http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:rampant-rat&section=today deviantART RSS for by:rampant-rat en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:34:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/16041110/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/16041110/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:59:07 PST
Freshers week was awesome: 13 nights in a row of drunken depravity. I got lyringitus, which (while amusing) sucked, seeing as I couldn't talk, I could only squeak. That was an attractive 3 days. Headphone discos, pirate parties, neon theme nights (ahh, how I love neon), fake Malibu from Iceland (Palm Beach - it tastes a lot like bacon), sweaty foam parties in our bikinis - with minimal foam, freshers helpers (HAH), free crap that undoubtably I'll carry around for the rest of my life. I love tack. It was awesome.

The rest of the semester has been, well, pretty busy. I was elected onto the Queen Margaret Union's Board of Management (the QM is one of 2 student unions at Glasgow uni)...so that takes a lot of time. Its awesome though, I GET A T-SHIRT! We have to go 'on duty' a few times every 3 weeks which basically involves staying alive/awake/sober between 5pm and 4am. Fun times. We get to do other exciting things like mop up sick and kick underage people out. We get paid in drinks and meal vouchers though, so its all good. The people on the Board are amazing too. Man, I love you guys! Hahah, especially you, Mr.I-got-your-secret-santa-present-so-right-because-I-stalked-you

To be fair, it was an AWESOME present.

There have been many dramas, naturally. Oooh, how I could rant. But I won't. Some of them good, most of them pretty bad, haha! Fun times.

Why won't I rant on here?

Because if I wanted you to know, you already would.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/14363477/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/14363477/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:10:01 PDT
On the first night we went to a cocktail bar (I know, a frightening concept). I met some of Cat's friends. There was a long haired ginger man, with his front teeth missing clad entirely in leather. Luckily for me, he took a shine to me. Hurrah.

So anyway, we got take-out-beer and went back to Cat's shared house thing. Nat (the toothless ginger) decided to challenge me to a fight on our way up - after discovering I'm a kickboxer. It ended with us both on the ground, me biting his arm and him trying to choke me (why do people keep trying to choke me!). We got back to Cats, I discovered I can open beer bottles with my teeth. Its since been pointed out to me that its likely that everyone can do that, only most people arn't stupid enough to try it.

Next depraved act: The Crack Whore Incident.

Cat was working all day, so her friends invited me out for drinks with them. It started out harmlessly enough...I'd met them all before (all except Holly, that is). Holly's boyfriend had met me the night before at Cat's and drank all my Malibu, the bastard. Anyway, we had lots of drinks and she did lots of coke off the toilet seat. Later, when Cat arrived we went to some random Polish woman's house and for some harmless reason, I slapped Holly's boyfriends ass. He had been taking it out the night before, and blatently didn't have a problem with people seeing it or whatever...anyway, he went and sat down and I heard her say "IF SHE FOOKIN TOUCHES YOUR ARSE AGAIN I'LL FOOKIN KILL HER"...she kept saying that over and over so I suggested to Cat that we leave...I got upset again in the Kitchen because I didn't want to fuck up things for Cat with her friends, seeing as I'd obviously caused trouble already. Anyway, we went back to Cats...the creepy part is - Holly followed me all the way back, to make sure I left! AAH! CREEPY!

Even I wouldn't do that, and I'm a hardened stalker.

Anyways, I had fun, even if I did disrupt everything. Whoop!

In other news, I went to see the Foo Fighters and the Chili Peppers with my brother last week - that makes me automatically better than most of you. Except you.

(Note for L, my favourite stalker: Yes, this is pretty much the same message I sent you on facebook and no, I couldn't be bothered writing it all out again in a different way. Message me back, bitch.)

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/14076761/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/14076761/ Wed, 08 Aug 2007 14:44:42 PDT
So, I get on the train to Edinburgh, intrigued in a Poirot kind of way - as to what this weird fear would turn out to be. I wondered if it was the old man who sat next to me, smelling strongly of fry-ups and newspaper, while his friend winked and elbowed him. But no, alas...that wasn't it. I text him "I'll be there in a hour!"..he doesn't reply. "How RUDE" I think to myself, but I rise above it. I get there. I sit on a rail of impossibly uncomfortable dimentions for half an hour. A small, ginger child stamps on my foot and runs off. Then I get a text from a random number...

You bastard! You complete and utter CUNT FLAP! Slimey, inconsiderate, sneaky prat. He told me he'd run out of credit. He said "I hate to have to say this buuut..." and told me how he'd been guilted into "working in the morning" and he was "really, reallllllyy sooorrryyy x". Aaah, whatever. You're posessive, insecure girlfriend found out you were meeting me, and made herself all too available for the same date. Why bother lying, dickwad? I always find out! I'm a master criminal and/or stalker. Idiot. Why not fucking borrow someones phone yesterday and lie then! BEFORE I paid the fare and sat next to a smelly old man for an hour?

He's had his chance. I no longer care about his tragic tales about how all his high school friends turned out to be cunts (yeah, I could have told you that for free). Go find some other mug to complain to. Good luck with your girlfriend, lord knows you'll need it. Someone that insecure should really just give up now, and go live somewhere dark.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a crap bus conductor. I hope you get fired.

That, my friends, is not all. Later that day, I met with a friend..and as we walked down the street in search of The Brass Monkey - my favourite pub in the world (where later I was to regret my choice of no food all day plus copious wine, gin and other assorted beveridges) a bird CRAPPED ON MY HEAD. What a bastard.

(Obviously, this bird was sent by P, therefore the bastard is P, and not the bird - who was merely an easily influenced third party in the matter).

My mum said to me on the phone that I should really go and buy a lottery ticket, because its "incredible good luck". I suspect if I had it would have been a winning one, but some winged creature (probably a bat) would have swooped down and devoured it, taking a little bit of my soul as it flapped away into the night.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13972925/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13972925/ Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:43:29 PDT
[link]

I can't believe how wrong people are about how much tattoos hurt. Wimps.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13896180/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13896180/ Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:57:59 PDT Anyway, talking of sexual healing, results on monday. When a nurse recoils in horror, you know it can't be good.

Something exciting has occured. I have a new stalker. It all started when said person accused me of stalking him so I stalked him to find out why he thought I was stalking him so he stalked me back and it blossomed from there, like a gloriously creepy rose. Thats right, cool-name-guy, this is your official shoutout. You're a stalker taking an interest, you're bound to read this.
I feel its the beginning of a beautiful stalkership.

I'm pretty sure I'm secretly a masochist. I've had so many piercings in the past (including one by someone I know from my travels in Costa Rica where he shoved a safety pin through my ear - at my request naturally. Needless to say it got infected and had to go *sigh*).
Just made my Tattoo appointment for wednesday - Its a consultation so they can see what my design looks like, how much it'll be and how long it'll take, but hopefully I'll be able to get it done the same day. Mwahaha. Can't wait. I just know its going to become an addiction and I'll get millions...ALL OVER MY FACE. Only not.

A song which you should all download: "In the morning" by Junior Boys. Do it.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13792426/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13792426/ Thu, 19 Jul 2007 08:32:49 PDT Tattoos. (and a little tragedy)
I met with Phil today - you remember..."dumped me by text" guy. Since I was in Costa Rica we've been in touch through facebook and decided to meet up. It was actually really nice to see him. I told him about Hatguy - don't act surprised, you all know I tend to tell inappropriate people inappropriate things. Anyway, he kind of helped me see the funny side.

I went with him to get his latest ink done. I'm getting mine asap...question is, where? Current choices include:

The back of my neck
Wrist
Hip
Ass (on one side...quite high up)
Side of hip...near my ass, haha! Great description.

Urgh, I feel sick.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13742461/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/13742461/ Sun, 15 Jul 2007 09:16:51 PDT
I'm officially an adult.
I can go to jail and be someones bitch.
I can get married without permission.
I can drink.
I can watch porn.
I can take drugs.
...oh wait...

ANYWAY. Why am I still being controlled? I'm legally my own person now. Leave me alone, let me make my own mistakes, let me have my opinions and relationships and let me watch porn.

If I make the wrong choices, I'll deal with it. I do kick boxing, I'll be FINE.

P.S. Yes, this also applies to the fact that I'm going to be living in one of the roughest areas of Glasgow. Greeeat! Better stock up on mace.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/12975259/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/12975259/ Wed, 16 May 2007 08:49:08 PDT
Okay fine. It is stalking. I hate you.

Sudden realisation as to why Ugg Boots are Satan Shoes

1. They look like bizarre, leathery feet.

p.s. I don't have malaria.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/12667064/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/12667064/ Fri, 20 Apr 2007 12:08:40 PDT
10 weeks; 250km treck, lived on a volcano, built a community centre and painted a sign using a nail.

I missed you all.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11675777/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11675777/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 19:35:19 PST
Why am I going on this trip again?

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11626460/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11626460/ Tue, 30 Jan 2007 17:29:52 PST
I got a pair of those crazy (ugly) "croc shoes" today. They're like bizarre clogs made of rubber. ANYWAY, the guy I got them off was really cute, but really freaked me out. He looked exactly like boyfriend #3 crossed with boyfriend #5's hair.

Woah.

In other news, I just bashed my head off the wall and it *really* hurt.

Random Songs That I Approve Of.

Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
Aah, memories. How can you not like this track? Its so cheesy its awesome.
Boy From School - Hot Chip
Its one of those songs which can make you happier, or sadder, depending how you feel.
Starry Eyed Surprise - Paul Oakenfold
For when you're happily nostalgic, high school disco style.
Underworld 307 - Sola Sistim
Its just chilled and kinda sad. I like it. (Well, I obviously like it - its in my top 11).
Cloud Connected - In Flames
I've always loved this track. Its kinda grungy in an good way.
Summer Skin - Death Cab For Cutie
Mmm, mellow. I just love Death Cab.
Silent Sigh - Badly Drawn Boy
Ach, I'm running out of adjectives.
Running From Your Dad - Bowling For Soup
Aah, so good. Its so true, haha.
Sonny - New Found Glory
Kinda sad, I just like the tune.
Dracula's Wedding - Outkast ft. Kelis
Its just too funky for you, foo.
Plug In Baby - Muse
I heart muse.

P.S. My favouite number is 11. Random fact. Also means you can get away with only buying me 11 roses on the 14th. The fact I'm not in this counrty then is so not the point, cheapskates.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11607719/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11607719/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 05:45:13 PST
I hate it. I'm going to get it dyed a nice NORMAL colour. I don't want to stand out anymore.

Sure, everyone else likes it - but I bet they're damn glad its not their hair.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11575670/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11575670/ Fri, 26 Jan 2007 12:16:33 PST
The most action I'm getting is from my fucked up medication.

Hey! At least if I man it up a bit I can become a fully fledged drag queen.

My name will be "Harold" - as decided by "Sharon" aka Mr. Beattie.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11553354/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11553354/ Wed, 24 Jan 2007 13:07:18 PST
1. Don't believe the patient when they tell you they've had that done before.
2. Apologize the whole time. (WHY! WHY are you apologizing? What are you doing down there? I can't see!)
3. Refer to it as your 'intiMAT arearr'. (Its a vagina. Get over it.)

I made crispy cakes today. I am proud of this, despite the fact they taste like crap and look disgusting. Ingredients: cooking chocolate & crunchy nut cerial. A match made in heaven? I think so!

My hair is fading. ALREADY. So I did what every normal person would do - buy more dye on ebay! Woohoo! No, I didn't learn after the piercing gun/phone/gemstone incidents. A small child said "irrrnn brruu" to me (when I say 'me', I mean 'my hair') the other day. Cute as this was, it was inaccurate. Irn bru is orange small child, my hair is pink. SIGH.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11507830/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11507830/ Sat, 20 Jan 2007 16:22:54 PST The Story Of Hatty's Hair

I am a supertramp.

When I was young, it seemed that hair was controllable
Acceptable
Oh it was tameable, managable.
And then I ate all my crusts
and things started to get curlable,
Oh, woefully, oh demonically taunting me.
Blow drying it in dismay,
I decided to get radical,
fanatical, criminal...

[link]



]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11459179/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11459179/ Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:31:07 PST The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

Henry The Hoover
Ah yes, quite the cunning disguise. A seeminly harmless (and useless) vacuum cleaner with a jaunty grin and large, upward rolling eyes, just begging you to "turn him on". Thats right folks, so called "Henry the Hoover" endorses pre-marital copulation. I for one am shocked and disgusted.

Chocolate Oranges
Chocolate = good, Oranges = healthy...so really, this is false advertising. Chocolate, ladies and gentlemen, isn't healthy. This is a scam! A farse! Don't be taken in! You'll get fat and if you eat 2 in the same hour you'll throw up! A sure sign of being possessed by some evil being. You have been warned.

Mimes, Clowns, Dolls, Masks and Jack-In-The-Boxes
I hate them. They really creep me out. Clowns can read your mind and levitate - a sure sign of dark powers. Mimes are just weird, dolls steal your legs in the middle of the night and jack-in-the-boxes are blatently demonic.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11399932/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11399932/ Thu, 11 Jan 2007 15:16:03 PST
Living in the middle of nowhere with only your mum and a pack of assorted animals for company isn't all its cracked up to be. I just can't see myself being that basement-dwelling-string-vest-wearing-barbeque-sauce-stained bum that I'd always aspired to be. Damn. All I have to do at the moment is eat, exercise and slob around watching trashy TV shows about botched cosmetic surgery and of course, 'talk' on MSN to people - only to let my paranoid side interpret a multitude of sins into an innocent statement from a good friend. This is not a healthy combination of activities. Especially not for someone as compulsive as me. Hey! Lets run 3 miles for no particular reason. Oooh, now lets eat a load of cheese.

Seriously. Not healthy.

Last Saturday was awesome. We went out - I met an old friend. Sparks flew - it was amazing. However, no guy should ever leave texting a girl - "I'll DEFINETLY text you *licks cab window* I promise!" - for a fucking week. And counting. Okay, okay, I know what you'll all say - he blatently isn't interested. Well skrew you guys! I have nothing else to occupy my mind at the monent, so staring at my phone will just have to do. I should also mention that my plan to get his number backfired, with paranoia-fuelling-consequences. Dammit guys, get your asses into gear. Lavish me with attention. Anyway, he was interested. Hmm, on second thoughts that could have been the cocktail of drugs he was on talking...meh. I'm going out again this saturday - 'perhaps I shall accidently come across that fine gentleman once more' (read; stalking works). If I get rejected, I don't really care. At least then I can stop obsessing.

Why is life so very very dull? Urgh. I never thought I'd miss school.

DISCLAIMER

I am not insane. No really, I'm not - I'm just bored. I get like this when I'm bored. Bite me.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11316326/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11316326/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 17:13:07 PST
Best site ever: [link]

Seriously, every sunday without fail I go check out the new secrets. I've got a few hidden in my diary I keep meaning to send in...

Want to know some of my secrets? Haha, why the hell not, its not like anyone and everyone can read this right?

1. I do not like mince pies. (They suck, I don't care what you say).

2. I have kept diaries for 4 years, they are all in the cupboard by my bed - help yourself! I'm not keeping one this year.

3. I do not like "The Office", it's so painful to watch. Yes, yes, I know thats the idea. Bite me.

4. I do not like Ugg boots. If you are an Australian sheep herder, then fine. If you have nothing to do with sheep - just STOP. They're glorified slippers and you know it.

5. My boobs have names. Bill and Ted. Bill is on the right. My right.

6. I do not like when sweaty, obnoxious fat old men stroke my leg with their manky besocked feet at new year's parties.

7. I look exactly like Noel Fielding in profile (Vince from The Mighty Boosh!) - in a good way! I hope

8. I secretly like country music.

FAQ's

Is this random crap just so you can update it because you feel bad that you haven't in ages?

Yes.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11139644/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11139644/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 14:23:13 PST
Cat- Roomie!
Ali- I've known him since I was 5, he deserves praise.
Will- The most effeminate straight man I've ever met.
Aiden- Photography buddy. That photo of you and the shrivelled-head-like-baked-apple makes me laugh every time.
Paul- You suit the pimp hat way too much. (Alas, I lost the pimp hat. I suck).
Fii & Lou- Neighbours! And regular room-invaders.
Bruce- The best kind of Bruse-el Sprout.
The stupid drunk people- For giving us all something to bitch about!

The Christmas dance was fucking awesome too. Upsetting, but awesome. 14 years of school...and now its over. You have no idea how weird that feels (okay, well most of you do...or will...but thats so not the point). It was horrible saying goodbye to you all. Weirdly though, its harder saying goodbye to those people who played 'minor' roles in your days, like the people you barely know from the bus/the people who sit on your table in class, because you know for sure you'll never see those people again - whereas you're more likely to make an effort to keen in touch with those that were closer to you. In theory.

So now I'm shitting myself about Costa Rica & Nicaragua, mainly because my body seems determined to ruin everything. Foolish vagina - you cannot defeat ME! (Okay, maybe you can, we shall see, my vaginary friend, we shall see). Irritatingly, I've been asked to give one of those awful, boring "I'm a better person than you" talks when I return from my foreign frolicking. I plan on providing a slideshow of drunken antics and debauchery - whats the worst that can happen? They can't expell me...and more people would travel! Its a win-win situation.

So whats coming up next (you DO care, stfu)
Rob's Dinner Party (we all know its going to end in watching carry on films and making out)
Christmas (turkey, alcohol and presents. And a hangover. The perfect combination!)
Irrisponsible Underage Drinking And you're all invited.
New Year CAT'S! I can't wait.
Fuck All The clue is in the title.
Nicaragua and Costa Rica 10 weeks of camping/trecking/partying. What can possibly go wrong?

P.S. apologies about the foul language.
P.P.S haha! not really!

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11017075/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/11017075/ Sun, 10 Dec 2006 12:24:31 PST ME. Because I rule, I'm far superior to Chuck Norris and also because I'm bored.

1. I used to be a figure skater, with grades and everything. And a gymnast actually. Wow! I'm amazingly elegant, honest!

2. I fenced for my school before I was at it...(i.e. I was at another school at the time) in a team with my ex-"boyfriend's" (we didn't really get that far) ex-ex. Or is it ex-ex-ex now? Ooh the irony! Ooh the depravity!

3. I used to have 20 rats. (18 of them were rat-babies). This was all due to an error on the part of the salesacneriddenteenagerassistant at 'PetSmart' (you know, the one that got shut down for dispatching hamsters by throwing them against the wall?) Anyway, 2 males turned out not to be 2 males. Way to go Rizzo and Marvin.

4. I threatened my brother with a large jungle knife (with a compass on top) when he tried to get into my - okay, his - treehouse once. I didn't MEAN to threaten him! I just kind of...did. Oh come on, I was only 7 - murderous tendancies are a common trait in 7 year olds.

5. An eel bit me once. I was feeding him a bit of sausage, the ungrateful bastard. His name was Mr Eel. I hope a heron ate him.

6. I like my toast burnt. Mmm, carbony.

7. I am running out of facts.

8. I hate Shrek. This is because I was in hospital with a migraine so severe, the doctors thought I was having a stroke (yay me) - and I was put in the kids ward with some small child who'd hit her head or something. Anyway, she opened my curtain thing at about 2 am, put on shrek and TURNED THE VOLUME UP. In her defence, she was being friendly. In mine - shrek sucks balls.

9. I think cucumber smells like the seaside. (This is not a good thing). No perverted comments please, children.

10. I saw my old Kick-Boxing coach in town yesterday. He's hotter than I remember. HE TALKED TO ME! *swoon* (Someone give me attention quick - the situation is getting desperate)...

Oh, I'm going to Berlin in a few days - you all suck for not coming too. That is all.

p.s. If you're reading this - for the love of god TALK TO ME ON MSN.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10913715/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10913715/ Fri, 01 Dec 2006 13:36:12 PST
In other news, Christmas is coming guys! That means you have to start buying me presents, and lots of them. You will all be assessed. (ratemyinferiorgift.com)

Acceptable Gifts
- A unicorn
- A 'see through, jewel encrusted flying unicorn'
- A slave
- A chocolate castle
- A flying carpet
- A clone (of me, naturally)
- A lobster

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10744599/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10744599/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 12:13:29 PST
So I had the operation. I had to take out my cartilage and rook pirecings, which took ages and lots of yanking and twisting. I took my belly bar out too.

They have all healed up. I've gone from 7.5 piercings to 4 in a day. (0.5 - see blog about "that lunctime" and "cheap ebay piercing gun"). I'm most annoyed about the rook one because that one fucking hurt getting put in.

To add injury to insult (see what I did there?) - the operation went fine, except they didn't find what they were expecting. So now I have 2 holes in my abdoman: a mutilated belly button (on top theres a hole from the ex-piercing and they've stitched it below so it looks like a frigging >.< smiley - except far less cute) and I'm too scared to see what the other cut is like, but lets just say its Due South and it sure as hell isn't wearing a uniform anymore. (Yeaaah. Nice). The surgeon guy doesn't know whats up, or what to suggest. Yas! Continual crippling back pain for teh win!

Another thing...who invented those stupid hospital gowns? EVERYONE CAN SEE YOUR ASS. I resent that. Oh yeah, and when you get on those operating-bed things...seeing a weird brown stain isn't so very encouraging. I was assured it was iodine. Speaking of which - my stomach looks like it's had an encounter with a bottle of cheap fake tan. Score.

So overall: Moving hurts. Coughing hurts. Peeing hurts. (Too much information? Hah, deal with it).

School would have been so much more fun.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10655144/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10655144/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:04:38 PST
Next learning experience of the night - "Chicken Chat". (Yes, I also noticed the fact that it sounds like chicken shit, but we won't mention that. We also won't mention another related incident from when I was 3, because that would be gross and inappropriate). Chicken Chat and Chips is a magnificent culinary experience, combining everyones favourite elements of good food:

-chips
-weird coloured sauce
-polystyrene box

We then returned to the hovel flat, where we watched re-runs of nineties shows. Bliss.

In other news, Saturday was awesome. Events went as follows...
1. Meet Kirsty and Magnus, get smoothies from awesome hairy guitar playing smoothie making man.

2. Meet aresehole (aka Phil) to get stuff. Stomp off dramatically accompanied by small army.

3. Go to refined and sophisticated tea party, with mountain of scones and Doug's weird giant potato pancake thing (I think it was a 'Soda scone'...whatever that is).

4. Get ready super fast, panic, get train, panic more.

5. Go to ball with mystery man. Have high-brow conversation about the pros and cons of sporrens. Laugh hysterically at drunk girl eating unidentifiable brown substance from the balloon-weight on the table, which apparently "tastes like soil".

In other news - I fear for my life (read:ears). I have been threatened ladies and gentlemen. Threatened with PLIARS. Perhaps more distressing than the actual pliars is the fact that a certain moronically grinning 'Aingel' (hint hint) would be holding them.

Current list of people I hate:
- Lumsder-jack (aka. Moomin-Man)
- Aingel (aka. HECAN'TTOUCHME, I'LLSUE)
- Arsehole (aka. Phill-up as his mother would say) - actually I don't hate him, I love the fact that his eyebrow ring has gotten infected, oh Phil You amuse me.
- Borrower (aka. Polar-bear from a distance) Although to her credit, she acted exactly as I predicted and is now all mothering and concerned. For goodness sake woman! Make up your mind!

List of merit-worthy people:
- Cat (for picking me up)
- The Brother (for buying me drinks and his fabulous chameleon eye)
- Chicken Chit (chicken chit is people too)

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10560125/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10560125/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 14:06:18 PST
Things I don't like:

1. UCAS - It should really go die, lets be serious. Who needs uni anyway?

2. Old men - I'm sure somewhere in the world theres a little colony of nice old men, the kind that are like Professor Robert Winston, with well-trimmed moustaches and clean underpants...but the only ones I've met have either tried to hit on me, tried to sell me somthing or gotten aggressive when the previous didn't work. Old men should go away.

3. Google - is evil. For example, its a stalker's favourite tool (I should know, hah)...actually, this should go in the "things I like" list.

4. Feet - No one has nice feet. Feet are gross. (Sock and sandals also apply here).

5. Chemistry teachers - Look; you know I don't like you. I know you don't like me. Can't you just be happy with that? Why do you feel the need to antagonize me and make me go red in class? Its not attractive, and frankly, if you continue - _you'll_ have some new 'piercings'. Arsehole.

6. My 'New' Phone - I tried pimping it! I did! I tried to love you, phone...I'm sorry. We just can't be happy together. You're so very, very ugly. You're not even old enough to be considered "retro" and therefore almost chic. You're old, plastic, and the pimpin' fur peeled off. I want a divorce.

7. Gynaecologists - You are now my sworn enemy. (Especially YOU. You know who you are).

8. People who are orange - When you've applied so much fake tan, that you no longer appear in the visible spectrum (you're in UV territory now) you should really consider washing. In hydrochloric acid. You know when you've been tangoed.

9. Millipedes - Nothing can justify needing that many legs.

10. The seats on trains - Who designs the covers? SERIOUSLY! I have never been on a train which is tastefully upholstered. I get a headache just sitting on it, let alone looking at it. (This applies to all public transport, come to think of it).

Things I like: ("Amazing!" I hear you say "She likes something?!" Yes, but it sure as hell isn't you, imaginary person.)

1. "Desperados" - Whoever thought of putting beer and tequila together in a bottle is awesome. (Weirdly, its French. Come on Mexicans! You're letting the side down).

2. "Outkast - Speakerboxx" - That album never gets old.

3. Pimp canes - especially leopard print ones with a gold disco ball on top. They rule my world.

4. "Cellar image of the day" - Kirsty knows what I'm talking about. The 5 years worth of archives on this site = orgasmic when you're bored.

5. eBay - So far I have: a piercing gun (with 116 studs now, after 'that lunchtime'...), 40 glow in the dark stars, a crappy phone (*hiss*), gemstones I made Nick buy me...<3

5. Revenge - Okaaay, I'll stop going on about it now.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10487262/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10487262/ Mon, 23 Oct 2006 13:11:11 PDT
1. He wears socks and sandals.
2. He wears vests (he shouldn't).
3. He wears the same pair of socks until they're so stiff and gross you couldn't realistically fit your foot in anymore.
4. He believes deodorant is only needed for job interviews.
5. He thinks trying to force your girlfriend to paint on comedy freckles, wear her hair in bunches and lick a giant lollypop whilst in school uniform is a normal thing to do.
6. He has weird, spade shaped toes.
7. He thinks getting drunk before a date is okay.
8. He thinks inviting his (unfriendly) friends on a date is okay.
9. He doesn't realise saying "Have they changed shape?" isn't reassuring or alluring.
10. He's a 2-pump-chump.

That is all.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10475823/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10475823/ Sun, 22 Oct 2006 12:20:51 PDT
No? Well tough.

I decided today that I WANT MY STUFF. I don't care about the jeans anymore, they're probably stretched out of propotion now, and I don't think weirdly bulging jeans would flatter anyone so he can keep them. (I'm so generous!) However, I want my womanly top (he stole it. Okay, so maybe he is gay...) and my bear claw necklace back.

I really do want the bear claw, someone from Canada gave me it, and I only leant it to him to go to Russia with (Their national animal being a bear, I'm sure the Russians appreciate seeing it's appendages attatched to the throats of tourists). He broke the chain on it - another characteristic of a complete arsehole, in my opinion...so I've demanded the chain, the claw and the top back.

He replies in his usual fashion. (Although wisely emitted any "kiddo"s so far). Bearing in mind, I sent him a cold, emotionless text, scrupulously only 1 text long - so as not to waste another 10p on this loser.

Him: "Hey,how r u? Sure,cld we sit down smwhere and talk? BLAH BLAH wednesday is good for me BLAH BLAH BLAH peace,x"

You fool of a took. I don't want to talk! I just want my stuff! You dumped me by text, arsehole! Do you really think you'll get away with sitting me down and patronising me unscathed? No. I'll pull that daft eyebrow ring out (which does not suit you, by the way) with one fell swoop. I'd rather stick wasps up my ass than listen to you calling me kiddo, and explaining how all the uni work is just soooo harrrrd (you dangle guinea pig guts in acid, how hard can that be, seiously?), and you can't keep up a relationship - with a female - what with all the friends you simply must impress! My god, I was so selfish to even consider myself worthy of your valuable time.

You really are the most gigantic phallus ever.

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10398137/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10398137/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 07:01:44 PDT
He doesn't reply all week. Thats fine, he's a busy guy...what with all that pot smoking/getting drunk/crawling up his friend's asses he does (oh, and uni work, sometimes). Then, it comes around to friday - the 13th - and I text him. I decide to be nice, and not rage at him as I would normally do to retarded boyfriends who DON'T REPLY ALL FUCKING WEEK.

I say "Hey dude, whats happening tonight? x"

Aww; how sweet, how attentive! How non-commital and unforceful.

He replies "I'm going out drinking. What are you doing in the holidays then?"

Okay, so maybe I over-reacted...but I got "vibes". Mean, angry vibes that said "pissoffIhateyou>:l"

I say "Uh..thats not what I meant... Look, if you want to just pack it in...say"

So he does. "Actually, yeah. BLAH BLAH BLAH "I still care" BLAAAAAH"

Arsehole. HE DUMPED ME BY TEXT. Who does that? I mean really. That's so pathetic. The worse part is, I know why he did it, which makes him an even more shallow, spineless git. That night I went out, got completely rat-arsed...destroyed my phone (I had to call him to explain a text someone sent me from my phone - and he started all his "Hey Kiddo" crap so yeah...phone met wall with spectacular consequences).

THEN! On saturday, I was meeting a friend in Edinburgh, and I SAW HIM! Completely by chance...I turned around and saw him walking along on the opposite side of the road. He didn't see me, thank god. The worse part is..

HE WAS WEARING MY JEANS. Seriously.

Rant over.

*hate*
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EDIT: Anyone have any petty, childish ideas for revenge?

]]> ~rampant-rat http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10109904/ http://rampant-rat.deviantart.com/journal/10109904/ Mon, 18 Sep 2006 09:42:02 PDT
"Inspirational Art Tour 2006

Scotland's artistic talent is phenomenal.
We are extremely proud to be nurturing young scottish talent, and are delighted to be able to provide this vehicle for showcasing the very best artworks from the 2006 Standard Grade, Intermediate, Higher and Advanced Higher submissions across Scotland.

Please join us and Scotland's young artists at the launch of our Inspirational Art Tour

~You and your guest~"


Radical. I guess that means they've put something of mine up. Kinda embarassed already, the cover art on the postcard that they sent me is AMAZING, so mine's going to look a *little* bit shit next to these people, but hey. ]]> ~rampant-rat