http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:scrabler&section=today deviantART RSS for by:scrabler en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:51:08 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/28853556/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/28853556/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:46:13 PST
But I just gotta get over one hurtle for any of this to even be contemplate for real; graduate high school. I just gotta hang in there a little bit longer so I can get the fuck outta here. I frigging hate school, never have liked it, and frankly could really not give a shit about it half the time, thats a bold but ture statment. I can recall hating school as far back as 1st grade. I was actually close to droping out freshmen year and its quite a feet that I've made it this far, and thats me being humble. I just need to get over all this drug induced bull shit I've put myself through and just pull through. But its all weighing down on me, my apathy, my cynicism and this manic state of mind.

I mean Sometimes I feel like my lot in life is to disapoint and be that example, that tragicly flawed character. You see, that negativity, it always bleeds through the filter. All I want is to live beyond the bullshit, that I reluctantly take responsibility over,in order to ultimaly find solace and be at peace with myself and those I choose to have close to me. I mean I don't mean to protray typical angst with these entrys its just that its all I have to reflect on.

The more I think of my happy place, the more it seems like a asylum, a place of total solitude away from everyone and their problems, where I'am left alone to contemplate my own looney thoughts...

Why do I always leave off on a wierd note?

]]> ~scrabler http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/27770133/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/27770133/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:43:49 PDT
Now if your one of the privileged few that follow up on the day to day bullshit that’s composes my everyday life, you may or may not have heard about my plan after I get out of high school. Its quite simply actually, exploit whatever artistic ability I have accumulated over the years to maybe become idk a tattoo artist, or possibly go into graphic arts, perhaps illustration. But in order to do that I have to savior whets left of my, well.. lets just say bellow average GPA so I may get into art school (on a prayer) or the more likely technical college of my choice.. so as my metal health slowly deteriorates and my lungs and liver get the best of me I can finally realized what a cynical fuck I have become, cuz lets face it, I am definitely not ivy league material..

Sorry for the vulgarity, its just that I have been preoccupied with this manic state of mind as of lately. I have these racing thoughts that prevent me from going to sleep, and then I find myself writing cryptic and loony journals at 2:07 AM. Whenever I am lucky enough to clock in a few hours of sleep its usually accompanied by a strange dream of some sorts. like stated earlier its like my mental health is increasingly getting worse and it almost seems like I don't have half the people skills I use to.

But enough of this silliness, I bet yall wanna hear bout wutz goin on wit ol' Donny Drankz ova herrrr.. Well lemmes just say I senior years a bit over rated kidz. Everyone’s getting all sentimental about it being the last year of their high school lives and me, I could really just give a damn.. Really, its a relief in fact, I can't wait till I’m done with school and I can wash my hands of this town. I wanna go to a place where nobody knows my name and really just leave it at that. That’s right, apart of me kinda wants to be a loner, so I don't have to suffer through fools. But back to senior year, I don't even want to attend graduation. The only way I would go is if its catered with some good ass eaten. I also finally went to homecoming this and figured out I wasn't really missing out on anything terribly special over the last couple of years, just a bunch of kids who don't have their hormones in check. Its just that I see these past students visiting the school and its funny to me, I mean when graduate good luck finding me..

Anyways I should be prescribed something.. but then again, that’s the last thing I need, more drugs...

]]> ~scrabler http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/26654108/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/26654108/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:14:23 PDT
I need to also stop my complusive activities, I hate the fact that I need a foreign substance in my body in order to feel like myself. I mean pleasure and satisfaction just seem artificial to me now days. It all comes down to the fact that I am living to much in the material world. I am giving into lust, wraith, gluttony, pride and the rest of the seven deadly. But I don't know if I can quit for good, may be slow down, cause I have been telling my self that for years.

Senior year is coming up soon, so whats my plan for after high school? Exploit what ever artistic abilities I may have aquired along the way, its that or become a social worker.. I guess

]]> ~scrabler http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/23478297/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/23478297/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 19:57:50 PST
New prospective and potenials have been opening up to me. And I am not talking about some mind altering hallucinogenic or some insane narrocotic. Whatever this maybe its ethier something way to crazy to comprehend or testimate to just how powerful the human mind really is.

I have personally tried to make sense of it all and the conclusions I have stumbled apoun seemed improbable. But I can honestly say this with very little skeptacism; I believe them to be true. And I can assure you that these "premonitions" (if you allow me) aren't just hypothetical what if scenarios.

The reason why these premonitions are so apealling to me is because they seem to be clues to the ideal future. One that I have been eagerly anticipating. The nature of all of this weather its spiritally, paranormal, supernatural or maybe logical has gotta me to look at the big picture. And in the end I realized that I am in for one hell of a journey; a quest for wisedom not knowledge.

The abstratction and conflictions are fading away from my life. I use to be logically optimystic and cynically pessimystic. A while back my faith was in people, and I believed far to many of them where susceptible to their own bad intentions. And it was remarkable to meet somebodie who was unconditionally nice. I am talking about Someone with no obligations what so ever to be kind to someboy as distant to them as a total stranger. And I see certain people in my future that fit that criteria. Specific indivuals I would like to take on this journey.

And no I am not trying to start up some sort of cult here. I am also aware that I am sounding a bit excentric right now. But I am just pursuiting this to gain further prospective of the future and also for a personal reason.

So in conclusion I known what I gotta do, its only a matter of doing it. Well sorry for the colorful vocabe you guys and no, I haven't totally lost mind, i'am jus over alot of baby bullshit thats been going around.

Anyways I am outta here, peace

]]> ~scrabler http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/22516461/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/22516461/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:13:39 PST
My dad wants me to go to pursuit higher education after high school but I just don't know if thats really for me. I don't like school and I never really have. Its just seems that the education system is not designed for people like me. When it comes to school work I have this overwhelming apathy that leaves me uninspired.

The curriculum seems to have this abilities to take the most intriguing subjects, I mean subjects that seem worth while, and turn them into something dull and irrelevant. For example my English department; I totally despise it. Granted it it is revered at my high school and all the teacher are overly qualified. But when you make a subject like English so overly official and legitimate you lose the wonderful simplicity of reading a piece of literature for you own enjoyment. And the way they teach the stuff makes it seems as if their interpretations are the only ones that matters, the only ones that can get you a passing grade. When you categorize pieces of literature into subgroup and break down the symbolism and common elements and characters found in certain genre it just seems that you kill the essence of it all. The artistic direction is gone and its legitimized.

Now I known almost all of whats been written thus far is entirely composed of my opinion and there is probably somebody in the world that could prove me entirely wrong but I stand by it. And I am noting trying to appear as an intellect by writing any of this in fact I feel like a typical teenager. I am aware that my logic may be in fact very flawed but its how I think. And to be honest I acknowledge the fact that I am kind of a nut job. Its just that as of lately I have had many strange interactions and experiences. I have dealt with addicts, self proclaimed "Free Mason", people with supposive gang affiliations, idealist, Mothers who claim to have "Civil Duties as citizens", delinquents, charmers, aspiring performers, typical high school students, team members, back stabbers, parental figures, friends and those that are old school but still relevant. So what does that make me? I think I am a product of my own environment, but even so I don't know for sure.

But with all that aside as of lately I have been embracing the aggression and all the bad intentions on my mind. Maybe its the wrestling season that has fueled my recent surge of aggression. Because ever since I was in High School I had become increasingly passive. I was angry and violent and a kid. But the fact that I aware of the decisions I am making most means that I still have a base of morals I am falling back on. It just seems that recently all that matters are my friends and family. Everyone else are just inconveniences to me.

I can literally feel my heart get cold sometimes as a sadistic smile comes across my face. But I am aware of the consequences so that must mean I am not totally lost. But then it hits me, do I care? So as I stated earlier I am a nut job. I am not playing with a full deck of cards sometimes. With me logic sometimes goes out the window. I am also well aware that this is all starting to sound cryptic and abstract. But I guess I am not all that crazy since I acknowledge it. I guess a better way to describe me is eccentric even though I hate that word.

So in the end I find myself asking; where is there a place in the world for somebody like me? I mean for all I known this is all typical and this is all with in the norm, I am just simply being over dramatic. come to think of it I am in good shape and health, I am not ignorant, I have good enough friends, and I have a good family. So is there something wrong with me? But if there isn't why do I precede to write this? There are some who may think that this is amusing, reading the confused and conflicted thoughts of a six-teen year old boy. Well I guess there is something a little wrong with everybody. So this whole journal entry in a phrase is; there are some bumps in the roads as I begin to mature. I guess I have weirded out long enough.

Anyways I am out of here, peace

]]> ~scrabler http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/22515730/ http://scrabler.deviantart.com/journal/22515730/ Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:55:28 PST
The point of this entry is to alert people of me starting over here on DA. I realized that DeviantART is a wonderful site and I haven't been utilizing it to its full potential. So in my champagne I have deleted the majority of my deviantions and left those only I believe have stood the test of time. I have deleted all my previous journal entries because they just seem trivial and irrelevant to me.

Now I hope you guys don't get the wrong impressions here. I am not trying to reinvent myself, just doing what feels right. So expect some new things on my part.

Anyways I am outta here, Peace (At least my sign off has remained the same)

]]> ~scrabler