deviantART: by:sapphire-blackrose

deviantART: by:sapphire-blackrose http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:sapphire-blackrose&section=today deviantART RSS for by:sapphire-blackrose en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:36:25 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Happy Holidays to all! http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/29167637/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/29167637/ Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:24:02 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

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Very very short: Happy Holidays, no matter what you celebrate. Be humble, as I'm happy just being alive and being with family this year. I couldn't ask for a better gift then being alive, being loved by family, friends, and my amazing boyfriend, and knowing that I'm safe.

Love you all!

Sapphira

*sapphire-blackrose Missing him already... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28949090/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28949090/ Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:42:31 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mister wonderful left today...and texted me not 2 minutes after driving off "Miss you already"....omg I cried so hard.

He's truly amazing. I swear I've never met a more down-to-earth guy who could be strong, gentle, affectionate, and playful all at the same time.

Good news is, not only did I get attached, but so did he. He might be back up here soon too, as we have Rodney Carrington playing at one of our casino's next month and his birthday is the 1st and his best friends is the 4th. So he might just be coming back up for that show and to see me. I hope we can make that work as not having him next to me is difficult. It's like a part of me went back to VA with him....

I'll survive and we will make it work. I love you my sexy southern elf boy

*sapphire-blackrose In absolute Bliss ^.^ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28896125/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28896125/ Sat, 12 Dec 2009 05:30:25 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, all you need to know is that "Mr. Incredible" is indeed INCREDIBLE. hehe...put it this way....I'm not single anymore

He's everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I've been looking for in a man. Even look-wise he's perfect. He's kind and gentle, and in all honesty, I feel like an idiot for not seeing this in him sooner. I could have saved myself a LOT of heartbreak. He's healed a wound I didn't know still existed. In one day he's made me feel like the luckiest woman on earth

I wont give away who he is until he's ready to say it himself, but he IS on DA

Sleeping next to someone again after almost a YEAR of trying to sleep alone was heaven. No nightmares, and even tho I only slept maybe 3 hours, I'm fully refreshed and awake. I may curl back up with him once I get some stuff done. He loves to cuddle, which is one of the main things I've been lacking in relationships. A strong, kind, affectionate man who's not afraid to show that he cares.

Merry Christmas to me

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28799630/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 04:59:25 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

So as the title says; things are looking up in my life. Got a fantastic guy coming up to see me, kinda back to talking to a dear friend of mine, starting to love the way I look (mostly thanks to mister incredible

), and getting some headway with a job, tho it's for a friend's father and I'd be lifting close to 80 pound boxes and there's no set time frame. Pretty much start work around 3:30am and stop whenever the job is done. Here's the best part tho, it's 10$ an hour. Granted, I've got major back issues stemming from my childhood all the way to the car hitting me back in April. This could pose a problem but at this point, I will take what I can get and NOT complain about it.

OMG only 4 DAYS until he comes up to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can NOT wait

Also, a good friend of mine came up with a compilation of lessons that everyone should learn. Here's his piece [link]

Seriously, it's very well written and well worth the read.

On a more serious note however, not all is well. I have recently begun having seizures, my first being last night. It lasted 4 and a half minutes. I don't know what may have caused it, but all I know is I do NOT like them at all

Well, That's all you guys get for now. Take care, have happy and safe Holidays, and may you get everything you ask for this Holiday season.

Sapph

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

Artists I admire/that inspire me (no particular order):

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28681700/ Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:53:25 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

To answer that question: Not finished yet. I've been busy with other things, going to my friends band performances, hanging with friends, talking to seriously one of the greatest men I have ever had the privilege to know, dealing with family, working for my cousin and getting paid, dealing with the usual drama, oh and simply not caring who says what about me anymore

I've been busy having a LIFE again, and it feels GREAT. Granted, I feel terrible that so many works of art have been left unfinished and neglected by me, but I just haven't had the time or the heart to work on them right now. I'm super excited about this wonderful guy coming to visit me with a friend of his in literally, a WEEK, and talking to him every night is a distraction I do NOT mind always having

However, as much as I am head over heels for this man and he knows it, I'm not getting my hopes up too high this time. I don't want another disaster like Andrew or Ryan happening

I have enough fun trying to get my friends to shut UP about one of them (Ryan) and trying to figure out WHY the other has been checking my page

It's really very strange.

So other than the regular insane drama llamas from high school trolling my every move, dealing with random crap from one party, loving every second I speak to mister incredible who is coming to visit, having a life again, and finding friends I've known for literally 16 YEARS, nothing is really different.

Oh! I take that back, for the moment, I have two ADORABLE kittens living in my room

They're twin brother and sister and sooooooo CUTE! I'm an auntie to 5 kitties now

These two adore me tho. Always wanting to be near me. It feels SOOO GOOD to sleep and have kitties curled up with me.

So until I actually get my ass in gear to work on these sketches, you'll just have to be patient my little friends

Love ya all!

Sapph

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multip... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Still Here....Surprising really after tonight..... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28600702/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28600702/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:33:37 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm still around. I still check everyday....somewhat...

I dunno....lately I've just not had the spark or care to create. With the holidays creeping up I feel more and more depressed and like I just don't belong in my family at all.

Tonight pretty much opened my eyes to just how right I am in thinking I don't belong.....

My own father called me by my blood mothers name in front of 17 PEOPLE. Now, he corrected himself but the damage was done. All 17 people turned away from me, sadness all over their faces. I was in shock. My own father saw me as that heartless, cruel, conniving, murderous, backstabbing, brainwashing, bitch in front of everyone in my family.

Now, I have done my very best to be the complete opposite of that whore, but I can not change the fact, no matter how hard I try, that I am the spitting image of her.

My whole family is light haired and light eyed....I'm the only member with dark eyes and hair....just like my mother.

I fell to my knees on the front steps in tears. I NEVER hit my knees until I am in my room and even then, I bury my face in my pillow and bawl my eyes out. It was tough enough choking back tears at the dinner table.

I don't fit into my family anymore. The experiences of this year alone fucked that all up. They look down on me, use me as an example of what NOT to do in your life....and they do not believe that I can rise out of the hole I have fallen into no matter how hard I try.

My own Aunt asked me if I was still considering suicide, and that if so, not to try to get sympathy or beg for help in stopping as my life was fucked up and I had no redeeming qualities left to give to society.

.......My own AUNT basically told me to off myself because my life wasn't worth saving..........Do you have ANY IDEA what that can DO to a person???? I was in SHOCK.

I will say however that I am looking forward to someone very dear to me visiting me two weeks from now. He alone gives me a reason to keep trying now...seeing as my family doesn't give two shits anymore it seems.

But yeah, I'll try to get these sketches I have been working on done soon. I have a fantastic sketch of my dragon form now that seriously, has my roommates saying they would NOT want to mess with her XD

Until I decide to update, peace out biotches!

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in t... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose I DARE you.... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28447493/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28447493/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:24:44 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Really short:

Do NOT mess with me right now.

I. AM. PISSED.

I'm on the verge of going insane and that's the end of it. Piss me off, I fucking DARE you to try. You'll find out quickly why some people fear me.

I am done with this bull shit. I don't actually START the drama. These wet-behind-the-ears, immature, stuck-in-high-school-bullshit mode fucktards can't leave ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!

If they just DROPPED IT We'd all be HAPPY. Morons.

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

Artists I admire/that inspire me (no particular order):

*sapphire-blackrose WAJAS and a nightmare becomes reality.... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28209460/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28209460/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:13:59 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

....Sorry for spamming you all with waja demo pics. I just can't seem to draw right now and coming up with the character designs on wajas is at least getting ideas flowing (plus you get a glimpse of what they're colors will be

)

So yeah >.> Sorry for the "waja spam"

However, not all is bright and happy in my world.....again

I just found out that Michael Avery, the man who my blood mother dated, who is represented by Vidar in the comic, and also is the man responsible for molesting and torturing me before the age of 10, just broke out of the Florida state prison....

.....My father was the one who alerted me to it. He also said that when they checked the guys cell, written on the walls in blood over and over was the line "I will murder her"..................

........yeeeeeeah >.> I'm not taking this well at all.

One of my biggest fears and nightmares that has plagued me since the day he was arrested, is that he would come back and eventually kill me in cold blood. The fact that he broke out and that sentence was found on his cell walls in blood.....has me beyond freaking out.

I am petrified of him. Probably more then I am of my blood mother (who thank all the gods is still in prison or I swear I'd be hiding under a rock right now

).

So yeah >.>......lovely little bit of information to add to my large pile of "what the fuck is wrong in my life" isn't it?

I think with this you can pretty much consider this year to be my worst ever now.

That's sad considering that my love life is taking a turn for the better right now

I wont say much more but pretty much someone that I've been DYING to see in person is planning on visiting me very very soon

.

You'll all just have to wait and find out who and what I'm talking about

And on that note.....I'll catch you cats later

Sapphira AnuFlidai

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose My greatest strength... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28171784/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28171784/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:06:30 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

It is all worth it to feel love even once in your entire life. I've been blessed with feeling loved four times in my life. Even if it ended horribly, I know at one time they actually loved me, and that's more than I honestly deserve.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is my ability to forgive, defend, and above all, love unconditionally those that come into my life, no matter how brief that may be for.

My love knows no bounds, I grieve for the loss of those that have come and gone from my life, and I remain ever loyal to those that are, and were a part of my life. Weather you walked away willingly, or felt forced to leave my side, I am here for you no matter what happened.

I am too caring and too forgiving. A blessing and a curse.

On top of that, I have a hope in you all. I hold onto the hope that you will achieve whatever it is you try to succeed in, and that you never feel immense pain.

The distance is nothing if there is a chance to meet face to face. Even that one time is worth it all if it means I can see you in person.

I am a hopeless romantic, but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't.

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

Artists I admire/that inspire me (no particular order):

... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Suil A Ruin (Walk My Love) http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28115290/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28115290/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:32:19 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of my all-time favorite Gaelic songs that I plan to do a cover of (yes I sing and quite well I've been told).

OMG I JUST heard back from my friend and he said he'll play it on piano for me!!!!!

This is NOT my work. it is an old traditional Gaelic love song dating back to 1691. The song refers to a lovers enlistment in the Irish Brigade who left Ireland after the Williamite War (1691) to serve in the French Army. It was once sung by Anne Buckley during the famous "Lord of the Dance" performance and can be easily viewed on youtube there. She leaves out two verses which I will actually include in my cover.

These are the lyrics as they were originally written.

I wish I was on yonder hill
'Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill
And every tear would turn a mill
Is go dtÃ tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

Chorus
SiÃºil, siÃºil, siÃºil a rÃºin
SiÃºil go sochair agus siÃºil go ciÃºin
SiÃºil go doras agus ealaigh liom
Is go dtÃ©ann tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

I'll sell my rock, I'll sell my reel
I'll sell my only spinning wheel
To buy my love a sword of steel
Is go dtÃ©ann tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

I'll dye my petticoats, I'll dye them red
And round the world I'll beg my bread
Until my parents shall wish me dead
Is go dtÃ tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

I wish, I wish, I wish in vain
I wish I had my heart again
And vainly think I'd not complain
Is go dtÃ©ann tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

And now my love has gone to France
to try his fortune to advance
If he e'er comes back 'tis but a chance
Is go dtÃ©ann tÃº mo mhuirnÃn slÃ¡n

Seriously. Go look up Anne Buckley on youtube and listen to that song. It is one of the most moving pieces I have ever found.

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will g... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Respect...or lack there of..... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28111192/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28111192/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:09:00 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Very short journal.

I am no ones toy or play thing that can be tossed away when bored. I am not a robot that comes at your every beck and call. I am a human being with feelings and a heart. Treat me as such.

I'm sick and tired of being used, lied to, ignored, and only wanted when it benefits others.

There is a difference between a friend, and someone who's emotions you toy with because it's fun. I have come to the conclusion that I only have a very small amount of actual "friends" and sadly, most of them are not in my town. Only a really small amount are actually near me...and I barely see them....

So for those of you that find it amusing to use me for personal gain: You better really think about what you're doing and weather you see me as a friend or not. Cuz i'm fed up with how I'm treated. You know who you are....at least you should know.

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

OMG THIS ARTIST IS AMAZING LOOK WHAT SHE MADE FOR ME!

[link]

GO FAV HER WORKS! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

YOU'RE AN AMAZING ARTIST WITH A HEART OF ABSOLUTE GOLD AND YOU DESERVE MORE WATCHERS. GO SHOW HER SOME MAJOR LOVE!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artists I admire/that inspire me (no particular order):

*sapphire-blackrose What a weekend! :D http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28082450/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28082450/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:59:45 PST
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Small update.

Halloween was awesome and once I get a USB cord (I stupidly forgot to put the SD card in the camera last night

) I will upload an awesome picture for you all. I painted my face up to look like Sapphira and it came out well considering I was using really really super cheap paints

I even put her new scar on my throat and it looked sick in dim lighting.

But yeah, in love, loving life, living for love, and just all around feeling good for once

I feel appreciated and loved and it is remarkable on the soul.

Good vibes all around with the new year.

Sapphira

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

OMG THIS ARTIST IS AMAZING LOOK WHAT SHE MADE FOR ME!

[link]

GO FAV HER WORKS! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28055707/ Fri, 30 Oct 2009 23:20:49 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Wiccans, Samhain (more commonly called Halloween or All Hallows Eve) is our New Years. It is a time for honoring those that have passed over the Bridge into the Summer Meadow and cleansing and releasing negative or harmful aspects of our lives (such as bad relationship choices, past situations that keep returning, etc).

I will first be visiting graves and performing a cleansing ritual to help them better cross over without complications, and then probably venturing to my parents house for a bit to enjoy there huge party and then maybe hanging with friends. I may go trick or treating to get some free candy, but i'm not sure as my costume could not be completed in time

Oh well.

So on that note:

Happy Samhain and happy New Year! My your Samhain be joyful and safe, and your New Year cleansed and prosperous.

Blessed Be my dear ones!

Sapphira AnuFlidai

*sapphire-blackrose Live Journal..If you even care http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28020921/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/28020921/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:47:58 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I finally got my ass in gear and made a live journal account to write down the dreams (more like nightmares) that I've been plagued with.

If you want to read them, go ahead. I doubt anyone will because honestly, who the hell cares about my problems anymore? It's just drama to you all which is why I stopped writing them here.

If you care, read it. If you don't, do whatever you want. I'm so numb to pain right now you could stab me repeatedly and I probably wouldn't feel it. Go ahead, carve yet another ugly scar into my being. I was never beautiful to begin with so what does it matter?

[link]

Go entertain yourselves some more with my misery you worthless, stalking, drama-inducing morons. See if I give a damn anymore.

~Sapphira

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

OMG THIS ARTIST IS AMAZING LOOK WHAT SHE MADE FOR ME!

[link]

GO FAV HER WORKS! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

<... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Devious Journal Entry http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27963779/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27963779/ Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:23:33 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Really quick.

Feeling a bit better. Be ready for some artwork soon.

Also, I find it interesting that I told people I wasn't feeling well, and no one commented. Not even a "get well"....yeah...I feel REAL loved now

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27934147/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:00:36 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is REALLY short.

I'm really really omg horribly sick to the point where walking is dangerous for me. I feel like i'm drunk but I know I haven't been drinking, if that makes any sense. I was going to get some more art done but until I am better, i'm gonna be stuck in bed. I'm hoping to be better by Sunday.

As for life, life is great. Never been better (would be perfect if I wasn't sick!!!!)

Better update will come later when all is said and done. Ugh...please wish me a speedy recovery as this REALLY sucks right now >.< I still need to get the rest of my damn costume ready for Halloween....*grumble grumble*

I'll check this on occasion, but replies might not come right away (or even at all until i'm better >.< )

Love you all!!!

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27908238/ Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:23:37 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am Happy again.

That's all you need to know for now

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27892323/ Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:19:51 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could not resist posting this to show the absolute stupidity of people

What's sad is that 20 minutes after this conversation ended, I got sick with a cold

I swear I'm allergic to Ryan

I changed his screen name for privacy reasons, but that is my REAL AIM screen name if ya ever want to message me

Here ya go. Enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------
Oct.21,2009
ryan is available (1:50:50 AM)

ryan: I'm sorry to hear about Russ.

SapphireIceWolf: whoa, odd hearing from you. But thanks. I'm just gonna give it some time

SapphireIceWolf: everyone says it'll blow over eventually

ryan: If he's smart he'll stick with it

ryan: But that's jsut my opinion

SapphireIceWolf: harsh words

ryan: Realistic words

SapphireIceWolf: do you have a reason why you are messaging me besides to twist the knife more?

ryan: I was gonna just say sorry for the situation with Russel.

SapphireIceWolf: well a thank you for that

ryan: I expected you were afk for a the night but meh

SapphireIceWolf: i'm up all night most of the time now

ryan: Felt bad. Sucked. Not looking for friendship or anything jsut felt I should wish ya the best

SapphireIceWolf: thanks. I wouldn't accept a friendship at this point from you anyways

ryan: Good to know

SapphireIceWolf: but thank you none-the-less

ryan: Hilarious really. In it's own comsic way

SapphireIceWolf: like I said. people have told me it will blow over. you watch

SapphireIceWolf: give it time

ryan: W/e works

SapphireIceWolf: hard to kill a 10 year friendship just like that

ryan: Not really but meh

SapphireIceWolf: if you say so

ryan: Also worth noting

ryan: I found certain pictures on this hard drive

SapphireIceWolf: joyful

ryan: A few weeks ago. Figured I should let you know what happened to them

SapphireIceWolf: let me guess, you deleted them

ryan: Cuz that would be jsut so perfect

SapphireIceWolf: be the obvious thing i would think

ryan: Why? lol

SapphireIceWolf: why keep them or use them? no point really

ryan: Are we thinking the same set?

SapphireIceWolf: i'm not sure

ryan: Wait... what pictures are YOu thinking?

SapphireIceWolf: the pictures of either me, or the ones Andrew sent me gawd knows how long ago

ryan: i haven't even looked for those to get rid of...

SapphireIceWolf: lol now i'm confused

ryan: Which pictures do you think I have?

SapphireIceWolf: probably something degrating and humilating

ryan: So sad. You seemed to look forward to it so much back then. meh

SapphireIceWolf: look forward to what?

ryan: Those pictures

SapphireIceWolf: times change

ryan: Well either way

ryan: I am jsut mesing with you because it felt oddly good since you wrote that blog about your sexual urges and me because it pissed me off alot.

ryan: They are gone as far as this hard drive is concerned at least

SapphireIceWolf: wow that was a LONG time ago

ryan: They ain't here

SapphireIceWolf: i don't really care anymore

SapphireIceWolf: like i said, times change

ryan: But anyways. They are gone.

SapphireIceWolf: repeating yourself is not going to make me feel bad about it

ryan: Just making sure you believe me and it gets through

SapphireIceWolf: which i have a feeling is what you are trying to do

SapphireIceWolf: have i bothered you about them recently? no

SapphireIceWolf: so why te... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose The Wall is up....You were warned. http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27839085/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27839085/ Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:54:56 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Really REALLY short journal.

The Wall has been put back up. I've withdrawn into myself. Something I haven't done since I was 10 years old.

I'm horribly sarcastic and will lose my temper easily. Let that be a warning to some people who find it amusing to taunt me over this shit.

I've fucking had it with your immature bull shit. Grow the fuck up and stop having your bitches stalk my page. I've had it with seeing Ryan and Ashley's icons on my front page. Get a life, and fuck OFF.

I'm done with this shit. It's a fucking miracle that I haven't left DA. I wont because I'm stronger than that. I wont leave ever. So fuck you and your attempts to chase me off. I'm here to stay.

To everyone who commented on the other journal:

THANK YOU. I just haven't been feeling up to responding or drawing as of late. but I thank you all none-the-less.

~Sapphira

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email: lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar

Line art in black ink: $2 USA Dollars

Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $3 USA Dollars

Background for computer desktops: $5 USA Dollars

Digitally (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $10 USA Dollars

Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $15 USA Dollars

Custom Car Decal designs (multiple colors or one straight color): $20 USA Dollars

Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $25 USA Dollars {$5.00 deposit}

Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $50 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________ ________________

OMG THIS ARTIST IS AMAZING LOOK WHAT SHE MADE FOR ME!

[link]

GO FAV HER WORKS! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27772896/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 23:45:17 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Very short journal because at this moment, I've lost everything...again.

Yesterday morning,

said he no longer wants to be my friend.

He was the only thing holding me together, the only one healing my heart from the beatings it received this year, and now....now he has caused the worse pain imaginable.

He promised that nothing would change. That NOTHING could break our friendship. Apparently, my inability to be alone proved him wrong....

I'm a very needy person. This should be common sense by now. I warned him years ago of this. He told me then it wouldn't matter. But like everyone else in my life, he lied. and his lie has caused more pain then Ryan and Andrew combined could ever cause...

With this blow I have no drive to work on my art even. That should be a sign that I have truly hit rock bottom this time...and I'm very fearful that I will not be able to rise out of it again. I thought I hit rock bottom then...this pain however...You can only tear and build on the same foundation so many times before it's impossible to re-build again. I think I've finally it that point this time.

I learned in all this that the entire time, the man I really loved, was always right there at my side. I feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner, a pattern I seem to have with the men I fall in love with. I always see what I could have had AFTER I fuck it up. I swear I'm cursed.

I love too strongly. and it is sadly, the one thing that never fails to get me deeply hurt. I love with all my heart and soul, and when I find someone I love, I never want it to end and will stop at nothing to get it back. I am my worst enemy because of that. I am slowly tearing myself into pieces and slowly, my body is starting to take physical signs of it.

Weather it's stress or my lack of caring weather I live or die at this point, I have been withering away to nothing today. I couldn't eat. I tried, it came back up in heaves. I tried to drink, I couldn't keep anything down. My body is rejecting anything I try to give it to keep it going. I fear that in some way, my soul has given up on this life, and is now just waiting for it to end.

I DON'T WANT IT TO END. I KNOW I'm suicidal. I KNOW IT, but yet, I can never bring myself to that point of REALLY trying. Oh I've cut and been on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. Hell I've taken enough pain killers to kill a damn horse in one go and yet I can never seem to actually succeed. A quick end is not what seems to be in store for me...

I don't WANT to die. All I want right this moment, is to have him back as a friend. JUST A FRIEND would be bliss now. To not have him in my life AT ALL is just saying "you have no purpose and NO ONE can stand you. Why keep trying?".

And with that said, I bid you all Fair well for a little bit. I will check this once in a while, but until something changes (it would take a miracle at this point) and I can actually DRAW again, there is no point in me being on here.

I'm sorry I yet again spilled myself to you all. You must be sick and tired of my whining and drama-engrossed life. I'm honestly surprised anyone reads these anymore...

Once I can draw again, I'll post. I'll answer messages now and then, but for right now, I can barely move.

I'm so sorry everyone. I hate spilling this to you all for it seems to fall on deaf ears. I only continue to do so because in some strange way, it helps.

I only hope that something changes and soon...I don't know how long my body can hold out anymore...

************ART TRADE/REQUEST STATUS: OPEN**********
~At this time I'm open to all art trades and requests, but know that they will be on a first come, first serve basis as I'm not getting paid for them. They might take a little bit to get completed, just know that they WILL get completed in time. I NEVER leave a piece unfinished. They ALL get completed in time. I will go over the rules with each person for each trade/request that I receive. I prefer having one on one communication with other artists, so feel free to reach me on AIM or by email.

AIM: DreamWolfLives

Email:... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Characters and Idea's for the Comic ^_^ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27626921/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27626921/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:55:05 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

So...Still not an update but I have to write these down before I forget them and this is the best place to do so

Sooo...I've been going over ideas for the comic, and so far, I'm liking what I come up with.

A lot of my friends will have characters in this, some characters have already been created, while most are in the process of being created

So, you might be wondering "who's in it?", well, here's the list thus far for major characters:

Arch-angels:

Sapphira Jolene AnuFlidai(maiden name)- Well obviously my fursona is in it as she's the main character

but she's so much more. She is the reincarnation of the goddess Selene. She is also the daughter of Noir, who I will explain later. Sapphira is 22 when the comic starts, but her soul is far older than that, and with time, she remembers her other lives and the role she played in them all. She controls a type of fire that is very rare, known as ice fire. it is bright blue and so cold that it burns. Unlike the others, Sapphira has three forms: feral wolf, anthro wolf, and dragon. A combination of these can sometimes occur when she is feeling more than one emotion at a time (like anger and sadness will cause a combination of wolf and dragon, known as a Wolven.) She has a total of 13 children, all of which are also reincarnated within her friends. History repeats itself in strange ways.

Trevais- My friend Sam's character (yet to be completed but soon

) He's Sapphira's eldest son from a past life and controls fire. When angered or in battle, (only in feral form) fire will surround his body. Many of his friends, including Sapph, often call him "the flaming furball" when he's like this. He plays as one of her close friends, and one of the local firefighters, until he learns about his passed life, then he guards Sapphira as if she was truly his mother in this life.

Cruxor- one of the odd arch-angels born of Asmodai, but does not carry the dark aura associated with the demonic race. He is Trevais's best friend. Has control of the element of earth.

Aiden- Sapphira's slightly younger brother. A fire-wielding tiger of immense size. He was accidentally separated from Sapph at birth, but they meet each other as if by fate while she is off traveling. They become very close in learning that they are related. Unlike Trevais, Aiden's fire only appears on his paws when flying and when in battle. It does not surround his body.

Ellariya- a beautiful snow and clouded leopard mix female. She is the eldest daughter of Sapphira from another life. Meeting in chance one day, they become very close, and soon the memories of that past life flood Ellariya, most often called Riya. Sapph becomes very protective of her. Like Trevais, she controls the element of water, which will also surround her body when angered or in battle (also only in feral form). She has a tendency to freeze the water, thus using ice.

Aero- A snow leopard from a far away land. He becomes the informationalist and keeper of many secrets about the enemy the Shadows. He also becomes close to Sapphira.

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27571269/ Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:46:46 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This isn't the full update. That will still come after the

ref sheets are done

Soooooo....

things really haven't changed at all between Russ and I, and frankly, I'm relieved by it

It's interesting really. We might actually be going to see a movie on monday together

Just getting to talk to him brightens my mood and makes my day better. I never want him to leave my life

On a lighter note

Artwork is slowly progressing. You'll all have noticed that I haven't uploaded anything new in a couple of days. That's because I've been working on anatomy studies again. This time, I was actually drawing a full coyote skull that I own. Once I get an SD card for my camera, I'll take some photos of it. I got it last year at a powwow in my area. It really is a beautiful piece, and it's really really helpful when I want to study a new head angle or posture. Once

character pic is completed, you'll see some of the poses I've been working on with it. I've gotten a heck of a lot better at jaw and teeth structure because of it

Next order of business:

Ok, I have got to say this because it's been bugging me for a bit now. This is directed exclusively to the people that STILL bother to check my page but I KNOW they hate my guts. My question for you since I know you'll read this is this: WHY do you STILL bother to check my stuff??? Do you SERIOUSLY not have anything better to do with your lives then monitor my every move? I got the membership here for two reasons: 1) for the bonuses it gives art-wise, and 2) to see who is bothering to STILL CHECK IT. I CAN SEE WHEN YOU VISIT, hell I can see what TIME you visit

you morons. Some people who check it on occasion I don't mind however. It's the people that have been checking it almost DAILY and that LOATH my existence, and to shorten the list they're all female. So the men that have been checking (yes I see it and I don't mind so don't feel like you have to stop) I have no issue with it. It's a certain group of girls that can't seem to leave well enough alone for once.

Ok rant over

Another thing that's been bugging me non-stop is my inability to hold a relationship. This in particular explains my mood emote for this journal. I'm content at the moment, but I swear some of the choices I've made relationship-wise I can honestly say I kinda regret a few.

I've had a bunch of relationships, but only four so far stand out as serious and influential in my life. All the others are kinda mundane and didn't last long enough to really be significant. My first real relationship was back before high school, with a guy that, up until March, never wanted to be a part of my life ever again. We're good friends now and honestly, it's the fact that we ARE friends now that keeps my head held high and not so pessimistic. I don't regret dating Ryan (surprising I know but I'll get to why), Andr... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose All good things in life end... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27483937/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27483937/ Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:48:33 PDT
Life will throw you curve balls, but it will also throw you roses. Do not be pessimistic about the thorns. For every bit of happiness must be balanced with a little pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read after the

signs for update.

Sooooo

...this is earlier than planned but I feel I need to update a bit so here we go!

Ok, fall is here and the colors are starting to change in my area!

That means for all of you that once I get a new SD card for my camera that you'll be seeing some awesome pics of the area, plus....me

I love fall

I'm currently working the HUMAN art trade pieces

...I know....I'm drawing HUMANS! The world must be ending or something *runs to look outside*.....*yells* Nope! The sky is not falling! *runs back in*..........

Good to know the sky is still intact

As for the love life...Russ dumped me today.

Now before the slew of "OMG that

!!!

" starts, you need to hear us out. We are STILL BEST FRIENDS. The friendship has NOT changed. I did nothing to cause this. He simply thought it was for the best.

Does it hurt? Hell yeah. I grew very fond of being with him as more than a friend. I love him and always will, it's just that "best friend" love I get from him now. Nothing really changed.

I'm not gonna lie, I cried. It was ironic though. He has always been the one I run to when something like this happens, and I always cry on his shoulder. This time, I cried on his shoulder BECAUSE of him. He still comforted me. He still cares about me and still loves me, but it's not the same kind of love. Which is FINE. Yeah I'm hurting, but I know he's still there for me. I know I still have him in my life, and that above all keeps me calm.

Also, DA is being retarded and not loading my moods so I can change it. It would be "sad" if I could change it but it's being stupid and not letting me so whatever.

Personal update:

My grandfather is not doing well. He's now 86 years old and having medical problems worse than ever. His birthday was the 27th. I at least got to call and talk to him for the first time in a while. My family has been keeping me away from him unless it's an emergency and he's rushed to the hospital or something. They don't want him worrying about me. My grandfather is the last remaining grandparent I have on my dad's side, and I NEVER contact my blood mothers side of the family. I'm very close to my grandpa, and it hurts that I can't see him more often, but I think for his health it's best I not push it.

My life is a chaotic whirlwind still that I'm trying to suppress.

It's not an easy thing

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27388690/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:48:25 PDT ....

Sooooo...What do you all think of my new journal look??? I love the new Sapphira and Rouka. They look EPIC!!!!

Aaaanyway, Slowly but surely I'm getting the old artwork completed. The ref sheet is almost done (thank gawd

) and Those of you that I still owe pictures to, don't worry, they WILL get done.

I'm not gonna update too too much until those ref sheets are finished, but with this new spiffy journal you get to see Rouka in his "happy" form

Ok ok so he's never actually "happy" unless it's just him and Sapphira, but he's not "i'm gonna rip your face off raaawr" form either. It's the "normal" form I guess, and OMG I colored Sapph as happy too?!?!?!?! The Hell must have frozen over or something!!!!

Nah...though if I'm correct the final level of Hell is REEEEEALLY freakin cold! (Looks to

for confirmation) >.>

Updated the list a bit too so it's more accurate too. It's still a long list that scares meh :nervous:

------------------------------------
Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------only like...three or four more to go!!!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3.

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----DONE!(about time

)

4.

's character design and ref sheet <----Inked! (well it's about TIME

)

5.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

6.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together<----not sure if still doing this (they're not together anymore)

7. Art trade piece with

<----DONE! (finally

)

8. a couple of secret gifts to old wolfeh friends

and i'm not saying who

9. My complete detailed ref sheet (oh gawd that'll take forever to finish

)<----42% done

10. My character in her new rave form

<---not even started >.>

11. My friend Maverick as an anthro.<---Completed! view it here! http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27334495/ Mon, 21 Sep 2009 08:21:37 PDT

So I finally caved in and got a one month membership

I couldn't help it, it was just so tempting

So now I can have even more fun on here. Yay!

But what's really great is I can make polls and customize my journal again!!!

God I love DA

Didn't delete the other journal per se because I still need answers

*********NOTE: Skin for this journal IS NOT MINE!! I am only using this temporarily until I finish my own design and yes it was free. Look it up in the search box under "Journal" and type in "dragon". There are other color variations of the same design.**************

.....................
OMG i reeeeeeeeally need all of your help this time. I've been searching the internet for a freaking week looking for a free animation software so I can get a feel for this video idea but can NOT seem to find one that doesn't involve 3d shit

I know some of my watchers make animations, what are YOU guys using to do that? *looks at

* >.> I want to basically do this the old "frame by frame" way, like Disney used to. I've already got a few sketches ready but I need the software so I can get used to how it works before I try this. I don't want to "half ass" this because it really means a lot to me (all of my work does, hence why I take my time more).

Any and all help you give is a god send right now.

------------------------------------
Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------only like...three or four more to go!!!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

<-------Completed....and I didn't win....didn't even place

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----sketched (about time

)

5.

's character design and ref sheet <----not started yet >.>

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

7.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together<----not sure if still doing this (they're not together anymore) *sapphire-blackrose Animation HELLLLP! >.< http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27299831/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27299831/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:35:16 PDT I know some of my watchers make animations, what are YOU guys using to do that? *looks at DS*Loupa* >.> I want to basically do this the old "frame by frame" way, like Disney used to. I've already got a few sketches ready but I need the software so I can get used to how it works before I try this. I don't want to "half ass" this because it really means a lot to me (all of my work does, hence why I take my time more).

Any and all help you give is a god send right now.

------------------------------------
Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------Almost complete!!!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

<-------Completed....and I didn't win....didn't even place

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----sketched (about time

)

5.

's character design and ref sheet <----not started yet >.>

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

7.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together<----not started yet >.>

8. Art trade piece with

<----sketch and working on concept

9. a couple of secret gifts to old wolfeh friends

and i'm not saying who

10. My complete detailed ref sheet (oh gawd that'll take forever to finish

)<----slowly working on it here and there

11. My character in her new rave form

<---not even started >.>

12. My friend Maverick as an anthro.<---inked, soon to color

13. My dream car and the custom decal I'm designing for it (Still studying how to draw cars

)<----putting that on hold for a LOOOONG time lol

14. My half of the Art Trade with

*sapphire-blackrose Alright alright, small update with questions XD http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27240262/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27240262/ Wed, 16 Sep 2009 06:05:48 PDT

Alright...so I am kinda doing an update even though the ref sheets are not up or completed

I kinda need to get this out of my head before I forget it (seems to be a running theme with me these days lol

)

So, I have this idea for my second animation, but it's more than just that. It's gonna be my very first music video as well

Alright, so basically I've been obsessed with this cute flash vid on youtube called "There She Is". It came out in 2006 but a good friend of mine pointed it out to me only a week ago. The last "step" to it is powerful. So much that I have it on my myspace page (sue me I have a myspace and it's the most depressing looking thing ever

). I got this great idea to use the same song ("Imagine" by Brunch) and create my own vid. It wont be the same so no copyright infringement and yes I'll be showing where the inspiration came from ( to the trollers who STILL bother to stalk me...yes that's what you're doing

..you morons ).

Basically the idea is this :

We show Sapphira in anthro form, staring at the sky, then something will catch her attention. Someone (random character) will run up to her and tell her something (you wont figure out what until you watch the rest

) and all you'll see is her eyes widen. Then, you'll see two sets of feet; the messengers and her own. Hers will begin to walk away, back the way the messenger came...then the music will kick in, and she'll begin running. As the song picks up, a full character shot will be seen, and she'll transform to gain speed; She'll transform into her normal wolf form (white fur). She'll come around a corner (probably in the town) and bump into a brown female wolf. Three or four random wolves will come into view and the female will scoff at Sapphira as Sapphira growls and stands up. The female will try to lunge but Sapphira will jump up, step on the females head and leap over them all, landing on the other side. She'll look back for a moment before continuing on her way. Then, It'll show her destination, and why she's in a hurry (not giving that away hehe

). She'll appear out of breath (still in wolf form) and walk forward, transforming as she does back to anthro form. She'll approach her destination and reach into her pocket (yes she'll be wearing her outfit and trench) and pull out something that only the other character will understand. The receivers eyes will widen, and the song will end as the video fades.

So, the ending is still pretty fuzzy, but what do you all think so far? I really want opinions and I also need to know of a good, free animation software I can use for this. It'll all be drawn out and digitally colored too. Frame by frame

.

Also, still need people to voice opinions on the comic idea as well as the contest >.< I'll make two polls for it if I must to get answers

So...other than all that, nothing really new worth stating here

Guess you'll all just have to sit tight until this work is done and the ref sheets are posted for a more in depth update on me.

To my watchers new and old: I love you guys so much. You make my day that much better when I see a message box full of comments and

's and it just makes working on this art so much more worth while to me.

For the "old" watchers and some new: Your support is appreciated and helpful to me more than you realize. I can't thank you all enough for being there for me when things get bad. I will fi... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose DA is being picky and choosy now it seems http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27212734/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27212734/ Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:23:23 PDT . Anyway, so I log on just now and see that I have 4 notes. I think, "yay! maybe something nice or maybe even commission/art trade requests!"....but NOOOOOO...It's notices that my piece "Don't Mess With Me" was removed due to "Prohibited content". Full explaination was that "it serves no other purpose than to attack another person". That's bullshit as it was venting AND I plan to incorporate it into my story...oh wait....THAT'S WHAT 90% OF MY PERSONAL WORKS ARE! Morons. Yes, when shit gets bad in my life, I draw it out and it becomes a graphic biography for myself. That's why my character goes through so damn much. It's ME people.

Anyway, I've got a loophole and I intend to use it. People need to learn that I'm a resilient little bitch that is horribly stubborn. I bounce back when it looks almost impossible. Well, in some things I bounce back....in others...but that's for another time

I'm not defeated. I have a plan and this time, they can't do shit about it

Did I mention I'm really quite a bitch? Oh I can be so sweet and kind, and trust me, that's not fake. I don't LIKE being a bitch at all, but sometimes....sometimes I really have no other choice because retarded people push me to that edge. There is a good reason why my character has that dragon form...and an even better reason why you almost never see her drawn. She's my ultimate "you pushed me to this point and now you're in for it" form that I try to keep in check. Most days, I win the battle and can show compassion and love to anyone who tries to wrong me. Other days however....I shudder to think what would happen if I completely lost control of myself sometimes....because just like everyone else...I too have an evil dark side...and mine is not one to unleash so recklessly.

I'll do I proper update soon, I promise. I want to get this backed up work done first tho.

Take care all!

]]> *sapphire-blackrose NOT an update...but I want some opinions on this.. http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27133539/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27133539/ Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:11:21 PDT
I have some ideas and I want to run it by everyone to see what they think.

So, here's idea number 1:

I have for a long time had the idea of writing a story titled "The Unique". I am now thinking that I might make it into a graphic novel-type comic thing (is not awake yet even though it's almost 5pm >.< ). The story does include my two characters, Sapphira and Rouka, but you get a much better feel for who they are this way I think. Anyway, if anyone is interested leave your opinions. I'd love to hear what you all think.

Idea number 2 is more of a re-try at something I did almost 2 years ago...A contest.

I have for a long time wanted to see what my watchers would come up with for possible pup designs. The pups in question would be Sapphira and Rouka's future pups. Now in the story they have at least 2 pups, Joleen and Alister, named the same as their parents middle names. There may down the line be as many as 6 pups in total, but i'm looking more at 4 at the most. They would have the same abilities as there parents; the fur color-change and anthro, feral, and dragon forms, but for the contest I'd like to see them as happy feral wolf pups ^_^ If anyone is interested leave a comment and I may just make a pole to see how many people would participate. I wont put up the pole until Sapphira and Rouka's reference sheets are posted however. It'd be kinda hard for you all to design pups with no parent designs to go by ^_^

Now, assuming that enough people are interested in these ideas, I wont be starting the comic until probably November, as the story doesn't start until then. If I do this, it will follow my real life but not tell my real life story. Confusing? I understand what I'm saying lol. Basically whatever season it is in real life will be mirrored in the comic. Easier to understand? If enough people are interested in the contest; that wont be started until after new years. I would give everyone a large amount of time, and the contest winners would have one or more of their wolf pup designs incorporated in the comic ^_^ There would be other prizes too, but for now it's an idea in the works.

Hope to hear from you all! More art is coming I promise (just haven't been feeling well

)

------------------------------------
Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------HALF WAY DONE!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

<-------Completed....and I didn't win....didn't even place

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----Working on design lol

5.

's character design and ref sheet <----not started yet >.>

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

7.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together<----not started yet >.>

8. Art trade piece with

<----sketch and working on concept

9. a couple of secret gifts to old wolfeh friends

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/27044280/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 22:10:07 PDT
He is now cruel, close-minded, judgmental of anyone who does not fit "Cristian standards", failing classes (4 last year it seems), possibly drinking behind my parents back from their own personal wet bar, and from what I've gathered he just might be either in or associated with a gang. He mentioned tonight that he had witnessed a drive-by while playing basketball with his friends. Two of which were shot and died. Weather this is true I have no way of knowing, but the sincerity in his voice was unnerving.

I care deeply for him, weather I've shown that or not is questionable. I was supposed to be available for him to come to and talk when he entered high school. I failed to keep my life stable, lost my love, my home, my dignity, and my job, and now....now I'm afraid it all may have severed any relationship my brother and I may have created. We used to bicker all the time when we were younger, but never like this. He's never in all the 12 some years he's been able to speak, EVER said that I was a failure.

It cut me to the core. I had gotten him a ticket to see the Carlos Mencia show tonight for his 16th birthday gift. I went with him so we could spend time together and try to mend our relationship. There was once a time when him and I would curl up on the couch and watch movies together. we even cuddled once. I was so happy to be so close to my only biological sibling. He used to show such enthusiasm. He used to smile and joke and (much to my worry) blow things up and love it (nothing serious, just very miniature little holes in the cement walkway). He used to take apart electrical things and create spy gadgets that actually WORKED. Now however...now he never smiles, is almost never home, and stopped creating things altogether. He barely even thanked me for taking him to the show tonight.

I'm deeply, DEEPLY morose about this. If anything, ANYTHING could be worse than losing the man I love, it is this. Losing my little brother is a serious blow. I was supposed to be the model sister. The one he looked up to and followed. I was supposed to be a role model to him, and at one point, I was. At one point, my brother cared about me. I wonder now weather he'd care if I got seriously hurt right now.

I'm such a failure. Worthless in his eyes. I just hope it's not too late to fix this. He's still young. I may be able to figure out a way to show him I'm not worthless, and that I'm not a failure. I have to. Not only for him, but for myself. I too feel like I'm worthless and a failure. I think it everyday when I know the man I love hates me and would probably rather me 6 feet underground.

I'll do a proper update once the two reference sheets are completed.

<3 Sapphira McCalvrius (Yes, Sapphira now has a full name. I came up with it while designing the new Rouka)

------------------------------------
Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------HALF WAY DONE!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

<-------Completed....and I didn't win....didn't even place

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----Working on design lol

5.

's character design and ref sheet <----not started yet >.>

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

7.

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26985130/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:43:27 PDT
I've been working hard these days getting this stuff done, searching for a real job, attempting to keep cool (some ppl are really starting to piss me off and i'm about ready to snap and stab ppl

and no it's not the people that normally piss me off either...these are in a closer proximity than that lol), keeping things strong with my crew (close friends that are more like family than anything) and my biffle/bf (

), not to mention keeping myself healthy (trying to NOT lose anymore weight lol).

So, besides the artwork getting caught up, nothing much is really different. Looking forward to this Saturday cuz my lil bro and I are goin to see Carlos Mencia at Mohegan Sun. I got two great tickets as a birthday gift for him. He turned 16 on August 19th ^_^ He's always 6 years younger than me. lol, he makes me feel old now

By the way, if any of you have FaceBooks, ADD ME!!!!!

I love having my art friends on there ^_^[link]

Still working on this damn list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.< <------HALF WAY DONE!

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)<----DONE and being paid off in small payments ^_^

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

<-------Completed....and I didn't win....didn't even place

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)<-----Working on design lol

5.

's character design and ref sheet <----not started yet >.>

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai<----Sketch

7.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together<----not started yet >.>

8. Art trade piece with

<----sketch and working on concept

9. a couple of secret gifts to old wolfeh friends

and i'm not saying who

10. My complete detailed ref sheet (oh gawd that'll take forever to finish

)<----slowly working on it here and there

11. My character in her new rave form

<---not even started >.>

12. My friend Maverick as an anthro.<---inked, soon to color

13. My d... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose UUUUUPDATE....and seems MORE can go wrong >.&lt http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26630240/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26630240/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:02:50 PDT
Well, Photoshop was refusing to load for two weeks until today. Yep, that's the bad news lol. I'm not gonna complain about other stuff as that would just fuel the fires lol.

Gotcha all! You all ACTUALLY thought I was gonna bitch and complain about stupid shit didn't you? LOLOLOLOLOL Gotta love my watchers and what they put up with tho. You guys are the best

Moving on

Next order of business:

So, things with Russ and I are going well. Not able to see each other as much as before (everyday lol

) but we talk everyday weather by phone or AIM and all the stupidity isn't really getting to us. We're best friends

Not gonna lie tho, it was getting rocky for like, 10 minutes when all this shit went down, but we pulled through. If it does fall apart, it wont be because of us tho. It'll be the retards that are causing issues that will be the end of it. We've both come to the conclusion that no matter what, we'll always be best friends and always be close. Nothing will really change besides a title lol.

Aaaanyways, moving on

So, I feel a need to get this out as I've been trying for a few days to write this out, but the comp was acting up a LOT so I was unable to really do so.

So, first off, after the first dream I wrote here, I had another that really got to me.
I woke up in the apartment again, but this time Ryan was at work. I got up, did some chores, played with the cats, and jumped online to talk on vent. I told Andrew off. I told him everything that would happen if him and I even tried to get together. He tried to assure me it wouldn't happen, I gave detail of what would transpire. I did so with TF, BigMan, Mav, DDT, Comrade, and a bunch others in the vent channel. They all heard it. I was telling Andrew that it didn't matter what he said, and I called him out on trying to seduce me by turning himself into my dream guy. He had waited until he learned more about me to make his move. He found out I loved wolves and went so far as to embrace one of the traits that sets me apart from everyone else: my ability to howl and act in a wolfish manner. He started whining and whimpering in a cute way to get to my heart. In the end it unfortunately worked. Anyways. I told him off and just as he was pleading me to give it a chance, Ryan came through the door. I told Andrew no, and logged off of vent, with Ryan behind me. He looked at me and smiled. I told him what I had done and why. He gave me a hug and then I went to make dinner. Simple Mac&Cheese. We ate as we watched a movie curled up on the couch. We let the cats lick the plates clean afterward. We went to bed early that night. He put his right arm under my neck, and his left arm around my stomach. Jack curled up in my arms like always, Foxxy at the foot of the bed, and Dansen was in the window sill. He kissed my cheek and nuzzled his face into my hair, saying "I love you" before falling asleep. I woke up here, in the house I'm staying at now, and smiled.

Ok, so that dream was much different from the others. The next one, was nothing like any dream I've ever had in my life.

I did not wake up in the apartment, but rather in a snowy meadow that I have always seen in my dreams as my safe haven, though it's usually not covered in snow, but filled with beautiful white flowers that almost glow in moonlight. It's surrounded by a dense forest, and a rather large city is nestled about 10 miles to the south of it, filled with nothing but mere humans, most of which I know from real life experiences but that do not understand the true me. I was in my full wolf form. I WAS Sapphira. White fur and blue markings, emerald green eyes and scars. I heard a whimper behind me, and turned to find Rouka trotting towards me. His head was lowered, his ears and tail lowered. He stopped just close enough that were he to stand up our noses would touch. He bowed and backed up a little. When he stood up i licked his nose. He blushed. We talked and he told me that the reason he was there was because Ryan had cast him away and he no longer had a body with which to reside in. He explained that he was the spiritual embodiment of my soulmate, and that Ryan was supposed to remain my soulmate, but that he needs to discover that for himself, as he is denying his true purpose in life... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Dream...or Reality? Plus update http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26466500/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26466500/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 14:43:58 PDT
Lately i've been sleeping more and more, but I wonder if i'm actually sleeping.

You see, my "dreams" are not normal. They're not repetitive either tho. It's like I go back in time to last June or so, when I still had my apartment, engagement to Ryan, my pets, and everything I held dear to me. I keep waking up in my old bed, with Ryan next to me. Last night he said I slept for 4 days straight. He was very concerned, I was in shock. Frozen for a moment, then I pulled him down to me and wept uncontrollably. I told him everything about "now" and held him closer, afraid that he'd vanish if I released my hold. He held me tighter and promised to never leave me, and to never let any of it happen. Then, Jack jumped up onto the bed and I grabbed him and held him close to me, and I cried even harder. Ryan put his arms around me and held me, kissing my forehead like he always did when I needed comfort. He offered to make me something to eat. I accepted and he made chicken ramen. The one food that was ALWAYS in the house. I ate, and then said I was still tired. He said to sleep, and that he would be there when I woke again, and that he loved me. He kissed my lips and I went back to "sleep"....only to wake up here. It's been happening more and more, and each time it's different. Nothing stays the same besides the overall structure of the apartment. One time I even got up and walked around, played with the pets, jumped online and even checked DA! I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel like a dream. It feels too real too me to be just a dream.

I had to get that out. It's been eating at me for some time now. I don't know what it means, but I honestly hate "waking up" here. It hurts doing so because every time I do, the pain from this past year floods through me like a title wave and I can almost not breathe. It hits me with such force that I've doubled over from it.

Passed that, Russ and I think we may have figured out why some of my "urges" have not been present. For a long time now I have had no drive for anything remotely sexual, not even in dreams. It clicked one day while watching a documentary on wolves on YouTube. I brought the idea up to Russ, and he thinks it makes sense. You see, it's not hard to see that the wolf is my totem animal. It's been that way since I was very young. Over the years i've taken on many traits of the wolf, apart from the howling, biting, whimpering, and other said behaviors, I am also fiercely loyal, family oriented, and have a very strong maternal attitude. Russ and I think I may have also adapted the trait that all female wolves have. The fact that wolves only mate once a year, and for the rest of the year, a female is unreceptive. I have been very calm in this area of my life. I am not high strung or needy of sex any more, and we think one of the main reasons, is that I have yet again melded even closer to my totem.

I am not upset by this, tho it will make having a relationship difficult on the male in my life, if he can respect that boundary, I think things will be okay. However, I get the feeling were Ryan to return to my life, that part of that old urge would return. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because he was my actual Dragga. I was his for three years, he still has my heart, weather most feel he shouldn't or not is their opinion. Fact remains that I love him still. That can never change. Russ understands this. He expected it. He knows how difficult all of this is for me, and he is trying to slowly sooth that pain and null it. Weather he can or not is uncertain still. I thank him deeply for understanding, and not being judgmental as well. He is too good to me sometimes and I still wonder why he even bothers to date me.

We joke about it sometimes. How we're just kinda keeping it up to see how long it lasts. He's said many a time that he knows it wont really last. I don't want to hurt him. I know if it ends because of me that i'll be attacked for it. As sad as this might sound; to Russ and I, there's really no difference in our relationship. We still act the same as when we were just friends. Only difference really is a title. It makes us laugh sometimes to think that all that really changed was a silly title. He's still my best friend, and always will be.

I talked to Russ about all of this today on the phone. Almost immediately when I "woke up" too. I told him about the "dream" and my thoughts. He tried assuring me that this was reality simply because his stomach hurt

Not a very strong piece of evidence for me but meh.

In other news:

Still working on this damn list

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26279371/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:15:21 PDT
Well this one isn't a rant or anything, just an update on WHY there hasn't been any new works up

Pretty much, I have a long list of things that need to get done. I'm gonna give you all that list in here in a short bit so you can see what i've been working on.

I've got so much backed up, unfinished artwork that needs to get either put on hold or completed before I can really work on anything else >.< Problem is, the works I need to start, are actually more important than the unfinished stuff

So, here's my gawd awful list

1. COMPLETE UNFINISHED WORKS!....gawd >.<

2. Commission piece for my friend Akari The Fox ( anthro raving red fox design)

3. Sylphoid contest entry for

's contest. I have to draw my char as a sylphoid

's fluffy snake-wolf character design (He's been waiting sooo patiently too)

5.

's character design and ref sheet

6.

's hellhound design for his character Asmodai

7.

and his girlfriend Neko's piece of them together

8. Art trade piece with

(still need to know what to draw hun)

9. Art trade with

hopefully (Still need confirmation that she wants to do it)

10. a couple of secret gifts to old wolfeh friends

and i'm not saying who

11. My complete detailed ref sheet (oh gawd that'll take forever to finish

)

12. My character in her new rave form

13. My friend Maverick as an anthro? Still debating that

14. My dream car and the custom decal i'm designing for it (Still studying how to draw cars

)

15. My half of the Art Trade with

(Gotta draw a vamp and timber wolf. Already have a good idea how i'm gonna do it too)

and

16. Whatever other commission/web design projects randomly get thrown my way.

So you see, i'm a little swamped and don't really know where to begin

Me thinks i'm gonna choose the sylphoid pic first seeing as it's new and fun and I REALLY want to get this pose just right before I try inking it, and before you even THINK that i'm pose copying you can kiss it cuz this one is ALL mine. Obviously I have to study the species so it actually LOOKS like a true sylphoid, but that's it. No other ref... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose New stuff, New update, New life ^_^ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26238088/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26238088/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:49:50 PDT
I'M NO LONGER SINGLE!

! heehee

Dating my best friend

. Funny part is, it was bound to happen. We've been friends for 10 years now, he's been the one keeping me as sane as possible this whole time, cried on his shoulder over all of the BS so many times he could probably fill a pool with my tears, and he's just always there for me. Just hope we don't drive each other crazy with how alike we are

Great thing about dating him is if it doesn't work out, I don't lose the friendship. So i'm happy about that

Moving on now:

I might be getting a part time job at the local Spencers. I so want this job because I love that store and I know a few of the workers and they're really awesome people. I'd love to work with them

In all honesty, I just want A job

I'm also applying for Hot Topic and Godiva in the mall too. Just hope I get one of them so I can start making some actual stable income.

I'm also dropping my commission prices down really low again. I wonder if i'll get commissioned more. Really hoping I do as i've been without spark or motivation to do any artwork for almost two weeks now (I NEED to get those art pieces done and fast

)

New prices for commissions are below, i'm gonna finally draw my dream car with my custom car decal design on it soon too

Gotta love the 2005 Carrera GT

Gawd it's a sexy car and I wants it so bad. Someday when I hit the lottery I'll get it :happy:

Aaanyways,

Man, ya just gotta love my old sarcastic chipper self ^.^ Just makes me all the more lovable

Oh, and just a side part because I KNOW it's on someone's mind right now and I just can't help myself and it's not hard to guess who it is and she knows who she is

:

I'm with him because I honestly do love him. We've been testing the waters for a couple of months now and finally made it official. Watching him finally tell your ass off was just icing on the cake

I'm not dating him to spite a bunch of people, which we both know has gone through a few peoples minds as a possibility. Hell, we were laughing about it in the car today while driving back from Fin and Feather (pet shop that I like to call "visiting the fluffies". If you ever hear me say that, that's the place i'm talking about lol).

And since he doesn't seem to be able to say it, I will: He could never really stand you. He kept you around in case you became useful to him. Ever wonder why he almost never responded to your AIMs? BECAUSE HE COULDN'T STAND YOUR ASS. Enjoy sulking at the fact that i'm no longer suffering

You may have won all those little battles bitch, but in the end, I win the war

Ok, On to something that seems to be an issue for some people:

Ok, This little "you can't use a pose because it's from so and so's piece here" has got to fucking... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Took the Leap...lets see where it goes http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26221179/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26221179/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 21:17:58 PDT

. That's right bitches, i'm actually not single

I'm not exactly sure how this will work out, seeing as him and I are so alike. We've been friends for 10 years now.

I'm feeling a little better than I was last night I guess. No longer single and at least with THIS relationship I don't have to worry about losing a friend if it doesn't work out.

He knows how I am right now, so it wont come as a shock to him to know that i'm not 100% better. Things take time. I only hope he can help mend some of these wounds the other two left on me.

So yeah, no longer single, no exactly back to my chipper self, but a little less suicidal

All in due time right?

Gotta love how life throws curve balls at you lol.

]]> *sapphire-blackrose Bleeding again..... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26203553/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26203553/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:09:20 PDT
I'm completely torn up inside. I've been lied to and manipulated so much i'm surprised I still know which way is up and which way is down.

I'm suicidal. That's a fact and probably no one can change that anymore. Deal with it. This is not a cry for help as my cries are never heard. So when the day comes where you all hear of my passing you can save your pity for those that paid attention to the fucking signs i've given. I'm sick and tired of it. I know it's pathetic to want to end your life over someone. I don't care anymore.

I have been through enough. Paid for my sins many times over, apologized and done whatever necessary for forgiveness and yet in the end they STILL fuck me over.

You want the truth? I'm a horrible person. I left a great guy simply because I just couldn't handle a little bit of pain every now and then. I ran off with someone who changed themselves into the guy of my dreams who I already had. I was a fool for leaving my ex fiancee, and in the end, it will be my downfall.

Don't try to save me as it's too fucking late. I've been pleading and crying out for months and no one that can actually DO anything has stepped forward. Only one person really can now and he's planning to move out to where his new girl lives soon. I lost him, but i've also lost so much more.

I lost my home, my love, my pets, my future, and my life when I lost him. I cut again. The same place I cut years ago that he realized was because of him. The wound will only deepen with time until it destroys me. I'm too much of a wuss to finish myself off, so time and anguish will do it for me.

I'll probably be a bitter, mean, 35 year old that dies of a heart attack from too much stress and depression. Or perhaps i'll actually get my damn license and drive off a fucking cliff. Who the hell knows anymore.

It really sucks when you know you love someone and are willing to throw away every friendship, every single connection, just to be with that person. I've been hiding my love for him the whole time because I was too afraid to lose my friends. If they can't accept that I want him back and are willing to walk away if he ever does, then they're not real friends. I know they think they have my best interest at heart, but they're only hurting me more.

I know a certain someone will read this and go laugh her head off because i'm being pathetic again and it's her greatest amusement to see me suffering. Well I say this to her: The day I succeed in my own death I vow that I will haunt the living shit out of you just to make you feel guilty because in truth, you're one of the BIGGEST REASONS I WANT to. Happy? you might actually be one of the main people that drive me to my death. Good fucking job. Oh, and i'll laugh in my grave if you come to the funeral, because EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HATE ME SO WHATEVER PITY YOU SHOW WILL BE A LIE AND I HOPE TO FUCKING GOD THAT ONE OF MY REAL FRIENDS PUNCHES YOU SO HARD YOU SEE MY FACE FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAMN LIFE.

Ryan, if you ever read this, I was an absolute moron for ever leaving you and doubting your love for me. You alone are probably the only person who can stop me from this. I only pray you see that soon before it's too late. You were right about Andrew, he did lie to get to me. I should have known a tiger when I saw one. He was a tiger trying to wear wolf fur. In the end, he couldn't handle lying and it all came crashing down. In the end I was in love with a lie. So with that knowledge all feelings for him disappeared. You were real though. We had something truly special, and I wish for nothing else than to go back and do it right. I wish I could take back the last year and erase it completely, bringing us back into the apartment with the pets, and look for a job and show you every ounce of love that I have for you. I still love you.

I don't care what my friends think anymore. This is the hard cold truth. Can't accept that? Then you're not a real friend. There is no point in talking anymore as these journals I write almost never get read so why the fuck do I still bother to reach out?

Oh right...

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HEARD AND FOR ONCE IN MY GOD DAMN LIFE FOR SOMEONE TO SAY THEY LOVE ME AND FUCKING MEAN IT AND NOT WALK AWAY THE MOMENT SHIT HITS THE FUCKING FAN!!!!. Ryan fought harder than anyone I know to get me to come home to him, and in the end where did I wind up? HERE IN CT NOT 5 FUCKING MINUTES AWAY FROM HIM. I CAME BACK. Why doesn't that MEAN anything anymore? It's what he fought for. It's what THEY told him to wait for and assured him it would happen. Well open your eyes and take a damn good look: I'M RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU LIKE THEY SAID ALL ALONG!....gawd is it really THAT hard to give it a chance?.....

Ugh...whatever....I'll just keep bleeding u... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose The Final Blow to my being T_T http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26114267/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/26114267/ Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:00:36 PDT
I know you're all pretty fucking tired of hearing about "how depressed I am" and "boo hoo poor me", but you know what? those of you that seem to take pleasure in my pain can shove it

I've had enough with being told to "get over it" and that "I need to move on". I don't give a rats ass about your opinions on this because SOME of you that have said that don't even fucking bother to pay attention to what's happening.

To the rest of you that have stuck by me and never ridiculed me; you are the kindest and most gentle-hearted people I have had the honor of meeting. You have stuck by me during the worst part of my life to date. I thank you from the bottom of my very being.

Now, on to WHY i'm actually writing this.

There are a few factors that have caused me to write this.

1)

(aka Ashley), you NEED to stop trolling my fucking sites and get a fucking LIFE OUTSIDE of your vengeance. I drew that picture to relieve some massive anger that i've held in for far too long and everyone knows I do that best through my artwork. Deal with it. I don't like you. I gave you multiple chances at a friendship and you shit on each one and said shit about me behind my back. You're not innocent and my actions are safer than the alternative. You're not bad ass and you're not liked by everyone. Get the fuck over it. I will mutilate your character as much as I damn well please as I created her FOR YOU THUS SHE IS UNDER MY COPYRIGHT. I can do what I wish with my art. Don't like it? Then stop trolling my shit. Are we clear on that now? Yes? Good. Keep it that way.

2)

(aka Ryan), We need to talk and ONLY about the Wauregan as I have tried countless times to contact them and get my half of the bill and for the past three MONTHS they have not returned my calls nor have they been at the office when I walk over there. You also still have my giant wolf plushie which was a gift from my Cousin Cat and I would appreciate it if it was given back. I don't want any other contact with you besides that. After the Wauregan is paid off, I don't care, but you must agree that it needs to get taken care of. Consider that closure in a way. Nothing to remind us of what has transpired after that is settled. Find a way to get a hold of me and we can settle it like adults. Nothing more, nothing less. Okay? Good.

Moving on.

3) I received info in the mail that states that the damage that girl did to my tooth can be reimbursed by the state. So tomorrow i'm going to a dentist to have it "evaluated" and then they'll decide when it can pulled. So yay for hopefully not taking massive amounts of pain killers every 4 hours. I swear i'm going to have liver failure by the time i'm 40

4) I received a package today in the mail that is the key reason for this post. The package from from

(aka Andrew) and it contained not only my class ring, but every picture I drew for him, my headset, the stones I gave him, the statues I gave him, the letter I sent on Valentine's Day, one of my books, my father's contact numbers, a post card that was also sent on Valentine's day, my pocket knife, and oddly enough Ryan's old ninja throwing needles which I plan to return to him in some way, probably through a friend as I want little to no contact with him except to get the apartment shit settled. It's sad really, I cried, but as hard as I thought I would. I've been confused as to how i'd feel when I got the package. I actually had to open it with

http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25800568/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:09:44 PDT
Let's see, i've been a tad better. Been keeping busy with art and friends, so expect a flood of completed work soon

It's all a distraction now tho. I try to hide how I feel, because the feeling hasn't changed at all =/.

It's really hard to deal with sometimes, I go through relapses more. Something triggers a memory and I start shaking to try to hold back tears. I try not to cry now, to show strength, to smile, all are a facade to how i really feel inside.

I have small things that keep me from falling apart. Gaming here and there, talking to certain people >.>

I swear you put up with more drama out of me then anyone...sorry for that btw =/.

I've been trying to talk to other people. An old ex from long ago is becoming a good friend. Omg his band is amazing btw, here's the link to there MySpace! [link] Go listen to their songs! Anyway, it's cool that him and I are friends again, and some certain people who will remain anonymous seem to think he might be into me again...this i highly doubt, nor would it matter seeing as i'm still hurting from all this =/...*sigh* i'm so freaking pathetic.

I want to let everyone know that I have been slowly re-writing that god-awful long ass journal entry that explained what happened. There are no excuses for how it was written. I was selfish and rude for not adding certain things to it, and i'm correcting that mistake as we speak. To put it bluntly, I left his feelings out of it all by complete accident =/. He sent me the entire AIM logs between him and I...and things were said, but i'll leave that for when I post an edited version of that journal...and trust me one is coming.

As you can tell by certain sketches, i'm pretty beaten up, but yet I still stand up and face it. I still have hope. Too many people telling me to "ride it out" and that "anything can happen". I worry about HIM tho. He used to say that he wasn't worth anything, that he doesn't like himself when so many others adore him. He's loved by so many people, and he has my heart and soul in the palm of his hands, and yet he feels like he's undeserving of any affection from anyone. That worries me a lot =/. He really is a great guy. He's funny, loves animals (wanted to get a silver fox at one point with me

), is easy to open up to and talk to, incredibly good-looking (everything i've ever wanted in a man), and to top it off he has a good heart and a great personality, which is why I still love him. If anything, in all this I love him more than I did when I first met him.

But enough of that for now. A thunderstorm has again rolled into my town and I will go take a walk in it because I love thunderstorms. I may edit this later to add more, just know that i'm still not okay...and probably never will be complete again =/...

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $5 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $10 USA Dollars
Background for computer desktops: $25 USA Dollars ($5.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $36 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $40 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $60 USA Dollars {$15.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $80 USA Dollars {$20.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

________________________________________________________

EDIT*****************

OMG THIS ARTIST IS AMAZING LOOK WHAT SHE MADE FOR ME!

[link]

GO FAV HER WORKS! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

YOU'RE... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose As darkness creeps again...RIP Marcus...TT___TT http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25406667/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25406667/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:59:59 PDT

On June 9th, one of my good friends passed away. At the apparent time of death...I was on HERE dealing with the whole

, and

crap. Two days AFTER that, June 11th, Was my FUCKING 22ND BIRTHDAY

I have had it with BS encircling my life...on top of all of that, the funeral was this past tuesday, I went, and had to deal with BS yet again. Surprisingly, it didn't come from the two people I had expected it from. Ryan and Ashley were actually civil and we actually sat at the same table at the reception and LAUGHED. That night however, I went back to Marcus's grave with two friends who were unable to make it to the funeral. While we were there paying our respects to him, someone who has had a thing against me for god knows how long, sucker-punched me in the jaw and broke my wisdom tooth RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF MARCUS'S GRAVE

I was shocked. She said things that made no sense. So now, i'm thoroughly enraged. I am so sick of this shit.

On top of that, things have been rocky everywhere in my life. My roommate and I piss each other off to the point where I try to find reasons to NOT be at the house for more time then is necessary, I have lost any drive to really draw or work on unfinished pieces as of late as well. The death of my friend has really thrown me into a downward spiral...and a lot of my friends here in CT are kinda worried that I might be the next one in the circle to go.

And in all honesty, i've been considering it a lot more now. I'm not seeing any reasons or purpose for me to even be around anymore besides keeping Russ from going into a killing spree.

He's probably the only other person I know to date that has kept me semi-sane and from jumping off the fucking falls here in town. I owe him a lot...but it doesn't help the fact that I feel like my ONLY purpose is to keep someone else happy while I sit and beg for a quick end. It's sad really. I lose a friend for the same reasons, and then I feel the tug to do so become even stronger. I swear it will take a miracle to fix me now.

I am still battling on the inside with all of this. I am snappy at almost everyone, and the only two I can't seem to snap at are Russ and Andrew oddly enough. Everyone else, be warned:

It is not you but a culmination of EVERYTHING that has gone wrong as of late that will cause me to snap at you. I am a loose cannon right now. I have NEVER been so ready to beat faces in before....all of this has me enraged....only good thing happening is the fact that i've gotten in contact with some people I thought would never talk to me again, but even that doesn't keep me smiling for too long anymore.....will it ALWAYS be like this?

Ugh...i'm out for tonight....i'm so ready to run and just see what happens....i SERIOUSLY see no point to my life anymore....why do I keep fighting?....oh and I HATE feeling EVERYONES pain....I HATE that i'm THAT caring of others....it only fucks me over in the end....oh and Andrew wanted this posted.

[link]

It was sent to me in an email. It's long as fuck and is explicit as humanly capable, but you all have a damn right to it....apparently I was a damn slut in all of this....go figure that I don't take notice until AFTER all is said and done -__- I don't remember half of it but w/e, here it is....have a blast DX

"Running in the night, the rain pelts my fur. It stings and cools the rage in my heart. Will it seal my scars, that lay open and bleeding? or will it poison with false hope and false comfort while deceiving? My mind is a blur, tainted by guilt and rage. I am released from my life-long cage. A monster to haunt, and envelope the pure, I am darkness incarnate, beware. Run from these fangs, fear this fur. I am a monster, do not try... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose The Unfortunate Truth...and my largest regrets... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25191139/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25191139/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:01:56 PDT

wants me to tell the WHOLE truth about the situation...even the ugly parts. I normally don't write such revealing and explict journals...but this time I must. What you will read is the hard cold facts. They are not pretty. I was not innocent in this, though I was manipulated by

, I was not innocent.

Back in probably mid May of 2008, I joined on a game called Air Rivals that my at-the-time-fiancee

was playing every night. At this point the relationship with Ryan (

) was already falling apart. He wanted blowjobs almost every night. It was the only way to get his attention by then. He also had a huge thing for Anal, which is something I STILL don't like to this day. I joined the game so I could have SOMETHING to do with him besides getting on my knees. I was too afraid to walk away from a 5 year friendship, and an almost 3 year engagement.

I was invited into the same group, or brig as it's called, that he was playing with. The Leader

added me and gave me the ventrilo info so i could join them on vent to voice chat with everyone while we played the game. We use headsets to talk btw. Anyway. I made some quick friends, and as I soon learned some of them already knew a bit about me through Ryan. They had heard my voice a few times through his mic and even seen my picture which he posted on their brig forums. Some of them were flirtatious, and I started thinking that I could either 1) get Ryan to see that if he didn't start treating me better that I would go to someone else or 2) Find that someone else and get out of the bad relationship. Both wound up happening. I started slowly flirting with some of the guys. Some showed interest right away, others waited.

I started heavily flirting with one guy who was nicknamed Gir on the game. He proved to be more aggressive then Ryan and I quickly turned cold. I would do all of this "flirting" while Ryan was off at work. A horrible thing to do yes, but you can kind of see why. Anyway, Ryan and I fought daily over EVERYTHING. Anything could become a fight, and sometimes he didn't bother muting his mic. The guys on vent heard it a few times, were concerned, and pressed for answers. I was hesitant at first, but soon I opened up and let it all out. Everything that he was doing I told them. One day, Andrew (

) took notice of what was going on, and we started talking. He was the most concerned and things just went from there. I started showing interest in him, and soon came to learn that he had been interested in me the whole time. It opened the door to what would become my happiest time, and lead to my worst.

We swapped info. AIM, DA, Myspace and emails. I jumped onto an old game I used to play called Perfect World because things at Air Rivals were getting heated. There was a large amount of flaming and it was stressful. I still logged onto vent to chat, but played PW. One night while vent was still up, Ryan had been in a decent mood. A big change from his normal attitude and he backed me into the room and yes we had sex. I faked the orgasm tho because I was chaffing >.< I remember muting the mic, but it turned out that the mic was NOT muted and the WHOLE vent heard it all....including Andrew. He ignored me for a day, then messaged me on AIM and brought it up. He mentioned that it angered him to hear it, and even though I apologized for it, I was not dating him yet, but I really wanted to. He forgave me and it was let go.

We talked daily on AIM and in vent, all the while I was still having to play devoted fiancee in order to not land on the streets. Ryan was oblivious to the whole affair. In July, Andrew wanted to come see me so badly that we actually set it up for him to come out to visit. Ryan even offered to let him sleep on the couch while he was here. I will admit that Andrew and I had on multiple occasions had a form of cyber sex via AIM conversations. They were well written. I wanted to meet him in person. I was st... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose As the last chains snap... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25184832/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/25184832/ Sun, 07 Jun 2009 18:12:29 PDT
Obviously i'm referring to the comment

left on my newest poem. Truthfully it was a reply to my friend and roommate

, but still, it was there for ALL to read. It was wrong for him to post it...and even in doing so it proved a few points. One; he's thick headed if he actually believes that I would type like that to my ex. Hell just reading the two small convo's and plenty of people can tell which is the real me without trying. He must have not noticed that seeing as he has a one track mind. But yet I STILL love him. Two; he called me a whore....wow, if that's not a lie I don't know what is. There will be plenty of people who will come down on him for that one too i'm sure. and finally point number three; It is very interesting that he would all of the sudden out of the blue check my DA the NEXT DAY after that poem was written, meaning he's been checking my DA the whole time. Then, if that's the case, he should KNOW by now what's going on. But again, he's stubborn and thick-headed and wont think past...well...the past honestly. I atoned for my mistakes and have been beating the living hell out of myself ever since February, I'm STILL beating myself up over my mistakes, but it doesn't kill my hope or my faith in him. I know what I did wrong and i've apologized and done everything in my power to make things right. HE refuses to see that and then has the audacity to make such a reply to my friend/roommate. I'm REALLY glad

's mother didn't see that because even SHE would be pissed at him. and yet, oddly enough, i'm not mad at him.

That's the strangest part about it...i'm NOT pissed off. I'm HURT. I'm INCREDIBLY hurt and feel as though i've been, yet again, stabbed and bitten. I CAN'T be mad at him. I've grown to understand this now. He can get under my skin and prod at my anger as much as he pleases, and he will never be able to make me mad at him. He can hurt me, but he can't anger me. It's so strange when you finally realize how much someone means to you and how much you need them in your life, that they can up and backstab you like this. I would STILL take him back in a heart beat, even as a friend. It annoys my friends because they say he doesn't deserve me, but he made me happier than any of them will ever really know. They've watched my downward spiral since the breakup, and they know i'm still suffering from it.

But that is one of the reasons WHY I haven't been online as much. They get me away from the computer just to hang out and distract me. Granted, I thank them for it from the bottom of what's left of my heart, but there are times when even they can't pull me up. It's happened many times now. Something will remind me of him and I go to pieces. If they want the truth, here it is.

I haven't been happy at all since March. I can hide it better now then before because i've had time to practice fake smiling to appease my friends and keep them from worrying too much. In reality, I'm always ready to cry. Some of them already know this because they pay attention to my eyes, which always give my true emotions away. That and my artwork. The others think i'm doing better because i'm "smiling" when in reality, i'm not. I'm torn up inside and like a ticking time bomb of emotions ready to explode. I hide it until i'm alone or with

to which case, I CAN'T hide it. I have an emotional breakdown and he has to comfort me. Honestly, he's sick of it and I know it, but he is nice enough to still be there for me. He probably wants to strangle Andrew at this point....

I have not given up hope even after this little display of disgust. I still love him more than anything and everything else in the world. I have not deleted the emails or the last few text messages on my phone. I have not stopped caring and I will ALWAYS be ready to take him back into my life. It's up to him to see that I am forever devoted to him and only him. When he realizes that I will never be able to find another person because no one can compare to him, perhaps then he will understand what real love is. I am still waiting. Even if that wait is in vain, I... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose So now that i'm back...The Den site is my home now http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24937648/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24937648/ Mon, 25 May 2009 07:33:04 PDT

and I found years ago. It's a breathtaking spot. Over-looks the river and the sunrise is just incredible. I awoke this morning at 5:30am, and watched the sun rise over the hills across the river. I howled a greeting to the sun and felt so at home and at peace. It felt good to howl again too. It echoed all the way the other side of the river, and i'm pretty sure I startled someone nearby

Once

can acquire a camera we'll be sure to take some nice pictures to show everyone ^^. I spent last night up there in the tent, and boy did I have one hell of a welcome-home present. A massive thunderstorm rolled right over me, it was absolutely stunning. I slept well, despite the thunder. Thunderstorms tend to give me energy, and help me sleep better. Though the entire woods are soaked from the rain, I should be able to find enough dry wood for a fire. The den site is up on a cliff, and is almost completely rock. There is a fire pit built into the rock, and I placed the tent in the only flat grassy area on that cliff, and it is conveniently right next to the fire pit. It's a perfect spot to camp out.

However, there are a few problems with me being there. One;

knows the spot well, and though I would not mind a visit from him if it is to be a friendly one, I will be very angered if i ever return to find the place destroyed. Though I doubt he will venture up there knowing that i'm there now, I still hold my concern. Two; I am at this time without food or clean water. I tried collecting rain water last night only to discover that it is not safe to drink. The water has an acidic taste to it and I almost vomited. I will be taking donations via a paypal account. I will leave the link to it here. If any of you can spare even 1 US dollar, it will help more than you can imagine. I don't expect anyone to donate, but I am leaving no possibilities unused at this point. Three; though I doubt anyone will really do anything about this, the area i'm staying at is not entirely free land. I believe it is attached to more than one houses property, but i can not be sure as it is far back in the woods. It's close enough to civilization that i'm not too far from possible work or friends. All in all it's a nice place. It is only temporary until

can afford a two bedroom apartment. By which point I will be moving in with him and a friend of his from Florida. I do not know how long it will take for him to afford a two bedroom apartment, but for now the tent and den site will suffice. I will need provisions though, so whatever you can spare, please donate. Your donation guarantees that I remain alive for another day or more.

I will keep everyone up to date as best I can, but seeing as I have no computer of my own, I will be very limited in my ability to get to a computer. I will more than likely be using a library computer, which only gives me 30 minutes a day. Take care all and howl/pray for me. I will hear you.

's and

's everyone and *licks and nuzzles* everyone affectionately.

*Trots off into the distance, stops, and howls so loud and so deep that the earth itself shakes from it.*

~Sapphira, The Fallen Lycan

"Still standing, still trying, still holding hope in my soul. You can not break me, I will keep fighting for as long as I breathe. I will forever hold hope that you one day see; that I will forever be yours and will wait patiently."~ Obviously this is for

....not hard to see honestly....

The Donation link:

[link]

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN********... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Heading back....but to what?? http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24852230/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24852230/ Wed, 20 May 2009 07:21:51 PDT

is friends with tagged it to hell telling me to go kill myself, it's still MINE.

Tho I haven't given up on him, I will have to let my dark side take over for a while. I can't survive without doing so...so prepare for one hell of a mood shift. Sapphira is my darker side, my anger and my pain wrapped into one. Her fur is jet back and her scars burn a bright teal that seems to emphasize they're severity. Her eyes have no pupils, just the color, which is a striking bright green, almost neon, but not quite. She tends to show little to no mercy, and goddess forbid if you cross her...she's vengeful in the worst of ways. I've been trying to keep her locked away for a long time now...but the walls of that cage have corroded with all the shit that's been happening, and finally, she's broken free.

I can not begin to tell you all what i'm feeling. Just know that i'm horribly scarred, and I feel like my soul is frozen. I can't go backward...and i'm uncertain if I can move forward. New artwork will be coming eventually, probably once stable living is acquired and I save up for a laptop and scanner, or maybe just the laptop for now, I can take pictures of the art like i've been doing. Meh, we shall see.

Feel free to offer comfort as it actually does lighten my mood a little. Tho if you really want to make me happy, go take a visit to both

and

's DA pages and have a gander at their works/journals. I'm pretty sure you'll find some interesting stuff. Give it a shot if you're bored.

Until I can get back to this, take care and keep in touch. I love you all and will miss you terribly. You really have been the invisible shoulders I can cry on when no one else is willing. I thank you all from the bottom of that is left of my frozen heart.

~Sapphira, The Fallen Lycan

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $1 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $5 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $15 USA Dollars
Background for computer desktops: $50 USA Dollars ($5.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $60 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $80 USA Dollars {$10.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $100 USA Dollars {$15.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $150 USA Dollars {$20.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

]]> *sapphire-blackrose Well...I guess I really am a dumbass... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24756053/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24756053/ Thu, 14 May 2009 15:26:58 PDT .< ugh...I'd take a sledge hammer to my skull if it guaranteed to fix all my problems....I'll write more later i'm sure, but for now I feel so fucking stupid that I seriously can't. I'll add more later....

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way.

]]> *sapphire-blackrose Broken and Fallen...Update and new hope? http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24393804/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24393804/ Sun, 10 May 2009 16:21:36 PDT
*sigh* My father called

and told him about my plan to move out to Minnesota...three days ago I found this out...and now

has blocked me from everything. Deviantart, facebook, myspace, AIM....everything....it's been three days since I spoke to him...I've been able to draw again. Got a sketch pad and pencil and sharpies with the help of an art friend here. My work...i've never seen such sad work come from me. Everyone by now should know that I draw what i'm feeling, unless it's a commission I can't draw anything else but what i'm feeling. My work...I have been steadily improving my anthro art, especially my character. I did one the day he blocked me from everything...she's on her knees howling/crying and her wings are blood....She has a new scar as well....completely took over the scar

left....it runs from her right shoulder and crosses over her chest downwards all the way to the side of her left boob. Yes it cuts the top of the boob...it's the deepest and largest wound she now has. I drew how she got it and many other pictures to go with it.

Despite all of that, I still have hope. I know he loves me but that he's scared that i'll hurt him again. I feel something very important will happen soon that will change everything. I don't know what it is but it's this strong feeling i'm getting. Something big will happen that will cause a chain reaction that will better my life. I can only hope that it happens soon...i'm afraid of the condition i'm going to be in soon. I haven't smiled in almost three months. I can't laugh anymore. My spirit is completely smashed.

I'm still taking commissions, tho showing previews will be difficult, i'll find a way. Info is at the bottom. I'm going to take a long walk to clear my thoughts....hopefully I can rise from this...I feel as though i'm in my own grave and I can't climb out. Keep praying for me guys. I'm still homeless too....lets hope this all gets better soon....i'm running out of strength.

~Sapphire, The Fallen Lycan

------------------------------------
***UPDATE***

So...apparently things CAN get worse....I got clipped by a car early friday morning while walking to a friends house....damn driver didn't even bother to stick around. Now I have a broken collar bone, one hell of a bump on the right side of my skull, ad the largest and blackest bruise under my left knee that i have ever seen. From the looks of the injuries I rolled onto the car. All I remember though was headlights behind me, and then i woke up in the hospital as they were putting the IV into my left arm. The cops said that I was able to give my full name while still on the side of the road, and a friend of mine said i called him before calling 911....but i honestly don't remember any of it. It's really strange. I was heavily vommiting too, and it hurts to chew so i'm trying to eat slowly and eat things that are soft or i can let dissolve. Here's the most fucked up part about all this though. My father didn't even bother to come see me. He TEXTED me saying to "listen to the nurses". Wouldn't even help. I have had it with him and my so-called family not bothering to help me out. I can't BELIEVE they would leave me like this! So I told him that unless he started acting like a real father to stay the fuck out of my life. He went and told

about my plans to eventually move out to MN and because of that

blocked me from everything. So i'm not too fund of my father for that, but this? not even bothering to visit your FIRST BORN AFTER SHE GETS HIT BY A DAMN CAR!?!?! THAT'S JUST FUCKED UP. Ugh >.< at least it wasn't the left side of my collar bone. I'm left handed and if ANYTHING were to hurt my left arm i'd cry. If there's one thing in my whole life that means more to me than even friends or Andrew, it's my ability to draw.

Keep praying for me guys. I need it more than ever now....

Fallen and broken, battered and bloody, but i STILL fight for what is most important to me...Love.

~Sapphira(Dark Sapphire), The Fallen Lycan *sapphire-blackrose ...Is there a way out of this Hell? http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24009844/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/24009844/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:52:44 PDT

is speaking to me at least. Wish he would see how much he means to me tho and grant me one last chance...Time will be the key player in that....

Anyways, i'm safe for now. Staying with probably the only friend that really cares here. Been applying for jobs and hoping for call backs fast cuz i want to get the HELL OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN STATE >.< I NEVER wanted to come back here...I hate it.

My plan is to save up and move back out to Minnesota, even if Andrew doesn't want to be with me, I like it out there a lot and it feels more like home there. Plus, I have someone not and hour from the Minnesota border who is into me and really nice....i'm just not sure. I mean, he knows I love Andrew and he's even hoping Andrew and I get back together because he wants to see me happy, but he's also really nice and caring for only knowing me on a game and for like maybe 4 days on MSN >.<

So, all my stuff is STILL in Michigan and the girl that it's all with wants ME to come out there and get it. So i can't even do my artwork to relieve my stress until I get all my stuff back because ALL of my artwork and supplies are with her >.<....

These are the things that make me wonder if i really can get out of this Hell i've fallen into. I lost the only man i've EVER been truely in love with and even now i have hope that things will turn around for him and I.....one last chance is all I need to show him and everyone that this can work now and I can be happy. I want that happiness I had with him back....I know this is majorly personal but i have to say it because this is how much of a difference not being with him has on me in ALL forms. I can't even look at myself anymore....he made me see ME when I looked in the mirror....now all I see is the face of my damn mother. I also haven't been able to get...well...aroused at all....which is a shock in it self because I used to be INSANE with my sex-drive >.<...now it's like it never existed. No matter WHAT I eat or how much I eat i'm losing large amounts of weight...to the point where my cheeks are sinking inwards....I haven't been able to truthfully smile in almost a month...all of my "smiles" are hollow, and my eyes show that with the fact that they are almost black....where with Andrew they were almost golden.

So you see it's not just emotional pain i'm under....it's affecting EVERYTHING...and that really scares me because I KNOW if he gave me one last chance that I would be fine...I just fear what might happen if he DOESN'T give me that last chance.....it's far more serious than I could have ever thought possible. It's these facts that show me that he is indeed the man I love most of all.....hell i'd do literally ANYTHING for him. I can only hope that time and fate cause something to happen soon....I don't know how much longer I can literally hold out anymore....everyday it gets harder and harder.....

Pray for me guys....I hate withering away to nothing and even though i'm trying to get back up on my feet....i keep getting knocked back down....i need a hand to help me get out of this one......this is too deep to climb out of alone....and i'm slowly losing strength from trying on my own.....

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enoug... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose So, you all think i'm crazy huh? http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23687377/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23687377/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:39:57 PDT
Andrew, i'm not gonna lie here. I still do love you even though you basically ripped my heart to shreds with this. You have no reason to fear me to such a point where you feel you need a restraining order. I'm not insane. Yes, i need counciling and probably anti-depressant medication, but I DO NOT need to be locked up in a nuthouse. The fact that you think that is insulting. I really wonder how much you actually loved me now. It hurts but that's what is going through my head. You KNOW that you aren't upset that you kissed me at the bus stop. You feel it too but you're fucking denying it, and I unfortunately can't stop you. I wont try anymore because the day will come when i've gotten the help i need and you realize how you really feel, and i have a feeling it might be too late by then. Who knows anymore. I THOUGHT I knew but it looks like i've been the idiot yet again and got my hopes up in yet another incredible man in my life only to be shot down and kicked again. Who knows what the future holds. I'll still be your friend, but i'm gonna keep contact to a minimum for right now because honestly, I REALLY doubt you want to talk to me right now. I don't blame you either, but for now, we'll keep it to a minimum.

To the rest of you so-called friends who THINK they know me and my annoying-I-can-NOT-believe-I-trusted-you-asshole of an ex fiancee; YOU CAN ALL GO FUCK YOURSELVES FOR THINKING YOU KNOW ME. YOU ALL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME IF YOU THINK I'D ACTUALLY HURT SOMEONE. Ryan, I am only in contact with you still because of the computer and my stuff. That's it. We could have tried friendship but we BOTH know it would cause trouble. Hell, just staying in contact with you fucked my life up so badly that I literally have NOTHING. I NEVER should have felt bad for you and come crawling back because all it brought me was fucking pain. You never changed. You're only out for your own self and you don't care who you hurt. I never should have listened to your bullshit that you changed because it destroyed the ONLY HAPPINESS I EVER KNEW. I want to hate you, but i can't hate anyone anymore. I dislike greatly, but i can't hate. I hope to GOD that something changes. I love Andrew, NOT YOU Ryan. Let that be known to EVERYONE.

I will ALWAYS love Andrew no matter what. That does NOT mean that I will chase him. I will let time run it's course and see what happens. That's all I can do. I need to stop trying to force happiness into my life and let it just happen. I'll deal with this pain and this depression and maybe, with time, things will get better. I have hope. You can try to crush that hope out of me all you want, you can block and insult me to the point where everyone thinks you're a dick. Fact is, you can't kill the hope that I have. Only time will tell. We'll see what happens now.

Until I figure out what is happening to me, I may not be back on for a while. Russ and Trevor are going to talk to me tomorrow and Russ is trying to help me figure out a living situation. Out of EVERYONE in my life, Russ and Trev have never given up hope in me. They have a special place in my life that at this point, has almost replaced my own father. I owe them my very LIFE.

I'm done for now. You all piss me off with thinking i'd actually hurt Andrew or his family. I made sure not to approach that house and called from CUB Foods for fuck sake. I know better than to go to the house door. You're all the insane ones for thinking i'd hurt the man i love. Fuck you all that thanks to those that DIDN'T think that I was insane. YOU are my REAL friends. Take care everyone. I'll check in when I can.

~Sapphire

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare o... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Paitron Saint of Lost Causes... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23611587/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23611587/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 15:09:18 PDT

again and he knows I love

and that it can't be helped. Unfortunately

is with someone else and right now and wants nothing to do with me even tho he says he still cares for me.

Ok, so why the fuck do I put up with all of this you ask? Because I can't help it. Love makes you do really strange things. Including fucking up your life.

So how am I doing now? Well, i'm in Michigan with a friend of mine and i'll admit it's pretty nice here. Her roommate is fucking awesome and totaly understands everything. I'm trying to get a job again so I can save up and then get back to having my own place. Once I can sustain myself again things will fall into place relationship wise. Everythings coming out in the open and yes it can all be considered stupid drama crap but you know what? you all only consider it drama because you're only reading it and it's not happening directly to YOU. Thus you have NO idea what the fuck it feels like to be in this type of situation. So you can all shut your mouths and just listen and stop calling it fucking drama becuase in reality it's not. It's a serious thing and that's all you need to know. I'm not dramatic anymore so drop it.

If

desides to read this, please don't call it drama or anything of that nature. I'm simply getting it off my chest and showing that i'm not dead and that yes i'm still hanging on and fighting for what I want and what I think is right in my life. If you're going to say anything at all then let it be encouragement or something positive, because negitive is NOT going to help this time. I know you'll want to put your two cents into this with a comment saying i'm being retarded and that it's not that important in my life and blah blah blah. Don't bother because it will only make things worse. Honestly, positive reinforcment is the best thing here. But I don't expect you to listen so what ever.

Yes i'm pissed. Yes i'm hurting. Yes I fucking have panic attacks from all this on a daily basis. Yes I ask why the fuck I do this to myself. Yes I love myself and yes I want to be fucking happy. Right now however, it's not my time. I'll get my chance again and it'll be so worth it when it happens. I'll deal with this and fight the pain because I KNOW what is going to happen. I just hate waiting and I hate being miserable now when the possibility of happiness would be easy if the other party in question would see it too. But meh that's life. I'm not moving on perse, more so just letting things play out like they're supposed to. It's gonna suck really bad but it has to happen this way in order for us to actually be happy.

I so hate the fact that i'm going through with all this. I don't hate myself, I just hate that it has to happen like this. I honestly wish I'd never joined that stupid A.R. game and met him because all it did was fuck up my life. I feel horrible saying that but it's the truth. I lost my home, my engagement, my pets, i even lost my family, tho I think losing my family might actually be a good thing. They were holding me back too much from my true feelings. So that's an upside to this downward spiral. Still, I fucking want my life back. At least then I didn't feel like it might be hopeless. If I can get a damn job then things will get better, and I think someone will finally see that i'm fucking serious this time and give me that chance again. All I can do is pray now.

I'm still up for commissions, just be a while b4 I can post anything =/ sorry for that. I noticed that there is a scanner here but it's not hooked up, i'll talk to my friend when she gets home about it. Might be able to do more that way. My commissions are posted at the end as always.

Well, I think i've typed enough for now. I'm alive and in a safe place. Pray that things get a bit better for me and that all my fighting is not in vain. I really need something to change. Well, take care all! I'll be around.

~Sapphire

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN**... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose As the Circle comes back around..... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23366822/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/23366822/ Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:10:05 PST
Looking back on my life I see nothing really worth while, besides friends and lovers over the years I've done nothing that sets me apart and makes my life worth anything. Please do not respond to this journal. I don't want nor care for peoples sympathy. All the world has ever shown me is pain. When ever happiness would show up in my life it would be ripped away the moment i give in to it. even now, that i'm dating

things are falling apart. I can't go back and live with him because he lives with his parents, and he can't afford anything yet. He's coming out to visit this coming weekend thanks to a friend paying for the tickets, but after that......I can feel things will fall apart, and I can't stop it from happening. It makes me sick to think that i've fought this hard and this long, only to lose what matters to me. It will all make sense soon........

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way.

]]> *sapphire-blackrose Another major change in Life..... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/22527628/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/22527628/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:13:14 PST
lunar_wolf_69@hotmail.com.

IF YOU ARE FEELING KIND YOU MAY DONATE WHATEVER AMOUNT YOU WISH TO HELP ME NOT LAND ON THE STREETS. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE TO ANYONE WHO DONATES. YOU ARE ANGELS AND WILL BE BLESSED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BY ME. I WILL LOSE INTERNET AND HOME PHONE TOMORROW. FULL AMOUNT DUE TO THEM IS $280.26. I OWE ELECTRIC $132.60. AND THE BACK RENT IS $1,365.00. MAKING A WHOPPING TOTAL OF DEBT AT $1,777.86. I AM FILLING OUT APPLICATIONS AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED.

And so my happiness comes to end once more.

has broken up with me, and tomorrow I leave Minnesota on a plane back to nothing in CT. I am completely homeless now. I will be sleeping in

's car until something opens up at a shelter or my parents stop being dicks and actually BE parents. My parents are only helping me by getting me into counseling, no couch to crash on or any other support. It sucks and i'm terrified of the future road in front of me. The hardest part....I still love

and would run back in a heartbeat if he ever changed his mind. He however wants me to learn to live without the need of another person at my side. I only hope time mends what I have broken in him and that with that time he turns back to me. I want to show him the love I feel for him like I failed to do when I had the chance. I fucked up big time. If there is a god he is not being merciful to me, and never has been. He's given me the chance to see and feel happiness that I thought was impossible, and then, when i'm willing and wanting to accept it....he rips it away. God has never been kind enough to leave me happy and content. No, he likes to show me what I COULD have and then throw me into yet another test of my will to survive. I feel so lost without Andrew by my side. I'm still unemployed so ANY help is more than a blessing now. I'll log in when I can. Pray for me please....I need every miracle to NOT hit my knees now. I MUST not fall again...because now there's no one to help pick me up. I am truly alone now. I hope time changes that.......

Keep watch for time and wait for the light again....be wary the darkness that will try to consume....avoid the road and make your own....in the hopes that he will cross it again......my last prayer, my last wish, my last voice. I lose it all in one swift move. I fall so far can pull back up? Will I make it through the dark back to the light I once had? Or will the pain control me and pull me farther away?.....my last goodbye........

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are not as bad as before. I have a roof over my head but only for a short time. I'm under eviction and a court trial is being set up to finalize it all. I have been placed on a waiting list for a studio apt with the same building. Reason is so that a payment plan can be set up to pay off what I owe. I'm 8th on that list. It's first come first serve. I am applying EVERYWHERE within walking and buss distance. I will try to set up a paypal donation button to make any donations easier. Pray for me. I need all the help I can get.

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose As dark as I get.... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/21062887/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/21062887/ Sun, 19 Oct 2008 12:14:25 PDT
Lost in my own head and petrified of what I see there. No matter how many people tell me i'm a good and beautiful person, I see different. All I see is a crippled child lost in her own mind. Wings torn to shreds, tears almost blinding, more scars than can be counted that burn still so brightly and hurt so much. Trying to hide all of it only made it worse. I guess i'm addicted to pain. I dwell on it and feed off of it. I can never see myself as happy. In the process I hurt those around me. Family usually gets off easy because i'm too ashamed to turn to them for comfort, where as my friends suffer the most for my problems. They always try to help and it gets them hurt. I don't want people to try to help me, I want to figure it out myself. I'm torn inside, part of me wants to live a happy normal life, while the other side screams that I don't deserve it because I can't do anything worth while. Even my art could be better, but yet I can't put myself through school to get better. My voice died away once I left high school, but then that was only small classes here and there in my school days. I never had professional voice training because my family couldn't afford it. A side of me screams that I don't deserve to make a life for myself, that I can't start a family or commit to anything. I feel broken and at one point I felt caged, but with the cage gone I feel insecure. I was always in a cage and now that it's not there i'm unsure as to what I can do and that scares me. I'm so pathetic. I can't go a damn night alone because i'm so used to sleeping next to someone. I could never sleep well alone, even when I was a child at my parents house. I used to have a large wolf plushie that I used to cling to every night because it made it easier to cope with being alone. It was horribly damaged by my cat and had to be thrown out, but I'd had that since I was 13. In foster care I shared a room with my foster sister, it was easy to sleep because I knew someone was there, but when I left and moved in with my dad I had my own room. Part of me was happy for it, the the other side of me was terrified. I'm not afraid of the dark, but of being alone. It sickens me to think that people see me as a strong person when in reality I can't even sleep alone. Why else would I let the cats sleep with me when I was young? Not just because they were fluffy and warm but because it was another body next to me that was alive. I miss my kitten more than ever now. He always slept curled up in my chest, all night he'd stay there. It hurts to think that I might never get to hold him again. He is not just a pet, he is my son and to not have him with me is torture. But yet I can't have him right now, and Ryan says I can never have him back because I don't deserve him. It hurts when you are ripped away from your child. It feels like a part of you has been torn away and you are left with what is left. It eats away at you from the inside, and you can't breathe. I feel split, and no matter what I do I never feel like I can be whole. Even thinking of taking out my blood mother brings me no comfort, because I will always look like her and her blood will always be in my veins. I hate looking in a mirror or into my own eyes, because all I see is her face, I see nothing good about me, but yet so many people say i'm a good person, but I have never believed it. Expect some very emotional work out of me for a while, and I don't think Sapphire will ever be white furred again...I don't think anything at this point could turn her back to white. She is tainted and dirty, no longer seeing herself in the light...but shrouded in darkness....

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Better news ^.^ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/21022764/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/21022764/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:50:20 PDT
YAY for parents and there words of advice even when you don't them! I will be living with

's parents while he finishes this semester of school. It's 2 hours from the school but he will come over for weekends and if i'm off work i can go down and spend a weekend with him in the dorm ^.^ I'll be working my absolute hardest to get a job, and his parents will help me too. I can't wait to start cooking with a mother figure again, I miss that kind of thing. It will be nice to be with parents again, I think I may have left home too soon because I still feel I need that connection of parent to child. On a more artistic note, I'll be uploading a bunch of new work tomorrow or this weekend. Yay for art spamming! I don't have much more to say right now but maybe tomorrow i'll add to this. Until then, Love ya all!

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Betrayal and coming clean... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20844864/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20844864/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:33:03 PDT
BETRAYAL (inspired by the song "Surrender" by Evanescence)

Trust never there,
I let you see too soon, the power you hold,
The fur that's beneath and inside.
To save you I took you over,
To protect you I showed my fangs.
I never intended to harm you,
I am here to protect you.

But you run,
Back to the source, of your pain.
You cut me open,
I can not follow,
I want to try again.

Howling out, my soul inside cries,
All I want is to stand at your side.
Breathe in and take myself in you.
No longer me just only you.
There's no escaping me my love.
I surrender to you.

I'll run behind you,
With blood on my paws.
My fur is yours, it will keep you warm.
My fangs will protect you,
My life in your hands.
Come back and be whole,
I'll run beside you again.

Howling out, my soul inside cries,
All I want is to stand at your side.
Breathe in and take myself in you.
No longer me just only you.
There's no escaping me my love.
I surrender to you.

But you run,
Back to the source, of our pain.
You cut me open,
But I will follow,
I will be there again.

I'll run behind you,
With blood on my paws...

Come back and be whole,
Let me run beside you again...

Let me protect you again...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No one will understand this besides her. I am coming clean. She has two sides to her. She was always seen different, but she never understood it. She will now. She is not alone. She was never alone. I am a totem that resides within her. The Wolf. I came and kept her alive all those years ago when her mother did not step up to protect her. I gave her my strength so she would live through the torture. But she feared me. I showed myself to her not as a friendly creature, but as something far stronger than her. I failed. Yes i'm speaking as though we are separated, we shouldn't be. She fled when I tried to find her a safer home with Andrew. I did not trust Rouka when he hurt her so badly. I went in search of something better for her, but she rejected it. I feel horrible for it, but in the process I came to love the freedom of being able to communicate with those she is close to. Some of them understand this, some will think her insane. She and I are one, and until she realizes that she will continue to be torn inside herself. Her mind is torn in two: me as the instinct and strength that she depends on to keep her safe, and herself as a human, who she sees as ugly and unworthy of love and caring. She is self loathing because I am a part of her that is unnatural, she could be thrown into a mental facility because i'm here too, and people do not understand it. I guess you could say i'm her conscience in a way, trying to stay to the sidelines and guide her, but she wont be guided. Ryan has the same thing, there is a reason she gave herself the nickname of Sapphire, because that is the name she gave me. I am her wolfen side. The side that loves to run at night and howl for no reason. The side that growls when angry, and shows her teeth when she feels threatened. The side that LOVES very rare cooked meat. I am her most primal side, the side she denies as a part of her. Everyone has one. Some stay dorment while others are needed. I was needed or else she would not have had the strength to fight back all these years. Her depressed side is herself, her human side I guess. She often thought of suicide, I was the one to stop her from actually dying. She cut a few times long ago, and in doing so cut me too. She could never bleed enough though, because I didn't let her. I made the mistake of butting in I guess, but I don't trust Ryan or his dual self Rouka. That's right, Ryan has a wolf too, the side of him that hurt her and me at the same time. Why do you think people give themselves nicknames? I guess I understand that now. Rouka is Ryan's wolfen side, the side that has the short temper, but also his love and devotion for Laura. Rouka is the one who wanted more from us, who wanted the sexual acts and to control us. To me it felt like being chained up like a pet. I am no pet and neither is she. As she has this wolfen side that is me, her birthright is the same freedom I should be given. That's why she was so rebelious. I have been told by both Ryan and Rouka (yes there is a difference when speaking, that's where the :: growls:: on AIM some from) that I am over stepping my boundaries as a totem. That I should let her live her life and go back to him. Have I been given too much freedom? Is that even possible? I wanted nothing more than to be her shadow, a creature she could find strength in and trust to always be there, but she always d... ]]> *sapphire-blackrose New Idea... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20726622/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20726622/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:23:20 PDT
Hey all! It's me and yeah i'm doing a bit better. I have been thinking a lot lately and I think it's time I tried writing my old novel again. I don't really have any place to store it right now, so my DA journals may have to suffice for now

It is called "The Unique". It combines not just werewolves, but many different types of human/animal hybrids all living among pure blood humans. Though the main character is a wolf hybrid she is much more than that. It spans off of my personal character here on DA and anywhere else for that matter. I am curious as to who might actually read it, though no matter what it's being written in my journals ^.^ Other than that not much new really except that I miss my kitten Jack terribly. I miss my little baby

it almost makes me cry. Anyway, hope to hear from you all! Love ya!

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Moving and starting over http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20594240/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20594240/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 00:48:23 PDT
Yes, I am no longer Rouka's pet, nor will I ever be again. It was a relationship that went almost as bad as it could go. I am happily on my way to

and I will be spending the rest of my life with him. He is a wonderful man and i'm happy to say that my parents have given their blessing to both of us ^^. I could not be happier. I will be in my soulmates arms the morning of his 24th Birthday, Sept. 23rd, and i just can't wait. I have been through hell and back and those of you that read these would know that. Be happy to know that I am starting my life over, I have been blessed with a second chance, and I could not think of a better man to be there at my side the whole way. Rouka will not be coming back on here, this was not his Deviantart, it was mine. Rou was abusive in many ways to me, but mostly mentally and emotionally abusive. He pushed for certin things as well, and we were fighting left and right. This wonderful human being found me in the midst of all the chaos that was my life at the time and helped to pull me out of it and show me a better way to live. He has shown me more kindness than I knew existed in this world, and I am honored to say that I am this man's Girl Friend. Though I hate that title and know that he is my soulmate, I will deal with it in my own time. Coming off of an engagement of three years is a tough switch...but we will make things work. All in good time ^.~ I will still be doing commissions, but for the moment my ability to get them done in a timely manner will be difficult until we are settled in our own apt. A good deal of you were really worried about me, and now you can rest easy knowing i'm in great and loving hands. I can say with no fear that I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I even want to have his children... but that comes MUCH later don't worry^.~ He is my new Dragga, and my last mate. I have chosen my mate for life, as all wolves do. We are happy, and I look forward to my new life.

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose New things on the way... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20103814/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/20103814/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:13:34 PDT
Yes i am attempting something new and possibly dangerous here on Deviantart. I will soon be doing artistic nude, and not all of them are full body poses either. Some will consist of a leg maybe, or me fully nude on a sun-bathed rock, or many other different ideas that are rushing through my head. The idea of artistic nude has been on my mind for months now ever since I was told that my body would be perfect for such a thing. I will try it out with my new camera soon ^.~ Let me know what you all think of this idea...I am curious as to your opinions.

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose Welp...... http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19966781/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19966781/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 08:53:48 PDT
(Rou) Sapphire comes back late tonight. I have been going nuts without her. I hate being alone at night. I don't do alone in the dark apartment well. I slept with a kukri under the pillows. Look that up if you don't know what it is. It's basically a rather large and imposing knife from Nepal that served the Ghurka mercenary units. It's a good knife.

But that's neither here nor there. Fact is she is coming home and I am very happy for it. She comes back late tonight. Her favorite part? I think seeing the Black Hills. Those aren't even in Minnesota but I guess they drove out and camped out there. Very beautiful she said. We will try posting pictures, presuming she actually recharged the camera at some point to take pictures.

In Minnesota she said she loved Caribou Coffee, which is replacing Starbucks very quickly, and rightfully so. Apparently it is far superior. And the Mall of America truly is huge. It really does have an amusement park in it with rides and such. Imagine getting lost in there! You could end up getting lost and LIVING there! Get a job, sleep in the mattress store, and buy Burger King or something every day! XD

Hopefully she gets back AFTER I finish my night shift at work. She gets on a plane at around 4:00 P.M. Central and should be here around 9-10. Hopefully more on the 10 side. Otherwise she needs to come by work and wait at the car. IF she did that, we might very well end up driving somewhere and just having welcome home sex in the car. Or just right there in the parking lot. I do always park off camera....>.>

Nah, we'll wait if it comes to that. But hopefully I get home before her. No way to get in if I have the key card to get in the security doors, though I am sure she could get around that..... Just about every1 else can.

Wish us luck in her return trip, her getting a job (which I have a couple of prospects for) and just trying to keep things afloat in general.

And now, a website that makes me laugh. Really, you gotta see it to beleive it!

Smouch.net/lol/

I couldn't stop laughing!

NOTE: her flight got delayed about 2 hours........great......

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose A cookie to whoever remembers me b4 reading this http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19869847/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19869847/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 21:38:56 PDT
Well, I'm Rou. I'm Sapphire's significant other and I have been paving the way towards actually making sure rent and everything is covered. I haven't been on much because I let Sapphire take control of this. She's also made a few hundred so far, sparatically along the last few months. Not much. Just a bill covered when I needed it bad once in a long while. All in all I could use some help but I don't expect it really. I thank you guys for all your help but I am the realist and the pessimist of the couple and I have to be rather grounded enough to know that I need proper planning and a solid base to fall back on when something like this is used to get money. I do not expect DA to make us a profit. I expect it to keep Sapphire happy if nothing else.

I have no idea why I am making a journal update for her but I felt it necessary. She is, right now, in Minnesota taking a break from trying to find a job here. It can be hard when there is nothing available. Even I am having a hard time finding a replacement for my second job. After my last bout just a week ago with an infection that almost became serious for the third time I decided to break down and try to replace it. I have a semi-lucrative job working part time at the naval sub base. 18 bux and hour is good, even if it is part-time and practically per diem. I ain't gonna complain about it. It makes me enough money to live off of for now. I just use the second job to try and help pay the electric bill, the insane phone bill that I can't cut back on becuz I have nothing left to cut, the medical bills I still need to pay from way long ago. Maybe actually SAVING money.

It sux and it gets stressful when you keep thinking this call will be from someone giving you a job or replying to your application and it is someone wanting money that you just don't have at the moment.

And so she took a break. My friend drove down from Minnesota to Connecticut (the damn idiot) and saved a little bit of money becuz gas actually was cheaper than a plane somehow (though the convenience woulda been worth the extra)and amde it here to see little old us. But he sasy he enjoyed the drive so who am I to judge...?

After a week or so here Sapphire goes up with him for a week or so. She should be back the 14th or so. Hopefully she can come back renewed and find something. Ya never know. A guy can hope.

Well, that is where we stand at the moment. I am just bored outta my skull and needed something to do so I figured why not just update the journal. Pray for us or w/e it is you do. Every little bit helps I guess. Thanks for all your support in whatever way you gave it.

Best of luck.

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose New Commission status and update http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19613878/ http://sapphire-blackrose.deviantart.com/journal/19613878/ Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:30:15 PDT
So, things have not gotten much better, and now i've had to raise my commission prices to that of just below professional level prices. I might be starting college next year, if this grant goes through, and it was the college that said that my prices were too low. This is now my job people, and with the way things are going now these new prices are still under what i need (and i know there will be people complaining about it) to get by. We are literally living off Rouka's paychecks on a weekly bases. I will not be surprised if I never get commissioned again, but this is how it has to be. Oh! I am debating on weather or not to add another type of commission for those of you who want to enhance your cars. I was thinking of doing custom race stripe designs, like the horse on some Mustangs or the actual racing stripes. It would require people to send me pictures of the car though, a side, front, air, and quarter front views for me to make detailed sketches of what it would look like on that actual car. It would also take a lot of time and thus be pricey. Anyway, that's what's new so far. Hope to hear from you all and I pray that I start getting commissions soon...I might not even make rent this coming month.

***********COMMISSION STATUS: OPEN************
Sketches: $10 USA Dollar
Line art in black ink: $20 USA Dollars
Line Art with Color (Prismacolor Pencils): $30 USA Dollars {$6.00 deposit}
Background for computer desktops: $75 USA Dollars ($15.00 deposit}
Digitaly (including digital shading and background) enhanced art: $80 USA Dollars {$16.00 deposit}
Creation of your dream Character: this is a ref sheet like my personal detailed ref except on rare occasions: $150 USA Dollars {$30.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (no color just black ink): $200 USA Dollars {$40.00 deposit}
Tattoo Designs (with color digital or prismacolor pencils): $250 USA Dollars {$50.00 deposit}

** Due to current situations, any commission that is over $20 will have a 20% no refund deposit requirement. I have posted what 20% of each price would be in brackets next to the total price.

***Side Note: Any other type of commission not mentioned is welcomed but may be declined if I feel I can't complete it to my standards. Note me in this case with your idea and I will get back to you.***

***my prices have risen as you all can see. I have been informed that the prices I was setting for my work was ripping me off and this is now more than entertainment, this is my JOB. I am willing to negotiate prices and work out deals, but as it stands now these are my new prices. I can not believe that I had my tattoo designs at such a low price and got totally ripped off for the arm wolf tattoo that i just finished. The guy was nice enough to send me $15 dollars more than the $5 dollar price that i just recently had up. I know that most people on here will have a hard time with some of these prices, but unfortunately with how soft the job market is in my area i'm not only competing with high school graduates but college kids as well. This is all that i have right now so please, if you know anyone who wants a tattoo or any other type of design please send them my way. ]]> *sapphire-blackrose