http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:nosugarjustanger&section=today deviantART RSS for by:nosugarjustanger en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:00:40 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/24103676/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/24103676/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:57:50 PDT
Three months ago, I said that I was 128 pounds. Right now, I am 118 pounds and still, I think that I could potentially be thinner than this. I didn't do much to lose weight - I am currently working in a bar + restaurant full time and I think that the long hours are taking its toll on me in terms of my weight. But no complaints - I feel so much better now that I'm carrying less weight! Besides, I have been eating a lot more than I used to. Sometimes, I don't understand how the body works...

*

I am currently seeing a new man (Kristian and I broke up cuz he had to travel to Mauritius to work for months.) and I am happy! We're not officially going out yet, but we definitely have something going on. He's 33 and working as a stockbroker. What a high-risk and stressful job. Nevertheless, he's one really sharp guy and it's such a turn-on. I am just happy to have someone to share my ups and downs with for now. It doesn't really matter that he's filthy rich cuz I don't look at him like an open bank account unlike some of my colleagues who keep telling me I am stupid for not making him spend on me. WTF? Can't stand their attitude towards love.

Weeks without sex. I feel like a virgin.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/22663597/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/22663597/ Sun, 18 Jan 2009 22:44:42 PST
It's going to be my 6th year of on/off bulimia. I haven't been too fucked up for the past few months. There were hard times when I would vomit every day just so I could feel some 'relief'. And then there's the guilt. The worst was years back when I would vomit over 10 times a day. I must've had broken my mom's heart. I can't understand why it happened. Swollen cheeks are not pretty.

However, I have been generally good. I am trying to get back to where I stayed for half a year (when I was 15) - vegetarian living. It's not easy. I'm not even attempting to be a full-time vegetarian, but I really enjoy my greens and tofu. And brown rice. And the occasional fillet mignons. Indirectly, I'm making my mom think about eating healthy too, which is good. Older people need better food.

2 months of quitting cigarettes and I lost 5 pounds. Quitting the smokes also mean I'm cutting down on my beer-and-vodka drinking sessions. It also means no more coffee-and-cigarettes afternoons instead of lunch. Just a change of habit, and everything changes with it.

*

I am not sure how far I'm taking this. It feels great to be ultra-healthy. But it's not convenient to be obsessive about it. I can't believe I am checking out the menu to the Italian restaurant I'm going to for dinner with K. Checking out what I have in store for me.

Carbonara? No way.
Bolognese? Urgh.
Primavera - Yes, please.

Someone tell me why I cannot seem to find the perfect balance in my life. Just a month ago, I was eating french fries every day (and cutting out other types of food to save calories) because I was so in love with fries.

Just two months ago, I indulged in steamed brocollis and nothing much of anything else. Brocollis and cookies.

*

5'6.5", 128 pounds after heavy lunch, and I feel myself craving to see the number getting lower, lower, low.

I hope to never, ever be 'addicted' to the taste of peanut butter or oils because that'll be so fucked up.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/21577575/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/21577575/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:09:33 PST
Ah, a lot of Christmas decorations in the malls and everywhere. Tons of shopping and celebration is awaiting me!!!

From the top of my head, I am looking into getting presents for ~missy-star (Emily, my dearest friend all the way in Australia!) and some friends, a Christmas and 6th month anniversary gift for Kristian , a nice bag for Mom, a pint or two @ the local pub, 2 birthday parties to attend, an outdoor party, a nice dinner gathering, and more!! Mostly things that involves money and alcohol. BAH, just when I am fucking broke!

Anyways, the boyfriend and I are doing fine. (This goes out to you, `TerrorCookie!!) We just had the greatest time ever recently, loads of love happening *COUGH* and he's the greatest man ever. He actually got me some snus (you Scandinavians would be so familiar with the term) to help me get over my quitting cigarettes. Had steaks and coffees and ice creams and Japanese food, and I am so certain that we'll make it far together.

It feels good to feel so stable and certain, about anything, for once. I've never been with anyone as perfect (for me!) as he is, even though I know he's nothing perfect as I am! Judging from everything, it seems like I am fucking happy yea?

NO!!! I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY WITH WORK! FUCK, HOTEL LINE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!! Tons of meeting, tons of paperwork and what nots. Fucker superiors breathing down your neck and deadlines and deadlines. If I could, I'd go back to years ago when I keep my earnings and work when I want and fuck when I want to. Fuck the limited free time and insufficient rest time. Fuck the world, I say.

But HELL YEA, November's been such a fast month for me! How are you guys? Hopefully you guys are getting laid TONS!! I wish for more in the coming future. That's my Christmas wish for myself and all of us here!

Cheers!!

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/21063015/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/21063015/ Sun, 19 Oct 2008 12:22:29 PDT
Eh, fuck all the bad relationships I had for the past few years of my teenage life - I've been very busy outside dA and I never got the time to say that I'm in a very stable and loving relationship right now for over 6 months and counting!

His name is Kristian and that is a very typical Norwegian name. But he's anything but typical. Love-wise, I'm just so happy - I can't ask for a better man who is both understanding and hardworking like him. I just feel like sharing about this, because it is indeed one of the few very important things that happened for the time I disappeared from dA, lol. We even managed to go to Bali for a holiday together.

I can't believe I'm with a guy who's 9 years my senior, but love is love, right? I've always liked older guys, anyways.

*

How is everyone? Work is hell for me, but I'm feeling okay.. I guess. Hope everyone is doing great!

Cheers.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/19424863/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/19424863/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:29:37 PDT
well, i'm definitely in deep shit right now - when it comes to relationship. it is definitely confusing. mike's thinking of coming over in September and im like, oh my god excited yet i dunno how to deal with the anxiety and pain when he leaves.

you know what - i kinda feel so damn tired of having to deal with pain in relationships. why can't it be smooth-sailing and perfect?

*




this is how fat my youngest cat is. she's just 2 years old and she weighs 15 pounds, no kidding.

but i love her.



*

hopefully everyone is doing great. i have been on/off active here on dA - tons of things to handle in RL and it's not possible to be online so much!

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/18689051/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/18689051/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:15:20 PDT
Well. I haven't had the time to go online at all. I have been extremely busy with many (offline) areas of my life - it's crazy. I'm talking about 4 hrs of sleep, tops. Juggling with 2 jobs, shopping and going out. Life of a teenage girl, eh? I am going to turn 20 next year anyway, so I am really enjoying my crazy life now!

*

Good news - I have found my true love. He gave me a promise ring. I don't think that means we're engaged, but we're pretty much solid. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?! i never thought i'd meet someone who loves me the way I am. But there you go! I put that ring on and if anyone asks me if I am engaged, I'd just say yes.

And his name is Michael. He's 22 years old. And I'm 19. Another whammy - I never thought I'd like a guy of that age! I've always liked older men.. but he's wonderful.

That being said, we look like a really good-looking couple. When I first met him, I did told him that "with your looks and body, you can get any girl you want." but he shook his head and told me, "i don't want those kind of girls who go for my looks. i need something deeper and meaningful."

That was so awesome to hear. I have full faith in him, and while I used to be very insecure and emotional, I feel like I have nothing to fear. What we had was so special, and we are both so lucky to have found each other.

And I never thought I'd be with someone who has tattoos anyway. I have always liked skinny, tall men with no tattoos or piercings. The good-boy kind. But Michael is rogue-ish. He has tattoos and ear piercings.., he's just 5'8", he's all buffed and fit..

I do believe that I deserve him, even though I found it hard to believe at first when he popped the question, "I am in love with you. Would you be mine?". I was in love with him before he asked.. but i didnt wanna be hurt or lose him (if he doesnt feel the same way..)

BUT OKAY, HURRAH. I am in love madly, deeply, truly with a wonderful man.

And that's one of the many good news I have to share! Who would've thought that love would happen to me? I've always wanted to be free from a serious relationship until I turn 25 at least. and now!

I couldn't ask for anything more or less than what it is.

How about you? Is everyone alright?!

Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/17846498/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:38:35 PDT
Kay, if I were to start a community where people would share photos of foods they have tried cooking/created, would anyone be interested to join? I love making my own food with the weirdest combinations evor, and I dunno about you guys.

All it takes are just - the recipe, photos of the food and the name you have given to your creation.

Well, that's all I have to say, because I have been trying to be more experimental with food and drinks as well. It's quite a fun thing to do actually.

*

Other than that, I had my first taste of working in a bar/club as a door hostess/bitch and it was hella fun. I get to wear smexy clothes, chat up with eye candies and basically, I'm paid to just socialise with party-goers and smile. I loved the first week! And I work on weekend nights (just to supplement my waitress' p/t salary) alongside a bouncer, so it just feels so good, even though I had to work till 5am.

Life has been nothing less than awesome, but I still feel like something is missing. I dunno what it is, but I wish I could find out what that is. So I could feel complete for once. Good jobs, loads of fun and great times - what more am I asking for?

Hope everyone is well.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/17551111/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/17551111/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:08:51 PDT
I met my target of savings. And in just a matter of 3 fucking hours, I'll be on a plane to Perth-Melbourne-Brisbane. Zomg. I'll be there for 12 days... and basically, I am so excited about it.

I worked so hard, waitressing almost 5-6 nights a week after school for the past one year and few months and it is all so worth it. Thanks to good guests, fucked-up diners and crying babies in baby high chairs. Thanks to people who tip well! (mostly men - hate to be 'sexist' but women are just bad tippers. damn you.)

I got my e-ticket printed out, I got my suitcase with bare neccessities and loads of excitement and .. well, some fear. But it's gonna be okay.

FUCK, I'm actually gonna travel alone to meet some cool deviants and I just can't wait to get on the plane. I'm still at home, chilling, waiting for another half an hour more to take a taxi to the airport and then... poof, austraaalia.

I can't wait to meet Martin and then Emily there. and eat aussie food. and drink wines. whatever, no parental controls lol.

and aussie money looks weird. :B

<3

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/16922033/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/16922033/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 23:30:08 PST
2008 is the year that has brought a lot of changes along the way.
i am becoming a real whore.
i am so much more flirty and friendly.
i spend my money as and when i like it.
i am beginning to understand the concept of fuck buddies.

i just got an eyebrow piercing.
i am addicted to cigarettes.
i don't longer care about love. (i personally don't believe in it anymore than i believe in santa claus.)
i know more of myself.
i know my real friends. and it feels GOOD.
i am aware that some people just wanna be with me because they think they can change me, or be like me, or they find me weird.

i cry sometimes thinking about what i've done.
but things have been done.
and i am sick of suffering from a broken heart.

i am tired of thinking i should be in love.
fuck it.
fuck it.
fuck it.

it's all such a waste of energy, time and tears.
i'm done with being a 'good' girl.
i'm sick of men who think i'm gonna be just like any other girl.

i am tired of being in love. it takes too much work, and what do i get? i get myself hurt instead. fucking assholes.

*

i am both happy and sad at the same time. but i am in a rational state of mind.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/16365051/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/16365051/ Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:32:53 PST
Everyone has got this problem, when you have so many things to say, but you dunno how to put it into words. Or even write it down. Some of those things could be as simple as, I like really tall guys. And tough ones like, I want to fuck you.

It's not like I want it to happen to me, but there are some moments in my life when I just wanna say that, and then take off. But it just feels like it needs to be said, or else I feel so incomplete.

Life is so short, yet I keep holding back doing whatever I want to do. I want to smoke a pack in just one evening and see if my throat's fine, but I haven't the time. I want to smoke a stick in a non-smoking area and watch the officer come get me. I want to purposely get an F in one of my subjects and watch my own reaction, and others'. I want to ruin myself, and see if I really have what it takes to just get back up on my feet and start over.

You know, things like that. Everyone wants to do some things they know they can't do. Like how I really love standing next to really, fucking tall guys, but it's not so easy to talk to them, cuz I'm just 5'6.5"?

That half an inch still means a lot to me. I just wish I could be 5'7".



Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/15696289/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/15696289/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:23:29 PST
I'm just too overwhelmed by my own feelings.
Seriously, how easy is it to roll over a cat and let it die? Stop that! I'm not saying you, but I'm just writing here and if a cat abuser happens to come and see this - YOU GO TO HELL!!

My mom is such a cat lover, I think she loves cats more than she cares about me. Just minutes ago, she told me that one of her 'many cats' was badly injured by an accident. Someone must've hit it, causing it to NOT DIE YET! (WTF?!!) It's still alive, but it couldn't move at all!

It was so gross! I looked at it from afar. I'm scared, and disgusted (NOT AT IT, BUT WITH THE PERSON WHO "NEARLY" KILLED IT!) and seriously, this is crap. This is bullshit. People should stop killing things! I guess I'm biased cuz I dun care if you kill beetles and ants. But this is a cat. It has done nothing to you. And killing without purpose is bullshit!

There's so many things going on. Projects, schoolwork, and I'm giving most of my time to leisure and school. I still wait tables.. but for 4 days a week now, as opposed to 6 days.. but loads of things have happened. I'm becoming more and more curious by the day, and learning about new things excites me.

Even if it's bad. Even if it's harmful. Even if it's dangerous.
My 18th year is one of the most awesomest years of my life. I've done shit things.. but they all make this year special.

I don't like hearing bad news like this cat. But there are still good things in life. Like how I've seen this little girl sharing her candy with a little boy she doesn't even know. How generous of that kid. Kinda brought a tear to my eye. That happened weeks ago.

But with every good news that I know of, there's always something bad. Like that SHITTY ASS CAT ABUSER (I hope you rot in hell, you sickening, sickening NO-LIFER.)

And my little brother is actually trying out his first job as a mover. -_- I can't believe he's growing up so fast. He's just 14, but I'm so proud of him. I hope he wouldn't do shitty things that I've done.

And that's the end of my journal. I hope I could just forget about this topic. But I feel the need to talk about it. Stop abusing animals and stop abusing cats.

Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/15559933/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/15559933/ Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:13:20 PST
ANIME/MANGA NERD
[] You watch anime.
[] You read manga.
[] You buy/collect anime DVDs or manga volumes.
[x] You own some other form of anime/manga merchandise.
[x] You have referred to an anime character as 'hot' before.
[] You have cosplayed.
[] You have done so in public.
[] You have been to an anime/manga convention.
[] You have created/joined a fanclub for an anime/manga character.
[] You have created/joined a hateclub for an anime/manga character.
[x] You have squealed when you found out somebody had the same name as an anime character you knew.
[] You enjoy drawing anime.
[] People you know know you as the 'anime' person.
[] You know that it is pronouced 'mawnguh' and not 'manga' like it is spelled.
ANIME/MANGA POINTS: 3

ART NERD
[×] You like art.
[] You actually consider yourself an artist.
[] When using art supplies, the brand of them matters to you.
[x] You have a favorite brand.
[] You have asked for art supplies as a Christmas/birthday gift before.
[x] You give people your drawings as gifts.
[x] People actually ask for your drawings.
[x] You are known as 'the art person' at your school.
[x] Instead of just 'brown' or "pink', you'd be specific; it's 'sienna brown' or 'blush pink'. Or whatever.
[x] You have taken an art class outside of school.
[x] You have considered a career as an artist.
[x] Your school papers are always covered in doodles.
[x] You have a favorite artist.
[x] Your drawings have been framed.
[ ] You carry a sketchbook with you everywhere you go.
ART NERD POINTS:11

MUSICAL NERD
[x] You play a musical instrument.
[] You play more than one instrument.
[] You actually really enjoy playing your instrument.
[] You've given your instrument a name.
[x] You've participated in an extracurricular activity for your instrument.
[] You are known by what you play.
[] You listen to classical music.
[] You are wondering whether that refers to the classical music genre or the classical music time period.
[] You have a favorite composer.
[] All of your friends are from your band/orchestra class.
[] You write music.
[×] You've had discussions with your friends about music; your favorite composers/instruments/musical time periods/key/etc...
[] You have considered a professional career with your instrument.
[] You are never nervous playing for other people.
MUSICAL NERD POINTS: 3

VIDEO GAME NERD
[] You play video games.
[] You own more than 4 different video game systems.
[] You've had debates over which system is the greatest.
[] You play video games every day.
[] You have played a video game for over 10 hours. [They're called RPGs, dear.]
[] You have songs from your favorite video games on your MP3 Player.
[] You love to talk about video games.
[] You memorize the dates for when a new game is being released.
[] People know you as the 'gamer' person.
[] You spend more time on video games than you do hanging out with friends.
[] Your gaming system is in your room.
[] You have preferences when it comes to what company your game came from.
[ You've had debates over which company is the best.
[] You keep playing a game until you beat it.
[] It makes you angry when you found out somebody looked up cheat codes on the internet to beat their game.
VIDEO GAME NERD POINTS: 0

COMPUTER NERD:
] You use the computer every day.
[×] You have an account/username on some sort of social website.
[x] You go into random internet chatrooms.
[] You spend at least 2 hours a day on the computer.
[×] You use computer faces; : D XD XP D: ^_^ >.> and etc.
[×] It is hard to go a day without using the computer.
[x] You spend time in online forums.
[] In the forum/chatroom you use, you are known there by everyone else.
[×] You have friends you have only met online.
[x] You have/have had a girlfriend/boyfriend you have only met online.
[x] You have actually met an online friend in person.
[x] U cn ezly rd 'txttlk.'
[×] You have said 'lol' or 'omg' in speech that is not online.
[x] You can type really, really fast.
COMPUTER NERD POINTS: 11


--------------------------------------------------------------------

YAY. Boredom led me to do this.
SECOND YAY. For a pointless, but emo-less journal. D:



Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/15014626/ Thu, 11 Oct 2007 12:29:17 PDT
Right. So I have been missing for quite some time. Same old reasons; I'm busy making money and not spending enough time with everyone including myself.

2007 has been quite a fun and exciting year. Loads of incidents, happenings and all the worst shit that could happen within a year, happened. So I'm ready for any bad things to come right knocking on my door. (Oh how pessimistic! But that means to say that I'm ready for the good things as well.)

*

Anyways, I would love to be more active in the forums like how I used to be, but since I gotta use my bro's comp instead of my own (cuz it broke down, and I'm too lazy to fix it or buy a new one!) I find it hard to stay online for long.

Any free time I have, I'd spend it either at work, or tossing and turning in my bed, getting more unnecessary sleep. (Sleep is for losers. )

Um. That's all I'm saying. (How are you?) I'm not feeling fine at all, but I'll save that for unsuspecting victims of my terrible act of whining.

Love all.



Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/13882181/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/13882181/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 01:59:37 PDT
I've been away for quite some time due to tons of project work and working many hours. If you were to ask me last year, I never thought that I'd be able to survive without dA. I realised that I could.

Last night, my dear grandmother passed away. I guess I need an avenue to talk about it, so this is the place.

She died without any tell-tale signs. Just two days ago, she had a good appetite. She was well and healthy for an 84-year old woman. Never hospitalised, never gone to the doctor. She was blessed with considerably good health.

But when my dad told me last night that she died, I was so shocked. Not many people know how much I love her. I thought I'd die before her. It was unexpected. I couldn't think straight.

I promised her that I would give her a good life, when I'm older. I'm just 18. I remember telling her to wait for me to buy her a big house. I told God to take away half of my life and give it to her, so that I wouldn't have to witness her death.

But I guess I just did. When I saw my little brother cried for her, I realise what a great person she was. We used to fight over her. Like, who's the lucky one to sleep next to her at night. I'm sure he remembers that even if it was ten years ago.

So many people were weeping for her. To those who knew her, they would know what a caring and selfless person she was.

She died in her sleep with nobody around, but the last thing she ever said to my uncle was, "You're ill. Go and have a rest. I'm okay."

I hope she was telling the truth when she said she was okay... cuz when he came around to see her after just 5 mere minutes, she was gone.

I wish she could've told me earlier that she was going to leave me. The last time I saw her, was the day before she died. All I did was to kiss her on the lips, cuz that's what I always do. She likes me to do that.

And when I saw her lifeless last night, I kinda.. tried waking her up by nudging her gently. But she never moved. Her body was quite cold. That's when I really believe that she's gone. I knew she passed away.. but I was hoping that it was all not true.

She was the one who took care of me when I was a little kid. She was the most important person in my life. My parents are too, but they don't have much of an influence to me, compared to her. I wouldn't die for them, but her...

If she told me to do anything for her, I would. But it's no use now. I'm glad I didn't make her life difficult. I think so. I have no guilt, nor regrets.. but I wish she'd tell me that she knows I love her so much.

I think this is the end of this journal. I hope she's fine now, somewhere good.

* * *

The Birthday List


<sub>March

@quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
~zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*DrowningByWords (4)
*roguewolf19 (6)
*Melens-rayne (6)
=hereditarynarcissism (8)
~rabid-squirrel (13)
~HONAW (16)
*maskofmirrors (17)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
=Larentia-Ariadne (27)
`summaro (30)
~brit-allure (30)</sub>


PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/13300369/ Mon, 11 Jun 2007 08:06:03 PDT
HOW IS EVERYBODY??? I hope you guys are having great times.




Before I start anything, I wish to say some things that I'm sure a lot of you already know. Sort of like a disclaimer.

1) I am selfish. self-centered. self-obsessed. vain. 'me-me-me' person who cares about you-you-andwhatyouthink. 2) I have terrible mood swings. 3) Food is a love/hate thing for me. 4) I am absolutely happy (for now)!



*

Okay, I just had to get that out of my chest, so I wouldn't feel too guilty talking about things that don't even concern anybody but ME. lawl. A little too late to make that disclaimer... but whatever.

*

I just feel like I need to write some things that I absolutely love about the crazy little thing called liffffeee. Since everyone's so emo and so damn serious (which I could be...), I'd just keep talking and talking about nonsense!

Like <3 LURVE.

Currently, I am sooo happy, cuz I'm just back from a short holiday and also bought tons of chocolate home. And had a/many ...

Starbucks' Cafe Latte (which I wouldn't have on a daily basis!)
Tiramisu cake
Tons of fast food. FRIES! <3
Loads of fun, watching Pirates.
Short hiatus from alcohol (and had a new-found hate for Vodka.)
Loads of salad.
Constipation (laawl.)
Shopping spree.
Hours to think about everything in the past.
FUN.

*

I kinda missed being messed up. I am a messed-up kid already... but I miss being in the situation. Especially when it comes to crushes, love and everything. I absolutely love being in love, but I'm too scared to even try again.

*

I miss having drinks with that guy who made my life more complicated. Weird, eh? But I might be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. If the meaning's what I think it is.

(I find fucked-up guys interesting, likeable and just plain interesting. For some reason, I believe that I love men for the wrong reasons. Like how scientists love their guinea-pig rats. Bad comparison... but well, I loooove to observe them, think about them, dissect their thoughts, intentions, and experiment certain things with them. Er.)

Hmm. Just like alcohol. Just four days ago, I lost my mind. I woke up feeling like shit, but eventually, I kinda liked the chaos.

The near-death intoxication. About 10 shots of vodka & whiskey. Famished. Thirsty.

*

I love the warmth of their hand when they hold me, and tell me that I will be alright. That I wouldn't die young. That I will always have them, if there's no one looking out for me. How they'd not force me to eat or make me feel bad.

They told me that they understood. Friends can be wonderful. Family too - as long as they don't know what is going on in my life, currently.

*

All in all, right now, I'm actually feeling contented and peaceful, even if it's just for now. Been listening to loads of electronica, eating crisps, cookies and salads.

*

Many things have kinda changed... but I'm still who I am. A girl who has this strange fetish for tall people, and is always out looking for trouble, consciously/subconsciously/unconsciously.



But I'm haappy. Okay, that's it. End of journal. <3

* * *

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<sub>March

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~ `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/13166461/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/13166461/ Thu, 31 May 2007 16:31:33 PDT
Mmm. I really can't sleep. I wonder if anyone has ever tried consuming appetite-suppresant pills, especially Duromine. But if you have, do tell! It's totally nuts. They keep you awake, excited, hyper and somehow, you feel numb inside.

And they make your mouth feel so heavy and dry. Food tastes like cardboard. And alcohol tastes better on an empty stomach. And works faster.


*


Somebody should come and kill me. I'm having the time of my life, but it's too empty. Meaningless. AND meaningful. I love everything, but that's not a lot to say. I am so happy, and I am so, so much happier than what I used to be.

18 should be the age when I'd mostly have fun, and I am kinda having a fun life now, doing whatever that makes me happy (!!!). But I control too much of what's going on with me, and there's too little control from others. I want someone to smack me on the head and tell me that I am wrong. Tell me to stop it. Tell me to stop my fucked-up ways of handling happiness, sadness and everything else in between.

But I know I have to be on my own. I choose to get into alcohol, too far too soon, I choose to work my ass off, I choose to tire myself... maybe because I like it, but also to run away from problems, worries and everything. It takes away time from me to think about things in life.

I don't worry about much things anymore now. I simply have no time. But it's not healthy, and I know it. I am too tired to even care about things I used to care about.

Like poetry. Writing. All are just words that take eons to write, but eventually when I read them back, I wonder - "What the fuck. Love? Absolutely ridiculous."

My writing makes me both laugh, and sigh in sadness. I want to be who I was before. I want to be able to sit still for an hour and not do anything.

Because when I do anything, it distracts me from looking at something that I really have to look at.

Like my fucking emotional health, and my ways of coping with things. Betrayal, anger, loved ones (so-called) hurting you. So why the fuck did they even try to love me in the first place, when all they do, is just to leave me in a worst state than before?

Fuck, I am sick of people telling me that they care. Because they don't. THEY REALLY DO (I KNOW!), but ..

Damn people. I am not so stupid as to believe that I am not loved/cared or whatever. I know they do.. but.. I guess I am too scared to know that they love me.. or care. Because I don't want to think that I am hurting them indirectly.

For doing whatever shitty things I do to myself. I don't want to feel guilty for hurting myself, which indirectly hurt them.

*


Fuck, I don't wanna think about OTHERS. I want to think for myself! But I can't seem to live for MYSELF.


*

I want to stop being fucking vain. I want to stop looking at my weight. I want to stop distrusting people. I want to stop thinking that all men are out to hurt others.

*

Okay. I feel so much better now. Thanks for the space. <3 Don't have to comment if you want to tell me something old and recycled. But please do leave a comment if you have something NEW to tell.



* * *

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April

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~http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12973041/ Wed, 16 May 2007 03:23:36 PDT
Everything's going so well, and that's why you hardly see me online/lurking at all.

Just like *KagomeResurrected, I guess I'm taking a short break from e-life and dA for some time. I am not so sure when I'll be fully active, since my computer is down. I have to resort to using my brother's computer and we all know how inconvenient it could be.

*

I have finally found a friend to go to Australia with me. She's really a great friend to hang out with, and I just knew her for a few weeks in school. Awesome class, awesome classmates. It's weird, but I could say that I am feeling happy without feeling like as it it was fake.

(I never thought that I could feel okay for a moment.)

My saving plan is doing fine... I'm halfway through my target of $3000 by next March. By the look of things, I might be able to gather at least $5,000 by next March if I keep it up.



.
.
.

Everything will be alright. Take care, guys.




* * *

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PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs</sub>

`nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12860397/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12860397/ Sun, 06 May 2007 05:33:06 PDT
Friends who make you feel like shit, aren't really friends, right?

The correct answer is... Yes, they are not friends. But well, what if most people you know are like that? What to do? What if people who loves you, are the ones who bring you down?

I wish I could deal with it better. I hardly break down and cry, now... but it's so easy to get angry.

... And deep down inside, it does feel good to just drink like a fish, get fucked in the head and feel so mellow and slow.. and fucked up. But I don't wanna think about dealing it with alcohol. I don't wanna get into this. But yet again...

Sigh. Like what older pals would always say, this is 'just a phase'. Maybe I should take up yoga or something.

This is getting nowhere, is it?

Well.. yeah. Okay, end. You guys take care of yourself. I'm sure I'll have good news coming my way, now that the shit is here.



* * *

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PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs

]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12749281/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12749281/ Thu, 26 Apr 2007 23:30:14 PDT
Good news - I'm so going to Australia next year! Dad has given me the green light. So now it's all about slaving and saving for money!

* * *

Ah. Self-indulgent journal-time agaaain. D: I haven't been online, or on the internet much recently. dA has definitely taken the backseat of my life right now. Hey, I used to say that I couldn't live without internet but that has changed. Everything has changed tremendously in my life.

(I doubt I'll spend much time here on dA, unless it's the vacation.)

My outlook in life has changed too. I'm still in school, chasing after my hospitality qualifications - and now I realise what it means to serve others. It's never a nice thing to do - as passionate as I am - it is a humbling thing. Getting paid fairly little to clean up other people's mess - that's the basic of hospitality. And I hope I won't have to do it in the future :/

I went from wanting to be a teacher, to a zookeeper, to a tour guide.... etc. Right now, I think I'm gonna give it a try, to be a Flight Attendant. (And after that, I dunno! All I know is - I don't wanna earn peanuts, and I am not going to settle for an ordinary life.)

So many jobs, so little time. How I wish life was planned for me.

*

I think I'm half-dead inside, emotionally. That isn't a bad thing. I look at things in a very different way now... I no longer care much about wishing to be thin or being insecure, or thinking about my body, everything. People used to tell me, that this is a dog-eat-dog world and I would laugh... but it is true and I can see it now.

Girls would do anything to make themselves sound better. Even if it means being mean, nasty or arrogant. It's human nature. Months back, I'd probably deal with it differently than how I deal it now. I would probably be shy, cry, be angry and try to one-up the girl.

Girl: "Hey, is that a stretch mark on your arm?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Girl: "That's permenant, you know? *insert disgusted and shocked face*"
Me: "Don't worry, it's not contagious. I'm not dying from it. It's fine."
Girl: "..."
Me:

*

For heaven's sake, it's a tiny stretch mark.

You guys are right - self-respect is the most important thing a person needs to have. That, and self-esteem. Without both, many would love to step into your heads and take advantage of your kindness.

I know I am fine, and I have nothing to be insecure about. There's no need to have a low self-esteem. The world's superficial - I'm gonna play along with it and kick anyone who tries to hurt me out of my way. I find that I feel so much healthier emotionally and spiritually if I don't have a defeatist attitude to start with.

*

The downside is -

I think I am becoming a very mechanical and aloof person now. I might need to talk to somebody about it. I feel emotionally detached, and too focussed in my goals and achievements. Everyone thinks I'm working myself too hard, but I'm starting to feel like it's nothing. It's nothing. No pain no gain, right?

I don't know when to stop.

But this coming Monday and Friday, I'm gonna have so much fun. But even then it does sound cold and mechanical to allocate days for 'fun'. I don't know what's happening to me, but I suspect something is wrong with the way I'm thinking now.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. But why do I realise that I've never been this empty, cold and joyless? I feel differently, act differently, live differently.

Other than that, my life is definitely in 100% control. Which is awesome, hell yea. I'm definitely going according to directions, but I think I left my heart behind somewhere.

And with that, I think I won't be coming back to dA for some time. Hope you guys take care of yourselves. I'll totally miss the forum!



* * *

The Birthday List http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12641644/ Wed, 18 Apr 2007 10:00:54 PDT
Mmm. This is going to be a little complicated to write about, but I am determined to write about it, because I want to get the previously negative journal out of my sight.

**

So where have I disappeared to, lately?

I've been working, srsly. Working very, very hard. (And my pc is down, so I gotta use my bro's one. Which is troublesome.) Earning money!

Wai?

Because I have some big plans to go to Australia on my own sometime next year!!! So I gotta earn enough. The place to go is somewhere around Brisbane - and I'm probably going to stay for 2 weeks! On tight budget - gonna stay in Emily's place for a week, and planning to put up in my other friends' place too!

Planning to save around AUS$3000 by next year, so I'll get to shop my ass off there! And zomg, I'll be so goddamned happy and fuck everything - I DESERVE good things in life, after working for 50+ hours, 6 days weekly! I do sound excited - because this is going to be a big thing for me. Travelling alone?! Hell yea! I am not sure if my parents would let me - BUT BUT BUT I will earn and gain their trust and respect for my wishes. I'll work towards that! I have been working ever since I was 15, and working around 30 hrs weekly even when school is going on - I think I deserve to have two weeks of absolute heaven. Pleaseeee pray that they'd let me go!

A colleague of mine wanted me to go to Perth with him - how fun would that be?! But that's far from Brisbane, methinks. BUT HOW I WISH I could make him go with me... but maybe I SHOULD make him go with me. That'd be AWESOME.

**

Okay, tl;dr -

1) I am planning to go to Australia for two weeks next year.
2) Studying/ Earning money is top priority.
3) DeviantArt is taking the backseat.
4) Need to save up to AUS $3000.
5) Travelling possibly ALONE! Woo!

**

Totally excited about a plan that is not even a solid one!

Take care, hos. And I am so glad that `summaro and `VernonX9000 have been given the backtick! It's like as if all the forum regulars are all promoted or something. Which is an awesome, joyous thing to happen!

Kaythanksbye!

* * *

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PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12522796/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 10:02:23 PDT
Hmm. Thank you for those who have left such nice little congratulation comments on my page. That was really nice, and I didn't wanna sound so overly repetitive with my thank-yous, so I don't reply to every message. But from the bottom of my heart, I'm all appreciative and too flattered about it. So thank you so freaking much.

---

Many things happened. Much major things to grow a few more wrinkles for. Bad things that have been fucking my brains out to a mush.

I went out for a drink with my other manager and 2 other colleagues and things got a little complicated. My manager asked me out initially - and then he told me that he had a big crush on me. Me being my usual self, felt a little awkward about it because he was in his early 30s, and I'm just 18 this year!

Now, I've always liked older men, but not THAT old! I found him to be an interesting chap, but then around 4am and about 10-13 beers he had, he got too drunk, and I was kinda drunk too - he told me he'd send me home, but before that, he cornered me to this area and he started to force his kisses on me and touched me all over.

It was disgusting. I tried pushing him away, but he was too strong. Thank goodness he didn't rape me, though he left a hickey on my neck. I still have it now after 4-5 days. It was that bad. I felt sexually assaulted - and it made me feel so, so ... disgusted with men.

I went home, shocked. I discovered this huge hickey on my neck and it hurts so badly. I tried to cover it up, but concealer didn't work. My own manager - molested and forced his tongue into my mouth! I dunno what to say. I thought I could trust him. I told him to keep himself off me, but I was too weak to push him away.

And that's why I said I wouldn't drink anymore. I don't know if I'm going to stay this way, but that recent incident really put me off men about 80% now. My parents didn't know the whole story - but they thought I had a boyfriend.

But I don't! I wish I could tell them the truth. How am I going to work with the manager now? I really don't know. I am really, really disappointed in most men right now... and I'm not so sure if I'm going to be in a relationship or anything closer than stranger to a guy for the time being.

... It was disgusting to have a tongue in my mouth... smashing against my throat. I felt like vomitting each time I think about it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

----

Good news for this week? Too many to overweigh the bad. For starters, I met Emily, for the first time in my life, after knowing her for like three years on dA. Amazing, amazing time we had today. But I'll update on that in the near future!

All I need now are thoughts, solutions and help with this new problem I'm facing. Emotional problem. It's making me feel so, so empty and cold and resentful towards men, in general. Like.. the trust is all gone. Hopes - dashed. I don't know... is 2007 the year of men problems or what? Seems like their ultimate mission is to put me off them.

----

I'm such a slowass. Call me a great Snow Patrol fan now. I cry each time I listen to anything by that band now. Why, why's the lyrics all so easy to relate?

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Oh. My. God. I am not so sure if Snow Patrol is a religious band, but it seems like every song they play has a comforting quality to it. I think I'd melt into a puddle of candlewax if anyone were to sing this. How often have girls wished that someone would be there for them when they need it the most?

Everything for me, is gone. Emotionally, I'm a clean slate. Fucked up. Beyond belief, I'm too crushed. I don't need this. I don't need to feel this bad - but why is it so natural to feel like this?

I don't want anyone to be touching me anymore. It's so disgusting, I am done with this shit. Done with this for now. I remember when he was forcing himself against me and I was so helpless, and all I could think of was, "Stay still. He'd go away. He'd come to his senses. If I block everything out, it'd be fine."

... I don't know.

And with this ultra-long journal, I hope everyone will take care of yourselves. Thank you for the time, and everything. I feel so much better now that I've written all about it and being honest about what's been keeping me feel so, so fucked up.

* * *

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12487621/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 19:25:22 PDT
Okay, I was being cheeky. I'm aware that I haven't been online for so long - due to work (Yeah, I know, I talked too much about it.) and two nights ago, I had another late night, drinking like as if it was air.

I went to toilet for five times to pee. Damn you alcohol. I don't wanna go out drinking anymore, because it led to so many weird things now. For starters, I went out with my colleagues. For the main news, I can't even find the right words to say.

This is the true WHAT THE FUCK I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY feeling I'm experiencing right now. I wish I could die in my sleep. Okay, that's it - I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK ANYMORE. Unless it's good white wine. Seriously.

-

So I'm a senior member now.
I'm stoked and speechless. My first expression when I saw the backtick?

It is .

Now, it's still . I'm going off to work now, and while I'm busy serving motherfuckers who don't know how to eat and make a mess in a fine dining restaurant and MAKING ME clear their fish bones, I'll think about what I have done to this site and if I am any deserving of the senior member status.

Because then I won't feel guilty about it.

Take care of yourselves!

* * *

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April

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*roguewolf19 (6)
~Melens-rayne (6)
=hereditarynarcissism (8)
~rabid-squirrel (13)
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~brit-allure (30)


PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12369457/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 22:29:23 PDT
Oh my god. New job - new life. A little better or bad in certain areas, but it's a happy thing for me! Who knows that a computer breakdown could be a blessing in disguise?

Last night after work, my colleagues of two weeks and I went for a late supper. It was supposed to be just a good ol' decent supper, until Mary, a half-Italian, half-Filipino friend of mine decided to treat all 5 of us to drinks.

Now, I drank vodkas, vodka shots, but beer? I always have this bad image of balding old men drinking beers out of their bottles - so I've never drunk beer in my life. But last night, I went through three 640ml bottles and two 340ml cans of Heineken & Carlsberg.

What the fucccck. I wasn't drunk, but it felt good. I felt floaty and happy. All the 5 of us bunk in Mary's apartment and it felt like I was behaving like a 'proper' teenager. Foolish, slightly drunk - silly happy. 3 guys and 2 girls on a king-sized bed, all tired from 10-hour shift of waitressing/bartending. Fun shit.

I told myself that I shouldn't drink because 1) I don't want a beer belly. 2) It's too expensive a habit 3) I could easily be an alcoholic if I want to, but I DON'T WANT TO!

But last night was such a great night. I texted to my dad, told him that I wouldn't be home and he said, "I trust you. Just don't make it a norm. Take care, dear."

I made Mary talk to my dad (just to reassure him that I'm all fine.)
And Mary said, "Sure Sir, you sound so sweet. Goodnight."

My reaction was like, "wtffff Mary? You said Sweet?! To my dad? hahahahaha!" What, I was a little high, methinks. And then she told me that he said, "Please take care of my pretty daughter for me. Keep her safe and sound. Thank you for your hospitality." and I was like, yeah that is so sweet of my dad and Mary, who was kinda drunk with me, squealed "Yeah! Sweet of your dad!" lolll.

Most dads would say that their daughters are beautiful. My own always tells me that I am pretty and for some silly reasons, I'd rather be pretty/sweet than to be beautiful - because it's specific; no frills or cheesiness.

Mary and I had a bonding session and she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her. I said, "Why not?" lol. I'm not a fucking smoker - it's bad for the lungs - but why not - just a stick. So I smoked for the third time last night. lul. Mary laughed. I laughed. And then we joined the guys back on the king-sized bed.

* *

So that was last night for me. I slept at 4am, woke up at 9am. Read Elle magazine, went back home, showered - made nice to my mom and in an hour's time, I'm off to work.

I feel the need to write this - sorry for the spammage - and I am feeling so silly and happy now. I mean, I NEVER THOUGHT I'd drink beer. But I did! So I guess everything is possible.

(And I realise - I'm just under 2 weeks away from meeting Emily, an aussie best friend of mine; regarded her as a sister- for the first time in my life! She's always been there for me, maybe not physically, but emotionally, I know she's always by my side - I know her for 2+ years already and god, I love her so much. I'm so hella excited!)

Take care, people.

* * *

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<sub>March

@</sub>quickdraw (2)
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~GreatGreenDragon (19)
~zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*DrowningByWords (4)
*roguewolf19 (6)
~Melens-rayne (6)
=hereditarynarcissism (8)
~rabid-squirrel (13)
~HONAW (16)
*maskofmirrors (17)
~ `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12312814/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12312814/ Tue, 27 Mar 2007 10:11:35 PDT
Enough about work talking from me. Even though it is about 70% of my entire life right now. But I'm shushed about it right now. Now.

I learn that it is sometimes easier to just suck it up and say things I don't mean - just to see if the person knows you well not to believe it. Most people would blindly believe it - but the special few who wouldn't believe that I could do certain things - like prostitution (Okay, bad example) - are the few people who would matter the world to me.

Because they wouldn't lose hope on me. It's like the humanistic approach to therapy or something like that.

Now, I do a lot of bad things people wouldn't think I could. Everyone does. What bad things? I don't really know. I have my angry moments when I treat people like shit - and it makes me feel happy inside. I have times when I treat people too nicely, and then they take advantage of me - and then I regret about being nice. It's fucked up, the way I learn from experience, or maybe it's just pure habit.

I like to say things I don't really mean - and watch people's reaction. Most of the time, I do mean whatever I say - but I just put it in a way that it is not socially acceptable. It can be fun.

A famous example would be, "I don't think fat people could ever be beautiful." I agree and disagree with my own statement. Oh, how politically incorrect is that?! I know, I know. But if I were to say that, I wouldn't 100% mean it, but I wouldn't 100% disagree with it.

My mom is fat - but she's such a beautiful person. Sophie Dahl was beautiful when she was fat. What is fat? Anything more than skinny - that is what I think it is. Where's the gray area? I don't know. It's simpler to look at things in black and white. Yes or no. Good or bad.

Does it even matter, to mean what you say these days? I find that people who agree with somebody too easily could be such a boring person. Even if you do - you gotta put something new forward, challenge something, make a conversation - anything! Just don't be too predictable - or maybe too argumentative.

My dad always tells me that sometimes I argue for the sake of argueing. Is it really for nothing? I think it's nice to think more of a subject - stretch it, find more meanings to something seemingly trivial - and learn more through discussion. Most people would find it a little too overbearing.

I'm just a girl with too many questions in her head, trying to find their answers, solutions, choices. The voices in my head won't shut the fuck up.

And it's good. I piss a lot of people off this way.

I wonder why the hell I'm grinning right now. End of today's crazy inner talks.

<3

* * *

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April

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=hereditarynarcissism (8)
~rabid-squirrel (13)
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PLEASE LEAVE YOUR BIRTHDATES BEHINDPLZ.


Clubs and Clubs

http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12191178/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 08:43:29 PDT 7th March - Plans for a drastic hair cut. (semi-done.)
10th March - 1) Tiramisu is THE dessert to have. Yummy. 2) Coldplay finally makes sense to me. 3) It sucks to work with old people (at the florist.)
12th March - Rob & Amber shouldn't have been eliminated from the Amazing Race.

S.A.A (Single and Available)

And no, that is not me. That acronym really bugs me - it's something a new colleague of mine told me. He said that he is S.A.A and if I want to, I could have him.

What the fuck is that? You don't SAY THAT out. He's a retard. Jesus, I regret going for lunch break with him. I thought he was kidding at first, but then he reassured me and said, "Seriously, I am available." What am I, a prostitute? LOL. So I told him to go to the dark alley and find a hooker. To which he said, "Nah, not interested." What a crazy fuck. One of the weirdest guys I ever made friends with.

AND AND AND I'm S.A.D. Single and Dontwantanyone. Side note, there.

**

Waitressing is such a taxing job. I love the work, but god, I am working for 7 days this week and my legs and feet are killing me. But I love the job. So I shouldn't be complaining.

Yes.

**

(angry rant)

1. Wish I could tell to a friend of mine that she is absolutely delusional. You can love yourself without having someone else to love you, can't you? I wonder if she will die a million times if he breaks her heart. Maybe she will. Only time will tell, but I am fucking sick of hearing everything that resembles the lala land. Just fucking shut up. I need you to shut up. Shut up, or else... I can't do anything. Fuck fuck fuck.

2. I'm pissed off with myself for having hearing troubles. It's been like this since I was a kid, and I thought it was normal, but I realise that it's not now. I just can't make out certain things - and it pisses me off. My eyesight's bad, my hearing's 6.5/10, and I stumble into my words when I'm fucking stressed out. Why can't my senses work?

3. Someone tells me that I am skinny. Why does it even piss me off? I should be happy, but the fact is, I am not skinny! I feel big, I feel so full of flesh and I want to be SKINNY and believe it. But right now, I am not skinny. My bones are big. I hate seeing about 2 of my ribs and still know that I am of normal weight. I am not seeking for attention here - this is for me to read, damnit. I don't want people telling me such lies - I AM NOT SKINNY. Skinny is 110 lbs and 5'6". I am 5'6.5" and about 126 lbs. How is that skinny?! I am so tempted to really... do something awful... because that's what I do when I feel self-conscious, when people start noticing how I look like. But today, I just feel too tired to act on it.

4. I got my exam results already. I find it funny that I got the highest grade for the subject I mostly hated. Macroeconomics - B+. And thank goodness I got a C+ for my F&B exam. I'm never, ever gonna want to re-take that subject, which is primarily full of wines (I HATE WINE, FUCKDAMNIT.) liqueurs, food, you name it, we have it.)

5. My computer crashed and I have to use my bro's computer. This is possibly the suckiest shit ever, but it forces me to sleep and do something else I suppose.

Uhm. Take care of yourselves, and have fun.
Thanks for listening.

END!

* * *

The Birthday List


<sub>January

=</sub>roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
*jeregrettebcoup (11)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*lilclairey (21)
!xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/12061010/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 02:24:58 PST 7th March - Plans for a drastic hair cut. (semi-done.)
10th March - 1) Tiramisu is THE dessert to have. Yummy. 2) Coldplay finally makes sense to me. 3) It sucks to work with old people (at the florist.)
12th March - Rob & Amber shouldn't have been eliminated from the Amazing Race.

This is brought to you by ~La-Dolly-Vita

1. What is your favourite fruit?
Mm... Granny Smith Apples? I hardly have any, these days.

2. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like your house?
I'll give a nine, because I only come back to use the computer, eat and sleep. Most of my hours are spent either in school or at work. The only downfall is the lack of food/snacks. Sometimes, I come home, only to see foods that I don't eat - ramen and sugar biscuits. wtf is that.

3. What is your favourite flavour jelly bean?
I never had it. Maybe once, but it's not as good as gummies, so I don't eat it anymore.

4. What does your screensaver look like?
A picture of a cat I stole from dA. It's too cute.

5. Look at something randomly..what is it?
I'm at my brother's room - I see toy monsters and small stereos and loads of papers flying around.

6. What are your uncles' names?
I don't know their names! Srsly. I only meet them once in 2 years or so.

7. What is your favourite dark drink? (if you dont have a clue what this question means, its like cola and blueberry juice, not sprite or soda-water)
Diet Coke. Coke Light. Coke Light w/ Lemon. Pepsi Max. Anything with zero cals, ftw.

8. What are you having for dinner?
Maybe nothing. I had a heavy brunch.

9. Do you like flash games?
I don't play with games anymore. My fingers aren't so good.

10. Do you know what Oden is?
Nope.

11. What kind of camera do you have?
I have none.

12. What food do you hate the most?
Bland food. That being said, I regretted having Aglio Olio - its taste is too subtle. I added on too much cheese to make up with the lack of taste instead.

13. Do you like Sonic characters?
Tails

14.What is your favourite kind of kitty?!!
One that won't scratch when stroked. Like 2 out of my three cats.


hmm... I tag...

No one. Instead, I'm asking if anyone's interested to design my CSS. I'll give out a one-month sub. That being said, I'm not asking for a lot - A simplistic, minimalistic looking journal - color preference: Black, red, white, pinkish hue, purple.

That's it. Take care all of you.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
*jeregrettebcoup (11)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*lilclairey (21)
!xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
~angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
~smallsingularity (12)
~http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11967950/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 22:17:44 PST
1.) List Four fandoms you have.
- deviantART forum
- Journal writing
- Chatting
- Computer-related tasks (not games; just surfing & researching?)

2.) Have you ever slept in the back of a car?
Um. Yeah... a cab is considered a car, right? I do that millions of times... on buses, on trains. Many, many times when tiredness just overcomes me.

3.) Have you recently dyed your hair/cut it?
I cut a part of it myself. Dyed it months ago myself.

4.) List four people that you look up to the most.
My father, my grandmother, my mom, and I don't know. I don't think I can name people who have inspired me. You can include Oscar Wilde and Jeanette Winterson.

5.) How many pets do you own as of now?
Three. All cats.. and I think you could see their pics. They're really, really the cutest things. <3

6.) Which do you prefer white or black?
Black.

7.) Who is your most played character?
In what? I HARDLY play games anymore.

8.) Choose one or the other, not both:
-Being stuck on an island with your best friend
-Being stuck on an island with 5 acquaintances

On a boring island, more is always merrier. A friend, a best friend one would probably be sick and bored of looking at me and me being bored of her if it's for ever.

9.) Name three aspects that tell who you are.
Quirky, unsure/confused, easily pleased.

10.) If you could have a power what would it be?
Emotional strength, for now.

11.) Who was the last person you talked to?
Emily (online), Fiona (classmate - offline)

12.) Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
Emily.

13.) Write down the first five words that pop into your mind
oh
god
i'm
okay
not

14.) What's one thing you wish you could do better?
Expressing feelings in a way that it touches people.

15.) Do you like the way you are?
Sometimes.

16.) Choose, Summer or Winter:
Winter

17.) Choose, Rain or snow:
Rain

18.) Water or ice?
Water

19.) List two odd things about yourself:
I can make anything sound interesting and precious.
And I can know somebody, just know them. Know how their feelings are, how they're thinking in their minds.

20.) Now tag 5 people who should do this quiz!
*missy-star
*scrattletrap
=WorstCaseGenius
*KagomeResurrected
=dVusMind

* * *

The Birthday List


<sub>January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
*jeregrettebcoup (11)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*lilclairey (21)
!xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
~angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
~smallsingularity (12)
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=saronix (20)
~ `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11954123/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11954123/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 22:21:42 PST
So it's better now, to talk about it with rational head. It's a journal, so I guess I better use it to the fullest potential.

x x

I think it's very brave of Mike to initiate it. He knew it wouldn't work out due to many reasons, but most of all, he is not in love with me. I have come to terms with that. Now. Just now and believe me, because I thought I couldn't ever accept that, but I have.

I'm 18, I'm mature enough to know that I cannot make him love me, and he's not the only one who's going to love me. I am not that bad, after all. I'm a complete person, and that being said, it's stupid to think that the world's going to end. It is not. He knew it wouldn't work, and to be honest with you, I knew it couldn't work, simply due to many heavy, heavy-as-rocks things between us.

The distance is one thing. The financial difficulty is another. And thirdly, this is internet. This is just internet. It's real, but we never had the chance to hold each other, make each other happy when one's in pain, see each other face to face. There is only , , , and and . It's not fair for me, and it's not fair for him. We're human beings - we need more than just this, to keep it going. This is the biggest rock of them all. Call it Mountain Everest. It is like that, although it's not a mountain, but you get what I mean, I know you do.

How do I fare with this rational thinking? Cuz it is bloody, bloody hard to keep it real, to be honest about this so soon, but I find that it feels better, if I just let it all out, face it - head on. HAH, he always says that.

Both of us are trying to be friends. I think it's for the best. I used to think that ex's can never be friends because it's too hurtful, but I think that's avoiding pain. I know I'm feeling pain right now, but somehow, it lightens me, it makes my shoulders feel less heavy, because there's nothing stopping me now. Nothing to think about - I am free. He is free. We are gone. There's only me, him and I know he is going to be fine, and I am going to be fine.

AND THIS JOURNAL IS NOT MEANT TO BE CHEESY!

It is. But you know, cheesy is me. I'm a hopeless romantic. Both of us tried very hard for the past year - not ANYONE can commit to this, for a year. Believe me, we're days from our 1st year anniversary.

I talked through about this with my parents. Hell, I never thought they could be understanding to me. I thought they were going to laugh at me, but they didn't. They told me to cry out loud, cry so that I would not cry anymore. One thing they did say was, that he was honest with me, and that 'he was quite a gentleman' - that's my mom for you. Well, he is.

x x x

Growing up is all about learning, right? So for once, I want to learn. As painful as it is, I think it's worth it. It's worth it to experience this. To learn from it is the most important part. To cherish our friendship for now.

Fate changes everything.

It sure does.

x x x

So what am I going to do for now, to nurse the pain? I have cried a lot, I think I must've lost about a pound of water in the process. For the first time in my life, I let him watch me cry, looking all terrible, not wanting to hide. I watched him cry. It is painful for both of us. I want him to feel better, but I know he can do it. He wants to go to America - he can do whatever he wants.

As for me, I think I'm going to get back into the fitness scene. Be an workout fiend like I used to be. Kick butt. Go back to running, which I am good at. Work on my relationship with my family - I just realise that family, is ultimately, the one I should die for, cry for. Not a guy, not anyone in my life. I'm going to study harder... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11946388/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11946388/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 10:48:35 PST
That's about it. Thought I'd just keep it a secret.. but there's no use. We're still friends now and everything.

I wish I could say I am fine, but this is possibly the worst.. day ever. But I'm fine.

Yeah, I think I won't be on dA for some time.

Take care.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
*jeregrettebcoup (11)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*lilclairey (21)
!xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
~angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
~smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

@quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
~zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~rabid-squirrel (13)
*maskofmirrors (17)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
=summaro (30)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*MurkHellsing (16)
*VernonX9000 (18)
~MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
=joysoftruth (3)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~TrueDesertFox (15)
~Xyan (18)
*A-side-chaos (19)

July

=... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11930732/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11930732/ Fri, 23 Feb 2007 05:42:09 PST
Hey all, again.

I am here, just to write a fairly positive journal to clear up the negativity that has been surrounding me and my journal for the past weeks. It doesn't feel good to feel bad and angry inside, but mwahahaha, this week has been kinda joyful to me! So I might as well write about it.

x x

I never thought I'd get an I Rub My Duckie from a certain lover... (YOU! ) Let's have the look at that purty duck! (It even complements the color of my journal, ahmygawd. )



The name of my Duck is now Skinky, not Paris, which is its original name.

It's basically a body massager () with a twist. Here's the link to a page! for more description of the infamous duck.

Ow yeah, this is one interesting gift that should keep on giving, for as long as the batteries last. As I am a lady, I dunno how to use the screwdriver to open up the cap to insert the battery, so Skinky's basically inactive for nao. (I'll get my dad to help me... maybe. I hope he won't give me shifty looks. )

My 'red dots' just came today, so I think I'm gonna stuff myself with chocolates and comfort food to get past the cramps.

Compared to this duck, I think I have sent Mike uninteresting gifts! But thoughtful ones, of course. I cannot afford a Fleshlight (Oh hai, you can google the pic out yourself. ) so that option's out. Sorry love, no sex toys for j00, until I can find a better job than being a part-time florist.

So all in all, life's okay and I just lost $300 because I didn't adhere to the T&C of my insurance plan, so what can I do, right? It's my own mistake 'and I should face it, head on.' And that's like Mike's fave line ever. $300 - lawls, ME MONEY! But it's my own crappy mistake; shouldn't have signed up for insurance savings plan, but at the time it sounded like a good idea!

So whatev. Hope everyone's having a good time - I just had another belated birthday gifts from my aunt, which are Ferrero Rocher chocs and ten bucks. So life's pretty good this week.

Take care, guys.

PS: And if you have any ultimate kinky birthday present ideas, PLEASE do not hesitate to tell me! I would LOVE to hear suggestions and stuff.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
*jeregrettebcoup (11)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11860948/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11860948/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 21:53:39 PST


Oh my god. Cats just have life so pretty good. That bastard is just sitting prettily down there, looking so effortly gorgeous. I JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE IT AND LOVE IT. No words can express my fascination with this creature.

It's like the most beautiful thing, ever. Why cats - you just eat, sleep, be pretty and you manage to capture so many hearts. Just look at those delicate toes! And the, "Oh, look at me, I'm so beautiful" face.

In my next life, I wanna be a fucking cat.

x x x

So Sunday. Life goes on. Exams are coming in 2 week's time, I should be freaking out. But I am not. BAD BAD SIGN. I'm having to learn about F&B stuff, and the toughest of all - WINE!

I hate WINE. Wine tastes like shit. But it must be because I don't know how to appreciate it, right? Fuck it, I prefer vodka.

x x x

Hello, how are you?
Do you really care?
Yes.
I'm fine. Otherwise, I feel terrible. At my most terrible.

Don't ask me, or anyone How Are You? They'll say FINE without meaning it. It's boring, it's standardised. People, can you please tell me, why say fine when you're clearly fucking NOT?

x x

Uhm. I think I have said too much. Ranted too much. I needed things off my chest. You know, there's a reason why my username is nosugarjustanger. Because I'm exactly that.

Well. Eat well, and take care.





PS: I feel so much better now, and I realise that most of what I have written here were written out of extreme angst and I was getting too emotional and irritated. Sorry.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
~lilclairey (21)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
~angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
~smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

@quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
= `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11705787/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11705787/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 05:01:56 PST
So I am 18 now. Life doesn't change much. Maybe I expect too much from the so-called adulthood. I'm still the same old, same old girl. I don't think I could ever quite grasp the meaning of becoming an 'adult'. I eat the same, I talk the same, I sleep the same (well, maybe lesser hours) and I dream the same.

Is age really just a number?

So my 18th birthday was one of the magical moments. Sweet. Interesting, and I laughed a lot. Genuinely happy. Gosh, so many great (and some notable bad) things happened in 2007!

*

Sushi eating. Conveyor belt. Me = Happy. Very happy and bloated.

Insecure. *peeks at bloated tummy*

Even bought a white pair of heels. Oh god, I am almighty tall with them. I think I'd be around 5'11" with those. Reallly, reallllly beautiful. I'm gonna wear those tomorrow - and I've got an informal presentation tomorrow, so I'm so going to dress to impress (myself.) for some confidence.

*

When it comes to music, 2005 was all about Green Day, The Offspring, New Found Glory and all the pop-punk genre for me. I even got into Jazz for a moment, and stuffed my drawers with so many of their records.

Last year (2006), I got into the Dandy Warhols, Garbage, Erasure, Depeche Mode, etc. Dandy Warhols is such a great band... I recall listening to those guys almost every day. Tracks like 'Bohemian Like You', 'Sleep', 'You Were The Last High' among others are really so gooood. I'm still obsessed with them now, but I cease to listen to them. A good friend recommended Muse to me, and even though I knew them before, 2006 was the year that I really got into their music. Their music speaks to me, in strange ways... their lyrics are simple but they have meanings to them, which I really love.

Their music often gets me into tears. Due to probable depression (self-diagnose, hell yea) and admiration. I wonder how people make music - it's beyond me.

And currently 2007 - it is all about Muse now. Muse and The Vines. And some of Mars Volta. I tried to get into Amy Winehouse, whom Mike seems to adore so much, but I cannot get into her. I wish I could. It makes you happy when somebody else likes what you like, right? Right. And at least I like some of Radiohead.

Isn't it pathetic that I feel so joyous when he tells me he likes Muse's Plug in baby? I always think of him as an anti-Muse person. But aarrgh, he likes them. I know he likes them. Men and their ego. :B

*

I can't write much anymore now. Not enough time and plus, everything I write seems to talk too much about depression, anger, and hopelessness. I don't wanna be those, so I reckon if I stop writing for a while, I'd be less emotional.

*

I miss him... and Valentine's Day is around the corner. You know how I feel now? I feel like I'm just a spirit.. like, I wish I could feel nothing, do nothing, breathe nothing. I'm not living a life. I'm living through daily plans set up by external things like school, work, projects, exams. I'm not living - much.

I wish I could hold him, look at him, maybe stand next to him. Simple little things that most people take for granted, I wouldn't look at those things the same way now. He says that the best things in life are free...

But you know they're not for free... in a way, if you look at how I look at it - to have them all, money is needed. Those simple little things - they require money.

If only I could cash in all the love I have, I swear I'd be a zillionaire of some sorts. Maybe my cats could testify for me... but that's just another thing altogether.

*

I still haven't got his gift... so many things happened and men, what do they like? I wanted to get a watch.. but well, how can a middle range watch compare to a Fossil? It's like, what is a Walmart dress compared to anything Prada? Of course.. gifts from the loved ones are good, but gotta be realistic when it comes to things like this >.>

Wanted to get him a PSP case, but he got it already. *shakefist* Got him a wallet, and he bought a new one for himself days after I already did! (his 2006 birthday). Now wtf is thaaat.

Tomorrow I'm gonna have to go shopping again. Realllly. I'm probably gonna get him something that he could hug. Isn't it a little too cheesy? I want it to scream loveeee without sounding like hallmark love.

We'll see how it goes. I talked too much again.

Take care, guys.



* * *
`nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11630717/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11630717/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 03:20:07 PST
Alicia, my ex-best friend, said she'd treat me to a bottle of liquor. And then she demanded that I should treat her a meal. Well, I was okay with it, so I said yes.

I think I'm gonna go with the original plan of having a big platter of sashimi for myself. And maybe sake to go along with it. So my birthday's not gonna be something BIIIGGGG; I want it to be as personal and as low-key and at the same time, intimate and speschul.

~radicus-wolf tagged everyone to do this quiz, so yeah, here I go!

--

1. Do you give the peace sign a lot?
Not at all.

2. How many Abercrombie things do you own?
None.

3. When was the last time you kissed someone?
A week ago.

4. Can you do a cartwheel?
I can't.

5. Are you depressed?
I think I am, but you know what self-diagnose is.

6. Last time you cried & why?
A week ago. Because I'm a hyper-emotional person.

7. Do you regret something you did yesterday?
None that I could think of. Yesterday was a GREAT day.

8. Are you allergic to anything?
I don't think so.

9. Have you ever been tubing?
A little.

10. Has school started yet?
Yeah.

11. Do you own a guitar?
No.

12. Have you ever rode in an ambulance?
Nope.

14. Who do you hate?
A lot... but none of which I could name. Mostly they're strangers that do things that I don't really like. Even babies. Gosh, I hate babies, but I am sure if I have one of my own, I'd love it. I hate them because they're so helpless and cry all the time, I feel like I cannot do anything to comfort them. That, and noise pollution.

15. Crayons or markers?
Markers.

16. What age do you wish you were?
I want to stay 17.

17. Do you shower facing the shower head or with your back to it?
With my back to it. I nap during shower.. at times.

18. Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
My cellphone.

19 What is the closest object to your right?
Cologne.

21. How many windows are up on your computer?
3

22. Do you share your computer with anyone?
Mostly mine.

23. What kind of cell phone do you have?
... I don't want to tell. It reminds me of my stolen new one.

24. What color are the walls in your room?
Faint pink!

25. Are you wearing socks?
Nope.

26. How many hours did you sleep last night?
5.

27. Did you ever get the chicken pox?
Yeahhh.

28. Have you been outside your house today?
Absolutely yes!

29. What is the last movie you saw in theatres?
Can't remember. Maybe it's Kingdom of Heaven... maybe it's Spy Kids 3. I can't be sure.

30. did you like it?
NO WAI. I slept halfway through the movie.


YOU:
[Relationship status] Attached/Detached. D:
[Parents Still Together] Yeah.
[Pets] 3 cats!

LOVE:
[You believe in love at first sight?] Nope.

[Do you believe in "the one?"] Yeah. I'm the kind of person that falls for someone far too easily, but that feeling normally goes after a while if it's not real. I'm a sucker for men who can carry conversations and make me curious about them and laugh. Doesn't make things easier that I am too easily impressed.

[Too shy to make the first move?] When it comes to making friends, I'm normally the one to make the first move. When it comes to me and 'the one' *cough*, I was the one to declare my feelings for him. Then again, I make the first move because I think I'm an impatient person. D:

WHAT DO YOU WANT:
[Where do you want to live] Englaaaand.
[How many kids do you want] None or two.
[Do you want to get married] Heck yes.

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:
[Bought something] Yeah. Foooood.
[Gotten sick] My eyes feel pain.
[Sang] yeah.
[Felt stupid] Nope.
[Felt abusive] Always.
[Gotten high] Emotional high - maybe.
[Danced crazy] Nevoor.
[Gotten your hair cut] Nope.
[Watched cartoons]Nope. http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11419436/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 08:07:00 PST
First off, I'm done with my job of selllllling cookies. I'm going to be a flower girl, selling dried flowers and aromatherapy products in a handicraft shop this coming week! And I would be smelling really like flowers then!

No uniforms - but strictly no sexy clothes. Mwahaha. I'd be taking up two part-time jobs, I think. One as a pseudo-florist and another one as a staff in an event management company. AND I'm still a full-time student. As you can imagine, I am reallly, realllllly motivated to just do anything to fill up my hours.

I just got back my mid-term results. 84/100 for Macroeconomics, 35/40 for Principles of Management and B+ for Food and Beverage. It's not too bad at all, and I feel like I have accomplished something and it feels good inside.

Received a card from Jake (=jake10684) for Christmas --- I dunno what's up with the postal service, but well, better late than never! It made me smiiilleee a lot, so well, I'm so full of happiness this January and I think it's a nice change from the usual depressing things and weariness. I'll definitely return his kindness with something of my own.

I had a nice, healthy plate of Spaghetti Marinara last night ... and it was awesome. I'd take Mike to that restaurant, definitely. I'd get him a half dozen of escargot, a bowl of mushroom soup and a main course. I love talking about food - it's like an obsession. And it makes me happy! And I just had cheese fries again just now.

My new year resolution is probably not going to do well this first month of the year, but I'm so happy that I feel happy for a change! Six projects are still waiting to be completed ----- by the end of this coming week --- and it's freaking me out. Oh, the adrenaline rush.

Well, that's the end of my journal. And I would like to include the fact that my cat, Noby, has been sterilized. So she can't get pregnant now! And she's still so active. The vet weighed her and she was 7.5 pounds. She's looking so adorable now. :B




* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~jkrende (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
~lilclairey (21)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
~smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

@quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11286306/ Tue, 02 Jan 2007 09:57:46 PST
The Typical Whine Fest

I kind of forgot how it went by so fast yet so slowly at certain painful days and nights.

I remember saying that 2006 was the best year in my life. I remember saying that I had no better time than 2006. I had a part-time job, I made some fun friends to share laughs and dirty jokes with, online and offline. I learnt some awful lessons in life, I found love on this site unexpectedly, I nearly got into trouble with the law (too long a story), and I learnt to treat myself better.

I recall those days when things went badly and I felt like I lost control. I remember buying loads of junk food, gorging myself up only to throw up when things didn't go my way. Those days were gone now, I somehow managed to cope with everything without abusing myself towards the end of the year.

I used to be self-destructive to forget about the emotions, but now that I don't do that, I cry late at nights. I am not sure why I'm like this, but it just happens. I let it happen. Somehow, all the bad feelings set in and just break me down. I used to numb those emotions. Now that I don't, I find that things are getting difficult, in different ways.

*

I don't know why I am writing this down. Just for me, I guess. I just need to talk about how 2006 had been. It was a memorable year, with highest of high and the lowest of the low. I am going to be 18 in a month's time, it should be a big thing. Now that I think of it, 2006 was both a fucked up year and the best year of my entire life. I should be happy - at least it was memorable. I should be happy that I never felt so happy, loved and accepted in my whole life in some moments of 2006. For some reasons, these all seemed so difficult for me to grasp.

The New Year Resolutions

Seeing that I achieved my 2006's resolution, I should work towards making my goals a reality for this year.

Work out once weekly at the gym. Limit cheese fries intake to one serving per week. Never think about going back to how I was (bulimia). Sleep no later than 3am for weekdays. Save up at least $50 monthly. Stop being mean and joining in gossip conversations. Have better relationships with my family. Clean my room up every last day of the month. Be more patient. Stop being bitchy to Mike.

Not too difficult, I think. I hope everyone will have a great year this 2007. I hope to celebrate my birthday in a big way with my friends... and I'll definitely celebrate it with a big sashimi palate all to myself. Cheese fries too.

Yeah, I'm outtie.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*lilclairey (21)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

*nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
~rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~ `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11173447/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11173447/ Sun, 24 Dec 2006 10:07:17 PST Thanks to =patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier. And for the avatar!
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar. (Still in my hard drive. )

-------------------------------------------

Stolen from ~ub3r-1337-501d47

AND I FUCKING TAGGING ALL OF YOU.

Are you emo?

[X]You hate the world.
[X]You hate society.
[ ]You think vampires are cool.
[X]You write poetry.
[X]You have colored your hair black.
[X]You wear black/blue eyeliner at times.
[X]You write poetry that's not for school.
[ ]You are freakishly obsessed with darkness.
[ ]You think love is a waste of time.
[ ]You've given up on the world.

Total - 6.

[ ]You've shopped at Hot Topic.
[ ]You've spent over $100 at Hot Topic.
[ ]You wear more bracelets than a Russian.
[ ]You own a dog collar, that's not for your dog.
[ ]You're extremely pale.
[X]You are a member of a poetry site.
[ ]Your screen name has been an oxymoron.
[ ]You are an atheist or agnostic.
[ ]You don't believe in god.
[ ]Your screen name has/had Xs in it.

Total - 1.

[X]You have been referred to as scary.
[X]You have been referred to as demented.
[X]You have been referred to as weird.
[X]You have been known to hate teachers.
[X]You have been known to cause trouble.
[ ]Your hair has been dyed a color that was not natural.
[ ]You have at least one photoshopped picture on myspace.
[X]You think pictures look better in greyscale or sepia tone.
[X]You are scared of yourself sometimes.

Total - 7.

[X] Suicide has crossed your mind.
[X]You have screamed before.
[X]You use big words that no one has ever heard before on occasion.
[X]You've seen The Exorcist.
[X]You liked The Exorcist.
[ ]You've seen Saw.
[ ]You liked Saw.
[ ]You've done voodoo.
[ ]You hate sports.
[ ]You dress up as the most morbid thing possible on Halloween.

Total - 5.

[ ]Halloween is one of your favorite holidays.
[X]You have an obsession with fire.
[X]You have only a couple of actual friends.
[X]You're not afraid of spiders.
[X]You have had a conversation about how you want to die.
[X]You've painted your nails black.
[ ]One or more of your myspace pics had writing on them.
[X]You have had the word "...." in your display name.
[X]You love art.
[X]You like art with negative meanings.

Total - 8.

Now add up your total and multiply by two
27 x 2 = 54

54% Emo. Mwahaha.

PS: I did this just for fun. Happy Christmas you closet emos!

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11147735/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11147735/ Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:13:04 PST Thanks to =patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier. And for the avatar!
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar. (Still in my hard drive. )

-------------------------------------------

1) How come no matter how much fiber I take, I'm always, eternally constipated? God bless laxatives for helping me out. Me -> 5 freaking days without anything happening! Hmph. Fuck you, bananas, raisins, apples, vegetables, oatmeal, potato + its skins. Fuck, fuck you.

2) Have anyone made new year resolutions yet? I think I have. I want to be less obsessed about weight, food, and exercise. I'm going to limit my intake of cheese fries from three plates weekly to once weekly. I made my mom use canola oil for cooking now. She used to use refined palm oil which is high in saturated fats.. er, I shouldn't be obsessed with food now so shush me up now.

3) For Christmas, I got $20 from my dad and a huge ass pink pillow from that special someone. He wrapped the gift up with this "innocent" wrapping paper of nude women in bikinis and undies and I appreciated that. I should do the same next time, wrapping his presents with a collage paper of nude men and trannies.

4) I forgot how the previous version of dA looks like. Really. I am loving this new version... and to think that I used to hate it. I love it now.

5) Christmas is coming. Hehe. I don't celebrate it but oh well, it's just nice to see many end-of-year sales all around! Makes me happy even though I'm totally broke to be spending money. I should get some new clothes because the ones I have now are either disintegrating or looking rather haggard.

6) A merry, merry Christmas to everyone here on dA. May you have tons of awesome gifts and a better year in 2007.



Stay safe this festive season!

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
~rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/11022382/ Sun, 10 Dec 2006 20:56:08 PST Thanks to =patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier. And for the avatar!
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar. (Still in my hard drive. )

-------------------------------------------

1) It is so ironic how much I thought I could trust my close colleague. Turns out that she's the prime suspect to take my cell phone. She staged her own loss of cell, definitely.

I'm feeling down, down, down, down. Not a tinge of remorse on her face; just anger and frustration to find out that I'm not so stupid to think she's not the one. She IS the one. Hmm.

2) Studying < Work. Working sucks! Especially in this Christmas season; people just have so much disposable cash. It's just so weird, weird. I could say the same about myself a little. There was this mini lingerie sale and I loveddd it.

3) I'm thinking of holding a mini competition, since I have a debit card now (YAAAY) so I could probably give subs as the prizes. It's probably gonna be something silly, like, "Create a poem of 3 lines to describe yourself in the most creative way possible."

4) I'm looking into getting a new job elsewhere, like this retail clothing shop I see. My fortE (the funny e) is selling and establishing relationships with people (customers *cough*), so it'd be all selling and marketing for me. Even though I'm not really in Marketing in school.

5) I don't even know what's fun anymore. Anyone else is still into Neopets? Seriously, I'm like, obsessed with it recently. I actually made 60,000 points in a period of three weeks.

Anywho, *hugs* to all of you guys, ~missy-star, and *KagomeResurrected. --> for humoring him and being such an awesome friend to the boi.

* * *

The Birthday List


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
~rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdr... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10992433/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10992433/ Fri, 08 Dec 2006 08:15:04 PST Thanks to =patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier. And for the avatar!
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar. (Still in my hard drive. )

-------------------------------------------

Ahhh, December. The season of giving... and taking.

If you haven't got the news, I lost my cellphone. If you haven't got the new updates, here it is - I am not the only one who lost my cellphone in my workplace. A good colleague of mine also lost hers. She lost hers on Wednesday and me, Thursday.

The thief must've been the right bunch of nitwit because we have the CCTV on and we know who she is. We are just waiting to see her fucking reaction and we WOULD definitely kick her into the place she belongs. Hopefully hell.

I reported this case to the police and so did my colleague. So we're just hoping for the best.

*

It's not just a cellphone. I had memorable pics of my cats, my mates, numbers of friends I don't meet ever so often, my poetry, and also the chance to communicate with my boyfriend though internet texting. Since my old phone's outdated and couldn't support that function.

(I felt hopeless, kinda. Stuck with this 4 year old phone, it makes me feel like shit after using a 3G phone for a month.)

No amount of money could ever bring them all back. I'm not the richest of the lot, and since I got this phone using my own hard-earned money, it feels like big slap on my face. WITH THE camera taking videos while I got slapped big time. I don't have the means to get myself a new phone now and perhaps for the next 2 years.

I'm so fucking tired. But this incident kinda makes me realise how I took some things for granted. It also makes me do some soul searching because we've all told lies, and made mistakes now and then. Intentionally.

This New Year, I resolve to really be 100% true to myself and not do anything to hurt anyone else, seriously. I used to think that I hated my parents because they always told me, "You deserve it." But for this case, they have been so kind and supportive to me, I have never felt this way with them in my entire life. My mom even let me get closer to her and I hugged her and she didn't push me away. It felt really great inside.

They even got me my favourite food - CHEESE FRIES! on top of dinner with hopes to cheer me up, I think. It makes me kinda happy and sad inside. I guess they do care about me.

*

Enough about the phone. The good news - Mike has got the job! I dunno what a text seller (??!) does, but I'm just so happy he gets the job. He has tried so hard and both of us used to spend hours and hours searching for jobs online and having spats about them. I remember myself totally persuading him to take up a teaching job.

And I remember the time when he suggested for me to work in the Hooters and I said no. He said, "But you said you would do anything!" Hahaha, it made me realise how dumb I was to force something onto somebody. Teaching's not for him, really.

I sent the parcel of christmas & birthday present to him and I felt good. At last, it's reaching the land of fish and chips and cold weather. I'm hoping he'd like it, I'm sure he'd say the same (d'oh!) but I'm also anticipating my gift to come!

Emily (~missy-star), a great friend of mine whom I regarded like my own sister, has left for Melbourne to undergo a major surgery. I'm worried for her, and we talked for more than 6 hours on Monday, just so we wouldn't miss each other for the next 3 weeks. If I could have a wish, I wish I could do a round-the-world trip to everywhere to meet her and of course, my dear love. I hope she'd do fine and hey, if you have the time, why not leave "Get well soon!"... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10935823/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10935823/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 11:20:04 PST Thanks to =patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier. And for the avatar!
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar. (Still in my hard drive. )

-------------------------------------------



Yay or Nay?

*

What the fuck. I think I lost my FUCKING MOBILE PHONE!!! I just got a new one last month and when I got back home, it's gone!! I must have misplaced it in my workplace because I KNOW it has been with me all the time.

I have never felt so lost. There are so many brilliant photos of my cats in the phone, and if I were to lose the phone, it'd be so fucking shit. There were funny vids of my cats. Sorry, too many cat stuff but I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY PHONE!! I gotta ask my colleague to check if it's there (I hope they'd not take my phone) ..

Oh god, if I really lose it, I'm gonna fucking be depressed. It's the model that I could use Reporo for and I thought I could start using it to contact him easily.. if I really lose this phone, it's just simply so unbelievable.

... I dunno what to do now. It cost me quite a lot to get it, using my own money, and I love it too much. I dunno what I'm gonna do if I REALLY lose it. It's no way that I left it anywhere but work because I don't sleep on the bus and anywhere. I just left my bag in the locker.

Siiiigh. So much for the seasons of giving. I'm in such a foul mood right now and if it is true that I lose my phone, I doubt I'd have the appetite to do anything or even care about anything. AARRGHHH!!

Ok, that's it.

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
~rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)<... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10667272/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10667272/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 08:29:05 PST Thanks to *patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier.
Kisses to =Artemendo for his quirky avatar.

-------------------------------------------

This would be quite a bitchy rant/a list of complaints coming from me. Might be a semi-write 11 things about people tag.

1) I'm sick of you telling me (and others) that you are hot even if I am think you are not. Stop combing your hair in front of everyone - you totally make yourself look like a sissy. (The journal title was a fair contribution by you.)

2) Sometimes I think common sense and natural intelligence are lacking from book smarts people. When are you gonna learn to think outside of the fucking box? You are given 2 hours to do your part in a project work and all you can come up with are 3 hyperlinks that make no sense? And 2 of which are BROKEN LINKS! Is this what you are gonna give to your customers when they ask you for your market analysis and research? Stupid fuck, I dunno what you're doing in a business school.

3) The reason why he doesn't talk to you is because you don't seem to want to talk to him. It's not that he was trying to avoid you. You seem comfortable to be with your good friend 24/7 anyways.

4) Saying 'hi' and 'bye' is a waste of time. It doesn't matter if you say that to a hundred people - you think I'd be going gaga over that? I'd rather have a nice decent conversation that doesn't sound awkward and contrived. Those are acquaintances - not friends.

5) Bah.

6) It's not that I am happy all the time. I may be smiling for most of the time, but that is to conceal what I am really feeling. Why am I doing this? It's been years and it becomes a habit.

7) You are friendly and nice and I dig your glasses.

8) I love you. *wink*

9) You are so good-looking, it scares me.

10) I wonder what you're doing out there, in the cold weather. It must be very cold. Is it snowing?

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
*http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10515443/ Thu, 26 Oct 2006 09:22:00 PDT Thanks to *patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier.
Kisses to ~Artemendo for his quirky avatar.

-------------------------------------------

Oooomg.

School is taking its toll on me. 8.30am till 5pm (!!), proceeded by work at 5.30pm till 10.30pm. I would collapse one day, if I don't take care of myself, but I am managing well enough.

I think my friends dragged me along into this 50-mile charity walk... so... Since I totally stopped working out much, this would be a good chance for me to train my stamina back up. But 50 miles?? Damn, friends can be quite sneaky.

*

I went to school, and thorougly enjoyed t lesson on macroeconomics. Wore a skorts (a miniskirt with shorts inside.) and a plain tee, with a pair of heels (Stupid, stupid me!) and what the hell was I doing in that get-up?! My feet was aching from too much walking, but I suppose that's the price of fashion or whatever we call it these days.

Then I had a 3-hour break, so I decided to collect a parcel from somebody and all of a sudden, I had to carry like 10-15 pounds worth of books, and papers, and a shoe box (parcel), containing a cute teddy bear, a keychain monkey with a banana shirt and a kinky underpants (IT'S a FUCKMONKEY. ) and THE BEST OF ALL - Pet tree! [link]

*

He told me he would NEVER EVER buy me that cuz it's pointless. He broke mai little hart, and now it's okay back. DAMN, he's always pulling this little tricks on me, but heh, it's quite nice to see that tiny little tree on my table now. Thank you so much, he-bitch.

After that, my friends and I had lunch at KFC. I decided to have a burger meal... I gave away my drink, and I ate half the burger, gave the other half to a still-hungry mate. The fries, we shared it among us. I dunno what's wrong with me.. I'm just not interested much in food. Maybe I was too happy, or too nervous.. or too tired, walking around with a shoebox and a big sling bag of books and booklets. But the company of friends were great, and it feels so much better eating with others than being all alone. Like I can fill myself up with happiness and laughters instead of excess calories. If that makes sense.

*

My first lesson in Creative Writing elective course, so I had to make new friends and settle down quick and I hoped the skorts helped. I made new fast friends and the course was definitely so enjoyable. I LOVE IT. One of the friends' name is Barnabus, which totally reminds me of Bangbus (sorry.) so I asked him, "Should I call you... Barnett or .. ?" And he said, "You can call me Barney. "

It's probably my fave class of all courses I have, so I am so, so elated. Sounds like it's gonna be a great semester for me. I'm too happy for my own good. Barney, me, and other three group members won a "Design a card for a girlfriend you wanna break up with" mini-class competition - and we got ourselves a big pack of kitkats. `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10446088/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10446088/ Thu, 19 Oct 2006 14:25:50 PDT Thanks to *patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier.
Kisses to ~Artemendo for his quirky avatar.</sub>

-------------------------------------------

I rented quite a few DVDs this week. They were -

a) The Shawshank Redemption
b) Prime
c) The Hives: Tussel in the Brussels

a1) Since I was a kid when Shawshank came out in theatres, it is a good excuse to explain why I didn't watch it earlier, to myself. The movie was so awesome. Awesome is an understatement. I watched it, and was moved to tears, and so were my family. I think I'm gonna purchase the movie soon... I actually watched it twice in two days. I felt bad having to return it to the video store, but I gotta do what I had to do. I would recommend others to watch it... if they haven't.

b1) I think I wasted my money on Prime. I thought it was gonna be interesting, though Uma Thurman was kinda elegant in her ways, and that is sexeh to me. But the guy who acted as her younger boyfriend just sucked. He's cute, but... meh. AND the raunchy scenes are teh sucks. Maybe it's just me. It's in the dark, so well, can't see anything! Not that I want to, but fuck, I am failing at explaining myself.

c1) The Hives = Awesome band.. so I decided to rent the live concert DVD. The frontman, Pelle Almqvist (Very hot, very cute, and very boyish. ), was so energetic, and it was kinda crazy watching him doing his thang. I wish I was there myself, and those silly bastards who did the.. you know, when they lie on the crowds? I hate them. Urgh. And since they were Swedish, I dunno if it was their accent, but I couldn't understand half of whatever they were saying to the crowd other than, "Hello Eww-rope-pee-ansss!"

*

I might need to see a doctor, someday. I cannot seem to eat without feeling okay - I simply ate a slice of bread and I'd be filled up. When I was famished beforehand. I don't think that is ordinary or normal - I cannot finish a meal at a time or I'd feel dizzy and nauseous. It did led to weight-loss, much to my amazement and quiet elatedness (Hey, girls wanna be smaller, I suppose.) but I am not planning to lose weight. Nor am I depriving myself of food. I could honestly eat my favorite cheesy fries (or poutine for you Canadians) and feel good. So no anorexia for me, even though I'd think about a million ways to get away from eating donuts, and various other fattening food. Yea, we live once, but I am not buying that.I think I'm paranoid.

Just stomach discomfort. I hate the feeling of food inside my stomach, but you know, I want a doctor to explain if this is psychological, or really a food problem.


*

Last words: Eat well and enjoy your coming weekend, loverlies.




* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10348216/ Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:04:09 PDT Thanks to *patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier.
Kisses to ~Artemendo for his quirky avatar.</sub>

* JOURNAL STARTS NOW *

It totally leaks. AND thank you ~Artemendo for his help. I guess he's one of the few people around who actually do avatars for anyone who come up to him. I asked for anything sugar related. Caramel included and here you go - dripping, purple caramel!

Like it, or hate it? Any ideas for an avatar?

*

Rant 1 - Petty, older people. Example Mr. Z, a colleague of mine.

Mr. Z: *laughs*

Me: Why?

Mr. Z: Nothing - R looks funny trying to make a hamper, and he's a guy for god's sakes. The hamper's ugly; is anyone gonna buy it? *laughs at R*

R just focussed on his job, trying to distract himself from the mockery.

Me: That's mean - you work here, you gotta learn how to make a hamper too. He knows how to do it and he only worked for 5 months. YOU, worked here for over 2 years and don't know so many things, not even wrap a hamper.

Mr. Z: I don't need to learn - I'm just working here part-time.

Me: So do I. But I don't just laugh at people doing work and complain about it when I don't know how to do it myself.

Mr. Z: Fine.

Proceeds to give me silent treatment all fucking day and night.

*

What the hell is that? I have no regrets saying whatever I just told him. He's 25 years old, and I am 17 years old - Does it mean that he's always right? I respect him enough, but him insulting R and mocking him is not what 25 year olds do! I was kind of offended, because R had been nice to stay back a little later to help us with stuff, and Z just mocked him. So what if he's been working for more than 2 fucking years? He didn't get any pay raise, or commisions because he was a lazy staff.

I guess it was humiliating for him to accept that I, the little girl, is actually expressing my thoughts about his behavior. I am sick of his discriminating jokes against fat people like as if he were perfect.

So what if he's 8 years older than me? He should set a good example and make me go, "Woah, he's older, and he's more wiser." or something like that but instead, he just makes me feel like, "Petty!".



*

What are your thoughts about this? What am I gonna do now if I have to work with him? He's gonna keep quiet - AND I AM NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE (I already did, "Sorry if I offended you! ). He doesn't respond to it - I'm just gonna keep doing my thing or keep bugging him?

I hate making people feel this way, but I don't feel like he has any right to feel that way - at least I wasn't trying to imply that he was a sissy like he did with R!

Take care and eat well.



* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10193113/ Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:01:18 PDT patgroove for his help with my CSS.
(at least it looks a little modified. just a change of look!)
Thank you darling for your help in making my journal prettier.
Kisses to ~Artemendo for his quirky avatar.

* JOURNAL STARTS NOW *

Just days ago, hundreds of deviants were making a big fuss about a certain musician with this ability to customize their journals.

And now we got the much-anticipated CSS.

Sadly, I dunno how to use it, so blah, it doesn't matter.

What do you think about this stylesheet thing?



Tagged by *A-side-chaos

The 6 weird things thingie, as you are familiar with.

a - I get easily addicted to substance (from one addiction to another). Like cheese fries. And now, it's burgers, so it's best that I stay away from drugs and ciggies.

b - It's been years since I had my last REAL coke/pepsi. It's been Diet cokes and pepsi all the way for me..for the longest time.

c - Every time I see a cat, I'll go "awwwww", no matter what.

d - I don't like fangirls.

e - I'm bisexual.

f - If I could marry a storybook character, it'd be Dorian Gray. Even though he's gay. I think. Or maybe bisexual? Ah, dunno.

I'm just gonna tag anyone who has not done this before.

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=phox (4)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
~angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/10132156/ Wed, 20 Sep 2006 12:31:47 PDT
I'm seriously... totally.. losing my mind. I can't write anymore. I wonder if anyone feels like this, ever. No ideas, nothing to write about, and everything's all plain and serene up there.

I might've reached a mini nirvana or something.

peace out.

* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=</sub>roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
*Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
=summaro (30)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
~MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
=joysoftruth (3)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~Xyan (18)
*A-side-chaos (19)

July

=ipholio (2)
~ub3r-1337-501d47 (7)
=drackar (26)

August

*rayvinazn (1)
*http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/9953076/ Sun, 03 Sep 2006 15:46:15 PDT
I used to hate this new version of dA but I absolutely love it now. I am getting used to this versh... so I suppose everything is fine and dandy! I've been so caught up with school, exams, and friends.. and the significant other that I hardly have time to get here. Or rather, tried to stay away from here, cuz my mind has been so pre-occupied, I could not even write, or do anything to be a productive deviant.

At times, I feel so useless being here, cuz I cannot even write anymore. That's the problem with being in love, I think. When you're down, rotten and heartbroken, words just flow.

I've been happy, so what about you? Hopefully everyone's fine... and the forum doesn't seem to be as exciting as it was before, so I am no longer gonna post much there.



* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=</sub>roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
*rhyan (11)
=smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
*Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
=summaro (30)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
=MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
=joysoftruth (3)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/9416044/ Tue, 18 Jul 2006 12:48:15 PDT
I find that I am bombarded with projects, school, exams and loadsa reports to be done, and have absolutely no time to write. Hence, the inactivity. By next Friday, I have to get 4 projects, major projects to be done and I am nominated as the group leader for all of them, so you can imagine the time constraint, and the lack of fun.

However, hours ago, I managed to catch Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest with my team members and it was quite an entertaining show, though I am not a fan of Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom. A bit too long though, clocking in at 2 hours and 30 minutes. We smuggled cokes and crisps inside the theatre and were having quite a great time.

The best part was hours before that, we went for this big shopping trip (I don't know why we're still laid-back and not fretting over deadlines, but heck, I need some time off school) and I realised that guys can be extremely vain too. Pffft, a guy friend actually took like a damn long time, trying to decide on what shirt he wants to buy, only to just put those back in their respective places! The nerve. We spent like, 2 hours in the shop, trying things on and I ended up buying this blazer, necessary for group presentations.

I wish I was watching The Lake House instead of Pirates, but nope. So many people diss Keanu Reeves, saying that he is talentless - but he's a unique actor. Nobody can act like him. I can't imagine someone else being Neo. Admittedly, he is not as hot as he used to be in Speed but I don't wanna care!

So today, the major things on my mind , in order of importance, are my love, the damn school projects, and work.

And with this journal, I'd like to apologise if I haven't been replying to your messages, or maybe I have forgotten certain promises I made to some of you, to comment on your stuff. I am sincerely sorry, looking at the 987D I have, does make me feel guilty. I'm sorry.

All the love.


Taggy things, tagged by ~Xyan, my first 'brother' here. Pfft, I still remember how nice he was (still is) and yeah, he's such a sweet lad. It's like to do with odd habits you have and all, and I have a lot, so yeah, i'm sharing 6 of them here.

1) I have this compulsive bad habit to make innuendoes out of anything and I do mean anything and everything. I am just cheeky that way.

2) I am crazy over french fries. Anything can be fixed by that, unless it's something to do with how I'm missing my git.

3) I sleep around 2-4am daily, depending on how empty my mind feels like at night.

4) I make more male friends than female friends. I don't particularly think I'm girlie and there's more politics involved in making friends with females, which is troublesome.

5) I'm always late by 5-10 minutes.

6) I love cats so much and if I see one, I get extremely excited and will start going all squealy and crazy.

I'm tagging just about anyone who has not done this thing before and you happen to be in my userpage. W000t, your turn now.

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
* `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/9157396/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/9157396/ Fri, 23 Jun 2006 09:01:55 PDT
Every day is the best day of my life. And the worst. There's lots of things happening and yet I can't quite figure them out. Today I stared into an empty space in the fridge and I thought of a friend who used to give me free ice cream.

Which led me to think about how much I missed his company when we went off from our work for break. But those days were gone because he resigned from his work for other commitments.

Man, if I can say this, men in their 20s are just so awesome. Not all of them, oh no, but generally, men in their 20s are so much better than teenage guys.

Tadaaa. Fuck, like as if I see the 'light'. As if I am feeling so enlightened. >.> Something weird is happening to me now.

I picked that kind of emote habit from Martin, who's ~MrNudge here. Expecting Aussie chocz to come very soon! Dark chocolates! *orgasm*

Speaking of chocolates, the best thing about chocolates is the crunchy little bits of nuts inside them. Almonds, especially. Those fatty little blocks of heaven are just so great when eaten in the dark, when everyone's asleep and it's so damn cold. Just me and chocolates. Eat it so slowly that the chocolate melts into your fingers and you lick it and really enjoy every piece of it.

Did it about a week ago and slept so well, I dreamt of good things and the next day, I didn't do it because it'd spoil the whole special significance of chocolate.

... it's been close to a month when I ate my last piece of sashimi and I missed it so much... the taste of raw fish in my mouth and the hotness of wasabi. I can't believe I just screwed myself up for going out with the person who worked there... I just don't wanna see him anymore and I found out from a colleague that he was looking for me but ha, I wasn't around then... Shit, what the hell did he want from me. I just want sashimi but not if his colleagues are gonna tell him that I stepped into his compound. That'd just be terrible.

Something to end this journal with -

Fuck you, Tesco broadband and stupid phone line... I missed him so much and they just have to screw things up. Man-made things are freaky. Just when I need him the most, they just love to see me suffer.

... makes me wanna sing Muse's Supermassive Black Hole song which goes something like, ooh baby don't you know I suffer, ooh baby can't you hear me moaaan?

Damn, I like how Matt Bellamy sings.. he's just so gorgeous and his fingers are so smexy, just like his.

Cheers to all.

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/9103108/ Sun, 18 Jun 2006 07:29:58 PDT

I've been listening to their songs over and over again... and yeah, I have some of their songs... god be damned if I spent money on them.. nope, illegal downloading can be fun, sometimes. And McFly. I don't know how they look like, but their songs are sweet little things... Need a break from the 'good music' scene and listen to whatever makes my heart swing.

...can't believe I'm getting into Radiohead now. I still love Muse. I just start to like Radiohead..doesn't sound good. Both bands were introduced to me by two guys, and well *cough* I'm always scared to discover music.. as if I'd be dead if I listen to bad music.. which isn't making sense, cuz I can tolerate things like "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by FOB..which is a catchy song.

I have absolute no idea what new music is on the radios now. I don't want to listen to radios, cuz I don't know, I am paranoid that way. Same with watching television now.. it's been close to half a year since the last time I stayed on for an hour of television show. Everything I love, is gone, gone, gone. Things like That 70's show. I miss that tv show.. alot.

Seems like I don't even know what I like now..basic things like favourite food, favourite color..shit like those you get asked when your new friends ask you about it in school..at work and i find myself not knowing things like that for sure. It used to be easy. Me when I was 13 loved Nsync.. loved KFC...and suddenly I worked at KFC and hated it now, and then Justin became a prick and sort of broke NSYNC up and i didn't care much for it now... things are changing so easily

All I'm doing now, is just doing whatever I need to do, which is a lot. Undefinable, but definitely a lot. Four school projects, working for 5 days weekly, and some time left for myself.

Teenage life is getting fun now. 2006 is sorta the best year of my life. I have got to a point where I have not much worries... cuz I can't be bothered.

Oh well.

Take care!



* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=</sub>roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
... ]]> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8977298/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8977298/ Mon, 05 Jun 2006 10:55:53 PDT




...stop your nonsense and download illegally, or legally, "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse. I mean it, you. I really, really mean it, even if you hate Muse with passion.

I think it's time for another wishlist! June wishlist! w00t. Journal is for anything, eh? So yeah, I'm littering it with things like self-whoring, self-discovery and self-improvement stuff like that, yes. Haha, to people who are reading it, thank you for your time, and do comment if you have another 4 seconds to share!



ANYWAY. Wishlist! Yays!

Black Holes and Revelations
by Muse.

Of course! It'll come out this July 3rd. I can't hardly wait for it to come out. The first single's poppy and kinda catchy, I love it so much. So different from Absolution and Origin of Symmetry. Which is good. Variety is good, eh? Mmhmm.

A nice pair of heels.

Broke my heels again. When will I learn? I don't seem to know that heels are NOT meant for running, but I keep chasing after the bus, anyway. I will never learn. I just know it.

Save at least $150.

I can NEVER save money. I am making myself save some dosh and be more responsible with money. Money is good when spent, but I think I shouldn't think that way anymore. Especially when I am ALWAYS broke at the end of the month. It's time for a change. For the better, anyways.

Er, nothing else.

I just want my git and Muse's record. Badly.




And with that, I end this journal with a random thought that says:

"Stuart Townsend is so fucking hot. Just freaking look at him. Sigh."

Yes.









* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8939324/ Sun, 04 Jun 2006 18:15:34 PDT
2) Movies. I just watched X3 - The Last Stand. For those who have not watched the show, you better god damn watch it! What an amazing show. If I'm feeling generous, I might just watch it again, alone, to fully experience the whole movie by myself. The special effects were just so good, I felt like I was there, watching those mutants killing each other. I don't support violent movies - don't really enjoy movies to do with killings and guns - but woah, I simply loved Jean Grey. So fucking hot, I'd turn lesbian if I could have her.

3) Movies. I actually wept at the cinema theatre because I was so moved by the special effects. How did us, human beings, become so capable of creating something so fucking beautiful? Decades ago, we only got black-white telly! Tsk, I am feeling so amazed by whatever I'm looking at now. Tall buildings, nice food and all those little things. I shouldn't be easily impressed, but woah, even those tiny ants are special. They can carry an object 50 times their body weight. Oh, how I just love trivias.

Anyways, just don't leave until the credits are done. They have extra stuff after the credits. So make the most out of your money - just stay put in your seats!

3) Education. I can't believe how more and more, education seems to be important to me. Education, is very important. Brains are such a turn-on though I am not sure about the brain of Einstein-quality. Some brainy people are terrible because they abuse their mental powers, using their intelligence to take control of others.... after much thought, I was kinda thinking - the best kind of natural gift a person could be blessed with must be intelligence. Or the capacity to learn and to use common sense. I suppose so.

4) Non-smokers are sexy.



* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

=roypaladin (8)
~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=GrimAngel (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~luda888 (18)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

Apri... ]]></sub> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8889128/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8889128/ Sat, 27 May 2006 01:42:48 PDT
I am a meanie? I guess I am.

So, ten flaws and weaknesses. Which you could use to your advantage if anytime you need to break my frail little heart.

1. When I am in a bad mood, I tend to be cynical and sarcastic about anything and everything. No one can escape from that. And then I will regret saying whatever I have just said. It happens rarely. Hard to get me into a bad mood.

2. Sashimi. How many times must I even spell out that word. Sashimi. The best food in the world. Of course, I need a good dose of wasabi too, as a complement. Without that, sashimi is still awesome anyway.

3. Talking about the people I love gets me all weepy and emotional. Ok, now I should stop elaborating why. I just love them so much, even though I admit to hating them once in a while. For no good reasons at all. I just have the feelings of hate as and when, but it's not a truest form of hate.

4. Presents! Surprises! Gets me all cheery and stuff.

5. Cats. Why, they're the cutest, the most adorable creatures on earth. If I could be an animal, I would be a cat. That is not original for an answer, but fuck it, cats are just so good. Female cats.

6. Pay Day. When it's pay day, nothing can go wrong. All my hard work and sweat, and I get paid for what I do. And then make the people I love happy by treating them and buying things that make them happy. I know it's stupid - why waste money spending it on others? But it makes me happy, and it's a selfish thing for me. I do it because it makes me happy. I wish I don't function that way.

7. Cool people. People I like and love. Gets me all the time. I just want them to be happy. And when they are happy, it doesn't matter who am I and everything. To see the smile on their faces - ow, just great.

8. Er. Happiness is my weakness? Happy stuff.

9. Whose Line Is It Anyway? The best show ever! God, I love Wayne Brady.

10. I am supremely self-conscious. I think it's the worst flaw that I have.

And with that, I end this tag. I tag everyone who still reads this. You asked for it, you!





* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
~apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)</sub> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8786798/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8786798/ Tue, 16 May 2006 09:20:21 PDT
Those who had the album, or pirated it, please do tell me if it's better than By The Way. If it is, then cool, cuz I enjoyed BTW very much.

I have been so busy with school, projects and work, I barely have time for myself. And somehow I like it that way - keeps me from fussing over little things. By keeping busy, I have learnt to take things easy. What a wonderful thing, I suppose.

What is a good birthday gift? I know photo frames are terrible gifts, by the way. So what if your view on this? What is a great/bad gift to you?

Here's hoping to read your responses. Take care.



* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
=MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~Xyan (18)
*A-side-chaos (19)

July

=ipholio (2)
~ub3r-1337-501d47 (7)
~drackar (26)

August

*rayvinazn (1)
*openwound88 (5)
=http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8708706/ Mon, 08 May 2006 09:13:23 PDT
I love Placebo's Pure Morning. Sheesh, somebody mentioned about the song and then I got hooked by the song. And everyone's (okay, bad stereotype) who are so *unique* has to be a little gay, somewhat. Which sucks. Because I am not entirely gay. Sort of.

Anyway, yeah. I've found out that I absolutely love shopping. It's always good to have money. Especially money that you earned yourself.

Yep, I am sort of, having the time of my life. All I need is time to pass away sooner, and for me to finish my course soon, and for me to reach a certain age when I am able to earn super duper money and perhaps I'll reach the pinnacle of my own personal success.

Everything seems to be going on so fine, I can't believe I am feeling a little stable, a little secure about everything to do with my life. I am so happy, and I just want time to pass by sooner, so I can be happy, much happier than this.

Vague descriptions are just so awesome. So yes, take care and eat well.



* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
=MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~Xyan (18)
*A-side-chaos (19)

July

=ipholio (2)... ]]></sub> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8600861/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8600861/ Thu, 27 Apr 2006 10:57:08 PDT
I think fun is listening to music, going out looking for new things, and being with myself to immerse in whatever I like. I don't watch tv anymore. I don't engage in the latest fads and craze. Am I fun, or boring? It's all subjective. I am having the time of my life.

So my question is, "What do you do for fun?"



* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
~brit-allure (30)

May

~Demon-Elite (2)
=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
=MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June

=Anoya (2)
~DaNiEL04 (14)
~Xyan (18)
*A-side-chaos (19)

July

=ipholio (2)
~ub3r-1337-501d47 (7)
~drackar (26)

August

*rayvinazn (1)
~openwound88 (5)
=Jeans16 (16)
=Echoes-of-the-Dead (24)
=thedraperyfalls (28)

September

~thousandmileeye (6)
=truemarmalade</sub> `nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8539853/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8539853/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 10:22:44 PDT Tagged by ~morganasbane who was one of the first people I got to know from Deviantart. Old is gold and you know that kind of poetic lines.

(Rules: The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about it and state this rule clearly. You then tag 6 people.)

New rule, you cannot tag someone who has already done this.

+++

1) Out of my friends, I eat the slowest. It's because I think I think too much, and I have this habit of observing how people behave and all.

2) I take at least three hours to finally be able to sleep. Unless I am dead beat. Even so, I am always the last to sleep at home.

3) All the best friends I have, or used to have, are not anything taller than 5'3". I don't know why, but none of my best friends are taller than I am, which is terrible - I am just a little over 5'6".

4) I am never attracted to men who are too built/buffed. Boisterous boys make me blush too much, so I find it hard to communicate with them as well.

5) I love medicines. I used to like getting sick because I like the taste of cough syrup.

6) I check girls, not guys, out.



I tag =summaro, *VernonX9000, ~DaNiEL04, ~drackar, ~missy-star, ~WorstCaseGenius.

*

and if you're happy, and you wish to share your happiness around, do wish =summaro and =zebrazebrazebra happy birthday when the date comes! 30th April, people.

ENJOI YOUR WEEKENDZOMG.

* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=summaro (30)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8507563/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 06:18:44 PDT
I don't believe in being happy, in a pretentious way. I don't believe in looking at the positive side, to accept reality. I may be there, encouraging my friends, saying all those cliche lines, "Don't worry, there will be a next time." but deep inside my heart, unless they know who I am, inside, I couldn't be bothered to tell them what I really feel.

Because surely, they'll shoot me with the oh-so-common remarks like, "You never think of anything in a positive way." Well, I do. I just don't want to blur the factual things. If my mom dies one day, I'd appreciate it if someone tells me, "Think about what she has done to you when she was still alive." Not, "Don't worry, people die, everyone dies. Look at the bright side - at least you have friends, at least you have others who are still here."

Excuse me, but not everyone can be your mother. So the point I'm bringing across here is, there is no point of making those lines so overrated, so cliche, they bleed through your lungs and everything. I am sure you've heard of all these and sometimes, we are guilty of those too, but try to think about what I have to say, I suppose. -

"Small is beautiful" - when girls discuss about how they want bigger breasts. And those fuckers are not blessed with enough, so they decide to bash the well-endowed with their brainwashing lines like such.

"Big is beautiful" - when fat girls talk among themselves and say that in order to console each other.

"It's not the size that matters." - When men talk about penis sizes and all. If size doesn't matter, we wouldn't have vibrators sold in such huge sizes. I have not seen vibs that are only 3 or 4 inch long. Even if they are, they're meant to be joke objects.

"Life is short, so why worry?" - Fuck, life is the longest thing we could ever have. I worry because without worries, you'd be drifting to somewhere, aimlessly, and without worry, you wouldn't take anything seriously.

"Girls only want money" - Gah. If I only want that, I'd rather rob a bank.

END RANT. COMMENT IF YOU WISH.

* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
*xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April
`nosugarjustanger http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8393983/ http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8393983/ Fri, 07 Apr 2006 05:27:24 PDT

So *quickdraw tagged me and I thought this would actually be fun and intimidating to do, since I listen to a lot of different music, including crappy music. And I do mean crappy. Crappy meaning boybands such as 911, *N Sync. And I have tons of teenybopper downloadable music.



No, I don't EVER listen to Backstreet Boys, so shush you.

Instructions:

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.

NO CHEATING.

* * *

How does the world see me?
Feel - Robbie Williams. (This isn't looking too good for my clean reputation.)

Will I have a happy life?
Here We Go Again - The Hives.

What do people really think of me?
Riot Van - Arctic Monkeys.

Do people secretly lust after me?
13 Days - Marion Raven.

How can I make myself happy?
Jenny Was A Friend of Mine - The Killers. (Damn. )

What should I do with my life?
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes.

Will I ever have children?
Beautiful - The Dreaming.

What is some good advice for me?
White Men in Black Suits - Everclear.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Price of Gasoline - Bloc Party.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys. (Yay. )

What song will play at my funeral?
White Light - Gorillaz.

What type of men/women do you like?
Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured - Arctic Monkeys. (What the fuck; why do I keep getting AM songs?)

What is my day going to be like?
Waiting for the Night - Depeche Mode.

Why am I here?
Longer - Delta Goodrem.

What will people remember me for?
Blue Cirque - The BellRays.

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
A.K.A I-D-I-O-T - The Hives. (Rocking song. )

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Our Song - M2M (See, the sheer embarrassment.)

What will this year be all about?
I Drive Myself Crazy - *N Sync. (I know one boyband track will come out. I just know it. )


ENJOI DOWNLOADING WHATEVER'S ON MY PAGE!

And I am tagging ~missy-star, ~DaNiEL04, =coolmarvin, *VernonX9000, ~WorstCaseGenius, and ~mistressKC

And the rest who are interested.








* * *


Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=xexa (25)
*http://nosugarjustanger.deviantart.com/journal/8372043/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 09:09:00 PDT Happy Birthday To You.</sub> In bold.

Thank you for the hours spent laughing and clutching my stomach, gasping for breaths. You've been a fun prick for such a long time, especially in the forums. May you have a good life, a good relationship with the yet-another new girlfriend, and good money. Please get me a subscription when mine ends next year, when you have too much dough to spend on yourself and booze.

Other Stuff. Yes, mm hmm.

1) I am in love with a lovely man. So that explains the lack of activity here, and the lack of pointless poetry about heartbreaks. It's a little strange because I am just seventeen, but I feel like he's the one for me. I know he is the one for me. I love him so dearly much, I wish I could do anything just to make him happy, that sort of cheesy movie lines.

2) I am in love with Muse. Fuck, yes, I know. It's not like they're new. But anyways, yep. Ice Cream Boy burned for me Absolution and I fell in love with them. Silly, silly me. But yeah, I am sort of happy. Matt Bellamy is uber talented.

3) I want Jason Mraz's Mr A-Z. He's better than John Mayer. Damn you, Grammy grannies - I don't care if Mayer won tons of awards.

4) I'll be waiting for August/September to come.



* * *


<sub>Who cares about the birthdates of Einstein or Wolfgang when we have our fellow geniuses here on dA, who talk to us, who know a little about us, and know that we exist? They're more important. Erm, to our e-social lives. Send e-cards to themplz.

Update: I love my listed people.


January

~</sub>Strawberry-Desire (15)
~Sockerdricka (20)
=xexa (25)
*scouros (26)

February

=nosugarjustanger (3)
=marvnation (6)
*Lord-Desolator (8)
=angel-obsesser (8)
=rhyan (11)
*smallsingularity (12)
~brit-allure's dad (12) *w00t*
~Heaven-Rose (15)
~D4rKd3m0n (17)
=Anoya's dad (17)
=saronix (20)
=apexigod (22)

March

*quickdraw (2)
~SFWGoblin (5)
~GreatGreenDragon (19)
=zebrazebrazebra (30)

April

*roguewolf19 (6)
=Melens-rayne (6)
~burnchild (20)
`jnc (25)
~brit-allure (30)

May

=firedaemon (14)
*VernonX9000 (18)
=MrNudge (26)
¢levinet (27)

June
`nosugarjustanger