http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:phoenix-firedancer&section=today deviantART RSS for by:phoenix-firedancer en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:46:49 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/28327554/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/28327554/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:54:50 PST
I no longer have to rely on my parents financially, I have a stable relationship and a good home. I have pets I'm responsible for and food in my fridge (something that didn't happen nearly as often in my early twenties).

I finally feel like my life is coming together. I don't feel any pressure to get married or make babies as I've made it very clear to my family that I'm perfectly content cohabbing and I work with other people's children more than most people see their own kids! Maybe 10 years from now I will feel some pressure to have a child of my own...maybe five years from now even, but right now I'm in a good place in my life and I love it

I'm wondering if anyone out there had any sort of "quarter-life crisis"?
I know you've all heard of a midlife crisis right? Well...quarter-life crisis is sort of the same thing. I had mine around the time I turned twenty and here's why:
I was in university and profoundly unhappy and uncertain about my life path. I no longer wanted to be what I had set out to be at 18. I didn't know what I wanted in life; I was single and it seemed like all the people I knew in high school were getting married. The worst part was that my chronological age no longer ended in "teen". I was supposed to be a grown-up now and I had no idea how...it was exceedingly frustrating...but I made it through. It took me until I was 25 to get my life back to where I wanted it to be but two years later I can say that I'm really happy.

On a completely different note: it's Friday the 13th! Has anyone experienced any sort of bad luck? I know the history of the Friday the 13th superstition but how many people out there know it? This is the second birthday I've had that has been on a friday the 13th...the last one was on my sweet sixteen. Let me know if you buy into the superstition or if it's just another day for you!

Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/27907844/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/27907844/ Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:03:17 PDT
Now that the semi-cold weather has set in I am doing less photography (I like to be neither cold, nor wet) and so it is the time of year when my drawing and painting tends to pick up. So far I haven't done too much in this area as I am approaching my one year evaluation at work, at which time I am no longer in my probationary period I'm really looking forward to being considered "forever staff" and no longer having to have evaluations every three months. Less stress for me and more enjoyment at work.
I have some large canvases I plan on working on throughout the colder parts of the year when I tend to be stuck inside on the weekends. However I am finding large white devoid-of-all-colour canvases rather intimidating. I know it is a state of mind and I just need to push past it and get started but...

I'm also a terrible procrastinator...like...epic. I've researched and written entire papers in a single night. I've finished powerpoint presentations mere moments before they are due and given (rather good) oral presentations with no practice; fortunately for me (and any hapless partners I had in university) I am a decent public speaker.
Thus, sadly, I look at my canvases and my big empty drawing pad and think...I'll draw later when I feel like it...or "I'm not in the mood to paint, I'll wait until I'm ready"...

So my friends, my pencils remain sharpened, my paintbrushes remain dry and my tubes of paint stare at me in resignation...I shall get to it when I get to it...

I'm starting to work through the "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" book and workbook in a (potentially vain) attempt to move my drawing from child-like sketches and chicken scratch to something resembling a real live person. Again...procrastination has allowed me to read through the first few chapters, leaving all of the practice activities to be completed at a later date...I'll get to it, I promise! I hope at the very least to increase my confidence in drawing, even if my actual technique improves very little. And on that note, I'm off to have some sort of supper related food product. Enjoy your evenings and try not to be as epic of a procrastinator as I am!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/27202978/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/27202978/ Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:49:53 PDT
The last few pics are not of spiders or webs as I needed to get rid of the heebie jeebies I was experiencing, so enjoy

To everyone who has been faving as I've been uploading...thanks so very much for the support!

dA love to you all

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/26769080/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/26769080/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 06:51:26 PDT
I used to love doing nude work but I am no longer doing it and haven't been for some time. I've put all of my nudes and most of my self-portraits into storage. It has nothing to do with the sharing option, though I've been following the issues through others' journals and news articles. I'm just not a nude model anymore and don't plan on being one for awhile. I still think it is absolutely okay, but I prefer to be behind the camera.

I'll try and explain:

I grew up in a household where school was THE most important thing and so, if I was not making what my parents considered good marks, I was not permitted to have outside interests. My teachers attempted to explain to my parents at parent/teacher nights that I was an exceptional student, very bright and was making very good marks for someone who had just started french immersion in gr. 7 ( I was making 80's by the way; by university standards those are A's). But because I had gotten 90's and hundreds all through elementary school (before I switched to french immersion) I simply wasn't applying myself and was expected to do better.
Even when I did better it was simply what was expected and although I had nearly killed myself attempting to get those 90's and had no life, well, that was what you had to do to succeed.

I appreciate what my parents were attempting to instill in me...the desire to do well and succeed academically and therefore in life. However, their extreme attitudes and punishments skewed my priorities, leaving me with the ingrained belief that I HAD to do well or they would cease to love me. This lead to panic attacks, then to generalized anxiety disorder and finally, to severe depression coupled with crippling anxiety.

After years of therapy, medications and moving out of my parent's house I am now at a place of balance in my life. I told you that story to put everything into context.

I wasn't permitted to explore my artisitc side while in my parents' house despite the fact that my mother has tried and loved everything from tole-painting to scrapbooking. I was permitted to write poetry and that was all.
Thus I never felt I was particularly artistic. I loved art, but figured I could never produce it.
When I started to model nude I considered it my way of contributing to the art community. And it was, but now I'm fully exploring any and all creative avenues that come my way and so I am freer than I have been in a long time. Modeling nude was like sticking my toes in the water to test the temperature. Now I've jumped right in and I'm no longer afraid!

I'm not saying I might not come back to nude modeling...I very well might. But right now my energies are focused on other things and so it's simply not in the cards.

There you have it friends, a long winded and rather boring explanation as to why you can't find my nudes anymore Blessed be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/26461999/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/26461999/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 10:18:46 PDT
Sorry for disappearing on you but unfortunately I was moving to a new apartment and my interwebs had to wait until today to be hooked up
The new apartment is bigger, with more windows, an extra bedroom, a patio and a huge bathroom I love the extra space and am enjoying putting up more photographs, paintings and such.

In other news,

I am on vacation this week For the next 3 days I plan on being a complete vegetable. After that I am hoping to finish the other 2 paintings in my goddess series, get some more frams so I can hang more photographs and generally fine tune the new place.

I need some advice. My goddess paintings are done on canvas boards as opposed to stretched canvas (canvas boards are cheaper). I want to hang the three goddesses just above my couch but have no clue how to go about doing so? Should I get them framed? Glue a little picture hook on the back with super glue? Any better ideas? I want them to be nicely displayed but I also don't have unlimited income here so any ideas would be greatly appreciated

On that note, I'm off to find photos to put up here and to surf the web...I have missed the internet so so much!

xo

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24799420/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24799420/ Sun, 17 May 2009 06:28:20 PDT
Prints are now available on many of my better nature photographs. The next gorgeous day we have here (preferably one I am not working) I will head to our local public gardens and get some more shots.

Anyway all...just thought I'd throw that new information out there. Love!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24783776/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24783776/ Sat, 16 May 2009 09:11:34 PDT
~Jennifer

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24748242/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24748242/ Thu, 14 May 2009 03:39:09 PDT
And I love love love my new camera!

And Saturday is supposed to be beautiful so I might go out in the world and get some macro shots done...weeee


Sunday is supposed to rain...but that means I might (finally) start a new painting. I have done little to no work in about 3 or 4 months due to a minor (no seriously) depressive episode. I was still able to go to work, eat, sleep etc...I just had no creative ideas outside of my work planning. I consider myself to be very in tune with nature so I am affected by the seasons changing, the moon waxing and waning and the weather/tides shifting.

In short, over the next few weeks you may see an explosion of work from me...do not be alarmed, I am still working and I am sleeping at night. Just finally coming awake after a winter of creative hibernation

Love to you all!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24655093/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/24655093/ Fri, 08 May 2009 16:46:00 PDT
So sorry for having disappeared for several months but the winter blahs took me down a few pegs and I've been doing everything possible to get back to my perky self.
Today was my 6 month evaluation at work. I rocked it so as a congratulatory gift to me, I bought myself a Canon Rebel XS dSLR. I just got the box open about 40 minutes ago and I am currently charging the battery. I am so excited to play around and figure out all of the (many many many) awesome functions.
Now that I have a new tool to play with you may see more photography again.

In addition to this I started my lifestyle change about a week ago. I have been more careful about the amount and types of food I put into my body and I've been walking and exercising more. I'm hoping to drop about 20 pounds and get back to a more comfortable weight for me but it will take time and effort. In the meantime do not expect much in the way of modeling from me. I'm uncomfortable with my body and have been for about 6 months. Rather than sit here and bemoan the fact that I don't like how out of shape I've become, or bitch about societies expectations, I've decided to take care of me. I need to eat right and get more exercise anyway and losing weight is an expected part of doing these things. Once I feel more comfortable with my body I will see how I feel about modeling again but as it stands I am not happy being in front of the camera and will much prefer to be behind it.

My loverly boyfriend moved in and now we are all co-habity...it is interesting and bizarre to have another human being living in my space but also rather nice. I missed having a "room mate" and enjoy the fact that I now have someone to share the bills. It is also nice to have someone to cook with and clean with and chat with at 3am when I can't sleep for whatever stupid reason.

Work has been sucking up a lot of my creativity due to the joy of program planning and implementation. Anyone who works with children knows how fun it is to plan activities for children and have the children really respond positively. I love love love doing anything artistic with them as it gives them a chance to not only be creative but also be messy! (a must for young children). Tomorrow I am attending a seminar on open-ended art for children. Basically open-ended art is placing many different materials out for children and allowing them to simply create. There is no expected end product and however the child chooses to express themselves is not to be judged. I am very interested in finding out why exactly (scientifically speaking) it is so essential for children to have these experiences. I mean, intuitively as artists we know that sometimes being creative for the sake of being creative allows us to vent pent up energy and emotion in a safe and positive way. What I want to know is whether there have been actual studies done to support that this type of art is influencing a child's development. I also look forward to implementing what I learn in my classroom as well as in my own artistic endeavors. Sometimes process is what is important, rather than product.

On that note my friends, I shall leave you. I have to get up early for this seminar. I have to be at my old university by 9am...on a saturday...there better be coffee or someone will lose an appendage.

xxoxoxxoox

~Jenn~

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/23692566/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/23692566/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 11:09:08 PDT
I am not an expert and I'm not sure exactly what people want to know so I'll start with just a few common misunderstandings and then if you want to ask me something beyond that feel free!

Myth: Pagans worship Satan

Truth: Pagans don't believe in satan so...obviously we can't worship him. This misconception comes from one of the forms of the Pagan God; the Horned God...the Church made him into an evil figure when in fact he is not. We also worship the Goddess

Myth: Wiccans use black magic to get what they want

Truth: We have one rule in Wicca "and it harm none, do what you will". Harm is a broad enough term that it can encompass anything from physical, to mental, to spiritual or emotional harm. Wiccans actually tend towards white magic and we prefer to draw positive forces towards us. Additionally we are healers. We believe that what you put out into the world, positive or negative, will come back to you threefold.

Myth: Wiccans are just geeky Feminists

Truth: Wiccans, as all Pagans, come from many walks of life and are not all social outcasts or weirdos. You may sit next to a Pagan or a Wiccan on the bus or work with one and you would never know because they look and act just like everyone else. Although Wiccans believe in the duality of all things, most believe in the equality of the male and female within each of us. Neither is greater or more powerful than the other and both are important for us to be whole.

Beyond these three I'm not sure what people want to know...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/23075443/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/23075443/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 05:46:09 PST
It's my man's birthday today and I am so happy to be able to celebrate with him and his family. He's fabulous and awesome and amazing and sweet!

I could go on about how much I love him and get really gushy and gross but you know...I don't want to alienate my readers and gross anyone out so I'll stop right here.

On a completely different note, after weeks of staring at a half finished painting I finally got my shit together and finished the green man painting. Overall I'm pretty happy although some of the leaves didn't turn out how I wanted them to and as I look at it I wish I had added more shades of green. Oh well, you live you learn.

Well people, I'm off to peruse dA and see what is out there. Much love to you all and enjoy your sunday

The Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot... ]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22798509/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22798509/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:40:48 PST
I love sundays...mostly because I can lay in bed and read, snuggle with my kitties or my boy...depending on the weekend...and generally just relax!
Last night marked my return to nude photography. After a particularly fun time at a figure drawing group yesterday afternoon I decided it was time...I'm okay with the results although my lighting was sub-par and I didn't do much planning for it. Having my tripod made the whole process smoother and easier
I'm feeling quite good on my new med adjustment and have finally gotten used to the new amount. No more sick yucky feelings for me. I also find I'm feeling more energetic during the day...most days; there are a few afternoons that require a quick doze on my break. Other than that, all is well.

On that note I wanted to make a few quick comments on my latest series. The pics aren't fantastic, but due to a certain discomfort in my own skin that I've been experiencing of late, actually doing nudes again is a big step. For this reason alone it is a triumph. Additionally, thanks to everyone who has thus far commented and given me some great and supportive feedback! Finally...

I don't have a "perfect" body and tend to be quite curvy. This means that I don't look like, and never will look like, a "typical" model. That's not me. I have almost always been curvy, and have gained a bit of weight of late; however I'm still in a healthy weight range for my height and build...I've been struggling with this for a few months and have felt rather inadequate and unhappy with myself. My original plan for the new year was to lose weight. After much thought I decided to amend my resolution. I'm going to take care of myself. That means eating as healthy as possible without depriving myself of the joys of food. I will get exercise, but I refuse to spend money or precious time at a gym. I will get exercise by walking in nature, by dancing around with the children I work with and by generally enjoying life.
I will do my very best to avoid having "fat days" and focus on the importance of being happy and healthy in my own skin. I was going to buy a scale...that is no longer going to happen. I'm going to love my body as is, to the best of my ability, from now on. So, for all of you out there that tell me I'm beautiful...thanks...
For anyone out there who feels the need to judge me or any other model based on body type...keep it to yourself...we're already well aware of our flaws as I'm sure you are yours.

Love and hugs to all my supporters! Blessed be

The Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot... ]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22528988/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22528988/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 16:12:54 PST
The 13th marks my one year dA birthday. I know it's two days away but sadly I'll be working my butt off and may not have time to do a journal entry or anything!

One year ago this cool chick in my class with whom I enjoyed chilling said I should post some of my photographs on dA. I got an account and a best friend all in one year. Lucky lucky me Originally I just had a regular account but then...I subscribed. I've been hooked ever since. So:

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy dA birthday dear meeeeeeeee! Happy Birthday to me

In one year I've added many deviations, including photography, writing, drawing and painting. I've had over 6000 pageviews and have many wonderful fans who support me and give me fantastic constructive criticism so that I can grow artistically. I've discovered that I like more than words and photographs and enjoy experimenting. I've been greatly inspired by the most amazing people on dA and by the artists for whom I have posed as a model. I'm grateful to everyone who has inspired me, supported me or helped me in any way, shape or form.

I spent my entire young life telling myself I couldn't draw, couldn't paint, that the only contribution to the art community I'd ever make was with my writing and nude modeling. I hope I serve as an example that if you are willing to try and place process over product you can discover things you like to do and may even discover hidden talents
Blessed Be...

The Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot... ]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22519546/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22519546/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 06:58:30 PST
As most of you don't know I am on paxil which is a medication used to treat various anxiety disorders and depression. I have generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks and mild-moderate depression. I've been on paxil for about 3 years and it has done a great job. However now that I am no longer in school I feel that I should no longer be on the medication if I can help it. I feel that I should be trying to get off the meds and with the assistance of my doctor I'm attempting to ween myself off of them slowly. You see, paxil causes dependency and my body is now going through withdrawal due to the halving of my dose. I have the shakes, nervousness, nausea/vomiting, dizziness and moodiness. It's highly unpleasant and not something one can do a thing about. I hate it but seeing as I do not want to be dependent on a medication it is necessary. Every time I decrease my dose I can look forward to various symptoms of withdrawal, some of which will mirror my original symptoms of anxiety/depression...joy.
I find that chammomile tea tends to combat the nervousness and allows me to sleep peacefully. Artistic expression seems to help my depressive symptoms and moodiness. However the physical symptoms are driving me crazy. My hands are shaking like I'm coming off crack and my stomach feels like I should take a gravol and go back to bed. My head spins like I've had too much to drink and I generally feel miserable like I have the flu. I made a conscious decision to go on the medication because of a variety of difficulties I was facing with my anxiety that various cognitive behavioural therapy techniques were not helping and my depressive symptoms were becoming alarming. I do not regret that decision as I have felt better on paxil than I had off paxil since I was 13 years old. I don't know if I will be able to go off of paxil entirely. I may need a low low dose for the rest of my life in order to be able to cope with the extreme anxiety I face on a daily basis. I will cross that bridge when/if I come to it. For now I will do my best to face these issues and deal with them. One can only hope that the withdrawal symtoms do not last for more than a few weeks at most...
Blessed Be...

The Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot... ]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22393711/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22393711/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 12:31:24 PST
I love acrylic painting! It's so much fun to mix colours and use various techniques to achieve interesting results. I'm having a blast and enjoying the process, even when the product isn't all that amazing.
So far I've used watercolour techniques exclusively however I soon intend to branch into oil techniques to see what I can achieve texture wise and with the vibrant colours. I'm really excited to be involved with my art again as I tend to go through odd spurts of creativity.
For example, right now I'm really in to painting and love to experiment with this medium...but in a few weeks I could be really in to drawing again...or find myself in a photography streak...or perhaps words will be my medium of choice and I'll write poetry! I really want to improve my drawing skills and plan on practicing some more soon. I also planning on whipping out my guitar and learning to play finally. My best friend helped me find a great book that would help me learn the basics and how to read guitar tabs. So far 2009 is a year of artistic discovery and I look forward to seeing what the whole year has to offer as the seasons change.
I hope all of you are experiencing as much of an uplifting start to the new year as I am...Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22334583/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22334583/ Thu, 01 Jan 2009 14:26:32 PST
It's 2009 people! I rang in the new year by drinking two beer and going to bed at 9pm...haha...lame!
However I have greatly enjoyed my holidays. I spent Christmas with my family and my boyfriend and I took my Christmas money and got five or six new art books as well as a book on playing guitar. I have been greatly enjoying learning new techniques but I haven't been able to practice the past couple of days as I hurt my shoulder and can't lift my arm fully without a pain. Oh well...a little inflammation is only a temporary setback. I look forward to spending some quality time with my pencils, paper, canvas, brushes and paint. I am hoping 2009 will be a year full of artistic discovery and fun.
My mom was very in to tole painting long ago and while I was visiting for the holidays she was kind enough to show me a few techniques she used. I think that they will help although I paint on canvas and not wood. The techniques are still similar even though the media are slightly different.

I'm off to read more about painting and drawing. Much love to you all and may 2009 bring you much luck, love and happiness!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22017249/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/22017249/ Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:46:35 PST
Every year I get roughly the same amount of money for Christmas from various family members. This year I plan on either taking a drawing class or buying a good drawing reference book. I'm thinking "Drawing on the Right side of the Brain". Does anyone know of any other good books that would help improve my drawing? Books on painting with acrylics would also be useful! I'm so impressed with some of the stuff I've seen on here and I really want to improve! I think I have some potential and as I am now finished school I have plenty of free time on my hands during evenings and weekends... I really hope to spend more time practicing and improving in the drawing and painting categories.
Any ideas on books that would be helpful are much appreciated.
I'd be so nervous to take a class in case everyone was so much better than me and I completely sucked...basic issues I have with my inferiority complex, lol.
I know a class would be a great way to improve but ugh...I think my comfort level right now is all about learning on my own and at my own pace

The Winter Solstice is this coming Sunday so I'm planning on cooking something delicious and having a small celebration of my own. I have my Yule Log ready and some clove and wintergreen available. I celebrate Yule as I'm Pagan but then celebrate Christmas with my family as they are not Pagan. I don't really mind...I get a good meal out of it and get to celebrate two holidays

And on that note I think I'm going to watch some CSI and have a hot chocolate. I really hope it snows a pretty snow tonight. Rain is getting boring!

Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21892673/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21892673/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 03:51:52 PST
Hey All,

We are doing a secret santa exchange at work this week for our staff party and the woman I have has a son in my classroom. He's about 3ish and I took a pic of him yesterday while he was sleeping (with her permission) to do a drawing of him as a gift. She saw some of my other drawings and offered to pay me for a pic of her son. I told her I'd just give it to her but she has no idea I'm her secret santa. I even picked out a nice simple black frame to put it in.

So here's my dilemma. I can work with graphite, which I'm comfortable with; or I could try charcoal. I have a couple of charcoal pencils I'd love to try out and I picked up a kneadable eraser last night. I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for working with charcoal. I know it's messy but I work with kids so obviously mess is something I do not fear. Just let me know some good techniques or any suggestions you have from experience. If charcoal doesn't work out I can always do graphite. Anyway, let me know!

Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21786675/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21786675/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:20:27 PST
I went to the doctor yesterday as my bad cold was driving me crazy and I was beginning to think I had an infection. Luckily I did not and I had a chance to hop on the scale before leaving. My weight is currently hovering around 120 pounds and I am 5 feet tall right on the nose. In other words, I'm curvy. I wear a 32C and as for my other measurements...I don't know them. I walk everyday and I work with kids which means I'm constantly dancing, bending, squatting and doing all kinds of physical activity. I eat...well in fact. I try not to overeat or stuff myself silly and I make the attempt to not over-indulge in sweets, treats or snack foods.

A couple of years ago I was 80 pounds, mostly by choice. I ate very little and I was doing up to an hour or two of exercise a day. I wanted to be thin. But then I started getting sick. I had pneumonia, bronchitis and various colds and flus, all within a few months. I was so underweight I had no immune system and so I was sick with everything. I was an A cup and I wore a double zero jean size and an xxs shirt size. My friends were always asking if I was eating enough, if I had enough money for food. They were worried about me. Looking back I don't blame them!

The last little while I have felt that I need to lose up to 20 pounds in order to be better looking or more attractive. I took some diet pills for awhile, but they made me very jumpy and they made me feel like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, which I did not like.

Tonight I started looking at pictures of Marilyn...so beautiful and she had curves! I'm so tired of being bombarded by pictures of super skinny women in magazines who starve themselves and torture themselves at the gym...all in the name of beauty! I'd rather spend my evening reading a good book or working on an art project or socializing with friends, than spend a couple of hours at the gym! I hate the gym...I like to walk, to dance in my apartment and to hike. I even enjoy yoga once in awhile to stretch out my limbs!

So here's my challenge to anyone and everyone out there who is tired of scrutinizing themselves in the mirror all the time. Take a look at the women around you, the ones you encounter in day to day life! Not in magazines, on the tv or in movies! Just regular everyday women. Look at their bodies, look at the way they are naturally built. Look at the normal curves and the way fat is naturally distributed on their bodies. Then think about your own body...in reality I mean; not what you think your body SHOULD look like. Throw shoulds out the window and deal in the real and now. I bet if you look at yourself in reality and not in comparison to an ideal no one can reach without some serious pain you'll suddenly realize that you are normal and beautiful.

It's my mission to start loving myself. Yes, I will continue to get exercise everyday, because it's healthy to do so. And I'll continue to eat well and eat everyday. I'll enjoy my food and not feel guilty everytime I indulge! I've been putting off doing more nudes because I've felt insecure about my body the past little while. Perhaps I'll be able to finally brave the camera again and do some nudes as I am instead of as I should be according to fashion mags. We'll see...

Love to you all and let me know what you are planning to do to love your body as it is!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21725709/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21725709/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 06:00:49 PST
Happy Saturday all!

I put my tree up last night with a little help from my brother. Unfortunately my kitten E.B. and my year old cat Shyloh have decided that it's their own personal play thing! I got up this morning and there was a little drum across the living room and garland was strewn everywhere...sigh! What can I do aside from chase them away while I'm home and awake. Otherwise I've got nothing. K.C. is the only one who just wants to sleep under the tree~

I've been watching lots of Christmas movies as well. All kinds of stuff from my childhood like The Muppet Family Christmas and A Muppet Christmas Carol; Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer; and others! I'm currently watching Ernest Saves Christmas. So rediculous and adorable. I need to download Miracle on 34th Street.

Next week I get to finish my Christmas shopping completely. I'm really excited to get it all done! Then I can come home and wrap everything and put it under the tree! Yay!

Today I'm going to start a painting I've been planning for a few weeks. It'll be fun! I'll post the wip as it comes along. Much holiday good will to all of you!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21658142/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21658142/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:37:29 PST
Hey Everyone,

Exactly one month until Christmas everyone! I love this time of year, especially because I work with children. The magic is in the air and there's this great feeling of anticipation and excitement. I still have all of my shopping to do which is scary but after my pay day I think I will take one day and do them all at once! Just get er done I don't like how crazy and crowded the stores get which is why I know exactly what I'm going to get people before I go to the stores. I can get in, get what I need and run like hell out of there. When I come home from a crazy and successful present buying day I get out the wrapping paraphenalia and open a bottle of wine and start wrapping.

I'm one of those crazy individuals who gets more of a kick out of giving than receiving. Don't get me wrong, I like getting presents! But after I buy and wrap a gift I always get so excited to give it to the individual because I can't wait to see their face when they open it!

I finally finished all of my planning for December for work and so now my evenings are back to being my own. That means I can start my painting or my drawing tonight. Oh the excitement! Anyway peeps, it's time for me to get ready for work.

Blessed Be!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21622799/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21622799/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:08:07 PST
Phew! I went through my gallery and deleted a few things here and there. Stuff I was no longer happy with and stuff I decided to clear away. It was time my friends. I did the same thing in facebook. Too many applications and too many deviations were making my pages look ickster. I feel better now.

On a different note, I began decorating for Christmas/Yule today. I got out my Yule log and my tree and put up a few things here and there. It was the massive snow storm that inspired me. Once the storm calmed down everything looked so pretty covered in white. I decided it was time to get out a ton of stuff. I'm leaving the tree for now. I'll decorate it December 1st but not before. It's just too early and it ends up getting so dusty!

It's 3am where I am and I can not sleep to save my life. I was asleep. Then I woke up and I can't seem to feel sleepy enough to go back to sleep. Ugh...

I'm going to continue to clear out some stuff here and there so don't be surprised if something disappears. Love you all

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21560971/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21560971/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 04:07:26 PST
Hello to all my friends and supporters. As I'm posting this I am at 5994 pageviews so in anticipation I'm going to say a great big THANK-YOU to all my fans out there! I never dreamed I'd reach anywhere near this number of pageviews so this is a really nice thing for me.

My family was poor when I was a small child so even though I loved to colour, draw pictures and even won an award for a drawing conest, we simply could not afford extras (e.g. art lessons or music lessons). I never had any art supplies aside from a regular pencil, paper, crayons and markers. I started writing poetry because it was an artisitc outlet for me that didn't require any amount of money at all.

My family is now doing okay financially (thanks to much hard work) and I am out on my own and have a career. My best friend gave me a drawing kit for my birthday with charcoal, graphite and a learn to draw book. I've been experimenting and really enjoying myself. My last two deviations were drawings I did while at work. I know they are not near the standards of some on this site, but I'm just learning so I'm proud. I bought myself a painting kit with my birthday money instead of buying clothes or jewelery...things I'm likely to get for Christmas anyway. I'm lucky that I can now afford real art supplies, all be it not that many. I'm also lucky that my best friend and my boyfriend are so supportive of any artisitc endeavor I challenge myself with. I can finally let loose artisitically without it interfering with schoolwork or my job.

Thank-you too all of you who have supported me from the beginning when I first started just snapping photos. And thanks for the continued support. It really makes me happy to be able to contribute.

Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21383281/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21383281/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 05:48:42 PST
I finally have a full time position as a preschool teacher and the past few days have been spent being my creative self and planning all kinds of fun activities for my kids. I'm so excited I even got up super early this morning (a saturday no less!)because I had too many ideas rushing around in my head to sleep. I'm so excited it's unbelievable. I love the kids and the parents and I'm having such a fantastic time. It's so nice to have a job that is actually a career and not just something that I'm doing to pay the bills.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my excitement with everyone. I love this field because I get to be so creative everyday!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21197963/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/21197963/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 07:04:59 PDT
Hello all!

Halloween (and also Samhain, Pagan Halloween) is fast approaching. I'm excited even though my plans are minimal. What is everyone else doing? Big parties? Exciting costumes?

The kitten E.B. is growing at a rather alarming rate. She's going to be a full grown cat before we know it! She continues to be adorable and sweet and funny.

I got to spend a whole weekend with my boyfriends boys recently. It was fun but sooooooo tiring. Lots of adventures though, always a great thing.

I'm still looking for a full time job which happens to be quite frustrating. I need monies peoples...monies. Not even lots of monies; just enough monies to pay rent and bills and feed the many mouths (animal and human) that live in my house!

I don't really have much else to report. I've been busy taking care of financial stuff and getting my "big girl" life in order. I keep having these strange dreams about missing courses and such, despite the fact that I've graduated. I even receive my degree in the mail yesterday and I graduated with distinction! I'm officially a smarty pants and I have the paper to prove it!

My birthday is in approximately 3 weeks. I'll be 26! Holy crap Well, I'm off to fill out paper work, update my resume and email a few prospective employers. Much love to you all. Hope things are awesome in your worlds

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20759164/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20759164/ Tue, 30 Sep 2008 12:43:25 PDT
I am having one of those "I feel completely inadequate in every way" kind of days. First, I wake up to a message from my mother telling me that I need to get my priorities straight. Then I go to the doctor and find out that I weigh 10 pounds more than I thought and considering I already weighed ten pounds more than I wanted to I now feel awful.
I don't even know what to do to make myself feel better. I'm all discombobulated and I feel gross. I think I might have a nap and a kitty snuggle. We'll see if that makes things seem better.

Anybody else ever have days like these?

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20677236/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20677236/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:49:36 PDT
Hello friends!

I apologize for the lack of posting the last little while. I've been working like crazy and just generally enjoying the fact that I'm not in school

I'm happy to report that I'm working at a local daycare as a sub until something opens up full time and I'm also doing some child care for a great organization that works with youth. It's a young parent's program so on site child care is provided. I enjoy it greatly.

On the down side subbing isn't exactly a consistent way to make money so I'm strapped for cash and basically squirreling away every cent I make so I can pay rent and bills. Not much left over for extras or anything fun. Hopefully that will be resolved in the next month or so but we'll have to see. In the mean time I'm working two jobs, modeling when I can and just generally trying to make some cash.

Hmm...positives are that I love what I do, love my man and my apartment and my kitties. Thanksgiving is just a couple of weeks away (Canadian Thanksgiving is in October...joy!) which means Turkey and, my personal favorite, stuffing...mmmmmm, so good. Generally I'm happy and enjoying life at the moment. I hope to get some work up soon but I haven't had any time to get anything done so we'll have to see. I'm off to kill time until I'm sleepy again.
Much love to all.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20344608/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20344608/ Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:38:22 PDT
I'm not entirely sure why but an individual felt the need to state that I had "entered the wrong URL" and that perhaps I should be posting on MySpace.

At least I know I'm getting people to talk. As for those who do not feel nudes are art, take a history lesson. Nudity is everywhere. It's normal and beautiful.

For those who support everything I do, thank you very much. For those who want to nit pick and belittle...get a life. There's enough bullshit in the world so please keep yours to yourself. I like what I do and I enjoy playing with photography. I've been a life model for 5 years and I'm good at it. I'm done defending myself to the small minded.

That is all.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20239553/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/20239553/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 16:47:07 PDT
So the boy I was sort of kind of seeing is now my real life for sure boyfriend and we went to his parents' farm over the weekend for a little getaway. We're all gross and in love and disgust the people around us regularly. All of the pics are from my adventures at the farm.
In addition, I now have a tripod as I happened to find one spontaneously and decided to treat myself. Thus, you shall see more self-portraits once I decide what I want to do next. I'm not sure. This time of year is so nice for outdoor related shots that I haven't been doing much in terms of personal stuff. We'll see what my creative side comes up with over the next few months. The light in my room is nice in the late afternoon and evening so I might be able to come up with something interesting.
Thanks for waiting so patiently for more deviations. I've been busy since I got back from vacation. I'm working at a local daycare part time so that's exhausting. Kids are a joy but they certainly wear you out.
On that note I'm going to go and relax with a beer and surf the interweb for inspiration.

Love and such
Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19675068/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19675068/ Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:37:53 PDT
Hello all,

I'm really enjoying my vacation in the country. Swimming everyday and reading silly novels. Plus, I brought my camera and have had the opportunity to take lots of fun shots. I uploaded a few and hope you enjoy them!

I'm off to have my second cup of coffee and shower before I hit the deck. Have a good one all!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19459182/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19459182/ Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:23:01 PDT
Wow people! The support I've received is amazing and I'm so happy and thankful. Over 4000 pageviews and counting...
I know I've been slow on the uploads but things have been coo coo with school and I've had very little time for me. I promise to get something up soon, I've just been swamped with school stuff.
I did however get to make a collage on creative movement for class and once I get it back I'll take pics and post them. It's a pretty cool poster. The idea was to make a collage that would inspire you to incorporate creative movement into your classroom. I won't be in a classroom in the traditional sense, but I think that creative movement is important for youth who are going through a lot of personal stuff. Anyway, I have some things I need to accomplish today so I'm going to run. Thanks again all my supporters, loves ya!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19369761/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19369761/ Sun, 13 Jul 2008 10:20:20 PDT
I compromised so much of who I was and wanted to be for the guy I was with and yet tried so hard to stay true to myself. Now that the relationship has ended I'm working really hard to be comfortable in my own skin again. Part of that for me is re-connecting with nature so when the opportunity arose to go to a local lake for a swim I jumped at the chance. I took my camera on the off chance the view would be good and got some great shots of the surrounding nature and the beautiful sky. I feel better and better everyday and eating healthy and exercising is increasing my energy level and my motivation in life. I have two weeks left of work and school and then I have a vacation. I'm happier today than I was yesterday and I hope this continues. Before I go looking for someone to fall in love with I need to fall back in love with myself. This means art, poetry, photography and taking care of myself and my wants/needs are coming before anything else right now. It sounds selfish but I'm not cutting my friends or family out of the equation. I'm just relying on them to support me while I figure myself out.
Thanks go out to my bestest friend in the whole world who not only made a beautiful pic of her and I together but has been nothing but wonderful and supportive through the entire process. Loves you Stephers!
For all the support and love sent to me from dAers I give my heartfelt thanks. I feel great knowing people care.
I hope you all are enjoying the weekend and taking advantage of any good weather you may be having. I'm off to go for a walk. Later all

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19335592/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19335592/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:26:05 PDT
As most of you know by now I got dumped. I mentioned in the last journal that the reason I picked the Phoenix as my screen name is because I re-invent myself (re-born from the ashes) frequently and one of my favorite times to do that is after a relationship ends. Thus, I'm dying my hair a nice black with a blue-ish hint and I'm working out so I can get into prime shape again. This is how I deal with anything not so great in my life, I re-invent. I think it's a great way to get over rough patches and is so much more fun than acting defeated. Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19289144/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19289144/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:43:37 PDT
Yuppers, the boy broke up with me. You'll probably have to deal with angst-ridden poetry and angry art for the next little while. I have barely suppressed rage I need to vent lest I take it out on unsuspecting individuals in my immediate vicinity.
My best friend is being supportive, I have an apartment that's all mine, I have my art and I have school and work. I have my career to think about and a vacation coming up in 2 and a half weeks. So, screw him and watch as my life takes off. I won't be defeated by this and I won't stop being wholly and completely me. There's a reason I chose the Phoenix as my screen name; I don't die, I am re-born; I never give up and I never surrender; I was whole before dating him, I'm still whole and complete after him and I'll still be that way to the day I die.
Now I have more time for me and more time for photography, poetry and whatever else I feel like doing.
In the end, I still have me; that's all that matters.

P.S. Definately not thrilled, but dA is still screwing up with the darn mood icons

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19237902/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19237902/ Sun, 06 Jul 2008 15:11:55 PDT
So I added the pics of my place today. I love it here, and now you can all see why.
Yesterday my vacuum decided that smoking and smelling of burnt tires was what cool vacuums do. Unfortunately, even after the talk about peer pressure and doing your own thing the vacuum decided to pursue this burning out course of action and I had no alternative but to put it in the garbage room. It had a good life, made some bad decisions near the end but now it can retire in peace.
The new vacuum is the latest version of the old one and they've improved a few things without upping the price so I'm impressed.
I had a bad day yesterday for a variety of reasons. Someone lied to me (and it was a very big lie!), my vacuum blew up, when I went to replace it I got one that wasn't going to be able to sustain the battles against cat hair and then, after attempting to have a relaxing bath, I walked into my room to discover one of my cats had vomited...
Now at this point I had two options: assume the fetal position and begin crying hysterically until the nice men in white coats arrived to take me some place quiet where I could rest or,
sit on the floor and laugh my ass off about how stupid the entire day had been!
I chose to laugh and you know what, I felt a million times better. I also chose to get into my pj's, cuddle with my kitties who love me no matter what and read a book. I went to bed early, got a good night's sleep and tried to remember today that it was a new day.
All in all I'm really blessed and that's something I try to remember even when lots of things are going all wrong.
To my friends in the USA, hope you had a great long weekend and enjoyed fireworks, BBQ's and other fun celebrations. To my canadian friends, I hope Canada Day involved tasty food, beer and fun times with friends. I know mine did.
Hope you all enjoy the few new pics I posted. I have an intense three week course I need to get done, but I promise to post lots more soon...err, soonish anyway!
P.S. My mood isn't "thrilled" but dA won't let me change it right now. I'd go with "content"

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19122124/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19122124/ Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:34:32 PDT
My place totally rocks. The view is pure trees and the apartment is cool and comfortable. I'm so excited and I can't wait. I'm all moved in except for minor details like hanging things on the walls and getting curtains for my massive bedroom window.

I'm super happy and just want to chill here all the time! Anyway, I'm off to enjoy my new space and figure out where to hang things!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19079528/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19079528/ Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:47:09 PDT
Hey all,

The big move happens sunday and I've got to say I can not wait to have it over and done with. Today consisted of more packing and some pretty intense cleaning. I want my damage deposit back dammit! I'm pretty tired but I got a lot done so I'm really looking forward to getting the hard part over with so the fun can begin in the new place!

Unfortunately I won't be able to get my internet transfered over to the new place until late next week so I'll be about a week without interwebs unless I can do the wireless leech off of a neighbor. We'll see. Fair warning, if you don't hear from me between now and July 4th, that would be why and I apologize.

As soon as I'm settled I can start producing some more art. I think my green man is coming along nicely and he's probably going to end up in my bathroom as the theme in there is ferns and leaves on beige. It should look good and I think he'd feel at home in there. My Goddess series will probably end up either above my couch or in my hall as those will be the biggest open spaces of wall.

And on that note, I'll take pictures when things are settled and it looks all awesome. Wish me luck with the move and I'll chat with you all laters
xoxo

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19001848/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/19001848/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:59:04 PDT
So I spent the last two or three days working on the Triple Goddess Drawings and I'm relatively happy with the end result. At some point I will get canvas and paint and do them up but for now they must remain as pencil drawings...so sad.
My next few attempts are going to be on the Green Man. I've printed off a few pics from the interweb and plan on designing something in the next few days. Although it may take a little longer as unfortunately I have all this moving stuff to do.
I can't wait for this to be all done and to be settled into my new place. Then I can really settle in to producing some great stuff...right now I can only spend so much time on things...

I'm havng the strangest craving for tacos...I mentioned it to a friend online and now he wants tacos too...
careful...I've started a taco craving pandemic...run for your life!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18971288/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18971288/ Sat, 21 Jun 2008 18:13:43 PDT
We had a thunderstorm in my area early this evening that went on for about an hour or so. No visible lightening but the thunder was the perfect kind of thunder that rumbles on and on right through your soul...it was beautiful.
Later in the evening someone was setting off fireworks in their backyard...less of a pleasant noise and more annoying than anything else.

I saw something interesting the other day. The bus got stuck in traffic and across the street was a funeral home. It was obvious that a funeral had just ended as mourners were in the parking lot hugging and chatting. This kid on a skateboard cut through the parking lot to get to a side street. Non of the mourners so much as looked at him.
This image really stuck with me. It's like the mourners really were in their own world where time had stopped; meanwhile the world outside continues on as though nothing had happened. I wish I had had my camera, this would have made a very poetic photograph.

In other news I'm mostly packed for the big move. I can't wait to get it all over with. Hopefully I will have space in my new place to do lots of photography and maybe a little painting. Who knows until I get my stuff in there and look at my free space.

That's all for now. Hope you all are enjoying your weekends.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18937050/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18937050/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:40:15 PDT
Hey everyone,
Finally got all my new photos up. It took forever as my internet is crap and it`s pissing me off. I hate the new firefox. It`s slow and this site doesn't work with it...I'm going to go incredible hulk on my computer's ass any moment now!
And on that note, enjoy the new pics and let me know what you think

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18936016/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18936016/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:38:39 PDT
I just did a whole glamour series of photos and edited them. Unfortunately I could not upload as something weird appears to be happening on this webpage...anyone know what is going on?

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18928168/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18928168/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:04:46 PDT
Doctor told me no infection (yay) just a super bad cold that settled in my chest and caused some irritation. A couple of puffers, rest and fresh air and I'll be fine in no time!
Now I must clean like a maniac, today the kitchen...tomorrow the bathroom. Hope everyone is doing something more exciting than cleaning...cause I'm not!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18914108/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18914108/ Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:55:40 PDT
So tomorrow I go to the doctor although I probably won't get many answers from her as to this mystery illness/ plague that has taken me down. I'm feeling better but this cough is brutal and I'm sure the doctor will send me for a nice variety of blood tests, chest x-rays and a beautiful melange of analyses. Should be fun!
My parents and brother are coming this weekend to help me pack and clean as my energy level has been so low the past little while I've been having a hard time getting anything prepared for the big move. I'm not sure how great this will be as my mother tends to be a nag. Love her greatly but...if its not one thing its your mother
And now friends it's time for me to go dream up what I'm gonna do for my next shoot...not gonna be able to happen until after I move and get settled although I have some ideas. Thanks for all the support regarding my last post. I find it funny that this particular person had nothing to say about my actual art...just about how I chose to characterize it. At least when I make comments about someone's work it's more about the work...
To each their own!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18897355/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18897355/ Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:01:56 PDT
Hey everyone,

It was recently pointed out to me that "nude means nude". One person who viewed my gallery had an issue with the way I categorized some of my photos. Based on the fact that they were not full nudes. I understand their point of view, I really do but here's the thing.
I work with youth, some who are on deviant art. I work with them in a professional way and if anyone has ever worked with youth they will know that building a relationship that is trusting but which has appropriate boundaries takes some time.
I don't want the youth stumbling across a pic of me that could undermine that relationship. I keep my work life and my art life separate and in the interest of maintaining that separation sometimes semi-nudes will have warnings on them and be classified as such. I don't expect everyone to agree with that, everyone is entitled to their opinion and in the interest of respecting the person who pointed out my error I re-categorized some of the pics where absolutely nothing is visible.
I will put warnings on things that I don't think individuals under the age of 18 should see and I will classify things as nude even if I'm not completely buck naked, that's the way I am. If you disagree that is fine, you are more than welcome to disagree. But on this particular issue we are going to have to agree to disagree.
Respectfully yours...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18859367/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18859367/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:27:01 PDT
Hey all,
sorry for the lack of posting but I am fairly certain I have the plague...either that or the flu..again...possibly mono.
I know I just had the flu but that was of the stomach variety. This one is of the aches, pains, sore throat, fever, head spinning, exhausted feels like you're gonna die type.
Also, I keep crying over stupid things. Like the sound on a movie not working...or father's day commercials...I'm a wreck is what I am. I also keep feeling nervous and scared. I hate being home alone when I'm sick, my kitties don't fetch so well and they can't go to the store for some much needed ice cream and juice. I'm supposed to work tomorrow...I don't know if I'll be able to go...I can barely make it to my kitchen without feeling dizzy, can't imagine being on my feet for 8 hours.
I need to go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. I'll need to have blood tests, this is the third time in a month I've had the flu...that's not normal. The screen is starting to do strange things cause I can't focus for very long so I'm gonna end this here. Wish I could just be healthy...I have too much to get done in the next two weeks to keep getting sick like this.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18772550/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18772550/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:49:32 PDT
I have a hard time keeping up with people who watch/favorite my work so I just want to say a great big collective thank-you to everyone who is supporting me while I explore and let my artistic side run wild.
Love you all and thanks again!

xoxoxoxox

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18772081/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18772081/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:20:42 PDT
So recently the place I work got all new paint on the walls and a good thorough mucking out. It's great, but now the walls are bare and boring and the message boards just aren't going to cut it in terms of colour and excitement
SO...
one of the women I work with had the idea of getting the youth to do some paintings to hang in the space so that they could really own it and make it theirs. Fabulous idea.
And as an added bonus staff got to join in. Which means for the first time in my life I got to paint on canvas and let me tell you...FUN!
Okay, so what I produced isn't great...in fact it's really amateur and cliche (sunset, beach, silhouette of a palm tree) but I had four small canvases to work with and I wanted something I could do without feeling bad about it in the end. I'm reasonably impressed with how things turned out. I'll have to take pictures and post them here so you can see my child-like amusment. I had fun, that's what's important to me
Hope everyone else's day was fun as well!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18753074/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18753074/ Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:10:04 PDT
Hey all,

I'm thinking of doing a series of photos called "The Pinup" which would be a nude series based on old pinup girls from the 20's, 30's and 40's. I need to put some more thought into this but hey, if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can run with this let me know. It would be a massive undertaking requiring several different shoots and different settings. Possibly a little photoshop help....but I see a potential here for something very cool to happen. Let me know what you think!

Hope you are all enjoying the latest (very short) series. It was spontaneous and fun as most of my mini shoots are.

xoxo

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18734365/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18734365/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 16:38:54 PDT
Omg thanks to everyone for all the support. Over 2000 pageviews and over 600 pageviews just today You're wonderful and I could never express how much I appreciate all the feedback and commentary. Keep being deviant my friends

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18731642/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18731642/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 13:38:04 PDT
K, you all know I'm all about the feedback about my photography but some comments are completely unnecessary and will get you blocked from my page. If you aren't going to comment on the ART and simply feel the need to comment on my body then don't bother writing anything at all. Most people have been exceedingly supportive and there is such thing as constructive criticism and appropriate commenting but there is no need to be nasty, especially about my body. I've attempted to block one user who made a comment about whether or not I was shaved (yes, in fact I was) during the last shoot which was a comment I found to be completely inappropriate and unnecessary. For those of you who follow my work and the work of others I urge you to stand up to cyber bullies who feel the need to knock others down a notch due to their own inferiority complex. Deviantart is supposed to be a fun and safe environment for artists to share their work, not a free-for-all of nasty comments.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18728914/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18728914/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 10:49:49 PDT
So despite many of my photos not turning out I'm reasonably happy with the ones that did. I wish some of them weren't so grainy and that they had come out a bit brighter but overall it was not a complete loss. I look at it as a learning experience in that I've learned a little more about lighting (aside from natural light) and about ISO. I'm hoping that the next shoot I do will turn out a little better but in the mean time I hope these shots go over well.
This was a shoot that took a lot more effort than what I typically do and also incorporated something very personal, my religion. I wanted to show the mysterious nature and beauty of wicca that so many people miss due to raging misconceptions in society. I also wanted to add a bit more sensuality to this series of photos as that is slightly out of my comfort zone and required that I push myself.
I'm hoping you all enjoy these photos and I hope to do some more nudes soon.
I'm feeling a bit better today so hopefully the relapse last night was just from doing a 3 hour shoot.
I wish you all the best, xoxo

Blessed Be...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18719758/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18719758/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 19:27:23 PDT
I'm a little disappointed with the shoot I just did. The pictures didn't turn out as nice as I had hoped and I ended up scrapping 3/4 of them however some are okay. I think I need a bit more light. Anyway, I'm still learning so hopefully next time things will turn out nicer. In the meantime I appear to be having a slight relapse flu wise...perhaps I pushed myself too hard today. I'm off to rest and get some sleep. I'll edit and update the new pics tomorrow.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18718058/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18718058/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:16:27 PDT
Hey everyone,
I'm more or less on my feet again and having been working on a shoot all night. It's slightly different from what I've done so far so hopefully it will work out well.
On a completely different note, someone is barbequing steak nearby and I want some...no fair.
Anyway, I'm just getting hair and makeup done now and then will continue on with the shoot however it may take a few days to get them up as my best friend =raine-angel is going to do some nifty photoshopping before I upload.
Much love to you all.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18701936/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18701936/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:45:57 PDT
Sorry everyone. I haven't been putting anything up the past two days as I've been sick in bed but I'm on the mend and hope to get something done this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to work with my best friend soon on a very cool concept she has. I'm really excited. Anyway, I'm off to attempt to get better. Hope everyone is well!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18665382/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18665382/ Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:01:18 PDT
Holy Crap Batman! 1500 pageviews!

I just wanted to share that...

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18646541/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18646541/ Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:26:43 PDT
So I walk in my door and dump my assorted crap all over my apartment as is my style and decide to check deviantart. I figure I probably have a few messages and comments so I log on and HOLY CRAP! I had 50 messages waiting for me...not including other's deviations! I read them all and was impressed with the feedback. I also noticed that I had about 100 page views in the past 24 hours or so...wow people! Talk about supportive! I'm really flattered so thank you all very much
In other news...I need a vacation...so much going on it's making me tired just getting up in the morning.
If anyone has one of those nifty mind switcher things...could you let me borrow it so I could live in my cat's body for the day...I mean come on...how wicked would it be to be a cat for one day?
Schedule:
Eat
Sleep
Poop
Have a bath
Stare at shit
Sleep
Eat
Sleep
Eat
Have some water
Bug human
Sleep

it just goes on like this people...I mean come on! How awesome would that be? Okay...so maybe I'm just desperate to take a vacation but I still think it has the potential to be neat...days off are nice.

I have a photoshoot planned I just need to find the time to get it all set up. I'm thinking some candles and some of my wiccan paraphenalia. I'm hoping for some feedback on how to optimize my very limited space. This would be another nude shoot but I'm still working on the logistics. I don't have access to a studio but I do have a whole apartment to myself. I also have perfected the art of the tin can tripod...I have a variety of can sizes just waiting to make the perfect height camera holder...you do what you gotta do. Anyway my favorite people, I'm off to watch my best friend play at an open mic so blessed be and keep up with the wicked feedback...I love it!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18628692/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18628692/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:19:12 PDT
Today was an intense day at work as one of our youth was in crisis and it was very sad to see the youth so distressed. Other than the incident that occurred however the day was fantastical! I'm feeling much better about the nightmare I had as I have spoken to my parents a few times and I've had a few creative break throughs.
I have to send a HUGE shoutout to IamIron as he donated a subscription to the site to me. I have no way to say thanks enough so I'm just going to post work like crazy and hope everyone enjoys.
I've been working like crazy over the past few days and the photographs I've added to my gallery show how much work I've been doing. It's been a great outlet and a great opportunity to express myself. In addition I got approval for the apartment I applied for so that crazy hard part is done! Happy me
Another big shout out to my best friend =Raine-Angel who resized one of my pics to create an avatar for this site...I'm a huge fan of her work so if you haven't already checked her out please do so; I promise you'll be intrigued and impressed!
Finally, a great big thank you for all of the comments, watches and favorites I've received over the past few days. It means the world to me to have support from everyone but more so when it comes from fellow artists. I love you all and I promise to keep the work coming

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18609884/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18609884/ Sun, 01 Jun 2008 12:29:56 PDT The best I can figure is that this is the flip side of the creative streak I've been experiencing. I think that my imagination is in overdrive and it is turning into a double edged knife; brilliant during the daylight hours and sheer torture when I'm sleeping. I can only hope this is the worst I will experience. I hate feeling this down. It's miserable.

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18597033/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18597033/ Sat, 31 May 2008 16:55:48 PDT I added a bunch of new stuff today. I'm having a blast with this artistic/creative streak I'm currently experiencing. I hope it keeps up at least until after I move. That way I can decorate my new apartment in a fun and funky way. I'm really excited to have my own place. I think it's going to be awesome and fun and wikid cool to design and make it my own space. I love creating spaces that reflect me and my personality. I also try to balance this with a certain amount of serenity and tranquility so that when people come into my home they feel the welcoming calm energy.
I won't know until monday or so if I got the apartment I applied for...really really hope I do. Anyway, I'm making kraft dinner and relaxing. Love you all and thanks for the continued support as I leave my comfort zone and try to branch out in my creative endeavors!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18547000/ http://phoenix-firedancer.deviantart.com/journal/18547000/ Wed, 28 May 2008 16:25:46 PDT I doubt you'll see much else when it comes to drawing from me as it's not where my heart lies but for all of those out there who are capable of drawing I envy you! I also envy those who paint as I think that would be super fun.
I like sculpting...definately no good at it but I like the feeling of the clay and playing with it.
My best friend (see =raine-angel) sent me the picnik program today so watch out deviants...I can edit and add effects to my pics now...beware friends...beware.
I'm off to relax and see what other artsy things I can do. I'm on a roll...although I have to admit I'm having a difficult time getting anything else done. Sad that I have to work for a living...stupid reality!

]]> *phoenix-firedancer