http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:rayon-bloo&section=today deviantART RSS for by:rayon-bloo en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:52:07 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/11259889/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/11259889/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 14:38:37 PST
I TRULY TRULY WISH EVERYONE THE BEST POSSIBLE!!!

i have noticed i cannot not love..
i blame, even hate for periods..but it never lasts..
i cannot not love..

i LOVE
i APPRECIATE
i FORGIVE
i THANK
i LOVE...

everyone i happened to stumble upon in my life..

everyone..

I LOVE YOU

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/11127878/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/11127878/ Wed, 20 Dec 2006 13:29:08 PST
Im about to get myself a camera.. "Canon Digital Rebel XTi 400D"..
so whoever has a comment about this may he/she speak out now..please..a pretty one

i know its real good, but still speak out, help me a bit

and ofcourse any recommendations are most welcome

OWKAAAY!! EDIT!!

m in between Rebels here!!!!

Canon EOS 400D (XTi) /&/ 350D (XT)

HELP!! again

thanks everyone

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10868374/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10868374/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 13:31:01 PST need to find someone to make me one..
they keep tellin me i have too soft hair..BULLSTUFF!!!

RASTA hair do..NOW!

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10745671/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10745671/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 13:59:32 PST finally..
but then..uni starts in 10 days..
so thats 10 days break?..

..I feel like talkin about something else now..
ive been having a real real hard time for quite some time now..and i need more then a one-day time out from these stress loaded 'all day lasting' momentums! (dont comment on that expression..no i dont know where it came from)..
i know its cliche all this 'Im stressed thingie', but I am people!
there's mama, with the job she has despised all her life, I know its not her fault shes stressed all the time, but its not mine nor my brother's either!
She's easily annoyed..she's really temperamental..she constantly finds something worth yelling about..Im tired..not the angry Im tired..Im really tired..I hear my mom yelling at me and i just dont listen anymore, i dont hear her anymore..
i remember perfectly two days ago..she was yelling..I was watching her scream at me from the doorway..i remember seeing her go red and pale again..i remember feeling my eyes burn..i remembering not hearing her anymore..my ears literally felt shut..it felt like having a helmet on my head..i can swear hearing myself breathe and my heart beat..for the first time in my entire life, i walk towards her, tell her 'stop', and shut the door in her face..
she dint reopen the door..i expected her to come in again and even more angry..she dint..

I applied for interior design, took the entrance exams, passed, was fifth on the list, thats real good. but the presence is 100% obligatory, so i cant do it; i cant quit journalism..so i return home nearly devastated..me doin design was the idea that kept me merry these past few weeks..and now this..
i get home and im more then feeling down..mom has to add to it.."you're not smart! you're dumb! a smart girl wouldn't think of doin this! why would you quit journalism cause of something stupid like design?"
I never mentioned quitting journallism, i was upset for not being able to do design, wasnt I?
i dont know if u see, like i do, the point here..
my mom is officially falling apart!
she is not well
she needs to regain herself
my lil brother needs her to
I need her to
I need her to quit teaching
I need her to quit
quit blaming me so much
quit tellin me things she knows i know
quit being so overprotective
quit being so overprotective
quit being so overprotective

quit being so overprotective

I need her to know shes tearing me..
I need to be left to screw up
Im sick of avoiding that
Im sick of always doin right cause ive been made to
I literally feel heavy
Im very tired
I feel so frustrated
my eyes are burning
I have this load in my chest all the time

I sat and 'thot' to god..
god who isnt mad at me for not capitalizing his name.

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10699067/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10699067/ Sun, 12 Nov 2006 09:30:28 PST aw maaaaaan..i cant believe its already 19:27!! man do i want this over?!?!

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10245172/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/10245172/ Sun, 01 Oct 2006 08:06:15 PDT

3rd floor, a 6 floors building. Eleven in the regular, comparatively small sized, 3 rooms apartment. "Small ones" are put to sit, hopefully fall asleep soon, in the tight, narrow hall. It's thought to be the safest spot. Loushi starts crying, again, afraid, but also mad. Unbelievable how much anger can come out of such young soul! Nine years. Nine. And a little over what it takes to understand what they try to keep from you. Nine. Two nine year old eyes drenched in sour drops of anger. "Why? Don't they understand we have nothing to do with it?" Mama holds him tighter to her chest, kisses him all over his face and hands. She should have been more careful what she let herself say out loud. His fear is part her fault. Mama holds him like she did me many years ago when we sat in some other home, in some other tight, narrow hall. Never, however, did she have to wipe my sour drops of fear. I never had them. Was I too young? Was I already used to it?
The noises outside stopped.. For now? For good? Loushi relaxes in Mama's arms. Tears tired him. He closes his eyes, but can't fall asleep. Hamoudi joins his mama in the TV room. "Can I go too?" Hassouna asks. He's a little older, I guess he'll be fine in the hall with us? I don't see how that can be fair. He hasn't gone through this before either. How did I notice he was more afraid then his younger brother? How did they not??
I feel like crying. I want to badly. My eyes and chest feel heavy. Hassan and I should try not to cry. "Small ones" seek comfort in our every move. I've never felt such responsibility. He's doing great. I still want to cry. I still want to so badly. I'm angry. But I won't cry. I'm not alone, so I won't cry. I mutter a song. Hassan catches on: "on a summer night, soldiers passing by, listening to the wind of change". Mama says it's enough. I'm mad now! I feel like singing! I won't cry. They're not all asleep, so I won't cry.
It's hard, even for me, to measure circumstances. Baba left the TV for the balcony. "Small ones should stay in the hall". Baba comes in, takes an ashtray, a pack of cigarettes, goes back out, pulls a chair and sets himself comfortable into it. I find that horrifying! Seeing him so peaceful, as if ready for anything. Terrible thoughts cross my mind. I've always understood what he felt. I've always been able to read his expressions, movements. He smokes all the time, so it doesn't help me. I've always understood. Not tonight..
Suddenly I don't feel so tense anymore. I blamed him for it, for a while, for us being here.. That's always only until I feel the comfort of his warm security.. He's such an amazing man! He is why I believe in heroes.
Baba puts Loushi into bed. It is safe to sleep in bed. It is safe anywhere with Baba by your side.
Where is Mama? Where did she go now? Why does she do that?? She knows I hate it when she leaves without telling me! I wait for her to come. I sit and wait at the door. She comes back. She didn't stay long. "Where were you now?" She came back to take me there. From the roof, all we've been hearing the entire evening can be seen. ... I'm silent. My hands cover my mouth. I'm horrified. It looks beautiful but I'm horrified.
Loushi sleeps between Mama and Baba, like I did many years ago after we sat in some other tight, narrow hall..
Now, small ones sleep. Now elders worry alone. Now small ones don't hear them elders say it's dangerous everywhere. Don't hear them elders say people have died. Don't see their elder faces pale with terror. Don,t see them elders crying.. Small ones don't watch the news..

]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/9870102/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/9870102/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:10:02 PDT
i missed deviantart like hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have thousands of devs to check out..tens of messages to read..
iwont be able to submit for some time. Like i said, im recuperating, and that includes my stuff..dont get what i mean? Well.. this war is over, but mess isn't..i need my stuff back..

huufff..im tired..i know i said it already.. but im tired..

i miss..
i want my life back..
yea, my old boring one..
i want it back..
ill change it my way..

i miss you friends.. ]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8995174/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8995174/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 02:09:07 PDT ..spit in my face.. some kind of eye contact might make its way through..
..dig your teeth into my flesh.. I’ll pretend I think it’s a love bite..
..scrape my skin off.. I’ll tell myself you removed my old scar..
..poke me in the eyes.. you were trying to feel the color in them..
..choke me.. so that’s how you embrace!
..pull my hair.. I’ll make believe it felt sensual.. ]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8995162/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8995162/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 02:06:20 PDT have a way of cracking everyone up with the silliest things,
waste no chance of turning the most boring moments into "H comedy hours"..
hang sarcastic comments on every tiniest detail in you,
pose yourself as a "laugh about" scrap just to make you and them laugh..
..but when you feel the lowest down..
Never do you make such a good pacifier for others' wounds,
and the coziest cradle for every disturbed and tired someone,
the smoothest kisser for every "booboo" and "ouchie",
mother for those who need directions and advice,
sister and brother for those limping of a thorn in the sole,
.. but when you ache the most lost..

.. Never do you listen.. like when you crave for attention..
.. Never do you wrap your arms around someone.. like when you long for embrace..
.. Never do you manage to seem so full of joy.. like when you're most miserable..
.. Never are you so seemingly vivid.. like when you're dying inside..
…
.."but..i AM happy" - you say.. ]]> ~rayon-bloo http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8773940/ http://rayon-bloo.deviantart.com/journal/8773940/ Mon, 15 May 2006 00:46:42 PDT ok..
..im really nervous about wat ill be doin in the end..
really desperately need some advice about the whole "shooting" career..u see i love photography..but..i know nuthin bout nuthing conscerning it..except u need a cam..
im studyin journalism..i like it, but its not what i REALLY like to do..but i have to, i want the diploma..n i need one see..here they dont advice photography unless i want to open a studio and shoot girls drenched in make up..iii dont think so..
..so journalism it is!..but most subjects arent in english..or french..or watever..so its kinda hard for me..the whole studyin and catchin up with everyone..
..i dont wanna sound desperate..but I AM..so..

uh..i dont even know why i submitted thins..cry for help i suppose..

..enjoy..or not.. ]]> ~rayon-bloo