http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:noodle-soup&section=today deviantART RSS for by:noodle-soup en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:40:48 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/28443403/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/28443403/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:32:15 PST
looks like it's too late for me.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/27625944/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/27625944/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:38:06 PDT at the beggining i suppose :]

i hopped on the bus today, just out the rain, happy to relax and wait out my ride into Manukau, but ah, my plan was to be foiled by two men that were clearly unable to contain themselves from ruining my morning. once on the bus they proceeded to sit right behind me and begin to discuss thier previous jail sentences, and how one was still on home detention and the other had just got off and so had thier wife. one talked about his 5 children at home and the other talked about his 7 children at home, all of whom they could not support because it was "the governments fault". all the while i was sitting their praying silently i was not sitting infront of two ex-serial killers fresh out of jail.

really, why me?

on my ride home this afternnon, my plan to relax was foiled once more when this rather large man hopped on the bus and sat right behind me, talking loudly on his phone. now this, would have actually been enough to annoy the hell out of me. but, alas, it gets worse. he then proceeded to talk to some woman on the other end of the phone about her 16 year old daughter and her dirty underwear. i know, right? this conversation about dirty underwear and proper toilet behaviour went on for about 10 minutes. i felt like turning around and saying 'really, do i need to be privy to this information?'

i don't know about you, but i dont like hearing aout dirty underwear, especially on a bus, especially when its coming from a large man on a cell phone.

now, i'm pretty sure, if there was a rulebook on how to behave on buses, it would not say "please, sit right behind the one girl on the bus who looks annoyed, and talk about jail and how the government wrecks your lives even though you probably don't get off your ass anyway. and also, if you have time, throw in 10 minutes worth of talk about dirty underwear.

really.

how was everyone else's day?

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/27256226/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/27256226/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:35:15 PDT no comments, no nothing

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25928808/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25928808/ Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:51:18 PDT when you feel like you've been
abandoned by everyone you love?

yeah, i don't have anyone left.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25873230/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25873230/ Sat, 11 Jul 2009 03:41:01 PDT i wish i knew how to tell the world.
i want to scream from rooftops even though i can't
i still miss my friend.
i hate him with all my heart.
i need to get out the hell out of here.
i would like you to save me.
i will wait forever for you.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25486807/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25486807/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:13:39 PDT i miss knowing who i am
i wish you knew how to trust me
i love talking to you but know i shouldn't
i can't count how many times i've cried over you
i want to have somewhere to belong
i wish you knew what this is like
i miss knowing the difference
i wish i knew what to do

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25486806/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/25486806/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:13:29 PDT i miss knowing who i am
i wish you knew how to trust me
i love talking to you but know i shouldn't
i can't count how many times i've cried over you
i want to have somewhere to belong
i wish you knew what this is like
i miss knowing the difference
i wish i knew what to do

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21872988/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21872988/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:49:20 PST
]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21776980/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21776980/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:19:34 PST
No comments, like, ever.

I miss talking to you guys, I miss your comments on my deviations, I miss you.

Where have you all gone to?
It's kinda sucking here on DA without having anyone ever talk to me anymore, or comment me at all.

What happened?
Did I start to suck or what?

Oh gosh, I'm an emo

But come on, guys.


I don't like it here anymore.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21606614/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21606614/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:28:49 PST Anyone else but you - Juno and Bleeker

Your part time lover and a full time friend,
The monkey on the back is the latest trend,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

Here is a church and here is a steeple,
We sure are cute for two ugly people,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage,
I want more fans, you want more stage,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

I'm always tryin to keep it real,
Now I'm in love with how you feel,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train,
I kiss you all starry eyed,
My body swings from side to side,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

The pebbles forgive me,
The trees forgive me,
So why can't,
You forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21348346/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/21348346/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:07:32 PST
I must say, I didn't follow the journey of Obama religiously, but I have been catching glimpses of his campaign in America and I have to agree with all that he stands for.

I watched the votes being counted on Prime wednesday night (NZ times) and I couldn't believe the amount of support that he had gained all along his campaign trail. I was amazed and I definately think that he deserved it.

I'm not American, nor do I live in America but the fact is that whatever happens in America is going to affect the rest of the world and I for one am ready to see a change in what is happening in this world.

So, congratulations Barack Obama, you are exactly what America, and this world, needs.

America is in dire need for change, and I'm confident in saying that they have finally found it.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/20661626/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/20661626/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:46:42 PDT
1.No matter where you go or who you become I'll always love you, but it is because of this, that I can't be who you need me to be.

2.I find myself in my words but I find that I can't write when you are gone.

3.I realised that I truly know that I like someone, when I begin to write about them.

4.I'd like to turn off my thoughts so I can live without you for a while, and then turn them back on so I can breathe again.

5.I can't forget that night and I know you can't either and I don't know what to do about that.

6.I deserve better than what you can offer me.

7.I'm terribly alone and I'm just fine with that.

8.Don't tell me that I'm too opinionated. I will be passionate about whatever I damn well please.

9.Your smile just may be the best thing I've ever seen and I'm just going to have to get over that.

10.Please don't let me fall behind.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/19924948/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/19924948/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 22:15:37 PDT

Its one of those days you wish
You could get in a car and drive until
The gas runs out,
Bury yourself under your sheets,
Drown your face in the pillow,
Scream until your lungs blow out,
Turn up the music till it
Drowns out your thoughts,


You know,

One of those sick and tired of life kind of days.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/18864970/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/18864970/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:48:34 PDT
Ho hum.

It has indeed been a while since I have updated my journal.

What has happened since my last entry hmm?

Well. Firstly I'll start with school, which has been going alright. I had mock exams last week and got an excellence in dram, excellence and merit in both history and english and two merits in classics. I'm still waiting on my results from my media studies class. But all in all I think i did damn well.

Uhm. Things are funny, you know, like life and such things as inconvenient as that. Funny things happen like two partys two night in a row with your boyfriends mate who are all a tad like "I liiike you" and I'm liiiiiiiike "No" you know? But theyre cool. And they guy who was like I liiiike you, has fuggered off and i'm quite happy about that.

Ugh. Boyfriends are also funny too. But we won't get into that, I could be here all night complaining.

Hmm. Things aren't so great at the moment, Stress is coming at me from all sides and I'm just exhausted in every single way. It's like this constant pain that sits in my chest reminding me that no matter what I do, I must not enjoy it. Atleast that's the way it seems.

I've had a few breakdowns, only due to stress from school, home, friends, boyfriend, life you know. It's hard.

It's hard to feel like you're older than what you are portrayed to be. Like you are ten years older than your face shows, it's kind of like you're lieing to the world and to yourself, by wearing this face that does not suit your mental age or personality. I don't feel like me in this body. I feel to old to be this young.

I guess it comes with experiences that I never wanted to grow through.

Hmph. Randoms thoughts have ended.

I like the new jounral layout by the way. (or BTW for all your IM freaks ;])

Gotta love ya.
Shon :]

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17984706/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17984706/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:06:44 PDT
It's like I've fallen into somebody else's life and I'm just waiting for somebody to yell 'April Fools!' or something like that, like it's all not real.

I'm happy, and it's crazy, because 4 weeks back, I would never have thought that this would be happening to me.


I'm writing when I can, about whatever comes to mind, but I've been so busy lately that I am tremendously happy to be on break, and just realaxing an hanging out.

I'm going out shopping tomorrow with my mate, were going to be looking for ball dresses! Our school ball is on June 21st, And I can barely wait, even though the theme is winter wonderland ...I know.


I'm quite worried about one of my friends, life has gone downhill for him lately but he refuses help or positive thinking, and I'm at a loss for what to do. It's hard because when I stop to think about it, I can barely keep from crying. I'm afraid he might do something stupid.


Things are changing and it's great, but I'm worried that I'm leaving a bit of myself behind me, even though, that might not be the worst thing in the world.


I'm waiting for the crash, though I pray it's never going to happen.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17788762/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17788762/ Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:19:58 PDT
I managed to get a boyfriend..

Hahaha. It sounds soo funny to me because I just haven't had one in so long, but I'm happy =] Just thought I'd share it because you know, DA fam bam gotta share these things

I'm really hoping this lasts. I'm worried that it won't, only because it's hard to get to see eachother, but we talk on the phone pretty much every night. So thats good.

I think I'm getting somewhere good, guys. I'm happy.



Hope everyone is doing well.
And those who aren't, I'm here for you to talk to.

xx

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17608511/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17608511/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:18:16 PDT
Because I have thoughts running through me tha have no place to go, so they mus wind up her on this very page, saying nothing of importance, yet theyre not so insignificant, either.

I've started writing a story/book. I've tried writing a book before, but it's never quite gotten anywhere. But now, I have ideas coming every which way of out me, and this one might make it. I might be able to write enough for it to be a short story, i'm not so sure that it could be a book, but i will try.

In other news, I have become that person who is destroying somebody elses life. I have to stop, I can't just make myself happy, I can't think of only myself. I have to take the fal which means that someone else life will be a bit hapier, even though mine might not be. I guess it always happens that way. I find something that will give me a reason to be happy, and something gets in the way. There's no clear road to happiness.

Quote of this journal:

"I thought that was the party line.
I'm fine, you're fine,
If we don't admit that we're dying
Just a little bit every fucking day,
Everything'll be just hunky dory."

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17218159/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17218159/ Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:39:31 PST
Some things have hit me right bang smack in the face, but the bruises lay on the inside.

I guess I think some days that things couldn't get any better then this, and then the next, I'm rock bottom and I don't want to get up anymore. I'm sick of things falling straight down from the top, of being built up then broken down. I'm sick of living this way,

Some girls are so incredibly pathetic. People who think you're going to care when they hate you, when in reality, you couldn't care less. But then, how do know that you can trust the people you trust? You don't know who's talking to your face and stabbing you in the back at the same time. You don't know who comments your picture nicely and then is talking about badly the very next day. You don't know who smiles at you and says hello, when really theyre excahnging some silent joke with thier friend. You don't know. You just don't.

I feel like you have to pick your friends so much more carefully, but isn't that, in turn, saying that you can't trust anyone? And wouldn't that, just make you paranoid and end up with you not having friends? I hate it. I hate the fact that you really can't put your trust into people, even when you've known them for years.

Players. Liars. Cheats. I hate the players, hate the game. I don't understand the need to cheat on someone, to let someone believe that you are decent when really you are with a girl within the next hour of talking to them. Its crazy, the lengths men go to, to have four or fivegirls on the go at once, i mean, it must be exhausting right? I know I could never do it. Not that I'd ever want to. I don't want to be responsible for that kind of pain, and i dont undertand why men would want to be either. It's like, cheaters, go ahead, satisfy your sexual needs with three other women, just leave me out of it. They make you belive in them, when really they are playing you for a fool. I don't understand people who can hurt someone like that.

I'm beginning to think that love just doesn't exist anymore. Sorry to say it, but it's just not there for me. I'm 16 and I'm giving up on love, somebody prove me wrong.

Goodnight.

"And I'm gunna find happiness, even if I have to reach the bottom of each and every last one of these bottles."

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17066241/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17066241/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:04:01 PST sick of the way guys treat girls these days. Yeah, I know, you've heard it all before, but I don't care, because it's gotta stop.

Sometimes, I'll be talking with guy friends and they'll start talking about some girl or another and all I hear is "Man she's a mutt" and "How could you ever like her?" and I'm like excuse me? Did you just say what I think you said about a girl? Don't you have any effin respect for females in general?

I understand completely that first impressions are based solely on looks these days and that when you first meet a girl, you will decide instantly whether you could ever like her in that way. And that's fine, if you couldn't like her for various appearance flaws, then keep it to your effin self alright mate?

Every single person on this earth has a flaw. Not everyone can be as skinny or as pretty or as "perfect" as the models on the runway, but who ever said we should expect people to be clones? Not me, for sure. There are plenty of beautiful, caring and unique individuals in this world that you awful, ungrateful and disgusting males would be lucky to have.

I'm sick of hearing words like ugly, mutt and fat. An "ugly" woman to you, is beautiful to someone else, A woman that you once called a "mutt" will go on to marry a man far worthier of her than you ever would be, and a "fat" woman, is nothing less than a curvy, voluptuous and unique individual, and they all deserve respect.

Falling in love with a girl will never, ever be based solely on looks, because however much you may lust over a physically beautiful woman, you cannot love her untill you know her and actually appreciate the person that she is inside.

Do you, the idiots of the male population, know why some womans self esteem is so low? Do you know why some woman drink themseleves to death to forget that you don't love them for who they are? Do you know that, if only given the chance, a woman that you call "ugly" could be so much more than the label you have placed upon her?

I sincerely hope that every woman finds herself someone to love her, cherish her and worship her for who she is, not what she looks like. And I hope, that men will stop treating women so badly, and finally give them the respect they deserve.

If you guys out there would give girls a chance to be the person they are on the inside then that beauty will show through to the outside and you will finally understand me when I say that Every woman is beauitful.

Every Single One



[[Note: I respect the fact that many people will have different opinions about wha i've written here, and please, feel free to write them down for me to read But please don't think i'm writing from a steriotypical bitches point of view here, because I know that some women treat men just as badly as some men treat women, and i don't defend the women's actions. I wrote this from my point of view, about the girls who are genuinely nice to guys and are treated badly in return. Just thought I'd point out that I understand what others have said and respect their opinions, but it's just what I thought, Thank you ]]

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17050828/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/17050828/ Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:15:16 PST
I guess we'll start with school.

Which is going pretty gay. I love english yet I come back to school to find i've got some old bag taking my class, who talks at us rather than with us and expects us not to know anything when we are one of the top english classes. She has a monotone voice and doesn't stop talking, and doesn't take very kindly to being bummed out, which she deserves. Love Drama too, have an awesome drama teacher and yet have one stupid bitchy girl in my class, that hates me for no reason and refuses to work with me when our teahcer puts us into groups. I don't want to work with her but I'm there for drama, I'm there to further my skills in drama, not to sit and be petty and not work with someone. Her problem is that she thinks shes better than everyone, shes got a very high opinion of herself, that one. I hate people like that.

Hmm. Some guys. Well, the majority are disgusting sex-crazed morons, but I didn't expect him to be. Its weird the way people suprise you sometimes, some of them act fantastic, treat you perfectly then the next minute they are just all over you. I mean, be a gentleman, in every sense of the word. They need to calm the heck down.

I've been home feeling sick today, was up most of the night feeling yuck then woke up this morning and didn't want to get out of bed. Sucks because I missed Media Studies, which sucks coz it's my favourite class. But oh well. I guess i'll have to go tomorrow, which I don't really feel like doing, but I guess i can't stay away forever, no matter how bad I feel.

I haven't written much lately, have a lot of things running through my head but I just haven't found my voice. It's like theres too much going on for me to siphon off one thing to write about.

Regular family and friends and guy nonsense going on. Don't think I'm ever really going to escape any of it. Like I wrote to Hayley the other week. Life is highschool and one will never escape it. I think you're delusional if you think that you will ever be rid of bitchy friends, nasty rumours, and cheating guys. However hard one may wish to be.

I don't like txting much anymore, though it has become a neccessary part of my day. Its so informal and unsocial. I wish I could just talk to a guy face to face, instead of txt to txt. Its like i'm losing personal contact with people. I don't like it.

I'll leave you with a quote.

"I want someone, who won't care that I hate wearing shoes, that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning, and I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that half the decision I make are usually ones I regret, and I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows how completely insane I am, and He wouldn't want me any other way." - Author Unknown.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16985372/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16985372/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:46:24 PST trying to upload my "Shout It Out" to DevArt and thats all fine and good but then it starts effing up!

It lets me load it then it tells me i have to upload a preview image? But wtf? Because I dont have an effing preview small enough for the deviation as the effing deviation itself is big.

I dont understand and i swear to God i will cry.

I just want to upload the bloody thing.

I dont undertand the preview image thing and if i upload a preview image it just comes up with the preview image not the actual deviation so please help me.

PLEASE HELP ME.

I'm going to go and break something.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16871168/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16871168/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:42:08 PST
Like relationships.

I give up, time and time again, so obviously I never really give up do I?

Ugh.

Valentines Day.

Dreaded words.

Why isn't there a National Singles Day?

Hmm?

What is so effing special about being in a relationship? Believe me, I am sincerely happy for you if you're in a relationship, but I am also extremely happy for you if you aren't, because You are special even if you dont have a significant other.

I know I am not alone in thinking this.

Since when do you have to be in love to happy? Or to be successful? Or to have a day dedicated especially to you?

I know i'm ranting, but fuck it, right. I've felt this way for years, this "holiday" is all sorts of wrong. Yes its fucking fabulous if you're loved and in love, but why is it that there is a day to celebrate this and yet there is no day to celebrate being a successful, beautiful, intelligent single person?

I've noticed that I'm barely recognised by name by people I meet, I say my name and the reply I get is "Oh you're so and so's ex right?" Since when am I identified as somebody elses discarded property? Since when am I not my own effing person that doesn't need to be recognised as somebodys girlfriend?

Because I am. I am successful, powerful and beautiful. And I wish that there was a day to recognise the power behind singledom aswell as having a day to celebrate couples.

When do I get to be celebrated?

When do the singles of this world get to be recognised for who they are?

And since when do you have to be somebodys to be someone?

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16857335/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16857335/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:42:10 PST
N E E D

M O R E

T H A N

T H I S

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16557051/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16557051/ Thu, 24 Jan 2008 19:12:54 PST
1) Full Name: Shontelle. Indeed.

2) Male/Female: Feline... I mean, Female.

3) Were you named after anyone?: No..

4) Does your name mean Anything?: Probably, but am not bothered to look it up on google or whatever at this point in time. If you're so interested.. look it up youself. Goh.

5) Nick Name(s): Shonnie, ShonShon, Dorcas, Cheese. Probably more but I don't remember.

6) What do you think you look like... name wise: How can you look like something name wise? Thats insane. Howevever after concluding I am insane, name wise I look like a cheese pizza.

7) Date Of Birth: 1st September. [ The date that 'Arry Pottah [British accent..?] goes back to Hogwarts, how fantastic ]

8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Middlemore Hospital and It's-A-Secret Land.

9) Nationality: NZ European.

10) Astrology Sign: Virgo

11) Chinese Astrology Sign: Do I know? Do I care? No.
Yes. I do. I just spent five minutes looking it up. Its a... Goat apparently? .. I wish I din't know. I don't want it to be a goat. Dumb Goat. Humph.

12) Religion: No

13) What’s your favorite smell?: Meatball Pizza. Nummmmm

14) Political Position?: Kick George Bush outta office. But then again, I don't live in Zamerica. [I say things weirdly in my head, leave me alone] So for New Zeland.. Labour..?

15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?: Anything.. That is preferably cold..?

16) Hair + Eye colour: Hair, Naturally blonde then dyed brown, faded to ginger, now is light light brown/dark dark blonde. Eyes, Blue/Grey/Green. They change.

17) Do you look like anyone famous?: Don't even ask.

18) What do you look like?: Me.

19) Any unusual talents?: I can click my hip/pelvis joints? I mean, the joint that is between the top of my leg and my pelvis. Whatever joint that is, i can click it. On both legs.

20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: Righty.

21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: All of the above. What? What'd you say? I can't be all of the above... Damnit this is making me very upset. Straight, in less words.

22) What do you do for a living?: Not a lot. Dog grooming, once a week. Oh my.. I accidentally typed in "God grooming" up there before rectifying my mistake. I don't think he needs grooming..?

23) What do you do for fun?: You can only imagine.

24) What are your favorite art materials to work with?: Pen

25) What kind of materials would you like to work with?: I'd like to be able to draw.

26) Have you met your grandparents?: Indeed.

27) Boyfriend/Girlfriend: None

28) Crush: None-ish.

29) What celebrity would you date if you could?: Johny depp. No question.

30) Current worries?: Not getting enough sleep.

31) Favorite online Guy/Girl(s): Girls, Lauren and Maryanne =]

32) Favorite place to be?: Jesses.

33) Least favorite place to be?: Wherever participation in sport is neccessary.

34) Do you burn or tan?: Burn, then tan.

35) Ever break a bone?: Toe and finger.

36) What is your favorite cereal?: Honey Puffs. But then get sick of them and never eat more than a quarter of the box. I wonder why mum won't buy me them anymore.

37) Person you cry with: Myself. Atleast I try anyway.


Do You Have...

38) Any sisters: 1

39) Any brothers: 1

40) Any pets: Maxi. Fluffy. Sebastian/Scuttle/Flounder/Ariel..? Whatever one of those fish that didn't die. Big Bunny - Oz. Little bunny - Has no name.

41) An Illness: Mental.

42) A Pager: No

43) A Personal phone line: No

44) A Cell phone: Tis Pink

45) A visible birthmark: Two.

46) A Pool or hot tub: I wish

47) A Car: Nope

Describe Your...

48) Personality: Changing.

49) Driving: No liscence.

50) Your clothing style: People say I wear pretty, like Glam, tops.

51) Room: Mess. Pigsty. Horrible. Love it.

52) What’s missing: Light and money.

53) School: Year 12 this year.

54) Bed: Box, you mean?

55) Relationship with your parent(s): ...

56) Do you believe in yourself: Most of the time.

57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: Lust at first sight.

58) Consider yourself a good listener: What'd you say, sorry? .. No, Yes ofcourse I am.

59) Have a future dream that you would like to share?: Hmm.. Wait I know! Television!! I... ]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16515387/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16515387/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 02:44:52 PST
Stuck between feelings that I rarely get and feelings that are with me all the time.

Stuck between one side of life and another.

Stuck between two males that are just.. argh I can't even talk about it.


In other words there is no point to this journal whatsoever.

Why are even reading this?

Why am I even writing this?


I'm really angry right now. Some males are just irrational carnal perverted jerks that need to stop treating women like objects and start treating them like people, with feelings and personalitys and that they aren't just there to look pretty and do whatever men expect them to do.

I am not an object of lust.

I don't deserve that. No woman does.

Thank you, for listening to my rant, if anyone is still reading this.

x.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16279796/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16279796/ Sun, 06 Jan 2008 02:03:23 PST
]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16217094/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16217094/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:34:41 PST
I'm home now, I was at my mates place for about 5 days and it was slightly better than being at home. Actually it was a lot better, with the exception of having thier oldest brother following me around. Its really getting to me. I'm just getting so angry its not funny.

Theres a lot going on.

Too much to handle.

I broke down on the first of January, the first day of the new year. I was at my friends place and just burst in to tears, which didn't help anyone much. I just told them what was going on. Which is just a whole lot of family and money stuff. I don't know if they understood, I do know that they care, and that was enough.

I just hate everything that is going on at the moment and I wish there was something I could do to fix it all, but I can't, I know that.

I would break into a rant and tell you all exactly every detail of what is going on in my life but I feel as if there isn't really much point right now.

Nothing is really going to help.

I said in my last journal, that this Journal was going to be a long one, but, after 4 nights of going to sleep past 2 in the morning and getting up before 10, I don't feel as if there is much that i can say.

Again, the feeling is empty, incomplete.

I want to go home, I just don't know where that is anymore.


x

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16197704/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16197704/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:29:48 PST
And so far it isn't looking up.


So far, i just feel.. empty, incomplete.

I don't really know why.

Maybe I expected life to change straightaway, maybe I expected the unexpected, maybe I expected too much.

I dont really know what to say but i will write an extra long journal tomorrow, when I'm at home and maybe feeling more in my own skin.

I wish One guy would leave me alone.

And I wish Another was around the cheer me up.

=[

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16114132/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/16114132/ Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:57:15 PST
A disaster, in other words.

This year, my sister and I drank on Christmas Day, to avoid the usual trivial bickering and fights about things long passed. And I think that we did avoid much of it, and maybe we succeeded for that moment in time.

But then came Boxing Day.

Where the fighting commenced between myself and my mother. For the umpteenth time about things that do not matter. And I am once again in a place where I do not want to live, yet have no place else to go.

Next year, I'm boycotting Christmas.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15965420/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15965420/ Sun, 16 Dec 2007 20:35:43 PST Its the holidays.

I want my exam results back, yet I have to wait another 3 or 4 weeks.
I may have failed a few things.
I would like to know if i have.

I got a job. Not much but its something.
I groom dogs for a living. Not much of a living at that.
Its fun though.
I worked for 6 hours straight yesterday.
And tomorrow my pay will be gone on christmas presents.

I worry too much.

Its Christmas in a week and one day.
I wish it wasn't.
Tis the Season to be fighting.
I do truely intend to be drinking on christmas day, Hayley, I was serious.
Seasons greetings?
We can't even find our christmas tree.
Thats what you get for moving 45 billion times.

You lose a lot of things.

Like the ability to enjoy days such as Christmas.

Like the will to even bother trying to enjoy days such as Christmas.

Yes, You lose a lot of things.

Like sanity.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15835132/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15835132/ Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:48:33 PST
That I think, Way too much.

That I should be allowed to walk around outside in my pajamas, without the neighbours looking at me.

That, said neighbour, should never call me 'Missy' unless he wants a whole 3 hours of me yelling at him.

That the MCR concert I went to on Thursday night, was beyond awesome.

That I am young, I am single and I am free, And that I should make the most of it.

That, even though that may be, I am still lonely.

That there is nothing worse than being alone when your friends are out on the town.

That security is one thing that I have never had.

That days like today are ones without meaning, except that of me writing whatever the hell i want to.

And I think I have a right to do that, no matter what anyone says.

And I think..

That some days I would like nothing more than to get up, pack nothing, walk out, and leave this life behind me.

And someday, I might just do that.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15784411/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15784411/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:58:10 PST
I'm really sick of trying so hard, and never getting what i desperately want. I don't ask for a lot. I only want to be happy, seems that happiness is hard to find these days. As is love.

There have been guys, nothing serious. One of them was a coward. Who gave up on me, which is because of, i'm very sure, his ex girlfriend. Well i didn't need that type of guy in my life anyway.

One of them is possibly the best guy i could have ever wanted, Hes sweet, hes nice and he actually cares about me. He is one of my best friends. He has standards, as any one would after things hes been through, And I meet up to all of them except one, i'm not a christian, which is a huge part of his life. And well, i completely understand it and i support the fact he has to choose that path for his life. And in no way does he want me to change for him, he told me himself he would never want me to change.

Its just like i knew it could have been good you know? Like we could have lasted.

Sigh.

Yes i know this is a completely love based journal.

But this is how i feel today, like the best has been taken away.

You don't have to comment, it matters not, I just wanted to tell someone, anyone. And that someone is anyone who reads this.

I'll probably delete this soon, depressing much?

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15556058/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15556058/ Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:20:10 PST
Breathe.

Don't freak out until you know whats going on.

Breathe slower.

Don't start fretting when he doesn't txt you back.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Don't get upset while waiting for him.

Stop breathing.

Don't punch walls.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15151227/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/15151227/ Sun, 21 Oct 2007 00:53:15 PDT Sometimes,

You just have to smile,

Pretend everything's okay,

Hold back the tears,

And just walk away...

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14948602/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14948602/ Sat, 06 Oct 2007 23:43:04 PDT
Right now, I'm so angry I could scream.

Right now, I'm so dissapointed at all the lies.

Right now, I'm alone and lonely.

Right now, They don't care.

Right now, this hurts.



Right now, I don't even know how to start.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14892291/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14892291/ Tue, 02 Oct 2007 21:53:12 PDT
I bought clothes! Finally, but not much actually but still! Clothes!

I bought a really pretty top thats yellow with hearts on it! Its really pretty =]

I bought a scooby doo vintage top!! Omg its awesome!! But its a boys top!! Haha but algood it was $5!! I wasn't going to miss out on that bargain!

I also bought a new journal with my borders voucher I got from my sister [[Thanks Hayley]] And its really cool, it has rainbow colours on the front with skulls xDD

Oh and I got one of those new impulse mini deoderants theyre really cool! I got the "Party" one, haha so me!!

So awesome!

And the general food, drink and train tickets with the rest of the money

It was really awesome but really tiring, my back and legs are killing me! But i don't care.

And Maxx transport is stupid! We had to wait for a train that was late and then get off at Otahuhu and walk up the ramp then back down to the opposite end and then they were like you have to get on another train so were like fine! And then got on a already crowded train and had to stand for most of the trip back to Papkura it was horrible, gosh!

Well there ya go, cannot be bothered typing anymore .. Blargh.

Yush!

Buhbye =]

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14794980/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14794980/ Wed, 26 Sep 2007 02:48:11 PDT
I must say that i really don't know what to say.

I thought I might open up to actually update on my life.

Except I can't really update much, except to say that i want chocolate, and vodka cruisers if anyone has any?



My friend still hates me, infact she hates me worse than she did before, Because i talked to her then boyfriend and i called him "hun" (which i call many people, both female and male, if you know me you would know that, and she should too) But yes i called him that and she took that to mean i instantly wanted him to go out with me hence her thinking i am going after her ex boyfriend.

Then tonight she messages me on MSN going "So, you think you and Mark-her ex bf now- are friends? HAHA" And i'm like aye? Coz all i ever wanted from him was to be friends, because hes a great guy, but thats it, and now she hates me when i havent done anything wrong, so I'm going to continue being friends with him and talking to him if he wants to be friends with me, if he doesnt then it doesnt matter, but i'd rather hear that from him, not her.

It makes me really angry you know, when i'm accused of something i never did, especially by someone that should trust me, i mean, i cried for 4 fucking days over her saying we werent friends anymore and then we were mates for about a day again and then she comes up with "Fuck you, i hate you" And i'm trying so hard to keep my temper with her, because she is being completely unreasonable and i'm gunna say it - A bitch. And shes saying that i'm th bitch? I mean my God.

Seriously, what the fuck is with my life? Its all just crumbling down around me.


Theres other stuff going on too, like i still feel pretty miserable most of the time, and i'm fighting with my mum and many of my friends are letting me down.


Oh and the other day, my mate Jesse told me that his older brother, The 19-year-old that asked me out a while ago that i turned down, has a picture of me on his phone, like as his wallpaper! I mean come on, i've told him i don't feel that way and its making me feel really uncomfortable whenever i'm over there. Its creepy you know. I mean, ive told him more than once. Grrrrrr. And my mate wont tell him to take it off his phone. And i cant do it because i never saw it so he would ask how i knew that. Which would prob get my mate in trouble so grrr.

Its just weird, you know?


But yeah.

Life is life and I'll keep going because i have to.

I mean, what else can i do?

Does anyone read these anyway?

Blah

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14780745/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14780745/ Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:04:19 PDT
I'm going through everything and anything to get back to you.

I don't know what happened between us and I don't know what I did to make you hate me.

All I know is that I don't think I'm coming back from this.

I don't think I can keep going through this pain.

And maybe you don't understand.

But neither do I.

And I thought you loved me.

And Maybe you almost did.

Almost

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14694367/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14694367/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:36:01 PDT
Everyone goes through the phase of not really knowing who they are, and where they fit in.

Everyone try new things and see whats wrong and whats right.

Everyone takes chances and puts thier heart out on the line.

And everyone gives up and gets up again.

What if I didn't get up again?



I don't really even know who I am anymore.

I didn't want to be the third wheel anymore, But I feel like I'm back in there, even though I never really left.

I try with new people but I can't help but have that feeling where you think that they are all nice to your face but as soon as your back is turned they bitch about you.

I've had enough of it.

I don't even know who my real friends are anymore.

One of them has basically joined every other group in school except ours, shes never around anymore.

Another is highly judgemental and will offer her opinion on everything when no one really wants it. She also never thinks before she speaks and it hurts the things she says.

And my two best friends. Same old story. Its really hard being friends with a couple.

And I just lost another close friend.

And I don't even know what I did.

And the rest of the whole sad soppy tale that I wont say because no one wants to hear it.

I've had enough of all of it.


=[[

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14694364/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14694364/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:35:37 PDT
Everyone goes through the phase of not really knowing who they are, and where they fit in.

Everyone try new things and see whats wrong and whats right.

Everyone takes chances and puts thier heart out on the line.

And everyone gives up and gets up again.

What if I didn't get up again?



I don't really even know who I am anymore.

I didn't want to be the third wheel anymore, But I feel like I'm back in there, even though I never really left.

I try with new people but I can't help but have that feeling where you think that they are all nice to your face but as soon as your back is turned they bitch about you.

I've had enough of it.

I don't even know who my real friends are anymore.

One of them has basically joined every other group in school except ours, shes never around anymore.

Another is highly judgemental and will offer her opinion on everything when no one really wants it. She also never thinks before she speaks and it hurts the things she says.

And my two best friends. Same old story. Its really hard being friends with a couple.

And I just lost another close friend.

And I don't even know what I did.

And the rest of the whole sad soppy tale that I wont say because no one wants to hear it.

I've had enough of all of it.


=[[

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14479069/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14479069/ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 21:11:15 PDT
1- Write these rules down
2- This must be written in a journal / blog these facts
3- Write 8 random facts about yourself
4- At the end pick 8 people that you should tag
5- Leave a comment that the person is tagged.

*AHEM* My facts.

1- I don't sleep. Well I lie, because ofcourse I sleep, but I hardly ever get to sleep before 12 or 1 or later, and i normally wake up around 5 or 6. The result of this, big rings under my eyes.

2- Before I put socks on, i have the put the rim of them between my toes, or my toes will just feel weird. I think that might be the weirdest thing about me.

3- I possibly have OCD, because I count, everything. How many steps I take between each line in the pavement, when i push my fingers onto something one after the other, i count it, nearly everything you can count, i count.

4- I hate my birthday. And each month on either side of it.

5- I have been accused of being Emo many many times. Maybe i should just jump on the bandwagon.

6- I still wish on Fairy flowers, the first star at night, birthday candles and the eyelashes that come loose. Even though I know wishes don't come true.

7- When there is something going on in my life, there is/are always a song/s that i can find that will match exactly what is going on, or exactly how i feel, or both.

8- I don't speak to half of my family.


I'm not going to bother tagging. Do it if you want.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14461642/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14461642/ Sun, 02 Sep 2007 20:14:17 PDT
Except in this space I ended up writing a letter, a story, a whatever, that tells you everything that I wanted to say.

I'm going to submit it.

Its called..

"I just can't do this anymore"

So read it,

If you want to,

I don't blame you if you dont.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14427906/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14427906/ Fri, 31 Aug 2007 15:26:00 PDT
Today is indeed my birthday.

Im 16 now.

A-woo-hoo.

Enthusiastic no? I am le tired and cannot be bothered being enthusiastic lol.

But yush, i cannot have this day and not be celebrating, so later on today, i am going out with my two best friends and my second family =]

We are going out bowling and then for dinner, hopefully all of the fam comes along coz i want to see thier lil baby cousin rachael, even though shes not much of a baby anymore =]

It's hopefully going to be a lot of fun =]]

I already got some presents yesterday at school, my mates mum even made me a cake!! So awesome.

So far i've got a new wallet with a sheepeh on it! A bracelet, 50 cents! A pink ribbon cancer teddy bear, a friendship book, a magnet that says "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that that your breath away" Or something along those lines anyway, um a borders voucher! A piece of scrummy cake!! and underwear that say "Moody cow" (thanks mum) a singlet, and a new deoderant.

And i've still got more presents coming!! =]]

Next weekend i'm going to be having a sleepover with all my girls so that should be awesome too.

Apparently tonight i'm getting a pressie from my mates fam bam (my second family) and they spent lots of money! and so did my two best friends on the pressie they got me! Sheesh people spending all this money is not good!! Lol

Well i shall update tomorrow when i come home from my mates place =]

Love you all.

Xox

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14342783/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14342783/ Sun, 26 Aug 2007 01:43:46 PDT
Update...

Hmm whats been happening.

I had a bit of a massive fight with my two best friends, which really put me in the worst place that ive been in for a long time. I won't go into details because i just want to forget it all. But it was pretty horrible.

The next day, while we were still fighting, there was a party on for my mates birthday. A drinking partyy. Which was possibly the worst place for me to be in the stae i was in but i went anyway. And got pretty wasted. Well not wasted, but i cant think of any other word, I knew what i was doing but i was still pretty out of it youu know what i mean??

So yup i went to a party, got out of it, did some things. I was dancing with my mates and some guys, which everyones like woah about, and falling over on the concrete and doing things... And now everyones talking. Which is pretty unusual for people to be talking about me, because i'm the good girl and never do anything out of line, well boy they were wrong about me.

Which is awesome in a way, because i'm not being what everyone expects me to be, i'm being whoever i want to be and doing whatever i want to do.

I didnt get any sleep that night, which added to me not getting any sleep the night before that, which equalled to me being exhausted last night and completely on edge.

Which lead to crying for 3 hours and fighting with my best friends through txt and on the phone.

But it all got sorted out in the end.

And then I slept half the day today and basically did nothing all day which was great, to just relax was great after stressing out a hell of a lot lately.

I'm still not feeling my greatest, but i'll survive, i always do.

I've been pretty stressed all week thanks to an assessment for my computer class, a maths test, blocking and learning lines in drama and lifes little dramas in itself.

For example..

One girl wanted to have a fight with me over her boyfriend, who was my kind of mate, because she thought i liked him and wanted to take him away from her and all this bullshit, which was all untrue but she had heard rumours about me and listened to them. And now hes ignoring me because obviously he believes all the bullshit shes been telling him, so i've lot a friend.

Which really fucking sucks.

But theres nothing i can do..


Its my birthday next weekend, which i'm hopefully spending part of with my sister and mum and brother if hes around and then i'm planning on going out to dinner that night with my best mates and my second family and then going iceskating. Which should be some fun. They bought me presents already my mate told me and spent too much money on me which they shouldnt have!! But its really sweet.


I've been trying to write lately but i cant, last night i tried and tried to get something out but i couldnt start it off properly and it just didnt work, i'm trying but i'm suffering from writers block. I've had some ideas for pictures but i still don't have a camera so thats still a no go.


So thats me for now people, probably noone read this far because i was just getting out stuff ive wanted to say, so its prob a bit boring for you all, but if youve read this far, thansk for reading!

Love youu all Xox

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14265553/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14265553/ Tue, 21 Aug 2007 01:10:36 PDT
Bleh.

Felt like updating a bit.

So here goes.

So getting mocked for two days straight was pretty fun.. not! But its allllgood, that party was a good one whether people are gunna mock me about it or not! I dont care!

Uhmmmm ima going to another party this friday... Whoop Whoop! Hoping to get into lots of mischief there!!! Should be a blast, and after we get drunk, i mean im not gunna get drunk! lol, im going back to stay at my new mates house, which should be awesome coz shes awesome!

Im alright, im alright because life is life and im just gunna get through it. Its awesome to be able to get in with a new group at these partys and just have a good time rather then spend my weekends being the 3rd wheel like i do during the week.

It'll be a helluva lot more fun i should think!!


Hayleys birthday was last week and i got to see her which was great!!! And she totally loved my gift, well she best of loved it. It was a photo album of us when we were little!! Hehe she hates getting her picture taken now!


I'm sick! With a stupid bloody cold that just wont bugger off! But hopefully it will by the party coz i think i made some people sick at the last party...


Anyway. Im going to go cough up a lung.

I think i updated a bit, didnt really fill too much in, just the basics at the mom, im not in the fessing up sorta mood so..

Ill c u all later,

Love,

Shonnie <3

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14232162/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14232162/ Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:32:37 PDT
So, i went to my mates party last night.

BUT i did not get wasted!!! YUSH!!!

Lol it was pretty awesome, i'll say one thing, my drama class is gunna be one awkward class tomorrow!!! lmao..

Well none of you get the joke coz i'm not spilling the beans all over the net haha.

I'm still a bit lost, could you tell??

I'm just really tired, i didnt get much sleep after i got back from the party. Now i'm like major exhausted haha.

I wanna go to another party!!!

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRrRTTTTTTTTTT YYYYYYYYYYYYY

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14036511/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/14036511/ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 23:49:29 PDT

Once there was a man that was very rich
He was so rich it made him itch
He tired of his castle small
He wished to build a new castle tall

The king had a restless sleep that night
He woke up with a ghastly fright
He rang the builder before break of day
Little did he know they were on holiday



He was angry they would not dig the dirt
He was so angry it made him hurt
He decided to build it himself instead
“I decide to do just what he said”



The king had waited a long time indeed
He then started building with such vigorous speed.



He slammed the door, the walls crashed down
And with such force he hit the ground
The king sat up, damaged but safe
He cried out loud “What an awful waste!”



In the end he was an idiotic king
“I was so impatient I lost everything!”


It goes along to our performance and the narrator (Sarah) speaks this while I act until she comes on too.

(the gaps are where we are acting!)

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13963406/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13963406/ Tue, 31 Jul 2007 22:08:05 PDT Free me,
Before i slip away,
Heal me,
Wake me from this day...



Todays a bad day.

I took it off school coz I really didnt want to be around that place, though I feel like that most days, today was worse.

Theres too many people that I just can't handle right now. Too many problems and too many lies.

But I'm here to let some of it out, though not all of it.


You know what I think, one of these days i'm going to turn down some absolutely wonderful guy and regret it in years to come, because maybe he was absolutely perfect for me, and i just couldnt see it.

Maybe i just can't see it now.

Can somebody love another, when they don't even know them??


So many people just love to tell me how strong I am, how much I can handle, How they would love it if they were like me and could put on a brave face through anything.

Those people don't know the real me.


Schools worse, theres so much pressure to be as great as your siblings, or as smart as your friends and achieve the top most expected marks. Don't people know that you're you, and you can only do as best as you can, not as best as others can?


Still not sleeping well, finally went to the doctor, he was stupid, he's completely against putting a 15-year-old on pills, which i really do understand, but he's not me is he, he is not the one that doesn't get any sleep at night, he's not the one that has dark rings underneath thier eyes, and he's not the one thats about to collapse from it.


My asthma is playing up, which is weird, as it hasn't done in ages, but all of a sudden i couldn't breathe properly the other night and couldn't find my inhaler, then again the next night i couldn't breathe again and yesterday at school I started coughing and wheezing, but i had forgotten my inhaler so all i could do was sit there taking these huge breaths as my friends sat and watched me.


So lifes life right, and we just gotta keep on keeping on, so i guess that's what i'll do.


Can somebody help me?

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13853493/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13853493/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:14:41 PDT
Harry potter...

The powerful pages that I grew up on.

I'm going to miss it, so so much. The anticipation of whats going to hapen next, the joy at seeing them all succeed and the sadness at those who have died. Its all over now =[

Sure, its not like it was real, but i'm very sure many people will agree with me, something just sorta gone now.. Its a weird weird feeling.

It makes me sad, to think theres no more books, no more Hermione Ron and Harry. No more anything.

Gahh.. I was so sad during the book, in tears by the chapter 33, and absolutely bawling at the end.

I'm not going to write anything more about it, because I don't want to post any spoliers, coz that happened to me, not on here, but i was thoroughly f***ed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a different note.

Life sucks.

All my friends seem to be breaking up with thier boyfriends, and it's really sad, to see them so sad. =[

Everything else still sucks, if not even worse than before.

Blah. I don't know what to do you know..

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13804042/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13804042/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:57:10 PDT
Soon enough i'm going to collapse from pure exhaustion and burst out screaming at someone for nothing.

I don't sleep anymore. Maybe 5 - 6 hours per night if i'm even that lucky and it's really taking its toll on me. I need to go to the doctor to get anti-anxiety medication but he probably won't even prescribe it to me, even though it helps as i've tried it before. But apparently it's very easy to get addicted to, but i really need something because i just don't get enough sleep anymore.


One of my mates is drinking himself to death. It's like he has raised his hand high and basically announced "Fuck life" and is now throwing himself into alcohol to deal with stuff thats gone on in his life. And he's ringing me every night, and I'm so scared he's going to get himself killed by doing this. I was so angry when he told me he bought another bottle of something tonight. I told him to pour it down the drain, but he wouldn't ofcourse. I don't know what to do. How am i supposed to be able to help him if he won't help himself? He doesn't care enough for his life to keep himself sober and okay, how am i supposed to be able to fix that? I can't do this. I got off the phone to him and almost broke down. I'm really worried about him.


At home me and my mother aren't getting on well, and my brother is living back here again and that brings even more tension and stress into the house. My brother seems to like coming home at all hours of the night and my mum complains about it all to me and i'm just like go flipping tell him and then she gets angry at me, lose-lose situation going on.


As for my love life, as per usual I give up. Maybe if I stop looking, he'll come along? Ha fat chance.


So yeah, tonight isn't a good night. Had a mental breakdown and it seems to be continuing till about now when my brother got home at 11:54 pm. Blargh.


Possibly and probably enough complaining for tonight.


Goodnight,

Love,

The Insomniac
]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13739281/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13739281/ Sun, 15 Jul 2007 00:32:58 PDT
I really, really dont wanna go.

I hate school. I really do.

Well not school exactly, just the people you know, the bitchyness of it all. I really hate having to deal with that everyday.

But ive got two and a half more years to go so i better just get used to it. Its not that i hate school, coz i really like most of my classes and am happy that im doing well and everything, its just theres those people that have to surround you everyday and you just hate it.

*sigh*

Not much else to report really.

Except that my best mates 19-year-old brother just asked me out.

I said no.

Wrong, wrong and more wrong.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13676919/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13676919/ Mon, 09 Jul 2007 21:15:13 PDT
The truth is always better

Had no idea what they were on about.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13653734/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13653734/ Sun, 08 Jul 2007 01:50:40 PDT
So.. Well, i'm having trouble expressing myself lately, therefore writing and producing something that actually is a part of me, nothing seems to come close to saying how i feel.

Today I went out with a few friends of mine, we didnt really know where we were going but then Daniel (our self-proclaimed chauffer~Cant spell) decided he wanted to go Mini Golfing, so that is indeed what we did. We had a lot of fun out there. Then headed back to mannix and Jess and Daniel went to the Aarcade and played the Dance Game. They are pros at it you see. Then we went and rented out Singstar and headed back to Daniels place and me and him sung while Jesse and Annie sat out and were boring. And then, the day ended and we headed home, or rather daniel took us there. And it was good to get out of the house. But a tad depressing all the same when I had to come home.

You know Stuff happens and you know that feeling when you know you're seeing too much into things but you do it anyway. I feel like i'm doing that. But its not like nothings there, because there is, it just can't be.

But it should have been all along.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13533606/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13533606/ Fri, 29 Jun 2007 02:37:18 PDT

To being happy

Because there was every reason to be


To having the world before you...

Not on your shoulders


To being who you are

Not who they want you to be


To having everything you ever wanted

In your very own backyard


What ever happened...


To loving whoever you wanted to

And having them love you right back

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13506168/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13506168/ Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:56:08 PDT
I have no other words to explain it, but i shall tell you the story of the night, all that i can remember anyway =]...

Well, first of all, my best friend Annie was meant to be getting ready at my house, but she ended up being a bit late because of her stepdad, so we were in a bit of a rush, but still, had loads of fun all the same, we had Sparkling Grapejuice in wine glasses while i did her hair, painted our nails and did our make up.

We had gotten changed and were just putting the finishing touches on when the boys and thier parents arrived, and started snapping pictures of us while we were getting ready! Then we all had to line up in my lounge and let them take about a million pictures of us before we were actually allowed to go.

We then left and arrived at school and had to wait for half an hour till we left on the buses, i got split up from like all my friends which really sucked but i found my mate Shabana to sit with which was good.

The bus driver was a bit scary though and numerous times he kept pulling over and i was like seriously, axe murderer here! but we got there in the end. To Eden Park that is, which is where the ball was held, well in The ASB room anyway =]

It was all decorated like and was all sparkley and pretty and so awesome.

The rest of the night was spent eating, chatting, taking fifty thousand pictures and dancing the night away (to which my feet disagreed, so i had to take off my bloody heels!) But yes, the night was in fact awesome! I think i may have said that a million times by now but it just was!

All i wanna do is go back in time and do it all over again! I cant wait till next year!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once that was over, i went back to my mate jesses place and stayed the night, his family is insane! But we had so much fun, we were still up at 3 and trhen finally fell asleep! It was great.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay well then this week is happening, and it hasnt been the best but atleast i had one thing good happen, the ball!

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13425698/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13425698/ Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:59:31 PDT
So i thought i'd just say, i have a lot going on right now, school, home, friends(or not friends) and just everything is crashing all over again.

That, explains that, even though ive tried to write, my poetry sucks right now. But i love all of you who have commented on my work and said it was good enough.

ILY

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13401205/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13401205/ Tue, 19 Jun 2007 00:29:04 PDT Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you well
Little girl
Until we meet again
Oh
I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me

~ Pink

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13311172/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13311172/ Tue, 12 Jun 2007 01:56:18 PDT
It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief.
But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.


Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

A new wound makes all the old ones ache again.

I miss who you used to be. I don't know who you've become. But I do know that the person you once were is still in there somewhere. I used to see a glimpse of him every now and then. But now he's gone, and I'm so afraid he's never going to come back.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those "it might have been”

“Being in love is what makes working all week bearable. It makes cruising with your windows rolled down feel like you’re riding in a convertible. It makes you dance to the rhythm of the copy machine and makes Friday night really feel like THE WEEKEND.”

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.”

“Heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling, and the most painful thing is that no one really hears it except you…”

Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that’s what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day.

Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you.

And she dreams of a boy with those eyes that make her forget how badly shes been hurt

Just because I smile doesn't mean i'm happy, because it takes one smile to cover a MILLION tears.
I W ii S H i waz eight again..
- all he had to do was T.A.G me -
&& i waz IT

The truth is: we hide becuz we want to be found.we walk away to see who follows.&& we let our hearts get broken to see
who cares enough to put them bakk
t o g e t h e r...

Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

You don't die from a broken heart.. you only wish you did

Someday never really comes, does it?

I would like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark, if no one knows you, no one cares and no one breaks your heart.

єνєяу gιяℓ нαѕ тнαт σиє вσу тнαт тнєу'ℓℓ иєνєя gєт σνєя, тнαт σиє ωнσ мαкєѕ уσυ ℓαυgн, тнє σиє ωнσ gινєѕ уσυ вυттєяfℓιєѕ, Jυѕт ωнєи ѕσмєσиє ѕαуѕ нιѕ иαмє, тнαт σиє ωнσ яємємвєяѕ αℓℓ тнє тнιиgѕ уσυ тнιик уσυ ѕαу αяє ѕтυρι∂, *&&* яємιи∂ѕ уσυ αвσυт ιт мσитнѕ fяσм иσω, тнє σиє ωнσ нαѕ нιѕ иαмє ωяιттєи αℓℓ σνєя уσυя'є вяσкєи нєαят, тнє σиє ωнσ уσυ ¢σмραяє тσ єνєяу gυу, тнє σиє уσυ иєÎ... ]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13221529/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13221529/ Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:59:35 PDT
I dont know what it is but i just cant..

A lot of stuff has been happening and i found something out today that has completely screwed me up -even more than i already was.

I'm having a bad day, no screw that, i'm having a bad life.

I dont feel like gettin into it now, just thought i'd update kind of?

I wish i could just write something that would help me express it all but i just cant..

Well.. I'm just going to go lay down now, so i can atleast try to feel better... its not going to work though..

I hate Everything.

]]> ~noodle-soup http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13184430/ http://noodle-soup.deviantart.com/journal/13184430/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 02:45:54 PDT
And even though i didnt have to do anything then, i had to do it all today, the fuggin idiot movers basically left everything in the new houses lounge and conservatory, where im sitting right now. So i had to move everything into the spare room and my mums room, coz my stuff was actually put in my room, God i just realised i have a lot of crap.

And well i got home (here) to find that i couldnt get my bed into my room. So i have to wait till tomorro for my mate to bring me an Alum key to take the bed apart when he comes to stay the night. If his Dad remembered to get it from work anyway. I hope he did.

But today, i had the absolute time of my life moving boxes from room to room and unpacking, it was a nightmare, BUT i have fully cleared the lounge and made it nice, the conservatory still has boxes in it but thats coz i got so tired i wasnt bothered dragging the huge boxes down to the spare room, so i just stacked em in there till im bothered to move em..

But then the fuggin fridge leaked and water was everywhere and still is a bit, i hope to God it stops leaking by the time my mates here tomorrow. Friks sake.

Everytime i have moved house, and that is 9 times by the way, something has always gone wrong, so i didnt expect this time to be any different.

Yet i had definately hoped it would be.

Well i will write more tomorrow if i have any time between moving round more boxes and unpacking them and when my mate comes here.

Nunite people. I totally havent fed the rabbits yet i'm a horrible owner..

K i'm off to feed them now.

Nyt nyt.

]]> ~noodle-soup