http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:rainydays1415&section=today deviantART RSS for by:rainydays1415 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:38:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26310146/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26310146/ Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:19:37 PDT
I just...I really want someone to care about me more than they care about themself. That sounds so horrible to me now, but I do.

I'm worried. I'm worried that I won't get my period after taking these pills. I'm worried that something more serious is wrong with me. I'm worried that... I'm not even sure what I'm worried about. I just hope that this is what it is. I can't believe that I just said that I hope I have a disorder. But it's better than the alternative.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26285020/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26285020/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:31:03 PDT
I don't want to go.

I'm being made to go, though. By a few people. Though, I'm kind of wondering if my mother forgot because she hasn't mentioned it in a while. I really, truly do not want to go. I know it's about my health, but still...

Does it make me a horrible person that I kind of would think it would be a good thing if what's wrong with me would leave me unable to have children? I know I might not think that way in a while, but I really do now. I don't want kids; I don't like kids. So, maybe this would be God's way of saying that I'm not meant to have any. And, truth be told, I don't think my attitude will change. And if it does, I can always adopt.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26241136/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/26241136/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:35:15 PDT
I think that's my attitude towards a lot of things lately -- I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing in two years, or even two months. I'm not sure how I'll obtain the goals I've set for myself, even though I've thanked countless people who believe in my ability to achieve those goals. I'm not sure if I believe in those goals myself. I'm not sure I even really want to reach those goals. I'm not sure if I'm nervous or excited, or just plain scared shit-less. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what life holds for me. Some days I really wish I could go forward in time just to see if everything I will have to go through and am going through is worth what the end product is. I'm just... I'm just not sure.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/19255034/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/19255034/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:14:34 PDT
But I am.

I'm leaving in ten days. I'm very nervous and excited, and can't believe it's only ten days away. Just thinking about it makes me have a funny feeling. Oy.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/16814458/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/16814458/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 10:06:28 PST My hopes the wind done scattered.
Snow has friz me,
Sun has baked me,

Looks like between 'em they done
Tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'--
But I don't care!
I'm still here!
- Langston Hughes

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/11934449/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/11934449/ Fri, 23 Feb 2007 12:42:50 PST
I believe in God. I'm not sure if God is a he, she, or it. I'm not sure if God is one or many. I think that God is within us.

Perhaps God is different within all of us. For some God is a he, for others God is a she. Maybe some are governed by more than one God. I suppose it all depends on the person.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/11041557/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/11041557/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 15:24:03 PST
...maybe it's our job to invent something better. What's it going to be, I don't know...and maybe knowing isn't the point.

Without access to true chaos we'll never have true peace.

We live and die and anything else is just delusion.

People had been working for so many years to make the world a safe organized place. Nobody realized how boring it would become.

Language...was just our way to explain away the wonder and the glory of the world.

Here in your mind you have complete privacy. Here there's no difference between what is and what could be.

You tell me, what does it get you if you can square root a triangle and then some terrorist shoots you in the head?

I've developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.

Leonardo's Mona Lisa is just a thousand thousand smears of paint. Michelangelo's David is just a million hits with a hammer. We're all of us a million bits put together the right way.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

Grace says, "We all die." She says, "The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."

What you don't understand you can make mean anything.

Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.

Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Culture is to make a nice drinking bowl from one's enemy's skull. Civilization is to go to prison for that.

It is difficult to understand how a pyramid is built from sitting on the top of it.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Think of the internet as a big bathroom wall. And everyone has a marker.

Okay, that's all...Oh, wait, I have one more:

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10948799/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10948799/ Mon, 04 Dec 2006 13:39:36 PST
as the poems go into the thousands you
realize that you've created very
little.
it comes down to the rain, the sunlight,
the traffic, the nights and the days of the
years, the faces.
leaving this will be easier than living
it, typing one more line now as
a man plays a piano through the radio,
the best writers have said very
little
and the worst,
far too much.

--Charles Bukowski

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10869159/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10869159/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 14:45:47 PST
So, yeah, that's it. I've decided not to love anyone. That sounds rather sad now that I read it over...Hm.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10791789/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10791789/ Mon, 20 Nov 2006 17:21:21 PST
Lately, I’ve become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus...

Things have come to that.

And now, each night I count the stars
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

And then last night, I tiptoed up
To my daughter’s room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there...
Only she on her knees,
Peeking into her own clasped hands.

-Leroi Jones


I love that poem. It is, I think, my favorite.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10778047/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10778047/ Sun, 19 Nov 2006 13:13:50 PST
But, what I really want to know is what do you get said father for Christmas? Hmm...? Nothing is out of the question in my house. So, what should it be?

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10765064/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10765064/ Sat, 18 Nov 2006 09:56:42 PST
God, I'm a dork.

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10758198/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10758198/ Fri, 17 Nov 2006 16:46:56 PST
Grrr...Now, when I'm done with Charmed Thirds, I'm going to obsess about Marcus and Jessica. And why they didn't end up together (I already know, because I'm stupid and read the last few pages).

...

Oh, yeah...Bo died. And no one seems to know who I'm talking about when I say that. Which I find rather sad...

]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10746608/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/10746608/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:22:12 PST
]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/9740274/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/9740274/ Tue, 15 Aug 2006 17:47:35 PDT 1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) Ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. But try & make it scandalous!

(C) Go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything...if you want. ]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/7220181/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/7220181/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 12:31:23 PST -Ronald Firbank

today in church, i thought of three things...the first two i can't remember, but i can remember the other...all three, i remember, were about Jesus, which is total reasonable considering i was in church. well, the thought i was thinking was this: if Jesus could choose between heaven and here, why would he choose to come back here? i mean, isn't heaven suppose to be this amazingly wonderful place...?

hmm...well...yeah...that's about it... ]]> ~rainydays1415 http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/7214258/ http://rainydays1415.deviantart.com/journal/7214258/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 17:59:08 PST
so...i felt that today, riding home for Saginaw...and i finally think i found out what that feeling is...i think i was feeling profound in some way. but i couldn't figure out what i was suppose to create...i never can.

hmm...well...yeah...that's about it... ]]> ~rainydays1415