http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:shh-private&section=today deviantART RSS for by:shh-private en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:53:45 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/28417823/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/28417823/ Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:23:18 PST
]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/27479943/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/27479943/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:49:57 PDT Im still on my daily routine of studying, cause I know this is it. This is the final round. And Im going to work hard to do great.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/24885547/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/24885547/ Fri, 22 May 2009 05:44:59 PDT
Sure, i might have been home late for the past few days and missed my computer much, but i feel absolutely wonderful.

Perhaps it was because i had a nostalgic rush of Para Para Paradise and Dance Dance Revoltuion(DDR) in the arcade today, or that yesterday i attended the deviant meet. I believe its both, but more of the latter.

School ended at 3.45pm that day, and the meet was at four. I rushed from school, clearly, and looked ridiculous in my own country. After all, some girl in a school uniform from the East side came to the Central Business District and went around asking where the Merlion was. Hey. I know. Im stupid when it comes to getting around. Ive been dragged around through my whole life when Im out, courtesy of my sister, cousins and friends. It would have been a disgrace if i did not reach there.

I did, thankfully. I believe i got there within a shorter period of time than my own friends who went earlier did. Hahas. I was hungry, sweaty, thirsty and really, really tired. Nevertheless, I was happy to see the whole lot of deviants there.

So i couldnt really hear what $Spyed was really talking about. I was far behind him (and sound travels straight, doesnt U-turn to reach my pathetic little ears), and i missed much about what he said about deviantart. Who cares? I had a jar of cookies in my hands, and i took one bite of a cookie.

And the first of my friend came to me, asking for a cookie. I offered my friends of course, and some deviants at random. I baked the cookies the day before for the sole purpose of this meet. In fact, there was even this one girl who posted this tag on my cookie jar;
DARK SIDE HAZ COOKIEZ

I got to offer loads of other people, dont worry. Met some people, strange, peculiar, tall, slim, beautiful, ugly(oops!) and whatever. There was this guy going around giving random hugs. Hahas. I think my junior friend kind of fell in love with the gay boy. SHH!!

Oh well, I didnt get to stay long. I still had school the next day, and my mother doesnt really know i went all the way over there. OOPS. We got a little lost during our way back home, cause there were some disagreements about how to get home. I clearly remembered the way though. After that whole embarrassing 'ask around for directions thing', i knew where to go.

Despte the ache in my back and legs-Or maybe just about all around my body, Im happy I got to go. Wouldnt miss the next deviant meet.

I dont think i should make this too long, but i cant help it. Once i type/write, i dont like to stop until im fresh out of ideas. But this is a journal entry. I cant be fresh out of ideas. hahas.

DDR AND Para Para!!! Holy that nostalgic feeling came around when i was sitting and watching my school's dance club perform. They werent too bad. Just that they kind of needed more emotion in their dance. So i invited my friend to the arcade with that urge to move around too.

We had so much fun. I cant tell you how i missed my two loveable machines in the arcade. I havent been there in ages. I used to go there nearly every week when i was 14(now going on 16). Hah! I got a little rusty, but still not bad. It reminded me of how i had a life besides physics and writing.

And i want my life back. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I want to draw, to play, to dance everyday and to type my dearest story, which at the moment im having a writers block, so its on hold. But i suppose, when you have O levels, you cant have your life. Sighs, but fine. I just cant have a life with triple science, can I? Thus, Im forced to be dead on deviantart first.

Ill put everything i love on hold for my exams, just make sure i get good results afterwards. My first serious paper is a week away. Wish me luck.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/24416241/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/24416241/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:57:04 PDT
I still have that hunch im going to regret it. Oh well. Anyone has a facebook?

My exams are coming. And im still here, messing about with my story, trying to edit the first book and type the second one. Darn me. Better start revising. Sighs.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23751050/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23751050/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:14:19 PDT
so besides the fact of boredom, i was drived to write it too. Reading books are inspirational.

Sighs. Im not doing that well in my studies either. shouldnt write. shouldnt play. shouldnt do anything but study. which is bad. ive always prevented myself from doing anything that might harm me.

oh well. hahas. scratch that. im not making such a promise. ill go back to writing for now. but i still stick to my words that i wont put it up here until after my major exams (in october?)

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23551165/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23551165/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 03:31:33 PST
The environment-Earth-What does it mean to me? It means so much. It is, along with my family and God(though God comes first), the only things i love in the world.

Yet, the debate motion came out and it was against my own love-my own principles. "This house would make environmental protection a condition for receiving developmental aid."

How the hell do i rebutt that? It is AGAINST my own moral values. I love the Earth too much. Beautiful man-made buildings, fountains and lights might make me dazzled, but its the mountains, waterfalls and the blue sky that will take my breath away. I guess im one of the few that truly loves Earth for Earth and for its natural beauty.

When i took a walk down to school, I saw many buildings. And that was just within my country. Imagine the amount of resources Earth had to provide us with the countless high-rise buildings? So much as when i imagine relaxing, i didnt picture the computer or PSP. I pictured a waterfall, a river with a beautiful moon and green grass that never fails to make me cry with awe when i think of it. However, somewhere in the back of my mind, that picture starts to waver. Its no more. (Technically, this is why i set my story in a small town. With lots of nice sceneries. Cause id so much want it-To live there.)

And the pictures gone, only to be replaced by fake grass and "underwater worlds" that is barely a fifth of what the original was. I appreciate the Earth too much, for what it has given us and for what it is; a beautiful blue planet in the hands of destruction.

I guess some people just have no sense of gratitude or had never seen the Earth's beauty. I pity them partly.

So bearing all these in mind, am i still supposed to say that we shouldnt put environmental protection as one of the top priorities? Earth has no doubtedly housed humanity for many generations. And if we were to destroy it, who will house us then? (Thats not my only concern. I love the birds and the grass and the trees and the water too.)

Being one of the only things i love, Earth means a lot to me. It means almost the world. Well, it is the world-hahas but you get my drift. I cant do a job and convince others about something i cant convince myself.

Oh yes, sure, emotions-Theyre bound to get the better of people. But if i were to do this right, id have to convince myself that Earth doesnt matter as much as humans(which i BEG to differ.) and when i do convince myself that, itll be as good as letting Earth go. I cant pretend im convinced. When i say something id buy half the things im saying, which, in other words, means that i truly believe in what im saying. And i cant let go of Earth. If i do let go of it, id be so much losing half of me. Ive lived my life loving Earth and i will NOT let it go because of something that im obliged to. Call me some clingy girl, but i cant afford to let it go. Earths one of the only things i love. If i do let it go, whatll make me human then? What will give me the sweet taste of love that makes us all what we are-humans? What will provide me with that passion in life, that drive of fully believing in something? If i let Earth go, id be as good as a robot, with no opinions about anything. Earth is the one thing i have an opinion of.

But sighs. Maybe it isnt the fact about Earth that keeps me so much from doing this debate. Maybe it is the fact that i still hate speaking in front of people, to rebutt against people and to have to think on the spot. I like taking my own time. But debate doesnt permit that. I dont have the luxury of time when sitting in that hot spot.

So what am i to believe in? Im here, at home, trying so hard to resolve the internal conflict that never stops. Which is the right path-To go with the one that you love, or to go with what is assigned to you? I dont have many loves, so this has never been much of a problem for me. But when it comes to dear darling Earth, it becomes sticky and messy. This is why Earth is a touchy subject to me. Its something i strongly stand for.

With this, i end the entry. Music and time has calmed me down, so this entry isnt as emotional as it might have been-wouldnt want you to read it like that anyway. its HORRIBLE when i let go of such emotions. Even so, the conflict still occurs within me.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23051933/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/23051933/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:47:43 PST
Anyway, the debate. thats the first issue i want to cover. It wasnt all that bad. except for the fact that i was trembling, my knees went soft and that i was tripping over my tongue (and its not even over the guy that i like!) Oh, when we met our opponent (not official. just so happened that we went into the same room before going for the actual thing.) catherine was going.. "oh. thats our opponent?!?"

well, i have to admit. i was terrified by them at first. i mean, they looked so confident. and there was a caucasian looking guy in their team. what are we? NOTHING! so before the debate even started, i got scared. we shook their hands (and mine was cold. oops) apparently, the caucasian guy asked one of our team members "so you prepared?" and the girl in the team said "we'll beat you!" right after shaking hands. (slaps forehead)

surprise came over when the chairman introduced us all formally. im sure my opponents thought i wasnt malay. and i know all of my team thought the caucasian looking guy was caucasian. turned out that he wasnt. he had a malay name. from middle east, i reckon. and our teacher told us before the debate "if handsome boy looks at you and insults you, and your mind goes blank, i will slap you left and right."

hmm... who is my teacher to go against human nature? hah. still should have gotten his email though. then id be able to ask him if he was muslim or so. i still want to know that.

i was arguing into my book and i covered my mouth at the end of the speech? true. my subconscious personality. and im very dependent on a book. especially my diary. my teammates were flooding me with points on post its before my reply speech. ill always remember that, and be sure not to flood my other teammates who would be doing reply speeches.

and my post it flew off the table. i swear my table was a mess! there was post its everywhere! and there was one particular post it, one that said "SHUT UP! and listen.". that one flew off the table. it would be so embarrassing if the judge saw it(i dont know if they did..). shit.

oh.. we won. though i believe i should have done better. my team said i was inaudible. and i didnt rebut well enough(i know. i hate conflicts!) oh well. oh. kudos to ashin. you sure can phrase your points in prose fast enough. you suit third speaker.

sighs. what else should i talk about now? its already pretty long. valentines? hmm.. cookies! oh dear. i havent baked them. im so busy with things. cant. shit it so hard.

and dominic. i know. what right does he have to be so much part of my journals? i just want to clarify. he isnt that bad a person. i know. its just that, hes sarcastic. i hate that. but i dont mind him. okayy. no no no no no. lets leave this topic. im a very confused woman when i cant find harmony between emotions and logic.

you guys have anything to ask? i dont want to write too much on a page. its too long to read.

PS iwillbot. search his name on youtube. hes a wonderful pianist who can play normal(?) songs on piano. thats just in case if youre wondering. i like him a lot. i want to play like him someday. besides, you can karoake and hell be the accompanist for the background music. hahas. well done iwillbot-though i dont know your name.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22553968/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22553968/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 23:46:45 PST
though theres another competition. now im only afraid if i cant cope with everything. and screw dominic.

anyways, im done with thinking of a plot for the story. finally. though there are lots of illogical things. so i have to fix that up. but im done! all i can say is that; wow. ill be so screwed up trying to write it.

but anyways. i still want to hear what you guys have to say. anything you want? apart from sapphire ending up with alex, cause im already fixed on alex and ruby.

oh well. so many characters to think of. i need more time.

i need to study hard now. i have homework... so if i have time, ill draw some stuff. but i dont think i will. im more focusing on other random things like what im supposed to do for everyones birthday and on learning keys.

Alexs family is interesting. hahas. I figured names for them.

according to oldest first:
Elena Night
Ludwig Night
Victor Night
Alexander Night

Alex should be disowned by his father, after what he did. hahas. i think he should. but let me think about whats best for now. i should plot everything before i type.

AHH! gotta study.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22481516/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22481516/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:38:37 PST
My immune system has never been that good anyway. The moment I do not get enough sleep(and i mean real sleep, not lying in bed), or i accumulate a sleep debt, my immune system crashes.

Then, i would be prone to having flu. Its part of a trait that runs in the rooster babies in my family. I think, though, that mine is the worst.

But when i reached home today, the last day of school of the first official week, my temperature went all the way up to 37.6 degree celsius, which is far from my normal temperature range of 35.8-36.4. I had a fever. Even after taking a bath, my temperature was 37.5.(Maybe if i bathe another 15 times, my temperature will go down to noral.)

Well, what caused this fever? The stress, the debate, the lack of sleep and... the broken heart?

I have lots of homework that i havent finished up. And my debate third opposition speech... sighs. Im really really scared about it. Im traumatized.

Lack of sleep isnt new. im sure every of my friends know it.

And the broken heart. SIGH. He has a girlfriend. I saw him putting his arms around her. I went like.. wth? and then i got upset, and then i just realised again how similar he was to damien. remember damien couldnt keep his hands off saph? Hahas. Yup. Well, at least now i know what pamela was feeling.

But i dont think it was the crushed love interest that made me ill.(Fine. so maybe it did contribute. I mean, everyone gets heartbroken right?) I was already having flu today, in the morning. maybe the amount of stress i built up just blew my brain. I mean, i was trying to think about my case for debate my brain didnt allow me to. Everytime i did, for some reason, my brain made me think about chemistry.

LESSON LEARNT: my brain doesnt let me think of things that stress me out.

So... the heart got distracted, my brain got stressed out, and my body just... wanted to faint? Yup. i wanted to faint for a second in school. But nope, my brain doesnt like shutting down.

Oh. Another lesson learnt today; Mr dominic isnt that bad. there are times i just want to punch his face out.(actually no)(i dont get that impulsive so often) but i think he is a nice person. Who knows. Maybe the dear girl he met at camp(or can. HAHAS) really did change him. Oh finaly.

And to hell dominic. I still disagree about the eart thing. Screw you for it. Someday, vinewhips are going to sprout in your house and tie you.

My debate competition is tomorrow. Wish me all the best. I hope i dont screw my third opposition. I dont like impromptus.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22381560/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22381560/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 20:01:46 PST
Can you believe that i have a test on the 2nd and the third day of school? WOW How nice. This is going to be a busy year.

Anyways, what do you guys do when you have a crush? I have a love interest :surprised: i know. feels too wrong to have a love interest at the start of a new year. and worse still, i have a major graduating exam coming up.(im taking time off to type this. appreciate it cause it wont be as often)

And strangely, this guy is ALL WRONG. He is practically everything my dream guy isnt. Hes shorter, younger, and well, stupidier?

And guess whats even more stupid? i like him cause he reminds me of damien. he is in one of the considered slower classes and pretty much hot tempered and irrational, most likely. so what do i do now?

Dont give me the stupid crap about adding him on facebook/friendster or asking him for his number. it doesnt help me.

his birthday is coming. and so is my prelim oral exam. AHH!! and to think my psycho bio teacher left me!!! HOW COULD SHE?! i feel so betrayed. im rid of that wretched old woman but i love her. (love her, hate her killer homework.) like the saying goes, love the sinner, hate the sin. sighs.

so i have so much to think about. ill have prom night(maybe) so need to think about money. i need to think about my studies. i need to think about debate. i need to think of my story. i need to get love out of my heart(why isnt my brain doing its job of filtering priorities?!)

then again, isnt love good? if i push almost every love interest out of my life now, ill do it when im older.

oh well. despite all these things, i can tell this year will be great. i know it will cause it will. studies arent so much of a problem. its just school system that bugs me. imagine me, lying dead on top of a pile of books because the teachers gave too many homework? it is possible.

but this year will be the best. i can feel it.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22250427/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/22250427/ Sun, 28 Dec 2008 20:52:47 PST
Anyway, i was in Malaysia, KL for the past three days. i was SOO reluctant to go at first. (are you all able to tell that i actually dont enjoy going out on vacation?) I didnt like the sound of sleeping with people around. i didnt like the sound of being exposed to air-conditioning for three days and i didnt like the sound of getting sick. I was just AGAINST it. But oh well, for my parents, i shall.

I tasted some really good food there. I had crepe. (i heard of it in cooking mama-a game-and wanted to try it.) some smoothie(was actually sour but still good). and SUBWAY They were all SO GOOD. Now i know why my teacher likes subway. its good. though it isnt halal in singapore. but it is in malaysia.

speaking of my teacher... (his name is mr dominic) i had a dream of him last night. i keep having weird dreams. i know. but i dreamt of him. i dont remember what it was about but i know i saw him. and i saw my primary school classmate. which happened to be my crush then. i was in his house, eating food?

anyway, if you want to know more about my dreams, theyre generally pretty scary. i dont know why, but last week, ive been having dreams about people/things chasing me.

once was a very strong vampire with black hair that fell to his shoulders(kind of reminds me of tyler in my story). he was let loose(from where? i dont know either) and he spotted me(yikes. out of all the people). so i tried to run. and ended up trying to hide in the girls toilet(where i thought he wouldnt follow. but who am i kidding? what would a vampire care about the regular laws?) he came and bit me. i was so scared then but strangely, after he bit me, i fell in love with him. i didnt care afterwards and i wanted him. the last i remember of it was sitting on his lap.

well, next dream. i dont want to elaborate on this one. the short version of it was that some guy wanted to rob me. i was at my friends house then and when i left, he was at my friends doorstep. he was bald? and he told me directly in my face "im going to rob you." WTH? my brother was with me and we ran. i managed to outsmart him while running from him using lifts and stairs. (i cant outrun anyone, trust me)

coming to the more deeper dream-love. dont really know what happen then but i remember another guy chasing me(a lot of people are chasing me. am i some rare merchandise who could be sold for millions? or is it telling me that i should do my homework or my teachers will start chasing me?). he kind of reminded me of an actor. he was wearing a suit and a tie. reminded me of the guy in bourne supreme? i dont know. but he was chasing me. and i was running from him. when he finally caught up with my friends and me (my friends were running with me), he said "promise me youll never leave me. say it that youll love me forever." or something along those lines. and right there and then, i was thinking possesive little lover who gets a little insecure and clingy. but hey, he had a weapon(was it a gun or a knife?) so i said "of course."

and the weirdest dream is this one. i was injured and on some vacation? everything was so sunny and bright until i heard that dinosaurs were on the loose. they were rampaging around and i think they wanted me, for some reason. so my family who were on vacation with me, tried to help me. we packed out stuff and bla bla. thank god i woke up before i really did get eaten in my dreams. i was pretty scared then. i mean, how many of us actually learns that dinosaurs were after you? none. dinosaurs are extinct.

(shudders.) its nice of declan to actually sing guardian angel. makes me believe that i do have one. hahas. (though i dont really think that i have any.)

i had some really nice time in malaysia. bought a pair of pants. spent some quality time with my brother and cousin. (my cousin is a female whose sister doesnt really like spending time with her. pitiful.) and oh. i forgot. i had some secret recipe cakes with my male cousin. i was done shopping then and i was waiting by the food court. i was alone. and my guy cousin came up too, saying that he found nothing interesting. so he asked me if id like some cake and that hed treat me. it was my first time actually even talking properly with him. weve never actually had a real conversation. but oh well. we had some really good cake. (thanks a lot cousin ) raspber... ]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21924500/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21924500/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 01:04:52 PST If i ever do something for you against my own will, dont thank me. TRUST ME. Ill hate you for thanking me.(weird girl huh?)

Anyway, to the class BBQ. I arrived there about 8. Left around 9. Damn. I spent so little time. I arrived in a dress, and Herman just HAD to say i looked awful, didnt he? its not a crime to dress up. Note to self: never attend the class bbq again. wasted eight bucks. i got lost there anyway.

I feel so down. And its raining. How the weather coordinates with my mood.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21736609/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21736609/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:46:10 PST this morning, i tried to bake lady fingers for my tiramisu cake. i know it will be hard baking twice in a day, but i was up for it.

started off with eggs. EGGS. Seperating eggs. I HATE seperating eggs. initially, i had eight eggs. i only needed six for tiramisu+lady fingers, but i ended up breaking three, because i couldnt seperate them right. so i had to go down, buy more eggs. sighs. note to self: the next time i go grocery shopping, buy the egg seperator. i need it. absolutely need it. its just too bad they dont have a theory on seperating eggs. (rolls eyes)

fine. so with that done, i carried on, despite finding the batter to feel like cake batter and not hard, stiff, biscuit batter. im so dumb. but guess its all right. i havent gotten the sponge cake recipe right and now, i think i have. tastes good, has rised, and no, it does not have a hole-like texture. i think that must be because i put in bicarbonate of soda the last time.(shudders) NEVER put in bicarbonate of soda into sponge cake the next time. oh well.

ill go out to buy some biscuits in the afternoon. right now, im tired from the sponge cake. ive got a pile of stuff to wash(screw it), and a sponge cake to fill. thank god for betty crockers instant frosting. or id be baking thrice today just for a filling for the sponge cake(supposedly lady fingers).

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21654243/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21654243/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:27:02 PST Alexander means the defender of the people. (Alex defends people? the only person i know he defends is sapphire.)
Sapphire is a gemstone. Blue. Though i dont know why i named her sapphire at all. Her eyes are green. And she has nothing to do with blue. but i guess she is precious.
Damien means to tame(?)/subdue. Hell yeahh someone should tame him. =X
Victor derives from victory. so hes always winning cause hes a winner.

Oh. this one isnt a character but its one of my favourite singers-Declan. Means full of goodness. its right. hes full of good voice. hahas.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21635786/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21635786/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:41:09 PST
]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21607148/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21607148/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 02:01:17 PST REALLY, thank you god.) that the coded ones are the chapters i have put up on deviantart. (Credit to deviantart too, thanks) I'll probably go recover them on my com, cause i dont know how to work my sisters macbook. GOD I WAS SO WORRIED. must have been herman cursing me to spoil my thumbdrive or my story suddenly going haywire. hahas. but really, thank you god. i wouldve died if my story was destroyed. it took time and effort too type.

Speaking of which, ill go edit the next chapter now and put it up, in case if the macbook, out of hatred, decides to delete my story.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21478269/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21478269/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 23:48:13 PST
Damn. Theyve already finished Avatar book 1 (in other words, season 1) Im looking forward to book 2. chapter 7(?) of book 2 rocks! hahas. nah. thats only cause zukos the main character of that chapter. Sighs.

Many things i have yet to do this holidays. ill try my best to fulfill all of my promises and commitments, that includes finishing my story.

Hope i do get to enjoy my time in the chalet. (gulps) I really hope so. (shudders)

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21411096/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21411096/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 19:17:22 PST i just took a shower and damn it was cold.
What's nicer than a cold shower?
To have some hot cocoa afterwards. Hahas.
But no, i didnt get the hot cocoa.
sighs. i know people would rather hot water to cold, but im the one that prefers cold.
im cold-blooded, remember? (rolls eyes)
im not the kind can retain heat in my body. i dont know why but i cant. so if i cant be warm, why not embrace the cold?


hmm.. im going to have a chalet this weekend. honestly, im not looking forward to it.


Firstly, i cant sleep right. If i cant sleep right, ugh ill get sick. The temperature will be set too cold, promoting flu. People will talk late into the night, preventing me from sleeping. Ill be squeezed out for space, and trust me, i like sleeping ALONE. apart from that, we'll be fighting for the blankets. secondly, it a waste of time. its not much of a waste i know but i cant do things there. i cant do what i have to do. i dont have a proper table there to draw, i cant really type there and all i can do is just slack about. i dont like to slack. it makes me feel useless. thank god my uncle will be bringing his laptop over. with internet.
sighs. uncle. hes coming, thats great but i fear so much for him. please god, let him be all right. thirdly, the food. oh hell yes. the food is fattening. i think i gained two kg from the previous chalet and no, im not planning to get another two. though it is nice. (starts grabbing all the chicken wings and bbq marshmallows) no wonder i gained weight.
sounds horrible. i tried to love chalet events one after another, but failed. you know why?! cause they all made me down with flu when i return home.
-_-''
damn. i believe i am able to enjoy it, but i cant when im sick, right?
oh well. i should try to enjoy this one.
(shuts eyes and hides away under the blanket)
maybe i should go bugis on wednesday or something. i have money to spend! and i want to spend it! hahas. no. its just that ive got stuff i want to buy.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21311072/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21311072/ Tue, 04 Nov 2008 03:15:08 PST im not giving my story up, but im just lost at what to write.
i can fast forward the weekdays but itll seem so weird and so cut out.
unprofessional, i call it.
hahas. i shall find a way, no matter what.
but for now, i have to go.
avatars coming on in fifteen minutes.
hehe. i made tiramisu yesterday!
my very first attempt. not bad.


]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21166637/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/21166637/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:01:21 PDT it ROCKS
i know its an old show but... oh well.
im in love with it.
im in love with ZUKO
(cheers for zuko)
from the first time i met him,
i knew he was going to eventually help aang, the avatar.
cause firstly, his honour hangs on the avatars capture.
but the avatar cant be captured now, can he?
so obviously, zuko will be banished.
sure he is a little angsty and all...
but thats what i love.
cause hes full of so hatred
but these kind of people are usually most vulnerable and all, right?
after all, hes trying to capture because he wants his father to be proud of him.
i just feel like going into the story and taking care of him.
=X
i want to go into every story.
hahas.
oh well... im done with one picture.
upload it another day.
its about the first time ive coloured a picture.
anyway, back to zuko.
i pity him. his the kind of guy whose parents dont really give love
and expect a lot of their children.
i gotta sleep dude.
10. WAAY past my bedtime.
goodnight.
cant wait for tomorrows episode.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20927536/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20927536/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:24:31 PDT god, i dont think id do so well though.
hahas. but i just figured out something.
this is actually meant for sapphire dawn to say to alexander night.
'Often, the wrongs are more obvious than the right but always, the rights are more than the wrong'.
it just means that we should learn how to forgive ourselves once in awhile.
its a quote i made up. for myself actually.
i dont really think its always that rights are more than the wrong(for some people, that is) but, works for me.

im going to go hari raya.
eat some more.
mondays my class outing.
not really excited cause theres lots of people.
so... im more or less waiting for time alone.
i dont know what id do but im going to do what i need to do then.
PLAN! hahas.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20733157/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20733157/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 22:09:17 PDT PMS. It came back to haunt me.
funny thing was, during the period i worte my story(manuscript),
i had never had one mood swing.
all was well and blissful for me.
i think this is one reason why i love my story so much.
because it gave me emotional stability.
everything was just 'all right' and 'sure' when i wrote my story.
maybe i was living more of a life in my story than my own life then.
what do you think?
can writers actually live in what theyve created or
do they have to live in the real?
whatever it is, i still have my flu.
the warm air + my sis talking woke me up at 1 in the morning.
screw it.
so i had flu for todays papers too.
sighs.
well, two days till hari raya.
gonna type my story now.
laters!

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20661697/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20661697/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:57:49 PDT im not joking.
firstly, i could not find enough points in the english summary.
second, i was SICK.
sick like shit!
my flu was depriving me of my real goal, which was to be able to give my best in the exams.
but i guess, the world was against me.
my physics paper was nonsensical.
who the hell draws a graph of G.P.E. against height for the given time?
besides that, who finds velocity with M and H? I mean it is possible,
but seriously. other factors were not given and o, it was hard to derive a formula.
sighs.
i almost fell asleep in listening comprehension.
im too tired.
the days have taken their toll on me.
im really really tired.
well, given the fact that i was still thinking about physics during the LC exam.
so much for me wanting to hear these words;
top in physics, nur hanisah binte sukarji.
sighs. ill never hear those words now.
they are calling so distantly, almost inaudible;faint.
i gave up on chemistry and biology.
i know people can do better at it than me.
and there goes my dream of getting top 5% in level.
im so screwed.
well, apart from the exams,
i came home, tried to get on the computer through the internet and i screwed.
the government cut the electricity for some testing thing.
so i sat for some time doing nothing!
is god testing my patience?
because if he is, i have been pushed to the max, i think.
i know im still sane as im still able to writ this but
i really dont want to take anymore.
god cares about the phrase, "people shine under pressure, just like diamonds"
i dont want to be put under pressure.
i can take it, but i really dont want to.
hmm... i think that was the wrong thing to say.
all right, i mean, i can crack under pressure you know.
right. thats it.
well, dear god, if that is what you want to see,
then make me crack now. i havent done much good in my life but,
crack me before i crack myself.
i dont care about declan or any other guy for that matter.
because i know sub-consciously i can NEVER get a guy.
and ive listed the reasons why so dont pull me out of it.
but really, i know dear god,
that you said you give people hardship as a form of test.
but, i can very well see now how pathetic i am in the test.
i failed miserably.
that i say i cant take it.
so am i worth going to heaven?
that is my final aim. but till then, i still need to survive on earth.
so what did you try on me, dear god?
was i succeeding too much in life that you had to give me a downfall?
perhaps. but even so, why?
maybe it isnt such a good question to ask why, dear god.
but i wonder what you have in store for me.
am i meant for nothing or am i meant for greatness?
or are you really going to make me the farmer i said wanted?
OH DEAR ME NO!
i dont despise farming.
it is just that, like what my friends say,
why make me go through all these for farming?
i do not get it, dear god.
you complex things in a way that i am unable to decipher.
then again, my knowledge is limited, compared to yours.
what is your purpose of making me feel this pain?
i feel so heavy and twisted inside,
as if torn right out of my own flesh.
my dear physics, the field i love most,
twisted against me.
this is my hate-love relationship with physics but i fear
that i may never be able to love it again.
i dont deserve a field that i cannot understand.
if i cant score in chemistry nor biology nor A maths,
why take physics away from me?
or are you merely taking them as a payment for something?
is it, dear god, that you are taking it as a payment for my sins?
well i certainly do like to be forgiven off sins.
but i wonder what will happen.
i messed up too much.
i know that, but whatever will i do?
what about my dream of living a nice, comfortable life with minimum financial problems?
or are you going to make me the wife that ive secretly hoped for?
i doubt so, dear diary.
we all know that im too independent and doubtful to trust anyone for a stable income.
whatever will happen to me dear diary?
dear god has put my emotional balance in a wreck,
the one thing we all know that i can never have disturbed.
so, dear god, my question to you:
what do you really have in store for me?
hahas. i just realised that,
people can never seem to surprise me easily.
id have guessed everything too fast.
but dear god knows how to keep secrets well, does he not?
i suppose i should leave it up to fate to watch everything as they unfold.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20465625/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20465625/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:55:14 PDT and my hand still smells of the batter i used to bake a cake this afternoon.
im going to eat dinner soon!
=]

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20448410/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20448410/ Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:45:48 PDT about declan galbraith.
the guy said declan galbraith had an angel-like voice.
well hell yeahh he is right.
my brother was trying to make fun of declan when he heard the video and said "Huh? Declan has a what?! Angel's voice?!"
And the ruler he was holding onto snapped and fell.
See. He was trying to degrade the loveliest singer ever.
And look at what he got.
hahas. serves him right.
=]
I love declan. wait. let me continue watching the video.
okayy now im at some of his website.
wth.
i want declan galbraith. im so immature to say that but yes i do.
and it sucks having a wet blanket.
and whats worse is that the wet blanket is in my head.
it simply screams "you cant have him!"
and then does a face like this:
-_-''
shit. see. i think ive gone nuts.
screw this shit for depriving me of my real goal at the moment, which is to finish the part on the sleepover in my story.
sighs.
if i cant have declan galbraith then at least can i have the guy that i chose?
that guy just so happens to be in the worst stream (uhh.. the not so smart stream i mean)
and i- well, he isnt exactly the brightest.
nor is he the most patient(from what i heard)
but i still want to have my try with him.
there is something about him that just...
hmm.. lets see... attracts me?
i cant pin point a word.
well, i have to get back to my story.
all this journal thing made me sad.
sighs.
laters.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20034266/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/20034266/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:29:04 PDT but no, i did not get to draw Damien.
He is just too hard to draw.
For some reason.
Ill upload Alex and Saph up this weekend.
Promise. Im so busy right now.
Hahas. but alex and saph-the way i draw is how i imagined them to look like.
so i apolagize in advance if they smashed your dreams or ideal or anything
later!
still on chapter 4.
so slow.
darn school!

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19855448/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19855448/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 01:06:06 PDT was it the spur of anger a little while ago that drained me of energy?
or was it... the mere thought of finishing my story so quickly?
whatever it is, it saddens me.
deeply. look at me.
im listening to some emo song as well. haiz.
do you think, that for a moment, i fell in love with my own story characters too deep?
that i am lost in a fantasy, thinking that they are real?
perhaps. i fell for them and the thought of losing them scares me.
it excites me to finish the story, but makes me grief over it as well.
oh well. i have to finish it.
i must. no matter how deep i might cut myself with my own story-
omg. i am attached to my story!
what you do not have feelings for can never hurt you.
so i do love it.
i cannot blame myself. almost 3 months since ive started writing.
i must have some kind of love that drives me to write it for so long.
hahas. oh and to those who wants to read it, itll be out around early september.
thats my estimation.
okayy. gotta go soon. must write more.
hahas. goodbye.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19728712/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19728712/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:01:37 PDT i do not want damien to attempt to rape sapphire even if he had an excuse of he being drunk at that time.
and alex, sweet alex will come save her.
in the midst of a werewolf party.
brave. yeahh.
but it saddens me to write about damien being bad.
hahas. oh yeahh. we were making the mascot thing today.
and guess who i saw?
dominic. omg.
now why was he at downtown ruining my almost ruined morning?
it was bad enough i had to work with a bunch of people. but seeing DOMINIC?!
probably more subway. tsk tsk.
anyways. k-box was really awesome.
nice room. not soundproof though.
i could here the next door people singing off pitch.
but i guess i was off-pitch too.
so were even.
hahas
i wish tiara and hana could have gone with me.
i really wanted them to.
but stupid tiara.
go for band. and she was the one who complained about me not making enough time for her!
i am so upset by her.
i dislike my weekends touch by friends, in case if she didnt know.
haiz. i asked her about next friday for national day and she said see first.
i mean, at this rate ill never go out with her.
to complain about me not going out with her is bad enough but saying no when i want to go out with her is worse.
wth. it infuriates me.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19321968/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/19321968/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:31:32 PDT i cant read angles.
Shit. How am i supposed to be an engineer now?
im going to fail the test.
whats more must see my english teacher for PCDS
stupid english letter
haiz.
whats more, he hates people who dont participate in school activities just to study
its not our fault that some of us have had our parents phsycoed us to study since young.
really it isnt.
so why blame us?
just cause we choose to study and not have a vibrant life like you?
some us us actully like studying
so he has no right to blame us if we want to have lesser friends and study on our weekends.
really. he thinks ms ho is like that.
so i pray hard that he marries someone like that so he can understand what it feels like.
now im so upset and frustrated that i HAD to buy a riceball cake and some tapioca kueh.
and ruin my diet.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18880609/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18880609/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:37:16 PDT i burnt myself again today.
no, not because of baking.
but because of cooking eggs.
-_-''
how lame is that?!
you know what? probably when i grow up and get married,
my husband would have to cook everyday. not me.
cause if not, id get burnt everyday.
haiz.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18864328/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18864328/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 23:28:47 PDT bbq marshmallows, bbq chicken wings, satay!
hahas. i used to hate satay but now i love it.
favourite flavour-the fatty one. its called babat in malay.
haiz. and at night, the girls and i would try do suggestive talks with a little kid.
hahas. shes just a girl for gods sake. what would she know?
but it was awesome anyway, though i didnt really get any bio homework done.
instead, i did more of writing my story. =]
DAMIEN FANG! hahas.
oh we watched movies too-
valentine, van helsing, bring it on.
we almost finished watching history boys.
except that we dont understand it.
sexy legs. hahas. sorry. private joke.
and last night was the best.
we were god knows talking about some stuff that girls normally talk about.
except the part on lion king's songs-i dont think that girls normally sing lion kings songs.
oh well, this is us.
hahas. i have an ulcer now, great..
haiz. ill miss bbq marshmallows.
and chicken wings.
i dont really like chicken much, but bbq chicken i love.
so fatty and good. =]
oh there was cake too. chocolate cake and strawberry cake.
awesome. i loved the chocolate one better though.
indulge too. nice.
i went to the arcade there.
too bad no parapara. or ddr.
hmm... i mostly spent my time with movies and my diary.
oh yeahh there was a bug in the toilet.
i was so pissed with it i did all i could to kill it.
and i succeeded. =]
at least. hahas. if not id be screaming away in the shower.
i went swimming on the 3rd day there. alone.
and kids were having swimming lessons.
i kind of envied them.
because for one thing-i dont really know how to swim.
i think it was my first time swimming in some time.
what i did at the pool was let the 'waterfall' hit my head and back. it actually felt good.
it knocked some sense out of me.
and then i tried to see if water really makes zero gravity.
im still not so sure.
but about the pressure thing underwater, it is true.
i mean, i felt my chest tighten abit when i went into the water.
and i was only letting water go as high as to my neck.
imagine the divers.
haiz. oh well. in the pool-alone and all i could think of was physics.
i must really love physics dont you think?
oh well... i should go now.
im kind of tired.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18796764/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18796764/ Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:17:00 PDT i realise they look FAT
must be the scanner. i finally learnt how to connect the scanner to the laptop. hahas.
learnt it so slow. i must be a retard.
=] (but yet again, even when i got it, i couldnt scan. so i found out my sister's scanner could scan and save directly to my thumbdrive)
hmm... so im really sorry if they look fat.
It looks horrible. sobs.
but at least im able to upload again.
so im grateful for that.
=]
so until i learn how to fix the fat problem,
my will be deviations will all look fat. (sniff)

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18360654/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/18360654/ Sat, 17 May 2008 01:45:45 PDT im currently using my sisters laptop.
im so amazed by it-
its movement, its spell check even for now.
wow. and ow. my feet's numb.
hahas. i placed the laptop on my lap for too long.
haiz. well, i havent been drawing. i want to.
but im sooo caught up in writing stories.
hahas. i should draw my characters out then.
=]
and i got into the work attachment thing!
=] its kinda cool
but i heard i got into daycare.
-_-'' oh puh-lease.
no children! idont exactly work with children well.
haiz.
oh well, see you then.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/17340743/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/17340743/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 01:49:11 PDT You people(Cat, Ashin) too okayy.
Even though I know, we are all lazy.
Ill update when I think of a way how to scan when its not attached to the com.
Really, I have not much to update.
I dont draw as often.
Im fasting today.
Boy am I hungry.
Well, only about 3 hours more.
=]

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/16908001/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/16908001/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 01:53:53 PST It was all Mrs Dianas fault. Saturday is my sleep in day, and i deserve to be able to sleep in, not woken up by the sound of the alarm i once loved. All that alarm brings now is the nightmare of every child's dread-school.
God. I wonder why Mrs Diana is demanding. It is for our own good but boy that sucks. I have 8 subjects to cope with, mostly maths and sciences.
Whatever happen to the balance of life!!??
I need my art, but restraint by the calls of Mrs Diana's homework.
I am sure I would have turned insane by the end of this year.
I am struggling, like a handicapped trying to walk, like a fish out of water, like a drowning cat!
and my stress-reliever(arcade, art, computer) floats are no where in sight. They've all floated away, ditching me in the antartic ocean to learn how to swim on my own.
Hello!! Im no polar bear! Wait- in metaphor, I AM. I can swim for only short distances. Hahas. But im no fish. I dont belong to the sea like Ariel on land.This is going to be one hell of a year.
Im gonna get more techno songs now. Laters.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/16264936/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/16264936/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 03:34:27 PST Shit.
i dont even know.
haiz.
im getting sick. i need a good cry to breakdown but i will never cry by force.
haiz.
at least i still have earth.
tsktsk.
haiz.
alright. back to work.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15843724/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15843724/ Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:07:52 PST i cant seem to draw right this few days.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15123208/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15123208/ Fri, 19 Oct 2007 00:17:29 PDT hahas. can do whatever i want. no studies to pull me down. hahas!
yay. oh and a p.s., you all can message me now.
=]
im going to draw now. or maybe.. play sims?
no idea. since i have the computer to myself now, i should play it.
hahas. why is it that everytime i want to draw, i have the computer to myself?
haiz. oh. in case youre wondering what happened, heres a brief summary of yesterday.
justin asked me to go down at 10p.m. last night, to claim my present.
i said no, i was lazy too cause i didnt want to get questioned.
and he said that hed leave it outside the doorstep for me.
i gave in, and went down.
hahas. i was wearing a hoodie-dress then.
he gave me my present and asked if i was sleeping like that.
(no girl sleeeps with a hoodie-dress)(i guess i looked pretty good then)(hahas. ego. ego. tsk tsk.)
and i went back up.
silently, tried my best not to make noise.
i still feel kinda guilty for not bringing a lighter when he asked me to though.

the end. hahas. no point reading.
=]
hopefully the cake he gave me wasnt blackforest.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15063449/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/15063449/ Sun, 14 Oct 2007 18:28:37 PDT but i cant.
cause unfortunately, its private.
what i write in my diary i will never write it out in english.
cause shh-its private. hahas.
well, anyway, today i my birthday.
so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! yay me! hahas.
siao ting tong. im 14.
so OLD..
i dont know what i can really write here.
cause for all i know, anyone can just view it.
so it sucks a lot if uninvited guests read.
all my life, contents of my heart, exposed.
oh by the way, have you guys checked out the shinn picture,
under my favourites?
hahas. he ROCKS LIKE CRAZY. hes so cute...
so hot...
oh make me melt, dear shinn.
not really many guys could make me melt.
actually, the only guys that look angry naturally,
are manga. okayys so manga/anime guys can make me melt that easily.
theyre fake. DUH
hahas. ive been busy collecting money packets! =]
kind of forgot to wish my junkai happy birthday.
oops. did i put my junkai?
i was supposed to put my friend but i wanted to give him recognition.
so i forgot to cancel the my. hahas.
sounds soo wrong.
=]
oh and catherine, thanks for the figurine? is that what its called?
and johnathan, thanks for the PS. though i havent test it out.
ive been busy. besides, i draw too much. thinking of making a new comic.
and...to my cousin (this hasnt happened) i thank you for wanting to drag me out of th house today. hahas.
woah. this has been long.
now whod want to read this?
XDD too long to read.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14948930/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14948930/ Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:30:32 PDT SHOE SHOPPING
i do hate it you know.
cause i can never find the right size,
and that makes me picky.
hahas.
i guess being big(tall) has its price.
tall people-big feet-stability
gosh. i did go yesterday too.
at a place where tonnes of WHITES are.
hahas. their accent is really nice.
=]
kayy i have to study bio man.
i wont want it to pull my physics.
So byebyes.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14832175/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14832175/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:35:32 PDT You must be wondering why. I saw Syazrin too by the way.
hehes. he didnt see me though.
I bought silver. funny color. Should be pale on my skin.
But whatever.
Then, there was this cute guy. LIKE OMG! Now why would a cute guy be doing in geylang? At such a mats-and-minahs fair?
Selling clothes. HAHAS. Or maybe he pretended to be someone selling clothes. Just so my sis and i could get swooned by him.
Hahas. LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT.
So hes already won half my sisters heart.
XDD
Too bad. We couldnt get his number.
My dad was around, and my sis was pretty shy.
Hes hairstyle was like... a manga character. Long.
Pretty dashing. Something like my character Seth.
For those of you who dont know who Seth is, too bad.
For those of you who have seen my drawings 1 000 000 times,
Seth is the one in the 'Master,Im sorry' comic.
Hahas. Its a guy by the way. Or, you can just see the front of my file.
THATS Seth.
=]
Well, I lost lots of sleep.
Suay.
Hahas. I have to go now. Byebyes.

]]> ~shh-private http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14794834/ http://shh-private.deviantart.com/journal/14794834/ Wed, 26 Sep 2007 02:15:29 PDT Can anybody tell me how the HECK to use this thing?!
im so blurr.
omg.

]]> ~shh-private