http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:midnight21&section=today deviantART RSS for by:midnight21 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 29 Nov 2009 00:28:39 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/28181601/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/28181601/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:33:11 PST
I never thought I'd be back to school, but here I am. Right now I'm taking prep courses in English since I'll be majoring in it, and of course math, because I suffer dyslexia, a learning disability. Once I get through these prep courses, I will be at Fox Valley Tech for the next two years taking the transfer program to UWO. There I'll finish the last two years with a degree in education, becoming an English teacher.

It's very ironic that my path in life would boil down to this. I've hated school and most of the teachers with a passion, but I could write a novel on why I chosen this path. But I have my two biggest reasons: 1. To reach out to other students and help them while I enrich myself, 2. To reclaim my past, present and the future. Nothing is holding me back anymore. Not even a speech impediment, after finding out that teachers with lisps do exist. I'll give it my best shot. Even if I don't make it, I still have other options to fall back on.

I think 2010 may be a wonderful year ahead for me. In the meantime, I'm also taking the time to let everyone know that I'm almost out of my art block so expect new artwork by the end of the year. take care everyone.

P.S. What are y'all doing for the holidays? What are your wishes for this Christmas? Feel free to share!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/26602445/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/26602445/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:26:46 PDT
How have you been? I hope you've been well since this long period of absence. I've been doing just fine these days and I've been working very hard at pulling my life back together again. As everything falls into place, I feel truly at peace for the first time in years, knowing everything is going to be alright. There really is a life and a future within my grasp. I just have to work hard at it.

But there is one big problem... art. I've been in a serious block since March and no matter how hard I try, i just can't produce anything worthwhile to post here. You name it, I've tried everything. It's gotten to the point where I just don't want to pick up a pencil anymore and just draw. Even Photoshop and Paint Shop Pro remains untouched for what seems to be like a long time.

I'm really sorry everyone. Maybe it's just best that I put art to rest awhile longer and see what happens. It could be anywhere from a week, a month, several months, to a full year. I just don't know. I just pray with a heavy heart that it comes back to me someday.

In the meantime, take care and thank you for your love and support. If you wish to keep in touch or chat with me, feel free to add me on Facebook, Live Journal, msn, AIM, and even yahoo. I will always be hanging around there. I'll also continue to look at your lovely work here too and sometimes leave you comments. I look forward to hearing from all of you!

Last but not least, I must take the time to thank for giving me a subscription gift last year. I truly appreciate it while it lasted. If I ever have the urge to draw again soon, I will make you a gift art in return

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25509817/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25509817/ Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:52:22 PDT
I think this year I'm going to work with a character portrait series, not feeling too creative with poses at the moment. And I may post some graphic art stuff next year from my college courses and yes, the latest version of photoshop is probably required in my studies.

So hang back for a little while longer. I got two pieces in progress that I still need to color in and ink and I will be back to upload them shortly. I hope everyone has been doing well since my absence. I missed you all.

Take care!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25168504/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25168504/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 20:30:44 PDT
2. I am going to start tech school next year getting into printing and publishing. Maybe someday I may end up teaching, but never know.

3. I am poor, but it has taught me how to manage my money well and live almost frugally. I also learned to appreciate opportunities and extra help as well when it comes my way and actually be content with it.

4. I may have a dirty mind and see naughty things i shouldn't, but I have self respect. I will not give myself to just anyone and i am waiting until the right person comes along and has my full trust. Sleeping around is not okay with me.

5. I have a facebook page: [link]

6. I am a believer in God, but i'm nowhere near a perfect Christian and I feel slightly jaded by the churches. However, I also welcome and love everyone from all backgrounds. Everyone in my eyes is the same.

7. In the past I hated high school with a passion and I just didn't care. Because of this and my struggles with several of my classes with no proper help, my grades suffered badly. I was lucky I graduated on time. As 8 years pass, my attitude on education changed dramatically and I saw for myself how much education can shape your futures and how records can come back to haunt you later in life. When I go back to school next year I made a vow to do the best I can and not hesitate to seek extra help if I'm struggling too badly. I can still make a future for myself and not end up like my mother who didn't do any anything with her life. My favorite classes were History, Art, and Geography. I'd love to get back to it again. Math is still something that I'll never understand and want to avoid it like a plague, due to a learning disability that makes learning the subject painful.

8. my worst habits are being a pack rat and looking at the negative things in life. Lately I've been cleaning out my apartment like mad and my attitude as well. Sometimes I still feel down about things, but I am learning to see the bright side of things and love life again. Things never last forever and will change eventually.


whoever wants to do this may do so.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25028999/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/25028999/ Sat, 30 May 2009 08:06:41 PDT has been taken from me just four months after my grandmother passed away. I had only talked to her a few times through , but I was really glad that I met her. She was a talented artist and a very strong person through her journey in life. Unfortunately, she was taken far too soon by the hands of God, letting her rest forever.

I can only hope that she is in heaven now, enjoying her new life, meeting new and old people she knew again, free of pain. Even though I never knew you that well, wish I did, I'm very glad that I got to meet, even if it wasn't for very long. May you be blessed eternally

I might need another few weeks... i'm regretfully sorry.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24952874/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24952874/ Mon, 25 May 2009 23:07:58 PDT
I'm still here on deviantART and I'm sorry if I had some of you worrying about me or wonder where I am. To answer your question I've been on an extended break, piecing myself together and figuring my way into tech school, now going for printing and publishing. Not to mention, I've been fairly uninspired for a long time and just don't feel like working on things nearly as fast as I used to, feeling out of touch.

I really hope that this is normal and it won't last forever. Maybe once things get sorted out artwork may pick up again, but it depends if I'm in the mood for it. I do have one piece in progress, however, and I still need to get motivated to ink and color it. A new character in fact, whose background that I'm still working on.

I will be back very soon. I just hope that everyone here is doing well.

take care.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24727738/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24727738/ Tue, 12 May 2009 19:48:18 PDT
[link]

Feel free to add me at any time. New friends are always welcome.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24293416/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/24293416/ Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:36:37 PDT
While I went shopping today, I noticed that the dragonball movie is now in theaters, which is surprising to be honest. I figured it was just something that was filmed and released directly to video. If you have seen it already, please tell me what you think! I'm curious and spoilers are welcomed.

Last but not least I'm also curious about the Twilight film as well (God help me) I did like Meyer's novels up until the last one and I'm debating back and forth of either buying Twilight or renting it at the library when the demands for it are less. What did you honestly think of it? I hear good things and bad things about it... Spoilers here are welcomed too.

Debates are also encouraged for this entry.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23996932/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23996932/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:34:27 PDT
Some ideas:
1) Make everyone a staff member for a day, only to realize they don't have any admin powers whatsoever.
2) Home page color change. Say.... pink.
3) Make all the newly submitted with DA character pieces for like 2 hours when traffic isn't very busy. People will wonder what happened to other submissions!
4) harmless pop up ads popping up on the screen the moment you log onto DA for like 2 seconds
5) Spyed announcing that he's retiring
6) spam, spam, and more spam.
7) announce that DAMN chat rooms is now a thing of the past
8) Mess up people's user names with extra letters and numbers
9) have some weird message flashing at you the moment you log in like access denied.

Of course, some people may be extremely ticked off at me for this...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23944860/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23944860/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:58:27 PDT
]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23740563/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23740563/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 03:05:55 PDT
Along with that I think I might have found another direction now, thanks to the help of my dear friend . She along with many people think that I should take up a career in art. I knew that was my path too all along, but I didn't know what kind of art. Eventually the list narrowed down to art teacher. Thinking about this, it makes sense.

I remember when I was still in high school I remember hating it with a passion. I've been picked on nearly every day and was treated badly in the special ed program and had my confidence ripped to pieces. I swore to myself that I never wanted to set foot at my old school again. Yet at the same time, I felt like I belonged there. I was content with the idea of being just a student, and the whole lacking purpose thing never bothered me.

After graduation, I yearned to go back. A part of me wished I could do it over again because I didn't try hard enough and messed up so much. I almost didn't graduate on time. If I did it over again with a more mature attitude, would I have been more successful with things? I really don't know. But after I had to go back for an event with my stepsister, I felt strangely connected to my old school. I didn't belong there anymore as a student, yet I somehow did belong. I didn't know why- those four years I spent here had come and gone 8 years ago.

Then came the dream I had. I dreamt that my shift was over for the day and I decided to go for a swim after getting flustered by a parent teacher conference. I stood in the water with my clothes on, not caring if they got wet and I closed my eyes letting my surroundings sink in. When I opened my eyes I saw a strange little girl running around. When she swam up to me I saw that she looked like me, only with darker hair at 7 years old. She told me that she was me 7 years away. Or at least a part of me. Then told me that she was my daughter. She said that she'll be born 4 years from now and I already knew the father. She giggled and vanished, and i woke up feeling strange.

Piece by piece it's starting to come together. I saw a pattern in my own family- many of them were teachers. Art class and history were the two classes that I had enjoyed the most and wished that I could have taken independent art study, but I ran out of time. I can actually picture myself giving lessons on painting, clay pieces, and working with various things. I can also see myself facepalming dealing with students that acted like beavis and butthead- but hopefully that was just a dream too. That will be my future. I will never end up like my mother, who wasted her life away under the influence of alcohol, smoking, and pretty much gave up in life. That won't be my fate. I know why I'm here now.

Now I'm starting to come up with plans on how to get there. Now that one of my biggest questions about life had been answered, I'm not in such a hurry to complete things anymore. I plan to start out small and work my way up, eventually going back to school. Even if I get the job at 40, so what? I can still teach for at least 20 years and end up retiring at an older age. Of course I don't know exactly when these things will happen, especially with the whole marriage thing, which i'm not exactly in a rush for either. I do hope it happens soon though. Falling in love, getting married, and having a stable family someday has been yet another big dream of mine that I had for the longest time. When I am finally blessed with it, I will cherish every moment of that life. Even if it does get a little difficult- i'm up for the challenge. Heh. I must say that I have many dreams and they're bigger than my tiny apartment that I call home.

I feel inspired again. Even renewed, yet still a little tired. Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23687226/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23687226/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:44:22 PDT
Ever since February 8, I've been in a nasty art block from hell it seems. No matter what I draw, no matter how hard I try, I can never get out of it. Worst of all... i think i'm losing interest in drawing.

For the past few weeks my desire to draw had diminished to almost nothing. I don't want to do much of anything either, never really having the energy. More or less I just felt like a zombie, tired of waking up day after day completely zoned out. Completely numb.

*Sigh*

I hope this is only temporary... I used to write quite a bit in the past and then I had creative writing which killed my desire completely. The only writing I actually do now is in Live Journal. Please pray that my love for drawing isn't the next talent to go.

Heh. I really don't think that I should make art as a career. If my interest in art had been struggling for the past few years then it's probably a bad idea to pressure myself with due dates, degrees, selling, ect ect ect. But if art is not my calling then what is? I just feel so lost lately.

Please tell me that this is normal. I... just don't feel right anymore.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23613350/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23613350/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:39:20 PDT
First of all, I'd like to apologize for the silence here. I've been okay for the most part but my moods had been fluctuating rather sharply. I hear it's normal for the aftermath of losing a loved one and it should go away soon, which is a good thing.

But I'm ready to move on now I think. Bit by bit I've been piecing myself together and gathering more info on volunteering and going to get help from human services when it comes to the work force. I'm ready to look for new churches too and perhaps join the YMCA. By '10, I may even go to tech school, once I get set up with career counselors. My cat Morgan will also be set up with a new vet, and her hairless muzzle issues will be cleared up once and for all. And of course, I'll update my page again, when the mood to draw returns to me.

When people tell me I will be fine, I am starting to believe that again. I've had worse crap thrown at me in the past, but I made it through just fine. I can get through this time too. It's good to be back. I look forward to keeping in touch with everyone here again!

Last but not least, thank you for your support and late birthday gifts! I appreciate it all greatly

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23203173/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23203173/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:17:52 PST
Then there's the funeral yesterday, which was a big test for me emotionally. The funeral went well so to speak. It was a Christian burial with an open casket and it lasted for about 3 hours or so. I prayed that I would be strong enough to get through this without having a mental breakdown in the process and that prayer was answered. I was surprisingly strong through the whole thing, silently crying when I first viewed the body and again when they closed it towards the end of the service as they wheeled the body out and gave the wedding ring and jewelry back to Grandpa.

Ironically, I may be the most screwed up member of my family mentally, but that day I was the most sane. It felt very strange to me that almost every member of my family, even my dad were leaning against my body crying on my shoulders while all i could do is hold them gazing at the casket mentally saying goodbye to her and how much she had meant to me. I was their rock. Their strength. I was the glue that held them together. I didn't mind it, but I still can't get over how weird that felt to me. Usually I was the one who was weak.

I've learned many new things about myself over the weekend and I'm slowly starting to learn how to look at life from a new perspective. I've also thought about grandma's morals and words and treasured them in my heart. I also learned things about her that I never knew before, even about my family that lived before me which is no longer alive. It was so interesting to learn all about them, including meeting a great aunt that I had no idea existed until I saw her that day. Grandma was truly a beautiful person when she was young and I felt much better about myself knowing I had inherited some of her beauty and i didn't look as much like my mother as I had thought. She was even more beautiful as she got older with a heart of gold, living life simply. She treasured every moment of life, especially her family and bravely fought her problems until the end for 12 years without hardly complaining.

I will miss her dearly. She was a mother to me that I never had and a teacher as well. Without her I probably wouldn't have turned out to be decent at all or probably end up turning to the wrong direction being more destructive than I could even imagine myself doing. I thank her for that and her support wholeheartedly. If I'm ever blessed with marriage and children one day, I hope to name my future daughter Lucille, which was her name. Maybe as a first name or second name. I have no idea yet. But it will be done in her honor.

Thank you Grandma, for your wonderful 86 years of life that you had spent with us. I will never forget you.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23111921/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23111921/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 21:25:15 PST
Fast forward to giving up sleeping, lounge around for a few hours later. Suddenly I get an unexpected call and it was my dad. He was in town and wanted to get a bite to eat. I figured why not and went with him. I was also thinking about visiting grandma too. I thought about it all day long.

But while we were in the car he told me that there were some bad news. grandma passed away this morning at 1:00 AM in her sleep, her 3rd day at the nursing home. That explains why my skin was crawling and why i felt so restless. The first thing i asked him was that he's okay... i was worried about dad because she was after all, his mother. he said that he will be. Grandma doesn't want us to suffer or wallow in depression and celebrate her life instead. That's when I fell eerily quiet. silent. Just when david asked me if i was okay that's when i snapped and started bawling for a few minutes. but after that was over, I felt oddly better.

It's weird, but it was just tension that I had built up inside of me for several days. But now that it's gone I feel oddly peaceful. The 12 year nightmare of watching Grandma suffer and slowly die is finally over and she's free again. No more pills. no more diabetes. no more dialysis. No more having a hundred things wrong with her. no more poking and prodding. no more infections. no more deafness or blindness. no more weakness of any kind. She's in heaven now, walking with God in a new body, free as a bird. I hope she says hi to Aunt Gladys for me.

I'm just deeply thankful that I got what I wished for, that she would pass away peacefully in her sleep. I couldn't thank my friends or God enough for the support and I can finally find closure to everything. I will miss my grandmother dearly and maybe one day, I will meet her again.

The only thing is... I just wish it didn't have to happen on my birthday. At least they bumped the funeral to friday.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23074919/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/23074919/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:46:08 PST
When I first looked at it, I felt like I was in total despair. My world was crashing and burning around me, and I felt like everything that I had ever loved is being taken from me. But when I took a closer look, it might not be as bad as I thought. After years and years of searching, I finally have a path carved in front of me.

Hopefully soon I will start volunteering at the library. Once I feel comfortable and confident enough, i will become a library assistant. Ever since I was two years old I always did love going to the library and I still do. I grew up around books and I'm reading all the time. So why not make a short term career goal out of it? I'm going to wait until the economy gets a little better when it comes to the actual hiring and we'll see what happens then.

Then there's tonight. Out of the blue I took a personality test on facebook and its results fit me perfectly. I've learned new and positive aspects about myself that were buried under months of hostility and depression and I suddenly felt better about myself. The most wonderful thing about that test was that it had an entire section that's devoted to college majors and how they fit your personality best. My top 3 were English Literature, Art, and photography. The interesting thing in all this was that I had been putting some thought into it lately and something was pulling me into that direction. Only I don't know what to do career wise as of yet. I hope to figure that out very soon.

Looking back on those days when I was directionless, I think I know why I had such a difficult time finding the right path. I was looking for it in the wrong places. All this time I kept asking myself why so many bad things happened to me and there had to be a reason for it. Was it to help people? I thought i was 100% sure on that and started searching like mad for it. But after years of being unsuccessful, I realized that it might not be as satisfying as I thought and it's entirely possible that i'm meant for something else. But I still don't understand why things happen for what seems to be nothing. Maybe if someone could tell me, then I can finally let go of the past for good and look forward to the future.

I can be grateful that there is a future for me to take. A solid path to walk on. No matter how bad things get, someone is always there with me even though it's not physical telling me that things will be okay.

I believe in that now wholeheartedly.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22956331/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22956331/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 02:31:24 PST
The main reason why I've been silent was my Grandmother. She hasn't been doing well since September and she had to go back to the hospital 5 days ago with chronic pain in the leg they previously cut off to her knee about 10 years ago, due to diabetes. It just killed me to see her crying and screaming in pain as she went under surgery. And when she went out of surgery, she was so tired that she couldn't have visitors. While most of my family left, I lingered behind gazing at her from the door as if i felt like i was a guardian or something mentally praying in my mind. I whispered I love you and left the room with dad, looking back. Strangely I felt at peace saying that, but a hollow feeling stayed in my chest, worrying about her, unable to sleep for the next couple days.

Then fast forward to today. I was at the hospital with my family throughout the whole afternoon. Out of all the times I had visited her in the hospital in the past, this was one of the hardest visits of them all. She was sort of sleeping when we were there, but she was gasping for air. I felt a wave of panic hit my chest, especially when she was crying about wanting to be turned to her side. nurses rushed in and assisted her. While they were doing so, another doctor called us to another room for a meeting.

The doctor explained every little thing that was wrong with her. Especially since the last health attack in September. Basically what was going on since then was heart trouble, fluid in her lungs, her kidneys shutting down, dialysis, abdominal pain, poor eye sight, deafness, infections, and many other things. I've lost count after 5 minutes of hearing about all this. Then came the options.

Grandma had 3 choices... 1. To stop everything and let her go in peace like they often do with mentally ill patients that don't want to live anymore, 2. go home and have a nurse there. 3. Continue all treatments but has to be dependent on a nursing home.

After I heard the word nursing home I swear I heard my heart shattered. Memories of her being in rehab back in november creeped back into my mind. She hated it there and was miserable. She wanted to go home but the doctors won't let her. And when it was time for her to go home the caretakers wanted to keep her for another few weeks until my dad went off at them. She finally did. after a brief period of freedom, she's back to square one. She might not even make it through the next couple weeks. Realizing this, I finally snapped, heading down to the hospital's empty chapel and cried. I was also praying to the fullest extent and finally felt God's presence. It was the strangest thing I ever felt, but I stopped crying shortly after and realized that she will be taken care of. It just makes me sad that Grandma won't be there when I finally do find a boyfriend, marry, or have a baby, but i do know she'll be watching from above. Maybe I'll meet her again one day.

In the end, all I ever wanted for her was to be free and happy. No more doctors. No more chronic illness and pain, having a completely new body. I wanted God to take her home while the rest of my family wanted to prolong her life which really made me upset. I knew what grandma was thinking. I think she wants to go too... only she was too uncomfortable to admit it. In all honesty, I'm ready. I'm ready to say goodbye and do my best to cope. I'm also worried about my Grandpa and the rest of my family. All I care about is her, my friends, and my family. I'd give up my own sanity and desires for them if I had to in exchange that they'd be okay.

Either way, whatever happens, I just hope and pray for the best. it's not easy, but I have my friends, family, and God to thank for getting me through this and keeping me sane. I might not be here today if it wasn't for all of you. I can't be anymore grateful.

At least on a lighter note I did find the strength and inspiration to draw again. I'm grateful for this because right now I need whatever distractions I could get. I will get to gift arts that I had in mind for others and trades too. But if you had a trade pending, please remind me. With everything that happened I can't remember things very well right now. Thank you.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22681312/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22681312/ Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:23:55 PST
I'm sorry that I've been away for so long, but I just needed a break and some time to heal from everything, especially coping with my cat's health problems and of course, my Grandma, which seemed to hit me the hardest back in October. Not to mention, I've been also hit with SAD and cabin fever, which tends to drive me crazy and make me anxious about things.

The good news is that I'm feeling much better than I have been and I feel that I'm ready to accept what's going on with my grandmother and I'm ready to put 2008 behind me completely. Just having things pile up on me like that is not easy to deal with, but I'm sure things just happen for a reason. I will find that out someday. I'm just grateful that I can call myself a survivor. Things could have been so much worse, but people can only take so much. Maybe here on out, the terms "just surviving" which is what I'm loosely describing life at the moment may turn into something else soon.

As for artwork, I'm still in a block, but I'm slowly getting out of it. It will just take some time, but I will never leave DA. Thank you everyone for your support on DA and IM. i'm grateful. If you ever need me for anything, feel free to contact me at any time. I am around!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22517449/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22517449/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 02:31:56 PST
Due to some personal issues and an art block, I'm going to be taking a slight break for awhile. I will be back soon!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22381457/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22381457/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:55:18 PST
1. Volunteer at the library

2. Get hired as an assistant by the end of the year

3. Get involved with the YMCA and work out

4. Lose 20 pounds or so for my friend April's wedding in the spring- she asked me to be her bridesmaid and i said yes.

5. Jump at any opportunity given to me. They may be good experiences!

6. Limit fast food trips to once every other month. I'll save money and lose weight.

7. Eat healthier. That includes making healthier choices in snacks and meals.

8. Drink less soda. I got an addiction to caffeine.

9. Write at least one positive entry in LJ a day

10. Try not to hold emotions in. I've been doing this constantly last year and it's done more damage to me than good. The only way emotion was released if I just vented in LJ. Sometimes it's okay to just bawl your eyes out and let everything go. You're quicker to recover from something.

11. Draw more furry species.

12. Try to get on waiting lists for apartments in the spring. Even though I probably won't move this year, I can at least be put on hold until something does open up. Then it can feel like time is moving forward again.

13. Get rid of everything I don't need and donate it

14. Work on more gift art. I'm sorry that I never got around to it last year... Things were just bad for me to concentrate on it.

15. Keep reminding myself that life is not a race and not be jealous of others when they accomplish something. Things will fall into place for me eventually. I always was slow with achievements...

16. Read at least a chapter from the bible a day.

17. Save 10.00-20.00 a week for random events

18. walk 2 miles twice a day when i'm not at the YMCA

19. Replace scratched up dvds and slowly get rid of my VHS collection, replacing it with dvds of that same film. It will open up space in my video cabinets

20. Make DYI decorating projects

21. Finish decorating my apartment and post photos

22. Read more novels

23. learn more history

24. Give more critiques if needed

25. Don't worry so much about love and marriage. It won't happen when I'm 80. it will happen much sooner than i think.

26. Try not to worry about what's going on with the world. things will be okay in the end.

27. get new clothes and shoes

28. Purchase an Ipod with my government check

29. save up for a new PC

30. find a career counselor for helping me figure out my long term goals and to determine whether or not I need college in the future. Just plain old praying and searching on the internet constantly isn't helping. At least I know short term...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22219797/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22219797/ Sat, 27 Dec 2008 02:01:49 PST
-A dvd player. I needed this for the living room since the one I got is 6 years old and had a lot of use. I'll just move the old one to my bedroom tv since I don't have cable in there and give the vcr player to whoever wants it.

-DVDS: The Outsiders, Little Miss Sunshine, Enchanted, and Married.. With Children season 9

-The Outsiders novel. I Never liked reading this story when I was in high school but when I graduated, I grew to love it and the movie too. I can easily relate to Ponyboy who's not from a rich family, gets picked on a lot, always daydreams, has his head in novels, or drawing. Unfortunately, we don't use our heads as often as we'd like.

-My Secret: a post secret book by frank warren. Damn. now i have to read all of them!

-A bath robe. something i needed since my old one is too short.

-pajamas

-a jewelry box and a charm bracelet with gambling related charms.

-some decor items

-70.00

- a care package, which dad dubs as "the stocking" which is pretty useful!

-Coffee scented candles. I was on a search for these and now I have them. they look perfect in the living room.

Holiday wishes:
-I'm no longer left in the dark when it comes to figuring out what to do with my life, at least for short term. Next year I'm volunteering and i'm not going to chicken out anymore. Once I rehabilitate my broken confidence, I will upgrade to a paying job as a library assistant. Maybe when I make enough at 13.00 an hour i'll move up to full time and move out...maybe. As for long term, that still hangs in the air and honestly, I'm not so sure how i feel about college anymore. Is it as worth it as everyone says? Is it possible to live a good life without it?

-My grandma's finally home from rehab after having heart trouble that nearly killed her this year along with having dialysis treatments. The caretakers were going to keep her for two more weeks but Grandma just couldn't take it anymore and broke down crying. Besides. She's a strong woman and is well enough to partly take care of herself. With the help of my dad's hot headed temper, she's finally free. She needs better doctors though. I think they're giving her way too much medication, even for someone who's diabetic o.O Who on earth has to take like 50 pills a day anyway??? I'm serious. It may be even more.

it's been a good end of the year I think. I'm just praying with my heart that 2009 will be a good year for not only me, but for everyone else on DA and especially those who suffered so much. I also pray for an opportunity to move out of this building and move on....

May everyone be blessed with a wonderful year

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22094494/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/22094494/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 23:55:48 PST
I'm not going to stop posting here by any means. If I did that, then nobody would be able to see my work and the thieves would still win the war anyway if i left. I will still continue posting artwork and be more creative in the near future. And I always ask permission and credit work when it comes to other people's characters. The best I can do is just move on and continue. And we can also push for better protection of our artwork as a community if we make some sort of petition to the staff to create a function where people can't use the right click button and that could be a voluntary feature. I had already left a long document note on this to out of concern for my friends, myself, and others. Let's see how this goes.

But still. That is one of my biggest new year's resolutions for 2009. Move on and continue with life, changing things one baby step at a time. Starting with volunteering and eventually working at the library as an assistant.

It would be good for me. I get paid minimum wage at first but i can get up to 13.00 an hour and eventually 16 at the highest. I don't need a college diploma or even experience. but i'm volunteering just for the sake of personal rehabilitation and getting used to working. And who knows? Things could just pick up from there and I may move out of this building that's been polluting my soul for the past four years.

I think what i was dealing with all along is milestone issues. You know, go to college at 18-20. Figure out career at 21. Fall in love at 22-24 and marry, buying your first house. Or have a baby at 26. I feel behind, but you know what? I'm actually okay about this. I keep reminding myself that the 20s were figuring out who I am as a person and life begins when I'm 30. And bam. When i least expect it, good things will smack me in the face in a good way. Life is not a race against society and it's okay to go your own pace and do your own thing. Please yourself, not others. This is one of the few times that being selfish seems okay to me.

2009 will be a much better year for me. I have that distinct feeling and I've been feeling much calmer about life as of lately, except for some issues that still hang in the air left unanswered. It will happen eventually regardless. But we'll see.

In the meantime, I hope that everyone else here on DA will have a better year as well and i wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21812770/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21812770/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 09:20:06 PST
1. That my fears of the future would come to an end and that I'd find some sort of a direction. This wish was granted yesterday after I had a compelling desire to talk to my landlord and the social security place about finances and how they worked if I get a job. After everything was explained to me, my fears of losing money/not gaining anything or being kicked out of my apartment if i made too much were finally put to rest. January I'm going to volunteer...by '10 I'm going to become a library assistant, that's if I get successfully hired by them. I think I just might. I've been going there since I was 2 and people know me.

2. That my grandmother would get well enough to spend Thanksgiving at home with her family rather than spending it at the rehab/home center. Much to my surprise, she seems to be doing well on dialysis and she did get to be home again. Unfortunately, she had to go back by 9PM for further treatment... there is some good news though. Between now and Christmas, she may be home for good, that's if nothing goes wrong. Obviously God or someone else has been watching over her. She could have died easily 3 months ago... it's almost weird to see her smiling and laughing again as if nothing happened.

3. That I'd find love someday soon. He doesn't have to be some drop dead gorgeous guy. When it comes to guys, I tend to go for brains, morals, and compatibility. Someone that I could easily connect with and strike up interesting conversations and debates. Someone with a fairly twisted way of thinking. Someone who can make me laugh. I've been through a lot of crap already and laughter is some of the things that keeps me sane. meh. whenever.

4. That my dad's side of the family would stay together after a turbulent year.

5. A dvd player
6. DA emoticon stress balls
7. Random DVDs like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Enchanted, Little Miss Sunshine Never Ending Story, Married With Children season 9
8. any post secret books by frank warren
9. Books: I Capture the Castle, Tales of the beedle bard, Othello, A Wallflower Christmas
10. coffee scented candles
11. Cat supplies like brushes, toys, pet bed, collar
12. Random gifts are also nice


meh that's it i guess. i had a few other things but couldn't remember them. what's on your list?

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21791666/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21791666/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:32:54 PST
Finally the vet came back and took a closer look at morgan and took a scraping of some of her cells from the injury to look under the microscope for mites. It was just dermatitis, just as I suspected. Once again, I was right because I had dermatitis myself once and dealt with similar symptoms. Of course my treatment was just ointment and the sake of keeping the area moist since i have combination skin. My cat, however, required a depo shot. I also had to keep an eye on her two fangs, which were being pushed out of their sockets. I'm praying to god they just fall out in a clean manner, so i don't have to deal with painfully expensive surgery. I told them that I've been running very low on money and there's no way in hell that I could pay so much cash. I could barely afford the 90.00 I had to shell out today. I shuddered at the brief thought of having to put Morgan to sleep if I could no longer afford expensive treatments- i didn't want to think of it. in fact, it made me sick just thinking about it and fears of my insecure future. the moment i got home, i ended up suffering yet another panic attack and broke down crying. I swear. This year...

At least morgan can finally heal now and not scratch herself so much. She handled the vet trip okay knowing how much she hates her carrier and she spent the day sleeping. I'm just glad it's nothing serious for the time being and they will call me back in 2 weeks for a progress report.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21658905/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21658905/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:41:49 PST
*That my grandma is still alive
*That I have my friends
*Found old friends with the help of Facebook
*Made new friends
*My mental health is still remarkably intact
*Support, even if most of it wasn't in person
*being relatively healthy minus high blood pressure
*the 400.00 i won
*Got most of my apartment decorating done
*Still haven't given into alcohol or smoking
*Might possibly move out in 2 years...
*Have clues to a direction but still haven't found my calling... i hope i will soon
*That I ran into someone from my mom's side of the family and learned the shocking truth about my mum... at least I can move on. Even if i won't see her ever again and eventually have a family of my own someday...
*My little stepsister is okay and alive
*My morals got stronger
*Became even more tolerant of all walks of life
*Barack Obama was elected (thank you God. thank you)
*many of my manga collections is nearly complete or are complete. Any new titles I may like?
*My drawing and coloring...improved?

I guess 2008 isn't so horrible... but it could have been better. Much better. What are you thankful for?

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21571915/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21571915/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:59:55 PST
Remember when you could write to ask the big man for whatever your little heart desired and rest assured that he would consider your request with the most careful of consideration? (I got a "misfit toy" with a letter one year.) As a young kid, didn't you feel like if you wished it hard enough, Santa would bring you whatever it was you were asking for? Well... If you still could do that... What would you ask Santa for now?

This exercise is to get people thinking about where they are in their lives and what they really want. Evaluate your needs and wants. Do you REALLY want something? Do you really NEED it? Would it really make you happy?

-------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa, (or rather Jesus)
It's funny that I managed to get through the entire year in one piece and I haven't lost my mind completely. For Christmas this year, I only want peace and an opportunity to start over in my life. I've been stuck in an apartment that I hated in the first place for the past four years and I'm unable to move on from it. I can't get anywhere in a small city that doesn't offer much reliability or support at all. I just don't belong here. I belong in Appleton.

What I really need in life is a place to live with a stable and relatively sane environment. Somewhere I can feel free and feel as if I belong there. I need somewhere that has many job opportunities and a halfway decent college to go to. I also want a direction in life more than anything. I'm drawn to psychology and fields that lend a helping hand for others, but I don't quite know what fits me. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will find it. It's been 8 long years. Isn't it time someone inspires me what I should go for in life?

Most importantly, I want my family to stop fighting and mend their ways so they don't break up. I've already lost my mother and her side of the family a long time ago and I can't bear to lose this one. It would almost kill me. Please help them find peace with one another and develop the bonds they once had. I also want you to watch over my friends and protect them. They are a big part of my life and I wouldn't forgive myself if anything were to happen to them and I wasn't there to help.

Last but not least, please send me a car. It doesn't have to be a new one, or a Ferarri or Porsche. I just want an old beater car so I can get around much easier rather than dealing with a badly managed transit system. And if you have time, I would also like a boyfriend...someone who may eventually become my husband. I want someone I can spend the rest of my life with, sharing unconditional love, compromise, and support with. Someone to start a family with all over again.

Every day I still pray to you for signs and hope and I have yet to receive a miracle or a green light. I know that you're busy with world issues and folks with even bigger problems than me right now, but please send me a ray of hope soon. I need it. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Lisa.

-------------------------------------------------

I tag EVERYONE form my friend's list and or watchers list. Or whoever wants to do this.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21544300/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21544300/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:02:00 PST
I found myself shaking, about to freak out over this situation. I don't have a car and the buses don't allow animals. I'm also scared of how my dad would react if he finds out about this... he and I fight all the time. Mostly over control of my life... he's one of those parents that don't like to see kids get hurt and has a hard time letting them go. But i'll worry about that later.

*Sigh*

What can I do about this? I never dealt with ANYTHING like this before and she was healthy as can be last night and even a week ago. I didn't know anything was wrong.

Please tell me. I feel like the worst pet owner in the world because I didn't catch this sooner... Thank you in advanced for any advice that you may give. I'll do my best to get a ride to a vet appointment. I hope to god this goes well and it's nothing serious.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21442524/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21442524/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:00:04 PST
I don't really want much this year though materialistically. All I really want is my family to mend their ways and live together in peace. For my grandma to get better. I wish that the economy to get better and that things would improve for those who were affected by it. I pray for world peace and that the balance between good and evil would be restored. I also want my life to be on track for the first time ever. Maybe even find a soul mate/love. Most importantly, I want a fairly good year for once. This year was just... terrible. It's difficult to think of material things. I guess I just want a dvd player and some new dvds or something. But even then it doesn't rate really high on my wish list. I guess I'll see what happens. Hopefully things will be for the better soon.

What are you guys doing this year? What do you guys wish for or want this year? Feel free to share.

Happy holidays!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21164587/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/21164587/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 01:36:34 PDT heh.

Rules:
Each person tagged must write 8 things about themselves in their journal.
If you have already done it, give a link to that journal.
You must tag 6 more people.
You must go to their site and tell them they've been tagged.

1. I'm a believer in God, but I have very controversial views with it. I'm so open with just about everything that it drives people nuts.

2.I miss my friends. All of them.

3. I want a few things for Christmas this year: a dvd player, twilight calendar, Within Temptation's Silent Force and Mother Earth albums, Post Secret books, a pendulum crystal, random perfumes and Dvds: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Shakespeare in Love, Little Miss Sunshine, Never Ending Story, Enchanted, It's a wonderful life and married... with children season 9.

4. I almost got to meet Johnny Depp and Christian Bale on the set of Public Enemy back in march when they filmed in Oshkosh but the set was ALWAYS full of rabid fangirls!

5. I may appear to be aloof or even emotionless, but in reality I'm a very romantic person with intense feelings within. I just have a hard time expressing it...

6. My favorite manga series at the moment is Red River

7. My dream in life is to have a happy and successful future and raise a new family

8. I have psychic abilities to a point. Sometimes prophetic dreams come to me on a whim or I get very strong feeling about things. Just recently it's become much stronger and I've recently purchased a beginner's pendulum crystal to answer a few questions I've had in my mind for months... Let's see if the answers I received will come true.

I tag:

have fun

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20899793/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20899793/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:03:19 PDT
Up until a few years ago, I never really had many questions about me or my work so I didn't feel it was necessary to make an FAQ. 5 years later, I decided it was time. I hope you enjoy!

1. Can I draw your characters?
Yes you may. I love it when people draw me gift pieces straight from their heart unexpectedly and I can't be anymore grateful for it. Chances are, you might just get something in return from me, even though it might be a bit late. All I ask is that you give me credit for my characters.

2. Can I do an art trade with you?
Art trades are always welcome. Unfortunately, humans and reptiles aren't exactly my cup of tea but I welcome all furry animals! If you are interested, please leave a note so I can look back in my inbox and remember, and provide references of your character.

3. Do you take commissions?
Unfortunately I don't, sorry. I don't have paypal or credit cards. Messing around with shipping and money always gives me headaches. I'm also not very good with math with a learning disability so I'm bound to make mistakes. Plus you guys probably need the money more than I do with a failing economy.

4. Can I write fiction about your characters?
New ideas and concepts are always welcome. If you want information about my characters, I would be more happy to send you notes and profiles.

5. Can I add you to AIM, MSN and Yahoo?
Certainly. My screen names are listed in my profile below the journal.

6. Can I make a video featuring your artwork?
This is where I had stolen work featured on two occasions. It's fine if you want to post my art, but you must ask me permission first and give me credit. If you feature work of my friends and others, you MUST ask and credit them too. Honesty and Respect are two of the most important qualities for people to have.

7. Can I be your friend?
New friends are always welcome. Feel free to watch me on DA or add me to instant messenger at any time. I love getting to know new people

8. Will you help me with something?
Always. Whether it's DA or life issues, I'm happy to lend a listening ear.

9. Is any of your work for sale?
No. Art to me is just for fun and I have no intention to get greedy and make a business of it. My work is purely for enjoyment and I'd like to keep it that way. However, I do intend to use my ability to draw in the future as an art therapist, helping young children and adults recover from depression. It shows much more promising signs of recovery than anti depressants and it's my dream to be able to help others cope what I've been battling for 18 years of my life.

10. Do you have facebook?
Yes. [link] My email is scooby194@hotmail.com and my name is Lisa Miller. Feel free to add me!

11. What materials do you use?
I use mostly pens or pencils. Then I color them in photoshop 7 or paint shop pro 7.

12. When did you start drawing?
My first projects were doodling on the walls when I was 5 years old. My parents weren't too happy about this so they got me a huge roll of paper. I've been drawing ever since. Only... improvement takes a very long time to achieve.

13. Will you teach me/give me tips/tell me the secret to drawing?
Well... it's rather difficult to teach art skills to people. Everyone has their own ability, style, and talent. And I respect that. The best thing you can do is to look at realistic anatomy and try to mimic that the best you can. Even if it sucks to you, you can still be proud of yourself for trying. That's the main thing. Over time, you will improve, even if you don't see it right away. 5 years from now, however, you will.

14. How do you feel about clubs?
I think it's a great way for people to share their love for a particular fandom and it's a great way to meet new artists. When it comes to my artwork, however, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I mean it would be WEIRD if I just so happened to be famous on DA like some members. Besides. I'm just grateful to be here on DA and having personal one page is enough. I'd rather view other people's work instead rather than gaining attention for myself.

15. Can I feature your art on my website?
It's fine with me. Just give me proper credit and note me.

16. Do you have a Live Journal?
Yes I do. It's open for the most part, but sometimes I'm a bit selective of who can see my entries. Right now I'm going through a lot of frustration in life figuring adulthood out and I needed a journal to vent. Unfortunately, I've had people who shoved their opinions down my throat, expected m... ]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20769756/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20769756/ Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:34:06 PDT All the food was eaten, by a certain winged mouse.
Stockings were hung around my neck like a noose
Along with a note that said "Gimmie presents or die, you have two options to choose"
6 juvenile delinquents were up all night plotting to torment me in their beds
While the husband is constantly aroused, making me feel tired and dead.
Fortunately I had money stored away this year in the bank,
But when I went to go shopping, the government went bankrupt and my mind went blank.
All of a sudden the ground shook and Santa appeared
A grinch like sneer on his face, the booze making him act weird
Santa I said as he obnoxiously laughed Ho ho ho
You bring so much joy and happiness for others, please do something for me.
Midnight he said, you're from a bad seed,
Your children are insane and a pain, they all done bad deeds!
Should I mention your husband Vinnie,
He is to blame. He blows everything up in sight, acting like senator John McCain.
Giving me no help, the geezer climbed up the chimney, that revolting buffoon
He mooned me a few times, loony as a toon.
Then I heard him insult me as he cut the cheese making me flee
As long as you're married with children, you'll never again ride free

----------
It's early, I know. But I couldn't resist! By the way, trades are still open

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20594688/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20594688/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 01:52:37 PDT
Since there's only about 3 months until Christmas or so, I decided to take a break from my regular arts and started drawing gifts for others, starting with .

I've put this off for far too long after having a difficult 2008, especially with my grandmother dying. But these gifts will provide a wonderful distraction and perhaps new inspiration. It's also my way of thanking people for being there for me through the toughest times and I think everyone for their support. It really means a lot to me and it has helped me survive the year.

It is my hope that 2009 will be a better year for me and if I'm not mistaken, it could very well be possible. I got a good feeling, though I dunno what it is yet. I can only keep praying for answers.

In the meantime, look for random gifts. Want a trade? feel free to ask me, providing references. Please, please leave notes and remind me! i'm a very forgetful person with a selective memory and I easily forget details.

Right now i'm reworking 's art trade throwing in 's character at the same time. I hope you guys will like it!

Take care everyone. I hope everyone is doing well

P.S. I'm on facebook! Feel free to add me: [link]rofile
Name: Lisa Miller
email: scooby194@hotmail.com

Hope to see you there!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20443162/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20443162/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:22:43 PDT
Then one day, I hit rock bottom, on the verge of giving up on everything, including my own life. I ended up going to the library to grab a volunteer application and a couple psychology books, one of them with the title: Finding a path with a heart. There was something in that book to look into my past and look at what I enjoyed doing the most.

Almost everything I went through in the past revolved around psychology in almost every way. I seem to be dominant in art, which I had been working on at my own pace for the past 8 years. Furry art. I added one plus one together and after looking on google, the word Art Therapist caught my eye. I clicked on it: [link].

When I read every word, I felt rather strange- as if there was a strong pull towards me. It said that studies show that art shows a promising cure for traumatized children, which reflects one of my dreams of helping an abandoned child in need. I was a traumatized child, taking the biggest hits at ten years old with divorce, abandonment, and a murder, but I came out okay. I can relate to those children...

But the thing is, can you picture me doing this in the near future? Or is there something else out there?

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20412851/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20412851/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:06:04 PDT I'm just writing to thank you all for your love and support that you had given me through a tough year, and I can't be anymore grateful. But for now, something was brought to my attention and that is my friend Karine. To sum it up, she's not doing the greatest right now and had lost everything in a court case, which is another prime example that the justice system sucks sometimes, no matter where you live. If you want to read more about it, read her journal:
[link]

If she wasn't so far away and if I had paypal, I'd be more than happy to donate 100.00 that I had put away and my old computer, but unfortunately there's no possible way. All I can do is keep her in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that God would give her hope and peace. I would appreciate that if the rest of you would do the same if you believe in God or something else. Anything would be helpful at this time. Thank you

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20103103/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/20103103/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:25:33 PDT
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT??
I have more emotional scars than physical

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Framed art prints by Mucha, waterhouse, edmund blair leighton and some floral prints in the bathroom. I have classic tastes.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? I might grind my teeth when I don't realize it, especially when I'm having nightmares, especially the prophetic kind.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Mostly goth, symphonic metal, heavy metal

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
3:07 PM i think. That makes me Aquarius, cancer rising. No wonder I'm messed up.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I just want to move far away from this apartment building and start over again, leaving bad memories behind for good.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Being with my old group of friends from high school and being at home with my family when they were still close.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My cat which I adopted and manga collection. I also prize my technology gadgets


9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'4"

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not really.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Only in strange basements that might feel haunted... it's also a real easy way to get hurt

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Someone who I thought was my friend.

13. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Living my life alone forever and failure

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE ( OR SAME ) SEX?
To be honest, looks don't really matter to me anymore. I just want someone who is compatible, understanding, supportive, loyal, and honest. Someone who I can reach out to and be their best friend and lover...

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
To be honest, I don't see this happening at all. I only had one boyfriend and marriage seems extremely doubtful. *Sigh*

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Energy drink

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Canadian bacon, extra cheese, mushrooms sausage

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Chinese.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Burgundy/wine

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
I don't even like seafood.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
This is a tough question. However, I am extremely grateful for all the gift art/fiction everyone has given to me over the past few years. Anything handmade has more meaning to me than store bought items. Seriously. :heart;


22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Nope. I am looking for love though.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Yep.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
about 90% of my clothes are thrifted. However, my shoes i'm pickier about since I have to be comfortable. Such as Nike.

25. WHO IS YOUR FAV FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
I really don't care. Celebrities are just overrated humans.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
Yes. Morgan. I've had her for four years now

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
Tortoise shell cat. Long haired

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Probably not. I crave a stable relationship...

29. ARE YOU AWESOME?
I dunno. I'm still at war with myself when it comes to confidence and finding my place in this world. I'm average I guess.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
13

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
I don't care. It's a ridiculous stereotype.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories. But the imprint is always there." ~Evanescence

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Anywhere but home

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yup. Canada

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Lack of confidence and my many phobias

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I saw johnny depp when the set of Public Enemy was filmed in Oshkosh, which is where I live.

37. FIRST JOB?
animal shelter volunteer

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
not really.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Yes and no

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
instant messaging. ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19861372/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19861372/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 11:37:19 PDT
The new BMFM series was on the Fox network for the first time.

I have mixed reactions with the new series like I did about two years ago when I first heard of it. The animation changed and I have a slight problem with skinny characters when I was so used to seeing muscle and curves from the original series. And stoker? What happened to him?! They kept the same actor but they changed his appearance so much. Of course I did have to laugh at the idea of him having a beer belly. He's bound to pick up drinking habits or something and pick up the Homer Simpson syndrome.

The animation was a bit choppy and didn't run as smoothly compared to the old series either. The plot could also be tweaked. I mean it picks up directly from 10 years ago and there was no brief introduction at all of what happened then leading up to current events. (much like in the sailor moon R series) Kids are bound to see that first episode and go: what happened back then?

I did like the humor (Such as vin picking on throttle AND stoke. Plus vin's really careless about the environment. When carbine was worried about lack of water, vin goes: Hey as long as we have rootbeer, all is good! *burp* and guess what rootbeer is made with ) and the idea of throwing catatonions into the mix while they kept the old villians such as limburger and grease pit. I even made my own catatonion villian that became good later on, becoming a court member to Stoker's son King Silverfire, whom Vin took under his wing. A subtle lesson about how destructive war can be, especially without lack of forgiveness.

My verdict is a C. Still watchable, but could use some major work. I could have expected better from its original producers. Of course, this is just one episode...

What's your take?

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19840593/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19840593/ Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:18:17 PDT
I'm sorry everyone. Due to having more stress in my life lately, I must need time away from drawing. If i dare attempt anything right now, it's going to turn out pretty bad. So a break is needed. Hopefully things will blow over soon and i'll be fine again, even though i feel completely powerless and gloomy at this time.

until then...

Take care and thank you for your support. All of you. I'll still hang around on DA and comment on work and feel free to IM me at any time. I'll be around.



]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19819881/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19819881/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:32:01 PDT , and . A humble little community i might add. 8 years passed and its content exploded, gaining thousands of users and millions pieces of art. The staff should be proud of their success and I would like to take the time to thank them for their hard work and management.

Sure. Many changes were made to deviantART and so much drama had happened. No community is perfect and it will always have its flaws. Staff members will come and go. Some artists remain and others will leave or change accounts. but DA will always be DA until the internet crashes.

What I appreciate about DA the most are the artists and their talents. If it wasn't for this site, I wouldn't have met so many people and I'm grateful for that. Thank you all for your support. I cannot stress this out enough.

I will definitely stick around and it's been 5 years for me. I look forward to seeing DA reach its tenth year!



]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19778366/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19778366/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:51:04 PDT
My question is this: Some you have known me long enough, sometimes better than I know myself. What do you picture me doing that is easy enough for me to obtain and something that I can enjoy? Maybe some of your ideas could help me figure out whatever majors or minors I need and finally work up the courage to go back to school...

Thank you in advance for your suggestions and ideas. It is very much appreciated.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19740889/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19740889/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:56:07 PDT
Not much has been new otherwise, pretty much the same old routines. I got bored tonight and worked with CSS for the first time ever on deviantART. I must say, it was easier than I expected all thanks to this link here: [link] I know it's been mentioned on DA once before most likely by a staff member, but I would like to take the time to thank the person who created this page. It's so simple and easy to use, especially for a web design challenged person like myself. It's awesome and straight to the point. When I get used to it, I might add fancier graphics, but for now I like the simple look and it's not hard on the eyes at all.

In the meantime, watch for more drawings coming soon! There may be fewer updates this year than usual but at least I spend more time with my work than before and it's a good thing!

Take care everyone. I hope things are going well for you all

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19683766/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19683766/ Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:50:49 PDT
After fiddling around with it for a couple weeks I have come up with a small list of pros and cons along with some suggestions. and here they are:

Pros:
1) I love the fact that viewing deviations in thumbnail format is available to everyone and it doesn't require a subscription. There's also the option to view things in thumbnail or list form too.

2) Going through comments and deviations is like a breeze now. Getting over a thousand deviations and messages a week makes it difficult for me to clear them after viewing. Because of this, I have a difficult time commenting on artwork. I'm sorry everyone. Hopefully you'll be seeing more messages from me soon!

3) They're trying to work on the search feature though it's not perfected yet. I praise the staff for trying their best!

4) For subscribers, as with V5, they're allowing more opportunity to work with CSS though personally, I have no idea how to work with that yet *web page design challenged*

Cons:
1) I find it difficult to navigate around DA. To this day I still don't know where the forums are and it's no longer in plain view. I don't like the fact that it's all bunched together under the search feature.

2) They still have ads for non subscribers. An easy way to get spyware and viruses. Sadly enough, DA is a suspect for my PC crashing earlier this year and especially Live Journal.

Suggestions for future versions and subscribers:

1)Custom DA user page colors like with the dreadful sheezyART (personally I like the soft greens, but it gives paid members more options to customize like with CSS)

2)An edit comment feature. It's getting annoying when I have to correct my errors in another comment. A spell checker would also be a wonderful asset. I know there's a reason why they don't have it, but still. Wouldn't it be nice?

3) A music feature like myspace. Of course there's the controversy of copyrights and the fact people will complain that it's becoming too much like myspace as if it's not happening already.

What do you think? Feel free to share your opinion and criticism.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19600446/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19600446/ Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:28:16 PDT
After months of stress, things are finally starting to look up for me and the storm clouds are finally breaking. I have several random things I'd like to share with you, so I'll just put it in list form.

1) This week I took the time to think about what to do with my Live Journal. As I mentioned before, I decided to leave it up and do my best to turn it into a more positive place, filling it with lighter topics and happier notes. I do have another journal under twilight2008, but that's more intended for frustrated posts and trying to figure out how to fix things and go from there. I decided that if I put less effort avoiding fits of depression and anger, things might be less stressful for not only me, but for everyone else as well. If I really have to whine, I can do it in deadjournal, where nobody watches me there anyway.

2) I found out that my stepsister Hillary is pregnant again for the 2nd time this year and I am happy for her, looking forward to being an aunt. However, I've been really worried about her and I pray with my heart that nothing happens this time but the delivery of a healthy newborn. Please do the same for her. She's been wanting a baby for quite some time now and she deserves a miracle. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my own desires of wanting a lover and a child myself for the sake of her own happiness... I... I just don't care anymore whether or not i'll be happy... i just want everyone else to be.

3) I've been seesawing back and forth trying to reach a decision of what I should do for college, considering I have a low GPA and have severe learning problems in math that might damage my SAT scores dramatically. So I have these choices:
A: Go to an online college and take basic courses to bring up GPA
B: Go to a tech college for basic courses then transfer to a uni
C: Forget the crap and bite the bullet, trying to get into Marian college or University Wisconsin Oshkosh (UWO)

I have no idea what majors I should go for yet, but I do have clues. I am looking for a career that's meaningful, fulfilling, healing, supportive, reach out to others, and give back to the community after taking so much from it. I mean I've been through so much and suffered a lot nearly my entire life and I believe that i went through it for a reason that may be linked to a career. I wonder what. Some of you may know me better than I know myself so maybe you could put some input on this... it's so confusing. I must thank my friend London for financial aid information though. That really gave me some hope of living a successful future!

4) My dad's cat had a litter of 5 healthy kittens. When I go over to his house on friday, I shall take pictures!

5) My waistline seems to be shrinking a bit, which is a good thing. I might join the Y soon to work out, especially during the winter when I find out how much membership fees are.

That is all for now. I'm still working on artwork so it may take a bit before you see another update. Take care! Thank you all again for all your support you have given me throughout the past 7 months. I am grateful.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19583988/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19583988/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:23:35 PDT
But despite all that, I'm okay. I'm out of my art block again and I've been working on a romance based drawing in order to warm myself up for Jivra's trade (couples aren't exactly my cup of tea at the moment) and got some others being planned out as we speak.

I've been also putting a lot of thought into my live journal account as well. Because of the recent problems I've been having with people getting upset with me when I just wanted to vent, I was toying with the idea of deleting my account. But I just came to the conclusion that I'll keep my midnight21 account for photos, unfinished artwork, fandom babblings, and undecoded dreams. I also intend to keep in touch with some friends there too. I've moved my personal stuff to twilight2008 now and it will be friends only, only allowing a few trusted friends to see the material. At least it will be easier on everyone that way. If you wish to be added, it's fine. let me know and I'll add you back most likely. But I must warn you that it might not be a bed of sweet roses and shiny things.

Well, that's about it I guess. Stay tuned for more updates and feel free to drop a line in the shoutbox and check out my stamp collection! *Shakes fist at for getting me addicted to them

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19516223/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19516223/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:42:38 PDT for kindly getting me a year subscription when I didn't even ask for one! This was totally unexpected and I am very grateful for it. Thank you so much for being my friend as well and making my days brighter. The same goes for the rest of you. Without friends, the world would be a very empty and bleak place to be in and life loses its meaning. I'm eternally grateful to be blessed with what I have, even though some may be busy and I am so lucky. When I get out of this block, which I'm starting to now, expect some finished trades and even gift arts soon. I've been putting this off way too long.

Once again, thank you. I cannot stress that enough! I'll update as soon as I can!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19402232/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19402232/ Tue, 15 Jul 2008 02:23:36 PDT
After banning this guy from Live Journal and took him off my friends list and kept ignoring his messages on YIM, he finally got the hint and left me alone, taking me off his friends list. Deep down, I feel bad for doing this, but when I start feeling extremely uncomfortable in a friendship like the feeling something's wrong, then it's best to end it before things get worse. I've learned the hard way that the longer you keep bad people in your life, the worse it gets. Unfortunately some people in relationships and such don't realize this until it's too late and I pity them.

For the rest of the evening I started thinking about God again. It feels like I've put my entire faith and trust in him and yet I still get screwed over with no breaks. All I ever wanted was to serve him when my time ends on earth...but before I do, I would like an opportunity to move out of this apartment and stay out, head to college to study psychology and become a psychologist, living a life of virtue, and that I'll eventually find my true love like soon. God knows and I know it's not good for me to be alone... and yet I get the wrong guys. It's frustrating as hell but I'm more than willing to hang on until the bitter even though I've been exhausted and already pushed to my limits when it comes to sanity. Just a bit longer. Maybe things can finally pick up speed by next year and I'll finally be out of this "empty prison" I'm currently trapped in. I pray that this doesn't last forever and 2009 would be a year of personal freedom and growth.

Speaking of growth, I looked at the date I joined deviantART which was July 14, 2003. Yesterday it marked my 7th year of being here and I'm grateful that I got an account here. If I didn't, I wouldn't have met everyone that watches me or admires my artwork, which was the most surprising thing of all. I had never expected to get noticed whatsoever- i just wanted to post stuff just for fun, even though I wasn't entirely good with art at the time. Now I've been striving for improvement bit by bit and I have everyone to thank for their support, even the type that gives many critiques.

I really hope that this continues, meeting more new folks and watchers on the way and keeping in touch with older friends. I also hope that I get to see everyone continue to grow and improve as people and artists as well. DeviantART to me is a site of soul searching and growth as a community, even though it's been through so much drama. I mean think about it. Many of you have been here for a long, long time and some of you may have work that dates back from when DA was still in its infancy. then several years later maybe your style changed or improve. And it's open to the public to see that and appreciate it. Where would many artists be if DA didn't exist without its support and feedback?

Anyway, take care everyone. I may be back with updates soon. I just got to get myself out of this anatomy funk first. Once again, thank you for your support. I am so grateful and i will do my best to trudge through everything despite the circumstance. Heh. I wonder where i'll be another 7 years from now.... that will be another mystery yet to be solved.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19386118/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19386118/ Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:08:19 PDT
I got a question for you all. Has any of you ever dealt with an online stalker before? If so, how did you deal with it?

Just a couple days ago this guy finds me on Live Journal through someone else who watches me from that site. Then he added me on Yahoo. At first it was kinda cool to meet another person online and have yet another friend. Unfortunately, after a short time, things got hairy, after sensing there is something wrong with this guy, right from the very first chat.

First, he acted as if he knew me and tried to claim me as his girlfriend. Then he started spamming my LJ with comments and started bugging my friends. Then he spammed me with a billion offline messages even though I appear to be invisible to him and even deleted his name off my account. Shortly I plan on banning this guy from my Live Journal too. I never replied to none of his messages. Just deleted them.

What would it take for him to take the hint that I am NOT interested whatsoever? I'm single and kinda looking, wanting to settle down, yet I'm not desperate. I'm looking for the right guy and it will take some time. And what I hate more than anything are desperate clingy guys that leave you feeling suffocated like you're drowning.

Just what i need. Another guy like that- just like my ex boyfriend. All I want is a guy who appreciates me. Someone who respects my moral values and is willing to wait for me on sex, never forcing anything on me. Someone who I am compatible with. Someone who is willing to give me space in order to grow as a person while I do the same in return. I won't invade his space 24/7... it seems wrong. If a guy can't handle a slight challenge then he's out the door faster than he could say goodbye. I may sound strict, but crap like this made me feel as if i had to do this.

I'm done with men. I'm done with dating. Screw it. I'm better off single. Besides. I want to piece my life back together anyway.

----------
Update: I just banned this guy from LJ- i finally figured out how to and just removed him from my friends list. Now I just need to figure out yahoo... If only they had a simple block button like AIM and msn... it would make things so much simpler. *headdesks*

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19318629/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19318629/ Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:33:19 PDT
I've tried to remain strong and calm through all this but i'm not so sure how much longer I can last. I think... I'm losing it completely. I'm not even sure who my real friends are anymore or who I can exactly trust, even with my own family members. Maybe I do know- my mind is just in a very blurry and confused state at the moment not knowing what to believe.


I'm not giving up just yet though. I just need some more time to myself and stop drawing for awhile. Clearly nothing's coming out well at all when I'm under distress and I've been losing inspiration. It's questionable if that mythology project will ever get finished...

maybe one day.

In the meantime, take care everyone. I can only hope to God that all of you are having a better year than I am.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19229166/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19229166/ Sun, 06 Jul 2008 02:57:06 PDT
After yet another meltdown tonight, I finally started to get calm again after dealing with men/rejection and internet problems. Once calm, I started thinking about my future.

Once I get out of here and get a new PC, I would love to go to college and study psychology, getting a degree in it then get a career as a psychologist, seeking counseling myself at the same time healing in the process. Even though I probably will never recover fully, i'll at least become sane again and more functional when it comes to coping with things. I've been in therapy before but it never worked and it really messed me up. However, I'm willing to give it another try in a new city with new people.

But it's strange. I've been through so much in the past that I knew it had to happen for a reason and it pointed to psychology. I've seen and learned how to deal with almost everything first hand and most people are just looking for someone to talk to and be given clues to a new path that could change their lives forever and drugs aren't always the answer. It seems as if I have a gift for that and more people are coming to me about things lately which I find fulfilling and meaningful. It's friends from the internet and everyone else reaching out that made me choose this path. And I can't thank you all enough for it.

But psychology isn't the only thing i want to do in life. I want to start my own foundations to raise money helping abandoned children and rape victims. I'd like to help build homes for abuse victims so they can have shelter from their personal storms. Maybe I could also create more awareness for anxiety, social phobia, and self harm so people aren't left in the dark and know how to handle it. I'd like to get married and give birth to one child, adopting another so an abandoned child can have a chance to live a happy life. I would also like to adopt more animals from the shelter like I did with my cat Morgan. She was painfully shy when I first got her and now she demands attention and love from everyone- I must be doing something right.

Even though it feels like I've been chained up right now, unable to move whatsoever, I do know that it won't last forever. I just need to stay strong and ride through the rest of the storm the best I can. I can hang on, just a bit longer. I've got to.

In the meantime I'll be updating DA like usual and study psychology in my own time. I may not be in college right now but I can at least read up on it and start volunteering again. I would have started sooner but I wasn't stable enough... but now i'm starting to feel my strength to come back. I know i can do this again and overcome that fear of working and failure... wish me luck.

By the way- if you had any pending trades please let me know. Recent family drama made me quite forgetful and things are quite fuzzy at the moment... i'm sorry that it's taking so long

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19152556/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19152556/ Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:33:47 PDT

As for my old computer... that too will be getting a RAM upgrade and apparently I'll be getting an upgrade most places don't even sell anymore and it might be worth some money. Again, dirt cheap for only 30.00.

I love computer geeks. love them. I'll probably give him a 25.00 tip as a thank you gift- maybe 30 so he can finally get that spyware program he wanted that he says is the best.

I can only hope that things will start getting better from here on out.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19115822/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19115822/ Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:32:38 PDT
Needless to say I had my friend Jeremy look at it who happens to know computers and builds them. I could have taken it to him for a for a reformat but only computer corner had the back up copies of windows XP. It's one of their nasty little tricks to do business with them again and again. I'm done with them. My next PC is going to be a dell most likely from best buy.

In the meantime, I've been offered to upgrade the ram on my old computer. I've thought about it, but I told Jeremy that I only had 40.00 on me and I need to save up 30.00 more in order to afford an upgrade. He's like: 40?! I'll just give it to you for 30! I just need to take this thing apart and see what CPU you have...

I agreed, after giving a brief thought about this. I might as well make my old PC my main one again since it appears to be more stable than my current computer and Avast! just got rid of a little virus for me. What a nice little free program. I also have 75% free space... that's more than enough for photoshop and extra brushes. I just need more ram to have the programs running smoothly.

I can't wait to work with photoshop again, coloring in my Helios piece. He's going to be a Sun god and I want neat little fire effects burning in his hand, his body almost glowing...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19066798/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/19066798/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:30:32 PDT

RULES:
1. You must answer EVERY QUESTION. Truthfully.
2. Only use it on a character that exists and not one you made up spur of the moment just to answer this tag.
3.I was tagged. Ani made it, I'm also partially to blame Tag at least three people. (I'll be watching you...)
*-----*-----General--Stuff-----*-----*
1. Okay, what's your character's name?
Midnight Firestorm

2. Gender, species?
Female, Martian Mouse.

3. Born?
6-22-1976

4. Staight/bi/gay?
Closet bi and horny.

5. Age?
my storyline begins when she was 6 years old, but technically she's 32 as of 2008.

6. Dark side or light?
She's on the good side, but she's naive and doesn't make a very good leader, using her heart rather than her brain. Fortunately her hubby is when he develops maturity. At least she makes an excellent mother, housewife and interior designer. (Typical of cancer gals)

7. Why'd you make him/her up?
To create a basic history of Mars, how the war got started and how the freedom fightes were created. Her family history is a dark one and people of her kingdom aren't too quick to trust her with the future of a fallen planet...

8. Favorite color?
Red. Sometimes s he's partial to purple and in some cases white.

9. Where was he/she born/raised?
She was born in a large yet somewhat unknown kingdom made up of conquered land known as the Firestorm Empire. Her father was King Gunfire and her mother was Deliah Firedancer, whom the king had an affair with. For 6 years of her life she was raised in the Firestorm palace by nannies among her 4 brother and sisters until the plutarkians forced the king to hand over the planet and killed them anyway, sparking a war between two worlds. Mid was lucky to survive, dealing with a slight borderline personality disorder when it comes to forgotten identity...

*-----*-----*Physical---Appearance-----*-----*

10. Hair color?
medium gray

11. Eye color?
Gold

12. Height?
5'6" I think...

13. Thin/fat/normal?
Slightly chubby and curvy, normally a size 12/14.

14. Hair style?
long, wavy and layered, lower back length.

15. Weight?
approximately 165 pounds. She gains more after childbirth and eating one doughnut/ bon bon too many

*-----*-----*Time---to---RP-----*-----*

16. What would he/she do if her/his best friend died or got severely injured? She doesn't know much about medicine but she would stay with the injured person and call someone by phone for help. She'll let the professionals deal with it. If a person dies that is close to her she may go through post traumatic stress for a long period of time not speaking to anyone for weeks.

17. Okay, if they went to a normal school (assuming they don't already) what clique would they be put in? She never really went to school. She was brought up in an orphanage for some time but the caretakers hated her and locked her away in a basement. She learned everything she could by brownnosing and learning to write in the dirt. After meeting Vinnie she had tutors, vin and stoker teaching her basic lessons. She end up dealing with heavy political lessons later on which puts stress on her.


18. It's math class, what is your character doing?
She'd most likely fidget with things or draw romantic doodles on a sheet of paper or get lost in a romance novel behind a math book XD

19. Okay, a guy/girl asks your character out on a date, he'll/she'll...
She only has feelings for Vinnie and no one else. She dislikes stoker and has a hard time trusting men in general.

*-----*-----*Personality---time-----*-----*

Mark off all of the ones that your character would say.

[]"I AM NOT SHORT!"
[X]"...BUNNY!"
[X]"Why should I do this anyways?"
[]"I kill you! MWAAHAHAHA!"
[]"I will destroy the world someday, watch."
[]"What if I order you to kiss me?"
[]*Meow*
[X]"Eeew, get away from me, perv!!!!"
[]"WAAAAAAHOOOOOO!"
[]"Scanning possible enemy, complete."
[]"At least she doesn't treat me like a cripple."
[X]"...I was wondering...um...could you...um...um..."
[]Go ahead and try to kiss me, I’ll break that handsome face of yours into pieces.”
[]"Go AWAY!...I'm sleeping..."
[X]"Lookie what I found!"
[X]"What's this?" *Holds up worm*

I tag.


]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18977152/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18977152/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 04:10:07 PDT
It never fails. Just when I got some good ideas in my head, I run into yet another block. Every time I try to draw something it fails. I have one drawing being colored in progress, but it needs to be photoshopped in some areas and I'm really scared of uploading it onto my pc thinking it might mess up my RAM like my old computer.

I've also been going through a lot of post traumatic stress this month as well. Certain days this month trigered some awful memories of something that happened 3 years ago that haunted me throughout the month. No therapist could replace what I had lost and a part of me had died. Now I'm still picking up the pieces and trying my best to live through it all, weary of future relationships even though I pine for it so badly. But I guess it will happen when it happens. At least I have a direction now to work towards which was one of my biggest problems. It may take a few years before it falls into place though.

Another thing has happened this month as well... a family member of mine has finally left the mental health hospital and is moving back to Kentucky on monday. I feel heartbroken about this and there's a hallow, empty feeling growing deep in my chest. Even though it's going to be really difficult to keep contact with her now, she knows that I'm still around to protect her and I'm there if she needs me. Even though I'm aching, deep down I know it's for the best and I hope she can finally live a happier future.

The same goes for me...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18880951/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18880951/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:57:50 PDT
Even though it's considered to be "mary sueish" to have characters be god like and magical in a normal mortal based fandom, i've decided to just simply experiment a series something completely out of character. Just once. Then shift back to the way they once were. Only artwork, nothing more.

The first piece I did before my former PC ran out of RAM was Eos (according to birth order) and I was quite surprised at the positive responses i got from it and I'm grateful for it. The coloring came along by accident and was right- I had a lot of potential. If I spent more time on a piece my work would look much better. And it did.

To be honest I always thought I could do much better and feel like I'm somehow behind whenever I look at beautiful works of arts and ones that are very realistically done. But I'm not jealous or anything. It's just inspiration for me to work harder and get better, which is something I'm grateful for. Since January, I noticed quite a bit of improvement with my pieces and I never expected it. Even when I've been having so many PC problems as of lately.

I have my friends, even the critical ones to thank for this. I probably wouldn't have got this far if it weren't for them.

Last but not least, here's a lineup of something i had in mind for the mythology project, based on name meanings, occupations or personality.

Eos: goddess of morning
Selene: goddess of the moon
Helios: god of the sun
Silverfire: god of war?
Kitai: Since she doesn't really apply to anything and her name means hope she might be a guardian of it. or an angel of destruction...
Midnight: goddess of love and fertility based off her addiction of sex and her many children/grandchildren

I may do some secondary/newbies/and others as well maybe possibly gift art, but we'll see how my "normal" computer behaves...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18866349/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18866349/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:08:49 PDT
I'm getting worried. What if something happens again to this PC for the 4th time and I won't have any connection for a week? I can't imagine a week not being able to talk to anyone or do artwork- it would drive me mad sitting in silence. I still don't have enough money for a new PC and as we all know Photoshop 7 doesn't work on Vista and I'll have to save up over 200.00 for a newer version of photoshop. I only have 30.00 put away for a new pc as of right now and that's nowhere near enough. and it's hard for me to just put away even 20.00 a week.

*Sigh*

All I want is to just be able to color and draw with no problems, chatting on the pc at the same time. I still don't have any money for paid virus protection or credit cards that are suitable for it and i'm pretty much screwed here- i have no choice but to go with the free versions.

Sometimes I really really hate being poor living on next to nothing for income. People just don't know how hard it is for me to live on a little over 6,000.00 a year with no way out... i'm not even sure if i could survive college too even with financial aid.

I dunno anymore. I really dunno.

Looks like my mythology project might be put on hold too. I'm almost afraid to upload photoshop on this pc and paint shop...

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18788731/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18788731/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:15:32 PDT [link]

First of all, I have to thank my dear friend Uku for giving me a link to this music video, which featured artwork stolen by not only from me, but from so many of my friends as well. The list of victims is long this time and it's difficult for me to make a list of names. So on my behalf and others, I told this person to take this video down, because I didn't give this person permission at all and I'm pretty sure the others didn't either.

During my entire time on DA which is for 6 years, my artwork has been stolen 3 times. Sometimes I don't know whether or not I should be amused, laugh, cry, or burn in rage anymore.

Even though this happens, this doesn't mean the end of updating DA with new works or take everything down and leave DA. Like with all artists and professional artists, I will continue on updating as normal. Of course, some may leave, which is completely understandable too.

If I tried to take down my work from the public eye, it wouldn't really make a difference and it also means the thieves will win. I'm basically running away from a problem that I should almost expect to happen and my art will never be enjoyed by the public again. Nobody would even see progress and development made by looking at pieces from the past and the present or the effort and love i put into those pieces too.

I mean what would happen if Mucha or other artists took their work away from museums and public eye? There would be nobody to admire him and there would be no inspiration. It would just take away another ray of sunshine from human life. Art is meant to be enjoyed, become a teaching tool to art students, and inspired by all, even if one doesn't see it happening right away.

All I ask is that you guys would just ask me for permission before using my pieces. In all honesty I enjoy doing trades with people. I love it when people draw me gift art, showing appreciation and love for my characters and effort I put into my pieces. I see it as an honor if someone wanted to put my work on a website gallery or puts it in a fan made video or create fanfiction of them. I love all you guys for enjoying my work and leaving behind so much support, even if I don't reply to you all right away. I am eternally grateful. Just remember to leave credit to the owners!

In the end, all forms of honesty wins. Lying gets you nowhere and one cannot grow as a person and better themselves...


Thank you so much for understanding.


---------------
Edit: The video has been taken down. I thank the person whole heartedly for that and I appreciate it so much!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18663865/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18663865/ Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:32:13 PDT
Once again my computer is broken... and I'm pissed off again. I'm even crying from frustration right now as we speak.

About a month ago I took it in to get rid of the worm viruses and have a reformat done to my computer. Instead they worked around my files and I had to pay 104.00 for all repairs.

Then a week later I started having problems again and the worm viruses came back! I had to take it in for a reformat and they did with no extra charge.

I took it home thinking everything's okay and started uploading my programs again. Then I didn't have a working printer because I couldn't find my disk.

Well, someone gave me the website of HP and I downloaded the driver for it which was from the 3500 series and it worked! But now every time I boot up the PC it wants to update the drivers. With everything else trying to boot up in the background it just freezes up and I can't work on anything else beyond that point.

Today I finally pushed F8 and worked on programs in safe mode, disabling msn, yahoo, aim, and got rid of spybot. But now when I boot up the PC it just shuts off automatically when yahoo tries to sign on even though it's been disabled.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything and it's going to be months before I can have enough money saved up for a new PC...

I can only hope that I marry a computer geek one day. Seriously. I'm getting tired of handling everything by myself, not know what I'm doing and constantly fail.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18630587/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18630587/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:07:09 PDT
Whenever I boot up the PC today it wanted to do a million things at once. My printer wants to update something when it was working just fine and I don't have the damned disk for it- I had to download it off the internet. Spyware doctor wants to start. Spybot wants to know if I accept a change or deny change in the registry. Yahoo wants to boot up. msn wants to boot up.

In hopes to have everything running normally I click out of my printer, spyware doctor, msn, and yahoo. It does, but then AIM boots up and freezes everything. It stays like that and I can't do anything except to get mad at the piece of junk and have the urge to scream. The same old thing happens every time i boot up and it freezes up too soon before I can do anything about it like set programs where it doesn't run at start up. I even tried disconnecting DSL in hopes that something would change but it doesn't.

I hate to say it but my old computer seems more stable even though it has less ram and I can't work on artwork so much on here. I'm just so sick and tired of computer problems.

All I want is a normal PC. Something that runs without a bunch of crap. Something that lets me chat with no problems. Something that lets me work on my artwork.

But it's always problems.

Looks like another trip to computer corner.

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18611872/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18611872/ Sun, 01 Jun 2008 14:29:15 PDT
Whenever I update it I always get weird AIM chat windows with the word salmon in it. No matter what I do, even if I had the data wiped out completely and had everything reinstalled, it always comes back infecting my PC again.

How the hell do I get rid of it? I changed passwords at least 3 times. I keep clicking out of it. and now I just changed my AIM settings to where I can only talk to those on my friends list. I don't stay logged into LJ anymore- I log out when I'm done. I didn't even download firefox this time and I have the internet privacy settings on high. I'm getting mad.

And the most screwed up thing of all about this is that it never happened on my old PC and my spyware scanners and antivirus never picks up anything.

Jesus, how many times do I have to take this thing in to get it fixed?! I ALREADY PAID 104.00 shouldn't hackers be happy with the damage they caused and leave me alone by now?!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18602928/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18602928/ Sun, 01 Jun 2008 01:37:22 PDT
Either way, I'm just glad to get this PC back. It's not quite as fast as I had expected it, but it's still pretty good considering that I bought this PC back in 2006. I've been also busy reinstalling other software like my camera, scanner, spyware programs, photoshop, paintshop, and mp3 player. Everything has been a success but my MP3 player. I'm a bit pissed off about it because I can't upload songs from my player to computer and I don't want to overwrite them. Maybe sooner or later I'll just invest in an ipod. It will have to be later since I'm kinda broke at the moment... my sony player is good enough until then. At least I got it recharged.

I'm also probably not going to download firefox... Lately I noticed that it's been having a bunch of problems regarding spyware and I've had problems with blocking pop up ads in the past. So far I've been using explorer with high internet settings and pop up blockers and I haven't had much of a problem except for the usual cookies which are easily deleted.

Last but not least, is it just me or are some of you having problems typing out comments? I've been replying to comments people left on my artwork and some others, but I've had a hard time typing. the typing speed is really slow and sometimes it freezes for a brief second, yet in a DA journal the typing is fine. Is this just another one of DA'S many glitches? please let me know!

In the meantime I'll be posting more artwork again soon and redo a trade for Jivra that I should have finished so long ago. Jivra, I'm so sorry for putting this on hold for so long! Between technology issues and art blocks it just hasn't come as easy for me as i thought. But I'll try to get it done as soon as possible. I haven't forgotten you!

That is all for now. Take care everyone!

]]> ~midnight21 http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18562185/ http://midnight21.deviantart.com/journal/18562185/ Thu, 29 May 2008 15:09:13 PDT
I still need to finish downloading my instant messengers, reinstall paint shop and photoshop, my mp3 player, camera, and the printer, but I'm well on my way.

Unfortunately, I think I lost my disk for the printer and i'll have to go back to Computer Corner to see if they still have it. Chances are they probably do. But either way, I'm just pretty darn happy to have a working PC again! Not to mention, a working air conditioner as well that I had to exchange for another. No more roasting in my apartment in misery for me!

I swear to god, 2008 has been a rather hard year for me to deal with having issues with drama, bad luck, and constant stress, and technology problems but it's been an enlightening year at the same time. I have more confidence now that I may be able to move away from this apartment building either this year or next, to a new and better place starting over again in life. I finally have a direction now as well and I want to become a Psychologist. After spending a few weeks sitting back and thinking about everything that I've gone through, I knew it had to be for a reason and everything just pointed to psychology. I know many mental health conditions first hand and I know how to deal with them quite well. Strangers, family and friends would come to me with their problems and just wanted to vent about stress and I try to help them the best I can. Whenever I do, I always feel content knowing that they will eventually feel better about themselves and the situations they're in.

That is my mission in life... helping people. I also learned that one of the main reasons why I've been so unhappy is that not only didn't i have a direction, but I wasn't living up to my full potential and not helping people enough. If I take this career and be successful, I can find true happiness from it all. And I have many of you to thank for that kind of inspiration.

It's unclear when all this will happen exactly but it will be soon. I'm just simply a late bloomer in the adult world and sometimes it's good to wait awhile rather than to rush into everything. We'll just see how this new chapter in life will unfold- it will bound to get very interesting.

]]> ~midnight21