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]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/8080728/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/8080728/ Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:13:05 PST [link] to check us out... but could someone give us some ideas for a logo or possibly design one for us... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/8080699/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/8080699/ Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:06:51 PST
second thing... my story still needs budding young readers to help edit it...

third thing... someone who hasn't talked to me for four/five months... well when i said hi she actually waved back which stunned me somewhat into silence... hehehe...

um aside from that... lots of c/w.. no job and by the end of april no house to live in... this could prove amusing...

laters ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7842973/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7842973/ Thu, 09 Feb 2006 01:39:16 PST
hell one day i might even have fun... hehe but that day don't seem to be comeing anytime soon...

anyway...

Just thought I'd let everyone know that i probably won't be able to comment very often... very busy and stressed... not that anyone cares.. but yeah...

haha... my friend just sat down next to me at college and was saying he wanted to cry about his lesson plan... God i wish i could make such a big fuss over a stupid lesson plan... haha unfortunately I have bigger things to worry about...

Anyway... I'll comment when i can...

Laters people...

P.s thanks to flight261 for the avatar... [link]

Pps I still need people to help me edit my story on the touched-by-angels account...[link]

laters people...

"look at me I'm under your boot you bastard" ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7138087/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7138087/ Fri, 13 Jan 2006 04:03:45 PST
So i made a new account... anyone who is interested in reading and possibly giving advice on my writings then feel free to watch the account... there will only be the story up there... i will submit one short chapter every week hopefully...

The account is... [link] touched-by-angels...

Muahahaha

I have now rewritten the first part, and the the second and put up a third part in rough draft form... GOGOGO!!! need comments on how to improve!!! ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7130205/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7130205/ Thu, 24 Nov 2005 08:03:09 PST ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7110712/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7110712/ Tue, 22 Nov 2005 01:35:27 PST
But recently I've really started to suck at the singing and the guitaring...

I've lost a lot of confidence I think and I just know I'm going to mess it up...

Flight 261 will know that I don't get nervous about gigs and stuffs... but now I'm seriously nervous and terrified that I might mess up...

Like the time at the remac mister 261 where i started playing the wrong song to everyone else... but it's getting harder to just say oh well whatever...

And GAH.... I feel so inadequate... I really don't think I can pull it off...

I guess I'll just have to rely on my guitar (Emma) to play for me...

AND NOW...

Just to make things worse... My ex turns round and says jokingly (it's still enough to damage though) All you need in your band is a lead guitarist now...

AND I PLAY LEAD... I think my confidence is slowly disappearing into negative numbers... and it's all adding on to her calling me pathetic...

i need a confidence boost by Sunday... that's 5 days... any ideas people...

Reply but don't have a go at her... she doesn't realise what she's saying when she says it and it's not her fault... I'm sorry but she is still my closest friend as of the minute at least....

So...

DO NOT INSULT PEOPLE ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE SPECIAL TO THEM!!!

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY SHE'S A BITCH!!!

I NEED CONFIDENCE!!! HELP GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7102096/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7102096/ Mon, 21 Nov 2005 03:35:37 PST
And went to a youth group thingy and ex was sat on sofa and i was sat on floor next to her... I put my mhead on the sofa arm and she started stroking my hair...

Well the first thing I thought was...

I should still be yearning for her to be by my side...

The second thing was

Wait a minute I'm actually not thinking that...

the third thought was...

Why does everything suddenly seem so much better...

kk anyway... So i'm all good... until it came the time to go and she asked me how i'm feeling and i go... i feel slightly old and stretched... and she pats me on the head... SO PATRONISING!!!

and then of course she said she'd talk to me about stuffs and she never did...

But hye... I'm good... I have made myself a new heart and will teach it how to love before I throw the old one away...

I HAVE A GIG AT A PREMIERRE VENUE!!!!

But recently I've really started to suck at the singing and the guitaring...

I've lost a lot of confidence I think and I just know I'm going to mess it up...

Flight 261 will know that I don't get nervous about gigs and stuffs... but now I'm seriously nervous and terrified that I might mess up...

Like the time at the remac mister 261 where i started playing the wrong song to everyone else... but it's getting harder to just say oh well whatever...

And GAH.... I feel so inadequate... I really don't think I can pull it off...

I guess I'll just have to rely on my guitar (Emma) to play for me... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7078389/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7078389/ Fri, 18 Nov 2005 07:29:38 PST
I did a stupid thing...

I can't believe I did it but I looked through my old emails from Heather...

Stupid stupid idiot...

there goes all good feeling that I'd scrabbled on to...

And I just saw a couple of comments like... we'll fight through life together... and... I love you... and... I'd hope I'd be with you forever and for me to say that is something...

And i realise dhow much I'd left behind.. and how close we were... and all good feeling went... I feel drained again...

Empty, so very empty...

Sorry mel... ruining all your good work...

AND HOW IRONIC

I look back on my page and the favourite of 'never hesitate' was showing in my random favourites... Basically a picture with a woman contemplating killing herself... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7051763/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/7051763/ Tue, 15 Nov 2005 06:20:43 PST
I must thank all of you who were there and made time for me...

Mel... you especially... your words could have made the devil himself cry...

This pain that I have been featured in is still there... it still haunts my waking moments and shreds those that i spend sleeping... But now is the time when even though the world has crushed poor atlas into the floor... Now is the time that he stands up and bears the weight of the world for all he can and throws off his problems and starts fighting those that pull him down...

Hehe... not that I'm big headed or anything comparing myself to Atlas...

I must say thankyou to all those that came through for me... Yet at the same time I must say that i'm disappointed for the fact of the matter is that some of my friends weren't there when I needed them because they had other things to do... I won't hold this against them but i will let them know that I will be there for them no matter what happens... if they perchance let it slip they're in trouble or hurting no matter what time of night or day or what else I could be doing... I will be there to lift them on the stretcher away from the battle field...

It is time my people... Time to admit the fact that we're hurt... like soldiers running into battle with bullet wounds littering our chests... But we must keep running... i realise this now... I fell down and if it wasn't for the words of Mel... I would've lay down and let the pain catch me...

So it's time people... STAND UP AND RUN!!!

I'm back... and you can try and **** ing stop me... Biyatch!!!

P.s... the next few poems are devoted to [link] (Litti) keep on writing...

P.P.s thanks for the 500 page views people... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6997191/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6997191/ Wed, 09 Nov 2005 06:16:00 PST [link])

Maybe one day I can carelessly vomit my poems out again but until that day I'll keep my self to myself and show snippets of whats inside... Just so you know how i'm feeling... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6923032/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6923032/ Tue, 01 Nov 2005 06:12:02 PST
I'll be back but not for a while yet... i'll keep ya posted... and just think that I could have some major kick ass stuff... (If only I could write major kick ass stuff) when i come back...

So long for now... i'll be back to post my derpressing poems at a later date...

I'll still comment though... laters... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6872958/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6872958/ Wed, 26 Oct 2005 12:19:02 PDT
But I'm quitting here and now... i'm sorry to all those that watch my writings and drawings and enjoy them but i cannot continue to put my soul into these words...

My ex turned round and said she had no sympathy for me since i broadcast it over the internet... So in seeing that i have done wrong i have decided to do right...

Thus by not writing my feelings down, by not expressing myself...

i can no longer hurt anyone...

Sorry to all...

I know i'm pathetic my ex has already told me and so has her mum so i guess it's time to count my losses... Pick up the proverbial broken heart and leave you all in peace instead of hearing my drab and dreary moanings...

keep on writing people... i'll still comment... But no more soul showing from me...

it's pathetic i know but I have nothing left to give... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6788621/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6788621/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 01:46:36 PDT
basically my gf split up with me... all fair... *bullshit*

She went yesterday morning to church and asked all of my friends how to split up with me... She then went and ignored their advice and gave me a phonecall to end all phonecalls... basically it was ****.you asshole but I still care for you...

So...

Firstly... I was the last one to know that I was dumped... Do i have the right to be pissed off here...

Secondly... She said I have no right to ask her why or for how long she was feeling like it should end...

Thirdly... She asked me why I couldn't just accept it and why i kept on asking questions as to why...

Fourthly... she started the phone call with...

"I can't go out with you anymore"

As though she was reading if off an autocue...

So basically...

I feel like my heart's been ripped out and spat on...
I feel betrayed...
She keeps on saying she still cares but doesn't trust me...
She says she still wants to be friends...
How can she care if she doesn't trust me?!?
Then her best friend had a go at me for telling my friends how I felt...

so...

Do I try my best to stay friends with her... despite the fact that she doesn't trust me...

OR

Do I turn my back on her for treating me like something you'd scrape off your shoe...

comments really appreciated

One last note of I know this is harsh and there's no need to tell me... but i've been hurt badly... And I'm rather upset to say the least... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6630664/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6630664/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 02:12:51 PDT time for me = rant

Mood: STRESSED
Listening to: papa roach - last resort

basically it goes like this.... My list of things to do and next to the the people who want me to do it... and a breif explanation

Homework physics - physics teacher... A level physics... lots of questions
Homework biology - biology assignment... write essays about vitamins...
Homework chem - chem questions...
Ucas application...

Ok right these I can deal with cos they're alwasy there...

These are the ones that are pissing me off...

Other people's homework - people ring me to ask for halp with their homework from their own lessons...

Band... - k bandwork i like in practice...

Bassist in band - has to ask for me to come round and help him with his stuff when I have no time but he does need help so I go help...

Pianist in band - have to find time somewhere (whilst doing three hours of college work a night) to transpose all the piano scores so that she can play...

Rhythm guitarist - thankfully he's ok on his own...

organising a gig - my friend started this and I've got to finish it... leads on to points below...

Demos - have to go round requesting demos of everybody.

Demos - have to sit down and listen to everybody...

Demos - have to sort out who the hell I want playing...

demos - than have to email everybody telling them if they got the gig or not...

End section...

Next section

Whilst I'm doing all this I have to find a way to get through everything else that's going off...

Girlfriend... girlfriend's mum is adamant we're not aloowed to go out together for a decent amount of time...

Girlfriend... girlfriend's best friend is adamant that I'm lying to her... which I'm not...

girlfriend's best friend was trying to get my girlfriend to cheat on me...

(Must not Kill girlfriend's best friend)

Have to keep writing songs...

Have to try and sort out my head... cos I've got so many bloody headaches that I can barely see sometimes...

Need to find time to see my girlfriend one day...

journal entry = me stressed = me depressed = me crushed into the floor by every other git's mistakes... GR ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6508898/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/6508898/ Thu, 15 Sep 2005 04:36:32 PDT
So If you do not wish to be flooded by deviations I suggest that you don't watch me for a while... hehe ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5711689/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5711689/ Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:34:16 PDT The scanner at college is terrible,
I've only recently started drawing,
I have no decent colours.

Oh and I'm sorry if they don't make sense either but I uploaded them in the wrong order... sorry... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5702013/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5702013/ Mon, 20 Jun 2005 07:53:04 PDT
I have as of now two weeks to survive until the cure comes thorugh... bastards... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5685857/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5685857/ Sat, 18 Jun 2005 13:03:16 PDT ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5576699/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5576699/ Tue, 07 Jun 2005 04:53:40 PDT
I try to stay friends with her until one day I phone her an her mum answers the phone and she says I should go have fun amd move on... more or less... So I kept trying to email her and stay frineds...

At the same time I met a girl who made me think twice about myself... so I went out with her...

Right then... saw My ex's mum last night and had a decent convo until it came time for us to go our seperate ways at which point she asked how me and my gf were...

thinking nothing of it I said... We're fine...

Then she said... that was quick wasn't it...

Do you feel that a month and a half is too quick...

I feel really guilty again now... dammit....


everything was going so well as well... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5435439/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5435439/ Mon, 23 May 2005 04:38:31 PDT
a) my new poem has disappeared.. it says I've made another deviation and it's not in my gallery...

b) my new poem also links to lost hopes... wow I never actully thought I'd become that kinda person... ARGH... My face is changing with every word I say... ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5435170/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5435170/ Mon, 23 May 2005 03:33:22 PDT
i've been with this girl for like a month now and I feel really attached to her.. we only get to see each other once a month and I think i'll scare her if i tell her what i think... DOH!!! ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5370598/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5370598/ Mon, 16 May 2005 05:14:51 PDT
[link]

so come love us all ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5370586/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5370586/ Mon, 16 May 2005 05:12:56 PDT
[link]

come love us all... hehe ]]> ~outminder http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5252534/ http://outminder.deviantart.com/journal/5252534/ Tue, 03 May 2005 01:58:09 PDT This is what I'll be like at college from here on in... sounds like fun... oh god I need to get the internet at home...

Aside from this I added a poem and am gonna see what else I can force into this dammed computer... hehehe ]]> ~outminder