pairs, all the boys realize: 'Man, we can 'hug' the crap out each other, and it doesn't hurt so much, cause we got these cool pads on!'

Even the littlest 'David' will give the biggest 'Golieth'(sp?) a great big hug, cause at this point, it's really fun, and everybody's doing it.

Sure, there's gonna be a big boy that 'hugs' the crap outta some little guy, bully-ish(not a word, but yes...). Next go-round, they get 'double hugged' by two boys, negating their size advantage.

And everybody gets an 'Attaboy!' or a 'Good job!', no matter what. We've got 4 coaches this year, so that's a lot of positive emotion pouring forth.

Point of the drill: The fear of hitting and getting hit is gone, cause it's just playing 'hugs'. And the big boys learn that two, or even three little guys can stop them. Vice versa, the little guys learn to band together. And, best of all, it brings the 'TEAM' together.

And you see the 'Eye of the Tiger' come to life, at least for a minute or two, in even the more timid boys. Not like yer trying to create warrior-toughguy-emotionless bullyboys, but more like teaching them that, whatever the sitch, whatever the odds, a big heart and a little cooperation will overcome.

Melodramtic? Yeah, sure. But the parents come to practices, and they watch. And they cheer. And when their little boy(or big boy) excels, or even gets a lesson... man, you can't beat that. A proud and interested Mom or Dad beats a coach anyday.

Sidebar: The Mom's rocked tonight! Going 'full pads', there was a lot of 'adjusting' that needed to be done with uniforms, helmets, etc. My teams Mom's TOOK OVER the 'gear area', and had all the boys needs met. Booyah!

Peace & Love y'all! Now, run to the fence and back, and we'll call it a night. Hustle! Hustle!! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9724853/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9724853/ Mon, 14 Aug 2006 12:26:38 PDT
Ok, I was floating when I wrote this, so sue me if it goes astray...

When I woke up this morning... I was ready to go to work, pepped up cause I had big $$$ lined up in just two cleaning jobs.

First job went off without a hitch. Nice house, 5 rooms plus staircase, mucho claude. Plus, they may have me back for a pressure cleaning on their siding. Yea!

So I jump in the steamwagon, head off the the next job.

Second job, no big, 4 rooms & a hall; new house so there was no furniture to get in my way. More claude. Yea again.

So, I get to work, I do my thing. Carpets look snazzy. I finish up...

Here's the joy.

When I finish inside the house, I have to coil my suction/water hoses up, put away the steam wand, stash all my gear in the steamwagon. I have a system; wand, suck hose, water hose. Bibbidy-bang, I'm done.

My water hose, of course, I have to attach to the outside faucet, where the homeowners hose goes. Sometimes, they're a bitch to get to, sunk in a spider hole, too far away from the door, behind bushes, etc.

Anyways, this faucet was behind bushes. Nothing to do but wade thru the hedge; I need water to do my bit.

I had no problems hooking up to it. In, attach, out.

So, I wade into the hedge to unhook. My day is done, I got claude, I'm a happy camper.

I push thru a clump of shrubbery.

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Yellow Jackets! Yikes!

OWWW! (First sting!) OWWWWWW! (Second sting!)
OH SWEET JESUS OWWWWWWWW!!!! (Yep, Third sting!!)

All on my right calf. And, yes, I'm slightly allergic.

It's not like I have to carry meds or anything; normally, in the past, a Benadryl(sp? I'm to zoomed to care...)does the trick on a simple sting.

OW! Ok, no big, I'm pretty good with pain. And, no worries, there's a truck stop about 5 miles away; they'll have some Benadryl.

About 4 miles down the road, my calf is on FIRE. I look down at it... it's so swollen, it's pushing against my pant leg. And, I realize, my neck hurts. And breathing is getting tougher.

I zip into the truck stop, and limp inside.

"Miss Mimi"(no kiddin', this is what her name tag had on it), the wizened truck stop gal behind the counter, takes a look at me.

"You Ok, honey? What's wrong, yer neck all swole up!" she askes.

"Yeah, do y'all have Benadryl?" I say, "I got stung by some bees..."

Well, lo and behold, Miss Mimi and her co-worker went into action like EMT's. They came out from behind the counter, got the meds and a bottle of water. I took 4 pillls, I really dint feel good. Mimi sat with me in a booth for about a half hour, til I felt a little better. My neck went down, breathing became easier. My calf cooled to a slow burn, which I am still currently enjoying. It's 'swole up like a bowling ball', according to Mimi.

I got home Ok, but no football practice for Coach Matty tonight. Walking is tough, and the sleepy stuff in the Benadryl is kicking in.

Yes, I love Miss Mimi. When I feel better, she gets a free steam clean.

Bee's. I HATE them.

Moral: If you steam clean, get a broom stick and keep it in yer wagon. Whack the shit out of the bushes before you wade in to hook up the water.

Peace & Love all. Watch out for bee's. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9645482/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9645482/ Tue, 08 Aug 2006 10:29:05 PDT

Well, Coach Matty had the first practice yesterday. 18 kids, good mix of athletic speedsters, big boys, and runts. Hopefully, we'll get about 5 more, so my big boys (The Dawgs) don't have to go both ways(offense & defense). I remember doing this in my Pee Wee days, and the game is just not as fun when yer exhausted after every game.

At 10 years old, these little mens are just gaining 'control' of their bodies, before that weird teenage growth spurt, so we might even try some passing this year. I got two that showed good arm strength, so we'll see.

I got about 9 runts. But those runts will surprise you, it's like putting a pit bull brain inside a Jack Russell body. I just gotta keep them calm, so they don't hurt themselves. Hopefully, we'll be injury free this year.

Practice every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. It was so friggin' hot and muggy yesterday, we didn't run them much. I hope it cools off some soon; it gets worse for the kids once they put the pads on. Right now, it's helmets only.

Wish us luck! GO T-Falcons!

Peace & Love! Happy happies! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9502577/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9502577/ Wed, 26 Jul 2006 15:18:07 PDT Hey peeps! sup?

So I pull up at a posh house, nicely set along the fairway of one of SC's many golf communities. Referencing my daytimer, I gander that it belongs to a 'Mrs. Loadedtothegills'(weird name, right?). Sweet! A nice $120 job, 5 rooms and a sofa and loveseat. I shut down the steam wagon, and amble up to the front door.

:knock knock:

"Hi, I'm mattb3671, here to clean yer carpets!" I say, all 'Guy Smiley'.

"Oh, hi. Great." Mrs Loadedtothegills replies, all smiles.



"Perhaps you can show me which rooms you'd like done, and any bad stains that might need some pre-treat?" I say. I'm good with awk-weird pauses.

"Ok..." Mrs. Loadedtothegills says. "Maybe I should warn you; I have three teens that love red Kool-Aid and play football and soccer, two large inside/outside dogs, one of which is old, deaf, and has... potty problems. Oh, and my husband is a wine salesman. We're always hosting wine tastings here at home. Shall I show you around?"

At this point, the smart side of my mind screams 'RUN!!'.

"Sure..." I mutter, gulping. Should I mention that I'm but a simple steam cleaner, and not the Son of The CARPET GOD!?

"Oh, we've had such a time!" Mrs. Loadedtothegills laughs merrily. "Why we ever chose white shag, I'll never know..."

My eye began to twitch. This is a bad sign.

We stroll into the first room, a den. Instantly, my carpet sense begins to buzz in my brain. I feel not unlike Spidey, walking into the Kingpins home.

"See this here?" Mrs Loadedtothegills mentions, pointing down at a largish yellow stain. "Skippy, the older dog... well, sometimes he just can't hold it. Poor puppy!"

She gives me a look that says: 'I'm sure you understand.'

Not really. I'm only 35 myself, and I rarely pee on the carpet.

"Well, ma'am, pet urine..." I say, "... if it's set, it really discolors the carpet, most def white carpets. I'll give it the 'old college try', but..."

"Well..." Mrs. Loadedtothegills says, throwing the gauntlet, "... the last company I hired to clean the carpets was able to get this stain out."

[PAUSE PLAYBACK]

Here's a funny thing that happens often, more than you'd think. Me and Mrs. Loadedtothegills, we're both looking at the pee stain. It's big. It's nasty pee yellow. It's staring back at us, bold as life.

The 'other company' got it out?

Yet, it still remains... evil.

It's a magic stain! The Lord of the Flies himself gave it the power to vanish, for a time, and then return, possessing the noble white shag once more with its unholy evil! I need an old priest and a young priest! The Power of Christ Compels you!

Silly, right?

Yet Mrs. Loadedtothegills stares at me with doe eyes, expecting miracles.

I'd lay hands on it, but its pee. I draw the line at pee.

Now, this is a reasonably smart woman, this Mrs. Loadedtothegills, yet she stood before me and lied blatantly.

The 'other company' got the stain out.

SO WHY IS SHE ASKING ME TO GET IT OUT!?!?!?

I'll stop here; I won't even bother y'all with the Kool-Aid or wine stains.

People trip me out. No wonder I'm so weird.

Peace & Love Y'all! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9420096/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9420096/ Tue, 18 Jul 2006 20:02:46 PDT
Stole this from Argy.


1. DO YOU SNORE?
Loud and proud baby.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Are you kidding? I call myself 'Smufflord' fer cripes sake...

3. WHAT ARE YOUR WORST FEARS?
Not making an impact on this world before I die.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Hi, my name is Matt. I'm a member of Lego-anon.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I stopped using my sippy cup last year.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Peeps thought I was a girl. I was pretty!

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
I believe so.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Dirty Grey

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Yes. Great acoustics. Sometimes I record scratch vocals in there.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Afraid of heights.

12. ANY SECRET TALENT?
I can fold my ears up, giving them an elf-like look.

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Linville Falls, NC. Or NYC.

14. Is J. Leno funny?
No.

15. CAN YOU SWIM?
Like a fish!

16. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE "Donnie Darko"?
No, but Manny-Black says I should watch it.

17. DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE OZONE?
Sort of. Hey, I recycle all my beer cans.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
I eat 'em Owl style, beeotch. Thrrrrrree.

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
Uhm, why? Is this a test?

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
Yes. I love to fly.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
No. Two of each; older Bros & Sissies, I'm the baby.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
I'm kind of a hick, I guess. I use a knife.

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Don't hunt myself. But I get Bambi meat every season from a buddy. Yum!

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Yes, when J-Lo realizes I'm her man.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
No. Looks like chicken scratch.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Cats, certain dogs.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU "?
Last night, on the phone with my Bro.

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
Hell yeah. He's one of my poker buds.

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
Depends. I did at my niece's. But not at friends weddings.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
With BACON. And

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
No, blondes are beautiful, and very smart. (Any blonde chicas, My # is 864-555-3671. Call me.)

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
The Hose Zone. Like the Twilight Zone, but for socks.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
10:37 pm

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Fam calls me Matty.

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
They kick it on Fries & Pies.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
Today, Tuesday.

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR showers?
Showers. Hot & steamy. Feels great!

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Yes, Shut up, Nelz, you don't know!

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Yes. And bitten.

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
No. Not as long as I have my blanky.

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Fun.

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Both; it depends on the sitch.

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Just like Wolvie in the X-Men movies.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
More than I'd like to remember.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
So far, once. But Dental Hygine is a priority in my life.

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
I see nothing wrong with one illegal drug, but thats me. I don't use... anymore.

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
No.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR... ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9285428/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9285428/ Thu, 13 Jul 2006 17:15:00 PDT

I have decided that DA's KP community needs a rock band. So, I'm startin' one up! We'll be badass, with a trippy laser show, fog machines, and bon-diggity dance moves. Quite the Rock Review.

I'm gonna be lead triangle, and my rockstar name is 'S-Diddy'. Yo! I'm down. Sometimes I will rap too, cause I have many phat rhymes.

These positions are open. No audition, but please have a cool name. Cool names are a must in the rock world. You know, like 'MC Doink', or 'Lord Rusty Muffler', or even a good single name, like 'Melvin' (think 'Sting' or 'Cher'). If you don't pick one, I'll give you one like I did for/to willk1989, so beware!

Lead Banjo
Lead Bongos
Lead Jug
Lead Juice Harp
Lead Comb & Waxpaper
Kazoo Section - wrybread (Fireball)
Lead Armpit Farter
Weird Noise With Yer Mouth Person - willk1989 (The Human Meatbox)
Lead Screamer - G-Go (Notoriously Fly G)
Lead Crooner - Lokotei (Lokolicious)
Lead Scatman - Mobius97 (Doctor Trauma)
Guy Who Sings Thru a Megaphone - ezbok58a (Jersey Devil)
Pirate (Ya gotta have a pirate) - Commander Argus (Cap'n Arrrrrrrg)
Cage Dancers
Cage Fighters - WesUAH The Artificial Moose
Black Leather Wearing Hot Babe
Babe With Constant Wind In Her Hair - ivymae457 (Lil Ivy)
Misc. Thugs & Ganksta Bitches
Lead Air Guitarist (Must have impressive 'wild solo' face) - MrDrP (Rapmaster P)
Guy Who Does the Robot - Manchester-Black (Dance-Tro)
The Talking Dog - minnesotamutt (MuttLi, The Talking Dog)
Swordfish Trombone - Molloy (Blind Boy Grunt)
Head Tech Geek - Samper (Soundbored)

Thats all I got so far, but if you see an important position I missed, tell me and then join up.

Dudes & Dudettes, we are sooooo gonna rock. Yah!

Peace & Love! THANK YOU DA! GOODNIGHT!

EDIT Choose quick, it's fillin' up!

EDIT II: EDIT Strikes Back Right now, I'm thinking a possible band name will be--> Sgt. Barkin's Smarty Mart Club Band, but ideas are welcome.

EDIT III: Return of the EDIT: We need more chicas! Come on, gals, lets rock! Sha!

*Oh, and Ivy, as a birthday present, I'm just adding you. Cause my luv for you knows no bounds. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9240605/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9240605/ Sat, 01 Jul 2006 10:01:32 PDT
My old email addy got discombobulated; Microsoft made me start a new one.

Of course, they were not able save my contacts list for email or Messenger.

LOSERS!

My new email addy is:

msb3671@hotmail.com

Sorry for the big pain in the butt. Please, if yer one of my chat or email buds, drop me a line or give me a shout.

Thanks. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9208629/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9208629/ Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:51:05 PDT
Name - Smufflord. Go, Smufflords, GO!
Nationality - Earthling.
Heritage - Scots Irish
Coke or Pepsi - Not much on pop. I like juices.
Fave Color - Green
Fave Clothing Color - Black
Alpha Beta or tri-Lamda - *does nerd with Nelz*
Smoker or non - My vice.
Biscuit or Bagel - Bagels!
Chip or Crisp - Nacho chips.
Boxers or Briefs - Still have some boxers, but am starting to really dig the boxer-briefs. Commando if the pants are right; sweats, loungers.
bikinis or lowriders - Yes, please.
introvert or extrovert - A bit of a showman.
Trekker or Warsian - My phaser is set to 'stun'.
(guys) Kim or Shego - Yes, please!
(gals) Ron or Drakken -
Ink? - Needles. *shudder*
Piercings? - 3 on my L ear, but closed up.
Beer - dark of light? - Dark. Oh my Guinness!
Wine - red or white - I like wines, but it gives me a headache.
Straight up or on the rocks? - Whiskey straight, all others mixed.
PC or Mac - PC. I bought mine from Fred Flintstone.
Digital or Film - Digital. But all I have is my phone cam and my little web cam.
Summer or Winter - I'm a winter bear. Sweating is for sissies.
Morning person - Can be, if I go to bed early enough. Or if I wake up with the right chica.
White or Wheat - Hearty wheats & dark breads.
paper or plastic - Meh. Whatever they got.
Dog or cat - No pets. No-name, the pickle jar fish, croaked.
Carnivore or Vegan - OMNIVORE!
Sub, Grinder or Hoagie - Yes, hold the onions.
Pop, Soda or Soft Drink - Juice!
Scrapple or Livermush - Some people out there are confused about these wonderful breakfast products. Scrapple all the way, baby!
Ship - Klingon Bird of Prey. I sneak up cloaked and pop a cap in yer ass.

Take it if you want! And remember kids, learn the facts about yer breakfast foods. Cause knowing is half the battle. Yo, Joe! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9188885/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9188885/ Mon, 26 Jun 2006 11:56:55 PDT

This is a test. This is only a test. This is a test of the Emergency Smuffcast System. This is only a test...

Except it's not a test.

I'm sorry to announce that today I pulled the 3rd story of my Smuff Universe KP stories on FF.net, Blue, Pink, Black, Gold, and Plaid?. It was heading nowhere I wanted it to anymore, and needed a redux desperately. Some of the old scenes you will see in the redux, some scenes and characters will be brand spankin' new.

I wanna give out much, much peace & love to those of you who were reading it, and also to those who reviewed at one time or another. I've made you wait way too long while I dealt with life and exactly what I wanted to do with this tale; sorry peeps.

The good thing is, I've never stopped reading KP fanfiction, and because of the plethera of super cool and talented writers out there, feel that I have learned many new things, and hope to make the redux what I wanted it to be in the first place.

And, there will be smuff.

So, once again, if you reviewed, faved, or even just read the first paragraph, a big mattb3671 'THANKS!' to you. Keep an eye out for the redux; coming soon.

THANKS! Peace & Love Y'all!

P.S. If anybody wants the original 3rd tale in MSW format, just gimme a hollar. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9160868/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9160868/ Fri, 23 Jun 2006 15:32:01 PDT

Ok, fellow KP fans and all around toonheads. Ever wish, no matter how silly, that you were a cartoon? I have, and I bet some of you have as well. In our logical minds, even the most goofy of us(which I'm betting I'm in the running for...) knows this can't happen. Yet... what if, maybe, it could happen...

But, alas, it can't. So why do I think about it as often as I, and maybe you, do? For Heaven's sake, I'm a grown man!

Here's what I think...

Because being a cartoon would be great. The greatest!

Now, I'm not speaking of the angsty anime characters, thats a whole differnet ballpark. And not comics, cartoons. Comic characters, take Peter Parker for example, sometimes have el crappo lives. I'm thinking about the average 30 minute or less episode cartoon characters.

Knowing me as some of you do, I have to insist: It's not so I can have wild monkey sex with KP, Starfire, Hawkgirl, Harley Quinn, or even Daisy Duck(I can't help it, southern ducks float my boat). Yes, that would be super cool, but I have thought this out, really.

The rub: Every 22 to 30 minutes, on average, you save the world, beat the bad guy, help the little guy, gain the respect of your peers.

Every half hour, your life friggin' rocks!

Sure, there's the odd wait of seven days to resolve the issue at hand, or the hour to hour and a half when you make a 'movie'.

But the happy ending is coming, and somewhere in the recesses of your cartoon mind, you know it. Yer gonna save it all. Yer gonna get the girl/boy. Yer gonna take comfort with yer loyal friends/teamates. Yer gonna be GOLDEN!

Yeah, I know, there are holes in this theory. A common example is Raven; she just has a tough life, period.

But who the heck daydreams of being Raven-ish? Sure, you may like the dark, gloomy bit, but come on. Give me BB, anyday. Or Ron, or even He-Man. Although I wouldn't be caught dead in his get-up.

Anyhows, just he thinking outloud again. Peace & Love! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9108028/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9108028/ Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:58:51 PDT

Well, I broke down and saw X-Men 3 today, out of severe bordom.

It has it's good and bad points. First off, Brian Singer was missed. Ratner did ok on the action stuff, but maybe isn't used to working with a super-talented cast like the X-Men has(Stewart, McKellen, Grammer, Jackman, Janssen, hell, even Berry has her moments). The makeup and CGI on Kelsey Grammer's Beast was... well, they dint f*ck it up like they did the Thing in the FF flick, but he was a bit to 'human', and if they used camera tricks to make Juggernaut look huge, why not do the same with Beast? I realize Vinnie Jones is a bit bigger than average, but I have always seen Beast as more... 'beastly' in appearance.

Here's some thoughts...

Kitty was handled nicely; her effects were done well, and Ellen Page captured that 'you can't help but like me' Pryde thing.

I really dint mind that they offed Scott. 'Movie' Scott was a big puss anyway, and if they really want him back, its not like the X-Men comic genre doesn't reanimate peeps all the time. 'Killing' Prof. X was a bit more harsh, but I have my doubts about anything that happens at the hands of the Phoenix.

Some of the Brotherhood was whack. What was up with the Kid Omega/Spyke weirdness?

Arclight was an interesting addition. I was wholly pleased with the character and her role. Simple, and relatively in character.

The whole Rogue/Bobby/Kitty thing was awful. Actually, was Anna Paquin even in this movie?

There were times when they made Jackman too much comic relief and not enough Logan. Plus, he dint say 'Bub' once. !SNIKT!

The effects on Phoenix were pretty neato; it's always interesting to me when Hollywood makes a beautiful woman evil looking.

Leech wasn't very 'Leech-ish'. Looked like a baldheaded cherub to me.

Colossus was done well. The effects where good; once again, I'da made him bigger. But the part where he walks by holding the giant TV was very true to form.

They let Beast say "Oh my stars and garters...", but no high brow rants? Sup wit dat?

Lastly, where the HELL were Toad and Nightcrawler!? Both wonderfully done in 1 & 2, but magically gone from 3.

Anywhos. It was OK, I'll buy it so I have the set. If they could get most everybody back including Singer, I suggest X4. If not, just let it ride...

Thanks for coming. Peace & Love all! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9085016/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9085016/ Fri, 16 Jun 2006 08:21:49 PDT

I've had an interesting past few weeks, so if I seemed out of sorts, well, I was. Nuttin' bad mind you, just different.

Anyhows, I watched what could possibly be my fav flick of all time again last night. Here's the part that makes me choke up, but in a good way. I think everybody can see a bit of themselves in it. 21 years after the first time I saw it, it still rings of truth for me.

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...

...and an athlete...
...and a basket case...
...a princess...
...and a criminal...

Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Wow. That's some pretty deep stuff from a JH movie.

Anywhos, my best to everybody, and much peace & love from me too yous and yourn. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9076194/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9076194/ Thu, 15 Jun 2006 11:11:47 PDT -In the morning I was: Working like a dog.
-All I need now is: a frosty malt, delievered by a toasy chica.
-Love is: that warm scarey feeling in my gut.
-I’m afraid of: steam cleaners.
-I dream about: you don't want that answer from Papa Smuff.

your:

-- middle name: Sebastian.
-- birth time: the first minute of my life.
-- birthplace: Hartford, CT.
-- last place travelled: Asheville, NC.
-- eye color: Green
-- nail color: I quit painting my nails. Too much trouble...
-- height: 5'12"

describe:

-- your heritage: Scots-Irish, Rob the Bruce in there somewhere.
-- the shoes you wore today: work boots, then flippies.
-- your hair: orange.
-- your weakness: BACON!
-- your perfect pizza: Load it. If its a topping, i want it.

what is:

-- your most overused phrases: 10-4.
-- your thoughts first waking up: Man. I gotta go!
-- your current worry: Aliens.
-- your plans tomorrow: Work, maybe some BACON.
-- your best physical feature: stunning good looks.
-- your bedtime: When I'm tired.

you prefer:

-- sunrise or sunset: either or.
-- gore or horror: Comedy.
-- eastside or westside: Southside, beeotch.
-- stripes or polka dots: Plaid kilts.
-- planes or trains: Plains.
-- metal or hardcore: Metal.
-- pools or hot tubs: Ohh, I do enjoy a good soak.

-- think you've been in love: Everyday.
-- want to get married: Maybe.
-- type w/ your fingers: No, I use my... yes, yes, my fingers.
-- like to take baths: Not so much. If a had a big clawfoot, maybe.
-- get motion sickness: Nope.
-- like talking on the phone: Sometimes, but not so much...
-- like thunderstorms: Yeah, they're badass.
-- play an instrument: If it has strings, I've most likely messed with it. But my love is bass.
-- workout: I'm on the hard work method.
-- have a bad habit: smoking.
-- like reading: damn skippy.

favorite:

-- body part: I like the whole woman.
-- kind of fruit: Watermelon! Yum!
-- music to fall asleep to: Books on Tape (or CD).
-- number: 3671. It was a good day for me.
-- thing to do: Good times with friends.
-- horror movie: Exorcist. *shudders*
-- colour: Green, I guess. It changes.
-- food: Ah, BACON?
-- the future: KIng of the World.
-- age you hope to be married: 400.
-- numbers and names of children: No spawn. I wouldn't do that to you guys...
-- describe your dream wedding: Somebody elses...
-- how do you want to die: CENSORED
-- what do you want to be when you grow up: Grown-ups stink.
-- what country would you most like to visit: New Zealand. Pretty place.

opposite sex:

-- best eye color: Wolf blue.
-- best hair color: Any.
-- best personality trait: Smart.
-- best height: 5' up.
-- best articles of clothing: One of my shirts. So sexy!
-- best first date location: Anywhere. First dates are fun.
-- best first kiss location: I like kissing...


finish:

-- i eat: Food. Is there something I'm missing?
-- i think: Often.
-- i am: Super Cool! Yeah!
-- i adore: The curve of a woman.
-- i am obsessed with: A lot.
-- i can: Grow a bitchin' goatee.
-- i can't wait: To become loaded.
-- i am annoyed with: Not much. I'm not a worrier.

OBSERVATIONS ABOUT DISNEY CHANNEL:

Why would they even think about ditching KP? Not only a good show, but it has to be a cash cow for them.

That girl on Phil makes me feel like a dirty boy. And I like it.

Some of the toddler shows are creepy. Except for Charlie & Lola; thats got to be the cutest damn show ever. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9044953/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9044953/ Mon, 12 Jun 2006 09:03:52 PDT
'...waitdaminute!?' I thought. That's no pillow! Not unless pillows breathe. And that blanket snuggled around my back shouldn't have soft, pointy bumps, should it?

I sat up, alarmed. What the!? Who the!?

"Sheesh..." a tired snarky voice inquired, "...you can't want more. I mean, come on Dr. B, can't it wait til morning?"

"I don't know..." a somewhat more youthful voice wondered, "...a little night mission might be spankin'."

I looked to my right. Raven black tresses, seen in the moonlight streaming in the window. To my left; crimson flippy locks, also lit by the lunar glow.

"You just want another spankin', Princess..." the snarky voice stated, curling closer into my form. "...which works for me."

The 'Princess' giggled like a high school cheerleader. "So do not!" she replied, her voice playful.

My confused mind skipped like a scratched Barry White CD.

Could it be!? That this was something that I only imagined? And now they're right here with me!?

Nahhhhh; talkin' 'bout Shego!? Nahhhhh; talkin' 'bout KP!?

But something felt right. Something felt like it had been there a long time...

The 'Princess' began to nibble lightly on my earlobe, pulling me back down. The snarky one began to slowly massage my incresingly alert ccccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc cccccccccccc......

------

This is where I work up, face on on my keyboard, hunched over, asleep in my desk chair. I had typed 728 pages on the letter 'c' with my nose.

"Curse you, Dreamweaver!" I cried. "Why does thou tempt me so!!"

------

Way to little sleep, way to much coffee this morning. P&L ya'll! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9007990/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/9007990/ Thu, 08 Jun 2006 10:59:15 PDT
1. MUST (!!) answer EVERY SINGLE question.
2. Be HONEST.
3. Pass onto 6 of your DA friends. Note: I don't believe in 'tagging' so if you wanna, you can.
4. Have fun.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Logan, James Howlett, Wolverine, take yer pick bub. As long as it's Logan...
Birthday: I'm old. Drop it.
Birthplace: I'm a canuck.
Current Location: 1407 Graymalkin Lane.
Eye Color: Brown.
Hair Color: Brown. And no, I don't gel, this just happens. Go figure, eh?
Height: You make a short joke and yer ribbons.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Either way, something gets cut.
Your Heritage: I told you I'm Canandian. You deaf?
The Shoes You Wore Today: Brown hikers, and my super-boots.
Your Weakness: Redheads. Kids too I guess, but you tell anybody and I'll cut you. Not real hot about guys who do crap with magnetics either.
Your Fears: Certainly not you bub.
Your Perfect Pizza: Meat. Put meat on it.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Hard to chat with claws.
Your Bedtime: I don't let Chuck gimme one. What 'em I, five?


Pepsi or Coke: Canadian Lager.
McDonalds or Burger King: Either. Whichever has the most meat.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Canadian Whiskey
Chocolate or Vanilla: Why!? Did you touch my ice cream!?
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee, black, strong. Ororo makes good coffee.
Do you Smoke: Yeah, wanna fight about it bub?
Do you Sing: Only that one time me and the Webhead got tanked.
Have you Been in Love: ...no answer.
Do you want to go to College: University of the Streets, bub. Magna Cum Whatever.
Do you want to get Married: grrr...
Do you believe in yourself: For what it's worth, yeah.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when Kitty drives.
Are you a Health Freak: Heh, you tryin' to be funny bub?
Do you like Thunderstorms: They're ok. I'm a little conductive.
Do you play a Instrument: Bah.

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: How 'bout in the past hour?
In the past month have you Smoked: Yeah. Stogies. And yeah, I know they're 'bad' for me...
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Don't need 'em. I... heal good.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Does dropping off Jubes count?
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No. Hank keeps stealing them all. It's either him or Kurt...
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Mmmm, raw fish...
In the past month have you been on Stage: Saved the world a few times.
In the past month have you been dumped: Nah. Been dumped in the past though.
Do you work (as in official work): I don't know if you'd call it work...

In a girl:

Favourite Eye Colour: Green
Favourite Hair Colour: I said I like redheads. Cripes, listen up pal.
Short or Long Hair: Long.
Best Clothing Style: Spandex.

Number of Drugs I have taken: I don't. The buzz never lasts.
Number of CDs I own: I got some Rush cassettes in my truck.
Number of Piercings: Yeah, I been pierced in the gut, legs, you name it.
Number of Tattoos: Nah. Not really an option for me.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Got a few weeks...?

Gotta go, I'm hungry. Besides, you may not know it, but you smell funky, bub. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8960378/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8960378/ Sat, 03 Jun 2006 14:55:23 PDT Swiped from cloudy and Args.

1. MUST (!!) answer EVERY SINGLE question.
2. Be HONEST.
3. Pass onto 6 of your DA friends. Note: I don't believe in 'tagging' so if you wanna, you can.
4. Have fun.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Fred Flintstone.
Birthday: same as mattb3671.
Birthplace: Connecticut.
Current Location: South Cakalacky.
Eye Color: Green.
Hair Color: Orange.
Height: Five foot twelve inches.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right, but in sports I'm a lefty.
Your Heritage: Scots-Irish.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black Reboks.
Your Weakness: BACON!!
Your Fears: Big scarey monsters.
Your Perfect Pizza: Trash Pie! Load it up!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: brb
Your Bedtime: I'm a big boy.


Pepsi or Coke: I'm more of a lemonade guy.
McDonalds or Burger King: Burgers? I'd rather make 'em!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Store brand tea bags, Iced.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Yes please!
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee, spot of H&H
Do you Smoke: Yep.
Do you Sing: All the time. I love singing.
Have you Been in Love: Yes. Daily.
Do you want to go to College: I sort of remember a number of years after HS, but the details are sketchy.

Do you want to get Married: Are you insane?
Do you believe in yourself: I can do anything.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope. Scared to death of heights though.
Are you a Health Freak: As if! As if if!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah. Something about thunder that is way cool.
Do you play a Instrument: The Triangle. I can jam on a triangle, man.

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I enjoy frosty malt beverages.
In the past month have you Smoked: Yep. Not the doobage though; gave up long ago.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nah. Well, alergy meds.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Spent 5 years working in one. I avoid them like the plauge.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Not the whole package, but they'res always Oreo's in my Tony the Tiger cookie jar. They're Great!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No, but I like it.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Do job interviews count? They should.
In the past month have you been dumped: Nope. Free wheelin' right now.
Do you work (as in official work): Officially, I'm in sales & self-employed. Unofficially, I'm Captain Starbreaker of the Galactic Warp Rangers Superdudes Go!

In a girl: yes, but see my 'perv' journal.

Favourite Eye Colour: Any. But that wolf-blue is nice.
Favourite Hair Colour: I'm EOE when it comes to hair.
Short or Long Hair: Long-ish. Don't mind a bob, but not boy hair.
Best Clothing Style: Off.

Number of Drugs I have taken: See the college entry.
Number of CDs I own: A gazillion.
Number of Piercings: Had my left lobe done trice, but that was back in the glory days.
Number of Tattoos: Zilch. My body is a temple.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Never asking out the girl who was my best friend in my 20's. Pretty sure I love-loved her.

No passing on. Just have fun reading! P&L! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8931383/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8931383/ Wed, 31 May 2006 14:36:15 PDT
Ok, time for me to come clean on certain topics. It's a weight on my shoulders I can no longer bare.

Those of you that know me, and have glanced at my stories, well, ya might have realized I have some perv in me.

I like romance novels, some erotica(the kind that makes sense, not the dark moody junk), and have no problem when the brown paper 'privacy' sheath is ripped when I get my Playboy in the mail. I don't care if you mail lady knows I look at nude women, and I don't care if a Ms. Ladyfriend sees them at the house.

I used to justify this; the female human is down right beautiful, and sex is as natural as a new bloom in spring.

Until today, a little while ago.

Hi, my name is mattb3671, and I'm a perv.

Driving down the road, in the van I use to pick up ebay junk, and little red truck pullls in front of me. Driving the little red truck was a cutie gal, dark hair, smiling as if she seemed to have a secret.

I looked down, for no real reason, at the truck's back plate. It was a vanity.

'FKS RN'

Simple enough.

Recently, I've been feeling a smuffy little K&R oneshot story, building in my brain. Kim & Ron are in there, trying to tell me a story, so I can tell you guys.

So, the first thought in my head, when reading the vanity plate, is:

'Lucky guy, whoever this RoN is. She must be doinking him. She must be a wildcat to get a plate like that.'

Minutes later, I realized the truth of the happenstance.

The gals initials are 'FKS' and she's a nurse. A 'RN'.



So yeah, I've been a perv for years now. I'm not really sure why I became a perv, but I know now that I am. I used to blame it on my artistic liking of the female, but now I know better. I'm a dirty boy, and I don't know if I can quit. I don't really want to quit; maybe I haven't hit bottom yet.

Wait, no, I've hit bottom before... oh snap, there I go again. Sorry.

My name is mattb3671. I'm a perv.

Thanks for listening, and for the support. Oh, now I'm getting all verclempt... talk amongst yerselves, here's a topic; is there really any difference between a patty melt & a hamburger besides the bread choice? Discuss...

Peace & Love all. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8883519/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8883519/ Fri, 26 May 2006 12:46:25 PDT
So, I get a call from a bud that I haven't talked to in years today, Dave. Dave the Jew & Matt the Mick had many adventures as young men. Here's one...

Somewhere in my early 20's, Dave & I were enjoying a night of video golf on Dave's PS. We were at Dave's apartment, and having a good ole time, hitting the virtual links, enjoying frosty malt beverages, hitting the peace pipe.

I know, shocking, but I haven't always been the angel you know today.

Darkness fell, and the hours grew small. Suddenly, I had a great idea!

"Davey, lets go swimmin'." I mumbled.

"Dude, the pools closes at 10." Dave garbled.

"So!?"

It was agreed, we'd go night swimming. Ah, rebels to the core. As I remember, it was summer, and as SC summers are hot and muggy, jumping in the pool would be a nice treat.

We grabbed towels and fresh beverages, and headed to the pool area. Typical of many apartment pools, lounge chairs of metal tubing laced by vinyl strips surrounded the cool cement pond.

We stumbled along, quietly. It was understood that stealth would be a good thing.

As we neared the gate, noticed that an air handler for the Apartment Offices was on, rattling quite loud, making me look at it as we strolled through the pool gate.

The gate snapped shut with a click, right as the handler shut down. The silence was deafening.

I heard a small "Yipe!" over to the right. A wiley, femine "Yipe!".

Turning my head, I was surprised to see a full moon, male, and summer white, moving erotically atop a lounge chair. Two slender hairless tan legs seemed to sprout from the male moon hips.

A wide eyed young lady stared at Dave and I in sexed shock, over the shoulder of her partner. Another, louder "Yipe!" escaped.

The gentleman with the pale moon swiveled his head around to stare at Dave and I. He looked sexed as well, but not so shocked. It was more of a "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOONS DOING HERE!!" type of look.

For no good reason, I became very embarrassed, as, I assume, did Dave. Even though we were at a 'public' place, I felt as though I was intruding. I felt as though my hand was in the proverbial cookie jar, and already had crumbs on my face.

Before the whoopie-makers could move, my eyes met with Dave's.

A lifetime of seconds passed.

In the corner of my eye, the gentleman began to get up. Not get off; Dave and I had certainly spoiled that.

It just came out of my mouth. I don't know why I reacted as such. I felt like I was 10 years old.

"RUN FOR IT!!" I cried, turning to bolt.

The gate, in my haste, was problematic. I blame it on the frosty malts.

"GO-GO-GOOO!!" Dave exclaimed wildly.

We booked it, running as if from the cops. I think I may have screamed a bit.

We dint stop until we were safely back inside Dave's Apartment. For at least 5 minutes, Dave watched through the peep hole to make sure we weren't followed.

Why? We hadn't done anything wrong! It's not like we were... well, I don't swing that way, but ya know what I'm sayin'?

Why'd we run? I have no idea. Human nature, I guess. I still feel bad for those poor fornicators. Why had Fate chosen to move Dave and I to that point?

Moral: Scout the area before a night swim. A full moon once a month is enough.

Ok, now it's arts & crafts time. Argus, quit eating that glue!


Peace & Love Y'all. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8872677/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8872677/ Thu, 25 May 2006 10:41:19 PDT

I have net service at home now. I'm on MSN Mess under mattbryson3671@hotmail.com or something like that. Call me, beep me, we can chat, no big. It's like butta.

Just getting the word out. Peace & Love all! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8796725/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8796725/ Wed, 17 May 2006 09:46:25 PDT

Boy, have I had some recent dowdy journals or what? Screw 'em, sometimes I wallow. Damn creative side.

Anyhows, here's da rub: All of a sudden, I have this hook-up for 'seconds' parts from a local euro-car maker's plant, and !BANG! I'm selling ebay like a mofo.

I have always done the odd thing or two on ebay, music stuff, old cell gear, retail gear, etc., but now it seems as though I'll be pulling in bills from this new lead. The job I was waiting on, I am still waiting on. They say to 'be patient'.

GOD HOW I HATE TO BE PATIENT.

So I'm ebay guy for a while, who knows? I'm all about it. It's mega cinchy, just have to get myself a cheap digi-cam so I can stop using my cell phone.

Planning a 'jam-b-que' this weekend; boigahs, weenies, maybe even some crazy chicken wangs. Gather up all my music buds and buddetts(my boy Steve's new chica has some PIPES! I love chick singers), pick & grin in the backyard.
As always, you're all welcome to come, BYOBooze, although one pal o'mine drives a beer truck, so we should have suds.

Anyhows, that's that. Thanks again to all you art types; I can feel it... oh yeah...baby...oh sH*t...I'm-I'm-I'm...

(BASEBALL-GRANDMA-LIVER&ONIONS-TORISPELLING)

:WHEW: Anyway, I feel some smuff coming -er, getting here. Being put on paper. I'll hush now.

PEACE & LOVE! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8709180/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8709180/ Mon, 08 May 2006 10:30:43 PDT

Finish this line: "Wonder Twin powers activate; form of..."

Well... the update...

The Bagel Connection has changed hands! So, folks, remember, when in the Maryland area, stop in for a tasty bagel; 16 varities, plus fine coffee's. Say hi to Joey Bag O'Bagels for me. It'll be a year at least before I cart my happy ass up there. All the faithful 'Matty da Schemere' fangirls will just have to wait.

Hopefully, I have landed a good job with a regional comminucations corp. I find out this week, but the interviewing team seems to be on my side. Keep yer fingers crossed, pray, light a candle, all that jazz. I'll take all the help I can get.

I want to say sorry for two things, things having to do with this "KP Community' we got going here.

One, to my fellow authors, I have not been reading as much as I used to. At least not KP fanfiction. I have all my fav story alerts saved(you know who yous guys is), and promise to R&R soon.

Two, I haven't come up with any good smuff now for a while, and believe me, it pisses me off more than any of you. I have been trying, but what has come out recently would qualify me more for Penthouse mag than wholesome, high quality smuff. And even I draw the line... sometimes. Maybe it's faint and squigglily, but its drawn.

It's been good to see some new K&R art though; I know, I'm a hopeless canon romantic. So sue me! Thanks Art Peeps!

Anyhows, just shouting out. Peace & Love to all, and to all a good night! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8620216/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8620216/ Sat, 29 Apr 2006 10:29:28 PDT

Am I sweet?-
Am I crazy?-
Am I lovable?-
Am I funny?-
Am I ugly?-
Am I psycho?-
Am I annoying?-
Am I a good person?-

2)******Would You******
Hug me?-
Miss me if i was gone?-
Listen to my problems?-
Hug me if i cried?-
Be a good friend?-

3)******If You Could...******
Give me a new name it would be?-
Do one thing with me it would be?-
Drop me one piece of advice it would be?-

4)******Just A Few Questions******
What do u like about me?-
What do u hate about me?-
What is my best quality?-

1. Who are you?-
2. Do you have a crush on me?-
3. Are we good friends?-
4. Do we know each other in real life?-
5. Am I hot?-
6. Is my avatar hot? -
7. Will you put this in your journal so i can answer these questions about you!?-

Thanks for playing. First 10 answers will recieve a free melon scoop! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8478435/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8478435/ Sat, 15 Apr 2006 12:13:07 PDT

Today marks my second month of almost complete unemployment. I've been selling some leftover equipment on ebay, and took that nasty sales job for a week or so, but really, I've been a lump.

Hey, I've been working for 18+ years; pretty much non-stop, only short National or religious holidays. I've never collected unemployment before, and frankly was surprised at the amount. Hopefully, it will all end on the 24th. Can't tell yas about it yet; don't wanna jinx it. Let's just say any cards and letters sent to the Big Guy on my behalf would be mighty-mighty.

Don't get here as often, and my KP smuff muse better rear her pretty head soon, cause as of right now, the well is dry. Art types, I need another 'smug' or 'Saint Stoppable', or even a LBD contest type thing bad.

I'm ladyfriend free again, we just 'grew apart'. Check my journal entries; it's time. We both have been 'seeing other people'. Dating code, ya gotta love it.

So Happy Easter. It's one of the few days a year I get back to church. Yeah, I know, I oughta go more, but I usually feel easier taking to the Big Guy on my back porch at night, or when one of my nieces or nephews does something to make me laugh. Or, when you get a free bonus cheeseburger at the drive thru at Jack. That happened the other night, and I know it was divine cause the window guy was a weenie; I'm sure he dint mean to do it. I guess that job tanks, though, and the extra cheeseburger made my evening. I ate it on the back porch.

Anywhos, have a good one. Ya know, I said it once before, but I'm gonna say it again: Go kiss the shit outta somebody you love. I'm NOT sayin' stick yer tongue down their throat or anything. Curl their toes, ya know? Spread the love. You peeps who don't have sig others right now, kiss yer galpal or buddyboy. It'll confuse the crap outta them, but it'll bring a smile as well.

EDIT
Everybody think of CapKodak a few times this week as well if ya remember.

P&L Ya'll. ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8394645/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8394645/ Fri, 07 Apr 2006 07:01:44 PDT

Best looking for 2006: [link]

Yeah, so now that yer queasy, let's chat!

Notice on the pic (if you can see it, it's quite light)I shaved my goatee into a racing stripe down my chin. It was time for something new, and I had just gotten some new blades for my razor.

The new design is very aerodynamic. I picked up .887 on my 40 meter dash time, and can shovel food into my mouth much faster and more accurately. The stripe acts as a kind of landing strip. This comes in handy with beverages as well.

Soon I will get my summer hair cut. Maybe. Should I go long, or buzz the crap out of it?

I'll let you, my DA pals, decide. My cosmetic fate is in your hands.

(GULP)

PEACE & LOVE! ]]> ~mattb3671 http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8361794/ http://mattb3671.deviantart.com/journal/8361794/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 08:36:42 PDT

Got double tagged by [link] and [link] . You turkeys!

Since I've already done the one toddy sent for me, I'll do Manny-Black's. Here goes...

10 Firsts...
-First Best Friend: David Lentz, my neighbor. First of the Davids...
-First Imaginary Friend: Didn't do the IF thang
-First Pet dog name: Bob
-First Piercing: Three in L ear, closed up due to old age
-First Crush: Kristen Lentz, Dave's lil sis.
-First CD: Hall & Oats Private Eyes (LP)
-First Car: 1976 Valare. It was mega bad-ass!
-First School: Ledyard Centre, Ledyard Conn.
-First Kiss: Kathy Gowen, 8th Grade. And so the smuff began...

9 Lasts...
-Last Time You Smoked: Sat. before last. Quitting. Hide sharp objects. NOW!
-Last Food You Ate: Veggie/potato soup, crock pots rule!
-Last Car Ride: To the library
-Last Movie You Watched: Saving Private Ryan. Never gets old.
-Last Phone Call: To a job promoter, this A.M.
-Last CD You listened to: Howie Day
-Last Bubble Bath You took: April 1st, with the Laker Girls
-Last Song You listened to: Boogie Children, J.L. Hooker, in my car
-Last Fight: ??? Saturday, I guess. I don't really have fights.

8 Have You Ever...
-Have You Ever Dated a Best Friend: No, but should have, damnit.
-Have You Ever Been Arrested: God Yes!
-Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: You wear a suit!?
-Have You Ever Been on TV: Oh yeah. I jump at 'man on the street' things.
-Have You Ever Kissed Someone and Regretted It: Gods Yes.
-Have You Ever Cheated on Your bf/gf: No
-Have You Ever Been on a Blind Date: Yep. Kinda like 'em.
-Have You Ever Been out of the Country: Yes. U.K., Germany, Sweden, Finland.

7 Things You are Wearing...
- Cargos
- Black & grey baseball T-shirt
- Socks
- boxer-briefs
- brown belt
- Sneakers
That's all folks!

6 Things You've Done Today...
- Wrote in my home journal
- Wrote this journal
- answered an ebay question from a buyer
- called my Dad
- talked to my Brother
- went to the library


5 Favorite Things (no specific order)...
- Love
- Peace
- KP
- Chillin' like a villian!
- entertaining

4 People You Most Trust (no specific order)
- Myself
- Brother Joey
- Music buddy Charlie
- some friends

3 Choices...
- Vanilla or Chocolate: Swirl!
- Hugs or Kisses: SMUFF
- Pens or Pencils: Typer. My handwriting stopped improving around 6 yrs. old.

2 Things You Want to do Before You Die...
- Tour the world
- Be satisfied with myself

1 Person You Want to see
- Whoever's really in charge...

And there you have it. Tis moi!

Peace & Love Y'all! ]]> ~mattb3671