http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:nox-paradigm&section=today deviantART RSS for by:nox-paradigm en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 14:49:27 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6583389/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6583389/ Fri, 23 Sep 2005 16:50:04 PDT i still think Gackt is hotter though. and i really really really really really REALLY want Fenrir, Cloud's super juicy bike with lots of neat toys. so many swords... *drool*

ok enough of that for now.. lalala ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6575362/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6575362/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 17:47:25 PDT writing just isnt happening. i have 13,000 words to write in order for my new story to qualify as a 'novel' (technically, that's 60,000 words in all)
so what am i doing here? i can't write. it just isn't coming.

i can rant like a motherducker, tho. so that's what i'm doing here

hmm i can't think of anything i wanna rant about either. this sucks.
maybe i'll try drawing again. maybe *that's* what i'm doing here. but i suck at it. i dunno. i'm just bored and remembered i have this account so i thought i'd update

ttfn. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6386713/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/6386713/ Thu, 01 Sep 2005 10:22:47 PDT
go to painfetish for my writing account.

also got to Slitscan for my synthpop music project

maybe i'll figure out something else to do with this place. for now it gets retired. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5172080/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5172080/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 23:21:09 PDT
my watch is officially out of control. i'm deleting it. lemme know if there's something you can't live without me seeing

the reason for my absence? EO, a damn addicting anime mmorpg which i'm, well, addicted to. even tho it has a shitty server right now and takes alot of persistence to get on. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5141196/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5141196/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 17:19:46 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: yatta!
Listening to: Ayumi Hamasaki - Endless Sorrow
Reading: words
Watching: visions

ahhhhhhhh! my watch is piling up and getting backlogged. i've been too busy chatting and drawing. gimme time, i shall catch up

my dedicated writing account ~ painfetish
member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5130113/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5130113/ Tue, 19 Apr 2005 13:41:47 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: yatta!
Listening to: sounds
Reading: words
Watching: visions

yay i found a hosting service for my manga.

[link]

i'm thinking i'll try to update it wednesdays and maybe saturday depending how well i'm able to keep drawing and inspiration and all that. hop over and leave some comments

my dedicated writing account ~ painfetish
member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5125584/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5125584/ Mon, 18 Apr 2005 22:27:13 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: yatta!
Listening to: sounds
Reading: words
Watching: visions

I GOT A SCANNER!
muahahahahahahaha

no more shitty photos of drawings. yay! scanned in my favorite drawing so far and the first page of my upcoming manga that i wanna do. I is happy even tho i don't draw that great yet it's still fun

my dedicated writing account ~ painfetish
member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5103015/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5103015/ Sat, 16 Apr 2005 11:14:23 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: broken
Listening to: The Ataris - So Long, Astoria
Reading: DA stuffs

anyone wanna donate a scanner to a poor wannabe artist? trade ya a shitty digital cam

wai! i just found out there's an anime convention in vegas now. the epicenter of conventions and there wasn't anything for anime until now. it's not till october, if i'm still here (and i have money) i'm heading down there to lose all my money and gain alot of Otaku Points.

next week of school should be easy. english teacher is gone so i only have to go in for psych (i can sleep in!). tues is an exam but thurs i'll probably just skip. which reminds me i have to do some online test thingy for psych. :zoom:

my dedicated writing account ~ painfetish
member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5094793/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5094793/ Fri, 15 Apr 2005 11:28:14 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: broken
Listening to: christian death - the path of sorrows
Reading: DA stuffs

sorry, got in a mood last night i was just looking through some manga and thinking to myself "i'll never be that good, why am i even trying?" it's stupid, i know. i'm not gonna get all whiney. i swear. i just still don't know what i wanna do. my writing is going nowhere. it's stagnant and boring. i don't know if my drawing is improving or not but i hope that it is. =Awi revitalized in me my old desire to make a manga; more specifically, make a manga of my old novel. i want to do this, eventually. hopefully before i'm old and grey. hell, i never planned to live past 30. maybe that'll be jsut my deadline to get something done. if that doesnt happen, i dunno. ok so i go whiney. shoot me.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5091429/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5091429/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 22:17:05 PDT casting his eyes to the ground, he cries out...

Mood: broken
Listening to: christian death - the path of sorrows
Reading: DA stuffs

who am i kidding? i can't draw. i don't know what i'm trying to do. sigh...

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5087006/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5087006/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 12:53:04 PDT if i sleep with you, will you go away?

Mood: amused
Listening to: Macross 7 - Best of Fire Bomber
Reading: DA stuffs

i've decided to make this account just drawings and photomanips. all my poetry and stories from here on will be posted to ~painfetish.
please add that account to your watch if you're interested in words. and feel free to delete this one if you're not interested in drawing and manips.

this account was meant to start a new aeon in my existence, but nmy writing has not changed. therefore it shall stay under ~painfetish. the experiment was not a complete failure, though, as my drawing is to be the true next evolution.

so mote it be. ^_^y

visit my dedicated writing gallery:

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5079032/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5079032/ Wed, 13 Apr 2005 14:21:28 PDT if i sleep with you will you go away?

Mood: amused
Listening to: Macross 7 - Best of Fire Bomber
Reading: DA stuffs

weeee i'm having fun drawing. so what if i suck XD i'm getting better i think so yeah, expect alot more from me and probably less writing. i haven't been inspired to write as much lately so i'll get things out this way instead. not to say i'm quitting writing but i'll just be doing both ^^

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5071322/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5071322/ Tue, 12 Apr 2005 16:41:46 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

literally. the bus hasnt show up in an hour. it's supposed to be here every 15 min. i don't know what happened but at 5 i'm going to try again. and if it still refuses to show up, i guess i have to call parents. sigh...

ok enough bitching.. ta...

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5061254/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5061254/ Mon, 11 Apr 2005 14:27:01 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

my other computer has a fixation on bananas. i dunno why. maybe i need to feed it some. it rejected the banana.ani file though. i'm installing winNT on it so hopefully it'll run the scanner that my dad has. then you shall all be assaulted by my half ass drawings! muahahaha.

for now, i'm bored while it installs and i have little to do because =Awi went to sleepyland. perhaps i'll go back to drawing. yeah, or reading scanlations online. yeah, i still need to read Memoir Girl.
Yuu Watase.

ooh i'm almost to 666 pageviews :evil:
a cookie if ya catch it

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5055729/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5055729/ Sun, 10 Apr 2005 21:49:45 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

so =Awi convinced me to break out the pencil and start trying to draw again. so i did. still need alot of practice but i may be posting some new drawings tomorrow. we're gonna do a manga together, and she writes the story ^_^

*hides*

love you awi!! ^_^

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5047578/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5047578/ Sun, 10 Apr 2005 00:37:43 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

[00:29] *** AwiNightshade wants to directly connect.
[00:29] AwiNightshade: ack
[00:29] AwiNightshade: wtf did i do i hate aim
[00:30] nietkopf23: lol?
[00:30] AwiNightshade: the chat is on the right!
[00:30] AwiNightshade: and the typing is on the left!
[00:30] AwiNightshade: its messing me up man!
[00:30] AwiNightshade: >.>
[00:31] nietkopf23: {Uhm...}
[00:31] AwiNightshade: ok i get strangely hyper when im tired
[00:31] AwiNightshade: hahaha
[00:31] nietkopf23: lol
[00:31] AwiNightshade: hahahahah
[00:31] nietkopf23: freak
[00:31] AwiNightshade: i serious i pushed something and messed it up
[00:31] AwiNightshade: OOOHHH freak>!
[00:31] nietkopf23: push it again
[00:32] AwiNightshade: why yes, yes i am
[00:32] AwiNightshade: LOL
[00:32] AwiNightshade: i dont know what i pushed
[00:32] AwiNightshade: *pushes things*
[00:32] AwiNightshade: fuck
[00:32] AwiNightshade: haha
[00:32] nietkopf23: haha
[00:32] AwiNightshade: uh
[00:33] AwiNightshade: didnt know we were directly connected
[00:33] AwiNightshade: cool
[00:33] AwiNightshade: wait youre not posting this are you?
[00:33] nietkopf23: >_>

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5046144/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5046144/ Sat, 09 Apr 2005 20:40:49 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

so i got yelled at by =Awi for calling my last piece crap. so i'm a self loathing pos, i guess, and hate most of what i do i can't say i'm a perfectionist... since i never even follow anything through to completion. ever. but alas, people you people love me anwyays, or at least tolerate me and my incessantly depressing ramblings.

lately i'm finding it hard to think straight. no i'm not thinking gay, just fuzzy. fuzzy wuzzy fuzzy. words all jumble together and mind mind wanders off to some other land even as i type this out. it's a wonder i haven't gotten bored yet and wandered off before the end of this journal

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5025746/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5025746/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 13:47:37 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

school is going a little easier today, i'm happy to know i wont be here till 11pm tonight. turned in my final normal paper for enlgish today. half assed it but oh well. next week we're watching American Beauty, then starting on the argument paper. i still have no clue what i'm doing for that.

i don't want to be here still. i wanna be on the floor with awi, propped up against the couch and pretzeled in each others arms watching Fushigi Yuugi no da.

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5009438/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/5009438/ Tue, 05 Apr 2005 17:22:43 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

her stomach boils like a fire
lit beneath and held in acid
where even the snakes which coil
round her legs melt at the touch
of the transient effigies stinging
at the corner of her discontented eyes

ripped open and gnarling
growling, thundering, rises
a theme she can't forget
ground open and basking
writhing, crying, dreaming
the end which she must beget

she crawls upon the ground
leaving trails of mercury
from her gaping wounds
and looms just above the floor
persistent whore to her sickness
the color of shade of dreams

torn down and biting
clawing, crowing, falls
but the end is nowhere
left back and screaming
digesting, poisoning her body
theres a sickness huddled there
around the corner

and she falls
falls like a thief on his final
exasperated
trip
to jail

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4998978/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4998978/ Mon, 04 Apr 2005 15:24:59 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

i need a real camera. my shitty one takes really bad pics. but i did get a good new ID out of my messin around.

tomorrow is back to school again. i still don't wanna go. i know i should but i don't want to. got a big test in japanese that i'm so not ready for. ah well.

ah well. it's good to get out of the house eh? still dont feel like i'm ready for this life. sigh.

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4992622/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4992622/ Sun, 03 Apr 2005 21:41:14 PDT never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

snarf, beeblblax, and shungolfs.

that is all

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4981732/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4981732/ Sat, 02 Apr 2005 17:44:12 PST never fade,
never die,
you give me flowers of love

cold and broken, she sits waiting to feel again. meloncholic riffs of her Cure drift in through hungry ears, while the metallic sting of the knife calls out to her; screaming to molest her with his cold blade. if only it were so easy to feel again with something more than skin.

abuse me.
erase me.
erase these words, they mean nothing, from your mind.
erase this flesh, it is a waste, from your touch.

next.

always fade,
always die,
i let fall flowers of blood

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4972953/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4972953/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:40:39 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

hmm almost forgot to mention, i put a webcam pic up. from a few years ago when i had blue hair. working on getting it purple now.

stuff to do before california

get bleach
dye hair purple
lose this gut noiwontrubitforgoodluck.

stuff to do when i get to california:

watch donnie darko
have sex
watch doom generation
have sex
watch boondock saints
kill some people
have sex
watch moulin rougue
have sex
watch napoleon dynamite
have geek sex
watch 5th element
have sex
watch fear and loathing
do lots of drugs and alcohol then have sex
watch fushigi yuugi series
cosplay and have anime sex

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4969360/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4969360/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 10:34:54 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

sorry about the pointless entries today, i was bored turns out i was able to do the social security interview over the phone this morning. so i woke up early to sit around home and wait for the call. which was good cause i only got out of bed 10 minutes before i had to leave.

the interview went well; i was complimented on how well i filled out the paperwork beforehand, and was also told that i could be eligible for up to 12 months of retroactive benefits. that's a lump sum of 5k (nice!). it's gonna take 3-6 months to get everything done and find out if i'm approved or not.

so now, i've been dancing around my room listening to 80s synthpop. i mean.. i've been working out. yeah, that's it.


Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4968540/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4968540/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 08:57:53 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

(They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day)

From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one
As she stared in my eyes and smiled
For her lips were the colour of the roses
They grew down the river, all bloody and wild

(When he knocked on my door and entered the room
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand
He wiped the tears that ran down my face)

On the second day I brought her a flower
She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen
I said, 'Do you know where the wild roses grow
So sweet and scarlet and free?'

(On the second day he came with a single rose
Said: 'Will you give me your loss and your sorrow?'
I nodded my head, as I lied on the bed
He said, 'If I show you the roses will you follow?')

(On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he stood smiling above me with a rock in his fist)

On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
As I kissed her goodbye, I said, 'All beauty must die'
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth

(They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day)

~Nick Cave / Kylie Minogue - Where the wild roses grow

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4954272/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4954272/ Wed, 30 Mar 2005 17:07:03 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

Mood: liar
Listening to: Switchblade Symphony - Dissolve
Reading: DA stuffs
Watching: SLC Punk

i think i'll be ditching school tomorrow to go to the dr. i need it. then friday i have an appointment at the social security office to see if i can get disability. thats going to suck with all the waiting and paperwork. which reminds me, i must make sure i have everything together.

i swear, *Awi is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane right now. when she's around i feel depressed but happy. i know it's weird. i can't describe it. but when shes not there it just gets worse again. she becomes my sickness and its cure. all i can think about is her. but that also helps keep me from slipping down into the spiral. i know it wont always be that way, but it'll hold me over till meds work.

gawd, i can't even write without getting mushy in some way lately. my poetry all become love infected twaddle. maybe i should just give in and ride it for a bit.

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4945357/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4945357/ Tue, 29 Mar 2005 17:06:58 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

Mood: meh
Listening to: annoying people being annoying
Reading: Jim Morrison - an american prayer
Watching: SLC Punk

forgive my last entry, it's the depression talking. i'm not going to quit school. but i do have my doubts as to how well things are going to go. i'm not a smart person. well, in a way i am, i suppose. i have a decent grip on the english language, as evidenced by getting nothing short of an A on my papers so far; although that may not always show in my ramblings and chatting. so bite me, loki i do good in psychology as well. got my last test back with only 1 question wrong. not bad, considering the class average was about 80% and i got a 97%. i have no doubts that psych will continue to be easy, although the logic that will soon be required in english class i may have problems with. as i was telling johnny, i don't think logically. i think emotionally and use instinct more than anything. this is part of why i'm so attracted to japanese culture. they think with their stomach rather than using logic. and look where it got them, one of the most technologicaly advanced countries in the world. my emotions have gotten me where i am now; sometimes for better, sometimes worse.

some people call chess a thinking game, i tend to disagree. i do a little thinking but i never plan ahead. all your pieces float on an island of chaos. and i tend to do well. chess can be seen as a metaphor for life, i do the same thing in both this game and that. the game of life is a strategic battle.. some people plan ahead but the one who is ruled by chaos and instinct can usually win. why? because you're unpredictable and you screw up the strategists. sure i have some basic rules of thumb that i usually stick to, but everything is always open to change. open to the flow of chaos.

so maybe i'm not stupid; i just have a different definition of logic, which isn't always compatable with everything. i don't do debates because i believe everyone has a right to believe what they wish. oh i used get into heated debates about things like religion, but it always ended up pointless in the end. people are rarely open to changing their beliefs. this argument paper we'll be doing in english class is going to be like a debate, essentially. i'm not looking forward to it. i wonder what i'm going to do even it on.

on a brighter note, lindsay got her own apartment today. yay! i wanna go out there sooner. i'm borrowing some money from my mom to get out there after school is over in may. that will be nice only going to be staying for a week; check things out like the comm college out there and see star wars ep 3 as it'll be out just as i get there. i can't wait to see her there.

ja mata

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4943215/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4943215/ Tue, 29 Mar 2005 12:39:12 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

Mood: meh
Listening to: annoying people being annoying
Reading: Jim Morrison - an american prayer
Watching: SLC Punk

here i am back at school again. i don't want to be here.
forgive me, it'll take some time before i read all the recent deviations. i just don't feel up to it right now. i don't feel up to anything. blah..

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4928096/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4928096/ Sun, 27 Mar 2005 19:42:51 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

so my new webpage is semi functional. still needs quite a bit of work...

[link]

theres an mp3 of the *coughcough* week(?) that i'll be updating whenever i think of it. let me knwow aht you think. up right now is a song by SWANS, an acoustic version of New Mind. enjoi.

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4924179/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4924179/ Sun, 27 Mar 2005 11:26:35 PST Say it doesn't matter, Say its not important

i woke up to a sound, lindsay was messaging me. but when i got there she was gone already i hope she's ok.

i think these feelings are getting too deep. it's scary and wonderful at the same time. this about sums it up:

Pull me 'round
And tell me that you'll never let me drown
Touch me slow
Like your fingertips might never let me go

But you know
That Im caught between the magic that you gave me
And the fear that you might leave
Because it scares me

Stop this war
I wish we could leave things at the door
These feelings dont wash away
I wish there was more to me
More to say...

But you know
That I'm caught in between the magic that you gave me
And the fear that you might leave
because it scares me
That you could break my heart so easily
Dont let us fall apart

Run me through
Then pick me up and tell me what to do
cut me then run away
I wish that there was more to this
Flesh to kiss
Flesh to kiss

- mesh / it scares me

Say that nothing changes, Just smile as you read the pages.

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4920469/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4920469/ Sun, 27 Mar 2005 00:03:52 PST only in darkness can there be light...

so.. spring break is almost over. nothing technically accomplished but alot of writing. and sorta getting together with lindsay. that made this week absolutely wonderful in itself now if only may was not so far away... end of school is on the horizon. 1 semester almost down. plus i'll be able to go visit california.
yay!

i realized today that my depression didnt so much go away as become overpowered by my feelings for her. i said something that hurt, which drove me into my own super sensitive depression fit. luckily it didnt last long and we talked it out quick. talking and communication is good. don't withdraw. *waves finger at self*

i still feel bad about the time apart, as evidenced my my latest poem i think. depression isnt helping that, i'm sure. i just needed to get away because my feelings were getting too strong.

ah well, nothing else to say that hasn't been said before.

emo-kid signing off

...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight?

member of ~dark-writing and ~ Emotional-Writings ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4917301/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4917301/ Sat, 26 Mar 2005 15:24:07 PST only in darkness can there be light...

feeling like getting into more digital manipulations lately. or maybe just cause i found some cool looking stocks that screamed out at me. them seem to match what i'm feeling.

i was gonna write more but i don't feel up to it. so eh..

...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight?

member of ~dark-writing ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4909477/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4909477/ Fri, 25 Mar 2005 12:53:52 PST only in darkness can there be light...

can someone teach him how to fly?
can someone breath life into his blue heaven
teach me a dream, tell me something wild
a child came to me, telling me a story
he reached for the sky and found an angel
consumed by sadness, she fell into the past
flying endlessly
backwards

a piece of a new poem i'm working on. working on more, need to start writing in my new book again.

i'm feeling better, for those that were worrying to all my friends here, thank you.

i love Smashing Pumpkins. their music is so beautiful and magical.

funny how my thoughts are so disjointed when i need to write can;t think but in riddles and metaphors. i don't know why i'm writing this, i want to be working on that poem.

i uploaded a new ID with my actual picture this time. be afraid. very afraid. a littl more minimalistic than my last ID. cause i felt like it.

time to get procrastinating.. tomorrow's just an excuse away.

...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight?

member of ~dark-writing ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4908421/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4908421/ Fri, 25 Mar 2005 10:47:22 PST only in darkness can there be light...

if you haven't seen this, you MUST. do it now or IT will come out of your stomach squirming and squeeling and the athorities will be like "omg we have no chance, fux0r!!!11oen1" and IT'll eat them all but they'll give IT indigestion and it'll flood the planet with vomit and everyone will die.

do it for the children!!!!

Tales for the l33t: Romeo + Juliet

...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight? ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4905300/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4905300/ Thu, 24 Mar 2005 23:30:20 PST only in darkness can there be light...

well i'm doing better now, had a lovely talk with *Awi and she helped me out of the slump a bit. i still feel completely overwhelmed by some of the things i need to do. particularly school. i'm already getting sick of it, maybe the novelty just wore off. but it's already seeming like a chore, like all my past jobs. i already want to just quit. and it's only the first semester! i don't know if i can make it to a PhD.

i've been listening to alot of old music and feeling nostalgic, too, now. i miss my friends. i miss california. i miss being young and going on road trips and parties and raves and jsut everything. sigh.

but it's time to move on and make new memories. memories with muse who stole my
memories greater than anything this world has offered up yet.


...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight? ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4901641/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4901641/ Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:39:00 PST only in darkness can there be light...

i want to say i'm getting better
that meds will work.
that school will work.
that love will work.
the light has crashed. i rebooted and ended up in the dark. the power hasn't gone out, the lightbulb just exploded. i walk along broken shards of glass, my feet bleeding and tearing.

i need someone to help me rise above.
maybe i can do it with her.

i think i'm inspired to write again. here goes something. i wrote this [link] last night, but it wasn't very good so i threw it under scraps. later

__________

empty hearts, i can hear them talking
i close my eyes and i keep on stalking my love
my love...

no one's aware of the hunger i feel
it's something you or time cannot heal
I need someone to help me rise above

eternal bliss is something i can show you
spread your arms and let my wings enfold you, my love
my love...

in the dark shades of crimson rapture
the world is ours alone to capture, my love
my love...

come over here and let me tell you something
nothing ever comes of nothing
we pay a price for all our choices made
come along now and take my hand
i'll lead you to the promised land
the morning after may never come again,
never be the same...

London After Midnight - Spider and the Fly

...tell me angel, have you prayed tonight? ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4895631/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4895631/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 22:23:40 PST the djs took pills to stay awake...

ever feel like you're a lesbian in a mans body?
or a gay man in a womans body?

i guess the trendy term (for men, at least) would be a metrosexual. but i'd rather be called a flaming faggot than some damnable buzzword. i like my foo foo drinks. i hate body hair. i think with my heart rather than my mind, most of the time. maybe that's all just part of being an artiste.

so i'm bored. ask me some questions, anything ya like and i'll try to answer

i think i want to write. my muse says 'something evil'. we'll see

...and play for seven days and seven nights. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4892158/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4892158/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 15:22:23 PST I see stars on the highway...

i've actually been productive today. finished all my homework, wrote some new stuff (only one of which found its way to being posted. the others suck still) but i still miss someone and greedily hope she awakes soon we had a lovely talk before she had to go.

maybe i'll go watch fushigi yuugi again. or go for a walk somewhere. bring my notebook and sit beneath a tree somewhere. oh wait, this is vegas. sit on a mound of dirt somewhere with the sun beating down on me. hmmm, maybe i'll stay in.

TODO list:
edit my old book
bleh
make $300 by may
anyone wanna buy a Val for $300?
sleep

...and angels driving past in chariots of dreams. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4889714/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4889714/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 10:35:33 PST I see stars on the highway...

my head hurts. got too drunk and dehydrated last night. time for coffee and breakfast burritos. yum^2! but now i'm left with the aftermath of a soiled kitchen that i must clean. sigh...

i think i'll have to do some homework today and finally get it out of the way. sigh again. but it'll be good to get it done and quit worrying about all that. must do an essay and 1 more page of japanese homework. the essay should be fun, i'm doing it on anime ^^

off to go shower

...and angels driving past in chariots of dreams. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4872843/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4872843/ Mon, 21 Mar 2005 14:08:51 PST I see stars on the highway...

"We'll always be together. Forever"
"Sweet dreams."

Mirror, Mirror
This is the place
Where love is broken down
I'm barely free
As I want you now
Misery - seems so cold out
Misery - am I dead now

Shine - enlighten me - shine
Shine - awaken me - shine
Shine - for all your suffering - shine
Shine - she's mine

My face now pressed against the glass
The winter here it seems to last
Mirror, what they see
Misery in me

Shine - enlighten me - shine
Shine - awaken me - shine
Shine - for all your suffering - shine
Shine

Malachi

"Shine like a mirror reflecting, like the sun shines -- something that comes from above, when all that remains falls below."

Bow before Hecate
Man of fortune
Man of shame
She's gonna reach for
The hearts of all of you
And I know her eyes are true

In a fatal world,
They're afraid of what she brings
In an unknown world
There are fears of nothing

And I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

I will bring her down
Lord I'm barely human
I could raise her now
But I can't bear to lose her

I'm not afraid

I'm freezing, I'm waiting
All winter, her season
Asleep now I wait here
Awaken
I can't let go

The winter - the winter - the winter
She's here again
Is this the end
Here there's nothing left
Laid to rest now
Can't look away
I keep holding her
Winter without me seems so beautiful

Be not afraid of the ways she brings
No, I'm not afraid of the way she shines

"I'm dreaming all night. All night."

-Nefilim / Shine

just wanted to share.. one of the most beautiful songs i've heard in a while...

...and angels driving past in chariots of dreams. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4870828/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4870828/ Mon, 21 Mar 2005 10:08:44 PST I see stars on the highway...

so, after all this time, i've finally decided to get that little asterick by my name. w00taru!

this is a rather pointless entry today, beware. yeah yeah what else is new. my piggy says it is time for some new writing. my muse may be asleep but she is alive and flailing in my mind.

hmm i was working up a big schpeel but decided this is not the place, nor the time for it. next!

i would like to thank the academy for giving me this chance to say i love you. i love you all! but especially one in particular.

liael, i'm sorry for what i must have put you through (yes i'm still thinking about all that from last night, so i might as well get it out now). i honestly think a big part of it was i was afraid i was getting too close. and so i shut down. i'm part aquarius, after all not to mention the mood swings and lack of meds at the time. part of why it was so easy to forgive you for lying was because of all that i already put you through for so little reason on your part. you did nothing to deserve it at the time. that was all me and i'm sorry. i guess we're about even on that note. let's continue on, honest and unafraid of what dreams may come.
on a side note, i'm glad you seem to be getting past...well, the past. i'm very proud of you if i haven't mentioned that already.

i see the truth...
and i want you to follow, if you can.
i'll lead you to the garden
rambling brooks and trees of spite
rise up to tower above my breath
ice cold, folding beneath a dream

i think i must go write now

...and angels driving past in chariots of dreams. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4859191/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4859191/ Sun, 20 Mar 2005 00:40:33 PST Listening to: Air OST (yay anime!)

tomorrow i get to see Ring 2.. i shall let you all know how it is. it's directed by the same guy who directed the japanese versions, so it should be interesting.

awi awi in the moonlight
hanging from the dust
tracing echos in the sand
as pretty angels must
stir about the stars
and fade away to me
i'll hold you closer
for everyone to see

yay^3 silly rhymes ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4850412/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4850412/ Fri, 18 Mar 2005 23:35:11 PST Listening to: Boyd Rice - The Way I Feel



the most disturbing emote






....i got a 97 on my psych exam. yay!
yes, i have nothing interesting to say. i'm bored and horny. i need to go back to california. girls here are icky. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4825094/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4825094/ Wed, 16 Mar 2005 00:51:02 PST
i'm bored. i have so much energy that i don't know what to do with. maybe i'll try another word puzzle (read: structured poem)

________________
Is this how it was intended?
The sunrise over smoke stacks in the midwest,
the beauty of this abandoned factory.
Christmas lights blinking on and off all out of time
In what used to be the bleakest dreams of middle class america.
I'm trying to believe in you, but all these satellites and shattered dreams are blocking out my view.
Please don't forget who you really are,
because nothing really matters when we're gone.

-The Ataris / All you can ever learn is what you already know ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4812086/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4812086/ Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:33:30 PST Listening to: Current 93 - The Bloodbells Chime

so i uploaded 2 pieces of my covers series.. i think the next will be off a Coil album called How to destroy angels.

i think i might change my major back to psych. i'm not sure. english is fun so far, but i dunno what i'm gonna do with it. and i don't think i can take a lifetime of analyzing and editing. i'll keep writing, in my own way, and leave the analyzing to someone else. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4778974/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4778974/ Thu, 10 Mar 2005 16:12:19 PST
i turned in my essay which i'm still unhappy with, but eh.. we'll get the option to redo one essay at the end of the semester. i'm thinking it'll be this one time to concentrate on the next...

the next will be a dissertation on the differences and similarities of anime vs manga.

time to go work now...

ja mata ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4771577/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4771577/ Wed, 09 Mar 2005 17:55:59 PST Listening to: joy Division - Love will tear us apart

i've edited and revised slightly an old story that i think i wanna send out to some zines, Carnal Instinct. hopefully i caught all the errors.

i'm so out of it today.. too little sleep. meh. can't sleep, clowns'll eat me..... i got 50 words to memorize, a psych test to study for, and a math exam to fail by next week. by tomorrow i have another paper due which i think i did a rather piss poor half ass job on. so i must revise that tonight. thank gawd spring break is coming up, i can use a breather. but right after that, there's another paper due in english. why did i go back to school again? :/

so who do you dream about when you masturbate? i dream of angel with indescretions. what am i talking about? i dunno. blame it on the jack and sleep dep.

yesturday, i found out there is a god. some crack addict bagpipe kept talking and cursing to himself for 20 minutes. it mightve been funny if it was so damn annoying. maybe blame that on the lack of sleep, as well. anyways, he got off the bus and an airplane propeller fell on him, covering the bus in blood and milk. and the loke spake, "thou shall not annoy the val for i shall smith thee with holy vengeance. and milk."

i'm not sure how much of that i dreamed.. but he was annoying. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4763429/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4763429/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 19:05:09 PST $132.

anyone wanna buy a Val? 6'0, 140 lbs, slightly used. fully experienced and programmable. purity tank about half full. act now and get a free Moogle. as seen on TV. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4762247/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4762247/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 16:45:18 PST
i've revised and edited an old story, Carnal Instinct which i think i'll post tonight to get opinions. i'm thinking of sending that one off to some zines.

TODO: hit library and look for the Writer's Market guide book. i think i shall go for a walk now before i fall asleep ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4758191/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4758191/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 07:37:51 PST Listening to: The Doors - Touch me

smack me if i post more without editing my older stuff and sending stuff out to get published.

possible projects:
short story book (untitled)
poetry book (untitled)
novel (animus suicide)

must edit edit edit. tra la la la. or i could be eaten by a Grue. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4753733/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4753733/ Mon, 07 Mar 2005 17:18:36 PST listening to: Leonard Cohen - Tower of Song

and i said to hank williams 'how lonely does it get?' hank williams hasn't answered yet.. but i hear him coughing all night long, a hundred floors above me in the tower of song.

so tomorrow i must wake up before the ass-crack of dawn in order to go to a job interview at 5am. time to see how that will effect my schooling...

wednesday i'll be going to the social security office to see about getting paid for being crazy instead. that'll be a nicer option. la di da....

i'm so incredibly bored right now. i'm writing tons of trite bs that i don't really think is worthy to post. maybe i'll post some... blah.

ja mata ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4742576/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4742576/ Sun, 06 Mar 2005 11:58:06 PST Listening to: Bauhaus - The Sanity Assasin

he drops a capsule in your drink, spikes your dreams with madness

wow i'm writing alot lately, on top of school and everything else. i dunno what it is but i like it i love this song, for some reason. it's been a while since i listened to Bauhaus. i like things dealing with madness and the imagry it brings on. fluid visions of chinese gods practicing broadsword katas with faces growing out of their backs, dreams of tiny figurines bickering among each other. i was comforted with the fact that they'll calm down after a while here. losing hope, drained of will. but my will trembles on, taking these visions of madness and decay, and forging them into a stream of words, surreal and vivid.

must write more in my novel now. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4737296/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4737296/ Sat, 05 Mar 2005 19:17:49 PST

Today was a good day.
I didn’t even have to use my a.k.
At least I didn’t get my heart broken anyway
Wasting time in east new jersey.
Guess I could tell you ’bout
The snow covered rooftops,
Sunsets, shooting stars and picturesque backdrops.
Or how I went and hung out at quick-stop
And pretended that I was in clerks.

Sometimes you gotta stop and remember
That your not gonna live forever.
Be young, think smart, stay true
And just follow your heart.

Remember the times we watched karate kid
And memorized every line
Skipped school and went to the arcade
Hung out and played galaga all day.
Stole a car and we drove to michigan.
600 miles with no destination.
Except to get in the car and drive
And see where we’ll end up.

Sometimes you gotta stop and remember.
That your not gonna be young forever.
Think smart, have fun, stay true
And don’t ever grow up.

Out of all I’ve learned in life
You always keep your friends close to your heart.
’cause who will help you if you’re falling down.

And everything is o.k.

-The Ataris / Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4735823/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4735823/ Sat, 05 Mar 2005 15:16:03 PST Listening to: Trust Obey - Fear and Bullets

i almost forgot i had this CD.. the true soundtrack to The Crow, lyrics co-written by James O'Barr himself, in all his ugliness and beauty.

just posted a new story, kinda curious what people will think. it's not my usual fare, a bit transgressive. a dream i had last night got me in a weird mood. the dream is included near the start of the story, Travesty of Roses.

not much else to say today...
ja mata

nox ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4703955/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4703955/ Tue, 01 Mar 2005 16:09:11 PST
BUT i've been writing alot. yay! the story changed alot already from what i wrote earlier. writing is kinda funny. it can almost make you schizophrenic, switching back and forth between characters.. like an actor playing out an entire movie by himself, all at once. it leaves you with an odd feeling. after a while, you no longer know who you are and just become obsessed/posessed by these fragments, these characters who constitute your entire world.

enough rambling.. back to work. ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4694362/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4694362/ Mon, 28 Feb 2005 15:44:40 PST Listening to: Sonic Youth - the diamond sea

(14:17:31) AwiNightshade: did you write me something? huh huh?
(14:18:04) nietkopf23: nope. inspire me
(14:18:57) AwiNightshade: *flashes you*
(14:19:49) nietkopf23: oooh ^^
(14:23:13) nietkopf23: nothing makes me rise
like the look in your eyes
as you flash me
entrance me
flow through me like wine
at a roman orgy
i devour you
your skin my playground
drowning me in absenthe
make me see you
in the midnight starry light
make me dream you
as the sparrows take flight
through the depths of my soul
dream like none have dreamed of you before
(14:24:18) nietkopf23: ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4692950/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4692950/ Mon, 28 Feb 2005 12:59:28 PST Listening to: Sonic Youth - Junkie's Promise

"I love being a writer, what I can't stand is the paperwork."

-Peter De Vries

I have been writing a little, but i keep getting distracted (by my own volition).

must. concentrate.

and quit blogging so much. i have the skeleton of my story somewhat worked out. i think Crowd Control is the unofficial official title of the novel.
yeah.

Eight generations ago, a man named Thurston Galas fell in lust with an angel, although he didn't know it at the time. He found her unconscious and forced himself upon her. When she came to, she was furious and nearly killed him until she realized she was now pregnant. She could not bring the child to where she must return to. So this child was the only thing to save his life. The angel left the female child in his care on earth promising that she will return any injustice upon the child to him a thousand fold. After the display of power he just witnessed, he believed it.
Since then, after having their first daughter, the mother begins acting strangely and disappears. Others have searched but none have found a trace. Until now. Upon hearing this story, Kyle Miranda makes his way to the town where this drama first unfurled...


this is the starting premise, comments are welcome ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4687461/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4687461/ Sun, 27 Feb 2005 19:12:48 PST Listening to: p.a.l - metrum (rmx by imminent starvation)

My muse has found me at last; Aphrodite, who does it behind dog and trumpet. She shall lead me through the stark pages of my latest book. a fantasy about a boy searching for his mother, latest in a line of a family tainted by angels blood. Crowd Control is officially the first chapter in the story.

w333 ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4677380/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4677380/ Sat, 26 Feb 2005 11:59:26 PST Listening to: Newlydeads - Go!

i love this song. i wanan find the original again.. i know i have it here someplace.... yay for happy 80s pop!

must... write... more....

yes, this is a pointless entry. deal. I need to go to candyland so i can see tori with ~athenaRules

instead, i leave you with this:

little bunny Awi dancing through sunday, finding little humans and bopping em on the head! ]]> ~nox-paradigm http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4661129/ http://nox-paradigm.deviantart.com/journal/4661129/ Thu, 24 Feb 2005 09:55:11 PST Listening to: The Cramps - Sheena's in a Goth Gang

My dad's watching Dr. Strangelove. I'm forgot to do some reading for english class. I have a japanese exam today. I got an A on my Casualty of a Phoenix paper.

My next paper will be on how to be a goth:

watch The Craft.
watch Jerry Springer.
decide to hate society and become a non-conformist.
conform to the goth look.
get in trouble for dying the bathroom.
go to club.
scoff.
never. ever. smile.

w00t. ]]> ~nox-paradigm