http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:pianoanime&section=today deviantART RSS for by:pianoanime en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 04:47:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/12186911/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/12186911/ Wed, 14 Mar 2007 20:48:48 PDT
1. Much of my work from this part of my life represents a lot...most of it being stuff that either doesn't really apply i.e. angst art after that breakup two years back, or that I've grown out of i.e. the anthro art that was such a big part of my work for so long. Thus, when I meet new people and want to show off my work, I can't, unless I delete a lot of nice work, most of the originals lost to history. This site isn't reflective of me, at least not all of me. Only a small part of my psyche ever got expressed here.

2. Facebook - I hate to say it, but I'm more at home on facebook than I am here...simply because I don't post much artwork anymore, which leads me to...

3. I don't draw much; most sketching I do now is for cosplay purposes, (which I could post, sure, but I'll find my own site for it. I see no reason to broadcast to the world what silly things I choose to wear in public. It was bad enough when Kristy's stepmom found her facebook account, the one with pictures of me in drag flagged in it)

I'm going to keep everything up, as it was when I left it...consider it a museum or something. Who knows, I may be back...but I may not. My aim name hasn't changed, and I'm on facebook...you'll recognize me if you see me... Missouri State University, Joshua Wilson, with a sketch as the bio pic.

I wish all of you the best, I hope you all will live long and prosper. Please love each other out there...I'm sick of seeing prejudice of any sort...you never know how close to home insulting someone else could really be...your best friend could secretly be gay, your brother might have an unnatural attraction to sheep, you never know.

May you walk on warm sands...
-Josh

]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/9799540/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/9799540/ Mon, 21 Aug 2006 01:40:50 PDT *old performance with edits and mixing*
Tokyo Girls - Like a Fire
DJ Zorro - Cuerpo
John Robinson - Everything's Gonna Be Alright
Dave Rodgers - Make A Movement
Groove Twins - Viva the Night
Mark Foster - Spider-Man

Ben Folds - Late
Scatman John - Scatman
Jet Grind Radio - Everybody Jump Around
M&H Band - Popcorn
Well, Kristy conned me into joining her dance team (which if you don't know, is a para para troupe... go to youtube and search "parapara" to know what that is) and we just got back from our first really big performance. Kristy has been in contact with the con chair of Anime Fest. Wichita since last year, and we got invited to perform at opening ceremonies... We danced in front of probably close to 200 people (which is a big crowd to us), and they were really psyched, clapping along to the beat and cheering, and just being excited. We held a few panels and had a lot of fun. We got to sign autographs!!! I've never had someone come up to me and want a signature (unless they were holding a credit card recipt...in which case, that happens all the time). We got compliments from the other guests (like Piano Squall) and the con staff. The emcee danced with us during our performance, and he seemed genuinely glad that a dance troupe wasn't full of prima donnas who didn't want some strange little man in go-go boots disrupting their serious business. We also got a free hotel room out of the deal, a free Japanese-inspired meal the night before the con (which was awesome!), and a fair amount of attention. I left with some decals for my binders and stuff, an Initial D manpurse to replace my old one that is now retired and missing most of its buttons, and a buttload of awesome memories.

Personally, I think that if this dance team can get that kind of a reaction, that's worth the silliness of the dances we have to do. We earned a nice vacation, and we got it!
The next event is in November at Cos-Con, and I can't wait.

PS, if you live close to Springfield, and want to join, let me know. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8808373/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8808373/ Thu, 18 May 2006 14:13:24 PDT Cake - Shut the F*ck Up
Ishii Yasushi - Vague Drum of Grief
Ben Folds - Battle of Who Could Care Less
Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.
Ishii Yasushii - Strange Victory ~ Lotus Flower Theme
Ben Folds - Kate

Man, it's been one of those weeks...

I took my finals, did pretty well on all of them, if I finish my computer homework, I'm guaranteed a C in everything, and a B in Japanese and A in textiles...so life's pretty good.

In other news, things are rocky for me. I'm under more stress than I can take. My paychecks barely pay the bills (and that's before the usual expenses of food and gas), my friends are stressing me out, and I'm just not feeling myself lately. Meh. Maybe tonight will be better. Kristy and I are going to a nightclub to celebrate my birthday (which was two days ago). yay for me, I'm 21. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8709730/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8709730/ Mon, 08 May 2006 11:46:13 PDT Running in the 90's

1. Name: Joshua Wilson
2. Nickname: ...I don't really have one.
3. Birthday: 5 16 85
4. Place of Birth: Phoenix, AZ
5. Zodiac Sign: Taurus
6. Male or Female: Male
7. Education: High School, Vocational, and working on College
8. Schools you went to: Branson High School, Gibson Technical, and Missouri State University
9. Occupation: ...total dork?
10. Residence: The State of Misery
11. Screen Names: Pnonma, Pianoanime

__Your Appearance___
12. Hair Colour: dark brown
13. Hair Length: shaggy...very shaggy
14. Eye colour: poop brown
15. Best Feature: ...I dunno. Lots of people say my lips or eyes, I guess.
16. height: 5'9"
17. Braces?: nope
18. Glasses?: if goofy John Lennon sunglasses count, yes.
19. Piercing: nope, not my thing
20. Tattoos: Nope
21. Righty or Lefty: Right

___Your 'Firsts'___
22. First best friend: Joseph
23. First Award: Geography Bee School Winner award medal
24. First Sport You Joined: sport? What is this "sport" you speak of
25. First Pet: A puppy whose name I do not recall (I was 1 at the time)
26. First Real Vacation: Gulf Coast for Spring Break '03
27. First Concert: The Pillows
28. First Love: Cassie Jones

___ Favorites___
29. Movie: Spaceballs
30. TV Show: Mythbusters
31. Colour: Blue
32. Rapper: the Beastie Boys
33. Band: Ben Folds Five
34. Song Right Now: Niko - Night of Fire
35. Friend: Kristy
36. Candy: whoppers and raisinets
37. Sport to Play: DDR?
38. Restaurant: George's
39. Favorite brand to wear: Anything that's cheap and fits my personality
40. Store: Wal-Mart
41. School Subject: Japanese
42. Animal: cats and dogs
43. Book: ..... Book? What's that?
44. Magazine: I don't read magazines
45. Shoes: Sneakers, not any particular brand though.

___Currently___
46. Feeling: like crap
47. Single or Taken?: Taken
49. Eating: maybe a burrito later
50. Drinking: water and cheap Dr. Pepper
51. Typing: right here
52. Online?: Obviously
53. Listening To: Really crappy eurobeat that I somehow enjoy
54. Thinking About: too much
55. Wanting To: do a lot of things...
56. Watching: nothing in particular
57. Wearing: boxers

__________Future__________
58. Want Kids?: Maybe, but only once I'm totally settled down
59. Want to be Married: in the future, yes
60. Careers in Mind: I don't know, as long as it makes enough to pay the bills
61. Where do you want to live?: Somewhere nice
62. Car: something that runs and looks nice

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___
63. Hair colour: Darker is better, especially dark red
64. Hair length: longer than mine, please
65. Eye colour: any
66. Measurements: not a twig, please
67. Cute or Sexy: Both
68. Lips or Eyes: I find both equally attractive
69. Hugs or Kisses: Both
70. Short or Tall: Short...tall girls scare me just a little.
71. Easygoing or serious: Easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: A little of both
74. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship, all the way
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Troublemaker!!!


___Have you ever______
78. Kissed a Stranger: nope
79. Had Alcohol: yeah, it was gross
80. Smoked: nope
81. Ran Away From Home: No
82. Broken a bone: fractured, yes
85. Broken Someones Heart: yeah
86. Broken Up With Someone: Yes
87. Cried When Someone Died: Yes
88. Cried At School: Every time I've gotten in trouble...

___Do You Believe In___
89. God: yeah
90. Miracles: why not?
91. Love At First sight: maybe
93. Aliens: maybe
94. Soul Mates: Not really, anymore
95. Heaven: sure
96. Hell: sure
98. Kissing on The First Date: I'm too old-fashioned for that
99. Horoscopes: People do tend to fit into horoscopic patterns with their personalities, but the prediction part of it is retarded.

___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is there someone you want but you know you can't have?: Nope. Kristy and I have our moments, but I'm happy.
Ok go do it!! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8625599/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8625599/ Sun, 30 Apr 2006 20:42:10 PDT random eurobeat on Kristy's computer

UPDATE!!

We spent yesterday making flyers and distributing them everywhere... over 100 printed and put up everywhere. We told the whole building about what happened and warned them about keeping things locked up. We told the police and filed a report. We called apartment security, and we talked to the local scooter clubs.

Today, we went driving on the north side of town looking for somewhere they would have ditched the scooter at if they were just joyriding (this was what the Vespa club recommended).
At Division and 65, we passed a kid going the other way on nothing other than a PINK SCOOTER that looked just like Kristy's, but completely gutted....All the chrome was removed and it was banged up pretty bad.
Kristy did a stuntman-style U-turn, tires squealing and all, and chased them onto 65 and north to Kearney. They got off the highway there and Kristy swerved to get in the turn lane. At the stoplight, she started screaming for him to pull over because she thought the scooter was stolen. He pulled over and he said that friends of his got it in a "trade" but that they have been known for petty theft and break-ins. Kristy checked her ignition key, and it worked...the police ran the VIN, and it matched. (Kristy is very scary when she's mad....OMG o_o;; ) The cops took the kid with them to track down their buddies...He was so nice, and he cooperated without any hassle...I hope he gets in with a better crowd and isn't involved in any of their dealings.

SOOOO.......

After 48 hours of searching, of Kristy being so horribly upset, we recovered the scooter with no problems whatsoever.

Literally half the building came out when we drove it back home. Creepy lady across the hall came out and in her usual catterwaul exclaimed "YOU GOT YER SCOOOOOOTER BACK!!!!!"...the guys from the 3rd floor on the other side of the building screamed from his balcony something about us locking the scooter up to the mailboxes so they'll get caught for mail tampering if they try again. The nice couple with the baby named Phoenix from next door walked out while doing their laundry and were very excited for us. It was a nice homecoming for that little scooter, but here's the damages.

Missing rearview mirrors
Chrome badges and logos removed
Muffler chrome removed
Seat broken and part of seat with lock broken off and leather torn
Ignition hotwired and bypass switch installed
over 100 miles added to the odometer (not bad for 48 hours)
front fender ripped off
trunk missing
vinyl graphics torn off
Backrest for second passenger removed
Gas cap ruined
Broken handlebar lock
All parts are scuffed up, but operable

There may be more, but at least it was still drivable.... We're leaving it in a friend's garage till we can assess the damages and ask for replacement parts. At least it was only cosmetic damage.
So yeah, since the scooter's worth more than $1000, it's considered Grand Theft Auto for stealing it....I hope those kids don't think life is like the game, 'cause being "busted" will be much more tedious than waiting for the next screen to load.


*************************************************************************
Music:
Tsuneo Imahori - Vash's Theme

This has been one of those days....

For the last month or so, Kristy and I have been looking for alternate transportation since we have one car between us. We've been everywhere we can think of for cheap rides to and from where we need to go. We ended up deciding on getting a scooter (as my previous journal entries attest).... However, I wasn't sure about paying thousands of dollars on something I can't yet ride, so I decided to let Kristy pick out one she wanted, and we'd pay it off together, kind of as an early anniversary present.

She found the perfect scooter, bright pink and with the speed of a motorcycle....very nice. Well, no more than 48 hours after I signed the 2500 dollar loan to get it to her and got it delivered, it was STOLEN FROM OUR PARKING LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that's right, stolen. She only got to drive it once in that time....and now it's gone. Thankfully, it's really, REALLY distinctive. It's a 150cc Diamo Retro (www.diamousa.com) in pink, with a trunk attatchment and white and blue racing stripes down the left side. It's the only pink scooter in town, and the retro ones (they look like smoothed-out vespas) aren't very popular lately.
We have the keys, and we have all the paperwork...In addition, the battery is faulty (hence why Kristy only drove it once). So, that means that since they stole it, they can't do much with it. In addition, the handlebars were l... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8422953/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8422953/ Sun, 09 Apr 2006 23:53:02 PDT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put your iTunes/Winamp/WMP on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING.

**since a lot of my music is video game soundtracks and songs I can't find the titles for, I skipped some and had alternate answers for others.

1. How does the world see you?
Tom Lehrer - Fight Fiercely Harvard... ummm. So, I'm kind of a dork?

2. Will I have a happy life?
The Seatbelts - Spokey Dokey... blues harmonica? o_o;;

3. What do my friends think of me?
Linkin Park - Faint... Ummmmmmmm. yeah.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Mai HIME ED Single - Tommorow's True (off vocal)...So, if they do, they don't talk about it?

5. How can I make myself happy?
The Pillows - Advice... so... rocking out? K!

6. What should I do with my life?
Richard Cheese - Material Girl... ummm...this DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. O_O;;;

7. Will I ever have children?
Yoko Kanno - Adieu... so I guess not?

8. What is some good advice for me?
Emily Bidinger - A Stray Child... I....see.

9. How will I be remembered?
Ishii Yasushi - R&R With St. Dracula... So, everyone will think I was cool?

10. What's my signature dancing song?
DDR - Metal Gear Solid Theme (combat remix)... well, I like DDR.

11. What's my current theme-song?
The Pillows - Naked Shuffle... o_o; oh my.

12. What do others think is my current themesong?
The Pillows - Our Love and Peace... meh.

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
The Pillows - Waiting At The Busstop... I hope they rock out at my funeral. I hate sad gatherings.

14. What type of men/women do I like?
Ben Folds - Rock Star... I like codependant people?????

15. How's my love life?
Garbage - Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)... ...sure.

16. What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
Toadies - Possum Kingdom... It's pretty catchy.

17. Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Space Ghost - Zorak - Darling... Umm..I really hope that Zorak isn't wanting to take me away talking like that. o_o;;

18. What will this year be all about?
Yoko Kanno - Miwaku no HORSE RIDING... Ummm...I hope my year isn't about some retarded cowboy obsessed with justice... -_-;;;;;

19. Why was I ever born?
Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit... So, I guess I'm a trendsetter?

20. With accompany of which song I was made?
Minimoni - (can't read the title)......that's a really disturbing song for this question. o_O;;

21. What song will be played at my wedding?
The Arrogant Worms - Carrot Juice is Murder... Wow...that's about as retarded as Kristy and I are together, so I wouldn't doubt it.

22. For what would I kill someone?
Weird Al - UHF... I don't think I'd kill someone over a Weird Al movie....or TV, for that matter.

23. What is the most precious thing in my room?
Yoko Kanno - Memory... I'm pretty sentimental, so yeah.

24. With what song am I gonna lose/ lost my virginityto?
Joe Hisaishi - The Demon God II-The Lost Mountains... oh my!!!! o_o;;;;;;;

25. What will be my last thought before I die?
Monster Magnet - Look To Your Orb for Warning... well, that IS cool death-scene music.

26. What is the best song to describe my school mates?
Emily Bidinger - Flying Teapot... Well, that is a pretty song, and it fits my school friends.

27. I feel so...
Mr Ed Jumps The Gun - Smoke... yes, I feel groovy in that weird "DDR remix of classic rock" sort of way. sure.

28. Best song to describe my hidden sexuality?
Lunatic Calm - Leave You Far Behind... hmmm....intense with a dark edge, and taking someone to their limits?? ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... .......... tee hee.

29. Of what am I afraid?
Foutains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom... well, I AM afraid of Kristy's mom....or am I afraid of MILF's?? I don't know, and I'm very confused.

30. I like to...
Ben Folds - One Down... I like getting things done to get people off my back. well, yeah.

31. I wanna ...
Capcom Sound Team - Megaman X3 - Screw Masaider's theme (Drill Rhino in U.S.)... umm...well, oh my.

32. What do you secretly desire?
Weird Al - Polkas on 45... (I don't think that's it.)
Second answer on that one: Barenaked Ladies - If I Had a Million Dollars... Yeah, I would want to buy those I love everything th... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8422159/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8422159/ Sun, 09 Apr 2006 21:42:39 PDT Yoko Kanno - Piano Black
Propellerheads - Spybreak!
Aphex Twin - Powerpill Pacman
Richard Cheese - Come Out and Play
Blink 182 - Girl at the Rock Show

Well, it's been a crazy week....

Justin and Tabitha had been having problems for months...and by problems I mean that she was getting more and more unhappy, and he was more and more oblivious. She felt disrespected, unloved, and felt like he didn't listen when she said she wasn't happy. I did my best to stay out of it all, giving Justin advice when she complained to me and Kristy about him, and trying to keep things in balance...They ended up splitting up last night, and I really think that it's for the best. He needs someone who will be strong and help him without trying to comfort him and keep him from changing...Tabitha always would back down from saying something was wrong when he got upset about it. Tabitha needs someone who is more like her, since Justin is the quiet geeky type, and she's very much a tomboy. She needs someone who likes to go outside and play around, instead of someone who likes to stay inside and play video games. She's also a very simple person, and someone who does all sorts of grandiose dates and spends all his money on her really doesn't make her as happy as picking a daisy off the roadside for her does.
After the breakup, I tried to talk to Justin and tell him what's up and why all this happened...he apparently told some of our friends that we were all conspiring against him, so now everyone's mad at Tabitha, Kristy, and I...so I'm not too pleased. Anyway, trying to talk to him, he started acting like a teenager who is mad at his parents... a lot of "I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do!!!!" ... (all we've ever told him to do is pay his half of the bills on time and help us with keeping the place clean. -_-;;
So after about 20 minutes of talking to the brick wall that is Justin, I was told by him that he doesn't need to do anything differently than he is and that he's perfect and it's all everyone else's fault, etc. .... so I told him that I was done talking if he doesn't want to listen, and we haven't spoken since. I feel really bad about it all. I don't want to not help him...if there's anything he needs right now, it's friends. But to be yelled at and to be talked about behind my back when I was the only one who backed him this whole time.... There's only so much I can take. I'm done helping him so long as he's acting like a child.

And apparently, everyone is mad at her now, because they feel like she doesn't treat him right either...I dunno. Even though I've always backed him, I don't see any of that. All that sticks in my mind is what he's done to her. I feel like he abuses her...I see how angry he gets with her, and I know that look in his eyes...it's just like what my ex-stepdad always had in his when he and my mother used to fight *shudder*. I see how he acts, how he expects her to take care of him...how when she voices concerns to him he gets defensive and starts crying (literally) until she backs down. After he lost his job the first time, she helped him pay for bills and groceries, but I don't think he even thanked her. After he got another job, he still kept asking for help since he didn't make enough (but kept the job instead of looking for higher pay), and he always wanted to go out and her pay since he couldn't afford it. He just decided to stop showing up at that job....not even looking for another one...just sitting in the living room playing Kristy's playstation all day. He's not responsible enough to take care of himself...why should she take care of him? I'm sick of him acting like he's perfect and that she's walking away so she can "understand herself more and make herself perfect for him". They're both wrong, but Tabitha can't take what he's doing to her, enough said. There's more, but it's very personal, so I won't disclose it. All I will say is that she feels disrespected and feels like he doesn't care about how she feels about it.

Sorry for venting, but Kristy and I have been thrown in the middle of it. They complain about each other all the time and when we talk to them about what's bugging them, they always get upset and act like they don't want our help. I've been advocating him, she's been advocating Tabitha, and our relationship has gotten stressed almost to the point of full-blown fights over them. Well, we're done with it. I've had enough, she's had enough. So please leave us out of it all. I no longer care, and neither does she.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, I got a job!!!!!!!!! I'm working at Radio Shack starting in a week or two. It's going to be awesome! The p... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8232724/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8232724/ Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:15:32 PST Halo 2 OST1 - Heavy Price Paid
Hinoi Team - Sticky, Tricky and Bang
Tom Lehrer - I Hold Your Hand in Mine
Yoko Kanno - Piano Black
Looka Bomber - GO2

Well, after many disapproving looks and talks by my family, much trouble, assembling a cheap but cheap desk, and re-arranging my life, I'm FINALLY moved in! Life is sweet....although sharing a room with Kristy means that her eurobeat and punk will interfere with my own music...which I MOSTLY don't mind........ Japanese covers of eurobeat songs are tragically bad....not that eurobeat is always that good anyway.

Yeah, and after deleting a bunch of stuff I don't need (i.e. about 7 or so full anime series I don't really like, I just have on my computer...) I found out that I could save nearly 30GB of space...so I now have room for more stuff I won't use.

Kristy and I are doing fine....I dunno, I think it's just that it's been such a tough year for us both and we misunderstand each other a lot. I hope it's nothing big, but it seems like every other post, something's wrong..... You know, it PROBABLY has to do with the fact that she's bipolar, and I'm starting to have bipolar tendancies as well.... ^_^;;;;

....crap. I just remembered that most of my cd's and dvd's that I actually own are in Branson.......darn it.

Sorry about the random stream of consiousness....

Real Post: Life is good, financial aid is good, financial aid overflow is VERY GOOD, and job (or having to get one) is ungood. Entry OVER. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8158048/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8158048/ Tue, 14 Mar 2006 10:39:32 PST Emily Bidinger - Adieu
Steve Conte - Words that we Couldn't Say
Ben Folds - Fair
Ben Folds - Battle of Who Could Care Less
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Kotoko - Second Flight

So, there's not much going on with me, but at the same time, life is way too hectic. Isn't it funny how that works?

I'm moving out of the dorms, I go in tomorrow to discuss terms and such. I'm also getting a cellphone in the next couple of days, I dropped a class and started another one, lost my debit card and ID (no sooner than I replaced them both I found them... -_-;, I'm helping Kristy with the ebay side of Nerd-Mart, and helping to plan the next big trip. All of this within the last week or two.

At the same time, I find myself bored. I don't get it. I'm doing more than I have in months, yet I'm totally apathetic.

Kristy and I haven't been getting along. It's been a stressful month for both of us so far, and I'm getting irritable yet clingy at the same time, and Kristy's currently on "no magic time", so that's bound to start something unpleasant. I dunno. I love her so much, but right now I just don't know what to do to make her happy. I'm trying, but for right now, there's not much that I can do or say that really makes either of us happy. I know this problem is just temporary, we'll get over it and all will be well, but sometimes I feel like we're drifting apart and it's my fault. All I want is for things to be okay again. I want to fix things, I want to fix myself. I feel like I'm the problem, even though that usually isn't the case. I guess I just need to take today and do some thinking...good thing I'm going to go donate; all I can do there is think.

*for those of you who want to know, here's the Naka-Kon report:
For the most part, when it comes to the trip itself, it was fun. I helped Kristy's dance team with a great performance, we sold enough to pay off Kristy's debts, and I got a few bucks out of the deal. The bad things include the constant drama between one person and most of everyone else the whole trip. Had the hotel gotten the 8 noise complaints that night as opposed to the next day, we would have been ejected. As a consequence, I didn't get any sleep that whole weekend, and I got kind of sick. I still am, a little. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8039961/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8039961/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 17:29:54 PST
SYDNEY with Sister R - Chicken Bone
Yoko Kanno - Piano Solo

So, ummm...life is, life. Kristy's not feeling well, so we're both kind of down. I think I'm coming down with it, but I have a higher constitution, so I'll be fine.

We got our first merch order for Naka-Kon, and we surveyed our merchandise. We got everything from Fruits Basket fuzzy slippers, to Bleach division badge scarves, to more Advent Children stuff...we're waiting on the other order we have pending, the one with the Cloud costume, CardCaptor Sakura figurines, Naruto plushes, and other things. I'm happy we have our supplier...he rocks!

In other news, for all of you who know Kristy's dance team, drama has erupted. Robert, the co-captain, has dropped out of the first performance of the year. Here's the scoop.
The deadline for everyone getting their money in to go to Naka-Kon was after Visioncon. Robert had money to go to visioncon, and said he was broke when it came time to provide money for the Naka-Kon trip. They extended the deadline for him, and he still didn't have the money (he doesn't go to school, or live on his own, or have a job. He stays with his parents, and asks them for money for everything. They pay him for food when he goes out, they pay his gas and insurance for his car, and his cellphone). He met Tabitha at the mall (after eating, playing DDR for awhile, etc)and told her that he's broke and may not have the money in time. Tabitha and Jared have been getting mad at him for all this for awhile...and it came to a head last night, when Tabitha set the deadline for that night. Robert's mom wasn't available to give him money then, so when Tabitha asked him for the money, he said he didn't have it yet. Tabitha got fed up with it, and yelled at him over the 'net. Much drama between all them later, Robert pulled out.
He then put a really angry LiveJournal post bashing the other team members, and screened the team's comments, so they can't respond with their side of the story, and so it looks like it was all their fault and Robert's the victim. -_-;;;

What all this means for the team is that now everyone has to have more money to cover what Robert isn't paying in (we still have to take 2 cars and have a hotel room), and everyone's so mad at Robert he may have a hard time being let back into the performance. All that week's rehearsal is gone, because they had put him into the blocking and spacing for the performance, and now they have to restructure it.....and we leave in TWO DAYS. @_@

I am NOT pleased.

Other than that, life is good. ^_^ I leave you all to a happy evening and a better tomorrow. Bye!

**I'm worth $1,941,778 on [link], a website dedicated to estimating someone's worth on the public market. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8011581/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8011581/ Sun, 26 Feb 2006 18:18:34 PST The Pillows - Little Buster
Chrno Crusade - Tsubasa wa Pleasure Line
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Dust Brothers - Medulla Oblongata

Well, I know it's boring seeing millions of dumb entries, so I'm going to write a real one.

I looked through some of my old journal entries, and I feel silly. It's weird looking back in time when it comes to me, since I'll pick up and drop things really swiftly. I see myself being depressed over life in general, being depressed over how my life is or how it's not, and being depressed because of a bad relationship...all fairly normal stuff, but the way I worded it, the way I can see my mindset on the page and how it's different from what I remember, I feel really dumb...everything from my dorky thought processes to my nerdy use of random Japanese parts of speech... (I can't believe I was that big of a dork. -_-;

Other than that, I'm doing well...I guess. I'm kind of sad since I've not seen Kristy in awhile, and since my mom's health is getting worse. She's got symptoms that either point to an inner ear infection, or a bunch of serious medical conditions...so we're all a bit worried. I don't want to lose any more family...my grandfather's passing was pretty rough on me, so I'd care not to think about what will happen if my mom ends up with a similar fate.

We're waiting on our merch order for Naka-con. There's a chance it won't show up in time, in that case, hello ebay!! I'll give everyone on here a link to our ebay store once we get it running...that way you can order nerdy things from us! ^_^

Well, life is tough, but I'm hopeful, and I'm also rather doofy! So, let's get on with the show...and by the show, I mean life! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8011359/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/8011359/ Sun, 26 Feb 2006 17:54:50 PST
1. DO YOU SNORE?
...and talk, and toss and turn.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Lover, of course. I'm no good at violence.

3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
...I don't have any WORST fears, but I'm afraid of everything.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Yeah, I even subscribed to the magazine.


5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
*scoff*... reality TV blows.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
sometimes...I do use it as a toothpick sometimes, and I shoot the straw wrappers at Kristy...much to her chagrin.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Yeah, I guess.

8.IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
not really. I feel like I need to be with someone because I feel misunderstood a lot.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
beige, with a cowbox on it.

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
yeah, but I don't sing WELL in the shower.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
nope, and I don't think I will.

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
I can play lots of nifty music on piano...but that's not exactly a secret, since I'm a showoff.

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
somewhere warm and relaxed...preferrably with nice people.

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
Conan is funnier, but yes.

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO?
Nope. Seems like it's not my thing.

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Not really. I figure that we've already screwed up the environment enough that there's nothing our generation can do.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE Pops?
...I tried counting once, I got to about 300-somthing licks and just got bored of it...it then sat, rewrapped, on top of the fridge for about a year in hopes that I would come back and finish the job.

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I can say it backwards, but singing it isn't easy for me.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE
I like flying, but it's a little weird-feeling.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
mechanical pencils don't use sharpeners.

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
what, like a deer stand? ...I'm not opposed, but not directly in support.

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Yeah, it's just a question of when.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
When I do it just right, it looks really cool....but I mostly don't like it that much.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Penicillin, plants, smoke, dust, pets, work

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"
when I talked to my mom five minutes ago. -_-;;

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
In a trailer park in Wisconsin, yes.

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
...I cry at EVERYTHING. -_-;;

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Scrambled, with hot sauce (not tabasco) and salt and pepper.

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
more often than not, people in general are dumb, so..... yes.

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Quantum gateway halfway between here and Andromeda, as far as I've been able to discern.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
6:52 ish.

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
I wish I did....I really want a nickname very badly. *is that weird?*

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
in large quantities, yes. It's okay as long as you don't eat it more than once in a week.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
on the ride back here from Branson

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
showers, usually, but if I had the time, I might take a bath.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
was, but I ate him

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
very yes

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
ummmm........... only since watching The Grudge.

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
music, caffeine, good food, Kristy, things that feel nice, and that "deer in the headlights" look you get from normal people when you do something weird.

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
creamy, usually.

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
yup. I hate when it won't crack.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Nope, and I hope I never do unless I need to.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
as of right now, 0

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
Yeah...Drug users are really creepy.

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
depends on the night, but so... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7970727/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7970727/ Wed, 22 Feb 2006 11:04:54 PST Kristy - Symphony in "Z" (snoring)

Another quiz stolen from Jessfox

1. YOUR NAME SPELLED BACKWARDS?
nosliw auhsoj

2. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Kristy

3. THE LAST THING YOU DOWNLOADED ON TO YOUR COMPUTER?
pictures to show a friend

4. HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A 9 VOLT BATTERY?
yes, even though I hate electricity

5. LAST TIME YOU SWAM IN A POOL?
last year, on vacation with my family

6. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY?
unfortunately, yes. it wasn't THAT bad...

8. TYPE OF MUSIC YOU DISLIKE MOST?
gangsta rap, fo shizzle yo

10. DO YOU HAVE CABLE?
nope

11. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN ON A MOPED?
I want a moped, but I've never ridden on one

12. EVER MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL?
I think so...a long time ago

13. BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
very yes, and I've never been happier

14. WOULD YOU GO BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKY DIVING
.................I don't think so.. maybe.

16. DO YOU HAVE A GARDEN?
No

17. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COMIC STRIP?
Dilbert or Calvin and Hobbes

18. DO YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?
yeah, who doesn't?

19. BATH OR SHOWER, MORNING OR NIGHT?
shower, odd times of the day or night

20. BEST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN THE LAST MONTH?
Fun with Dick and Jane (only movie I saw last month)

21. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS?
Pepperoni, pineapple, mushrooms, sausage, bacon, extra cheese, ranch dressing (not all at the same time, mind you)

22. CHIPS OR POPCORN?
depends on the chips/popcorn. Usually popcorn.

23. WHAT TYPE OF DEODERANT DO YOU USE?
Axe

25. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A BEAUTY PAGENT?
...no

26. ORANGE OR APPLE JUICE?
orange juice, so long as it's not bitter

27. WHO WERE THE LAST PEOPLE YOU WENT OUT TO LUNCH WITH?
Kristy and Jared

28. FAVORITE TYPE OF CHOCOLATE BAR?
Heath or Butterfinger or Cruch or 100Grand or....

30. LAST TIME YOU ATE A HOMEGROWN TOMATO?
a year or two ago. they were tasty!

31. HAVE YOU EVER WON A TROPHY?
Plenty of medals, but I've only won a trophy on those "everybody gets a trophy day"s in school.

32. IF YOU COULD BE A CARTOON CHARACTER, WHO WOULD YOU BE?
Good question...*do webcomics count?*...Leo of VGCats reminds me of me, so I'd say him.

33. EVER PUNCHED SOMEONE IN THE FACE?
yeah, he deserved it...sort of.

34. EVER ORDERED FROM AN INFOMERCIAL?
...yes. They ripped me off!!!!

35. FAVORITE VIDEO GAME?
Sonic 2 or Megaman X8, either one.

36. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO WEAR A UNIFORM TO SCHOOL/WORK?
yeah, but they weren't THAT bad.

37. LAST THING YOU BOUGHT AT WALGREENS?
Supplies for a costume I wore to Visioncon.

38. EVER THROWN UP IN PUBLIC?
a few times in school when I was young

39. WOULD YOU PREFER BEING A MILLIONAIRE OR FINDING TRUE LOVE?
...well, I've already FOUND love, so I guess money.

40. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Infatuation at first sight, yes. Love at first sight, not so much.

41. CAN EX'S JUST BE FRIENDS?
nope. for one of them, there will always be affection.

42. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU VISITED IN THE HOSPITAL?
...good question. I can't remember for the life of me.

43. DID YOU HAVE LONG HAIR AS A KID?
I have long hair now, if that counts.... as a kid though, nope. Always short.

44. WHAT MESSAGE IS ON YOUR VOICEMAIL MACHINE?
I don't have voicemail.

45. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO RIGHT NOW?
Somewhere nice...I don't care where.

46. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
I don't remember. I was 1 at the time.

47. WHAT KIND OF BACKPACK DO YOU HAVE, & WHAT'S IN IT?
Black manpurse, covered in buttons and pins. My schoolbooks and drawing stuff.

48. LAST INCOMING CALL ON YOUR PHONE?
I wish I had a phone.

49. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR TODAY?
having Kristy in my life.

50. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOST?
...either Nerd-Mart, or a lot of things I'd rather keep between Kristy and myself ^_^ ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7952279/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7952279/ Mon, 20 Feb 2006 11:51:20 PST Aqua - Happy Boys and Girls (not on my compy today... -_-; )
Queens of the Stone Age - No One Knows
Anti-Flag - Indie Sux, Hardline Sux, Emo Sux, You Suck
Bad Religion - Individual

Well, this year, due to snows and other factors, Visioncon was the slowest I've seen it in years. Attendance was much lower than projected. In addition, we got a really crappy spot for our dealers table. Also, Visioncon isn't an anime con, and VERY few of the people who said they'd show did.

In spite of all this, we did REALLY well. We found ourselves actually walking away with more stuff than we arrived with, and breaking even for our merch. orders...we have almost enough for our next cons, we just need to reorder little things like our Advent Children stuff.

So, things are going pretty well...Kristy's new bank is taking forever to process her paypal registration so it'll take awhile to get another merch order in, but we don't HAVE forever to wait. -_-;;; Oh well, if worse comes to worse, we'll have a lot of stuff to sell anyhow...we got a lot of posters, playing cards, and CD's that we didn't have, some of them are very rare and out of print.

Things should go well, although I'm kind of disappointed that nobody who took the survey Kristy posted showed up. If they had, we would have been doing a bit better. Oh well. We still made what we need to consider ourselves successful. I think that we'll be able to continue with no problems whatsoever...mostly. ^_^;

I'm remaining hopeful, and we'll see what happens at Naka-Kon. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7894149/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7894149/ Tue, 14 Feb 2006 11:02:41 PST Ben Folds Five - The Last Polka
Atom and his Package - Wonderwoman
Yoko Kanno - Piano Bar I
The Pillows - Little Busters


Well, things have been crazy lately...
Kristy and I have patched up the things that were bugging me concerning us...turns out once again, that I'm stupid and I misconstrued something a long time ago...leading to much angst on my end. Oh well. I should realize that I'm dumb and just get used to it, huh? So on that front, life couldn't be better... I tell ya, I love her so much...nobody's ever stuck with me when I needed them and supported me no matter what happened before. Nobody's ever been so understanding, affectionate, caring, and fun...and I'm just amazed as each day goes by how much more we love each other. I'd gladly give up anything for her sake, and I know she'd do the same...this is what love is supposed to be.

In other news, VISIONCON IS IN 3 DAYS!!!! Nerd-Mart is totally ready to go; we have all our merchandise, we have our banner that we'll hang from the table, and we'll get the cashbox and shopping bags the day of the con, because Kristy gets paid then.
Thank you SO much everyone who supported us! Please stop by the stand if you're in Springfield...it's at the Clarion on Glenstone here in Springfield this Friday-Sunday. We're in the Dealer's Room of the convention, not sure where yet, but we have a single table, filled with manga, CD's, DVD's, plushes, keychains, swords, pins, buttons, and other odd collectibles.

In other, other news, Kristy is bored because we've done the planning for Nerd-Mart, so now she says she wants to get a convention committee together and possibly start a con next year. We've already found a few good locations here in town, and since there aren't any cons anywhere NEAR Springfield, it seems like we might have a shot at a good number of attendees. On the one hand, I really want to do this....on the other hand, it won't be easy, and I'm a little worried about it all...The nice thing is, there are enough people here in Springfield who want a full-fledged anime convention that we'll have at least the 400-500 that need to show up to make a small con possible.

Well, I'm off to bleed for money. Happy "Hallmark/Hershey's Day!"




To Kristy: Ever since we've known each other, you've always treated me with respect and love, albeit platonic love at first...Ever since we've been dating, you've given me a reason to keep on going when I was depressed, a reason to make each day unique and fresh when I was bored with life, and a reason to have a blast when life was blah...Ever since our friendship deepened into this wonderful relationship, you've proven to be the most wonderful person I've ever known...What can I say in just a paragraph what it's going to take a lifetime to fully understand? I can't imagine a day without you, just the thought hurts. I can't think of looking into anyone else's eyes the way I do yours. I can't think of making motorboat noises into anyone else's boobs *just kidding...I have to keep my sense of humor, even through the sappy sentiment*. I couldn't imagine laughing because fake beard guy followed us if you weren't you. I can't think of anything that would give me more happiness than to be with you...and if I did find something, I'd gladly pass it up, because what else could I possibly want out of life?

I know there's a lot of cliches in all that, but I'm not eloquent enough to express myself with any originality. If I knew a lot of love songs, I'd serenade you in private with just you, me, and a bottle of cider. But I don't. If I owned a field, I'd carve a cropcircle in the shape of a heart for you. But I don't. If I had a million dollars, I would buy you a house.......err...wait. (this is a paragraph of love, not a barenaked ladies song)

All I know is, you complete me, and I want to spend every waking moment with you. It makes me sad that I can't see you right now, but we'll have plenty of time tonight to enjoy each others' company.

I love you Kristy...happy Valentine's Day!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3



well, everyone, see ya later! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7760855/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7760855/ Tue, 31 Jan 2006 12:18:14 PST
Music:
Ben Folds Five - Clueless


This was taken from ~JessFox, whom I admire muchly.

I think they way it works is..have you ever...

LOVE
(x) stayed single
(x) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
(x) made-out for the first time
(x) made-out in a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
( ) kissed someone of the same sex
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love forever
(x) lost faith in love
( ) mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL

( ) got a promotion
(x) got a pay raise
(x) changed jobs
(x) lost your job
(x) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
(x) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
(x) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
( ) found the subject you love
(x) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school
(x) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
(x) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embaressed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got lead in the school play
(x) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER

(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped *Note: I have nothing against double dippers!!!!!!!
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
(x) went to camp *Note: Yeah, Bilbe camp and French camp...WTF MOM???
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) visted a foreign state
( ) cooked a disasterous meal *eaten, yes...cooked, no.*
(x) lost something important to you
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
(x) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
(x) came close to losing your life
(x) someone close to you died
(x) reunited with a friend
(x) made an accomplishment that shocked everyone
(x) realized your truest freinds
(x) told a secret that would ruin your life if revealed
( ) threw a wild party
( ) went to a wild party
(x) drank alchohol *was pressured into it.... never again. it was icky *garst* *
(x) drank alchohol underage
( ) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
( ) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw your favorite band/artist live *The Pillows = ROXORZ
(x) saw someone famous in person *Ben Stein
(x) did something you want to tell everyone
(x) Enjoyed this year over all. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7751857/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7751857/ Mon, 30 Jan 2006 13:48:14 PST Yoko Kanno - ELM
Ben Folds Five - Alice Childress
Ben Folds - Carrying Cathy
Presidents of the United States of America - Cleaveland Rocks
Ben Folds - Not The Same
Duel Jewel - (some random song that I can't read the title)

So, I guess things are doing pretty good...We just got in the last shipment for Nerd-Mart, and Kristy says she's pleased with what we have. In my opinion, there's not enough, and we'll probably not have what everyone is wanting if they don't show up REALLY early at the con...oh well. If we sell out, we sell out, and that wouldn't bother me one bit.

In other news... I don't know what's up, but I'm just, bleh. Not blah, or blarg...just bleh. I think Kristy and I are just bored with our lives, like we need a new hobby or something. The business has helped, but now that prepwork is finished, it makes it a lot harder to keep cheerful. I don't know what the deal is...maybe it's just the vibe of her place, maybe it's just that we've been too stressed to really lay back and enjoy life, maybe it's that we need to do some soul-searching and come up with something new to do with our time that we hadn't thought of and fulfills some deep psychological need or something...blah blah blah, relationship with your mother...blah blah Freud blah. Heck, I dunno. I think I need to get out more. That may help.

The job search is.....interesting. They're looking for people to dress up as uncle sam and wave at traffic at this tax place a mile away from my dorm....I think I"ll apply there. It'd be hilarious...if a little cold and uncomfortable. Oh well, they pay REALLY well for that kind of thing for some reason...usually around 9 an hour.

DnD membership is down, we've had some no-shows lately. The people that do show up are enthusiastic, so I'm not really sure what the deal is. Everyone's just so busy right now that I guess it can't be helped.

Other than all that, things are fine. I'm still trying to decide what to do for this convention season, probably not too much, unless Nerd-Mart really takes off. In which case, I'll be working like mad to do a few projects in time for the cons. The nice thing about working a vendor's booth in costume is you'll be really noticable if you've made a really nice costume, and it'll draw people to the stand. Unfortunately, that means that comfort and freedom of movement are much more important than usual...so don't expect a mobile suit armor or Cait Sith anytime soon....probably I'll do more random crap that's closer to "normal" clothes...with a few outlandish things still in the works for days that I have more freedom to wander around...I love the random elaborate crap, so it's kind of tough saying that....I guess I'm not really cut out to do a lot of cosplay anyway...not the right shape or size for much of what I'd like to do. I guess this will ease me into reality, having to do more plainclothes projects. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7648433/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7648433/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 13:07:36 PST The Pillows - Last Dinosaur
See-Saw - Obsession
Yoko Kanno - See You Space Cowboy
Weird Al Yankovic - Party at the Leper Colony

Ummm..life is interesting. I just got done chalking for the anime club on campus...telling about the time and place, and throwing in cute little chalk pictures everywhere...I did a blue totoro (from My Neighbor Totoro), Ed and Al (fullmetal alchemist ... crazy expressions), and Cloud on a green chocobo (FFVII...not really anime, but it's close enough for me). Lots of looks of interest/disgust/WTF? from passersby...I scraped my finger up really bad from smoothing in the chalk so it didn't blow away... oww.

Nerd-Mart is coming along well, umm...people have been offering to buy stuff from us early, and Kristy's going to wear her Bleach costume to anime club to drum up more support. (I'm sure it'll go over well...they've been watching Bleach since day one). I think she's also carrying around a 4th division medical bag as a purse. -_-;;; what a nerd. LOL

I've been working on more Ben Folds music...I can play Brick, Fred Jones Part 2, and Losing Lisa, and I'm about to start working on Landed. I'm very happy that I can play Losing Lisa, it shows that I'm getting better, since it requires much more fingerwork than the others. ^_^

I'm about to go to a textiles course I had to take 'cause I'm short on hours... I just wish it wasn't downtown. I guess I can start donating plasma on thursdays so I can just go from that to class...but I helped chalk for anime club, so I didn't have time.

Other than that, life's been pretty good. I can't complain, although sometimes I still do. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7559804/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7559804/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:16:24 PST The Pillows - Beautiful Morning With You
Ben Folds - Annie Waits
Cake - Love You Madly
Ben Folds - She Don't Use Jelly
Yoko Kanno - Sax Quartet
Ben Folds - All You Can Eat


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"they leave an enduring legacy -- half-elf children" (DnD PHB 3.5)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
owww.... chair attack!

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
mythbusters or adult swim..don't remember. I don't have a tv.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
11:45

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
12:36 @_@

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
my compy sounds like a jet, but I think I hear thunder over the roar of my exhaust fans.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
catching a ride home from my g/f's house.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
a friend's deviation where they bashed all the poseurs and unimaginative people.

9. What are you wearing?
Jolt Cola shirt and jeans...and my giant paw-shaped fuzzy slippers.

10. Did you dream last night?
Nope. At least I don't remember it.

11. When did you last laugh?
I laughed at a random joke I made from watching Gigantor today in class.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

9 CD's (some microwaved), signed EVA poster, Transformers Movie and Morrowind posters, a fractal by ~vaia, and a monty python mini-poster

13. Seen anything weird lately?
really WEIRD clips from Japanese nightclubs... @_@

14. What do you think of this quiz?
more random and interesting than those other quizzes, which usually are just dumb.

15. What is the last film you saw?
does an Eddie Izzard DVD count? if so, Dress To Kill. If not, Howl's Moving Castle

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
stuff for my family, then stuff for my friends, then a few small things for myself. (and I'd pay my bills...)

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
my eye itches.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
people. I'd change people. people don't deserve the wonderful things they have. They all just give in to every impulse they have, regardless of the consequences. Not only that, but they don't treat each other with proper respect or acceptance.... ever.

19. Do you like to dance?
only when people aren't watching, or when nobody's facing me.

20. George Bush:
The first entry in google when you type "failure"


21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
if I could HAVE children myself, I'd call her "OUCH!!!!!!!!!"

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
once again, "OUCH!!!"

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
if Hillary becomes president.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"you're kind of a screw-up, but since you tried your best and I love ya anyway, come on in."


****************

What a difference a day or two makes. I'm feeling a lot better. I've made peace with what I don't like about me, and I think I'm ready to tackle the world yet again. Unfortunately, my bank has other ideas. They're being slow with debits/credits to my account, so that's becoming bothersome. If this keeps up, it could turn out badly, so I'm going to run to the bank in the morning and ask them if they need more coffee to stay on the job when it's daytime. -_-;;;
Kristy and I are doing well, we've had some troubles in the past few months...(some of you know what's up, some of you don't. If you don't, I'd rather it stay that way unless you think you know me well enough to understand what's up), but it ended up being talked through...one of those "we'll wait and see when things change, but they probably will sooner or later" sort of things. I'm really happy....I've never won an argument/discussion before. *Things have been so tense in our lives, and the stress induced by our squabbling hasn't helped either of us. So it's good to see that things are going to stop being so full of this unresolved tension.
One of our orders for the stand arrived today...we got a dvd case containing full sets of Wolf's Rain, Initial D, Lodoss Wars, Knights of the Zodiac, Love Hina (OVA), and several other titles, both sets and single-disc editions, all new and never opened. They'll be s... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7503583/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7503583/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 22:04:11 PST
If you were at a convention (even if you don't go to them or consider yourself THAT geeky...) and you see in the dealer's room a full-sized replica of Sephiroth's sword from Final Fantasy 7 selling for 150 bucks, would you buy it? If you then saw Kenshin's reverse-bladed Sakabatou for $100, would you buy it? And if you saw Cloud's Buster Sword for $100, would you buy it?


Cause WE FOUND THEM!!!!! Kristy and I are taking preliminary orders of these swords. We can even afford to sell them for less than the manufacturer's website lists. Our friends are ordering these from us early because we can only afford to stock one of each at the actual con...so....if you want to support a couple of nerds, Note me and we'll talk. That price would include shipping anywhere in the US, btw. We believe in being kind with our pricing, cause we're poor geeks too. LOL

*************
*that's all for the things that fellow nerds should read...if you want to hear about how screwed up I am, keep going. LOL


Music:
Ishii Yasushii - Kikyou Kaoru Iroha Michi
Ben Folds - The Ascent of Stan
Ben Folds - Not The Same (live)
Blink 182 - Adam's Song
Ben Folds - Jesusland
Ben Folds - Landed
Ben Folds - Late
Yoko Kanno - Space Lion (orgel version)
Yellowcard - One Year, Six Months

I dunno...today's just one of those days. In all honesty, it should be a great day. Kristy and I sold an ebay item and made some profit, we cemented several sword orders among our friends, and we're ready to make our major merch orders for our very first con booth...

But I just don't feel right. I got into a big bout of "I don't like myself-ish-ness" today, and I'm still not pulling out of it. A friend showed me a webcomic he likes, and something about the universe struck a chord with me....one of those worlds where the characters have the chance to change whatever they don't like about themselves (even down to the very core of who and what they are)...sounds kind of doofy and inane, I know....but that got me thinking that I'd really give anything to be able to change myself. Maybe not anything drastic even, but to have the option to have another life...somewhere, with those I care about (if they choose to join me)...to be able to search for happiness on my own or with those I love, without my insecurities. To have a fresh start, to have more control over how I feel and even look...yeah, that's the ticket. It sounds like such an attractive concept.
I just don't like me too much, I guess...blame it on whatever you like, a tough childhood with no real role-models to help shape me into the kind of man that I need to be, a lack of social interaction when I was young, an abusive stepfather always putting me down and slapping me around when I was a pre-teen/highschooler, or my own stupidity and stubborn hanging-on to my problems instead of plowing on and moving forward. Maybe I don't want to give up my problems and instead want to turn towards longing for things I cannot have...I don't know. I just want to be free of myself. Looking in the mirror disgusts me...I see my failures, my naivity, and my utter disregard for my health and lack of respect for myself...I'm a doormat, and glad to do it, but it takes a toll on me...
I just get sick of me, sick of never knowing if someone's being nice, sarcastic, or showing pity when they do something nice for me...sick of seeing the same slightly goofy-looking face in the mirror, sick of knowing that I'm just not good enough to be what I want to be, or that my goals are always impossible but that I try anyway, ignoring the failure that I know awaits me...sick of wishing for things and only coming up with sorry imitations of the ideals I chase...in the words of Fight Club, "sticking feathers up your butt does NOT make you a chicken"... but you know, even though I know I can't, I still try, convincing myself I'm doing well when in fact I'm just achieving mediocrity....I can tell it's fake, but I suspend my disbelief and then I'm disgusted with what comes of it all when I come to my senses.


Sorry for all this, I'm not desperate, I won't do anything drastic...I'm not some emo kid who cuts himself for attention or thinks being creepy or depressed is cool, I'm not some loser who'll pose as that which he wants to be when it's obvious to everyone but him that he's a fake, even though that's how I feel I'm being sometimes. I'll be just fine. It'll just take some time. In reality, I like me enough. I won't go crazy, I'm not some kind of freak (well....). I just wish I could have a little more freedom in life, or that I was a little more well-adjusted...

I guess this self-loathing is probably a part of... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7339878/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7339878/ Sat, 17 Dec 2005 19:53:51 PST Ben Folds - Army
The Pillows - Advice
Aurora - Ordinary World
Atom and his Package - Head Gone Vertical

This has been one of the most infuriating 48 hour periods ever.

My roommates moved out, and I'm so thankful for that...but when they did, they took all my food and all my silverware/cups. Not that it's a lot, but that's what I have to live off of till the dining halls reopen in late january, and I'm broke. Not just that, but they left some booze here...that's something that people can get kicked out of the dorms for, and since I don't drink (and thus have no efficient way of disposing of it) it's nothing but trouble. In addition, since I knew at one time that they were drinking here, saying something now will get me busted too.

Also, I just got treated like crap by a segment of my friends...but I guess I'm over that.

On the plus side, I got a nifty present from Robert...an SP! ^_^. although I don't really play on the actual consoles much, with the right flash card, I can take my collection with me, which will be nice. *it's even the SP that looks like an old nintendo! I'm so pleased.

In even better good news, Zach, who is a dear friend of mine, will move in to my room, which means I may or may not be getting another new roommate starting next semester...the fewer roommates, the better. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7293101/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7293101/ Mon, 12 Dec 2005 15:51:48 PST Two Mix - Rhythm Emotion (remix)
Cake - Commissioning a Symphony in C
Toadies - Possum Kingdom
Richard Cheese - Loser (beck cover)
Robert Miles - Fable (message version)

Well, things are "interesting". On the plus side, my financial aid will EVENTUALLY come through, which means, of course, that I'll be able to keep going to school. On the not-so-plus side, I won't be able to afford upgrading my computer as I wanted to. I'll have to wait till probably February. I also got my credit card problems fixed though, so I won't have to worry about them charging me too much. On the other hand, minimum payments are going to go up next year...it's a government thing, I think.
Relationship front is...stable, I think. I dunno. I haven't been myself lately, and that's causing some strain between Kristy and I. I'm kind of feeling like there's only so much of me she can take, ya know? Not just that, but my money issues have meant that getting her Christmas and birthday presents ready is taking much longer than I thought. I had something perfect planned for both, but that stupid credit card thing set me back about 3 weeks (kinda sucks that her birthday and Christmas are only a few weeks apart, you know?). None of the jobs I've applied for have called back yet...-_-;;; I'm beginning to think that jobs don't want people who are available 24/7...why, I don't know.

In much, much more postive and interesting news... Kristy and I have been wandering around the 'net and have found good prices on wholesale nerd merch, so we've decided to get some cash together and run a booth at a local gaming/comics/whatever nerd convention here in Springfield in February. I usually don't like that particular event, but it's always pretty lively (especially the dealers room) and there's only one booth every year that has any merchandise that I'd be interested in, so we figure that if there's another one with better selection and lower prices there too it'll get good business. The swords and crap that the other booths have every year may be interesting to martial artists/people who think swords are cool, but what about all other nerds?? What about the geeks who are obsessed with Final Fantasy or Bleach, and have never seen a gunblade letter opener, or a blow-up version of Ichigo's sword (both are items we'll have ^_^) I'll update more once we're set in stone as far as what we'll have and what prices will be like...and once we have a name. She suggested something like "The Geek Gallery" or "Nomad Anime" or something like that. I like the latter better, myself.

I'll keep y'all posted

[link] This is a must-see for all fans of the original Half-Life ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7059889/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7059889/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:18:50 PST Rob D - Clubbed to Death (Kurayamino mix)

What a long day...not long in that "holy crap I'm busy" kind of way....in that "days don't usually take this long" sort of way.

I miss Kristy. We decided to part ways for the next day or two so we both can get back into regular schedules...we've been running around like crazy lately, tearing our bodies up by not sleeping at all, etc. So we're taking a few days to work on what we need to do first, and spend time together second. It's practical, but very dull.... *sniff*

On the plus side, I found the coolest computer upgrade EVER. It's a case releasd by Sunbeam called the Samurai. Imagine an old-school Zeon mobile suit becoming a computer, and you've envisioned this case. It's really nifty...I think once I get one, I'll get some automotive paint and try to put a big Zeon insignia on it... ^_^.
[link]

Best thing about it, it's cheap! The interior wasn't very well thought out from an aesthetic standpoint, so I'll have to take some paint to the inside of the case to look cool...and I'm sure with enough time and effort, it'll be the coolest thing on my desk...it'll just take some time making it that way.

I think I'll pay it off through plasma donation. Speaking of which, I'm going to have to get to bed in order to be awake early enough to go. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7008593/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/7008593/ Thu, 10 Nov 2005 11:39:40 PST warm, but not too warm weather

that lazy feeling you get when you wake up next to the one you love and you know you don't have to be anywhere for awhile.

being cooler than everyone else even though they don't know it yet.

DnD...it's doofy enough to be fun, yet fun enough to negate the "hopeless nerd" status it bestows on its players. heh.

Deadlines....I love the "whooshing" sound they make as they fly past.

Music, especially well-written music.

Being able to play something nerdy on the piano and having some dude walk by and say they recognize it.

good food.

the feeling of knowing you are loved.

that "deer in the headlights" look you get from normal people when you do something odd.

3 things that make you happy:
Cosplay! It doesn't have to be complicated, it doesn't have to be dignified...even if it's something that's totally mortifying to have to wear, it's fun to not have to be yourself for awhile. My halloween costume this year took hours and hours to make and get into, and I felt a little silly wearing it, but despite all that, it was a blast, and totally worth every penny and extra minute of prep time.

being in a stable relationship...although we've had our share of bad times, Kristy and I are still at it, and things are looking fine.

When someone takes the time to do something that really hits the spot totally out of the blue, or getting the chance to do that for someone else....seeing a movie that you've been wanting to see...making you a meal that you've been craving for months...your signifigant other taking a little extra time to show you they care, things like that.

3 things that anger you:
people in general...everyone acts true to human nature...greedy, dishonest, foolish, and a slave to their primal impulses. I'd like to see people start to be true to themselves from a personality standpoint instead of being prisoners to their id.

Finding out that a project you didn't think was due is due...especially when it's a sudden shock.

when expectations aren't mirrored by reality.

10 things that you hate:

hicks acting like they're gangsta's, yo. you know they wouldn't last a second in East St. Louis or something.

cars that sound like weed eaters...even though they look cool.

"cactus legs" .... *shudder*

when something cool and obscure that you love becomes a fixture of mainstream pop culture...and then poseurs start liking it.

ignorant people who make fun of things and hate them without knowing anything about them... i.e. conservative people and just about anything that I like.

reality...it bites.

not being able to rock the boat. I'm always so reserved because I don't want people to get any wrong ideas or for them to feel uncomfortable.

poseurs...those who go along with fads, those who hate things because they think it's cool to hate those things, those who go along with a subtype of culture when they don't understand it, or even appreciate it.

Having something I like or love or feel a personal connection to be totally dissed, and not being able to say anything about it because I don't want an argument.

Not being understood or appreciated by your friends or family. that truly bites.

3 facts about your name:
it means "God is our salvation"

according to the actual ancient manuscripts, it's Jesus' real name too.

a variant of it translated into Japanese/derived from Hebrew was (and still is to some folks) my nickname, and also the name of a character from an anime series I liked.

5 facts about yourself:

I don't like conflict, even though every aspect of myself screams nonconformity in some way.

I often wish for the impossible.

I'm lazy, but I have ambitious goals...who'd have thought?

I want to not be bound by my own insecurities about what others think anymore.

I'm a little strange, once you get to know me.

2 things you expect (at least for now):

Kristy and I to grow closer and be more receptive of each other (I know I struggle with that sometimes)

to pass COM 115.....not likely though.

4 random thoughts:
monkies fly on tuesdays.
I want to be able to sleep when it's NOT 4 in the morning.
why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards???
take over jacketman sickness?? If I was no more, yellow wraparound knapsack!


Song you're listening to (give artist)
The Pillows - Blues Drive Monster

Time?:
1:25 PM

********
if you want to do this, go for it... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6925374/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6925374/ Wed, 02 Nov 2005 13:12:48 PST Thelonius Monk - Well You Needn't
Henry Mancini - The Pink Panther Theme
Kenji Naoki - Cyber Spies
Yoko Kanno - Felt Tip Pen
Yoko Kanno - Digging My Potato
Dirty Vegas - Simple Things Part 2

Well, if there's one word to describe Halloween this year, it was ... well, there isn't one word to describe it.

I had lost a bet with Kristy sometime back, and she told me she wanted to see me in drag... so I chose Mana from Malice Mizer as the subject of my costume (I know Mana is a guy, but you can't tell from his fashion sense). If you don't know who that is, then let me describe him. He's the guitarist for Malice Mizer, a Japanese metal band. The band usually dresses in victorian-era dresses for their shows, and Mana's outfits are the best-looking of the whole band. He pioneered the style known as EGL or Elegant Gothic Lolita....frilly black or white dresses, elaborate whiteface makeup with blue or black eyes/lips, platform mary jane shoes, lace gloves, etc.

I was familiar enough with the makeup and costume because of being Becky's guinea pig for her theatre makeup class from years ago, and because I made the costume, so it was relatively painless (except for my poor feet...). Looking in the mirror after I was in costume was such a shock...I didn't recognize me at all, and neither could most of my friends who showed up later...at least until after a few seconds of intent staring.

I expected a lot of laughing, but honestly, there was very little...all the reactions I got were pretty positive, except for those people who are known for ribbing me, and most of them pulled me aside and reminded me they were joking and that I actually was convincing. Trick or treating like that was a lot of fun....the shoes were uncomfortable, but I looked convincing enough that nobody knew I was a guy till I said thanks for the candy, usually getting suprised laughter and a "holy crap that's a dude!!!" sort of response. We stopped into a gas station to take a potty break on the way back, and the look I got when I asked where the little boy's room was was absolutely priceless!

On the other hand, it was kind of a pain...everyone was in a huge group, and Kristy, Cat and I got separated because of how slow I had to walk, and then afterward, everyone was drinking and it made everyone else really uncomfortable, and I got cornered and had to take a sip of something really nasty...I was ticked...and so was Kristy...at me. >_<* That's why I don't hang out when people are drinking...that, and drunk people annoy me. I had that taste in my mouth for an hour...it was like drinking a whole bottle of those nasty breath freshener drops in one sip....ewwwwwww..... *puke*

Oh well...the good outweighed the bad. Now, I've got to take a break from everything for an afternoon and rest in preparation for a speech I have to give tomorrow....I just hope I can find some nail polish remover before then.... I'm not giving my speech with sparkly blue nails. @_@


EDIT: For everyone who wanted a picture of me in costume, there's one in my scraps...unfortunately, the pictures were pretty lo-res and the lighting was weird. Oh well. There'll be more chances for pictures on Saturday afternoon at the Halloween party. Also, I think the pictures stretched the people in them...A picture of Becky from the same session makes her look like her face got stretched vertically...and most of the pictures of me seemed to be stretched the other way...wait a minute...that's what I look like anyway. -_-;;; ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6862842/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6862842/ Tue, 25 Oct 2005 09:40:53 PDT Ben Folds Five - She Don't Use Jelly
They Might Be Giants - Experimental Film
Weird Al Yankovic - Hooked on Polkas
All American Rejects - Swing, Swing

I just don't want to do my work...I have a 6-8 minute speech I have to have the outline written for by tonight, and I just don't want to do it, you know? Oh well. Writing journals is a good way to waste time.

Other than that, the ipod promotion I've joined is going well...I'm 2/5 of the way there...and I've started writing the link down on scraps of notebook paper and leaving them around campus....so far I've gotten at least one referral from it...

In case you missed my entry on what it is, here's the scoop.
1 Sign up using someone else's link and make a free account.
2 Complete one of their offers (i.e. joining a music club or subscribing to a popular magazine)
3 Have five people sign up using your link and make an account.
4 Wait for them all to complete an offer.
5 Sit back and let them send you an ipod of your choice free of charge.
It works because the offer companies are desperate for more customers, and have paid the Freepay network quite a lot to help them boost sales. They get ipods for cheaper than retail and distribute them for people signing up for the offer companies. There are also related sites that give away XBOX 360's, flatscreen TV's, computers, etc.
I've decided I want a black ipod nano. They don't have much storage space, but I don't need THAT much storage...and they look cool.

Here are the links to the ones I'm signed up for....if you want to check it out, please use my links...that helps me get these things too. (If you think this is a scam, you're wrong. It's totally legit. Freepay won't distribute your info either; I've been on their network for over a month and I haven't had a single instance of spam...EVER.)

Free ipod [link]
free XBOX 360 [link]
free game system [link]
free LCD monitor [link] ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6808836/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6808836/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 11:34:35 PDT They Might Be Giants - Experimental Film
Mai Yamane - The Real Folk Blues

Wow...what a difference a day makes huh? I'm feeling great.

I went and talked to Kristy about everything...there was a lot of talking and a bit of confusion here and there, but overall it was positive...we then spent the rest of the night cuddling because she was feeling better...when we woke up, there was much more cuddling and laughing and carrying on....it felt like the old us was back and that all the confusion and hurt was just an illusion....I don't know how to interpret all this, but I think I was just letting myself get to me too much, ya know? Anyway, she feels better, I feel better ( holy crap do I feel better), and life is back to the way it should be. I still have the other problems in my life, but they're not nearly as bad knowing that Kristy and I are back on solid ground.


aaaaahhh .... life is grand! ^_^

Do you want a FREE ipod?
[link] ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6800329/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6800329/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 11:29:26 PDT Ben Folds - Army
Yuki Kajiura - In The Land of Twilight
L'arc~en~Ciel - Time Goes On
Ben Folds - Tiny Dancer
Emily Bidinger - Adieu (long version)

I dunno what it is, but life sucks right now. I just don't feel right, ya know?

There's been tension between Kristy and me for a few reasons, mostly because I'm annoying when I sleep and we have differences of opinion here and there...also, it's "no magic time" for her, which doesn't exactly help (Slayers reference). I kind of feel like our relationship is weakening lately, but I can't figure out what to do to fix it....and without Kristy, I would lose my best friend and the only woman who has ever treated me right, or even tried to. Actually, I know a few things I could do, but it's hard to do any of those things...I could ensure harmony by pushing myself to the background like I always do and only focusing on her...but I've done that too many times before in my friendships, and it makes my friends step all over me. I feel like it's all on my shoulders...that somehow, I've hurt our relationship and it's all me. She hasn't done anything wrong...she's acted like any rational, normal person would.

Also, I found out that my Speech class (which I already hate) is conflicting with not one, not two, but THREE things I wanted to do. I have to give a speech on the same night as one of my dorm's activities that actually sounds tolerable, Rocky Horror, and also something else...although I don't quite remember what....I'm bummed.

Add to it that the financial aid office makes me want to go postal and show them where they can shove their "parent loan" plan. I'm an in-state student who scored in the top 3% of Missourians in standardized testing, in good standing with the University, and dirt poor to boot...but they won't even offer me the loans I need to keep going to school...all they offer me is a loan my parents can take out for me....but they're as poor as I am. If they get declined, I get the money anyway, but my family has a good enough credit score to automatically qualify...and I'm not going to ask them for their signature on something that will cost them a fortune when they can't even afford school supplies for my younger siblings.

Add to it I've been feeling rather worthless lately...I can't seem to do anything right...I owe money that the school won't help me pay, nothing I want to do works out anymore, I feel like there's something wrong with me, I've given up on all the crutches I once had, but I feel naked and alone without the emotional support those crutches provided. My art has been crap lately, my musical skill has declined of late, those around me seem less happy than usual, which brings me down even more.
Some days like this, it's not even worth getting up....yet here I am, struggling in this world that doesn't care if I succeed or fail.

I dunno...sometimes I just want to run away, but I promised myself a thousand times that I would be strong from now on and not focus on running from my problems.

meh...I know I'll be fine, it's just tough getting to where I will be fine. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6729334/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6729334/ Mon, 10 Oct 2005 10:57:55 PDT The Presidents of the United States of America - Cleveland Rocks
Ben Folds - Not The Same (live)
Robert Miles - Fable (message version)
Queen - Flash
Yoko Kanno - Digging My Potato

Well, life is going well. Things are quiet enough for me to be happy, but still busy enough for me to feel like I'm not wasting too much time. Here's an update.

I'm entering into a promotion whereby I'll end up with a free ipod. A friend of Kristy's got a free ipod through this, so I might as well give it a try.
[link]
Here's what you do:
Sign up under someone's link (like mine for instance), then complete an offer. (not too hard, as many of them are for something that's either useful or not too hard to do. Most of them do cost money, but it's usually less than 20 bucks or so...or like you apply for a credit card, and just make any random purchase with it to get credit. I'm buying a stick of gum with it. lol)
Send your link out to as many people as possible, i.e. put it as your AIM away message, as a random link on your profile, randomly "drop" flyers around wherever you can, etc.
Once 5 people do what you just did by signing up and completing one offer, they send you your choice from several ipods, free of charge.

**These things sometimes are scams, but this one isn't. It works because the offer companies pay the freepay site money for them to increase the number of signups they get...so they can actually afford to give away stuff like this for free.**

(I usually don't like ipods...to me, they are a symbol of the spoiled children of the yuppie generation, or the mindless drunkard frat guys, or the elitist apple community...but if it's free, I think I can get over it. ^_^ )


Other than that, I'm trying to decide on exactly what I want to do for halloween. Kristy was going to do Fullmetal Alchemist (she'll be Ed, and I'll do Armstrong), but I just don't have the expertise to make everything as good as I'd like it to be. Other than FMA, we don't know what we want to do. She was going to be a witch, but there aren't any good wizard outfits for me to wear...most of them look retarded, or are expensive. I dunno. We'll think of something. Not to mention that I'm still thinking about doing something for Rocky Horror...even though Kristy won't be able to make it until she gets off work right when the show starts. I dunno. All I know is that it's going to be a busy October. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6687325/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6687325/ Wed, 05 Oct 2005 14:07:15 PDT Kotoko - Shooting Star
Rush - Tom Sawyer
Dirty Vegas - I Should Know
Richard Cheese - Guerilla Radio

Well, life is getting interesting...on the one hand, I figured out I'm dressing up as Armstrong from Full Metal Alchemist for Halloween, and I'm probably going to do somthing ridiculous for Rocky Horror...but not sure what yet....On another front, the DnD thing is going well, and I have a few other players wanting to join, so I'm going to start running companion campaign bits to get them up to speed so it's a continual story....lots of work, but it'll be fun.

On yet another front, Kristy's dance team is getting invited to a few small conventions this next year as guests (and emcee's for the convention dance parties), and she needs me to be the team's official bouncer/camerman/alternate team member. So apparently, I have to learn para para... @_@ this will be ..."amusing" at best. On the other hand...this means I'll be going to a lot of cons...more excuses for cosplay!!! On the other, other hand....losing bets against Kristy is bad for my morale...if you see me at a con, and it happens to be one of the days that she's set aside as time to collect on one of those debts, expect the ridiculous....I'm hoping nobody recognizes me...but since it's a con, I won't get any more strange looks than I would if it was just in public anyway....in fact, I might be recieved better there than elsewhere; I guess I should just count my blessings, huh?

Well, I'm off to class.....I hope I did well on the last exam. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6664407/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6664407/ Sun, 02 Oct 2005 23:07:03 PDT Yoko Kanno - The Real Folk Blues
Yoko Kanno - Want It All Back (clavinet hater version)
Yasushi Ishii - R&R With St. Dracula

Well, things are looking up. My toothache isn't much better, it's mostly feeling good because I don't let it bother me...if I tried to mess with it, it'd hurt like crazy, so I don't.

Other than that, life is good. Kristy and I don't get too much time together anymore, but we're both struggling to get our lives together...it's understandable. I restarted that DnD campaign I had been working on after a thorough rewrite, and it was very well recieved by all, with none of the issues the first run had. I need to keep up on the quality control, but it looks like I'm going to stick a few modules in here and there to supplement the main storyline so far. I don't normally like using them, but they'll be nice, since they can all easily fit with what I've got going. ...some of the players couldn't make it out of work/trip associated abscence, so I'll have to get them up to speed and work them in somehow.....@_@. No biggie.

In other news, I may or may not have a job, I guess....? I dunno...computer services wants to hire me, but the interview guy was at a funeral when I went to see him. Oh well. I'll go by tomorrow.

In other, other news, I think I'm dressing up as Major Armstrong from FMA for Halloween....it'd be hilarious! ^_^ In addition, I'm contemplating doing something funky for my campus' rendition of Rocky Horror Picture Show....not sure what yet, I don't look like any of the characters, but it's another excuse to be in costume, so I'm in. Kristy said it'd amuse her if I was in drag, so I might do that.

Well, I'm out. zombie-ness is taking over. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6542186/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6542186/ Mon, 19 Sep 2005 01:26:54 PDT Yoko Kanno - See You Space Cowboy (not final mix)
Billy Joel - Captain Jack
Jim's Big Ego - Stress
They Might Be Giants - Experimental Film
Ben Folds - Gone
Prodigy - Poison
Ishii Yasushi - Vague Drum of Grief

***note: I'm sure many people shrug off my journals when they're this long....I don't care if you read it or not. If you care to know what's up, then I know you'll read, if you don't, I know you won't. It's all good...I've stopped caring about how much people notice me.***

It's been one of those weekends...lemme tell ya why.

So, I'm doing prep work for my DnD campaign, and apparently, half of my party disappeared... they went out drinking or something, mumbling something about how I told them they weren't welcome (this being obviously not true). They had exploited weaknesses in the technical end of my writing (I've been told the actual storyline is neato-keen though), and I had gotten riled up about it (after being told that that may have been their plan to exploit my writing by a fellow party member) and gotten a little upset with them...we worked it out, but apparently, it wasn't worked out for them and instead of helping me fix what they didn't like, they decided to brush me off...according to one of them's fiancee (~wyldangel), it wasn't a slight against me, they just didn't want to tell me that the nuts and bolts of my work was lacking because they were scared that I'd pull out of their projects in anger....apparently leaving me hanging and ignoring me when I'd made plans with them was a better solution...? -_-;;;

Meh...so I'm going to take ~wyldangel's advice and take some time off from running a game to refine the non-storyline elements that I hadn't planned out well enough, and then train some n00bs in the finer art of playing DnD so they can be the core of a revamped party...then if I'm not still peeved at all of them, allow the original group to rejoin at a later time...to be honest though, I don't want a repeat of all that drama; that really bothered me...I don't think I'm a selfish jerk for wanting the heads-up when they have issues with me...or that I'm out of line for being mad at them for leaving me hanging, even if they were trying not to upset me...

Other than that, life is great. I spent a lot of time this weekend at a cider and art festival downtown, and I got re-inspired to make jewelry...especially since there are glassblowing classes downtown that I didn't know about, and since Kristy (~mado) wants to start opening art booths at future festivals like that....I think that's my true calling...I've never seen myself doing anything other than being creative, and I know I wouldn't be happy doing most mundane work...so I think I've found myself a career I want.....I just don't want to study it in school, so I think I'm going to be a music major...lol.

Also, in addition to that particular career-changing epiphany, it hit me how much I love Kristy...I honestly don't think I could ever be happy without her in my life...sometimes I get myself depressed over one thing or another, and wonder if it's possible for true love to exist....but then moments like this weekend happen, and it hits me that there IS such a thing, and I've finally found it. Kristy is the only person to look at me -- all of me -- and not judge me, not look at me with a questioning eye...She truly loves me, she truly understands me, truly appreciates me for everything I am, and I've never felt like I belonged around anyone as much as I do with her.

So, overall, I'm happy. There's a lot that needs work, but oh well...tomorrow's another day, another time to improve everything that sucked and not worry about whatever crap the rest of the world has for me. ^_^

Peace out. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6519328/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6519328/ Fri, 16 Sep 2005 10:21:36 PDT Ishii Yasushi - Logos Naki World
Europe - Final Countdown
The Pillows - I know You
Ben Folds - Losing Lisa

Hey...I'm still alive. Just lettin ya know.

I can't find a scanner or digicam to show off my new work...oh well. I haven't done much, but I do have really swank concept art for the Chocobo Jockey and Cait Sith cosplay ideas. The chocobo looks dead-on for how it should look...if only I learn to sculpt that well.... *sigh*

DnD is Saturday night, and I'm excited. The party doesn't have any healing items or healers, so they'll be in a world of hurt if they don't smarten up. ^_^ heh heh heh. I'll have some sort of contingency if they die, which is looking pretty likely...there's a bard, rogue, and wizard (whose only offensive spell is magic missle) and they'll be trekking through an ancient dwarven crypt... yeah...they're toast. Oh well. ^_^ I'll be nice and make sure the monsters are scaled down just a little bit. Killing them all off before they hit the actual tomb would be mean. *adjusts hair to hide the devil horns which are no doubt sprouting at this very moment*

But yeah, so life is sweet...^_^. Things couldn't be better....well, they could, but that would require me having control of the very fabric of space-time. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6365096/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6365096/ Tue, 06 Sep 2005 16:43:46 PDT Richard Cheese - Hash Pipe
Pump It Up - Beethoven Virus
Henry Mancini - Pink Panther Theme
EDIT:

I started my campaign...overall, I'd say it's a success, but only by a small margin. Half the party wanted to do a theme with their characters, and they refused to tell me until it was underway, meaning that my writing was unprepared for whatever they would pull. They ended up finding ways around the system for most of the session, ending up with almost 10 times the gold they should have...they also found ways to catapult themselves into the main quest a few levels early. That's okay though, because then they'll be struggling since they don't have a healer on hand...they'll have to use potions and healing items, which can be very pricy. Not to mention the fact that most of my writing centers on them not being anywhere near civilization...it's nice that they can have money to burn, cause when they get into the middle of nowhere, or hundreds of feet inside a mountain range where the only thing within a month's travel is a monestary, they'll appreciate their cashmongering. Also, one of the characters in it is a thief, and when I allowed him to make an attempt (that would have been noticed by an NPC and he would have gotten his brain sucked out through a straw for it) on a fellow party member, the player of the steal-ee got upset....it's sad to lose a player, especially one who I've been friends with for so long....but I guess that's the way it goes when there are thieves in the party, they tend to make the others angry... In any case, I checked with him, and the thief didn't single the monk out for theft, it's just that the monk was the only player close enough to make an attempt, and she had a crapload more cash than anyone else at that point. Oh well...no need to bring up the past; it's already played out.

This has been an awesome weekend...my roommate was out of town, so I got to spend lots of time with Kristy without interruption.... It was very pleasant. ^_^ We got to just lay around and be lazy for half the weekend, and the other half, we did stuff, like watch anime about bread, and play internet riddles.

LEVEL 37 of notpr0n, yo! (deathball.net/notpron)

Anyway, I'm keeping the cosplay questions I had earlier posted, just in case a visitor has some bright ideas and wants to help. I'm cosplaying Cait Sith from FFVII and also trying to come up with a way to do a chocobo jockey.
Cait Sith: Standard plushsuit with wire framework...not done designing yet. Need help designing framework, selecting materials, and ensuring wearer comfort.
Chocobo Jockey: Chocobo body from stomach down, jockey above that with fake danglie jockey legs...also not done designing. Need help with overall design, materials selelction, etc. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6296867/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/6296867/ Mon, 22 Aug 2005 11:49:43 PDT Incubus - 3rd Movement of the Odyssey (Halo 2 Soundtrack)
Yoko Kanno - Time To Know ~ Be Waltz

Well, I'm BACK!!!!!! Yeah, once again, here on Missouri State's Campus (Southwest Missouri State until a few weeks ago)

Summer sucked, it really did...but now life is peachy. Kristy and I are doing well, better than ever I'd say... She's really stressed about her new place, the bills are high and jobs are few and pay is low....I'm helping her out though, of course. We've had some issues, but we're clearing all that up, and things are happy and a half.

Other than that, life is happy. My DnD campaign is being written in my spare time, and that will turn out quite nice, I'm sure. I finished a new dicebag, it features a design adapted from the Hylian Crest from Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (from Link's Hylian Shield). I think it's spiffykeen, and I'll post it up as soon as I can get a pic.

I worked my butt off for the local TV station in Branson over the summer, doing promotional work, working at a Cajun music festival at the start of the summer, and a couple of other random job-like things...but I have no money left TT_TT....oh well. I can always make more....good 'ol plasma donation centers. I like bleeding for money, even though I'm scared of needles o_0


Anyhow, that's my life, and you're in it....or if not, good for you anyway!


Awwww....FREAK OUT!!!! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5495208/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5495208/ Sun, 29 May 2005 17:33:41 PDT
Goodbye to all of you wonderful people who I've had the pleasure of meeting. If we are not destined to meet again, I pray your journey through life is safe and without more peril than you can handle. For the rest of you, I'll see ya next semester...be ready for more craziness than you can shake a stick at!

I then wrote out the lyrics from one of my favorite songs as a poem to all of you.... "bright college days" by Tom Lehrer.



Anyway, back to the now. It's been a crazy few weeks....ACEN was fun, I had a blast except for a few things....the wannabes had driven off many of the regular attendees, so it wasn't fun...every other cosplayer there was one of those "it's fun to be depressed...let's go shop at Hot Topic, then listen to Dashboard Confessional or Linkin Park, 'cause they SPEAK TO ME man...nobody understands the blackness of my heart." sort of people. You could tell there was a distinction between them and the Gothic Lolita crowd, because the dashboard-ites just thought that looking goth meant as little clothing as possible, and any clothing actually worn had to be covered in chains, or ripped up. *rolls eyes*
(sorry for the rant...I don't mean offense to anyone who fits that description, I just got my fill of that particular aspect of the gothic style, and I can't stand it anymore.)
Other than that, it was fun...I got lots of pictures, as well as tons taken of me...wyldangel got proposed to, and I was right there...it was so sweet...I got a little verklempt. I was invited to rock out with the Spoony Bards (a local pair of fantastic musicians who frequent Chicago cons) for a bit, that was fun...it's such an honor, getting to hang out with them...they're so talented.. ^_^;
I also got to see The Pillows in concert, and HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER DO THEY ROCK!!!!! The way they sound on the albums doesn't even begin to do them justice...they're one of those bands whose stage presence adds an entire new dimension to their style...when you hear a CD, it sounds like they're asleep...live, on the other hand......wow...it was fantasmigorical! I bought a Buster-kun (their mascot) t-shirt, along with the J-list.com Doumo-kun t-shirt (yes, the one with the face on it... ^_^)...also, a few soundtrack albums...I had most of them on my computer, but I wanted official versions. I didn't get anything signed...ACEN is too big for me to feel comfortable meeting guests...you just seem like "smelly nerd #27" when you get things signed at big cons...at Reactor, I got a chance to chat with the guests, it was cool...
Anywho, so ACEN was good overall, I just got sick of wannabes and morons who like to go...so I may or may not attend next year. Oh well. If WA and them wanna do FF7 cosplay, I'm in, of course, but other than that, I see no reason to go...ACEN is for cosplay more than it is for the "con atmosphere", which is the main reason I usually go.

Being in Branson sucks, but it gives me time to work on personal projects...I'm writing up a DnD campaign, and still playing in Chad's campaign (and WA's, but that doesn't happen often...), it's too boring though...I only have a couple of friends who live in or even visit branson often...so I'm bored constantly...plus, my family is driving me batty....they seem like they'll fall apart without me there, but at the same time, I get treated like I'm just there to help out all the time...I don't help much, but I do try (most of the time). It's always that my little brother is being a pain, whining and complaining screaming and crying at the drop of a hat, my mother is always stressing out and yelling because she's under so much stress, and my sister (although she's the cutest kid EVER), is a bit demanding... a typical three-year-old....so I just wanna get out, ya know? I'm at Kristy's house right now (the one time I've had internet since school let out).....Kristy rocks my world, she really does...At ACEN, she told me that she was confused about our friendship and what I thought about everything, since I was so unsure....so I proposed to her ("will you, Kristy, be my girlfriend?") with a candy bracelet later that day, just so she would know I care. We've been dating, but we can't see each other much...I really miss her when she's gone...when she's around, I'm a totally different person....she actually appreciates me for everything I am, and I can't believe that someone actually likes me. I really am so fond of her...she makes every day seem like it's just perfect, no matter what goes wrong....

In... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5303437/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5303437/ Sun, 08 May 2005 15:14:10 PDT Also, I'm going to ACen this year, and The Pillows are playing two concerts there!! ^_^ YAY!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. (just so you know, The Pillows are a J-rock band that composed the entire soundtrack for FLCL (furikuri)). Plus, I've got two costumes ready to go...I'm reprising my Chrno getup from last year, but with many improvements so I don't look like an idiot...and also I'm doing Usopp from One Piece, cause he's cool, and my friends are doing a One Piece group...we've got a Zoro, Nami, and Luffy with us. (it scares me how close to Luffy Justin looks...he can even do the stretchy face pose Luffy is famous for.)
On the bad side.....I have finals all week, and I have lots of work that needs to be done for an 8AM final, but I'm having trouble forcing myself to do it...I guess I'll do it after dinner. Also, I have to move all my stuff out before finals are over, because the second finals are done, I need to prepare for the con.
Also, I'm still confused and hurt because of a random incident, but I don't know what to say about it...a friend of mine and I didn't communicate about some deep-seeded feelings for a long time, and it blew up in my face...let me break it down as I understand it...if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me.
On my side, I've been a total doormat for the last few years, because I've been almost without any dependable friends for so long that I want to keep any friends I do have...I've always gone along with whatever, I act like nothing bothers me even when it really does, and such. I thought that those sorts of things are what made friendship a compromise...but I've realized that not standing up for myself means that all of my friends can walk all over me and not know that they've done it. It doesn't really happen often at all, but I feel like that sometimes, whether it's happened or not. In addition, when I have an issue with something, I don't say anything, I act like things are alright so I can make others happy because they don't have to deal with my concerns...but when things continue for so long, I start to express it, and nobody realizes that I've had issues with it from the start, and starts a mess. Anyhow, I've been convinced that standing up for myself is a good thing every once in awhile...so when something bothers me, I tell them as politely as I can. When I don't want to go along with everyone else, I tell them. When I'm annoyed, I let them know. Unfortunately, going from a spineless wimp to a normal individual in such a short time was kind of shock to some of my friends, and it resulted in an argument. I was told that all I ever care about is myself, that I'm two-faced because I agree to something and then have doubts later, that I complain when there's nothing to complain about, that I only hang out with my friends so they can amuse me, and basically, that I'm unpleasant to be around and that I'm annoying because of my depression. I was so shocked that all I could do is agree at the time, and I apologized if I had been acting like that...but on further introspection, it just seems like I've been treated a little unfairly by this exchange. I understand the other side though...I've gone from seemingly easygoing to being a bit picky, expressing negative feelings concerning everything. Speaking up constantly when things trouble me, and not really being the same from an outsider's standpoint. I still don't get where all that came from though...I'm hurt. I hate expressing the inside points of an argument in a public format, I just can't make sense when I speak (if you've ever had an argument with me, you'll understand), so I write when I'm truly perturbed.

If you are the other side of this exchange, I apologize for letting you know all this publicly for all to see, but I can't express myself properly in person...I just lose any gumption to say anything other than agreeing when I'm talking to someone I care about so much, but when I'm typing it out, I can be more frank without feeling like I've totally ruined things. I still care about you so much, but I needed you to know all of this from my standpoint because when we tried to talk it out several days back, all that happened was I capitulated without a second word to the contra... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5172015/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5172015/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 23:09:28 PDT The Pillows - Last Dinosaur
The Pillows - Come Down
Mr. Big - Shine
Every Little Thing - Grip!

Hey everyone.... umm...things are weird lately. Here's the scoop.
My friend ~mado had some relationship troubles, and I helped her through it...I feel all warm and fuzzy inside....and now that I'm wearing my fuzzy slippers, I feel all warm and fuzzy outside too.
I think I've discovered that all the mess I helped to clean up snapped me out of the worst of my angst. Also, another thing that was bothering me was the fact that I no longer liked to do anything I used to like, but I'm snapping out of that as well...look forward to a return to normalcy.
I found the best restaurant in town... .mmmmm... so... frickin... good...
In other, not so good news, I think I've become jaded towards a group of my friends...I won't tell details, but I dunno...I just don't feel close to them anymore...perhaps the summer will help that...I hope so.

Oh well, I'll get over the bad, and further improve the good! The world is my burrito!!!!

Peace out,
--Josh ^_^ ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5115879/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5115879/ Sun, 17 Apr 2005 21:15:30 PDT Judy and Mary - Sobakasu
Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive

This is why I'm having the BEST - WEEK - EVER.
1. I found out that instead of going to a con that didn't look fun this summer, I get to go back to ACEN!!! Which means.
a. I get to see friends in Chicago that I barely get to see
b. I get to see one of my favorite bands (The Pillows) in concert
c. Cosplay nerdiness!!!

d. ALL OF THE ABOVE
2. My financial aid just came through so I can register on time for the first time since I've been in college...(my advisor is gonna freak!)
3. The overflow from said financial aid is enough to get lots of random gear at the con!!!!
4. I got a free room for the con because a friend of mine is going to it and he's willing to give me space to crash in his room.
5. I got some major issues with a few friends of mine worked out (if you know what I'm talking about, then you know...horray for you.)
6. I know a BIG secret, and I'm not telling anyone who's involved....or most anyone else, mind you....so don't ask.
7. I got new pens!!! which means...MORE ART!....also, I'm drawing more, which means I'll get better again
8. I found fun ways to amuse myself next year...whether or not it's at my next year roommates' expense depends on whether or not I like them....bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
9. I'M GONNA SEE THE PILLOWS IN CONCERT!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
10. That's more reasons to have a good day than I've had in YEARS! life is good....

So, in short...things are good. They could be better, but that would mean that I had access to tinkering with the ways of the universe....so they really can't get better right now anyway! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5115757/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5115757/ Sun, 17 Apr 2005 20:57:23 PDT

Stolen from Wyldangel

Middle name? Ryan

Any other names not on your birth certificate that
people have actually called you(that you actually
liked at least a little)? Yoshiua, Yoshi, DDR Guy, Pianoman, Nonma
Pants? Pants suck sometimes, but I like them for the most part, especially my "tentacle monster pants"...the kind with the little straps and stuff hanging off of them

Most twisted movie you've ever seen? Akira...I watched it when I was 9, for cryin out loud!

Weirdest book? 1984

Worst restaurant you've eaten at? McD's on a bad day

Best? my kitchen when I have the right ingredients...and I pay myself to cook........ sort of....... I dunno.

Craziest thing you've ever done? Crazy, eh? ....I jumped off a cliff onto rocks and sprained my ankle doing it, if that's close enough.

Most unusual place you've had sex? in the future!!!!! bwa ha ha!

Do you believe in sins of the father or past life karma? Not so much..."no fate but what we make" comes to mind...even though it's a quote from an impossible movie.

How many blades do you have? A small pocketknife or two...I have no use for weapons, especially with younger siblings around....I could just picture what would happen when my sister found a katana lying around.... @_@

What's your favorite?(and where can I get it? c'mon,
people, I want addresses, phone numbers, prices).........ummmm....I don't get it...am I dumb?

Favorite phase of Luna? ...do you mean the moon, or that stupid cat thing from sailor moon....????? if you mean the moon, anything but full...people are crazy when it's full.

Combat training? no physical martial arts, but occasional meditation to keep my mind sharp for mental combat "MENTAL COMBAAAAAT!!! duh duh duh duh dada duh duh duh duh dada!!!"

What should be done to telemarketers? ....the person who answers should have an equally incomprehensible accent...just to throw them off.

Favorite manner of consuming alcohol? in my ear...what do you think!? ...what the crap kind of question is that? ....plus, I don't really drink.

Telepathy or telekinesis? Telekinesis. My mind is messed up as it is, I don't want to hear the issues of everyone else.

Fetishes? ....ummm....yes please? nahh, I'm burned out on the entire concept of sexuality right now, or at least burned out on what things sound nice concerning it I guess...I've been so angsty over my love life (or lack thereof) that I really don't care about relationships or even my hormones at this point...however, if the question deals with what I like...........I'd say a woman playing with my hair is a good start....if you want to know beyond that, why not find out for yourself?? *wink*

Cats or dogs? I really love cats, but dogs make better pets...I'd say both.

Colors that should be struck from the spectrum: they should be there, but I really don't like anything too bright and loud enough to hurt your eyes by looking at it.

Colors that should be more common? the ugly ones, so I can laugh at them while wearing black, gray or blue, my favorites....

Most annoying creature on the face of the planet? As far as nonhumans, I'd have to say ALL RODENTS! they are so irritating with their beady little eyes, that greedy stare....the eyes.....the eyes...... and especially rats/mice with those ugly bald tails....ugh.

Coolest non-fantasy(proven, anyway) creature? I dunno...I like most animals, unless they have a temperment that involves hurting me.

Coolest fantasy (undiscovered? extinct? hiding?) Sphinx

Favorite roleplaying game, if any? D& D....although I've liked a few online ones a lot for awhile.

Apparent age? 22 or 16, depending on the status of my facial hair.

Who should be president of the United States? Justin

Are you easily seduced? yes...all it takes is a soft and tender touch from someone I'm attracted to, and I'm putty in her hands...especially when someone knows what kind of things work best....very few people have tried lately....*sniff*

by chocolate? I love chocolate, but when used as a seducing agent, it's only moderately effective.

how about sex? ...in the future, OF COURSE!!!! but I'm forcing myself to wait till I find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with...That's an important step in my life, and I don't want to waste the first time on someone who won't matter to me at some point down the road if I can avoid it...plus, I'm a man... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5005484/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/5005484/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 07:54:36 PDT MM3 Soundtrack - Needleman's Stage
Yoko Kanno - Don't Bother None
MMX5 Soundtrack - Dynamo
Ben Folds - You've Got to Learn to Live With What You Are
MMX Soundtrack - Boomer Kuwanger's Stage
L'Arc~en~Ciel - Lover Boy

Well, things are back to "normal". I'm back to civilization, which is so much better than being stuck in Branson...sure it's a tourist town, so there's plenty to do, but you can only play minigolf so many times, and I've lived there for a decade and a half, pretty much.
But anyway, so it's good to be back, I've been so starved for human contact that I think I scared a couple friends of mine when I first got back...but yeah, so now that I'm used to being back where things are interesting, I'm just trying to think of new art to do. Most of my recent work has been parody art...mostly making fun of my favorite video games. I just need to upload them. If I do say so myself, it's some of my best work. I can't wait for everyone to see it. It's awesome! ^_^

****update on art****
All three of my best recent images are finished and uploaded...please take a look at them. I have ideas for more stuff coming up soon as well. Please tell me what you think of them.
********
Anyhow, here's an emotional update...
I'm okay. I've realized that the main reason that I feel underappreciated lately is because I don't get out there and do stuff and meet people. I just sit around. That needs to stop. Also, I've become very passive lately. I've been saying "whatever" a lot, and have been so easygoing that it frightens me. I'm not a passive person, well, I never WAS a passive person. I became passive once the whole nasty breakup thing happened, and I've been trying to get over it while being like this, and it hit me that if I don't break out of it, I'll never be okay, because that's not who I am. I'm not quiet. I'm not passive. I'm ME!!!!! ^_^
So expect a return of the old Joshua. No more of this crap, I'm back and you better watch out!!! OH YEAH!! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4707445/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4707445/ Tue, 01 Mar 2005 23:57:25 PST Ben Folds - Zak and Sara
The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
Papa Roach - Blood Brothers
Hamasaki Ayumi - Independant (daylight mix)
The Pillows - Beautiful Morning With You
TaQ - Radical Faith
Joe Hisaishi - Legend of Ashitaka Theme
Breaking Benjamin - Blow Me Away
Do As Infinity - Fukai Mori
Billy Joel - Vienna

WARNING: THIS IS ALL VERY "look at me, I listen to dashboard confessional and I like to cry in the dark while wearing eyeliner cause I'm emo" -ish, so if you tend to get upset by my whining (you know who you are), please don't read, cause then you'll be mad at me. ^_^ None of this is truly reflective of the real world, it's all how my mind interprets everything.

(note: I hate dashboard confessional, I don't cry in the dark...I don't even own any eyeliner....and I'm not really emo-ish)

**************************************** ****************
I wish I had another emotion but blarg....but right now I don't.
I dunno, I guess I'm just feeling underappreciated. I know everyone out there isn't trying to leave me out, I just get this feeling sometimes that I'm being treated like I'm just a random guy who no one is really close with. I know it's my problem, not theirs, that I need to step up and be counted, that I need to assert my needs for companionship instead of waiting till someone wants company. I'm just in a rut, I suppose, and there's no way out of it that I can see. I guess I just want someone who'll be there for me like I try to be for everyone else, but that would require someone without a life, I think, since I give up my time to be there for others so often. I think I know what my problem is, that I'm expecting too much of others when they don't know that I expect it...I have no right to ask anything of anyone.....everybody's been so kind to me...I just for some reason, want more from all my friendships than what they've all become, but I overestimate my importance and expect them to do something about it, when it's me who should be taking that effort.
I'm just fed up with people..... Today, I was spending time with one of the few people who actually contacts me (scary thought, huh????), and she was on her computer as I was sitting in her apartment, talking to a few different guys online, just toying with them.....not really caring about anything, just leading them on and shutting them down....Granted, she's had enough crappy relationships to have the right to feel bitter about guys in a relationship sense, but seriously....here I am, stewing in this vacuum of emotion, while she toys with others feelings, laughing her head off the whole time. Am I wrong for thinking that's horrible?

I just feel like I've become "random acquaintance #27" to everyone except for a few choice people, and that's not something I know how to fix. I don't feel close enough to anyone anymore to be able to tell them what's really going on in my life, so I wait till it festers like this and I have to let it out.... I promise I'm not really like this...it just builds and builds until I can't bear it anymore, and I don't want to drive people away with moments like this, even though my occasional vents aren't nearly this bad.....

**I hate this, I've become so needy...anyone know how to fix that????? please?**

**************************************** *********

Sorry I do this sometimes, but without a little angst-fest now and then, I'd be like this all the time, and that's not anything that anyone would want...trust me. All you girls out there think that angsty bishonen are cute, but I'm no bishonen, and my angst has a tendancy to make others miserable, which is not something that I would want.


I don't want your sympathy, I don't want your ire, I don't want you all to say how things are from your perspective and how wrong I may be for feeling this way with as little reason for it as I have. I just want you all to know what I'm going through, since I'm sure all of you have felt like this at least once in the past (all artists feel ostracized every once in a while, because they aren't like average people)

As always, I'm here for ya.

--Josh ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4692534/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4692534/ Mon, 28 Feb 2005 12:06:36 PST Steve Conte - No Reply
The Brak Show - Zorak's Blues
Do As Infinity - Honjitsu ha Seiten Nari
Bang! - Shooting Star
Aiko - ????? (track 6 from newest album)

That's right, it's flu season again....and I found out the hard way that it's a good idea to get a shot for it so you don't have to catch it.... *sneeze* *sniffle*. I've been almost bedridden for a couple of days now, which isn't a bad thing....sleep = good....but getting 8 hours of sleep in the daytime meant that I couldn't fall asleep till 5AM....so I missed class again. ^_^;;;
My bank charged me over $100 in fees for being over by 30 cents......so I told them I was sick and couldn't deposit, so they knocked off over half of the fees....so I'm not TOO ticked with them, but I'm still a bit mad. If it wasn't for the fact that occasionally I need to order stuff off the internet, I wouldn't have a bank account at all. Stupid money....
Anyhow, my art has been nothing but concept art for my newest pipe dream, Megaman X cosplay. I've designed the armor pieces almost fully...nearly every detail has been accounted for, now I just need to spend all that money to get the vacuuform equipment, which will be probably approaching $300 for both me and one other person, who will be joining me on this venture. All I have to do is lose the rest of the weight I'm trying to lose, and get together that money, and then have some large space that's permanently mine, so I can work in peace. That's a tall order, but I think I can handle it, eventually....
So there's not really much to report...life goes on much as it always does.

*cough* ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4675720/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4675720/ Sat, 26 Feb 2005 07:52:47 PST .
..
...
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the winner is...WYLDANGEL!!! You'll get a free chainmaille comission from me (or something else of equal value). Congratulations!! ^_^

Merianmoriarty, you get "something cool" of your choice....I never thought of good prizes, since I don't have much cash, and I can't draw on command. So, you get to choose anything you want from me. And if you don't want anything, choose something anyway.

Congratulations to all two entrants. Thank you for entering! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4657345/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4657345/ Wed, 23 Feb 2005 20:06:02 PST
I've redone the prizes to reflect the entries recieved so far.
First place=random chainmaille item of choice
Second place=to be decided by runner-up
Third place=...I'll think of it if I get a third entry, but it'll be cool, I assure you.


Other than that, life is pretty good, nice and uneventful...for the most part. my hair is now multicolored...I made the mistake of letting someone I had known for only a few hours dye my hair, and the kit didn't work too well, so I have chunks in my hair that are blue, green, blonde, and violet-ish, in addition to the normal brown....it's weird looking...... -_-;;;

Oh well, that's life. bye! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4609923/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4609923/ Fri, 18 Feb 2005 08:58:57 PST L'arc~en~Ciel - Lover Boy

Sprained my ankle today....was slacklining and I ate it bad. Landed just a little off on my left ankle, and it's difficult to walk. I iced it when it happened for a good 40 mins or so (10 on, 10 off, etc) so it's not swelling, but it still hurts like crap..... I can't wait to go to my anthropology exam tomorrow...it's a 2 block walk, and I can barely walk two steps....THAT should be interesting.

Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'll be fine before too long...I'm taking it easy for the next few days, which means not going to visioncon....but that doesn't matter, I didn't really want to go too much anyhow.

BLARG!!!!
~mado got my kiriban....

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! my alarm didn't go off and I missed an exam!!! AAHHHHH!!!! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4578747/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4578747/ Mon, 14 Feb 2005 11:05:06 PST Richard Cheese - Fell in Love With A Girl
Guns 'n Roses - Paradise City
Day After Tomorrow - Wind Flower (Spring Eternal)
The SeatBelts - Too Good, Too Bad
Hellsing OST - Strange Victory Act, Lotus Flower Theme
Richard Cheese - Down With the Sickness
Yoko Kanno - Goodnight Julia
The SeatBelts - Don't Bother None
The Cheers Theme
Do As Infinity - Sense of Life
Folder - I Want You Back
DJ Mystic - Hey Raver

Well, it's that time of the year again I've never been a fan of this holiday, since I've always been single on it. I think it's time to officially start TRYING to find someone to "fall in like" with...


I finally figured out why the thing with Cassie could never have worked, and found out why I still am not over her. The one reason why things won't work, even if she turns out to not have those psych issues is that I need someone who is a bit more wholesome, someone who has SOME moral convictions of some sort...otherwise, she'll just drag me down and either break down my own resolve, or simply put me in situations I shouldn't be in. The reason I still think about her sometimes is that other than the fact that she's a bit too shaded for me, things COULD have lasted...I mean, our interests matched for the most part (which is a MUST for me), there was a great deal of physical attraction (not an absolute requirement, but to be honest, there has to be SOME physical attraction....don't call me shallow, but I have yet to meet anyone who can COMPLETELY discount their signifigant other's appearance.), her sense of style and random interests were in a direction I don't see often in Branson, and I liked that anyway (she was a bit closer to punk/goth ish than most girls in branson, and I've always liked that particular style anyway...I mean, the first time I saw her that particular year, she was wearing a vinyl nurse's outfit and a collar, complete with leash for crying out loud...of COURSE I was interested.....I mean.... umm..... yeah.... sorry.). So to be honest, if she had cleaned up her life and her habits, I would still be completely pining over her. As it is, I still have yet to find someone who'll be better for me than her in a "I won't ruin your life or try to break down your sense of morality" way, but still exciting and not too "oh gee, I'm not a nerd because nerdy things are bad...DnD is 'Satan's game'" -ish. I've always been dorky, so that kind of thing would be bad...lol. Basically, I'm looking for a nice girl with a bit of a "weird streak"....seems that either I find someone strange enough, or I find a nice person......... never both, apparently. There are a few girls around campus that I find myself being attracted to in enough ways to signal that it might work having a relationship with them, and are the rare exception to the aforementioned situation....but one of them confuses me because she hangs out with a certain guy constantly, and they play around like they might be dating, but I get the strong impression that she is, in fact single......A few other girls seem to be compatible with me just enough for me to be interested, enough to say that I could eventually like them, if I don't already, but I can't work up the nerve to do anything about it...I really need to actually show this enormous reserve of confidence that I know I have somewhere in me....I get the "you're such a great guy" treatment from women a lot, so I should stop being like "there's not way she would like me" Being shy only goes so far, apparently. I need to take charge, and let someone know if I'm into them.

So, I'm officially "on the prowl" now....lock the doors and hide your daughters, especially the weird ones.

summary: I'm very available, and apparently, more desirable than I think I am.... *hint hint* lol

Update on other things
Contest.... I've had two entries, one by Merianmoriarty, and one by Wyldangel. I'm hoping for more, because otherwise, that'd mean I have to choose between my two favorite people on devart.
Emotional health.... I'm doing better...the passing of my grandfather is the most heartwrenching thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm holding up okay, because I know he would want me to only grieve for the shortest of times, and then go out and life my life to the fullest...he was that kind of guy, so I need to just keep going, and know that he would have wanted me to just live, and have no regrets...sulking over something I can't change doesn't do anyone any good... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4545537/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4545537/ Thu, 10 Feb 2005 11:23:46 PST
The next time I'm online, I'll be sure to make an update for the contest. I'm sorry for the delays.


--Joshua ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4433413/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4433413/ Thu, 27 Jan 2005 23:34:35 PST The Pillows - Naked Shuffle

Humanity continually finds new ways to tick me off, I think.
[link]

Read this, and tell me if you're as annoyed as I am.


On another note, I just realized something. Often, when I pray, I pray for patience, since I'm rather unforgiving of crap like this from the world I live in. The most irritating human being I've ever met just left, and as he walked out, it hit me...you know the expression "be careful what you ask for"...I think he's the answer for my request for more patience, cause dealing with someone that annoying DOES foster patience........so, from now on, I'm never asking for patience again...

***I just thought that was funny....*** ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4412297/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4412297/ Tue, 25 Jan 2005 14:53:43 PST

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. No kidding, ANYTHING, I'll give you the absolute honest truth, to the best of my ability. Unless, I find it too personal, then I'm sorry but I can't.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

--------
I usually don't get mixed up in chainletters, or chain journal entries....but why not...I'm bored today! ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4401711/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4401711/ Mon, 24 Jan 2005 10:50:08 PST Presidents of the United States of America - Cleveland Rocks
Folder - I Want You Back
Steve Conte - Call Me Call Me
Richard Cheese - Bullett the Blue Sky
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity **yay, I spelled it right!!!**
The Pillows - Last Dinosaur

Life is going okay lately. Still a little here and there that I'd change, but other than that, it's all good. I've been trying to focus on a few little things I've been trying to work on, and progress is solid...

The chainmaille watchband thing I think is going to just be a plain bracelet, since I can't find a nice-looking watch face for it, but it's almost big enough to wear...I'm very excited.

My DDR pad is starting to show signs of wear...the left arrow is pressing constantly when I don't want it to...that may be due to the upgrades I did to it, so I'll try to fix it the next time I want to play...the problem is probably just that a corner of it sags, putting pressure on the left arrow when there shouldn't be. Shouldn't be hard to fix.

My kiriban image for ~merianmoriarty is almost done...I'm just having trouble with one part and picking what to use to color it...it'll be finished soon.

In other art news, I sketched an image of my character for a DnD campaign, a human fighter/barbarian, lvl 8....I have sword-chucks!!!! It started as a joke, but evolved into my character's actual weapon...made from a +1 longsword and a Flamebrand Saber, and a length of chain....in the drawing, the chain is a bit shorter than what I would be for an actual weapon, but no matter...my character looks odd anyway..lol.

I'm making fractals for those who replied to my "want free stuff" posts...I haven't drawn much at all lately, so I just want to give them something I KNOW will look nice. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4346602/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4346602/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 21:45:55 PST Twisted Sister - We're not gonna take it
Dust Brothers - Medula Oblongata
L'arc ~ en ~ Ciel - Lover Boy
Richard Cheese - She Hates Me
Linkin Park - Crawling

BLAH... that's the mood...that's the sole emotion of this last few weeks...lemmie fill ya in.
First of all, there's school...it's pretty good overall, things are mostly looking good...easy looking classes with awesome teachers=fun.
When it comes to my finances, I FINALLY got all that cleared up, so now I have classes and everything! I'm pretty happy... plus, the overflow is going to my bank account so I can buy books/whatever else I may find myself needing (which will probably be more wire for my chainmaille commissions...speaking of which, if you want some of my work, just ask and I'll help you design a perfect piece just for you...handmade silver jewelry makes a wonderful gift... *wink wink*)
Chainmaille... things are looking good...I still don't have money for more wire, but I'm getting more soon, so I can keep working. I have a few commissions I have to do, but nothing too big.
When it comes to my friends, things are a bit hit-and-miss...most people who I care about are great people, but sometimes they just tick me off.
Relationship-wise, life sucks...all I see are couples, but those I'm interested in don't seem to share those emotions....at least not with me, and those that are interested in me, I'm not sure if I'm that interested in them, and don't want to lead them on, even if it would make me feel better. So I'm a bit blah there, and unfortunately, I think that's the root of my blahness overall.

I just have all this pent-up emotion, mostly in the relationship department, that just can't go anywhere...it's got me a bit down, as you can clearly see.

Oh well, I think I just have to be bolder and less angsty around those I may be interested in. If I'm on the prowl, so to speak, I should actually do some serious hunting, instead of just thinking "gee, I like her, if only she'd ask me out"...cause that hasn't really done me any favors in the last few years... -_-;;;

Well, sorry to vent my angsty frustrations at the rest of the world.... In actuality, life is really great right now, I just have trouble seeing it sometimes, especially when a former roomate horns in on a girl I like, right after I tell him that I might like her, or stuff like that...but I digress...I just want to tell all of you that you're all fantastic people, and I hope your lives are going well. As I offer to all of my friends, if any of you need something, an ear to listen, a flabby, rounded shoulder to use as a headrest, a semi-rational mind to help you through whatever troubles you have, I'll be there for you all. I wouldn't put you as friends otherwise, now would I?


RANDOM KIRIBAN 1776

if unclaimed, it'll be discarded ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4282296/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4282296/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:30:15 PST Richard Cheese - Bullett the Blue Sky
Yoko Kanno - See You Space Cowboy
See-Saw - Yasashii Yoake
Ben Folds - Army
Kotoko - Shooting Star

Well, I'm back, sort of...my financial thing with the school is still crazy...so I don't know if they'll let me stay in the dorms till I can get it cleared up...other than that, life is good....

I've started to notice a couple of girls taking notice when I'm around...better posture, eye contact, lots of smiling, running glomps, etc. So I'm starting to think that perhaps things are going to be alright from a relationship standpoint...I kind of hate being so emotional and "cuddle-oriented"...it makes being single really suck, since I wouldn't want any of my female friends to think that I'm perverted and want something romantic when I just want friendship, and a bit more affection than I'd usually expect from just a friend...plus, their boyfriends wouldn't like that either. So anyway, I'm in a better mood now that I'm noticing that people are watching me. Unfortunately, I had to tell someone that I'm not quite as interested as she is in a relationship, which is sad, cause I like her quite a lot, and I want her friendship more than I would want to risk screwing that up...when friends become more than friends, it's too dangerous. I felt really bad about it, because I think she deserves better than how things turned out. The worst part is, I have a possible "in like" situation with someone else that may be on the way to a relationship, or maybe it's just a silly crush where I misinterpret the signs I'm getting from her, so in addition to not wanting to have my feelings for the first girl misinterpreted as something more serious than it is, I also have the "must keep options open" thing in my head...which is terrible, I know, but I just want to figure out if the thing with the other girl is a crush, or if she likes me back...

I'm glad to be back on campus.... my little sister got Mary Poppins on DVD, and I've had to watch it, oh, I'd say 47 times since Christmas morning...I swear if I hear another person with a bad cockney accent I'm gonna scream...lol.

But yeah...life for the most part looks like it'll be good, once I get all this crap with my college sorted out...I just can't wait till things stabilize.

Remember, I have a contest running, please enter if you want... Also, if you have something coming to you, please remind me so I can start/finish it.

My brain hurts, so I'm gonna go to bed now....
--Josh ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4082602/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4082602/ Thu, 16 Dec 2004 17:30:11 PST The Pillows - Come Down
Weird Al Yankovic - Happy Birthday
Yoko Kanno - Sporkey Dorkey
King Kong & D. Jungle Girls - Boom Boom Dollar
NPD3 - After the Game
The SeatBelts - Too Good, Too Bad
The Pillows - Kim Deal

Well, I'm preparing for Christmas Break (screw P.C. talk...it's Cristmas, darnit!), and I just wanted to say that I'm not sure how much I'll be on for that time...my internet in Branson is pretty screwed up most of the time, and I definitely won't be posting during that time either. I might do a journal entry, but no actual work. I'm going to be making Christmas presents and trying to stay sane....so if you are expecting something from me, you'll probably get it after the break, or you might have to remind me.

After taking my finals, I felt very relieved, and a bit more mentally well...so I think most of my stress is done. It's totally the work of God that I managed to do as well as I think I did...The questions weren't as bad as I thought they would have been, so I think I actually passed everything.
Anyway, so I'm feeling a lot better, I think the worst is over now...I'm going to try to relax while I'm in branson...(which will be tough, and I have a feeling that being back will drag me down again) but I'm doin alright....


Have a merry Christmas, and I hope that everyone can stay safe and warm this season

--Josh =^_^= ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4015422/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/4015422/ Thu, 09 Dec 2004 09:32:44 PST m-flo - The Rhyme Brokers
The SeatBelts - Too Good, Too Bad
Weird Al Yankovic - Pretty Fly For a Rabbi
Richard Cheese - Guerilla Radio (originally by Rage Against the Machine)
Halo 2 Soundtrack - In Amber Clad
Hamasaki Ayumi - Memorial Address

The big mess of a situation was something of a misunderstanding on everyone's part....no biggie. ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3988220/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3988220/ Wed, 12 Jan 2005 20:33:52 PST
Since I've always liked Japanese culture, how about a festival theme? Please draw characters in traditional Japanese clothing for the occasion (i.e. yukata), either posing for the image, or doing things that you might do at a festival. Entries will be judged on artistic merit, technical skill, and how much I like the image...lol. Entrants may submit as many pieces as they wish, but the number of submissions will not affect chances of winning.
Prizes have not been selected yet, but there's a good chance if there are more than 5 entrants, chainmaille will be involved, probably in sterling silver.
**first prize will likely exceed $20 in value**
**second prize will likely exceed $10 in value**
**third prize will likely exceed $5 in value**
To emphasize the fun atmosphere of such an event, perhaps include a few characters, as opposed to just one.
Suggestions:

Random anime/manga characters (either original or fanart), doing random festival things, or posing, or whatever.

anime versions of both myself and the entrant* as well as perhaps a mutual friend or two, or anthro with the same concept in mind.
*if we actually know each other. If it's someone who's just entering the contest but isn't on my watch list, please contact me first.


Realistic characters etc etc etc.

Whatever comes to mind. I won't judge on content, only on the piece itself...but please, keep the rating no higher than PG 13. In other words, please keep nudity to a minimum, unless it makes sense for the piece.

Please use my work for reference of either anime or anthro me...and please ask permission of any third parties before using their likenesses...however, fanart is still fanart, so don't worry about liscensing if you use a well-known character.



PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU PLAN ON ENTERING...that way I will know what the prizes should be.

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next kiribans:
1691 ---UNCLAIMED!
1881
1961 ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3980006/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3980006/ Fri, 03 Dec 2004 17:19:51 PST
......I suppose it backfired... This was meant to be an experiment to see how many people actually pay attention to my site. I figure that my work, which I spend a lot of time and effort on, and I ask for critique, gets next to no comments lately, not even a handful of pageviews, but offering stuff to those who visit gets responses*****for example - my current featured deviation...I posted it a few days ago, it's gotten... 3 pageviews and 1 comment. I'm really proud of it and I poured a lot of emotion into it...but it gets ignored, whereas, when I said "i'm giving out free stuff if you say something, people I haven't talked to in a long time just pop out of nowhere***** I promised all of you free stuff, so I'll make a sketch for all of you who responded. Probably not something too terribly great, but please leave requests as comments for this.

*****perhaps I'm getting a bit too upset...I don't comment on much of everyone else's stuff...but I do try to see it, and if a journal entry I notice strikes a chord, I'll comment, if a piece seems really good, I'll comment...I just expect more than I should from everyone else because I expect a lot of myself...I'm sorry everyone. *****

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next kiribans
1691
1881
1961 ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3976501/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3976501/ Thu, 02 Dec 2004 23:02:12 PST




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Next kiribans:
1881
1961
2000 ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3936202/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3936202/ Sun, 28 Nov 2004 01:05:23 PST TaQ - Radical Faith
Hayashibara Megumi - Sakura Saku
KTZ - AM3P (AM East Mix)
Ben Folds - Songs for the Dumped
Beatie Boys - Intergalactic
V-6 - Change the World
Two-mix - Rhythm Emotion
Do As Infinity - Tangerine Dream
Captain Jack - Captain Jack (full verision)
Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy
Insist - Shure Shot
2MB - Orion.78 (civilization mix)
The SeatBelts - Rush
Kuribayashi Minami - Tsubasa ha pleasure line
Hellsing OST - Pure Dead
Vivian - Conga Feeling
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Okay, who got my 1500th?? If nobody claims it, I'm giving credit to somebody random...or maybe nobody at all...I dunno...Haven't been in much of a drawing mood lately. I've been through a lot in the last few days...here's the scoop, if you're interested...
1. Being at home drives me nuts after 15 minutes. I can't stand being around my family, especially my brother, who reminds me a lot of his father (which explains it perfectly...)
2. Money issues...I still owe about $1000 to my school before I can register for next semester, not to mention that I haven't bought Christmas presents in a long time, and I wanted to do something nice for people for once...I have a plan, but if that doesn't work, well, I'm really screwed, ne?
3. I realized that sometimes, the ways I choose to deal with problems is more than a little self-defeating...I've been focusing on ways to escape what's bothering me instead of the solutions...overall, it's just that as a result, it's harder to cope. I'm alright, just like always, but I'm just having a bit more trouble than usual. For example, my anthro character, Yoshiua, has been getting a lot of attention in the inner sanctums of my mind...thus, I've been focusing on that imaginary existance, wishing for all the world that I could be removed from my current situation and reborn as my character, far from whatever is bothering me at the time...doing so occasionally is a nice escape, strangely comforting, and sometimes, the best way for me to cheer myself up. However, using Yoshiua as a crutch constantly just makes me angsty, since there IS no escape from the problems humanity places upon itself, and there is no way for me to not be where, who, or what I am, at least not in any sense I'd be wanting to change. So, that's one thing that's got to go. I'm going to find some new outlets for my "white boy pain", but Yoshiua will still be around, I wouldn't kill off my alter-ego, especially since so much has changed for the better since I started with this.
But yeah, so all you people who like my character, think he's cute, etc...don't fret. I'm still me, whoever or whatever I interpret me to be...I just won't focus on being bummed that I'm not really Yoshiua, that I'm not as fit or attractive as I'd like to be, that I can't really purr *although I can get darn close, if I do say so myself*...errr....anyway, it hit me that if I really view Yoshiua as the maturation of my personality, and if I see calmness, inner peace, and confidence as part of that, well I've gotta start acting like that's what I'm shooting for, instead of just wishing I was Yoshiua in a semi-real world, populated only by those I care for, all in similar guises....or something like that.
4. Cassie and I are FINALLY through. After all this, after calling me up and telling me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, after coming up and visiting me, being all affectionate and loving and stuff, she started essentially saying she needed her space, and that she needed to be able to deal with her problems without worrying about what was going on with me, and without me worrying too much about her. Something also about the fact that either we hate each others guts or we're in love...you know how relationships like that go right? Also she said she doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship sense...well, call me stupid, but I don't want to take that crap, especially from someone who on their next mood swing will tell me they love me and want me to forget all they just said...this happens every time she's not been feeling well, and I'm frickin sick of it. If someone has a temporary lapse of judgement, that's one thing - but if that lapse happens regularly, then that's it. I hope she's happy with whoever she can find to be with now, because I did my best to be loving and caring, and it seems she'd rather have a lousy relationship where she can be treated like crap...it seems that people with low self-esteems tend to rebel against people who really care, and gravitate towards those who don't give a flying fish about them (this is based off of a lot of people I know, not just her.). Anyway, enough negativity...let's... ]]> ~pianoanime http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3861414/ http://pianoanime.deviantart.com/journal/3861414/ Wed, 17 Nov 2004 22:55:48 PST Okuyatos - Kind Lady
Kosaka Riyu - Candy
Crystal Method - Busy Child
Guns 'n Roses - Sweet Child o' Mine
The Pillows - Blues Drive Monster
Ben Folds - Rockin the Suburbs
Hellsing - Logos Naki World


Well, things are looking up...Cassie and I have been talking constantly, just like always, and it seems that we are in fact going to get back together...it's obvious that we need each other right now...at least for the friendship and support that couples should have for each other...
In other news, a friend from high school...the guy who was listed as Inuyasha for my ACEN sign *check my gallery if you don't know* is staying in the dorms for now, until he gets accepted at the school. Until he can start making money somehow, he's a drain on my finances...but oh well...it's really nice to have someone who's enough like me up here. It gets dull when your only company happens to be what Ted Nugent would refer to as "Sheeple"...those who are so much like everyone else that they resemble sheep...you know the type. I thrive on the presence of weirdos (within limits, of course...there is a point where the line is crossed...). Anyway, it's good to have Justin around, he's a good guy, pretty helpful, just a bit irresponsible sometimes, and lazy the rest of the time...lol. We're like brothers though, so it's no biggie.
I got a huge project done yesterday...it was a 6-8 minute speech...I felt like I bombed it, but everyone liked it, and the professor did too, so that's good. I probably got at least a b, which is good because it was worth probably 3 times as much as my first one. My history class is looking iffy...I don't know if I'm going to do well in that one, but I'll probably pass with a C or so...hopefully. The class blows. My music class is easy, my Japanese is great...things are nice. I just need money. I still owe the school quite a lot..I'm going in tomorrow to discuss it.
Speaking of which, it's time for me to go to bed...I need to be up before 9 tomorrow because of that meeting. ]]> ~pianoanime