http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:starberi&section=today deviantART RSS for by:starberi en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 21:15:00 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/9871717/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/9871717/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 10:21:55 PDT
Thus far, I've been very spoiled.. I got $22 US from Jacob's grandmother, $50 CAD from my grandmother, and another $50 CAD from my aunt, a new computer case and webhosting from Jacob, and a total stranger got me some lights for my new case!

It's been a good year, over all. Conner was born, Vinnie turned 2, we moved into our first house (which we may be moving out of soon enough), lots of great stuff. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/8044361/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/8044361/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 07:20:18 PST
I havn't had a chance to work on anything in ages. Poor Mistress Kendria is still not even half done, and the plans I had for this other project I wanted to do are still on hold too. How am I ever going to get anyone to notice me if I don't even have time to notice myself?

Oh well, kiddies come first. And the housework too.



On a side note, I've been thinking about starting up a DA account for my oldest, Vinnie. He looooves to play with mommies painting programs, and comes out with some pretty amazing stuff concidering he isn't even 2 yet. Quite the budding little artist. Any thoughts? ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7354982/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7354982/ Mon, 19 Dec 2005 13:43:14 PST
This of course means I will be mostly not around while I get used to having 2 munchkins to look after and such, but I'll still pop in and check my messages and such. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7282025/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7282025/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 11:11:44 PST
Thursday I was told that I was almost 4cm dilated, and Friday I lost my plug.. But so far no contractions, no water breaking, no nothing. Hopefully my upcoming walmart shopping spree to get christmas presents will walk me into labor, otherwise they may have to induce again.

We've decided to name him Conner Stephen Roger (Stephen after my best friend growing up, and Roger after hubby's uncle).


I've been thinking about working on some home-designed Christmas cards for this year, but it seems my color ink has dried up, so I may do outlines, and let Vincent help me color them in or something. I havn't decided yet. I've been randomly energetic, and then exceedingly exhausted for the past few days, so I may just get lazy and buy a box of assorted cards to send out. Who knows.

Anyways, thats about all the news I've got to give at the moment. Happy holidays to everyone in case I don't get around to posting again before Christmas and such. Hope you all get everything on your wish lists! ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7202957/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/7202957/ Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:46:21 PST
Finally had my ultrasound today, and yep, I'm getting another boy! Had hoped for a girl this time, since I'm getting all tied up after this one, but thats alright. Boys are good too!

...Now he just needs a name. Any suggestions? ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6951922/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6951922/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 08:42:33 PST
Ok, enough whining...


As you can see by the theme I've suddenly got going with the cute chick in the little black dress (avatar, litID, devID, wallpaper.....) my insomnia still hasn't gone away. Very plain and minimalish set I know, but I like it, and thats what matters, right? Not that it wouldn't be nice if someone else liked it too, but you know.

Anyways, the main reason behind her was to get in some practice with my anniversary present (yes, thats right, Christy got a tablet! Many big smooches and thankies to the worlds bestest hubby!) to make doing Kendria and her assorted bits and peices a bit easier. It makes fixing textures sooooooo so so so easy. I love it. *Hooked*


Alright, a little more whining: I want to pop already. This whole pulled muscles, kicks to the ribs and permanent internal bruising thing is starting to get to me. ... Ok, done now. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6915161/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6915161/ Mon, 31 Oct 2005 10:50:49 PST
Happy anniversary to me! Happy anniversary to meeee! Hurrah for twos!



And as a side note:
My dearest darling hubby has talked some sense into me. He suggested instead of just backing away from art completely, to try a different branch of the wonderful colorful tree. And so I am currently playing with the highly entertaining bit of software that is Poser 6. I must say, I'm rather hooked. I've meddled with 3D stuff before (Bryce, 3DSM, Lightwave, etc) but could never quite get into it, or get the hang of it. But this... This is fun.

I'm currently working on a rather pretty Dark Elf Mage, named Kendria (as a tribute to my dear hubby's EverQuest mage by the same name). I'm designing my own textures for her clothes, skin, hair, well, everything really, so she's taking quite a bit of time to become the beauty I can see her being in my mind. In the meantime, I shall post a WIP shot of her to show off what I've got so far, feel more than free to throw in suggestions, hints, tips, whatever. In fact, I'm demanding comments. Comment, damn it! ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6823979/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6823979/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 00:05:14 PDT
I was talking to my hubby, telling him all about how I was working on an online portfolio to replace illusia.org with. I told him all about how I was going to get it all going and prettied up, and then I could get a job, a real one, with an actual paycheck of some kind, so I could finally feel a little less confined, more independant again. I got myself all worked up and excited, and then asked him if he knew of anyone who would hire me. He said no. Then it hit me.

I suck.

A tad oversimplified perhaps, but it sums up the general burst of understanding that washed over me rather well, I think.

Of course he didn't know of anyone who would hire me, no one knows of anyone who would. No one could. Why? Because no one ever will hire me. I have no talent. I realized a while ago that web design/development was just not something I could do; I don't have the time to keep up with all the new stuff coming out, or a mind for code at all. But to realize that I've been wasting all these years trying to compete in the graphic design arena, which is well beyond my league, was kind of stunning to me. Honestly, it hurts. I've dreamed since I was little about people seeing my art and being moved, or awed, or at least thinking it was good, only to finally realize that it -isn't- good. It's nothing to be moved by, or awed over. I have no talent.

Now before you, my dear invisible audience, start jumping up to argue with me, hear me out. Take a look through my gallery.. See all those images? Not one of them was my own pure and honest creativity. Every last one has at least one element that was step-by-step from a tutorial of some kind. Every last one of them has someone else's creative stamp firmly upon it. Why? Because I have no talent. No creativity. In fact, I doubt I ever have. The only thing that comes to mind that I have ever been good at is helping other people. Ironic how I can be good at helping others when I can't even begin to help myself, I know, but its true. Whether it was by making someone who was upset feel better, or helping a customer find the perfect pair of earrings or t-shirt for a birthday present, it doesn't matter. Its all I've ever done well.

As for the poems, well, I hardly need to point out that they really aren't very good. Poetry never has been a strong suit, and I've always known that, but every now and then my head fills with rhymes and out spills a poem or two. I know deep down that poetry will never be my forte.

So why am I writing this, then? I guess in a way this is my resignation. I am admitting that I have failed. I'm giving up. Throwing in the proverbial towel and stepping back to let someone else take my place. The other reason is a cry for help. I am drowning in a world of housekeeping and child care, I have lost myself completely. I need something, anything, to help me find myself again. Up till now I've always used my art as my escape, but I see now that it never really was. So, feel free to comment (not that anyone ever has), or note me with a suggestion or two. What can I try now? What do you think I would be good at? Should I keep struggling with digital art? Where can I go that I'll be needed, maybe even appreciated?


Please... help me. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6755788/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6755788/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 08:45:25 PDT I miss it. Unfortunatly, my eyes have been bothering me so much lately that just making that starry little avatar has me in tears because of the burning, so making an entire website from scratch is just out of the question until I get new glasses. Two years and waiting. Still.

Anyways, I've been thinking about going for the BandMerch thing, unfortunatly it sounds like it'll be a pain for me, 'cause I don't have a social security number. Which means having any payment sent up to mom, and then actually having to file income tax with Canada should I happen to get picked, etc etc. Big mess.

Oh well.

Soon... but not soon enough.. I shall be a mom again! Can't wait to get this squirmy little alien out of my belly. Of course, as soon as he/she is out, I'll be wishing they were back in again, but oh well. December 23rd is the big day this time, of course, I can't seem to do anything quite when I'm supposed to so I'll probably be early, or late again. Everyone cross your fingers and hope its a girl for me, ok? Getting all tied up after this one, and I'd really like a girl. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6624650/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/6624650/ Wed, 28 Sep 2005 11:19:58 PDT
So, we grabbed grandma, and headed towards Lafayette, thinking we would go north from either there or Baton Rouge to Tennessee, and hopefully find a hotel for a couple days. Another 8 hours later when we finally reached Lafayette, my hubby decided he would rather backtrack and come home to sleep in his own bed, for free, than drive another god only knows how many hours to Tennessee only to maybe discover that there weren't any hotel rooms there at all and have to drive even farther on his 4 hours of sleep in the past 30 hours or so.

(Point of refrence, for those who don't know... Lake Charles is generally a 2.5 hour drive from our house, and Lake Charles to Lafayette is generally about an 1.5 hours. You can imagine how frustrated we were, I'm sure, especially the 1 year old stuck in a carseat in the very overfilled backseat.)

Anyways, we'd managed to make it all the way to Lafayette on a single tank of gas, thanks to my hubby's wonderful gas conservation techniques. We filled up in Lafayette, sorta. We only managed to get about 1/2 a tank out of the only gas station we could find that had any gas at all before they ran out.

So this leaves us at Lafayette at 3am, with half a tank of gas, turning around to take the 4ish hour drive home to Houston, heading right for Ms. Rita the whole way. We took a little pit stop in Lake Charles to raid grandma's hurricane supplies, as she had been planning on staying there through it before it turned northwards, and then headed home in a very, very overfilled car. We pulled into the driveway here at home at around 7:30am, with the gas needle a very firm quarter of an inch UNDER the E, but she was a good car and didn't stall, or sputter. She even started up willingly, and drove a good 5 blocks, 2 days later so my hubby could find a gas station and fill her up.



We fared farily well over here. Had all of 5 power flickers, and lost internet for about a minute. Our water was never shut off. The aftermath: Our back gate was blown off its hinges, due to the fact that it didnt latch shut properly, and there were about a dozen medium sized branches strewn through the front and back yards. I'd say we did pretty good. And voila, I've survived my first hurricane. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/5229012/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/5229012/ Sat, 30 Apr 2005 10:33:56 PDT
I've been working on getting illusia.org up and running.. Its taking a while, though. Its been so long since I made a website that I've gone and half forgotten everything I ever knew. It's driving me quite crazy.

In other news, my little boy now has 4 of his very own teeth, and took 4 whole steps all by himself the other day. I'm far more proud than I should be, but really, how many kids can manage even just a few steps by themselves at only 10 months? The average for walking is generally a year.

Happy happy joy joy, theres a new bun in the oven! I'm far too good of a baker, I really should stop it, but I just can't help myself... I love mixing all the ingredients, its just so much fun. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/5019635/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/5019635/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 19:22:38 PDT render I just couldn't get to work for me. It has been disassembled.

Thanks to my invisible audience for all their fantastic invisible suggestions.


Don't mind my sarcasam, I'm having a grumpy no-one-knows-I-exist kind of day. I dunno, maybe I'm just tired. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/4978169/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/4978169/ Sat, 02 Apr 2005 09:54:34 PST
I have this render but I can't decide what to do with it. I would be very greatful if you (whoever you may be) would suggest some tutorials, or effects that you think would look good with this. I would prefer if it were something that differed from my usual style (techy/grungy stuff) but it doesn't really matter.

Feel free to email suggestions, or post them here, or send me a note, however you prefer. Thanks to everyone who lends a hand in advance! ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/4970530/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/4970530/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 13:04:34 PST
But, I'm back, and with a shiney new copy of Photoshop CS to boot. I havn't got any new images to show off from my time away, but am working on several right now (including "The Wrong Side of the Tracks) which I will upload as soon as they are finished.

I'm sorry I've been gone so long, I really am. I've missed so much, but there wasn't really anything I could do about it.


Little updates to life in general:
Vincent is now 10 whole months old, and pulls up to standing on his own, not quite walking yet, but he's getting close. We've moved from Lake Charles to Houston, and are living in a nice little 3 bedroom house here. Hubbykinz is happy to be back in the computer field work-wise, and I'm happy he is too. He's much less stressed. Uhm, thats about all I can think of.

I've missed you guys. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2585077/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2585077/ Fri, 04 Jun 2004 20:19:13 PDT
Mr. Vincent Aidenn Andrew was born May 27th at 4:54pm CST, he weighed in at 8lbs 14oz's and 20.5 inches long, and his head and chest are 14 inches around.

He only cost me 36 hours in labour and somewhere around 25-30 stitches (I can't count them all), and very, very nearly killed me due to excessive blood loss during delivery, but he's here, and he's just perfect and absolutly precious, and was more than worth every last second of it.


My computer has been down for the past couple weeks, so I don't have access to my camera, but as soon as I do I'll go crazy posting all kinds of pictures of him, I'm sure. In the meantime, I'm going to stay safely in bed and rest as much as I can, because the doctor said so. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2317125/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2317125/ Wed, 28 Apr 2004 13:36:01 PDT
If anyone knows of any nice tutorial sites for any of the above, or has any pointers/suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

I've been having alot of trouble with 3DSM and LW, I guess because I'm so used to Bryce's easy point click and render type interface. It seems very different from the others, and so I'm not quite sure just what I'm doing. At all. But then, most of what I do is guesswork anyways.


Still havn't had the baby, but I'm at the point of crying and begging him/her to get out of me already. I do wish it'd hurry along... Very tired of being a big blimp-like over-emotional being that's possessed by a large alien-type-organism that keeps trying to escape out of my belly button. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2239116/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2239116/ Fri, 16 Apr 2004 22:33:41 PDT
Hopefully things will calm down some soon, and I'll be able to get some of this creative energy out of me before I explode.

I've also been trying to get my Uncle Al to sign up here. He's a professional artist (Paints, sketches, and does photography as well.) and has always wanted to have his work online, but didn't know how to go about doing it. Hopefully once he figures out how to work his new digital camera (very computer illiterate, I'm afraid) he'll join us here and show the world some of his amazing work. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2115582/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2115582/ Tue, 30 Mar 2004 12:26:09 PST
I don't think I have ever felt so relieved in my entire life. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2090729/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2090729/ Fri, 26 Mar 2004 17:50:07 PST
For those of you who don't know, I'm about 7 months pregnant, and last Tuesday during a routine check up and pap my doctor discovered a large growth on my cervix that he's afraid is cancerous. Yesterday he did a biopsy on it which has left me in an enormous amount of pain, and I won't hear until next Tuesday whether it is cancerous or not... The second worry is that it may prevent me from dilating properly when I go into labour, meaning a c-section to have the baby.

So yes, my creativity ran away and hopefully will be back soon, in a far less morbid and grotesque state. Everything that's been coming to mind lately has been bloody and abused and too much even for the dark section, I think. I'm working on a piece now, which I believe I'll call "Don't Tread on Me", and I think I'll post it whether I like it or not, hopefully it'll provoke some kind of response from that which makes me artsy. ]]> ~starberi http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2065209/ http://starberi.deviantart.com/journal/2065209/ Mon, 22 Mar 2004 21:21:07 PST
Yes, I got Bryce yesterday, and I'm seriously addicted to it. But I get that way over all new graphic programs, I suppose. Anyways, I can't stop playing with it. I only have two renders done that I really like so far, one being Velocity, and the other, which is being made into a wallpaper that I will post shortly called Warm as Ice.

Now if I could only figure out how to use 3DSM, I'd be getting somewhere. That program is so very beyond me. ]]> ~starberi