http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:prayerofthehopeless&section=today deviantART RSS for by:prayerofthehopeless en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:20:08 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/26861605/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/26861605/ Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:22:37 PDT
[X] You were bullied a lot in your childhood
[X] You adore pasta, pizza, cheese, and fruit. (Scratch pizza.)
[ ] You're very happy-go-lucky
[x] You constantly have a dozy look on your face as if you're always away with the fairies.
[ ] You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick up.
[X] You're a good artist (...Fine.)
[X] You can be clumsy at times
[X] You have a friend you always depend upon if you mess up something
[ ] If your life was in danger, you would do the typical Italian thing and say: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE RELATIVES IN YOUR COUNTRY!"
[x] You would surrender in a war situation.

(7/10)

Germany

[x] You're very stoic and serious
[ ] Sausages are your favourite foods.
[X] You like to walk dogs/your dog
[x] Your boss/principal/tutor/home-room teacher is a nut-case.
[ ] You love rules and think they should always be followed to a T
[x] You think the world would be better if everyone played by the rules
[ ] You work very hard
[X] Your alone time is your 'happy time'
[ ] You can appear tough but be very considerate towards people
[X] You've had issues with money once or twice.

(6/10)

Japan

[x] You're very mature. (I guess...)
[X] You think everything over before saying it.
[x] You believe in ghosts but aren't phased by the experience when you see one
[X] You isolated yourself during childhood
[ ] You became very successful in a short amount of time
[X] You are somewhat inexperienced when it comes to the outside world
[X] You can seem cold/aloof to other people
[x] You're good at practical tasks
[X] You need time to adjust to new people

(9/10)

The Allies

The United States of America

[ ] You love hamburgers
[ ] You think you're awesome
[x] You love to invent things
[ ] You love going to the cinema/watching films/making films
[ ] You can seem to be very brash to other people
[ ] You have a tendency to stick your nose into other peoples' business.
[ ] You're terrified of ghosts
[ ] You know aliens exist
[ ] You tend to wear a bomber jacket all the time
[ ] You wear glasses

(1/10)

The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland

[X] You like ICED tea
[ ] You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid
[X] You're very sarcastic and cynical
[ ] Your cooking is awful
[X] You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts...
[ ] ...But you refuse to believe in aliens.
[ ] You have tried doing black magic before
[ ] You get drunk quite easily.
[ ] When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy
[ ] You're good at embroidery

(3/10)

France

[ ] You're very affectionate
[ ] You think you have a great fashion sense
[X] You like wine
[ ] You're the master of whispering romantic things into peoples' ears
[ ] You love red roses
[ ] When it comes to l'amour, you don't mind men or women (I mind both, usually.)
[ ] You're very proud of yourself
[X] You love culture and the arts
[ ] You're very flamboyant
[ ] You say you're a gourmet

(2/10)

Russia

[x] You had a very sad childhood.
[ ] You're very tall
[X] You have a tendency to switch between personalities
[ ] You wear a scarf all the time
[ ] You love sunflowers
[ ] You love vodka
[x] You can seem intimidating to other people
[ ] You're very strong
[ ] You have a big nose
[ ] You have a strange laugh that can scare people

(3/10)

China

[x] You're very mature
[ ] You're very superstitious
[x] You're very religious (In my definition of "religion".)
[ ] You love pandas
[ ] You love cooking so much that you nag if food has a certain pattern of tastes
[ ] You love Hello Kitty
[ ] You try to be a role-model for your brothers/sisters/whatever, but are never taken seriously.
[ ] You work hard]
[X] You're good at drawing
[X] You like sweets

(4/10)

And now for some other countries!

Austria

[ ] You are very well-raised
[X] You're polite
[X] You love classical music
[ ] You like cake
[ ] You have a mole on your face
[X] You dedicate your time to your hobbies rather than what needs to be done right away
[x] You are a virtuoso/play very well on at least one instrument
[x] You've composed music before
[ ] You tend to call people 'morons'
[ ] You wear glasses

(5/10)

Canada

[X] You're often ignored by people
[ ] You look younger than you actually are
[ ] You love hockey
[ ] You love polar bears ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/26560939/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/26560939/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:17:36 PDT [x] Blood intrigues you.
[x] You prefer night over day.
[x] Bats and wolves are your friends. (I say it, but they're probably not friends with ME.)
[ ] You wish you could fly.
[ ] You despise mirrors.
[x] Coffins don't bother you in the least.
[ ] Living forever sounds like a great idea. (...)
[ ] You can hang upside down for long periods of time.
[ ] Garlic is your kryptonite.
[x] You sleep all day. (And all night.)

Total: 5

--Frankenstein--
[ ] You owe a lot to your creator. (*snort*)
[ ] Fire is scary!
[ ] You are unpredictable.
[ ] You are very tall.
[x] Little kids are more fond of you than adults.
[x] Most people don't understand you.
[ ] Your speech leaves a lot to be desired.
[x] You often look a little green.
[x] Fashion means nothing to you; it's like you wear the same thing everyday.
[ ] You wish you had more friends.

Total: 4

--Werewolf--
[ ] You're quite furry.
[x] The full moon drives you wild.
[ ] You often wake up in strange places with no memory of the night before.
[ ] Silver repulses you.
[ ] Dogs hate you.
[x] You love raw meat.
[ ] You are pretty strong.
[ ] Pentagrams fascinate you.
[x] You feel kind of cursed.
[ ] Some of your clothes are shredded and bloodstained and you have no idea how they got that way.

Total: 3



--Zombie--
[x] Your skin looks grey.
[x] You rarely speak, but you do groan a lot.
[ ] Brains should be one of the food groups. (It fits into "meat" just fine.)
[x] Your clothes are ratty and tattered.
[x] You're alive, but you feel dead.
[ ] Being near fire makes you uncomfortable.
[ ] Guns scare you.
[ ] You're not very smart.
[x] you have an insatiable desire to feed. (On fruit.)
[x] You lost your personality a long time ago.

Total: 6

--Ghost--
[x] You have some unfinished business to attend to.
[x] You hang out in cemeteries.
[x] You enjoy playing pranks.
[x] Sometimes people act as if you aren't even there. (I aim for that though.)
[ ] You want revenge.
[x] Death surrounds you.
[x] You feel lost.
[x] you like the fog.
[x] You have strange dreams about death/dying.
Total: 8

I'm a ghost.
Don't laugh. >:<

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/24224250/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/24224250/ Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:39:11 PDT Going on "vacation".

Not sure for how long.

Not sure when.

_{Not even sure if I'm going.}

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/24117952/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/24117952/ Tue, 07 Apr 2009 18:40:36 PDT I am no longer viewing deviations with Mature Content.

I have not made progress towards submitting new art.

1 step forward, 2 back.

Excrement happens.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/22046609/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/22046609/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:56:00 PST me?

There might not be a kiriban. The only red currently available is blood, and one wouldn't want that... (It turns brown.)

So... thanks for the views and the memories. Yes, even you-- you who is misguidedly skimming this page for whatever reason... YOU just contributed a PAGE VIEW. How does it feel?

And seeing as how it's December...

_Tolerable
Happy Holidays.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/21393014/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/21393014/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 18:03:08 PST 1. Choose a few of your own characters.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Feel free to go ahead and add some questions yourself!!


The characters:
- Satoshi (the most overlooked character)
- Clue (the vamp-slut we love)
- Rasputin (can't speek-a good Englisch! To ~Eaglefire: Sorry if I mess him up. Let me know if I do.)
- (Hmm... I'm going to do it...) And Dreamcatcher. 8)


Who/What are you?
Satoshi: "An enigma... How can you tell I exist? There's no evidence..."
Clue: "I'm the monster under your bed."
Rasputin: "...Polisch!"
Dreamcatcher:


What's your height?
Satoshi: "ええとね... What unit?"
Clue: "Fuck if I care!"
Rasputin: *counts on fingers*
Dreamcatcher: "Too tall."

How old are you?
Satoshi: "19."
Clue: "I'm like the ageless, immortal vampire. So you can guess numbers and can laugh at you!"
Rasputin: *frowns and starts over again, counting on fingers*
Dreamcatcher: *clears throat* "Thirty-two. I'm not old."

What House are you in? (HP-based charas only)
Clue: "Rumor has it DC is Snape in disguise. Guess he's Slytherin." 8)
Dreamcatcher:

Are you a virgin?
Satoshi: *slowly starts to nod, rethinks, and shakes head*
Clue: *snorts*
Rasputin: *disregards the question, continuing to count on fingers*
Dreamcatcher: "..."

Who's your mate/spouse?
Satoshi: *shakes head* :<
Clue: "Marriage is pointless... UNLESS your fiancee is gullible, naive, and rich."
Rasputin: *frowns* :C
Dreamcatcher: "..."

Do you have any kids?
Satoshi: "Doesn't look like 'They'll' let me. 'They' never let me do anything." :<
Clue: "I eat babies for breakfast." 8|
Rasputin: "Nein..." :C
Dreamcatcher: "...Sigh."

What's your favorite food?
Satoshi: "Apples!"
Clue: "Human lasagna and... scrambled eggs."
Rasputin: "Shnitzel, ja!" 8D
Dreamcatcher: "Wine..." *pauses* "Though that's drink."

Have you ever killed anyone?
Satoshi: *eyes brighten* "Yes."
Clue: "Only a bazillion people."
Rasputin: *shrugs*
Dreamcatcher: "...Isn't it obvious?..."

Do you hate anyone?
Satoshi: "Hatred is for the weak. I dislike 'Them', but..."
Clue: "No fucking duh."
Rasputin: "N-nein."
Dreamcatcher: "Sometimes it's vital."

Do you love anyone?
Satoshi: "Eriko... and Mommy, and little sister."
Clue: "Uh, do I look like I should?"
Rasputin: *taps chin thoughtfully* :<
Dreamcatcher: *chokes a little*

What is your job?
Satoshi: "'They' won't let me have one..."
Clue: "I like Death Wish. Guess I'll work there for a while."
Rasputin: *points at Dreamcatcher* C:
Dreamcatcher: "Founder, producer, and otherwise writer for Death Wish."


What do you do to relax?
Satoshi: "I used to watch myself bleed, but... Mommy took my knives away."
Clue: "Listen to tortured screams. I record them and make mp3's sometimes." 8)
Rasputin: *sudden clear English* "Quantum physics!" C:
Dreamcatcher: "...heh."


There's a person who's teasing you; what could you do?
Satoshi: "Let fools be fools. I would only smile in the face of my opponent and turn the other cheek."
Clue: *snorts* "Make 'em cry! Fuck 'em up!"
Rasputin: *frowns* :C
Dreamcatcher: "...No one... teases me."

What is your sexuality?
Satoshi: "What's that?"
Clue: "Hmm... Does 'necrophilia' count?"
Rasputin: *tilt... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/21087977/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/21087977/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:48:21 PDT
]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/19512558/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/19512558/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:10:19 PDT A: ...I need a heart. (Sigh.)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: I look like a man in drag. ._. (No, I really don't.)

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: I say... "Fight 'Behind Us'?"

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: I want to go nuclear...

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: I do something tasteless; nobody shocked.

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: ...I hate everyone. (Another sigh.)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: I ask judge for a no-contract order against Pa. woman.

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search.
A: I go gangster?

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: I like books about serial killers. (I do!)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: I eat a popsicle.

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: ...I wear my heart on my backside? (EPIC sigh.)

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: I was arrested for assaulting a woman at a nightclub...

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/18847670/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/18847670/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:24:57 PDT
Info (Don't think so...)

Family/Home Life
[]I've sworn at my parents.
[] I've run away from home.
[x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[]I want to have kids someday.
[] I've lost a child.

School/Work (hmm, too self-conscious here)

Embarrassment
[] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry.
[] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[] I've glued my hand to something.
[] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[x] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone
[] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[x]I've had chicken pox.
[] I've had measles

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[] I've been to Canada.
[] I've been to Mexico.
[] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[] I've been to Japan.
[] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[] I've been to Europe.
[] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[] I've been skydiving.
[] I've gone skinny dipping.
[] I've played spin the bottle.
[] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been Skiing.
[] I've been in a play.
[] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[] I've played chicken.
[x]I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships (NO)

Sexuality
[] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[] I am a cuddler.
[] I've been kissed in the rain.
[] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[] I've been in a fist fight.
[x] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[] I regularly drink.
[] I've passed out from drinking.
[] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[] I've smoked weed
[]I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[] I've eaten shrooms.
[] I've popped E.
[] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[] I've done hard drugs.
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[] I've woken up crying
[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[] I've attempted suicide.
[x] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x]I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[] I own something from Pac Sun.
[] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap
[] I own something I got on e-bay.
[] I own something from Abercrombie

Random
[] I can sing well.
[] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[] I open up to others easily.
[] I watch the news.
[x] I... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/18091326/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/18091326/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:25:42 PDT
-1. Do I have a distinct style of drawing?

-2. If so, what exactly is it that defines my "style"?

-3. Would you say my art usually follows a 'theme'?

-4. Is there anything I really need to improve on or change?

-5. Does my style (if I have one) remind you of/look like the style of anyone else?

-6. Judging from whatever art of mine that you've seen, what do you think I do the best at?

-7. What do you think I suck at?

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/17388122/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/17388122/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 22:52:11 PDT [] you have dry skin
[] you eat 1 meal
[x] you're very weak
[x] you hate yourself
[ ] you starve yourself
[x] you have low self esteem
[] you use laxatives
[ ] you need to be more skinny
[ ] people always say you're skinny, but you think you're fat
[x] people think you are too skinny


ADHD (ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER)
[x] your mind is all over the place
[] you are hyper most of the time
[x] you barely pay attention
[x] you can't cooperate
[] you talk all the time
[] you need attention 24/7


BIPOLAR DISORDER
[x] you can act wild at times then the next day you are depressed.
[x] you are very irritable
[x] you are antisocial
[x] you have very high self esteem sometimes
[] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex
[x] you have thought of/attempted suicide

BULIMIA NERVOSA
[] you throw up all of your food.
[] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[x] you have no control over how you eat.
[] you use laxatives.
[] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[] you always say you are fat, when you aren't.
[x] people think you're way too skinny


CONDUCT DISORDER
[] you are a bully.
[] you threaten other people.
[x] you often find yourself in fights.
[] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others.
[] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[] you have raped/molested someone.
[] you destroy property on purpose
[] you always lie.
[] you stay out all night.
[] you have ran away from home.


DEPRESSION
[x] You are always sad.
[x] You find no hope in your future.
[x] You find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[x] you always find yourself in bed/around the house all day.
[x] You have low self esteem.
[x] everything bad happens is always your fault.
[x] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[x] You are failing school.
[x] You have thought of/attempted suicide.
[] you have ran away from home.
[x] Hope is no longer there for you.


OCD (OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER)
[x] You have daily rituals.
[x] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate
[x] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[x] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] you have harmed yourself.
[x] you are afraid you will get any kind of germs.
[x] you have to check some stuff over again.


PTSD (POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER)
[] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[x] you can be/are anti-social.
[x] you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[x] You have not had a lot of sleep lately
[x] you worry about dying at a early age or dying at all.
[x] you can have angry outbursts.
[x] You act younger than your age.

SCHIZOPHRENIA
[x] you often have hallucinations
[x] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[x] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[x] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[x] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[x] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should.
[x] you are very shy.
[x] you often talk to yourself.

Holy crap get me a doctor. Just kidding. I hate those drones.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/16159376/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/16159376/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:24:37 PST
Speaking of such a matter, I'm probably going to stop reading other peoples' Journals. I may also stop talking, replying to comments, etc. I've already stopped posting comments on peoples' deviations; sorry for being rude.

My arm hurts. 'Night.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15304648/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15304648/ Wed, 31 Oct 2007 15:56:50 PDT Naruto appeared on Betty Crocker's head. "Believe it!" he said and vanished, taking her left eye with him.

All that aside, I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to leave dA; so STOP ASKING FOR MY MONEY. Lots more Death Wish is coming your way and maybe some crappy storyboards, a giant fire-spitting baby. You know. The usual. But, I really need to create a character other than Dreamcatcher to pass my time. I was thinking something totally random: like a GIRL. Whatever, I'll think about it. I just know that I am more or less through with fanart. So now I'm brainstorming. I'm no longer happy with my older characters: Satoshi, the suicidal split-personality Asian kid; Narni, the German lady with no face; Hiroko, some Asian bubbly drunkard with no self-control (wow, two alcoholic characters?? pattern?)... huh, that's pretty much all of the characters I've ever created and smiled upon other than Dreamcatcher. (But he doesn't really count. ...Oh, come on, you know what I mean.) And yeah, there are all these people I drew in Death Wish... but most of them are created by other people. Either that or I've not smiled on them.

And, hey, maybe I'll make another comic. "Sounds" is dead. I'd never make a manga about Satoshi-- he's a b*tch to draw. Well? What do you guys want to see? Something completely different and odd? (Something cliche, like Bleach or Inu-Yasha? Something cute, like Tokyo Mew Mew?) Something frightening and philosophical? (Something religious? Something about the end of the world?) Or something totally... like everything else? (Something morbid yet full of dry irony?) Or maybe all you guys want now is comedy...

...But seriously, folks: what do you young whipper-snappers want to see?

(One last question: f I published Death Wish when it's all done and said, WOULD YOU BUY IT OFF THE SHELF? If not... please explain what I'm doing wrong... and if so, please explain what I'm doing so damn right. Because in about two--three issues it's all going to change.)

Right. And I may never follow through with any of this. Just letting you know, it's time for the winds of change to finally freshen the arid atmosphere of this dusty old attic of mine. (Yes, I refer to my thought-cap as an attic.)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15175193/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15175193/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:09:40 PDT [link] (This website may save my butt in the near future; if it even gets that chance.)

(To those that just don't get it, I'm sorry.)

I can't get the month or date of deaths unless I subscribe... Sigh... I hate the internet.

<sub>...Other than that I have some stunning proof to support the theory that I may be dying. No... really. Doesn't that kind of suck? I'll never finish Death Wish (or other issues concerning)! Oh well... Sorry, Dreamcatcher.

...Oh, no-- I don't want him to be sad......</sub>

*smirks* Yeah, just go cry in a corner, why don't I? ahahah...

So sorry I had to make a journal out of this. Most of those who watch me don't care about this stuff. But I'm going to promise here that I will make a journal before I ever leave dA if I feel I have to. (HINT: It's likely that I won't have to. But I'm not quite sure yet.)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15091408/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/15091408/ Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:30:27 PDT 2. Consumed alcohol. [x]
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. []
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. []
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. []
6. Had sex. []
7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x]
8. Watched porn. [x]
9. Bought porn. [ ]
10. Done drugs. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 2

1. Taken painkillers. [x]
2. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [ ]
3. Lied to your parents. [x]
4. Lied to a friend. [x]
5. Been to rehab. [ ]
6. Done something illegal. [x]
7. Cut yourself. [x]
8. Hurt someone. []
9. Been to a club. [ ]
10. Seen someone die. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 7

1. Missed curfew. [x]
2. Stayed out all night. [ ]
3. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. []
4. Been to a therapist. [x]
5. Snuck out of the house. [x]
6. Dyed your hair. [ ]
7. Received a ticket. [ ]
8. Been in an accident. []
9. Wished someone to die. [x]
10. Been to a bar. []
TOTAL SO FAR: 11

1. Been to a wild party. [ ]
2. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ]
3. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ] (hate beer)
4. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ]
5. Sniffed anything. [ ]
6. Wore black nail polish. [x]
7. Wore arm bands. []
8. Wore t-shirts with band names. [x]
9. Listened to rap. [x] (radio...)
10. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 14

1. Dressed Gothic. [x]
2. Dressed prep.[ ]
3. Dressed punk. [x]
4. Dressed grunge. [ ]
5. Stole something. [x]
6. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ]
7. Blacked out. []
8. Fainted. []
9. Had a crush on a neighbor. []
TOTAL SO FAR: 17

1. Snuck into someone else's room. []
2. Had a crush on your friend. []
3. Been to a concert. [x]
4. Dry-humped someone. []
5. Been called a slut. [ ]
6. Called someone a slut. [x]
7. Installed speakers in your car. [ ]
8. Broken a mirror. [ ]
9. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [ ]
10. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. [x]
TOTAL SO FAR: 20

1. Consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ]
2. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [x]
3. Cruised the mall. []
4. Skipped school. [x]
5. Had surgery. [x] (intramuscular hemangioma-- say that 5 times fast.)
6. Had an injury. [x]
7. Gone to court. [x]
8. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. []
9. Caught something on fire. [x]
10. Lied about your age. [x]
TOTAL SO FAR: 27


1. Owned/rented an apartment. [ ]
2. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ]
3. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. []
4. Got in trouble with the police. [x]
5. Talked to a stranger. [x]
6. Hugged a stranger. [ ]
7. Kissed a stranger. [ ]
8. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ]
9. Been harassed. [x] (sigh...)
10. Been verbally harassed. [x] (once more, sigh...)
TOTAL SO FAR: 31

1. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. []
2. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. []
3. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. []
4. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x]
5. Been to a fair. [x]
6. Been called a bad influence. [x]
7. Drink and drive. [ ]
8. Prank-called someone. [x]
9. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. []
10. Cheated on a test. []
TOTAL SO FAR: 35


-If You Have Less Then 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]

I'm a bad... kid....?? *feels stupid* I hate these things.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/14265516/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/14265516/ Tue, 21 Aug 2007 01:03:12 PDT 1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 (hopefully interesting) facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal of these facts
4. At the end of the post, 8 more bloggers are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them that they're tagged.
6. Make the last one embarrassing and/or shocking. Please nothing nasty.

hmm.

1. my hair is nearly 3 feet long, oh goodie
2. i like my lettuce topped with mayo mixed with soy sauce. mm.
3. avocado on my sammiches are good. delicious.
4. i put ice in my milk. alternative to ice cream
5. i plan on buying a bunny from the pet store to eat, cute and cuddly?
6. i am madly obsessed with spiders. but who didn't know that?
7. i also like cucumbers in my sammiches. cruncheh.
8th and strangest but not nasty trait of mine .....i see dead people. and they liiiiiiike meeeeeeee. 8)

who shall i tag? i tag... president bush, michael jackson, mr. tacos... i can't come up with 8 people.

RULES: List ten things that are interesting about your art and put it into your journal. Then choose 6 other deviants to tag so they can do this too. Put them into the journal and inform them that they've been tagged.

1. i always, always start with the eyes. If the eyes are not to be present in the drawing... i draw the nose. I simply cannot go any other way about it.
2. I learned to draw, not through tutorials or "How to Draw Manga", but by looking at tons of Hellsing and interpreting the style "my way". That's why my art looks so, shall we say, "illy practiced".
3. red food coloring. It's beautiful and looks just like blood.
4. i cannot draw unless i feel like it. if i do not feel like drawing everything comes out with 5x the wonk.
5. a lot of what i draw comes from dreams i have, or ideas i get when listening to music. i need inspiration to ever do anything. this is why i barely take requests.
6. Dreamcatcher exists in real life? WHAT?? absurd! How much else of what i draw is based on real-life experiences, i wonder?
7. i don't think my art will ever impact anyone without something disturbing and/or unusual in the picture. I believe making the mind disgusted and alert will allow the message to flow through clearly. :/ so sorry guys...
8. a lot of my colored pencil pictures are enhanced in color with ballpoint pencil cross-hatching that never seems to show. but oh, does it ever make a difference.
9. people believe that because of the images i create that i am disturbed and "need help". Well. For those people this may occur to be odd [running out of ideas] but with every drawing i make i become more sane. I'm pouring all my depression and malaria on you guys with every deviation you view.
10. most of the time i don't know what i'm drawing until it's finished. one reason why i submit in groups is because i will have many projects at once and finish them all at the same time. many projects "go bad" and are left behind.

Who to tag? who cares?

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/14215909/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/14215909/ Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:55:22 PDT no one cares I AM POSTING THIS FOR MY OWN USE BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL FORGET THIS AWESOME LINK THAT HAS BROUGHT ME TO ETERNAL WISDOM. (only... i'm not sure if i want to look at it yet... maybe i'll just wait for the manga. when does the 9th one come out? very soon, i bet?!!)

[link]

Ahh, Kohta... You may never read this, but you are my idol and i will not rest until i can draw so perfectly and write a series so amazing and captivating as such. And no, i'm not a stalker yet, but i will be promoted to the level sooner rather than later. Keep drawing, keep publishing manga. And don't you die on me! That would be the darkest day of my life!

this has nothing to do with... well, a fangirl's fascinations. I am very deeply. In love. With this series. 8)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13956862/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13956862/ Tue, 31 Jul 2007 13:14:07 PDT

[X] I own at least a whole series of manga volumes
[] I own an anime plushie/cushion
[] I own at least 7 anime posters in my room i hate posters...
[X] I own at least 2 anime videogames
[ ] I own an anime board game
[] I own anime food/drinks ...wtf?
[] I own anime various objects
[] I own an anime site/group/shrine
[] I own at least 8 anime dvds download, download, download!
[x] I own at least 2 OSTs download, download, download!
[x] I own a pile of at least 12 inches of anime magazines they were once ~Hinomis...
[] I own at least 3 anime keychains

Total: 4


Have you...

[ ] prefered a non-anime series more than anime? o_0 like wot?
[x] downloaded hentai? the crap you get when you only wanted Pokemon...
[ ] been to an anime expo?
[x] said that you don't like anime? i think it's getting too repetitive. they're all the same!
[x] said that anime lovers are weird?
[x] told anyone they're weird because they like anime?
[x] envied someone's manga collection?
[] stole someone's anime possession?
[x] been more obsessed with a non-anime series than with your favorite anime series?
[X] drawn non-anime characters in anime style?
[x] drawn anime characters in non-anime style? i don't consider my style to be "anime" any longer...

Total: 8


Japanese culture...

[ ] I've been to japan (TT__TT)
[X] I've held a real katana
[x] I've eaten REAL japanese sushi
[x] I've drank sake tastes like

Total: 3

I speak enough japanese to say:

[x] I am your father Dini "watachi?"
[x] my name is ____
[x] where's the restroom? Dini "toire wa doko ni arimasu ka"...
[x] where am I?
[X] I love you never really will use it
[x] mary had a little lamb i can say "mary had a little goat." close enough.

Total: 6

I'm very proud that I know who are:

[x] the CLAMP team
[]Yu Watase
[x] Akira Toriyama AKIRAAA
[] Megumi Hayashibara
[] L`arc en Ciel
[x] Hayao Miyazaki

Total: 3 (need to get out more?)


Music...

[X] I know the lyrics of at least 10 ops and eds of anime series
[] I love to sing the song even though I might have no clue of wth they say
[] I hate singing without knowing the lyrics so I first look for them on internet who would do that?
[] when I first know about a singer, I follow his/her discography and download songs that are related to him/her uhh... what's a discography?
[X] I love instrumental OST music the only OST music I can stand.
[ ] I hate instrumental OST music
[X] I hate it when they translate openings/endings from their original language
[ ] I love it when they translate openings/endings from their original language
[ ] I've been to a J-rock/J-pop concert i could have been. but i never will go to one.

Total: 3


I wish...

[] I could meet my favorite anime character!!
[] I could meet Cloud and Sephiroth...
[] I could use magic
[] I was a neko cats are pure evil
[X] I had the entire manga collection of my favorite series wait... "i wish?"
[] I've seen ep "x" of my favorite anime series!! ...wtf?
[] they made a sequel of my anime series. leave the goodness alone with your evil "next generations.
[] they made a videogame of my anime series i'd be so disappointed.
[ ] I could meet the seiyuus from the series wutttttt?
[] I'd fall into a strange world inhabitated by magic spirits and later realized that to come back to my world I had to save that world first. ....no. i'd never spend the time or energy.
[] I had a plushie of my favorite anime character!
[ ] I had a whole bedsheet set of my favorite anime series!
... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13930843/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13930843/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:51:00 PDT
Also, I have obtained Prismacolor colored pencils, which I have yet to even open, that should also be used on my latest deviations. I have not been in need of them quite yet, but rumor has it that these pencils are "teh bomb" (internet speak, I suppose) and should definitely replace my Crayola set (which I jacked off some kid, I believe). These things should [hopefully] assist in masking my actual lack of artistic talent, creating "mega manga"!

Aside from this, I have been quite worried as to how on earth I am to use the Crow Quill pen. It does not really cooperate with me a good 75% of the time, but so far I"m blaming this on lack of practice. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make my pen and ink experience a better one, I am very open to advice. My problems with this pen include... well... there's a hole in the paper where my cross-hatching used to be. The nib is so sharp it scratches straight though the paper at times. Also, long lines are a difficult thing for me to make, as well as covering large areas. I would love suggestions regarding how to use my ink to make deep black over large areas without cross-hatching, as I am still using Sharpie...

Aside from that, the OC's I am featuring in my newest Death Wish are now to be announced. ~Kyrig-Anoshatari, *Eaglefire, ~sonofthereaper, and ~cloudlesssky are all to be in the next issue, when I do complete it. Not to mention, half of the comic will be [butchered/amazing] due to the use of my new supplies. Who knows who will win... I'm not telling....

For those that wish to participate, it's never too late. Not ever. In fact, I encourage it. Make a character and send me the information.

[On a final, more insignificant note, I have recently read the new "fab manga", "Death Note". I do not like it. It is full of dialog and inner thoughts of the characters. For future reference, I am deciding never to reveal what my characters are thinking throughout the comics I write. If it's a Mystery, it needs suspense (Also. Light needs a pimp slap.^^)]

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13750440/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13750440/ Sun, 15 Jul 2007 22:52:59 PDT
[x] You hate the world.
[x] You hate society.
[x] You think vampires are cool.
[x] You write poetry.
[ ] You have colored your hair black for Halloween. (don't dress up anymore. pah.)
[x] You wear black/blue eyeliner. (only very rarely, but, eh.)
[x] You write poetry that's not for school. (why write for school?)
[x] You are freakishly obsessed with darkness. (i can talk to the voices better.)
[x] You think love is a waste of time. (HELLZ YES. DX it ruins lives)
[x] You've given up on the world.

Total = 9

[x] You've shopped at Hot Topic.
[x] You've spent over $100 at Hot Topic. (at one time or overall? oh well.)
[x] You wear more bracelets than a Russian. (they wear em too?)
[x] You own a dog collar, that's not for your dog.
[x] You're extremely pale. (definitely considering my family background)
[ ] You are a member of a poetry site. (ew, internet.)
[x] Your screen name has been an oxymoron. (have you seen my username?)
[] You are an atheist or agnostic. (how could i be after all i've seen?)
[] You don't believe in god. (again, not after all i've seen.)
[] Your screen name has/had X's in it. (what a stupid letter. why don't we just type out "ks"?)

Total = 6

[x] You have been referred to as scary.
[x] You have been referred to as demented.
[x] You have been referred to as weird.
[x] You have been known to hate teachers.
[] You have been known to cause trouble. (I think i am getting more polite as i feel older)
[ ] Your hair has been dyed a color that was not natural. (ew. against my religion.)
[ ] You have at least one photoshopped picture on myspace.
[x] You think pictures look better in greyscale or sepia tone. (my gallery just reeks in color, now, doesn't it?)
[x] You are scared of yourself sometimes.

Total = 6

[x] Suicide has crossed your mind. (oh come on. find me someone who hasn't thought of suicide. I'll give them a reason to kill themselves simply by talking to them about life's ways.)
[x] You have screamed before. (How does this make ANYONE emo?)
[x] You use big words that no one has ever heard before on occasion. (No. This quiz. It's getting ridiculous.)
[] You've seen The Exorcist. (Wish.)
[] You liked The Exorcist.
[x] You've seen Saw.
[ ] You liked Saw. (It was a bland movie with little taste. I swear, that killer needed more... well... "flavor".)
[x] You've done voodoo.
[x] You hate sports.
[ ] You dress up as the most morbid thing possible on Halloween. (cape? mask? i don't think so.)

Total = 6

[x] Halloween is one of your favorite holidays (candy?)
[x] You have an obsession with fire. (err... kinda... but not when it's on me. does this really make me emo?)
[x] You have only a couple of actual friends. (i am choosy about people that i hang with.)
[x] You're not afraid of spiders. (I LOVE THEM TO DEATH.)
[x] You have had a conversation about how you want to die. (Only with people that want to listen and laugh.)
[x] You've painted your nails black. (regret it.)
[ ] One or more of your myspace pics had writing on them.
[ ] You have had the word "...." in your display name. (That's a word?)
[x] You love art. (Well, am I here or am I here?)
[x] You like art with negative meanings (Negativity is... well. Symbolic, and mysterious.)

Total = 8

Overall Total = 35

Multiply your total by 2.

Total: 70.

...what's it mean?

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13598048/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13598048/ Tue, 03 Jul 2007 20:40:31 PDT
The more [x]'s the dumber you are.
Be completely Honest!

18 or lower means you're not stupid.


[] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. i don't like gum.

[] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. ditto

[ ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.

[x] You have jumped out/off of a moving vehicle. shouldn't that mean i'm awesome?

[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed out loud, then people gave you weird looks. half a point. i wasn't given a look at all.

[ ] You have ran into a tree.

[x] It Is possible to lick your elbow. of course. i couldn't live with a bleeding elbow. how am i stupid?

[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow. i knew it was possible.

[] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm. not only do they share a rhythm: they share also a melody, chord progression, and meter.

[] You just tried to sing them.

[ ] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen my shoelaces are above my shins

[x] You have choked on your own spit. laughing at people being slaughtered in a movie

[ ] You have seen the the Matrix and still don't get it. never watched it

[] You didn't notice that in the last question "the" was spelled twice.

[] You just looked at it.

[ ] Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde. getting a shade darker every year away from the sunlight

[x] People have called you slow. just because i don't get out much...

[x You have accidentally caught something on fire. it was always on purpose

[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.

[x] You have caught yourself drooling. that's what long periods of emotional trauma do to a person

[x] You've fallen asleep in class. brought a pillow

[ ] If someone says "fart" you laugh.

[x] sometimes you just stop thinking. it's a major stress reliever...

[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about. so many interruptions...

[x] People shake their heads and walk away from you. none of them believe me. they say i'm incorrigible. what a fact.

[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice".

[] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[ ] You have eaten a bug. how does this make one stupid? what if one had to survive a tough time?

[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something important. nothing important to do

[] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.

[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, hair or pocket.

[ ] You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't even when you know it won't happen to you. i'm not afraid of bad luck. it follows me. that and a terrible love life. i love every second of my sadness!

[ ] You break a lot of things. i'm very careful...

[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you

[x] You sometimes tilt your head when you're confused. which is why i need a head-tilt emoticon. what? it's a way to visually explain to people that YOU ARE CONFUSED. like smiling when you're happy. does this make me stupid as well?

[] You have fallen out of your chair before.

[x] When you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling. there is a rabbit on the ceiling...

[ ] The word "umm" is used many times a day.


Total: 14

clubs i'm in: (secretly hoping no more clubs want my soul... because i'm not used to this distant-social-gathering-organization) ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13491674/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13491674/ Mon, 25 Jun 2007 22:30:56 PDT

Name - POTH-san
Gender - a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Age - looking good... for 500.
Screen Name - ...prayerofthehopeless?
Birthday - 13/67/34692
Race - Puuuuuuuuu bing jao paaah...
Year/Grade - 5423926583
Job - i wish.
Status - (what? oh. *thinks pokemon) PSN
Hometown - So outrageous, the toll~ YOu could lose all~ you have~ He refuuuused to give in~ to the town that takes~ all~~~~
Current Town - ...i live in a dark place now... (The Ring)
Parents Still Together? - killed them both.
Siblings - dropped as babies.
Pets - are awesome.
Smoker - leads a life of depression and coughing
Drinker - is such due to depression and coughing
Virgin - is a way of saying "people suck"
Orientation - is now becoming a vague thing on this lonely planet. how stupid. why even bother? THERE IS NO SEX IN VIOLENCE.
Drugs - gimme another bottle~ of hot, fresh, prozac~

APPEARANCE
Hair Colour - Brown
Is It Dyed? - Nope
Eye Colour - changes with my mood
Height - about 3 kilometers
Style - ...
Glasses/Contacts - sunglasses. i hate people looking at my eyes.
Freckles - why?
Body Type - O negative (jk i've no clue)
Shoe Size - in what country?
Piercings - are strange
Want More? - more what?
Tattoos? - they're weird too
Braces? - made by the cruelest of sadists: orthodontists. (They're even worse than me, I think. THEY CAN KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AS THEY "WORK".)
Overall Best Feature - my hatred
Overall Worst Feature - my hatred
Do you get most of your traits from Mom or Dad? - i don't have a mom or dad. i was grown on a tree.

LIKES/DISLIKES
Favourite Colour - don't be prejudiced.
Worst Colour - DON'T YOU DARE BE PREJUDICED.
Favourite Number - whyyyyyyyy the prejudice?
Favourite Animal -
Least Favourite Animal -
Favourite Flower - ...Morning Glory...?
Favourite Food - hm. california rolls.
Worst Food - pizza
Favourite Junk Food - ...california rolls
Worst Junk Food - ...PIZZA!
Favourite Restaurant - ...ah....
Favourite Ice Cream Flavour - ice cream makes me sad.
Favourite Candy - ...come on.........
Favourite Alcoholic Drink - ...chardonnay...
Favourite NON Alcoholic Drink - gyuunyuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Worst Alcoholic Drink - beer.
Worst NON Alcoholic Drink - grapefruit juice
Favourite Genre- ....stop. the. prejudice. (okay, classical.)
Worst Genre - rap
Favourite Band/Artist - Black Heart Procession
Worst Band/Artist - Flogging Molly. That's right. I SAID IT.
Favourite Song - ...............Prayer of the Hopeless. by me. (I'm so full of it.)
Worst Song - this is stupid.
Favourite Radio Station - eww, radio. public radio may be alright with me. that or the classical station.
Favourite Book - books... make me sad....
Favourite Type of Movie - Horror
Favourite Movie - The Legend of 1900
Worst Movie Ever - Death Note annnnnnnd FMA
Favourite TV Show - Death Wish
Worst TV Show - Amen -_- COMES ON RIGHT AFTER JUDGE JOE BROWN.
Favourite Season of the Year - ...
Worst Season - -_-
Best Friend - DC
Worst Enemy - i have sinned. i have been guilty of hating all mankind.
Favourite Day of the Week - saturday. let me sleep.
Least Favourite Day of the Week - monday. let me SLEEP.
Favourite Sport - archery
Sport You Hate - football
One thing you cant get enough of - being scared shitless
One thing you hate more than anything - people

LOVE LIFE
Are You Single? - This, uh... this is funny.
If not, who is your bf/gf? - Hilarious, in fact.
How Long Have You Been Together? - PFFFFTT *coughs into a pillow*
If You're Single, Do you Like It? - are you kidding? I would die otherwise.
Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now? - *can't help it anymore and bursts into fits of raucous laughter*
Ever Kiss in the Rain? - I LOVE THE RAIN! THE CLOUDS ARE PISSING ON ME!
In a movie theatre? - ehh... who would do that?
Underwater? - who would do THAT? ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13413456/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13413456/ Tue, 19 Jun 2007 23:10:04 PDT [link]

Willing to allow most of anyone to join. Involves extended scenes of gore, death, and murderous incidences. May be influential to children, and should therefore be hidden. Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13279591/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13279591/ Sat, 09 Jun 2007 15:14:54 PDT
Soooooo.... I'm calling for "requests I can handle".

Send in any OC that you would want featured in Death Wish, but know that it will be almost impertinent that your character dies. Also know that though I have your OC I may or may not know what I want done with it, so a little "story" behind the character's background would be helpful, along with what you want to see happen to your character. There is a one in four chance that your character may win (or less if I'm in a bad mood) so also include whatever your OC would wish for in the chance that there is a winning. But. In the case that I'm angry and/or draw the short straw for your buddy, also include how you want to see your character die.^^ I am not all too fond of acid deaths, fiery deaths, or anything else that is difficult to draw, so I may fail on occasion to completely fulfill your requests. SOME PORTIONS OF YOUR REQUEST MAY BE CHANGED TO MY LIKING.

Ask questions if something appears to be concerning, or if you don't have an OC but do have an idea (or vice-versa). I keep thinking I'm about to give up on this series, so help is appreciated.

For those who have questions about Death Wish in general (because I'm a terrible story teller) I will accept those as well...... [cough]

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13113666/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/13113666/ Sun, 27 May 2007 14:34:31 PDT



1.Grab the book nearest to you, turns to page 18, and find line 4.

Sure... okay... (why...?)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.

Pssht

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Some special on Hitler. Yes... that and "America's Most Wanted". I want to know who is so genius to put dismembered torsos in suit cases and toss them into major rivers.


4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

Screw that, I'm LOOKING.


5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

2:20. As I thought.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

People SCREAMING.


7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

...I hate going out

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

*slices self open with a chinese cleaver*

11. When did you last laugh?

When I killed a man


12. What are on the walls you are in?

COCKROACHES

13. Seen anything weird lately

HMPH.


14. What do you think of this quiz?

WHAT DID I DO


15. What is the last film you saw?

........gluhhhhh.........


16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy

I wouldn't spend a penny.


17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

who is this "me" and "I"? NEVER.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

...the existance of myself and countless amounts of other people


19. Do you like to dance?

O_O I think my last answer should have been "to omit the art of dance from this earth permanently".


20. George Bush:

........?!!


21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I wouldn't name her. I'd kill her. Boil her alive.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Hah, I'd hang that one by his ankles and slice his arms and head off. Watch it all fall apart.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Depends. Would that be living in a cave as a cannible?

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?


I would remain perfectly silent. (Hmm... maybe I'd ask if I could sleep somewhere....)

25.Tag six people

NO. (sonofthereaper. you... you DID IT. DAMMIT I'M GOING TO BED.)

At the conclusion of this exasperating quiz I would like to inform all who read that I am indeed quite mad and that perhaps half of my answers are indeed true. Perhaps I would not kill the babies in such a manner: I'd probably do something that causes less of a scene, like leave them in the streets for someone who WANTS them. Also, if I lived in a cave, well, I just wouldn't be able to take the outdoors. I would like to say finally that I am not angry, I do not bear a grudge against sonofthereaper, but that I am simply tired and if I really did hate all this I would not have participated in the madness. (Oh, I can't think... that's it, I'm going to bed.)

TO FUTURE "taggers": I will never take these things seriously. 3V3R.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12994541/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12994541/ Thu, 17 May 2007 21:00:23 PDT
"Have you thought of getting a tophat?"
"...Maybe."

"Were you alive in a time that tophats were popular?"
"........no..."

...funny he actually responds.

"Can you present yourself physically?"
"YES."

"Would you do that right now?"
".....NO! "

(I don't remember the rest too well...)

thanks to for letting him be happy!^^

EDIT: And then the sequel to the madness...

up and po'd dc, and not I'm not going to get any sleep! Yeah, I guess it wasn't much of an "interview" per se, but a lot of weird crap happened. A lot. It got... scary.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12905251/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12905251/ Wed, 09 May 2007 21:11:22 PDT
"Have you thought of getting a tophat?"
"...Maybe."

"Were you alive in a time that tophats were popular?"
"........no..."

...funny he actually responds.

"Can you present yourself physically?"
"YES."

"Would you do that right now?"
".....NO! "

(I don't remember the rest too well...)

thanks to for letting him be happy!^^

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12542371/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12542371/ Tue, 10 Apr 2007 16:36:10 PDT and now... I'm supposed to take the first five requests that slap me in the face.

Or. Things can get interesting.

The first five to comment have to endure a morbid gameshow of sorts, and the one winner gets to place a request. And the rest... will have to perish.

...Hm? I know this is a story idea. I'm almost done with the sequel, itakun. DON'T HURT ME.

(And the comic is going *kaploosh!* already. Noooo~...)

I requested a happy noodle boy comic. I got it...

And now...

Now... my fate is in your hands. (P.S. I already know of meagerassassin's endeavors to get me to draw a flower. But. I have not had "flower magic" on me lately. Apologies. And. A forewarning... requests take me a long-ass time. Forever. And no. No hentai. I've already gotten a shitload of those from hormonal adolescents. They'd pay me $50. I said... NO.)

Oh, make it bloody~! (BUT TELL HAPPYPILLS666 I NEEDS MORE RED.)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12474366/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12474366/ Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:11:09 PDT
I DID IT

I FOUND HELLSING ULTIMATE THREE RAWS ON YOUTUBE

AND I WAS THE FIRST TO WATCH THEM... ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

(For those interested, all videos should be under my favorites. I have the sam username on youtube that I do here, and everywhere...)

IT WAS SOOOOOOOO GREAT

FANTASTIC

....*insert something pornographic and extreme here*

I NEED MORE NOW when does the fourth one come out?

Oh, and one more thing. BERNADETTE!!!! (And of course... NAZIS!!!!)

AND ALUCARD OMG THAT GUY BLEEDS SOOOOO MUCH IT ISN'T EVEN LOGICAL THE GUIY'S MY HERO I'M GIONG TO GO CUT MYSELF OPEN NOW AND LAUGH ABOUT IT

(For those who feel the slightest concern... for me... you probably should. In fact, dial 911 right now. I might be dying.)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12473384/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12473384/ Thu, 05 Apr 2007 16:49:09 PDT
Also. I don't know. Feel like typing how I feel...? (I guess.) Boredom is overtaking me.

I... I'm feeling like nothing I do matters [again]. I'm noticing that my actions just make everything all the worse, making me want to shift back to doing... nothing. Waiting til I die. Waiting til some hobo wants to do me the favor. I'll give him a gun. Knives, even. Dying by knives sounds a lot more like... fun. Stab me once, let me run around screaming a bit, wait til I calm, then repeat. Oh. Joy. (No, I'm not undergoing the emo "I want to kill myself" thing. Just hoping it would... stop getting worse. And I'm not suicidal at the moment. At all. Just very... VERY... negative.)

I've been thinking. I don't think I'm crazy. (To some... this may be really random.) I don't think that I'M CRAZY. I mean. Seriously. Who actually BELIEVES (and was told by a doctor or psychologist) that they are insane? There are people out there... who should, apparantly, be what we'd call "nutcases". But they constantly INSIST that they aren't crazy! And, maybe it's true, right? I DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY. I was born... special in my own way? And so was EVERY OTHER PERSON. I SWEAR. If I'm crazy, so is... everybody else.

Doctors need to CHILL. There is a disorder in them before the day that I'm diagnosed with things like ADD. What, because I heard voices in fourth grade and couldn't keep track of anything? They want MONEY. They would be able to TRACK DOWN A MENTAL DISORDER IN ANY HUMAN BEING. No, not just humans; you can order freaking PROZAC for DOGS. Now, I don't know what others may think of this, but... a depressed DOG?? Now, my dog isn't SLITTING ITS WRISTS in the bathroom. WHAT THE HELL. A DEPRESSED DOG. Therefore. I philosophize that there is a slight mental disorder now that is like... anxiety. It's like paranoia. It's the INSISTING of a mental disorder in an individual that appears to be PERFECTLY HEALTHY. I can dress myself in the morning. I really CAN. Therefore. There is nothing wrong with me that would lead me to believe that I am INSANE. I have never attempted suicide. I AM NOT DEPRESSED. I've heard things and seen things before that shouldn't exist. But... haven't we ALL?? It's just DREAMING when your eyes happen to be open. It's a matter of psychology, the mind playing tricks. THIS IS SILLY. Oh, and what. I'm tired every once in a while. I get stomach aches every once in a while. I get terrible migraines quite often. BUT I AM NOT SICK. I'M NOT. I HATE PEOPLE FOR THINKING THESE ODD THINGS AND INSISTING ON TRYING TO HELP. NO. PEOPLE WERE BORN TO FEEL DISORDER: IT'S JUST SILLY THAT THE DISORDER IS ACKNOWLEDGED.

I am not strange, oh no. And I'll prove it... somehow. I'll draw and write and compose until there is nothing left to say... starting with...?

...Am I sounding weird right now? Am I ranting again?

hrm. And here I was, thinking I was on to something. But I'm not. I'm just... losing my mind. Completely.

I feel like writing a fictional suicide note. I think I'll go do that.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12148993/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12148993/ Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:15:02 PDT Bass player, drummer, guitarist, cellist, violinist. Maybe even a good singer.

PURPOSE:
....please? You'll make money if my albums sell.......

PAY:
None. Sorry. Unless I make money off these albums.

DIFFICULTY OF MUSIC:
Hah! It' laughable! (That's how easy it all is... unless you happen to be a cellist. )

ASSIGNMENT TO MUSICIANS:
Either play music already written out for you OR help me write music for your specific part. Also, you must be able to tell me if I made any errors in writing the music that are specific to YOUR PART. (i.e. range errors, too many notes at once, etc. BUT I'M NOT STUPID.) You will be required to read music, or be able to comp to the following chord progressions on any key: iv, i, VI, i; i, iv, V, i; ah, I've run out of ideas. Musicians are expected to practice a bit. Record your part either with "the group" or on your own, and I may be able to complie the tracks. I f played seperately in different tracks ALL PARTS MUST HAVE STEADY TEMPO PLAYED NEXT TO A METRONOME BUT MAKE SURE THE MET DOES NOT CLICK.

I'm sorry if I annoy you all. I'm really stuck, and I have a new "vision" in mind.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12069436/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/12069436/ Mon, 05 Mar 2007 15:12:24 PST
...I hope new stuff shows up soon. I'll have to see to that issue presently.........

HEY!! featured me! THAT---IS---AWESOME!!!! *first time I've been featured... 3v3r* btw, there's cool stuff in THAT person's Gallery, as well.

HOO-RAH!!!

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11871009/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11871009/ Sun, 18 Feb 2007 16:55:44 PST
(I need to get Gulpin at L26 so it can evolve into a Swalot.
And I need to get Cacnea at L32 to evolve into a Cacturne.)

You know what sucks most about losing in this contest? I saw the winners. Oh, I SAW the winners. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD VOTE FOR "KITTY-SASUKE" BEFORE ALUCAAAARD?!! WHAT ARE KIDS TURNING INTO THESE DAYS????? *hates kitties... and Sasuke*


(...*PING!* Gulpin grew to L16.)

What is it about my art that is... "unappealing"? I mean, obviously SOMETHING is wrong. The Asians all say, "Oh, YOU entry No. 15?" And I'm like, "Yes, I'm that Alucard. What's it to you?" And Asians say, "Oh, you not get enough vote." And I'm like, "WHAT??" Hm. No, maybe I expected that a little more than that. I was more like, "Oh, OK." And the Asian says, "THIS one got enough vote." THEN I said, "WHAT??"

(...*PING!* Gulpin grew to L 17! Gulpin is trying to learn Amnesia. However, Gulpin can't learn more than four moves. Delete a move to make room for Amnesia? YES (NO). Stop learning Amnesia? (YES) NO. Gulpin did not learn Amnesia.)

Do the colors I use simply not catch the eye? Or was it that I used a picture for "reference"? (Dini knows what "reference" means when used in this context, THANK YOU MR. SQUEAK.) Is the detail too subtle? I AM QUESTIONING MY OWN EXISTANCE! I thought I had a fighting chance this year, seeing the stuff on the wall and how well I did on that picture... BUT NO!! I can never show my face in public again! Waaaahahahahhh... *being a baby*

(...*PING!* Gulpin grew to L18.)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11603308/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11603308/ Sun, 28 Jan 2007 18:28:25 PST The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things/hates about yourself" and people who get tagged MUST write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things/hates as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose
the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours...

(POTH: Honestly, I'm not going to take this too seriously, so I expect you all to experience the same "serious level" as I would expect of all you... IF YOU DON' WANNA THEN DON'T!)

I've been tagged by :lazylad: apparently... *sigh*... I'm so confused and this has all happened so fast...

Erm.
1. I only do what I want, when I want, how I want it; despite the concern of others...
2. I keep writing journals that no one reads, so I know only a fraction of my Watchers will read this (thank you, Dini; you've kept up with me SO FAR...)
3. I'll have an amazing idea, start drawing it, have to go do something, and the project will be completely forgotten by the time I get back... and then I'll never want to finish it...
4. I obsessively eat, at all times; I almost constantly have something that I'm munching on
5. I am ADDICTED to sushi, and I'm now broke because of it
6. I keep having these frequent breakdowns at parties, idk, and I can't stop living in my "alternative realm"... (ever wonder where I get 80% of my original drawing ideas? guys?)

I guess I'm tagging these people, don't get mad if you're chosen first/last, this isn't order of operations or order of "favorites" or anything...

1. Kebbige HAH-HAH you've been tagged
2. Umm.. (let's see, who else doesn't mind my poking?) HellSentDreams HAH-HAH
3. Grrrrrr... Aucifiel?
4. Humph... TheOriginalSilence.... *just listing off random people that come to mind*
5. Kyrig-Anoshatari...? (I think that's how you spell it)
6. ...I wasn't going to do this, but KINI-KINOKU OH BUUURRRRRRRRRN. (That's right; hate me.)

...I'm not going to bother sticking things on your pages, that sounds dumb to me right now. *not in the happiest mood*

So, about the project. (save the best for last) It's going to be a ginormous Spirit Encyclopedia of all of the "hallucinations" that people come up with (see #6 of my pet-peeves if you didn't already) annnd... I've only done about 1 1/4 pages so far. (It's possible, trust me.) They look like things for a new Silent Hill game, but they're really things I either have nightmares about or "see" at random... I"m sure this is how Akira does it, knowing some things about his background and all. Crazy people are the best at creativity because.... anyways. I've already got some... thing down (I don't know, I've seen it around once or twice) and, of course, I'm working on the "Spirit Vampire" profile right now. (Nasty buggers...) I think even things like Undead Pelican would make it in *glowers at Dini expectantly for entries* and I don't knwo why I'm doing this at all! Maybe I'm thrying to prove that I'm not crazy, but this isn't going to help, is it? (NO. It's not.) *gets hit with baka fan* God, I sound like I'm trying to USE you all. Manipulating you for my own deeds that I won't even TALK about until I have your imaginations in my grasp, ready to fling it at the damn conformists! GRAAAHAGAHRGAHRRGAHAGHA!!! (Actually, I just think that I don't have enough ideas yet to even call this an "encyclopedia" so I'm mooching off all you guys... I'll give you credit!) Hm. DOn't draw if you don't want to. All I want is a cute little desciption including height (optional: weight), rank, features, and... well, what it DOES. Hm. Maybe I AM creating a video game in my mind. (See is I can make a video game even as simple as Mario Land, now...) COME ON, GEEKS. I NEED TO HIRE YOOOOOOU! *glares again at Dini*

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11570962/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11570962/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 23:00:54 PST
There is a rare genetic case in about 2000 people in the whole human population called "cystenosis" (please correct me if I have made any spelling error in the name of the diagnosis, or any fact about it). Basically the symptoms are akin to diabetes: massive intake of fluids, not to mention the expelling of fluids, projectile vomiting after eating, and affected eyesight. There is truth to the fact that this thing is like diabetes in the fact that the issue is centered around the kidneys, and is very dangerous if not treated, but cystenosis is very different in many ways.

This diagnosis is seen in people that have a constant thirst, a need for water and vital nutrients at all times. Other symptoms involve the sensitivity toward light, mostly toward the sun. There is also a strange craving for salt (I would rather not talk about what happens between me, my fries, and a salt shaker... but it's almost almost ALMOST worse than that) though the dehydration issue still remains. So, WHY EAT SO MUCH SALT IF THERE IS A DEHYDRATION PROBLEM? This is because of the need for the minerals in salt, and the proteins in food items (advanced hunger may be another symptom). All this relates to the malfunctioning of kidneys, not filtering the water that is desperately needed: simply passing it through to become waste. This results in dehydration and minor malnutrition (remember that much is bering consumed, and that the kidneys are not the only source of nutrition absorption) and in the worst cases, death at an early age. It may also include stunted growth because of the lack of nutrition so the body won't have more area to cover because it simply cannot deal with what it already has. But, kidneys do not fail on their own: there is normally an outside reason for these things.

In this case, it is in the matter of this thing with the sensitivity toward light. A child later diagnosed with this illness would not go outside in broad daylight without sunglasses, participating in activities indoors otherwise. If exposed to the sun he would lick the back of his hands and rub them into his eyes, his parents here theorizing tht it was the dehydration that dried his eyes and made him sensitive to outdoor climates, where it is dryer and the humidity percentage is lower. But, a closer inspection of the child's eyes confirmed that there were many tiny crystals inside his eye, intensifying the rays of the sun so that even looking about in the bright conditions could cause retinal damage; like looking into the sunlight through a magnifying glass. The question then lies: what are these crystals?

There are crystals in the body that the kidneys are supposed to rid of (and God knows what they are called, I have a terrible memory when it comed to these things). The kidneys, having failed the body, did not remove or dispose of these crystals at all, and they have been attracted to the eyes where they have been reaking havoc for years. This explains why someone with cystenosis would require some type of sheild or shade from the sun when walking about in clear weather.

Go ahead and search this thing up on the internet for more details-- I'm done talking about that disease (because I don't even know if I'm spelling it right).

NOW~ here is where my theories from BEFORE come into play.

I had earlier believed that "vampires" (oh God, don't shoot me) need the blood for vital nutrients (how many times have I used that word?) more than for the fact that... well, they'd just... shrivel up and die. I THINK THERE IS A LOGICAL EXPLANATION AS TO "WHY BLOOD". (Aside from the fact that blood is pretty and it tastes good... ANYWAYS.) Also, some kind of evidence links to the fact that, in legends past, vampires have been choosy about victims; this probably linking to blood type, resulting in the need for blood because of lack of red/white cell production... etc, etc. (That part doesn't matter here.) Now, I believed that- since the blood is being used as in a transplant via consumption- that somehow the liquids from the stomach are being taken to the bloodstream without tampering (and don't you ask how, I don't quite know that part yet). THEREFORE, the nutrients would be in the body without needing to be filtered through the kidneys, and the vampire's like, "Yay me... (?)" And yes, blood is VERY nutrient rich. Don't tell me otherwise.

Well, this leads me to wonder how much blood would need to be consumed over a time period under these conditions and so on and so on, so... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11451711/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11451711/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 18:32:11 PST Here's my silly list of 10 reasons..
1. It's so ASIAN! (I love asians... in a humorous way. )
2. This guy, right? He's got the funniest facial expressions I've ever seen on a human being; and he's ASIAN!
3. Everyone's speaking in a language that sounds like someone threw a pot down the stairs (Chinese) and that is ASIAN!
4. The movie is not scary at all, just tense during the elevator scene... because the only ones who can make rock-on elevator scenes are ASIANS!
5. If you've watched "The Eye" you'll remember the ASIAN kid that was constantly asking for his report card, and he... Well, I wouldn't give it away.
6. It may result in new fears, such as that of: balls, umbrellas, chopsticks clicking agaisnt a bowl, and ASIANS!
7. This movie was hilarious, and ASIAN!
8. The special effects are as terrible as a 14-year-old kid on Photoshop (not to dis anyone on dA, it's just that those kind of effects are NOT for scary movies) even though it was made by high-tech ASIANS!
9. There's a breakdancing scene in it, with gangster kids that are ASIAN!
10. ASIAN!

So, if you aren't amused by terrrrrrible special effects and/or asians looking at spirits by bending over and looking between their legs... you have no sense of humor, and I hate you. ^^ (And, if you are offended by my constant racism toward asians... I can prove you wrong. I'm making fun of a good portion of my heritage every time I use the word, you know.) I looked for this movie on youtube, but no one has it, I guess. So, I'm trying to download it off BearShare, but it won't be downloaded until tomorrow... IF I'M LUCKY.

Also, anyone can tell me anything about this, but... when does Hellsing Ultimate 3 come out? I'm so anxious ot see it, I swear it'll be the best of them all, O---M---G. *hyperventilates* I have no connections to wevsites stating releases in japan, and once it's out in japan it'll be subbed on the internet within the week. (I love the fansubbers that have no LIFE.^^) Heck, I'll even watch the Raws; I should be able to follow along for most of it, unless it's gone haywire from here on out... They didn't even finish up the 2nd manga in the last Ultimate, which had me disappointed. (The museum scene, man! The retired japanese people in the MUSEUM! And Pip's first appearance, man, PIP! -I lie, he showed up briefly in the credits, but that is LAZYYYY.-) I'm sure Ultimate 3 comes out... any day, now. I just don't know which day to count on. Hm, it could even be next MONTH, for all I know.

Also, I have submitted my "He's Got A Kuchi on His Kao" to the upcoming contest, and the contest officially begins... TODAY! The voting's begun today! So, to those who don't live locally, keep me in your prayers to your random idols and gods... (I know you all wish on a rabbit's foot, admit it.) And, to those who DO live locally... at least lie to me and tell me you voted for me instead of the 5-year-old prodigy who submitted a photoshopped Kenshin that looks like you could just reach up and feel his hair... or something. (No, those buggers are probably something more like... 40.)

THE END.^^

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11238406/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11238406/ Fri, 29 Dec 2006 21:18:31 PST
I need help to get there, you know!

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11217308/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11217308/ Wed, 27 Dec 2006 23:32:12 PST
Well, I got the candies, I got the meaningless items (clothing and such), and I got the electronics, like my new phone and my digital camera (what the heck am I supposed to use a digital camera for- I think I'll sell it on eBay). Well, there's always those little things that one spends hours on before letting it go and opening the next present, which is more likely than not a pair of socks with bells on them. I never really got that PS2, and then Okami was out of the question, but I did later get to watch Silent Hill, which was actually rented out of a library because my family is cheap like that. Well, it seemed like a miracle at first that I find such a thing in a library, sitting on the shelf with no one to shoot me for it, but then I watched it... and realized that the entire soundtrack was a rip-off of the game soundtrack (which is a good one, btw). I liked the story line, made so many connections and symbolism observations to write a book on, and the creatures with violence were almost astounding, but I was shocked as to how much the original story was marred. I mean, here's this LADY trying to find her daughter SHAREN and her HUSBAND is trying to rescue her and he's not GOING INSANE and then the ending makes you want to CRY because it's soooooo off. Well, I stayed up through the whole thing, laughed at Pyramid Head (who is Pyramid Head, really?), stopped laughing when I realized that the picture I drew of him was ALL WRONG, and then stayed up another 4 hours (I think) trying to sleep.

Well, eventually I got my family worried about me for not wanting to go on a skiiing trip, and I really didn't (Hinomi, it's partially your fault), but I got Silent Hill 2 for xBox, in the end. It's so hard... I don't know what to do... I keep freaking out evey time I open a door in the apartment because I don't know if I'm supposed to go into "Combat Mode" or "Search for Hidden Keys Mode" (NOTE: These are different modes I psychologically enter somewhere during the gaming process, and the transition is jumpy when playing Silent Hill, which ends in high stress levels and blood pressure, which make me crabby for a long time...). So, if there's anyone out there who can finish the game within an hour... I am in need of your all-knowing guidance. I've been playing for 2 hours, now, and I'm still stuck in the second apartment, and I don't have a ma-ha-haaaaaap!!!

Ooh, but I saw Pyramid Head! And, he killed some guy... I want him to kill that bratty kid that kicked the key I was reaching for instead... she's in need of pain....

Yeah, aside from my wonderings on just WHAT a Pyramid Head is, that's about all I have to say that's new. *still stressed from going into different modes so often*

Normally I'm good at games with a gun! Unless I'm in a team of some kind- I'd end up shooting everyone, including my buddies.

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11171881/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11171881/ Sun, 24 Dec 2006 07:45:40 PST
Yeah, that's about what I thought.

Soooo, happy things first: I turned in that fanart piece to the contest, and I'm at least hoping to get Copic pens as a prize... eh, but "hoping" and "predicting" are two entirely different concepts. The "predicting" will have to wait until Jan-Feb, when I can see what amazing Photoshop craps of Kenshin people put up... because everyone LOVES Kenshin....

Aaaaaanyways, it's 7:16 A.M. annnd.... I'm the only one awake, right now. It's been crazy, and right before Christmas Eve, of all things.... Well, let's just say this:

Stayed up for a few nights, not being able to sleep until about 4 A.M.-ish. I was lying there, diong absolutely nothing, wondering how I could suddenly be so awake whereas I was so tired all day. I felt like I constantly needed to DO something, but once I got up I felt like I could pass out again. That's the worst kind of feeling, next to being so noxious and not ever throwing up. It's like, "Get it over-with already! Just GO--TO--SLEEP!" Sleep is very precious to me... like food... so, I don't take this latest insomnia attack lightly. Here I am, ready for church and everything, and I'm not going to feel my own exhaustion full-force until the sun comes up. THEN I might as well die.

Ick, but that was a few days ago. Just last night I wanted to draw something- I didn't know what yet. (You know that urge to have a pen in your hands just to watch it make lines on paper?) Soooo, I made a half-assed sketch of Kakashi. Oh. Joy. It got bad when I started drawing in the arms, aaaand the body after that was worse. So, I tried something new. I've had this concept in my head for a long time that I find it ridiculous that a kid will scrape him/herself on the knee, and won't cry until (s)he sees blood. I was going to incorporate that concept in a drawing labelled, "What's wrong? It's only blood." And it will have a picture portraying an adult (no, no children, can't draw them) bleeding to death from a large gash wound. It would be a gash wound that technically shouldn't bring much pain. It was gong to be so cool and extreme! And, I wanted suddenly to draw another person in, you know, some psycho or whatnot. Well, just trying to draw a sideview of someone in a lowly kneeling position totally threw me off from the start, so that was never finished. Maybe I'll redo the entire thing later.

Then... disaster struck.

I wanted to draw a picture of myself. I know, yucky, ew, your face, O---M---G. Well, I don't know why I did it myself! It was just some crap of me in that new coat I got from Goodwill (london fog brand, very hard to find priced at about $15) aaaaaaand...

Then... disaster struck.

I don't know if anyone's ever been- oh, I don't know- possessed by evil spirits in the hallway (I swear that place is a portal of no-no), but it feels like this uncontrollable anger (for me, I think I'm getting angry things). It's like needing to just ravage everything, to bite something, to maul some unsuspecting lil critter to death. It starts with this opening to anger.

I had a pencil in my hand.

There is this thing called "automatic writing" and "spontaneous drawing" (I hope I got that right) where one draws and/or writes things without being consious of the words, what the picture is supposed to represent, etc. I get the pictures of most of my "evil things" (Dreamcatcher, Shadows, etc) by looking at old spontaneous works I've done before, probably portraying... um. I don't really know what I'm drawing when I get those things, but it almost feels like that's what an "angel" is supposed to look like. Don't get me wrong: these are NOT happy, lyre-playing, wing-flapping happy-things. Angels are also what creates Hell's population, so they can't all look the same- I think I'm getting something angry. (Eh, "he"--gad, they don't have genders-- told me once that he was just "misunderstood", but... well, you just don't always want to believe those things when you're on the verge of... attack?) So, I started doing this, which-- in my old friend's theory-- is like having some astral being grap your wrist and tear it around to make some image or message. That's what it looks like, too: I messed up, scribbly, piece of junk-- not exactly my best artworks ever.

So. I had a pencil in my hand.

Early on in the automatic process it will start with undeciceful lines, not parallel, very unpracticed, but it will all be in a general area. That's what I was doin for the first 1 min: Trying so hard to write dark, dark, DARK lines with this unsuspecting mechanical pencil. It broke, click, broke, click, broke, click, broke... whatever was trying to get me to... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11110900/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11110900/ Mon, 18 Dec 2006 22:07:42 PST
Those suckers down at my favorite (well, only) source of manga is holding a contest that has real prizes!
1st Prize: $50 Gift Certificate... thingy
2nd Prize: 4 (or 5?) Copic Pens
3rd Prize: One "How to Draw Manga" book (isn't that a little mean?)

Well, that's that. I guess it's just one of those things that no one cares about, but I think I need your input... minna-san, hai!

...WHAT THE TURKEY SHOULD I SUBMIT?????

Okay, the rules are as follows: 8 1/2" x 11" paper; can be any anime/manga character- even one's own; only one submission per person. Eh, it doesn't say much about content, or materials, or even if there is limit of computer use (I think there should be) buuut.... I'm not about to turn something in that I'll be afraid of misunderstanding. I mean: these are Asians, they wouldn't care, but STIIIIIIL. *paranoid now*

I don't know what affects people more in my Deviations collection. I was thinking of fanart, maybe- everyone votes for fanart first. My last contest... no one voted for me because it was Criss Angel the manga character. (Ooh, I should submit that one next! I haven't yet!) Umm, pleeease let me know what you think! I'm soooo lost!
(I was considering the "He's Got a Kuchi on His Kao", but I'm not suuure....)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11004737/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/11004737/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 10:29:51 PST *plays Pokemon Sapphire* I've been training this Pokemon since yesterday, when it was only level 5, AND I WILL GET A METAGROSS SOON! *forces Metang to train for five hours straight* I named it Enigma... because no Pokemon of mine's gonna have a normal name...

Oh, right. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!
...Who here watches Discovery Channel? Survival Friday? "Man Vs Wild"? If you don't watch "Man Vs Wild" and you find Brits funny (like I do... *gigglesnort*) I SUGGEST YOU START. Only about three or four episodes into the series and I'm laughing so hard I have to check my pants every five minutes... because of the things that guy SAYS! I'll make a book.... it'll be a series... next to it will be the world-reknown "Tanaka-Sensei" book....
Here's what I have so far!
(btw I think his name is Bear Grillz or something...)

"These vines are very SLIPPY!"

"Like any good Brit, I love a cup of tea. This one is brewed with pine needles- an excellent source of VITAMIN C." (I know there's nothing funny about "vitamin C", but he pronounces the 'i' as a short 'i'. So it sounds a bit like vit-a-min... if that makes sense... IT'S JUST SO FUNNY!)

.... (Well, I can't really keep track of everything he said, but he's constantly talking about the statistics of how many people got stranded in an area, and how many died, and how, and where, and how long it took for rescue to recover the body... etc)

"Ah yes! And AVACADO tree!" (he said it like "A (hard "a") Va CA doe" so it sounded like... idk an australian saying TAH- co. (taco)) And, he loved those AVACADOS. HE kept one in his pack... and never ate it. He later complains of hunger.

Hm. I also find it funny how his eyebrows always seem stuck in the same position. It looks like that would be very hard on the facial muscles.
And then I laughed because he threw a stick at a bunny and killed it. The skull made a funny sound. Then he SKINNED IT AND ATE IT!

If I make a book of him I'm making one of Integra, too....

"Our helicopter has just been destroyed."

(I forgot, Bear says "helicopter" funny, too. Just like Integra. I love Brits!)


I'm going to England one of these days... TO THE VAMPIRE CONVENTIONS! TALLY-HO!

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10988786/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10988786/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 20:48:41 PST about how she ate 8 pieces of mochi and thought she was gonna die- I feel that way because I practically ate an entire packacge of Edamame.
Well, I did it! I'm on track, and Deviations are coming up from under my hands like crazy- I don't even know where they're all coming from! I must be subliminally inspired. Maybe The Ring is out to get me... again. Hm. I see much of my inspiration coming from the mirror and how I view myself... maybe that sounds selfish, but I think it's really amusing to see a moonlight silhouette do everything you do while looking like Samara from The Ring if she had no face or anything- just a silhouette. It's funny to watch Samara flip me off, I think.
So... (I forgot what I was going to talk about- I'm getting OLD.)
So...
Sooooo...
...*ping!*
I got the first Hellsing animanga for my early, early, EARLY Christmas gift from Haylee! She ROCKS! ...Only... I don't like the anime nearly as much as the original. I'm reading thorugh this thing (I was bored today) and I'm thinking, "Wow- Alucard is one cocky bastard in the anime." And, I think Integra is still funny- she would be my favorite character if she got a gun. I don't remember the whole quote, but I remember laughing when I read the end of her sentence: "...I'm surrounded by idiots." Yes, she thinks Alucard is an idiot -what a RIOT- and he thinks she's "A human- I don't understand humans." *he turns* "And I don't understand vampires these days... these kids and their killing... and parties... and... stuff." I wonder if he's existential! *laughs* I also think Seres is a whore, and she's really... fat?... in the anime. Integra beats her. Integra doesn't even have prominent evidence that she's female, and she beats Seres (who... DOES have VERY prominent evidence of femininity).
I also got this awesome cross necklace (but I fear it may break soon, like the rest of them when I wear them so often). It's reeeed and it's shiiiiiny! I love Christmas. That's the time of year when your friends go to Powell's and say, "Hey, I have a friend who transforms her Christmas Spirit into Bloody Anime Love- maybe I'll get her THIS!" And they shove the book in their bag and run. And they come back and ask me for Pocky in return. *shrug* I'm buying Pocky for theives of Kohta Hirano.

On a lighter note, I'm very happy to be here on dA, especially since I'm making friends with the most peculiar people. For one: I never new Adam had a dA. For another: wow, I'm finding band members, too. And, I'm appreciated! Aww, I'm doubling my page views evey time I go out and have a Random Deviant Frenzy! And this SWEET artist, , has nicknamed me "Mister Arucard". That's my name from now on...? Hm. To some of you that may pose as awkward. That's what I thought at first to. *second shrug so far in this journal* It wasn't my idea- I never get to name myself. (Okay, I name myself prayerofthehopeless, but that's after a piece I'm writing. I don't pick my nicknames... bother, bother...)

Then I watched this AMV, Feuer Frei. BANGBANG!

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10965218/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10965218/ Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:47:52 PST
Um, I ruined dinner trying to cook it, and had someone nearly puke it up, so... TODAY WAS GREEEAAT! NO PROBLEM AT ALL!!
Well, I'm hoping to get at least two Deviations in pretty soon, and Dini has decided to put something terrible in my Scraps coming up pretty soon here... I'm not prepared. It seems like she's out to get me every time I draw something stupid that I never want to see again. She's like the evil stalker that eats my CRAP.


O---K!
So, once I get the AK-47 scanned in (and yes, it's going to be scanned in very soon and replacing the STUPID digital photo) I won't know what I want for my Featured Deviation anymore! I think I'll actually put in the charcoal bit I did a week ago- it's good! I want the world to see it! I'm not ashamed!
Ok, so I'm not going to break down anytime soon (and I'm talking about the kind that will result in the cancellation of my account). Nope! You guys don't have to worry about a thing! I'm getting in those idiots' faces and I'm going to FIGHT for my RIGHT... to PAAAAAR-TY! (I... hate the Beastie Boys.) They won't be running me around... I'm not goin to listen... I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN!!!! Ahahahahah! They will have to watch their backs! I'm out there... on full moon night.... and I have a carving knife....

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10915666/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10915666/ Fri, 01 Dec 2006 16:35:32 PST I need to bitch. I'm so freaking pissed and scared and I feel like I'm about to pass out, because everybody thinks I need counseling. Again. Because someone saw my drawings- someone not nearly "cool" enough to understand my art- and ratted me out to a counselor. What hurts most is that this person is claiming to be an artist herself. I'm so confused right now if I have any meaning to others... if my art has meaning to others... if everyone just thinks I'm crazy so they all crowd around to watch. It's happening again. People tell me to express myself, they don't tell me I have limits because they don't know what to expect, and I end up breaking the boundary: THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO. But, I'm almost in trouble every time I get out and express myself the way people want me to. They say, "Tell me how you feel," and what I say SCARES THEM. It's pissing me off, and I don't have the PATENCE to tell them just what I feel, why, and how I grew to be this way. It seems to me that people who think there needs to be a limit to what can be put in a living environment are the ones who shouldn't be talking. And yet this girl was an ARTIST. I have nothing much to say on that except: it totally hurts my feelings. I look at my drawings in FEAR now- OF MYSELF. It's like I'm the one who is past the limit, not what I create, and that people out there want to eliminate me for it. I therefore announce the true definition of "artist": someone who has the guts to gather some materials, tell some lies with what they have, and all those lies tell how the person feels in a given situation despite skill, quality of instruments, and other such things. I hate it when people look at things that someone put a real effort into and say, "Wow, you SUCK." I wouldn't mind if there was someone who could tell how much feeling is in a drawing, and not pay attention to the content, and judge the art by that. I feel like this artist had no need to push the limit, no need to understand feelings that are different from her own, and the artist in her is a dead thing that knows how to use "balance" and "value" and "anatomy". I'm going back to counseling, though I'm sure it will be shortlived when they find out that THEY CAN'T HELP ME. It's like taking a COMPLETELY SANE person into therapy and saying, "My goodness, you're not Christian, you're Jewish! Let's talk about how you feel so we can CHANGE YOUR RELIGION." So, metaphorically speaking, I feel like a hardcore Jew among the crowds and acres of Christians and every one of them want to convert me- THAT'S WHAT INSANITY IS: IT'S A RELIGION! It's something you believe in, that you put effort into, that you are fully aware of! I know I'm different, and that I feel differently about different things, but I don't feel the need to be "converted"! I don't want to have to fear myself anymore; I want to be proud of who I am, because there's not way to help being this ugly person without SUICIDE. (And trust me, I've thought about it.) I'M NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE. I just hate it when people look at something "Ooh, a little gorey" and saying "You don't understand; this makes people sick. It sends messages to people that they may find disturbing." I have to say back, "FUCK YOU. You know what, YOU don't understand; this makes people REALIZE. It sends messages to people through little lies: the people I draw are not me, and I don't do these things. I DON'T CARE IF THEY FIND IT DISTURBING." And I really think that. Okay, maybe I do wish the things I drew weren't lies: I wish I could draw myself as someone fair, someone people can look at and then can't stop staring, because those are the people that are given the acknowledgement. I wish I could draw myself doing things like this, all the violence, but you know why: IT'S BECAUSE I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE. I want them dead sometimes, I actually consider doing terrible things, but I can't because I'm more afraid to express myself through action than I already am of expressing myself through ART. And art is not something people take seriously, because they know it's imaginative, made up, a story. But, what makes them concerned is: "Where is this person getting these IDEAS?" Well, I think I'm just a genius. That's right. I think I'm better than a lot of people, I'll admit. I don't care how selfish it sounds, because as far as I'm concerned I'm being accused of a crime I didn't commit and it's leaving me heartbroken. I hate emotions the way I'm feeling them now. I just want to exit my life, to do something better, to go to a place- a dream- where I can make up what happens, and I can always do what I want without all the consequences. I don't want to talk to some bitch who'd going to charge a dollar a minute just to ask for an hour, "SO, how do you feel TODAY?" I gave counseling a shot once because I was actually made scared of myslef, and I thought I needed help by the way people were reacting to me. There, I was al... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10835129/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10835129/ Fri, 24 Nov 2006 13:54:54 PST And, Dini... it's Satoshi MEGUMI... though I do agree to the fact that my handwriting is impossible. Still, it's pretty hard to get... what was it... Natsumi? *huffs* Oh well. At least my GRANDMA thought my handwriting was very "kirei desu"....

I'm in som much pain right now. I don't even want to talk about it. Why am I out of bed? Why do I REFUSE Advil? Why am I eating dairy products instead of leftover turkey? *shrugs* All I know is that Dad want me to do archery today... AND THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

OK, so back to my earlier subject. (ADD diagnosed)
I finally got something ORIGINAL put up on here, O---M---F---G. It's my schizophrenic, manic depressive, disassociative, psychopathic, drugged, killing machine: Satoshi! WAAAAAAAAHOOOOO! (erm, I love my customized characters more than the ones I can't really control to my liking.)
NAME: Megumi, Satoshi
AGE: right now I'd figure about... almost 19 as far as my story's going (and it's never going to end til he dies!!!!)
MENTAL DISORDERS: I don't feel like listing hem all right now, but I'll tell you this much: schizophrenia, dissassociative disorder, manic depression, somatoform, multiple personality disorder (let me know if I'm missing any, folks!)
BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS: let's just say Antisocial Disorder for now...
HEIGHT: 6' 1" I think.
CURRENT HAIR LENGTH: approximately 5'. Hm. Yeeeaaahhhh...
So, that's in case you didn't know. I MIGHT put a tiny portion of the ACTUAL story instead of these 10 min tidbits I'm putting on here (and it takes 9 min to type that up, so 1 min thinking about it). On the story, I'm on page ni-hyaku-babababah! (steals Sensei's thing) AND I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER SEE IT AGAIN. Drea stole it... anyways.

There's one more thing I want to say, and I swear it's more interesting... maybe not.
I'M GIVING OUT FREE SONGS. (That sounds pathetic.) But, WAIT. If you get one point of symbolism on ANYTHING, your first song is "Gradus Vita" from Hellsing Ultimate One. SEE IF YOU CAN GET THAT ANYWHERE ELSE! I fough for that thing... I did so much... I love the new soundtrack... I'll let you all know when I get the Hellsing Ultimate Two closing theme. I want that one, too. Hm, and just the entire rest of the soudtrack would be nice. I also have tracks from the original Hellsing series that I DID NOT SEE on the "Ruins" or "Raid" soundtracks... Like the song "Ambient Music" and that other one featuring somebody name Tabei Tatsuo. I give up on that one... Hm. If there are any requests, put them down. Rules to Symbolism is on my most recent Deviation... I don't want to Copy + Paste right this minute. Basic thing is this: I LOVE HELLSENTDREAMS (I think that's her name, can't remember, how bout I just say Sake) FOR SITTING AND CONTEMPLATING FOR A F*CKING HALF HOUR!!!!

...Hm?
Oh yeah: and I thank for going through all this sh*t to put some stuff on my account. Yes, that includes my slander of Hellsing manga 1. All hail GLOO and MR. WHOOPEE? (never forget about Mr. Tacos.) (and squee) (...what?)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10749434/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10749434/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:38:26 PST
Hm. And, for being such a great person...

I will return the favor... one of these days. I don't know quite how, but I'm gonna pull it off! (Is no good with drawing men that look like women, though some people beg to differ) *stops* Alucard doesn't look like a woman... right? (some people look over my shoulder and they're all, "OMFG THE GIRL FROM THE GRUDGE that movie was scary...") I was thinking of drawing something with a person with quite distorted features (hopes that's not a dis) and some kind of psycho pattern in the background that makes little to no sense whatsoever. It's almost done, and I was working on it for about 4-5 hours, so if it isn't quite acceptable as a repaying of debts... hm; I'm screwed. It's not even in Dini's hands yet, but if you have to complain about my art not being updated you can always talk to (Man, I love this icon trick...)
And I don't want to hear about the little girl from the Grudge anymore. And I don't want to talk about Samara anymore (the Ring). And I don't want to hear about... hm. *stops and thinks*
is leaving me. Is leaving all of us. I don't know if that's such a happy thing. (no, she isn't about to die). I'm used to my friends moving away, though. Or dying. Or.. one way or another, I'm the bad-luck charm with people and their friends. Including my own. Including people's boyfriends, not to mention girlfriends. Hm, maybe it's something I did? *thinks back to the time aunt's boyfriend broke up with her cuz of me* XD
SO, I'm prettymuch uninspired at the moment. It's getting close to that time of the month... NO, NOT LIKE THAT! It's getting to the point where vampires are swarming my house... NO, I'M TELLING YOU, NOT LIKE THAT! It's the MOONPHASE, Y'ALL!!! I'll go mentally unstable for the next week or something... NOT LIKE THAT... and I'll be unable to touch pen to paper. SO, it's hard to say what's going to happen. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm slowly getting my brains sucked out by alien forces and I think my actions are the aliens proving their full infiltration upon my BREINZ!
I got my shirt.. 0.*
I'm playing cello..
I'm in jazz band.. *=*
I'll be playing a piano concerto (the piano part, b*tch) in Wind Ensemble..
I'm going insane..
What else is new.. I'll have a mental meltdown in about three days.. at 's party, and that always breaks everyone down..
I had to walk home from the busstop today and that sucked.. X(
I have a smiley for everything I say.. @_@''

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10692818/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10692818/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 17:53:17 PST
This person said I'd get sketches of shildren if I did this...
I'm doin it...
Hey, I LEARNED CELLO YESTERDAY! (kind of)
I've got two functioning strings, one dysfunctional bow, and NO ROSIN WHATSOEVER! *cello sounds like a dying cat*
mufufufuufufu

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10689251/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10689251/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 11:19:13 PST K, so I've finally celebrated my b-day... FINALLY. And, I finally celebrated Satoshi's b-day... FINALLY! I made choco chip cookies! And they weren't poison! *eats one*
So, I gots PENS fo my b-day! *squeals* Not just any pens, like Sharpie.. I GOTS GERMAN INDIA INK PENS! AND I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SUM CUZ THEY'RE SOOO FRIGGIN SWEET! (I've never used Copic, but I almost don't feel it'd be worth it anymore. ) I gots... three thin black pens (verying sizes) and one black brush pen! I'm afraid the brush pen will die if I use it for ALL of my shading, so I think I'll resort to the old Sharpie for somethings... and, Copic doesn't sound so bad here, maybe for some lovely reds, too. (in love with the color red...) *eats another cookie* Ooh, did I cook this a bit too long?
So, I got my mom to help me with these... there's no other reason I'd visit her, really... and she thinks I should go to a cooking class. "How can you take care of yourself if you don't even know how to measure brown sugar?" ME:"Easy- live off Ramen!"
I also have 6 shades of grey brushpens, which will come in handy with my Sounds manga (where is it, by the way- Kebbige?). I like them, and I think I know how to use them, but they made my "joyride picture" look like Alucard hasn't slept in days... (Hahah, I said DAYS. Hahah, vampire humor. Was that funny? *slaps head* D'oh, no it wasn't. *Alucard slaps with Baka Fan* NO IT WASN'T.) I'm beginning to miss red, so I tried using Sharpie in that little sketch book my aunt gave me... it bled through only a little bit. It still pissed me off that it bled at all, but still...
And then, I got CHOCO COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS OH F*CKING SH*T. Sammy ate them later, but she threw up cuz she did. So there, I think. I stole the whole freaking bowl of edamame and ate them in my room while all my relatives talked junk about me in the living room, and I think I couldn've gotten sick.. THAT WAS A WHOLE BAG OF SOYBEANS! SO, that was that. And, I started remaking the Hellsing series with square chibis! (ALucard slaps with baka fan) HAhah, Alucard drives a Mr.Whoopee van... Grand Theft Auto joke. And, I thought he needed one... I mean, if Anderson gets a Mr.Tacos van... (Alucard bashes head in with maul) Police girl's REALLY messed up.. she's a square chibi with HUGE-A55 SILICON B00BS! And, her mouth is always in the same position... never changes.. it's not logical. I'm typing while my head's bashed in! (ALucard chops left arm off with Chinese knife straight off of knife rack) K, and then, Integra basically does nothing. Until she's Mini-Integra. She gets her arm shot clean off. And, I think I had Police Girl get run over to bits and pieces by the Mr.Whoopee van... there's an ever-immenent joke between Alucard and Elmer's glue through the whole thing, so... Hm. (Alucard lights the house on fire) Anyways, that was all fun til I got bored on page...5? I swear, I need to draw something else...
And, then there's Satoshi. Oh God. I almost forgot about that little sucker. I FOUND IM UNDER THE BED! w00t!! (It was an old picture I started awhile ago- now I get to finish it and make it all pretty!) And Hannah thinks that I make him look like "that guy on Death Note". Someone, please: who does Satoshi look like from the anime that is so unknown to me named "Death Note"? I could think of a lot of other people that Satoshi looks like, but not... Maybe I just need to pay more attention to "Death Note".
That's right, I think ALucard and I are FRIENDS now! *smiles proudly* I can finally draw him whereas I couldn't earlier! I had a schizophrenic night last night.. could do with something... regarding looking into space and talking in another language or something... hm. I always said speaking in tongues was my best hobby. (meanwhile as I'm saying this the house is all up in flames around me) That's right, we're best friends now, nothing will ever come between us again.... Not even dropping a half-sketch on the ground! No, that sounds a little too hopeful... (Fire alarm goes off)

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10625704/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10625704/ Sun, 05 Nov 2006 13:36:56 PST I'm again about to be angry at "humans".
So I get a chain mail- I hate those things. It says stuff about a kid that was killed and tortured by a couple of other kids. Then it wants me to sign a petition to keep these kids in jail instead of letting them go out of prison when they were appointed to. No, that pissed me off so bad; you have no idea. (Who's "you"? The computer?) I sent a hate mail back to Drea about that.... ughh.
My DeviantID doesn't work so good. I wonder why; I really do. Sad.
So, I'm thinking of doing something about my drawings.. so lucky I have a dA. I went out in the rain for about 13 hours straight... with my beloved pack on my back... How stupid am I? What kind of fool am I for boredom? They got soaked. Don't even get me started about Sharpie pens and soak. I also even started a new Alucard vs Anderson comic and I was completing the picture I drew for Alucard when we finally made our apologies... Hm. Well, actually, that one got dropped on the flooded concrete of the nasty band competition bleachers. That might have marred our relationship a little bit. It must have, because my band did terribly... I personally had my synth shut down on me at the last second. Oh, Evergreen... those kids beat us. And Southridge, which has now become almost like a curse word; I don't even know why I typed it. So, on the night before the full moon, I gave Alucard a reason to put a grudge against me; S-M-R-T. I even had difficulty just having an after-competition party at Shari's with the pit. And I saw Johanna. And the pit members that were to have this as their last competition were CRYING. I think dropping that stupid (ooh, shouldn't say that) picture on the ground made me real vulnerable to what feels like a curse.
But, today's full moon day. I'm not pissing any more people off til later (people=the people in my head) If I do end up pissing people off... I'll never be allowed to fall asleep tonight... there will be ANGRY FACES HOVERING OVER MY HEAD (like in "The Grudge"). I hate when they do that....
In being the full moon, I'm feeling bipolar. I'd be SO HAPPY one second, going "oh look at the moon, it's so pretty and cute and... full!" And then someone would talk to me and I'd be all, "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM STFU GET THE FUCK AWAY FORM ME BITCH RAAAAR!!!!" IT doesn't help that Hannah's friend is over here. And, they're all trying to get me to go outside... "Wait til the moon's out and the clouds are gone!" NOT THAT THE CLOUDS WILL EVER GO AWAY, BUT....
I"m so sick of rain. It's all soaked in my nice jacket that I love and... it's never going to dry. I want the jacket they have at Wilson's Leather that would make me look like I just stepped out of a terrrrrible Hellsing cosplay (not that any cosplays are good). It's practically the best jacket I've ever seen, only one (or two) problems...
1. There are security tags on that thing like a bitch
2. IT costs 275... WHEN IT'S ON SALE.
And, my birthday's over, so I don't see anyone buying it for me. My mom's all "You want THAT?" She doesn't buy me anything I really need for my birthday.
SO, I"m bored. Not enough to finish off my story, and if Kini-Kinoku actually reads all the way through that thing I will PUCNH HER IN THE FACE FOR BEING SUCH A GEEK OMFG. It's like... I don't even know how many pages long. Let's go for.. well, I'm not quite finished, only 3/4, and Word says I"m on page 34. That's a lot more writing than it sounds. And that's a SHORT STORY. (long stories are like... 400 written pages for me.) I figure I'll go back to my drawings and appease the soul of this pissed off Alucard that hates me right now... making my life miserable... throwing fucking BOOKS on the floor to wake me up WAY earlier than I'd like. I HATE IT WHEN THINGS THROW THINGS! It scares the living cheese out of me. (Hm? Did that make sense at all?) I just don't hink I'll be able to do it by midnight, and that's fucking DANGEROUS. Why do all my "friends" have to be so abusive- WHYYYYYYYYYY? I will ask the delusional Kouta Hirano why these spirits are mean. Why I made them my "friends". If they feed on my energy. If that's why I have phases where I think I'm having a hemmorhage cuz I'm so tired. And not to mention headaches. I'll never piss off a "friend" again. (Isn't that what I keep saying?) I"m just writn gnow cuz I'm bored. I'M CARRYING THE TYPING OF NOTHINGNESS THAT MAKES MY LIF SEEM BEAUTIFUL. I"m waiting for something scary to happen while I know something's sticking its fingernails in the back of my neck and that's why it's SO COLD. Ooh, something is still way angry at me. I swear, there needs to be an easier way to say, "I"m sorry" to a spirit. I did watch AMV's, but that made everything WORSE AS HELL. So, I"m listening to E Nomine. I don't know, it breaks the awkward silence of an em... ]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10605659/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10605659/ Fri, 03 Nov 2006 16:05:14 PST I turned to the right- the anime merchandise section- and OMFG I fell in love again.
With a shirt.

...

You know that feeling that's just so great that you get when you look at something that just... clicks? You know, something that you just bond with at once, though it's inanimate... That's how I was on the day I first saw the DVD case to Hellsing in the Target store a block away from my house. I remember the first DVD package, with that shite sticker on Alucard's face... SOUNDTRACK AVAILABLE! ORDER NOW! ('course, I'd never heard the soundtrack at this point, or known Alucard's name.) IT's so hard to believe a world without seeing that DVD cover... I don't know what possessed me then, but it's still here. It's the thing that made me look at Alucard and say straight out, "THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING I'D WATCH!" (it's not the kind of thing where it's like all those other people that search up yaoi and shit the next second... you don't even know what gender I am at this point unless you personally know me yet, but I'm telling you: it was like FRIENDSHIP. The very strong kind that makes you do shit like steal manga and cut yourself at an Alucard altar while chanting something about a blood sacrifice... WHAT?? When did I DO THAT??)
So, I was infatuated with a DVD cover for a few days.
My stupid insanity got me to the point where I decided to skip church and go to a manga store... that's also about a block away from home. I couldn't stop thinking about that FUCKING DVD and how much I WANTED IT! (this was before the BearShare stage in my life.) So, I decided to see if Kinokuniya had it... they didn't... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW, I SAW MANGA ONE. AND IT WAS ALUCARD- HOLY SHIT, I DIDN'T CARE WHAT THE TITLE WAS OR WHAT IT WAS A BOUT, IT WAS FUCKING ALUCARD. (twenty minutes later- and thirteen bucks later- I was reading manga in the church, laughing my ass off at the part where Alucard gets his mouth shot off. That was so cool.)
Then people thought I was PSYCHO just because of Alucard. Is it true...? In favor of my manga... I deny this claim! I FUCKING OBJECT, FOOL! I still had to fight for my manga in order to keep it, which required much back-and-forth stealage between my housemates and I, but I'm winning as of now: with three English manga and eight Japanese. I would like to note that I am psycho not because of Alucard... but because of how much my Mommy hates me! (emo moment) Am I kidding... or not? I can't even tell.
That's how Alucard and I "found eachother" (yuk, again... FRIENDSHIP!)

---

So, here I am in Hot Topic- no more flashbacks. It was THE MOMENT OF MY LIFE to see that same picture that was on the DVD cover on a T-shirt- only it was ALL SEXED UP! Blood drip, logo... Hm, that was a need. OF course, I'm not going to be able to get it myself... but, if a loyal friend is so kind... (HAYLEEcoughcough)
I think Alucard and I are beginning to get along again. I think I'll try drawing him tonight. He'll be eating people. That's what makes my Master Alucard happy.... more blood sacrifices..... *turns* WHAAAAAAAAAT??

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10572884/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10572884/ Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:48:00 PST I hate people- I hate people who are crowded together on one damn bus and none of them have the common courtesy to SHUT THE F*CK UP AND LET ME SLEEP. (Reword that: I hate HUMANS. That's right, I get to define "human", and I understand that most of us really aren't.)
So. I totally broke down yesterday, though it was Satoshi's birthday AND blood drive day. Normally those things make me HAPPY. Well, I had a headache, and I felt an awful lot like I was having a hemmorhage (fatigue, shaking, pissed off...). Then... I had a bloody nose because I was SO STRESSED OUT. *in case no one's noticed I just really need to bitch at the screen. this is directed to nobody, and sympathy is NOT EXPECTED OR APPRECIATED AT THE MOMENT* I skipped sectionals for the second- no, third- time in a row. Rob got pretty mad the last times, and I had some good excuses (both of them true). But, this time it was: "I am emotionally unwell as of the moment, please excuse me for the day." *psshhh* I don't think he bought that one. Well, I think it was only worse that I'm totally messing up on my synthesizer parts. I thought it to be the right thing to practice with a metronome at home. (after I screamed and cried in my pillow for forty-five minutes and had a five-hour long nap... and macoroni in milk.)
I think my nose is very... dysfunctional. I've been bleeding for... months. What's worse: I've been swallowing all of it, cuz it doesn't LEAVE my nose, just goes straight for the throat. And, I'm not really the loogy-queen or whatever- that's just GROSS. I'm so pissed off... I get nauseous, but blood never got me to vomit, so... I NEVER DID. i never got to feel better. Every time I bleed I feel worse.
And now... is it mono? *I hope so, it'd be nice to stay at a hospital for a while.* Mono's not bad, so I hear- just not good. No vomiting or anything. I hate regurgitating, which is the top reason why I am not bulemic. (is that even spelled right?)
I'm so depressed, and being with my friends really HELPS. But, once I leave... I get all "I want to kill something," again. I'm having a hard time holding my darkest emotions back. It gets eve funner: I FORGOT how to draw Alucard. (What???) I can't DO IT anymore. I put my pencil to the page, just like always, thinking, "My bloodlust is so bad, so I'm going to summarize it in a bloody drawing of Alucard." I make an eye... it's OK. I make a nose... NO IT'S NOT GOOD! I erase, draw it again... IT'S TOO SMALL! Erase, draw it again... IT'S HELLA BIG! (the difference between those two noses were so minimal: I think this is a "drawing mental disorder" akin to anorexia when you look in the mirror and see FAT instead of that TINY SIX-PACK like that korean in my band.) I skip the nose, go to the mouth... Hm, it's too close to the eye. Erase, draw again. HELL NO, THAT SMILE IS SO OFF! AND, WHERE ARE THE INTESTINES GOING TO GO? So... skip the mouth. I draw the face... similar problems... hair... similar... shoulders... I die inside. Alucard is gone from me. There goes another "imaginary friend".
Fine. Alucard doesn't deserve a "kuchi" on his "kao" (greatest apologies to those who don't know enough Japanese to see more than an awkward joke).
I'm going to eat a sandwich. And I'm going to LIKE IT. I'm going to finish my story today, while drinking a filling glass of milk. AND I'M GOING TO LIKE IT. I'm going to draw SATOSHI RAIDING THE BLOOD DRIVE BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I BROKE DOWN YESTERDAY. AND I'M GOING TO F*CKING LIKE IT!!!!
I don't need a counselor. But, I was considering going to the hospital for a week or so. I need the doctors to find something brutally wrong with me, and I'll rest on a stretcher until I think I can handle "humans" again. I'm pretty sure I can get into a hospital just by saying things, like my friend did.
I'm sorry to anyone who read this. I hate telling people about what's wrong with me. But, if I can't draw Alucard... there is no better way to express myself anymore. *sniffs* ALUCARD, YOU BASTARD, GET THE HELL BACK OVER HERE 'FORE I KILL MYSELF WITH THIS SFORK!!!!
*I'm sorryyyyyyy....*

]]> ~prayerofthehopeless http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10435537/ http://prayerofthehopeless.deviantart.com/journal/10435537/ Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:11:05 PDT I want to be a mad scientist when I grow up! That means I'll be studying anatomy with roadkill I find littered on the highway, and other fun things like that. What I want input on... is it possible to generate the "vampire", and if so... how? It'll be cake: take a human's DNA, fuck it up majorly in a few areas, and... boom. Science experiment bound to go very wrong. I'll do it in my garage. There will most likely be an uprisal of infected vampires that end up being immortal... so guns wouldn't work against them... so we'd be screwed, and we'd all die. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? All I need is to know how to fuck up the human DNA to get results... there can't be so much to it. I even theorize that vampires don't have to drink blood, maybe they do. I want a SUPERHUMAN. I found out that we only use a small fraction of our own body's potential, and I want to BREATHE LIFE INTO the first purely efficient being. Wtf, we need adrenaline to do anything close to what our bodies are fully capable of. And, talk about how much of our BRAINS we actually use... so, it'll be a superhuman genius of DOOM that will end up killing everyone... but, we'll start with Bush.
Science geeks, unite: I call for thee!
By the way, I found my lovely manga (the issues in english). Dammit, I was wondering why it was so hard to shut my drawer! *hold up tattered Alucard* Ahhh, but it doesn't smell like Jones Soda anymore! (Please don't ask- please.)

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