http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:nyuji-tora&section=today deviantART RSS for by:nyuji-tora en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:27:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18242627/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18242627/ Fri, 09 May 2008 13:44:26 PDT oniontripe. If you like to keep up with me on dA, add that name to your friends list. I'll be moving my hefty gallery comprised of a whopping two newish deviations over to the new name tonight. And after that, I will no longer update this journal or check here for any comments, deviations, notes, what have you. Eventually (and maybe tonight, even), I'll get around to watching probably most of the people on my current friends list, anyway. But I don't know, maybe you're the impatient type.

Reasons for switching:
* I find this username obsolete and infantile.

There it is. Make no attempts to persuade me that oniontripe isn't a hair's breadth more meaningful than nyuji-tora, you will not win. I chose this name when I was sixteen and stupid, and after two journal eradications and one subsequent gallery flushing, I think the need for something new is all too apparent. So it goes.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18196455/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18196455/ Tue, 06 May 2008 13:09:27 PDT
Oh yes. New phone! I've joined the 21st century now.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18179049/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18179049/ Mon, 05 May 2008 11:05:00 PDT
I just want to have a little job that gives me enough money to live and doesn't suck my soul out. Sometimes. Other times I think about Zora: cultural anthropologist, folklorist, writer. I hope I can have courage to do as my passions urge me.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18100594/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18100594/ Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:48:36 PDT The Teacher's Selected Anthology of Poetry. Neither of my parents are English teachers, so what business they had with a book like that, I didn't know. Naturally, I investigated. The cover page, overly stiff and a bit yellow with a fabricated aged look, revealed in pompously swirling script that the book was, in fact, an annual publication of "exceptional" eighth grade poetry from around the country. And again, why do my parents have this book?

Ah, but one page was flagged! A strip of paper in a loud pink color stood up from the middle of the book, shouting Pick me, pick me, ME! I turned to it and found the following poem, which I had apparently written and had published in my eighth grade year. I don't even remember if I knew about this or not, but it at least explains why my parents would have this sort of book in the house.

As a forewarning: cut me some slack. I was fourteen, I guess, and I was pretentious as hell. My teachers were always getting on my case for giving them too much "flowery language," as one American history teacher put it. I'm sure the wording you see here was the tamest version my then-self could have produced. Being locked into an antique rhyme scheme probably didn't help, either.

* The Firebird

How beautiful to have seen the Firebird,
floating so gently on an evening breeze,
singing a song made of only one word.

My eyes met with a scarlet-gold blur
as it glided along with graceful ease.
How beautiful to have seen the Firebird.

To its flame-tipped feathers my eye was lured.
It lit on a branch which swung in the breeze,
singing its song made of only one word.

"LU-LAY, LU-LAY!" sang the wondrous bird,
in a silvery voice that filled the trees.
How beautiful to have seen the Firebird!

With its sharp gaze it mutely inferred,
"Why do you stare?" I then tried to appease.
"Sing me again your song with one word!"

In reply, the bird took flight without word.
I held my arms out and cried, "Come back, please!"
But it flew on, the beautiful bird,
singing its song made of only one word. *

I don't remember writing this villanelle, so I'm guessing it was a class assignment that my teacher just liked a lot. And I don't really know why I felt like reprinting it here, other than maybe for the fact that I found a poem from the Adolescent Era that isn't all that atrocious. Incidentally, I thumbed through the rest of the poems in the book. The bulk of them addressed the concern of love--which, in fourteen-year-olds is at least amusing, if nothing else--or took the unfortunately familiar Poor-Miserable-Me! figure, as the work of young poets is wont to do. So, I mean, at least it's not that kind of wailing-violin drivel.

But, really. If my parents honestly liked it, they could have just asked for a copy. An anthology of teenage poetry chosen by doting English teachers just isn't their kind of book, I tell you.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18058227/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/18058227/ Sun, 27 Apr 2008 16:20:53 PDT
Okay, that was fun for a while. But I'm done now.

2. Nobody has gone to Jared for me.

I'm sorry. I'm watching the House marathon and being rather dramatically influenced by the commercials. This will be a drive-by-journalling, to be sure.

3. I have done quite a bit of reading in the five days I've had at home. Read one writing textbook rather thoroughly, one of Ben's that he left with me. I felt I could use the review before I get back into writing classes in the fall--for serious, this time. I've also been about some writing, and I'm all sorts of excited about it. I don't mean you should expect the next Nobel Literature Prize-winning piece of short fiction. Only that I'm beyond happy to be writing again, and really making an effort with it.

Also have been reading a novel, Sacred Games. Ben recommended it, but I don't know what I think of it yet. I'm going to give it a real go, of course. But I'm a few chapters in and still a little overwhelmed by the decidedly detective novelish tone of the writing. We'll see.

4. Have noticed an increase in both the frequency and intensity of anxiety attacks. A bit worried. Stupid life-altering situations.

5. I think I need reading glasses. YAY. I have an appointment tomorrow morning to find out. I've always wanted glasses, which I know is really nerdy, but I admit, I think lens-clad people look cooler and sexier than their less appareled counterparts.

6. Fifteen days until Ben comes to stay FOR GOOD. Girly squeal!

7. I need to spend more time on BBC News dot com. It's the only way I can remain positive that the world keeps turning like I think it does.

Lamely enough, I can't think of much else that wouldn't be redundant of something I've already said. Off!

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17828944/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17828944/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 09:36:19 PDT
I have, however, caught up on LOST, finally. Think what you will of me, but my inner Accomplishment Monster feels fat and happy, thank you very much.

Glut.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17651091/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17651091/ Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:50:23 PDT you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you.'

Some telling words from a certain Bear of (supposedly) Little Brain.

Happy National Poetry Month.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17633228/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17633228/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:23:29 PDT
Also, I don't think you're ever too old to have a little fun on April Fool's Day. Unless you're the type who's too old to have fun with anything.

Putting this up here only so I don't forget it: research some other Symbolist poets.

Paper update (as if you're interested) =>

I've managed to write two and a half pages of one of the four-page papers, and I'm not quite halfway through with everything I want to say there. And even though that's not any real, credible advance, I feel inexplicably better about things than I did Sunday night.

My plan for the paper that's due next Thursday is to write it as if it were a magazine article. Just to make it more fun for the writer, you know. The professor for that class is an easygoing chap, and he's encouraged us to be creative with our projects. And since I'm not making a transcription of a recording or composing my own music, but rather writing a miniature research paper, "creative" is going to have to be something besides crayon illustrations in the margins of the pages.

And now, hi ho, hi ho, it's off to practice freaking Kodály yet again I go, grumble.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17596060/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17596060/ Sun, 30 Mar 2008 19:30:42 PDT now, badly enough that I would rather daydream it until I'm convinced I can nearly feel it, taste it, very nearly now. I just can't seem to care about what I know I must get done before that new life can begin.

I'm going to take my computer to school tomorrow and try to work in the library there. Maybe there's something about being home, in my room, that keeps me from being able to concentrate. There's a lot I'd like to accomplish in terms of cleaning and reorganizing in here. I dunno. I'll get all my work done, I'll get through this performance I have this week and my jury in another three. I can't promise I'll actually care very much about any of it. Just as long as it gets over and done.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17556871/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17556871/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 12:30:25 PDT
IS NOT AN EXCUSE

for trying to reclaim your youth. Crock of choads.
______________________________

In other news, here is my academic plan from here until maybe the end of the fall semester 2009, or, if I'm feeling particularly lazy, end of spring semester 2010.

Right now, today, I need one more class to complete my music minor. I'm taking it in the coming fall.
After the coming summer and fall semesters, I will need just four (4!) more classes to complete my English major.
So, I decided to add to my schedule the Classical Civilizations major, which requires me to take only ten (10!) of any Classics classes I want; after the coming summer and fall semesters, I will need only eight (8!) more of those classes.

Along with a couple silly general education requirements, all I will be lacking after Fall 2008 is fifteen classes. 15. And I have until Spring 2010 to do them. But if I can do them sooner, I might as well, right?

YAY CLASSICAL CIV. HOOAH.

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 the Movie! is tonight at the free student cinema. I am pumped. The only way it would be better is if it were a Bollywood film. Alas.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17547578/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17547578/ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:23:46 PDT
"The arches of her feet are like voices
of children calling in the grove of lemon trees,
where my heart is as helpless as crushed birds." --

Jack Gilbert. God bless: just that many words, and I'm smitten.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17169539/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17169539/ Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:03:34 PST because the gods of laundry are greedy ones
and left. I forgot to push the start buttons.
After an hour, I went back and found
my laundry still wet, slouching over on themselves
in the dryers' shadowy jaws, looking bored.
The start buttons gleamed evil little smiles at me,
and I pushed their faces in hard with a vengeful finger.
After another hour I went back and found
a familiar wet lump of my towels and underthings
in the dryers' mouths. I had forgotten that
the gods of laundry set time limits on the bestowing of favors;
they will require further sacrifices, should you wish
to extend the duration of their blessings upon you.
As I furiously counted out ten more quarters,
I began to see the importance of start buttons:
how they get everything going right
sometimes, unless you forget
to put another buck twenty-five into the mouths
of the gods of your life.
And I feel like I forgot to push the start button
on my day--that my life today has been
a damp formless mass, much like
my laundry, all wrong with no direction or reason--
and on this poem, which is flabby, lumpy, and has
no real use, except to make me feel a little better.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17156019/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17156019/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 20:35:27 PST
I have a visitor for the break. He comes Friday morning. I'm all sorts of excited/nervous/frightened. General expressions of glee!

Writing is happening, but I need more time for it. Thank goodness this coming week won't be as full of time-consuming activities as my last couple weeks have been.

Dear Universe, good job this time. :]

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17048088/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/17048088/ Sun, 24 Feb 2008 19:38:09 PST
But it's thawing.

I'm going to write something!

I read something where a bunch of writers were asked to write their lives in summation in one haiku verse. I'm no Joan Didion, but I thought I'd give it a try:

I'd pluck wild berries
straight from Mother's dipping boughs
'cos I trust blindly.

Hm. Fail.

It made me remember, though, a haiku I wrote when I was six to accompany a dry pastel rendition of Asian-looking mountains. It was a Mother's Day art project, and so my haiku was constructed to convey my deepest feelings of love and devotion to my mother. As I remember, it read like this:

You are good to me.
You take me places I like.
You're only the best.

As if an off-brand mommy would have somehow been intolerable to my six-year-old sensibilities. I vaguely remember agonizing over creating three complete sentences that would fit into the regulation five-seven-five syllabic mandate, and at the same time, would fulfill their destinies as vessels laden with a child's love for her mother--a love that, at that stage, she doesn't understand, but knows its existence is necessary, because some things simply are.

It's funny what love is to children. Apparently, being taken to places I liked was an indicator of having a good and loving mother--only the best, in fact. But I never thought she loved me any less when she took me places I didn't particularly enjoy, like the grocery store. It was when she didn't buy me what I begged for, or punished me for disobedience, that I renounced her obviously pretended love for me and forswore any further references to myself as "her daughter." "You reward me when I'm good" would have been more to the point. "You take me places I like" might as well have been "You take me to the grocery store sometimes," and it would have amounted to about the same.

I think that maybe, when I was six, I felt that I was supposed to love my mother, and so I actually did. I'm not saying I don't love my mother now. But reasons weren't needed before. It was just obvious. I think that maybe I struggled over writing those lines for the haiku because I couldn't think of any good reasons why I loved my mother. I just did.

]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16989204/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16989204/ Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:27:31 PST
]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16964552/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16964552/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:17:36 PST
There's something worrying me. Let me explain:

On Saturday, I was supposed to play a gig with a violist friend, but she had never given me the actual date, or I just didn't write it down... either way, I completely forgot about it and made other plans for that evening. Lucky my roommate's also a cellist and was able to take the gig on short notice. Curse my airheadishness, and fie upon it, too.

So this violist friend, whom we have affectionately nicknamed Miriam, spent a good deal of time trying to get ahold of me. Now, you know perfectly well how I was feeling Saturday (see most recent entry). Her desperate phone calls were mistakenly among the slew I was ignoring all that afternoon. And Joshua's, too.

Curious, hm? Now, why would someone who's definitely on the inside of the circle of friends shared betwixt Joshua and myself decide to call my ex in order to find me? Not like she doesn't know we're split up. But, I digress.

During an important and exciting point in one of my cherished LOST episodes, naturally, a text message appears and jerks my focus away from the show. It's from Joshua. The transcription of the ensuing conversation has not been altered in any way to protect anyone, but it has been paraphrased for your entertainment.



(suffers head implosion, then goes back to watching LOST)



More later--got interrupted.

(twenty-six hours later) I have returned.

(Upon further inspection and investigation, have realized I didn't paraphrase anything there; hurrah for selectively-photographic memory.)

On Monday, as I trotted to Theory, which happens to be my favorite class this semester and not only because I have a crush on my professor, I ran into Miriam. We stopped to talk, and as I was explaining things, she broke in with a "Yeah.. are you okay?"

I blinked. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I just forgot about the thing, and I was taking the day to relax anyway."

Her face brightened, and she said, "Oh, okay, good. I thought you'd died or something."

I continued to blink to myself as I finished the jaunt to Theory. She looked at me pretty funny when she asked if I was "okay." Unless she just really likes me and was genuinely concerned for my well-being (which I'm assuming isn't out of the question), she must have had a reason to think something might have been wrong with me.

Here's my train of thought later that day, as I mull over life and its travails:

- Joshua knows more than most people, excluding my parents, about the reasons for my mother thinking I am depressed, and for my tough time with classes last spring semester--basically, anything that might denote a mental health issue

- I "blew off" a class and (forgot about!) a gig, the former of which was one of the symptoms denoting a problem last year, about which Joshua was aware

- I used the words mental health day in my own defense during our textathon

- Joshua and Miriam talk a lot, and they definitely spoke that day about not being able to find me

- Joshua told Miriam I have mental health issues?!

I'm probably just being ultra-paranoid. Right? TELL ME I'M BEING PARANOID.
Now, seriously. From another angle, maybe Miriam's just super nice and likes me and was slightly worried about me because she knew Joshua and I had just broken up, which means I am reading way too much into things and letting my mind run away with little trinkets it should never have picked up in the first place. But I don't think it's paranoid in the least to imagine that he, if he ever felt so inclined, might exploit information about me to his advantage, or to just be mean.

I would actually be a lot more enraged over this if I didn't worry that it might have no basis in fact whatsoever.

Look, Universe, I just want to make this clear: I don't want my ex going around telling people I have mental problems, as an excuse for my airheadedness and dislike of mandatory class attendance, anytime I don't show up at location X at time Y. That's not... ]]> ~nyuji-tora http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16910980/ http://nyuji-tora.deviantart.com/journal/16910980/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 08:34:22 PST
Except maybe Amy. Amy can stay.

I don't want to answer my phone, unless it's my mum or dad. I don't really want to see anyone, and I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay home, watch Lost, do my laundry and homework, and waste the other hours of the day in a manner of my choosing. That's not a lot to ask for, guys.

Seriously. Does no one else ever want a day for themselves, a mental health day?

]]> ~nyuji-tora