http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:strawberry-poo-kmoo&section=today deviantART RSS for by:strawberry-poo-kmoo en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 04:12:27 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17111452/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17111452/ Fri, 29 Feb 2008 01:37:39 PST
and she talked about a lot of other shit in it, too. I don't know why she felt the need to send it to me. she's such an ass. srsly, I wish she could just go off and live her happy life and not bother me.

I don't even know what to say, I'm steaming mad.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16867891/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16867891/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:48:23 PST
Fuck. XD

This'll be interesting.

...to say the least.

Now, I need to make/find a box. I sort of figured out how to make chocolate. Go me.

...I'll be giving it to him tomorrow. Oh my god.

Wish me luck!

(I'm so screwed... Hah.)

I think I'll bring the mess-up batches to Japan club. Hee.

[ADDITION]

FUCK. It appears as though the senior play is going to be at the same time as outright. On the one hand, I REALLY want to go to the senior play. On the other hand, I'm probably going to be rejected tomorrow, and will really need outright on Friday.

ARGGHHHH

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16696322/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16696322/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 19:39:13 PST
Now, I'm faced with the decision of telling this person quickly to get it over with before my crush turns into something more, or interacting with them more to try and develop our casual relationship and maybe have more of a chance of them liking me back. Only downfall of the latter, is that I can't avoid my feelings becoming even a little bit deeper if I choose that route....

AGHHH What do I doooo~~

(And no, I'm not telling you who they are.)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16465432/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16465432/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:00:12 PST
Unless you hate me for being so angry at you (in which case... haha), I'm still going to be friends with you. But every time I look at you, I'm going to feel hurt. It'll take me quite a while to actually get over it. I might sometimes just leave you guys out of the blue, because of my feelings.

Yeah.

Whatever.

Ew. Life.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16465254/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16465254/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 19:45:51 PST
I AM really fking angry at you.

I may seem calm, but that's only because I'm denying that you could do this to me.

So this is how it went down.

I performed first, and I knocked their fucking socks off. With the exception of the last performers, who were really a band anyways, I was the only person who got zero negative feedback from the judges. Yeah. And I was first.

Then, I got into the finals. The FINALS. That means I beat Taylor Lintelman, DJ Ingalls, Laura Messner and all those other people I've always been put under the impression are better than me.

Yeah.

Then I performed the last time, and I blew everyone to the moon. Jess performed after me, and forgot to turn her mic on, messed up a bunch of high notes, and made one amazingly terrible mistake that no-one could overlook. Or so I thought. I forgot that all her friends came and they think she's adorable and would never want her upset.

So guess what?

I got third place. Out of three people.

Yeah, I'm really fucking happy.

But really mad, because even Jess knows I beat her.

But she has friends.

And I, obviously, don't.

I wouldn't've been upset with second place, because that band was incredible. Plus, they're a band. That's totally different from a single performer.

I'm mad that people actually voted in terms of popularity, and that I thought they wouldn't.

Misanthropy. FTW.

Yeah. Even though there's a long weekend, I don't think I'm going to make plans with any of you.

Not gonna lie, even if I hadn't wanted you to come so damn badly, Exeter Idol was an amazing-fun time. You would've loved it. But you chose DDR and food instead.

Wow.

Good choice, guys.

If you're mad at me, I don't care.

Because both you and I know, that this is completely justified.

You just wish you didn't have to hear about it.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16305523/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16305523/ Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:58:33 PST
So, she planned one for the Friday after midterms are over... which also happens to be the day of Exeter Idol. Of course, this means I can't go.

Worse than that, though, it means that most/all of my friends will be at her thing, and I'd really wanted them to be able to come see me and give support and whatnot...

ackkk. I talked to her on the phone, and she kept saying she's sorry -- of course, I'm not going to tell her to cancel this thing, and I don't think she should just because of me. But the situation still really, really sucks. I know you're sorry, but it just can't do anything about this situation...

I wish there was some way the two could mesh.

sigh.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16202944/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16202944/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 09:12:18 PST
Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole fight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

We have gone through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness [x2]

That's all.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16149846/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16149846/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 09:02:00 PST
＜３

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16127293/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16127293/ Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:07:29 PST
LIEK WOW.

and, to any of my friends who read this and are coming over tomorrow, come at least a half an hour late, please.

until further notice.

BARGH.

I want someone to talk to, too.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16063280/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16063280/ Sun, 23 Dec 2007 18:16:04 PST

Stole this from someone around dA...

I think I might've even been the 11th comment, because I'm that dumb, but whatever. This sounds like fun, and I don't have too much to do this vacation.

Warning: I'm not a fantastic drawer. Also, in your comment specify chibi or full-figure. Not that any one will be less bad than the other, but...

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15909994/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15909994/ Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:04:15 PST Miu from Strawberry Marshmallow. : D (It'd help if her clothes were my size, though. XD)

If you're life was a movie, who would you pick to play you:
Um. No clue. Maybe Kirsten Dunst?

Your theme song:
Another Morning, by The Pillows

Your superhero name:
Do-Nothing Gal?

If you named yourself, what would you be called:
Probably Cordelia. That, or Rainbow. When I was a very small child I was determined to change my name to Rainbow.

Charles is a cool name too, though.

Favorite adjective:
Decrepit. <33

Most awesome accent:
A combination of French and Japanese. I've never heard it, but it's just about the sexiest thing I can imagine.

Swear directed at you most often:
No-one ever swears at me, pretty much... I'm just realizing this now...

Dream Reincarnation:
MAHSELF. XD;

But with more money, and more freedom.

Classify yourself! Animal, vegetable or mineral:
Mexican Jumping Bean. It's really an animal, but in the guise of a vegetable.

If you were a plant, you'd be a/n:
Hydrangea.

Least favorite texture:
ultra-soft tofu. EW.

Favorite crayon:
I haven't used crayons in forever. : (

I've always been fairly partial to Macaroni orange, though.

Random combo of adj. and verb:
vajirtebdecev : D

Quick! Pick a number:
6

Your sound effect:
FLUH

Your warning label:
WARNING: do not entice sexually, or you may be having some babehs.

*insert cheesy pick up line here*
Do you have a mirror in your pants? Because I can totally see myself in them. ; D

Best IM speak word:
roflmaopmp

Weapon of choice:
Meat tenderizer.

Most used smiley- guy:
XD

Best Quote evah!
"You know what would be cool? If snakes had legs..."
"That would be a lizard, Lindsay."

Your haiku:
I don't write haikus
but I'll make an exception
I wrote a haiku

Accessory:
CRAB HAT

"fictional" character/s you lust after:
Nobu from Strawberry Marshmallow
All the Tokyo Mew Mew girls
Everyone in Yubisaki Milk Tea
Hazumu, Yasuna and Tonari (I think that's her name) from Kashimashi
The Mad Hatter from Angel Sanctuary
Both the main characters in Line
That one woman who appeared in a volume of Antique Bakery
Yooneun (or else it's her sister) from Let Dai
Ichigo from Kamikaze Girls
Utena from Utena
... There's probably more.

Pick an element:
Fire

Of the 7 deadly sins you are:
LUST

Make up your own expletive! Use it in a sentence here:
What the GYUNIET are you doing?!

Your heart's desire:
Vincent. And some curry.

Disney character of choice:
Capt. Jack Sparrow! <33

Song that's stuck in your head:
Make Me Some Insomnia by Heather Duby

Your genre of manga/anime:
Anything awesome.

Name your sitcom:
How did we get here and when can we leave?

*insert foreign word/s for bye bye here*
PEACE OUT HOMES.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15849317/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15849317/ Sat, 08 Dec 2007 13:50:39 PST
Also, I got my camera back! So I might be submitting some more recent pictures soon. First I'm going through all the old ones, though.

Yay.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15785662/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15785662/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 20:32:02 PST
OH EM GEE every time I look at my desktop I'm going to squee and/or just stare dreamily at it.

GOODNESS.

(<333)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15772324/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15772324/ Sun, 02 Dec 2007 22:35:48 PST
Okay.

Vincent seriously needs to stop being so fking gorgeous or I'm going to explode.

YOU HEAR ME?!

He's hotter than I am, goodness.

On another note, it's snowing. AHAHAHA.

Yes, I'm a little hyped up. Not only did I just have half a bar of chocolate, but I also just was looking at pictures of a particularly attractive manfolk and it's snowing. GOODNESS PEOPLE.

Uhm. Yes.

<3

(Rooting for a snow day tomorrow, because there is NO WAY I'm getting any sleep tonight. XD;; )

(Also, I know I put my mood as "obsessed," but that's mostly because of the picture. I wouldn't say I feel obsessed, I feel more like "goddamnit, if Vincent lived just a little bit closer I would go over there to tackle him RIGHT NOW." Yes... now I'm going to stop making this any more awkward than I'm assuming it already is.)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15770808/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15770808/ Sun, 02 Dec 2007 20:00:14 PST
: shrug :

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15669759/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15669759/ Sun, 25 Nov 2007 18:36:34 PST tagged meh.

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. be fluent in at least 3 languages, not counting English
2. Design clothing
3. write/publish a book

Three Names You Go By:
1. spk
2. Cordelia
3. shorten my real name and I'll kill ya.

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1. jkap6cc6isneeded
2. yog21
3. kagomekawaii

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1. my hair
2. my face
3. my SEXY SEXY BODY (Ahahaha...)

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1. German
2. English
3. Polish

Three Things That Scare You:
1. Death
2. Rollercoasters
3. Monsters that live in the dark. ;-;

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. manga
2. pandora playlists
3. anything that makes me squee

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. fawesome pants
2. Cornell polo
3. comfy blue socks

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1. The Pillows
2. Imogen Heap
3. Everclear

Three Of Your Favorite Songs :
1. 月　の　ワルツ　－　みお　いさやま
2. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
3. Another Morning - The Pillows

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1. love (duhh)
2. intellectual conversation
3. perverted jokes

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1. I have christmas lights in my room, not on the tree
2. I lurve Polly Pocket
3. My dog has two names

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1. boobs. They're delicious.
2. ABSTRACT THINKING FTW (totally not a physical trait... XD)
3. big hands (ohoho... Cordelia is a pervert)
(note: Cordelia is currently with a guy, though, and in this case boobs become nice hair and big hands become, uh... fill in the blank. I actually don't know. But man-boobs are bad. Very bad. While I may date a vaguely chubby chick, for men that wouldn't fly. So, I guess the last would be being slender.)

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. reading manga
2. SINGING OMG
3. doing completely random stuff in my room

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Talk to Vincent
2. Not have any homework to worry about for the next week
3. manage to get myself into a better mood

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1. Professional musician (in voice)
2. Author/Translator of books
3. Designer

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1. Miyajima (does it count if I've already gone...?)
2. Paris
3. Venice

Three Kid's Names You Like :
1. Iolanthe
2. Benjamin (NOT Ben. Eww to name-shortening)
3. Kikuko

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1. I'm gross
2. I'm messy
3. I'm perverted

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1. I like pretty fluffy pink dresses
2. I like nail polish
3. I love flowers

Three People That I Would Like To See Take This Quiz Now:

Grr, Lindsay, you took all my friends!

(Doubtful that he'll see this, moreso that he'll do it)
(Doubtful that he'll even visit the site, let alone see that I tagged him, and then doubtful that he'll do it.)
(Um... maybe?)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15621050/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15621050/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 12:41:50 PST
But I want it to.

: wiggle :

Weather like this seems so pointless without snow. It makes me want to just lay in the dark and listen to music.

Not that that's a bad thing, but snow is a lot more fun.

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15569737/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15569737/ Sun, 18 Nov 2007 22:13:17 PST
Helllzyeah.

On a slightly different note, it seems that I've gotten fairly good at reading people's emotions towards me (namely, when they have a crush on me). But I always feel ridiculously cocky when I start thinking someone likes me. If I get one person verified, then I can probably let go of that, but whatever. That might end up being mean. And in case whoever actually reads this (hardyharhar) actually knows me, they know that I dislike hurting people even in the slightest ways in pretty much every circumstance. So that's not happening unless I'm ready to go out with this person, and if they even still have feelings for me. (It was awhile ago after all.)

Yes, I am most definitely being purposefully vague. Even though it's doubtful that anyone will read this, I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings or get myself into trouble, somehow. So, vagueness. (FTW!)

The point is: Should I trust these feelings? No? So far I've confirmed been right in 4 instances, 2 not sure. That's a large enough margin of (possible) error that I'm hesitant.

But, by god, do I love analyzing and seeing how well I can read people.

(Did that sound cold?)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15486264/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15486264/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:46:33 PST
Me and Zoe wore neg-pos outfits, most of the clothing provided by me (and now my room is an absolute disaster area due to my frantic searching for my white fishnets, which I couldn't find).

So, yeah. It was fun. I was a little disappointed, though, because Zoe seemed like she didn't want to do many shots where we had much physical contact, I guess? When you have two people in a photoshoot, they should look like they're really interacting with eachother a lot (even more so because out outfits were compliementary!), and I had trouble getting that out of her.

Ah well.

IT WAS FUN!!! <333

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15465819/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15465819/ Sun, 11 Nov 2007 15:02:35 PST
Here, I post a fun little excerpt from our conversation:
"So, I guess today fell through too, huh?"
"Yeah, sorry, I have to help a friend with a drug deal."

I sat in shock for a moment, considering asking him if he was joking, but knowing full well that he was not.

It makes me feel a little weird -- Michael's a really cool guy, and we get along really well, but... yeah. It just makes me feel really weird and uneasy what with the drugs.

At least most of the people in that group of friends aren't doing drugs or as involved in drugs as he is.

Still...

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15353679/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15353679/ Sat, 03 Nov 2007 23:09:20 PDT
Yesterday was just too awesome for words. No matter how crazy, I loved it. I didn't feel lonely. I feel lonely too much.

I loved staying up with Anthony and just talking. There aren't a lot of people who are good at that. I wished we could've just talked until breakfast, but he feel asleep. Today, (or, rather, yesterday) he seemed a little upset that he'd fallen asleep, too. He said I should've woken him up, but he'd been falling asleep for about 20 minutes before the fact. I kept saying to him: "You seem really tired. Do you want to go to sleep?" and "It seems like you're falling asleep," but he would just deny it and try to keep talking, until he just plain passed out.

I wish tonight could be the same. I have a lot more to talk about, and a lot of things that I didn't get to mention last night.

Right after my first trip to Japan, and being kissed goodnight by my second homestay mother, that night is something I would want to re-live over and over again.

I'm so stressed. Life has suddenly taken for the worse. When it rains, it pours. It's just one thing after another, and I'm nervous as to what will come next.

I tried to find Anthony's phone number so I could have someone to talk to, but his last name is just too common for that... I accidentally called this random old couple around 11 and stopped trying afterwards.

My crush has a girlfriend now. It seems like a very recent development -- I can't help but wonder if she's been after her for awhile? I was pretty sure she liked me too, but I guess not. Everything's going to feel so awkward (as if it wasn't already...) now.

And, of course. My cousin's dying. MY COUSIN IS FREAKING DYING. I don't know how to deal with this. I just want to cry all the time. I can't believe it....

and now I'm crying again.

Also, Rachel finally e-mailed me back again. It made me feel so weird, now that she finally has. I don't want to go over to her house for my stuff. I won't be able to deal with it. I don't want to see her parents. I'm so ashamed of myself.

I'm so ashamed.

And then, of course, there's the drama with the girls who like me. Just stop it, okay? I don't like people where I'm going to have to help them grow. Rachel was like that. She grew so much with me, and then she left, partially due to that fact (and partially to things I can barely admit to myself). She grew to the point that I served no purpose anymore. I DON'T WANT THAT, OKAY?

I don't like bi girls (or guys, but they usually aren't as much of a problem) who are constantly talking about their sexuality, and making it out to be a huge struggle for themselves. I don't like gay people who do that either. It simply shows that you aren't really comfortable with yourself yet, but mostly that it isn't actually a sexuality that you identify with strongly. It's people who want attention who do that sort of stuff. I don't dislike all bi people, though. My friend Zoe treats being bi just like most gay people treat being gay: "So what?" That's the crucial difference. She doesn't make a big deal out of it. I don't around essentially bitching about being gay to everyone who might listen, out of the blue. Neither should real bi people. People these days are too afraid of the label "questioning." They don't want to be seen as unsure, and the other problem is that people don't take those who identify as questioning as seriously as they treat bisexuals. And considering how seriously most bisexuals are treated... I don't even have to finish this sentence. Just say you're questioning instead of bi, and you might just receive more respect for being able to say it, though! People will be more understanding, in some ways. At least when you're bitching to them.

: sigh :

I painted a picture for my cousin, though.

And when did this turn into a rant about annoying bisexuals?

Oh well....

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15230142/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15230142/ Fri, 26 Oct 2007 13:55:21 PDT
Anyways OH MY GOD.

I never thought that a girl who's into me would SO THOROUGHLY ANNOY ME in her manner as this girl is.

She's just so... she keeps trying to hide the fact that she's crushed by my actions and completely infatuated with me with various things. I knew she was, and thought that maybe my ego played into it a little when I first analyzed her behavior, but no. Unfortunately... I'm not. She says not to worry because she's dating someone else now (as of, like... last night), but it seems like this is just another somebody.

I just don't like it when people play those kinds of games, and aren't upfront. She said something about like, we wouldn't work out because I'm sensitive. I was kind of like: "Um, I don't care, I didn't know we were even going to date in the FIRST PLACE."

It's kind of hard to get across just how silly this girl is.

Just know that she is VERY SILLY. (In the worst way, of course.)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15040904/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/15040904/ Sat, 13 Oct 2007 08:49:07 PDT
Then, Gareth decided that he wanted to go to Holo-Dek during the football game. -1

Then, Sandra calls and informs me that the photoshoot is to be from 12-3 tomorrow... IN THE MIDDLE OF FLIPPING CHORUS PRACTICE WHICH I ALREADY TOLD HER I COULDN'T MISS!

-1

Yeah, so I'm kind of really really mad... because, to tell the truth, in the first draft of this journal entry, the football game and chorus were only events, not things I was looking forward to. So, in reality, I'm at zero.

And very, very mad. My friends seem to do this a lot... schedule things when I absolutely cannot go to them. I know it's on accident, but I feel like they should freaking PAY ATTENTION when I tell them that I have something else going on at a specific time.

So, yeah, unless I find out something else to do, this has pretty much ruined my weekend.

Let's face it, it already has.

(To make it even worse, no one even reads my journal anyways, and none of my friends are answering their phones so I can rant and just get it out. Way to make everything 10x worse!)

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14848489/ http://strawberry-poo-kmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14848489/ Sat, 29 Sep 2007 22:57:45 PDT
When I'm very frustrated and antsy, I revert into half chatspeak/half Engrish.

So, I've been missing my camera for about 2 months now. My dad left it in my uncle's car after my brother's play, and he hasn't been able to get it back to us.

I totally understand why my dad isn't pressing the issue with my uncle right now, of course, and I don't think he really should, what with how hectic and stressed that side of the family is. I still miss my camera, though. I want to take pictures and post them, I want to make videos for youtube... ;-;

I'm worried about my cousin, though... I mean, I don't want to be negative when she's having such a hard time, but I can't help but think that if she had been a little more responsible with her doctor's visits, and had more positive people surrounding her and been more positive herself, her cancer wouldn't have progressed so far. It makes me very sad that her role in my life has diminished even further due to it, and that her family has to deal with it...

Maybe I'm selfish, but it really makes me sad that I don't get any attention from her anymore. It seems like you reach a certain age, and all of a sudden you're just a burden on your relatives. You're not interesting to them, you're not helpful to them, you're just in the background, taking up space. I was so excited to see Chris (my cousin Cara's brother, thus also my cousin) last year, but he spent all of his time with Cara... I mean, I understand, I definitely do, but I wanted maybe 5 minutes of his time and I'm not sure I even got a hug.

I wanted to feel like I could do something for Cara, too, but she's just been pushing everyone away. I wanted to talk to her, and somehow give her support, but she wouldn't have it. She just laid on the couch, somnabulic, drinking water and being petted by her husband. Occasionally she would talk to Chris, and that was pretty much it.

I think I'll draw her a picture. That's what I'll work on now... I need ideas, though...

]]> ~strawberry-poo-kmoo