http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:mjfan84&section=today deviantART RSS for by:mjfan84 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 03:00:59 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28723468/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28723468/ Thu, 03 Dec 2009 06:50:42 PST

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28662265/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28662265/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:58:18 PST
No more coloring. I think... XD We'll see.

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28541772/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28541772/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:42:25 PST
As some of you know, the MyImmortalBatch account on YouTube was used in order to create a dramatic reading of the popular fan-fiction, "My Immortal" by Tara Gilesbie. These recordings starred dotman4114, keithrodriguez15, Leon14356 and myself. At this time, it is unknown whether or not we will be recording the final chapters. Several of us have lost contact with each other, and due to personal reasons may not be able to adequately execute these final chapters. For this I apologize, we had full intention of following through with the original cast. However, it is becoming increasingly obvious that this cannot happen. Instead of recasting, I've decided to close the project for the time being. Even in the midst of conflict and resentment between us, I refuse to allow this to continue without the original cast. I will post when and if the project is reopened. I know I cannot speak for all of us, but I know that dotman4114 would agree with me in saying we would love to return to the project someday. Thanks for your understanding and your patience.

I will try to get this out to all of our fans, thank you all so much for the support. YouTube bulletins suck ass, so this is the only real way to handle this.


MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28406032/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28406032/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:46:53 PST
End.


XDDDD

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28130661/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28130661/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:53:01 PST
So there's a new band called We Are The Fallen. The members are mostly former Evanescence members: Ben Moody, John LeCompt, and Rocky Gray. The bassist is some no name guy, and the singer is none other than Amy Lee wannabe, Carly Smithson. Are these people out of their fucking minds?! This is a total bitch ass move. It's one thing to form a band with former bandmates, the ex Creed members did it with Alterbridge, Nirvana and Foo Fighters, and Orgy did with Julien-K. Those three bands went out and did their own projects, created their OWN music. However the fact that these We Are The Fallen morons basically named themselves after Evanescence's debut album, and got a chick who tries to look and sound like Amy Lee while performing Evanescence's music... that fucking pisses me off. Sure they're writing original songs, but what's the deal with Carly? She's some poser from American Idol who sang an Evanescence song...

It's also a fucking laugh when they say in interviews... oh we're not Evanescence 2, we're not looking to compete with Evanescence, we have nothing to do with Evanescence, this isn't a continuation of it, we're a whole new band. If that's fucking true, then why are having some new bitch sing all the songs off Fallen by EVANESCENCE!? This is unbelievably childish. They're just pissed because their own little side projects weren't catching on, so they had to leach off of their former glory. Amy Lee has made several, and I do mean several mistakes, but does that give you grounds to pick stupid band rivalry fights with her?! And you know that's what these dickheads wanna do! Why else would they make such a provocative act together?! I also hate that this is yet another factor Ben Moody created to divide Evanescence fans. Go back to being a ghostwriter for Celine Dion and Avril Lavigne, you asshole. I'm not saying that Amy Lee IS Evanescence, but these posers sure as hell aren't. Ben said in an interview years ago that Evanescence no longer mattered to him, yet now he's trying to live in the spotlight he admitted to missing... wow you're cool Ben. You go ahead thinking you're on par with bands like Metallica and Black Sabbath you posing son of a bitch. So what's the matter Ben? You going to use the same 4 guitar riffs from Fallen again? What a versitile guitarist you are! **rolls eyes**

I'm so sick of this. Evanescence is not what it used to be, but we've all grown used to it. Now these hasbeens popping up trying to relive it are just fucking annoying. They're setting Amy Lee up, and being disrespectful to the work they helped create and were once happy to be part of. I'm very disappointed with all these shitheads. Your first single is good, but have fun trying to make your little act the same as 2003... because it ain't going to happen. No matter how big of a bitch Amy Lee was or is, people will still ask about her and attach the label of Evanescence 2 to your useless, and apparently talentless heads. Henceforth, I shall call this band: We Are the Fail.

....Sorry just had to get this off my chest XD

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28037720/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/28037720/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:56:11 PDT
Hope you enjoy them!

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27790152/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27790152/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 23:51:24 PDT
Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana!
[link]

I played 4 guitar tracks for this recording, it's also played in drop d tuning instead of the original standard. It's still in the F minor key though, and I tried to stay as close as possible to the original in terms of effects, though I wish I had added more bass. The second half of the guitar tracks got messed up when I left it on low bass and high treble by mistake. Oh well, I learned a lot through trial and error with this recording and my last one for In Bloom by Nirvana. It will help me for future recordings having done these instrumental covers. It's not perfect of course, but give it a listen and let me know what you think

Happy Fall Break? XDDD

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27607406/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27607406/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:10:36 PDT [link]

XD!

Click it, and find out what it would be like to play as mjfan84... Attorney at Law.

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27550305/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27550305/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 01:07:34 PDT Just figured I'd update for the first time as a 19 year old haha! I can hardly believe I first started this whole YouTube shenanigan when I was 15. Where on earth did the time go? XD

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27270717/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27270717/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 22:23:45 PDT
All Or Nothing
Staccato
Forsake and Forget
Never Enough
Love Is A Lie
Shut Up
God Save My Heart
Turpentine
Few And Far Between
Grassy Ass


The covers I'm considering are as follows:

Sappy by Nirvana
Pennyroyal Tea by Nirvana
Ball And Chain by Janis Joplin
Several others really... XD

A lot of other song ideas are in production, this is just a general idea. This is definitely subject to change, and WILL most likely. Keep an eye out for some original music, I really hope I can get some out soon. In order to get used to my new recording equipment, I will be releasing some instrumental tracks first. Keep an eye out for lyrics as well, I'd like to know what you guys think. The album title is still in the works.

I have not forgotten working on my short story as well, when it is finished I would like to get it copyrighted before posting it here. Anyway, that's all for now. Figured I should update, it's been busy and far too hectic for me to pay attention much, but to reassure you, the creative juices are indeed pumping. Now then, I have a chemistry test I shall be screwed for unless I quit distracting myself XD!

Take it easy! Rock on!

MJ


P.S. NEW ICON!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27111038/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/27111038/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:02:41 PDT 2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
It's My Life - Bon Jovi

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Still Can't - The Cranberries

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Я СОШЛА С УМА (All The Things She Said) - t.A.T.u (Uh oh.... XD!!!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Final Destination - Within Temptation

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Clocks - Coldplay

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Mechanical Love - In This Moment

WHAT IS 2+2?
Rape Me - Nirvana

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Awful - Hole

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Inside the Fire - Disturbed

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Conspiracy - Paramore (This one is actually pretty close! XDD)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Torn - Creed

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Closer - Lacuna Coil

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Stranger in Moscow - Michael Jackson (FUCK YES! XD)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Funeral for Yesterday - Kittie (Wow! That was accurate)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Forsaken - Dream Theater

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
3 AM - Matchbox 20

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Poet And The Pendulum - Nightwish

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Them Bones - Alice In Chains

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Hella Good - No Doubt

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lady in my Life - Michael Jackson

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Grizabella The Glamour Cat - Andrew Lloyd Webber (Uh oh, I'll be a miserable old cat lady XDDDD)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Dumb - Cobaingel (Dumb people do indeed scare me XD)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Comedown - Bush

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Cassie - Flyleaf

WHAT WILL YOU RE-POST THIS AS?
Forever Gone, Forever You - Evanescence

Well then... XDDDD

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/26958703/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/26958703/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:10:49 PDT
....Man that'd be one hell of a going away present......

I'm not pregnant. It ain't April Fools... yet! Next topic! XDDDD

I was referring to a 9 month school year, duh! I realized I had not updated since I've been back at school, so here I is! I moved back to Indiana for my second year of college last week. I have to say, I've already been pretty busy. I'm taking Philosophy, Chemistry, Global Perspectives, Western Civilization and an elective guitar class. I also have a job as an English tutor/consultant. Exciting stuff, and I mean that without any hint of sarcasm. XD I've been somewhat of a workaholic lately, hardly have time for much else. I'm very, very glad to back in the swing of things though. My health is improving, and my energy levels are getting closer to normal. That is definitely a HUGE plus, because I've dealt with unpredictable health issues for years.

As it turned out, I have a double room to myself this semester. My roommate bailed! XDD So that's definitely a nice plus. I've been so bushed lately, I just go straight to bed after I finish my homework. I've been playing Diablo II when I get a spare minute or so, and I just beat Phoenix Wright: Justice for All, so I started Trials and Tribulations. I have plenty to do, so I can't imagine I'll be doing anything uploads any time soon. However, I did manage to get some great recording equipment for my room. I still have some loose ends to tie up with that, but when I do, I will be able to work on my demo songs this semester when I have the time. You can expect some pretty nice quality recordings, and not as many "unplugged" covers. XD

As it turns out, I will not be installing Windows on this MacBook Pro. I've spent some time on this computer, and I really, really like this Mac OS. A couple of my goals right now are primarily school, and this mac gets that and so much else done. iMovie I still have to tamper with, but Garage Band is ROCKIN'! So much better than my last Windows recording program. I guess you can say I'm a Mactard now. XDDDD A Mac OS is my personal preference now.

But yeah, I've been having fun back at school, keeping busy. I hope you all are having a good time back at school, or at least living through it for those you who do not particularly enjoy school.

New Paramore CD comes out this month! I am SOOOO pumped. If you have not hear their new single entitled "Ignorance" I suggest you listen to it. It's actually quite specific to something I recently experienced myself. Hehe...

Take it easy kids!

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/26394123/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/26394123/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 02:50:49 PDT
Anyway, day to day matters aside, how is everyone? I personally am preparing to move back to Indiana for college. I've been here and there since I decided I was spending time away from here. Although, I can say I haven't noticed this place changing much. I can't say I'm surprised. What the hell was I expecting? XD I apologize if I sound patronizing in any way, I just had hoped my example could make a few people stop and think about their own actions.

If you walk around with those types of expectations though, you walk through life in disappointment. I can't say it's made me cynical, but I can certainly think of a few who HAVE become cynical. When I think of cynicism, I think of a short story in an anthology I once read called Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorne. In fact... a recent situation of mine also reminds me of Rappichini's Daughter, also by Hawthorne. In Young Goodman Brown, it epitomizes the definition of superiority complexes people possess. I've taken quite a lot away from Hawthorne's works, I suggest you look into them.

As for Rappichini's Daughter. **smirk** Guess you'll have to figure it out if you're interested. Anyway, speaking of literature... I've been working on that post entitled The Hope Chest. I'm looking into getting it published myself. I either deleted the piece for fear of it being stolen, or DevArt took it out. I don't remember which it was... oh well XD It was just a sample piece anyway. Alrighty, sounds like enough banter for tonight. I told myself I wouldn't try to sound condescending. I fear I already have several times. And for that, I apologize. This is sort of a... "talking to the cat" type of journal. I'm getting out what I need to say. I missed my opportunity this past Monday after all. Off to bed with me XD Good night.

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/25555304/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/25555304/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:04:17 PDT [link]
Click here to send some love for the MJ memorial this Sunday.

As you all know, one of my absolute favorite artists, and the focal point of my username, Michael Jackson, has died today.

This afternoon I received word that Michael Jackson was in critical condition, and taken to the hospital around noon. I had just gotten off of work, and back from lunch with my mom. Knowing the bizarre rumors always seeming to surround Michael, I thought one of two things:

1) It's a hoax
2) It's Michael Jackson, he'll be fine.

Well, I could not help but be concerned. I always joked about it, but MJ really did leave quite an impression on me musically and emotionally. I turned on my TV and tuned in to Fox News, and I was so stunned that at first I denied it. I just kept thinking that he would be there in July, making his comeback as promised. Well, at 3:15 pm the world lost a great talent. And I personally felt a great loss as well.

It still has not completely set in that Michael is really dead. It happened so suddenly, and I had hoped so much that he would be ok. The worst part of all this was that Michael was taken from us without an opportunity to say goodbye with his "This is It" tour. It's almost overwhelming, I had to sit down in order to process all of this when I first heard.

I'm deeply saddened by this loss, and I hope that his memory will be treated with more respect than he was when he was alive. God bless you Michael Joseph Jackson, you will be greatly missed. I will always love you for the joy you brought to me when I needed it most. I had so much fun trying to replicate your awesome dance moves. The world may never see a talent like yours again.

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/25239551/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/25239551/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:40:45 PDT I always knew the time would come when I no longer needed the MJ persona, and that it would come time for me to leave this whole charade behind. Allow me to apologize in advance, for things you are about to read may in fact surprise you. This phase all started when I was in high school, sick and on bed rest, as I have claimed. That much of the story is very true. I warmly thank all of you who have stuck with me through those times, and my unfortunate health issues I've had since then. Your letters and comments have deeply moved me, making this act all the more difficult to keep up. The truth is, some encounters here have been very profound. It's overwhelming to see sometimes. Although, this is needed because I get the feeling not many of you even liked me for me. That factor alone may make this easier to read.

I have lied to you, plenty of times. I cannot begin to say how or why; all I can say to minimally justify myself was that I felt the constant need to protect myself, to be someone else... constantly and everywhere. All I can say now, is I see how out of touch with myself I truly was. This place was not an escape for me, it was an alternate self. I have kept it up recently out of guilt and shame. The real truth is that I've lost my enthusiasm, and my appreciation for this place. It's just a site... and this is the net. It almost burns when I have to tell people that I simply don’t care anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you guys if I acted like I enjoyed this when I did not. In the words of Kurt Cobain, "The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun." Perhaps, I've done that all too well. The truth is I have not found any form of happiness or even contentment in this empty vessel. I have made some friends, they know who they are, and they've become acquainted with the real me. They are the ones who made me see the error of my ways, through their outpouring of support, devotion and love.

I've been fooled myself. Maybe karma does have its way of doing justice; it's obvious I do not like a taste of my own medicine. Being lied to, believing in something for the sake of someone else, and then being told none of it was true. I have to say, it's how all of you must feel about me. I guess it's only fair to say I feel your pain. I started to realize it was wrong of me to lie, but I also realized you were not the only people I was lying to. I was lying to myself. I've wanted to leave this entire thing behind for quite some time, but I stayed in order to fulfill the wishes of others, and in order to be around said others. It is becoming increasingly apparent that it is impossible to please everyone, and not even worth it if you're sacrificing your own happiness. I've outgrown the need for this mask, for this entire set up. Recent events have made me realize all this. I knew how I felt all along, but as I said, I made my sacrifices to please others I cared about. It's a shame no one could see just how much I sacrificed, and how much I was willing to do for them, even at the expense of my own well-being and sense of security. The truth is I was very insecure in the past, but I've become more comfortable with myself, and in that, I have deeply thirsted to live my life without this crutch. I've tried in so many ways to express my discontentment, and the pain I have felt by remaining here... but it's time I finally made you understand and did what was best for me.

That being said, it's time I finally let this go. I don't know where I will take it from here. I may close my account; I may just quit accessing the internet for a while, I may keep it up for uploads few and far between. Until I decide, I hope you all can forgive me for the often cruel things I've done. You've done nothing but admire me for my work and support me through particularly awkward times. Thank you all so much for your patience, I hope perhaps some of you can learn from my mistakes. I can assure you, from here on out, honesty is what I will strive for, since I am the most comfortable with myself than I have ever been. I also thank the people who have helped me come to this decision, and for those making me brave enough to publicly admit it. Leggy, of course you are and always will be my best friend. I never faked that, and I never would. The rest of you, no names are needed. In conclusion, I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. Please don't ask me to explain... I have to do this in order to give myself the room to be myself that I needed. This place does not do that for me. I’m going to live my life now. I will miss you all. For now, good bye.

Best Regards, with love and regret,
mjfan84

"I fake it so real that I'm beyond fake."


P.S. This is an address to all the sites I am part of, that is, Deviantart, YouTube, etc.

EDIT:
The most specific lie I... ]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/24867627/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/24867627/ Thu, 21 May 2009 03:34:48 PDT
Anyway, I'm up pretty late just chillin, feeling a tad bit random! A poetic randomness, how appropriate! XDDD I'm currently hooked on a No Doubt song since I saw them with Paramore in concert last night. Pretty good show, aside from Paramore getting major ripped off on stage space, play time, and equipment... function XDDD

I've been thinking on what type of electric guitar to get, speaking of which. I'm most torn between a Fender Stratocaster and a Fender Mustang. I could even go Ibanez... and what kind of bass would I get?! Playing instruments sure can get expensive can't it? Oh and I didn't even include the mic I'm gonna need...

I got a job helping as a teacher's aid at a local high school, should be pretty fun. Oh, the little things in life! I get to put a damper on kids' summer vacation with 6 to 8 weeks of MORE SCHOOL! HA! I shouldn't talk... I may end up taking some college courses over the summer at some point myself >_>! Ah well, at least it's not like retaking courses in high school. That'd seriously blow.

Anyway, I'm all out of things to say.. I lack poeticness, deviantart journal type anyway. BAck to writing lawl creative stuffs. XD Hopefully it comes out not sounding a thing like Gwen Stefani, I'm listening to her shit after all XDDDD

MJ

Just noticed the amused dude totally dances on cue to Hella Good by No Doubt. XDD!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/24728082/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/24728082/ Tue, 12 May 2009 20:10:50 PDT
For those of you who don't know, Keith and I are together now. ^^ We got together when I finally admitted I liked him after 2 years on April 22nd. It's kind of a cute story... anyway, this one I can assure you is not an April Fools joke He's my summer love

For those of you inquiring about my health, I'm doing much better. I had several doctor's appointments upon my return to Cali, and things are looking much better than they were a couple months ago. I'll be undergoing some lifestyle changes to improve my anemia and my low blood sugar problems. Things in general are certainly looking up. Even though my first year of college was tough, I had a lot of fun.

I've been home so early that none of my friends around here seem to be out of class for a couple more weeks. I've been going a little crazy! XDDD Just today I went to the mall and got 4 more piercings in my ears on a whim. Total MJ moment... only -I- would do something that random right? XDD!!

Anyway, I still have plenty of videos in production, I'm home now so I may be able to get some full band recordings. I'm online a lot more of the time now. Most of all I just miss my BFF Leggy. We're on completely flip flopped timezones, 10 hours apart x_X! It kinda sucks. Well, see you guys around! I look forward to getting back in the swing of things.

MJ

<3

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23995919/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23995919/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:26:18 PDT
Secondly, Leggy and I never fought at all, we're perfectly fine. She's my BFF as always.

I do hope you understand the reasoning behind our somewhat odd prank. Leggy and I have always felt aggravated by people who refuse to see us as individuals. We don’t mind being considered a team, however we do mind being considered a “master and an apprentice.” We’ve always tried to openly state the nature of our friendship and how much it irritates the two of us when the other is given shit about it; but clearly the general public does not seem to get that. We’ve really been at a lost as to how to effectively state how we feel to the public, and it seemed like this situation was the only way to do it.

Leggy and I are equals… we view each other with a mutual respect. That being said, it’d be inaccurate to call either of us merely a “follower” of the other. Leggy and I definitely disagree, we argue, we even need our time away from each other. It’s the same nature as any other type of relationship. I do not just go along with whatever she says, and she doesn’t just go along with whatever I say. I’ve often been accused of things that simply aren’t true regarding my friendship with her, such as that I just do whatever she tells me to do, simply put, that is utterly false. When I act, I act completely on my own accord, as does Leggy. We may know what’s going on in each other’s lives and in our minds, and be conscious of what the other does, but that doesn’t mean we ever force the other into doing it. I do find it awfully childish when people accuse me of these types of things, since the hidden motive of it all is being “jealous” of “being friends with a famous person.”

When I said Leggy is not a famous person in my eyes, I meant it. Even when I first spoke to her, I liked who she was as a human being—not a YouTube persona. For those of you who don’t know the whole truth, fine I will say it. Call me an attention whore all you’d like… but perhaps this will show you the sincere nature of my association with the person you’ve all come to know as “ShadowLeggy.”

I met Leggy when I was confined to bed rest for over 4 months when I was about fifteen or sixteen years old, I was diagnosed with an acute and deadly case of pneumonia, among other related issues. This prolonged and very serious condition was not responding to treatment, and my doctor was unsure whether or not I was going to come out of it, my resistance was weak, and the medical problems just kept piling up. Not to mention, I’ve had low blood sugar issues and stomach problems my entire life. That being said, I met Leggy at an extremely grim time period of my life. I spent that time in isolation per the doctor’s orders. During that time I began accessing YouTube and I first met Leggy. I found that she gave me something to smile and be happy about, she was an awesome person and we had fun every time we sat down to talk. We talked about anything really, and we found how much we actually related to each other. It really was unexpected for the both of us, we never had the intention of becoming best friends… it just kind of happened.

I’ve always been grateful to her for being there for me when I was ill, at the time she had no idea what she was doing for me. So… if ever you accuse her of being an insincere and unkind person, I will be the first to disagree. Leggy had absolutely no idea of my condition, so she was not pitying me. She was only being the good person that she is. Since then she’s been like a sister to me, and there’s no way in hell anything that happens “online” could change that.

However, that does not mean this whole “fame” accusation does not bother us. As Leggy said, I hope you can all look at yourselves and learn from what you’ve been saying. At this point, we felt this was the only effective way to demonstrate exactly what we mean. Do you realize how degrading and awkward it feels when people tell me I’m living in Leggy’s shadow? How about when I’m accused of being a “Leggy follower,” or even one of “Leggy’s people”? Put yourself in my shoes; would you WANT to hear that about you and YOUR best friend’s relationship? There is no sense of inferiority, not at all. I really would like all this negative stuff surrounding me to stop… I’m sure Leggy does as well. We worry about each other, and I worry about what all of you may do to make her feel unhappy. She enjoys doing this, and she’s here for every single one of you whether you realize it or not. I’ve never seen someone so devoted to answering fan mails or interacting... ]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23898724/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23898724/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:27:26 PDT I still can't quite grasp that this is even happening. It's been two years since I got involved in YouTube, and over those past two years I had, or at least THOUGHT I had a good friend. She knows who she is… and I wish she’d quit making this such a fucking spectacle online. But that’s what she does now isn’t it? She makes a spectacle out of everything! Then of course she had to blog about it, is there anything she doesn’t bitch about 24/7?! Seriously, I used to get absolutely sick of hearing it.

I don’t give a shit anymore, there have been times I’ve wondered if she would ever turn her back on me, she should’ve just minded her own damn business. She acts like she’s never done anything wrong in this friendship…. Hell! I had a lot more to complain about than she ever did. Whatever, it wasn’t my business to say the shit I said about you on YouTube, but I’ll keep saying it till she minds her own god damn business and leaves me the fuck alone. You put my personal shit online, I’ll put yours. That sounds fair doesn’t it? As for the whole idea of “replacing me,” yeah, real shallow there… it’s comforting to know how you viewed me as expendable all this time. I should’ve known all along I couldn’t really trust anyone as obsessed with this whole YouTube and Deviantart fame as you….

This goes out to you personally, you arrogant self-centered cunt: Fuck you! I didn’t want to be part of this stupid thing you had going on anyway, for a long time now. Leave Kevin alone, leave me alone… it was none of your business to accuse him of such things when you’re obviously just jealous I’ve “ignored” you… You don’t know who he is, and it’s pretty obvious you’ve been avoiding me yourself since he showed up… so don’t give me that self righteous “Oh MJ ignored meeee” bullshit. You’re just trying to get everyone to take your side, since you’re the oh-so-faultless victim as you always claim to be. Yeah, I did block you on MSN, but that doesn’t mean you had to bring it here. How does it feel to be on the other side of the table and be trolled? You want to continue this? Fine! Post another blog and see what happens, you two faced bitch.

In case you missed it, ShadowLeggy and I aren’t “BFFs” anymore… get over it.

MJ

P.S. Since she wants her side of the story heard SOOOO bad... here:
[link]



Edit....

APRIL FOOLS! XDDDD Read my most recent journal entry for details on this prank.

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23875994/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23875994/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:28:37 PDT
I don't normally get this open about my personal life, but there's someone who is changing the very basis of who and what I am. I guess I'll stop beating around the bush, I met this great guy who I think I really really like. It's odd, it was all so sudden and I've really kept my mouth shut about it prior to now, on the net anyway. Some of my closer friends here don't even really know. But I think he wouldn't mind me saying so considering what has been happening lately

A girl has gotta vent somewhere, even if it's happiness. Recently it's been difficult to get over a certain chapter of my life, but that's all in the past really. This guy has shown me through a lot of different things that things can be different. He's here at my college, and we've been inseparable lately I knew all I needed to get over this slump was a someone like him.

If he ends up reading this, he'll probably laugh... but I don't really care. I know this type of thing is probably meant for something like MySpace, but whatever. XDDD

-MJ

P.S. I may delete this out of sheer embarrassment XDDD I just had to finally get it out there.



EDIT:
Kevin is not my boyfriend, this was part of the April Fools prank Leggy and I did, read my most recent journal entry for more details.

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23755345/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/23755345/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 21:44:50 PDT
As some of you may or may not know, my health has always been a little unstable--or at least as long as you all have known me. When I first joined YouTube I had a crippling case of "not responding to treatment" pneumonia. I was on bedrest for several months, the entire ordeal lasted over the course of a year. I had surgery to prevent me from contracting something that deadly in the future, namely: a tonsillectomy. I haven't really been sick with cold symptoms or anything since, which is nice. I had to live with that shit for years. But I have some other issues that seem to butt heads a lot. Namely, I'm hypoglycemic, which is basically the opposite of diabetes. In essence, my metabolism is very fast and it breaks down sugar way too fast for my body to keep up with, so I have frequent and severe blood sugar issues/crashes. On top of that, I've had serious back problems (I have to get it adjusted once a week and sometimes the pain gets so bad I have to take surgical pain killers), an overly sensitive stomach and the absolute worst part: utterly debilitating fatigue. The fatigue has existed for almost 2 years now, but now that I am away at college, it's become more apparent and more severe.

I had some of these symptoms looked at, because I never really seem to get a break. My attendance record is atrocious, I never feel well, and I make more visits to the doctor than anyone my age ever should. Well, last week I had a blood test to test me for anemia and thyroid problems. As it turned out I had a minor iron deficiency. So now I'm stuck on these vitamin supplements. However, I'm going in for more tests in May. As of right now the explanation that doctors and myself can find is that I have something called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is diagnosed by exclusion of more serious problems. I have about 95% of the symptoms for CFS (yes it is a real disease, Google it. when you've been as sick as me, you research you own conditions since doctors can really jerk you around. That's how I ended up as sick as I was 2 years ago) It may also explain my immune deficiency that took place when I got really sick with pneumonia. I'm getting really sick of feeling so bad most of the time. More often than not I've had to give up doing things just because I was too kicked in the ass to do them. Just picture feeling like you've been hit by a truck all day every day. When I got over the pneumonia, the symptoms themselves were gone, but it felt like I never really got out of the slump of being ill, meaning all I wanted to do was lie down. It felt like the flu without the cold symptoms.

Anyway, I meant to keep that concise, looks like I failed XD What I was really trying to say is that my workload, my physical health and even my emotional health has kept me from doing much. This is no different. I had plans to have a lot ready to upload on all the sites I'm part of. I've gotten this computer completely equipped to do it, but it's hard to with everything on my mind. Thank you all for being patient with me, I appreciate it. I'm sure all of you understand, I just don't have the energy right now. I've been frustrated with my writing as well. I've tried sitting down to write poetry like I used to, I have plenty to write about... so I wouldn't call it writer's block. Just... I don't know really. I tried recording 2 songs and they all came out with horrible skips in em, and when I got it to stop skipping I couldn't sing worth a damn, or play guitar for that matter. I give up far too easily when I'm this tired and overwhelmed. I have to get out of this rut. Until I do, thank you in advance for all the prayers and/or support. I always feel bad not responding to those types of messages when I mention my health is acting up again, but I really do appreciate them.

Regards,
MJ

P.S. For those of you wondering, I went to the midnight release of RE5, I've nearly beaten it but I don't like it so I may or may not finish it. I was appalled with how stupid the story is. Why rewrite history Capcom? Why make this shit up as you go instead of finishing what you started?

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22712896/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22712896/ Wed, 21 Jan 2009 12:36:43 PST
[link]

Click it, I dare you. XDDD

That's right, my friends Keith16, Dotman4114, Leon14356 and I have decided to take up the absolutely ridiculous challenge of reading My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie, the worst fan fiction ever written, from start to fucking finish XDDD My best friend ShadowLeggy has of course agreed to help us out with epic illustrations. But yeah... lemme tell you something you don't hear behind my portrayal of "Ebony (Enoby) Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." Or as my friend Ryman8989 would put it, "Life Without the Fangs: The MJ Story" XDDD

This is so amazingly bad, as I said in my previous journal. If you haven't read that and don't feel like reading the story, just read my analysis and commentary on it here - [link]

Anyway, I've always loved voice acting and stuff, even actual acting. But wow, I never thought in a million years I'd end up voicing a character like Enoby XDDDDD At first I didn't even wanna let anyone see those mp3s of us reading that damn book. I was so fucking embaressed and I didn't want them to heard by human ears. I was like meh, we were just messing around let's not let that leave the MSN chat box XDDD As you can see, it did, for some of you, you may consider it a good thing XD

I recommend you check out our reading of it... it's a voice actor's approach to reading this bullshit. If not anything else, check out the bloopers, those are amazing and hilarious. The guys are so funny I swear. XD

Happy listening!
MJ

P.s. Those of you inquiring about my music or my regular account, I'll be uploading on both still. In fact I just uploaded a new mess around session on my guitar here - [link]

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22445947/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22445947/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 04:22:36 PST QUITE POSSIBLY...

The WORST literary bastardation in the history of literary bastardations!!1/2
Warning: Click at your own risk!
[link]

Wanna know something worse?! It's available for ACTUAL print and purchase on the self-publishing website I have planned to use for my future published works!
[link]

Yes, my friends, what I am referring to is none other than the infamous Harry Potter fan-fiction written by Tara Gilesbie... it is simply titled: My Immortal.

Allow me to clear up that I am not a fan at all of modern writing, it seems that the world is becoming so easily fascinated with Harry Potter and Twilight and other such book series. I'm not a fan of any of them.

I honestly don't know where to start with this... at first I was stunned at the author's notes at the beginning... wondering what the FUCK was just said! It contains about 1,000x more bad dialogue and grammar than the original Resident Evil game XDDD EXAMPLE:

"AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!"

From then on, after reading the actual content and hearing dramatic readings of it on YouTube, my lungs and rib cage could take no more hilarity. You guys... it's fucking awful XDDDD Ok, let's start with how pathetic and downright hilarious it is that this chick is being so stupid as to go around labeling shit as either "goff" (geddit goth lawl... gimme a god damn break XD) or "prep." She refers to her "flamrz" as "preps" so in turn, they are "fagz" and shit of that nature. She frequently brings herself into the story, and clearly this is just a massive orgy of fantasy, vampires, wizards, pedophiles, bisexual people--dude you fucking NAME it! XDDD

And speaking of orgies... let's not forget to mention the absolutely RIDICULOUS "sex scenes" contained in this work. Can you even CALL them sex scenes?! All right, let's be blunt here... this is like fuckin' Satanic "goffik" porn or some weird shit like that XD To show you what I mean, I will include a quote I feel makes my point:

"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!"
"We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!
I was so angry.
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care."



...........XD!!!!!!

Such scientific explanations right?! "thingy" "you-know-what." Not that I would want a more graphic description, but seriously, what type of person writes this swill?! XDDDD One sick fuck that's who XD!!! Now I've read Germinal by Emile Zola, that book is full of tastefully done (some not so tasteful) romantic scenes, it's classic literature, there are decent and acceptable ways of doing this type of thing. This is definitely no where close to it XD!!! All this is, ladies and gentleman, is a glimpse into this troubled girl's sick world of fantasy, wishful thinking, ignorance and sexual stupor.

Believe me, it gets worse than the above quotes the farther you delve into the story, should you so choose to do so after reading those passages. XD

I was also somewhat insulted by her use of the title of a perfectly good Evanescence song... ALL SPOILED THANKS TO THIS JACKASS XDDD I don't care about the continuous worshiping of MCR considering I fucking hate them XDDD I also love how 80% of the story consists... ]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22042843/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/22042843/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:17:25 PST
I nearly had to spend the night in the Chicago airport, until I narrowly made it on a red-eye flight to California. Then I got in around 2 am, then drove for 5 hours to get home. The trip time all together was over 24 hours, 3 flight changes, and 2 connection flights missed due to said delays and cancellations. It was a total mess... not to mention the airline didn't seem all too interested in helping me, just getting me out of their hair XD Now THAT'S SERVICE! **rolls eyes**

Anyway, I got this really fun classic Clue board game on my laptop. That kept me entertained in the long waits and when I was stuck on a plane during long waits and de-icing. But yeah, I'll be home for a month working on videos, covers and getting together with my friends to hopefully do some more band recordings. It's too bad I forgot my video camera, I could've used it for some mess around music videos! XD

I'm not sure where else to inform anyone since YouTube bulletins are now FUCKED, but I totally redid my website. The layout is different, the content is updated, and I used the new free webs sight builder for it. Check it out!
[link]

Let me know what you think, don't forget to check out all the pages, they're all new! ^^

Anyway, Merry Christmas! (or Happy Holidays.... I refuse to say it... but whatever you prefer... fuck politically correct XDDD)

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21803275/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21803275/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 16:51:50 PST
Allo, how you be? That's a general rhetorical question, but feel free to answer in a comment if you so please. XD Anyway, I'm so totally pumped for the DVD release of the Dark Knight. It's about time the Joker became something more than a text notification on my cell phone. Seriously, the Joker says "WHY SO SERIOUS?!" whenever I get a text message. Anyone who hears it freaks the fuck out, funny stuff. XD

I'm in a bit of rut as far as college goes. I'm behind on my work from a recent lapse in my health. My health has been poor for a long time, but it really comes and goes. Not to worry, and not to cause much of a scene, I'm just clarifying it's nothing serious. At this time last year I was prepping for surgery on several months worth of anti-biotics and other similar medication. On the bright side, at least this year isn't like that.

The health issues I frequently run into are blood sugar related with me being hypoglycemic, but lately other stuff has been getting worse. Since I've recovered from my prolonged illness ranging from 2006 to 2007, I haven't quite been able to get my energy levels back up to par. The problem seems to be worsening, so I'm looking into it. No worries, worst case scenario will mean lifestyle changes.

On a different note! I got a new account on YouTube up and running where I will upload my music and original creations. I'll be focusing on both my Resident Evil account, AND my more creative and original account. The account is here! [link]

I'm also working on the full version of my Something in the Way cover. After those I'll be working on 2 covers until I can get my original song done. Right now I'm looking into About a Girl by Nirvana and Pennyroyal Tea, also by Nirvana. Both covers will feature other musicians most likely, so that should be fun.

That's all for now! I'm off to go pick up the Dark Knight!! MWAHAHAHA!

Quid ita serius?

MJ

EDIT: Dude I just got punk'd on all levels... I went to target and The Dark Knight doesn't come out til NEXT Teusday... I'm gonna go cry now XDDD I didn't waste a trip, I got a Paramore Live CD/DVD Combo XDDD

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21465009/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21465009/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:01:32 PST
That is still no excuse for the way I acted... but at least it's something. Those of you that I hurt, you know who you are, and I'm sorry. I didn't reply very nice to PMs or comments both here and on YouTube. I also got into a couple fights outside YouTube and Deviantart that I really regret and want to amend. I feel kind of terrible about letting my temper get the best of me. Yesterday was the most angry and bitter I've been in a long time, but I should've recognized it would pass... but I went overboard and said things I shouldn't have.

No I wasn't drunk XDDD

But yeah, if you're reading this and feel this way, then I'm sorry I've hurt you, it was never my intention to hurt anyone. I can't really express how I really feel around here because so many people are breathing down your neck in the dorms. It's difficult to just be alone, so instead I built it up and I exploded. I'll try my absolute best to never let it happen again. Once again, I'm sorry.

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21418356/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21418356/ Mon, 10 Nov 2008 09:46:46 PST
XDDD Well I had my last class "canceled," it basically lasted around 5 minutes, but I got 10 points for signing the attendance sheet. Rock on, I'll take it XD

So I've been doing some thinking before my next class in about a half hour. The song I've been writing HAS been in production, the title "What's Her Face" has been finalized. I'm rethinking the guitar patterns, so it should be a while before you hear any demos of it. I would post what I have down of the lyrics, but I kinda wish it had better form. I'm trying to get my thoughts and ideas in order to make them flow a little better. I also want to get together with the guy I sing with, he plays guitar and I think we'd come up with something better than I could alone.

I signed up for classes next semester, I'm pleased to be taking two music courses, one for guitar and the other for piano. I was going to load myself up and take voice classes too, but I figured that'd be way too much in addition to my normal and required classes, not to mention my involvement with choir. I'll probably be more busy next semester considering the workload and my focus on music. I've been contemplating a minor in music (my major being English) So we'll see how that goes.

Back to the song idea. I've been working on putting an album together of my solo performances I've recorded throughout the year. I know the recording quality is not too great, but neither was Evanescence's first couple recordings for their EPs and Origin XD The best way I can get my foot back in the door as far as the rock band thing goes, I think it'd be cool and nice to have samples.

Maybe when I can get a chance I can do some band produced recordings, that's my aim. Which also means music videos or other things I could potentially do with my video editing. You can expect my YouTube account to be taking a dramatic turn as far as content goes, and you're either going to like it or you're not; I know I may lose fans this way, but it's what I wish to follow through with. Take it or leave it.

As for the Nirvana cover "Something in the Way," the full version is on the way, I just have been sick and vocally handi-capped for a while XDD

As far as my personal life goes, I'm doing well. It's getting really cold over here, and I'm looking forward to seeing more snow (yeah I saw snow for the first time a couple weeks ago) And I'm also looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Because it's too much trouble to head home for a couple days, I'm going to crash with my good friend, lady Leggeh for a couple days. So yeah, just figured I'd check in since it had been a while since I updated this thing. That's all for now, Ciao!

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21148766/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/21148766/ Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:50:37 PST
The airport I got stuck in was in Vegas. People would argue and say that's a good thing having just turned 18. I don't exactly partake in those types of activities XDDDD And of course it was freaky flying across the country alone with no means of communication. I did it though, and it was fun. Aside from me hurting my leg sprinting through the airport with bags twice my weight XD But I learned a lot, and at least nothing will surprise me in an airport. XD

But anyway, I'm flying back to Notre Dame this Sunday, once I get settled in I'm going to finish up some videos I've been working on. I'm also working on a new Nirvana cover. This time I'll be playing guitar for the track. I'm also writing my own material. I may post the lyrics here as poetry, so look out for those! Right now I have a song in production called "What's Her Face." And the Nirvana cover I'm working on is called "Something in the Way." Not to mention I have an RE video (finally!) in production. I'm also working on some side projects, so be patient. I just switched computers again so I'll need to reinstall the Sims 2 to make my music videos. It shouldn't be hard, I have my custom content saved. So once I get back to school I'll be back in business! See you guys soon!

Also... wait til you see a surprise I have ^^



EDIT: The demo version of my new Nirvana cover is now out!
[link]

Check it out ^^

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20867400/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20867400/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:33:45 PDT
What's This? by Flyleaf
What's this? What's this?
There's color everywhere
What's this?
There's white things in the air
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair
What's this?

What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
There are people singing songs

What's this?
The streets are lined with
Little creatures laughing
Everybody seems so happy
Have I possibly gone daffy?
What is this?
What's this?

There are children throwing snowballs
instead of throwing heads
They're busy building toys
And absolutely no one's dead

There's frost on every window
Oh, I can't believe my eyes
And in my bones I feel the warmth
That's coming from inside

Oh, look
What's this?
They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss
Why that looks so unique, inspired
They're gathering around to hear a story
Roasting chestnuts on a fire
What's this?

In here they've got a little tree, how queer
And who would ever think
And why?

They're covering it with tiny little things
They've got electric lights on strings
And there's a smile on everyone
So, now, correct me if I'm wrong
This looks like fun
This looks like fun
Oh, could it be I got my wish?
What's this?

Oh my, what now?
The children are asleep
But look, there's nothing underneath
No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them
Or ensnare them, only little cozy things
Secure inside their dreamland
What's this?

The monsters are all missing
And the nightmares can't be found
And in their place there seems to be
Good feeling all around

Instead of screams, I swear
I can hear music in the air
The smell of cakes and pies
Is absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds
They're everywhere and all around
I've never felt so good before
This empty place inside of me is filling up
I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it
Oh, I want it for my own
I've got to know
I've got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?

Maybe this will begin to apply more literally upon the first snow here in Indiana. XD Anyway, I feel I must explain. You see, I feel like I've reached a certain point in my life where change is inevitable. At first the change was unpleasant, uncomfortable and felt a little over-dramatic. Obviously coming way out here was not easy by any means, but you know something? As I sit here looking around me, I feel, for the first time, happy. I'm talking about long-term happiness. I'm not around trying to please anyone. I've developed an essential sense of self that I felt cheated out of before. I'm more confident, and I'm not longer the unpleasant pessimist I once was. I believe in myself and following what my heart tells me, this time truly. I'm no longer afraid to try, and I'm no longer afraid to be happy.

The lead singer of Flyleaf, Lacey Mosley nailed this song in her own way. I heard an interesting analysis of her song choice. Lacey Mosley was an atheist prior to an religious experience which guided her to find God in her life. She too was depressed and her life was mostly lived in darkness. Upon finding God she felt like her eyes were opened and for the first time the world was beautiful to her. This is echoed perfectly in the band's first debut album which came out a year or so ago. But this song almost speaks from her perspective on a different level. It also speaks for my situation. Even though I was never an atheist, I did live a life led in darkness and self-inflicted despair. But now that that curtain has been lifted, life is beautiful to me again.

In my Introduction to Liberal Studies class (very fulfilling class) my professor is a cancer survivor. He's endured so much physical pain, not to mention looking death right in the face. He's one inspirational guy to listen to. He was saying just this afternoon that even though his times of great despair, he doesn't regret those moments happening. What he said was true, life has suffering in it... does that mean we should focus on it and be unhappy? Does that mean we should never endure pain in our lives? Absolutely not! I know it's been said a million times, but if you don't suffer, you never appreciate the blessings in your life. He also asked us a questio... ]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20714826/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20714826/ Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:44:45 PDT
Both tracks feature the amazing work of the awesome pianist on YouTube, her username is Cobaingel. Check her stuff out, she's spectular!

Cobaingel's profile:
[link]

Demo:
[link]

Final version:
[link]

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20573519/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20573519/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:34:38 PDT
Anyway!

Now that that is taken care of and done with, I suppose I should stop complaining and start creating, as my brother would no doubt say. XD I recently got back into the Sims 2. Surprisingly, even with all the work and new responsibilities, I have a lot of free time. Modding, skinning and/or hacking the Sims 2 has always been an interest of mine. Before I even came to Youtube, or here for that matter, I was known as mjfan84 on a modding website called Modthesims2.com.

I like making/creating things my own way in video games. Since I was about 13, I've known how to create custom sims and objects using custom content and stuff like that. It's a load of fun, and for a while I had quit. However, I've always wanted to create a mini-series or a series of music videos using the Sims 2. This would combine my interest in video editing, skinning, and PLAYING the Sims all into one expressive activity. It would be more original and more satisfying on my part since I can make what I wanna see. Sound good? I hope so, because I'm really looking forward to diving into this again.

I was under a lot of stress the last couple times I wrote in this journal. I apologize for freaking everyone out needlessly. The stress in my life is slowly calming down, and after a good rest over this weekend I should be as good as new. Granted, I'm still going to be as busy as I was, but at least now it's easier to handle. No worries you guys, I'm still doing well. I still don't really look forward to my birthday in October being spent over here. It's the 3rd, on a Friday. Who the hell is gonna wanna ditch their usual parties for my stupid Rock Band get togethers? XD

Regards,
MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20527314/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20527314/ Tue, 16 Sep 2008 18:46:54 PDT
I don't know... Feels like I should. By calling it quits, I mean closing my YouTube account and possibly here.

Just a thought at this point, but don't be surprised at all if I go through with it.

Thank you guys for everything. If I end up leaving for good, I will write a formal address to you all. Thanks for the memories.

Regards,
MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20436271/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20436271/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:52:54 PDT
It'll be my first birthday away from home... and it's on a Friday.

Anyway, o none of you can say I didn't tell anyone, my birthday is Friday, October 3rd 2008 this year.

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20220887/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/20220887/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:09:53 PDT
I just made it through my first week of college. This is my first time away from home... across the fuckin' country... SO! Needless to say things have been interesting, however, in the best ways possible. (Aside from getting used to the time zone, oh that was hell XD) It seems like you learn more about yourself by simply being out on your own. Maybe I seem a little out of the loop to be just now realizing this, although something in my heart told me this is exactly what I needed. To my delight, I was right! XD

I'm taking several interesting classes like Latin, Theology and other types of Liberal arts studies, and it's more engaging than anything I ever could've imagined. The homework is a lot of work, but it's stuff I actually enjoy doing. Not to mention it's nice to only have 2 or 3 classes a day; if that. It's nice to be done early, and to be able to go to your dorm and chillax in your own space. I really like that part, having my own space.

The people here are really nice, and the weather and the area is absolutely gorgeous. The food is surprisingly very good as well! XD

My first week here has been productive, I actually am embarking on a venture to establish a video production department here (as we lack one) XD I'm very excited to be doing so, in fact I just met with some administrators today who will be completely behind me on it. That's breaking new ground so I'm particularly excited about that. It's kind of a big deal.

I also tried out for choir and made that as well.

As you can see I've been more than a little busy this past week, and I'm glad I came out here. I simply love it here, and I love being on my own. My roommate is pretty chill, very easy to get along with, so that's always good too. I'm a lot happier here, and I haven't been this pleased with my life in a long time.

So for those of you wondering how I'm doing, I'm doing very well indeed. In fact, I can truly and honestly say that I've never been better

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19943126/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19943126/ Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:54:37 PDT
Anyway, just letting you guys know I probably won't be on much, if not at all for this next week of me flying, moving and getting all settled in. Just a temporary leave, no worries. I'll see you guys soon, thanks a lot for the support as well. ^_^

MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19741007/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19741007/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:04:12 PDT [link]

Maybe I'm ridiculous, but I started a petition to send to Harmonix about releasing Evanescence tracks on Rock Band or the upcoming release of Rock Band 2. The setlists are awesome but... they're missing my favorite band. I've seen several videos making custom Evanescence tracks, but I want the real deal. Take a peek and see if you can help out the cause.

Don't forget!
SPREAD THE WORD
TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Thanks
MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19592871/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/19592871/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:14:26 PDT
I got it for college, so the discount was definitely nice, and the thing is totally decked out. The performance has amazed me so far. Not to mention, as much as I hate ipods, it came free with the deal. I had my choice of the iPod nano and the iPod touch. The iPod touch is basically an iPhone without the phone. I picked that one, it's pretty nifty, getting on the net wirelessly on it at my friend's house made me love it XD

In appearance alone, this thing is slick. The graphics card and the screen make the colors really bright and vibrant, everything on the screen is crispy, and "Super Sprode" XP Everything on this screen is seriously eye candy. X3 My good friend Tristan helped me get my stuff transferred over from my last computer, so there's really no difference in content, other than it's being run on a much better machine. Seriously... I love this thing. ^^

Anyway, enough rambling. In conclusion, I love my MacBook Pro, you can expect higher end stuff from it. Instead of WMM I'll be getting back to my roots and using the program I learned to edit on, iMovie! Not to mention, the cool photo software should allow me to do a lot more than I could on my PC. I'm totally psyched. I can't wait to get going on more stuff when I get myself all moved out. The moving day is getting closer! Things are little hectic and busy right now, but I can guarantee I haven't forgotten about you guys. ^^

Peace!
MJ

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18903920/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18903920/ Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:40:42 PDT
Pffft, I hate to call it that, but it's exactly what it is. It's so frustrating trying to get everyone around you to see things, things like your vision the way you do. I don't like counting on others to make my own vision happen, but sometimes I'm put in a situation where I *HAVE* to rely on others for help. But the vision is yours... and finding a way to convey that image effectively an be done by you and only you.

Finding someone who completes your creative thoughts is almost as daunting of a task as finding a soulmate. To me, it seems even more complicated than that. To trust someone enough to even tell them your deepest and even darkest thoughts in order to salvage something creative out of it requires a lot of trust toward that person. There can't be a speck of dishonesty; and in most cases, people can't handle the whole truth. To me, that is the biggest agony found in being an "artist."

Being an artist or a writer is about trying to give people a clearer glimpse of yourself and/or to explicate the unexplainable. It is also to give ourselves a clearer understanding of our thoughts, and it's like a sense of comfort. It gets difficult when so much is on your mind you cannot even begin to solidify your thoughts, and collecting them seems like a nightmare when you look at all them in retrospect; it begins to seem like piecing together a glass pane broken into 1,000,000 shards.

In other words... writer's block sucks XD!

But anyway, back to the vision thing. One line that comes to line about the subject comes from one of my favorite movie entitled Charlie and Chocolate Factory, when Willy Wonka is speaking to Charlie about family. There is some truth to it, although it's a bit silly. XD He says something like "parents are always telling what to do and what not to do, and it's not conducisve to a creative atmosphere!" I don't know I'm just getting something off my chest, getting really anxious to move out soon, so maybe I can geti n touch with myself and my creative instinct a little more XD

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18357999/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18357999/ Fri, 16 May 2008 20:42:24 PDT
Any-fucking-way!

It's like 100 degrees over here....... I'm all sweaty and gross x__X

I'm planning a comeback in a big way... Just you guys wait and see! As soon as everything with graduation calms down over here, it's back to the old grind for me! Granted I'll have to do some packing up (not to mention some boyfriend maintenance !) for when I move out of state this fall, but I'll still have a considerable amount of time on my hands.

That means videos! Drawings! Some other shit! Whatever the fuck I feel like! XDDDDDDD

Hopefully that'll keep me busy and not so bored with my BFF Leggy gone T_T! Imma miss that batch! Just a suggestion! With Leggy being gone for now, I suggest you don't flood her inbox to an impossible amount. No spam! No bullshit! If you got a problem then talk to me, we'll work that shit out XDDD

By the way, you guys gotta see this rant/parody about Amy Lee on YouTube. Dude, I fucking love Amy Lee, but this is just insanely funny. It's called Amy Lee is a Bitch by the user constantdreamer28.

It's so funny... I was crying from laughing so hard.

Anyway! Hope to see you guys all soon! Onward!!!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18229413/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18229413/ Thu, 08 May 2008 15:50:21 PDT
Not a bad song! XD What's up guys? Just figured I'd put it out there that I have about 6 or 7 days left as a high schooler. Fuckin' ding! XDDD

I haven't had much when it comes to free time, so I've been lacking on new videos and drawings. But with summer coming and no more high school, we can expect that to change quite quickly. XD

Looking forward to it. I haven't been my old self for almost a year now. MJ's comeback is gonna be huge -_^

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18079818/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/18079818/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:17:12 PDT
The most fun part is seeing each person's interpretation of my hair style and color. XD! I really mean that! I love it XD

I've seen purple, red, orange, brown, pink, black, maroon and all kinds of shades in between. You guys have me pretty well figured out... my hair color changes about every week! XDDDDD

To answer questions about my hair, I -do- have a question about that in my Ask MJ part 2 segment on YouTube. But to answer it over here, my hair is most often a rich red violet color with lighter highlights that look like bight red and sometimes pink in the right lighting. When it fades it changes colors. Then I color is different colors until I eventually get back to red-violet.

As for the style, that recently changed. Not too drastically, I still have really long hair. I just style it kinda messy now, and I got some cool bangs that kinda hang in front of my eye and off to the side (not really like emo.... but kind of I guess! XDDDDD)

I'm actually considering coloring my hair like Hailey Williams from Paramore. I'll have to give it a shot after graduation. If you're unfamiliar with her, her hair is like flames almost. It's bright red on the top and a rich gold color underneath. I think it'd look pretty cool with my new hair style. The tyle pretty much matches hers in their crushcrushcrush music video.

Anyway! It's late, and I wanted to let you guys know I really appreciate the interest, and you guys have really made my hair into somewhat of a trademark! It's really cool, it's sort of that way in real life with my friends too XD Anyway, I love what you guys have done with it, and it's really cool, thanks again ^^

MJ

P.S. I invented something wonderful... See... I have this obession with strawberry soda... I thought it'd be amazing to make a strawberry soda float using strawberry ice cream... and it WAS amazing!! I get the cheap strawberry soda with no brandname on it, oh man is it good!!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17936334/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17936334/ Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:04:59 PDT
I sure as hell don't!

As far as I'm concerned the fact that I didn't go is a relief. I'll admit I was little bummed, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter does it? I mean, who the hell remembers prom besides the ones who got knocked up? Or I guess the ones who only got ripped off before, after or during.

Anyway, I'm off to college out of state in the Fall, so I won't be around long enough for it to matter anyway. I'm relieved it's almost over, and I'm relieved I have one less thing to worry about with this dance behind me. You can count on me being around and making more stuff now that that's done and over with, and college has been pretty much decided. I'm not as busy or as stressed. The same goes for YouTube! I'll finally finish up those parodies I promised!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17727791/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17727791/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:58:31 PDT
I got to sleep in today. It felt kinda nice. But I live an hour away so... not by much.

Short week full of early dismissals though!

By the way, I timed myself the other day; I can solve a Rubik's cube in 1 minute and 48 seconds. That's my best time so far, but I'm looking to get faster. I spend a lot more time than I need to looking at it.

Well I'd better get going, just keeping this thing current before I head off to school. ^^

MJ

P.S. Amy Lee was choir president in high school just like me! X3!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17543728/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17543728/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 05:57:59 PDT
I'm MJ, I'm a 17-year-old girl, and I'm a senior high school, thank God.

Why? That means graduation is fast approaching, silly!

You may ask why I'm so happy about it... I've just about had it with the.. how do I put this delicately? Hmmm, shall we call it a generalization? Yes, the generalization that every teenager is a freakin' moron. I hate being a teenager for it. The only time I see it as acceptable for someone to think is for example, some one throws age in your face first, or they brag about being "so mature for their age," when it's clear they're just talking out his or her little ass. Pardon the profanity, just to emphasize my point, mind you. You can call me immature, that's fine. I can admit I'm a kid, and that I don't know everything.

But, I refuse to ever be told I know nothing. And if I can humbly step aside and say I don't kow everything, other people should have the capacity to as well.

I DO know that certain people should not be allowed to even access a computer, let alone the internet. The likes of these people really do make me sick. You know what I mean, the haters, and the n00bz! I come here for an ESCAPE. I log on every day for just a bit to get away from the likes of anal dipshits who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Lately it seems like running from dumbshits and coming to the net to escape them is like running from a burning building directly into the fire; or a more widely used term, like hopping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I avoid using cliches, but that needed to be said. Of course I DO NOT mean everyone irritates me. I appreciate friends and "fans" I've earned and made here. But people who go around acting like they know the people behind the screennames particularly piss me off.

You can spew out as much as you want about a person on the net, but you're a loser if you do it without even expecting a response or without considering their feelings.... or just maybe **gasp** the fact that you COULD be wrong about that person! Oh my! Then when the insultee comes merely to defend themselves, somehow it's misinterpretted as being "immature" or that you are "right" about them. Fuck that. If you don't want controversy, don't post it. Anything you write can be used against you whether you want it to be or not. You can't control what other people will do when you post something to be READ... you can only control your own actions and how you chose to react to THEIR actions. You can choose to be civil, or you can choose to be a bitch who just takes any low blow she can, OR maybe... JUST MAYBE! >_> You can NOT post anything at all! DING!

But no. No, that would make it all too easy now wouldn't it? As it turns out, most people who post those kinds of messages, attention is ALL they want. Most people will turn around and say the insultee likes the attention, when the insultee is the one simply defending themselves... which the one instulting them would no doubt do in the same situation.

Which leads to another lovely observation regarding teenagers!

Teenagers and adolescents are often the ones who are very quick to point out hypocrasy and inconsistancy... but in reality, they really ARE the most hypocritical and inconsistant of any age group. I see people online and offline going back on their words just because they end up having to eat them. As they say (oh not another cliche x__X) "keep your words soft and sweet, 'cause you may have to eat 'em later!" There definitely is some truth to that. Stick to your guns if you're gonna argue. Don't back down, don't go weak halfway through. And also! If you're gonna argue, you better bring some facts to the table, not just opinions and observations you may have interpretted wrong.

I know who may be reading this, and I just have one more thing to say if she happens to be, and unlike her I won't use names or clickables so no blame of a "flame fest" gets thrown at me. She can go get her little army of bitches too, does she think I care? Anyway, here's what I have to say to you: I may be almost done with it; but I'm still in high school. I'm in your same boat, so don't think you're any better or more special than me. I can play your little bitch games too. It doesn't bother me, you can say whatever you want. Just remember you're not the only one who can play that game, sweetheart. And... well I just may grow out of the whole high school thing, I very well intend to, much sooner than later. The majority of the world can't seem to get past high school, and the mindset behind being a... how did you and your little friends word it, "a trashy high school girl"? I know I will grow up and get out... but will you? Are you gonna let a couple worthless years as a clueless child dictate who you are for the rest of your life?
Think about it!

In short, in case she doesn't understand my point. You're a kid, n... ]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17404338/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17404338/ Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:20:50 PDT
While that's kicking in, I suppose I'm just here to say "Hi!" Greetings from MJ at 1 am... on a school night. Wonderful! I don't have much time left before Spring Break anyway. Lately I've been realizing I'm not nearly as tired when I fall asleep later and wake up early. Seems like the more sleep I get, the more tired I am.

I never do these journal or blog things. Any blog I've ever done is usually pretty empty, and/or scarsely updated. Maybe I can put an end to that streak, that is, assuming anyone reads these, or if anyone really cares to read them. XD I must say journal entires like these MUST be a source of entertainment to SOMEBODY XDDD I don't know, I'm a dork.

Hmmm... What does one talk about in a blog? I mean... I don't have a rant for you guys, and with me being this tired I wouldn't want to start babbling and then pass out. Well I'm gonna let my mind flow and see what we get... Bear with me, this'll be an adventure not to be missed!

I'm in a play tomorrow, hope that goes well. I've practiced it long enough I suppose.

I've never seen someone faint before... but I did today... but if it's 1 am that would make it YESTERDAY. It was kinda scary whenever it was.

The English language is pretty crazy, so many rules and exceptions. I can speak and write it fine obviously, it's my major for Christ's sake. But take for example the word "polish." When the P is capitalized... it becomes "Polish," as in, of Polish descent; from Poland. How about this? Why don't good and food rhyme? Sure a poet could get away with calling the two a "slant rhyme," but come on now. Why aren't read (present tense) and read (past tense) spelled differently when lead and led are? I could go on and on but I won't bore you with my late night ponderings.

Well, my foot is still asleep, maybe I should be too. Good night all, I sincerely apologize for the randomness, I just wrote whatever came to mind! XD

MJ

teh vampixie!

]]> ~mjfan84 http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17350375/ http://mjfan84.deviantart.com/journal/17350375/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 16:32:03 PDT
MJ

teh vampixie!

]]> ~mjfan84