deviantART: by:spike12356

how I feel

~spike12356 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:40:38 PST

Dead By April - Trapped (All Of My Dreams)

Cause' of you, I'm lying awake at night but I'm seeing our pictures of you,
As I close my eyes I fade my way into the loss of my dream world

It's a place of trust, would you meet me there?
There's no time to spare, come and show me you care,
That you're believing that here we can win!

All of my dreams, are all I see, try not to wake me, can't you see
All of my dreams, are all I wanna see, try not to wake me, try not to wake me!

Try not to wake me

Cause' of you, my tries to not think of you, they just end up in one million thoughts,
It's way too much to mention, see what I mean when you see my creation

It's a place of trust, I can meet you there, there's no time to spare,
Come and show me you care, that you're believing that here we can win!

All of my dreams are all I see, try not to wake me, can't you see
All of my dreams are all I wanna see, try not to wake me, try not to wake me!

All of my dreams are all I see, try not to wake me, can't you see?
All of my dreams are all I wanna see, try not to wake me, try not to wake me, trapped inside my own dreams,
I'm not complaining, leave behind all I offer your kind, here we could disappear

All of my dreams are all I see, try not to wake me, let me be
All of my dreams are all I see, try not to wake me, can't you see
All of my dreams are all I wanna see, try not to wake me, try not to wake me
All of my dreams are all I see, try not to wake me, can't you see
All of my dreams are all I wanna see, try not to wake me, try not to wake me

Try not to wake me

okay so um developments?

~spike12356 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:05:36 PST

my mom has already got things figured out, like she's going to the recruitment agency tomorrow and they told her that because of her experience she is more than likely to get a job, also she's got her eye on some houses that are for rent and stuff and they're actually in some pretty good neighborhoods. she told me that when she's off the farm and settled she's gonna buy me a husky like she promised :3 and also I'm getting a snake when I'm sixteen.
I can't say that I'm happier about this thing but at least I have peace of mind that me and my mom are gonna be okay. Things may not be perfect right now but at least they are moving forward, when we leave I'll miss Vlooi and Schalk but I'll get to see them. Terina was even saying that if my dad gets this plastic chick for a wife who tries to tell me what to do I'm gonna tune her "I'm not listening to you, You're not my mother and don't go running to my bloody father cause he won't do anything." and it's true he won't. He can't discipline me, no matter what he just can't. Also I begged for my blade today and Terina gave it to me at break, I went to the bathrooms and cut my leg, like my upper thigh cause I couldn't risk it being seen by my mom. There are 17 cuts there now. I counted, oh well they'll heal probably.

well I g2g now

byes.

Not feeling too great

~spike12356 — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:32:24 PST

hey I'm gonna go now cause to be honest I just feel sick and tired and just dead. so yeah talk to you when I talk to you. bye for now guys.

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:05:05 PST

well I just found out something that made me sick to the stomach today, my parents are getting a divorce but I really think it's for real this time, well I hope it is. My dad even threw the wedding photo on the ground so the frame smashed into tiny pieces and I actually know why they are getting a divorce. my mom told me in the car. the person called my dad (I don't even wanna call him that anymore!) has slept with 16 that's right 16, women since he was married to my mom. He even had a full on affair with my pre school teacher! Now he goes accusing my mom of cheating! He took her to a fucking polygraph test and she passed but no he still wants to think she is cheating. he said that she must pack her bags and leave and that he'll give her 5000 a month, that's bullshit! She deserves more, shes getting a lawyer and right now I couldn't care less how much money she takes because to be honest I want to get away from this house, I want to get away from this town. I wish I was going to Claire instead of her coming to me. I don't wanna be with my family right now.

Shit happens far too often in my life for it to be normal >.<

Fuck me sideways I hate my life!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:48:37 PST

yay it's sunday! One day closer to the end of school for six whole freaking weeks! god I needs a break from school >> and I found out that in the July holidays next year (they gonna be six weeks to cause of the soccer world cup) I'ma have my jaw done O.o ouch! I wanted to spend some of those six weeks wif Claire in Jozi ;^; oh well, she said that if the operation is gonna happen in Jozi then I'm welcome to stay with her but I said that I doubted it would be in Jozi and I'd have to be drinking through a straw for six weeks cause it takes six weeks to recover according to my mom XD but I said I would ask, just to give her satisfaction on the matter lol

also she made me addicted to Dead by April! they are an awesome band, screamo kinda but not like heavy screamo like As I lay dying, like they are pretty cool :3 also I love the song eyeless by Slipknot, I dunno why I just like it so much XD also I like Work by Ciara ft Missy Elliot. (yes my taste varies so much) I'm trying to get the mp3 of that old poem 'The Highwayman.' I heard it in grade seven and I loved it so much. Like fell in love with the song and the poem >/////> yes I like classical too so shushies! lol

I just found out Schalk and Vlooi can snore like anything O.o god XD lol

well Ima go and see if I can find that mp3 lol so I'll ttyl!!!!

MWA!

Promise me - Dead by April

~spike12356 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:57:33 PST

Into the fire on my own
I know i wont see your face again, hey
Are you sitting there alone, hey

Are you thinking like me of the laughing times or of the sad and loving times
Everything that's left from us is there where you are!

Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful.
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorful.
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you enjoyed.

Surrounded by flames everywhere
What i used to be I'm not even there
The absence of you is killing me, hey

Are you thinking like me of the laughing times or of the sad and loving times
Everything that's left from us is there where you are promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful.
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorful
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you enjoyed promise me, promise me, i will be fine without you

Promise me, promise me, there's more in my life to see you

Promise me, promise me, i will be fine without you

Promise me, promise me, there's more in my life to see you

Can you promise me to see you?

Can you promise me..

Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful.(so beautiful)
Promise me to think of us still bright still colorful(still colorful)
Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you enjoyed
X2

okay...

~spike12356 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:28:58 PST

okay so me and Claire are talking again I just don't know whats happening cause me and her were in such a state last night Emily even said that she couldn't understand a word Claire was saying, cause of how much she was crying. I still care about her and I don't want our friendship to end so I'll just have wait and see what happens.

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:30:33 PST

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:42:55 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

hey guys, well baddish day lol was all good till I got home. I have heart burn that hurts like a mother and some chick decided to diss me for no reason over mxit >.< beotch.

well at school it was all good cause I got my knife back for a little bit at break 8D Terina was watching me like a hawk though >.< and also Nicole was there and she wanted to use my knife and I had no choice but to give it to her, god wannabe. anyhow then um we went and wrote our exam and I finished ina half an hour again and the teacher walked to me and asked me "are you finished?" and I nodded and she asked again "what are you gonna do for an hour and a half?" Cause we not allowed to do anything lol so then I was just like "sleep." cause I was tired as hell XD I was up till one talking to Claire -.- neh~ she can talk lol

also oh and at school like after school Terina decided to be funny and freak me out by sticking a freaking needle in her arm! There was nothing in it it was just the needle god I was like scratching at my leg (my nails are long and hurt! lol) and going like spasmic XD and then I wanted to try but my parents came and had to take the needle out fast, only the tip was in tho so it was all good.

um also school ends next week for six whole weeks and my mom wants me to go with her for a facial ewy the facial is gonna burn the top layer of my skin off O.o yummy~

also mmmmmm I'm addicted to Kaluha milk 8D its so effing good! I have one glass every night lol

it tastes so good ^^

also my bro was playing this twenty questions thing with my mom in the car and guess what she was thinking about?!

she was like "your dad knows what kinda toy." that's when I almsot puked. I was like "mom! what the hell?!" XD she was just laughing lol

also I'm having such weird dreams lately, they all involve some form of death or violence like the one dream I had where this girl cut her face off and sent it to me then when her face grew back she would do it again!
then also there were these guys that for some reason I thought were gonna rape me O.o then I hid in a bathroom and this girls face was plastered all over teh walls and these two girls from my school were there and they looked at me and said something which was freaky as hell and then I woke up.

okay so byes ^^

MWA!

so updates? (:

~spike12356 — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:35:52 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

heya guys well I'm doing so much better, I'm eating again yay! lol thanks Terina for almost shoving my lunch down my throat at break XD and oh I tuned Nicole again today! YAY! she was like dissing a teacher from the primary that me and Terina liked and she's like "no she hates me it's probably cause she knows what me and Murray did over g-chat (or what ever it's called)"

then I asked "what did you do?"
then she said " we had webcam sex. I would never have real sex with him ugh."
so I tuned her "So you would rather screw the computer instead?"

XDDDD Terina laughed and Nicole just glared at me again lol god it's fun tuning her lmao. Also I finished our two hour exam in half an hour so I slept for the rest of the time XD was hard cause the wind kept hitting the back of my neck and making me shiver, why do teachers love having windows open on a cold day? lol

anyhow me and Claire have been talking lots and yeah she's been making me laugh XD she loves Salad fingers but he creeps me out by the way he talks "I like rusty spoons..." wtf? he's cute but creepy lol ^^

also Terina broke george today! lol
she's like talking about what was in the EAT that we hadn't been taught and she's like
"but we didn't get learnt that!" lmao I was hosing myself lol.

I deleted Chris off mxit and I broke my contact with him so Ima be a happy chappy now. I'm not saying I'm all better but I have a lock and that's what ima use. No more sadness just gonna push it to the back of my mind ^^

so byes!

MWA!

That Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~spike12356 — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:04:37 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

Chris went around school telling everyone we had sex!

no my bro's friend told me (he's the only one I trust now, he's the one who told me he was bi) and this is exactly what he said

"well he said u 2 fucked each other hard den ur mom walked in."

that's what he said that Chris was telling everyone. For fucks sakes! I don't need this right now!!!! FUCK IT ALL! WTF IS HIS PROBLEM?! he was so drunk he couldn't even stand let alone have fucking sex! he was fucking throwing up and passing out! how the fuck could we have had sex? that little motherfucking bastard! I swear to go when I get my hands on that.....!
there is gonna be hell to pay!

Fuck I didn't need this! I DIDN'T FUCKING NEED TO BE KNOWN AS THE SELBOURNE SLUT WHO FUCKS THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS!

I have to go slit my fucking wrists now, goodbye!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:12:48 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

so Michael came over today and he treats me like a little sister, so he made me smile few times but in all honesty I just wanted him to go home so I could curl up in my bed, I have no idea how I'm gona get through learning for exams, I have to though, if I want Claire to visit. So I was also forced to eat, I ate and felt like throwing up but I coldn't. I can't just stick my finger down my throat either. I fell asleep on the couch while me and michael were watching Titanic, he kept trying to wake me up though. but then he left and now I'm sitting here all awake. I have to start learning in two hours, until nine o'clock. God I have to learn the whole years work all over again.

well yeah bye.

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:41:00 PST

I'm such an idiot!!!!!!!

~spike12356 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:49:26 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

fuck fuck fuck! I got piss drunk and my mom found out! dammit Chris!

he had this idea that we should all get pissed and then yeah we raided the bar and me and Chris each had 4 shots of this mampoer stuff it has 45% alcohol then we still had two shots of Sour monkey and Tang then me and him were in my room and the door was locked and my bro was on the outside and then Chris is like "I love you." we were so pissed and I said "I love you too." then he like sat on my lap and he's like "pull down your pants." so I'm like telling him no and I don't wanna get pregnant but he like keeps tugging at my pants and I just pushed him off me and he was like passed out on the floor then my mom knocked and turns out my bro had told her and he thought we were having sex! god I may have been pissed but I'm lesbian and have a girlfriend! Fuck me she's gonna ground me so bad, two months with no internet and no cellphone god I need to get myself out of this.

I can be such a bitch ;)

~spike12356 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:16:24 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

lmao! yesh I tuned Nicole badly cause she just pissed me off today, like I was already upset cause Fluffy was really sad and yeah so then when we went to break Nicole just pushed me over. and yeah so this is what happened.

Me: *takes off mt blazer to look over my scars, making sure nobody sees*
Nicole: what idiot does that to themselves?
Me: this idiot.
Nicole: how could you be so stupid?
Me: you really contradictory you know that? You were bragging that you used to do it, I don't even believe you did it, you would never be able to.
Nicole: I did do it just look at my scar! *shows a small scar on her leg.
Me: that could be from anything.
Nicole: ask my dad I used to cut all the time, but I wouldn't just go 'Oh I'm bored.' *makes a motion of dragging her finger over her wrist fast* lemme cut.
Me: no you would just go 'Oh I'm bored let me fuck hairdresser man!' what yopu like it up the ass?!
Nicole: *glares* I can do whatever I want alright? it's my life!
Me: yeah you can have sex with a dude whenever you want, go ahead. *mutters* slut.
Nicole: I can be a slut if I want to.
Me: you already are one. Yeah I can be a bitch when I want to. Look what you said about miss rose was such a lie, you are not suicidal.
Terina: if you were suicidal you would be dead already.
Nicole: well neither are you two!
Me: Bru that's why we're not dead!
Nicole: not a virgin either, if I'm a slut then Terina is one too.
Me: she never did it!
Terina: no bra I said no, he tried it twice, once against a wall with people there. I just said no.
Nicole: *glares at me* yeah sure you aren't a virgin are you.
Me: *glares back* go ask hairdresser man to fuck you nicely. Have a good day slut. *gets up and walks towards the teachers to line up*

yeah I wrote our fight down after break XD wanted to remember it cause it was the dissing session that made me feel so good (: she has been dissing me and Fluffy so much so I had enough.

well yeah g2g

the bitch is out!

MWA!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:24:19 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

hey guys my first morning journal ever! lol yeah it's 6:16 and I'm trying to kill time XD well it's friday! YAY! and bumfluff might be comeing over! and he's bringing styv *happydances* he's so awesome, really dodgy for a laaitie but o wells XD
he is awesome lol he said that when Fluffy's ungrounded we're gonna have a ball lol and also my bro's one friend who told me he was bi told me that he had watched 38 porn videos last night O.o god extremely dodgy! now all he wants to do is gage his um friend with benefits at his school lol. my scars are healing like no more scratching really and Nicole is getting more and more irritating >.<
she looked at the scars on Fluffy's leg and was like "I'm glad I'm not as stupid as the two of you." well fuck her she 'used to do it.' god lying beotch.

oh we had a drug talk yesterday XD and me and Fluffy kept looking at each other and giggling and she listed her friends that did coke and weed. she doesn't like the heavy drugs though, we both don't. Well we both gonna smoke weed when Claire comes over so YAAAAAAY lol and her bf might be there so she doesn't feel lonely XD OHS! I'm saving up for a watch god it's so nice! it's almost gothic 83 I fell in love with it when I saw it XD well I'm running out of things to say, so ima finish my coffee and feed my tarantula! YAAAAAAY he's so nunus!

Byes guys

MWA!

EDIT wif a skin! lol

~spike12356 — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:45:07 PST

Gallery

.:Wolf CSS

hello guys ^^ well any how I hash had an interesting week. NOT!!!! god it's so boring at school all we do is study our CTA's for the EAT's next week grrr so boring XD well anyhow my arm keeps itching cause the scars are healing my dad found out, god I was so scared my grandfather just had to fucking tell him it was because of their fighting! god now I wanna cancel going to him for two weeks in the holidays cause really I just don't want him asking me more questions on why I did it, well I'm looking at the scars now, well the skin at least pulled together and they're going pink so that's goo right? they itch like hell and are freaking irritating! but I guess I deserve it XD but god when my mom pulled the bandage off my god it was sore jurrrrre! anyhow I gave my box of smokes to Terina at school yeah she was happy bout that lol XD and after school we were waiting for my mom and we like sat under these trees where nobody ever goes but we can still see where my mom would park andyhow so we were talking and then we started talking about gageing and stuff, she was teasing me and saying that I'm not old enough to gage anybody yet XD then yeah we started talking bout sex and crap yeah that was interesting, then Nicole came (god she's irritating >.< anyhow she came and sat down and then joined our conversatin and then asked me how lesbians did it and I listed all the ways I knew like I know 8 ways they do it I dunno if I've left anything out tho hehe anyhow um I found out one of my bro's friends are bi and I was the first person he told lol shame so sweet XD and then he told me what he's done with guys and yeah it's easy to talk to him really like so easy ^^

well I'm running out of things to say
so enjoy your day

I'll make my way

down to the um tray!

lol yay for rhymings!!!! XD byes peeples

MWA!!!!!!

and yay trying owt a skins hehe

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:40:14 PST

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:00:09 PST

okay first of all wtf is wrong with some people?! god! okay listen to this, my bro's friend and my friend like saw Claire and he put his status on mxit as 'Lesbians r dam hot!' like he was reffering to her then one of his contacts starts dissing lesbians and he's like "martishka look here." so he shows me what she's been saying and then I get so mad like I start trying to diss her over mxit and shit and yeah so it's like she said it was wrong and eabyn asked what was wrong with it and she's like "everything! it's disgusting!" then she had a little puking emote there

me: this is eabyns lesbian friend, wtf is wrong with you?
her: what's your name?
me: my name is fuck you!
her: it should be bitch.

okay then eabyn called her to tell her that it really wasn't me and then I took the phone from him and ran around the jungle gym dissing her and she dissed me and lesbians and stuff so eventually I got fed up and called her (please excuse the language) Condom sucking dildo fucker. (please excuse the language!) then she hung up XDDDD and she was shouting at eabyn and telling him to tell me to control my language lol then I told Claire what happened and she laughed and like said that she wishes she was here and then the other girl was heer to so that we could have beaten her up lol cause the things she said about homosexuals were really really really bad like what I called her is like nothing compared to what she said about homosexuals.

I swear I was so pissed off at her like even my bro and Emma and Dylan were pissed off Eabyn was too but yeah they calmed me down XD but it was kinda fun dissing her the plastic beotch.

hehe well ima go now before I say anything too harsh lol ^^

so byes!

mwa!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:27:39 PST

god my brother is an asshole! he threw a freaking firecracker at me! god wtf?! but then I ran after him and slapped him so hard he cried >> I'm a bitch when I'm on Pms and pissed off other than that I'm just tired hehe like damn so tired, lol anyhow my bro's friend is making me stop smoking like he took my ciggs and I have to give them to Terina on monday at school so she can keep them XD yeah then I dun have to keep this other girl off me, dammit she wants to take my smokes as well! she wants me to give her like five and then she's gonna ask for more two days later. haha Claire said that Ishould charge her for each smoke XD omg Terina was so so sweet hehe she gave me like this necklace and this bracelet that is so DUDE! lol yeah we have a language XD like eg:

Creme Soda = weed
Sprite = Benzine
Coke = cigarettes
Dude = ok, cool, awsome, yes

we have to have codewords and stuff lol and also omg my tarantula is awesome! it sucked the cockroaches intestines out!!!! so DUDE! lol well I gotta go now coz my friend wants me to take him on a walk lol so byes ^^

MWA!

hey hehe

~spike12356 — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:06:56 PST

hey um back I guess, sorry for the last entry, well I guess I should probably explain myself. well anyhow I was talking to my friend on mxit and yeah then she was upset about something and she explained how the da before I had treated her like shit and everything, it was true, I didn't mean to treat her like that it just happened well anyway yeah we had a fight and Terina was there with my bro in the lounge while I was in my room and Terina had hidden my blade from me, well anyhow I opened my door and I said "Terina where's my blade?" she said "why?" then I was glaring and I said "Terina where the fuck is my blade?" so she told me and a grabbed it and ran out of the house, they ran after me like I sprinted down the hill and into the bush and my bro was like pushing Terina to make her go faster while she was trying to read what my friend had said so anyhow yeah I sat in the shade under the thorn trees and cried, like I watched the blood drip and I was just balling. Terina came to me cause I didn't want my brother to see me like that, so anyway she sat next to me and we talked. We just talked and stuff, in the end I gave her the blade and went to was my arm in a river, we got back home and Terina put bandages on me but each time we took them off they stuck to the cuts and opened them up again. so yeah then my mom saw god that was hell, anyway enough about that. Well I have some news to bring up the mood ^^ I got a pet tarantula his/her (yeah I dunno which it is) name is Kit, Claire says that when she comes over she's running away lol but Terina says she wants one XD omg!!!! Terina is sooooo sweet! like she wrote my bro a letter and let me read it and like in the letter she said that ever since me and her became tight friends she's been so much happier, like she said that even being around me can make her calm down if she's in an aggro mood hehe well yeah oh and I'm shooting to go to PE when school ends so that I can see Kayla again ^^ god I miss her ;^; also um what else? oh yeah PMS is a pain in the ass! gawd I hate it, honestly please someone hit me with menopause!!!! or just find an alternative to PMS! cause it hurts like hell lol damn wonder what having a baby is gonna be like O.o owie! hehe well I gotta go nows so ttyl! I'll start answering messages tomorrow! thanks for putting up with me, you guys rock

Peace owt!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:34:55 PST

hey gotta be quick, well anyhow something happened yesterday and my mom saw the bandages on my arm, before you say anything no I wasnt trying to kill myself, I was keeping a promise to someone. I told her that if I ever hurt her my arms would bleed. well anyhow my mom saw the cuts and nearly started crying cause well they kinda need stitches, anyway I was banned from the internet till she gets back so well I won't be on for a while. miss you guys.

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 08:36:31 PDT

okay I know I haven't been on in like forever but yeah I'm on now so w/e hehe well anyhow I've been hanging out with Terina alot and I hung out with her and Cassidy (a dude, wow can't believe it XD) yeah and also my bro found out about me being les mmm go figure, well I'll start explaining stuff now XD
anyhow last weekend I went to Terina's house for friday to saturday then she came to my house on saturday well while we were at her house we decided to have a smoke on friday night, I wasn't really craving but I was like wth I'll have one anyway, so yeah off we went and it was like dark and we were like walking across the field with bushes and trees and stuff so then she's like
"bra I need to pee." XD yeah so I said I'd wait for her but as I sat down I sat on a thornbush and yeah this is what happened:

Terina: *goes behind some bushes*
Me: *sits down on a thorn bush then jumps up quickly* your mother- fuck me sideways!
Terina: *comes out and looks at me* what happened?!
Me: sat on a thorn bush *walks a bit* ah shit I think there's a thorn in my ass!
Terina: *giggles* how do you know?
Me: *rolls my eyes* just turn around.
Terina: why?
Me: so I can get the thorn out.
Terina: oh *turns around*

damn that thorn hurt like hell XD well at least I got it out and Terina rewarded me by showing me some megan fox pics on her cell XD no they weren't porno! lol I just love her eyes they like so....blue XD I'm a sucker for girls with light eyes and dark hair hehe

okay so then on daturday we went to my house which was cool cause cassidy was there and he Terina's cousin (didn't know that XD) yeah so anyhow we got there and its like hey how you doing and all that then Cassidy is like this big smoker and then yeah he forced us to go out with him and have a smoke and we have a plan for this weekend to get him to bring us some stuff>> like weed....
NO I WON'T GET ADDICTED! just wanna try it.

Claire said it would be funny haha lol and me and her had a huge ass fight the other night cause well I kinda sorta took some pills and stuff, didn't die (no duh!) but got sick as hell my stomach felt really bad and shit, anyhow yeah we patched everything up and all and now she says I'm her broken angel and yeah hehe >/////> she also got braces and she looks so noonoos! lol ^^

anyhow where was I oh okay yeah so weed we gonna see if we can do that and oh my bro found out I was lesbian and he cool with it he says he envies me cause I can get hot girls and he cant XD and well something bad happened
him and Terina gaged like serious lip lock!
I was so upset with the both of them for doing that like, I wasn't talking to Terina and I shut myself in my room and started cutting, like I am seriously protective over my brother and that was just wow I was just so pissed off. but I forgave her at school cause she's like my best friend and she swore it aould never happen again cause she likes my bro as a brother and nothing else like she's not the one to cry but she said that she was crying like hell when she thought we weren't fwends anymore.
and today at school she brought her knife and during NS (cause the teacher is so blind) I showed her how to cut like fast haha like she was playing with a compass and I took it and looked at her and she's like "I dare you" so I just cut myself with it XD was interesting haven't done it in a while lol

anyhow also me and my bro were talking about me being gay and he's like asking me so many questions on it and he was so cool with it XD also I got another bellyring that says "cum here." and everybody is thinking pervy! XD lol well I've said too much so byes!!!!!!!

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 09:53:20 PDT

I'm sorry for that last journal, I was freaked and upset and just confused and almost depressed, I found out something really shocking about Claire, I just I dunno to be honest. I'm sorry I scared you all. I'm scared of myself nowadays and I just wanna go and see someone because I know there must be something wrong with me for doing these things, I need help but to be honest I just don't know if I'm gonna get it.

again sorry guys I didn't mean it I just don't know anymore.

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:38:39 PDT

She gave me a surgical knife and enough pills to OD...

Devious Journal Entry

~spike12356 — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 03:21:41 PDT

To: Whoever reads this

hey guys so I got some news yeah, we aren't gonna be able to go to PE which means no tattoo ): well until we go again lol
Puddles is gonna come down soon we just have to set a date ^^ I can't wait for that to happen ^^ 8D also my bro fell his ass off while we were on a walk he was riding around the outside of the damn and then I dunno what happened but then he just lost control and fell his ass off. he was in pain like I dunno how but something managed to hit him right between the legs XD omg i was like sprinting towards him shame I was really worried he had gotten seriously injured like he was on the floor and writhing around haha

also last night me and my mom went to the movies but like always we watched different movies and her movie like always made her fall asleep and my movie was awesome as hell XD I wastched 'The taking of Pelham 123' it was so awesome! and I got a tarot kit XD I've been practicing with it but I don't think I'm getting anywhere lol my readings don't make sense to me haha

also I've been stressing a bit because of my grandfather in ICU I don't want him to die but I don't think he has much longer but when Puddles is here at least I'll have someone to cry with hehe I really really really really really really can't wait for her to come 8D it's gonna be awesome as hell! shame and she's so cute! :3 well I gotta go now ^^

byes

*********************************************************
I love her

Mommy 8D lol

Teddy-Huggle-Bear :3

SiSsTa XD

Best friends