http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:rokkapoo&section=today deviantART RSS for by:rokkapoo en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:52:22 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/21801265/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/21801265/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:53:21 PST
2. To speak in ways unknown to another. To love, to hope, to be, in ways unknown by any other. What to expect but live alone, exist alone, die alone? Wanting to be as is without the additions of a life caved in, surrounded by, closed in, sealed shut, boxed, barred, limited and bordered on all sides by those of the Other. What does it mean to be free, to live free, to die free of it all? Is it possible? Such things, such truths, such knowledge, they are a far cry. Indeed, a far fetched and distant cry.

3. So then how? And why, who, what, and where? What is the element being searched for? Is there a key? Is there a lock and door? Or guts flayed and gaping like a shark speared by harpoon? To be cleaned an eaten? To be stolen and sold? To be exploited and taken advantage of? Is it so? Those who know ask, "What is wrong with you?" As if there is some abyss between the two. As if the world is less valid, perhaps less human. As if the mind is less functional or less purposed. "What is wrong with you?" The answer is a far cry from it, indeed.

4. So here then, an utter disappoint, despair, and compromise. Cheat and thief, brat and broker of hurt and lies and wounds and such. Is it marvelous? Is it fanciful. Moving words in hopes that someone might hear, might see, might grasp the concept. "To find one of those denomination. To find one or two out there. Those who have seemed so non-existent, staunch, and stoic, still, and submerged. The schizophrenic, manic-depressive, control clinging, pedi suffering, abuse hoarding sort. The one who is lost, the one who is broken. The one who is needing but can't find anyone to give. Who, what, where and why are you? Is your mother gone? Is your family hurtful? Is your faith failing, and your life crumbling. Did you learn to live? Did you hear of your worth? Are you more than a maggot, a fly, some manure? The deep schism of inquiry separates mind from body, yet no one grasps the concept. "What is wrong with you?" They ask. "I don't know." Looking for some sort, even one. Where? Tis a far cry from indeed.

5. So then it is lost. Not knowing what to look for, nor knowing where to go. Not knowing where it started, nor anything about where to end. It has been sent to hunt but no one has disclosed what for. Only stunned, even confused. Lost in a drift. A far cry from what they've thought, a far cry from what they've hoped.

6. She never expounded upon where it should go, or what it should do. They never said, yes this or no that. There was never a qualification or an ultimatum. Accept what is, no option to bring about the ought. How can it be then, this and now? What ought is there? A far cry from what can be conjured, a far cry from what has come to be known. Apparently it exists, ought exists. Far be it from me. Tis a far cry indeed.

7.

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/21055602/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/21055602/ Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:34:51 PDT
Where can I get it? What does it look like?

...

Brushing back the curtains of life as it had once drapped.

The folds lay so cleanly, falling softly against the frame of what seems so picture perfect.

Peering through transparencies, the projection gives off light of an eerie quality.

Masking the dull and dreary
Blurring the sharp and dissonant
it is of what seems so marvelous and quaint

Every pondering canal screams away the time.

Stringing together piece by piece, a life of what seems so brilliantly orchestrated. Yea Life

Coloring in each canal one by one

Wondering on the wonderers and the wandering and the wanderers.

Deferring from the difference and the differance.

And again we are brushing
Again we are peering

Again it is masking and blurring and coloring

Again I am wondering and wandering and deferring
And again it is
of what seems...so picture perfect.

...

Hope in all its luster and all its splendor may never be good enough.

Where can I get it?
What does it look like?
It is of what seems so picture perfect

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/20376219/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/20376219/ Sun, 07 Sep 2008 13:49:43 PDT
Where has it gone? As the ink flows from a faulty pen, dripping, leaking upon the flesh of its director. Life so oozes from a body so quickly and easily. The urge to exist, the drive to be free. The confines of life close in like a sledge hammer, tearing down the thick castle walls. One by one the bricks crumble and fall to the ground like the dead bodies and the dead hurts and the dead dreams.

Here we are taking it in, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by fucking second. Here we are putting it out, day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by fucking year. Who can I be? Who can I get? Who can I take, NOTHING, NO ONE! No sweet smell of lovers lips, no soft touch of warm breath. Nothing! And here we are taking it in.

The lovely breeze of a day that seems so cold and distant. The color that seems dim, almost blank, a pale and pasty white. Opaque and matte like the plaster of Paris mold on each and every face of each and every passerby. The sun, whose warmth is not. Whose yellow rays are turned to ice. The cold gleam of platinum snow. Sharp and frozen, piercing the mind like a cold silver blade.

And to understand a day like this, we try, I try, you try, again and again. To fucking understand the day. To explain its ins and outs, to map the frontier of wild thoughts raging, throbbing, pulsating. To fill the crippling void, to surplant the mass of tyranny flowing from its very being. How do we feel about days like this? How do we live on days like this?

Life. On these shithole days of mass confusion and fierce destruction, is this life? And so I hope, I long, I yern to sit, to lay, to be within the arms of another. Another who says, "just be." To rest without the bullshit explanations and the fucking half-assed solutions. To be enthralled, to be engulfed in such a sensation. The overwhelming sense of mere existence and acceptance of it. Yea Life.

So I sit here hoping for seconds of silence. My skin crawling and body writhing with the urge to escape. I can not evade the surging grasp of social obligation. It tears into my brain like rusty nails would tear into the skin of a helpless newborn. Pale and bloodied I sit here. Wishing for silence, hoping to be apart from the Other. Wishing to be away, and to be void, and to be not. Hoping for an end, grasping for finality. Sitting here and tired. Tired of life with its quick fixes and trivial routine, tired of the screeching sound of this damn humanity trying to make it what we want. Tired of the overwhelming, and overcoming, and overtaking senses of fatal scrutiny. Tired.

Ha in all these days I say, "that's life."

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/17466052/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/17466052/ Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:59:01 PDT
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]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/10160243/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/10160243/ Sat, 23 Sep 2006 09:02:42 PDT
]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9380719/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9380719/ Fri, 14 Jul 2006 23:04:32 PDT ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9144591/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9144591/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 05:50:11 PDT
How exciting is that. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9102984/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9102984/ Sun, 18 Jun 2006 07:08:36 PDT
I asked the guy for a ticket back to Denver and he got me a ticket back to Boston....no sense made. He told me that I said I wanted to go to Boston even though I don't live here. Why would I do that. Anyhow, now I am stuck with what to do.

I don't have a couple hundred dollars, and I don't have any way to get home.

I hate airlines!!!!

boo hoo...ok END OF EMOTIONAL SCHPEAL

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9068803/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9068803/ Wed, 14 Jun 2006 16:41:57 PDT
A wedding is coming, a wedding is coming - RUN!!!!

So my best friends wedding is in three days and everything is insane. The sad thing is I have no idea what is going on. I get to sing at her wedding which is rad and I can't wait to give her at least that. Crazy, not only that but I get to take some pictures at the wedding. Who knows, I might be putting some pictures from the wedding up in a few days.

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9006776/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/9006776/ Thu, 08 Jun 2006 08:18:53 PDT
I was just offered and interesting task yesterday. A native pastor of Kenya has asked me to help him start a youth program in his ministry. Right now I am in college, in Missouri, and will be a Junior next semester. The reason for my indecisiveness is this, I am a missions major - cross cultural relations- that is. This is what I am supposed to be doing with my life, and quite frankly I don't need a degree to do it. My choosing to go will be a life changing decision because it would shift my entire focus from India/Middle East to Africa. Hmm...I pray, God just give me peace...oh and can you tell me what I should do with this too that would help. Too much adultness is being thrown at me, and I am not sure I know what to do yet.

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8962611/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8962611/ Sat, 03 Jun 2006 19:43:38 PDT
Tomorrow will be picture day, and all of my new stuff will be available for viewing. How friggin exciting is that. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8871399/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8871399/ Thu, 25 May 2006 07:56:11 PDT

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8783746/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8783746/ Mon, 15 May 2006 22:41:57 PDT
Man I wish I could get a new camera. Although a good camera doesn't always make good pictures, it would be nice to have something more to work with. All I know is, I am so excited to get a new camera.

Christmas is not any time soon though.

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8727845/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8727845/ Wed, 10 May 2006 07:24:10 PDT ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8635810/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8635810/ Sun, 30 Apr 2006 21:39:37 PDT ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8494076/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8494076/ Sun, 16 Apr 2006 21:29:48 PDT
It is Easter Sunday though and that is a day to celebrate. Yay for resurrection.

Anyhow, I love traveling. It takes the sting out of boredom...and homesickness. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8440096/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8440096/ Tue, 11 Apr 2006 16:09:09 PDT
Well, atleast my pictures have improved, not to mention the colors was so much brighter there.

Readjustment is the name of the game and I will go out kicking and screaming because I have no desire to submit to that profane R word. Well...so much for putting up a fight because quite frankly I have no choice. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8363867/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8363867/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 13:15:32 PDT
Sad to say, my time in England is coming to an end. I have made my way from Suffolk to Framlingham, from Newmarket to London, and I am not ready to leave just yet.

The landscape of England is utterly amazing and is usually a mingling of miles of rolling and vibrantly sapphire hills and bustling markets laced with cramped English homes. Living here is definately something I could go for.

As for my preparation for the journey home, there will be none. I will enjoy this as long as possible because England, like a cup of Colombian coffee, is good to the last drop. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8266271/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8266271/ Sat, 25 Mar 2006 14:59:51 PST
Everything is well, I got some amazing pictures today and I look forward to taking 2 weeks of fantastic pictures. I CAN'T WAIT.

I hope I pic up a bit of the accent...not to mention maybe coming back. ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8192535/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8192535/ Fri, 17 Mar 2006 21:08:21 PST
I bought a sarii when I was in India last summer and I took it out for the first time a couple nights ago to take a few pictures.

Davey(the model) and I both got sick but we thought that it was from cake that we ate...turns out it may be Indian Fever. I thought of this because of the symptoms that we had and the fact that they were completely identical to the fever I got while I was in India...

crazy huh....who'da thunk that was possible ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8176051/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8176051/ Thu, 16 Mar 2006 08:04:22 PST
Not to mention...some pretty cool pictures came out of last night's sarii, spongebob, coffee, and debachery (sarcasm )

Though this stomach ache is making me wonder if my life of fun could possibly come to an end on this beautiful day in March.

Curse you bad cake, and all thy bacteria infested crevases!!!! ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8153948/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8153948/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 21:02:19 PST
I can take more pictures than I did before. But I got some cool shots this weekend because I went to four different houses and got shots at every one of them - that's the way I roll. Anyhow, take a look ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8148268/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8148268/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 10:48:28 PST
AND..... I get my camera back tonight.

]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8122049/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8122049/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 14:03:16 PST
I allowed one of my close friends to borrow my camera for her trip home and it has been a week since I have taken a picture. At this moment I feel as if I may just keel over and die. I have never experience this kind of attachment to an inanimate object but I now find myself crying out for my camera.

I hope she gets back soon, and I hope my camera ok....

I love her too though :woot: ]]> ~rokkapoo http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8078455/ http://rokkapoo.deviantart.com/journal/8078455/ Sun, 05 Mar 2006 20:39:19 PST


I am definately in need of some constuctive criticism...



pretty much, that's all ]]> ~rokkapoo