http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:soulshyne&section=today deviantART RSS for by:soulshyne en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:37:44 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5692031/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5692031/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 06:22:12 PDT
Life's pretty crappy right now. Just when I thought I was the only one, some people I know who are also in relationships are facing problems of their own. But why must there be sadness in the mids of happiness?.

I have learned to move on, despite 2 years 5 months and 9 days (I've sure been counting alright) of being single, I just have to say that It's as if I don't deserve to be loved anymore.

I've quit. I don't trust love. I don't have faith and yes, love at first sight or internet love or whatever you love sick people go through is Bullcrap.

Mind me for being angry about my love life, but it's not possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me. Till then, I just have to wait.....

Maybe I'll end up single for 3 or 4 years, maybe I'll just turn gay....

don't forget to visit the long awaited Ashraf Ishak

Thanks.


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soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5567379/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5567379/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 06:32:56 PDT
She thought it was good. I thought I was inspired. And then it struck me in the head. Why have I not been writting in my own language?. It's not that I don't....i do; but there's not much of it tho.

Why should English be a first language (Other then the fact that everyone understands it) when we should be more proud of our own languange. Look at how proud the French and the Italian people are. Even the Indonesians with their beautiful language of poetry.

So that's where the missing link was.....

Eventhough I don't write write well, there was always an alternative to write in my own mother tounge. Hey, this doesn't mean that I'm quitting English for good. I've always wondered why I've not been inspired when it was there all along......

It's definate that I'm publishing my poems not under the name of soulshyne, but under who I am....Ashraf


Check out my malay writtings and poems at:-

Ashraf Ishak




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ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5539568/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5539568/ Fri, 03 Jun 2005 06:00:19 PDT


sorry lah ash u are not my taste


Yup. That's a definate ouch!. I'm not mad at her tho. I was the one who dumped her anyway, I was the asshole. Yeah, My karma's getting worst. Not only have I been single for two years, in that 2 years more shit has happened then those times I was in love.


I deserve this shit......


]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5485078/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5485078/ Sat, 28 May 2005 11:55:37 PDT
Hey kunis. was just wondering. have you ever thought about marriage?. I know this sounds weird but I have. This might sound stupid, but lately I've been thinking about having kids and how it feels like being a dad. It's one hell of a responsibility, I know. it sux even more to know you don't have anyone to be with. Even when the person loves you so much sometimes we are blinded by this thing in front of us...like a wall. If I had a chance, I'd probably get married to you. That's because to me you're the only one in my eyes that I see. I love kids. That's because they're so much easier to please. I want them to have your eyes, your lips and your smile. This is not an easier way out. Sometimes our heart says something different from what we feel. My heart says I should be with you.......


Damn.... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5326616/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5326616/ Wed, 11 May 2005 04:35:29 PDT
hey there..! thanks 4 the sms..so sweet of u.. i dont know y but it seems like i am no longer in ur friend's list so what's up with that? r we still friends or what?

So I replied.....

Hey Kunis. Yes, your no longer in my friends list. I've tried my best to get you back for so many times, ever since we broke up but I always end up failing. Its best I forget about you cause it only breaks my heart to know you are already in a relationship. I'm not mad at you, I'm happy that your happy and you should be too. So forget about me, forget everything that happened between us, I understand you want me out of your life. So here's to our last goodbye. I hope you'll forever be happy with him. Please don't make the same mistakes I did......Take care and may Allah bless you with a beautiful life ahead.....

.ashraf.

I hate this feeling.......

*disclaimer:- We actually didn't fight after that. We talked about it and we're friends. She just wants to see how things goes afterwards. I might get back with her....If I'm lucky enough. ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5263416/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5263416/ Wed, 04 May 2005 08:49:45 PDT
For instance: -

I am depressed. I tell someone that I’m depressed because to me that is the only way I let of steam and what does this person tell me?; that I am a fucking arrogant guy. Why?....

Is it just because I am depressed, and by telling a friend I am to be blamed as a self centred person who's ignorant of any thoughts and feeling of others and that I don't deserve the same attention I've given others?.

We're all humans.....we are made that way

And to say she was just trying to have a conversation was not a good reason

notice how many I’s I used in this journal. Shows how self centred I am…Bleh!

]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5221682/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5221682/ Fri, 29 Apr 2005 13:04:26 PDT
DA finally pulled me down by not even letting me right click on my own god damn artwork. By right clicking and going to the save-as mode I realized that the artwork will be "saved-ass" a blank piece of shit.

I can't help but to not give two fucks anymore. Just because some of us don't agree with the idea of them using our artworks for their own fucking purpose does not give them the rights to use them. It's our artworks GOD DAMNIT!. We have the right to make them inactive.

One more trick up their sleeves and its Good bye to DA for good. Heh....at least it's their lost, not mine





soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5174865/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5174865/ Sun, 24 Apr 2005 09:40:47 PDT
Maybe all the hard work is paying off after all. A few days of rest and on Sunday, yet another audition for a prom. And on the next Monday, I'll be starting my training at a local airlines company.

Come to think of it....I will be having a very serious week up till June. *sight*

Take care and have a productive week guys!......







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soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5145137/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5145137/ Thu, 21 Apr 2005 04:48:16 PDT

A breakthrough


I can't seem to write


tired.


Aku pengen bercinta








]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5085484/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/5085484/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 09:01:08 PDT
What's bad is that we've been assigned with a group leader who does not only suck at what he does, but also as a team leader. For instance, me and my collegue Kevin started on the Tuesday and managed to get through halfway by Wednesday, when its suppose to start on Friday and what do we get for it?. ZIT!.

When the job could have been done by only two of us he actually assigned another two to help us out. first things first, by showing you can't allocate group members to their jobs mean you are not a good leader.

At the end of the day, all he could said was "You girls look tired, go back and take a good rest. Ashraf and Kevin, work harder". He even pushed us everytime we had some time off from our workloads and comments as if we're slacking off.

Even funnier is that once we got our works done and printed it out, he didn't even go through it to ammend it but rather fowards it to the lecturer and tries to act smart when he doesn't even know nuts.

Its bad enough that I have to wake up at eight just to be at college by nine; but going back at almost 7 p.m. everyday and all this frustration is just killing me in so many ways!...


*sight...I need a holiday yet again......





ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4997648/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4997648/ Mon, 04 Apr 2005 12:52:52 PDT
With the agreement made you have agreed to give them a non-exclusive right to use your artworks as their own. After a small discussion, me and my friend (who happens to be a law student) concluded; and I quote "as long as u upload it to their site, your hereby giving consent to its usage; but that is all as long the work is there. As long as u get benefit, they get benefit too. Once you remove your work (terminating your benefit), their benefit is ALSO terminated".

"That means if they can prove that the republication of the works happened during the time ur artwork was there (i.e. selling it to someone as a handphone wallpaper), they have the right. but AFTER u remove it and terminate the agreement, they cannot use it anymore. Anything that HAPPENS during the time ur artwork was there, they're free to do anything to it", he continued.

"You can terminate this right by writing to them and removing the works from the site. You have to notify them of the termination, then any other subsequent rights go back to you. there's no other way", he ended.

Is this what we need from a site which all along has been supporting us but in a way also backstabbing us?. What started as a site which gives us the freedom to express ourselves has now become a money minded propaganda. You decide. Say yes, say no, say why!. It's your right...

Thank you to for bringing this up to our attention and to my friend Yu Jian for the explanation.

Some useful links
--------------------
[link]

[link]

[link]

[link] ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4969472/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4969472/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 10:50:04 PST
So here are bad things about me which all of you don't know. I guess you can't say much because I know more about myself then anyone else.


I'm bad tempered - I have a really bad temper and every time it happens, I'll start kicking stuffs.

I'm rude - I'm rude to my parents, and to elders. I cuss and say bad things about people even if I know its not true

I have no impactmon people - I talk crap. That's all I ever do. Trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near me.

I'm sellfish - Yes, it's so f***ing true

Not understandable - i say things without thinking about other people's feelings.

I'm lame - I'm so lame, I wear a 5 year old kid's t-shirt

I'm racist - Go ask . I said something about him I shouldn't have said.

I'm stupid - I'm just so f***ing stupid.

Whatever it is.....I'm just human. Forgive me for all my wrong doings I did in my life.... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4793504/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4793504/ Sat, 12 Mar 2005 11:30:33 PST
I now know why love is hard to find. We try too hard to find it that we push aside the thought that we actually don't have to do so.

As for me....I now know why I want to be in a relationship. I actually want someone to talk to, someone who cares, someone who's proud of me she talks about me to her parents and friends.

Call me a hopeless romantic....that's just what I am. Why is it just taking too long to find that someone I love?.

Maybe I had her, I just didn't know it was her. I was thinking about my my ex again. I've not been calling her for some time. It's just useless to call someone when you know she's gonna say no.

Ok....so I did a huge mistake. I dumped her (Ooooh...ashraf your such an a* hole). Save that for later won't you?. I still love her. How can I tell her that I still do when she keeps shutting me off?.

Now I know why love makes people go crazy.....

I just wish she knows how I feel....

Now I know.....


,
ashraf ishak ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4682753/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4682753/ Sun, 27 Feb 2005 02:33:36 PST
Blah!


Take care guys, and have a good week ahead. I know I won't......




soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4627224/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4627224/ Sun, 20 Feb 2005 06:02:31 PST
Another funny thing is that Nana's (my friend) little sister who use to run away everytime I drop by is not afraid of me anymore. Today my friends and I went to a nearby pond cause my friend Aishah wanted to do a photo shoot on her sisters and her little one was holding out the peace sign saying "peace". She's so adorable.

I could say that today was a very lovely day even if my so called "party" last night wasn't that grand. It was nice to have spent the night with the people I love.

Take care everyone and have a lovely, lovely week ahead.



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soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4568005/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4568005/ Sun, 13 Feb 2005 08:32:12 PST
Just a word of advice guys and girls, just when you don't seem to understand your partner, be patient step back and think about the options needed to solve the problem(s). I pray that you guys out there will stay happy together for always and may your lifes be blessed for many more years to come.

To those who are single the right peson will come to you when it happens. All you have to do is to pray that faith would match you with the right one even if you don't know who he/she is. Again, please do not be choosy when it comes to choosing a partner. If there's someone out there for you, give them a chance to be loved.

And to friends, cherish them always because love might not be a permanent thing but friendship is.

For Valentine's Day I've featured a deviation which to me relates so much to love.

Have a great and joyous Valentine's Day everyone. And may your day be a happy and wonderfull one.


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soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4544264/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4544264/ Thu, 10 Feb 2005 07:52:01 PST
The story begins when night I was studying hard knowing that I could go to an outing with my friends to a waterfall today. When I finally finished studying, I prayed to god that nothing would happen tommorow and that I could go.

Eventually, when I woke up my dad told me that we had to go back to our hometown cause my grandad's brotherhad passed on (talk about God being creative). Being from a Bugis (an Indonesian race) background which are known for being hard headed and stubborn, I told them that I didn't want to go because I've already made a promise to my friends.

Being the parents that they are, my mom who was at first siding me because I've left a note on her dressing table suddenly sided dad. The worst part was I was in a state of confusion like it was the biggest decision I had to make.

Wanna know how I went to the trip anyway?. Well...I kept on being stubborn and finally they left. You might think I was glad, but at the same time I also felt bad for not only being rude, but also breaking a little rule in my own religion. But for once, I need my own freedom. It is my holidays anyway.

And so I went. They say that if you don't have the blessings from your parents in whatever you do, God will give you a hard time. First it was the 30 minuites drive to another location. When we arrived at 1:00 p.m., we had seen that there were too many people. And after asking around, a guy said that there is a nother river spot about 10kms away.

After driving for 15 minuites we found some indigineous people and they told us that it's 45 minuites away. So we headed back to the first location.

When we arrived there was a 200 step climb all the way up and man was that tiring. I thought that was just it. It wasn't. Since they had rocks which resembled slides, we decided to play with that and I actually cut the bone at my waist. (whatever it is called).

To make things worst, my friend who was stung started having a headache and soon found out that her jaws, legs and hand was numb. I even saw her thies shaking (as in shivering).

But after a long day, it was fun after all. Althought I still hope my dad would forgive me for not listening to him. I've learned my lesson....this time....

Have a good week y'all!.


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soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4451695/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4451695/ Sun, 30 Jan 2005 09:07:45 PST
A part of me wants to leave but the other half tells me that I should stay. Her numbers are deleted for good. Memories of the past, what had happened in our relationship 2 years back, slowly fading away.

I can finally see myself doing the things I want. Achieveing my goals at college and doing what I do best - playing music that is and writing good poetry for you guys to read. If only I saw this as a blessing in disguise.

I guess there's always other people I could go out with. They say you will know if he/she's the one when the time comes. Even if you have to wait....

Take care and have a good week y'all!.



Regards,
soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4332107/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4332107/ Sun, 16 Jan 2005 04:26:40 PST
My hopes are so high
that your kiss might kill me...
so won't you kill me
so I'll die happy
my heart is yours
to fill or burst
to break or bury
or wear as a jewelry
which ever you prefer.

Yup. It's Dashboard Confessional's Hand's Down. Somehow or another I keep telling myself that I could never get myself to fall in love with anyone. Or rather...someone to fall in love with me.

I hate being single. It's been 2 years. And I envy those who are so happily holding hands to their girlfriends knowing after a bad day they have someone to turn to. Arghhh!...I hate them. But who am I to hate?. I can't even get my own brother to love me.

Is it me or am I just so dumb that people see right through me?. everything I do never seems to be right in any way, I'm so obsessed with how I feel rather then how others feel about me and truthfully, I can say that I'm scared of the truth.

I am scared of people judging me for what I do and who I am. There. I admit it. At least I have friends who don't..... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4275025/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4275025/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 03:47:30 PST
For the song with my aunties and uncles, we're suppose to sing Love is in the air which my parts only include seconds. For Dream Team we're singing The Stylistics' You make me feel brand new which my part is only like one verse.

At first I was suppose to have a solo performance but then again there were too many balads. I was kinda pissed when one of my uncles said that I'm only meant to sing rock songs just because I have a band, which is not true. Such remarks are so anal. What I sing does not make who I am. I can still sing rock tunes and like R&B. It's purely unfair.

On a better note, tommorow is the 10th of January. Why is it so important you say?. It's the second year I'm single. Well...it has been 2 years. There's pretty much more I want to see besides being single. Yes, it gets very lonely but I've learnt now to focus on something better besides a good relationship like my band, my studies and my 4 year plan with my friends to open up my restaurant.

The 11th of january however is my second year on Deviantart. I've gone through alot of things I've never thought I would achieve like getting new friends and people commenting on my works, even for the worst things I did. It has been great. I wanna thank everyone here for all the inspirations you have given me. I hope to continue this journey with more inspiring and talented artist and share the love I have for the arts. Thank you so much and god bless you all.



With much ,
Ashraf @ soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4199074/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4199074/ Fri, 31 Dec 2004 04:07:35 PST
Message: Daniel and Jasmine were sitting alone in the park one night....

Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world

Jasmine: I think so...All of my friends have
boyfriends and we are only the 2 persons left in this world with out any special person in our life

Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do

Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game

Daniel: What game?

Jasmine: i'll be your girl friend for 30 days
and you will be my boy friend

Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have
nothing to do much this following weeks...

DAY 1:

They watch their first movie and they both touched in a romantic film

DAY 4:

They went to the beach and had a picnic...Daniel and Jasmine had their quality time together

DAY 12:

Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they
rode on a Horror House....Jasmine was scared
and she touched Daniel's hand but she touched
someone else's hand and they both laughed...

DAY 15:

They saw a fortune teller down the road and they asked for their future advice and the fortune teller said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of your life...Spend the rest of your time together happily" Then tears flow out from the teller's eyes

DAY 20:

Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and
they saw a meteor...Jasmine mumbled something

DAY 28:

They sat on the bus and because of a bumby
road Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident

DAY 29:

11:37pm

Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where
they first decided to play this game...

Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine...Do you want any
drinks? I'll buy you one.. I'll just go down the
road

Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all

Daniel: Wait for me....

20mins later... a stranger approached Jasmine

Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?

Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?

Stranger: A reckless drunken driver ran over
daniel and he is critical in the hospital

11:57pm

The doctor went out of the emergency room
and he handed out an apple juice and a letter

Doctor: We found this in daniel's pocket

Jasmine reads the letter and it says:

Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you
are a really cute girl and i am really falling for you..Your cherish smile your everything when we played this game..... Before this game would end...I would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life....I love you Jasmine....

Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:

"Daniel ! i don't want you to die... I love
you...Remember that night when we saw a
meteor, I mumbled something... I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.... I loveyou! You cannot do this to me!"

Then the clock strikes 12
Daniel's heart stop pumping

THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY


Always love your loved ones and show them how you feel before it is too late...You will never know when they will be gone from your embrace...If you were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting compassion and love to your loved ones?. Today is the day....Love them while they are still here...

Have a happy and safe 2005 Everyone!. Happy New Year and God bless.

With much ,
Ashraf @ soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4166463/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4166463/ Mon, 27 Dec 2004 02:14:51 PST
We arrived at the bar about 12-ish and the first thing the bouncer said was you could not wear a cap inside. That was the sceond dumbest thing I heard eversince the last time I went clubbing where they said I had to tuck in....my t-shirt.

From about 12+ when we arrived, to about 4 when we went back, we neither approached, not got any girls but instead we danced amongs ourselves which was so gay and we went back eventhough sober but felt really bad like loosers.

Life really gets you when your single. Sure, you don't have to think about spending your girlfriend or having to worry about the telephone bill because of the long chat you had last night. But you'll never know if you don't try.

Like how I met this girl who works at a Calvin Klein shop in a local shopping mall that evening before going out clubbing who seems like an interesting person. She kept looking at me and my friend and

I only noticed after going out of the shop. I wanted to ask for her number but......who knows?. she might be the one for me?. Who knows I might ask for her number and end up being with her. And only god knows I might be happy with her.

So take that chance guys and gals. Don't be afraid to take the risk. It's kinda like Sex in the city where Sarah Michelle Gellar goes out with different guys or even like how Ally MacBeal goes out with different guys for that matter.

Stay safe and have a happy 2005 ahead!


,
Ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4053649/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/4053649/ Sun, 12 Dec 2004 21:37:55 PST
Making friends is one thing. Bonding with people whom at first I was reluctant to talk to and after one night of sleeping over they accepted me for who I am not for not what I look like. Apart from poetry recitals, we also had discussions on love and life and on the second day we played dodge paint ball which was really fun.

I learnt about the gay community from a guy named Gary who is in charge of The Bohemian room and happens to be gay. He explained to us the reality of being gay and what they go through and I was very wrong to judge them even if the thought of a guy kissing another seems very gross.

I also learnt that if you try too hard in life you've put a certain amount of expactation and when you fall short of that expactation, it will be something you'll regret. Chill. Make new friends. Don't be afrain to go out the to find new challenges. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Loose your virginity if it makes you happy. For all you know, something like this might never come again in your life for the second day.

That's all for now folks. If I don't happen to update my journal, Merry Christmas and have a happy new year!. Take care and stay safe.

Currently loving her poems:-




,
Ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3792087/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3792087/ Tue, 09 Nov 2004 09:08:09 PST
The doctor said I have bronchitis. I've been having difficulty breathing everytime I wake up at 5 for sahur (the meal before we fast for the day).Having a blocked nose makes it even worst that I have to breath through my mouth which is the next cause after smoking and sleeping with the air-conditioner on. Even when I've cut down to 5's it's hard not to smoke more then that.

My friends are already going back to their hometown for Raya. It's sad actually. The reason why is because the whole of my fasting month have been spent with them, we've had so much fun hanging out at night and then we depart but hopefully not for long. After Raya we're still going to celebrate at each other's house even though some of them will be going back to university.

December is going to be a very hectic month for me. Not only will I be performing with my band on the 22nd, I'm also helping a friend with his band's performance on the 8th. Not only that, I've recenly been invited to recite my poem at a local college's Street Art Festival from the 10th to the 12th which will be something new for me. Just the thought of the writter, reciting his own poems is weird since it's very personal to himself and not having anyone else reading it out for him. Plus, the comments that will be coming from the crowd should be interesting too.

I just found out that rain makes me feel depresses....

I don't know where this is going so I think I should stop here. Enjoy your holidays guys and and girls and for all you Malaysians Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya to you all.


Best wishes,
++soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3651639/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3651639/ Fri, 22 Oct 2004 20:31:19 PDT and . It's the first time I'm collaborating with them and these guys are good (you know you guys ROCK!). For my new submittions I should say more props should be given to them for those really creative ideas.

Okay...so maybe I said was going to stop smoking but I have not. Ever since Fasting months started, I've only managed to cut down fro 10s to 5s from Dunhill reds to Pall Mall menthol. At first I thought buying single sticks would be good but being at 60 cents per stick it would bring me up to RM3 which is also equivalent to a packet of 10s. But this time, it lasts for 2 days.

For a cheap RM4 me and some friends of mine chipped in for a CD of comical underground band Ben's Bitches. Pretty refreshing I should say and their songs are about how high school used to suck, being stopped by the police in the state of being high and stocking Paula Malai Ali the Channel [V] VJ in that punk-ish / rock-ish manner.

Got to go back to work (which really sucks). You know I don't really want to....




++soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3615123/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3615123/ Sun, 17 Oct 2004 22:56:54 PDT
Computers, computers computers. Are they a big problem to you?. My OS got corrupted yesterday. It was one of those "you have to upgrade your system" notices, so I did. After restarting, a file was missing; but I could still log in into the system but there were no icons.

Its as if it was my fault the computer went corrupted. As I was having a nap, when I heard my brother swearing comments about me. My father in the other hand said "tonight I want to sit with you and I want to throw out all the unwanted files". Why is it that parents always wants to look for your fault everytime you screw something up?.

As for work....It's been a month and all I ever do is arrange brochures, cut out ads and do filing day in and day out. They promised me I would learn something new from the past 2 weeks but that has not been happening. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm even here. I just cant wait to move on to the next department. It's gonna be 3 long months alright.

That's all the update for now. Thanks for reading today's session of Rambling Sessions #29. Till then, do take care and have a good week guys!.


++soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3532702/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3532702/ Thu, 07 Oct 2004 07:38:50 PDT
Wonder why....you think my artworks inspire you...

I might be "SOULSHYNE" but hey...

who cares?

My art is crap

there are way better artists then me.....

who study art

in a place they call COLLEGE or UNIVERSITIES....

I'm just a street artist who thinks design is such a glamerous hobby....

an artist.....

is that even a term given to person such as me?.....

I don't deserve this....

"an artist's finger which paints the canvas black"


soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3492486/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3492486/ Sat, 02 Oct 2004 02:24:47 PDT
I guess that's all for now......take care and have a good week guys!.

++soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3353750/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3353750/ Mon, 13 Sep 2004 10:27:33 PDT
The pressure is on as my finals are coming in 2 days. Everything from term 1 to term 3 is included and so the devil lurks into me and tells me not to study. I don't know where to start. Is that a valid reason?. Believe me, you don't want to know. 12 subjects, 48 hours and....I don't know how many glasses of coffee it will take me to stay awake. Oh yeah, and ciggies too.

My band is recording in 2 months time InsyaAllah, with the help of my brother, the 5 track demo will be out by the end of this year or by early next year. I've wrote yet another song, so that already makes 3 slow songs and how many catchy ones?.......none. The life of a musician is truly a tiring one.

I still don't get girls. What is it with them when they send you a message saying "It's not that I don't want to go out with you, I've made better plans" and what she meant by "a better plan" was going out with her and some of her best friends. You know that feeling when you really miss someone and you only want to spend time with him / her?. And then she tells you the plan is to go out with her buddies.

I was on the phone with my ex-girlfriend last night and I tried telling myself not to all mushy on her. By the end of that conversation, I really wanted to be with her but I told myself it might take sometime before she could fall in love with me again. I guess, time will tell what's going to happen next but till then, life's going to continue on as usual.

That's it for this session of rambling guys. It was fun updating. Untill then, take care and have a good week. Chiowzers!.


//soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3129753/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/3129753/ Sun, 15 Aug 2004 06:32:48 PDT
I got my break for when I went to Pangkor, organized by me and my fellow classmates as a class activity since my course now is Tourism Management. I really thought that holidays wasn't ment to be tiring but I was just fun tour guiding 32 guests. Those 2 days were the days I really wished I brought my camera cause even if the sea wasn't that great, there were spectacular views of hill tops and temples.

More Ass-es-ments coming my way and I know for sure it will be a BIG pain in the butt. After all that, I just thought that maybe it's time I switched to something else. Maybe english litreature or just graphic designing maybe even interior or fashion. If I coulda, then I shoulda.

I've not been writting for a while, I know. Actually, I did but did not manage to finish it on time (unless you would want to read what I wrote in malay). It's now the 15th of August and my last journal was on the 24th of July. Shows how long my journal has not been updated. Since I'm tired from all that travelling, might as well do it.

I'm bored......

Let me just leave you with this quote from an artist I found on Friendster which says "Reality needs time and space, Existence needs only faith".

Take care guys. Stay safe and have a good week.

Ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2939654/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2939654/ Thu, 22 Jul 2004 07:29:04 PDT [10:03:39 PM] * ...:: msquixotic ::... is now Offline
[10:08:14 PM] soulshyne: it's ok
[10:08:18 PM] soulshyne: how's it going?
[10:09:55 PM] ...:: msquix: great
[10:09:56 PM] ...:: msquix: u?
[10:10:03 PM] soulshyne: tired
[10:10:16 PM] ...:: msquix: ah okay
[10:15:21 PM] soulshyne: I miss you babe
[10:18:12 PM] soulshyne: yes I do so badly
[10:18:32 PM] ...:: msquix: okay.. i'm flattered
[10:18:42 PM] soulshyne: ({)
[10:19:49 PM] ...:: msquix: (})
[10:27:01 PM] soulshyne: (K)muaxxx
[10:36:57 PM] soulshyne: babe?
[10:37:18 PM] ...:: msquix: yeah?
[10:37:35 PM] soulshyne: i love you
[10:38:32 PM] ...:: msquix: huh?
[10:39:15 PM] soulshyne: nvm
[10:40:40 PM] ...:: msquix: u know u shouldn't say that if u don't
mean it
[10:41:09 PM] soulshyne: what if I do?
[10:41:30 PM] ...:: msquix: u meant it?
[10:41:47 PM] ...:: msquix: how can u when u don't really know me?
[10:41:52 PM] soulshyne: yes I do
[10:43:02 PM] soulshyne: I just do
[10:44:00 PM] ...:: msquix: thanks
[10:44:04 PM] ...:: msquix: i dont know what else to say
[10:44:18 PM] soulshyne: just say you love me too?
[10:44:45 PM] ...:: msquix: i can'
[10:44:47 PM] ...:: msquix: i can't
[10:45:30 PM] soulshyne: ..........
[10:51:02 PM] ...:: msquix: u gotta admit it.. this is just an
infatuation
[10:52:11 PM] soulshyne - : forget about it....



Love, it takes me high, it takes me low, it makes me crazy, it makes me blind....why should I care anymore?. This self-gratification, self realization of wanting to be loved is just too tiring. It's been more than a year.....and I know I can make it on my own. As long as I have my family, and friends who care. Thank you all. My gratitude goes to all of you......


Especially



Ashraf ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2855354/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2855354/ Sun, 11 Jul 2004 11:07:13 PDT
Maybe that was the part where I was wrong. Maybe I should have asked whether or not she is already in a relationship but NO.....it went on until I gave her a flower. That was the time when I thought this is it....I need to be in a relationship and fast.

On the way home, it was the same mood we went through. My head on her shoulder almost to a point I wanted to kiss her.....but I just can't. It didn't feel right....It could never feel right. She's 23....and I'm.....

A male friend who was with me told me to go slow on liking her before finding out more about her. The next day I woke up and she was gone. Before everything could happen I've already found out she is in a relationship and neither of us wanted to say (or asked) about it.

Maybe it was stupid of me to quickly assume she's not in one and hold her hands, asking her "are you ok?" every 5 minuites, giving flowers and hugging her but she participated by not saying anything. The question is....why is she doing it?.

My reason was easy. I wanted to feel sincerity, and I wanted to feel secure and loved for once and not for all the strange reason like getting laid. Maybe I wanted it too badly I lost my focust on the other good things in life I could achieve, and other people I've pushed aside for it.

I had a dream today that again my head was on her shoulder like last night, almost to the point of kissing her....but I can't. All I could do is just smile thingking about how happy I was for one night. It's been a year and 6 months since I've been touched. Now I know how it feels to never be loved again....

soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2777013/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2777013/ Thu, 01 Jul 2004 03:14:02 PDT
Life has been practically the same after that thing with my ex-girlfriend. I kinda wanted her back after her parents found out her boyfriend was using her. Guess I knew that all along. She told me she needed some time out to forget about what happened with her ex and after a few weeks of not calling her, she told me she's not ready for a relationship.

Went to the Sheila On 7 concert last Saturday. They really rocked Mallacca except that most of the songs from the first album wasn't played. Oh yeah, and I lost my handphone so that makes it even worst. It's not only about loosing the numbers I'm worried about, it's also all those sms, picture messages and ringtones. But suprisingly, in 2 days you could get your sim card back and that's what I did. Even got myself the same handphone I had.

I'm in some funk right now. That explains why I've not been submitting new deviations. The holiday moods makes me even lazier when it comes to submitting when most of the time i'm surfing or chatting.

Hopefully, when the semester starts I'll start with my collection of ni9ne which is from my Pop9 collection and some other collections of photos I've yet to scan. Till then, take care people, stay safe and have a good week.


Ash ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2718519/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2718519/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 10:21:24 PDT

I'm supposed to be on holiday, if I wanted to, I wouldn't give to flying F's about what's happening. All I want to do right now is meet you, say sorry to your face and after that, if you still don't want to trust me or be your friend it's up to you cause all I know, these 5 years of being your friend was well worth it, I don't even know why we're fighting. Let's put our egos and differences aside because this is getting too childish to bother me. I need a break.



Your friend,
Ashraf Bin Ishak ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2710020/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2710020/ Mon, 21 Jun 2004 07:36:59 PDT
Get over it. It already happened so why bring it up?. What part of ass sucking did I do?. As I know, I've always did things the way it should be and you came into the picture just when everything was about to fall apart. So you want the credit for all you've did for //OSa is that it?.

The only person living in his deluded world is yourself. Your just mad cause you couldn't even handle those people you hate at UiTM and now you still have to be with them when your semester starts.

It's pathetic and I'm talking crap?. Dude, you were always wrong. HELLO! Mr. "I’m so egoistic, I'm always right". Reality is rather harsh to you isn't it? See, now you can't handle the fact that what I say right so all you could come up with is “its pathetic and you’re talking crap”.

I don't need to use big words to diss you because I don't see where I did wrong. And if you've read your journal, you could see how you've made a fool out of yourself. Even when you’re mad, you can't write a good journal to diss me back. ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2701978/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2701978/ Sun, 20 Jun 2004 05:38:57 PDT
Between me and Syuk, we've settled about what happened with Kunis and he holds no grudges against me. What evidence do you have that I dissed Syuk for her anyway?.

Making it non-of-your-business shit isn't a good attitude now is it?. That's where your wrong. You were alway hard headed. Not only am I the only person who hates you. There are others at the same time who hates you too. It's just that they don't want to say it to your face. And all of us have to deal with your shit?.

If you were bored, at least make an initiative to update the journal. Doesn't take much but to move your fingers now does it?. Hahahahahahah. VOCABULARY?. What about starting of a diss with Whateva A-S-H. Pretty impressive I should say. I told you, before correcting others, look at yourself in the mirror first. attcking, bacshing, anyhting, cuz, diysed, i'm, i've, Whateva, woould. Need I say more?.

Did you even give me a chance to explain myself?. And trust?. I've never ever trusted you myself. Stop it with your selfishness, I see right through you and you were never once true to your friends.

"You got something to say, just come and see me". Look who's talking. Taufiq, you’re the one who should be getting a brain, or at least half of it. I forgot, all you think about is yourself while not attending to other people's needs or feelings.

The real fact is that you never had the chance to diss me and now you have the opportunity, you fire me with all those thoughts you've kept all along. Now that's weak. ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2681341/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2681341/ Fri, 18 Jun 2004 08:14:14 PDT
1) I had somebody told me that the person I respect the most said something behind my back. If he had the balls he would have told me himself and not be wussed. Now I have to prove that I could put his word where his mouth is?....

2)Someone did call me and told me personally. Just when you thought it's all good......well...it's not good. There are thing I did not say when he started bombarding me with all those bullshit he calls his oppinions.

-What does trust have to do with me stealing Syukri's girlfriend?. That's between me and him and non of your bussiness. While we're at it, let's talk about your principals in life shall we?. You want to look for a person you love and get married to her when your message stated "dimi, you should have invited more babes to your party, i'm complaining." Do I need to say more?.......When everything didn't work out with her, whos the one now looking out for numbers?.

-Does it proof that being a perfectionist, would do you good when it comes to working?. Does it occure to you that we as humans make mistakes?.

-Everyone agrees that if you make mistake, you tell them straight and not keep your mouth shut. And saying that it's your right weather to or to not tell me was a big mistake. Why be mad at others when they are not right when you yourself should correct your wrong .doings

-I never said anything about you being slow at doing your job and WRONG again, I did consult everyone about PENA or any other matters when it comes to //OSa.

-About what happened with the updates; when I got the message Aishoz sent me, since I was online, I might as well update the site. Ok....let me say this once...YOUR SLOW AT DOING YOUR JOB even when I let you use my computer.






















WAIT!......

Don't think you can get away with whatever legitimate reasons you gave.

I don't hold grudges when you throw punches cause your critism is just not good enough for me to know like any other person in this world....you'll be the last person I'll expect this to come from.....

And when I diss, I say names. when you point your finger at people remember that there's three pointing back at you. ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2547607/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2547607/ Mon, 31 May 2004 03:24:25 PDT
There was once I met him at Starbucks after my performance at my college's orientation night. He was showing me his priced possession. A diamond studded earring on his left ear which he subjected to as "one of the most expensive items I've ever bought".

After that, sitting next to him was uncomfortable. He is the good looking type. Short hair, long faced shaved moustache and long sideburns but he was the metro sexual type.

I seriously do not have anything against gay men. They are humans too. They have feelings just like us. By the way, gay men do succeed in real life ( Giorgio Armani, Prince, Elton John etc..).

I tried asking around, and my brother's girlfriend told me that it is in fact common for men to be wearing earrings on their left ear and that it is not a gay statement these days.

The question now is, if I am attracted to transvestites (which is not to my norm), am I considered gay?. Or am I just confused about my sexualism that women don't turn me on anymore?.....






The beautiful people:-
http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2467073/ Thu, 20 May 2004 02:18:30 PDT
I went to see my lecturer today. It was about me getting a 7 out of 95 for my accounts assestment. We got into a class and the first thing he said was.."So, what are you going to do about it?" Somehow or another, the feeling of defeat got over me, and there was nothing I could say except "I could ask around if I have a problem". He replied that I never did when I had to and it was implied as if I was giving him a chance to give me two tight slaps on my face. He also thought it was all the jamming sessions I had with the band. The reason I didn't ask was because I felt more comfortable asking my friends.

I can't explain but I wanted him to see it my way. Maybe it's the status I'm in when I'm in college. I feel like I do not have a sense of belonging. I do not belong. Or maybe it's because I miss my old classmates from my former college. It's as if when I'm doing 2 things, I can only excell in 1.....music (it's something I love).

If it's not bad enough that I'm a bad student, I'm the only guy (and the only malay guy to be exact) in my class. I'm not implying racism but it's as if behind my back, I'm being talked about by other races about how badly managed us malays are.

I feel badly humiliated when he told me he wanted me to resit. Fine, he wants to give me a chance, but it was my wrong doings for not studying. We scheduled for a resit; 2:15 p.m. , next Friday and I walked out of the classroom sore.

I can't find hope for passing accounts, maths or geography. All I can do is be optimistic about life. I'm looking at at it from diffrent perspectives, but from my point of view, I've been blinded by the things that only make me happy when I know there are things I don't like which I have to do.

A good friend of mine once told me that happiness is oblivious. It comes and goes. When it comes....cherish it. And when it goes....well....it goes. I think of it this way, when sadness deprives me or rather when someone asks how are you, I'd say "well....not bad.....could be better". Just trying to be optimistic.

We can't always be happy so I'd always keep this static mood of not beeing too happy all the time. Thanks for reading this journal. All sincere sympathy appreciated. I just wanted to let off steam. I'm happy again.....at least for now....



The beautiful people:-
http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2417250/ Wed, 12 May 2004 23:22:20 PDT
After a long say in college, i decided to use the toilet on the 9th floor one day when I say a rubbish bin by the side of the toilet bowl which says "for use of dispensing sanitary pads" and thought to myself was I in the wrong toilet?. I heard footsteps and as I came to wash my hands it turned out to be my classmate Sae Mi. She was in shocked and she asked me...."what are you doing in the women's toilet?. I said "shhhhh.....don't tell anyone".

I was on the phone last night and my little brother wanted to use the PC. I overheard him mumbling complaints about me using iMesh. Just can't wait to get my laptop. If it isn't bad enough I have to share the computer, it's bad I have to share the same programmes. Instead of using violence (believe me, I wanted to), I resulted to staying in my room, smoking, playing my guitar and going to sleep instead.

Got my transportation operations 2 results for the small assesment we did. I can't believe I forgot all about the page behind. all I got was a freaking 6 out of 20.

I'm a mess........

The beautiful people:-
~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2375275/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2375275/ Thu, 06 May 2004 21:31:15 PDT
I have a tendency to be spastic at times. I sneezed and to my surprise flem came out out of my nose and it was dripping (I'm currently suffering from an excessive flem disorder) . I lay my head low behind the compute so that no one would see but just as I wiped it off......someone WAS starring at me. It was embarrasing. Just had to go to the washroom.

Something tells me this is gonna be a long day......

A long day indeed.....


]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2301544/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2301544/ Mon, 26 Apr 2004 10:00:10 PDT
Talking about shitty, last 2 weeks i had a close encounter with the same old s-h-i-t. I was upstairs in my room and something was smelt bad. I sniffed my pants to see if I had stepped into some poo. Imagine how shock I was when I found out it was just next to my foot. All my maid did was gave me that look which said "I told you not to invite the cat upstairs"

It seems my dad had change her diet to a diffrent brand which resulted to diarrhea. One which no oral dehydration salt could cure.

My band performed at my college's orientation night last Friday. All is well, ends well. Today, it was the normal Monday morning. Nobody said anything about the performance except for this girl who claimed she was very proud of me.

We got an offer to play for this pub which has alwas been around my college. Kinda like a 1 year contract, the pay isn't that swell but who cares anyway. I'm in it for the experience.

Been having late nights, and early mornings....so I guess I better get some sleep. Cheers!.

- Ashraf's ultimate alter-ego ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2224372/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2224372/ Thu, 15 Apr 2004 21:09:07 PDT
I took the train to college again today and I was about to cross the track, the train started to move. I crossed the track and got to the middle of track and as people started walking, I heard an angry voice shouting and mocking at me. It was the train driver.....He was saying something like "Oi...don't you have any respect?".

I'm not trying to say I am right either but he has NO rights whatsoever to mock me in that sense. Just shows how anal some Malaysian can be.

I've got serious issues.... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2162452/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2162452/ Tue, 06 Apr 2004 05:01:41 PDT
If that wasn't bad enough this morning I got a gastric attack while discussing about the matter. It wasn't something I needed but somehow I just have to live with the pain.

My brother's girlfriend is leaving for The U.S.A tonight so that's something to top off the day with....But it seems like nobody is listening to me...... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2099297/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2099297/ Sun, 28 Mar 2004 02:45:28 PST
I remember the things we did together as I grew up. He had tears in his his eyes, and he asked... "who is taller, you or your brother". And I said.... "Joe" (my brother).

And then there was silence.....I wanted to tell him not to speak, as it would effect his heart. He knew what was coming...

I couldn't help but to cry as I sat there next to him, holding his hands, cold. He said "Ashraf, don't cry for me. Your making me sad. Just pray that everything will be ok".

I continued crying as I walked down the hallway passing through the nurse's table... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2087761/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2087761/ Fri, 26 Mar 2004 08:41:43 PST
I've seen him gone in and out of the hospital for the past few years as he has heart complications but the thought of loosing him just kills me inside.

It was also the thought of what I have and have not done for him that made me cry I couldn't content the tears as he is (besides my father's father) the only grandfather I have lived to love for the past 21 years.

All I could do now is just that he would be ok and may god be on his side.

]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2063956/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2063956/ Mon, 22 Mar 2004 16:48:56 PST
Been going through nocturnal weeks I wouldn't imagine I would go through with alot of assignments, presentations and assesments. While on the other hand I've spend alot of time trying not to pee in my pants by taking it easy. Sheesh...can't life be any better?.

Been slowing down on writting poetry and spending more time on graphic and photo manipulations. Hopefully when I'm free I'll be ready to write more poems probably even in Bahasa Melayu.

Well...that's it for this week. Hope to write more journals after my finals. Till then, take care and stay safe everyone.

,

]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2040520/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2040520/ Fri, 19 Mar 2004 00:05:44 PST ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2001751/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/2001751/ Fri, 12 Mar 2004 21:52:44 PST I finally got to know this girl and we have loads of things in common. We like the same bands, we're both the second child and we like chocolates. We talked about our own philosophies, about poetry, about love and life. I think I'm in love....

Day two - Wednesday
right after class ended at 1 I went to see her for our first so called "date". I was late but I bought her flowers and she loved it. We had lunch, I taught her how to play pool and I lost to her, went to some music stores to listen to some Jets.
I am in love but we still have to see what happens from there.

Day three - Thursday
I called her last night. It was some new info I had to pick up about her. I read her my poetry. So far, there hasn't been any reaction. It's still a static line of uncertainty.

Day four - Friday
Of all the usual pukes I had, I don't know if this one is because I was so happy I've found her or because I'm too stressed out from college projects and presentations. I was the usual tempremental me and I was delirious. I needed someone to talk to but she's not exactly the person who could comfort me. After I said I missed her, and I jokingly asked if she did, she said she doesn't

Day five - Saturday
Woke up at 1, gave her a call. The conversations running dry. She said I was too quiet on the phone and that everyone needs a reason to call. Do I need a reason to call?. I'm not quiet sure if she's the one. It struck me that she's the type who's always busy and she's always studying, she doesn't go out till late at night and she does house chores......I'm not like that...... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1902320/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1902320/ Wed, 25 Feb 2004 04:44:19 PST
Class ended at 12 today, so me and and a few of my classmates had to go to the city to do our english shopping mall project. Before that I had to go to my former college to pick up some documents

It was rather inviting when I met some old friends and lecturers of mine. One which includes the girl I used to have a crush on (maybe a girl I still have a crush on).

A change of mood struck as someone told me she already seeing someone. Despite of all the shitty things that happen to me, it still bothers me to be thingking about the mistakes I've did in the past. I smiled and realized what she doesn't see in me is not my lost but rather hers.

"I am lost by that moment once again when life reaches a crossroad of confusion and the line between truth and reality is blurred" ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1859508/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1859508/ Tue, 17 Feb 2004 05:54:04 PST
I was suppose to go to a poetry recital with some friends that night but since the movie ended at 9, I didn't. Anyways, since I was the only one who wanted to, and the both of them had their own plans, I'd rather not. I taped a Valentine's special on Channel [V] where my cousin, a 26 year old copywritter was being matched with a pretty bubbly 21 year old student. The feeling I had was flat....I realised it is NOT going to happen to me.

I asked a close friend to be my girlfriend. I knew it was coming and she said she never wanted anything special between us. We're just friends. That's what they all say.....

Went clubbing that night and came back at 6. Clubbing had never been so dull. Somehow, I was dumbstruck by the embiance and I couldn't dance. I started singing anyway. After supper, we headed back home. Slept through the whole way and found out when I got home my grandfather was about to go out for prayers.

It's 3 more days till I get a year older. I'll be turning twen-teen-one this year and I'm hoping for a new handphone, probably coloured screen with a cam, that will be cool. Been using my 3350 for the past 2 years and it's getting old for me. 21, and still a looser?..........DAMN!....... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1821674/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1821674/ Tue, 10 Feb 2004 04:10:27 PST
Monday: 09/02/2004

Woke up early to go to college as my class starts at 10. As class was about to start, the electricity went off. We went to class 30 minuites late and did nothing but talk about religions and believes. And then we were joined by my Geography lecturer, Ms. Christine and she was telling us about the history of the catholics in France (Where she is from). I got home with the commuter to find out my car couldn't be started.

Eventually, it did and when I got home, I was stuck in front of the computer till about 10. I was suppose to record the MTV awards at 8 as my mom told my brother to tell me to recorded it. He got mad cause I was at the computer and he commented that "I don't contribute anything to the family". If I wasn't, then why have I been sending him to tuitions?.

I found out that night that the reason the car couldn't start wasn't because of the battery. Me and my dad changed my car battery with his car's battery and we came to the conclusion that it was the starter which was old. Maybe the engine needs to be overhauled as it is a 1300 VW.

Tuesday : 10/02/2004

Since I couldn't drive, I had my mom to send me to the commuter station. Class starts at 12 and I decided I needed some breakfast. I was surprised to see my classmate there so early in the morning. Seems she was meeting up a friend who came all the way from The U.K.

I see smiles and laughes coming from the people from the other table. Some stupid MF's who couldn't help but to make fun of me. And just because I don't say anything it seems I am like an alien from another planet. " Dude...get a life!!".

I decided to go to the library and send emails. I sent 4 emails to 4 people I have not been in contact with hoping they've received it. Again, I had to put up with Daphne's (My classmate) b****y attitude miss "Oh, I know everything". She complaints about petty things like "Why can't you do extra photostating?". Last week it was "I went to the class and there were people, you don't believe you go see laa". I wanted to tell her to shut up and stop being such a b****.

Every one of my classmates agrees she is a pain in the a**, but too lazy to say anything. I wasn't because I am not the type who says something and breaks someone's heart.

After coming back from lunch (We had lunch outside college), We headed back to college for English class. My friend decided to park where she did which was in a village area nearby called Kampung Lindungan. We told her she couldn't park at the garage as it was probably someone's. She did and then came a malay guy cursing away. One of my friends got angry and started cursing bad words back at him.

I guess, since Kampung Lindungan has a history of Malays fighting with Indians (whom my two friends were), maybe they still are. I'm not going againts my own race but why can't we just live in peace?. We are living in the same country anyway. What's happening to the world these days?.

So it took sometime to look for a parking spot in the college building. We got to English class about 30 minuites late. My English lecturer was babbling about me always being late which is not true. She told us to meet her after class and I wasn't amused at all. When my English lecturer found out I didn't do my homework, she said "Oh, you also didn't do your homework" and smacked my head.

I didn't pay rm5000 just to be smacked on my head like some stupid 10 year old kid just for not doing his homework. More presure with weekly assignments, assignments due for February and March, roleplays and presentations.

I'm gonna burst soon but till then, let's hope I don't........ ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1776975/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1776975/ Sun, 01 Feb 2004 10:36:41 PST
Met my mom's friend as I was browsing through the brochures at the Woman's Aid Organization booth. She was shocked to see me interested. Well, I was but I don't see myself having the time to do charity work as I have just started college.

I even met my dad's friend who opened up a fish & chips, Calamary & chips booth who he has not met (I guess) in years. I even met some friend myself, so it felt great.

Screenings of indie movies were also fun. It was actually my first time watching indie movies. There was even a screening of "Gedebe". A play based on Shakespear's Julius Ceaser but the characters used are skinheads.

Today was yet another tiring day. Had to wake up early for Hari Raya Haji prayers and later I had to sacrifice the cow. The killing went well. It was the cutting of the meat and skin which was tiring. It was blood, sweat, and a whole load of cow dung.

Well....That was my day....
Hope things stay swell... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1736665/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1736665/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 00:17:00 PST
So I did go downstairs after everone went back. And one of my grandmother was going like "Oh, I didn't know you were around". Well....nobody did. I feel invinsible, like the blacksheep of the family.

My dad took away the car key. Seems that since I'm still living with him, everything is his. He's always like that. He doesn't even know what a sensitive person he is and he's looking for faults to bring me down.

And eversince my brother became an artist, it has never been about me. It's always been about HIS achievements, HIS posters, HIS shows, HIS girlfriend. Never before has it been about my writtings, my band, my shows, my girlfriend.

I'm not trying to prove anything to them. I just want to make them proud. But at the same time, I'm not perfect. And to think that was bad enough......

After recovering from a recent illness, they found out that my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. It's not that I want him to go, but I know it's going to happen someday. The anxiety just kills me........

I need to be alone now..... ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1716286/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1716286/ Wed, 21 Jan 2004 04:19:27 PST Your friend told you 'cause I told her
Friday night's have been lonely
Change your plans and then phone me

We could go and get forties
Fuck going to that party
Oh really, your folks are away now?
Alright, let's go
You convinced me

12:51 is the time my voice
found the words I sought
Is it this stage I want?
The world is shutting up for us
Oh we were tense for sure
But we was confident

Kiss me now that I'm older
I won't try to control you
Friday night's have been lonely
Take it slow but don't warn me

We'd go out and get forties
Then we'd go to some party
Oh really, your folks are away now?
Alright I'm coming,
I'll be right there

My life's been like those line from 12:51, hanging out with friends on Friday nights, sometimes lonely cause I have no one to share it with but that's ok. The fact that 12:51 offers a happy tune reminds me that not only am I the only one who's alone, but there are others out there who are too.

I've not been writting for a while, it's kinda shitty, but I'm taking it slow and steady. Hope to get some people to publish my poetry through a writting project called sireh.org but it won't be anytime soon as I am still working on the conditions.

I emailed them my interest of publishing as part of lending a hand but he emailed me back and all he said was "yeah sure, just email your poetry and we'll try to get it published". Is that it?. That's not convincing enough to get me sending my poetry. It's as if it's a scam. What if it goes to the wrong hands?.

Till that happens, I hope to start writting again......SOON!


//soulshyne ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1677548/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1677548/ Wed, 14 Jan 2004 03:20:35 PST
These situations don't happen often but I've learned not to look out for love, but rather let it come to you. Good things don't come easily, so be patient and appreciate what you have rather then what you don't. Everything happens for a reason.

On another note, (I know this message is late) it's been a solid year for me being with DA and I would like to thank everyone for giving comments on my poetry, photography and artworks. For the love, support and criticism ( I knew someone wouldn't take me too seriously).

More power for the years to come (I hope) and much love and respect for those who have given me the drive I need to be here.

Thank you all again.

soulshyne
]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1627018/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1627018/ Sun, 04 Jan 2004 04:35:29 PST They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Jai Guru De Va Om
Nothing’s gonna change my world
Nothing’s gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind
Inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe

Jai Guru De Va Om
Nothing’s gonna change my world
Nothing’s gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai Guru De Va Om
Nothing’s gonna change my world
Nothing’s gonna change my world.

Be sure to check out this song ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1600522/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1600522/ Mon, 29 Dec 2003 18:58:52 PST
Only to find out that one of them will be back only to join us that night and two (Dan and his gf) others heading with a his college mates. I don't know if camping would be such a great idea. Just the thought of shooting of from KL (because of the jam) is something.

Talking about new year, train stations will be packed with people, streets will be closed and shopping malls will be hectic.

But whatever it is, may the New Year bring us more blessings and a longer life.

Happy New Year to everyone on

Regards,
soulshyne

soulshyne@bluehyppo.com ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1578334/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1578334/ Wed, 24 Dec 2003 15:04:55 PST
The Bali trip was great. Went white water rafting and what thrill it was when my team's boat his a rock and I fell downstream. Metallica's prison song was playing in my head as I thought I was gonna die from drowning. After the ride down I felt like a hero cause everyone was asking me about the fall.

There was no bombing (luckily). How naive I am (I know), you can't tell what just might happen after the bombing in Turkey. Was busy most of the time running away from the people selling and haggaling you to buy sunglassess and such.

Even learnt a new trick. There are two colour schemes when you sell you items. If you got a black plastic bag, it means you've got a good deal. But if your carrying a striped black and white bag it means you've been cheated.

Well...enough about that. I'm back in Malaysia and I'll be in college by 5ft of January 2004 doing 2 years of higher diploma in tourism management. Currently enjoying life to the limits before having to bore myself with books.

I just came back from a club in Bangsar celebrating Christmas eve. It was huge. I passed through a road and my car was sprayed with celebration spray cans. I really need to wash my car tommorow.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to all fellow Deviants. ]]> ~soulshyne http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1578270/ http://soulshyne.deviantart.com/journal/1578270/ Wed, 24 Dec 2003 14:51:23 PST
The Bali trip was great. Went white water rafting and what thrill it was when my team's boat his a rock and I fell downstream. Metallica's prison song was playing in my head as I thought I was gonna die from drowning. After the ride down I felt like a hero cause everyone was asking me about the fall.

There was no bombing (luckily). How naive I am (I know), you can't tell what just might happen after the bombing in Turkey. Was busy most of the time running away from the people selling and haggaling you to buy sunglassess and such.

Even learnt a new trick. There are two colour schemes when you sell you items. If you got a black plastic bag, it means you've got a good deal. But if your carrying a striped black and white bag it means you've been cheated.

Well...enough about that. I'm back ]]> ~soulshyne