http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:saphiraurora&section=today deviantART RSS for by:saphiraurora en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 08:54:49 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28846437/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28846437/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:03:17 PST my family is not the great thing it used to be anymore, and i have no one else anymore that knows me well and gives a crap too. my brother (ex best friend) is a jerk, and my best friend has a life. but not having someone to talk to all the time is really starting to bug me, writing in my journal everyday only covers so much, and paper can only take so much burden off my mind.
its so exhausting. i have tried to make new friends here this year, bc most of my old ones graduated, but everybody's got clicks or are just too busy or too needy themselves. it just makes me wonder if the rest of life is going to be this way. i still have never really had a boyfriend and am not sure if i am even worth pursuing as a best friend or a girlfriend. i know i am misunderstood lots of times but, i mean really?
I know God is there, but i still feel alone, like i am pursuing him alone. i will be discipled starting next semester but what do i do until then? i feel like life is getting harder and i'm not measuring up. and it feels like every time i push harder, the harder i fail those i want to do good by.
I've noticed for the last couple of years that i have been waiting for something really bad to happen to me, like everyone else has a good story to tell about horrible things that have happened in their lives and how they came out of it, but my life was kind of nothing special, nothing to tell really. but now here it is. my brother is close to being kicked out of the house, i am not accpeted as an adult in my extented family, and i'm not a kid either so its like i don't exist. i have another year left of school bc i changed my major. my youth pastor wants me to disciple a kid or two, but i have no clue what to do with that, i feel like i would corrupt a child bc i've never been discipled. i just feel like these things are being put in my path, and i have stopped dead, trying to move the muck out of my way, but its just slipping out of my hands back into the pile still before me. like if i don't get through all this, i'm a failure at life.
i don't want to be like this. i want to get through the problems and not have to look back because it wasn't fixed here and now. but the hard part is there is nothing i can do if the others aren't willing to try to change, i can make as many choices as i want, but nothing will change if they aren't willing to do what it might take as well.
its depressing to think how much i loved my family and then seeing things and the way it has become and realizing it will never be the same again.
but i can't give up, but how do i find the energy to keep going? i've lost my passion for music, i don't want to be around my family right now, i don't want to be here, i want to go running and keep on running, but someone said, you should run toward something instead of away from it. but what can i run to now? a better life? what will that life be and how do i get there? Action has to be taken now, sometimes to cross a bridge you have to jump off it and go swimming, against the current and hope it doesn't sweep you away. i mean that in the family sense, not the metaphorical Christian sense that people like to use.
i don't know how many people actually read my journal but i hope thinking about questions like those and finding answers will help you if you're having trouble too. i know i'm not alone in feeling alone, lol.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28649693/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28649693/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 11:41:03 PST
So Pastor Tom was talking this morning and he said something that caught my attention, it was that this time of year is a time to reflect on everything that has happened and things that are coming up. So I started writing about it.

I know what has gone on this semester, it started out great and then I got lazy and then I got sick, and then I got sick again but I have become complacent (I found this as I was watching Glee a while back, don’t laugh). The people that used to scare me and kept me on my toes are gone now. Heather Clifton Haithcock, though I don’t think she ever knew it, was the one person that intimidated me the most while she was here at school, she was the bomb.com as far as vocalists go. She scared me because I knew I could never sound like her, but maybe if I practiced hard enough I would be my own kind of great, but I couldn’t see who I could become. Or maybe I was scared to see that I might could be great like her, because then people would see that and they might have such high expectations and I would fail them. But I’m tired of not letting people see who I can be, I want to be the best I can be. I might kick myself later for having written this, but it will still be no ones fault but my own, and this will hold me accountable.

So this will be my mentality to get me through the week, as dorky as I may seem, if you can tell me you have never done this, you will have my adoration, lol….
This week will be like my own action flick. The war is on. My target is the notes on the page, in all the songs I have had this semester that have been kicking my butt. That I will not only kill them, but be creative about it (musicality) and everyone will be able to tell it is my work, haha. It’s the biggest challenge yet, like it is for a hero or heroin in a movie. I have 7 songs this semester instead of 4 or 5. My defense is to not think about the next semester or year at all, or the possible outcomes that could come out of coming out of Juries alive. It’s too risky and distracting. So here’s the game plan. I will break the runs down into measures and do them over and over until I get it, and can do it without really thinking about it. I have to spilt the practice times into smaller parts that are manageable and stick to them, even if I can’t focus. And then the best part of a thriller action movie, the main character is racing against time, I have 6 days until Juries. Which adds up to 130 hours give or take however many I’ll have to wait on Saturday for the juries, and then about 40ish hours to sleep, which makes the actual total of hours about 90ish. But then I have 16 hours of class, so the real total will be about 74 hours. 74 hours to commit the songs to memory and finish learning the last one.

The next part of this may only help those in high school or others that are struggling with grades or just don’t see them as important enough, but I needed to write this down for me if it helps no one else. I am a junior voice student. I have natural talent, but it is doing me no good at this level if I am not really practicing and the people who instruct me should be able to tell bc you can only tell on yourself at this point. It is my fault if I am not working hard enough. Sure everyone gets sick and it holds them back from getting all their hours. And if you get burnt out and loose your passion, that is only an excuse until you realize you’ve lost it, and not after that. I say that because after that you have a choice to wallow and waste your talent or get back up and try to find your heart for it again. I have to cling to God to help me find that again, and set a goal for myself to keep on going. I want to sing with a soundtrack choir and do stuff like they have done in the Narnia soundtracks and Lord of the Rings and stuff like that. Which brings me to my next point that is also, and mostly for any high school students or others that struggle with grades.

I am missing out on good opportunities to use my talent because I haven’t taken care of my grades well enough. My talent alone will not help me get the job that I want because they want more than just talent, they want to know you can keep up with your other responsibilities. Now I don’t have another chance to try for that team because I am a senior, that door is closed. So now I have to go back and fix my mistakes that I didn’t take the time to fix while I was there before, which is one thing that irritates me about other people when I am working, and now I’m a hypocrite.

But I can still clean up my act before I get out of school, and there is another thing I have learned in my time here. That is that you cannot expect others to have expectations of you, you can’t always expect standards to be there to keep you in check. If you look at the world outside, where are the standards, they are flying out of windows. You hav... ]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28543174/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28543174/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:37:44 PST
I was flying through a beautiful, almost ruined structure, but the inside still looked great, there were arches and the type of architecture, it kept coming back to the same place i was flying from and to. I was flying slowly, like i was waiting for something to race for. do you ever feel like in dreams that you can never fly as fast as you really want to? I could see the other people below going about their day, whatever that meant for them. i kept rounding more corners at the same speed. then i was back where i started again.
some kind of encounter happened between me and one of the people below, and then i was flying really slow, like a depression my wings could feel.
i flew slowly under another arch only to find someone there on the ground waiting for me, a bounty hunter, with a weapon that shot out a net that confined me, and i fell...
and then i woke up.
some of this i can relate to flying at normal speed seemed like my semester finally feeling like a normal semester should.
but i have been cut off from the rest of campus, bc our school won't let commuters in unless they are buying the overpriced crappy food in the cafeteria, so i don't get to see people much. this has caused me to slow down, and i have been struggling not to fall back into a depression, though I know i am not myself.
the conflict with the person is really just my brother, he has either ignored me for about a year or he has been a jerk, and unreliable for anything for that amount of time. he used to be my best friend, so this has taken a huge toll on me too. could have also been a reason to slow down.
as for the bounty hunter, i have no idea where he might have taken me, he could have been there to save me from my aimless wandering for all i know. maybe it was something else that i can't see yet, i've found lately that i have really been waiting most of the last few years, anticipating something bad to happen.
i prefer to think of the first option though, i lean more toward that because i got a glypmse of him before i woke up, and he kind of looked like a guy i have gotten to know this semester, but any hope of a relationship is on hold bc his ex girlfriend is giving him problems, that could be why i woke up just then. he has stolen my interest in anyone else. i have come to know him better than i thought i would considering we didn't see each other much this semester. but i'm totally comfortable just being friends, i just like him a little more than that.

normally i do not look into dreams as an answer to my life, but this one seemed to correlated a lot to what is going on. and it was a good was to get out some things i've been thinking about for a while.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28243912/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28243912/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:34:01 PST several things have come to the surface lately.
i have had a need to be discipled for a while, and that prayer has finally been answered and will start in action next semester.
there is a guy i have been getting to know, i really still don't know that well, but things seem to be going well, even if we're just friends. i feel comfortable around him, its easy to just be myself, which is something i haven't felt in a long time.
I have also just realized some other things about my life in general, i'm starting to grip that things really will never be the same again. life has already changed for me and will continue to do so. there are family issues that have been going on for a while that are about to take a turn one way or another. if its good, hopefully it will continue to be good, if its bad, i just hope that lessons are learned from mistakes and we can move on. its like the blue pill red pill thing, from this point on, nothing will be the same.
i also auditioned for the play for next spring. we are doing the "Pirates of Penzance". i got in as one of the Major Generals daughters. I also audtitioned for a ministry team that does music, called the Difference, and i made the callbacks and am still waiting to hear if i made it. these are big things for me. i have never been in a traveling group before. i did the play last year and it was great, so i am excited to be a part of the next one.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28023984/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28023984/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:39:24 PDT
lately i've been having fun with ideas spinning off of another deviants story about the divine daughter. she wrote a spin off of the movie, The Covenant. i really liked it at first, but when i came back to it, i found that there was a LOT in it i didn't like, and that most people probably wouldn't read(i'm sorry if you read this). so i have been tossing around LOTS of ideas for changing it and rewriting it myself.

I like the general idea that she is the only sibling born to single heirs of the Sons of Ipswitch every given number of generations, and that she has to save them from themselves, but that is about it. the rest i am changing and starting over. I have a whole page of stuff that i have for the main character, and plot stuff i'm changing.

i'm reading hers over to make sure i don't copy anything she already did, which is taking me a little bit cuz she wrote quite a bit. I hope she doesn't get mad that i'm redoing it though, that would really suck.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28010123/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/28010123/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:05:13 PDT
]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27822904/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27822904/ Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:33:08 PDT

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27089695/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27089695/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:50:46 PDT anyone who actually reads this, I challenge you to do the same, you might be suprised at what you come up with.
i hope you do not take this the wrong way, this is not an attention thing, this is my heart in a journal.

you are not pretty
you are not interesting enough to keep attention
you are simple minded
you are creative, which means no one understands you
your learning style is what the school system is least built for
you will never make it in college
you need to be fixed to think like normal people
you are not sporty= you are not cool
you are fat and that will never change bc youre so small
youre too much emotionally
you are not anough spiritually
youll never get anywhere, you're stuck in this place of nonpassion
your own brother won't listen to you bc you're a failure. you don't have it figured out, so why should he trust you?
youre not a good Christian woman, and you will never understand how its done
you will never be able to work things out with your stepmom, or to be good friends with her.
you will never be able to pay off your loans
you will never be strong enough to blaze a new path first
you will never find love
you will never find an accountablity partner so why even try
you will never be able to give anyone the help they really need
your parents will never be proud of you
you will never be someone to look up to

Feel free to cry, i know i do every time i read through the whole thing. these are Satans messages to our hearts bc he knows what we can become bc God made us, and he fears us bc of it. we can't let him bring us down. "We were meant to live for so much more"!

I am going to write another one full of truths and when i do, i will put it up also, and challenge you to do that also. this is just something that has been laid on my heart, another step toward becoming whoever God wants me to be. and i hope that sharing my heart can help at least one other person.
It also took a load off to write it in the first place, and then now its down on paper and i can look back and hopefully i can start leaving the messages behind.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27089386/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/27089386/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:19:09 PDT leaf colors changing
sunrises and sunsets( when orange meets purple)
the smell of good coffee
wildflowers like calla lilies, daffodills and hydrangeas
my close friends
fireworks and the sulfur smell when they're done
bonfires at camp and ghost stories
warmth, in tones, colors, or temperature
flash of lightening and striking thunder
when a baby grabs your finger ans holds on
Jonathan Stegengas eyes
the view of Table Rock from the lake and park visitors center
playing soccer in or after the rain
hiking or walking
taking my time to read a book (i'm not a very fast reader but have accepted as much)
waterfalls and streams
singing, writing, and drawing
people
old broken down buildings or houses and the stories that lie within
bright stars from a dark open field in the summer
lighting candles when the power goes out(having an excuse to light them)
vacation without tv(&etc..) time to enjoy others company
gardens, museums

i just felt like writing about things that i love and challenge anyone who takes the time to read this to make a list of their own. on a bad day you can look back at it and remember what it is all like and maybe it'll lift you up just a bit.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/26576596/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/26576596/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:20:28 PDT
i finally saw runaway bride the other day, even if it was only the second half of it and i liked it. and then me and my sister just watched the medding planner and i just felt like finally thinking abut what i would always want mine to be like and it got me thinking about that. i'm not in love or anything, but i have a lot of friends who are getting married around me, or already are, and i feel old, like i'm going in the direction my parents fear for me.
but that is only a small fear at the moment because i feel more like myself than i ever have before and i feel like i can do anything right now, and i love life and the people around me. i'm not ready to get married even if i found the right one, not even ready to date right now, but maybe soon i will be, i just hope someone else will be too... lol. if not, life goes on.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23555874/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23555874/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:55:12 PST
What if we stepped out and took someone’s hand and took the time to show them the way to a better life? I’m not talking religion, just taking the time to care enough to help them in the right direction. A new job to get what they need, a makeover even, and the tools to keep up, so that maybe they can take pride in themselves like they never have before. Indulge in someone else’s dream and help them live it. Or just let them know that they matter, or what they are trying to do isn’t insane, that they’ll get to where they need to be one day.

What if we all cared about the whole world instead of what we see out our window everyday? The world needs our help, everyone needs someone’s help whether they want to admit it or not. Everyone has holes that need filling.

We are the next generation. We can change the world. In this economy, anything can happen. We can make our voices heard, and the innovative brains out there can help us solve the problems if we take the time to listen. The voices are crying out to us, they do not stop because we don’t listen.

Our time is now.


The song I'm listening to was the fuel behind this journal. Check it out. He sounds like Josh Groban and he's a new artist. you can find it on Amazon.com but here are the lyrics if you can't find the song.

Let Love Win by Daniel Kirkley

Sometimes
I look way up at the starlight
I wonder how things got turned around
And whether all that's lost
Will all be found

Lately
I think the world has gone crazy
How did we all get so far away
From letting love write the pages of our lives
I'm praying tonight

Chorus
That every man has bread
And every child a bed
That those of us who have enough
Might find it hard to rest
Until every hand is held
A lovesick world, made well
Oh God, begin with me
An instrument of peace
Let love win... Amen

There are moments
I wish I'd find my heart broken
Tasting the tears of the suffering who
Must surely know much more of you than I
I'm praying tonight

Chorus

Maybe it's too much to ask
Maybe it's not nearly enough
Maybe the light of the world
Can hear the prayer of just one...
And I'm only one...

Bring hatred to it's knees
Let love be all we need
Oh God begin with me
An instrument of peace
let love win... amen...

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23505731/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23505731/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 11:36:11 PST
ugly inside, that no one knows how ugly

useless, like i will never make my parents proud

sorry that i say and do stupid things or forget important things

confused and sorry that i cannot make myself clear

ignorant, don't understand unwritten rules, because no ever told me what they were

bitter, though i know i have no right to be

unforgiveable because i don't act like appreciate what i have, though i know i appreciate it

stuck, like i will never get myself out of this situation

angry at no one but myself all the time for everything that i do and don't do.

I'm sorry

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23255446/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/23255446/ Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:02:22 PST
You're reachin' out,
And no one hears your cry.
You're freakin' out again
'Cause all your fears remind you.
Another dream has come undone.
You feel so small and lost
Like you're the only one.
You wanna scream,
'Cause you're desperate.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...

You're in the dark;
There's no one left to call.
And sleep's you're only friend,
But even sleep can't hide you
From all those tears and all the pain
And all the days you waste pushin' them away.
It's your life; it's time you face it.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...
'Cause you're desperate, desperate.
'Cause you're desperate now...

You know the things have gotta change.
You can't go back, you find a way.
And day by day, you start to come alive.

You want somebody, just anybody
To bring some peace to your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...
'Cause you're desperate, desperate.
'Cause you're desperate tonight.
Oh, desperate... So desperate tonight,
Tonight...

David Archuleta doesn't know how well he knows me right now.
Things are just really hard right now. the semester started off hard, i was sick when we started back, and i'm still slowly working my way back up, and having a rollercoaster of emotions going on, from super excited about things that are a long way off, dreams that i can't reach for yet, to defeat, because catching back up and staying afloat is kicking my butt. and all the same old things that have kept me down before are just grabbing my face and holding it there in its own glare. i know i can get break out and do it all, but it is going to take time, and i just wish i knew how long, so it would make it easier to get through.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/21785886/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/21785886/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:33:06 PST i have my guitar test is tomorrow, yay, that'll be fun. my english test is just an essay, and my basic christian beliefs class i just have to come to class to get credut for an exam cause she has nothing left for us, hahahaha, that is the coolest thing ever!
i have to get one of my assignments done really early, because i have to take my brothers computer back to him when we go to columbia, and it has the program on it that i need for the assignment, which means i won't have it at all after that, and i won't get mine back until the 18th, when i go see my mom and sister and aunt in Delaware for Christmas! Spuer excited about that, except that i'll miss people from school over the holiday.
but i haven't gotten that close to anybody this semester, i've become closer with friends i already had, but other than that, just the peeps in my theory and aural fundies classes, cause they all rock, and i love them all.*shout out!* lol.
i have another journal that i wrote a couple of weeks ago, but i might just put that up later, it's really depressing, i was having a really hard time.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/21106179/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/21106179/ Wed, 22 Oct 2008 06:49:19 PDT i'm having trouble tryng to think of something to write about with my friend for nanowrimo, but hopefully I'll be able to think of soemthing. i had an idea last night, but lostit, should've written it down.
I'm actually on top of all my work, i'm working on projects(Chinua Achebe, "Things Fall Apart") that aren't due for a couple of weeks, which isn't like me at all. i finished homework days before it was due, trying to get ahead. i have no idea where this energy came from, but i'll take it! i have a test today, a soccer game to tape, and then run real fast to get to dress rehearsal on time, for the dedication concert that is on thursday night, and then i can go home and take a shower and get all pretty for the next day.
i have a sort of date on thursday morning. there's a guy i've been talking to at school for the better part of a year, and we've just been so busy or unforward(is that a word) that our plans to get together always fell through. well this time he says, we should have coffee at the mainstreet deli, and i told him times that i had free this week, so he said he would come pick me up on thursday morning and we would go before class. so we'll see what happens !
so iguess things are better than i thought once i actually write them down, but i'm insanely busy, but not busy enough to not hang out with friends. and i can't wait for halloween, though i haven't actually decided who i want to dress up like. I thought about Allison from the Breakfast Club, or Keladry from Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small series. any other suggestions based on what i already look like would be appreciated.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/20555878/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/20555878/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:13:47 PDT i just got the letter today, and had to try hard not to cry. they all acted so blown away, that i could sing like i did. I don't know what it was or why it didn't happen, but i've got to keep my chin up i guess, and focus on school.
i was really looking forward to getting another chance to plug into my church somehow. i was a greeter to begin with because i didn't make the first audition, but now there are so many people to help with that, they don't need me anymore, it's not like they don't want me though.
i just want a chance to get involved with something other than classical stinking music. that is what music majors are supposed to sing, classical, that's all. it's cool, but there are so many genres out there and there was an opportunity for me to get there.
maybe i'm just not good enough. i was so confident for the first time in my life, i was happy with the way things went, even though i was nervous as hell to get up there on that huge stage with nothing but a piano behind me, the rest of the band wasn't even there this time, as they had the first time.
i just don't know what else i can do, i have this talent and no where to use it. i gave it all, and i told myself i wouldn't be upset because there was nothing else i could do, but i really thought maybe i had it this time.
and church isn't so great either. every week i go back hoping to get something out of it, but more and more i feel like it's a babbling post for the man. i've started studying more on my own, because i'm busy when they have small groups, or i'm babysitting while they're in small groups so i can make some money. i'm finding more on my own right now than anything else, and in a way, i don't care, because i'm graduating in about 2 years, and going anywhere else but here. but i do, because my mom is making us go, but i'm so close to just telling her, that i don't want to be part of it anymore.
sure i want a relationship with Jesus Christ. he died for me, the least i can do is to get to know him, but i'm so sick of the buble of christianity that is the bible belt. it's all a safety net, everyone around here says they are Christians, but how many actually act like it? i know lots of times, i don't either, but we make mistakes, and then we learn from them.
I'm going to go finish my homework now, and try not to be so bummed, and feeling worthless.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/20494319/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/20494319/ Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:50:36 PDT but they had help getting there to the way they are now.
this is what i wrote, and i would like to continue a song about this, but i have no idea what else to go on.

"when you're told you're worthless all your life
it get's easier just to make them right
proving them wrong has become a loosing fight
they shove you further in the dark, and give you no light"

the classic example of this was Bender in "The Breakfast Club", the detention teacher did nothing but call him worthless, as did the other students in detention with him. some people ask for it, but others don't, it's just hard for them, because maybe they were looked down on to begin with, and it just got easier to believe wha everyone else thought of them, which turned them into what they are now.
but they have the potnential to be so much more. most of the time, they are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for, they just choose not to use it for good, for whatever reason.
there was one guy i went to high school with that was like that. no one actually put him down to his face, but some of the teachers would just barely cross the line provoking him. he was a good guy, but home wasn't good at all and many times he had no place to go. there was one teacher out of the whole school who chose to treat him like a normal human being. she always pushed him, saying that she knew he was smarter than he let on and everything.
i have no idea what he is doing right now, if he's in jail or if he's got a life now. i wish i did, but then i wish i didn't at the same time. most people were scared of him because he was so rough around the edges, but i talked to him a lot i think he thought i was weird for that, but i didn't care. i still pray that he has found his feet and is doing well somewhere.
but you never know how much influence you could have on someone just by saying hello or treating them nromally, instead of a peice of dirt.
i'm done preaching now, i just have thought about this for a long time, and never wrote it down or anything, but i think there are lots of people like that at school, some don't want help or to be talked to, but some of them are caught off guard if someone actually acted normal around them. who knows, you might run into them years from now, and they'll say hey, you were that weird girl that talked to me in chemistry class.lol.
things are hard for everyone at one time or other, everyone needs to knwo someone cares, if you don't, you're an island, and more power to you, but most of us don't work that way.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/19343316/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/19343316/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:29:27 PDT and I was so hoping i could go to the jonas brothers concert in charlotte at the end of the summer, but most of the tickets are sold, and my friend who was supposed to take me, said she might not be able to now. super bummer... I guess we'll see what happens. I don't get to do to many concerts at all and i was really stoked about this one. they're going to be bigger than miley and rihanna in no time. with their own tv series coming out, it looks like it's going to be really funny, and then their new album in august and their tour. man, I don't know how they find the energy to do it all, or the time for that matter. camp is kicking my butt and they're in a new city just about every day getting ready for another huge rock concert.
anyways, I can't wait til I'm done with school and can go explore things like that, you know, out on my own, I can go to an audition for somtheing if i want to, I can record something to turn in somewhere and try to get signed, or i can go draw things, travel. I feel like i could do anything if i could just get out of this little town.... but two or more years left of school. the music stuff will be great though. maybe i can get involved with a praise team somewhere. or learn to play guitar or piano better. I don't even have a guitar though.
check out my new pics of the jonas brothers. they are the best I've done in a while, and i was super focused on each one, and determined to get one of all three of them. I want to make a t-shirt with them, and wear it to a concert. or give the originals to them in person, heehee. there's always a hope. there are so many artists that i would love to see in concert, like Rush or michael Buble, or the Corrs, u2, Miley Cyrus, or any disney people for that matter. maybe one day...when i get out of this place.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/18531035/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/18531035/ Tue, 27 May 2008 16:50:22 PDT I'm tired of waiting for the 6th of June and after that. I turn 21 that day and my brother and two of my cousins graduate that day as well.
My dad asked me today what my brother was doing that day and I had no clue, which makes me mad, because if he's going off to do his own thing I am sure as hell going to plan my own birthday stuff. I don't have a clue what I want to do, because my older brother was going to take me out for a drink, but he's going to be at guard that weekend. and my family is going to be down here, maybe my mom will take me somewhere, I just want one freaking drink. I don't feel like getting smashe bcause my headaches are bad enough without the help of alcohol. but I doubt any of my parents will actually let me go and have even one drink.
anyway, I'm writing this new story and I really like it, but i'm trying to figure out how much I can put on here at a time, so I can put it up for people to read. When I do put it up, the main characters names are Valon and James, so if there are still any Will's or William's in there, that's what I started out with, so I'll try to change them all.
I have some more drawings to put up too. i went crazy yesterday drawing things. I drew so many things. some of them my cousins have though.
ANd I saw Prince Caspian twice now, and I absolutley love it, I definately plan on going to see that multiple times this summer, maybe I'll go see it again on my brithday. The last time I went to go see a movie on my brithday it turned out pretty fun.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/18216599/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/18216599/ Wed, 07 May 2008 18:17:05 PDT
]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/17781279/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/17781279/ Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:46:06 PDT weekend is full of recitals and practice and homework and work on upcoming projects. next week we will be rehearsing like mad for the play that is the NEXT weekend.
I tried out for the honors recital, which is on monday, because I have to be there whether I'm performing or not, but I didn't make it. bummer, but it's not the end of the world. it's my first semester as a music major, and there were only so many slots for better performers to fill. so I will be singing in the regular music majors recital on sunday night.
I will be so happy when the next tow weeks are over.
the play is two weekends in a row, but the last day, I have a masterworks concert to sing in too. we're doing the whole Requiem by Durufle. it is so friggin hard to do, but beautiful once it's learned and smoothed out for the real music. after this concert all that is left is Juries, which is a grading thing we do at the end of the semester for music majors. the professors choose peices from what you've learned and you perform them, and they grade you. after and during that we have exams and then it's summer time.
ahh, I can't wait for when I get to do nothing all the time again. and not having to worry about what assignment is due four days from now, and what project I should be steadily working on. I can finally get some real work done, like working on stories I started during the school year, and starting new things to do. working up at the camp at Table Rock.
this is where I'm supposed to say, and then we go back to school in the fall, but I'm not ready to start thinking about that yet.
one of my friends is going to a university in texas next year, sad. he's been taking classes with us at the university that I go to, finishing off his senior year homeschooling. his dad is one of our music professors and his mother is a soprano singer, so he's grown up with music everywhere, so he's quite talented, and will be a preformer most definately. it's kind of funny, that with all that talent comes the lack of ability to teach. he just knows how to do it, but he couldn't explain to someone else how to do it if he wanted to.
and then one of my other friends is going to teach in south korea, another sad moment. it's a great opportunity for him to pay the rest of his loans from school off, but after he's done doing that, he's going to go backpacking through europe with his best friend who also works with me at school. jealousy. I want to go backpacking, and now he gets to do it. and i'm gonna miss him when he's gone all that time.
I'm done rambling now I think, but that's what has been on my mind the last few days

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/17641717/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/17641717/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:21:13 PDT
]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/16401377/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/16401377/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 11:17:05 PST he said that he hadn't treated me the way he would've liked to have been treated the last semester, and wondered if i would forgive him. i was totally thrown, but i nodded anyways, and asked him if we were friends now, and he nodded back as he walked on to his apartment.
it was very interesting. i always thought he was just really shy and kept to himself and that was why he never really talked to me, but at least he had the guts to come out and say that. it was cool. i had a crush on his twin brother for a while, so i was nice to him too, but on the other hand, shy people really make me want to talk to them, so that was another reason i tried being nice to begin with. i don't know what came over him, but that was the most interesting event of my week, even though it's only monday, i don't think anything will top that, but we'll see.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/16372006/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/16372006/ Sat, 12 Jan 2008 12:14:49 PST I've spent too much time in school trying to make myself into who i think i should be instead of just being me. now i have changed my major and am happy with that decision because i have been battling with i since i started. i wanted to do music but i didn't and still don't know what i'm going to do with it. but i am minoring in teaching English as a second language and i know i will love doing that as soon as i get the teaching part of it down.
my dream was to go to an art institute, and sharpen my skills as an artist, drawing, making things. i've never been able to do that stuff on my own, but i couldn't afford it then and i certainly can't afford it now.

]]> ~saphiraurora http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/15531720/ http://saphiraurora.deviantart.com/journal/15531720/ Fri, 16 Nov 2007 09:42:03 PST
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