deviantART: by:pupbear

deviantART: by:pupbear http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:pupbear&section=today deviantART RSS for by:pupbear en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 13:21:19 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png ... http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/13499222/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/13499222/ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:49:14 PDT ?

Yeah, pretty much. <3

]]> ~pupbear -= Where, oh where =- http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/5703161/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/5703161/ Mon, 20 Jun 2005 10:23:26 PDT

Would someone care to tell me--where have all the boxwhores gone ?

]]> ~pupbear Devious Journal Entry http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/5348027/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/5348027/ Fri, 13 May 2005 13:40:11 PDT

Fat-Free Sugar Free Cheesecake pudding is the most delicious fat-free dessert I've ever tasted.

]]> ~pupbear It's Over http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/4446515/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/4446515/ Sat, 29 Jan 2005 15:43:19 PST

I really miss everyone here on DeviantArt but this break's been great. I've been able to get a few things in line and I had a lot of time to myself. But now I gotta go back to school soon and tend to my work. G'bye winter break see you again next year.

]]> ~pupbear Blog Button http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3778635/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3778635/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 17:24:15 PST

*salival is hosting a blog for me.

So~ I made this button to link it from here.

I hope it works.

]]> ~pupbear Hanging by a thread. Still Hanging. http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3617809/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3617809/ Mon, 18 Oct 2004 10:32:59 PDT

Yay me, I survived the week. Too bad it won't really settle down until the semester is over. It's alrite. This season is the most depressing and it helps to stay busy. It prevents all those thoughts from causing a backup in my head.

On another note--Thanks to everyone who stopped by and wished me a happy birthday.

I was busy working that day so I didn't get to go out but hopefully I'll be able to go out sometime this week. I got some birthday money from family and some nice phone calls from my cousins. Overall it was a nice birthday.

"Your best friend is you again.
You can't win but you won't give in.
Going in a circle, getting lower every time.
Say it isn't hurting but I never see you smile."
~Jets to Brazil

]]> ~pupbear Been workin' like a dog. http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3568590/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3568590/ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 19:56:25 PDT

Hey everyone. Kori here, checking in on the wonderful world of DeviantART. My schedule has been pretty hectic. Well, as hectic as it can be for now. I was this close || to busting a bullet through my skull, but all is well in this crazy life now. Other than that things have been routine. Work school work sleep school.... You know the drill. Here's the general rundown for the week:

1o/12
-- 8-4 [work]
-- 5-8 [editing]
-- 1o-11 [online work]
1o/13
-- 1o-11 [rent out sound equip]
-- 12-2 [sound recording]
-- 3-6 [class||english]
-- 7-9 [sound editing]
-- 1o-11 [online quiz]
1o/14
-- 1o-3 [audio/video editing]
-- 3-6 [class||drama]
-- 9-11 [evaluation paper]
--11-12 [online quiz]
1o/15 _{happy birthday to me}
-- 11-7 [work]
-- 8-10 [sound editing]
-- 11-12 [online work]
1o/16
-- 11-7 [work]
-- 8-9 [clean||laundry stuffasis]
-- 1o-12 [evaluation paper o2]
1o/17
-- 1o-6 [work]
-- 7-1o [audio/video editing]
-- 11-whenever [sleeeeeeep]
---------------------------------------- -------

So if anyone would like to ask me "How're you ?" I'll just point you to my journal and say READ.

This is basically my life for now. But I'll still be around.

]]> ~pupbear Devious Journal Entry http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3364626/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3364626/ Tue, 14 Sep 2004 18:09:32 PDT

New entry.

]]> ~pupbear I don't know you. http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3342971/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3342971/ Sat, 11 Sep 2004 21:40:33 PDT

I'm not too happy with certain people right now.

I don't feel like dealing with anything.

THE END

]]> ~pupbear --= So Real =-- http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3256463/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3256463/ Tue, 31 Aug 2004 16:01:46 PDT

I had a somewhat awful day yesterday. The night on the other hand was pretty decent because I got my dog grooming job back. That means I'll have a little bit of funds. I'll be working Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Saturdays and Sundays at the groomers is god-awful. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday I'll be at school. I'm gonna go nuts.

Part of my bummer day yesterday was getting bit by my hamster. I swear I've never seen blood spurt out of my body ever....until yesterday.

I nearly fainted and couldn't stop the bleeding for quite awhile. Oh yeah...and I didn't clean up the mess. I guess I'll have to do it today. It reminds me of cleaning out the garage of my uncles house right after he shot himself in the head. 'Cept this time there's less blood.

]]> ~pupbear We're home at last http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3243018/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3243018/ Sun, 29 Aug 2004 21:31:16 PDT

Nothing like a good ol' family reunion to scrounge up fond memories of the past. If only I could press the rewind button on the VCR of my life and go back to the better times. Don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful time. I played frisbee and catch, went swimming and rowboating, and ate a lot of good food. I also have the most wonderful family with the awesome-est sense of humor ever. I have few pictures that need to be uploaded...later.

Schools coming up fast. Thursday to be exact. I'm a little nervous about the load I'm putting on myself but also pretty excited about all the stuff I get to learn this semester. Again...wish me luck.

]]> ~pupbear Sometimes I crash http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3216128/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3216128/ Thu, 26 Aug 2004 10:23:14 PDT o___o mouseover

So~ I did forget my digital camera. In fact, it was the only thing I forgot. Indeed I remembered my mini DV cam, but I didn't really get much footage to work with. I was too paranoid to take it out of the condo.

Needless to say--I had a great time. Although in the beginning I wasn't sure I was going to have one. We got into a little fender bender in the rental car, my cousin fell off a wall, and there was a bit of arguing on what we should do. (yes, we had nothing planned) To sum up my vacation in a nutshell--I met some new people, saw some old friends, and got a decent tan.

Good enough for me.

On the downside, when I got back home from vacation I really missed it. Ever get that post-vacation depression ? It's like all the shit you left at home and forgot about on your vacation is still waiting for you when you get home.

This Sunday it will have been exactly 1yr since my Uncle killed himself. The two year (i think...can't really remember) anniversary of my mom's death will be in November.

]]> ~pupbear I'm going to Hawaii YAY! http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3102053/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/3102053/ Wed, 11 Aug 2004 18:39:37 PDT o___o mouseover

I'll be leaving for Hawaii tomorrow. (12th of August) I'm bringing my Mini DV cam and my digital camera so I'll bring back some fun in the sun photos...or something.

In other news--Fall semester starts in September. The 2nd to be exact. I'll be taking Narrative Doc., Fundamentals of Drama (yay for acting classes

), General Psychology, Sound 2 (location/production), and Edit 3 (AvidXpress). Looks like it's gonna be a tough semester. Wish me luck guys.

]]> ~pupbear Summer Photo Update http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2718452/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2718452/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 10:19:48 PDT o___o mouseover

I update my bl0gg with some summer pictures. That is all.

]]> ~pupbear The Big Five http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2684237/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2684237/ Thu, 17 Jun 2004 17:15:34 PDT o___o mouseover

I should really stop taking these personality quizzes.

But it's nice to compare what they say and what I'm really like. I love the contradictions in the outcome of this quiz. It's very much like me.

---------------------------------------- -
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:

Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very internally grounded.

Friendliness results were low which suggests you tend to be very rude, uncooperative, and irritable.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you tend to be very unreliable, lazy, careless, and unmotivated.

Emotional Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.

Openmindedness results were moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Overall (of the Big 5 factors), you scored highest on Extroversion and lowest on Friendliness.

]]> ~pupbear Am I really an Artisan ? http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2665497/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2665497/ Tue, 15 Jun 2004 10:00:36 PDT
I just took one of those personality quiz type things and it spit this out. Do you think I fit this personality ? I see a few things that fit me, but certainly not all. Gimme you're opinion. Here's what it said:
-----------------------
Artisans are the temperament with a natural ability to excel in any of the arts, not only the fine arts such as painting and sculpting, or the performing arts such as music, theater, and dance, but also the athletic, military, political, mechanical, and industrial arts, as well as the "art of the deal" in business.

Artisans are most at home in the real world of solid objects that can be made and manipulated, and of real-life events that can be experienced in the here and now. Artisans have exceptionally keen senses, and love working with their hands. They seem right at home with tools, instruments, and vehicles of all kinds, and their actions are usually aimed at getting them where they want to go, and as quickly as possible. Thus Artisans will strike off boldly down roads that others might consider risky or impossible, doing whatever it takes, rules or no rules, to accomplish their goals. This devil-may-care attitude also gives the Artisans a winning way with people, and they are often irresistibly charming with family, friends, and co-workers.

Artisans want to be where the action is; they seek out adventure and show a constant hunger for pleasure and stimulation. They believe that variety is the spice of life, and that doing things that aren't fun or exciting is a waste of time. Artisans are impulsive, adaptable, competitive, and believe the next throw of the dice will be the lucky one. They can also be generous to a fault, always ready to share with their friends from the bounty of life. Above all, Artisans need to be free to do what they wish, when they wish. They resist being tied or bound or confined or obligated; they would rather not wait, or save, or store, or live for tomorrow. In the Artisan view, today must be enjoyed, for tomorrow never comes.

Artisans make up between 15 to 20 percent of the population, which is good, because they create much of the beauty, grace, fun, and excitement the rest of us enjoy in life.

]]> ~pupbear I'm such a drama queen http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2398915/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/2398915/ Mon, 10 May 2004 12:16:04 PDT
Mom--
So the cold air is coming through my window now and I'm shaking from head to toe, but I don't wanna close that window now because--I just don't. Yesterday was Mother's day and I wanted to tell you that I love you. I would have called you up but I don't know your number. I meant to sit down by that tree--that tree we spread your ashes on but I didn't sit down by that tree because you weren't there. I was going to buy you flowers because you love the way they smell but I didn't buy you flowers because you're not here to smell them. Teddy bears and chocolates are the things I used to buy you but if I had to buy you one last present it would be none of these. I'd tell you that I love you, I'd tell you that I care, but I can't tell you anything because you are not here.
--Kori

]]> ~pupbear Putting Pieces Back Together http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1981188/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1981188/ Tue, 09 Mar 2004 14:16:08 PST Unfinished Song

Rusty staples hold together
Broken bodies, stormy weather.
Patch the clouds up in the sky,
And wish it all would die.
In the dreams of those we lost,
Pay the toll, we pay the cost,
And if it ever comes to this
Think of those we've come to miss.

We'll mend these tears,
Throw away these years,
Train our eyes
To see past all the lies,
Cut down the weeping willows,
and wash these tear stained pillows.
The pieces are gone
And we'll move on.
Move on.

]]> ~pupbear I Dropped Dead http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1922233/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1922233/ Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:10:37 PST

I'll be around. ]]> ~pupbear Isn't it Obvious ? http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1716118/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1716118/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 01:06:35 PST Project (CLOSED)-Deviant Fishtank

Our art community is like a fishbowl. So many different deviants all of many different colours and shapes. My new project is to illustrate this idea by making myself a tiny fishtank. Everyone who would like to participate can pick their own fish in whatever colour they would like and I will draw them. Then we shall plop all the little fishies into our Deviant Fishtank. This should be a fairly small project because the tank is quite small. I shall try to cram as many fish in the tank as possible.

***If you would like to participate please do the following:

note me to let me kno you would like to be a part of the fishtank.
please include the type of fish you want and what colour it should be.

*** i'll be finishing the project up soon and posting it. i will not be taking any more participants until the next version perhaps.

Fish Count [16]

*pumpa -------------- orange betta fish

*oedalis -------------- purple spotted sweetlips

~SkewerMAN---------- orange clown fish

~pixeltastic ----------- blue betta fish

@voltball-------------- blue angler fish

*ve------------------- red dragon fish

*ksb-artist------------ green dino-fish

*pandachan----------- orange neon tetra

*psynobi9------------- orange false clownfish

~comp---------------- blue plecostomus

*dreamheaven--------- yellow dwarf lion fish

~dragonkrys----------- silver betta

*greenie---------------- green spotted puffer

*tropekitten------------ pink lion fish

~gabmnky-------------- anemone

*kneenay--------------- magenta royal gramma

= to do

= done

... ]]> ~pupbear --- http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1649410/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1649410/ Thu, 08 Jan 2004 17:23:14 PST Mood: unproductive
Listening to: dashboard confessional - the brilliant dance

well you'd like to think you were invincible
yea, well werent we all once
before we felt loss for the first time
well this is the last time
this is the last time
this is the last time...

]]> ~pupbear -------------------------------- http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1633986/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1633986/ Mon, 05 Jan 2004 15:34:01 PST --------------------------------------

If what doesn't kill us is making us stronger,
Were gonna last longer,
Than the greatest wall in China,
Or that rabbit with the drum

If there's one thing that I learned,
While waiting for my turn,
Is that in each life some rain falls,
But you also get some sun,

And we'll make out better than ok,
Hear what I say?
Yeah, any day ]]> ~pupbear tis the season http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1587361/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1587361/ Fri, 26 Dec 2003 18:09:48 PST

alone

taking care of a dog that shit on my deck, ate my screen door, dug up my moms memorial tree, ate my tupperware, went through my garbage, and never once listened to me.

missing my mother

putting out the fire in the kitchen

fighting with my boyfriend

sleeping ]]> ~pupbear christmas time http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1584673/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1584673/ Fri, 26 Dec 2003 02:02:39 PST Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time" ]]> ~pupbear flies http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1478642/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1478642/ Mon, 01 Dec 2003 22:00:58 PST ~pupbear -------- http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1456913/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1456913/ Thu, 27 Nov 2003 02:52:48 PST

]]> ~pupbear to my favorite artists http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1321371/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1321371/ Sat, 25 Oct 2003 13:17:22 PDT

people currently on my devwatch/friends list
(alphabetical order)

~aheadbyacentury
~alexpardee
*angelbelle
~bara-chan
~bunny
~cameronfrost
~cassandra-rt
~chanchan
*cometglitter
*darko-ninja
~deadthin
*doornumber13
~ereptor
~fairytales
~fatalle
~gabmnky
~immortus
~insiincere
*jibrille
~kappa
~kazera
~killzombi
~kit-t
~kitsunei
~kittehness
~klar
*ksb-artist
~kunika
!l0kki
~liora
~luciole
~magicalt
~meralis
~mimle
~miru-muru
*mmiller8
~mockturtle
~mopinks
~mugwumperx
*myheadphones
~nulltec
~outlawink
~peanutie
~pixiegal
*pumpa
~quark777
~razz007
~saccharin
*sakura
*shethatisnau
~shivikai
~theaddicted
~toonies
*tropekitten
~twigs
~vairya
*yasha-sama
~yohko
~yolin
~zeda
~zoemoss ]]> ~pupbear nite mare http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1191043/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1191043/ Mon, 22 Sep 2003 12:11:43 PDT
me and a bunch of family members including my mom, were in new york, or san francisco (doesnt matter, big city). we must have been on vacation 'cause we were on a tour. on this tour, we stopped by a church and our tour guide was explaining the origin of this church. all of a sudden there was a loud speaker, over the entire city. it was a man's voice saying that a giant train that runs through the city was going to derail and crash into a few buildings. it was some sort of terrorist attack. people all over the city were freaking out. my cousin jumped off a ledge that we were standing on and ran off. her sister, in turn, ran after her. i ran after them, and soon lost them. finally i turned into the stoop of a store, and watched. when i looked across the street i saw my two cousins talking to each other about how to keep from not drowning. (we were on the coast and the crash was supposed to cause a tidal wave

) then everything got quiet when we heard the train roll up closer. finally it passed us and nothing happened. there was a big sigh of relief in the city. nevertheless, i was worried about my mom. i didnt know what happened to the rest of them. me and my cousins and a few of my relatives went into an elevator that wasnt really an elevator. it took us over the bay. i dont really recall what happened in between it all, but eventually me, my father, my cousins, and their mom were driving in a van across a bridge. my mom wasnt there, and i was sad. when i asked my dad what happened to her he said "she knew what was happening before it all happened." and then i woke up. i woke up sad.

still am. ]]> ~pupbear taking in the twilight http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1106949/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1106949/ Thu, 28 Aug 2003 14:14:27 PDT yesterday morning i recieved a phone call from my aunt and my father. there were at the san francisco general hospital. they told me that he died, and obviously i freaked. "what happened" i kept shouting and no one would tell me....because the root of it was suicide, and its not socially acceptable to speak of in public.

he shot himself in the head early that morning. he left three kids, a son and two daughters. the three most amazing kids ive ever known. i'm angry, real angry that he did this. i cant ever express how angry i am. that he could do this to his kids, his ex wife.
i visited the younger daughter, colette ( 18 ) after i found out about the incident. she was screaming and crying before i got there. she spoke of how she blamed herself for not telling him she loved him, and she spoke of how he called her the day before and told her that they would see each other the next day. she spoke with tears in her eyes and pain in her heart, and even just writing about this tears me up inside and makes me burn with anger. she talked about how she thought he didnt care about them enough to even leave a note or something, and she talked about how hurt her brother will be.
and you know the thing that really gets me angry ? i watched for months as my mother fought so hard to stay alive. i watched her battle cancer for her life. i saw her vomit, unable to hold her head up because she was so weak from chemo. i heard her cry out her last few words "i'm not going" in the middle of the night. i saw her deteriorate from a strong beautiful healthy woman to a emaciated lifeless soulless skeleton. and she fought all the way to the end....and here he is taking everything she fought for away in just one shot.
i cant write anymore...
[end] ]]> ~pupbear bitching session http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1048236/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/1048236/ Fri, 08 Aug 2003 06:06:36 PDT

thank you to all the people that made DAv3 possible. the site is awesome and you all are miracle workers to keep it beautiful

BTW did anyone else watch the lifecycle of your userpage comments go by ? ]]> ~pupbear and its like this http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/610757/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/610757/ Thu, 10 Apr 2003 16:34:06 PDT time:: 04:32 pm
Music

: silence

thats how it was...theres nothing in this world that should make you so down on yourself. a wonderful person from the very start and i kno you dont need this shit rite now...none of us do. maybe it is all your fault for which ever reason, but you're not sad you're not angry anymore, and you're NOT pathetic ! you making something out of nothing then moping about it when you realize things aren't going the way it really should for you is plain and simple human. if you are a jackass full of shit slut bitch selfish whore, then so am i.
and thats all it is

and thats what our life consists of...

everyone fucks up and feels bad about it...

you've always done good and i'm very proud of you for handling things so well.

dont fret...

ive never wanted to die more then i do today...or yesterday...but today im feeling a little more willing to live because of you.

"all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. they have their exits and entrances, And [we all in our] time play many parts..."

altered shakespeare cause we're all dramatics

[end]
]]> ~pupbear dreams http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/545014/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/545014/ Sat, 15 Mar 2003 15:58:43 PST time:: 03:45 PM
Music

: silence

last nite i had a dream about my mother
i dreamt i killed her
now in the most literal sense
i killed her

i miss my mother
i cant get over the nagging fact
that shes dead

in my dream
she was sick
to save her life
i had to do one thing right
i couldnt

shes dead

[END] ]]> ~pupbear X_X http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/531309/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/531309/ Sat, 08 Mar 2003 01:33:26 PST time:: 01:15 AM
Music

: silence

this is the time of the night where i sit around feeling sorry for myself. ther part of the night where i sit at my computer desk writing about how sorry i feel for myself and how fuckin depressed i am.
so i read sad stories about people worse off than me and make myself feel important.
part of me wants to die right now.....part of me just wants someone to tell me that everything will be alright, the same part that knos that everything will never be alright.
i feel like a total waste of everything. someone who will never make a difference, and someone who wont be missed if they just dropped off the face of the earth tonite. im better off gone and thats a fact.
oh god how i miss my mother. i miss it when she stroked my hair and told me everything is going to get better. i missed how she used to come to my bed in the morning to watch me sleep. i miss having someone i could tell my sorrows, my dreams, my screw ups, my fears, my hope, my happiness, my all to.
sometimes i wanna hurt myself cause i cant remember what my mother smells like...sounds like...looks like. it makes me not wanna be.
this is starting to get repetative and bland...

]]> ~pupbear drive http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/514501/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/514501/ Tue, 25 Feb 2003 21:59:36 PST time:: 09:55 PM
Music

: Eleventeen:.impossible

-=drive=-

with this long ride home i search for the truth
candid thoughts display my youth
frustration distraction so scared that i cant get out of this
i need to find my way home

what if i fell straight down
then broke out of this mess that ive been living in
could i get back the things youth took from me

theres no ringing on the telephone

when the world expects you to be beautiful
and you cant stand the sight of your face in the mirror
we reach for the things that turn to dust
ive been in the water so long i started to turn bad

what if i fell straight down
what if i fell straight down

theres ringing on the telephone
there is never anyone home

what if i fell what if i fell...

]]> ~pupbear last letter http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/443554/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/443554/ Wed, 15 Jan 2003 15:23:05 PST time:: 3:20 PM
Music

: piercing silence

Kori~

Take care of yourself this week. Joey will remind you to take your medicine. Dad will be back next weekend. I will miss you and Gambit, Kitty, and Tugs and of course Bunbun. Things to do:

1. Water my plants outside every 1-2 days. The ones outside need it maybe once to 1 1/2 week.
2. Ask Joey to take out the garbage (must empty all trash cans inside and put in grey bin) This is done Monday night for pick up Tues. Mornins. Also put out all the recycle bins.
3. Clean kitty litter box on Monday and around Thrusday. Just empty bin in plastic bag and put in trash. Fill the box with fresh litter. Don't overfill.
4. You know to feed the kitties 1x day and put fresh water out. You know how Kit-T love to dirty it and play in the water. Poor Tuggy has to drink it.
5. Dad bought you some food in freezer but eat something healthy once in awhile 'cause I love you.
6. Try to keep the house clean and put your dishes in the dishwasher and run it once in awhile.

Can't think of much else but you have appt. with Diane Monday at 1:00 and Dr. Jhin at 2:30. Take Balboa from Diane's to Arguello and take a left. Go up to Sacramento St. and take a right. 1 blk to 3905 Sacramento #201 for Dr. Jhin.
You have appt with Dr. Shinbori on 8/27 at 4:20. I have one at 3:30 can you call and cancel it for me ? Don't forget to call Tinloy and make an appt fir adjustment.

I love you lots and will be getting better and will be seeing you soon. E mail me and I will check my e mail as often as possible. Wish me luck, see you soon !

Love,
Mom

]]> ~pupbear crashing http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/426534/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/426534/ Sun, 05 Jan 2003 15:11:31 PST time:: 2:50 PM
:

so what do you do when the the ceiling of your world comes crashing down ontop of you unexpectedly, and your carpenter has left and gone forever ? now i gotta think, do i wanna spend the rest of my life homeless and all alone or would i rather pick up the pieces and put my world back together again.

i mope around the house as a sullen ghost looking through the sheets of despair. the shit of the world tears at my skin and i cant bear anymore of this chaos. i have a sickness in my stomache....my heart gets dark like the skys before a storm. this tragedy has yet to end.

i cant help but think about the way that things were, and not how things will be. why must it be so hard for me to look towards my future and not dwell on my past ? with people dying every month....im afraid that this year will be worse. considering that nothing could be worse than losing my mother, nothing this year could possibly get to me that much. FUCK !!! i cant stand existence.

]]> ~pupbear holla at a playa http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/395383/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/395383/ Mon, 16 Dec 2002 21:55:37 PST time:: 9:25 PM
: silence

deviant of the day is

i absolutely adore this gal...if you're reading this redo i you

tomorrow is my mother's birthday. these past couple of days have been somewhat tough for me. theres been a storm running rampant throught my little town and it had cut off my internet for a few days. i've been sitting around being a bum for the past few days....i haven left my room for three days
i guess things will get back to normal after these crappy holidays are over. what can i say....tis the season

---------------------------------
dont forget to visit the toonies
x-mas project closes december 24
toonies mascot project is now closed
go check it out i promise you wont be dissappointed ]]> ~pupbear bah humbug http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/383945/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/383945/ Mon, 09 Dec 2002 14:35:07 PST time:: 2:41 PM
: alkaline trio-here to infirmary

deviant of the day is

he has an eye for beauty and a heart of gold

m kay...things have been a lil hectic around the household. lots of things to do because mom is gone and we have to do all the jobs that she used to do. i went to gilroy last week and bought pretty much all the presents that i needed to get. i wrapped them all last nite. i have a few checks to put in....some thank you notes for the sympathy cards everyone sent. i have to go shopping for and urn. i gotta clean up the garage and the kitchen and pretty much the rest of the house. gotta take care of the cats the dog the rabbit the mouse........ and my dad.
i got yelled at a few days ago. apparently i dont do enough around the house.
somehow i feel so lazy i dont wanna do anything anymore. i just wanna crawl into a hole and rot.

---------------------------------
dont forget to visit the toonies
new project for this month is x-mas themed
side project is the toonies mascot
go check it out i promise you wont be dissappointed ]]> ~pupbear drive http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/366863/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/366863/ Fri, 29 Nov 2002 02:28:59 PST time:: 2:39 AM
: drive~by eleventeen

been going through my old journal.....found this. i miss my mother so much it hurts. this pain in my chest hasnt subsided for days. the thought of how she never gave up....for me will forever be in my mind.

"hi mom, how are you feeling today ?"
"i'm fine"
"thats good how was your day ?"
"oh, just the usual."
"oh i see" long pause... "so, i heard from auntie lin that you didnt want to have the chemo anymore."silence on the other end "is that tru ?"
"yea, well, i dont like it."
"oh i see"
"it makes me feel tired"
"theres nothing wrong with being tired. you can be tired and just rest and get better"
"i dont like it"
"i kno...its hard"
"mmm"
"you kno, you can come home if you want to"
"no i cant"
"why not ?"
"because i have to stay here and do this stuff"
"says who ?"
"says me"
"why do you think that ?"
"because i have to"
"i think its okei if you want to come home."
"i cant..."
"ok." my voice chokes the breath from out of my chest
"dont cry, you'll make me cry."
"im crying because you are crying."
"no i'm crying because you are crying." ]]> ~pupbear end of the road http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/363749/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/363749/ Wed, 27 Nov 2002 00:05:51 PST time:: 12:12 AM
: end of the road~boyz II men

been thinkin about my mother a lot lately....i guess i just cant help it. ahhh well....of course im gonna think about her, i miss her.

the day she told me....

the words stung my ears as they flew out of my mothers mouth. "i need to tell you this" i knew it was bad. she has been struggling with cancer in her liver for about five months now. i knew it was the worst.
"im worried about you" it hurts to hear these words....because even through the hardest of times she is a rock.

not a tear not a frown not a shake in her breath. its always been one of those things that she wanted to get rid of.
"mom if there was one thing in the world that you could change about yourself what would that be?"
"id make it so that my voice wouldnt shake when i got upset or frustrated about things." and thats the way her voice sounds rite now.

she tells me what will happen....

"what?" i say, even tho i kno what the answer is.
"he says that the cancer has taken over 85% of my liver and im only working on 15% of it. he gives me two to three weeks. soon ill be come tired and then sleep all day long, then one day ill slip into a coma and die...."

as the sobs burst out of my body i cant help but say "what will i do without you mom?"
"im not scared of dying, im scared of what i am going to be leaving behind"
please dont leave me behind take me with you...please. . ... .... ]]> ~pupbear ...hugs... http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/360552/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/360552/ Sun, 24 Nov 2002 22:53:15 PST time:: 10:57 PM
: always and forever~heatwave

yah kno i owe a lot to devart. seems like whenever i get all down i can just come here and my favorite deviants will cheer me up.
jibrille for instance....he gives me so much support that it makes me wonder what i have ever done to deserve such love and friendliness. jibby is the nicest person i kno....a tru sweetheart and i love him for that. [link]

there are so many more deviants that i should say thanks to for brightening up my days and nites but i cant rite now.....i will get around to it guys a promise. i treasure you all....kno that k.
i kno i kno that sounds like such but really its tru....anyways
thank you thank you thank you kitten-lyttle [link] for the cute cute icon....you rockness.....

hooray for friendly people s to you all

oh yea and you all get a from me ]]> ~pupbear otta be in pictures http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/355671/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/355671/ Thu, 21 Nov 2002 18:03:45 PST time:: 6:07 PM
: two occassions~babyface

so~ tomorrow i leave for LA to film on saturday early earlay mornin. we're shooting the trains station scene on the plus side i get to see my favorite cousins this weekend. great ! i love them to death. my baby cousin chava speaks spanish even tho hes japanese silly chava. whatever you ask him you'll always get the reply "si"
i havent packed yet....i better get ta packin.

oh yea and PS i miss my momma ]]> ~pupbear been a long time http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/353150/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/353150/ Wed, 20 Nov 2002 00:55:21 PST my mother died on November first this year and i wrote a few words down to read at her funeral. i was pretty scared to read it in front of those people gawking and stuffs, but i did it....and i didnt cry during the middle of it.

today the clouds wept for her
her death in vain.
a fight well fought
a tragic battle comes to a halt.
one last breath taken upon one caring heart.
always there
always caring,
in maternal ways ends in one last beat.
never forgetten,
a spirit never gone,
a spirit never lost.
one last war, won.
at rest,
at peace,
to sleep off struggle.

she was caring, giving, and a loving mother to everyone. as i lay my head upon her shallow breaths i felt her last heart beat. it told me not to be afraid, not to be sad, because life goes on, and her spirit lives on. it told me her life was lived for everyone else. that she gave her all until the very end, not wanting to leave her family for fear of their falling. it spoke soft words of understanding, pain, fear, love, hope, devotion... secretly whispering into my ear that everything will be ok. i held her there and felt her arms reach around me, to hold me, just as she had always done, and i felt her love for me. her eyes, now glassy, look out into nothing, yet say so much. she wants to speak but the words dont come, yet i hear everything that she wants to say. she says tell everyone that i refuse to leave you all. i refuse to let you drown. i will keep you safe here in my arms, forever. i will be waiting and watching. her wings spread out into the heavens, the clouds take her shape. so whenever you look up into the sky please remember her arms, outstretched upon the open sky holding you, keeping you safe, refusing to let you fall, watching and waiting til the day our souls will meet.

]]> ~pupbear Devious Journal Entry http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/23997/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/23997/ Thu, 23 Aug 2001 12:02:12 PDT
yep....im still nekkid ]]> ~pupbear Devious Journal Entry http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/23436/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/23436/ Sat, 18 Aug 2001 14:57:31 PDT you werent mine anyway
and now you're in my bed
some lifeless body dead
today you're here with me
my eyes what do you see
'i love you cant you tell'
your voice rings like a bell
the past lies far behind
and now you're finally mine ]]> ~pupbear Devious Journal Entry http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/22760/ http://pupbear.deviantart.com/journal/22760/ Sun, 12 Aug 2001 16:38:55 PDT ~(¬_¬) ]]> ~pupbear