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]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/8260429/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/8260429/ Fri, 24 Mar 2006 23:03:05 PST
And why? Am I on drugs!? Have I drunk a lot of coffee? Was I, in fact, partying my ass off.....No.

I cant sleep in what is now the day-time for the same reason I cant sleep almost every other night. For some bizarre reason it scares the hell out of me!

HOWEVER! By this point I would usually be literally tearing out my hair, crying and banging my head against the wall while trying to plug Seans nose up to stop him snoring.

But I feel really great! I mean tired as hell, but great! The birds are singing, the sun is shining, I have the house all to myself.....Its really nice. And its really beautiful today...

Now lets see if I can actually make it through the day. Im thinking I'll collapse around 10. ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/7128851/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/7128851/ Thu, 24 Nov 2005 03:13:13 PST
Mood: BLOATED!
Listening to: You Learnt - Alanis Morisette
Reading: 120 days of Sodom - The Marquis de Sade
Watching: Harry Potter and the goblet of Fire (Obviously)

Happy thanksgivin y'all!

Here I am wanting to wish everyone on devart a happy thanksgiving! I caked my office in thanksgiving posters, and now Im gonna cake the internet too! Im nto annoying in any way! Lol

But i do have a mixed motive. I just created a forum: Forum! - No real agenda, just a place for bored as hell people to congregate.

So, if you're bored as hell, come on over!

And remember what you have to be thankful for

I am thankful for my life ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/7076897/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/7076897/ Fri, 18 Nov 2005 01:25:04 PST
Mood: Asleeeep!
Listening to: Radio/Video - SOAD
Reading: 120 days of Sodom - The Marquis de Sade
Watching: Boo! - tee hee who calls their movie that?

Ohh god I have nothing to say. I just wanted to update my book. After a lengthly sprint in the comic world Im back to reading essays and things written by fat, impotent, old french men

You know that really does spoil the illusion of the marquis. Thinking he's this rebel, an initiater of gigantic proportions. Or that he was locked in his cell 100 years after he was born for a reason.

Then you find he was just the run of the mill rapist, and became impotent because of his love of whores and fat because of being stuck in a cell.

*sighs* Where have all the bastards gone?

Im on the video! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6674270/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6674270/ Tue, 04 Oct 2005 01:09:36 PDT
Mood: *hums*
Listening to: Suffocate - Green day
Reading: Creed - James Herbert (*Still great!*)
Watching: Dark Water

Well subscriptions almost up....havent done that much with it (Not that there is much to do) Wanted to search for designs for my next tattoo but then I know what Im getting. So.....

Instead I dance! .... No

Ah well. Back to work I suppose

And its like a sponge ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6517068/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6517068/ Fri, 16 Sep 2005 01:52:55 PDT
Mood: *cries*
Listening to: Missed me - Dresden Dolls
Reading: Creed - James Herbert
Watching: Girl, Interrupted

Please pay attention.

The words: I love him, I love him. Were not meant to be interpreted that way. Infact they were to be interpretated the exact opposite way as a big fight had errupted that morning.

I've given up on nothing. I still love as passionately as ever. However my lifestyle is my lifestyle. What I write in prose has little if anything to do with my life, in realistic terms. And my door is always open when acceptance is, if ever, given.

Dont take something precious to me, and unbelievably personal and interpret it to your own means. Or if you're going to atleast interpret it correctly!

I love you. Now and always. And I hope you can love me to

(Beware, she's got a gun) ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6456487/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6456487/ Fri, 09 Sep 2005 05:42:11 PDT
I jsut walked, a 3 minute walk, to the bank and back. 5 men honked their car horns and 3 strange men tried to talk to me.

Adding to this equation the fact that I was stalked and almost followed back to my hotel room down a very long and deserted road last weekend. This is not taken as a compliment.

I am not the most attractive girl in the world. Thus I pity those much more aesthetically pleasing than me.

A woman has a right to walk down streets without having to avoid eye contact with men, because she feels it might be encouraging them to pay unwanted attention to her. And as a normally assertive female this condition makes me feel extraordinarily humiliated.

Especially as all of this treatment is "lavished" on women merely because of the way they look. I cant help the way I look, nor do I think said looks warrant such attention.

Another point is the other women on the road. I have walked behing a stunning figure of a woman many times, and subtly appreciated a nice behind or 2. but when the men on the street stare at her, and pay me no attention. I feel inferior (admittedly aesthetically I may be), despite the fact I may have a personality that would floor the more attractive womans.

Gifts are the same. I have fallen into the same trap many women do on occasions, where a man will offer to pay for you, or give you a service for free, and of course he is expecting but cannot ask for physical services in return. It is unbelievably easy and tempting to accept these offers and get what is essentially a free ride in life, without having to give anything bak to the world.

This is what turns women into bitches.

So men, I know there's a hell of a lot that women do too that you could complain about, and I know that you feel honking at an attractive woman is a compliment. But please consider the feelings of botht he woman involved and others on the street. And just picture them naked quietly instead.

Elena Salvatore ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6456485/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6456485/ Fri, 09 Sep 2005 05:41:36 PDT
I jsut walked, a 3 minute walk, to the bank and back. 5 men honked their car horns and 3 strange men tried to talk to me.

Adding to this equation the fact that I was stalked and almost followed back to my hotel room down a very long and deserted road last weekend. This is not taken as a compliment.

I am not the most attractive girl in the world. Thus I pity those much more aesthetically pleasing than me.

A woman has a right to walk down streets without having to avoid eye contact with men, because she feels it might be encouraging them to pay unwanted attention to her. And as a normally assertive female this condition makes me feel extraordinarily humiliated.

Especially as all of this treatment is "lavished" on women merely because of the way they look. I cant help the way I look, nor do I think said looks warrant such attention.

Another point is the other women on the road. I have walked behing a stunning figure of a woman many times, and subtly appreciated a nice behind or 2. but when the men on the street stare at her, and pay me no attention. I feel inferior (admittedly aesthetically I may be), despite the fact I may have a personality that would floor the more attractive womans.

Gifts are the same. I have fallen into the same trap many women do on occasions, where a man will offer to pay for you, or give you a service for free, and of course he is expecting but cannot ask for physical services in return. It is unbelievably easy and tempting to accept these offers and get what is essentially a free ride in life, without having to give anything bak to the world.

This is what turns women into bitches.

So men, I know there's a hell of a lot that women do too that you could complain about, and I know that you feel honking at an attractive woman is a compliment. But please consider the feelings of botht he woman involved and others on the street. And just picture them naked quietly instead.

Elena Salvatore ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6286204/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6286204/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 08:24:58 PDT I apologise for the fact Im obsessed with this film. But....why? How? How did they get away with this?
I just thought (while avoiding Dukes of Hazzard) I'd outline this kids movie for you.

A "pious" man Judge Frolo is obsessed with killing gypsies, he's hitler, they're his jews. And one night he kills this mother on the steps of Notre Dame catherdral while she has a baby in her arms. He then looks at the baby, see's its deformed and attempts to chuck it down a well for being a deformed "demon"

However! Good ol' Mr priest says: You just murdered someone infront of the church! Keep the baby or go to hell. So Mr Frolo gets scared and says: Ok! But Im not keepnig him with me, he can go live in the bell tower like the deformed twat he is.

Fast forward to 20 years later where the boy has gone insane and thinks that gargoyles can talk (which is highlighted by the song they do, when Frolo walks in its just the hunchback with a bunch of stone carvings and he has to remind the crazy bastard they cant talk)

He sneaks out of his tower though (after some persuasion frmo the rocks) and meets this very nice gypsy named esmerelda. She's entertaining Mr Frolo with a sexy dance, he then falls WILDLEY in lust with her. He thinks thats cause she's the devil, and not cause he's a horny bastard. So he sets the entire city alight (almost killed a family with 2 children by locking them inside their house and setting fire to it. Our hero saves them but we dont care about him)

Lovely children's material we can see.

He then finds the gypsy's hidaway, you see him burning a woman alive until rescued by our crazy hunchback, but he tries to stab mr modo and then while quotign the bible (and he shall cast them into the firey depths of hell) himself plunges down into the liquid firey hell that he's created on the steps of the holiest building in town.

NOW THATS A DISNEY FILM!! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6096501/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/6096501/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 02:21:48 PDT
So! [link] - please read. And PLEASE remember, no violent, or aggressive war has every won anything. It is mind games and passive protesting that shall prevail! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5724534/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5724534/ Wed, 22 Jun 2005 14:37:08 PDT
Fuck. ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5147921/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5147921/ Thu, 21 Apr 2005 11:45:00 PDT
Mood: *dances*
Listening to: Pretty Girl - Sugarcult
Reading: Shrine - James Herbert
Watching: A Beautiful Mind

Just as I go to buy a devart subscription they give me a free one! But then I suppose it save me some money for a week

And, similarly, 100 deviations, 2000 page views! They may be small goals, but WHOOP!

*runs around in a little circle chanting strange things like: Sono stato intorno anche!*

Ciao!

Or, Later Days

(Beware, she's got a gun) ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5104127/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/5104127/ Sat, 16 Apr 2005 13:52:10 PDT first w/desire and then the desire not the be snuffed out. flutter of hands and lids. seven movements becoming seven stills in
the able direction. that which is not yet shot. the sleeve of a silk robe rolled up. the burning cotton. alchohol. she is
shot up delicate, discreet, drifting in a cushion - massive and functional as a cloud, the slanted position of the maiden
neo-pronto, the erect muscle, the thrust of a hip glistening w/criso and sweat. the beads strung together w/thin strands of
spittle, freeze frame. the hand of a hero - the uraniun guerilla, a minute 2-way radio, platinum antennae dotted w/eyes of
sapphire, he runs his fingers along the artiface, perforated jewels pock the smooth surface of his aching palms"

- Patti Smith, Babel

Isn't that breath taking? ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4958493/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4958493/ Thu, 31 Mar 2005 06:05:59 PST 1. Fez
2. Fionna
3. Elena

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. panyd
2. stefan_elena
3. crispymartian!

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Now Marcus' one was saying about his abilities that he liked as oppposed to aspects of his personality. or so therapist lady liked to say. So Im gonna go with I dont
2.
3.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Similarly Im not going here either
2.
3.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Neck poking
2. Chavs/ninja assasins/the wind - they;'re one and the same!
3. The thought of being alone for all eternity

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Cd player
2. Phone
3. Atm savalon cream

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. black gypsy skirt
2. maternity top
3. One of sean's jackets

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. Yeah Yeah Yeah's
2. Crazy Town
3. Scissor sisters

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Beautful - Crazy Town
2. Get out - Jo jo (what sort of a chav am I?)
3. Filthy gorgeous - Scissor sisters

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Blue hair
2. Not being in school
3. Rock festival!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Hugs, hugs, some more hugs, hugs
2. Erm...fun times out!
3. Ability to have a good conversation

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I have a tattoo
2. I have an anklet on
3. I had exma but now its all cleared up

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Stubble!
2. Eyes
3. Mouth

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Watch Dawsons Creek
2. Dance
3. maths

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. reading
3. listening to music

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have some coke
2. Talk to someone who isnt rick
3. Ahem...

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Writer
2. Journalist
3. Organiser

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Rome
2. Moscow
3. japan
4. iceland (just casue! Its been na nim for a while)

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Amadeo
2. Vittorio
3. meredith

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. bunjee jump
2. eat sqiud
3. smile!

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. Easter bunny
2. santa
3. me ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4534914/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4534914/ Wed, 09 Feb 2005 02:49:47 PST
Just to repeat!

Ian Winwood read my diary

And not the scary I'm a psychotic girl who's going insane and thus talking crap entries. Not even the my ex boyfriend is a jerk entries. Oh no., He read the: I love Ian Winwood sections.

To whoever did give him the link to that entry I have this to say to you:
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I got an email from him saying that he thanked me for it. And that he's not fat and bald. Which is nice to know!

Which has made my year...possibly. Its early days but...

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ah the intellect. Well, thank you!

Later Days

(And yes, I will update.....some time) ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4332401/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/4332401/ Sun, 16 Jan 2005 06:05:03 PST ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3631520/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3631520/ Wed, 20 Oct 2004 00:59:55 PDT
Aint they just peachy? Lol ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3540198/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3540198/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 06:29:21 PDT ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3507577/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3507577/ Mon, 04 Oct 2004 00:50:46 PDT
My name is: Fionna Apps (Elena Salvatore....shhh)
Nicknames: Fez, Elena, Elli Fifikins blah blah blah I cant remember the rest marcus, Ottoman hat, Taxidermied fool etc
Sex: Feeeemale
Birthday: Shhh! I dont have one
Color: Purple! But black is a purty shade
Star sign: Cancer
Place of birth: Kansas City Missouri
Current residence: Essex!
Real Haircolor: Dark Brown
Current Haircolor: Dark Brown with blonde streak
Colors Hair Has Been: Red, red, black, blackey blue, red
Eye color: Brown
Height: 5'3" approx
Writing hand: Right

-BODY ILLS + SKILLS-
Do you bite your nails: No! I nibble them, which is like biting, only they stay fully attatched to my hand
Can you roll your tongue: Yuppers
Can you blow smoke rings: Yup
Can you blow spit bubbles: Yeeah
Can you cross your eyes: No! *cries and wears her glasses like a good girl*
Tattoos and where: None, although I think wings on my ankles would be good.....
Do you make your bed daily: hell no! I sleep on my cover so its all very complex and intricate
What's sexiest on a guy/girl: Guy = face area et bootay! *shakes* Girl = legs et face
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: twirl
What utensils do you use eating pizza: My 2 friends I like to call fred and bob, also known as my hands
Do you cook: At work...and when my parents cant be arsed

-GROOMING-
How often do you brush your teeth: Everyday
Do you shower/bathe: No, Im a smelly smelly girl. People avoid me in the street.
How long do these showers/baths last: About an hour. I LIKE showers!
Do you swear: Only when Im angry or tired
Do you pee in the shower: Yes, Im a smelly smelly girl. People avoid me in the street.
What color is your bedroom: Red and White, its a weird room
Do you use an alarm clock: Yup
Name four things or people you're obsessed with: MUSIC! Sending texts! Books cause Im a sad little girl and ....erm.....phone calls I spose
What's your sleeping position: Foetus position
In hot weather do you use a blanket: I use my Afghan!
Do you sleepwalk: Only when really really depressed. Then I strip down and cry. Go figure
Do you talk in your sleep: Apparently.
How about the light on: I keep my lamp on sometimes....when the winds out to get me. The light will protect me! *hides*

-WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU-
Sex: TOO LONG AGO!...ahem
Watched Bambi: About 3 years ago, my Dad cried
Cried: Erm....I think last night
Talked on the phone: Last night
Read: Erm.....a book would be 2 days ago.

-MUSIC-
Is music important to you: Unnervingly so
Do you sing: All the time! I even sing on public transport
What instruments do you play: flute, penny whistles, keyboard, piano, bagpipes etc etc etc
What do you think of Eminem: See my last journal entry!
In your opinion what band is the best of all time: GREEN DaY! GODS OF ALL! I LOVE YOU SAINT JIMMY! etc

-WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX-
What do you notice first?: What sex they are?
Easiest to talk to: Marcus. Everyone else I tend to get nervos and tongue tied

-DO YOU/ARE YOU-
Could you live without the computer?: Not a chance in hell. how sad am I?
What's your favorite fruit?: Im allergic to most of them. But I like grapes.
What hurts the most?: Pointy things
Trust others way too easily?: Unfortunatly. I gave my debit card and pin to a stranger the other day for 2 hours. Lol.

-NUMBER-
Of times you have had your heart broken?: By law Im required to atleast say a couple
Of hearts you have broken: *cackles evilly*...Uh....2?
Of drugs taken illegally?: 1
Of tight friends?: 4
Of CD's owned?: I got to 100 the other day and just stopped
Of scars on my body?: Um...I think its close to 100, but most of them are VERY small. So yay

-OTHER THINGS-
I know: where you live
I want: to live there
I have: A desire to have Davey Havok's children
I wish: That I lived in Greenwhich ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3382486/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3382486/ Fri, 17 Sep 2004 06:28:13 PDT
Ok, so I dont really listen to rap. Despise most of hit. However! Anyone who writes the lyrics: Music is reflection of self, we just explain it then get our checks in the mail - is a true musician and deserves everything that comes their way

*makes firm pose*

Yup. ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3248058/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3248058/ Mon, 30 Aug 2004 14:41:47 PDT
Thank you my people!

...... ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3117305/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3117305/ Fri, 13 Aug 2004 15:21:47 PDT
You know what that bastard did when the aeroplanes hit the twin towers? He went into a classroom full of small children for a PHOTO OP! Lets see, we had family friends in those buildings and that prick SAT THERE WITH A BUNCH OF SMALL CHILDREN READING FROM A BOOK! STUPID FUCKER! *explodes*

And when the second tower got hit? Still nothing! Just casually sat there. La la la la la.

But anyway! On to the politics that effect my families everyday lives.

1. The economy grew. The economy mostly grew due to relations with Saudi's and the investments made in certain defence companies which are affiliated with the Bin Laden family. But Im not going to go into that

2. Apparently jobs became easier to come by. "There is widespread evidence" WHERE? All his opposers have documents and facts and numbers and account references. And they have "widespread evidence" from nowhere? Ok. So I'm not buying that

Hey! And theres some anti-Kerry stuff here too! Wow! That doesnt make them look petty! And I dont care how politics works right now as Im quickly losing faith in pretty much everything

3. Oh! Heres something atleast. He put $15 million into HIV cure finding thingies. Unfortunatly he apparently put no money into making the public AWARE of exactly what this entails and the wonderful thing nobody seems to ever remember which is! WEAR A CONDOM YOU FUCKING MORON!

(But Elena! Sometimes in the heat of the moment you forget your life may be at risk and you can always trust perfect strangers whom you are fucking to tell you cant you? *smacks with large herring*)

But he put money into the search for the cure. So I give him partial credit

The rest of that sections just what he promises to do. So that counts for nothing.

4. Well apparently health prices are skyrocketing. But dont worry! He has a plan.....he has to get elected first. BUT! He also made perscriptions for the elderly free. For that he gets partial credit again. BUT no free coverage for students or children, and giving some people free stuff makes both taxes and everyone else's health care costs go up.

But he has 1 point now! Which is more than you'd think I was willing to give him

5. "achievement gaps are closed between students of different socio-economic backgrounds. " - Im sorry thats bullshit. Nobody but society can do that by acceptance and lack of racism in schools and the work place

He put more money into reading and writing though. Another partial credit.Although you'd think high schools needed a little more funding. Especially with the whole low test scores. I got about 1200 combined on my S.A.T. 1 and they said I did better than 78% of the children in America who had been studying for god knows how many months for that test.

I had not studied. I do not go to an American high school. Am I the only one who thinks I should've been below average?

6. Ok, if only because this REALLY pisses me off and if the most unconstitutional thing you can do! It says here as a GOOD thing that they've prevented same sex marriages. Well whoop de doo! You helped to keep social fears and homophobia up! AND make the church ever more alienated from those people who are well....SANE!

The rest is war stuff, which speaks for itself really.

And my rant is over. And yet im STILL ashamed to say most of my american family are republicans.

May George Bush rot in hell! *salutes* ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3091488/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3091488/ Tue, 10 Aug 2004 13:46:37 PDT But your heartbeat in my head
And I photograph of my travelling friend

And I became nothing
When I found out you were dead
When I found out
I'd never see you again

All the time we took talking in circles"

"Before we say goodbye give us something to believe in
Armageddon, we're not begging
For too much I don't think
Just need a goodbye kiss (one last salute)"

" I'm not writing my goodbyes.
I submit no excuse.
If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake.
If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt

But I am too weak to be your cure.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?"

"You don't say much of anything
And I just can't see through the evidence
It's evident
It's right in front of me in black and white and red
And I don't believe in much of anything
I'm glad I have people I call friends
If it was up to me I'd never have to miss you
It's for the better in the bitter end
I guess you'd know the best"

You have every right to be, this appauled with me

Ice Cream ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3081124/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3081124/ Mon, 09 Aug 2004 09:01:31 PDT ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3050267/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3050267/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 14:47:51 PDT [link]

This owman should be a spokesperson for every woman on her period. *sends mopre love* ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3050136/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3050136/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 14:33:10 PDT
Yaaaaaaaay! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3047422/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/3047422/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 07:43:32 PDT
I love prostitutee

Anywho! Moving swiftly on. 1 more and then I have 1,000 pageviews! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2887541/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2887541/ Thu, 15 Jul 2004 09:38:42 PDT
*is a very lucky small thing*

That, and I have the best boyfriend in the world.
Which = and much and

But he's leaving. So also much and










Playing with the emoticons makes it better.....honest....
]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2831717/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2831717/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 08:34:29 PDT
JOKES! They're fun. Well that and I have bad pms and depression. Now where's that gun...... ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2831707/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2831707/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 08:32:31 PDT
*Hides behind her small but very angry boyfriend*
*pats Sean's head* awwww, aren't you cute! What primary are you in *gets punched* mean kindergarden kids....
lol If you two are in the same vecinity if you DARE fight*runs off never to see either*
You're fault.... Sean: You're fault!
Great. Im Katherine
Make me a vampire! Sean: No me! I want to be the werewolf! Vampire! Sean: Whatever!
*Makes them both vampire* See! I love you both!
Not good enough! Sean: Why do I burnnnnn!!!!
Fine! *kills herself* .... *pretends to kill herself even*
....................Its your fault Sean: burnnnnnnnnns. Is not! *much punching ensues* *Marcus goes to Fell's Church and acts mysterious* Wooooo, oh the angst!
*dances*
*sees Elena* Oh! Regression! The angst! Must have.... *sean leaps out* Sean: Not so fast brother! I'm not your brother, all these years really have affected your mind haven't they? Sean: Silence, Katherine will be mine. Elena.... Sean: Her too

See what happens when everyone runs away? ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2704254/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2704254/ Sun, 20 Jun 2004 13:21:47 PDT "We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust,
And we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs,
bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste,
To where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay,
And the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."

The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
But you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.

You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair,
And we sang with unrivaled beauty,
Bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
And somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message."
- Mr Davey Havok

Now why cant i write like that? ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2696245/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2696245/ Sat, 19 Jun 2004 09:56:26 PDT
At first Elena, in her pleasant haze, simply accepted the words. Then, with a chill of sweetness, she realised what he'd said.

He loved her She'd known in all along, but he had never said it before.

"I love you, Stefan," she whispered back. She was surprised when he shifted and pulled away slightly, until she saw what he was doing. Reaching inside his sweater he drew out the chain he had worn around his neck ever since she had known him. On the chain was a gold ring, exquisitly crafted, set with lapis lazuli.

Katherine's ring. As Elena watched, he took the chain off and unclasped it, removing the delicate golden band.

"When Katherine died," he said "I thought I could never love anyone else. Even though I knew she would have wanted me to, I was sure it could never happen. But I was wrong." He hesitated a moment and then went on.

"I kept the ring because it was a symbol of her. So I could keep her in my heart. But now I'd like it to be a symbol of something else." Again he hesitated, seeming almost afraid to meet her eyes. "Considering the way things are, I dont really have any right to ask this. But, Elena--"

I LOVE THESE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dances in a girly manner* ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2696195/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2696195/ Sat, 19 Jun 2004 09:45:23 PDT ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2613796/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2613796/ Tue, 08 Jun 2004 15:06:36 PDT
Sometimes I think humans are the most disadvantaged species on this planet, mostly for the same reason they all think we're superior. The ability to think, and the decision not to, are the things that seen to drive the human race. And while other animals have the laws of the jungle, we have to deal with that ever present problem: What is the meaning of it life? And does it have purpose?

Men have wasted their whole lives looking for the answer. People of all kinds have sacrifised themselves convinced they've found purpose, when all they'Ve really done is created an easy answer for themselves. So they can stop thinking

Maybe thats why people do the things they do. Not out of fear, or arrogance or even just ignorance. Just so for one second of their lives they can stop thinking, and the meaninglessness of their existance won't weigh them down.

This would also explain religion. If some almighty and all loving God created us, and he gives us all purpose, then it is not in our hands. So we are liberated from the responsibility of finding their own answer, and the nothingness of the reality

But if there is no God, no higher being, no one to assign up a task then we must choose our own. And where does that leave one person? Except for alone, with their thoughts

But that also, by default, leaves us with much more responsibility. If there is no God to give justice, or rid us of 'evil', then it must fall down to us. Which is when in addition to the original questions the human being is laden with another set of questions: What is the ultamive answer? If war and abuse are man made, shouldn't man be able to destroy them? And if we have the means to cure famine and droubt then why don't we?

And this is when the power of thought, if the search for purpose and meaning within all forms of life hasn't consumed man yet, becomes unbearable. Because what person can carry the burden of the evil of mankind on their sholders? Who can solve the corruption of another?

But people will think about their jobs, and their education, or how they want to go out yet they condemn those who escape through drugs and sex, things which are a break from thought

Those who can clearly think, those who choose to dive down and see what is there, are cursed. No-one can forget what they see, or rectify it ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2528718/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2528718/ Fri, 28 May 2004 12:23:03 PDT
Or celebrate

Or possibly go milk a cow

Any one of those is a fine past time me thinks

Psstt....comment.......*ahem* ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2488206/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2488206/ Sun, 23 May 2004 04:09:14 PDT
Now take care kids these things can kill you you know!
*winks*

......

If it helps I only woke up 20 minutes ago ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2330599/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2330599/ Fri, 30 Apr 2004 12:10:41 PDT
Also, compulsory school ends in 2 weeks!

More yay! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2192531/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2192531/ Sat, 10 Apr 2004 12:05:11 PDT
(Before you say it, yes I've submitted ... 2? rhyming poems on here. I never claimed they were dark or anything else worthy of rememberence)

So! Either! I find a poet on deviant art who can actually right chilling and dark poetry

OR! I take it upon myself to try and right and truely heart chilling bit of prose.

And you know I wont succeed. So any help in finding that dark poet would be appreciated ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2163422/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2163422/ Tue, 06 Apr 2004 08:57:40 PDT
And In other news. Love to Sean!

Yay for me................*ahem* ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2053680/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2053680/ Sun, 21 Mar 2004 06:14:47 PST


[link]

And just for fun ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2053222/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2053222/ Sun, 21 Mar 2004 02:47:59 PST The grass IS riz
I wonders where the flowers is?

Had to update, it being spring now and all.... ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2035268/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2035268/ Thu, 18 Mar 2004 07:26:33 PST Grass' almost riz
I wonders where the flowers is?

Im bored. Can you tell? ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2005080/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/2005080/ Sat, 13 Mar 2004 14:27:57 PST
Then I took a break half-way through editting it and heard that another one of our family friends has lost the will to live in his battle against cancer because he cant play his instruments anymore.

Suddently I didnt feel like writing love poetry. ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1647039/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1647039/ Thu, 08 Jan 2004 07:29:00 PST ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1647036/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1647036/ Thu, 08 Jan 2004 07:28:02 PST I've watched a happy pair
Of lovers walking in the night
They had a kind of glow around them
It almost looked like heaven's light

I knew I'd never know
That warm and loving glow
Though I might wish with all my might
No face as hideous as my face
Was ever meant for heaven's light

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me
And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright

I dare to dream that she
Might even care for me
And as I ring these bells tonight
My cold dark tower seems so bright
I swear it must be heaven's light

Confiteor Deo Omnipotenti (I confess to God almighty)
Beatae Mariae semper Virgini (To blessed Mary ever Virgin)
Beato Michaeli archangelo (To the blessed archangel Michael)
Sanctis apostolis omnibus sanctis (To the holy apostles, to all the saints)

Beata Maria
You know I am a righteous man
Of my virtue I am justly proud

Et tibit Pater (And to you, Father)

Frollo:
Beata Maria
You know I'm so much purer than
The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd

Quia peccavi nimis (That I have sinned)

Then tell me, Maria
Why I see her dancing there
Why her smold'ring eyes still scorch my soul

Cogitatione (In thought)

I feel her, I see her
The sun caught in raven hair
Is blazing in me out of all control

Verbo et opere (In word and deed)

Like fire
Hellfire
This fire in my skin
This burning
Desire
Is turning me to sin

It's not my fault

Mea culpa (Through my fault)

I'm not to blame

Mea culpa (Through my fault)

It is the gypsy girl
The witch who sent this flame

Mea maxima culpa (Through my most griveous fault)

It's not my fault

Mea culpa (Through my fault)

If in God's plan

Mea culpa (Through my fault)

He made the devil so much
Stronger than a man

Mea maxima culpa (Through my most griveous fault)

Protect me, Maria
Don't let this siren cast her spell
Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone
Destroy Esmeralda
And let her taste the fires of hell
Or else let her be mine and mine alone

Minister Frollo, the gypsy has escaped

What?

No longer in the cathedral. She's gone

But how? Never mind. Get out, you idiot
I'll find her. I'll find her if I have to burn down all of Paris

Hellfire
Dark fire
Now gypsy, it's your turn
Choose me or
Your pyre
Be mine or you will burn

Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

God have mercy on her

Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

God have mercy on me

Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

But she will be mine
Or she will burn!

________

THAT CAME FROM A DISNEY FILM!!! I love it! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1519687/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1519687/ Thu, 11 Dec 2003 06:55:29 PST
One night, one of the last I spent with him, I fell asleep with one of his arms around my waist, the other by my neck, playing with my hair. And I fell asleep thinking I was in heaven.

I woke up before him that morning thinking he'd already by gone but those arms were still there, keeping me safe.

Never again.

That person is dead. ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1470042/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1470042/ Sun, 30 Nov 2003 07:30:05 PST
Unfortunatly right now I dont know what I want to or do feel. And you can bet that'd make writing now fun! ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1399868/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1399868/ Fri, 14 Nov 2003 10:31:07 PST ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1357434/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1357434/ Tue, 04 Nov 2003 12:02:51 PST
"A thousand colors,
Is that the color?"

Just rings loud and clear in my mind.... ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1344398/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1344398/ Sat, 01 Nov 2003 03:29:31 PST
And later on today I'm gonna go face my fears! So maybe its just nervos happiness...

Oh either way I dont care. Yay for me ]]> ~panyd http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1275726/ http://panyd.deviantart.com/journal/1275726/ Tue, 14 Oct 2003 11:00:07 PDT
And no matter how many times you say I love you, without the person there to hear those words, they mean nothing to anyone but you. ]]> ~panyd