http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:pancakesarerad&section=today deviantART RSS for by:pancakesarerad en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 16:45:01 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/7041085/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/7041085/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 00:17:14 PST just some stuff from painting 1
i suck at it
but im getting better...
the next set im excited about
when i get some ceramics stuff glazed and decent pictures taken ill post. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/5311701/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/5311701/ Mon, 09 May 2005 14:00:16 PDT Listening to: I was born - The Unicorns
Watching: Life is Beautiful

Some one loves me. Or, at least likes me a little. Somehow I am a subscribed member, and I did not do so myself. Thank you to whoever did that for me.
My camera is MIA right now, thanks to a group of silly Icelandic kids. I'm being 100% serious right now.
As soon as I have it back, I'm going to post some stuff from this year. Nothing is spectacular, because so much of it has been projects geared towards a certain lesson, but this is my life, boring or not.
For everybody back home, I'm only gonna be home for about 2 weeks, but I really want to see as many of you as I can while I'm there. I should be getting home Friday the 13th, and I have to go down to the summer camp I'm working at on the 27th.
It's been an amazingly, horrible, wonderful, stressful, exciting first year here, but I'm ready to be home for a bit.
Toni, Jessy, and John, I really really want to see you all, maybe do some photos and fishing. I know I kind of fell off the planet last summer, but I wanna get together. Even if you all only have time for coffee and a chat or something.
Thanks again to the person who sponsored me, and hopefully I'll get some stuff posted soon so you're not disappointed in my lack of art lately.
Donna!

]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/5172852/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/5172852/ Sun, 24 Apr 2005 02:27:50 PDT Life's pretty okay... ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/4938609/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/4938609/ Mon, 28 Mar 2005 22:02:17 PST [link]


if you go to that link, it's super easy to donate just a little tiny bit of money, or...a lot, if you've got it.

anyway, any thing you guys could do to help would be awesome. It goes to the american Cancer Society's relay for life here at ISU.

Love you all,
Donna! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/3079449/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/3079449/ Mon, 09 Aug 2004 02:25:52 PDT ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/3053543/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/3053543/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 22:11:29 PDT it took long enough but were beginning to learn that eventually we have to learn to take care of ourselves
so this is me, expressing sympathy
i know what its like to feel abandoned
believe me
but im convinced it s a fact
despite of everything that we lack
well both land on the ground safely and the world will cut us some slack ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2821692/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2821692/ Tue, 06 Jul 2004 23:33:20 PDT even if that is a lie. the words will replay through my head, and calm me as i lie here tremblin' ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2131833/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2131833/ Thu, 01 Apr 2004 17:10:12 PST who's more fleeting than fall"

'Cause don't you love those leaves?
Don't you wish the orange stayed forever
And Crickets sang in the night all through winter?" ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2037870/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/2037870/ Thu, 18 Mar 2004 15:42:18 PST I love ceramics...
and art in general...
Need to push myself harder... ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1798836/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1798836/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 14:25:31 PST My art show id Feb 20th. It's totally my baby. I started it last year. and I'm in charge of it this year. Hopefully things will go as well again this year as they did last.
We're kind of struggling for art, it seems that even the people in art classes aren;t produsing the kind of art they want to hang
All will be okay though, at least i keep telling myself that.
Friends dis-owning me, and friends dropping out of school, and friends not being around at all. Thats the rest of my life in summary.
Hopefully this weekend = a trip to see my boyfriend with a lot of friends, yay.
I didn't get into U of I Sad Sad times.
But oh man, watch out ISU here I come.
love for all
Donna! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1269804/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1269804/ Mon, 13 Oct 2003 00:05:25 PDT [link]
a bit of writing by some people
it makes me smile and cry
murder by death is fantastic
as far as mucis goes the list seems to define
saves the day
murder by death
death cab for cutie
old local stuff
oh yeah and steph sandman
shes rockgal on here
and [link] on stlpunk
[link] hear her sing her soul fuckers
im in a very i love steph mood, i cant wait till my photos of her are processed. tuesday morning, 2nd hour i will make photo fun! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1216425/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1216425/ Mon, 29 Sep 2003 10:23:40 PDT This weekend I get to go on the best trip of my life so far.
Thursday I'm leaving school early, driving to see adam at u of i, seeing murder by death play, staying thrus at u of i wth adam. friday, driving to milwaukee, seeing saves the day taking back sunday. Chels lou adam and i are gonna find a hotel in milwaukee for friday night, which is also adams birthday. Then were going back to u of i to spend the rest of the weekend!! yay
Steph was home this weekend, it was awesome.
I had lots of girly fun with her and lisa and jesse. rock on for girl-friends. its a new-ish thing for me.

I love the world.
And someone else. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1173293/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1173293/ Wed, 17 Sep 2003 17:02:23 PDT and myself
and i think some other people too
in fact, i know i love other people
i just hope they know that
and love me just as much ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1167845/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1167845/ Tue, 16 Sep 2003 07:20:30 PDT sick of it all
but phsychally sick too
i surfed the crowd and instead just the internet
to find my life torn apart before my eyes.
an outsider oppinion of how i tear apart the lives of others
i like it
except i hate it
i hate it all.
but here is where i win, just like when i stopped the song like i was told
i stop just short of pulling the trigger. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1165219/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1165219/ Mon, 15 Sep 2003 14:37:43 PDT i dont like ackward situations, or myself drinking



thats all i really care to share
im in love i think.
it scares me i know
why am i sharing this?
because i have to.
i have to let it out somewhere. and my options are growing fewer ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1141831/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1141831/ Mon, 08 Sep 2003 18:04:14 PDT So yes, I'm pretty much emotionally high right now.
It's hard to think about the person you most want to see every day being 3 hours away. It's good for me though I think. It makes me think a lot more about things. And it gives me this incredible rush every time my caller ID spells out the right name, or my inbox or mail box comtain letters with the correct return address.
Cigare tes can't touch this high. Thursday night will rock more than I care to think about too much right now.
I love to think about what a hug can feel like. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1095451/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1095451/ Sun, 24 Aug 2003 18:12:41 PDT i hope to post some photos tomorrow after school... ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1070797/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1070797/ Sat, 16 Aug 2003 00:15:42 PDT I got a diffrent winter hat tonight. Adam and I traded. I like it. A lot. This summer looking back, gets an A+. It really has made me feel a lot more grown up. In the best way. I'm almost afraid to go back to school though. I'm even more afraid for everyone else to leave though. I'm afraid I've become dependant on the company of the people that I have the least access to. I fully plan to make the best of it though. I will smile, and realize that this time apart can only make our time together that much more special. It means that their numbers on my caller ID will mean something good rather than just seeking company for the night.
I won't miss this summer when it's totally gone. I'll instead look forward to the comming Fall and Winter. Knowing that they might bring as much joy as the summer has. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1051460/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/1051460/ Sat, 09 Aug 2003 00:37:36 PDT so here we go. summer is almost over, i wont cry when it does i promise...
i miss people that havent left allready.
im ready to have photo assignments again. i miss it... ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/995834/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/995834/ Sun, 27 Jul 2003 13:02:35 PDT I've done a few self abusive things I'm kind of ashamed of this summer. but i keep telling myself its just a phase i need to get thgough. thats as far as i really need to go on that.
I'm excited for school to start again. I need to have somebody pushing me to take photos, and be excited about them. I've started a writing website, so highschool/college kids can post their writing. It's not fuly up yet, but I'm working on it. Damn my html is rusty im finding out...
i hope everyone is doing well.
if you have anything important to say e-mail me, because im not here all the time
pancakesarerad@charter.net So I said it. Eat my heart out. I hope you choke on my mitral valve! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/679334/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/679334/ Thu, 01 May 2003 19:41:13 PDT matt and i broke up.
i bought a mac.
i dont wanna talk about. So I said it. Eat my heart out. I hope you choke on my mitral valve! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/563368/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/563368/ Sun, 23 Mar 2003 20:59:03 PST Matt and i hit one year, and are almost to 13 months. The art show at school went awesome. I won 4th place for photography. then i entered this show at swic, the community college around here, and won some pretty sweet ass books. Neal has a girlfriend now, so it works out well that matt and neal and tory and me and jenn and fallon can all hang out. its a good time. We went to see zwan ast night, just matt and i. it was allright. We were kind of dissapointed though. It was just like the CD live, the last zwan show was amazing, so we kind of expected more. well matt did and i just nod my head and pretend to understand. Im learning more though. like about music and frequencies and stuff.
oh well, its not something im worried about becomming competent in, i just want to understand a little more.
i got a kick ass new printer and scanner, so ive been sitting at my computer for way too many hours at a time, just playing with scanning old negatives and stuff.
april 5 im supposed to go to memphis, and ive got to have a portfolio before then, so im gonna have ot really work at that...
im kinda worried about it, because ive got some decent photos, but i know they want some sketches too. still lifes and stuff, so i dunno, ive got 2 weeks to really get serious and get some good stuff out.
Matt has almost moved into the manor aka his new house with tory and joe p, things are pretty cool over there righ now, its a really nice place just to hang out...
i dunno, i guess theres not much more to say, just felt like updating a little bit.

So I said it. Eat my heart out. I hope you choke on my mitral valve! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/486188/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/486188/ Sun, 09 Feb 2003 19:23:03 PST [link]
Everybody go say hey to Sav, she's a new Dev-art kid.
She's got some pretty okay black and whites.
She's mike lang one bad ass mother fucker....not really but im gonna load some pictures of the tea bags later....you'l understand then... So I said it. Eat my heart out. I hope you choke on my mitral valve! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/485901/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/485901/ Sun, 09 Feb 2003 16:29:00 PST Things haven't been bad lately. Last night was kind if a bummer. I was supposed to hang out with allon, and some girls, but she ended up with tory all night, which left me all alone, and i didnt go to the movies with the emo kids because i wanted to hang out with fallon. oh well. i got some china king and chilled with my grandma, and watched some old 8mm movies. It was a good time. Kind of. I hope matt had fun with the guys. not too much though, i dont want to loose all chance of seeing him ever again.
Tory and Fallon have seriously the perfect relationship, they always want to spend every minute together. however, i have to pry matt away from his music...
oh well. things will work out in the end. Matt and i had our 11 month nniversary the other night. Getting every closer to the big one year...
It's been a crazy but awesome ride. It's amazing to see how much everyone has changed since then. It's weird how the best things are now bad, and the non-existant things have gotten goofy and fun. I like meeting new friends. i miss my old ones sometimes, but then again, sometimes wonder how good my old best friends were. Savannah will always be one of the most important people in the world to me. but chelsey...Things have gone down hill there. I by no means hate her, we had a lot of good times, and i wouldnt trade any of it for the world, but i dont think i would change anything thats happened either. Theres still contravercy, but where would my life be with out drama.
so...the thesis of this entry.
I don't regret anything. because im happy with who i am today. so nothing else matters. if i had done anything diffrent, i would be diffrent, and im fine with who i am. so there!
Side note. I'm setting up an art show for my school art club and it's awesome! anyone in the belleville illinois area should check it out feb 24 at the belleville east campus in the Q building, it's going to seriously own the world!
that's all i guess. im definitly flowing now. i might go take some pictures with my old cameras, because my new one is at school...
oh well....off i go. So I said it. Eat my heart out. I hope you choke on my mitral valve! ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/443943/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/443943/ Wed, 15 Jan 2003 19:30:47 PST Grades psh
oh well, im not that worried.
I dont really have much to write, well i have a lot but dont feel like typing it...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/442226/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/442226/ Tue, 14 Jan 2003 19:32:57 PST Not a lot happens here ever.
I have some shots im proud of from mason.
That was a good show. It's awesome, ive met a few kids on here that were there. its kinda weird
I posted a poem today.
I havent really put up anything written yet. im pretty shy about my writing, but whatever, maybe somebody will like it.
my finger hurts badly, i bit the nail off too short, and it hurts, and its the kind of hurt you cant do anything about but its just really annoying...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/428447/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/428447/ Mon, 06 Jan 2003 17:01:18 PST 10 months today. MAtt and i have been together for so long now, its awesome.
It's weird to think when he and i first started hanging out i was friends with amanda and leah. and then chels and sav. and now, ive got nobody...
not really nobody, now fallon and tory and matt and i hang out which is awesome. Fallon is really nice, and Michelle is around sometimes too, there used to be some grr feelings there, but i think that was just because sav and i were friends. or something. in any case.
matt and i yay.
ive been adding a lot of stuff lately, not really anything spectacular, but my new idea is taking my camera every where i go, i mean everywhere. you never know when something neat will happen. there are a lot of beautiful skies, and people never stop and pull over for the shot. im going to be the crazy pulled over with my tripod shooting the sky.
I'm really excited about my camera now. i had some nice old ones, but it's good to have something brand new and top of the line, that's all mine.
i like that feeling.
I also like that i got this big job done for work. and its been solely my project, and ive done well and i will be saving the studio money, and making things easier to do. For any professional photographers i would reccomend [link] it's gonna make things awesome!
school starts again tomorrow. im kind of dreading that.
i get to start planning my art show though, aweosme!Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/422018/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/422018/ Thu, 02 Jan 2003 23:03:33 PST MAtt and i are great.
Chels and sav and i are non existant. At least im still talking to sav-o though...
I dunno. stuff kinda sucks, but is kinda cool...
I think fallon and i are gonna hang out more soon, tory and matt get along too, so thats awesome.
They had a show in effingham together, which was awesome. i didnt get to stay the night though, crazy over protective parents...
Christmas was okay, nothing spectacular. i went a bought a brand spankin new camera yesterday though. its awesome. im impressed with it so far at least. its better than my other ones that are all 20+ years old.
i cant really think of anything else to say. i kinda miss school. but im kinda dreading it. a lot has changed for me lately...
i dunno, its hard to explain. mayeb ill cheer up once school starts...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/351298/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/351298/ Mon, 18 Nov 2002 19:45:05 PST anywho, matt and i are good.
chelsey might be moving to fucking alaska, alaska, its so not here...screw alaska, sav and i need her. i think im gonna write a freeopendiary entry about it. i have a diary with the girls there, we use to write a lot, but we have phases. tomorrow morning, chels and i are gonna go really early to walmart to buy shirts for art club, and then do some other stuff. i love hanging out with my girls, its gonna really suck if she moves. i love sav to death too, but i need all three of us, its the right balance...
im sad now, fuck alaska.
my work web site is up now...www.marcparrone.com its not that great, but im working on it. its been so long since ive done any web design, and marc has a lot higher expectations of me than i can handle...
i get to work from home though, which is nice. i get more done that way i think. and now that the site is almost done, i get to start working on the senior CD so it's not bad at all. i like being at home. the Senior Cd is a ton of work though, im not looking forward to that very much...
oh well...hope things are good for all of you reading this. because everybody should have a nice day.Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/335075/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/335075/ Thu, 07 Nov 2002 09:09:15 PST im bored like hell, school is stupid.
i hope marc will get my check for me tonight, if not its gonna suck, im gonna have to go get some $ out of my account.Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/329984/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/329984/ Sun, 03 Nov 2002 19:39:43 PST so is mountain dew and pizza.
My sister kinda freaked out friday night. i dont really want to talk about it here, but there are a few people im gonna get advice about it from i think...
Matt's mom has been really helpfull... Shes finding some information for me about finding my sister someone to talk to...I kinda wanna talk to this lita girl i eat lunch with too...she's been through this kinda thing... Why am I so attracted to drama?
Here's an explination...a peek into my dramafied life. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and talking to christy...by the way, christy is my 26 year old sister, and anndrea is also my sister, its her first year in college.
Anyway. I'm a really fucked up kid. so are my sisters. We didn't have some terrible abusive home life as kids, but it wasn't normal. my mom is one of those depressed but hiding it kind of people. for years, my dad would sit my sisters an i down when my mom was "at the doctor" and tell us we werent allowed to make mom cry. and that was when my dad was home, which didnt happen very often. one of those work all the time to provide for the family kind of guys. yeah it was great that he was able to get things for us, but it was a win lose situation...
Andy is just realizing, and christy has, and i knew, we never got hugged, yeah, cliche sob story, but we didnt. and kids really need that i think.
also...on halloween matt and i started talking and somehow, this topic from when i was little got brought up, and its kinda traumatic for me, and now ive been thinking about it a lot. and im wondering if it's cause some of my problems too...i dunno. if any of you know me. im really loud. abnormalloy loud. Well, Christy is the exact opposite of me ive decided. she;s the quiet complacent one. {is complacent the word im looking for? i suck at this} anyway. shes the perpetually pleasing my parents child, quiet unless she needed to not be. then theres me. Starving for attention, making everything drama. hell, look at me now, posting all of my childhood agression in a silly online journal. anyway she deals with my parents by trying to be perfect. i deal with them by trying to be anti-perfect. i wanna be the crazy one, christy is trying to be abnormally normal. We're both very artistic. and great with kids, thus my conclusion, we're polar opposites of each other...
next random thought, matt thinks he's a twin. when he was little he had bunk beds, and at his dads 40th anniversary party, there was some poem, and there was something about his mom going to the hospital and they were expecting twins. ever since he was little he's just had some weird feeling he was a twin, theres a thought...i wonder if the other twin was still born maybe.....
never know.
im done thinking, it just makes me sad. and fuck me being sad, i deal with being sad so badly, i get really depressed, and to cover it am overly happy...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I heart nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/324666/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/324666/ Wed, 30 Oct 2002 16:40:50 PST I snuck out and saw them monday night, im not in a writing mood
i havent seen matt in like forever, or since sunday, im taking back sunday
and seeing matt, i hope.
im in a good mood.
Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/320985/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/320985/ Sun, 27 Oct 2002 20:53:48 PST I hope things get better for her
Things are generally okay here.
I stayed at Matt's last night. We went to see the ring and i got freaked out and didnt want to stay home alone.
his mom made me stay in the guest room. lol. We get it on, and his mom is worried about us sleeping together in the room next to them. if we were going to go at it, it definitly would not have been last night in the room right across the hall from them. it makes sense though. i guess some parents are just worried about those things. I think his mom knows we go at it though...not really sure. i know his neighbors do. I feel weird talking about sex, oooooh sex. its this whole thing im kind of ashemd, but kind of impressed with myself, or something. it's like im playing grownup games still being young. Being pregnant scares the crap out of me though. That would ruin so much. Yeah, I definitly want to have a child some day, but not now, its not right. i know, my parents have screwed up a lot, and i dont want to be a bad parent, ive got friends who loathe their parents and i dont want that. i want a happy family...
Where would i be without my dreams? sometimes i take for graned that im such a dreamer, but bob-o just said something about how dreams are bad, but really, with out them would we really have anything. theres a lot to be said for being realistic. but look at musicians, or artists or anyone. it's not easy or realistic to be a famous person, it takes dreams...
curing cancer, theres a dream. im in a very surreal mood. i want my life to be awesome
its hard now, thinking about how i want my life to be as an adult, and how i can do things now to be where i want, but theres also a fine balance, trying to work for your dreams, and finding out where life takes you
Thought of the night, i've always dreamed of moving to chicago or some big city, having a loft, being some (shit whats the word, its like crazy, but the polite way) ECCENTRIC thats what i wanna be eccentric. the weird one walking around with an old beaten up camera all the time. Learning how to play guitar, just so i can sit around on a park bench singing for myself, not caring that ive got no rythem i just want to play. i'd like to write a novel sometime. i think it would be fascinatng, just to see what i choose to write and what i choose not to. granted, my childhood wasn't terrible, but it wasn;t marvelous either. maybe ill start using this journal as a way to rememberstuff. i have a weird tendancy for telling stories nobody else really wants to hear, and at least here, i can put em down, and if people want to read, marvelous and if not, screw off.
back to my dreams. i wanna get out of middle america, ive always wanted to live in san diego. but then i met matt, i really love matt, he seriously means the world to me. if things ended, and fell apart, i think i could deal with it. it would suck, but i wouldnt kill myself or anything, but at the same time, i want to stay together really badly.
heres the hard part, matt wants to stay here, and has said before he wants me to stay here too.
Do i reach for my dreams of yesterday, and get out, live out my eccentricity as the weird one, or do i stay here, cater to the dreams i might have with matt
its a delema, ive got so many dreams, and the dream ve had since 5th grade doesnt seem to overlap the dream where im matt the rockstars girlfriend or wife or whatever.
no more thinking about that for tonight...
im gonna go read harry potter, bad ass! ]
Everybody should buy hot hands the little hand warmer pouches, theyre grand...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/317790/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/317790/ Fri, 25 Oct 2002 10:55:01 PDT I went to the NFG show the other day, yummy stuff...
I was really mad at this guy though. because he had my ticket in his wallet, and it got stolen, and i had no ticket, so i had to try and find one there. I found one cheap so it was okay, but if i hadn't have gotten in i would have been pretty pissed off. I ended up driving out there, my parents wouldnt have et me, but they dotn have to know, its awesome how those things work. i brought matt breakfast this morning, theres something awesome about waking somebody up, i really like it. Just like, being the first person they see, and stuff. Sleepy people are fun.
ha, that reminds me of being at sav's one time, and waking her up, and her talking to me about power man 200, yes 200.Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/311889/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/311889/ Sun, 20 Oct 2002 17:28:46 PDT I haven't gotten to see matt, worries me.
my grades worry me.
after a long talk with my sister yesterday, i worry about how unstable our whole family is. like mentally emotionally. Depression runs in the family or whatever, and ive got it, but somehow cover it with smiles, and goofy stuff. so everybody thinks im better than fine.
money worries the shit out of me. I have none, my parents wouldnt let me borrow $40 till next week when i get paid for a concert, but theyre giveing my sister $300 for a fucking snow suit. its not my fault she moved to wisconsin.
Good news!! I went to this flea market today to find an antique cigarette holder. {my god i want one, those are so bad ass.}anyway, no luck on that, but i found a neat old guy with a ton of camera stuff. i started asking about some equipment, and he's got an old black and white enlarger i can have for $25!I'm excited. This whole potential of a dark room thing has me mucho excited.
the chels and sav thing is weird still. eh... i wanna fix it, it just feels like i need to prove myself to them now...
or something, i dunno, friends should be easier, like likfe screwable, just easier to keep.
its really hard to have singel friends and a boyfriend. sometimes i guess they dont realize that i need to spend time with him. and while chels and sav are attatchment free, and can hang out together 24/7, ive got matt, who needs time too. gah
im gonna stop.Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/310879/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/310879/ Sat, 19 Oct 2002 21:55:55 PDT not really. just having an slc flashback. wow, just realized the irony, [link]. wow, so maybe im a little slow.
i just had some ramen yummy.
i think matts mad at me now... relationships seems so complicated sometimes, i know it all boils down to i love matt and he loves me, but sometimes its weird. tonight, he said he was doing studio stuff all night
EW MY NOSE JUST STARTED BLEEDING!
anyway, he said he was recording and mixing and stuff, so i called the girls, and things have been rough with the girls, so tonight was an attempt to mend...well then he calls and wants to know if i want to hang out, which im dying to, but have plans with the girls and they'll be mad if i hang out with matt, so i say if stuff falls through ill call him. then he calls my cell phone, and wants to know why i never called him. and then i felt bad, and he started to get snappy or something, and i dunno, then i was sad kind of all night
THEN I GOT PULLED OVER!!!!
I was on green mount RD comming home from my friend chelsey's house, and i see a cop on the side of the road, i check my speed and im like 3 under, so i figure im fine, i pass nothing, another car passes, lights and sirens, they pull over he keeps going. i figure there was an accident or something he needs to get to , i pull over he stops behind me. i practicly shit my pants. my heart is all crazy and hes like, liscence and proof of insurance. so i get my wallet, and i cant find my freakin insurance card... i did eventually find it and he walks to his car to checkk shit or whatever, and im still there shitting my pants trying to figure out what the hell i did. he comes back and says, im going to have to issue you a warning your liscence plate light is dead. {ah, relief not even spelled r-o-l-a-i-d-s}
so im driving home, and by my house theres a bunch of backroads kind of. and im going around this huge hill, and i see red and blue flashers behind me. im going to die if its another cop, fuck this, so i get around this weird corner hill thing, to a place where i can pull over, and its some ass hole with those headlights with strobe lights in them, and then some light up dice in their window, fuck my neighbors...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/309448/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/309448/ Fri, 18 Oct 2002 17:42:16 PDT Oh well, now its Sav Chels Danny and Tony. And Matt's got his more important than me band. I take that back. I'm not really mad about matt's band stuff. I understand it could change everything for his life and stuff, I just cant help be sad the studio gets him and I dont. I wanna build a dark room really badly, I think Next week when I get paid I'll start investing in some stuff. It'll be so awesome. I was talking with this chick at work about it, and I got so excited. I'm thinking that because I've got my basement, and it's pretty much light tight anyway. I can just block out the windows, put some black sheets up as walls and try it out...Any thoughts? Anyone? I'm hoping to get the economy dark room going. I really need an outlet, and matt's got the studio, and chels and Sav have each other. And I dunno, I just think photography would be something productive to throw myself into...
I've been thinking alot lately about photography as a career, and i know it would be really hard to make it a profitable thing, but i dunno, if i ever get my head out of my ass and stop being so materialistic, i could live.
Man, what if matt and i really do get married, and he really does make it as a rocker, im gonna be a stay at home mom who locks herself in her darkroom...
screw the mom part.
We're not having kids till somebody else is gonna take care of them
screw thinking about having kids and getting married and stuff, i wanna be 16 its great to be 16...
im done, im thinking too much for this...Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/307755/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/307755/ Thu, 17 Oct 2002 10:17:21 PDT I didn't wake up until like 9 o'clock today, it was bad. Then Mr.Perkins was in my art class so i couldnt just sleep. And I feel dirty, I hate not taking a showert in the morning, i took one last night but ugh.
anyway. im really beginining to get addicted to this thing, i think, not the diary journal thing, just the whole atmosphere of the deviantart thingybobber.
im supposed to see matt on every thursday, and his bands recording, so i get no thursday till like 9:30 bullshit.
im starting to get \very jelous of the band and the studio, and now that he's recording his own band at his recording studio, i have no room.
he always gets really pissed if i for anyreason even work dont have a full thursday for him, and now, hes cancelling for band stuff. its gay. and i dont get him at 9:30 for me, hes leaving at 8:45 so he can watch Er.
oh well i guess, im just being a bitchy controlling girlfriend, i like it.
I want an audry hepburn cigarette holder. who knows if she even smoked, but those just remind me of her. the tobacco place on delmar has one. i want it.
I think im getting hooked on cloves, i should give them to matt to keep instead of having them in my car...theres a possability.Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/305853/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/305853/ Tue, 15 Oct 2002 17:49:03 PDT .
School is really gettin on my nreves. My algebra teacher is a wanker, I'm not so much mad at him as the school system in general. It's crappy that somebody who;s really smart but not all about homework, can get straight A's on tests and get a c in a class, when somebody who has no clue about the material, gets an a because they can copy some shit out of a book. Grr on belleville East.
Also Grr on my lack of cash flow, some how I've managed to spend all but 30 of my check already. So much fro going to see dashboard and NFG. even though I don't have tickets, I was going to try and find some nice scalper with cheap ass tickets...

Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/304527/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/304527/ Mon, 14 Oct 2002 17:55:27 PDT i should be writing a short sstory for english, maybe I'll do that. I'm horrible at writing, I think I might have this be some kinda of adventure, photographer lost in the jungle typeathing. im not sure yet. im about to quit my writing class all together
note. the reason for the mood, my 2 best friends, were like the 3 amigos or something equally as cheesy, went out together by themselves last night, didnt even call, frowns


Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/303439/ http://pancakesarerad.deviantart.com/journal/303439/ Sun, 13 Oct 2002 21:11:13 PDT I'm so glad my computer is back to life. it's been out of comission for a while. My matt and I blew it up. I've got a tendancy to be obsessed with my Matt, he's the best.
Yeah, I guess that's about all for now.
I'm donna! Welcome to my shindig.
Heres to us fools that have no meaning, I tip my glass to you. Let's toast the night away to friends, and forget about tomorrow.
Shutup, I hear nfg, I don't care if they're a sellout poser, little girls band. They're neato. ]]> ~pancakesarerad