http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:paladen&section=today deviantART RSS for by:paladen en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:28:52 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/26240602/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/26240602/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:07:25 PDT
Well, everyone asks what the key to happiness is? Here is the answer.... GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO DO SOMETHING.

Now that I got that clear... everyone knows how I use to get emo and shit fast, well I can't say I feel bad about it, at all, really. I love all of you that were there for me, but I realized something a long time ago. Because of the pain I went through, I never liked to induce pain onto others, I become one of the most caring, sensitive, and one of the funnest guys to be around because it makes me really glad to see others happy. I know I am a ass sometimes, but thats only when I am pissed off, but most of the time, I am just joking around when I act like a ass.

Here is another tip to be happy... LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. Idiot.

Lol ok, well I can't lie, I will be on the computer a lot, I am always on it if I am home and not busy, because tv is gay, and I im while I am playing games. But I see no reason to really come to this site, its a waste of time for me, all I do is delete all the devianations and messages.

But here is what actually is going on in my life, lets see... I start work tomorrow, I will be working around 30 hours a week, 2 days off most weeks (yay). them two days off work, I will most likely be blowing my pay check going to movies, bowling, ect, with friends, most likely (as if right now) K-cee, Derek, and Josh Gump. Oh ya, license test is on Thursday, nervous about that, can't parallel park worth shit with my mirrors. If I past that, I will barely ever be home .

Well I will check here to post good bye's to people who post here, KThxBi

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25752809/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25752809/ Sun, 05 Jul 2009 12:12:00 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25492238/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25492238/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:11:17 PDT well.. atm this is K-cee. some of you might know who i am, most will not. basically, im taking over a small part of tommys gallery.. and it only took a small amount of promises to get it. ;]

anyways, im suppose to be writing something but quite frankly its too early and i forget. tommys journals will soon be up though so no worrries, you wont constantly have to see mine. :]

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25317311/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25317311/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:47:22 PDT
Not going to explain that.

Lol but anyway, I guess my life is pretty much the same as the last journal about it, just a little more... experienced

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25218876/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/25218876/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:42:37 PDT

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/23090929/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/23090929/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 19:50:50 PST
*Warning, Nothing is being censored, not events, not the truth, not words, ect*

Well I left to find out that point of life and to feel respected. Its been 3 months now, and to be honest, I have not made any progress. What I found of life honestly disturbed me.

One of the major reasons I left was because of the constant pressure of "the online group" of people I always talked to. Things were just getting bad. I was tired of fighting and being ignored, disrespected, Isolated. I did not even feel like a human a lot of the time I was online after September.

So I finally cracked under some pressure that was given to me by a girl that probably damn near saved my life. Katherine Rockwell. She shown me what my problem was in life and held me up when I was crashing, she stopped me about thinking about Suicide. I eventually made the hard decision to try to leave that life behind to protect others from hurting from my actions.

I had a great night the night I decided to leave, Katie and I went to a dance together and discovered that I do not have two left feet and got to talk to one of my best friends, Jeremy. We later went to dinner with my brother and sister and I got a painful reminder of what I left behind by having to ignore a phone call. But I continued on with having dinner then going to her house until 2am, staying up playing video games.

I later got really close with my best boy friends girl friend, Briana. She is always really nice to me and fun to be around, and she helped me when I was hurt. I did not talk to Jeremy or have anything remember-able happen till December.

December 12th, Katie and I stopped going out (it was exactly a month before that day). She was not comfortable with the whole dating thing, as it was her first real relationship. She now refuses to talk to me or recognize I exist.

Nothing much has happened since then, I still walk around lost, wondering why I continue to walk on this earth. I guess what finally sparked me to come out is I still feel the same I did before. Maybe somewhat better since I moved onto new friends and made tons, but still lost as ever. I still can not find someone that respects me the way I want to be, or that I feel like I can truly trust.


Well I guess thats all I got to say.
Leave a post if you have any interesting comments..

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21387416/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21387416/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 11:35:33 PST
Please no calls either... anyone that might call me I will have to refuse to answer and it will depress me a lot....

This decision was made by me, and do not wait for me. I figure it was better letting you guys know I am not dead then just disappear all together

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21295761/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21295761/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 07:26:38 PST I am online a lot less anymore. There are reasons to that. Butt (haha I said ass) there has been a lot going on recently

A few of my very very very close friends (you know who you are) are going through traumatic phases in life and I can not seem to be a fucking comfort to anyone anymore . It saddens me that no matter what the hell I do they can no longer be happy. I feel like I am being ripped to pieces because of it. I feeellll like I am drownning anymore

On saturday I officially turned from the trouble child, to the expensive trouble child DD
I had to get my suit for CB, I look like a jigs (you know what it is, shut up Jeremy) in it. I well cost my parents around 150$ for the suit/flowers, I wish certain other people would be able to go with me.
Then I took 20$ more for concert tickets w00t w00t!!!

Well I went to a concert!!! Rock hard w00t w00t xD
There were tons of funny looking people, including me
I went into the mash pit (FUCK YES@!#$!@$#!@#$@!)
I got bruises all over
Ian owned at the mash pit, no one could move him, except at full force, so I did so, and used his body to knock down Goliath. Goliath was not happy
Cody - Was like me in mash pit, rocked but easily pushed
Richard - Fell like 5000 times, fun to watch, I hope he had fun, its meant to have fun in xD

We also made richard ride the mech bull xDDDDDD
He got thrown off :-p
I was able to stand my ground though, it was ssooo fun.

Well I got internal and external bruises, expect editting to this later :-p

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21142765/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/21142765/ Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:47:56 PDT

"1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about....

2) Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him.
You don't need to give advice

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you

8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!!!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls.They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous.

If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot!

10) If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl

11) If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is
Guys rarely say that

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"

14) If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are REALLY confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them

17) A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

18) No guy can handle all his problems on his own.... He's just too stubborn to admit it

19) NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!! Just because ONE is RUDE doesnt mean he represents ALL of them

20) WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

21) Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life"

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20506111/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20506111/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:34:05 PDT
/blocked/

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20202134/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20202134/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:25:35 PDT
I do not know who I am....

But now that was the problem I am happier....


but who am I >.<

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20002230/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/20002230/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:27:00 PDT
I should really start prewriting these things.... Well in this journal I am going to explain my emoness for the last few months... so you might want to turn around and press the back button.

Well I guess I will start at point one. I barely manage to get a audition to a emoish band, they said today if I learn how to play guitar better I can get into it. So I am happy to know that if I had more practice with a guitar I would be singing and playing guitar for them lol....

Lets see.... Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
For the emoness....
Well I am constantly under stress when I am at my house... if you knew my parents you would understand why. I can not wait for school to start back up because usually I get a lot happier for some gay reason.

Also I have not had much sleep all summer. I stay up late in the nights letting my life burn away. I am having major health issues (this is suppose to be fixed, its major, but nothing that can not be fixed). I am constantly in a lot of internal pain from it. I do not want to explain really whats going on. I worry constantly that if I die what will my Hannah do.... So I push on.

thats all I can think of right now, but I have two songs that really explain my mood right now. In fact I am going to spam you with one of there lyrics

Oh I had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby, Yeah.
I'm sorry.

[link]
[link] (best song ever)

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19966260/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19966260/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 08:15:32 PDT
Well back to the story, today I got a magazine that I never have subscribed to. Its a computer magazine, but on the back it was labeled to be sent from me from one of the colleges that I been invited to go to lol. Am I really this special to get offers already, I mean I know I am good (lmfao jk) with computers... but still....

Reply if you love me

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19920681/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19920681/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:35:00 PDT

Reply here if you love me or want me back.

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19240253/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/19240253/ Sun, 06 Jul 2008 17:43:07 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17955294/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17955294/ Mon, 21 Apr 2008 07:50:13 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17876857/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17876857/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 07:57:58 PDT

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17190147/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/17190147/ Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:18:26 PST
Well anyway last night I had a dream, most of it was dumb so I will skip a majority of it.

Eventually it came to a very very realistic situation of me sitting in front of my computer, talking to Hannah and a few other friends. Hannah slowly dumped me... I woke up right as it happened in a sweat.... It was very realistic. I was half crying.... It was 4am. I forced myself back to sleep, and it did something most dreams do not do... it left off from were I woke up from.
It was just like a long time ago when someone else broke up with me, it was like people were there for me, but did not act much like I would have liked them to.

I can go into more detail if I wished... but I woke up several times after that during the same dream... it left off from where it started everytime.

But maybe it was not all bad. I always realized I would miss Hannah if she were to stop going out with me... but now that I have a "experiance" of it, I will try to be a better boy friend.... A lot better then I have been.

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15233439/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15233439/ Fri, 26 Oct 2007 18:14:54 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15064429/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15064429/ Sun, 14 Oct 2007 19:40:57 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15002895/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/15002895/ Wed, 10 Oct 2007 15:49:45 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/14156985/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/14156985/ Mon, 13 Aug 2007 22:07:49 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13750669/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13750669/ Sun, 15 Jul 2007 23:18:22 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13558798/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13558798/ Sun, 01 Jul 2007 01:06:18 PDT
]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13543089/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13543089/ Fri, 29 Jun 2007 18:51:49 PDT [link]UZPNpNAyMA
where the is it is a = then a p so it messes up the link, having fun fixing that

omg this song is so fricking true, funny, and well... weird listen to it

(no cursing is in the song if anyone is curous

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13355263/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13355263/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 11:27:58 PDT [link]
[link]


Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (ha!)

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again
A whiter shade of fucking meth again
I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Oh, should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me

Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes
Goodbye!

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I been a drunk disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again
No-ones around so I keep beating it

Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity
And when you're sick you seem to think
You've failed eternally

And that the people you let in are only crumbling
When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road
That lies in front of me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (far away)
I'm floating far away (leaving home)
I'm floating far away (so far away)
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect
I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know
He saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend
Who's always there

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

------------------------------------------------------------------

I try to stay on top of you
To hold your body down
Your shaking seems to hinder
Every grasp that I have found

Moving every inch around me
To defuse your private bomb
I stretch myself surrounding
And protecting you from harm

I use a wallet for your mouth
So when you bite you will not bleed
I drilled a wire through my cheek
And let it down and out my sleeve

And now you're pulling out the best of me
Yeah which never ever comes
This wires all thats left of me
And its hooked within my gums
Within my gums...

So drill it, so drill it
So hard
Feel it
[Kirk screaming]

So drill it, so drill it
So hard
Feel it
[Kirk screaming]

Its proof to show that I bleed for this
And I'd cut myself the shame
To get to know this masochist
Who has stolen my first name

Pretending he's a teacher
Holding all my weight at ease
Yet the teacher seems to split in two
Destroying both his knees

Now crawling I position myself
Below your broken wings
I lift your feathered left arm
Where you hide your heart from me

I never noticed it was swollen
With the touch of brutal pain
I never knew a heart could live inside
The rust from all your rain
All your rain...

So drill it, so drill it
So hard
Feel it
[Kirk screaming]

So drill it, so drill it
So hard
Feel it
[Kirk screaming]

I didnt think to bring a wash cloth
And rub away the dirt
... ]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13265695/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13265695/ Fri, 08 Jun 2007 13:12:08 PDT "whats the difference between potentially and realistically?'
His father pondered this for a moment, and then replied,
"Go ask your mother, sister, and brother if they would sleep with brad pit for $1,000,000, and then tell me what you think the difference is"
The boy said, "ok" and he went to go ask them.
So, he asked his mother if she would sleep with brad pit for $1,000,000 and she said of course. They could use the money to put all three kids through college.

Then, he asked his sister, and she said of course, "He is soo hot, I would sleep with him in an instant!"

So, then he asked his brother, and his brother replied," Yeah, do you know how much a million dollars could buy?"

So, the boy thought about this for a moment and went back to his father. He said, "okay dad, potentially we are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically we are living with 2 hookers and a homo.



meh a friend told me to post so blame him

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13265282/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13265282/ Fri, 08 Jun 2007 12:33:25 PDT For your taste my friend
My car might cost a little less
Then that suit your wearing
I'm glad you stumbled in here on your business trip
Before you close your tab
Remember I play for tips
Well I bet your wife is beautiful
And your a really big so-and-so
Well I'm not doing bad myself
Hey friend don't you know

I play guitar
And I sing my songs in the sunshine
Captain and cokes and bar room jokes
Keep me feeling fine
And there's always a stage
And a beautiful babe to squeeze my line
In my simple way
Guess you could say
I'm living in the big time

I know I'll probably never make a million buck
But saving accounts and the IRS
Never worry me much
I don't need that stuff
Cause I've got friends like you
To buy me drinks, and boats and planes that I can use
I know your really living
In that house up on the hill
So if you feel like giving
Friend I've got a jar to fill

I play guitar
And I sing my songs in the sunshine
Captain and cokes and bar room jokes
Keep me feeling fine
And there's always a stage
And a beautiful babe to squeeze my line
In my simple way
Guess you could say
I'm living in the big time

I'm having the time of my life
No worries on my mind
Everything's just fine
Today is even better than yesterday
Everything's going my way
I'm living in the big time

And there's always a stage
And a beautiful babe to squeeze my line
In my simple way
Guess you could say
I'm living in the big time

In my simple way
Guess you could say
I'm living in the big time

haha love it

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13072871/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/13072871/ Thu, 24 May 2007 07:26:01 PDT I saw stars, stars that I could reach (yeah)
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach (yeah)

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches
Land and time is left to float away (yeah)

So rest assured I have the key to every opening
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream (dream)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between (yeah)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

So never look behind you, spooky people bring you down
The world is ending there's a party by the bay
I'll wear my suit and tie when I am
I am toasting to the way you put that smile upon my face (yeah)

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me
Yeah hell is jealous of the rain (rain)
Make love like time and space Is ending
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting this to shame

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

You make the sound of pulling heaven down
You brought the rain's romantic pour
You make the sound
You make the sound
Of pulling heaven down

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
(Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
(go go go go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
(Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
(Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/12997972/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/12997972/ Fri, 18 May 2007 07:11:42 PDT Inside a bubble bath
An icing drip below your lip
So we undo the math
A sudden slip between
My pathetic sedatives
A real-life script of how
Mistakes became our medicine, so

Delay the hurtful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message that I'm
Picking up my chin at last
I said my confidence
It gets stronger when you're next to me
But we pray from miles away
In quest for what we long to be

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
But you're my everlasting friend
Everlasting friend

A heartbeat skip, relationship
So we would stay up late
A teardrop drip below your lip
Beside the airport gate
A sudden slip from where
We used to be a year ago
A real-life script of how
Our hands would hold and not let go

But delay the mournful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message
That you taught me how to live at last
But I said my confidence
It gets stronger when you're next to me
But we wave respect goodbye
In quest for what we long to be, but

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
But you're my everlasting friend

Will you be coming home?
(Everlasting friend)
My everlasting friend, will you be coming home?
(Everlasting friend)

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
my new fav song ^^

]]> ~paladen http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/12962483/ http://paladen.deviantart.com/journal/12962483/ Tue, 15 May 2007 07:23:06 PDT
1. heights
2. the dark
3. watching someone die in front of me

whats all yours

]]> ~paladen