http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:patterninverted&section=today deviantART RSS for by:patterninverted en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:08:29 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/17928764/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/17928764/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:57:31 PDT
my name is ashlee jordan. i spend a large amount of my time sitting on the edge of david carlson's bathtub in frankfort, illinois, while talking about my job as i wait for him to get ready. i don't mind awkward silences; in fact, i welcome them. i'm a romantic and i believe putting your best fight into keeping the person you love. i am a terrible driver and every day of my life, i manage to nearly kill myself and everyone in my car at least once. i'm told i'm funny. and short. i'm not sure about the first part but the latter is definitely true. at a mighty 5'2", i fear nothing.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/17179734/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/17179734/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 12:54:39 PST
First and foremost, I shamelessly tell everyone I meet about my boyfriend's band. This is partially because I am proud of him and partially because I want to brag. But this braggard sort of thing does not come without a price.
Let me elaborate: I am required to give up my boyfriend for months at a time while he tours and also to other females when they want to take pictures or have him sign things. However, I feel that I get compensation enough.
In addition to getting to brag (yes, I do pull the my-boyfriend-is-in-a-signed-band thing quite often), I get to stand on the stage while they play, help load up the van, and sit behind a table selling merch for five out of six hours. I get to run the street team and make endless tote bags, hand out flyers at the mall, and mail CDs and t-shirts, all with out any gratuities.
Complain as I might, his music is truly good and being named in the booklet inside of the cover is thanks enough (and perhaps the occasional use-that-voice-to-sing-me-to-sleep kind of thing helps).
Without further adeiu, let me introduce you to your new favorite band (and the love of my life): A Kidnap In Color ([link]).

Finally, let me throw out a few other suggestions within the boundaries of good music:

Mayday Parade ([link])
These guys are such good friends to me, and every time they're around we have a blast, whether we go to the mall, grab some food, or just go to a show. They are so down to earth despite their growing fame (I think my most popular set of live pictures are of Alex and Derek) and they always think about how their decisions will affect their fans. I love these guys so much.

You, Me, and Everyone We Know([link])
Also some friends of mine, who happen to be offering their seven song EP for free on Absolutepunk.net! Check it out... you will be addicted.

Four Year Strong ([link])
I saw these guys with Mayday in August. Their live show was insane with more energy than I've ever seen any band deliver. The album is a mix of happy-hardcore and dance-laden pop. I love it.

Every Avenue ([link])
I just met Josh and Dave from EA through a mutual friend and although the CD is a bit bland here and there, they were great live and honestly some of the nicest guys I've met in awhile.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/16205183/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/16205183/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:21:34 PST
I'm quite pleased with the quality of the photos I took with my Canon, moreso than the photos I took with my cute little Kodak. That one is more for playing around, anyway.

The photos feature historical buildings such as the Chicago Theatre, the RedLine subway, a "Child's Play" series (you'll understand the name when you see it) that I did in a unique little shop called the Hollywood Mirror, and pedestrians. I also tried to do a portrait series of Dave at American Apparel, but I have to play with the colours a bit before I decide whether to post them or not.

You can expect these photos either later on today or early tomorrow! I hope you all enjoy.


Moving on from my personal work, though, to wish everyone a safe and happy new year!

I'm resolving to: 1) be more considerate of my family's plans and feelings 2) be more honest with myself, and 3) let go of the people in my life who cause more problems than good and more drama than happiness.

What are everyone else's resolutions?

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/15593176/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/15593176/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:26:50 PST
Until I get a more little free time, I won't be putting anything new up with the exception of a few photographs from a live photoshoot I did recently with a band called My American Heart.

As for writing, I'm working on a novel now, which is why you haven't seen any new pieces of literature. Bear with me for now, and I promise it will be worth it!

And for all you watchers/lurkers, I hope all is well.


Ashlee

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14744673/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14744673/ Sat, 22 Sep 2007 14:07:15 PDT
The holidays are coming up. Buy prints!

As for band news, Kidnap has two years to sell 50,000 records. If they succeed, Warner Bros. is signing them.

The holidays are coming up. Buy records!

Actually, the album won't be in stores until mid January. Still... belated Christmas presents are always good!

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14488900/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14488900/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:39:04 PDT
[link] [link] [link] [link]

Again, if you don't know, this is my boyfriend Dave's band. Check them out at

[link]

I hope everyone is well! <3

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14470441/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14470441/ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 11:14:25 PDT
My best friend recently did a shoot with Michael Donovan, and my boyfriend and his band had a shoot with Evan Hunt yesterday. We did six different sets in about seven hours. It was fast paced and hard to keep up. The proofs won't even be out for another week, but Evan is amazing when it comes to his work. He's done work for everyone from AP Magazine to Victory Records.

I'll post the finished photos in about a week!

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14330425/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14330425/ Sat, 25 Aug 2007 07:33:43 PDT
I'm also attempting to finish a few classes early so I go into Columbia with at least nine hours of credit. It can be done, but it's going to take work!

The good thing about all these extra classes though is that I'm getting a ton of writing done in AP English Seminar. I should have new things up soon! Don't get too offended if I don't look at your work right away... I promise, I'll get to it eventually! I'm just extremely busy right now and dA is a hobby among priorities.

I hope everyone is well. <3

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14225663/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14225663/ Sat, 18 Aug 2007 12:20:28 PDT

So here we go.

Here are the Rules

1. post these rules
2. each person tagged must post 8 random (hopefully interesting) facts about themselves
3. tags should write a blogpost of these facts
4. at the end of the post 8 more bloggers are tagged and named
5. go to their blog and leave a comment telling them they're tagged

1. If it wasn't for chicken, I would be a vegetarian. Damn those (delicious) feathered things!
2. I cry more in my sleep than I cry when I'm concious.
3. My biggest pet peeve is the sound of feet tapping on tile. I alsohave a hard time watching people swallow; it grosses me out.
4. Put together, I have spent about three years of my life in a serious relationship. I have never felt more attached to someone than I feel now.
5. There is a five year gap between my sister and I. She is my best friend.
6. Next year, I am moving into the heart of Chicago to pursue my career in journalism.
7. In the winter, I love rolling my windows down and turning my heat and music up.
8. I'm not much of a "party girl". I like to go out, but getting shitfaced drunk isn't my style.


And as for tagging...


]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14063335/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14063335/ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:02:59 PDT
I can't imagine a bunch of cameras is a good crowd at a concert.

I need to learn to enjoy moments as they happen, rather than try to save them to a disc, a hard drive, a memory card.

I need to live in life-size.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14001668/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/14001668/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 12:58:29 PDT What else is a lie?
You. Our relationship. Everything I ever said about loving you. Your "friendship" with the girl that you were cheating on me with.

What other ideas have I stolen?
Do you REALLY want me to list them all out? Because I'll do it in a second.

Even after six monthes you still
Regurgitate me.
You're a hypocrite. You're the one looking at my page. I look at yours ONCE and I notice you ripped me off. I knew you were, and my journal was exactly the way I could prove it. You replied within 48 hours.

Blaming me for things you wish I have done.
Excuse me for getting angry at the fact that you're a liar.

I am not your scape goat.
...Are you stupid? A scapegoat is the person blamed for something another person did. You don't make sense.

I don't write about you.
I never said you wrote about me. I said you stole my ideas.

But you found it perfectly fine showing how I was nothing until better.
I don't understand your word usage. Please rephrase.

Well I'm glad your with someone that makes you feel amazing.
Thanks! So am I. He's a better kisser than you, and he's actually in a successful band with Ryan, the former guitarist for the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I know how much you like them.

But do not bring me into your life accussing the innocent.
I would hardly call you innocent. Aren't you the one who started dating someone else while you were still in a relationship with me?

Did you look at the length of that story?
Yep.

I was writting it for awhile in my journal.
I think you mean "writing". And are you referring to the journal that I introduced you to?

And why now do you expose what your assuming?
Because I wanted you to see it, dumbass. I wanted you to know just what a pathetic piece of shit you are.

It's August, November Love was written in May on paper.
Typed out on June 16th.
Why do you feel like you have to validate yourself? ;]

Not one bit sounds like your prose "Youth"
Um, yeah, it kind of does.

Plagirism is the practice of claiming, or implying, original authorship or incorporating material from someone else's written or creative work, in whole.
I am well aware of the definition. Thank you!

If I have done that.
And you have more proof of me taking other people's ideas
Oh wait
Why is it you?
...Did you fail 2nd grade or something? Honestly, if you could just use proper sentence form and correct grammar, I bet I'd have a hell of a lot better idea of what it is you're talking about.

Why are you saying I target you?
Because you do, creep.

There are millions of people on deviantart.com
And you think I take your ideas.
Yep.

I'm not sorry for the similarites of our stories.
But honestly it sounds nothing alike
You already said that. Again, I'll say, yes. It does.

Go and write more accusing accusations of other fictatious writings not about you.
Wait. In all the previous sentences, you were defending yourself. And now you're telling me to "go and write more accusing accusations of other fictatious writings not about you."

...

Dear, I think you meant "Go ahead and write more acusations ['accusing accusations' is like using the same word twice] that aren't about me."

or maybe... "Go ahead and write more ficticious [not 'fictatious'] writings [do you mean literature?] that aren't about me."

Well, I don't really even know what it was you meant. But a word of advice from a writer, not a bitter ex-girlfriend: Don't use words you don't understand. Throwing a whole bunch of big words together doesn't make you look smart if they don't make sense.

Are you going to go after every person on here that writes about how a first kiss isn't always perfect.
Again, grammar is key. I think a question mark would have been a bit more appropriate. And to answer your question: Nope.

I wasn't in a cornfield.
I was inside a department store.
Big fucking difference.
Even if the ideas the same.
Apparently, you aren't getting it. You're just reinforcing what I'm saying. The reason I was pissed wasn't because you stole it word for word, it was because you stole the overall IDEA. Obviously, neither a cornfield or a department store are the ideal place for a first kiss. Maybe it would be, for you, though. I think I remember when you had your first kiss with me and tried to get me to suck your dick the first time we ever hung out.

Oops, did I say that ou... ]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13960723/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13960723/ Tue, 31 Jul 2007 18:19:52 PDT
There's one person in particular who has been ripping off my words and my ideas. He knows who he is, and he probably thinks I have no idea. He also probably thinks that I have no idea that he began a relationship with a new girl before he ended the relationship he had with me, but let's not get off topic.

Dear ____ (Since I'm bigger than you, I won't name names),

It isn't really cute or sweet or whatever the fuck you're thinking it is, when you hand my words to new girls like they're yours to give. Who was the one who taught you about writing, again?

You'll say, "I'm not stealing your shit. I don't even read anything of yours anymore."

Oh yeah?

Let's contrast and compare. I've got a few examples up my sleeve, but I think that this is my favorite.

On June 7, 2007, I wrote a piece of prose called "Youth". It began with the sentences,

"The first time Jeff and I kissed was in a bed of rotten cornstalks and broken cicada shells. The moon was yellow like nicotine teeth and the stars weren’t shining brighter than they would on any other June night, but the ordinary luminescence cradled us in together and dawned a new light on all of our averages and faults and somehow warmed them enough to melt them together."

Clearly, I am already making clear the fact that the first kiss was anything but perfect. Now, excuse me for inquiring, but are you really going to tell me that on June 16, 2007, when you published "November Love", that the idea for the first sentences

("Our first kiss wasn't under a blooming tree with the pale moon shinning in our eyes no it was under bright florescent lights while an announcement suggesting customers should open a credit card account just to save 10% and be bombarded with the steep interest rate.")

came from your own head? Knowing you, the most stubborn son-of-a-bitch I've ever met, you'll say it's nothing like mine. It's fate.

There's no such thing as fate, asshole. Stop stealing my ideas. You aren't fooling anyone but yourself.

Don't call me when you see this. Don't message me. Don't try contacting me because you are a liar and you are a coward and I have no room for people like you in my life.

I don't regret breaking up with you, or hurting you enough to make you miserable for at least one night. The only thing I regret is waiting so long to do it.

p.s.
You can only write about death so many times before people start making fun of you. You aren't anything special.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13861361/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13861361/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:34:07 PDT or too little
contrast
can ruin
a photograph.

the same applies for us.

i've never
been perfect
at anything
i've done but
this is the closest
i've ever come.

so close
i finally feel
that love has
come home.

me and him, call it us.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13542268/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13542268/ Sat, 30 Jun 2007 12:13:16 PDT EDITED:

On second thought, people are going to talk anyway, right? So whatever, I'll give them something to talk about then.

If you're really choosing me to talk about over all the other kids around here, you're blind to everything. Go take a look at the kids doing coke off toilet seats or the kids who drink in the old barns around Mokena.

Just because I make myself available to be criticized doesn't mean I deserve to be.

So talk. Tell all your "friends" about me. Talk about my boyfriend if it makes you happy. Go ahead and tell them he's 21. Just remember that you can't know someone based off a website.

I don't care anymore what parents say because even though I was brought up to "respect my elders", I hardly find one worthy of respect. You adults who are supposed to be our role models-- you talk just as much as anyone else, if not more. You're bringing high school drama into the real world, and I think it's really, really sad that you're ignoring your own children to tell on others.

This isn't a message out of disrespect, but I'm not going to sit back and let you talk about me without defending myself.

You pried into MY life.
You read MY poetry, MY prose, and MY own descriptions of myself.
You had no problem calling MY parents and telling them what an addict/slut/alcoholic I am.

If you don't like what I'm saying, get off MY page.
This is MINE, and you aren't going to regulate what I do or do not say.

You have no problem telling your friends about me, so I'm retailiating and telling my friends about you.

With utmost respect, you aren't trying to "protect" me. People are spiteful and are always looking for a way to make themselves (or, in this case, their children) look better.

But maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge. Re-evaluate what you're doing. First, you give your kid life, and then you try and give him yours.

Life doesn't work like that. I'm going to make my own decisions and in some cases, my own mistakes.

Quoting Chuck Palahnuik again when I say, "Sometimes the best way to deal with shit is to not to hold yourself as such a precious little prize."


----(previous to editing)----
Well, I'm leaving deviantart.com for good.

There has been too much drama lately, caused soley by the things I write. People (my family and friends especially) have often confused my fiction with nonfiction, reality with fantasy, and so forth.

I've had a "lurker" who's been tattling on me, and it's getting to be too much for me to deal with.

I've loved writing since I was a little girl, and as I grew I learned to incorporate sociolpolitical subject matter into my writing: it often being used as the core for my poetry and prose. Nicotine, sex, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, they're all favorites with my pen.

But is Dean Koontz a murderer because he writes about manslaughter? Is Chuck Palahnuik a bipolar psychopath serial killer because he writes about cannibalism?

No, I didn't think so. It's a shame I have to give this up after loving it for so long. But you've got what you wanted, so you can tell on someone else's child now.

I'll quote Chuck Palahnuik when I say: "If I wasn't such a good liar, I would be a terrible writer."

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13422627/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13422627/ Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:14:01 PDT why do you find reasons to end things before they even start?

you're spoiled. are you spoiled?

are you everything you say you are?
do you really want what you think you want?
are you setting yourself up for failure (again)?
will you ever get over yourself?
will you ever be confident enough to get over yourself?

will you ever get over the people who have hurt you?

stop thinking about kristen. travis, chris, kristen again.
stop thinking about them.

will you ever get over your indecisiveness?
your paranoia?

your feeling that everyone is just out to hurt you?

why can't you feel alive?

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13330884/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13330884/ Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:43:44 PDT
I'll be uploading no more than two pieces a week. That way, I'll be forced to choose my best.

Not everything I write is good.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13186857/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13186857/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 08:37:25 PDT
Last night, I was sitting with my friend Jeff on his front porch, and one of those awkward silences emerged in the middle of our conversation. I was staring at the sky when this feeling of appreciation overtook me. I realized how truly lucky I am to have my friends, who help me through everything and kick me in the ass when I need it; who invite me to do stupid things with them, just to be in my company, like Jeff did earlier when he invited me to play pool with him (even though he knows I can hardly hit the cue ball).

I realized I was smiling like an idiot when Jeff suddenly said, "Dude, you're so weird." To this, I replied, "Yeah, and you love it." He smiled at me and said, "Another game? You break."

I am ashamed I ever even considered giving a hundred friendships up in order to pursue one relationship. I will never do it again.

I learned that you should not put new and temporary before your permanant (even though sometimes worn) history. I am so amazed that, even after everything I've put them through, after every time I've ditched them or talked about them, they keep me around.

But that's what friends are for, I guess, and I love them to the ends of the earth for it.

---
If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I’d bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way again

So put the weight on my shoulders
Put the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach
Let it tear me apart

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13051539/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13051539/ Sat, 26 May 2007 11:09:47 PDT I'll be adding a few pieces of older poetry and prose.
Goodbye.

--edit.
I've lasted six days and twenty something hours.
I'm back.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13010974/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/13010974/ Sat, 19 May 2007 08:49:45 PDT
25 Theme list, because I'm too lazy to do 100:

1. [ ]Carousel
2. [ ]Lottery
3. [ ]Greed
4. [x]Self-Image
5. [x]Drowning
6. [ ]Space
7. [ ]Color
8. [ ]Texture
9. [ ]Party
10. [x]Fitting in
11. [ ]Sleep
12. [ ]Plane crash
13. [x]Painter
14. [ ]Forest
15. [ ]Arms
16. [x]Sex
17. [x]Loss
18. [x]Empty Bottle
19. [ ]Balcony
20. [ ]Current Events
21. [ ]Interior
22. [x]Mentally Insane
23. [x]Memory in Springtime
24. [x]Hallucinating
25. [x]Television Glow
---
And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe
Something lovely that blooms in her beautiful mind
I said, I'll trade you one for two nightmares of mine

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12929945/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12929945/ Sat, 12 May 2007 13:29:19 PDT
On a brighter note, Kiel comes home tomorrow. I miss him to death, and I even went so far as to write him a love note... the first I've ever written. It turned out alright, and not too cheesy. If you'd like to read it, the link is here: [link]

As of late, I've been attempting to make my social relationships better-- those that I have with my boyfriend, my friends, and even (gasp!) my mother. I know I can be a bit selfish and I generally don't put up with too much of anyone's shit, but I'm trying harder to be more patient.

I'm also beginning to finally buy the items on my wishlist. I think they would look great in my new "apartment". I've only purchased two so far, my favorites, but I'm definately not waiting long to buy more. I just have to keep saving money to pay off my new car. Anyway, I bought Giliad's Life Saver ([link]) and StannLeigh's Bonus Track ([link]).

Finally, I no longer just believe that I am an insomniac. I know I am.

---
No one said that life was fair,
And I'm not saying it should be,
So knowing that you are what you want to be,
And I'm not comes as no suprise.

But don't expect me to be happy for you,
And don't smile at me and tell me
That things will work out for me, too.
I don't want your pity.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12849379/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12849379/ Sat, 05 May 2007 07:51:49 PDT
I've been thinking a lot about my sleeping habits, and my lack thereof. I may write something about it soon- the way I can drift off so easily and wake up even easier, sometimes twelve or thirteen times a night. It started a few months ago when my mom went away, but it's been getting noticably worse. My dreams have been getting the best of me. Last night I had such a nightmare that I kicked the light on my headboard and shattered the lightbulb. Needless to say, I didn't go back to sleep, which isn't very good, considering I had to leave for work at 6am this morning and don't get off until 6pm.

I may be suffering from insomnia, but probably not.

---
I believe that lovers should be tied together
And thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
And left there to drown...
And left there to drown in their innocence

I believe that lovers should be chained together
And thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
And left there to burn...
And left there to burn in their arrogance

I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
And laid entwined together on a bed of clover
And left there to sleep...
Left there to dream of their happiness.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12764809/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12764809/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 09:33:28 PDT
I've been thinking about this for some time, rolling the idea around in my head. And I do. I want to meet someone who can leave me speechless after ripping me apart with a pen and paper.

I want to meet someone who writes as much as me. Sometimes 13+ pages a day, someone who goes through an entire notebook every three weeks. Somone who doesn't care about math class or eating lunch, who would rather sit and write about word equations or the detail of the crooks and pits in a crust of bread.

So far, I've been unable to come close meeting anyone like that, so I'll just keep on writing about what would happen if I ever did.

--

Take the fruit from the tree, break the skin with your teeth
Is it bitter or sweet? all depends on your timing,
Like a meeting of chance with the train station glance,
Many lifetimes have passed in a instant reminded
Of a millstone house in a seaside town,
When your heart gave out in a mission bed.

Hear the chimes, did you know that the wind, when it blows,
It is older than Rome and our joy and our sorrow?

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12399201/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12399201/ Sat, 31 Mar 2007 08:16:41 PDT
Call us selfish, vain, egotistical, whatever. You're the one who will fall in love with what we make you believe.

We know what we want, and when we don't get it, we don't settle. We move on.

And it's true that sometimes, we love. We just love ourselves more.

We are the center, the nucleus, the heart of our own worlds. Once in awhile, we are a heart attack in someone else's world, too. And when we know that, we'll take complete and total advantage of it, until there's nothing left to take.

Until we bleed you bone dry.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12108887/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/12108887/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 17:18:45 PST
One forgot me,
One left me,
and one deserted me.

I want to make up for everything and to know why none of you are a part of my life anymore. I think about each of you every day, and for years, I have wanted to say this:

I am so, so sorry I let you slip away from me.
I loved you so much.

Though I'll never be strong enough to tell any of you that, and so I'll go back and forth forever. My deepest thoughts remaining nothing more than characters on a screen.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11856199/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11856199/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:27:29 PST
Recently, I won a Gold Key for a digital piece called "Purple Veil", which was accidentally submitted with a wrong title. This mistake hasn't been corrected and now the title card at the Elmhurst exhibit reads "Purple Vein". Apparently, that title is too graphic and so the Knight Times editorial staff decided to take it into their own hands to change the title yet again to "Purple Radial Design" in the article.

Other than that, no new art news, besides having some new darkroom prints from my shoot with Kiel which I will scan and upload sometime in the next week (hopefully).

I haven't had much time for drawing or painting, and much less, the internet, for the past few months, with working insane hours at two separate jobs, school (including attempting to write two term papers due the same day), and my extra class at night.

Hopefully I'll start to free up more time that I can spend doing what I really love.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11015983/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11015983/ Sun, 10 Dec 2006 10:44:12 PST But then I go home.
Ok, so I'm not destroying you,
But you're destroying me.

]]> ~patterninverted http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11003361/ http://patterninverted.deviantart.com/journal/11003361/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 07:49:19 PST
I've given up on this, and I'm giving up on you. You're not worth it; you were never worth it, because I'm not worth it to you. I used to be, but not anymore.

Why do you ask me questions that I can't possibly know the answer to? Why do you ask me questions with an answer that you already know?

You were the one who gave up. I left you, but you ended things. And for months I cried and I begged you to stay. But you still said no.

So why is it that when I finally meet someone who can replace you and treat me better, it is too much for you to handle? You told me to "go out, have a good time, meet someone new". And one night you hurt me so bad that I did. I met someone new, and he is amazing.

And now you can't deal with it, and I can't deal with you.

]]> ~patterninverted