deviantART: by:secret-midnight

Update...

~secret-midnight — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 02:53:44 PDT

Hey everyone,

things have changed.

Jess
xxx

Hong Kong!!

~secret-midnight — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:12:48 PST

Hey all,

Just thought I'd update so you dont all think I've dissapeared off the face of the earth, when infact I've merely left for Hong Kong. I'll be there for 9 days, until the 23rd and then returning to my beloved Melbourne. I'll be sure to bombard all of you with heaps of photos of my expeditions as soon as I get back, or even while I'm over there since I'm taking my laptop on the journey with me!!

I'm ecstatic at the moment and can't wait till I get on the plane at Midnight!

I'm going to miss you all. E-mail me your addresses, or note me, and I'll be sure to send you a post card. This esspecially applies for FiFi, Kitten and Lexi!!!

I miss you all and love you! Never forget that!

xox Jess xox

Closing...

~secret-midnight — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:56:29 PDT

I'm thinking of closing my DeviantArt account, I don't update much and I'm losing many of those who I once considered my closest friends. My final year of school has ended and as much as my friends and I are close, I know I will lose the majority of them as I move into university and forge new friendships. This is a time for change, and a time to move on, and a time in which I understand that people will forget me, and that it is a simple fact of life and that I have to move on.

Exams are pending, as I have my english exam on friday (aka tomorrow). My texts are the film Gattaca and Sylvia Plath's Collected Poems. I still have to do a few more practise essays and Tom is going to help me with text analysis and argumentative tonight. Then onto some Further Maths revision and Renaisscance Italy (History), and then finally National Politics and Legal Studies....w00t...

After that I'm heading over to Hong Kong for a holiday with my mother and Tom. Can't wait to go to the DisneyLand over there, it's meant to be one of the best ones in the world. I'm such a child at heart!! I can't wait to meet Tinkerbell, lmfao...

Anyway, the best of luck to the friends I consider closest, Tom, Jill, Anna, Kitten, Adam...And to Tom and Nikki, best of luck with whatever you chose to do with your life....for anyone I've missed, so sorry...

Jess...
xox

Name....

~secret-midnight — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:19:07 PDT

Name

J- Everyone loves you.
E- Damn good kisser.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
I- You have a fine ass
C- You are absolutely beautiful.
A-You are one of the best in bed.

C- You are absolutely beautiful.
A-You are one of the best in bed.
T- You're loyal to those you love.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
E- Damn good kisser.
R- F*ckin sexy.
I- You have a fine ass
N- You're wild and crazy.
E- Damn good kisser.

L- You live to have fun.
I- You have a fine ass
N- You're wild and crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
A-You are one of the best in bed.

S- Easy to fall in love with.
C- You are absolutely beautiful.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
M- Success comes easily to me.
I- You have a fine ass
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.

Stolen from Breone and Dragon-xisle

A-You are one of the best in bed.
B- You like people.
C- You are absolutely beautiful.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
F- People adore you.
E- Damn good kisser.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You have a fine ass
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You are really silly.
L- You live to have fun.
M- Success comes easily to me.
N- You're wild and crazy.
O- You are one of the best in bed.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- F*ckin sexy.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You're loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best bf/gfs you could ask for.
Z- Always ready.

-----------------------------------------------------
Update

Everything went kinda crazy after my 18th, but it all seems to be settling down a bit now. Which I hope will make tomorrow night fun. w00t!! clubbing. call me if you want dtls. you should have my number...

neways all of u that i love, u kno i do....

R.I.P. Sebastian and Jack the dog

Birthdayness

~secret-midnight — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 05:40:23 PDT

OMGGGG party = funnnnnn
thank you to all of you for coming!
it means soooo much!

Once the DJ realised i dont like stoopid music, party = so much better.

I tom, kitten, meg, adam, adam, andrew, cassie, hannah, alex, jill, caz, chris, brad, lawrence, and anyone else who I havent put up here!!!!

you guys all rule. Ill give a more conclusive description of the party!!!

JessJess
P.S.
thankies for all the wonderfulness presents... I them:
and kitten, thankies!!!!!!!!

R.I.P. Sebastian and Jack the dog

I have a subby!!

~secret-midnight — Mon, 24 Jul 2006 23:57:03 PDT

YAY kitten has bought me a subby and I love her *smooches*

YAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAyAYAYAyAyAY AYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYYYAAAYAYAYAY

Kittena is awsome for she is the awsomnest there could ever be. *huggles*

R.I.P. Sebastian and Jack the dog

I live!

~secret-midnight — Tue, 23 May 2006 21:20:51 PDT

Hey all,

I know I haven't been very active in the past few months, but I'm still alive. Lol. I've been swamped with school, I mean, seriously a 13 week term? whats going on with our school system? I think Steve Bracks is crazy, like, yeah I do know that he changed it for a cause, being the commonwealth games, but, what about us year 12's who are in our final year? We dont need a 13 week term to completley kill us of any energy that we have left.

Oh well, time to move on.

My kitten is hyper today, not entirely sure why. He's been pouncing on anything that moves, but I guess that's just Leo. He's so cute. My bestie took some photos of him a while back, and might be uploading them, otherwise I will but the images will be (c) to Megzi.

My 18th is coming up soon, and I'm hoping to make a decent event out of the night, and I want a theme. I've been thinking up a few, but nothing is really screaming at me, if you get me? Lol I must be crazy.

Anyways people, what I'm asking is that you comment with possible ideas and I'll be forever grateful! It would be a great help! I've already got a few ideas, which are shown in the list before, so comment or note me with your great ideas!

!!18th Themes!!

Angels and Demons
Zodiac Signs
Rock Stars
Hollywood OR Red Carpet

Friends VS Real Friends

~secret-midnight — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 23:56:49 PDT

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FRIENDS:never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS:Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."

FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

FRIENDS: help you up when you fall down
REAL FRIENDS: laugh at you and push you back down

Sweetest thing a guy could do! and OMG 4000!!!!! :

~secret-midnight — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 19:38:11 PDT

Smell her hair....Talk to her in movie theatres....Hold her hand while u talk....Tell her she looks pretty....Look her in the eye when u talk to her....Tell her stupid jokes....Let her mess with ur hair....Just walk around w. her....Look at her like shes the only girl you see...Tickle her Even if she says stop....When she starts swearing at u,tell her u love her....Let her fall asleep in ur arms....Get her mad,then kiss her....Tease her...Let her tease u back....kiss her enough, but dont over kiss her....Stay up w. her all night when shes sick....Watch her favorite movie....Kiss her forehead....Write her letters....If she asks u 2 go 2 a show with her,go....Let her wear ur clothes.....When shes sad,hang out with her....Buy her ice cream....Let her take all the photos of u she wants....Kiss her in the rain And when u fall in love w. her tell her....what ever she says, just say yes

if your a girl repost this as "The Sweetest Things A Guy Could Do"
if your a guy repost this as "I'd Do This For Her"

if you dont repost this in 4 minutes you will loose the one you love

----------------------------
also i got to 4000 page views! w00tness! thanks all of u

Havent updated latley

~secret-midnight — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 06:06:04 PDT

LOL i havent updated for like 2months and im sorry guys ive just been under heaps of stress and school...

been a bit confused but im happy at the same time...other than that...i dont know...hmm ill talk soon

Love you all.....

Quiz

~secret-midnight — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 23:47:07 PST

Put iTunes or Windows Media Player on shuffle and see what you get. (Take the first song as your answer to Question #1, and so forth.)

1. What's my mood like right now?
(I Just Can't) Get You Off My Mind....(soooo true!)

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
Anywhere

3. What kind of person am I?
I'm Okay

4. Am I loved?
Gouge Away

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Insatiable

6. What should I do with my life?
New Girl

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Redeemer

8. What is my best quality?
This Dying Soul

9. How does my sex life look?
Give 'em Hell Kid (hehe )

10. What's the meaning of life?
Part of Your world

11. What do people think of me?
Little Miss Liar

12. Would I make a good lover?
Dreams (does that mean 'In my dreams' or what?)

13. How crazy am I?
Amazing

14. Will I have a good life in general?
Punk Rock Princess

15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me?
Du Hast

16. Can me and (insert name here) ever be friends?
Anything But This

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
No Body Knows It But Me

JessJess

Living Differently

~secret-midnight — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 00:44:56 PST

I don't know what has changed in my life, but I actually feel like I'm living at the moment. I'm being myself and I've changed what was holding me back. I don't let people tell me that what they think is superior, I push against them and don't stop until they have acccepted that they are not superior, merely equal.

Hmm don't know what else to say at the moment....Just thought you should all know

JessJess

R.I.P. Sebastian...

Quiz

~secret-midnight — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 03:20:08 PST

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Goldberg.Tony Goldman

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Megan's boob (she's sitting next to me people! nothing dirty!...maybe later eh megzi? )

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Golden Globes

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
9 10pm

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:07 pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
People talkin on tv

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Bout 40 mins ago, going over to megzi's

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Megans boob

9. What are you wearing?
Megans Boob (okay now im being silly, Red ramones tshirt, old jeans, studded belt, ring, watch, faerie necklace)

10. Did you dream last night?
Don't think so

11. When did you last laugh?
When I was grabbin megzi's boob.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Old photos

13. Seen anything weird lately?
No idea

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Its funny

15. What is the last film you saw?
Narnia...cool!

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
umm stuff for my friends

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I am a duck

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Kill George Bush

19. Do you like to dance?
Yep! hehe people like it

20. George W. Bush:
FagFag

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Cleo, and i dont care what my husband says.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Jackson

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? :
Switzerland

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
*walks away and gives him the rude finger* I didn't ask to turn up here.

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:

there. have fun.

R.I.P. Sebastian...

Fake Friends

~secret-midnight — Sun, 15 Jan 2006 02:27:26 PST

Totally have to agree with all of you who say people are getting fake on here. So I gave in and let's see who really reposts this. This is a test to see who's paying attention. It serves to eliminate people who are desperately trying to add "friends" like its a popularity contest in High School. This is a test to see how many people in my friends list actually pay attention to me. Copy and repost in your own journal. Lets see who the true friends are and I think I know who you are... Repost this if you are a friend.. if you don't, you get deleted.. Don't reply... just copy and paste this in a new journal as "Fake Friends".

R.I.P. Sebastian...

Quiz

~secret-midnight — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 21:00:51 PST

Quiz

1. What color are your kitchen plates?
Blue and white, with these really pretty designs of them...their some sort of british plate...their really common.

2. What book are you reading now?
Quiet American for school

3. What is on your mouse pad?
I don't have a mouse pad...I have a touch pad on this peice of crap.

4. Favorite board game
Monopoly, with my younger brother, cos I'd always be the banker and take money when he wasn't looking...yes I am the reincarnation of satan.

5. Least favorite smells?
Umm when I think I smell Lasagne and I walk into the kitchen and I see stirfry being made...ew.

6. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
I don't know...its different everyday.

7. Favorite color?
Black

8. Least favorite color?
Yellow

9. How many rings until you answer the phone?
No idea, depends whether I can be bothered.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:
Cleo....and I don't give a shit what my husband says.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate

12. Do you like to drive fast?
Dad does! I still need to get my learners!

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
My Squirrel that I've had since I was about 2 years old.

14. Do you like thunderstorms?
Not particularily.

15. What was your first car?
No idea...

16. What is your sign?
Leo

17. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
No, I refuse to eat any broccoli.

18. If you could have any job what would it be?
Lawyer, Owning my own firm!

19. If you could have any color hair what would it be?
I don't know, I've tried most colours..

20. Is the glass half full or half empty?
Umm...don't know..

21. What is your favorite movie?
Napoleon Dynamite or Girl Interrupted.

22. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
No way hosey.

23. Whats under your bed?
Um...junk? I'm too scared to look.

24. What is your favorite number?
4

25. Favorite sports to watch?
No idea, Diving probably

26. Your single biggest intense pain?
Um...don't wish to talk about it

27. Person most likely to respond?
No idea

28. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond?
Don't care.

29. Ketchup or mustard?
Ketchup!

31. Hamburger or hot dog?
Hotdog

32. Favorite season?
Winter

33. The best place you have ever been?
Switzerland

34. What is your screen saver?
Nothingness

35. What is your favorite fast food place?
I'm a Macca's girl so I have to say McDonalds.

36. What is your favorite breed of Dog?
German Shepherd.

37. Your nicknames?
JessJess, NananaJess

38. Have you ever been kissed by the opposite gender?
Yepperz

39. What annoys you the most?
Don't know.

40. Whats your crushes name?
Don't have a crush

41. Whats your best friends name?
Megzi

42. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
I have no idea. Most of them just SHIT me up the wall.

43. What type of music do you dislike the most?
Rap is SHIT, so is R&B

45. What is currently on your wrist?
Watch on left, black braclet on the right and a studded braclet.

46. Okay, If you and one other person could be alone on the entire planet, who would you choose?
Does a gun + 1 bullet count?

47. What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?
Tell all the people ive loved that i love them and that i would never let them go if i had a choice...then go and marry Ville Valo LOLLLL

48. If you were a character in the View Askewniverse, who would you be?
Huhness?

49. If you could be any kind of nut...

NYE Questionaire

~secret-midnight — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:36:03 PST

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Got Dux for General Maths and History

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes! (except my resolution was to shop more, I think its a logical one!)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, my dads sister, Vicky, she had two twins, Charlotte and Holly way too cute!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, and I dont want to talk about it at all.

5. What countries did you visit?
None, I've been stuck in Australia all year.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 27th. I don't wish to discuss why.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I'd have to say that would be my exam results, I went really well considering the circumstances and other problems.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing so many people who were close to me. I regret the mistakes and actions/reactions I caused.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, a paracetamol overdose and many other smaller injuries.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My gold shoes their so pretty.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Megan, my best friend, she's stuck by me always. She's known when I needed a friend and been there as soon as possible for me. I love that girl, she's an amazing person.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Don't wish to discuss it in such a public area.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I'm a girl, where else would it be spent other than on clothes?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Umm, I don't really know...

16. What songs will always remind you of 2005?
Addicted by Kelly Clarkson
Sorry by Madonna
Dr Online by Zeromance

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? unsure
ii. thinner or fatter? I always get fatter.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer, I think....

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Had more time with close friends...and losing weight

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eaten less food

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At the beach house with family.

21. How did you spend the New Year?
With my best friend, going to the movies then to watch the fireworks on the yarra river.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yes, and it hurts to remember those times when things were good.

23. How many one night stands?
None, I'm a good girl!

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
Sex and the City and Will and Grace

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not that I can think of

26. What was the best book you read?
Five People You Meet In Heaven, by far.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Um, I'd have to say Zeromancer.

28. What did you want and get?
Being able to be friends with people I can never date.

29. What did you want and not get?
Read above.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Umm, I'd have to say Prime.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my actual birthday I had a dinner party, and on the day after, I got severly drunk at a party we threw, I turned 17.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
How my actions would have caused such adverse reactions.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Mine and dark.

34. What kept you sane?
Megan! I love you baby.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?...

Sebastian

~secret-midnight — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 05:01:15 PST

Sebastian, My beautiful kitten. What on earth am I going to do without you? I miss you so much, I miss the way you pulled over the christmas tree and then decided that the most expensive baubles were the best ones to play with, I miss the way you used to type random gibberish to my friends on MSN with your cute white paws, I miss the way you used to take up three quaters of my double sized bed at night, I miss the way you'd crawl close to me when you wanted attention, I miss the way you'd stand over me at night when you wanted to be let out and wouldnt move until I got up and let you out, I miss the way you grew closer to me of late, I miss the way you used to pluck at the carpet, I miss the way you used to look when I'd wake up before you, all curled up with your front paws around your face, I miss the way you used to hide down storm drains in the hope of hiding from cars... I miss the way you purred, I miss the way you almost smiled at me, I miss the way you made me feel, I miss the way you were my kitten...I love you Sabby..

What kind of a person leaves a year old kitten, who they have just hit with their car, CARELESSLY, causing massive head injuries, to crawl to the side of the road and slowly die. This left my poor innocent kitten in that situation until a civilian saw Sebastian and took him to the vets, but there was nothing that could be done for him, he was gone. I love Sebastian, and now he's been taken from me. I can't believe that some one would do a hit and run on somthing so innocent and amazing. How Could They?! How could they stand to live with themselves after, this kitten did nothing to them, nothing whatsoever. How could they, I just dont understand it, didnt it occur to them that someone might love that kitten, might hold it close to their heart? Might never want to let it go, might want to make sure it is okay...might see it as one of their family, one of the most important souls in their lives?

Sorry about that people, I needed to vent, badly, I dont know what stage of grief I'm in but I know that I am in some stage of it.

I want Sebastian back and i want to make the people who caused his death pay, they hurt not only my precious kitten but me too, and my family, and my friends. Yes, people loved Sebastian. He was beautiful, amazing and mine, and he got stolen by an inconsiderate and heartless person.

I miss you Sabby, I always will.

R.I.P. Sebastian...

Happy New Year!!

~secret-midnight — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 06:43:45 PST

Happy New Year everyone!

*runs around in circles and celebrates*

well i went down to the yarra with megzi for nye...twas good, the fireworks were good but my camera decided that was the appropriate time to die..

on not so happy news -- we got told this morning by police, that my cat, Sebastian (of who there are photos on here of,) had been run over and had died before being taken to the vets last night. its hard to deal with all of this but im just tryin to keep busy. I miss him heaps, he was just really starting to trust me and be affectionate with me, like randomly coming up and sitting on my lap and such, previously he'd been such a independant cat....i love, yes, love, sebastian...you'll always be my kitten....

RIP Sebastian..

R.I.P. Sebastian...

Aha! I stole another one.

~secret-midnight — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 03:15:05 PST

---------------------------------

1. What time is it? 9:49PM
2. Name: Jessica
3. Nickname(if any): Jess
4. If you were a skittle: Red!
5. Single or taken?: Ssingle
6. zodiac: Leo
7. Hair color: Aburn
8. Eye color: Blue
9. Height: 5'3"
10. Favorite Color: Black
11. Glasses, contacts or neither: I am perfectly fine in the eye sight area
12. Braces?: Just got em off
13. Piercing/tattoos?: cant wait till i can get a tatto and more piercings, atm i only have one in either ear
14. Birthplace: Melbour
15. Area code: 3142
16. Siblings names: Chris, Marc, Jaci and Jacob

******HAVE YOU EVER******

17. Cut your own hair? No way
18.DID YOU EVER DO SOMETHING IN THE PAST MONTH YOU REGRET? ...*shifty look* maybe....maybe maybe
19.HAVE YOU EVER MET SOME ONE YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO? um dont know...maybe....
20. kissed someone who wasnt ur b/f g/f?yep
21. Skipped school?: Once
22. Bungee jumped?: No, Never
23. Went to a concert?: yep every now and again
24. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you?Yes...*giggles* me and my baby girls!
25. Kiss more than two people in one day: HEHE,..yes.
27. TP'd someone's house?: hm?
28. Won something?: yeh a couple of times
29. Asked someone out?: yep
30. Been rejected? yep...
31. Been to a funeral?:yes...
32. Used a lighter?: yes,...me and my newly aquired playboy zippo!
33. Been on stage?: Yeppers, im a dancer...durr....

******FAVORITE*****
35. Food: Pizza
36. Ice cream flavor: dont know...
38. School subject(s): History
39. Breakfast cereal: Coco Pops
40. Number(s): umm...i dont know...4?
41. Book(s): Bridget Jones' Diary
42. Movie(s): Napoleon Dynamite or Moulin Rouge
45. State?: um...Victoria?
46. Place: City or shopping mall
47. Sport to watch on TV: None...maybe Footy but thats it
48. Sport to play: Dance
49. Bands/musicians: HIM
50. Letter(s): Z
51. Fast food restaurant: Maccas (I have to support my work)
52. Cartoon Character: Stewie from Family Guy
53. Holiday: New Years Day or Christmas
54. Name for a son: No Idea yet...
55. Name for a daughter: Cleo!

******DO YOU PREFER******
56. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
58. Long relationships or one night stands?: Depends on my mood
59. Dogs or cats?: Both
60. Scary movies or comedies?: Comedies
61. Silver or gold? Silver
62 Croutons or bacon bits?: Both...

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******

64.Mexicans: Drunks
65. School: Stupid Mr Mulchay....heheheh Mr Mike
66. Grass: Pot
67. Cow: Dogs
68. Canada: Stupid and cheap meds
69. Mouse: Cheese
70. Hands: Feet

******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******

71. Watched a movie?Noppers
72. Talked on the phone?: Yeppers
73. Cried?: No...not of recent times
74. Threw up?: Nope
75. Drank a glass of water?: Yep
76. Talked to the opposite sex?: Yep
77. Read a book or magazine?: Yep, Cleo
78. Watched TV?: Yes, I am now...
79. Looked in the mirror?: Yep
80. Taken a shower?: Yep
81. Taken a picture?: Nope...
82. Listened to music?: Yeh
83. Kissed someone?: Nope
85. Told someone you loved them? Yep

*****DO YOU BELIEVE IN....******

86. Heaven?: Sorta
88. Aliens?: Ive already explained this technicality...
89. Fun for the entire family?: LOL not together
90. Freedom of speech?: Totally
91. Love?: Definetly
92. Magic?: Magic is tricks, Magick is real

*******SOME RANDOM STUFF******

93. Last movie you saw in theatres? King Kong (goooooo La Premiere snobs)
94. Are you listening to music right now?: Nope
95. What clothes are you wearing right now?: Tshirt and jeans
96. Do you like your middle name?: Catherine Linda (named after both of my great grandmothers)
97. What is the best thing since sliced bread?: umm....butter to go on it
98. What color is your backpack?: school one is blue, my "druggy bag" is hemp so thats a hempish colour and my other backpack is black....

----------------

Me, Myself and I

~secret-midnight — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 04:31:56 PST

Me.....myself and I....

1. Full Name: Jessica Catherine Linda Schmid
2. Nicknames: Jess, Jessie(only my nieces and nephews can call me this and live), Baby, and Babydoll - yeah i know i dont have many...
3. Birthday: August 19th, 1988
4. Place of Birth: Melbourne, Victoria
5. Zodiac Sign: Leo
6. Male or Female: Female, most definetly
7. Grade: Year 12!
8.School: Loreto - Mandeville Hall, Toorak
9. Occupation: Maccas Chick/Student
10. Residence: With rents (can't wait to get out...) in Toorak
11. Screen Name: White-faerie/Secret-midnight

Your Appearance

12. Hair Color: Aburn
13. Hair Length: long shoulder
14. Eye color: Bright blue!
15. Best Feature: Dont know...you tell me!
16. Height: 5'3"
17. Braces?: No more!
18. Glasses?: Nu-uh
19. Piercing: One in either ear, getting more as it has the go ahead from mumzie now!
20. Tattoos: As soon as i turn 18, like literally on my 18th...saturday 19th august 2006, you can expect me to have a tattoo....
21. Righty or Lefty: Right...we're the cool group

Your 'Firsts'

22. First best friend: Gabrielle
23. First Award: Dance Encouragment Award - Junior (aged 4)
24. First Sport You Joined: Dance and Gymnastics
25. First Pet: Dog - Jedda and Ziggy, Cat - Zac
26. First Real Vacation: Overseas: Italy, Switzerland, France (most of europe) and Australia: QLD
27. First Concert: GoodCharlotte in year 8....i thought they were Punk...LMFAO
28. First Love: Alexander Dover...Kindergarten love....

Favorites

29. Movie: Moulin Rouge
30. TV Show: Family Guy or Sex and the City
31. Colors: Black Black and more BLACK
32. Rapper: :throwup: eeew...*runs and hides*
33. Band: HIM (damn them for not telling me about their concert in melbourne...they suck)
34. Song Right Now: Um I'd have to say Wings of a Butterfly by HIM
35. Friends: Megzi and Kitten
36. Candy: Hmm i dont know....M&M's
37. Sport to Play: Dance
38. Restaurant: Cerone's
39. Favorite brand to wear: Somthing Punk....Dangerfield stuff is cool....
40. Store: Dangerfield..
41. School Subject: History
42. Animal: Cat
43. Book: Whispering Quiet (forgot who its by)
44. Magazine: Cleo
45. Shoes: my red heel's

Currently

46. Feeling: Not tired at all...and my feet are warm cos my kitty (Sabby) is lying on them
47. Single or Taken?:Single
48. Have a crush: Dont really know at the moment...
49. Eating: Havent had a proper "meal" since last tuesday...probably not good and my shrink is worried but fuck that...
50. Drinking: Orange and Vodka
51. Typing: durr this
52. Online?: mm...yeh talking to some mates...
53. Listening To:Nothing...watchin tv
...

Formal

~secret-midnight — Sun, 11 Dec 2005 01:31:26 PST

Well the year 11 Loreto formal is tomorrow night. I'm going with my current boyfriend, it should be a good night - as long as the food is decent and the DJ isn't a piece of crap like it was at both St Kevins formals (aka year 11, it was just plain shit food and at the year 12 formal, i got food poisioning, nooo that didnt ruin the night at all...LOL)

God I'm shitty at mum, shes being such a bitch. She doesn't want to go out and get nails for the formal cos shes a lazy bitch. She doesnt care about anything other than herself and money. Fuck Her.

Grrr...looking forward to the formal with anticipation is steadily falling. I can't wait until it is over. God that will be good.

Hussy

~secret-midnight — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 23:26:59 PST

I've been made to do this...

1) Reply with the word "hussy" and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll tell you where I think you'll be in 5 years.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.

-------------------------------
I have no brrrraaaccceees......*dances* im free.....finally free after two years of being behind bars...literally..

so im hyper...and happy....

talk to you all later

Hate

~secret-midnight — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 05:35:17 PST

You know what?! I'm tired and worked up at the moment, but I swear to the soul of my body, I mean every word that is written here, starting with a "Fuck You Patrick".

I hate you. I hate you more than any other person I have ever met in my entire life. I don't fucking care who reads this, esspecially yourself because you deserve every ounce of pain I can muster towards you. You almost cost me the most important thing in my life, Megan, twice. Doing that is possibly the worst thing you could have ever done. I wish, to the deepest depths of my soul that you had never said you loved me. I wish I had never met you, I wish I had never even had contact with you through St. Kevins. I wish I could have never had anything to ever do with you. You are scumb, cruel, heartless and a user. You don't care how your actions effect others, only what you can gain. That is all that matters to you. You are selfish, absolute scumb. Your actions destroyed the me I used to be, naieve and gullable, and this is one thing that I am thankful you taught me, not to believe so easily. You are utter scumb. Don't come near me or any of my friends, ever, or I am more than willing to rip out your jugular and leave you on the footpath to writhe in as much pain as I have been through. You wouldn't know the feeling of having medicine shoved into your arm through an IV for twenty-four hours, now would you?! No you wouldnt, because you weren't the one who wanted to die. You were the one who caused the pain and selfishley ignored all the hints of what may occur. I told you blatantly that I wanted to die, but did you listen once? NO! You ignored it and left it to your best friend, Lubo to foce me into telling my dad, who didn't take enough notice et but once it hit 8am the next morning, mum knew somthing was up because I was throwing up yellow BILE in the toilet. I had absorbed all the panadol and was admitted to hospital from Sunday morning until Monday afternoon. Not fun having an IV shoved in your arm that entire time. I'd like to shove plenty of sharp and thin objects into you at the moment, but lets not get into that. All I hope at the moment is that you writhe in pain for the rest of your life. I hope you feel every ounce of pain you put me and my friends through. One last thing...I cannot believe, much less understand why on earth you would be ANGRY at me for regaining my friendship with Megan, shes a part of me and you have known that always. This merely proves the scumb that you have become...wait, always been. LIAR. SCUMB. USER. ABUSER. CRUEL. EVERYTHING I HATE. That is an accurate summary of your attributes.

This is simply a quote that reminds me of how much I hate you, Patrick: "Did you think its right, to walk right in, to take my life and fuck it up? Well, did you? I hate you! I see hell in your eyes."

Other than this utter hatred for Patrick, everything else seems to be going kind of okay. The formal hasn't been cancelled. Thank goodness, because I spent $200 on a dress...and I know other girls have spent far more on theirs.

I have Megan and Kitten, who are both apart of my soul, my life and helps me to continue believing in love. They are both wonders and I do not understand how I can deserve having people as beautiful and amazing as them in my life, simply to know of them as a person is a blessing beyond words...I love you my beautiful girls.

School is over, but then again, I do have heaps of homework, which isn't the best thing but I can deal with that as long as I spread it out over the 9 or so weeks I have off. I despratley need this break...time to calm down, time to breathe, time to reasses my goals and see where I want to be in five years time, and if I even actually want to be here...

I've changed psychiatrists, but I haven't started seeing the new one yet. I have my firts appointment with her on next tuesday, but I have to meet with her and my parents, and I don't enjoy those meetings at all because all it does is show me how much I'm failing my parents, and how much they believe in me. I hate it when people believe in me because I know that I am going to fail them at every turn. It's who I am, It's what I am, the faliure. The screw up. The f*ck up. The destroyer.

Sigh. I don't know what people are expecting from me anymore. Mum and Dad are always watching me and making sure that I'm dealing okay...I need them to let me go...I hate the way that they are watching me, but its in who they are, and I guess they have their reasons to be worried...Their one daughter who, "has a chance at making somthing of herself...", (translation; has a good chance of making a good and strong path in the corporate world) Over Dosed and started cutting again within the past month. They have a genuine fear for my...

Wishlist

~secret-midnight — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 19:31:10 PST

Christmas Wishlist

I saw this in Maygikals journal, [link] about making up a Christmas wishlist...

So here's mine

1. For everything merley to be happy...no fighting amongst friends...
2. To be with my closest friends and family.
3. Digital Camera Granted: Parents
4. Sex and the City - Season 1 DVD's Granted: Sean
5. Sex and the City - Season 2 DVD's (yes I LOVE Sex and the City.)
6. Some art...
7. An Apple I-Book
8. Sarah Jessica Parker's Perfume - Lovley
9. A summer dress
10. A HIM poster

Now, the rest of you do the same and we'll all see what we can do for one and other to make these christmas holidays, this little bit more festive!

Don't Know What To Think.

~secret-midnight — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 02:49:12 PST

What am I meant to think when my psychatrist reccomends admitting me to a in patient thing for several weeks. Yay, I'm severly fucked up at the moment and I know the reasons for it, but these reasons hurt like hell and I can never hate the person who caused it.
As much as I know what they did was wrong, and I know I should hate them for it, I can't. I know that deep down I'm always going to be watching to see that they're okay and to see that they are happy.

I know that they ruined everything that I knew and that made me happy, yet within my own mind I can only blame myself for the faliures of the relationship. I HATE them to an extent, they cost me so much, and I know it, why the hell can't I just hate them and move on, like they have with me?!

I hate myself for ruining so much in my life. I can't do this anymore. I really can't and I'm sorry. Theres things that I need and will never have...It was always meant to be this way....

Japanese Names

~secret-midnight — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:40:36 PST

Well, I now have Japanese names! w00tness

My Real Name: Jessica Schmid

My japanese name is é è¤ Endoh (distant wisteria) æµæ´¥å Etsuko (given child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Nickname: JessJess

My japanese name is ç¿æ¸¡ Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) ææµ Itoe (bless with love).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

...so some how I have become a monkey ...very strange...curioser and curiouser....

I am happiness!

~secret-midnight — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 18:02:27 PST

Well,
Things overall seem to be going fairly well, cut out exams and losing people, and my world would be perfect. But then when was it ever perfect? and when will it ever be perfect? There is no such thing as perfection, except for in the eyes of the beholder...

Onto more important matters, I Michael, for he bought me a subby! ya Michael, can't wait to see you when you come down! He's amazing at so much stuff, being an artist, being the best of friends and standing by me through thick and thin...go have a look at his work people! [link] and support him, because he's amazing!

Well, Me and Sean broke up, started dating Patrick, that fell through and now I'm with Tim. He is the sweetest guy and means a huge amount to me. I really dont want anything to fuck this up...He is one of those few guys who treats girls like princesses, of which I have no arguments with....

I know I haven't submitted for a while, but now I have, and I sure hope you all go to have a look at this piece, I'm rather proud of it

Well, what else is there to tell you? Not much. Exams officially suck, I have 4 more left for next week, at least I get Tuesday off...I wish I could get my 3/4 exam over and done with...History Revolutions is getting quite boring these days...

I shall speak to you all soon!

JessJess

3000

~secret-midnight — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 03:56:05 PST
oh, apparently ive made 3000 views...

....cool...
...i guess...

lol im kinda out of everything atm, i dont know whats happeneing anymore im just,...quiet and confused.

okay well ill speak to you all later i guess....

Quizyness

~secret-midnight — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:13:22 PDT
Hey all...this is cool...so ill do it for you...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

tres emo

~secret-midnight — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 07:44:04 PDT
this is an emo transmission.

I AM

. sick of life .

. want out not a chance to .

. over everything .

. let me go .

over and out

if u dont like rants leave now

~secret-midnight — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:36:26 PDT
okay everyone, if you dont want to hear a rant then leave this journal now.

I'm fairly hurt at the moment. Im sick of people labeling me, whteher it is that im fat (yes i know its true but it still hurts when people rub it in my face), or that im "psycho jess" because of my cutting issues (dont you love how guys schools gossip!) or simply being called a slut or a whore when im more reserved than the fucking majority of my year level, at least im not jumping on every cock that comes my way like some girls are.

sorry bout that
it may continue so beware.

i hate being fat. hate hate hate hate hate hate it! some of you may disagree with my self perception but its the way it is. Im fat and i'll continue to try to fix it as much as possible but when im trying it hurts like crazy to have it rubbed in my face.

over it all.
bye

I Hate Acer Computers.

~secret-midnight — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 02:23:06 PDT
Well my laptop is officially fucked.

It says the battery has no charge even though it has been plugged into the power all day and it doesnt respond to the power cord so the stupid thing wont turn on. I've now stolen my dads laptop until mine is fixed. I've been discussing this with Michael (a good friend of mine) and he believes its the AC, so that means that I'll have to get it fixed, but it will probably break again because of the cause, which is probably a electrical fault in the main board, which apparently to get fixed will cost a fair few hundred.

Dad's said to take my laptop into the IT guys and see of it is the AC, and if so he is tossing up with the possibility of buying me a new laptop. I don't know if I want that, I'm kind of attatched to my baby. Its set up the way I like it, it may not run amazingly fast but I still love it.

When the school was making us buy our laptops, at the end of year 9 my dad was strongly opposed to the idea of buying an Acer, he had heard about their problems. Yet, the school made it so that if you didn't buy the prescribed laptop, the IT guys would not look at your laptop if you had any problems, so we were pretty much pushed into buying an Acer. I'm really quite peed now. I want my laptop to function.

If anyone who knows their computers has a suggestion, please comment, I'd really like any help I can get.

Jess

should have updated...

~secret-midnight — Mon, 12 Sep 2005 04:15:55 PDT
Wow, I havent done a journal for a long long time.
I guess things just seem to be blurring into one long draining life at the moment. I have finally finished all of my Revolutions SAC's which is good, yet i have the exam in about 2 months, which is nerve racking. Then again, my stresses compared with Sean's are nominal, considering Revolutions is my only 3/4, where as he has about five 3/4's and this year's exams all go towards whether or not he can make it into University (for those of you in America, Uni = College.)

School continues to drain me. History esspecially, and I don't particularly know why. But I guess I do, considering history takes up most of my homework time, partially because I enjoy it a lot, yet again simply because there is so much of it to do.

Me and Sean had a fair few problems of late, I dont want to go into detail of them because they were foolish events on both our parts and dont need to be remembered. Now we're okay, and in my view, we're stronger for it. I miss him all the time, and when he's here I dont want to let him go, I feel so safe.

Overall, things seem to be going okay, but then again I know that once things are okay, somthing will go wrong and it will all be chaos again. For the moment I'm living in a sense of "perpetual bliss" as such.

Well hopefully I'll get a bit better in updating you guys in the daily life of the amazing moi.

Jess
xoxo

Birthdayness

~secret-midnight — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 06:12:58 PDT
*runs on in a singsong voice* Its almost my birthday, its almost my birthday!!!

i shall be 17, in..hm, 2hours and 50 minutes (i was born at 2 am! naughty child, keeping mum awake LOL!)
and im writing this journal, i have no idea why
ah well, hope u all have fun

im having..two, yes two parties! shock horror! should be awsomness

Love you all i shall add to this later when i am more sane

CLC was awsome :)

~secret-midnight — Sat, 13 Aug 2005 06:50:23 PDT
Well, CLC has come and gone, and Im missing being near to all those people. I hold each of them close to me. For all of you who dont know, CLC, stands for Christian Living Camp. Its a camp that my school and my brother school (St.Kevins) put together for the year 11s. It was truly amazing.

We left on Wednesday morning at about 8:30 in the morning and I travelled up to Mt. Eliza sitting next to Chris (being the only girl sitting next to a guy on the way up! REBELLLlol). Once we got there we were fed fish and chips [I think.] Then we got split up into groups, for some reason I got stuck with guys, I would never speak to again. I almost went all the way up to the top of the Giant swing, the hardest part of the swing, is pulling the release cord from 18metres up. We then went onto the initiative activities whilst I got rained on. Not fun. I had just straightened my hair the night before, but luckily Nikki had brought her straightener on camp so it was all good. After initiative activities we moved onto the ropes course where I was made to be the person putting others onto the flying fox. Haha it was funny when I had to encourage Alfred across the train tracks because hes like a fully sick wog. Other than encouraging Alfred, I froze my fingers. Not Good. We then moved onto the final course which was the vertical challenge, and I just couldnt do itI freaked out and had to come down. Then we had dinner, which was alright and finally got to make masks. It was hilarious putting plaster all over Chriss face. When I get mine back Ill put up pictures. Chris kept making me laugh so when he put the plaster over my mouth, I kept laughing and plaster went into my mouth! LOLafter that we pretty much headed to bedwe were all so tired.

The next day was spent, first of all, having pancakes for breakfast! yummy! Then we were sent to the rec room to be paired off and ask questions. David was my partner, hes such a sweetie even though when the question of what would you do if your girlfriend became pregnant? came up, he replied run I will never forget that After that we painted our masksI mine We then headed off to lunch and had some free time after it, in which me and David stole the couch, before being told that the entire group was going for a walk down to the beach. Once at the beach, we all started playing soccer, and within the first 10 seconds, I had a soccer ball flying at my face. I got a blood nose, at which I never really got an apology for. Ahh well, what can you do. Then we headed back up for more free time before dinner. Me, David, Andrè, Woody, Chris and Jarrod started playing some version of poker, Houston or something lol, I was kinda out of it. I didnt know how to play so David was my partner. Then we had dinner, which was yumminess, and then played trivial pursuit!! The purple monkeys came 6th, which kinda sucked but ohwell. Sleepies came next, not really tho, considering pri and mich wanted to eat lol

The third day, was the sad day because we had to go home, once again I had breakfast sitting with the guys and then me n david sat on the couch n we got in shit for it lol, even though all of the camp Id been jumping all over Chris. Ah well. Then we had to do some prayer stuff (considering it was Christian Living Camp.) We the had lunch later on and got on the buses to head home. I sat with David, he was comfy lol, and we didnt get in trouble! yay! LOLLLL. Chris stole my mp3 player for the ride, and ive stolen Jarrods jumper (he let me borrow it for the camp, but I want to keep it nowim so evil ) I didnt want to get off the bus, I had had so much fun on camp, I wish it went for longer, because on the first day, u barley talk to the boys, on the second day you get to know them and on the third day, you really get to know them and start having fun. Then you have to go home

Jark

~secret-midnight — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 01:10:43 PDT
Well, Ive just discovered that the well loved admin, Jark's status has bee changed to; Former Staff

So far there has been no official statment or reason for this outrageous change in Jark's status.

What will we do without you Jark!? You were a truly amazing guy who supported all deviants who helped to develop the dA community which we have all learnt to love. Without you there Jark, will this site simply become another buisness adventure?

Over all this is an outrageous act. Jark should be reinstated asap or at least some one should give us an official statment!

[link] add to this wonderful petition! help us with Jark..

This is a sad time for dA so let us keep the community atmosphere that Jark formed, going.

[link]

loss

~secret-midnight — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 01:40:31 PDT
we got a message last night, that my great grandmother, who had been ill had just passed on

this, officially, sucks. I keep pushing back the tears but its getting to be so hard to understand and deal with. I want her back! *cries*

..we got the call last night from dad, telling us that, just as he had gotten into Basel, she had died *cries* I want her back...*cries again*

why.
i dont get it.
i want her back.
i dont want to cry but its hurting so much.

i love her. she just cant be dead..i dont get it..*clings close to whoever comes near*
i want my uhr oma back..i need her here...

i have so many memories of her...i dont want to lose them, i think ill write them down in somthing. just for me maybe. i dont know, i just...miss her.

...Hurt...

~secret-midnight — Fri, 08 Jul 2005 08:25:04 PDT
Just feeling down of late, dont freak out, i havent cut, this is keeping me from cutting though. I love this song, it keeps me sane at the worst of times.

NineInchNails - Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing thats real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of s**t
On my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

------------------------
it just embodies so much of what im feeling because of everything at the moment, just wanted to share. I wish i could cut, but i doubt i will, i hate hurting people more, which is the thing that holds me back. I hate it so much. I hurt so much on the inside. Im sick of letting people know because they freak. then they dont let me do anything. i cant fake much longer, i just cant. im sick of hiding, but i know its the only way.

*sigh*
why cant i just slowly slip away?

...slowly
...letting
...it
...drip

...wanting
...to
...let
...go

...let
...me
...slip
...away

...into
...darkness
...i
...fall

sorry, i have no idea what that was, just emotions coming out...i dont know *sigh* i just need to slip away.

What have we come to!?

~secret-midnight — Thu, 07 Jul 2005 21:17:02 PDT
The world is just going crazy. I'm getting so sick of all these terrorism attacks..what is the world coming to? Its just getting insane, when will it stop? when we all give in to what the terrorists say? Is this their attempt of a cleanising ritual, to rid the world of all that is "wrong" in their eyes? What about their treatement of us? Do we have a right to attack them? No! No one has the right to kill anyone else.

My heart goes out to all of those in London, as well as those trying to reach family or friends there, and not being able to get through. Worry is the worst emotion a person can feel.

I dont get how one group can hate another so much, that they can kill innocents, that they dont know, and havent ever personally wronged them. The world has just been steadily getting worse since the start of the 20th Century, World War One, World War Two, Vladimir Lenin (he killed more than Hitler did, and they were his own people), Vietnam War, The Cold War, 9/11, Bali Bombings and now this...are we just going to keep killing each other senslessly? Soon we're going to have nothing to hold onto. No hope, nothing we can say will bring back a decent world. How do we even know that this is the worst that the world will fall to, I really cant see things getting better, only worse.

Why cant we just all attempt to understand each other. I just cant believe such another horrible attack can occur again. Dont these terrorists realise the pain and regret they are leaving in these peoples hearts? Losing some one is an awful feeling. Especially someone close to you.

Just hold onto what little hope we have out there. Dont let go of it. Dont hate people, dont get mad, because we never know what could happen next in this volitile world of ours and you dont want to have regrets. Death takes everything.

Dont let go of what you've got.

One thing not to forget, is dont make generalisations about terrorists. Not all people who believe in the same religion are terrorists. There are your "average" believers, and then you have your extremists who believe that every other religion is wrong.

Once again, my heart goes out to all in London and all that know people there.

quiz!

~secret-midnight — Sun, 03 Jul 2005 22:48:59 PDT
heres another quiz i did! stolen from -->

HAVE YOU EVER...
Said "I Love You" and meant it?: Yes, everytime I speak to Sean.
Gotten in a fight with your pet: Yes, when Sabby gets hyperactive
Been to California: Yes
Been to Hawaii: No
Been to Mexico: No
Been to China: No
Been to Canada: No
Danced naked: Yes
Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?: Yes, a couple of times
Wish you were the opposite sex: A couple of times, guys get it so much easier
Had an imaginary friend: Well, i guess you could call them that..
Do you have a crush on someone: If that includes my boyfriend, then yes.
What book are you reading now: The Lioness Quartet - Tamora Pierce
Worst feeling in the world: A lot of stuff
Future son's name: Ummm...no idea really, Michael maybe...
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yes! I squirrel
What's under your bed: I have no idea, a whole lot of junk really...
Favorite sport to watch: AFL (its an Australian Sport)
Siblings: Two older brothers, one older sister and one younger brother
Location:Toorak, Australia!
College plans: Some form of a law or psychology degree
Piercings/tattoos: 2, one in either ear
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Boyfriend 7 months on saturday!

EXTRA STUFF
Do you do drug: Done jazz a couple of times
Do you drink: hell yeah!
What are you most scared of: getting hit...
Pet Peevs: Guys who are perves
What clothes do you sleep in: just my underwear
Where do you want to get married: Outside, In the middle of nature
Who do you really hate: i dont know, i hate what some people do, but not the person.
Been in Love: Yes..of course...i sean
Do you drive: Nopers
Do you have a job: Kinda but i havent had a shift for aaages..evil boss
Do you like being around people: yeah, as long as their nice
Are you for world peacef course

FAVORITE
Room in house: My bedroom
Perfume or cologne?: Curious - Britney Spears
Month: August..
Stoneeridot,

IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU...
Cried: Yes
Bought something: Yes..well if its mums money, im sure it still counts coz i got the jeans!
Gotten sick: Yes...
Sang: A fair bit
Wanted to tell someone you loved them: Sean...
Met someone new: Yep
Missed someone: Yes
Hugged someone: Yes
Kissed someone: Yeah, saw sean on thursday

I N F O R M A T I O N
Name: Jess
Single or taken: Taken
Sex: Female
Birthday: August 19th
Sign: Leo
Hair color:Browny Red
Eye color: Bright Blue
Height: 5'3"ish
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Bi

F A S H I O N | S T U F F
Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes:I prefer [link], but in melbourne, a good place is either, Smoke Dreams or Myer even...i got my good ass jeans there
Favorite designer?: Gotta love Gucci
What is your sexiest outfit?:My Jeans, , its quite amusing.

1.YOUR STAR NAME
(name of first pet + street you live on):

Jedda Mandeville

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack):

Norma Doug Chocolate

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant):

Jamie Tozai

4. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME
(silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied):

Blondie CapePatterson

5. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first initial + first three letters of your last name):

J-Sch

6. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal + name of high school):

Tiger Mandeville

7. YOUR BARFLY NAME
(last snack food you ate + your favorite drink):

Cookies Coke

8. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name + city where you were born):

Catherine Linda Melbourne

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME
(favorite candy + favorite musician's last name):

Cadbury Valo

10. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use):

Chris Three

-------------------------------------------------------------
Ive been sick for four days so far and its becoming quite annoying! I mean, i have holiday home work which i havent been able to pick up because i have been sick. I was finally feeling kind of better today so mum took me out to chadstone for the mid year sales, and i ended up throwing up (but i still got one top ) its becoming so annoying, i miss all of my friends. I just want to be out of this house.
Help?

Does any one have any ideas on how to pass the time? Ive already sent really long, random emails to people. Looked at all the stuff i need to, and i would have done my holiday homework but i cant considering i cant go to school to get my books because Im sick! *sniffle* its so evil.

Jess

2000 views! :D

~secret-midnight — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:51:58 PDT

Mood: ecstatic
Listening to: (Dont Fear) The Reaper - HIM
Watching: I am Sam

hey again!
omg w00t! ive just made 2000 page views! thank you to everyone! you are all ledgends in your own league!

this is sooo cool! i feel so loved! screw being sick

Who ever caught my 2000, let me know and ill make a gift art for you, if u want one ill give it my best shot!

dont ever forget that you all rule!!

love ya all

Jess

sick of still being sick!!

~secret-midnight — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:39:12 PDT
Mood: tired
Listening to: Join Me - HIM
Watching: I am Sam

well im still sick, and quite frankly its getting really annoying.

Im sick of feeling like im going to throw up all the time. I just want to be well again. Today was boring. I slept in the morning coz i didnt sleep enough at night, so when i woke up, it was to running to the bathroom, feeling like i was ready to vomit

then i sat down in front of the tv, with my laptop + wireless and watched crappy sitcoms. ah well they were kind of okay.

blah, being sick sucks
well thats all folks
jess

sick of being sick

~secret-midnight — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 20:23:20 PDT
Mood: tired
Watching: ..well its not a movie, but its Sex and the City..

oh great, Im sick again.
This is just wonderful, I was supposed to get my revolutions SAC back today, and I cant because im sick..
I miss Sean, and I am so sick of his parents! They are such controllers...and its really starting to annoy me! Dont they get how much I care about Sean, and that im not with him to try and destroy his VCE!

Why is it always like this? Will it always be like this? I'm so sick of it! I just want Sean here now.
Thats all I need. If I could only have one thing in my life, it would be Sean. Maybe I'm just crazy, I dont know any more, all I know, is that I love Sean.

*sigh*
Call me an emo, anything you want, but I really dont give a shit.
Jess

the night that has been..

~secret-midnight — Sat, 18 Jun 2005 21:55:17 PDT
Before you begin, for those of you in America, Formal = Prom.
Please take this into note before you read this through...

Mood: tired
Listening to: Owner of a Lonley Heart - Max Graham Vs. Yes

Last night was my boyfriend's, year 12 formal! It was awsome, so much energy

I started getting ready at around 11 am...for a 4:30 pick up (for pre drinks), I first went and got my hair cut and styled for the formal (by a gay irish man..heh, he was so awsome ), then i went home briefly before having to go out for my make up booking at M.A.C, if any of you know what M.A.C is, you will know its the best make up store around ..i still managed to go shopping...i swear im not addicted. P

then i proceeded to rush home and get dressed. I was so glad that my dress fitted so well . Sean then came over and picked me up LOL he gave me a tiny little bag as a present (the braclet had fallen out, and he soon rectified this.) We then went to his friend, Rhy's for pre drinks, I met a few of Sean's friends, and got a bit tipsy. Lol it was funny when Rhy's was running around handing out gum to try and cover the smell of alcohol on our breath.. ...argh! then our limos didnt show it was so annoying..we caught cabs to the hall.

lol the driver of the cab was hilarious, the entire way there he was going 'which exit would you like me to take? ...no no...you are the boss'...hehe

Sean and me got to the hall and I had to meet his Principal and School Capitan, they seemed nice then i met a whole lot more of Sean's friends. We sat down and started dinner the food was nice, but lots of it Then as the night wore on, our table realised that we had a bowl of polystyrene balls with glow sticks inside it as a decoration...of course, knowing me, you know what happened next...the polystyrene balls were thrown everywhere and we threw the glow sticks at the DJ in an attempt to knock him out for playing shiiiiiit music. We also threw bread rolls...it was so random.

When desert came out, I didnt finish my cake...i know! Shock Horror Well, then Kot decided it was a good idea to place one of the glow sticks in my cake, forming a handle, then he decided to put it in the bowl of polystyrene balls. Slowly the mixture got weireder as people added lemon squash and such drinks to it. It was so funny when Erich stuck his hand in the bowl to grab the glow stick...LMFAO!

Me and Sean scared a few people with our dancing to "Footloose"...full on 50's style... it was so fun! Sean didnt like dancing, but he did..and he enjoyed it *glare* My feet ended up killing by the end of the night,..owwies...

The final speeches began and my table continued to talk..then the librarian told us off..meanie poo. One of the organisers wrote a funny song, changing lyrics and such

Once the doors to go opened up, me and Sean left, I was sick of the mus...

stupid courts

~secret-midnight — Thu, 16 Jun 2005 20:39:29 PDT
Courts suck.
They're boring, and wont let you eat its super dooper unfair. The magistrates are old and yicky.
I ran out and bought a muffin in the shop next door when my teacher was in another case

hmm formal tomorrow *yawn* but im tiiiiired ah well it should be better than courts.

courts suck

adios
tis soon the end of lunch.
my legal teacher sucks. she got a newspaper but we were'nt allowed to go shopping...noooooooooooo

adios yet again!!!!
Jess

stupid bloddy big keyboards!! you make me type wrong. i want my lappy...*feels like strong bad* tehehe

i should be asleep

~secret-midnight — Thu, 16 Jun 2005 05:47:15 PDT
i jsut went here to sign out, and i got a free week subby!

omg i am so hyper now! i should so be asleep but baaaaaaaah! i just got a free subbie *dances* w00t! this is so damn awsome!

hehehe *dances* maybe i should head off...

hmmm...

thank u dA

bored as hell

~secret-midnight — Thu, 16 Jun 2005 00:54:56 PDT
..being bored sucks

some one entertain me! dance...somthing...gar...

hmm well maybe i could turn this into a bitchy rant circling around the fact that i have to go into the city tomorrow to go to the magistrates court for my hearing...

...
...
...
...

nah im not bad enough to have to go into court for anything silence chris! its just for legal studies, which officially sucks, well the teacher does...*sighness*...i sooo cant be bothered going into the city...i jsut want to sleep

*sulks*
..entertain me?

jess

blaaaaaaaah

~secret-midnight — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 16:49:35 PDT
im sooo bored..stupid freakin contract law! *smashes*

ooh i got my formal dress yesterday! its prettiness! i totally cant wait for the formal.. 2 more days left! then i get to go in a limo im so cool

the only problem is that my make up finishes at 4, and pre drinks start at around 4 45, which means i will have to get picked up at about 4 30ish, because glen waverly is about 15 - 20 mins from my house, which leaves me with about 20 - 30 mins to get dressed.......ahhhhh

noow..time to calm down

Jess

Music Baton

~secret-midnight — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 08:05:26 PDT
Total Volume:
2.62 GB/39:29:43 Hrs - Music
13 Hours of Video, it wont show me how many gbs

Last CD Obtained
umm...SingSing Death House - The Distillers

Song Playing At the Moment
The Young Crazed Peeling - The Distillers

Five songs I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me:
Sick Little Suicide - The Matches
No Lies, Just Love - Bright Eyes
Last Train Home - Lost Prophets
Nights In White Satin - Moody Blues (I want to walk down the aisle to this song )
Dancing Dirt Into The Snow - Missy Higgins (I swear she is one of the most amazing artists around)
The Sacrement - HIM (Ville Valo is so damn hot )

Five people i'm passing the baton to:

1700!

~secret-midnight — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 03:38:48 PDT
woohoo! made 1700 views...thank you every one!

Devious Journal Entry

~secret-midnight — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 23:59:30 PDT
well i turned up 30 mins late for my english exam..whoops LOLNESS!..i still finished with time to spare tho..i am so damn cool! ..

easy topic for poetry i poetry

its quite possible

~secret-midnight — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 18:42:18 PDT
..that i should be studying

i have an english exam in two hours and im sitting here on Deviantart, rather than memorising my poems and quotes from Macbeth. *sigh* this is much more interesting...

Exams suck,...i have one everyday this week...i dont wana go..you cant make me

Fair is foul and foul is fair
I fear'd thou play'd most foully for't
look like the innocent flower but be the serpent underneath
The false face hides what the false heart knows
Be innocent of the knowledge, my chuck Heheheh who calls their wife a chuck!!? what is a chuck any way? 'how much would could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?' ehehehe...does he mean a wood chuck...its possible...considering hes insane and all
Thou can smile, and smile and still be evil hehe im so smart..i stole that one off sean, but its actually from Hamlet, but still it seems like i have discussed the topics a lot etc..me be smart...*sings* 'i am so smart, i am so smart...S.M.A.T.!'

And then i ahve to analyze 3 poems...two of which are my own, and i am allowed to use them because i am special! ...

Maybe i should go and study..

*runs and hides from the study monster*

dead on the inside...

~secret-midnight — Sat, 04 Jun 2005 01:35:46 PDT
like the title reads, im feeling like im dead on the inside..

its hard to believe. i love so many of you..yet i cant express it well enough..

i want to feel..which leads to wanting to cut

i want sean here now. but i cant have him. i love him

..

~secret-midnight — Sat, 28 May 2005 07:11:49 PDT
i dont get what i am supposed to feel anymore and its scaring me..

i need to have organisation and reason in my life, and now i have none for the sadness that i feel. i have nothing to blame..my life seems to be going fine, yet i still feel sad.

my brother broke his foot/toes today..he dropped a big heavy rock on it (we're redoing our garden and he wanted to help..)

i wish i was a better sister, daughter, girlfriend, friend, student....person...i really do..i want to change who i am so i can make it all better.

I love you sean, i always will, im sorry i made you feel worried tonight..i promise i will always love you okay....

how do i stop this emotional drain hole? i need a plug, but i dont have one, i need to stop this sadness...i need to stop my happiness from draining away so quickly...

..any ideas?

1500!

~secret-midnight — Wed, 25 May 2005 01:44:04 PDT
yay! ive just made 1500 views! thank you all it means so much!

now the thank yous are out of the way lets get down to the nitty grittiness!

my highlighters have been returned,...evil boy has put his name on them tho...well a sticker on the case, which i ahve removed..but...grrrr..

and then sean has gone away on some shitty ministry retreat overnigth...since when does he care about god? huh its wieeeeeerd

now i have to go to a el stupido carrears evening tonight...in stupid school uniform! i hate you school...

school sucks..

i want a weasel...

i wana read the new artemis fowl i need to borrow it..or buy it...hmm

i wana cut. i dont give a fuck if you dont want me to write this! but i am! i wana slice my wrists so that they bleed and i can feel alive again. i wana see it rise to the surface and slowly seep out. i wana see the razor write the words in my skin. the words of what i am. Fat and Slut. then i will be me. for people will be able to see what i am and stay away from me for i am the worst of all people.

stolen dinners..

~secret-midnight — Tue, 24 May 2005 02:52:15 PDT
well i come home from guitar..

my parents and brother go out to some shitty performance he's doing...(little highlighter stealing twerp! He stole my big set of highlighters...like my super prettiness ones! )

i take my doggies for a run (i my doggies...poor maxie baby had to have an operation, but he's all good now)...big long 3.5k run...haha bullshit..i should be doign heaps more but i am a lazy fat ass who has been told by stupid doctors im pushing myself too far...

i come home to an empty house, and look for dindins...search everywhere...fridge, oven, stove...nothing..nothing on the table...

i have come to the conclusion that my evil father and stupid highlighter stealing brother have eaten it all! pigs!..or maybe its god telling me im too fat? you tell me......while i stab evil fathernesses!

now i have to do work...stupid work