http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:siNglEblAckRosE&section=today deviantART RSS for by:siNglEblAckRosE en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 18:26:15 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3105257/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3105257/ Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:50:07 PDT
hehehehe eart...... i love it. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3101409/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3101409/ Wed, 11 Aug 2004 17:00:34 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3062802/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3062802/ Sat, 07 Aug 2004 03:45:41 PDT as for everything else.... some people really should be shot

i feel like there should be more to this journal; like it doesnt say much. especially after the day ive had, half awesome... half hell. maybe i dont care anymore. i dont care what they say. i dont care what they think, or do. i have a friend who says its rather easy to pretend you dont care, and that after awhile, you really dont care anymore. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3050590/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3050590/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 15:30:57 PDT i should leave it alone and drop it from my mind, knowing what i do of the source. i sit here trying to remind myself of her hatred for him and how she has caused many problems in my life already, why let her mark this on her list? i know it was told how it was, and to the person it was, for the belief that it would find its way to me... to my ears, or eyes in this case. and sure enough, it did. quite soon too.
i know it meant nothing. i know of his returned disgust for her, and of the intoxication that had been involved... however the images that reside in my mind at this moment are rather hard to stomach.
but...its my own fault. i wanted to know, and now i do. i am the cause of my insanity and i will deal with the consequenses of my curiousity. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3038401/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/3038401/ Tue, 03 Aug 2004 23:28:15 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2981089/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2981089/ Tue, 27 Jul 2004 15:47:02 PDT ...i miss you love... hope to talk to you

my parting words
"always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. keep rosemary by your garden gate. plant lavender for luck. and fall in love when ever you can." ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2969163/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2969163/ Mon, 26 Jul 2004 01:31:49 PDT in relationships for example, i do it for the same reason he does. for reassurance. i, for one, would be driven crazy if he ever began to talk about one of his past loves as though he still had feelings for her. even if i knew it wasnt true. its the same for me. i have no desire to be with either of my previous boyfriends, none at all. but if i sat in disscussion with him, even once, and talked about either of them in anyway loving, well... i know it would be a mistake. we cut down our past relationships for the comfort of our significant other. true, im not proud of my past boyfriends, however i dont like to "bad-mouth" them, so to speak. it gives me a sense of guilt. disloyalty even. because at one point i felt for them, and they poured themselves into me. and for that i feel terrible about the things i sometimes say regarding them. but now ive realized why i do it. why we do it. its like saying "the others mean nothing to me" very secretly, very discreetly. its a sweet reassurance hidden beneath common conversation. and i wouldnt have it any other way. he needs it just as i do. and in that way, im happy to do it.

sorry about the randomness of the subject ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2949956/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2949956/ Fri, 23 Jul 2004 13:12:13 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2938957/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2938957/ Thu, 22 Jul 2004 03:41:53 PDT
Your full name:: hmmm
Age:: illegal
Height:: 5'4"
Natural hair colour:: brown-ish
Eye colour:: blue
Number of siblings:: 1
Glasses/contacts?:: neither
Piercings:: 6... 5 in my ears and one in my nose
Tattoos:: Not yet
Braces?:: nope
FAVOURITE

Colour:: dont have one
Band:: ugh...cant choose
Song:: reroute to remain ~in flames
Stuffed animal:: a little black teddy bear thats wearing a red shirt.... guess who its from
TV show:: dont watch tv that much
Movie:: not sure i have a favourite
Book:: "angus, thongs, and full-frontal snogging", "old magic", er....too many
Food:: definetly ice cream
Scent:: mambo cologne for men.... hehe
Animal:: tiger
Comic book:: no thanks...
Cereal:: i dont like breakfast foods
Website:: one word... girltripped
Cartoon:: marvin the martian

DO YOU

Play an instrument?: heh no
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: is that even possible w/o your eyes falling out?
Like to sing?: um....for myself yes, for others.. not so much
Have a job?:: unfortunately...besides the money bit, and the fact that its actually a good job
Have a cell phone?:: yup
Like to play sports?:: used to...soccer.. its a father-daughter thing
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: yep
someone?:: ..

Have any special talents/skills?:: um...idk you tell me.. i suppose belly dancing may count
Excercise daily?:: nope...but i should
Like school?:: no

CAN YOU

Sing the alphabet backwards?:: uh, not w/o getting confused
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: yep
Speak any other languages?:: un poco first year espanol
Go a day without food?:: easily
Roll your tongue?:: Yea..
Eat a whole pizza?:: dear god no

HAVE YOU EVER

Snuck out of the house?:: i wish... if the damn door wasnt so loud.....
Cried to get out of trouble?:: When i was little
Gotten lost in your city?:: hehe...man is that a story
Seen a shooting star?:: Yes
Had a serious surgery?:: no
Stolen something important to someone else?:: no
Solved a rubiks cube?:: no but ive seen the movie (Cube...its odd)
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: if i had a dime for everytime ive done this... maybe id have about $2
Cried over a girl?:: yes
Cried over a boy?:: hah! lets not go there k?
Kissed a random stranger?:: er...no
Hugged a random stranger?:: no
Been in a fist fight?:: almost....over lipgloss (dont even get me started at how stupid this was)
Been arrested?:: no
Done drugs?:: no
Had alcohol?:: well, yes
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: only on accident!!! iswear we were just beating each other up for fun and i missed and...oh wait, did i just say that?
Been in love?:: in past tense, i thought i was, but compared to now... i was very very wrong. present tense.. yes
Been to a casino?:: not that i can remember
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: eek! no
Broken a bone?:: no
Gotten stitches?:: nope (good too.. id probably faint)
Bitten someone?:: hehehehe....um...yeeeaaah

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU

Brushed your teeth:: before i went to work this afternoon
Went to the bathroom:: im not sure...at somepoint this evening... maybe while my sister was shopping
Saw a movie in theaters:: couple weeks ago... spiderman 2 ... i cried (dont ask)
Read a book:: i read an entire one today
Had a snow day:: hah! how about 7 years ago
Had a slumber party:: 2 nites before my boyfriend left...
Made fun of someone:: this is a daily ritual... its family thing.. ugh we are terrible
Tripped in front of someone:: no clue
Got sick:: currently am
Cursed:: yesterday when i broke something

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP

Have you ever been in love?:: yes ma'am
If you have, with who?:: well, his name is Jed
Are you single?:: happily not
Are you in a relationship?:: happily yes
If so, for how long?:: hmm.... since april 20th so....3 months
What is your... ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2933940/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2933940/ Wed, 21 Jul 2004 12:55:23 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2923339/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2923339/ Tue, 20 Jul 2004 01:00:38 PDT
1) describe the first color that comes to mind in 3 adjectives (*example- orange: bright, sunny, cheerful)

2) describe your favourite animal in 3 adjectives

3) describe your ideal car in 3 adjectives

4) describe a body of water (any body of water) in 3 adjectives ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2920974/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2920974/ Mon, 19 Jul 2004 18:13:06 PDT
had a dream involving lots and lots of shrimp last nite. went out to dinner with my boyfriend and we were eating tons of shrimp. which is stupid because... i hate shrimp.

and speaking of the boyfriend... i now regret not introducing him to my father. i was talking to my dad today and he "expressed" to me that he wouldve liked to have "met the man for 5 minutes and shook his hand, if he had known we were going to be this serious." crap... i hate disappointing people. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2915928/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2915928/ Mon, 19 Jul 2004 01:43:52 PDT
oh crap i had something to write but now i forget.... oh! right yeah.... more pictures soon as the mother is going back to work *coughthankgodcough*. lalalalala feel like dancing naked.... but i wont so i will save ya'll the horrific image....

i just....im way too giddy to write...must go... un-giddy myself ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2905342/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2905342/ Sat, 17 Jul 2004 16:34:07 PDT
why do the countries have to make everything so hard? i swear i wont give up until we can find some way for us to be together. all this permit shit is starting to deminish my hope for (what i thought was going to be) my practically perfect future... or as close to it as possible. im just sinking in doubt and i hate it. i refuse to give up though i fear that i might. i would never forgive myself if i did. my sister said to me once... "whatever you do, dont let him go. youve found the prince charming amoung the frogs and i swear i will never forgive you if you give him up. unless something absolutely horrible happens between you two....dont you dare let him go." and she was entirely right. i just dont know what to do. im so lost and .... on top of all of this, am having family problems and problems with some people in my life and its like... i just want to fall off the face of the earth, come back...and find that everything is ok. but it'll never happen.

please...dont let me give up on this. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2901851/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2901851/ Sat, 17 Jul 2004 04:14:23 PDT it was just something a friend and i have done (only not this elebrate) since weve known each other, to liberate ourselves from anything weighing us down. i actually proceeded to do exactly what i wrote about in my last poem... it was a fabulous nite. the sky was so clear you could see all the heavens....slightly (and ironically) metaphorical for my state of mind post ritual ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2891246/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2891246/ Thu, 15 Jul 2004 18:46:15 PDT
i love everyone around here. i love the fact that i barely know people but i look forward to hearing from them more then most of my friends and the people ive spent my entire school year with. i love you guys 's to all! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2885895/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2885895/ Thu, 15 Jul 2004 03:12:27 PDT i feel like slapping myself for ever doing something that i did. i took someone back when i should never have.... however, i have to wonder if things wouldve turned out differently if i hadnt taken him back...

...it feels quite liberating to select "no longer desired" as a reason to delete these things. *sighs with a smile at the best choice shes ever made in her entire life* <--- to give up what i knew was dead... for something so wonderful i never in my wildest dreams couldve imagined ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2882868/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2882868/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 18:18:00 PDT ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2877496/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2877496/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 02:29:20 PDT
geez...what is it about love that makes us so stupid. well, maybe stupid isnt the right word. nieve? blind? pathetic? anxious? hopeful? crazy? or maybe its just me. maybe im just really odd in that i dont seem to be able to give up on a certain idea (like, him calling me because he said he would, twice in one day). and that i continue to do these silly little pathetic things because i am so completely whipped to the point where i wont go to the back of my house for very long for fear of not hearing my phone that refuses to ring. see?! SEE?! im being stupid!!! hes told me so many times how he ends up stuck at work long after hes supposed to get off. so why then am i being so foolish? why dont i just say "skrew it" and hope that he'll call tomorrow (because im really not looking for a repeat of today). why? i think the answer is plain and simple..... love.
the sheer desire to be with the one you love in whatever way possible. whether it be via telephone, email, AIM, letters through the post; whatever.

*sigh* i think ive finally convinced myself of just how pathetic i am being, however feel free to remind me through comments; for im sure i will need it at one time or another. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2874602/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2874602/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 18:09:27 PDT
the club is definetly back in full swing isnt it love? ugh... i think he forgot about me today in fact im quite sure that when he woke up he probably thought that my calling was a dream. how sad

i need to take pictures. unfortunately i only have one idea and i need to recruit the help of a friend for it, and i thought i had however, she has summer school and now a new boyfriend (yay for her!). its going to be a really good picture if i ever get around to taking it. so i suppose in the mean time i will probably just resort to taking horrid photos around the house.... even tho i have absolutely no idea what to do

]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2851628/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2851628/ Sat, 10 Jul 2004 20:32:03 PDT the more i wait for it, the longer its going to take for it to happen
the more i miss him, the more i love him
the more i wish for things, the more unreachable they seem
the more i ignore, the more nieve i become
the more i dont realize, the more foolish i feel
the more i want to be there, the further away it seems
the more i want it, the more i fear it
the more i cry, the more i feel
the more i know people, the less i know myself
the more i sit here, the more i miss ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2846477/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2846477/ Sat, 10 Jul 2004 03:33:47 PDT nyboR

[The story behind your pen name]:
i love roses (cliche i know...so shoot me) and at least once in my lifetime would like to receive a single black one. its also slightly metaphorical for my position in my family. i.e. the oddball

[3 words that sum you up]:
i dont know (yup thats 3)

{DESCRIBE YOUR}

[Wallet]:
baby blue with Julius on the front...inside my check from work and a ton of pictures

[Hairbrush]:
Silver and black.

[Jewelry you wear daily]:
these days, just one sentimental necklace... but usually im wearing all 7 of my rings too

[Pillow cover]:
deep purple leopard print i call them "the pimp sheets"

[Coffee cup]:
the "Herman" cup...has a comic on it..too funny, guy w/ a bowtie on his head

[Shoes]:
which ones!? usually...b/w checkered oldskool vans

[CD in stereo right now]:
"Classic Sinatra"

[What are you are wearing now?]:
Jed's boxers, his necklace, and a red tank top

[Hair]:
short, couple inches below my ears, curly (when i let it), and now an odd color b/c of the fact that its usually magenta

[In your mouth]:
Teeth, tongue, yup thats it...dont know what in yours o.O

[In your head]:
memories...noodles....cobwebs....ideas.. .mud...

[Eating]:
Nothing.

[Some of your favorite movies]:
Practical Magic, Baz Lurman's Romeo & Juliet, 10 Things I Hate About You

[Something you're looking forward to]:
seeing him again.....

[The last thing you ate?]:
tons of greek food im a happy kid

[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]:
er.....anything that has more them 4 legs and crawls...

[Do you like candles?]:
I like white candles

[Do you believe in a thing called love?]:
very much *mount olympus*

[Do you believe in soul mates?]:
i believe i might have mentioned this in my last journal.. but yes

[Do you believe in love at first sight?]:
no...i believe in love at first speak. first sight is just chemistry

[Do you believe in forgiveness?]:
depends on who you want me to forgive...and what for

[If you could have any animal for a pet]:
definetly a tiger......well, i wouldnt mind a panda bear

[What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?]:
who cares im already relocating soon enough... however, italy, ecuador, egypt (to study dance)

[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]:
ice cream...and i cant think of anything else

[What's something you wish you could understand better?]:
bitchy people...the ones who make your life hell... why do they do that?

[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]:
well this is a given....Jed

{In the last 24 hours, have you}:

[Cried?]:
no

[Gotten sick?]:
no

[Sang?]:
um...yes, to the horror of those around me

[Eaten?]:
well yes

[Felt stupid?]:
this is an hourly thing for me

[Hugged someone?]:
mmhmm

[Wanted to tell someone you loved them?]:
every second of everyday

[Met someone new?]:
no

[Talked to someone you have a crush on?]:
i dont have a crush on anyone


[Dreamed about someone you can't be with?]:
yeah..... (only cuz hes so far away)

[Are you center of attention or the wallflower?]:
i suppose it all depends on whos around

[What type of automobile do you drive?]:
the amazing invisible kind

[Would you rather be with friends or on a date?]:
currently (b/c its midnight) id rather be on a date.... i think anyone with an other half would say date....

[Do you attend church?]:
no

[Do you like being around people?]:
which people?

[Who have you known the longest?]:... ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2843850/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2843850/ Fri, 09 Jul 2004 19:03:30 PDT
its amazing how one of the things i fear most can be put into a completely new perspective by someone. and not the person i expected it to be. i figured it would be the one involved who would change my mind about it all, assuming i could ever get up the courage to tell them . however, it wasnt. as i realized after a little while, there really was only one person that would be able to calm my nerves on the subject. im not to open about certain aspects of my life and so it was actually kinda nice to talk about it. anyways... im quite sure ive confused a bunch of people so, a change of subject maybe?

ugh...my brain isnt working. anyone ever wished they had been an entirely different person? well, maybe not entirely, but just a few things. or better yet to see just for a little while what your life wouldve been like had you made a different choice in your past. to see if life wouldve been better. and maybe not even that...maybe just to see. just to see another life, another world where everything isnt how it is here. which if course makes me wonder if maybe a such a place exists. if maybe theres a girl who is me except the exact opposite living in another world, an alternate universe. is she friends with the same people? is she inlove with the same guy? is he just as amazing in that world as he is in this one? does she have the same friends? are they the exact opposite of the friends i have here as well? are we all just connected to the same people in every single life, every spiritual plane? is that what it means to have a "soul mate"? or is that only involved in love; the love that you can only have for one person?

ugh.....*goes to clear the mud from her mind* ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2830470/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2830470/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 03:03:04 PDT experience. then came home and sat on my ass. lay on my bed thinking.....a few of my random thoughts:

why do people say that things will be over before you know it? how do they know? maybe time moves slower for some then others. and on that note, whos to say time moves at all? maybe time truly exists in one big lake (just to give a visual) and we all exist within that huge pool of time. and because the sun continues to rise and set, we just assume that time moves forward. and why...why do things always move forward? why is it that nothing ever moves backwards? they always say we learn from our past but then why does nothing ever change? look at world right now, we are required to study history in school, for what? to learn from it. but what do we really learn? and who is actually going to use that knowledge? in case no one has noticed there are very, very few people in this country who actually have the ability and rank in society to do something. and even then no one ever does. maybe they wanted to, but there will always be someone or some other power above them who will disagree and put an end to the notion. and here i am rambling about polictical crap....ok....

and then i got thinking about love. who decided whats to be called love and whats not? how can we spend our entire lives searching for something so precious and so rare... but some how it seems that so many people find it. but then again, whos to say true love lasts forever... the world's love is ending in divorce and i have to wonder why anyone gets married in the first place? this however, maybe my parents doing, not blame them or anything. but i remember thinking to myself once, "wow i think my family is the only one i know that is still whole, and always will be". who knows maybe i jinxed my family's future. but so far, my experiences with love just seem to be getting progressively better. and at this point i am quite convinced that ive hit the very top. the height of mount olympus where the gods dwell and now theres no coming down. however,
"we all know what happens to a mortal who gets involved with the gods" "buggered is it?" "every time."
so then again....i think i'll take my god and bring him back down to live amoungst the mortals. and pray that he doesnt miss home.

alright...im shutting up now. so sorry, my mind works strangely at nite. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2822498/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2822498/ Wed, 07 Jul 2004 03:02:02 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2818643/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2818643/ Tue, 06 Jul 2004 15:57:16 PDT
what is it about certain things that just drive us to the brink of our sanity? what is it about those few things that have this ability to make us tick in the most annoying of ways? that get to us....they crawl under our skin and surface every time we think we've finally passed them by. that dig their claws into our nerves and refuse to relinquish their hold until we will do anything to silence the voices in our head. why is it we can never make them go away on our own? and why is it that they are usually the smallest of things? not huge, life altering ideas or problems, but the little things that in the grand scheme of all life, one wont remember when they are 80 years old and looking for their teeth.

and another thing.... why, when we know we are completely over reacting, do we continue to let it bother us? why do we *let* it?

and why....why does one little thing that happened in just the last few passing seconds make me feel so alone? so, not worthy of someones time. that im almost a plague to be around. its amazing how family can do that to you.
im shutting up now i promise. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2803760/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2803760/ Sun, 04 Jul 2004 17:17:48 PDT ) i cant take any photos. ack this sucks. its time for the mother to go back to work...enough time off. shes starting to annoy me.

***me want to take pictures!!!!!!!!*** ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2776970/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2776970/ Thu, 01 Jul 2004 14:10:28 PDT


ps. Happy Canada Day everyone! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2764244/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2764244/ Tue, 29 Jun 2004 14:08:00 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2763887/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2763887/ Tue, 29 Jun 2004 13:23:09 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2759865/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2759865/ Mon, 28 Jun 2004 23:31:12 PDT ...............pineapple ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2752633/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2752633/ Mon, 28 Jun 2004 03:00:50 PDT
going to be submitting some new and different for my gallery stuff later this week. have a model who has agreed to help me out. *photoshoot for tuesday* hey! national holiday coming up (but mine is different then yours...its 3 days earlier....July 1st = Canada Day) hopefully going to a concert that nite...local "battle of the rock bands". should be fun.

i predict that by the end of the summer i will have invested at least 2 whole paychecks into the new greek restaurant that just opened up. ive been there twice already and it opened thursday.

just want to leave a little note for my darling...i dont know if she will get this as she will be gone for a little bit but, i just wanted to say..i hope your doing well, love and im here if and when you need me take care of yourself.

decided im not sitting around on my ass any longer. im going to do things. even if i have to resort to cleaning the house i will do it because the busier i am...the happier i can pretend to be. start packing next week. an entirely huge step towards the big move. sort of looking forward to it..sort of not (in otherwords...soooo...much...CLEANING!) or maybe its this week.. i dont know, im losing track of time. i hope i dont ever forget when i work..that would be bad.

anyway...im tired of blabbing on about nothing now...so i will leave these final words:
i loath tomatoes...and halloween should be a blast this year ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2741405/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2741405/ Sat, 26 Jun 2004 13:40:59 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2718845/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2718845/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 11:10:46 PDT

*poke*
you mean more to me than i could ever explain
looking into your eyes, there's nowhere i'd rather be
with you in my arms i feel complete
i wish you can see what you are to me

you are the one that listens
when i need to talk
that one person that always keeps me laughing
when i have my mental blocks

you are the last thing on my mind at night
and the first i think of each morning
i don't think you realize the affect you have on me
you make my dreams go soaring

those beautiful blue eyes of yours always make me smile
no matter how bad my day may be
the best feeling in the world is being with you
in those moments all there is, is you and me

your eyes filled with love
your touch is filled with care
your heart filled with warmth
and your beautiful voice fills the air (wether you believe it or not, IT'S TRUE)

every thing you do
and every thing you say
makes me love you more and more
each and every day

All my love,
ME


SEE!? SEE!? WITH THE SPEECHLESSNESS!!! i have to go away and grin until my face hurts now....... ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2713090/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2713090/ Mon, 21 Jun 2004 15:21:43 PDT 1. Robyn
2. Jingles
3. Boo (dont ask)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my nose piercing
2. my poetry (sometimes)
3. my eyes

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my extreme pessimism (if thats a word)
2. my ignorance (its rare but gets me in lots of trouble)
3. i tend to be afraid of a lot of things

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. humans (give or take an epifany or 2)
2. accusations by means of small amounts of communication
3. math

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. being misunderstood
2. stereotypes
3. bimbos and pathetically fake people

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. birds
2. bugs
3. being a victim of the horrors in the world (murder, rape, etc.)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. ice cream
2. telephone
3. boxers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
1. White Flag- Dido (weird i know but its adicting)
2. Sworn Enemy-Sworn Enemy
3. Pretty Piece of Flesh-Butthole Surfers

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. myself
2. sister
3. jed (though idk if it counts since its over the phone)

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. sing
2. draw
3. keep from speaking my mind

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. belly dancing
2. photography
3. (@ the moment) shopping

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE:
1. an idiot-free existance (though i fear this is impossible)
2. a hot tub
3. a corset (which i may get today!!!! :woot

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. editor/writer for a magazine
2. photographer
3. something in film (make up artistry, grp work...yada yada)

THREE COLORS YOU LIKE:
1. purple
2. Black
3. green

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. italy
2. ecuador
3. massachusets....to visit a friend (and she knows who she is)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST DID TODAY:
1. take pictures
2. talk to jed
3. took a shower
(but not in that order) ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2708323/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2708323/ Sun, 20 Jun 2004 23:49:51 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2703228/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2703228/ Sun, 20 Jun 2004 10:33:19 PDT ) terribly and spend a lot of time wishing i was with him. the friends that said they would "save me" this summer...basically have no time for me...which i dont blame them for at all and im not pissed i just kinda wished they hadnt heightened my expectations so much to not fufill them. all ive done so far is work, sit around on my ass, wish for this summer to be over already, and create a new club :wink:.

ive also discovered that some days i find myself slowly slipping back to the way i was before...and this is not a good thing. ive also decided that if i dont lay off the ice cream im going to be the size of a house before august rolls around (however maybe not since i cant really seem to eat much else). and finally, that i can be a horribly pessimistic person when im in the right modd, and i find that somewhat annoying. i hate pessimistic people (or at least people who are but shouldnt be)and i am one at least once during the day now. grrrrr. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2693906/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2693906/ Sat, 19 Jun 2004 14:09:14 PDT
....... but that didnt happen .........

i think dissappointment is one of the worst feelings out there. mine currently, is that one where all throughout your SHITTY day...you look forward to the one thing that you know will make it all better...and then it never happens. which doubles the shittiness of your day.

and the worst bit is...i have to go back to that hell-hole tomorrow at 12 noon.

ps...jed ....check your email ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2684742/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2684742/ Thu, 17 Jun 2004 18:28:03 PDT Jed...if you see this...check your email again! lol...just yeah..it will save us a lot of trouble...and hopefully save me from waking anyone in your house. i love you ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2671156/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2671156/ Wed, 16 Jun 2004 20:56:16 PDT IS GOING ON IN MY OWN HEAD!!!!! i need to talk to him so badly...i need to see him. i've started to realize that he seems to be the only thing that keeps me sane.

small confession: i think im starting to lose it


babe...if/when you read this......check your email!!!! PLEASE! theres one from me called "*grin*" open it ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2653643/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2653643/ Mon, 14 Jun 2004 02:39:34 PDT evil phone. but...i'll either talk to him later and ask again...or ask his aunt for it.

babe......i love you and all the little things about you..and us
(i know you've heard most of these before but...oh well )
~the way the corners of your eyes crinkle when you smile
~your frank sinatra fetish
~the way i have to look straight up to look into your eyes
~the way your stomach talks to mine
~the way you kiss
~how much bigger your hands are then mine
~how you swept me off my feet (literally sometimes!)
~how you stole away my heart
~your completely hilarious forgetfulness
~all the fun noises you can make
~your wiggle-y ears
~the 3 things that are constantly on your mind
~your mysterious scars
~the fact that you actually hit the dinkus for me
~how you can hold both my arms with just one hand
~how kissing your nose causes you to make funny faces
~the fact that youre letting me dress you up for halloween
~the fact that you are not perfect...even though i think so ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2628892/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2628892/ Thu, 10 Jun 2004 12:30:56 PDT
i never thought that this day would come so soon. these past months have gone by in such a blur it feels as though it was never real. like i had never met him and he was just this amazing person that i dreamed of day and night. he hold my heart in his hands and as he stepped onto that plane it shattered into a million tiny pieces. and theres nothing i can do about it. i saw him last only a short 3 hours ago but it fels like 3 years and already im starting to feel hollow. skeptics would say im being pathetic, anyone unhappy with a love of their own would say that all of this is just bullshit nonsense but let me ask you something... have you ever been in love and then had to put that love on hold? tuck it away neatly in a little box only to retrieve it later and pick up where you left off? its an insanly horrible feeling to know that the only way i will see him is through photographs. i wont be able to hug him or kiss him (my most favorite things in the world). i wont get to see him wiggle his ears or hear him make the fun little noises that baffle me completely. and so i will live in his clothes and cry every night. devote myself completely to working and taking photographs for him because i know he loves it my best friends are the only thing that are going to keep my even semi alive, them and the day to day phone calls with him. i love my friends for it too. i wrote in a little notebook that now sits at the top if a mountain:

"my baby is leaving me in less then 3 days time. my heart will break as he steps onto that plane but i will smile upon the day i know we'll meet again. i look at him and see all the good and beauty in the world."
i love him and all i want is him...forever.

..........canada.......... ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2582838/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2582838/ Fri, 04 Jun 2004 14:33:56 PDT
[ 1 ] First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Yonizawa/Mrs. Cluckey
[ 2 ] Last word you said: Cluckey
[ 3 ] Last song you sang: Dancin' in Heaven (its stuck in my head )
[ 4 ] Last person you hugged: Jed
[ 5 ] Last time you had a crush: from january to april this year
[ 6 ] Last time you said I don’t fucking remember: 2 seconds ago
[ 7 ] Last time you cried: wednesday
[ 8 ] What's in your CD player: Headbanger's Ball vol. 2
[ 9 ] What colour socks are you wearing: lovely flesh coloured ones
[ 10 ] What's under your bed: boxes and boxes of random things and most likely a cocaroach or 2
[ 11 ] What time did you wake up today: 7:30am
[ 12 ] Current taste: toothpaste
[ 13 ] Current hair: 2 inches below my ears, pink/brown
[ 14 ] Current clothes: Pjs
[ 15 ] Current annoyance: ergh...dont ask
[ 16 ] Current longing: to be rid of my current annoyance
[ 17 ] Current desktop picture: a picture of a rose that i took[ 18 ] Current worry: still related to the current annoyance
[ 19 ] Current hate: being a girl
[ 20 ] Current favourite article of clothing: the shirt im wearing in "two faced" and "other half"
[ 21 ] Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: smile
[ 22 ] Last CD that you listened to: headbangers ball vol.2
[ 23 ] Favourite place to be: in his arms
[ 24 ] Least favourite place: at work when the bosses are there
[ 25 ] Time you wake up in the morning: any fruggin time i want now!!! summer!!!
[ 26 ] If you could play an instrument, what would it be: not very original but...the electric guitar
[ 27 ] Favourite color: *sigh* black (i think i can never decide)
[ 28 ] Do you believe in an afterlife:yes
[ 29 ] How tall are you: a midget 5'4
[ 30 ] Current favourite word/saying: Current fav word: fruggin'
[ 31 ] Favourite book: Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging (fuckin hilarious!)
[ 32 ] Favourite season: spring
[ 33 ] One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: none @ the moment...but soon to have many
[ 34 ] Favourite day: Friday or saturday

[[[ FUTURE ]]]
[ 35 ] Where do you want to go: italy or london
[ 36 ] What is your career going to be like: fun....all i want is something i can have fun doing
[ 37 ] How many kids do you want: no clue
[ 38 ] What kind of car will you have: old firebird in jet black

[[[ HAVE YOU EVER... ]]]
[Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: ] yes,i came away with many strange little nail marks
[ Been to New York?: ] yes
[ Been to Florida?: ] no
[ San Diego, Cali?: ] no, yes
[ Hawaii?: ] i am currently stuck on one of those little rocks in the middle of the pacific so i believe my answer is yes
[ Mexico?: ] No
[ China?: ] No
[ Canada?: home...of course ive been there!
[ Danced naked?: ] hmm...i'll take the 5th
[ Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day:] oh yeah...deja vou for hours man
[ Wanted to be the opposite sex: ] only for a day...anymore then that would be hell

[[[ RANDOM ]]]
[ Do you have a crush on someone?: ] no im in love with someone
[ What book are you reading now?: ] hopefully the Illiad soon
[ Worst feeling in the world: ] being alone ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2543725/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2543725/ Sun, 30 May 2004 15:11:51 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2535098/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2535098/ Sat, 29 May 2004 10:38:12 PDT who the hell was it that called me?
how the f*uck did they get my number?
WHY were they calling me at 3 O'CLOCK AM to tell me they saw my bf with another girl?
why didnt they call him buy his name instead of saying "youre going out with that haole boy right?"

i mean, im not even CLOSE to being upset about what he was trying to get across (that hes cheating on me). because he is an amazing guy and i trust him completely (plus we both know how impossible it is to keep something like that a secret ) i mean come on! grrrr....im gonna go now b/c its 7:30 in the morning and i havent slept at all due to my pathetic paranoia (not about the phone call) which is still swirling around in my brain due to the fact that my hands are shaking! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2509608/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2509608/ Tue, 25 May 2004 22:01:28 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2501502/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2501502/ Mon, 24 May 2004 20:49:01 PDT cleaned up around here a bit.....well, deleted something i was asked to. god, im starting to realize just how hard these next few months are going to be. i mean, hes leaving in 3 weeks and i have no idea how long it will be until i get to see him again. i just have this image of him up there in colorado having a wonderful time with his friends and then he'll realize just how much he loves it there and will decide not to come with me. and i will sit here on this rock for the entire summer missing him sooo much i wont be able to move.
but aside from those things...my friend mentioned something interesting the other day...about how it might be weird seeing him, or just being with him, after that much time apart. but you know what? i dont consider that a problem because i know that i will fall madly in love with him all over again. i love him now...i'll love him while hes gone...and i will fall head over heels in love with him all over again when we are together again, whenever that may be. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2466370/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2466370/ Thu, 20 May 2004 00:55:19 PDT ), and the next im worried or upset. argh.

anyways...i decided something today. the one person you can really vent to about ANYTHING isnt someone who sees you everyday. its not someone who knows everyone you mention. its someone who plays a very small role in your life. they sort of stand on the sidelines watching and waiting for updates on how things are going in the game. they support everything you do even if they barely see you, but yet have enough meaning in your life for you to completely accept their opinions and suggestions. you see, you can run to them when everyone you want to run to first, is for some reason unavailable. they smile upon your accomplishments and bask in your glory just as much as you do yourself. all they want is for your next visit to be just as happy if not more, then your previous. and usually...they are way older, and way wiser then you are, which is why you hold them in the highest respect.

reassured someone of a few things today....i know they'll be very happy. found out a few things i needed to know. huge weight lifted off my chest but for some reason......my whole body aches. pain! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2402681/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2402681/ Mon, 10 May 2004 20:47:46 PDT

anyways....thats my rant for today. its fucking POURING OUTSIDE! and normally that would be awesome because i love rain but i have to finish filming this damn movie for fucking mcmonagle's class and just........grrrrr. now im gonna have to stand in oober cold water while i get drenched in oober cold rain. fantastic. wow....this journal is really not how ive been over the last few days. in all honesty ive been completely happy (give or take a few issues) and this really doesnt show it. oh boo fruggin hoo. as far as my happiness goes....all i can say is *FRIDAY NIGHT*
and livi......i am very sorry that we kept you up but you hypocrit (cant spell) you! "go to bed" and then HALF AN HOUR OF NOISES! grrr.....now we are even ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2354495/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2354495/ Mon, 03 May 2004 20:42:13 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2337305/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2337305/ Sat, 01 May 2004 11:56:47 PDT
oh! im being replaced......yes, you heard me.......my friends are replacing me...........*fake smile* dont i look happy? ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2319297/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2319297/ Wed, 28 Apr 2004 18:38:11 PDT
anyway so....i want to put something happy on here to reflect my...well....current happiness. im just not sure what to do.......... ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2270696/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2270696/ Wed, 21 Apr 2004 19:04:12 PDT i hate how everyone seems to think that everyone's business is their business. these pathetic little people come around asking you about your private life thinking that they can pretend to be your friend for just long enough for you to tell them whats going on. then they take what you say and twist it all around and tell their friends their version. so its like, why bother telling them anything in the first place? i mean, they might as well jst make up their own story and spread that around right? of course some of them all ready do. why is the world full of fuck-heads? ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2248318/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2248318/ Sun, 18 Apr 2004 11:37:08 PDT i dont know why it hasnt been done for me yet. the other person, by now, must realize it. i can see it in their eyes some days that they too know its coming. then the next they call with proclimations of things quite the opposite of the inevitable that is coming soon.
i want to be extremely happy as i have been for the past week....but that true feeling of guilt keeps seeping in underneath the wall i built to avoid it. it has to be done..... im just not sure if i can do it. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2238584/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2238584/ Fri, 16 Apr 2004 20:59:24 PDT *endless giggles*
*endless grins* ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2197184/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2197184/ Sun, 11 Apr 2004 03:26:18 PDT ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2180947/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2180947/ Thu, 08 Apr 2004 17:56:14 PDT anyways....interesting day.......blah blah blah............COUGHschoolsucksCOUGH... ......... going now
IT RAINED TODAY!!!!! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2126527/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2126527/ Wed, 31 Mar 2004 22:42:38 PST to see if i still feel,
I focus on the pain,
the only thing thats real,

The needle tears a hole,
the old familiar sting,
try to kill it all away,
but I remember everything,

what have I become,
my sweetest friend,
everyone i know,
goes away in the end,

and you could have it all,
my empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

I wear this crown of thorns,
upon my liars chair,
full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair,

beneath the stains of time,
the feelings dissapear,
you are someone else,
I am still right here,

What have I become,
my sweetest friend,
everyone I know,
goes away in the end,

and you could have it all,
my empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

if I could start again,
a million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way

Johnny Cash is a brilliant man. ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2094485/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2094485/ Sat, 27 Mar 2004 10:03:16 PST ~siNglEblAckRosE http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2079655/ http://siNglEblAckRosE.deviantart.com/journal/2079655/ Thu, 25 Mar 2004 00:17:40 PST i find myself angry with the few people who have never done anything to upset me. why am i so fucked up?! ]]> ~siNglEblAckRosE