http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:myemptybleedingheart&section=today deviantART RSS for by:myemptybleedingheart en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:01:30 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/26916725/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/26916725/ Sun, 30 Aug 2009 13:36:17 PDT "I just wanna be successful.."
-Drake




I know it's been awhile since I've been on here. I just can't seem to be around on here all the time with the schedule that I've been on lately.


I'm not going through a midlife crisis but I think I should be going back to some meetings since the stress is just too much lately. I work constantly and my mind is spinning like a top.


I try to update every once in awhile to keep those of you looking out for new stuff; but it took me a long time for inspiration to set in. I think I found it. Although I need to map out where I wanna take this new found muse and run with it.


Stay tuned folks

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/23499921/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/23499921/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 23:43:40 PST "Don't be susprised when you come inside,
saddle up and be prepared to ride,
Up and down, back and forth,
Can you feel me,
baby why don't you just,
take your time, tonight you're mine.."




Tonight's a sensual night I guess haha. Slow jams and trying to relax. Today was soo damn hectic. Highly heated arguement with the sperm donor (father) over the phone, thus resulting in me getting into a screaming profanity match with him. Then I damn near picking up a pfaltzgraff (felz-graph) plate and throwing it full of food across my kitchen. That man infururiates me to no end.



Debating on going up north and seeing my grandparents. I love my grandpa to death, but I'm not really in the mood to get completely shitfaced like I usually do when him and I are together. I'm feeling a sinus infection coming on....fucking miserable as it is.


Oh well, I've updated. Time to retreat back into my shell.


| . . | | . | Karen | . | | . . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/23112940/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/23112940/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:17:53 PST "It sheltered me from nothing but the weather
I called it home for a moment of my life
This place I see just doesn't look familiar
I wonder if it looks the same inside

So there's the corner that I sat on
The road I walked home in the rain
And there's the star I used to wish on
It all just seems like yesterday

Days go by
Nothing's getting clearer
Can't change my mind
My troubles are the same
Faces change
The names they are familiar
And the streets I see
Will stand the test of time

So there's the corner that I sat on
The road I walked home in the rain
And there's the star I used to wish on
It all just seems like yesterday

And those stars
Stars still shine
Shine down through the rain

And there's the corner that I sat on
The road I walked home in the rain
And there's the star I used to wish on
It all just seems like yesterday

And I stare out this dirty window
As this world goes slowly by
And somewhere out there is the future
That I once thought had passed me by

Sheltered me from nothing but the weather"

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/22251084/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/22251084/ Sun, 28 Dec 2008 21:42:26 PST "I'm so close to crazy,
Right on the edge.
Just one step away
From going insane,
But I'm not there yet.
If I could loose my mind
I wouldn't know we're through.
But this close to crazy
Is far from over you"


Border patrol test in 8hrs. That's right, 8:30am. It's a 4 and a 1/2 hr test. I'm nervous as hell.


FUCK DAVID. I'm seriously thinking about going full lesbian instead of half. You'd think that men would want anything with me. Whatever, fuck this.


Times like these,I wish I were the tin man. You could hurt me all you wanted. I'd never even notice. I'd give anything just to be the tin man. I wouldn't have a heart, and I wouldn't need a soul.

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/21873997/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/21873997/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 22:24:53 PST "There's only two types of guys out there
Ones that can hang with me
and ones that are scared
So baby
I hope that you came prepared
I run a tight ship
So beware...."



I'M ALIVE....... as much as you all didn't think so, I am infact breathing and living.

Let's see, the birthday passed in August. Men came and went (as usual)....this one lately seems to be sticking for some odd reason. His name is David, and he's been staying around for about a month-ish. I wouldn't call it a relationship though, so don't hold your breath at all.

I was going to do the military thing, but health and paperwork got in the way, so I guess I'm going to do Boarder Patrol along the El Paso, Texas boarder for the government for fat stack. Since I am latino and I have a shoe in; my aunt is in the motor patrol at the Detroit/Windsor Canada boarder. So I'm set I guess. The entrance test is the 29th of this month.....wish me luck


Still haven't found the writing niche. I'm still lookin for it.


xoxo
Karen

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/20471016/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/20471016/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 11:40:55 PDT "Tell me where
You have been.
They've been askin
They've been searchin
They've been wonderin
Why....."



So I graduated high school this past June. It was relieving and I felt like I made a major step in my life after doing the whole high school thing for 5 yrs instead of the 4 that is considered normal. I'm happy and so damn elated.


I guess I take a good look back at what I've accomplished and what I've done since I'm an adult. My birthday was August 3rd, and I got my first tattoo....which pretty much takes up my whole back left shoulder. I have a pic of it, but it's up close and doesn't show how big it is in contrast to my whole back.


I'm going to be leaving in the beginning of December before the whole dreaded Christmas holiday season. I hate christmas and thanksgiving because in my family, it's not about being around each other that should matter. It's always a pecking contest as to who has what and who's currently fucking their life up at the moment. It's not the christmas decorations that bother me, it's the bickering. Not the Thanksgiving turkey, but the seperate rooms we sit in to enjoy seperate conversations.


Anyways, I joined the Army and I'm leaving. I know that I don't post journals like everybody else....that I don't submit anything useful. I just have lost that inspiration that I've had for so long that helped me produce such lovely pieces of poetry and prose. I'm trying to find that again.


| . . || . | Karen | . || . .|

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/16198748/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/16198748/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 02:16:06 PST
January was the turning point last year. It was the month when I finally put down the drugs and examined my life as a whole person, and not some drug dealer/user. This was my breaking month and what partially made me the person I am today. Most people in 2006 wanted 2007 to be better and a little more exciting. The new year's resolutions for their 2007 was to be better at something, or to loose weight. Well mine, was to change my life around 360 degrees and stop fuckin my life up.

I've gone through many twists and turns this year, loosing one good friend (at the time) and moving on to build this great relationship with my wifey/boo/other half Sabrina Anne Coiner. I fucked up and wronged her by doing something stupid as to fall in love with the wrong person at the wrong time.....then seeing that person leave with my heart and go to jail. Fight after fight, after fight....we'd never seem to loose each other. This made me really appreciate the friend that I have. Most of the shit that we've been through has really tried our friendship. But we're not the type of people to just go belly up and give up. That's not how we are as individuals. This girl is my life, she's my anchor, she's my everything and anything. You'll never see another person that I'm so appreciative of in my life besides my family.

Febuary was also a hard month for me. My great aunt gusty died on my mid winter break, within the first day that I was on break. I stepped back in my sober progress that day, and realized why I quit doing drugs in the first place. See when she died, I never got the chance to say goodbye. I was too busy doing drugs and selling them to make cash that I never took the hour out of my life to really tell her that I loved her, or tell her how much I cared. So needless to say, I lost it when I saw her in the casket. I sobbed and my mom had to escort me out of the funeral home when they started wrenching that sad casket closed. I lost a part of myself that day, and I'll never get it back. Her one year anniversary is comming up, let's just see how that goes....


August hit me right before my birthday and my world stopped again. Again, it was a time to test my friendship with Sabrina. Throughout it all, her and I tried getting back together....but we stopped talking for about 2 weeks. I felt lost, lonely.....I was never the same again after august, having nightmares, major severe insomnia, throwing up, feeling miserable. Just glad that it's over and that chapter of my life is closed.


September is when things went to shit again, one small fight just went out of hand and I left the cosy comfortableness of my house and I almost killed a girl at my old high school. I needed another change in my life, something big. I got into trouble right before my mom's birthday, and ended up in jail. So I left that shitty ass school and city, packed up my shit and went to Garden City to live with the most amazing people that I'll ever live with. (Minus my dad)

She was my sorta stepmom and the 4 stepsiblings. Tina was that mom that I could never have. Her kids showed me things and taught me things that I'd never learn on my own. Having Jacob and Tyler in my life has taught me PATIENCE (or at least a litte bit) and to be a tad nicer to people. Living there at that house for about 3 months showed me that I can open up and be partially human feeling again. It was soo hard trying to move on a little bit, knowing that your biological mother wants only to have a friendship with her 2 daughters.

My world got confusing in November. Flashbacks of my parents marriage kept hitting me, along with the bad times. Just the horrible times ahead and the nightmares that followed. It was quite difficult seeing my dad claim to love me, and then hurt me emotionally soo much. I didn't know what to think. I was at this time getting better grades, but my head was elsewhere. My dad claims things that I know that aren't true, but at the same time...my mom wants nothing to do with me. I was lost, I think I still am. Then my dad and my kinda step mom got into a huge fight. My dad dumped me off at Sabrina's and pretty much abandoned me (which isn't the first time). I was all alone and stranded with no place to go, except back to my mom's.

I went to my yearly checkup with my doctor....thus hearing that I might have cancer. Yes cancer. Uterin cancer to be exact. It's on my mind constantly, what would happen to me if something went wrong? What would my sister do without me to be there for her? Cancer just hurt for me more than ever. I'm miserable, freezing ice cold one minute, then burning up on fire the next. My internal temp system is fucke... ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/16158428/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/16158428/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 20:59:04 PST The best J.Lo/Britney Spears Mashup:[link]

What hasn't happened to me these last past fuckin weeks?

1.My little sister Od'ed and was in a coma right before Christmas. She's now got some memory loss. Possibly had a stroke, and she's not the same. She's out of the hospital now.

2.Dale and I haven't talked in fucking ages. I have no clue if he fell off the fucking face of the earth or what. Hey, fuck it...I was a pawn. I don't care if he doesn't.

3.I might go back to jail. Court fees are due on Jan 18th. Fuckin $295 worth. Plus an additional $50 when I see my P.O. on Jan 7th. I don't have the cash.....fuck...

4.My ex Zack (who's in jail) and I are still writing, but I found out that he's telling his ex (who's my best friend) the same shit that he's telling me. What's funny, is that her and I talk constantly. He even knows that we're talking...how asinine right?

5.My dad abandoned me. Yes, after I moved in with him....he abandoned me. Just dropped me off at a friends house with the clothes on my back.So then I had to fucking move back in with my ma. We're slowly working things out at turtle speed.

6.I might have Uterin Cancer (cancer in my uterus). I've been bleeding down there for about a good month and half now irregularily. I switched my birth control and everything......so I have to get a DNC. If that comes out positive, then I'll have to have surgery to get my Uterus taken out. Sorry to the guys that want to have kids with a gorgeous puertorican.

7.Job hunting with a shitty economy here in Michigan is unsuccessful. I've been out for fucking 2 days looking for one, and I've just applied everywhere from fucking pizza places to a place that sells heating and cooling supplies. Yeah, I guess you can say I'm desperate.

8.Christmas holiday just fuckin sucked in general. Neither one of my parents wanted to be around their kids this year. Thus making my sorta ex step mom irritated because there was no place to go for the 3 of us.

9. I did nothing but fucking argue, bitch, bicker, and fight with all of my family. Shouldn't we be glad that my fuckin sister is out of her coma and can at least talk when the doctors all told us that she'd be a vegetable? I tried telling everybody that. But did anybody fuckin realize that? NO.My sister's sitting there at the dinner table with frustration on her fucking face cause she can't remember anything. Nobody fuckin listens.

10.My best friend going on a fuckin 5 day drunk and not caring what she does with her life. I'm just sick of the bullshit and how nonchalantly she looks and does things. How can you not care when you have life by the balls?


Anyway, I'm just fuckin tired of it all. I can't even think or draw anymore. My mom's bf even got a new scanner/printer/copier machine......and I still can't get anything accomplished. I'll try to have some type of improvements when I decide to next write.

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15655039/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15655039/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 19:31:29 PST "151 rum
Pineapple juice, and Malibu, caribou,
Get them all numb
Make baby girl come
Out of her shell and raise hell
Don't stop till the cops come."


I'm not going to jail. Soooo happy!! I was for sure going to jail, more than 100%. The only reason that I didn't was cuz my lawyer knew the prosecuter. Or else I wouldn't be here right now.


I got ahold of my old friend Kali. She was like my partner in crime over the summer. If wasn't with my other girl Sabrina, then I was with her. If I wasn't with Kali, I was with Sabrina. Kali threw me this huge b-day bash over the summer. Talk about fucked up for like a whole week. See, with my family...you get fucked up for the whole week that your birthday is on. So I went like a whole week drunk. Intense.

Anyway, I'm glad that her and I are talking again.
Tonight's going to be some huge party out at some people's house that we used to roll with during the summertime. Gettin' Crunk tonight.


I'm out to chill and get fucked up. Artwork is great to do while enibriated. haha.

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15471118/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15471118/ Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:48:44 PST "Today is filled with anger, fueled with hidden hate.
Scared of being outkast, afraid of common fate.
Today is built on tragedies which no one wants to face.
Nightmares to humanity and morally disgraced.
Tonight is filled with rage, violence in the air.
Children bred with the ruthlessness cause no one at home cares.
Tonight I lay my head down, but the pressure never stops,
Knowing that my sanity content when I'm dropped.
But tomorrow I see change, a chance to build,
build on spirit intent of ya heart,
Ideas based on truth.
Tomorrow I wake with the second wind and strong because of pride.
I know I fought with all my heart to keep the dream alive."

~Tupac



I saw that quote today while searching online. I was mesmerized by the way it affected me and how true it was of the world. I know alot of you think rap music is shit, and that tupac is shit too. Well alot of rappers rap about different topics. Most of them dumb, I will agree. But Tupac rapped about his real life, the life of being on the street, getting kicked out of his house and trying to defend himself being all alone. Selling drugs was his way of trying to get by.

I've submitted the Thugz Mansion (the good version....non acoustic) in my scraps. Download it and give it a listen, think about the people (such as me) that have had to live that life....and those that still do.


I'm trying to piece my life together, whatever's left. It just seems that the more I make progress and build it up.....the harder I fall backwards. Just seems like I'm getting stronger with each fallback...but it's frustrating because of the pieces breaking apart again.


The more I go to my therapist/drug therapist Kathryn, she tries to get me to talk about feelings. But see here's the thing.....when I was on drugs, I had no feeling. I can't sit down and distinguish alot of the different types of feelings that I'd have at the current present time, but I know what the feelings are. She asks me how I feel, but I describe actions. I can't feel.....like I'm getting numb again. She wants to break down the walls, but I'm comfortable with them up. I'm just a fucking current mess......


pretrial= 8 days

| . | | . . | Karen | . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15367897/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15367897/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:33:42 PST "Aye, my head is constantly spinnin, twistin
cuz now this boy trippin on me.
first time we all lovey dovey
and now he call me his homie.
wishy washy kinda feelin
tryna play wit my emotions.
and mumbled the words I LOVE U
and then said that he was jokin.
stuffed up in the mind
tough love is what he calls it.
I don't read between the lines
now u need to get the talkin.
spell it out and make it clear
dont tell me what i wanna hear.
yes or no jus gon and say it
cuz inside I'm goin crazy... "


Why do people think that it's halarious to just fuck with my emotions? I'm sooo confused. One person says that the worst mistake in their life was letting me go. Then once I go to talk to them again after we've talked shit through.....they never answer their phone, never answer their texts. I'm getting on a short leash on this one.

The other one is too busy to fuckin even lift a finger to even send me a message, a note, or call me. Pretty pathetic if I've ever heard it. Seriously. "I love you Karen, I want you back in my life...." HAH....pretty funny that one liner is....

This other man, ooooh he's all over me. Telling me that I'm his world. Telling me that he wants to be with me......He's got a nice ass Impala with candy red paint with gold flecks in it. 24's on street pancakes, tight system in the Impala too. I just don't know who the hell to believe and who not to believe. Is it just a latino thing?

My mom basically just ditched me, telling me that she no longer wants to be in my life. She told me that she no longer has the desire to be my mother anymore. I LOST MY MOTHER and I feel miserable. Like I've lost the most important thing in my life and I feel like I'm lost and confused and all alone in this fuckin shithole of a world.

I've been pretty much drinking like every weekend almost. Me and Sabrina (my sister/partner in crime) had a huge bash last night with man #3 (who's eddie's little brother), her bf Eddie, and Brandon. We all got fucked up and the night was just a little bit fuckin out of control. Her and I went to my step-sister's pom competition drunk as hell this morning on Eastern Michigan's campus. So me and her are stumbling around drunk as fuck, reeking of liquior, blood shot eyes and all. With the campus police there....and the regular cops there too. It was quite interesting.


pre trial= Nov 20th

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15079138/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/15079138/ Mon, 15 Oct 2007 19:32:45 PDT "A place to spend my quiet nights, time to unwind
So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times
I once contemplated suicide, and woulda tried
But when I held that 9, all I could see was my momma's eyes
No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble
Not knowin it's hard to carry on when no one loves you
Picture me inside the misery of poverty
No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived
Prayin hard for better days, promise to hold on
Me and my dawgs ain't have a choice but to roll on
We found a family spot to kick it
Where we can drink liquor and no one bickers over trick shit
A spot where we can smoke in peace, and even though we G's
We still visualize places, that we can roll in peace
And in my mind's eye I see this place, the players go in fast
I got a spot for us all, so we can ball, at thug's mansion."


My life in a song.Pretty much sums it up and for anybody that cares should listen to it and get a better outlook on the person that's typing these words and posting these journals.


Dale and I no longer talk as much. Shit I haven't talked to him in about a week or so now, give or take. His work I guess has caused him to barely talk to me and it's getting aggravating. The person you love the most has no time for you. How shitty right? I can't complain much, he does have a job, and I really don't have one. He has time to post and journal, but not have time for me at all....not even for an offline message. You can't pick and choose who you love now can you?

Pre-trial date is November 20th....wish me some more luck

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14991356/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14991356/ Tue, 09 Oct 2007 20:08:57 PDT terrible lie.
my head is filled with disease.
my skin is begging you please.
i'm on my hands and knees.
i want so much to believe.

Don't tear away from me
i need someone to hold on to.
Don't tear away from me
i need someone to hold on to.
Dont' tear away from me
i need someone i need someone.
Don't tear away from me
i need someone to hold on to.
i give you everything.
my sweet everything.
hey God
i really don't know who i am.
in this world of piss"


This is his response to my pervious journal
I trust her, but my fears are keeping me from going much farther

My reasons....

I want to have some life experiences (sex, drugs, partying, adventures, flings, fuck buddies, etc. etc.) cause it seems all the girls i love have had ALOT of them (except Kris).

I'm sick and tired of giving my all to a girl to get nothing out of it in the end.

I'm tired of getting lied to and played, and of being the "back Up boyfriend" or the "Internet Boyfriend"

I'm afraid it will happen all over again, and if it does I'm not even gonna waste my time feeling sorry for myself cause i would have walked right into it.

My Response
Now it's my turn to tell him something.....if I wants that whole "life experience" bullshit, than that's up to him. Cause it's just bullshit to lead me on and than say that he wants to go and fuck around with other women. How can you say that you want to be with me, tell me that you love me.....just to want to fuck some other people? How fucked is that?

He was never going to be the backup anything, regardless of what anybody else tells him. If I fucking tell you that I love you, then I LOVE YOU. NOBODY ELSE. Nobody is going to come between us, and I'm just scared as to what the fuck is going to go on. Whatever, if that's how he wants it.....than that's how it's going to be.

court is tomorrow, wish me luck

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14962466/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14962466/ Sun, 07 Oct 2007 21:01:34 PDT From the day
To the night
We ride
We ride
We ride

Hey
How you
Like it
How you
Like it
I see
The future baby
You and I
Better with time

And it is
What it is
And I
Just can't help it
And I felt
What I felt
No
I just can't help it
I see the future, baby
Me and you
That's how we do.



Court is wednesday. I'm scared as hell, not knowing what the outcome is going to be with that. Scared of the unknown. That's what it is. I'm freaking out, of course thinking the worst....like why did I do what I did and was it worth it?


Starting a new relationship with Dale is something that I'm quite scared of. We're not dating, but we're more than just something casual. Lately it's been quite frustrating for me with the whole way this "thing" has been going on lately. Chalk it up to being let down so much, or having the openness of this "thing" that's been going on. We fought recently about something soo fuckin stupid and I didn't know what the point was. I think it was something about where it was going. I hate this shit being on a standstill and I hate waiting for anything. I'm highly impatient. I love him, and I always have....these feelings have never changed and never will...but how can I pour my heart out when he's in need of other sex partners and lovers? How fair is that to me? I want to be with him, but it's hard to sit here and see him throw it out there like it's no big deal. "Hey does anybody want another sex partner?" Shit like that just pisses me off and irrates me to no end. I LOVE YOU. Isn't my love enough for you?


| . | . . | | Karen | | . . | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14874010/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14874010/ Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:48:38 PDT Let me take you to a place nice and quiet
There ain't no one there to interrupt
Ain't gotta rush
I just want to take it nice and slow
(now baby tell me what you wanna do with me)
See I've been waiting for this for so long
We makin' love until the sun comes up
Baby
I just wanna take it nice and slow
(now baby tell me what you wanna do with me)"


Ah, another rainy day in Michigan. That soft, slow rain. That cold breeze through your windows. Fall leaves on the grass and sidewalks. The perfect love making weather. It just makes you want to grab that person you love and take it nice and slow. Then snuggle up afterwards and say sweet nothings to each other. I seriously suggest listening to the Usher song that I mentioned in my profile, you'll know what I'm talking about once you listen to it. The slow, sexy beat, and the lyrics hit your soul and warm it up.....keeping that longing in your loins and heart.

Embrace that person you love, and show them how much you care and need them in your life. Sweetest day is coming up on October 20th.

This sexual longing journal is brought to you by......


| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14763999/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14763999/ Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:02:58 PDT "Dear Mama, can you save me? And fuck peace
Cause the streets got our babies, we gotta eat
No more hesitation each and every hood rat's trapped
And they wonder why we suicidal runnin round strapped
Mista, Po-lice, please try to see that it's
A million motherfuckers stressin just like me
Only God can judge me now"

Court date on Oct. 10th. Gotta see the lawyer on this coming up thursday. I might go to jail, ISABELLA PENN. There's a good chance. The life of a criminal. I don't wanna go, it was a first time I got caught. THE LAST TIME EVER. I don't wanna go and get tried as an adult, I don't wanna go and leave my family. I don't wanna go and leave behind everybody and completely just like have no contact with everybody.

I have no idea what's going to go on at my lawyers and I have no idea what's going to go on with my schooling and shit. I'm just really stressed and nervous as to what's happening to me and my family.


On a lighter note, my ex and I are doing great. The sex is amazing.......and I'm getting another pedicure on Wednesday,and I'm getting a purple-ish type color. It's going to be cute lol.

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14707910/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14707910/ Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:27:52 PDT "
Im steady tryna find a motive,
Why do what i do?,
Freedom aint gettin no closer,
No matter how far i go,
My car is stolen, no registration,
Cops patrolin, and now they done stop me,
And i get locked up,

[Chorus]
They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they wont let me out, (im locked up)
They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they won't let me out


Headin up town to re-up,
Back with a couple keys,
Corner blocks on fire,
Under covers dressed as fiends,
Makin so much money,
Products movin' fast,
Put away the stash,
And as i sold the last bag fucked around and got locked up

[CHORUS]
They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (my nigga im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they wont let me out, (i got locked up)
They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (baby girl im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they won't let me out

Cuz visitation no longer comes by,
Seems like they forgot about me,
Commissary is getting empty,
My cell mates getting food without me,
Can't wait to get out and move forward with my life,
Got a family that loves me and wants me to do right
But instead Im here locked up

[CHORUS]
They won't let me out, they won't let me out,
(ohhh im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they wont let me out,
(my nigga im locked up)
They won't let me out, they won't let me out, (im locked up)
They won't let me out no, they won't let me out

Maybe a visit (they won't let me out)
Send me some magazines (they won't let me out)
Send me some money orders (they won't let me out, no)
Maybe a visit baby (they won't let me out)
Cuz im locked up, they won't let me out.
Wheres my lawyer? (they won't let me out)
Im locked up, they won't let me out, no.
Get me outta here (they won't let me out)
Im locked up, they won't let me out, they won't let me out.
Baby Im locked up they won't let me out, no
Where's my niggaz?
On the lock-down.
Damn, im locked up, they won't let me out.
Im locked up, they won't let me out.
Ohhh... they won't let me out.
Can you please accept my phone calls?
Cuz Im locked up, locked up, locked up.

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14595862/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14595862/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 20:12:46 PDT "Boy you know you get me so erotic
Especially when I be sippin hypnotiq
Got me feelin like I’m smokin on
When we fuckin it be so exotic....."

So I saw Zack in Jail, it was odd considering the fact that it was behind fucking glass and shit, just odd really.

So I started recently talking to an ex of mine from like waaaay back in the day. I've never stopped loving him really. He was my first love, and there's always going to be a connection. It's just a conicidence that him and his girl broke up recently. Ahhh the sweet scent of a second chance.


| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

"Hold me like you never wanna let me go
If you're likin whatcha tastin baby let me know
If you're gonna love, baby love me strong
Cause I want this love to last all night long

Oooooohhhhh

My love is like (whoa)
My kiss is like (whoa)
My touch is like (whoa)
My sex is like (whoa)
My ass is like (whoa)
My body's like (whoa)"

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14543358/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14543358/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 09:49:21 PDT "But now I get if he don't wanna
Love you the right way he ain't gonna.
It ain't where he's at
It's where he wanna be.

If he ain't gonna love you
the way he should
Then let him go.
If he ain't gonna treat you
The way he should
Then let him go..."

I love that new song by Keyshia Cole. Everybody should listen to it.

So now I'm back....my computer is back on, I'm back in school. My last year!! SENIORS OH-EIGHT BABY!!!

The art is going ok, the relationships shit. My sorta boyfriend/sorta not is in jail for something he didn't do. He's like my best friend/sexy time partner haha. So I'm going to go visit him today in jail tonight. I've had my own scrapes with the law. But nothing that I've never been caught for. So I guess you can say that this is my first time going to a jail. Well let me take that back, I almost went to a juvenile detention center. It counts as a first time visit haha. I just haven't seen him since like the beginning of this past May. And let's say that my female parts just throb and pulse just thinking of the good times Wish me luck.

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14124030/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/14124030/ Sat, 11 Aug 2007 19:30:36 PDT So bear with me if I don't immediately answer your notes, and messages in general


I'm struggling to slowly piece my life back together.


| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13385792/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13385792/ Sun, 17 Jun 2007 20:32:50 PDT what the fuck do I get outta this?

I'm down to the point where I wanna tear my fucking hair out.

sooo sooo soo stressed out.


That's it for now.....


| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13313938/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13313938/ Tue, 12 Jun 2007 08:40:33 PDT
I'M FINALLY A SENIOR

It's a little scary, I'm not going to lie. I might cry like a bitch at my graduation.

SUMMER OH-7 is officially here. Time for drinking, parties....and more more memories to live for. Gotta love it.

Time to get my portfolio together for my entry to either one of my art college choices.

My birthday is Aug. 3rd. I'm excited in all honesty. Don't know what I'm going to do for it yet. I haven't yet decided or came up with anything.

But eventually I'll start posting some of my portfolio on here.

|. | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13055036/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/13055036/ Tue, 22 May 2007 18:47:34 PDT Can't wait!!! I'll be taking TONS of pics and shit of my friend. Super super super excited.

I'm going to go most likely to San Fransisco next April for my spring break to go and see a good friend of mine. SOOO STOKED. Most likely visit my future college, Art Institute- San Fransisco. I've decided what I wanted to do with my life. Get my Bachelor's in Visual Communications.

I'll be out there back again for my birthday next summer too. So I'll be out there next April, and then 2 months in the summer for the pre-college program in my field until the fall of 08 when I most likely will apply out there for my schooling. I need new inspirations and a new environment. This whole Michigan thing is killing me. I'm slowly finding out that all of my artwork looks the same dammit. Time to change it up a little.

Getting my driver's permit in this coming up July FINALLY! Then my daddy just bought a brand spanking new white, fully loaded Lincoln Towncar with white leather seats. Which is going to be mine in about another year. 'Cause he's buying new Cadillac Escalade. The only three things that I wanna do to it once I get it, is put limo tint on the windows besides obviously the windshield, get a tad better speaker system inside it. Then get me a set of newer chrome rims. The car itself already has chrome rims on it, I just want some new ones. Can't wait till he passes it over baby!


In August, I'm getting my motorcycle permit. How hot is that to have a smoking hot Puerto Rican chick on a crotch rocket (or if you don't know what that is, google in a Kawasaki Ninja underneath the image section and you'll know what I'm talking about) So I might get one of those too soon. MMMMM CAN'T WAIT! A crotch rocket and a new lincoln. Horray for me no doubt.


end of good news.

xoxo
| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | .|

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12893022/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12893022/ Tue, 08 May 2007 20:29:18 PDT I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

Got the nails done today. Feels soo good to get them done again. I got them long like I usually like them. Then I payed for my little sister (Kaylynn) to get hers done too. Cause I'm a nice sister like that. Fuckin $46 total at the nail salon today. I really wanted to get a pedicure too. But I didn't have the extra $26 to get that done either. It was worth it though. What can I say, I gotta look good

In other news, there's this one guy that's caught my eye. Him and I have been talking for awhile. Things have just NOW started heating up. I want to see where I can go with this and see what I can do.

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12827584/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12827584/ Thu, 03 May 2007 12:36:19 PDT I thought I took one step
I took two back
I'm not even close this time
And thats a fact
All I know is that we'd be the perfect match
So where you at love?
I just gotta find you, babe.

I love Bobby Valentino's new song. So cute and true. He's looking all over trying to find that one person that he can call his own something. I'm the other way around. This song has a sorta sexual tone to it though

I stuck up a new ID. For all those who see it below. Yes, I've got naturally pouty lips. Or should I say dick sucking lips? haha

I'm working on a concept semi/platform and I'm switching back from Illustrator to Photoshop. So that's my current project as of right now. Don't know when that will be done. Sometime soon I hope. It's been taking forever so far. Sorta annoying really.

Yeah, my relationship life....fuckin sucks. It's like everybody wants to fuck me, but no relationship. Fuck that. I want somebody that's here for me, here for me to talk to, to cuddle with, somebody that'll accept everything that I've ever said or done. It just seems like I'm all tight pussy, firm ass, and big tits. I mean, I give 'em a run for their money. But I'm more than that.

I guess that nobody has impressed me enough to be with them. As for that one guy that I thought that I had feelings for, well I guess that I'll have to push those feelings aside and go on.

xoxo
| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12757448/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12757448/ Fri, 27 Apr 2007 17:20:32 PDT I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Lacey has never sung a song more true....more close to my heart and soul. I'm in a shit mood....suffering from stress up the wazoo.

I gave up roughly 2 months of sobriety.....for 420. I'm kicking myself in the fucking ass for it. Now I've restarted and I'm another week clean, in a way I'm cheering...and in another way I'm screaming on the inside, pulling out my ass length black hair for another fucking joint.
Bring it on Ben and Jerry
, for PMS and depression and lack of Marlboro's. Damn this sucks.

My life is in a fucking turmoil. I want to move out, but can't. This thing with relationships is getting rediculous! I love this guy with everything that I have, but I'm also fucking somebody else on the side. In fact, our last conjugal visit with the fuck buddy is on this coming up Monday before he leaves for jail. Wow......my amazing choice in men right?

It never seems to end, and my damn crotch is bleeding and I haven't had my period in like 7 months due to my ingenious choice of skipping out on properly taking my birth control.
MY CONCLUSION: I never missed having my period. It restricted my fuck time.


I'm working alot with photoshop and illustrator. I've got some samples of my work that I might post, it's nothing like.....HOLY SHIT THAT'S GOOD but I'm a novice when it comes to shit like that. So bear with me while I explore the artistic elements around me.


xoxo

| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12459277/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12459277/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 16:15:00 PDT
That's it.


xoxo
Karen

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12161148/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/12161148/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 19:16:34 PDT
Simple as that.



| . | | . . | Karen | . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11848229/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11848229/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 21:31:20 PST

Spend time with all of your relatives. Don't use time, or your busy schedule as a reason not to see the person.


Recently, my great Aunt passed. Actually last night. I haven't seen her in about 2 years. She got shoved into a nursing home and never had a chance to live the rest of her life. Last night she gave up on living. She was a highly independent person. She never wanted to die. She was 78, and lived and loved life like she was 30. She always had a smile on her face an a bright sunny attitude.


I never got to take the time and see her in the nursing home. I never got to say how much I loved her, and how much I appreciated what she did for me. She was there for me, always. I just never had the time. I used it as an excuse.


I don't know how I'm going to move on. I don't know how I'm going to let go, I'll eventually let go. It's hard to let go, when you never got to say goodbye in the first place. It's hard to let go, when you never got to say the proper goodbye.



Take the people around you, and love them with every ounce of will and love in your body. Don't let them go. Whatever you do. They're all you've got.


Thank you to all the people that have sent me their condolences and are praying.


May you rest in peace Aunt Gusty. I may have never gotten the chance to say goodbye, but I love you with everything I've got and will ever have. I know that you're up there in heaven with Uncle Johnny, smiling down on all of us.

| . | | . . | Karen | | . . | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11820118/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11820118/ Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:17:20 PST
DON'T BITCH;

~when you have somebody that doesn't feel like listening
~when you have somebody that doesn't feel like snuggling
at the moment
~when somebody that you're seeing, doesn't feel like doing
the same thing that you want to do

WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEBODY

There's people out there, that look at you in jealousy, because they don't have anybody to hug, kiss, snuggle, call, or be there for.

Be grateful that you have anybody at all. Don't bitch, there's people out there that don't have a damn thing. We're talking about NOBODY there for you.

It's one of those appreciation things...

XOXO
Karen

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11674495/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11674495/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 17:30:20 PST

Everytime you see somebody around you happy, you look at yourself and think, "Hey why can't I be like that?"

All the time, I see people that are facing their own things in life. Whatever the situiation is. Everybody has been in that type of situitation where they feel like they've been dropped in a 6 ft deep hole, and the dirt is shoveled up ontop of them.

NO, it's not being emo. NO, it's not like that way just to get attention.

For the people that feel like their life has been going down for awhile, for the people that listen to a sad song, and they cry because the person singing...rapping or whatever, is telling the story of your life.

For the people that get up everyday and ask themselves, "Why am I here?" For the people that can't trust, talk, or have people close because they've been hurt so bad. For the people that have lost somebody close and it hurts so bad that they can't handle anything anymore. For the people that love somebody and can't tell them. For the people that have been used, lied to, or just let go for no reason. For the people that have chose drugs over the only good things they ever had in life.


What I'm trying to say is, that talking about it happens to work. Work outside your shell.

I'm just telling anybody out of experience. I'm down that road where I think that nobody is there for me. Right now, I'm making the biggest decision in life that anybody can make besides getting a divorce or getting married.

There's people in life, that just appear out of nowhere and offer you help. TAKE THESE PEOPLE IN REGARD TO HELP YOU. It works out in the end.

Right now, I've got the most amazing people backing me up in this decision that I'm making.


xoxo
Karen


p.s. I had my first outpatient meeting yesterday. First piss test. It's going to be a very hard road that I'm working my ass off for. I need this new start.

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11541852/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11541852/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 13:28:19 PST
After this weekend with whom used to be my best friend, I'm going to go and quit everything cold turkey.

It just seems like everybody who I thought I could trust, totally fucked me over. It seems like I'm one big fucking pushover. I mean WHAT THE FUCK. I'm nice to people now, and this is how this shit is repayed to me?!?!?

Whatever, I know that I've only got like 5 true friends that I can count on. Everybody else can go fuck themselves. My one friend Stephanie is going to quit with me, and my friend Justin is going to drive me to my AA and NA meetings if I can do it.

I've just got alot of shit to work out and think through.


| . | | . . |Karen| . . | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11042711/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/11042711/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:07:32 PST
well it's fine now....but I'm still fucking my own life up.I'm failing a class....almost failing another.my career center class I'm getting a D in.....my acc english class I'm failing.My ROTC class sooner or later.

I cant deal with everything around me....I'm seriously depressed, and just because it's getting closer to Christmas makes it even worse. I hate christmas, I hate thanksgiving.I hate seeing my dad's side of the family, I hate any type of holiday that I have to see him.

I have the fact that I have forced visitations with him. I hate him with every ounce and molecule in my body. And that's alot.

It just was a big ass fight about my mom's ex fiance (which was my dad, just not literally), walking out on all of us.

Lately...it just keeps getting worse and worse.that's why I rarely smile anymore....that's why I rarely laugh anymore.I'm pissed off at almost everything and anything around me.What else is new I guess.

I mean, I hate reaching out to people. I'M NOT A FUCKING PITY PARTY. and I hate talking about it. Because the more I talk about it, the more I come into realization how fucked up my situitation is.

All the shit that my real dad has put me through. All the drugs I've done to let go. All the liquior and booze I've drank to loose it all for the slightest time. All the pills I've popped to make me not realize as much

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10919877/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10919877/ Sat, 02 Dec 2006 00:14:14 PST Thinking of those memories.
They used to come at me
When I least expected it.

You used to make me laugh
You used to make me smile.

Then you left.

Left me without a word
Without a care in the world.

Why do I carry on like this?
Because it hurts.

It hurts to see you with somebody else
When that somebody else for you
Used to be me.

It used to be me
That you longed for.
It used to be me
That made you laugh
That made you smile.

Why do I think about you so much?
Because it hurts.
That constant reminder
Of what used to be.

Because it hurts
Because it’s no longer there.

You left me
All alone and needing you there
But yet at the same time
You just made me think that
Didn’t you?


Why do I still care about you?
Because it hurts.


I don't know.......that's just something that came to my mind.....don't know how it's going to happen to get Tommy back again. But I'm NOT giving up dammit.

| . | | . . | Karen

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10727846/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10727846/ Tue, 14 Nov 2006 20:24:26 PST
A plain tshirt given to you. A black Harley - Davidson tshirt with Armani sprayed on it. A simple old note, an old voicemail. His or number in your contacts in your phonebook.

Just little reminders that make you stop and think. Like really think about what you used to have.

When you think about somebody, you always think of the good things. You usually never think about the bad things...unless they royally fucked up.

Then the holiday season comes around, especially christmas. That little giving holiday for the happy people and a seriously depressing one for those who have nobody to give to.

Well then, what if you want somebody that you can't have? I guess we have a problem there Sherlock....but as to how to fix it, there's nobody to fix it.



| . | | Karen | | . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10286561/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/10286561/ Wed, 04 Oct 2006 19:26:26 PDT "The perfect lie....Perfect soul, perfect mind, perfect face........the perfect lie"



Well....just here to update. I'm fine and doing well......though I'm still worrying about some things.

Ahhh.....less than 2 years left of school including this one. Then what now? Well I already know that I'm going to NYC to stay out there for like 2 years or something like that...just chilling with my boo boo. Then I'd love to go to Vegas and live it up there with some friends, get a tatt at Hart & Huntington. Don't know what though.....

Then I guess my life is just going to be one big party......how exciting.

Here's to partying bitches.....I know that I'm enjoying life...how about you?


xoxo
| . | | . . | Kittie | | . . |

]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/9754971/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/9754971/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 00:31:43 PDT It's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up like I always do....

Well I guess you can say that I'm trying more and more to draw more, inhabit that skill. That self taught skill. People are paying me now to draw their tatts. I'm overjoyed at that. But I guess that's like the only thing good anymore.

I'm rarely ever sober anymore. Ever since I decided to fail school, then went to fuckin' summer school to make up for it. I haven't been sober since summer school got out. And that was like the end of July.

OOh and did I tell you guys? I'm now fucking borderline diabetic ever since like....umm.....March? So now I've gotta watch like everything. I'm dropping weight like fucking wildfire, and I don't eat hardly anything anymore.

Yeah, yeah...don't lecture me. I know that if I don't eat, my fucking insulin will go fucking haywire...I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE

Well now that that's off my chest....let's go back to my artwork.Which is getting better, probably because that's all I seem to do anymore.

So now that I've updated my journal here...I think I'll get back to fucking up my liver with tooo much alcohol, fucking my brain up with drugs, and then...to top off the lovely mixture.....kill my lungs with Marlboro Red 100 box cigarettes.....yummy and appetizing isn't it?

xoxo
| .| | . | Karen | . | | . | ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/8754331/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/8754331/ Fri, 12 May 2006 22:29:53 PDT
It seems like all is lost in the world of Karen. I'm still here, though barely coping with everything that surround me. School, working on new pieces, and all of the such of-ness that it seems that I've come to realize lately. The family is doing good, though it seems like I keep slipping in and out of reality. I have these dark periods that I've found myself in, just working things out and such. I seem to drift off and on with the things that I find most perpetual to me.

It's weird, watching the happy people in the mall, or the baby screaming in the store, it just doesn't seem like reality to me. I guess that I've got the case of loneliness mixed with the longing for campanionship.

Carrie and I no longer talk, I guess that our friendship/relationship (if you want to call it that) was a thing of the past, and it's a door that slammed in my face. A door that got shut with my fingers in the jam.

Lately, the sadder songs appeal to me. The ones where you seem to feel exactally what they're talking about, and just want to go and cry because it's like the artist is singing about how you're feeling right now. Those songs. Though I don't know why.

But I'm still here....I just seem to be barely living on the inside and out....


| . ||. . | Karen | . . || . | ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/8057974/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/8057974/ Fri, 03 Mar 2006 16:21:42 PST

I'm forced to go and see my dad again. I seriously hate him. I think he's funny that ever since I called him an asshold and a prick, he's been trying to be nice to me. Heh....yeah right. I could give too shits less about him.


Things with school hasn't been too well either. I find myself not giving a shit about anything. Then again, I guess that hasn't really changed has it? I just want to graduate, go to college, take the necessary classes, then go to the army. I just hate the situitation that I'm in constantly.


QUOTE OF THE WEEK OR UNTIL I UPDATE AGAIN:
"In sorrow I speak your name.And my voice mirrors my torment" <~~~ Killswitch Engage - The End Of Heartache

|.||..|||K!tt!3|||..||.| ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7547789/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7547789/ Sun, 08 Jan 2006 18:37:25 PST


Well I've just been going through some shit lately......it all started with Thanksgiving, and ended with Christmas. Lots of perpetular craziness going on over here. Some of it, I just can't deal with.....but I'm dealing with it....slowly and surely. I just can't understand it all to deal with it right now at this moment.


Some of the shit between Carrie and I has subsided, and some of it hasn't. Carrie's dating John again, though my own opinion still stands on him.......I guess that some people never learn.


Kaylynn's birthday is today, so I get to be sick as a motherfucker and celebrate it with her. Though I feel like a bitch for spending half the day in bed for it.....so yeah......oh well. She bought herself a digi cam with her christmas money, and we took some funny pics.


Well I'm off to have a smoke, talk to ya bitches later....


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"A lonely life, where no one understands you." Korn - Twisted Transistor

|.|..|K!tt!3|.|..| ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7176297/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7176297/ Tue, 29 Nov 2005 12:07:20 PST not listening to me. I just can't take it anymore.


Thanksgiving was yet, another stabbing memory.....he just loves to fuckin' stab me to relinguish his memories, to feel my anguish...over and over and over again........I just want to make it stop.....



QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Tell me please.....who the fuck do you want me to be?" - Staind = please


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7115655/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/7115655/ Tue, 22 Nov 2005 15:25:56 PST song of the day: Staind - Everything Changes
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
would it matter anyway?
would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
the closet you can not close
The devil in you I suppose
'cuz the wounds never heal

(Chorus)
But everything changes
if I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

(Chorus)

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
through this part of the day

(Chorus)

Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
It's more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel

I've just been going through alot of shit lately.......I can't hold up anymore.....Carrie and I aren't talking anymore, that I know of. I've got shit that I've got to deal with now, and Carrie is just starting shit over at Bumstead's house (matt, the guy that fucked up his Bronco with the tire iron), and it's just one big mess that she fuckin' started. I just can't deal with it, and I can't fucking deal with her shit either..........all I can say is fuck her, fuck her and her stupid worries and all the shit that she starts all the time. Fuck her and saying that I've been 'rulling her life ever since we first met'. Just fuck it, I don't even care anymore, I really don't.....fuck her, and that's just in closing......I just don't want anything to fuckin' deal with her.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Can't you see that I'm sick of this? Chances are that you're oblivious to how I feel. Sitting on your thrown, and I'm sure that I'm not alone." Staind - Please


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6980489/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6980489/ Mon, 07 Nov 2005 12:01:28 PST Song Of The Day: [link]


Fill this survey thingy out about me if you would.....I'd really love you if you did!!!



What Would You Do If...
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I said I liked you:
3. I kissed you:
4. I lived next door to you:
5. I started smoking:
6. I stole something:
7. I ran away from home:
8. Smacked you in the face:
9. I said I didn't want to be friends anymore:
10. I broke something of yours:

What do you think about my:
1. Personality:
2. Eyes:
3. Hair:
4. Smile:
5. Family:
6. Friends:

Would You:
1. Be my friend?:
2. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
3. Hold my hand?:
4. Take a bullet for me?:
5. Keep in touch?:
6. Try and solve my problems?:
7.love me?
9. Make fun of me?:

Have You Ever:
1. Lied to make me feel better?:
2. Liked me?:
3. Wanted to kiss me?:
4. Wanted to kill me?:
5. Smiled thinking about me?:
6. Broke my heart?:
7. Kept something important from me?:
9. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

And More:
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. What was your first impression?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What reminds you of me?
8. If you could give me anything what would it be?
9. How well do you know me?
10. When's the last time you saw me?
11. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
12. Are you going to put this on your journal to see what I say?

» Do you think I'm weird?
» Describe me in one word.
» Do you think I'm cute?
» What was your first impression?
» Do you still think that way about me now?
» What reminds you of me?
» If you could give me anything what would it be?
» Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
» Are you going to put this on your journal to see what I say about you?
» How have I affected you?
» Why are you my friend?
» What's the fondest memory you have of me?
» How long do you think we will be friends?
» Do you love me?
» Would you hug me?
» Am I lovable?
» What do you think my weakness is?
» What makes me happy?
» What makes me sad?
» Do you think I could kill someone?


WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?
» Ever hate me?
» Be my lover?
» Lie to make me feel better?
» Spread rumors about me?
» Kill me if I told you to?
» Ever leave me?
» Keep a secret if I told you one?
» Loan me some cash?
» Hold my hand?
» Take a bullet for me?
» Keep in touch?
» Try and solve my problems?
» Date me?
» Love me?


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6930001/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6930001/ Tue, 01 Nov 2005 19:54:00 PST Song Of The Day: Staind - Right Here
[link]


So yesterday, was fun as fuck. I went out trick or treating with Amber, Carrie, Big Brian, Tommy and Amanda. All the girls except Amanda went as hoes, and we were wearing collars and chains around our necks, Brian was the one holding us all. It was soo funny. We didn't go to get candy, we just went to scare the little kids. Then we where jumping up and down on the trampoline with short skirts and thongs on......that was fun. Then Carrie and I got into a big ass fight on the way home, we just kept bitching at each other.....all about John. I'm just pissed in general. I just fucking give up, I give up the fight to try to talk some fucking sense into her head. She doesn't understand......and that's all I'm going to say, because if I do....I'm going to stay pissed.



Then today, as I'm getting off of the bus, I fucking slip and fall down the steps, jarring my back and pulling a muscle. I'm just fuckin' livid. Then I limped into school, trying not to cry. I have a high tolerance level for pain. This one hurt. So I call my mom, and I told her to come pick me up. Then I had to fucking sit in my assistant principal's office while they took their sweet ass time to fuckin' file a stupid accident report. I can't even sit, it still hurts. It hurts my lower and in the middle of my back. From the top of my ass, to about 5 inches up my back, from my right hip, to my left hip. I'm going to have a serious bruise tomorrow. So after they file it, my mom takes me home. The fuckin' doctor's office doesn't open till 9. Then my mom schedules an appointment. They said that they can't take me in till 10:30 am. 10:30!!! I had to sit in agonizing pain for almost 4 hours. Then the fucking doctor says that I didn't strain anything, BULLSHIT!!! I can't sit, I can't stand for long periods of time, or else I'll start crying. He more or less told me to take some motrin and suck it up. Kaylynn had a hockey game in Fraser today, so everytime we hit a little bump in the road, or a pothole, I was almost screaming out in pain. It just hurts sooo bad.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I must hold on, this happens all the time. I still try to find my faith in you. I can't hold on, it happens all the time." Cold - Happens All The Time


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6856808/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6856808/ Mon, 24 Oct 2005 16:25:57 PDT Song Of The Day: Chris Brown - Run It [link]


Today was a long ass day......I fell asleep in my 1st, 3rd, and 5th hours.But Carrie wasn't at there, and I was sad for like the whole day.Nothing too special. Amber and I went over Matt's for a little bit, stayed there for not even an hour. Then we left to go see if John, or Amanda were home....no luck. So we left, went into eternal tattoos & piercing, gangked some gauges and earrings, asked about tattoos. Then we went to Party city to steal some halloween shit. Next was mediaplay,we just sat around reading kama sutra books for about another hour and a half, then went over to big lots to steal some Beef Jerky. We lined our hoodie pockets with Jerky, then we went into Target across the road to take a piss. Then we just split our ways and went home. Fun fun shit.

So this week's going to be pretty boring, besides going over Carrie's house on Thursday to get my hair re-dyed and what not......I can't wait. Then I'm going to be gone almost a week in November for hunting season, and a hockey tournament in Canada for Kaylynn.

I still don't know my plans for Halloween though......


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I just wanna get close to you. Taste your love so sweet. I just wanna make love to you....feel your body heat." Whitsnake - Still Of The Night

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6822518/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6822518/ Thu, 20 Oct 2005 19:59:30 PDT Song Of The Day: Three 6 Mafia - Stay Fly [link]




So I went to the Franklin vs. Churchill game. Well when I was in summer school, I met this guy Mark. Mark and I were friends with benifits. Almost to the point where we were dating. We were so close to during this past summer. To make a long story short.......he went upnorth and was talking to this one chick, and he's known her for almost his whole life, and he starts dating her.....leaving me in the dark. Then he just changed, he no longer smiled like he used to, he never called me, like he used to. He made no contact with me, unless I made the effort to talk to him. He goes to Churchill and plays football. So my high school, Franklin, was playing his high school, Churchill tonight. Well he didn't even say hi to me before the game, so Emily and I had to go over to his side and scream his last name out. He waved and said hi to Emily, because she sorta knows him....but he's known me longer, and didn't even acknowledge that I was fuckin' standing next to her. Then I tried talking to him after the game, and he didn't even acknowledge that I was there. I'm just upset, because I still like him, but he broke up with his girlfriend that he had over the summer.....and I wasn't even sure that he had one. I'm just pissed off. So I'm going to charge my not working cellphone to get the number, and call his ass. I'm just upset, and sad really. I don't know, I guess that I just want it how it used to be, but I highly doubt that. I just seriously need to get out of this house and do something to forget whatever happened between Mark & I. But I can't seem to let him go just yet, not until he tells me that he doesn't want anything to do with me. I just need to hear that from his mouth.


Well I haven't went over Matt & Brandy's since we busted his bronco. They're going to go camping to celebrate Risa's birthday, which is LB's (little brian) girlfriend.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Sensation washes over me, I can't describe it.A thing I left so long ago, I don't remember." Disturbed - Remember

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6804147/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6804147/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:36:15 PDT

Well my fucking power went out yesterday, so we had to go over Dean's house to spend the night. It was cold as hell, and I had nothing to do. Before that, I got bored, sat on my bed topless and took some pics. And NO I didn't take any of my tits....though I attempting to, with no results. Carrie came over yesterday also, we got bored....went over Matt & Brandy's....but we left before Tommy fucked up Richard, which is Brandy's mom's crackhead boyfriend. Dorais, which is Brandy's mom's name...kicked Tommy out of the house. Well Tommy used to live there, and had nowhere to go. Dorais cut Tommy off of the lease on her house, and kicked Tommy out of the house. So Tommy and his dad go to kick the fuck out of Richard. Well, Richard just got out of jail not even a month ago, and he starts shit with everybody, so he deserved to get his ass kicked, he had it coming. So Richard got pretty fucked up......and Carrie and I leave as soon as this shit starts. Though we were both anticipating it.

Then today, Matt, Little Brian, Big Brian and Will were throwing the crowbar at Matt's bronco tailgate...because we were soo fucking bored and there was nothing else to do, plus he was getting a new tailgate anyway. So all the guy's were throwin it at the tailgate, and Matt has an older bronco that you can take the top off of. So Matt and Will take the top off, exposing the interior of the Bronco. Well the guy's are throwing the crowbar at it, but Matt kept telling the guys "Don't throw it too hard, I don't want that windshield broke." So all the guys are careful with the Bronco. Well the first time Matt throws the crowbar at the Broco, the crowbar goes right through the tailgate, and got stuck. So we were all laught, because Big Brian was trying to poke the crowbar into it earlier, and Matt gets it on one throw. The second time Matt throws it, he rock chips the windshield. We all said, "It's ok, it's no big deal it's just a small chip." The whole windshield was new, no knicks or anything. Well Matt keeps throwing it at the tailgate, denting it. The last time, Matt throws it the last time, the crowbar bounces off of the backseat, and nails into the fuckin' front winshield....spidercracking and spiderwebbing the windshield. I swear, the whole fucking windshield is busted now. We all start bustin' out laughing at what just happened, but Matt's just standing there, looking at the windshield. Then he gets pissed and starts bitching at everybody saying, "You're just laughing because it's not your car." Well we're all laughing because: A. He's a fucking dumbass for throwing it in the first place B. He all told us not to throw it, and yet he still did it with us C. We all warned him not to after he rock chipped it. So now, he needs a new windshield.....and everytime I think about it, I still laugh.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Baby girl take your time, please don't rush and go. I can't ever let you leave. I can't let you go." Pretty Ricky - Never Let You Go


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6775533/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6775533/ Sat, 15 Oct 2005 14:24:29 PDT Favorite Color: black or red
Favorite Food: hummus and pita bread
Favorite Band: too many to name
Favorite Movie: death to smoochy
Favorite Sport: football
Favorite Season: winter
Favorite Day Of the Week: Friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: orange sherbert and vanilla
Favorite Time of Day: night
Favorite Saying: What the fuck?


9 Currents...
Current Mood: horny.....hmmm wonder why?
Current Taste: chicken strips with bbq sauce
Current Outfit: black yoga pants, goin' commando, beige pushup bra, black tshirt
Current Desktop: black background with a bleeding neon purple rose
Current Toenail Color: red
Current Time: 5:13 pm
Current Sounds: music that I'm listening to, my dishwasher
Current Annoyance(s): not getting any on sweetest day, because I don't have a bf
Current Thought: what the hell is this?

8 Firsts...
First Best Friend: carrie
First Screen name: can't remember
First Pet: a bear creek plot dog named duke
First Piercing: my first holes in my ear
First Crush: can't remember
First Music: some shitty pop music, I think it was hansen
First Car: a totatly customized 67 trans am
First Tattoo: none yet, but I plan to change that soon


7 Lasts.....
Last Cigarette: not even 20 min. ago
Last Drink: alcoholic-last fri non alcoholic-right now
Last Car Ride: going home from mejier's
Last Kiss: I kissed my mom on the cheek
Last Movie Seen: amitiville horror, the new one
Last Phone call: amanda
Last CD Played: pretty ricky - blue stars

6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: yes, still am
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes, quite a few times
Have You Ever Been Arrested: yes, in canada and in the states
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: yes
Have You Ever Been on TV: WHAT??? I TOLD YOU THAT THOSE PORNS WERE NOT ME!!! I SWEAR!!
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: yes, and I've made out with them too

5 Things....
Things You Did Last Night: I've been a bad kittie
Things You Can Hear Right Now: my music and the dishwasher
Things You Can't Live Without: Music, my computer, carrie
Things You Do When Your bored: go online,read, or draw
Things that Annoy You: alot of shit annoys me

4 Places You've Been To
1. canada
2. upper penninsula of Michigan
3.
4.

3 People You Can Tell Anything To... (without getting offended)
1. carrie
2. brandy
3. my mom


2 Choices...
Black or White: black
Hot or Cold: cold, I hate hot weather...I'd rather be freezing my ass off then sweating it off. I do have a nice ass you know

1 Wish...
That I would know why my dad abused me for so many years, and why he doesn't know why he doesn't love me


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6759577/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6759577/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 16:59:21 PDT -- Full Name: Karen Dianna Donaldson
-- Nicknames: Kay-ren, Kittie, Bitch, Stupid Ho
-- Birthdate: August 3, 1990
-- Eye Color: brown, almost black
-- Hair Color: black, soon to be with bright red underneath
-- Zodiac Sign: Leo

-----------------DESCRIBE------------------
-- The shoes you wore today: black and red k-swiss
-- Your eyes: not knowing what to do, eventually getting watery
-- Your weakness: I can't stop the abuse, and I'm kicking myself in the ass....wishing that it would stop
-- Your fears: dying from physical abuse

-----------------WHAT IS------------------
-- Your most overused phrase online: lmfao
--The first feature you notice in the opposite/same sex: Eyes, body?
-- Your best physical feature?: My ass, and legs
-- Your greatest accomplishment: I wish not to say
- Your most missed memory: having dogs, I still cry sometims, I miss Rusty and Mr.Allen
-
----------------YOU PREFER------------------

-- Pepsi or coke: Wild Cherry Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Harvey's in Canada, best damn steak burgers around in Canadia
-- Single or group dates: group dates, more fun
--Adidas or Nike?: Addias I guess
--Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino, caffine all the way
-- panties/thongs: thongs, but I usually wear g-strings

-----------------DO YOU------------------ --
-- Swear: I swear like a motherfuckin' sailor, actually worse
-- Take a shower everyday: mhmmmmm
-- Have a crush?: nope
-- Do you think you've been in love?: at one time
-- Want to go to college: yes, to get a fine arts degree
-- Want to get married: sure, why not
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: yes
-- Get motion sickness?: if I'm drunk, then maybe
-- Think you're attractive: sometimes
-- Get along with your parents: just my mom, I'm never going to have a relationship with my father....not ever
-- Like thunderstorms:yes, they're fun
-- Play an instrument?: Nope

------------IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU--------------
-- Smoked: Yes
-- Done a drug: reefer!!!!
-- Gone to the mall: nope
-- Eaten sushi never
-- Been on stage: yeah, to an underground concert
-- Gone skating: yes
-- Been in love: nope
-- Dyed your hair? yes
-- Stolen anything: yeah, a gauge from Eternal Tatoos
-

----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------

-- Flown on a plane: yes, in my uncles

-- Missed school because it was rainin: i miss school anyway

-- Cried during a movie?: um yes actually

-- Ever thought an animated character was hot? nope

-- Had an imaginary friend: i hear voices does that count, nad yes....his&her name was boberella

-- Cut your hair: nope

-- Had crush on a teacher?: yeah

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes, strip poker

-- Gotten beaten up: just by my dad

-- Been in a fight: all the time, I'm such a scrapper, the last girl went into the hospital for it

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------
-- what age you hope to be married: no idea
-- kids names for girls: danni or ryan
-- How do you want to die?: overdose
-- What do you want to be when you grow up?: a tattooist
--what countrys do you want to visit?: spain, or france

---------------OPPOSITE/SAME SEX-------------------
-- Best eye/hair color: eyes- green or brown hair-
-- Best weight: Healthy, not too thin and not fat. NOT MUSCLY THATS GROSS

-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------

-- Number of drugs taken illegally? hmmm i had to count.....

-- Number of people I could trust with my life: two

-- Number of tattoos: None yet!
-- Number of times your name has appeared in a newspaper: i dont know enough with the accident

-- Number of scars on my body?: visible? i cant count that high

-- Number of things in my past that I regret and why? i regret the majority of my life
----------------FAVORITES------------------ --
-- Shampoo: coloursafe
-- Day/Night night
-- Summer/winter: well i like cold
-- Fave Food: hummus and pita bread

----------------RIGHT NOW-------------- -
-- Wearing: a little red shirt, tight black yoga pants, see-thru black lacy bra, and a black & pink g-str... ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6739351/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6739351/ Tue, 11 Oct 2005 13:02:31 PDT ME first, not anybody else. I don't put myself last, I never do. Call me selfish, call me a bitch, but I come first before anybody else, then whomever I care for comes next....like my friends and such.

I don't think that Hallowicked is on anymore, since I guess I can't really hold any type of relationship with any normal person. But, I'm still going to party on Devil's night, get arrested, then go out trick-or-treating. Hehehe, I'm such a bad kitty. Breakin' the law....all the damn way.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hand." 50 Cent - Candy Shop


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6668687/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6668687/ Mon, 03 Oct 2005 12:49:56 PDT
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Well Carrie went home early, right before first hour. So I didn't see her all day long, which sucked. I fell asleep in my geometry class after I took notes. That class seriously is sooo fucking boring. No wonder why I have a C in it. I also found out my spanish grade, which I also have a C in. I'm soooo fucking pissed at my spanish grade and my geo grade. Otherwise, I have all A's in my other classes.

I seriously have to talk to Tommy though.......I was drunk on Friday night, and I was talking to Amanda in the bathroom while she was taking a shower. He was fucking evesdropping in on our conversation about him. I honestly don't think that I'm ready for a relationship. I only knew him not even 2 days before I started dating him. The second day I knew him, he asked me out. I was sooo fucking high when he asked me, so I said yes. I hardely know him, and he's more experienced with this shit than I am. I really really really have to talk to him. I was really talking to Amanda about this shit, and he fucking heard me. Then he goes up to everybody, asking them why I'm talking shit about him!! I wasn't talking shit about him, I was confidying in my friend amanda about this shit. And he went behind my back and said this shit about me. I can't deal with it. I really really really need to talk to him. This isn't good at all.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You took my life that I used to live." Tim McGraw - Do You Want Fries With That?

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6637033/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6637033/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 18:46:56 PDT Song Of The Day: [link] Foxtrot Charlie Kilo - Bloodhound Gang

I love that song. Such a dirty song, especially the lyrics....I started laughing my ass off when I heard it.

Well my dad's an asshole, then again....what's new? Kaylynn, Kenny and I have to go over to his house in 2 weekends. That's going to be fun. Then he wants to give my school pics to Jennifer. I don't know if it's true or not, but still. Her daughter, Joanna, or some shit, is starting to say shit about me and my family. WRONG person to fuck with. I swear, if her or her little gay ass brother Dougie EVER fuck with me, or anybody in my family, they both, will get a good ass kicking. Which would be me mopping the floor with both of them. I don't give a shit if they fucking suspend me, I already asked my mom if it was ok....and she said that she didn't give a shit. Because my mom heard the shit they're saying about her. So I have her personal permission to kick her ass, meaning joanna's. I can't wait, I need to get this frustration that was building up for the longest of times.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You've become a memory, that I can't live without." - George Strait = A Fire I Can't Put Out


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6610236/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6610236/ Mon, 26 Sep 2005 17:39:58 PDT Song Of The Day: [link]



In other news, I'M GOING TO HALLO-FUCKIN-WICKED!!!!

I'm soooo fucking bored, I just downloaded some shit for Kenny's friend James. He's got the ultimate songs on there. James is the shit.....he's also letting me borrow his mp3 player too. Hehehe

Well, I'm sooo fucking stoked about Hallowicked. I'm sooo excited!! Well, I'm sick....which sucks cock, because I was out in the fucking rain this whole past weekend for Kenny's football games, and then walking home from Brandy & Tommy's.

I hope that you guys read my latest prose, it's quite interesting indeed. Well I've got some homework to finish, some people to talk to, some reservations to make.....Homecoming is on Saturday!!!!! Whooo Hooo!!!! Me and my posse are going to crash it! Hehe, yeah I know, bad bad Kittie.....well I can't help it, it's in my instincts to do so.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You're always searchin', searchin' for a feeling. But its easy come and easy go. I'm sorry but it's true...you're bringin on the heartache, takin' all the best of me. Oh can't you see...You're bringing on the heartache, bringin' on the heartache. you're bringing on the heartbreak, can't you see?" Def Leppard = Bringing On The Heartbreak

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6598012/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6598012/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 11:05:17 PDT song of the day: [link]


Well I love that song. It makes you want to seriously dance your ass off.

Well I'm going to Hallowicked!!!! The best fucking concert ever!! ESHAM!! ICP!!! TWIZTED!!!!! omg.....*drools* awsome. I got free tickets!! I'm going to go with my bf tommy, and I'm not sure who else. But Jenny is going. Juggalettes what what!! *laughs* Anyways.....

Well besides that, I'm pissed off at Joey, as usual. He decided to take Jennifer's kids (Joey's gf is jennifer). Her daughter...I think her name is Joann, or however you fucking spell it, I can't stand her. My dad is like, do you know so and so? I was like ummm no? HE FUCKING TAKES THEM TO KAYLYNN'S HOCKEY GAME TODAY!!!! Although Jennifer wasn't there, it still pissed me off to NO other. I can't stand her daughter......I knew who she was, and I wanted to pound her fucking face in. GRRR!!! I can't stand them. Then to top it all off.......he buys them McDonald's. $25 dollars worth of food. He can go and buy some bitch's kids' food, but he won't even give my mom the money for us? I'm sorry, but Dean (if you don't know, is my mom's bf) HE had to go and buy me tampons about a week ago, because my own fucking father "didn't have money". The poor guy, Dean, I've known him for almost a year now, and he's been more of a father to me this past year than my fucking dad has in all of my life. Which is sad....

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Tear a hole, so I can my devastation." Disturbed - Remember

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6532113/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6532113/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 20:50:44 PDT

Well anyway, I've been a bad girl. Kaylynn, Kenny, and Kenny's friend James and I were throwing ice cubes and eggs at houses and cars, especially our neighbors. My mom's over Dean's house, probably going to beat the hell out of Dean's ex-wife for saying shit about her. Hehe, go mommy. Yeah, then I threw an egg at a neighbor's car, and the alarm started going off.....and yet miracously the cops haven't caught us yet. Go us!!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I gotta take it, oh it's heartbreakin'. I'ts somethin that I had to do. But nobody said that it would hurt so bad." Frankie J - How To Deal

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6497248/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6497248/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:34:49 PDT
I found out some useful things from Dean though. He told me that I should eventually forgive what my dad did to me, and forgiving doesn't neccessarily mean forgetting. Yesterday, packets where given out about class rings. My ring is/was to be about $350 dollars, or $400. Depending on if I want cubic zerconia or diamonds....and I want diamonds. Well when I got home today, he was pissed because on Friday, I was supposed to go over his house to re-put some pictures on a cd-r for him. The first time I did it, the fucking pics came out blurry, so I was "supposed to" redo it. And I wasn't going to, and he's still pissed off about it. So this morning, my mom was talking to my dad, and they agreed that he would put my ring charge on his credit card, and my mom would imburse him, her half of the ring. So it was even.

I get home today, I call his stupidass.....thinking that I would "negotiate" with him. But did that happen?? HELL NO!! In perfect Joey fashion, he bitches me out. Telling me that he pays for my softball all the time, and I never go over there and help him out with the shit that he needs done. When he can perfectly get up off his stupid ass and do it himself. Then he tells me that I never talk to him at all, and that whenever I want something....I go and talk to him. Well I guess that he's too stupid to realize that I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM. He tells me that he's very pissed at me, because I "hurt him so much." BULLLSHIT.....I hurt him??? I hurt him!!??? He is total oblivious to the fact that he's been beating my mom and I around for the past fifteen fucking years!!! And I dissappoint him??? Sure, whatever dad.

Then he fucking brainwashes Kenny and Kaylynn (little brother, 13 and little sister,12) He has Kaylynn telling me that I'm the outcast of the familiy, that I won't amount to anything. Hmmmm sounds like Joey, doesn't it?? She tells me that he won't pay for my college (which I expected) and that he won't pay for my car (which also isn't new). He has Kaylynn and Kenny played against my mom and I. They think that he's the greatest thing that fucking happened to them. When they won't open their eyes and see that he fucked up.....first with my mom....then I. I don't love him, I never did. He wasn't even a father, he was just somebody that payed the bills whenever he felt like it, occasionally gave me food, and provided me temporary shelter. He was never there, not at all. I really don't even know if he loves me or not....and if he does, then does beating me sound like some way to show that? And beating is NO EXCUSE WHATSOVER.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You don't know what you've put me through
It's okay, i've forgiven you
But in some way, hope it fucks with you
Hope it fucks with you." Staind - Yesterday

♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6485267/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6485267/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 12:26:49 PDT 2...serious or funny? funny most of the time, I can be serious when I want to
3...boxers or briefs? neither.....I wear thongs
4...drink whole or skim milk? skim

****ARE YOU****
5...single or taken? single.....fuck yes
6...simple or complicated? both

****DO YOU PREFER****
8...flowers or angels? flowers
9...grey or gray? gray is a guy's name, not a fucking color
10...colour or black n white photos? black and white, the world in color is just to devastating
11...lust or love? used to be in love, but lust is nice for now
12...sunrise or sunset? doesn't matter
13...M&Ms or skittles? m&Ms
14...rap or rock? Rock
15...staying up late or waking up early? staying up late
17...calling it POP or SODA? pop
18...using Xz or Os in Tic-Tac-Toe? X's
19...water or alcohol? alcohol
20...eating apples or grapes? Apples

****ANSWER TRUEFULLY****
21...Do you have a crush? yes
22...Who is it? Jerry, but I don't know if he's interested

***ONCE AGAIN, DO YOU PREFER****
23...being hot or cold? cold
24...tall members of opposite sex? tall for a guy, short for a girl
25...sun or moon? I like the moon
26...emeralds or rubies? rubies, I like the red color
27...left or right? Right.
28...having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? depends on the person
29...sun or rain? rain is more fun
30...vanilla or chocolate ice-cream? chocolate all the way
31...boys or girls? both!
33...low fat or fat free? neither

****MISCELLANEOUS****
34...What is your biggest fear in the world? my dad
35...Kids or no kids? kids all the way
36...Cat or dog? dog, I like dogs
37...Half empty or half full? half empty
38...Mustard or ketchup? neither
39...Hard cover books or soft cover books? hard
40...newspaper or mag? mag
41...Sandals or sneakers? sandals
42...Wonder or amazement? Amazement
43...Red car or white car? Red, white is shit
44...Happy and poor or sad and rich? rich, buy it all bitch!
45...Singing or dancing? both
46...Hugging or kissing? kissing
47...Corduroy or plaid? plaid....I'm such a goth girl
48...Purple or green? green
49...Blondes, brunettes or red heads? brunetts

****TELL US ABOUT YOU****
50...What time is it now? 3:04 pm
51...Name? Karen
52...nickname? Kittie, Bitch
53...Parents name? Joseph(bastard or asshole) Carmelita
54...Names of siblings? Kenny & Kaylynn
55...age of siblings? 13, 12
56...Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? 15
57...Date that you regularly blow them out? August 3rd
58...Pets? none
59...Height? Something like 5' 10"
60...Eye colour? brown almost black
61...Hair colour? Black with red underneath and tips
62...Piercing(s)? 3x in the earlobe, 1x cartilage, but I want my lip and eyebrow done

****HAVE YOU EVER****
63...been toilet papering? fuck yes, all the time on Devil's night
64...Where do you want to live? somewhere cold
65...How many kids you want? 2
66...What kind of job you want? be a tattooist
67...Do you want to get married? someday.

****WHO****
68...makes you laugh the most? Megan
69...is the shyest? Jenny
70...is the most outgoing? carrie (bitch)
71...is the most fun to be round? all of my friends
72. Knows the most about you? carrie
73...Has it easier-guys or girls? MEN, of course we do....us women have it the hardest

****WHICH IS BETTER****
74...Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons
75...2 doors or 4 doors, cars? 4 on a pickup bitches
76...Mr Pibb or Dr Pepper? dr pepper
77...Coffee or ice cream? ice-cream
78...Shampoo or conditioner? conditioner
79...Bridges or tunnels? bridges
80...One pillow or two? 2
81...Adidas or Nike? adidas

****FAVOURITES****
82...Salad dressing? ranch dressing
84...Toothpaste? who gives a shit?
85...Food? venison stroganoff
86...Song of the moment? 305 - Pitbull w/ Lil Jon
87...Toothbrush? ummmm who cares?
88...Fave Subject in school? Spanish, english
89...Flowers? the thorned and bruised rose
90...colour? Red, black, navy
91...Alcohol drink? straight up absolut vodka, and shiraz
92...non-alcohol drink? Dr.Pepper
93...Sport to watch? american football
94...Country song? If The Whole World Was A Honkeytonk - George Strait
95...Disney character? tigger
96...Warner brothers? bugs bunny
97...Movies? Death To Smoochy, Mr.Deeds, Happy Gilmore
98...TV Series? House, Will & Grace
99...Books? Message In A Bottle - Nicholas Sparks, Jack &... ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6435936/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6435936/ Tue, 06 Sep 2005 19:48:48 PDT If I were a day in a week, I'd be: Friday
If I were a time, I'd be: Midnight, the time when night meets day
If I were a planet, I'd be: Pluto, far away from the rest of the galaxy
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: a shark
If I were a direction, I'd be: East, give me the cold
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A thorn in your ass
If I were a sin, I'd be: Desire
If I were a liquid, I'd be: alcohol
If I were a tree, I'd be: a dying one
If I were a plant, I'd be: rose, the thorns get you everytime
If I were a state of weather, I'd be: hail and rain
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: a violin, give me a sad, weeping tune
If I were an animal, I'd be: a cat
If I were a colour, I'd be: black as night, red as day
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: a carrot
If I were a sound, I'd be: a carnal kiss
If I were an element, I'd be: salt, put it in my wound
If I were a car, I'd be: a classic 67' vette, custom interior, black with red tribal airbrush, with a 450 underneath the hood
If I were a song, I'd be: Bringin' On The Heartbreak - Def Leppard
If I were a movie, I'd be: Resident Evil, kill the living dead
If I were a book, I'd be written by: Edgar Allen Poe
If I were food, I'd be: something poisonous
If I were a place, I'd be: a cold state, where it rains unhappy times, and lightening would sing you a tune of misery
If I were a number, I'd be: 666 or 69


♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6428626/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6428626/ Tue, 06 Sep 2005 03:02:35 PDT
Seven things that scare you:
1. My dad
2. Black people with guns
3. some bugs
4. don't
5. give
6. a
7. shit

Seven things you like the most:
(If I had a bf)
1. kissing
2. hugging
3. snuggling
4. drawing
5. listening to music
6. writing
7. sex?

Seven most important things in your room:
1. Bed
2. my red chili pepper lights
3. my collecter's item marylin monroe painting
4. my stuffed animals (yes, I STILL have stuffed animals)
5. my cd rack (which is awsome)
6. my jewelry box
7. (don't know what else)

Seven random facts about you:
1. I'm very affectionate
2. I love 80's rock
3. I get lonely really easy
4. I like heavy metal/rock, but I like some country music
5. I don't have a bf, though I wish that I do
6. I'm going to be getting a tattoo soon
7. I love writing, I plan on majoring in fine arts

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. see def leppard live
2. get married and raise a family
3. get my tattoos
4. love somebody without hurting again
5. leave and never look back
6. get my major in fine arts
7. be a tattooist some where along the line


Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. has to be affectionate like I am
4. can keep a conversation without trying so hard
5. taller than me (I'm 5'10")
6. not too fat, not too skinny
7. can smoke, but no drugs

Seven things you say the most:
1. fuck
2. mother fucker
3. pondejo (son-of-a-bitch in spanish)
4. leave me alone
5. what the fuck
6.
7.

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):
1. Angelina Jolie
2. catherine zeta-jones
3. salma hayek
4. billy idol
5. axl of GNR
6.
7.

Seven favorite drinks:
1. Water
2. vodka
4. dr.pepper
5. shiraz
6.
7.

Seven memorable cartoon shows you used to watch as a kid:
I swear to god. I was in love with the following shows:
1.
2.
3.
4. what kind of a fucking question is that??
5.
6.
7.

Seven people you want to tag this to:

answer if you want. ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6395568/ http://myemptybleedingheart.deviantart.com/journal/6395568/ Fri, 02 Sep 2005 08:50:12 PDT
1. male or female?

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it evens all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes out tomorrow, let her be

Let Her Cry - Hootie & The Blowfish

2. describe yourself.

Like a bad storm
I am falling down faster to her
She's the only
One who knows
What it is to burn

What It Is To Burn - Finch

3. how do you feel about your friends?

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you

Right Here - Staind

4. how do you feel about yourself?

I know I've been mistaken
but give me a break and see the changes that I made.
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?

Right Here - Staind

5. what would you rather be doing?



6. describe where you live.

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos- your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape

imaginary - evanescence

7. describe how you love.

How could you let somebody lay, where I layed
How could you give him everything, that we made
How could you call him all the names, that you used to call me?
How could you, how could you just forget about me?
How could you teach him, all the things I taught you?
How could you put him up to the ghetto karmasutra?
How could you put me in the back, and give him the front seat?
How could you, how could you just forget about me?

How Could You - Mario

8. Impart some words of wisdom

I ain't had no daddy around when I was growin' up
That's why I'm wild and don't give a fuck.

No Daddy - Teairra Mari



♥kItTiE♥ ]]> ~myemptybleedingheart