http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:quartz3000&section=today deviantART RSS for by:quartz3000 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:58:01 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9405143/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9405143/ Mon, 17 Jul 2006 12:07:56 PDT
me: well you dont know what your like when your drunk becoz your too drunk to remember, when im tipsy i seem flirty and try to be sociable, and apparently im more down to earth and normal when drunk.

tom: most common word heard by drunk tom "HUG", he gets very sociable, VERY sociable, everyone prefers drunk tom as he doesnt seem to get angry, all he would need to do is loose his ego and we would keep him drunk all the time.

simsay: ive only seen simsay drunk once and he is a mean drunk, when confronted with this fact he admitted he had started a fight with damien over nothing, he didnt remember also starting a fight with me and thwacking bob, and i wasnt the at my most observant during that party so there could be other things.

if anyone has any information of the drunken nature of george, damien, bob or muz please tell me.

laki: out of it, after several drinks he lives somewhere further than the moon and spends his time naming people and talking of potatoes and lemons, generally ok although he can get angry quickly.

laura: fun fun fun.

gemma: usually turns up drunk, spends 3 mins insulting me, pukes and spends the rest of the night collapsed in the arms od whatever boy shes with at the time.

hardy: he become the happy aggressive, he will take a swing at anyone and laugh if it connects, talk to him in the right way and endure a bit of pain he can be fun.

will: annoying enough sober

ok so it didnt go that well, it was a good idea at the time, tell me if i missed anyone ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9344584/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9344584/ Tue, 11 Jul 2006 14:37:05 PDT
i will no longer accuse it of trying to make me gay because it has obviously stopped.

HUZZAH ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9078903/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/9078903/ Thu, 15 Jun 2006 16:03:08 PDT
1. Honestly, what colour is your underwear?
> no
>
> 2. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
> bone, skin and hair, in that order
>
> 3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
> splunking, what do you think im doing
>
> 5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
> no (i know i am, shut up i can be egotistical too)
>
> 6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
> yes, i had impure thoughts about the olsen twins (penance is required)
>
> 7. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
> honestly, do you start all your questions with honestly (i dont watch the disney channel)
>
> 8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
> the real question is am i not jealous of someone right now (awnser, only tom, im glad im not him)
>
> 9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
> when you say honestly, ooohhh do it again
>
> 10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
> oh god yeah
>
> 11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
> turned on and about to burst
>
> 12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
> my dominatrix tells me so but i think its just an excuse
>
> 13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
> see above
>
> 14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
> yes, nobody knows my real name is corky, oh dammit

> 15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?
> god dam it tom your such an emo

> 17. Honestly, are you loyal?
> thats not the point, what happened to 16
>
> 18. Honestly, are you in denial?
> no of course im not in denial (ooh the paradox)
>
> 19. Honestly, where would you rather be right now?
> anywhere but FUCKING FAREHAM
>
> 20. Honestly, do you like someone?
> honestly can you stop saying honestly
>
> 21. Honestly, does anyone like you?
> no seriously its getting annoying
>
> 22. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
> for fucks sake i can fucking lie whether your saying fucking honestly or not, its a fucking waste of fucking typing, its not fucking sensical, just fucking stop it *breaks down and starts crying" pep pill time, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>
> DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY
>
> *Anger Section*
>
> 1. What do you do when you're mad?
> phone that old lady from the titanic and tell her she sucks (im not coming within 100ft of her so im not violating the restraining order)
>
> 2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
> oh poor jimmy, he will never be the same again
>
> 3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
> yeah i once told tom santa claus didnt exist, he cried for a week
>
> 4. Do you swear when you're mad?
> see question 22
>
> *CRYING SECTION*
>
> 1. When was the last time you really cried your heart out?
> when they cancelled the cosby mysteries
>
> 2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
> no, my dad always thrashed me to sleep with his belt
>
> 3. Do you cry when you get an injury?
> depends where the injury is
>
> 4. Do certain songs make you cry?
> 99 bottles of beer boogie
>
> 5. What usually makes you cry?
> you really havnt been listening have you
>
> *Happy Section*
>
> 1. Are you normally a happy person?
> define normally
>
> 2. What can make you happy?
> shiney things
>
> 3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
> no i hate every minute with them and only hang about with them for an increased chance of survival when the zombies come
>
> *Self-Esteem Section* (hmm somethings wrong here)
>
> 1. Is your self-esteem extremely low?
> ill tell you when i find it
>
> 2. Do you believe in yourself?
> i believe that i exist and am sitting here doing this quiz
>
> 3. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you deny it?
> now your just teasing me
>
> 4. Are you one of those people that think they are ugly, dumb, and gross?
> no im nowhere near that cool


well that was fun, now i must go, simon say kiss the nearest living thing ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8977201/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8977201/ Mon, 05 Jun 2006 10:39:56 PDT
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"passenger" thats is, its the bottom half of a dictionary description of air rage.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what are you touching?
deoderant

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
a documentary on beavers, i misread the title in my sky planner

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
18:15

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
18:13 (ok i may have looked at the time when reading others journals but its a natural reaction)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
a god dam annoying fly buzzing around my head

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
the hokey kokey on my doorstep

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
other peoples survays

9. What are you wearing?
clothes

10. Did you dream last night?
i did, i wish i hadnt

11. When did you last laugh?
just now when i squashed that annoying fly

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
fly corpses

13. Seen anything weird lately?
i live in fareham, the locals consider it weird if the moon "aint cresent shaped like darn be carved on me tractor"

14. What do you think of this quiz?
better than maths revision

15. What is the last film you saw?
team america, world police

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Let's see:
ultimate house of fun, im talking about a giant pool with a raised trampoline next to it, no stairs only firemans poles and large springs, padded rooms, my very own tiger pit and no sentimental stuff so i can have giant drunken parties without worrying about what gets damaged, naturally im going to be selfish and not buy my friends presents...

fine,
ill get simsay a publishing house so he can write and publish books and make a good living of it (i will also pay for marketing)
damien gets all the mail order schoolgirl panties he could ask for
george gets body armour to go with all the weapons every seems to get him, and a grooming comb (prrrr)
tom gets playboy in the hope that the next generation of Hef wont be emo.
zac gets the muppets, as in i will buy all the original puppets (puppeteers included) and all rights to make another series
dan gets the rights to all of nirvanas songs and a judicial review to legally change his name to kurt kobain (i know its spelt wrong)
arthur gets his own weight in pop tarts to be eaten in as short time as possible (televised, of course)
will gets ownership of the conservative club in dublin
and finally i will get peter a personality

17. Tell me something about yourself that I don't know:
i am ideologically opposed to eating funghi

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
make it so cream eggs are sold all year round and get rid of that crappy cream egg bar idea

19. Do you like to dance?
not in public, or when i think someone is watching, or in my house, or an enclosed space, or on my own or in private.

20. George Bush:
worldwide dictators you said george bush our survay said, DING, he's there you go to the big money round.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
I SWEAR I USED A COMDOM

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD A VESECTOMY

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
well not in america and i dont know any foriegn languages but you never know, um cyprus?

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
hello, now rachel stevens is waiting for you with a puppy and a vodka by the milkshake swimming pool, but dont worry im sure things will get better later on.

25. 6 people who must also do this in THEIR journal: well everone i know has been tagged except

yeah ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8854903/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8854903/ Tue, 23 May 2006 14:07:19 PDT

9:00 woken up by mum (pissed off) had to walk with her to the bank as she was carrying a lot of money and wanted someone to sacrifice to theives as she runs away.

10:back from bank, mum has a counciling client so i go back to sleep.

11:00 mum finishes counciling, i am forced to awaken and do some work.

11:20 lunch, pizza watching scrubs. double episode on sky one.

12:30 back up to my room to revise.

12:40 get bored and go on the internet to look at webcomics.

13:02 mum comes upstairs, revise for a short while.

13:10 found a cool game called shadow of the warrior (dam it).

14:00 second lunch in front of tv.

15:00 actual revision for an hour (covered a whole chapter).

16:00 back onto shadow of the warrior (dam thats addictive).

17:30 snack.

18:00 episode of south park on video.

18:30 driving lesson.

19:30 dinner eaten in fron of more episodes of south park.

20:30 bath.

21:30 revision.

now: lost (tv series on channel 4, not wandering off)

so i feel very optomistic about my exam tomorrow, well i want to watch lost now, cya. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8759947/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8759947/ Sat, 13 May 2006 14:26:44 PDT
now the last journal entry took place after one crazy party with the focus point being a kinky little laura getting naked then suffering the injustice of my bouncing tackle right in front of her (enormous as it is, it was a forfeit) well many moons have past since then (technically 1/2 a moon has past but not many people pay attention to astonomy any more), since then another party has past with much deeper results, exactly a week earlier at about this time of the evening, i was teaching laura how to do that cool thing i can do with sticks (bow staff's, makes it sound better) when we we realised that nobody else was outside and there was a handy shed helpful for pressing people against, nuff sed,

the rest of the night was spent finding ways to meet up with laura in private and will was a witness to us failing at this task.

now i was sober(ish) but i wasnt sure how drunk the other 50% of this fun was, thus i was unsure how to proceed in these matters, however another party was approaching,great, drunk or not it was another chance for fun, however government decided this thing called fun should be limited.

smells like teen spirit being crushed under the weight of exams

yes an english exam on monday means that the party, rather inconvieniantly held on sunday will be missing one person, but this was laura's birthday party, i got to give her a present some how, so through the magic of 2 free periods and a heavily subsidised bus system, made my way to lauras house on friday to drop off a card and a small kenny plushie (RIP) well suffice to say i had an interesting time at laura's house discovering that she too was relitively sober and disapointed i couldnt come to her party on sunday.

we improvised

"so why the confusion ross?" i would hear you cry if you cared, well im not sure what comes now, technically we're not going out, we have just had a couple of flings, am i destined just to be a bit of meat to her, cant it be something deeper.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, you didnt think i was serious did you, im happy where i am and i dont think a steriotypical relationship that you see on holyoaks (after all the bitchin and flirting nobody gives a shit about) would work at all, we have lots of fun and thats the great part.

oh and toms got a girlfriend too. hehehehe.


everyones happy except simsay whos been forced to have his hair cut, simsay put the picture on DA it is funny.

and now back to revision. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8631993/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8631993/ Sun, 30 Apr 2006 14:44:52 PDT

hooray current events

of course there is only one event i need mention which is muz's box social, it started as a swell little shindig, then people arrived at muz's house and thats when things deterioated, between gemma arriving drunk and jo stealing all the weed, robyn was encouraging everyone to squeeze her boobs and jo, now high out of her brain spent the rest of the night in muz's room with muz, what a great host,

meanwhile what about my evening, well things started to spice up between my lambrisco and martini (mixed) (which tasted surprisingly nice considering later on that night the french and the italien had a fight in my stomach, i thought drinking stella would make it end quicker, but my logic was slightly flawed) and my 7th beer (half of the beers a drank were tesco premium 2%, a beer so weak it lost a fight with damien) the idea was a big game of strip poker, however from the magnificent amount of girls who didnt want to play and the spectaula amount of boys that wanted to play, i suggested 1 on 1 strip poker, me vs laura, through plenty of cheating it all came down to the last hand, me with only my boxers on, laura with nothing but skimpy panties, and with a show of true friendship, i prevailed (tom stacked the deck), tripple ace, nipple chase, laura sat naked in front of me (with a couple of clothes pegs on her nipples, sorry i couldnt resist and apparently neither could she) proposed a double or nothing, loser to do 5 naked star jumps, considering laura wasnt sat in a revealing position i took her up on this, unfortunatly the panties came off smoother than the bra and tom couldnt stack the deck again...


"1...2...3...4...5

now lets all put our clothes back on" im hoping it was only laura and cath looking but i wouldnt put it past tom.

well that was fun, several more beers down my throat and i was stupid enough to agree to toms proposal of "going on an adventure" unfortunatly i can not report much as the words, "this stays in the park" were said, just suffice to say tom pissed in 2 seperate parks, holloway found it hard to concentrate on swinging, will condemed us all to hell (i think that was after i groped him) we all learned something about laura(as if we didnt learn enough earlier that night) and i had plenty of fun.

well theres another one next week, hehehehehehehehehe. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8501145/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8501145/ Mon, 17 Apr 2006 15:15:03 PDT
so it started after the award ceremony for saving the mayor of farehams wife, unfortunatly i had to visit the hospital to have my little finger reattached, being a fareham hospital 7 fingers were reattached on my right hand and 3 on the left bringing the finger total to 19, naturally i was annoyed and decided to sue the hospital, however just as i was stepping up to give my speech to judge stone cold steve austin, pamela anderson ran into the courtroom, it seemed her friends of the girl band girls aloud had been kidnapped by the diabolical senior evillico, a man so evil he killed an orphanidge and used the childrens corpses to suffocate no fewer than 19 litters of puppies, and he was going to do evil things to them.

he was holding the girls of girls aloud at the top of the empire state building, all held in the giant metal hand of his latest maciovellian (so maciovellian it forces the auther to misspell) creation, metal-kong, there were several reports of the clothes of the girls falling down regularly onto passers by. so i sped to the scene only stopping to pick up Chuck Norris and Mr. T, i got them to stop arguing and assured them that i would make a second interuniversal portal that they could both use one, in exchange for they're help with this trifling matter.

we arrived at the empire state building just in time to see the underwear of the entire band simultaneusly fall to the ground, just as that happened metal tenticles sprouted from the chest of metal-kong, we had to hurry, Mr. T threw chuck and me to the top of the building with his ultra strong arms, he then managed to throw himself with his ultra strong arms, he then performed a seldom known fusion ritual with chuck norris to become chuck T. using the incredible punches of Mr. T and the bone shattering roundhouse kicks of chuck norris, chuck T destoryed the metal-kong, luckily metal-kong had only partially raped them, however the tenticles had injected them with a substance that removed anything bordering restraint, so naturally i was about to take them back to my house when they suddenly disapeared, senior evillico and his banditti had moved faster than time itself and stolen the entire band, it was up to me to kill the banditti and senior evillico on my own, chuck T had performed the final action of the fusion ceremony, to transofrm into a powerfull vorpal sword, only formed once before when the jabberwocky was threatening the earth, i picked up the sword, my new fingers meant i could grip and control the sword better than uma thurman ever could (i was wearing a similar outfit as her to make sure my swordmanship was at its best), the sword went snicker snack through the entirity of the banitti, 'twas brillig.

senior evillico was incredably angry, being evil he never fealt anything near love or lust so the naked girls alloud didnt apeal to him, however when i whipped my giant penis out, not only did it turn on the entirity of girls aloud but the sheer magnitude caused senior evillico to explode in a torent of repressed gay lust. so with the day saved the vorpal blade became chuck T, and chuck T split back into mr. T and chuck norris and mr. T, and the extra fingers found another use when i took girls aloud and pamela anderson back to my house.

thats what happened, honest. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8434880/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8434880/ Tue, 11 Apr 2006 05:16:48 PDT
I'm sorry to be giving you another journal entry about the horrors of fareham but journals usually say what you've been up to recently and my awnser is "not much", i am as bored as a necrophilac in a birthing centre (a good one with no still births) there has been nothing going on at all, all holiday i have been waiting for someone to tell me about a party in a couple of days time or gemma falling down something deep, and what do i get, worse than nothing, i get people telling me about meeting in town in 10 mins so we can all go to the cinema, great, i'll just jump into my teleportation machine and hop on down, even if teleportation machines existed they would be chased out by farmers with pitchforks, accused of being the work of the devil.

I'm getting a vibe from people who are telling me i got to meet others in fareham, OK where? i could go to the youth club, the only youth club in fareham is a club farmers use to club youths, i could go to where people my age hang out, in fareham the only people my age that i see hang out in the street compairing trainers or burberry, there is nowhere to meet others.

well i should pose the good parts about fareham...

um


give us a sec




well theres then peace and quiet...


um that isnt that good, um...



mr tillotson lives here... oh wait i said good things...



um




ok i'll think of something later, but i'm seriously hoping something good comes up before i find myself looking forward to going back to school.


OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!! ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8350148/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8350148/ Mon, 03 Apr 2006 05:00:05 PDT
tuesday: I'm on a tv show, either pop idol or stars in their eyes, singing a frank sinatra song, it was definatly a dream, i was good at singing.

wednesday: for no apparent reason gemma, laura and i are bombing places, the dream ended just as i was about to bomb toms house

thursday: I'm in the olympics doing a swimming event swimming round a circular pool, after that i enter the olympic short story writing contest (WTF!!!!!) in which i come second to stephen fry

friday: dream doesnt like me and ran away

saturday: I'm in a shot um up, like resident evil only the zombies are invading the V for vendetta england, and i have the OICW a mega gun from rainbow 6 lockdown, firstly its damien, simsay and i holding a bridge and then i remember us splitting up to take a castle, i then was attacked by a giant evil pumpkin zombie and woke up before i could finish it off

sunday: giant drunken party at laura's house, which is in the countryside near ringwood for no apparent reason, interesting things happen at the party ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8292901/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8292901/ Tue, 28 Mar 2006 09:09:41 PST
monday: me and a bloke i didnt reconise approached a giant magnetic coil, a scientist with a maustache told us it would make us fly, the fist bloke jumped into it and then he exploded, then i jumped into it and flew really high, then i landed and the scientist told me i have to fly without the coil, and then i woke up.

tuesday: somehow me and will had planted cameras in tony blairs eyes and saw what he saw for a while, nothing special though

wednesday: i dont remember writing it but apparently the house keeps geting broken into?

thursday: tom, simsay, george, mark, someone i dont reconise and i go to a theme park called communism land and tom ends up getting into a fight (and losing) with the bloke i dont reconise

friday: either it was very dark in my dream or there wasnt one

saturday: (brace yourselves this is a long one to describe) i was on a plane flight where i almost crashed and then got ill, whilst im ill tom, simsay and damien go missing (i never see what ocuntry im in) for some reason i go to a gentlemens club where there is a friendly waitress who encourages people to slap her ass, i get her phone number, and then i discover the club is actually a front for a secret POW camp where simsay, damien and tom are (even though there wasnt a war) and the dream ended with me walking down the road with simsay, damien and tom, i dont remember how they escaped.

sunday: dream missing

monday: dream still missing, placed ad in local paper.

im hoping for one tonight. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8217423/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8217423/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 13:45:32 PST
monday: laki and i are in a tomb assembling some artifact which will give everyone on earth immortal life, however laki steals the last stone and runs away, then he comes back with security guards who start firing at me, but the wall of the tomb lift up to reveal it is a TV studio and i run through the other studios hiding, i woke up as i hid on the set of my little pony.

tuesday: i dont remember much about the dream except that everyone i knew was a unicorn and nothing much happened.

wednesday: bad night's sleep, no dreams, sorry

thursday:i was going underwater in a submarine to collect an orb, but the submarine was sabotaged and i had to hold my breath and swim up with the orb, and it turned out to be a diving school and as a reward for my success we had a game of WATER DODGEBALL which i ended when i did a flip throw that hit the referee

friday: slept over simsay's house, dreams are banned

saturday: can barely remember the night before i went to sleep

sunday: i think i ate too much before bed becoz my dream started with me getting married in the school libary (i didnt see the girls face) and woke up just before the honeymoon (dam) i then got a drink and went back to sleep where i kept finding myself in random situations like being on a football feild as a mascot during the match, and then suddenly being a clown at a barmitsva.

i must emphasise this is the entire truth and that any relevance to my life being fucked up, although true, is entirly unnessessary. (all you spell checkers out there can shut up as well)

see ya next week ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8158288/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8158288/ Tue, 14 Mar 2006 11:11:05 PST
~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8064811/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/8064811/ Sat, 04 Mar 2006 12:00:35 PST ssor, thats a man with a stutter describing a pain in his body

2. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
josie

3. THE LAST THING YOU DOWNLOADED ON TO YOUR COMPUTER?
erm, teh pron

4. HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A 9 VOLT BATTERY?
not yet, y hasnt anyone told me about it

5. LAST TIME YOU SWAM IN A POOL?
about a week ago

6. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY?
yes, i was a snowflake

7. THERE IS NO QUESTION.
does that mean i can bend the other questions

8. TYPE OF MUSIC YOU DISLIKE MOST?
Jpop, screw you george

10. DO YOU HAVE CABLE?
no, i am not a commoner i have satelite in my bedroom as well as sky+ downstairs

11. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN ON A MOPED?
no i throw bricks at them

12. EVER MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL?
yes, and now i have a restraining order from sally of lombard direct

13. BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
neither

14. WOULD YOU GO BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKY DIVING?
both, why is everyone scared of bungee jumping

15. THERE IS NO QUESTION.
is this like daytime tv when there is no question i can promote my latest sitcom.

16. DO YOU HAVE A GARDEN?
what remains of it

17. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COMIC STRIPS?
dilbert, least i could do and goats

18. DO YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?
i assigned a new national anthem for glencairn, its the monty python spam song

19. BATH OR SHOWER, MORNING OR NIGHT?
shower in the morning, bath at night

20. BEST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN THE LAST MONTH?
DODGEBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS?
BBQ steak pizza from herbies

22. CHIPS OR POPCORN?
well if your paying, i'll have a bit of both

23. WHAT TYPE OF DEODERANT DO YOU USE?
chicken on a stick, seriosly linx

24. THERE IS NO QUESTION.
my latest show is called changes, it is a vietnamese gay gangster and an overweight black woman going through a midlife crisis, living in an apartment together with crazy consiquences

25. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A BEAUTY PAGENT?
back in my schoolgirl days, but it ended when i refused to have implants

26. ORANGE OR APPLE JUICE?
apple

27. WHO WERE THE LAST PEOPLE YOU WENT OUT TO LUNCH WITH?
my mum and brother

28. FAVORITE TYPE OF CHOCOLATE BAR?
dime (not diam, i hate diams)

30. LAST TIME YOU ATE A HOMEGROWN TOMATO
if tesco were my home i would say yes

31. HAVE YOU EVER WON A TROPHY?
yes, best lover in fareham 4 times in a row as i dont ask my girlfriend to plow the feilds or bait my sick lazze to a crease

32. IF YOU COULD BE A CARTOON CHARACTER, WHO WOULD YOU BE?
wheres wally

33. EVER PUNCHED SOMEONE IN THE FACE?
completly by accident

34. EVER ORDERED FROM AN INFOMERCIAL?
no just stalked the presenter

35. FAVORITE VIDEO GAME?
playboy the mansion, it doesnt pretend not to be pervy and the girls actually get there tits out, its honest.

36. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO WEAR A UNIFORM TO SCHOOL/WORK?
nope

37. LAST THING YOU BOUGHT AT WALGREENS?
a green wall

38. EVER THROWN UP IN PUBLIC?
um, is a boat public

39. WOULD YOU PREFER BEING A MILLIONAIRE OR FINDING TRUE LOVE?
yes

40. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
i prefer love at first smell

41. CAN EX'S JUST BE FRIENDS?
yes they can, they just tend not to

42. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU VISITED IN THE HOSPITAL?
my family is and always has been healthy, i actually dont remember ever visiting somone in hospital

43. DID YOU HAVE LONG HAIR AS A KID?
nope

44. WHAT MESSAGE IS ON YOUR VOICEMAIL MACHINE?
me being boring as my mum objected to all my colourful ones

45. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO RIGHT NOW?
anywhere but FUCKING FAREHAM

46. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
Merlin, and he's still alive today, 15 and counting

47. WHAT KIND OF BACKPACK DO YOU HAVE, & WHAT'S IN IT?
a falling apart head bag which never seems to have the same things in it.

48. LAST INCOMING CALL ON YOUR PHONE?
pete, i was buying chocolates for the trade show and i needed a second opinion

49. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR TODAY?
privacy (see question 3)

50. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOST?
i dont think ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7998645/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7998645/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 11:34:17 PST
so i decided to write a journal entry, im just going to write down all my craziness in the hope that i wont end up in a mental asylum,

firstly, girls covered in mud, am i the only one who notices that lynx are using our fantasies to sell products, anything else that smells remotely nice has an advert where everyone speaks french and although the girls are naked the cameraman is always in the right place to miss it, in fact do you think cameramen ever get any action, i mean the moment a girl strips for them, out of instinct they probably go and sit behind a wardrobe to avoid seeing anything, execept for playboy camera men whos eyes have an inbuilt zoom and xray functions so they can share the orgasm of any man having sex in a 3 mile radius.

secondly tom, tom is in favor of a society abandoning pussy hippies values and getting tough on crime, newsflash tom, this society would predict the danger your going to put other people in and eliminate you ASAP, in this country we have a thatcherite privitisation system where the burden of killing you falls onto private bodies with a personal interest in seeing you lying on a beach with a single glistening trickle of blood running from your mouth

thirdly, fucking fareham, FUCKING FAREHAM, fucking shitty cocksucking motherfucking, twat rubbing, thundercunting, cock juggling fareham (thanx needed to get that off my chest)

forthly, you have to feel sorry for karl marx, nobody said to him, hey karl, i got aproblem with this communism thing could you help, NO, power hungry maniacs made the many problems of communism worse and gave karl the blame, why did he bother, all he did was piss off a lot of people and made tom johnson look forward to any sort of afterlife where he gets to meet and "greet" him, which brings us nicely back to point 2, but we must move onwards, upwards and maybe a couple of steps to the right. (do the cha cha now)

fifthly, animal rights hippies, what the fuck is wrong with you, i think it would be poetic justice for you to die of cancer that they were researching into on animals till you shut the place down and then have your body dug up in protest against your family who's main mistake was giving you money to spend on dope when you and your greesey friends were at collage.

sixthly, now this is gonna make me unpopular but the following sayings can die and go to hel to burn for all eternity, "your mum", "your face", "anal hymen" and "and by (insert word here) i mean (insert word here), if you meant something different then why didnt you just say it, instead of pissing me off by word by word changing "lets cross the road" to "lets have a linedancing party after raping your dead mums corpse 3 times over in a protest against animal testing areas" and since when has "my face" ever been a centre for insults, my face doesnt do anything but sit on the front of my head all day, and in a quick closing note to this section, anyone who wants to have sex with my mum should be taunted for as long as possible as they actually want action from an old lady as they cant get any young girl action becuase they use phases like "anal hymen"

seventhly, dodgeball, why isnt it an olympic sport, why isnt there a league in england, why does dodgeball get only a tiny bit of the respect it deserves, wars could be decided by dodgeball games, denmark and the muslim nation could settle its diputes by pelting balls at each other, and my god it would be fun to watch.

so on a closing note, my left foot is on orange and my right foot is on blue.

happy camping ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7981542/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7981542/ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 14:20:03 PST
ah screw it i dont want a hangover. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7875427/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7875427/ Sun, 12 Feb 2006 16:00:35 PST
so hello anyone still tuned in to my life at this point in time, to be honest you can go and make a cup of tea as the exciting bits are yet to come and we're just getting some of the plot out of the way, you see living in Fareham has got me crazier than before, and that’s saying something, I’m actually looking forward to school, the only thing stopping me from calling the nice men with the big van and the cosy jacket that doesn’t let my arms move is I want to be able to go to school on Monday, but I cant, its half term and with no window of access to the computer save when mum leaves it on before going to bed my only activity seems to be playing on Xbox, if I had told you to stop me when I sounded like a loner it would have been an eventful birth. in fact I spend a lot of time thinking of "conditionless at leasts", it is a theory of mine that people commit suicide because they have none of these, they are good things in your life with no strings attached, my current ones are:

At least I’m not fat
At least the entirety of my brain is still contained within my head

I like to think I'm an optimist but I am struggling to think of a third, ouch.
Well I’d like to finish here but its only 11:28 and I like to deliver on my promise of writing until 12:00, so I’m going get a sandwich,

well I made my sandwich in 3 mins, its made with Missippi mud, which is an incredibly nice chocolate spread, and yes, its made in Germany, I've spread it thick enough to attempt releasing my first at least and I may try the second next time I’m drunk and someone leaves a spork (or foon) about, any queries on this spork or foon thing should contact Simsay and then report back to me in the hope that a second explanation may open my eyes to what he was talking about, maybe it was the fact that the first time he told me about this I was busy eating KFC chicken strips whilst drinking a tango and trying to nod. actually I've been eating a lot of KFC this week, on Monday I picked up the cheapest meal on offer to walk with Damien and Simsay with, it wasn’t even a bucket, on Thursday I ate the biggest variety bucket on offer with my brother and even shared the free mars ice cream that came with it, I then repeated on Friday with Zack (although we gave Simsay a piece of chicken for performing a mediocre task, ha-ha Simsay, you so cheap)

Well it’s now 11:37 so I got quite a lot of time to kill, so I’m going to search for something strange on a search engine.

I found something very important, I was looking for things we never do but should I found a website that teaches a basic life fact that I must admit now I have been neglecting.

[link]

Thank you Karen Fleming, for teaching us all what needs to be done.

Well I don’t know what to do now; I got 18 mins to kill, so I’m going to run round the house twice,
Yay 17 mins.

I do hope I’m not wasting your time but I am stark raving bonkers, I’m crazier than a lib dem who wants privacy.

I read through my journal entry and checked for spelling errors, now I only have 12 mins to kill, when you read this I want you to think back to what you were doing at midnight last night. I got a time killing idea, I’m going to copy and paste this into word and spell check it. Holy crap it actually put spell check as grammatically wrong, it should be either spells check or spell checks,

well my bad spelling and grammar combined with words messed up spell checker has cut me down to 6 more mins.

well im going to conclude now and then run round the house a couple more times, but i will add this when my clock says midnight,

which is now.

foon? ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7693677/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7693677/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 10:09:32 PST
So what should I talk about?

well it turns out it is my birthday tomorrow, so my mates (probably the only ones reading this so I don’t know why I bother saying this) will be trying to get into underworld evolution, now I don’t care what anyone says, its an 18, look,

[link]

Notice the certificate section.
Secondly it’s my birthday tomorrow so I will be getting lots of lovely pressies (yay pressies) but I bet nobody will get me an edible boat or world peace, nobody listens to what I want.

Well that wasted a bit of time.

well I heard an interesting statistic about today on the radio, but I had also heard it about yesterday in assembly, apparently today/yesterday is the most depressing day of the year, following this trend there is bound to be someone who says tomorrow is the most depressing day on the year, and I don’t know if I have mentioned this already or not but tomorrow is my birthday, and anyway I don’t think it is, I think the most depressing day of the year is precisely 20 days from now. think about it, there must be thousands of people being rejected or having that feeling of loneliness swoop upon them on that fateful day, it just makes sense still the best day of the year is only 66 days away, however this year that day falls on a Saturday which doesn’t make it as fun as usual, I may have to make Friday that official day instead purely so it lies within the realms of school time, or maybe there is another way, how about combining valentines day with April fools day and have it occur twice in the year, that way some can celebrate their love and others can play jokes on those smug basterds, its too perfect an idea to deny, pieing somebody in the face so that their kisses taste like custard for the entire day or putting a trick spider in a girls bra and watch the hilarity as the boy fetches it out, it would even make rejections hilarious, you wouldn’t feel so bad about a girl saying no if she replaced your custard with mayonnaise.

so that’s the end of my ramblings and playing with the date function on my palm pad, I must leave you now for my planet needs me, but before I go I must sing


Who’s the best cat in the USA, it's you champer damper, it you champer damper. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7565017/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7565017/ Tue, 10 Jan 2006 14:19:11 PST
the circomstances from which this journal came to be a forbidden one will be described to you in a long story will lots a sub plots worthy of an episode of a crappy american sitcom (with a silent H).

it started on the 25th of january 1989, i was born, then some stuff happened. by the 3rd of january 2006 i found myself going on a skiing holiday, naturally i felt obliged to check out the internet so much before i went that i wouldnt want to see it for 5 days, now the details of the skiing holiday i wont go into...

nope definitly wont...

you wouldnt care anyway...

ok here it is, the age old persuit of straping planks to your legs and falling down mountains seemed to be a simple one (for some this was too complicated so the got rid of one of the planks and became snowboarders) and in a cliche busting moment i was actually really good at it, i was stupid enough not to break, in fact only breaking to avoid other skiers and take corners, during the holiday i fell off more times going up the mountain then going down (i think that takes skill and could be an event in the next olympics) and when i wasnt skiing i was sleeping or chowing on the greatest buffet in andorra, it doesnt sound like much but it was.

so when i made my return homethe response was thus:

hi ross, welcome home, heres all the things that have gone wrong whilst you were away.

and there were plenty... shadow was in season and had decided to become a lesbian, blosum was firmly straight so there are occasional bouts of growling. going down the slopes had dried my skin to an extent that it was no longer there, i tried using boots dermatolically tested nutrally balanced moisturising cream with added vitamins, this helped to burn the skin off faster. and in fanale, i had been complaining about spyware on my computer for a while, so bob took a look at it, turns out it isnt spyware its a worm (really nasty thing that fucks up things) so my computer is fucked to buggery, this is where this becomes a forbidden journal entry as i am typing it on mums laptop which she forbid me from going on any websites other than hotmail on becoz she was scared i would go on the same website and send the worm to her computer...

ooh ive become a rebel.

so after a journal that is long beyond beleif i must leave you, for i will not have a computer for a while and need to get some *ahem* other things done.

damien if your still reading this i hate you, tom too, in fact anyone who thought i was lying at the front and so read on looking for the "saucy bits"

fine...


MORE BOOBIES

( . Y . ) normal

( . Y . Y . ) total recall/ eccentrica golumbus

( . Y .') sorry i may have got to that one first

( ^ Y ^ ) ooh aroused

( Q Y Q ) piercing

(:. Y . ) looks like simsays claimed another vampyric victim

\./ \./ grandma what are you doing here

(.Y . ) botched boob job

( O Y O ) big nipples

( > Y > ) he went that way

( z Y z ) actually im not sure where he went

well im going this way offline, cya children and dont pretend you didnt learn something. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7448224/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7448224/ Thu, 29 Dec 2005 11:43:57 PST
'wow, you will have to get the broom out and sweep the path so we dont slip on it'

wow the xmas spirit remains in my mum, so i went out into the street, now although everyone to the left are old basterds, i know that the new family, which has just moved in on the other side of the crematorium has 6 children all older than 8, i know that there is another family on the other side of the road and several in the small council estate accross the field, somhow they all decided that they would rather sit at home and wank rather play in the snow.

now if i were still in bournemouth, and the snow came down, i would be in my coat, down the road and knocking on simsay's door with a snowball ready in my hand, i may even buy an "i'm sorry" card for simsays mother.

i went out into the snow and built a snow pile (it was going to be a snowman buY i lack experiance) and then i was hit by the same apathy that has infected the neighbourhood and now i have heard the news that ben (tom will know him) an 11 year old boy from hull is on his way down, maybee then i get to pelt something with ice.

and now to fill my mindlessness quota. boobies,

( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ( . Y . ) ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7422507/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7422507/ Mon, 26 Dec 2005 12:24:45 PST
the number of Christians is slowly falling, we have moved on from the days when religion was forced upon us, this is a good thing as those who follow certain religions are true followers who actually believe, however Christmas is not entirely Christian, as I have mentioned several times before Christmas has pagan origins, what I have discovered after further research it has roman (saturnalia) Norse (Yule) and pagan origins and influences.

the feasting element of Christmas comes from the roman saturnalia, Romans were notorious feasters and they would eat solidly for, you guessed it, 12 days. it is well known that the Romans would integrate their religious idols and celebrations with others, so that’s when their saturnalia was mixed with the pagan festival of the new moon.

two famous Christian bookmakers made lists of Christian feasts and festivals, they were Irenaeus and Tertullian, neither of these included Christmas on their lists, the first evidence of Christmas being celebrated was in 200 AD in Greece, the day it was celebrated was may 20th, and even that was a guess of when Jesus was born.

now I’m willing to let Christians celebrate Christmas as a celebration of the birth of their savior, it doesn’t have to be the same day and in a multicultural society it doesn’t matter if they use other customs, the meaning is still there and it still has a deep religious significance and I accept this, but let us who don’t believe in Christ have a feast to get us through the winter, and we can call it xmas so we don’t soil the name of your savior.

and if we're wrong we'll go to hell so everyone is happy. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7345111/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7345111/ Sun, 18 Dec 2005 11:57:53 PST
R:here you go mum,
M:what is it?
R:not too sure myself actually.

so i buy my stuff, and then, on xmas day, we play the games we bought, watch the dvd's we aquired and thank woolworths, argos, tesco and all the other organisations that bought us together, happy that tomorrow we can take back all the stuff bought be happless relatives who dont know us well enough to realise we dont like bratz merchendise.

so to cut to the real point, for i did want this to be pointless, so the point was having no point, sorry i got sidetracked, i decided to give out my xmas list publically, if youve bought me one of these things tell me.

i can't beleive its not communism.
cheese of any kind
the three tenors sing your favourite football chants
buddhism in a bucket
an edible boat
impotency frying pan
a pet penguin (ONO)
tetris the musical
solitare the movie
Ian duncun smith action (or lack of it) figure
Lord of the rings musical condoms
more reasons to shop at morrisons
world peace (currently at aldi for £14.99)
septic tank, the fragrence by Ralph Lauren
a major business (boots or higher)
blackmail material on a famous person (no b-list celebrities please)
an austrailian
and finally anything that sparkles.

thank you santabot, kwansabot, bender, whoever the pagans think gives them presents and Mr. T.

Merry xmas everyone. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7213227/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7213227/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 15:32:47 PST
like every other sheep in the country i went to see harry potter and the goblet of fire in the cinema today, this film is entirly responsible for the confusion of my brain, you see it is the ultimate contrast film, it got the "how many times will my eyes roll in a movie" record (i swear i went crosseyed for a small period) whilst also being, on the whole, not bad. its a great movie at times and at other times you would cringe less if you were watching a granny shaving. (tom is exempt from this) when the beuxbons girls were walking down the great hall simultaniously having inconvientiantly timed orgasms i didnt know whether to be aroused or embarresed (i pulled off both rather well) once again, like all movies based on books, bits were missed out but this time it was the bits that could be skipped over without many noticing and/or caring, in fact i jumped for joy when they miraculously missed out dobby, the new ja ja binx, by just having neville give harry the gillyweed. now im not just going to make fun of the movie the entire time, this time the director was a million times better, they actually hired a movie director with talent as opposed to picking a random person in the tate art gallery and shoving some clothes on him, and at least with this new director including more of a plot, the not so die hard fans dont have to resort to looking at hermione's breasts for the entire movie (once again tom is exempt from this, better include damien too).

now whilst leaving the cinema i looked at the other movies being shown and noticed something about holywood that has changed, or in fact failed to change, you see nobody writes their own stories any more, its true, movies are now remakes of older movies, books, comics or even (the lowest of the low) games. harry potter, king kong, doom, the chronicals of narnia are the latest releases not to mention those movies which in fact take up 2 of the above criteria, did the makers of charly and the chocolate factory think that if they had a film based on a book and a previous film they would make twice the money, because if thats what they wanted to happen, thats is indeed what happened.

FOR GODS SAKE BRITISH PUBLIC STOP ENCOURAGING THEM.

moving on, the ultimate mega-novel 3000(tm) has broken free of the constricting bounds of NaNoWriMo and its 1 month stupid target, and so now i am writing it for the fun, i have got a job at argos with the finest girls ever and dodgeball is happening on wednesday, yes its actually happening, a combination of joking to the wrong people and the wrong people not realising it was a joke has given us a tournement, now we just have to organise everything in 2 days.

shit.

now im going to close with the dying quote of admiral nelson,
"drink drink, fan fan, rub rub."

hmm maybe i shouldnt finish with them ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7122420/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/7122420/ Wed, 23 Nov 2005 10:58:16 PST
writing a 50000 word novel,
organising a charity dodgball competition,
trying to become an elf in santa's grotto
writing a speech for a speech competition and
trying to get a job at argos in a town 50 miles away from my true home (bournemouth)

yes the bullet points are a artisitc symbol of the strangeness of my life,

see im better than phillip larkin. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6989325/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6989325/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 10:13:47 PST
[link]

well i thought that in the spirit of protest i would write a nice letter to xxxxjessluvshammysxxxx, heres the whole thing:


hello, i was recently browzing this site and i noticed a little forum you started about the controversial website containin a cartoon Mr. stabby, and i just want to ask you one thing

how high were you when you wrote that, you know just for referance because the veiwpoint you put forward is often shared by Hippies on so much crack they think they are a kite, now its obvious from your name that you are a hippy as no normal person puts that many x's in their name, maybee you were high when you joined this site, just a thought.

well i thought that a rally of insults would be rather chavish of me (and we all know how much hippies hate chavs) so im just going to give you some reasons why your wrong,

firstly just because they saw it on a computer screen children do not want to copy it themselves, i first saw the cartoon when i was 13 and since then i have not felt the need to grow red hair and stab shopkeepers,

secondly, ITS A CARTOON, i know that you may be really high right now so i put that in bold, you see cartoons are where someone DRAWS something, it is not happening in real life, no hampsters, rats, mice or any other cute little rodents were harmed during the making of this CARTOON.
now dont put me down as one of those people who gets drunk and shoots cats, i have 2 dogs,1 cat, have been proud owner of hampsters throughout my life of different breeds sizes and colours, all of these died from natural causes not nails.

i notice that throughout the mr stabby series many types of violence have been shown, the one thing you are missing is that is the gimmick, he is a psycopath and people can laugh at how weird he is and thank god they dont know any scottish people, another thing that struck me is that of all the things that mr stabby has "encouraged" violence towards, only a mouse (which die every day at the hands of cats) raised a fuss, there has yet to be an outcry because he stabbed a shopkeeper, and his exploits with killing a magicians aid didnt strike any protest. this brings me neetly back to my fist point which is that you are a hippy on crack.

well i got to go now because i have a big steak to eat becuase im not a hippy, and so whilst your eating a peice of cardboard marketed as vegetariun bacon (which you will eat anyway because you have the munchies after all the crack you have smoked) i dunno maybee you will be filling out a petition to ban the detrimental effects shoes have on wildlife and are campagning for a ban, but im going to mention 1 thing in closing

tom and jerry showed violent scenes with animals and never received a hippy complaint like yours, it is currently ranked the second favourite cartoon of all time,

now im going to close by saying bye, good luck saving the ants and lay off the crack because the purple elephant isnt real.

similar e-mails are being sent to anyone who aggreed on the forum ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6827091/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6827091/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 11:08:58 PDT
the famous indiana jones quote never more apt to real life than yesterday, i went to boscombe to discover to my horror that only 100m from my beloved poundland was the 99p shop, the intense cheekiness of offering similar products at 1 penny cheaper, whats even more cheeky is that the previous statement is untrue, poundland still sells products of intense quality and quality, 99p shop sells shit.

sorry for the crudeness but it is pissing me off as the beloved, superior poundshop is now deserted and the 99p shop is full of people who beat jellyfish at a lack of spine competition, recently the customer loyaltee of microsoft was valued at 1026 million pounds, yes if somebody were to buy out microsoft they must pay 1026 million pounds extra just because its so popular, now lets work out the loyaltee of poundland, A PENNY A PRODUCT, there must be stupid fat basterds shouting

"i dont care if i dont use them, buy that 2 pack of sandpaper tampons, the 99th product is practically free"

in order to carry accross the true shabbyness compaired to supreme goods from poundlan, i checked the DVD section, in the 99p shop they were selling cheap shit with 4 movies on 4 dvds in 1 case, all of which include 1 celebrity before they were famous with names such as "the megatronisor" or "grannies dogs friend" meanwhile poundland was selling the "best of baddiel and skinner" and "star wars episode 2" they also had games on sale next door which included "soldier of fortune", "house of the dead 2" and "fightbox". game-count in 99p shop, 0.

it said it all that it has been open a week and already has a product recall. so in closing, keep traditional non-chav values and visit the great poundland.

GO BACK TO FRANCE 99P SHOP.

go on her she has great works and has only got 15 pageviews so far ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6709207/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6709207/ Sat, 08 Oct 2005 02:04:44 PDT
for example only 2 weeks ago a teetotaler was banned from a pub becuase she had an annoying laugh, the temple inn in liss hampshire, (a mere 26 miles from my house) banned stephanie Berrimeman when someone complained her laugh was too loud and disturbing him.
personal comment, 3 more beers and it wouldnt have mattered.

who says that mad feats of strength are only acheived by young fat men, 71 year old Wang Xiabei pulled a one ton car using only HER teeth.

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

i love tis one
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

well id love to regail you with more stories but i cant be bothered, im only doing this because my mum rudly awakened me by pressing the wrong button on her phone, on the bright side i got £5 free credit because the orange topup system fuckedup.

amazing how the small tings sometimes matter.

(oh by the way, part 2 started) ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6641521/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6641521/ Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:27:53 PDT
sit back and i shall spin you a yarn of the tale of Gregor (better than tom who missed it all and claims to be a true friend of Gregor but isnt) Gregor is a squirrel, to be more specific hes a little cute baby squirrel, if i was a 12 year old girl i would even go as far to say he is ickle. so im walking up from the corpse and i see this tiny squirrel, being crowded around. so i go over and say hi, he turns out to be small and young enough to let people stroke him. so lessons call for everone and people start trudging up to school, only Gregor wont let us go that easily, Gregor is under the illusion that we are all one family, that tom is his mother and im some sort of cooky uncle, so he starts following tom to his biology lesson. so we did what most people would do, we held the squirrel back untill tom was gone, so a new mother figure was picked, my friend peter who was also with us at the timewe tried to release it into the wild but it would follow us back. and so it continued for an hour, 1 by 1 everyone departed untill i was the mother figure, whilst recieving frantic calls from tom to ask what was going on i played with gregor, eventually i let him go. it was for the best

dont ask how he got the name gregor but if anybody is bored enough i will show them pictures of him on my phone. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6590811/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6590811/ Sat, 24 Sep 2005 14:18:38 PDT
now the first question,
dear Ross,
i was recently watching news about the floodings in my local area, my question is how come you cant watch 5 mins of flood footage without seeing some smug basterd in a kayak? Andrew spiggot, hull

dear andrew,
the smug basterd in the kayak is called malcom, he and his wife tour the country looking for floods to kayak in and get caught by local news teams, right now malcom and his wife are apealing for government funding, which the lib dems promise to give them if they get in
yours smugly, ross

next question
dear ross,
i recently heard a rumor that it was the illuminati that was responsible for rigging the coco pops/ choco chrispies election, is this true? james camden, kent

dear james,
of course thats not true, you and your informant must be delerious, by the way could you tell me your address, we would like to send you something
yours secretly, ross

another
dear ross,
i want to know why oil of ulay felt the need to change their name to oil of olay, adam dogstoerd, amsterdam

dear adam,
rest assured the ulay/olay change was needed, they were going to hold a tv referendum but then decided the public would never understand the dark evils that they were repressing by changing the name, now even i dont know all the details, all i know that when the name ulay was repeated 8 times an ancient evil was summend and devours the summoners brains, this killed off more than a few salespeople, although the government approved of the death of some of societies leeches, public image wasnt improved, so dont repeat ulay 8 times.
yours crrepingly, ross

last one
dear ross,
how come superheros can get away with lame desguises and not be reconised? for example robin only hides his eyebrows and nobody can tell him apart, and all superman does is take off his glasses and combs his hair differently, how do they keep getting away with it? paul hiscock, scunthorpe

dear paul,
the awnser is, they dont. the entire town knows exactly who they are and are just playing along, how do you think that aunt may always knows exactly what to say to peter parker, or there is always a kid near clark kent, ready to say "gee i wish superman were here right now," so dont call the ordinary townspeople of gotham idiots, your the idiot as if you were in charge people would admit they know the superheros and before you know it, they will all have quit.
yours reassuringly, ross

well thanx for your time, if you wish to ask any questions in the comments i would be pleased to give you my prompt and all-knowing responce.

do it for the crab. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6528165/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6528165/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:14:18 PDT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


its true, my circomstances are unfortunate, i live miles from any friends, spend weekends bored and alone, not only do i live next to a crematorium, our school is just accross the road from a graveyard, I SPEND MY LIFE SURRONDED BY DEAD PEOPLE, i havnt had a girlfriend in a year, i read simsays rant on the world and instead of dismissing it as depressing and something i shouldnt worry about, i thought about it, worst of all i am now currently doing something i would have hated myself for doing a couple of years ago, i have made friends with someone who in my opinion is gothic, well he has all the depression of a goth, i have never seen dan in normal clothes but im guessing his dress sense is similar to simsays, and im having philisophical conversations with him over lunch.

the way this is going i will soon be a depressed, frustrated novelist publishing sentances like "i looked out over the village of pain, heard a siren, and wept" no thats not a typo i actually used the word wept.

well the way im thinking is i'll kill myself before i become depressed, no i will kill myself when i become depressed as this is usually what depressed people do, but i like that, i think it is a comforting thought that if i become some lame ass who lies about his flat all day and does nothing but complain and cut himself i shall remove myself from the society i have now become a drain on.

but i have one redeeming hope, if i hang around tom more often and laugh at him all the time i may grow up to be someone who burns things.

fuck it all, im a cheerful person and i wont go down the road of phillip larkin.

I HATE HULL!!! ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6449511/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6449511/ Thu, 08 Sep 2005 11:01:32 PDT
well you may be wondering who is this aforementioned phillip larkin, well you know the tramp on the corner of the street who rants a lot, well his name is phillip larkin. you see today in english we had the pleasure of reading some poetry by this many, this is the first line of an honest poem meant to be studied at a-level.

they fuck you up, your mum and dad.

i wish i was exaggerating, of course phil lives in hull making the tramps extra crazy. well our teacher (who hardly ever mentions she marks exams) told us that this was shocking from larkin who was a "respected acedemic", i had to remind dan and simsay that he lived in hull where the definician of etiquette is going outside to spit. i want to know what the professors thought at hull when they asked larkin,
"so we read your poem on cute butterflies and flowers, what are you going to do next"
"well i was gonna do one on how your parents fuck you up and turn you into assholes"
"your not gonna use the words fucked up are you?"
"yeah"
"ok?"
"spare change please?" there is no way he was a serious poet, he just found out he was an asshole and blamed his parents (side thought, do you reckon sigmund freuds mum was hot). scientist's critisized darwin for making the lovly nature look evil, they would be pissed with the opening sentance of "high windows"

when i see a couple of kids
and guess he's fucking her and she's
taking pills or wearing a diaphragm.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN, well taking his lead simsay and i have been having cultural conversations where most sentances would go something like "fuck the fucking fucked up fuckers who have been fucking other fucking fucked up fuckers, unrelated britney johnson"

isnt culture great

well im fucking of to fucking write some fucked up fucking poetry for fucked up fucking fuckers who have been fucking other fucked up fuckers for fucks sake

sorry mum but im cultural now ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6351755/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6351755/ Sun, 28 Aug 2005 14:43:40 PDT
the first day (wednesday) started well (even though early) i was whisked to my brothers house where the plan was that i would see my dad, sleep around craigs house and arrive at school to recieve my Gcse results, afterwards i would sleep around toms house and be picked up on friday.

well the first step of the plan went well, i spent 5 mins at craigs house before getting bored and inviting muz to play a game of golf down the driving range where a strange fat man gave me a free lesson and encouraged me to play cricket (do not ask), then i went down the pub with my dad and sleeped round craigs house, the next day came the results day, for any of you who wish to know my results, dont be so bloody nosey, alright then,

R.S: B
business studies: B
science: A, A (double award, 1 grade twice, dont ask me ask the governement)
P.E: A (major WTF)
english: B
english literature: A
geography: B
mathematics: A

and from last year
systems and controls: C

not bad eh, so after that i met up with Tom, simsay, arthur and perri and we went to town and various houses, all should avoid tom as he bought a sword. i spent a night at toms but not before organising that instead of going to back to fareham on friday, i would go on a fishing trip with dad, and then have his bbq in the afternoon, the plan being that i would then sleep over at craigs and dad would give me a lift back into fareham on saturday, but dads was not the only bbq that weekend and on saturday dad went to glens gf's bbq, and had too many to drink to operate a spoon let alone a large vehicle for an hour, i spend all afternoon phoning round mates to sleep over, tom was gong to a family meal which it would be rude to intrude on, muz was at his dads house and beyond communication with and perri seemed to be so high he was incapable of using such a complex device as a phone.

but salvation was at hand, although i was dismissed by simsay at first he eventually came through for me and i was able to sleep at his house, YAY. and so i actually got to meet his mother, who asked me nicly to refrain from setting his house on fire and so naturally i obliged, and managed to get a lift back to fareham from my brother craig and his girlfriend who looks scarily like uma thurman.

no point in advertising so im not gonna

the final look to the future is in planning and looks set up to be the greatest yet.

and i will leave you to ponder a problem i have, i left my wallet with perri, the money is probably gone but perri has recently taken to not awnswering any phones and the money is probably already gone. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6287512/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6287512/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 11:38:18 PDT
i went to a rugby match, and i understood what was going on, thus i am now qualifiyed to go to any university in cornwall, i also had a lot to drink

well im gonna end the journal here, i would tell you more about cornwall but i cant remember.

oh dont forget the results shall be announced shortly providing tom agrees to announce them. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6230860/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6230860/ Mon, 15 Aug 2005 03:39:44 PDT which so far has had 15 people join yet only 3 people have entered, what is really scary is that 1 kick ass picture has been entered by someone called xorax, now everyone knows my feelings towards goths are not always of a friendly nature but this picture is kickass and i have to be impartial and so a goth may win the first competition-club competition, i hope he cant be bothered to read this or he may be a bit pissed off, and so piss off.

i am currently writing look to the future: damien, after that its the last enstallment seeing as everyone seems to be getting bored with them, i would like to take this time to remind tom that you have untill i submit look to the future: damien to guess what happens in the final one otherwise you will be a male stripper.

and now its time for another, whats wrong with the earth, i'd like to get the ball rolling with the fact that there is no such website as [link], yet the website [link], has been snatched up. back to search engines this weeks search engine of choice is google, good old google came up with 834000 results for 'how to kill your mum' and suggested the spelling alternative as mom, MUM IS THE CORRECT SPELLING DUMBASS, another search which yeilded interestng results was 'sex with cheese' that gave me 1820000 different websites telling me how to bone my stilton. i also think i have solved the american obeseity problem 'marshmallow samwhiches' actually got me 55500 results, wheras 'drop that pie fatty' gave only 51900 results, and i will leave you with one more, 'chased by a bear'(578000) recieved less results than 'chased by your mother' (636000)

and so in conclusion all i can say is, thats whats wrong with the world! ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6198762/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6198762/ Thu, 11 Aug 2005 14:14:52 PDT
well it starts with a team of elite fighter plane pilots* dedicated to killing terrorists* the superticious* token black guy,* the studly man who sleeps around a lot* and the slightly nerdy girl who blatently fancies the man* well they get another fighter pilot to join the team, a computer who is just as good as a man* and of course the computer malfuntions* it bombs a place that harms innocent people* despite all the people saying NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!* token black guy dies***** plane and stud get in areal battle* then come the russians* who attack the planes for no reason just to be evil* meanwhile the slightly nerdy girl gets hit and ejects into evil* communist* north korea, well the bloke convinces the plane not to be evil and now we need an unpredictable plot twist, government conspiricy*. but luckily enough the fighter pilot is also as good at fighting as a ninja commando* meanwhile the girl gets attacked by north korean soldiers just because hey havnt done much evil recntly* so she heads for the korean border to friendly south korea* who love americans, everyone loves americans except those communist basterds* so the man and the former enemy team up* to save the girl* and arrive just in time* with lots of explosions* to save the girl, the plane then sacrifices its life* to save the man and woman and then they get together* and live hapil ever after* even though they're mourning over the token black guy*

in fact the only part of the story that was unique and i especially loved was the last line

"just hurry up and say i love you, you pussy" so thats the only time your face should emerge from your partners during the movie if you want something original.

P.S has got off to a good start but we need more people, if you are my friend and havnt joined yet please do, it makes it look better. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6184548/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6184548/ Wed, 10 Aug 2005 09:38:50 PDT
well no.

i have a theory about this, the deviant i was watching had the most commen uploads in the traditional art with the most commen area being drawings>anime, my theory is that its us writers who dont get our dues and the evidence is all around us, and so in the spirit of investigation i went out to look for a comedy writer with similar pageveiws to me. and it took a bloody long time, comedy writing was uploaded so little i actually passed my own work whilst looking, eventually i settle for one with 526 pageviews and his performance was so dismal he didnt have the gallery stats option even though he has put out more deviations than me, i looked through them he has got 1 comment, 1 COMMENT!!!!, my swing on this is people cant be bothered, the would rather gawk at some girl with a sword a stiff titties than read something which takes time, well im giving JMinus a helping had because i feel his work needs appreciation, please go on him of course i get no people so theres not much i can do to help but i need to stand up for fellow artists and simsay doesnt need help.


i would also like to add a big sorry to ali as he did seem to have a lot of faith in the competition club, its restarted with more dedication this time so could everyone please spread the message




edit later on in the day, i'm bored so im gonna have a rant on whats wrong with the world, you can do this at home all you need is a search engine with image function, i choose altavista, now search something thats plain wrong and see how many results you get, for example altavista offered me 461 different pictures for 'sonic sex' yet only 5 pictures for 'scientific breakthough', vaginal cumshots offered 3272 variations wheras political scandal offered 868 results, most of them joke websites, ok lets reach futher into the realms of wrong now, 62193 pictures popped up when foot sex was typed in wheras fifth amendment gave me 558, who wants to delve further into the realms of sick and wrong, nobody, tough im on a rant, granny sex got 12549 puke enducing pictures to rival 113 results for zimmer frames. ok lets move out of the realms of sick and into strange, i got more results for cheese diet (1344) than low calorie diet (905), if these sites are to be beleived people are more concerned with ferret grooming (226) than cheese appreciation (137).

and one final one to worry everyone in their faith in mankind, the ratio of sites under the search 'sex' to people on earth is 1:10 so walk down the road, try and see 10 people at a time, 1 of them is a porn star. ouch. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6167681/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6167681/ Mon, 08 Aug 2005 10:38:51 PDT
things are going well, about the perri installment of look to the future, it is fastly becoming my favorite as write in characters and funny jokes are easy, although it will be as long maybee even longer than georges, ive started a JK rowling style story lengthening over time but if i were to finish perris in the regular 2 word document pages as i did in tom and simsays (georges was 3) i would have to end it in 12 lines and at this point the only ending i could fit in there would be a happy one with no asylum breakouts, not my style, ive given away too much of the story so i'm going to leave with the message, can anyone lend tom and me a soda stream, heres a list of things i want to try:

milk,
honey.
vinigar,
tea,
soy sauce,
ketchup,
yoghurt,
cream cheese,
any other suggestions? ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6128261/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6128261/ Thu, 04 Aug 2005 01:20:43 PDT
i thought that i may be being punished by god, but i dont beleive in god, maybee thats why he's punishing me.
run over that thought in you mind a couple of times and your head starts to hurt.

well i have to go into town now so that i can set up a bank account, i decided with HSBC because none of the banks have any gimmicks to pull me in and no interest rates, wheras HSBC will give me a free driving lesson, free cd's at some shop on the internet, 2 for 1 a vue cinimas (anyone know if they have a vue cinima near to them as i have never heard of them) and a whole lot of crazy crap they use to distract people from the fact that they have no interest rate either, but if you think of the value of a driving lesson and how much i will make with the dismal amount of interest natwest offer, it would be better for me to take the free driving lesson, and then switch banks.

i finally did the george part of look to the future, sorry its so long but do you honestly think i would make it long if it could be avoided, next stop, Perri.

P.S check out the new profile ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6097253/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6097253/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 04:46:53 PDT
thus begins the moan

i moved to fareham a couple of months ago and know 2 people who live here, both on the other side of town where i cant reach them easily, but dont worry i go to bournemouth once in a while and i got sky + downstairs and a perfect room upstairs with x-box, tv with inbuilt dvd player, sky, sterio system and my very own computer with access to the internet (you guessed it im going to right down how each one of them has gone wrong) well the downward trend started at the end of school now in order to get to bournemouth i have to wake up at 7:00 coz thats when mum leaves for work ,then building work began on the house, the builders put up scaffolding which blocked out sky, but dont worry i can still do plenty of other things in my cool room, which had to go coz it was too good for the likes of me, flooded by an incompetant plumber who is still being hired because he is the cheapest in the area, o but dont worry for the next 2 weeks hes fucked off altogether to go on holiday. nothing was damaged in the flood but i am now sleeping downstairs as my room gets dehumidifyed (a constant hum in the background) for all those interested it has been 3 weeks and 1 day since i have slept on a bed, my computer with the interenet is now downstairs, but downstairs is so small a better computer with the internet is just round the corner and i have gone back to the days where mum can easily see what im on so theres no going on any good websites apart from this one and a few select others. my tv had to be kept upstairs as it was too heavy, the same goes for my cupboard so clothes changes are now infrequent. i have no money and havnt had a gf in years.

now for the predictions

with this growing trend of everything in my life going to shit i can only assume the following things will happen

1) my GCSE grades will be shit, only 24 days left untill i find out
2) there will be a break in/robbery, even though everything we own is now in the room i sleep in
4) ill forget how to count
5) the builders will somhow fuck up the half that they are building (but then again we already have 1 disaster under the heading of incompetant workmen)
6) the internet will stop working, the only applience i can still use for my enjoyment
7) death of a family member, once all of these happen, im going to kill somebody. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6038656/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/6038656/ Tue, 26 Jul 2005 10:49:20 PDT
but dont think my troubles ended when i got home, you can guess the punchline if i tell you we have a crap plumber, yes i came home, went up to my room to see a flood, the water cooler is right above my room and our plumber obviously took up the profession thinking it had something to do with fruit, and so now i am writing this to you from my computer, moved downstairs as have i for the next couple of weeks whilst insurance companies argue over who they can make suffer more and perhaps sacrifice a virgin (although where they will find one in fareham escapes me) o well i'll see if i can escape to bournemouth, who wants a sofa surfer (yet to sleep on a bed for 16 days and predicted not to sleep on a bed for 2 weeks if everything goes well)

P.S simsay can you arrange for the usual "accident" for people who annoy us, try and set it up so he gets in the darwin awards. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5952338/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5952338/ Sat, 16 Jul 2005 15:56:33 PDT
the shock of entering a cinema to find a screen as big as the IMAX screen, and a seating area so heavily sloped even the biggest afro could not enter the vicinty of your veiwing place, in england i thought the hight of cinima seating technology was a cupholder, czech cinema seats look like they have been stolen from the first class section of one of richard bransons jets, they were comphy enough to sleep in (a quality i marked that i may use if the film i was seeing was dubbed over in czech) and yes they did have cupholders, and so enough with the things that are trivial lets get to the things that matter, well the surround sound reminded you of its presence when a whisper sounded like it was being said by the person behind you and yet did not hinder in blasting your ears out the moment there was an explosion, everything was thought of, instead of having 4-6 speakers like you get at the odeon i counted 22, and apparently (according to my au pair) that isnt even the best one.

ah but ross your forgeting something, luxory of that type must be expensive, well to tell you it is the same price as the cinema's in england would shock you, but to tell the truth in saying it was cheaper then the cinema's in exgland probaly blows your brains out more than 22 speakers blasting at you, i would tell you how amzingly great batman begins was but im tired so i'm gonna leave you with this happy fact, on saturday im going back there to see sin city, thats right its only a 15 in the czech republic.

I wonder if they show porn at the cinema? (o and by the way i have not had a drop of alcohol to drink all day) ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5941756/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5941756/ Fri, 15 Jul 2005 11:18:21 PDT
well in chab there are tourists and markets, not a single person can not speak german and the average age of a tourist is over 70, everyones and old german tourist or somebody who works to help provide for old german tourists, we found a town nearby that had one building shaped like a temple, because it was a temple that dispersed healthy water, i have now decided that i will never do anything so stupid as to think the healthy water was tastey, my fist clue that it wasnt was that it was brown, it smelt like eggs and tasted like feet, not nice at all, it is my opinion that there was more sulphur than water and that the only liquid that i drink in the futue claiming to "boost your immune sytem and improve your heart" will have a label proclaiming it comeing from the denone factory.

well now i am back in prague and about to meet a celebrity, the man who will translate the next harry potter book into czech for the official czech book company, im pretty sure the meeting will go smoother when i have many beers down my throat, the only brown liquid i will be drinking from now on.

end transmission, fire the missiles and give me my pointy hat. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5900792/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5900792/ Mon, 11 Jul 2005 05:08:04 PDT
well i got to go now coz i have 13 dayz to go and i need to spend them finding out how much 200 krowns is worth.

i have just done a little update to say that the czech republic hates me, it has been majorlz raining everyday since i got here, i think the czech republic is telling me to piss off, dont know why? ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5867770/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5867770/ Thu, 07 Jul 2005 13:49:19 PDT

o well shit happens

Ross leaves in order to contimplte the deeper meaning of cheese ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5798083/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5798083/ Thu, 30 Jun 2005 04:56:09 PDT
Mood: so incredably happy
Listening to: humming a made up song i can do a happy dance to
Reading: born to be caged (writing not reading)
Watching: the mask

today i got a subscription and so i'm going to milk it for all its worth, polls forums and any other benefits that come with a subby, can someone give me a list,

i will be back with a third born to be caged which simsay has kindly been delegated the task of editing, but first i'm drawing something for ali's birthday, i'm sure he will love it

ice cream rains from the sky so all can eat and enjoy, but im not sure if this will stop the violence ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5778753/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5778753/ Tue, 28 Jun 2005 16:31:01 PDT
i was talking to tom today and the subject of wrestling came up, i realised i used to be a fan but it then got less and less popular, so made a rant like list about what the WWE is doing wrong and what it can do to get more veiwers back, sorry i swear a lot but i need a rant


1, reintroduce the hardcore title
2. Simplify the titles; go back to the simple titles so there’s none of this heavyweight, super heavyweight, WCW, WWE, and all those other titles shit, it’s too confusing
3 recombine raw and smackdown, I want to see any wrestler be able to kill any wrestler, I don’t want to have to watch 18 different events every night to find out what the fuck is going on
4. Just because someone puts on a crappy accent doesn’t make him a citizen of that nation, not everyone is a stereo type
5, more sexy girls, not every wants an evening a sweaty men
6, stop splitting up all of the good tag teams, the Dudley’s, APA, edge and Christian, they all rocked
7. stop fucking having good guys change to bad guys and bad guys to good guys all the fucking time, keep it simple, Jericho was a great good guy, don’t make him fucking bad
8. Stop loading your shows with crappy propaganda, not everyone who watches wrestling is American
9. Better commentators, jerry the king Lawler was always better than Taz
10. MORE STONE COLD
11, put Kane’s fucking mask back on, he is ugly and was way cooler with a mask and long hair
12. I don’t care who gets fired, but get rid of crappy wrestlers who nobody has heard of to fill shitty after shows, I don’t care if Dave Ingleston does his front way slam, get him out of the ring and bring in stone cold
13. Stop with the fucking tough enough, wrestling is supposed to be fake, that’s why it’s not a reality program, so reality programs based on wrestling can fuck right off
14. Reintroduce the stone cold HHH rivalry, that ruled, and I don’t care how much money you have to pay get the rock back
15. HULK HOGAN IS TO OLD let the old fucker retire in peace, he’s not muscly any more, a side effect of steroids is that your muscle turns to flab, it’s just disgusting
16. Stop with the love affair stories, if wrestler had feelings we would hire them as body guards, the standard for this is the undertaker, he has a wife, she got roped into the storyline once but never used KANE IS NOT ROMANTIC HE'S SICK, THAT WAS THE GIMMICK
17. when wrestlers retire/quit/die TELL US don’t just phase them out, it stops people going, I wonder what happened to... going on the internet, finding out the truth and losing respect for WWE
18. be consistent, if in 1 fight a steel chair can knock someone out, don’t have it mildly fazing someone in the next fight
19. at PPV don’t have an evening filled with regular fights with rules with maybe 1 special event fight which has a cage or something, that’s smackdown, when I fork over £15 for a wrestling event I want to see no holds barred blood and gore EVERY FIGHT, if the wrestlers complain tell them they are in the wrong industry
20. stop saying stupid things as if you were smart, "5 time WWE champion" if he was fucking good he would only be 1 time WWE champion and still have the title, and maybe if the promo videos weren’t all the same we would pay more attention to them they are all the same, they start with the wrestler talking about his experiences with quiet music in the background whilst they are doing something unexplainable in a warehouse, the there is a promise of violence, the music steps up to heavy metal, a dramatic voice tell us about a paper view that’s sponsored by footlocker and whilst the music is closing a final quote from the wrestler along the lines of, "I will have vengeance” or some cheesy crap like that.

if you dont like wrestling good on you, i can see why, anywhoo thats enough of me wasting your time,

can i have an ice cream

p.s i have just started writing born to be caged part 3, i had to put this quote in to build hype, please tell me what you think


“What’s happening here, why are you talking to that disgusting creature?” Zulu felt he did not need another man to answer for him, especially a man acting more scared of a women then he was when he saw a talking gorilla
“because this ‘disgusting creature’ is trying to save your skin, you are indeed strong but those animals have sufficient numbers and will to kill you, I am strictly non violence so I believe that the fight should be averted to prevent loss of life on both sides” a shrill laugh emitted and ran off to see if it could have fun scaring unholy demons
“You, a pacifist, so I could do this and you wouldn’t do anything” Ms. Tower gave Zulu an extremely harsh slap that echoed around the zoo, every animal simultaneously stepped forward
“Don’t push me”
“Or what you will pacifist me... ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5759369/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5759369/ Sun, 26 Jun 2005 04:41:38 PDT
and when i looked on her page, i'm not entirly sure its her sort of story, she seems to have filled her gallery with pictures of her eyes, strange, maybee she just likes the picture and didnt notice any text and ignored the title.

strange things aside life is boring, i go on holiday on the 9th of july, and i have decided i will write memoirs of the occasion to post up here (its sumfin to do on the plane, the trip is too short to have a movie but not short enough to prevent bordem)

i would write a longer journal entry but unfotunatle life recently has been incredably boring for me, can someone invent teleportation before the summer holidays so trios to bournemouth will be easier. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5730984/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5730984/ Thu, 23 Jun 2005 07:04:01 PDT
born to be caged part 2 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5695994/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 15:39:54 PDT
let me start by saying, IM IN FUCKING FAREHAM, i cant organise anything to do with anyone because the only girls i know live miles away, now lets look at what benefits mum installed to make my life at fareham more barable and how 1 by 1 they have crumbled, firstly i have sky in my room, yay about 500 channels all of them blocked out by the scaffolding erected around the dish, so no sky in the entire house, but wait, go back a sec, theres scaffolding to climb on and yes that became a swift and fun hobby ending just as swifly as a near fall caused mum to ban me from climbing it, well the internets working and i can use that right? wrong, mums doing her PHD thesis and so has claimed dominion over the computer for all normal hours of the day, well theres the cool Xbox crystal that you got for xmas to play, unfortunatly it is blazing hot sunshine and so staying inside not only makes you look like a complete melvin, but means that you melt, whats that i hear you say 'ross you have a dvd plaer built into your tv, why not watch that?' well theres the reason i cant play xbox added to the fact that the 4 dvds that are good and available have been watched to death and the rest are at the back of the blue box where they cant be reached, 'well ross get creative, take the dogs for a walk and help around the house' well i do take the dogs for a walk, thats one hour a day and to admit that it is the thing i look foreward to would be admiting that i am a melvin and so should go and live in an kazachstanian monestry and start worshiping charli, and as an awsner to doing jobs, i do do jobs and i hate it, i want to remove my bordem not enhance it.

i would watch the fine programming on terrestrial tv untill i remebered we got sky to escape either bbc1's almost thrilling daytime chat shows, bbc 2's never ending struggle to fill the hole left by the simpsons by cramming the channel with documentarys, ITV's 30 different programs all with celebrity in the title or channel 4's replacing non stop friends with non stop big brother with simpsons at 6:30 and then back to people whos IQ matches your average lemon with a labotomy, these people are put on "reality" tv because they are the most abnormal people channel 4 could find. 'well ross there is still 2 exams left and you could revise for them' all there is is physics which out of bordem i have already mastered and the 7 words i need to pass an R.S exam catholic=bad C.O.E= sometimes ok quaker=ok

everybody knows im crazy but im not crazy enough yet to have an invisible friend to pass the time, so i do what any bored teenager would do, i sleep, but after about 12 hours the brain feels an unesessary need to do something to justify its existance and so i have to wander around the house a bit.

my dreams are gradually getting wierder and weirder and always involve me and my friends in some obscure situation, last night we all got turned into a kung fu movie where we won when i scared the main evil villain into retreat by bending his sword on my gonads.

can somebody either give me an idea to have fun and keep me going or recomend me to whatever psyciatrist your seeing as your obviously crazy for being my friend

P.S i am a member of 2 clubs, try looking at them the owner of is my young aprentice of comedy who since i joined deviant art, has only submitted 1 non comedy deviation, and all evidence shows he was working on it before i joined and so had to finish it, o yes and is a club with plenty of comedy in it, now im just endorsing by having the logo apear lots of times

http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5517779/ Sat, 11 Jun 2005 07:42:06 PDT
thats enough of that dream, it freaked me out coz simsay would do that. yesterday we had a bonfire and i managed to get MARSHMALLOWS (yay marshmallows) and since then i have had marshmallows in everything, i am currently drinking a hot chocolate with marshmallows and such.

did i mention i am incredibly bored, ive been revising but atm im typing this and watching (sigh) supermarket sweep, thats right there is fuck all on.

can anyone please do something that would keep me entertained, if somebody could die i could visit their funeral next door.

ill be doing more work on born to be caged after the GCSE's.

i would just like to add on the end that everybody knows i love foamy, and i am now a member of the foamy fan club and i encourage others to join too



i am also a member of in fact the person who started the club is my young apprentice ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5327558/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5327558/ Wed, 11 May 2005 07:50:29 PDT ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5246694/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5246694/ Mon, 02 May 2005 12:19:42 PDT
i am now typing whilst my mum and her bf watch a program about fat people who couldnt say no to curly fries, these people are huge and theyre all saying things like "o society thinks we're all bad and its not our fault" they will then give a lame excuse like "i have a bad metabolism, its not the food its that i dont have time for exorcise" no, you are unable to see your toes because for you whole life you have been taking advantage of pizza huts 2 for 1 offer, in triple. for gods sake if i started to see myself getting fat i would run my fat ass on a treadmill whilst i can still fit on it, my benchmark for what it too fat is when if you sit on a horse it starts to cry.

i watched the hitchhiker guide to the galaxy at the cinima on thursday, its a overall good film but has a few problems, firstly WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT IN THAT STUPID DOLPHIN SONG, ok so long and thanx for all the fish, a funny thing for dolphins to say to us, to SAY to us, singing just doesn seem to work, also zaphods heads are on the left and right he says that in the book, dont sacrifice authenticity for cheapskating on the special effects bill. after all that even though quite a bit of deviation from the original film, very very good, especially the guide entries, well done on casting steven fry as the guide.

well ive bored you for long enough but i felt like a rant as i have nothing better to do

i am also now an overlord in

ross stops typing as a large piano falls on him ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5168165/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5168165/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 15:08:59 PDT as i have nothing to hide about me looking at porn,i dont have strange fetishes like some people (muz=feet, tom=short people, simsay= power) i still dont think my mum would appreciate going onto the internet to see big breasted bad banging broads in big letters in the history.

but there is a plus side, meeting up with the nice girls in fareham is made signifacntly easier if my form of communication can be more than 12 words long and free as opposed to txting. i decided to draw up plans for these plans show schematics of a doomsday device, im so happy to have my computer although drawing/scanning would be easier better and simpler to understand i had to do it in paint making it it look like it was drawn by steven hawking on some sort of hallucinagenic drug. i also am just rambling on now because im so happy to have the internet i can talk about random things, cheese, they say its yellow but its from milk which is white, WHERE DOES THE YELLOWNESS COME FROM, maybee i could just get drunk and talk about why i hate the smarmy looks on dachshounds faces.

and so right now i may be pulling an all nighter to get back to the internet in the state i left it

and to remove big breasted bad banging broads from my history. ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5136976/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5136976/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 07:59:55 PDT
o what to do with my time well the first thing i feel i should mention is that it has been a very codebreaking day for me (i gammer good yeah) i found out the code for the music cupboard and i think for the P.E storage cupboard, these are for sale for the right price*

i decided that i should stop insulting tom about the mo incedent, and start teasing about many of the other imperfections pointed out in the preivious journal entry, unfortunatly for tom i wont stop teasing him about the next bullet point

THE TOM AND MO INCEDENT

ergo im going to be shouting louder

well i got to go now (exit Ross chased by large bear weilding half a tree)

*legal disclaimer,just a joke (if the police see this) ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5092642/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5092642/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 05:03:29 PDT

although he is hitting me for this i feel truth must prevail.

now you mst learn all the little querks tom has to make him funny in bullet point form which i felt should be a cool emoticon.

tom is a miget
tom is a fascist supporter of hitler
tom is norweigen
tom has bright hair
tom loves wrestling way too much
tom lost his virginity to perri's cousin
tom has an incredible fascination with weapons explosives and death
tom dips all his food in custard, even chicken nuggets and burgers
tom is an angry viking
tom and mo incident
TOM AND MO INCIDENT
tom has had crushes on jodie, charli and mamphy. all of which were taken at the time
tom has a sister with wild rumors about her
tom is tom

any new bullet points please inform me asap ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5058098/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/5058098/ Tue, 12 Apr 2005 01:37:20 PDT
i need to have the internet soon becoz i know girls in fareham and hope to meet up with them a lot, (nobody wants to be lonely) but this process is made a lot easier by msn messenger.

in closing TOM LEAVE MO ALONE

P.S i was planning on doing a new deviation, at the moment im thinking of haveing a rant

P.P.S FOR GODS SAKE TOM WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4750559/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4750559/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 12:50:02 PST
on a more important note chapter 2 aint gonna be done in a while, 3 words rev is on, o yes u never know my next chapter could be written from the house where rotting humans are grilled, i think a comedy writer could really flourish, knowing all the fascinating things that will happen to me when i die. well maybvee i could get a demon, im already planning on performing an exorcism on perri.

the power of christ compells you

just started a club, the competition club [link]

go to it, recomend friends, ali tell everyone who looks at your works coz your gonna be a judge, and there are lots of people who look at your work ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4734821/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4734821/ Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:43:51 PST
i also have a large amount of P.E coursework, the bloody P.E teachers wanted me in a detention for 1 and 3 quarter hours, fuck that shit, i tried plan a, which was to say that i had no way of getting home except the bus that leaves at 3.30 after school, but then the bloody kind mr protchard had to be really kind, dam his kindness, he sed i could have a lift, o my nipples quivered with releif that i could once again go to the detention, so i had to turn to the very inperfect plan b. i told them my mum sed i had to be home, but know the school they would probably phone her and so i had to inform her about the situation, welcome to the down side.

i also have in production a song (la la la la la la) in conjunction with perri, it is a collage of songs all about the evil countess of chemestry jadav, that will be here soon, there is also perris latest adventure, the zz cafe which i am helping to write storyboards for, so all in all i have a lot of work this weekend, but i still had enough time to watch 2 movies and get my mum her mothers day present and card, the work will be promtly completed once my time machine is done.

chapter 1 done, time machine yet to be finished ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4709734/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4709734/ Thu, 03 Mar 2005 11:36:48 PST
if anyone can clue me in to how to start a club that would be great, i feel like running a comedy club called Comedy Rating, Advertising and Posting. or C.R.A.P. for short.

P.S i decided to cut a couple of characters from the script, a) to save time b) because they dont have large personality disorders and so are not funny enough:

killer (hamer)
fred (bertie)
santa (dingly)
midget (dan)
james (hardy) ]]> ~quartz3000 http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4701070/ http://quartz3000.deviantart.com/journal/4701070/ Tue, 01 Mar 2005 10:22:42 PST anyone brought here by my ad campaign, i can only say one thing, look around, i have good jokes in my journals and a good short story, chapter one of 'born to be caged' will be out shortly

P.S please ad me to your friends, i need the attention otherwise i turn blue

P.P.S, under georges advice i have decided to make my character a dingo, they are playfull cool dogs, but are funny and are gonna be in a zoo. ]]> ~quartz3000