deviantART: by:shazzathegreat

Hmm,

~shazzathegreat — Sun, 21 May 2006 14:04:00 PDT

Okay, so if you put my top ten favorite movies of all time, just to watch, in a list, it would look like this:

-Pirates of the Caribbean
-Legends of the Fall
-Boondock Saints
-Constantine
-Pitch Black
-Hero or Crouching Tiger, whichever's closest
-Jesus Christ Superstar (the new, very homoerotic version)
-Gone In 60 Seconds
-Gattaca
-The Blade movies, oh Wesley Snipes.

Now there are some trash movies on there, but I just like watching them. Without really dissecting them for much value.

So if you put my top five favorite movies to watch recently, it looks like this:

-Stigmata
-Constantine
-The Ninth Gate
-Passion of the Christ (picking up Aramaic...shut up, language geek)
-The Da Vinci Code

Um...
I am on a Catholic kick. I don't know why.
Maybe it will all come into play sometime soon. Maybe I'll, I don't know, have to perform some exorcisms or something. Whatev. I dig it.

note to self

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 13 May 2006 21:45:39 PDT

Dear Shannon Leigh,
You are not a very good writer.
Just because your mother likes it doesn't mean anyone else does.
49,000 words is not a novel, but really half a novel; if you can't write a novel that's at least 60,000 words, you have no right to say you are working on a novel.

Also, you fail.

Also, purple prose is messy and disgusting. Your writer's license has been revoked for that alone. Nevermind this 86-page novel crap.

Love,
The Department of Readers' Safety

i'm bored and waiting to car shop

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 06 May 2006 12:33:46 PDT

So you all get to hear more about moi, hoorah. (Although if you're reading this we're probably fairly well acquainted.)

1. What kind of first impression do you think people say when they first see you?
I'm not sure. I've gotten tough, cute (a word I HATE) and I'd like to think a little eccentric, since I wear evening gowns with my tattoos showing and such. I've been told I'm intimidating but I'm not sure in what way.

2. What's one thing you like to do alone?
Masturbate.
Um, I mean, I like to read alone, and write alone. And run into the ocean alone. At night. With a full moon. It's the best thing in the world.

3. What is your favorite line to say when you're drunk?
If I had a line, it wouldn't be funny anymore. Would it.

4. How many drinks do you need before you get tipsy?
At least five or six shots, which is precisely why I don't drink. Too much work.

6. What kind of books do you like to read?
Good ones. Anything but mystery novels and courtroom books, pretty much. I like my books a lot. Figures.

7. Do you think you're cute?
God I hate that word. Cute is what people say when you're not really beautiful, and slightly short of pretty, but you have some weird "quirky" thing that makes you stand out. In other words, I really hope I'm not.

8. Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of your friends?
Absolutely not. Just the other day I was sitting around with three of my girlfriends while we were all without shirts.

9. What do you eat/drink when you raid the fridge at night?
Graham crackers. Or chocolate milk. Or, um, waffles. Or nothing, because I don't.

10. Describe your bed?
A full-size mattress on two twin box springs, on the floor, surrounded by a couple of sheets walling it into a little cocoon space, butting up against a wall and a window, covered in the softest comforter ever, made of red Thai silk.

11. Spontaneous or planned?
Planned spontaneously.

12. Do you know how to play poker?
Yep.

13. What do you carry with you at all times?
Knife, cell phone, credit card, driver's license, some form of tiny perfume usually stuck with my cigarettes in the case.

14. What do you miss most about being a kid?
Not having been one. I really didn't have much of a childhood. I don't feel bad about that, though, it worked out.

15. Are you happy with your given name?
I go by a lot of last names, so I guess I've come to peace with my given name, although I've been known to use aliases and nicknames WAY too much really.

16. What color is your bedroom?
White. I'd paint it blue, but I'm moving soon.

17. Have you ever been in a play?
Hahahaha, oh god, yes. Um, about seven or eight plays I'd say, including directing, plus three operettas and I believe about five operas.

18. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
I like myself but often doubt whether I should believe in myself. I'm working on that.

19. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Depends who with, and what you've done to me.

20. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
Friends.

21. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
Surf (well).

22. What is your ideal wedding location?
Oh, Jesus, I won't be discussing/thinking about that for a very long time. I was never the girl who dreamed about getting married. And the few times I have, I've never settled on a location. Marriage has this funny side effect of total personality transplant that I'm not crazy about.

23. Whats one instrument you wish you could play?
I can play pretty much anything, except perhaps the tuba, and I've never tried. Not bragging. Just a fact. I mean, I'd wish I were better on the violin, but I'm working on it.

24. Whats one language you want to learn?
Chinese, Mongolian, Xhosa (more anyways), Aramaic, better Italian.

25. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Ears (5), belly button (gone now), nipples.

26. Do you have any tattoos?
Roughly seven.

27. What's one trait you hate in a person?
Undeserved arrogance, tied with unambitiousness.

28. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Only about things that have a lot of meaning. I mean, I make about $14,000 a year, I can't afford to be. Literally.

29. What do you cook best?
Pasta. Oh god my pasta is the greatest.

30. Favorite person/s to talk with on the phone?
Mm, depends. I'm not much of a phone person. It goes in cycles.

...

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 05 May 2006 10:34:21 PDT

...oh god what the fuck am i doing.

that is all.

more stuff you should know about me

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:15:31 PDT

Stolen blatantly from =ladyr. But I was bored and I haven't done a meme in forever.

Tag
A - Available? Not really. At least not emotionally.
A - Age: 18
A - Annoyance: undeserved arrogance, lies, guilt trips

B - Best Friends? If you are then you know you are.
B - Band: Um, don't have a real favorite. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and The Arcade Fire.
B - Birthday?: September 15

C - Crush: Oh dear. I enjoy a lot of my poet crushes.
C - Car: 1967 Dodge Charger, 1999 Toyota 4Runner soon to be sold to a tattooed Quaker for a 2000 Toyota Mr2 Spyder.
C - Cat: I like cats. My dog likes them for breakfast.

D - Dead Pet's Name: Shahra.
D - Dad's Name: William.
D - Dog: Lanie. Also known as lanie-baby, laniebug and puppyface.

E - Easiest person to talk to: Different people for different things.
E - Eggs: scrambled and only one yolk, plz
E - Email: why? are you an INTERNET STALKER?

F - Favorite color?: red and silver
F - Food: chocolate, chai, grilled tofu, graham crackers, chocolate towers, and of course waffle tacos
F - Foreign Language: Chinese is pretty. I'm good with German, Latin, Spanish, some French, some Xhosa and some Chinese. (Also Norwegian, Dutch, Afrikaans and Italian but only reading, not writing/speaking)

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Neither, I hate that shit.
G - God: OMG MY FAVORITE GOD IS KALI WTFBBQ!1!!
G - Good Times: hangin in a chow line, good times

H - Hair Color: naturally blondish, at the moment chocolate brown
H - Height: 5'4 barely
H - Happy: for the most part

I - Ice Cream: cookie dough! or Kinky, which is Amy's for Rocky Road
I - Instrument: guitar, cello, bass (electric), violin, anything with strings
I - Idol: Not American I hope. Hunter Thompson. Angelina Jolie. Um, Jack Sparrow omg.

J - Jewelry: 6 gauges, necklace with two very important things on it, nipple rings
J - Job: currently an elementary school teacher and occasional model. Soon to be a student/writer/movie producer.
J - Jokes: Oh my god, a frayed knot. I GET IT!

K - Kids: No, thank you, not for a long long time. Even then, I feel like I'd much rather have children without a father. Nuclear families are alien to me.
K - Karate: For pussies.
K - Kung Fu: Love to learn it, can't stand the uniform. Krav Maga!

L - Love or lust: Both.
L - Longest Car ride: I lived in a car and various motels/hotels until I was 7.
L - Lipstick or Chapstick: Lipstick. Nude. Made from snake venom.

M - Milk Flavor: Silk.
M - Mother's Name: Sheila.
M - Movie Last Watched: Silent Hill. And I'm conflicted.

N - Number of Siblings: Full: 0. Half: 4. Soontobehalf: 1. Total: 5.
N - Name of Siblings: Jeffrey (not from a marriage, accident baby), Jacqueline, Scott and Nicole (second marriage), and Gabrielle (from the new wife, who is 37 to his 75.) I withhold NOTHING!
N - Name: Gabriel. Isaac. Ulysses. Shane. River. Voltaire. I can keep coming up with these until you say stop.

O - One Wish: Immortality.
O - One Phobia: death, and failure.
O - Otter Pop: What now?

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: divorced, mom's shacked up with a big black dude and dad's with someone exactly half his age
P - Part of your appearance you like best: I wish people would notice the exact color or my eyes more. Also, lips, and lower legs. I hate my stomach. I AM NOT CHUBBY, GODDAMMIT. ANYONE WHO CALLS ME CHUBBY GETS A CHUBBY FOOT IN THEIR GENITALIA.
P - Part of your Personality you like best: I'm a chameleon. Um...the part that makes Snowflake say I'm a foreign secret agent.

Q - Quick or Slow?: Quick.
Q - Queen or King?: King.

R - Reason to smile: Endorphins.
R - Reality TV Show: The old MTV Fear.
R - Right or Left: Right.

S - Song Last Heard: Sanctuary. Off my new CD. I'm checking it for skips.
S - Series: Six Feet Under.

T - Time you woke up: 7:34
T - Time Now: 8:09
T - Time for bed: hopefully 11ish, I have to be up at 4:15

U - Unknown: is the only thing anybody is really afraid of
U - Unicorns: bad tattoos
U - You are: mindlessly busy

V- Vegetable you love: yellow and orange ones
V - Vegetable you hate: green leafy ones
V - View on Politics: If I were a political movement I'd be V.

W - Worst Habit: Rubbing my lips together. Guilt-tripping myself....

APOCALYPSE AHHH

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 17:15:05 PDT

100 DEGREES.

One Hundred Fucking Degrees.

This is some snakes on a plane bullshit. It is MID-APRIL.
Austin needs to start paying my electric bill, it's not my fault they built a cool city in SATAN'S ASSHOLE.

AHHHHHHHHHH.

100 DEGREES.
The low is a refreshing crisp 70.
Tomorrow's high is a nice cool 99 DEGREES.

IT IS SPRINGTIME. Apparently, FOR HITLER.

I vote that it is in fact the apocalypse.

Fuck you, global warming. FUCK YOU, SETTLERS OF TEXAS.

Why I Sometimes Hate My Neighborhood

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:45:52 PDT

Dear Homeless Men on Thirtieth Street and Guadalupe,

Thank you for pointing out the fact that I do have a rather marvelous ass. I know this because it has often been pointed out to me. I can appreciate the subtle wordplay you used--yes, "buns" are both a delicious pastry and a synonym for "ass." However, I'd like to take this opportunity to inform you that not only do I not "need any cinnamon for those buns", but since you have been shouting at me to "come over here" and following me around, any humor involved has rapidly faded.

Also, thank you for your offer to take my dog. Yes, she did look uncomfortable on our walk yesterday, mostly because she is not very intelligent and was pulling towards you at full strength. She is a very well-behaved animal when people are not walking towards her, in which case she does look like she is trying to hang herself. I know this. However, I do want to hold on to her for the time being, and furthermore homeless people should not have dogs, and I don't care if I sound judgmental.

Lastly, I really appreciate when I pass you going home and you inform me that I am beautiful. Again, I realize I am fairly attractive and am tempting fate by wearing a sleeveless shirt in ninety-degree weather, as apparently the self-control of the average poor person is about that of the Taliban. I do not have a dollar, I am two hundred dollars in debt. And you can never "lick that pussy, mm mmmmm". Never ever.

Therefore, homeless men on my block, I have begun carrying a knife in my pocket when going outside. I am trained in a martial art and I have absolutely no qualms about cutting off your genitalia. Good luck in court over that one, homeless men. Ha. Thank God for the prejudicial American court system.

Love,
Shazza

atlaaaanta

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 20:27:09 PST

So, three days.

How's everyone feeling about the big event?

I'm on pins and needles.

whine whine whine

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 12:06:21 PST

1) Poor. Poverty.
2) Tired, in just about every sense of the word.
However, it's okay.
Will be.
Should be.
Must be.
All is good.
This entry is ridiculously useless. I'd whine about my finances, but instead I'm going to go put on my ridiculous pink dress and some green boots and walk around looking like a glorious transvestite watermelon.

time is going so slowly

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 18:30:25 PST

Quick update:
1) It isn't March yet.
2) I'm still poor.
3) Shit, man, it's still 7 weeks until March 24.
4) I just seized 50% of my father's defunct film production company and am now solely responsible for its welfare. Eek.
5) I'm submitting to publishers starting on the 4th, eek.
6) I may be contemplating a major change of scenery. Eek.
7) Eek.
8) I have a three-day weekend at the end of February, huzzah.
9) My demo CD is almost done. Eek AND huzzah.
10) I've paid off some more bills, so I have a bit more credit, but plane fares are still expensive. Ick.
11) Make the movie. Make the move. Get the book out. Sell the tape. I hate having things under my control, but at least if I fuck up it's in my hands to give up or fix it.
12) Make it March. Go.
13) No rest for the weary. No rest.

what the?

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 07:02:54 PST

I had a dream about the devmeat last night.
I think this is indicative of some major emotional issues, ne?
And yes, everyone who was invited was in my dream, also the cast of Rent as played by private-school kids, also a Segway ( I suck at Segways apparently ) and also, drama.

I need to stop staying up late and...
wait, I don't do much on dA.

Eh. Sucks for me.
Jack had green hair, though. Didn't work. Don't do it.

novel words

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:38:30 PST

I think the best way to answer people who ask me "what's your novel about" is to respond with the base element of the book.
All of my books has been written from a different feeling. I write them with one word in mind and that word sets the tone for the entire book. I know it works, I've had people comment on it.
Tetrarch--word was "metallic", and also "primal".
Sub--word was "numbness" and also in the backstory elements, "longing".
Chainsaw Girl--word is/was "raw" and "meaty".
In Nomine Patri, which I'm working on now--word is "loss".

That's it. Oh yeah. Writing an entire novel with the tone of "loss".
I don't write uppers, folks. You know this.

Oh, and Happy Ubiquitous Holiday Greeting, also.

Suicidegirls, etc.

~shazzathegreat — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 07:59:24 PST

So, I applied to be a suicidegirl.
Yes, I am buying into the nakedness agenda. Oh well.
Wish me luck.

Also, I got a shiny new credit card and in one fell swoop charged it almost to the limit. W00t!

Also, I learned that Krav is belt-testing on December 3rd, and I looked over the curriculum and found out that I know all the shit that's on the test. However, I'm sure my stamina is shot from all the gross sickness for a month. If I get better, like, NOW, I have two weeks to get back in shape.
Hmm. Should I? Shouldn't I?

To give you an idea, it goes from 9:00 to 3:00 and they suggest two changes of clothes. fucking israeli army. I don't want to be a yellow belt anymore.

news from the magnificent SHAZZAPANTS

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 09:05:55 PST

So, what's up?

I am sick. Don't worry, I'm not contagious. I was probably contagious around the 16th of October. I've been fighting off being sick by force of will for like a month now. And now I'm failing and feel like I have emphysema. (Disclaimer: if a loved one has emphysema and I have offended you, insert other non-offensive illness here. Ex: syphilis, demon possession, Ebola, microcephaly, lobster-claw hand deformity.)

Also, due to puppying and being sick with above, I haven't done any martial arts in about three weeks. So I am gross, and resemble a hippopotamus.

Things I am looking forward to:

1) taking a vacation around december 16th
2) not having a morning job starting december 15th (although money must be found somewhere, hmm...)
3) the dog turning four months old in two weeks, huzzah for less than 20 trips outside a day
4) did I mention the vacation?
5) three days off for thanksgiving
6) the cessation of all personal financial and adult responsibilities june 1st, whereupon I shall be starting dun dun dunnn...college.

I feel like I've got everything very neatly together in my life, and that my life is awesome. Unfortunately, being a microcephalic hippopotamus, I can't enjoy it.

omgwtfbbqb00bzor

~shazzathegreat — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 07:31:32 PST

Hey guys--

Just for future reference, my AIM name is AAMAlewis. You should IM me. I'm on. Not a lot. But.

Also, my (OMGNOW I WILL BE STALKED AND RAPED OH NOES) cell is 5127841837 if you ever are coming to austin...because my intarweb is unreliable.

Also, OMGDEVMEET.

Also, I remember hearing the chihuahua song in Germany when it first came out and watching the lameass music video in fascination.

I never thought I'd hear it again in, you know, THAT context...

devvity

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:48:46 PDT

I am coming...to the ATL devmeet...so love me.

Someone was screaming outside my house last night.

What is the scariest noise you've ever heard?

No, really.

I'm curious. It's Halloween, fuckers. Spill.

it's my birthday today

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 10:51:20 PDT

happy birthday to mee
happy birthday to meeeee
i've gotten no presentsssss
(except the ones i bought myself and they don't count so)
you should really love meeee.

that's...not possible

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 25 Jun 2005 21:32:57 PDT

Hey, so I have an apartment, I have money, I just did 3 hip-hop shows in Providence and Boston, I'm relatively settled, and what else is new?

OH WAIT, the DRIVESHAFT FELL OUT OF MY CAR.

ON A HIGHWAY.

WHAT THE FUCK.

DRIVESHAFT /= FALLING OUT. BAD. MMKAY?

asshat posting

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 30 May 2005 18:42:53 PDT

yes i know i'm posting drivel

Goths, PETA Members, Rednecks
Circle I Limbo

Riceboys, General asshats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Saddam Hussein
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

DMV Employees
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Scientologists
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Republicans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Closeted homophobes
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Creationists
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

fine. FINE. Batonage.

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 26 May 2005 00:21:49 PDT

Total Volume:
Um, um, um. 11 gigs of music, mostly stolen. Plus about (roughly) 250-300 real CDs. Fuck. That's a lot.

Last CD Bought:
Sage Francis-A Healthy Distrust, MSI-You'll Rebel to Anything

Song Playing Right Now:
OMG I HAVE NO MUSIC ON. Last song that was on? Um...Maps-Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Five Songs I Listen to A Lot, Or That Mean A Lot to Me:
Get It While You Can-Janis Joplin
You Look So Fine-Garbage
Fuck you, Nate, I get Good Riddance-Green Day too.
Mutilated Lips-Ween (omg memories)
Somebody To Love-Jefferson Airplane.

I feel ridiculous

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 13 May 2005 13:02:12 PDT

even saying it, since nobody reads this, but

I am ignoring all adult responsibility today,
a kid ran up to my car and we drew on it with chalk and I felt AWESOME
said car has a BALL PIT in the trunk and I have been very busy playing in it
Instead of gathering my props/costumes etc. for the play that's opening in a few days I played with rubber dinosaurs with my prom dates
My ears are gauged therefore
I now have dinosaur earrings.

GOD my life is awesomely pointless today.

guess who just opened for sage francis

~shazzathegreat — Tue, 03 May 2005 19:36:11 PDT

Um,

ME.

Just got back from Vegas a few hours ago.

EEP.

aaah

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 07:29:49 PDT

OH SWEET FUCK MSI

10 things my recent dreams have taught me

~shazzathegreat — Sun, 17 Apr 2005 23:22:36 PDT

1) Yes, there are second chances but they taste wrong and waste away under your lips.

2) Zombies hide in kitchens. They slip through cracks and multiply in subway stations. Their heads, when stabbed with blunt knives, makes sounds like ripe tomatoes chopped into. Their children die quickly, you can make forts of them. Sometimes, they become zombie rappers. Other times, you become desperate to save someone who no longer loves you and offer your arm, to be bitten and doom you into zombie eternity.

3) If you are driving down a long road and your car is surrounded so densely with deer that you have no more headway, duck and throw your hands up to protect yourself.

4) There is always a beach, and always waves, but they are vicious and surfing them is nearly always a failed agenda. Sometimes, if the waves are big enough, they reach up out of your dreams and hit cruise ships in the Carolinas.

5) No one comes back for you.

6) There is a terrible, head-expanding, exploding beauty only reachable in the moment before you dream that can only be held onto for seconds at a time before you have to release it for the forgetting.

7) When fighting zombies, sledgehammers are ineffective at best. Spoons are preferable.

8) Things can't hurt in dreams, you can't read in dreams, you can't punch and fight in dreams: these are examples of untrue myths.

9) Nightmares are signs you have gone too far and been chased back by yourself.

10) In dreams, loving is enough; all the pretty things stay, and the small voices of love me love me love me have no purpose.

Dr. Seuss

~shazzathegreat — Tue, 29 Mar 2005 09:27:30 PST

My weekend reads like bad Dr. Seuss.
Good things, bad things, happy things, sad things...

*sigh* Things, all around. Maybe I should stop even sorting them.

sweet lord it's been a while

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 22:55:37 PST

I may be getting a tattoo apprenticeship shortly.

We'll see.

...it'd rock so hard, so very, very hard.

dreams

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 12 Feb 2005 20:57:57 PST

Last night I had a dream involving zombies overrunning a subway that opened onto the door of my house, me shooting them and stabbing them through the eyes with spoons and knives taken from the kitchen, and my friend Olivia not being able to find a flashlight so I could properly aim my zombie-hunting shotgun.

My fancy dream dictionary from the Austin public library defines this, collectively, as being about my alternate paths in life being run over with people trying to psychologically manipulate me, who I am giving too much too and should cut off, in order to pass through this new "doorway" in my life. The fact that I boarded up the door at the end of the dream means I am in denial about needing to move on. The flashlight represents that no one can help me but me.
This is the second dream I've had about zombies this week.

Alternatively to the Fancy Dream Dictionary Definition, I may be foretelling the future, in which I am apparently a zombie hunter.

Who knew?

oh my god

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 05 Feb 2005 18:45:47 PST

I am such a loser. I cannot believe myself.

I just turned down going to Mardi Gras with Rex Rizk, who has been my offandon fuckbuddy for years and has apparently been "thinking about me", for the following reasons:

--I am sore and it would involve walking
--I am not in the mood for the crowds in the 6-blocks-cordoned-off warehouse district
--Why the hell did I just do that?

In conclusion: I = teh l0zar, and should be summarily shot for lack of partying spirit.

I must rectify this tomorrow by having lunch with him, or something. Goddamnit. I could've at least stolen some more money. (Backstory: the mortgage on Rex's family's house is 20,000 a month).

Hmm. That's not cool.

~shazzathegreat — Tue, 01 Feb 2005 21:24:58 PST

New addition (and bizarre one) to Movies that Make Shazza Cry--A Lot.
Life Or Something Like It.
...this is a bad movie...I know this...and yet...
Oh well. I guess I have no control over my own emotions. Maybe I should work on that.

BTW, the list now goes something like: Gattaca, My Life Without Me, The Man Who Cried, Homeward Bound (that's right, folks, puppies make me cry), Life Or Something Like It, Legends of the Fall, and High Art.

I'm messed up, I think. Eh. We all are.

what do you think about...

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 13:26:31 PST

Smells.
As in the things most people say are most connected to memories.
I usually don't attach much significance to smells, I'm a very visual person and I have a very bad sense of smell. But I was thinking about some of the people I've loved--or been with--in my life, and the thing I'm most nostalgic about is the way they smelled.

Like my first boyfriend. He smelled like Marlboros and good weed and oranges, for some reason. That smell was all over his apartment, in his clothing, on the leather sofa that was so old it didn't smell like leather anymore, and it brings me back to old mattresses in attic garrets that look out on bits of the street and dying trees. There was one who smelled like hair gel, who I never really cared for. Robert, who smelled clean, and nothing but, which is a strange smell, almost the absence of smell.

The bass player with dreadlocks smelled like woodsmoke and the ocean, though he wasn't from the coast. Sam smelled like cloves and hemp, like hippies, but Sam's the exception--it's his skin, and not his smell that's always haunted me. Hiram, who smelled of shaving cream and Masculine cologne, which I never liked and he loved telling me he was wearing. The smells match the man. Hiram was an arrogant bastard, with odd grooming habits. Lamon didn't have a smell that I can remember. Rex smells like what Masculine was supposed to smell like, like too much testosterone and a little sharpness, the edge of cocaine lines. Who else? My little black book runneth over.

Rob, he smelled like the ocean and a little bit like fish. It felt like kissing a manta ray. And Chris, he smelled like cinnamon toast, and I haven't the slightest idea why. I wonder where Chris is, now? Louisiana, I think. Far far away.

And now I feel almost like I've come full circle, back to Marlboros and something a little darker, wilder. Back to cream, which almost has a smell, but doesn't. It's confusing, like a sense memory deja vu, or like coming home to find a different house with all the rooms the same.

So what smells do that for you? Do any?

Damn.

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:57:03 PST

It's been awhile since I've said anything in here.
So this shall definitely be anticlimactic, since I've dealt way too much with what's been going on to care about rehashing it.
Thus:
WTF?? Livejournal is down!
Now I have no addiction! This is not good. Not good at all.

rooftops

~shazzathegreat — Sun, 12 Dec 2004 15:57:19 PST

I love Texas. It's mid-December and I spent most of the afternoon lying along the ridgepole of my house in a T-shirt. It's maybe fifty degrees in the wind and forty at night, but in the sun it's sixty-eight and perfect.

We're going out to find our Christmas tree after dinner tonight, and I'm finishing up all my shopping. It's surprisingly stressless. It's like there's a little Mt. Rainier in the back of my mind, coming close to exploding but not yet. All the troubles in my life are dormant.

I had nothing else to do today, so I worked on my memory palace. It's almost there. Just the titles of the books on the shelves are missing. I never actually thought it would be as simple as it is, I always thought it would disappear the moment I stopped thinking about it, but it hasn't. I'm so damn close.

Memory palaces, in case no one knows, were developed back in the Greek and Roman times, and most likely before that. They're remnants of oral tradition. The idea is to create, in your mind, a visual representation of all the information you want to remember. Kind of like a catalog. The way ancient scholars did it is by visualizing a house, or a mansion, and filling the rooms with objects that were keys to that information. For instance, to remember a particularly difficult series of equations, you might place a blackboard in one room with the information on it, or maybe a textbook. That's the general idea. Some people are so practiced at it that it's almost an astral projection technique--they can go and walk around and "live" in their memory palaces when they need to.

It's amazing what people can do with their minds. I just wish I could make decisions half the time. Let alone go wandering around up there.

haiku + story

~shazzathegreat — Wed, 08 Dec 2004 22:06:38 PST

i just can't give you
all of me. that, both of you
already possess.

Anyone ever heard of The Lady or the Tiger? It's an old story that goes something like this:
There was a terrible but very powerful king who lived in a land far, far away. This king loved nothing more than to gamble, and so he devised a brilliant punishment for the most hardened criminals brought before him. He set in front of the prisoner two identical doors. Behind one lay a fierce tiger that would rip anyone before it to shreds. Behind the other, a beautiful woman who would instantly marry the first man she saw. A prisoner brought to the King would be asked to choose between the doors, not knowing whether he would be married or torn apart in the next instant.

Now the king had a beautiful daughter, and the beautiful daughter had a lover who worked in the garden. He was a commoner, but he was handsome and kind and they were desperately in love. He serenaded her and brought her presents and treated her with great kindness and she fell for him, though their love was forbidden.

One day, a servant saw the two walking together in the woods, and informed the King of their affair. This was a terrible insult to the royal bloodline, and the King had the gardener brought before him and sentenced to the "lady or the tiger". The daughter was heartbroken. She, of course, knew which door the lady and the tiger were behind. But what was she to do? If she told her lover to open the door to the tiger, he would be horribly killed. But if she told him to open the door to the lady, he would be married instantly and lost to her forever, alive but untouchable forever.

She spent the night weeping, and the next morning, when her lover was led to the two doors, she sat on a high terrace, watching him. When he passed by he saw her make a small motion indicating one of the two doors. She didn't hesitate or even look at him. The lover trusted her completely, and he opened the door she had indicated.

Which came out? The lady, or the tiger?

And this is where the story ends. Frustrating. Endless. Punishing.

I always thought the young lover should stand before the doors, face the king, and say, "I shall have both, or I shall have neither."

But that's not part of the story, now, is it?

i wonder...

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 04 Dec 2004 17:41:54 PST

It's lonely down here. I want to spend my christmas break in Atlanta, but not everyone has as much time off as me, and that makes me sad.
I'm up to 6ga in my incredibly stretchy ears, but I think I'm going to stop there or maybe at 4s. I don't want to completely ruin my femininity here. And huge gaping earlobe holes would be unattractive, to me.
I worry about that sometimes with the tattoos. I really have to make sure whatever I get done is classy enough so no one looks at me and thinks, "damn, that girl could've been so pretty...I wonder why she did that to herself? What a shame."
I go back and forth on that anyway, though. This haircut will most likely mean that if the movie happens ANYTIME in the next four months--which I doubt, I think we'll win the lawsuit and I'll run off with that money nevertobeseenagain--I'll have to have extensions put in. But I like my hair like it is now.
I think.
I love my city so much. I spent yesterday and the day before with two of the coolest people I know, getting free coffee and having pies baked for me. Rock.

superlove

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 12:56:55 PST

*blanked and *zephyrkinetic rock my world.
That's all. No more information for you. That is private, dammit.
mmm love is great.

dear lord. it's the end.

~shazzathegreat — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 08:18:25 PST

WTF just happened to my country?
WTF just happened to the separation of bloody church and state? marriage is now religious?

Why, why why do they keep referring to the "belief system of Americans"? Is this not dangerous as all hell?

Oh, Lord. Time for me to be an activist, apparently. I thought I wouldn't have to be. They are, at least, giving me a head start by delaying the announcement. By then I should have gather together my fountain dye, agitprop posters, condensed milk, handcuffs, film crew and of course transportation to Mexico after accidentally Molotoving some shit.

Would anyone like to join me?

And also, WTF is going to happen next?

undiscovered country

~shazzathegreat — Sun, 24 Oct 2004 23:41:04 PDT

jeeeeesus christ. If I'd known deliberately missing my flight out of ATL was going to mean 6 hours of sitting in the Houston airport on standby for four flights and being told to go get a hotel room, I would've missed all of the flights available and stayed an extra nine weeks or so. (I almost said I would've just caught my original flight but that's a damn lie.)

I. Hate. Flying.

But. I love parties and polyamory and drawing shittyshitty easily regrettable tattoos on myself and meat and being (as always) the AntiNerd, so all is well.

It was just karmic retribution. I skipped the flight for two hours, so I got to be punished for six.

I so need to be more of a whore.

meh!

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 12:04:22 PDT

I want a nifty cartoon userid. Somebody make me one.
Otherwise I shall smite you with my Israeli kung fu skills.

hunter thompson. Is. Jesus.

~shazzathegreat — Thu, 23 Sep 2004 19:42:28 PDT

As preparation for directing/starring in/producing Fear and Loathing, I was reading KINGDOM OF FEAR. And found the best description of the Bush administration I've seen so far.
Here 'tis:

"The difference between an outlaw and a war criminal is the difference between a pedophile and a Pederast...Being the object of a pedophile's warped affections is a Routine feature of growing up in America--and being a victim of a Pederast's crazed "love" is part of dying. Richard Nixon crossed that line when he began murdering foreigners in the name of 'family values'--and George Bush crossed it when he sneaked into the office and began killing brown-skinned children in the name of Jesus and the American people." --Hunter S. Thompson

I love that man.

ma plus belle

~shazzathegreat — Sat, 11 Sep 2004 18:42:02 PDT

i am reminded, now, of what I'm here for: I am not allowed to complain about my situation, because I am making a choice to stay here.
I am making the choice to stay here until I get my new identity in the mail.
I am making the choice to stay here until I am paid in full and equal share from the profits of the movie. Otherwise there are no limits on me.
I could leave now, but that would be choosing to be broke and doomed to a desk job, or worse--retail.
I am making the choice to stay here because it's all right, because I have two people in my life who I love with all my heart and at the moment that's saving me.

hmm

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 03 Sep 2004 11:59:51 PDT

what should I put on my birthday wishlist?

haha. i am back.

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 03 Sep 2004 08:23:13 PDT

Everybody important knows I'm back already, but whatever. All my awesome artsy photos shall be up shortly.
(they have rhinos in them!)
Plus I'm bored and have a digital camera, so sometime this weekend I'll be doing my own version of an SG photo set. Not that everybody gets to see it, but I wanted to brag...

argh!

~shazzathegreat — Mon, 26 Jul 2004 01:08:58 PDT

no more tea and toast. no more. if i have any more tea and toast i will take the goddamn bread and throw it over the wall. dammit. this is africa. not tea and toast land. yesterday morning i had toast and tea for breakfast. then i had a toast and chicken sandwich for lunch. then for dinner we had rice, chakalaka (cold or hot, it goes with anything! say the label) and toast. and tea. i feel like i've gained twenty pounds. will you still loev me?

off to africa

~shazzathegreat — Fri, 16 Jul 2004 20:57:58 PDT

I'm leaving for South Africa in nine hours. Twenty-two hours on the plane, and two thousand frames of film. Dayum. But it's gonna be awesome.
I don't even know if there will be internet anywhere where I'll be, so if I drop off the face of the planet for six weeks, that's why...I'll try, though.
So I'll be back with awesome zebra photos and such in a little bit!

bored

~shazzathegreat — Sun, 11 Jul 2004 13:11:51 PDT

Apparently to get film developed nowadays you have to do 1-hour and get awful pictures or wait a week for good ones.
i hate film. hate, hate hate.

i took my car out for a run so she won't break while i'm away, but my favorite lady at the gas station wasn't working, so no cigarettes for me.

i'm bored, tell me what to do. anyone seen anchorman? is it worth seeing? because will ferrell usually rocks.

<3