http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:photophobic&section=today deviantART RSS for by:photophobic en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:36:47 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/6120431/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/6120431/ Wed, 03 Aug 2005 07:56:56 PDT ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/3533793/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/3533793/ Thu, 07 Oct 2004 11:08:25 PDT
To pimp this thing I've been writing. Yes. Thing. Don't ask.

Just read. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2877891/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2877891/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 05:01:23 PDT
Truth is, life gives more chances than you can imagine. Picking up on them is another story though. The hints are subtle, the build-up undetectable until near-cresendo. That is when I lose every single ounce of guts I have. And yeah, screw it all up.

All it would have taken was one little action. So simple; perhaps there might have been an actual happy ending to it. Well, as happy as a real life ending can get, but in any case, better than the present moment.

One little action, Samuel.

Fucking coward, you. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2852625/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2852625/ Sat, 10 Jul 2004 23:10:02 PDT
I feel sorry for you. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2831780/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2831780/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 08:45:03 PDT
Internet connection is an important part of school work, for me, especially when submitting of most work, notes and all that jazz are done/distributed through the net. So when I lose access to the internet it's pretty impossible to do anything related to school.

My laptop had been unable to connect to the school network for a while. The problem was finally, thankfully, solved 2 days ago, no thanks to the magic of the technies. I go home that day and find out that my internet connection at home has been severed.

Bless me.

Apparently the router is fucked or something, because the modem still works when connected to a single machine. God, I hope you're happy now.

Yours sincerely,
Your Victim. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2801123/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/2801123/ Sun, 04 Jul 2004 10:09:55 PDT
........If you got that you prolly are a goddamn geek. Well maybe not, but probably a Matrix fanboy. Either way I still hate you with the flame of a thousand suns. Not that I'd know you or anything but hey.

I was gone for a while. Months actually. Given up. Nono, this isn't some uber-revival. Things like those happen only in movies and unless you're reading all your lines from a script and this is some sick real-life version of The Truman Show, nice happy shit don't happen.

I also realise that I've made 2 movie references already. That's because I've been watching a lot of movies. Blame boredom. And now it's left me with empty pockets.

That really isn't the point though. Point is I'm back. And I still hate you people.

Kisses. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1776977/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1776977/ Sun, 01 Feb 2004 10:36:57 PST drinkAlcohol();
} ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1755591/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1755591/ Wed, 28 Jan 2004 08:47:07 PST
There's a really easy way out. Give in.

As stupid as it sounds, sacrificing pride can amount to a greater good. It saves you an argument, saves you time. You only have to get used to the feeling of 'losing' and argument, though there is nothing involved. Maybe except pride.

Let's take parents as an example. You get into arguments with them at times, and these may escalate into shout matches. There isn't much point in all these. They provide your necessities, lodgings, money and such. (If they don't, steal from them.)

You are living off their money and such, respect should be given at least in small amounts. Only until you have gained enough money to live on your own can you shrug them off and do whatever you really want.

If you are a parent, come up with some reason your child benefits you. If you can't find one it's probably best to sell it away before it becomes too much of a hassle. I think strong alcohol coupled with some phonecalls can fetch you a decent price, especially with no resistance from your wasted offpsring. (Pun intended.)

Well maybe let's dwell into romantic relationships. Your other half provides you a blanket for your many insecurities. Lose to any argument, not before putting up a big fight. This will lull them into a false sense of security.

After you feel that you have gained enough [confidence] from this relationship, you can deal the big blow by breaking it up.

Like I said it's very simple. If you try to worsen fights and arguments, sure you might win your pride, but you stand possibilities of losing all your benefits. Pride is a simple thing to lose, your benefits may not be. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1693705/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1693705/ Sat, 17 Jan 2004 08:53:45 PST
People are unpredictable, talking to anyone is like...like..wait. There's nothing that is as unpredictable as people.

What I'm trying to say is that you are probably your only best friend, no matter how much you hate yourself (if you do). People can come and go. Family will die and leave. So will friends. So you everyone.

You won't. Until you do die.

In other news, I'm probably not going to update my website soon. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1584021/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1584021/ Thu, 25 Dec 2003 21:31:55 PST
In the end though, we'd wake our da up anyway and he'd be the one doing everything.

And then there was my birthday, only a few days away from Christmas. We used to celebrate that too. The usual cakes, parties and all. The parties were usually small, but I liked them still. Some years we'd just have a grand dinner, no friends. Those were nice too.

Days later would quickly mark the end of another year. New Year. Another thing to look foward to.

It used to be happy. Hell I remember smiling a lot. Not being to get to sleep due to over excitement. Heh. Childish little things. Things are much different now.

As you grow up, everything falls. Dies. Disappears. Not that I'd want something happy. It's impossible to capture the old innocent joy that was lost. There is absolutely no fucking way anyone can do that.

Now, the end of the year is the end of the year. It is a time of festivities. A time for people to celebrate. The magic is still there. I only sincerely hope that every happy kid will lose their joy like me and suffer too.

Ha. Ha. Ha. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1506154/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1506154/ Mon, 08 Dec 2003 09:24:57 PST
But all would fail. Nothing would ever match up to you.

I would say you bring me happiness like no one else can; the dull throbbing in my head with you and music in my ears. I would say you make me be myself with you, you make me the person I've always wanted to be. I would even so boldly write that I love you more than anything else in the world.

But still, all would fall under the glory that is you.

Nothing would ever match up to the deep satisfaction you bring me with each sip. Every mouthful I can taste your love. Your only purpose. To bring me pleasure in ways I could never imagine. You...complete me. You make me whole.

I love you.

My dearest alcoholic products. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1492492/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1492492/ Fri, 05 Dec 2003 03:15:27 PST
I was in a lecture theatre of some sorts, different from the one in school, this was more...old-looking. More squarish and boxy. It was crowded, as usual, talking and all. The presenter up front was giving a speech or something, presenting some awards? Giving out test papers? I can't place it.

But noisy it was alright. Felt like a freaking market, or at least like a teacherless secondary school class. I was sitting beside an angel. No, not a real one with wings and halos. Metaphoric. She was beautiful. At least I thought she was.

We were probably the only 2 silent ones in the midst of all that cacophony. She turned to me and started talking. I can't remember the exact words. It was something about where should we go later. We debated between a movie or a lunch/dinner meal and decided on the meal. I realised I didn't have cash and she offered to pay. I was adamant though and gave in at last.

I remember her smile, radiant. She pushed me closer so we touched foreheads and lightly kissed me. In that simple embrace I was locked in the greatest feeling of it all.

This comes the fragmented part. Everything begins to fall apart into pieces now. I remember my secondary school site, the old (new) one. The bus stop opposite. It was like we were exiting from the school and waiting for a bus. There was quite a crowd there. I can't quite remember the rest of the details. Sketchy they are.

Then I woke. Man, fuck, I hate waking up. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1479562/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1479562/ Tue, 02 Dec 2003 06:30:24 PST
You just want attention for yourself.

You know that. Don't try and deny it. Attention-whores, every single one of you. What? Not enough balls to run down the street naked screaming profanities? You have to hide in your room and play with yourself with knives and all?

Get some balls. Do something stupid. But less stupid than suicide. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1452967/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1452967/ Wed, 26 Nov 2003 06:42:11 PST
You can, as anyone else with a common sense can too, guess where I am heading with this little opening. I have, not by choice, been found by my old friend. The chum does not leave, and I am sure even if I voiced my discontent, nothing would be changed. The friend stays. My life is going down, into a stagnant calm.

I hate calm. Calm in the mood-killing sense. The kind of calm that does not soothe, instead drains you of every 'jump' you have in you. I loathe this friend's return. I feel..drained.

Some change would be much appreciated by me, though I have no idea how I would go about doing it. As forementioned, my friend does not listen, not in the normal sense you have been most familiar with. Perhaps now you wonder what kind of friend this is, to be most dull.

This old pal of mine is none to alien nor strange to you. You may, or should I say, most likely have become quite well accquainted as I have with him. His name brings a wave of dreariness, an unusual wash of half-closed eye-lids.

His name - is Boredom. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1357016/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1357016/ Tue, 04 Nov 2003 09:08:24 PST I hate runny noses/
Do you hate runny noses?
Runny noses will one day destroy mankind!
Imagine. An important meeting at the UN.
Some president has a runny nose.
His mucus drips all over the paper he's about to sign.
And giant robot crabs arrive from Planet X and take over the world.
Runny noses are bad.
THEY WILL BE THE BANE OF THE WORLD
On a side note, I drink my mucus. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1295960/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1295960/ Sun, 19 Oct 2003 07:46:02 PDT
Here let me point out an example. Picture a park will you? Did you do that - did you picture the carpark properly? Yes now in this carpark, picture an elevator. Then a bedroom in the elevator. On the bed, imagine a room. Just a white room. White, like pigeon shit.

Okay. This is room are 4 people dancing the Macarena. Then there's me. So I shout amidst the sloppy dancing. "You know you people look pretty darn stupid!"

They stop.

They turn to give a stare that's supposed to look like a deadly stare but doesn't come across as one. I call it The Stare That's Supposed To Look Like A Deadly Stare But Doesn't Come Across As One. One of them turns up his pitch by several notches and squeaks. " LOK @ U. U LUK STUPEG 2 U KNW?! U LK STUPIDERR DAN UZ! TEH PPLE HU DUN D@NCE R DE ONEZ MISSN OUT ON LYFE!"

They continue to dance stupidly after that random catharsis, oblivious to the fact that I was dancing the Macarena too all the while. True story. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1266049/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1266049/ Sun, 12 Oct 2003 06:05:39 PDT
Yeah you, wipe that stupid smile off that ugly face. Stop smiling like you've just had your first blowjob. What's so funny that you have to smile? Or are you just happy. Wait. No of course you aren't happy; what's there to be happy about? Stop smiling.

See there are only 2 kinds of people I know. The pissed off people. And the smilers. Stop faking your happiness. You're all the same : plagued with problems. Problems that kill the joy. No one is different. No, not even me. So stop acting like the world is a joke. Stop smiling.

Why bother to smile for someone? Why bother to demonstrate your unceasingly cheerfulness when you're just as pissed/sad/angry/depressed as the irritated guy next to you? Stop smiling.

I am told I'm very/too cynical. Too sarcastic. Too mean. Too---aahhh shut the hell up, all of you. Freaking teletubbies. If there's one thing good about being me, is that failures become easier to bear. Stop smiling.

Think about it. Getting yourself joyful and happy is gonna make the fall harder. When you're on the ground, there is no where else you can fall too. Stop smiling.

Take off that teletubby suit. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1254301/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1254301/ Thu, 09 Oct 2003 07:53:21 PDT
"So yours lasted pretty long huh?"

Excuse me, maybe I've been living on Mars for fifteen years but it's supposed to be short? So it's a see-how-many-you-can-get-in-the-shortest -time-possible challenge? So the quantity is supposed to be the score to keep?

Well yeah great play it like a game. A game has rules. This isn't even a real game. Then of course, the rules are probably as clear as soluble ink scribbling on a wet piece of paper. Some people cannot accept this fact, and take it upon themselves to firmly create their own set of rules.

I applaud you for your idiocy. Loudly.

There are no rules. Stop creating them. Wait, nobody gives a shit if you make up silly boundaries of what you can or cannot do in your head. When you start trying to teach other ignorant people though...that's another story.

Having some experience as a player doesn't automatically make you the game master. You aren't all high-and-mighty. You are an idiot. Masturbate to live-stock porn.

In every game, there are winners and losers. There also some people who are exceptionally good at playing...and then there are others who, just don't have the luck.

Too bad I guess, constant whining and self-berating to collect sympathy isn't gonna make you a professional overnight. It's going to put you in an endless stretch of stinky bog that is none other than self-pity.

Go masturbate to live-stock porn.

It's not a game. You what it is? It's a natural process leading to reproduction overhyped. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1245649/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1245649/ Tue, 07 Oct 2003 05:24:21 PDT
Friend. I use the word pretty loosely here.

Of course, back to the point here. Good things should be kept to yourselves. Got the girl? Won some cash? Killed the howling dog from hell downstairs? SHUT UP. Yes, shut up. Seal your lips. Un-use the larynx. Send no wind up the throat. Station the tongue. Rein the jaws. No one should know.

Why oh why Samuel you ask? Hello, meet my new friend Envy. She's pretty cute. You noticed her seemingly innocuous smile did'ya? Yeah, after all, it's quite the decoy. I'm sure you haven't seen the blade that's on your throat right now?

She's omnipresent. And I don't mean that in any other sense. Everytime you mention a good thing to someone else, she WILL be. The only problem is with individuals denying her presence. Go ahead try me.

Especially if whatever you have done/experienced is something really good. Then all the more no sound should escape from between those lips. Friends with unbridled tongues may pick quickly at some minor flaw. Maybe they might pull up some unrelated topic to bring you down.

After all, you can't be too happy in front of friends. None would come close to understanding the sheer elation you would be feeling.

So yeah, shut up. Don't tell your friends anything good. Lest they might use it again in some future disagreement in the likes of "You already have -insert good thing-!" or " You always have -insert good thing-!" Got a new job? Pay rise? Blowjob? Had sex the first time?

For the love of god - don't tell anyone. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1241377/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1241377/ Mon, 06 Oct 2003 11:09:11 PDT
A part of me would like to fill the moat, but another part wants to leave it that way.

It drowns everyone that get close. Or starts to get close. Either that or the alligators come up and take a big chunk. The aftermath always hangs a sour stench in the air to dry. You could smell it as the chill begins to settle. And another Cold War would begin.

A part of me would like to change it, but another part wants to leave it that way.

I don't know who to reach out to anymore. It's pretty hard when you seem to be on the other side of the looking glass. Zoom out : A giant bell jar and I'm in it. I can feel the steam clouding the glass. I crave freedom from the prison I've created. And yet, the silent solitude beckons me to the centre of the jar.

A part of me would like to escape, but another part wants to leave it that way.

Superficial. Every single exchange boils down to that. I want to open the door, summon a drought to dry the moat. People with fake smiles knock on the door. I know they are fake because when I try to pull their faces the skin rips away.

It's hard to smile when you're facing walls.

A part of me would like that to change very much, but another part...wants to leave it that way. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1227014/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1227014/ Thu, 02 Oct 2003 06:18:53 PDT ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1223576/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1223576/ Wed, 01 Oct 2003 08:55:25 PDT
injections of mucky feelings.


You know you feel shitty when you can't rant to anyone but type into some stupid journal. I should sleep.



- I just realised people have actually read and commented on my past journal posts... - ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1220157/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/1220157/ Tue, 30 Sep 2003 10:32:08 PDT
I'm back. Not that you'd have noticed I'm gone anyway. My disappearance was a mere slink back into the shadows. I now pull my cloak away while stepping forward; from the corner of your eye you see a brillance surge of light and see-

-that I have two giant lightbulbs on my nipples.

The world makes no sense. So peanuts may jump laughing with my big toe onto the running curry soup. And remember, smoking can make you look cool.

Die early,
Samuel. ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/704057/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/704057/ Fri, 09 May 2003 09:19:54 PDT :: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/598342/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/598342/ Sun, 06 Apr 2003 13:11:01 PDT Welfare
Jamming and slacking. That's pretty much what happens these days. I'm either out at Darren's place or sleeping and waking late. Nothing new really.

I mean look, when you're broke AND lazy there's pretty much nothing much you can do. Well there are plans to catch a movie soon with some buddies but nothing's confirmed.

Band
Finally, it's all settled, done, happy. However ironic it is everything is well now. We are now back to the original 4 members that started a band called Synchrosis. We've been practicing Pictures, our first song after our "rebirth". It's more on the heavy rock side and that's the genre we will stick to for future songs.

Darren is on the guitar and is doing vocals, I'm doing vocals only, Arthur is back on the bass guitar and Shishir is still on the drums.

We've done with 5 songs, with Pictures as the only fully composed one. Masquerade is coming close to completion and with 3 others following behind and somehow...we have a problem. Somehow the newer songs don't have the style that Pictures possesses.

We don't know what it is yet but we'll find out. Yeah we have a new name - Subfusc.

Mobile
My mobile phone didn't exactly have a ringtone. I just composed a really generic high-pitched almost whining ring that's pretty irritating to the ears and have been using it ever since.

Well boredom can do tons of things to you and with the help of Arthur I stumbled onto one of the many ringtone sites out there! Now when ever I get a , Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water blares out from my mobile phone.

Not that you would like to know but what the hell.

Food
Food is good. I just restocked one my food supply to last me through the silent wee mornings I always endure as a nocturnal with a screwed-up biological clock.

I now have enough instant noodles to last me 4 days and a big wad of chocolate plus some crunchies. Oh yes I love unhealthy food. Junk food in other words. Why?

Because I never get fat eating them. Muhahahaha, be jealous all of you because you can't enjoy crap food like I can! But I can tape me eating and send gigantic .avi files to you if you will.

Money
No I'm still broke. Job? Is that what I hear?

I'm lazy.

Projects
I have one in mind actually. It involves a new technique I thought up of to create comics. Cool thing is : it doesn't require any drawing at all... curious? You should be.

I might register a new account and post a series of comics there if I ever manage to get this idea going past the conceptual phase - which is quite hard given my current indolence level. I need motivation. Big time.

You want to see comics? Give me a cool storyline and some motivation. Actually give me a bucketfull. Or maybe a truckload. http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/574118/ Fri, 28 Mar 2003 08:54:25 PST Friends
I've been talking to these deviants recently, they're really nice people you should go check out their work.

For beautiful sketches.

For amazing photographs.

For cool literal works.



Welfare
Sucks to be home. Stupid epidemic of SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome or something like that) broke out and I'm still broke. I have no money, I'm not going out. I feel like crap.

Bored and lonely. What could be worse?

People
Schools have been closed island wide for about 2 weeks. Point is so that students don't catch SARS in school. But what do they do in this "holiday"?

Yet they go out and play. Stupid dumbasses. What the hell do they think they're doing. Then I see this guy bringing his little kiddies OUT and those little kids can't even walk yet. Young tasty hosts for your viral infection. Stupid people. I hope all of them catch the virus and die.



Band
I posted it somewhere in the forums go hunt for it if you want. Whatever it is I ain't happy.

Hunger
I just downed a bowl of instant noodles. I feel good. It's been long time since I ate instant noodles. Yes I'm crazy. Instant Noodles taste goood.

I'm still quite full although about 3 hours has past since I finished it. Then I had a bar of almond and honey. Mmmm.... eating is good. Best of all - I never get fat. I'm wasting food cause I eat and eat and never get fat and I'm proud of it. w00t!

Inspiration
None whatsoever to speak of. I haven't been submitting a lot of works lately firstly because I seem to be on a block of ideas I can't get anything out. Creative juicebag a little dry.

AND I'm too much of a lazy ass to do anything. Seriously. I'm getting lazier and lazier. This holiday is killing me. Dammit I need a slave driver. If you know where to get a slave driver, note me.

Also make sure the slave driver is female and is pretty/sexy before noting me.

Shit
My favourite pillow was thrown away by none other than THE MOM today while she was "cleaing the house" cause we're selling the place (we're moving soon) and somebody has to take photographs of our house. ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/559302/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/559302/ Sat, 22 Mar 2003 04:19:29 PST The Band

A friend of Darren's Mary Ann has recently joined Axis as vocalist and rhythmn guitarist. I have switched back to the bass guitar and I think vocals.

We just jammed yesterday. Pretty cool. I'm definitely improving. Well best song was Chop Suey by System of a Down, I finally learnt how to scream averagely well

Jamming's pretty cool now, can't wait for the next session.


Shit

I was on the bus yesterday, going home from Darren's place after jamming. It was crowded and I was looking for a place to sit. I stop beside this old woman, prolly 40 plus. I asked if I could take the seat beside the window.

She stares straight ahead. Pretending I'm not there. She is definitely not blind nor deaf since she didnt have a stick or a dog and if she was not blind but deaf she would have saw me.

I noticed then she had a bandage on her hand to lower arm, maybe a cast I can't remember. Yeah so now injured fuckers can be assholes? Since when did anyone write a rule that being injured gives you the right to occupy to damn seats in the bus?

Man someone should give a good whack on the injured hand and watch her scream whatever life is left in her out.

Then on her before walking away.

Can't wait...
for Reloaded.

Current Welfare
I'm broke. I'm not working but can while waiting for school the start. Unfortunately the man and woman who brought me up do not understand the fact that I am NOT working, just that I CAN.

So they do not provide me money everyday. And when I need to go out and I ask for I get $6 to last me the entire freaking day, which obviously is NOT enough.

This now explains the fact why I would rather stay at home and rot by the computer or tv screen, surfing, playing games, listening to music, singing, practicing the bass and typing lame online journals such as this.

I lead a wonderful lifestyle. I woke at around 4.15pm today after sleeping at 4.45am. Almost 12 hours of sleep.


:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/542808/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/542808/ Fri, 14 Mar 2003 00:34:25 PST the band is going on nicely, Axis is up again I guess. And Arthur is...sadly, off the wagon after we have Zsa Zsa playing the bass guitar for us.

I'm going back to pure vocals now. wheeeee.
:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/529819/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/529819/ Fri, 07 Mar 2003 05:41:24 PST i hate my family. i hate them. hate. my. family. pieces of shit.

my dad is an angry bugger everytime

my mom a fucking nagger.

my brother's a piece of dork-fucking-ward who thinks he's bigger than he is that gets on my nerves I WANT TO FUCKING STAB A BLUNT KNIFE THROUGH HIS FUCKING EYES.

everyone sucks. home is better without them. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them. i want to be alone.

i feel ashamed to be related to be this pieces of shits. nonsense people. they exist to screw my life. they suck. the moment i can drift away from them i will. i will.

i hate them.


i so fucking hate them so much. fucking shitheads. fuck. fuck them. i hate them.

:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/518340/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/518340/ Fri, 28 Feb 2003 09:53:18 PST today. big day. as in big. actually it was yesterday since it's like 1 freaking almost 2am now.
i got back the Ordinary Level examination results i'd been waiting for. 15 for the best 6 subjects and 12 for the best five. (the lower the better).

i've got single digit people in my class. bah. my english sucked. and i thought it'd be so much better. supposed to get a fucking distinction. like the irony gods hammering me huh?
and my higher chinese - whoo - a whopping E-freaking-8. how nice is that?

one word really : not very.

Can't say i'm happy. neither pissed (maybe cept for the english part.) Satisfied and lil' sour would prolly describe how i feel now.

and we were supposed to go out later, my friends and i. then it turned out one had an appointment with someone else the other wanted to go with his class.
i called sabrina out. well the day was spent in orchard. city. town. bleh.
it turned out though every was like watching Daredevil.
i watched it already so...yeah.

today was fun though, havent been shopping for like eons. did a teeny shopping today and it feels soooooo good. yeah. im insane.

im back now. im tired and im downloading more movies - how the hell do you think i watched DD, in the theatre?!
im bored. im feeling qeausy. im feeling wierd.

i feel...i dont know what i feel now.

.... ... .. ........ .. . ......... bah.
:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/505344/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/505344/ Thu, 20 Feb 2003 17:22:07 PST
about 4 hours sleep. still a special day - why?
i ate breakfast!. havent had that meal in 2 months; been waking in the afternoon.

why 4 hours of sleep? easy. fucking insomnia. i hate it. gah.
:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/498383/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/498383/ Mon, 17 Feb 2003 01:04:38 PST I'm 52% freak!!


:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/493593/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/493593/ Fri, 14 Feb 2003 09:39:17 PST stupid ear stud fell off while the wound was healing.
fucking bled.
oh well replaced it with a modified toothpick : hurts a lil still now and the blood has clotted. got a scab there now.
:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/488166/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/488166/ Tue, 11 Feb 2003 02:09:08 PST everyone is busy!
no one is free!

i need to get out. but with who?
:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/484893/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/484893/ Sun, 09 Feb 2003 01:31:05 PST just had another dream last night.
funny mixture of all my thoughts.

it started out funny enough : a commercial for this reality gameshow where a group of people walking in a mountain/forest like place. it was as if i was watching a commercial...words and voice overs and such.

and then somehow lions appeared. yes. lions. big hungry cats...started chasing the "contestants"...the 'camera' or view i was expriencing snapped to different shots of the the people running and screaming as lions bounded fluidly across the rough terrain...hunting them one by one..

and then - i was in the dream. as in 'physically'.
this aint the strangest part yet.

suddenly there was this talkshow in the middle of the mountain/forest place. a stage. and a a semi-cirlce audience stand. what happened to the 'contestant's i dont want to know.

the audiences were a mix of normal people and lion-people.

-break- see i was having some thoughts on creating this superhero character in a story i wanted to write...His name : Siphon. his powers, being able to convert energy into different forms. like say light energy from a flashlight could be converted into heat energy or sound...then into chemical energy for his own 'consumption'. -break-

someone i was there amongst the audience, at the left side facing the stage. and there were people beside me. people i know. one was a friend (from reality) i shant mention. another was a guy, whom someone i knew was really strong, ah just think Clark Kent from Smallville (i've been watching that show too much anyway). and there was one other woman...dont know where she came from but i remembered i knew her...in the dream.

the host of talk show was talking about the Clark Kent guy i knew and about his super powers...the audiences were oo-ing and ah-ing. then someone volunteered to let the CK guy show his strength.
that volunteer was thrown from the back of the audience stand to the stage. everyone cheered...

then the host was talking about me. and someone i knew i had the powers of the Siphon character i was creating...bah, lucid dreaming again.

then this ugly old woman volunteered to allow me to show my 'powers'. i concentrated into turning her chemical energy into heat energy so she'd burst into flames. dont ask me why the hell i did that...i got no damn idea. :/

she began to look like she was 'countering' my powers..her face grew red...but it was almost as if she was trying curb the effects. the atmosphere was tense. until her entire skin flashed an angry red...she was smoking...she fell over and collapse. then muttering weakly, she said: " what the hell are you?"

the audience cheered for a while...then suddenly went insane. screaming and rushing. and then suddenly i couldnt see anything. my vision went black...and something told me it was from the over-exertion of my 'powers'. then i heard sounds...voices from the other people i 'knew', we were holding hands amongst the chaos. then i heard someone tell me to use my 'powers'.

then i woke.

sheesh. another strange freaky dream again... bleh.


:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/481948/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/481948/ Fri, 07 Feb 2003 00:48:43 PST at home with nothing to say.

:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/479145/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/479145/ Wed, 05 Feb 2003 08:38:42 PST hole in the left ear.
hair will change color tomorrow

out the entire day. tired. zzz.

:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/475914/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/475914/ Mon, 03 Feb 2003 09:19:06 PST caught a movie today. called 'They'. it plays on night terrors, you know, things that roam in the dark, in the closet, under your bed and go bump in the night?

what if you still had them when you're a grown up?

the movie starts off creepily with a boy having a ...somewhat fatal encounter with these...creatures. it uses a series of 'draggy' parts to explain the situation. when i say 'draggy' i mean...slow horror, the creepy feeling you get when watching Sixth Sense and includes some 'action' scenes with sudden shocks and fright.

disappointingly though, 'They' had a lousy ending. the plot was going anywhere either, with Julia - the protagonist - searching for the truth behind these terrors and still getting sketchy answers.

!SPOILER ALERT!
apparently these creatures are crawling, long fingers and legs with claws...you couldnt see them for the entire film...you just knew they could jump and climb with ease.

they live in another world that connects to ours in dark places. these creatures hate light and will shun it. crying babies are a warning to their presence and they can tamper with electricity innately and make electrical lights go off.

...and Julia gets eaten by Them in the end.
!SPOILTER ALERT!

the film could have been done better though....i was expecting a twist at the end which sadly didnt came. the ending leaves hollow feeling inside... like it was not right to end now..oh well.


the upset thing? don't ask. :: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/470168/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/470168/ Fri, 31 Jan 2003 05:19:53 PST never say it can't be worse. because it can.
i learnt it the hard way today.

not very fun.

day started well enough with me shopping for clothes with my mom. left her to meet Arthur to collect an acoustic guitar i was borrowing from him.

he was apparently in town, therefore poor me had to rush there.

i took the MRT (train system running through the island) and missed the first stop where i could change the train conveniently. i dropped at the second and in my stupidity walked around trying to figure out which escalator led to which level to take the train i wanted. bah.

after departing the MRT i realised the light rain in the morning had gotten really heavy, and me gotten really hungry as i havent ATE anything since morning.

Arthur was trapped in some building quite a distance from where i was. we agreed to meet at a nearby mall - i had to brave the dumb rain, getting drenched in the process.

entering the mall was like engulfing myself in a blanket of cold. freak. shivering i went up to the 4th level where the food court was, finding out it was under renovation.

then i had to dragged myself down the basement level one where the fast food restaurants were located. i waited a while before an Arthur (not dry) arrived.

after a good meal, we emerged back to the surface, shocked to find it was STILL raining - bugger - took a wrong turn, then braved the rain again back to the MRT.

and i thought everything was over.

ooohhh noooooo....

we took the train the wrong direction and we IDIOTS only realised after like 4 stops. i was exactly amused then.
so we did the only logical thing - take back. changed the train and realised the new train we were on had this funny tendency of suddenly moving really slow, then come to a complete halt.

after seconds of hiatus it starts crawling on for a while before returning to normal speed.

it was a Friday. but it wasn't a 13th.

it was a 31st.





:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/468318/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/468318/ Thu, 30 Jan 2003 04:07:01 PST for good no more stick between lips
he said he quit
but still with smoke his life he rips

tried to help he doesn't listen
every breath kills he still doesn't learn.

fucking why?

he's changing everybody does
but instead for the better he goes the worst
told myself 'stop him i must'
or he'd definitely die first

he's nonchalent he doesn't care
my friend is playing unknowingly in the devil's lair.

fucking why?

i tried.





:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/462803/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/462803/ Mon, 27 Jan 2003 03:59:49 PST
so i was without a comp for 3-4 days.
and the horror -

- the boredom -

well to say the least i almost died. fortunately, or unfortunately, i'm well alive now since i went with my dad to sim lim square and picked up a new motherboard which was instaleld straight after we reached home...

...and here i am! my ut2003 cd works fine now, heh just went fragging for about an hour plus. yay!

not going to let anything kill this mood!!!



:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/454963/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/454963/ Wed, 22 Jan 2003 11:20:32 PST
most of my friends are in the trail 3 months for junior college and so are studying everyday. i have no one to go out with. basically i'm a geek/tv junkie till i have work.

now im taking a break from work, hell there's nothing to do as of yet anyway. so i'm at home.

aarrgghh...boredom.

i have zero chance of socialising. there was this school concert, my ex school concert, where tons of people would be going. or went - it ended a few hours ago.

i couldn't get the tickets. *sigh*


:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/454470/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/454470/ Wed, 22 Jan 2003 01:37:25 PST after installing the game on my other comp i realised it was cd drive that was somehow 'renaming' the vorbisfile.dll to vorbisfi.dll. dammit.

argh...stupid cd drive.

and guess what?! my other comp doesn't have an internet connection!!

oh how sarcastic life can be.

:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/452977/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/452977/ Tue, 21 Jan 2003 07:19:51 PST
i got my pay today. was happy. at first.

went to a games store and grabbed unreal tournament 2003, the first thing on my to-buy list after my pay. i jaunitily skipped the way back home. (actually i took a bus.)

slid in the first cd.
"Could not locate a reuired dll file, VORBISFILE.DLL. i thought it was my computer. stupid me. then i asked around on icq and msn, the anger and fustration growing by the seconds.

then i found out it was the cd.

that was the last straw. 60 fucking bucks.

i called them. no answer.

i'm going back there tomorrow demanding an explaining and a change of cds. or nobody's going to buy from that store anymore.

:: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/451044/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/451044/ Mon, 20 Jan 2003 03:29:31 PST
Guess what? I told them the truth. Made a stand for my old freaking self. And im out. no more performance. no more added pressure.

just like to say that i am very happy and i hope you guys are too. :: DISCONNECT ]]> ~photophobic http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/449581/ http://photophobic.deviantart.com/journal/449581/ Sun, 19 Jan 2003 02:35:43 PST
well after 4 years im finally out. wooo...happy.

then there is an upcoming performance. they have not enough percussionists. guess who they asked? well since it's an official performance, the principal of the school was 'used' as a pressurring force on me.

yes im not in the school anymore and have any right to say no but then again, my really really kind nature made me agree. and now im annoyed at my lame decision.

performance is about 3 days away and i only had one practice. shit.------------------ Disconnecting transimission ------------------ ]]> ~photophobic