http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:pixarviolet&section=today deviantART RSS for by:pixarviolet en-us Copyright 2010, deviantART.com Fri, 01 Jan 2010 11:21:25 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/27987983/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/27987983/ Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:26:27 PDT
Well it’s been awhile since I blogged. And yes there is homework to do but whats on my mind or my past experiences is important to write down too. Well I guess since the MFA trip happened yesterday, I’ll talk about that. Me and maps don’t fly well, it may be pictures but it’s like it’s a line on a map and you follow that, it’s like uh yeah where is the line where I’m standing, how do I apply that to the actual road? So yeah, got my usual riverside train you know and got off, only saw on familiar student (keep in mind I know like 3 people in the entire school and I have no friends at all here ha except maybe my English teacher) lol! Well anyways, I followed him and asked if he was in Kyle’s class (aki teacher name) and the student I knew was but I needed something to start out with plus I wanted to double check if he was in the class. We were suppose to meet on the Fenway Cooperation in the back of the MFA. Of course this was on a tiny map, and for another again maps yeah..eh don’t follow it, which I ask how come..but I’ll talk more on that on the topic of What the bleep do we know? Eventually I followed him, course I felt like an idiot because the student knew just by the map where to go, it’s like HOW THE HELL DO YOU READ THESE THINGS lol a map is suppose to help, not get me confused haha! Anyways as frustrated as I was, we got there early, was suppose to get there at 1 in the afternoon. Now normally my regular drawing and perspective class starts at 12:30 noon but since it was a special trip , he made it for 1. Kyle my teacher, gave me the sheet to do in class and what was to be explained for the homework for next week ( which I still gotta do). He explained all the rules, I tell you, the MFA is SO strict on rules, you can’t even lift your arm or you will get thrown out. Plus my teacher said, if you get kicked out of the museum, you will automatically fail on the sketchbook midterm thing. I was like wow dude that’s alittle harsh especially if it is just lifting my arm and all the previous work I would have done I would have automatically failed anyways, meh A.I rules it’s almost like being in the military I bet or about the same strictness. We had to put our portfolio bags, backpacks and toolkits in a huge bin the MFA had for us to put our stuff in..again weird procedures that I’m still unsure of why. I haven’t been to a museum since the Washington DC trip ha which I loved being with everyone and would do it all again if I was ever given the chance. Anyway, we had to draw 10 things on the list on the sheet, 2 perspective paintings Urg perspective to math like that’s why I suck at it terribly lol. The rest had 1’s listed on each item.

1 Symmetrical Balance

2 Asymmetry

3 Focal Point

4 Rule of Thirds (landscapes)

5 Triangular Composition

6 Figure/Ground Composition (Positive/Negative)

7 Rhythm Compositions

8 and lastly one of my choosing in the gallery to draw from

So yes I drew these, the hard part was finding the right name for the artist, the date and what the paintings were called. Even now I bet I put the wrong artist in and next week our 10 sketches are due along with a full sketchbook inspection which means I better have those right artists and dates stuff that he may take points off ( oh boy I hope not) and I better not get a bad grade even if I tried my hardest and my perspective drawings may not be up to part. Getting from MFA back to school was gonna be tough, I was so slow at doing my drawings, everyone basically left, even my teacher which just left so I was like alone and wondering..uh where did everybody go, the teacher didn’t even explain the homework. I don’t care if it’s the packet, it needs to be further explained for my tiny brain cells to get lol. I guess I’ll have to do the best I can. So I left for my Fundamentals of design class..yeah I was 20 minutes late. And if you know the A.I rules, a half hour late = an absence and if you get like 4, well that means all the work you put in well will be crap, your grade will lower no matter what. That means your job to one, not screw the time up and two don’t be sick if you can help it, as they say NO EXCUSES, still I think harsh but hey it’s A.I where talking about, private I guess are stricter therefore ha kinda meaner I think. There was like an accident at the West campus, so when I arrived my teacher was gone I guess finding out what was going on. Kids had to be evacuated but I just arrived so I was like what is going on. She didn’t know I was late I think ha but I left her a message so she will probably now know that I was late, (meh darn it). I had to mount my project I did on the board, again measuring is math and fractions which I suck at, why , well you will have to ask my brain for that question lol. And on the grid, I did in Mircon marker and I wasn’t suppose to do that... ]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/27122386/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/27122386/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:57:34 PDT
Anyways ha got off topic abit there but still important to say, indeed this day was stressful but the stressful part is yet to come. After the lovely speeches, we met in groups, took turns discussing what our majors were and I gotta say, introductions in terms of public speaking, very scary thing when your me LOl. Then we had a crazy game of rock, paper, scissors, got the whole class of 2012 or around 2013 to join in a big circle and challenge each other. I did it a couple ha lost all games but I watched others. After that we went back into the auditorium and heard more wonderful speeches. This time it was on academic and conduct as we should read in our handbook one lady said. Then we had lunch, only two choices so I decided just to drink my apple juice. We met our animation group, I felt alone. Every one acted like they knew each other, and some that didn't jumped right in and were kinda being immature as one guy made fun of Sailormoon, my anime that I Love. So I bravely said, I like Sailormoon as I quickly rushed to defend my title as an anime geek LOl if you will. Some of these teens were acting like 5 year olds, and most I couldn't relate as one guy said his favorite show was Adult Swim, the kind of shows I guess that have foul language, awful non realistic animation and no moral or heart, I guess those shows are in, were as mine well are more discreet. And for the people that know them, they make fun of them so it was hard for me... ]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26465432/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26465432/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 13:43:07 PDT looks amazing. There are so many piano songs that I want to play, some will have sheet music and others like scores meh not so much but I can always try and listen by ear once I get a bit better at playing the piano. The song is consistent in terms of beat, which I like, and then it jumps to the jazz section that I heard is not only the hardest to achieve in playing, but it takes awhile to learn. While watching this segment called The Piano Guy (as seen on youtube), he showed me how to the first part of the song is done, I wouldn't have known it to be flats and such if he didn't say LOl! And one advice that the Piano Guy's friend instructed, not sure it works for all songs, but for this particular song, it's best to learn the left hand first then the right before putting them two together! When I first heard it and remembered this theme, I went to my keyboard piano and tried to see what notes sounded like it, and it turns out ha I was off, I didn't add the flats or anything ha but I feel like I got the white keys down! Ha I have a list of songs I want to sing and play with the piano and some just sing ha my voice I hope isn't that bad haha! But this theme is just a theme I think, I don't think it has lyrics. The song is by a guy name Vince Guaraldi he's amazing as far as this song is concerned! This song has alot of depth, feeling ha and so much rhythm! If you ever heard of it, then you know what I'm talking about! As with any music, I will keep studying, practice ha and hopefully more with my great piano teacher and special person to me, Shaun ha! He's amazing ^^ and I hope to be just like him in terms of playing ha but a hint of my own style!

]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26154257/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26154257/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:51:10 PDT
I'm frustrated, that I lost so much during these past weeks, so much and it is only I that feel powerless, and unwanted, unloved, rejected, crushed, destroyed. Love is a beautiful thing, as I loved every minute of it, but then see what you have when it's gone, what your left with? For me, I'm left with memories that will most likely die, because without something to sustain a memory, they will wither like a melting snowflake before it touches the pavement. I can't laugh when I see other couples go by, I can't just see another guy and pretend I will find love again, if it means love with another guy, I don't want it. I've tried hard to get into school and be as independent as I can. Fighting for my dream of Pixar when in reality, when I had Shaun, he helped me to go to A.I when I thought it was just a mere dream. With Gian, we did a tour but after that, she never helped me filled out the paperwork like other parents, and I felt that I couldn't do it without her. With Gian I was happy, because I met Shaun, Andy, Jilly, Jessie, meh even Alyssa! Sometimes I feel like my move to Gian was fate, meeting all these wonderful people, in a town I grew to love and wished I was there now! And then, after graduation and Shaun and I got together, I swear it was like pure magic, something in my wildest dreams I didn't think I'd lose, people said we were such a cute couple, and that we cared for each other. And yet if I didn't do anything wrong, why am I alone, right now? Obviously it's me, stupid as you might think, I sometimes blame my brain for it, my brain does all the thinking, so I should have known what would make Shaun do such a thing. And for him to say, it would have been better if we never met, it's like what's the point of even being friends if you think you wish we never met? That means all the love I felt, and all the love he thought he felt, all the warm memories and even the small fights, he wishes none of that never happened. I don't mean to just say this like on air, but getting all on a journal isn't enough, my pain feels too big. Acting as if nothing ever happened, is not strong to me as he or anyone else might think.

School stresses me out, people don't get it do they? I don't want to admitt but I really feel like there is something wrong with me, first I do bad on all testings, not to mention, all years of my life I had sped, not just when I was little, I had test after test after test, with the sped ed classes of course. I mean it, I feel too dumb for Shaun, that's why when him and Leaha laughed and talked all math like, I felt like dirt, now I look back, not only did I loose my love but I lost my self respect in terms of smartness. I always felt dumber than other kids, now I feel dumber than most adults. I don't mean to talk to negatively but like I said, I need to work twice as hard as everybody else, what I wouldn't give to have a gift like Shaun's, and while he hates when I say that, he really does not get what classes he's in, and when he says there easy, I almost want to cry, burst into tears because when I hear a class that is easy for him, I just look like what kind of brain do I have, honestly where did all my cells go, what happened when I was in the womb. A shy girl who has trouble learning most life skills, and people don't get why I fear most things, the broken homes is a factor and when you live in a troubled past...people don't get that part of you, the horrified images, they don't fade. They follow you, even when you try and forget what you experienced, they don't go away. I had A's and B's in school, some C's! Sped classes plus material that I could understand or try to was a plus. Maybe everyone was at the same level for science. But math, while practically everyone was on senior level math, college prep like trig and calculus, we had classes that had money skills which is important yet learning about fractions when you learned that stuff in 4th grade, there must be a reason why I couldn't grip that stuff. Because of Math, I have trouble balancing a check book, other people have no trouble at all. Most don't believe but when I see those other people, there like yeah I just sorta picked it up , or what are... ]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26104514/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/26104514/ Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:16:43 PDT ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/25839293/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/25839293/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:07:34 PDT
I always wished that ever since he walked out of my door step, that things were different, that they didn't end like that, meaning didn't end at all, that we were as together as we ever were! When we were together, I would think of the memories ever so often, but now that he and I or not, I'm struggling to find each memory just as it was, and grip it with all my might, because if that's all I can have of My Shaun, I better not let go of the memories if I can't have what I lost! You may say I'm being emotional, childish or whatever badly you think of me, but I'm different from other girls, they say oh I'll get over him someday and will find another love, that's not me , I don't want anyone else as I keep repeating myself. I'm writing here because it's the only place that will listen to me, without him saying I don't wanna fight, when if the world didn't have conflict, our world would be a utopia and the more we live in that fantasy, the more we lose the grip of reality! Running away from a problem too just makes it hard, but then after days after consulting and keep talking, then to almost walk out the door again...well now that's running away from the problem at hand once again! I keep looking back, tons of regrets and always think it was me, if I wasn't the way I was , none of this would have happened. That he could not accept me for who I am and love me because of them, like me because of them. Because if that were true, he would love me and like me no matter what and would still be with me now!

I will always think of this and cry, smile on other days, I had hoped that he would come back, surprise me in some kind of romantic fashion, just stare deeply in my brown eyes as I thought he loved, and just apologizing and kiss me and we would create more memories instead them fading now on a conveyor belt, melting my memories of us, I feel like my mind is almost trying to erase my pain and erase the memories most of all, and I don't want it too because if my pain is gone, I might stop feeling all together and that can never be good! Plus even if I wanted too, this pain is real and I can't just let it go because it's what I'm feeling and as my love said, you can't change what you feel. And I know that, but I wish he would look deep inside himself and see those times, each time of happy moment and just smile and wish they were real again, as much I wish they were. I'm holding onto the past now, it's all I can do because yeah as friends the memories are there from school, but after we got together, I built on that and it was just a mountain of life, life I would never change, even the bad times in the relationship, the bad and good pull on each other and make the memory in the mind for me to see when I close my eyes and just try imagine the way it was!

I feel so sad that I had to put a picture of the two of us on my desktop and just look at that as that is the only thing left of us together, because you can't store a memory , only the photo's taken of the memory! It is a nice photo though, we looked like such a good couple. It was just shocking, I mean one night we were talking, actually kinda disagreeing about wanting to be with each other on the fourth of July, I like always, cared so much for him that I wanted to share that special day with him. And like last time, he picked his parents, and while I love he's family orientate, more than I ever seen with any guy and I love that, I just wish I could turn back time sometimes, I know we all do at one time or another! A deep thought is like a memory in time, so I go down that road as often as I can, even if it's fading and it's not clear, I must hold on to it, I must.

]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/25715529/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/25715529/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:34:03 PDT
]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/24800257/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/24800257/ Sun, 17 May 2009 07:42:42 PDT ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/24489754/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/24489754/ Tue, 28 Apr 2009 23:15:42 PDT ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/23425662/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/23425662/ Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:39:37 PST .> my day sucked, all part of testing I suppose. Shay does finainal aid, which I'm still scared plus taxes. Don't even get my going on taxes, I believe there is no purpose for them, they steal our money when it only pays for finaical aid if you apply yet it's paid for all the children who go to public school. And all that fix the roads and give teachers there money, money that I worked for, which is what I don't get, the teachers work and they get my money? Where is the justice, I don't see it? Yeah they get paid, I wanna get paid too but I make less than the teachers do. I'm scared of loans, but now it is me who is swimming in the dark dangerous waters!! I need help with my taxes and loans and everything else, and it's a sad feeling to accept help, it's how I always thought to accept help is to say I'm weak. It's sad that I can't do these things by myself, like when my finical aid officer tried explaining me this stuff, I did not understand. I hate when my brain does this to me, I blame that because the brain is the power source for all information right? My job coach is not really helpful and I tried looking for internships also as she required me to, but is it right for me to be looking if she's the one getting paid and not me? I feel at the point to be giving up, I try to say to myself , lets face it, the only way I'll be animating movies is in Hollywood or some place like that. Because it always seems like that other world is beyond me, my face is pressed up against the glass of this other world of stars and animators...it seems impossible and I feel like I'm killing myself for this, I'm doing a 87,000 dollar school, the best in the league and it's all for PIXAR but if they don't hire me, then what, can I just create a dream just like that? Completely wipe it out, I don't want to do that, it's even painful just thinking of hurting my only dream. I tend to think ahead like so, but it's school and taxes and fafsa I need to be worried about. Not to mention this job thing, and moving, I'm so desperate to move, I hate Waltham and it's all it's gah so called rich atmosphere. Not like I don't want to have alittle wealth in my life, but to be completely isolated is not what I had in mind. All you see is cars and fancy houses, and landscapers, tons who are there everyday getting paid through the nose just to get an impression on these folks. I just miss the city a bit, the subway and while it doesn't work to profection, nothing for transportation does, otherwise that's what you call a perfect society. I miss going Rollerbladeing at my parking lot on my 2nd home in Arlington Brooks Ave, wonderful memories, instead of going across the street to get there, it's 2 miles to the first bus, into Harvard and then that to Alwife station, down the bike path and to our street to the parking lot. It's more traveling than I would like, but I'm gonna try to skate alot this summer, I regret to say I haven't been Ice Skating at all for the past 2 years, Gain has my skates as well as Karen, still mad at her for mistake of giving us up but yeah won't go into that!!! So yeah, with school/taxes/living in this apartment, much can go wrong and some has, I mean for this school I better get Pixar, and if my school goes wrong like that money, loans, I'm so much safer not going to school, and just think I won't be as broke either. Then again, no college will mean I will be in a tough spot to find my type of line of work! So it's a swap idea I guess you can call it. I feel so many people had it so easy, sometimes I wish I could get that, I've had it so rough that I don't know if I'll ever find that smooth bump in the road. I don't know, it's hard to explain all this in a way that'... ]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/22049368/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/22049368/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:11:00 PST
Anyhow, I'm board so I figured I'd write, and since I don't know how to do writing or poems on this site, the journal is the next big thing to write in. Anyways, like most music, I find score music the most thrilling, when it's this powerful, there is no need for words or lyrics though I find those important in music as well. Film; Animation and writing are passions of mine, Film such as Child's Play movies for example are wonderful, they are scary and full of adventure and not to mention a haunting murderous sound (in metaphorical terms)! And for animation, if you don't know, I am a big animation buff when it's Disney 2D or Pixar 3D not to mention Dreamworks of course. I watch the credits every time I watch a movie and when you hear the score with it if it is one, I just listen to every string and every violin whether it's first Violin ect. I could write a whole list of scores that I love. Me being a film buff, I got into scores, since I'm passionate about music I thought, I might as well get into scores since they are fun and full of expression. Even video games has score music for new games anyhow, I like them as well such as Soul Cailbur games, Harry Potter PS games just to name a few!! With Christmas on the way, I was so happy that I got these two scores. If I had to get more scores in terms of Horror, I'd say obviously the first on my list now that I have the two are Child's Play 3 and Seed Of Chucky which both have amazing intros (Main Themes)! Dolly Dearest I love too but that would be also hard as I'm not sure if that even came out with a score. Another would be Dead Silence , the main theme , the beginning is so awesome, since I love piano that is in most scores, I loved it when I heard it, same for Alien movie series. As of non scary themes, I want Jurassic Park 2, as I already have Jurassic Park & Jurassic Park 3 which when I hear the second score as well as the first, it converts the score I hear and makes me feel so inspired to read the book. My Girl& My Girl 2 are another score I'd like to get , only I found 2 themes and that's about it. Still, even with no sheet music. The most expression I find in score music or any music, is when you hear it and you feel, you just feel anything and everything. Take The Little Women Broadway Play, Sutton Foster is my hero, she's pretty, she can sing with her whole heart and she is my Jo if you don't count the one from the movie. Or like Anne from Anne of Green Gables, Megan Follows is my Anne when I picture her when I saw the movie series, and now in the books of Anne Of Green Gables when I read it, I picture her. Music does the same thing, your form a mental picture of a scene or feeling and it just surprises me how sometimes you can have words or no words with inspiration for music creeps up.

Composers like: John Willams, James Newton Howard (my girl), Cliff Eidelman (my girl 2), Graeme Revell, Pino Donaggio,Nick Glennie-Smith (Ella Enchanted) John Debney, Cliff Eidelman James Horner, Randy Newman, Thomas Newman, David Newman, Lee Holdridge, Jerry Goldsmith, Nicholas Hooper, Christopher Young, Christopher Beck, Alan Silvestri, William Ross, Bruce Broughton, Alan Menken just to name a few, are inspirations in my life that I continue to listen to daily. Music has a great effect on me, but it's mostly score music from Film & soundtracks that make my imagination soar. I hope to continue to explore new scores and be inspired by films I watch as well as all music in general.

So other than living in my apartment and school is done so far, nothing new with me, just had to say a few LOl words on my love for Score music!

]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/21546727/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/21546727/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 07:39:53 PST sorry about that. I started my 3D class in September 22nd! It use to be an 8:30 to 12:30 class but then they exstended it to 2:30, more work and hours means I finish up my class early like Nov 25th instead of Dec something. If your curious how my 3D work is going, I posted some of my 3D work on there. No animations, that is still new to me, but I have some modeling work which I'm very proud of I take pride in my art. Still scared about my body, me being a hypercondract and all, anywho other than school and work at Starbucks, nothing much has changed...except for the fact I have my own apartment. It's still next to Antonetta's house, like a side apartment, but without Antonetta, 800 a month with no ulities. Karen and I are spliting the money. I've learned so much in this 3D class, I hope to get an internship soon. My boyfriend Shaun *hugs and kisses*, is helping me to apply to my dream school A.I New England Instuite Of Art, from there I can continue to do 3D while preserving my drawing talents and skills as well LOL ! Yup so that's all so far really. Thanksgiving is coming up, and our family is a bit screwed up too, I still love them but they aren't like most as my Mom favorites the baby sister Sam who's a jerk most of the time and yells at my mom ha but ok enough of my ranting and raving, can't wait for that holiday and Christmas hehe. Though, not like I'll be looking forward to walking 4 miles a day in the snow like I have been all this year, snow, heat and rain BLAH! Well break is over at school, so back to the 3D world I must go BYE EVERYONE *blows kisses* hehe!!!

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-XXX-Tamj-XXX

]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/16704136/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/16704136/ Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:48:05 PST .< that bites and I'm sad to say I haven't drawn in the longest time, I really need to get back into the habit! I'll start today promise. And I will start more of my story...well, about four stories now lol ha cause I had so many ideas!!

]]> ~pixarviolet http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/15950337/ http://pixarviolet.deviantart.com/journal/15950337/ Sat, 15 Dec 2007 20:22:15 PST
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