http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:spadea&section=today deviantART RSS for by:spadea en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 11:19:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/22934485/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/22934485/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 02:19:25 PST
Nights like these were colorful in a bittersweet way, and I'd met many a people whom one wouldn't usually bother to know. Expats, sex addicts, assholes, pimps, working girls, divorced businessmen, pill-poppers, alcoholics, middle-aged single women, single mothers, pub dancers, massage palour girls, lonely men, lonely women, girl-boys, boy-girls, jaded artists, wannabe singers, alpha males, show-offs, poor bartenders.... all complex lives with their own circumstances. But in the night, as we laugh ourselves crazy with booze and chit-chats under the loud music, we held on tightly a common bond as dissidents from the normal society, desperately seeking solace from our own struggles with life.

But I knew that I can never deceive myself.

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/22404829/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/22404829/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 22:34:23 PST
I stood there frozen and feeling lost. He proceeded to shout at some 2 other photographers outside who seems to have met ah peh previously and went back, for reasons I'm uncertain. The sad thing was that they just walked away. However, that was the least I could care. I tried my best to apologise, but I knew his anger comes from way back and can never be eased this easily. I have never felt so sorry in my life. In that moment, I realized that I was starring at the devil straight into his eyes. And through his eyes, I saw myself.

What started as a hope to help the ones who are closer to me, became a mere act of self-indulgence and delusion.

I sat at the bench hidden from view nearby their home and pondered about what I had done for the past year, capturing the scenes of life and poverty in Singapore. Even if it was for awareness, do I really need to do this? There must be a better way of capturing and recording such ordeals of follow Singaporeans without intruding their privacy and life. And beyond just capturing all these photographs, more needs to be done, to help while respecting the feelings of these people. We cannot help out of mere sympathy, but as a follow human being and friend who will be there only when needed, just like any other normal friendship that we have with others. Cause if we are to forcefully take away their pride and respect, we are simply not looking at them as a human being, but more of some being, like how we look at homeless cats & dogs. Without pride & respect, we simply aren't humans anymore.

Sometimes I did it the right way, I became their friend. Most other times, I was an utter bastard.

Often we talk about memories we have and things that we regret losing... but for the year 2008, though naive, I wish that the problems of our suffering poor would one day cease to exist, in which we may finally be allowed to forget the memories of such a life. I pray for strength to keep myself in check till death.


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:

I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/21792459/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/21792459/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:02:20 PST
1st and foremost I have to thank dear Sarah so much for getting me my very 1st DD and also all your support for the photograph P L A Y . I am really surprised and happy, especially when I'm so used to the little page views I get, mainly due to my limited participation at DA. Really appreciate the love from you people, and i will try my best to reply all your kind comments!

I have been coming face to face with a lot of reality issues for the past month, and the problems are taking up so much of my time that i have to disappear AGAIN for the past few weeks... It isn't really that kind and understanding when you are away from the online world. Business in the company I'm working at is affected by recession, to the point that we have to take in jobs with a huge cut in clients' budgets. Friends got retrenched, pay gets cut... and I got burnt and is now 9,000 in debt. Past few weeks were spent working and working and working while trying to resolve personal problems. Emotionally and physically drained, I didn't take a single photograph til today. The world just isn't that colorful anymore, at least for now.

Hoping that things will turn for the better when the new year arrives. Wish everyone of you well and best of luck in all the stuff you do


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:

I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/21090336/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/21090336/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 05:49:44 PDT
i could see color

even in black & white...



W O N D E R



--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:

I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/20995349/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/20995349/ Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:40:27 PDT

It's good to be here again.

^_^




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/17987280/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/17987280/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 06:15:29 PDT

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/17252449/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/17252449/ Sun, 09 Mar 2008 08:52:44 PDT
And btw, just wanna say that even though I may not be here that often anymore... all is well and I will still give my thanx to anyone out there who'd given their thumbs up for my photos, especially when the intention wasn't to communicate anything purposefully other than the reality that I see around me. Thanx ppl

Cheers to life baby!



--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16973002/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16973002/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:54:11 PST

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16605802/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16605802/ Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:18:17 PST For all the things I thought I was capable of,
shadows over the fact
that nobody's ever perfect.


Forgiveness in mind, not given
as we are bounded by blindness
Regrettably saddened
And a self means nothing more than none


We say our lives are led by principles
yet just a mere masquerade of pretty words
Only our own stubborn preferences
in a distasteful disguise - oblivious


Are you as confused, or ever wondered
did God made us with purpose yet in a blunder
that we are to don these countless masks
one facet of many sides, is it me I ask?


An answer is never the answer
and only opportunities lie before us
where we can only live free from deceit
by forgiving each other along with their facets


As we are all the same, are we all... but same.


. . .




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16282787/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16282787/ Sun, 06 Jan 2008 08:29:26 PST


I mean... really bored.



Flaming is welcomed



Argh....


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16201597/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16201597/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 07:32:00 PST
Anyway, happy new year to ya and may all your resolutions come true before the end of 2008

Cheers!


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16071402/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16071402/ Mon, 24 Dec 2007 06:54:14 PST cause it will only get me too terrified to do anything
when the race finally begins..."


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16042658/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/16042658/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 11:04:04 PST -

A new kitten was added to the couple of strays down my block of flats, obviously abandoned by the mother for survival reasons. Not to mention that it's black, so the poor fella's at the bottom of the popularity contest among the other strays. Carrying up you notice that her right eye's almost blind, with a small scar of scratch marks across the eyelid, most likely a result from a struggle for food between another cat at the trash centre just another block away. It's a crude cycle of suffering; no proper food means a weak body, and a weak body's not gonna win you any food among the other cats. Most of these kittens end up dead, with the worst scenario being pecked to death by the crows. So it's really not just abuse from some human dumbfucks that these fellas gotta tolerate; there's still a mountain of issues these strays have to deal with even when the sadists or those attention-deficit idiots decide to leave them alone. Moral of the story is, if you wanna kick animal ass for whatever reasons, go kick a tiger's. At least you get the respect for man-handling a tiger, or even best that you get killed and relieve yourself from wasting your life away any longer.

Indeed, I'm very fond of cats. Much have to do with how I find cats very much a metaphorical representation of the life of a human being - You are born into unfair circumstances, but either way good or bad, you have a chance at getting what you want. The possibility isn't zero. You start to understand the logic that it's survival of the fittest, and you protect your possessions/winnings desperately. Your goals are aligned in proper steps, where anything else comes only after food & shelter. You are careful with whom you trust, even the people who appears to be providing you the things you need. Everyone else that doesn't fulfil your needs are ignored or placed on the bottom of your priority list. - The only difference between the cat and us will be our awareness of the self, to put it simply. That basically means we have the tendency to think of simple things in a complex manner. History is evidence that we always have the answers to our problems, but we ae simply just too smart to see it. Too many egos and agendas to satisfy I'll spare you the philosophy - You get the idea.

Back to the topic of cats - to those who know themselves to be attention-deficit (I would ignore the sadists, you guys just need to see the doc), please understand that the cat/kitten is not the cute 'neko-chans' you see on your weekend anime shows. They most definitely don't think in human context, and though some may be cuter than the other, all cats deserve to be treated in the proper way. Don't feed the cats and expect them to 'love' you and cuddle up into your arms, cause it doesn't work that way. Don't pick up a kitten and be shocked when they bit you (though in most circumstances it won't hurt), cause they are probably thinking that you're mommy and gotta have milk somewhere. Don't kick the cat when it scratches you while you are tickling/playing with it, cause that's how they play and most strays don't have the luxury of getting their nails trimmed. And for goodness sake don't pick the cat up from their 'usual home' and after playing with it, leave them elsewhere far away in other cats' terrority. And last but not least to stop the root of the cause for stray cats, please be certain what you are doing before deciding to keep a cat, strays or not strays. Bring them to your local SPCA if you really must dump them - at least you get to deal with lesser guilt, that is... if you still have some heart left.


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:
~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15831714/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15831714/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:20:46 PST Watching the day pass back slowly...
with a cup of coffee in hand...
As ordinary as it may be...
Sunday's almost a dream...



Some piano piece, don't mind the mistakes & lousy mobilephone recording
[link]




ある海辺の町の夜明け...
風香る...

遠ざかる日々...
忘れない夢...

Thinking of you...



--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15659058/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15659058/ Sun, 25 Nov 2007 03:44:01 PST
Well, if you never focus, you get nothing. Seeya around soon. Thanx for everything!



--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15600990/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15600990/ Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:10:24 PST
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, 1927.



Today, I witnessed a departure of a dutiful husband, father & businessman, who left admirably with nothing but words of encouragement to his son and smiles on their faces. Amidst tears, I couldn't help but smile with them. "I will be there, watching over you." A man of respect till the very end.




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15545515/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15545515/ Sat, 17 Nov 2007 09:08:39 PST
Work has been hectic, year end means more advertising and product pimping.

Mr. Boss jus gave me a raise. In exchange for my soul, I have been doing all sorts of stuff outside my responsibilty.
Media plannin, pr releases, fishing for reporters, event journalist, photographer, another 2 more product launches with so much planning & paper work...

Starting to feel more like a general consultant for anything raher then a art director.

Then mr.boss shoved in another news of good bonus for this year as part of the package.

And I signed the contract.


Argh.


Back to work.



Sidenotes:

1. Wesurvived [link] is a support group set up by *Mollinda to offer help and guidance for those who have suffered physical and sexual abuse. If you know of anyone that you feel may benefit from this, please pass the message or at least give the new group a mention in your journals or signatures if you can. It really would be appreciated by them...

2. Call of Duty 4 is so bloody addicting... brings back the gd memories from the counterstrike days... i stll enjoy run-and-gun while knifing noobs.




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15459721/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15459721/ Sun, 11 Nov 2007 07:07:59 PST
It's sad when people prefer to stare at blank walls than say hello to the person beside you while waiting in an elevator, that people rather pretend to sleep or play around with their mobile than smile at the beautiful lady sitting across the cabin on the train, that people would rather complain about things than try to solve their own problems. No imagination, no effort without measurable gains, total efficient living, nothing else matters.

Every city has its soul. For some, it can be so dead.


-----


Ok, here's some noise by me, made for your listening displeasure, lol:

SADA - what you get with electronic noise, deep bassline & some beats
5.4mb here: [link]

and some random fliddling with the piano
1.8mb here: [link]


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15427573/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15427573/ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:27:30 PST
A woman sits alone in a noisy bar. In her early 30s, having craved out a rather successful career as a management executive, she suddenly feels alone. She did had company, an hour ago. An expat from the States - rich, humorous, and has a wife back home. Awkwardly, a stinging sensation grasped her heart, and emptiness starred at her in point blank range. She wonders where true friends are when she needs them, and the ridiculous amount of effort she had to make to find that special someone. The fact is she couldn't see it coming, realizing that the hole in heart has already grown beyond her control, or so she thinks. She wept inside her... quietly.. hoping for someone... if not anyone to notice her at all.

But the sad fact remains that.... hope.. is not a strategy.

A guy, rowdy with alcohol in his brain, was boasting to his pals how good he is with women. Eager to prove himself, he sets his eyes on the nearest woman he could spot. He didn't know what was coming himself (and don't we all?), that his usual routines wouldn't be working tonight. All he could feel next was a stinging sensation on his cheeks; a slap from that same lonely woman he was trying to flirt with.

Consequences. Glasses and bottles were shoved to the floor. Screams & shouts of vulgarities were made mindlessly. Her remaining wine was splashed onto the guy before flinging the wine glass along with what's left of its content across the hallway. Consequences. Her action caught the eyes of the bar manager, and she was miserably dragged out of the bar. And as if Injustice haven't had enough of her game, another drunk girl took the opportunity to pick her up for a cat brawl outside the bar.

It lasted for a mere 15 minutes, but to her, it felt like a lifetime. Alone again, she reads a message on her mobile an acquaintance had sent earlier," You are trying to find true friends at all the wrong places..."

Consequences. What happens next could be anybody's guess...

--

Isn't it funny how sometimes when you realize that you're landing into something that you didn't want in life, it also appears so ever convincingly to be too late for a change? The mind plays games, much beyond our understanding. And sometimes, lives are wasted in it's entirely when we fail to comprehend these inner workings in our belief system. We live in a society where too much negativity have been placed on our failures, and sympathy for people who make mistakes are deemed as a weakness. Where we succeed in our aspirations for getting the best in our lives, we fail at the same time to see the inevitability of failures in our race for fulfillment. On one hand, we are on a winning streak, but on the flipside, a losing streak can happen just as abruptly. Some may beg to differ, but I would think if one were to desire a certain something too badly, the wounds would be unbearable if we were to fall into the depths of failure. Here I guess... a shift in perspective - focusing on the process rather than results - could be a solution to end those depressive emotions that linger in our hearts. Of course, that's only an assumption. You have your own answers.

Btw, yes I do write, but usually words too short to be even called a short story. In chinese, we do have a name for it, we call it 'san wen' or, 'scattered writings'. How apt


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...
~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15417122/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15417122/ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 08:00:35 PST

Go Fight Already!




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15359083/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15359083/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 09:24:47 PST

but you cannot buy $1.00 with potato chips.


No hard feelings."


~from the great metaphors of Sir Poporoko.




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15295519/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15295519/ Wed, 31 Oct 2007 01:50:47 PDT
May the Force be with me.




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15256004/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15256004/ Sun, 28 Oct 2007 10:26:14 PDT
.....

Sometimes i wonder, if only I could detach myself from my thoughts, that I can sense the world like everyone else that happens to cross my path, things would be so much more simpler. I would focus my life on building a career, trying to get a stable and substantial income, find a partner and get married, have kids, see my family till the end of my life, and create another happy-ending story to mark my grave just like all my other friends. How good would it be if I can just accept life as it is presented before me, and never cast a doubt on such a path I am taught to walk. The price to pay for one to do otherwise just seems to be much too painful to be worthy of consideration, that I would rather not pay should I have a choice. And when focusing on other things and ideals usually leads to another meaningless path of self-gradification that gets attached with other agendas, whether I like it or not, I could not find the strength nor focus to do anything, anymore, at times.

.....

20 minutes ago, I told my close buddy that there's nothing wrong with you working in a bank and desiring for more money and luxuries and gettting fustrated over chipping enough money to marry his girlfriend, and all he had for me was this confused look on his face.

.....

The more I write, the more all this sounds like words from a utter pessimist, and I do not deny that, but only because we can only understand words by the standards and definitions we are taught to think and relate with. And so when I say I love this world as it is, that I have no intention or even think of changing any part of this world, I usually throw people into some sense of confusion.

.....

If only we can remove our thoughts, things becomes so much simpler.

.....

I am happy for you my friend, cause I'm just simply happy to know that you have found your direction. Even if it was a direction that's meaningless to me, doesn't mean that it's meaningless to anyone else. To put it bluntly, I'm just happy that you aren't as confused as me.

.....

There's no reason the world should change, in the bigger sense of things.





--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15171457/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/15171457/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:40:00 PDT
200+ Deviations on my list and i wonder if i am ever gonna finish checking them out.

That's the price you pay for being disconnected for too long.

Wanted to write about some other stuff actually, but hell, gotta clear those deviations.

Posted up some pics, still got lots more but that can wait. Pretty much sums up where i haad disappeared to.

And never enough, thanx alot for the support! I know I'm not really good but still i do try my best, at least recently.

Till then, cheers people!


--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14998273/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14998273/ Wed, 10 Oct 2007 10:27:15 PDT
I guess our usual, generalised crappy perspectives on every-some-other-thing is very much the after-effects of losing that certain something you longed for so much, that when it disappears, your focus disappears entirely with it?....
We all have our problems on coming to terms with reality and seeing it face-to-face. I make up all sorts of lies in my head to bullshit myself out of reality - we all do. That's how we are all educated to live since the day we started watching TV and going to school.

Being a human being and that we aren't alone is reality. Thinking other human beings are obliged to entertain you is bullshit. Your work earns you money is reality. You spend it on some Armani shirt, that's bullshit. Reality itself, is reality. Circumstances are, entirely bullshit. Writing here as an act of concern is reality, thinking all this is gonna relate to you and is great advice that helps, is bullshit. You get the drift. We can't and are simply not supposed to get everything we want.

And really. It simply isn't such a sad thing to accept at all.



--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14938451/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14938451/ Sat, 06 Oct 2007 09:12:54 PDT
When a story transcends beyond just plot and words, that if you may forget the telling of a story and yet remember it for the its moments of hidden truths (or beautful half-truths), that's murakami.

Probably.

Random words from an idling mind, re-reading a random book, basically just fucking around...

It's so hard to find some decent focus nowadays.




--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14863718/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14863718/ Sun, 30 Sep 2007 22:46:49 PDT
About 10 hours of straight off shooting of 3 themes unknown till the day of shooting, thought it would be an immense challenge due to the time limit and with no post processing allowed on photoediting program. Even if one doesn't win, the process would be a great learning experience.

Would be using just a Canon G7 for this event, though I will still need to buy some spare batts & flash cards... wish me luck

Link to the event: [link]


"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14826048/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14826048/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:26:26 PDT
And after uploading another round of these 'normal' pictures, i gotten a thousand views.... finally.

It's nice.

Back to work.






"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14798245/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14798245/ Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:12:33 PDT
the extra hours i have to put in for the art project after work is kinda taking its tow on me...

wonder who's gonna help me deal with the press releases...

eyes drooping shut as i m typing...

I guess the last time i ever wrked this hard and buzzing with passion was back in design school days...

to be honest, i m happy

zzzzzzzzz.....


-_-




"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14742597/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14742597/ Sat, 22 Sep 2007 11:32:14 PDT
The wind blows
and for the moment i realize i was something
yet nothing in the moment itself

The wind disappears,
and I died and woken up again.







"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14685109/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14685109/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 09:18:59 PDT

I guess the hardest thing one could to do is to be totally honest with yourself.


And usually, it isn't that pretty a sight at all,

if you see with such painful & penetrating honesty.

So many things left undone, so many inspirations left wandering to nothingness.

Thoughts, that were once so important for me to show you (whoever's interested),

and now everything seems only like mere yesterday,

faded like a passing thought,

and sadly, an inspiration mostly forgotten.


And hence even my imaginations bring forth a weird sense of fear,

which i avoid by taking mandane, pretty pictures;

very much a lesser representation of the real things that i have to say.


I fear that you do not understand.

I fear that it won't be perfect.

I fear that my ability won't justify the glory of my imagination.

and I fear that I would give up before the end.

So much fears, and with so little courage to begin with,

for I'm rather timid with matters concerrning myself,

and I gave up before even trying.


Avoiding happens like forever,

But eventually, no one escapes from the truth.

It hitted me hard today at the upside of my head,

and even in a daze, i finally knew, all along,

that I have something if I dare lay my claim, important to say.


As for living with ignorance and no imagination would make one a parasite,

and likewise with unfulfilled dreams being worst as to living a worthless life.

And henceforth I seek from today onwards a rightful life,

unpretending, free and hoping

that you will grant your forgiveness for my past deceits.








"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14588122/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14588122/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 10:47:03 PDT
And so, and yet again, I took a sick leave today. Couldn't care less about doing it these days, and not to mention that I'm usually 2 hours late for work. But as long as I get my job done, there's no pressure from mr.boss, which indeed is an utter blessing. Of course, I switched off my mobile shortly after the phone call to office.

It was after a short walk through the public park, that I found myself next as the only third customer of the day at a cafe near my house. I don't wear watches nowadays, so I guess it's about 10.30, the opening hour of the joint? Took my time taking my brunch before proceeding with my reading. And it was just that, and in between with a few smokes, until slowly the light of the day fades away. I believe, nothing more could be as pleasant.

Dinner came by along naturally as the night after day. And back to the park I was to continue my read, due to the cafe getting a tad too crowded. I moved on to re-experience for the 3rd time Murakami's Kafka on the Shore, one of his books which I'd always naviely regard to be the one I could relate to the most. With each read while skipping to the interesting scenes (usually involving conversations with cats and Sakura), one could always find new meanings hidden deep within the texts.

And finally, but in no way obliged, here I am typing away with a glass of liquor. My eyes are getting teary, and judging from my... yaaawnns.... I guess it time to hit the bed.

Can't wait to see myself in dreamworld. And maybe, with some imagination, I shall see you in our dreams?








"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14527868/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14527868/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 08:52:28 PDT With it, your life in turn,
becomes a mere, meaningless masquerade.
A perfect faux being, the wisdom of many you deny.
Binded by your own hidden weakness,
you weep beneath the mask.
The fake knows himself, and no other to share,
but maybe a dog or thing, a only true friend.
and one could only wonder,
what a sad life that may be?
Whose heart no one could open,
with a spirit that's never free...





"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14451491/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14451491/ Sun, 02 Sep 2007 06:30:52 PDT to discover the world in which you already live;
to begin the day as if you've just gotten off the boat from Singapore
and have never seen your own doormat or the people on the landing...
it is this that reveals the humanity before you, unknown until now."

~Benjamin Walter, from The Arcades Project, translated 2002.


... and nice to see singapore being made an example of a city for the idling spirit, though locals might see otherwise.




"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...

]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14388872/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14388872/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:15:19 PDT
That's when I thought... WTF. Who am I anyway and what I am doing?
well.. the morning air was just like yesterday's morning, and maybe the morning before yesterday, filled with the stench of burnt soot; another adverse effect of my persistent smoking routine. I thought, maybe I would die from respiratory failure the next day. But who cares anyway? I know I wouldn't. This is the kind of day that I will feel if I were to vanish beyond the horizon of the skies and seas, and no one will ever realise my quiet departure. Simple cause and effect, as I could recall making no grand entrance of sorts in the first place. Just like an ant trapped in the confines of a water droplet, I felt stuck in a world that I couldn't claim to be mine.

I hope this feeling isn't really unique; Aren't human beings always in an endless search for a meaning to continue our lives in this routine, clockwork-like... yet ridiculously insane world packaged for us? Don't you wonder how many of us have actually managed to find meaning with any success? But does purpose really equate to who we are anyway?

Questions. Questions. Questions. That's how the process usually starts when you begin wondering about that 'question'. Usually then it goes to either... the easy and temporary, self delusive way of 'fuck it who cares as long as I'm happy' phase... or the hard but definite, ..possibly (or hopefully) conclusive way of getting to the root of the problem.

The things you do? You read books or seek help from teachers... but they are still other people's conclusions. You go to seminars... but usually these people love the idea of mentoring (and maybe earning your cash as an added incentive) more than the quality of the results you take back. You listen to friends... but they usually speak what you wanna hear.. or what they 'think' you need to hear...(but still their presence are really much appreciated). And I wouldn't even comment further about faith and religon... being the 'touchy' subjects.

But... did anyone sense it? The one similarity behind all the things we did just to find our identity and or that so-called purpose... That single element of life that you can never avoid if you're seriously living as a normal human being... bringing you happiness you've been searching for all along.. as well as pain when it is gone.
That one thing... as simple as it sounds... is ' People '.

They say the people who revolve around our lives are like pieces of looking glass, reflecting everything about you back as an affirmation that indeed... you do exist in this world. For every person you touch, no matter if their response would be as simple as saying a"hi".... or just giving you back a look with their eyes, gives you your existence. For an instant, they carry a part of you in them... and in your heart you know it doesn't really really matter if it was only for that short span of time. What reassures us... was that we could see ourselves in them. That gave me my answer.

Who am I? I am simply a part of the living world that surrounds me. A world of people who walks the same road in search of the ultimate happiness. But the real point of living our lives does not lie with the end of that journey, cause happiness is not the means to an end. The journey is eternal... at least till our deaths... but we have the choice of giving support to the people around us, knowing that we all wish for the same thing. And to enjoy the process, knowing that everyone you touch carries a part of you along with their lives, knowing that you can give your trust, support and love to anyone you choose to, answers your question for an identity. And that answer... which I hope you can feel now... is really more than what anyone can describe with words. It is an answer... an affirmation beyond language, an understanding in the form of a deep feeling in my heart.

Everything seems clearer now... my mind is at peace with what's going on around me... as I understood that I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running. Armed with my new found identity, I have a new purpose, and that is to live my life for others whenever I can... and to enjoy the... ]]> ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14377399/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14377399/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 08:38:39 PDT

Forgive me for wasting your time with the entry... but then again... nah, dun really feel sorry enuff haha


So here goes:

The first person starts with the topic "six weird facts about yourself" and people who get tagged must write in their journals about their six weird facts as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.





1~ I am very concerned about the cleanliness of my balls, both physically & mentally. Please dun be disgusted, it's a good thing!

2~ I have a 24/7 laid back look and friends call me zombie... i assume they r envious.

3~ I m a morbid murakami fan and have all his books both Jap and English editions... if i were living in Kyoto now, i m pretty sure i will be stalking him. Deep love! Lolz!~

4~ I actually understand general economic and their indicators n have been staying invested in stocks & funds for some 3 years now... it's really not that boring, when u see how ppl r easily swayed with the news, hopping around like rabbits... kinda sick ya?

5~ I'm honestly a pretty good singer and sang a lot at open hall pubs, usually doing mando-pop numbers and some english oldies on occassions.

6~ And lastly, i totally dig long hair women



.... i must admit, it was actually fun. Heh.



and here are the next 6 unfortunate latest of my watchers/friends to get my tag:






And jus a sidenote that i finally gotten that tablet... it's been 7 long years since i touched one and i wonder wat kinda stuff i can do with it now... kinda regret being a miser to save that 300+ bucks and gotten the graphire instead of intuos... the pressure levels aint that impressive anywayz, hope i can put up some of my painting stuff soon *fingers-crossed.



"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:
http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14343194/ Sun, 26 Aug 2007 02:55:27 PDT
"Apologies if we've been here before, but does anyone feel that Anime is killing art. My personal gripe is not that its talentless (as its patently obvious its not, with so many very good artists working in the scene), but rather that its too formulaic, and that many artists are failing to truly express themselves, to be original, and to stand out from the crowd by doing something a bit different, something exciting. the term 'sheep' comes to mind...

I've seen so many Anime I now think most illustrations are pretty much indistinguishable from one another, even the well executed ones. Every Anime artist seems to have read the same books and done the same tutorials that it seems to have become cut n paste art.

I don't mean this to be insulting in any way as you all put a lot of effort in to it, its just my humble opinion."

-----

Well, 1st thing 1st, why apologise? It's such a regret that most people feel that by apologising, they can get away with the consequences from their actions, a foolish habit i would say. If you are giving your opinion, just be fundamentally concrete with your argument and be prepared for the opinions of others.

That aside, personally if what i see is beautiful, it's art to me anytime. it doesn't neccesary need to be high-concept, avant-garde, curator-credited, the posh "gallery' types, done by someone holding a masters in some prestigous art school, etc etc. Art is expression and process, and when it's stripped bare of all its commercial standards, egoism, general views, public opinion... in the end, it is a form of pleasurable process of creation for the creator that is appreciated by anyone that agreeds with his process. Likewise with replications of a certain style, it takes great skill for one to be able to do an accurate and masterful replication. And thus, if you appreciate that process, it is an art to you, and I see good fanart as not merely "cut-n-paste" works ( emphasize 'good' ). And it doesn't occur in anime alone... what about the retro-processing that's so hot with the photography members rite now? It is foolish to say that the existence of one form of art/process/style can diminish the appreciation of another form/process/style when rather, that depends on the appreciation level of the viewers you are targeting at. There are so much more reasons that affects the amount of appreciation for a certain art form... community education, knowledge in history, the depth of thought required for your work, the commercial value of your works, etc, all affects what kind/amount of appreciation you can expect to get. Sometimes, you may wish to have quality appreciation over quantity, if you know your own work.

You may think it's a little biased but if you try to compare yourself with "anime"... it's difficult as anime itself is already by itself a form of culture. And it's easy to understand why anime is going so strong; where else can you see a combination of fantasy, imagination and age-old human desires all rolled into one package, where cute anime girls fight epic wars in robots that transform into any conceivable object the mind can imagine??? It's a form of art that allows easy, entry-level appreciation of fantasy worlds where the majority of people could see as pleasurable. That itself is a feat, an artform that almost anyone, from child to adult can relate to and understand! (Remember Doremon??) And its only dirty spot would be it's connection with the consumer culture, where it gets exploited as a form of capital gaining tool. But that applies to any 'artist' living at the present; we are no longer living in a past era where true patrons of the arts contribute and commission artists & craftsmen to make art without restrictions or without us on any other capitalistic/puritian bindings. It's sad, but most of us find ways around this pathetic system today, with some even compromising our integrity in the process.

If i dare suggest, rather then complain about things that's happening outside our own process, I would rather focus on my own work. If we truly believe that what we are doing are aligned to our goals in mind (goals that can even be as sinful as deeming success as how much money you can get back from your art, if that's what u want), you can trust that it's the right way. Thereafter, whether you can be successful or not, would rest entirely on your passion, hard work, ....& talent of course.

And finally, DA is a learning community. Much of the works u see are done by talents in the process of learning, and thus they usually involve replicating of styles that they themselves like. I am sure if you look harder, you will see ample evidence of some truly matured artists showcasing their own 'style' of anime or other forms of art at DA. ~spadea http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14117264/ http://spadea.deviantart.com/journal/14117264/ Sat, 25 Aug 2007 06:21:17 PDT
Loves observing the sky daily.
Shoots photos at random, usually with my G7 or Minox ~ my 24/7 aibo.
Struggles with closet mixing and playing music at my office.
Does design & art directing as a profession but doesn't have any sense of direction.
Tries writing after every inspiring Murakami read... but usually ends up with some sub-par work
Mumbles when talking but a total opposite when singing.
Yawns more than 20 times every morning during my trip to work.
Admires Stephen Chow for his six pack that comes with a sense of humour.
Keeps a love & hate relationship with art that carries no motives.
Operates in semi-sleep mode and wakes up only after 11.30am.
Hates routines... dreads habit.
Brought a book on Economics recently... can't believe I actually read it.
Feels everything is like a BIG DUH and... but it's starting to make SOME sense.


cheerios,

~Spade

"We don't care."
Punk slogan, 1977

--------------------------------------------------

Clubs:


]]> ~spadea