http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:summernightangel&section=today deviantART RSS for by:summernightangel en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 20:19:31 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/28380500/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/28380500/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:16:52 PST My words are my faith-to hell with our good name.
A remix of your guts-your insides X-rayed
And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster
we're a bull, your ears are just a china shop
I love you in the same way, there's a chapel in a hospital
One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.

it feels like my life has been moving in great cycles for the past, oh, four or five years. every time i come up, i think i can change the world. but every winter, i go down the same way. i could handle different dark points in life, that's natural, but it's always the same. i am still the same person that i thought i could live with, but it all boils down to uncertainty.

i hate how pretentious i come off ninety percent of the time. i hate how self-centered i actually am. i hate apologizing, but i'm still sorry.


]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/27944961/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/27944961/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:27:11 PDT about yourself, but honey what are you going to do?
and you can sleep in a coffin but the past ain't through with you...

...i feel like i should confess that i ditched on the homecoming dance after a vaguely disastrous dinner. just couldn't do it. don't worry, my date had already cancelled, so it wasn't like anyone minded overmuch.

trying to decide which of multiple piece of crap writings to put up here. trying to decide which of multiple people i'm going to be today. trying to decide whether or not i should read my new book 'wintergirls' even though flipping page-to-page has already informed me that it will probably trigger the hell out of me. that last one has already been decided, though, because i like to play with fire.

going to cross country districts on monday. fingers crossed... going to a concert tuesday, because i'm being peer-pressured by my friends... it's civil twilight, who are alright but i actually wanted to see hawthorne heights, except i am not allowed to go to a concert alone. oh well, it still should be fun. and going to turn down the invitation i got to go see paranormal activity tonight. i already know the plot, but i've heard that it's scary as hell from some people that aren't easily scared, and quite honestly, i'm still trying to get back into a normal sleeping pattern, i can't afford to lose any. yes, sleep is gooooood. i've only ever seen a few horror movies that i liked, i just don't really care to be scared artificially. trust me, i've had nightmares more vivid than any big screen could pretend to be. there is scarier stuff out there, boys and girls, and sometimes it's all in your mind.

this journal is now too long, and therefore annoys me and i want to delete it all. instead i'm going to submit, just so you all know i'm not dead yet.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/27602881/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/27602881/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:57:15 PDT I wanna watch the way you
Take the stage by storm
The way you wrap those boys around your finger
Go on and play the leader
'Cause you know it's what you're good at
The low road for the fast track
Make every second last...

Whoa, wait a minute.
Somehow my 5000 pageview is sneaking up on me??
i blame you guys. thanks ^^

so right now i'm playing happy, involved, well-adjusted high school girl. it's kind of like playing house, only more complicated. in case you happen to care that means cross-country, band color guard, and the fall musical. and pre-calc. nasty nasty precalc. things are actually balancing pretty well at the moment, so nicely that i'm almost afraid to breathe.

i know it's almost totally out of character, but i'm a little bit excited about homecoming. i've only ever been to one high school dance. it was painful and stupid. but my best friend has convinced me to go with her group. she's loaning me everything from a dress to a date. seriously. how could i say no? the dress is gorgeous. so i'm going. i'm going to put on too much makeup and go dance with strange boys, and screw the rest of the world. i've only got one more year of high school, it better be worth it.

like i said. don'tbreathe don'ttrip don'tlookdown! i don't want to get hurt. autumn is too pretty. i feel too strong. things are going too well. :]

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/26512832/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/26512832/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:05:16 PDT [link] <<< i has a tumblr. don't expect it to say anything meaningful. i only just discovered tumblr like three days ago, but it looked heaps better than the other socialnetworking sites which i shun. if you have one link me and i'll follow

so while i was gone, people to people sent me an invitation to australia. it's been sitting on the mail table for like two weeks because my mom didn't know what people to people was. i kind of flipped out, but in a good way. i didn't even apply or anything, they solicited ME. ^^ i don't know if i'll be able to go or not, but just being asked made me happy.

i'll write something soon, i guess. just too much stuff that i'd rather be doing at the moment, like laying in the sun, and watching mindless television, and running. oh lord the running. cross country practice officially started today. i'm insane, i'm insane, i'm insane but really tan. oh and i went to the library. must read as many books as possible before school locks my schedule down again oh and also new itunes gift cards for my birthday. if the world ever wanted the simplest way to make me happy, it would be called free itunes for life. all the other ways to make me happy are difficult and have names like no more world hunger, and an end to genocide and human trafficking and wars.

love moi.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/26464279/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/26464279/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 12:37:05 PDT we all started yelling when we smelled the beach
couldn't wait to try our fake ids,
we only had a few days
and a whole lot of memories to make...

this summer i let go.

you might know i work at a summer camp as a junior counselor, at the best place on earth. i mostly work with the horses at the barn, teaching riding lessons and things. you might also know that i live for this. i was meant to sleep outside, to walk ten miles in a day, to cook every meal over a fire, to swim and ride and dance and shower twice a week. i absolutely love this place, and every single summer i meet the most amazing people. seriously, there were twenty junior counselors, and only one or two i could have done without. i. miss. these. crazy. people. so much.

so that's where i spent the last month. renaming myself. relearning myself. becoming myself. completely escaping the real world. i finally got the space and the state of mind to figure out who i am again, and i am so thankful for that. i feel like i can deal with the real world, with the upcoming school stuff, with everything else again. it was only four weeks, but it felt like so much more and at the same time, not long enough. we slept too little, sang constantly, jumped in pools with our clothes on and took pictures of everything. we were all best friends, we were young and restless and living in the woods on our own. i wouldn't have traded a second of it.

anyway, i'm in the midst of going through my 200some deviations and messages. patience plz i still adore you guys. i'll write something for you soon, and it will be like. exploding with hopefulness. and wildness. and youth. god it feels good to feel this good again.

oh man, we were living
didn't wait for a minute-
we swam and drank and talked and said goodbye
we laughed until we cried...

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25584004/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25584004/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 09:40:02 PDT such pretty words,
but life is no storybook
love is an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt.

Someday I’ll bleed only from adventures,
[I’m good at getting into scrapes]
and never from sitting at home.

Someday enough stars will fall from my eyes
That we’ll see clearly again
By the lights of midnight.

Rescue me from a sea of sheets, so warm, so comforting,
The world is too cold to leave and
I’m drowning.

I shake from somewhere so deep in my ribcage
It can only be reached through song
And the sunsets we inhale.

Someday we’ll make the world a little
More colorful, a little more in love
With something better than lust.

Someday I’ll learn to dance
On the oh-so-shiningly-sharp edge of
This razorblade world.

_{i hope someday people will take something from what i say. i hope they feel what i mean, not just what i wrote. i hope i'm good at something, i hope i'm destined to belong. i hope everyone in the world finds what they're looking for.}

ps. i am sneaking on the wi-fi. sneaky sneaky me. but holy buckets i have a lot of deviations to go through. i'll read them all but may fail, yet again, to comment profusely.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25460211/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25460211/ Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:20:16 PDT talking sh!t and I
cut myself so I could feel something I
Know is not a lie
That one stings a little, I'm always in the middle
I don't expect- but try me
and you will always find me here
(this is where i scream from)

i don't even remember what this journal was going to be about. sorry for the assault on your inboxes if you watch my scraps. nom nom nom. i fed my scraps folder today and now it is fat. ^^

writing a little set of song lyrics again. i never did finish that one song... oh well. it's been a hard night. tomorrow i'm getting up insane early for cross country practice. i really don't want to. part of it is that i just don't want to be around people. i never really got a chance to be all solitary this summer with drivers ed and all, and now practice, and then i'll be working at camp... i just don't feel like i can do it. i'm still kind of down, i don't know why. my winter blues are hanging around way too long this year.

i'll be writing, but not posting much due to being kicked off the internet at home. hopefully i'll survive. sorry sorry sorry for whining once again about my silly little problems when children are dying in third world countries.

There's a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up
But there's another around to help us bend your trust
I've got a sunset in my veins
And I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay...

PS. fuck you, mood selector. fuck you.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25256542/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25256542/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:43:13 PDT until we've had a little more.

Updatezorz? I'll try to keep them well-behaved, short, and interesting.

We're adopting a retired racing Greyhound. She's almost six, very pretty, and her name is Noodle but instead of her racing name we might just call her Nellie.
I'm currently on a The Pink Spiders kick. I've had 'Little Razorblade' on my iTunes forever, but i'm totally addicted to 'Sleeping on the Floor' and 'Gimme Chemicals'. Listen and see if you can keep from dancing. [link]
I may be away for a while. My mother is displeased and wishes to disconnect my personal computer for an indefinite period [don't even ask, it's ridiculous], and I'm leaving July 5 for my junior counselor stay at summer camp
It's finally warmer here. I've been a little under the weather, but I'm working on things, and I just hope happiness is the silver lining to the world. There are still days where I do stupid things, I still carry plenty of secrets, and sometimes I just lay under the sheets and sleep in the middle of the day. This morning was hard, I didn't feel quite motivated enough to go biking before class and I ended up with a minor little anxiety attack in drivers ed. I made it through class, though, and now I'm good. Sunshine and endorphins have always been the only drugs I'm on.
My roses are almost blooming. D'awww. It's like this tiny, spindly little plant with this ginormous bud.
I'm going to a movie tonight with one of my friends I haven't seen since school got out. We're both bringing our moms. To Star Trek. It will be so nerdy it's fun

Well, I'll try to write you something. Question: how many kinds of catharsis are there? Tell me and you can has a cookie.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25106106/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/25106106/ Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:05:20 PDT
Six Feet Under the Stars- All Time Low
Hiroshima- Ben Folds
Leaving Town- Dexter Freebish
Santa Monica- Everclear
Weightless- All Time Low
Nikorette- Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
Innocent- Our Lady Peace
Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year- Fall Out Boy
California- Metro Station
Airstream Driver- Gomez
Story Problem- The Envy Corps
Summer Sunshine- The Corrs
Angels on the Moon- Thriving Ivory
Birdhouse in Your Soul- They Might Be Giants
The Beach- All Time Low

Yesterday was dull and depressing and I sat in a cold shower until I gave up on sadness once more. I wanted to write and complain about how crappy things were suddenly, but instead I promised I'd wait until I was high on life again, because really, summer just makes me smile

Then last night my friend called and asked if i wanted to be young and crazy. Of course, this ended up with me, some friends, some aquaintances and some people i've barely met driving around wayyy too late, rather too fast, with music very loud. I swear we drove all over this state between about nine in the evening and seven this morning. There was also a brief and slightly tipsy interlude in a turkey farm, which ended in about an hour and a half of sleep, and we were up again at six-thirty.

I'd do it again (and get away with it) in a heartbeat :]

It was so sunny when we woke up, and then I had to go sit through drivers' ed, which made me really glad I hadn't taken anything too far (enough to regret it the next morning). In fact, I felt great, and still do, just happy to be alive and young and stupid. I made myself a sandwich and put on a swimsuit and fell asleep out in the sun. So. Warm.

I love life right now, which isn't to say that life is easy, nor will it ever be, but every single thing that hurts us so badly we think we'll never survive is only a test. Only the lowest of lows remind us that someday, somehow, if only by sheer stubbornness, the highs will be back.

Seize your summer. Do it now and don't look back!

PS. I have been awful at replying and commenting recently, and you may all beat me soundly if you ever pass me on the street. But i have been reading the deviations, slowly... sooo manyyyy... back to work

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24965933/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24965933/ Tue, 26 May 2009 17:27:23 PDT
(this is cause for happiness.)

also cause for happiness:

got out of my dead-ending relationship. truth be told, it didn't feel right, and i really. missed. being single. honestly. i'm not even just trying to sound happy about it, i'm excited.

just taking a break from my semester studying. (sorry if i don't leave many comments or replys recently, been busy. i appreciate you all.)chemistry is going to screw me over soo hard. math will try, but i'm going down fighting and then school is over.



i'll post you something empowering tonight.

the best part of believe is the lie, i hope you sing along and you steal a line...

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24860008/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24860008/ Wed, 20 May 2009 16:30:03 PDT

i'm writing a story again. i still have lots of unfinished crap that may or may not ever be finished. but that's okayyyy. it's a vampire story. an evil vampire story. FTW. hopefully a short story, but you know me.

i has drivers ed. oh my goodness. it doesn't help that it's with a bunch of kids from the grade below me, because i'm like one of the five youngest kids in my grade. i'm not quite the only one, but close. it should be boring as hell. but it puts me that much closer to my licence and maybe a car

i keep promising myself that i'll work some things out this summer. first, i'm going to get back into physical shape, and from there i think i'll figure some of my insides out too. right now i'm making a summer playlist cause i'm just so excited it was hot today got accepted for working at camp again this year and i can't wait to see all my friends that i only get to see once a year at camp

anyway i'm done journaling now. i will write you more happies this summer, because happies are better than depressives.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24641420/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24641420/ Thu, 07 May 2009 19:16:20 PDT Sleep, sleep little darling
I swear I'm not trying to wear you out
I'm not trying to drag you down

When you fall asleep tonight
They'll be waiting for you
When you try and close your eyes
They'll try not to hate you
Sleep sleep the night away
Act like nothing's wrong
You know we're going down

You are such a light sleeper
Count to ten and you're already up
We fall, we're in deeper
The night's gone as we open up our eyes.


Someday I’ll be a star, the kind which shows sailors on dark seas the way to wide open continents. I want to burn until I’m pure and white again, but more than anything I want to give you something to search for under the clouds.

And I may not outshine the moon, and I may not be the only spark in the sky, but maybe I’ll mean something. Maybe I’ll reflect in one pair of lost eyes, and that will be worth the long empty vacuum dream.

Forget i-want-to-be-an-astronaut. I'm going to be a star.

When did I become so... so... magnanimous? No, not the right word. I can't think of the word. Is tiiiired. When did I decide that I want to give something to the world? When did I want to be someone's rock the way someone is mine?

I need school to get the hell over with. I need a job. I'm almost another year older, which will make it easier to get hired (i hope?). I hope I can find a job I don't hate for the rest of my life. I'm not so sure what I want to do career-wise anymore, but it will NOT involve a cubicle.

Sometimes I think I'll die alone, I'd think I'd love to die alone, live and breathe and die alone...

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24537792/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24537792/ Fri, 01 May 2009 20:18:09 PDT
otherwise please don't worry, i'm alive

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24519220/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24519220/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:14:52 PDT "And I'd rip it out if that would make you feel it more
And I know you hate to watch me pout
And tear it off and scream it out
I, I know that even though you're breaking
You'll get sick and terrified

Still I feel all the things I did before
When you used to need it more
Remember all the ways you fixed me now..."

it is so okay with me if you never read another journal of mine.

i am at the tiredness point where i want to sleep for a week and live in my room and hide my phone and stash food under my bed and maybe never wake up.

i know every day's a new day, but every night is the same. tired and nervous and full of imperfections. i am not sure how much longer i will survive this year, but i'm stuck in the proverbial sophomore slump. homework and tests can shove it for the moment.

emotionally, hormonally, honestly, i am a roller-coaster ride. (i always preferred carousels.) this morning during chemistry i was bouncing up and down and singing and annoyingly happy. and now i'm thinking sharp thoughts, and i just want to crawl under the covers.

when i'm really tired, i laugh at the stupidest jokes. and commercials. and puns. got that text this morning that says, "People used to say that a black man would be president when pigs could fly. Sure enough, 100 days into the Obama administration, swine flu (flew)." i laughed for way longer than was necessary, but the thing is i didn't want to stop laughing. it felt good. even as people gave me weird looks XD

if something in this world is entertaining, laugh until all you've got are smiles, and then smile like you mean it, because it's worth it.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24451392/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24451392/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:25:02 PDT and you hope
that your senses aren't failing you now...

can i just say that i am such a journal ho this week. and that whining about things is going to stop. this whole crappy weekend just got made worthwhile.

how? well, i'll spare you the details but it involved something i've always wanted to do. that something being walking in the middle of a storm out at the high school athletic fields (which are right by my house, between my house and a cornfield) with my someone. it was raining and we looove the rain. except when we were sitting in that old equipment shed, and you know how that goes. and then there was this tire swing by the trailer park, and lightning, and then we thought we heard the tornado sirens and it was so freaking crazy.

i didn't even put on any makeup, and my hair was soaked. oh, and i realized later that i only had one earring in because i took the other one out after my shower earlier. anyway i'm drenched and happy. and i still have 4 damn pages of math to do. and i'm still a little sick? i don't know why i've lost my appetite.

i'm just saying what i'm always trying to say. don't give up on anything, ever. i feel alive again.

There's somethin' 'bout the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement
Walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah

We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24448103/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24448103/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:05:57 PDT
summernightangel is going to try to sleep tonight for more than five hours, but it has been such a long time (SUCH a long time) since she has had a boyfriend. summernightangel's boyfriend says he is falling head over heels for her. summernightangel is scared, because no one has ever said this to her before. she thinks this boy is the inverse of everyone she's ever been with before- no 'iloveyouyouresexyiwanttokissyoutakeoffyourbrabeautifulokcallmenextweek'. instead it is only 'youaresuchafunpersonilovetalkingtoyouireallyreallylikeyouiwantthistoworkiwishyouwerehere'. and he has only kissed her once. summernightangel is unused to relationships built over the phone. she dislikes them, actually, and would prefer to make out. summernightangel wants emotional contact and physical reassurance, not just one or the other.

(but she's really just afraid because she's not *in* love.) (she hasn't lied to him yet and she doesn't want to have to face that, but what do you say to 'iloveyou' when it comes to that facetoface?) (summernightangel may be a notsogood person. she really does want to fall for him too.) (he really does like her, and this is disconcerting.)

sometimes summernightangel needs personal space, dear boyfriend. she has never had someone call her and text her every single night, and depending on which phone service you have, she is probably rapidly running out of texts. and the fact that neither one of you could get any plan for this weekend together to come through, and you haven't seen her alone since that park shelter but somehow fell for her on the phone is not enough for summernightangel at the moment.

summernightangel needs to get some sh!t together now (seems she's always trying to do that) but she loves singing out loud and speaking in third person and the fact that dA friends are A) wonderfully kind and patient B) as crazy as she is C) sane and keeping her that way too D) all of the above.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24431046/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24431046/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:16:54 PDT "I wish I could grow old without having to survive. I know that you’re looking for a miracle and you think that might be me, but let me tell you- I’m a sort of shiny apple with bitter, thick skin that hasn’t been so good at protecting me. On the outside I look edible, anyway, and at my very core are a few small seeds of something pure, but there’s that layer of sour flesh again. Don’t bite too deeply, honey, don’t bite too deep.

If you could steal the sharpest skeleton key and unlock my veins, maybe all my secrets would trickle out. They’d love to meet you, love to sink their fangs into your fingers and twine oily bodies around your legs, love to drive you away. But I’ve been trying to stay whole, I really have. Because I can see how your hands want to touch my skin, and no one likes to trace stitches.

Please let me fall for a while before you try to pick up my pieces, before you open yourself up like my parachute, otherwise I’ll never know what real life feels like."

i think i have forgotten how to write; this is all i can come up with. i'm sleepdeprived and lonely and mentallyemotionallyphysically drained. he calls me every night, with a voice that was made for airwaves to shiver with, but after every text telling me 'sleep good', i fall prey to insomnia. i hate the sound of my phone going off anymore. he is so good to me, but i have a phobia of phones and conversations on them.

i think, somewhere out there, there is a tall porcelain tub with bronze claw-feet and faux crystal knobs full of steaming clear water. it's just waiting for me to lock the door, strip off everything, and open a few veins. oh, gods, i can feel it calling to me. how peaceful, how relaxing, how dark.

i can't explain why i'm so damn unhappy right now. i just don't know. i think i'm sick as well, so yay for my little existence. also, hooray for being able to whine about this on dA. if i had lived in the days before interwebz, i'd probably have already died.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24346672/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24346672/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:17:02 PDT we can't hold back, oh you know we wish we could, but there ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good.

so i gave my blue-eyed chapped-lip boy my phone-number. he texted me and asked if i wanted to meet at the library. i told myself that i should do one thing that scares me every day, and i did.

it was cold as hell and we ended up making out in a park shelter.

just thought all you stalkers might like to know how that little piece of my private life turned out...

i think this might work out?

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24261284/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24261284/ Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:31:31 PDT I'm writing a song but it's slow going because i want every line to be perfect(, right?)

<sub>You gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open yeah
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absense of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
For nights that wont end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you gotta swim
For wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absense of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's an ocean to drift in
Feel the tide shifting away from the spark
Yeah you gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just follow the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim.</sub>

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24243904/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24243904/ Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:46:37 PDT _{Oh the clever
Things I should say to you
They got stuck somewhere
Stuck between me and you
Oh I'm nervous
I don't know what to do
Light a cigarette
I only smoke when I'm with you
What the hell do I do this for?
You're just another guy
OK, you're kinda sexy
But you're not really special
But I won't mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ind
If you take me home
Come on, take me home
But I wont mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ind
If you take off all your clothes
Come on, take 'em off-
'Cause I like you so much better when you're naked
I like me so much better when you're naked, yeah...}
-Ida Maria, I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked


_{I said you're such a sweet young thing oh why you do this to yourself, she looked at me and this is what she said,
Oh, there aint no rest for the wicked,
money don't grow on trees,
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, there ain't nothin in this world for free,
Oh no I can't slow down, I can't hold back, oh you know I wish I could,
Oh no there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Until we close our eyes for good...}
-Cage the Elephant, Ain't No Rest For The Wicked


_{I never tried to make the best of my time,
When I thought that I had plenty of it.
Is this serious?
I don't know what to think.
Is it all a lie?
Well one thing's for sure
I'm taken back to the glory days when..
When we were kids without a brash or bitter thing to say.
Now my life is one big make it, or break it.
Hold your head high heavy heart
Save your strength for the morning after.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I've been planning something big, planning something big...}
-The Academy Is, The Phrase That Pays

These songs seem to be stuck on a loop in my head.
I've realized what I need out of life right now, and that's control. Fear and procrastinating are getting me exactly nowhere. However, I'm going to do some ass-kicking of life this week,[like letter-writing, homework, studying, and job applications] and then things should be good
Guess who made varsity tennis
I youse.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24166513/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/24166513/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:23:20 PDT
I blame myself, and I blame this boy with chapped lips and a white sweatshirt, and I blame the fact that I think we have a thing only we can't seem to tell each other, and that we're both different people at our lunch-table-from-hell, but if we were alone together maybe we'd see something better. And I blame the fears and insecurities and hopelessness that keep me in the dark.

I blame the way we couldn’t stop talking at first sight and I blame the way our friends hate each other. I blame the fact that I can’t stop staring at the table and I blame the way sometimes I avoid the cafeteria completely because I feel too insecure to smile at him today, and god I blame last Thursday when he left café on a hunch and found me in the library instead. Honestly?

I blame the fact that I want to hold his hand and I blame the fact that I hate the idea of a relationship right now and I blame the fact that we both work with horses and we both have aspergers and our ‘thing’ is therefore a limping ship on fire that was probably going to sink anyway. I blame the way I look for him in the halls and then pretend I don’t see and I blame how much I hate school and just wish we’d meet up somewhere else so I could talk to him in private.

I blame the way I want to lay my head on his shoulder and I blame the fact that he’s not terribly cute but those eyes. I blame his stupid friends and my judgmental, bitchy ones, and I blame the fact that my feet twist under the table and I blame the way I look at myself in the mirror and think, of all the points in my life when I felt good about my reflection, you show up now?

i needed to write this, because it's burning me up. i'm so afraid to be friends, it's been so long since i had someone, but i am also scared he won't be what i need. how do you know when chemistry will catch fire, and how do you know when it will explode?

ignore this journal, it's only here because i had to say it.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23990005/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23990005/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:02:16 PDT ...I've been told I'm going crazy,
Ooh, baby, but I can't be held down.
Ooh, baby, somehow I'm keeping it steady...
I likes my musics. I wants more but I'm broke! Bonus points to you if you ever know any of the random lyrics I like to sing.

Anyway here I am because I'm still alive and I'm celebrating! Week started off not so greatish but today was okayish and I am determined to get all my homework done because on Thursday evening I'm leaving the freaking state.

Oh yes. Band/chorus trip to CHICAGO. I am psyched beyond belief. Anyway I'll be gone from Thursday until Sunday night.

I need a vacation. Really bad. I'm taking a notebook and Mountain Dew and will probably be on a bus at three AM Friday rolling into Illinois writing half-sensical words. This is one of those trips that may be dull if you get stuck with the wrong group, but all I can say is my roommates better be ready to deal with incredibly happy, dancing, singing, completely-unlike-school-self me.

I love packing. But I do have a buttload of math to do tonight. Must survive until Thursday. Must survive until Thursday. Must raise grades, make varsity tennis, and sleep.

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't want to know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go...

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23899214/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23899214/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 12:39:29 PDT so i'll write them, so you need them just to get by.

I'll be honest, it wasn't the greatest day for me, but school is out for the week and i was just trying to survive. Then I came home and logged in because i had nothing else to do. and i was just rockin' out to my musics...

and i had 1246 messages. and i was like LOLWUT. dA has failed. and then i had this note, and i read it, and i saw the letters DD. and i was like LOLWUT.

Then i cried.

Thank you. I never imagined this. It took the good parts of my semi-crappy week and polished them up and made everything that much brighter. =Amertie is responsible for this and I love her.

and i'm still just a friendly little shadow deviant and i'm going to try to thank every single person who commented.

Dance, dance...

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23766980/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23766980/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:23:29 PDT
screw capital letters anyway.

i decided today that if i believe in reincarnation (i'm a pagan, i can believe whatever i feel like!), i want to be reincarnated as a pine tree.

a really, really big one.

dead serious.

what a silly little journal. i'm really a very dull person. tell me three interesting things about you. and if no one responds to this journal i'll hunt you all down and be really annoying. so there.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23736409/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23736409/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:29:20 PDT
first off, i have to say: i effin' love you guys. 'The Thing About Cliches' made its way into a few faves this weekend, and the love i got from people i don't even know (YET!) was sweet. it made my weekend and i hope it made a few other peoples' too. i've tried to thank people and i hope i haven't missed anyone because you all deserve it!

also, i love my watchers and i go through their pages and galleries often even if i don't officially watch back. i'm a lurker

i'm not sure what the next thing i write will be because i felt 'cliches' was one of my best pieces. i write for myself and my thoughts, not for anyone else's approval, but it feels like opening a brand-new box of oreos when someone else can identify with what you're saying. that's why i'm here on dA, for feedback and to spread the looooove!

_{PS: Music- i highly recommend Marianas Trench, as usual, as well as Thriving Ivory. Go listen to 'Angels on the Moon' and see if it doesn't steal your soul.}

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23663248/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23663248/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:37:38 PDT homg more poams! I can still make prettyful things, I think, as long as it's still sunny some days and rainy others. And I'm still alive and it feels good just to feel. I'm still okay. Yes. I am still okay. I'm not looking in the mirror yet, but I'm breathing and typing, which is how I know blood still runs in my veins.
Soon it will be warm enough to defrost me. When I'm warm and smiling again for good, it will be easier to love me.
Just you wait.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23580799/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/23580799/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:29:33 PST she’s got angels’ eyes and devils’ hips
sweet honeyed tongue and broken wrists
hair like midnight, and cherry lips
and she don’t believe in love.

School bites like the tiny little teeth in the stiff mouth of the dead piglet i am dissecting for biology, which, by the way, is adorable and organless and named Daisy. I'm not afraid of dissections. Trying to keep up on my homework. Now that the play is over i've had nothing to do after school, so i went running a few times and am now quite sore. By the way, through the miracle of geometry [math i'm actually decent at] I've raised my math grade to an A. heck yea.

Bad things first:
-5 separate fights in the halls this week. My friend was in one of them, the day after she crashed her car. I'm hoping she's doing ok emotionally.
-This week I had to sit through several overheard conversations slamming one or another groups of people (i.e. one putting down gays, some blatant male chauvinism, one making fun of people who cut...) People are so shallow.
-Had to struggle with myself some- seems like now that I've gotten my outside life straightened out, I just hate myself on the inside. Still working on that one.

Good things now:
-It was raining when i woke up this morning. I miss rain so much in the winter. Snow is pretty, but rain is real and alive and makes noise.
-Tennis starts in two weeks. yes. it will be amazingness.
-My friend called Friday night and said that yes, actually she could drive us to see Watchmen- all day i thought i wasn't going to get to go. I spent the next few minutes dancing around the house like "Yes! Thank you life for not kicking me in the face again!" That movie made my week. Long but very well done, overall.
-I have music to listen to and a warm bed to sleep in. This is always good.

Hope things are going well for everyone. and i hope the weather is warm where you are.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/22785696/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/22785696/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 15:55:23 PST I want to wear your old tshirt and my torn jeans to prom.

I want to turn myself inside out in front of you all.
I want to hide under the crowd and I don't care if they step on me.

I want to write you a painting in permanent marker.
I want to sketch you a story of flowers and sunlight.

I'm standing on the borderline and I don't know what it's separating.
I want to sleep for a week, and you can do my homework for me.

(Somewhere along the way today I must have picked up everyone else's random, or maybe it followed me home.

I think I'll keep it.)

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/22767065/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/22767065/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 18:36:41 PST Anyway I guess I owe you all some facts. That means this journal will probably be horribly long, dull, and intimate Feel free to skim.
_______________
{1} Post these rules
{2} Each tagged person must post 8 things about themselves on their journal.
{3} At the end you have to choose 8 people to tag, and post their icons on the same journal.
{4} Go to their page and send a message saying you tagged them.
{5} NO tag-backs.
______________
I. I'll begin by conceding my date of birth. For a long time I refused to disclose age, because face it, people do judge you. But I've met a lot of wonderful, talented people close to my own age, so here it is: 8:45 AM, Sunday, August 1, 1993. You do the math.

II. You wouldn't know it by what I wear to school on a daily basis, but I have a secret feminine love of dresses. They're comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I usually wear jeans year-round, but in the summer when no one's watching, I love sundresses. I also feel powerful when I wear black.

III. I've been playing the flute for six years. I love my flute and at the same time I would love a little pocketsize piccolo of my own (you play them exactly the same). But if i were to choose another instrument to learn, it would definately be bass guitar. Not guitar, bass guitar. XD I'd love lessons this summer, but i've already got a lot planned...

IV. My addiction is music. You probably already knew that, but I can't say it enough. Any genre, any artist, I'm not biased. I neeeed music to live.

V. If I were to change my appearance right now I would cut my hair shorter (again, i can't stand when it gets much past shoulder length) and I'd really like to color just the tips blue or purple. I'll never dye all of it because I like my natural color (blonde-brown), but just the ends would be fun. However, I may have to wait on that until after the play I'm in... and after I get a job...

VI. I'm a hippie and I feel like I'm letting everyone I know down when I get depressed, so I'm very careful to keep it quiet. Failure is my biggest fear. I think sometimes I should be on medication (seems everyone else is) but I never want to lose myself, even my many flaws. I'll pull through in the end, cause I'm a fighter.

VII. I want to travel the world. I want to do everything worth doing in life, see everything worth seeing, and stand on every shore. I want to swim in the ocean, climb a mountain, skydive, see the lights of New York, the list goes on...

VIII. The best highs in the world come from: performing on stage, being with people who lift you up, feeling the bass beat in your chest, running six miles before 8:30 AM, seeing falling stars.
_____________
So there I am. Trust me, you know me at least as well as my friends do, and maybe you sense me better. I'm sorry but I don't have 8 people to tag since most of the people I regularly talk to have already done this/tagged me to do it. Therefore I charge you to do it if you haven't yet, and leave a comment for meh.


]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21870939/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21870939/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 18:28:31 PST You’re young. You’re a precocious thinker in a late-blooming woman’s body and you’re just looking for a way out into the wild. You know you have problems but you can’t measure them against the rest of the world because you’d much rather stay under the covers.
You’re lonely. You’re a student of ruthless determination but even though you’ve got it better than some, your treacherous heart keeps letting you down. You’re afraid sometimes you’ll never find the one to whom you can tell your life story and they’ll still want to stay.
You’re hopeful. You’ve got dreams and they’re flying, but you’re running just as fast as you can on the ground, chasing clouds. One day, you pray, one day you’ll jump high enough to hit the jet stream and the good life, but the winter winds are so strong sometimes it’s hard to hold your head up.
You’re strange. You try and try to label yourself for the world’s benefit but none of them seem to stick because you swim so often in saltwater… The earth sings to you and you like to wear dresses and black hoodies. You cry when you listen to music and you would ride horseback all summer if only you could. Some of the saltwater is stuck in your head because you can’t remember all your names anymore.
Once you thought you had yourself all figured out, but I guess that wasn’t the case, huh? Just remember not to scar yourself where a bathing suit won’t cover it. Just remember that dawn is always on its way. Just remember that cookie dough doesn't have calories before it's baked. Just remember that you told yourself never to look back. Just rememeber that those who mind don’t matter. Just remember that sharpie washes off eventually but the moon will be with you forever. Just remember all of your favorite songs. Just remember to drink water. Just remember that the mirror doesn’t always tell the truth. Just remember that someday you’ll look back and know that all of it either made you who you are, or killed you.



]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21686918/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21686918/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:01:29 PST
Playing 'Northern Downpour' over and over and loving it. So pretty and relaxing. Home for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow=scary as hell.

I feel cheated when my scabs don't bleed.

We were supernovae, i wrote, and it tasted of loss, but then i was stuck and couldn't move on.

Bored. Doing stuff I shouldn't be, which made me laugh.

Wouldn't it be great if I could write a happy journal about my wonderful life? Actually it'd be great if i could write anything happy right now, or even feel something, but i'm worn so thin i've gone numb. I don't feel sad, really, or anguish, which is my usual form of depression, but it's a bit early in the winter for SAD to hit me in the face, so I'm just numb. Sleeping is good. I just don't feel. Not in a bad mood, so don't tell me to cheer up... i just want... to space out, i guess.

School seems to be losing its motivation. I'm afraid to fall off that cliff, though, so here I am. Thank all gods for break. I need... something, and i don't know what it is, but maybe I'll find it here.

Sugarcane in the easy morning
Weathervanes, my one and lonely...

Sugarcane in the easy morning
Weathered veins, my one and lonely
s to all.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21571976/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21571976/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:03:43 PST
I hate my life.

Not funny, dA. Not funny.

*IS PISSED THAT MY EMO RANT WENT AWAY*

*CRIES*

My title isn't as fitting as it once was.

FTW.

Sorry, in a bad mood.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21571910/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21571910/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:59:36 PST
]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21222540/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/21222540/ Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:46:32 PDT
2. Would you do drugs? No, but I might pretend at a party

3. What would you change about the past? The times I've hurt people

4. Do you like rock climbing? Love it.

5. One goal you'd like to achieve this year: Getting a job.

6. Are you a neat freak? Nope.

7. If you could go to one place right now, it would be: The summer camp where I work, so I could go riding once more before it snowed.

8. What are you wearing right now? Blue denim jacket, blue t-shirt, blue jeans

9. Where do you live? Why do you want to know?

10. Sneakers or flip-flops? Well, is it summer or winter, you idiots?

11. Have you ever kissed someone? Yes.

12. Do you like having your picture taken? NO.

13. Math or science? Science! Definitely science!

14. Do you get along with other people's parents? Sure. I'm just the awkward, quiet friend.

15. Yahoo or Google? Um. Google. It pwns all.

16. What's the most common name you know? Katelyn (spelled 999 different ways). Annoying.

17. What is your lucky number? 9

18. Do you believe in soul mates? For other people? Yeah. For me? Um... working on it.

19. Do you like working with people? Rather not.

20. What is something you know that most people don't? I know why I like to run.

21. Name one person you love, and why: I love my sister, because we have so much fun together and we understand one another better than other people.

22. Do you believe in magic? Of course, as long as it doesn't involve black plastic wands and silk top hats.

23. Do you have a boyfriend? ...no

24. Pain or no gain? Pain! Pain pain pain!

25. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at the same time? Well, yeah, but only small ones.

26. Can you write with both hands? Sure. Legibly? No.

27. Who DID let the dogs out? Your mom.

28. Do you read much? Yeah, but I want to read more. Except there's this thing called school that gets in the way.

29. Collar popped or normal? Probably normal. I love collars. Adore my black polo shirt.

30. What does your name mean? From the ship's isle.

31. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Sometimes I think I'll die unless someone comes along to tell me I'm the one. Then I just remind myself I have other things to focus on, and I'm sick of breakups. Honestly, I couldn't say.

32. What's the sickest you've ever been? Well, I had mono in first grade, but a few weeks ago I physically passed out in class, so that was pretty sh*tty

33. Would you flip off the president? Um... I'd definitly consider it. If I was standing in a big enough crowd, and then immediately ran away...?

34. Are you good at imitating accents? Kinda. This is a random question.

35. What's your favorite album/CD? No favorites. Music is life, and life is not all one flavor.

36. Have you ever been to a beach? Only a lake, never the ocean (I know, my young life is pathetic)

37. Have you ever been on a motorcycle? I WISH!

38. Have you ever read an article about defeating MySpace addiction? Myspace is lame. I don't care.

39. Sprite or 7Up? Either, as long as it's not brown pop. Pop is yucky but the clear kind is the lesser evil.

40. Do you have a job? Hopefully soon...

This quiz actually goes on, obnoxiously so, it's 200 questions. Maybe I'll post more later.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/20237609/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/20237609/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 14:26:54 PDT
Yay for early fall when it isn't cold yet.

On another thought, could i pleeeeeease get a few comments on my last two literature deviations?? I'm looking for critique, thoughts, questions... anything. Anyone out there?

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19959091/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19959091/ Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:48:31 PDT The storm followed me home.
On Saturday my bestest friend and I are driving up to Minnesota with her sister and her sister's bestest friend for her birthday-one last hurrah before classes start and we go our separate ways. We're going to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival and it's going to kick butt. (Yes, this is what nerds and artists do on their birthdays.) I'm taking my camera/phone so maybe pics soon.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19353603/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19353603/ Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:45:38 PDT
1) There will be two new moons this august (the first one on my birthday, and the second on the 30th. When there are two full moons in a month, this is a blue moon. Equally rare, the second new moon in a month is called the black moon, and it is, as they say, 'a time of great portent.'

2)There will be a solar eclipse on my birthday. Unfortunately, I don't live far enough north to see it, but still, the fact that it's happening on my birthday has to be one heck of an omen.

Thus I make my case that the stars are aligning themselves for ME!

In other updates, i was checking out the galleries online at jonessoda.com. I love their website. And yes this is shameless self promotion, but i have two pics from here up.

[link]

[link]

By the way info on me on the site is imaginary, don't try to send me stuff under whatever name or address is up there cause it ain't real.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19260571/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/19260571/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 18:37:44 PDT for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh a beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight...

Have photos. Will do something with soon. On a depressing tangent. It rained earlier but stopped, so now everything is glistening in that gold light that shines across the fields just before the sun slips beneath the horizon. I need some focus, so i'm going to meditate tonight. Sorry i haven't been around, will try to fix that but I'm getting sort of busy and at the same time not busy enough. *sigh* must get up early in the mornings now to meet some friends and run because it's too damn hot by 9 AM.

The stupid mood button won't give me the list so my mood is stuck on "Enjoying The Show". Except i'm not, especially. Bugger.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/18728372/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/18728372/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 10:12:14 PDT
On OMAHA: I went to Omaha again, still helping grandparents move. They have an apartment now, but they're still working on A) cleaning out the ancient old house-- it's at least 70 years old and B) trying to sell it eventually. I'm secretly glad it's not on the market yet. It's the only house that someone in my family has owned since i was a baby, so when it's gone... so is something in me. Between the rain and the heat recently, i can never help taking a break for some pics and drawings. Last time i went i forgot the camera *smacks self in head* so i was forced to revert to my oldschool sketchpad to draw the Omaha still-life-- Guitar. The next one, which i admit is not quite finished though we drove home last night is entitled Omaha still-life-- Teapot.

On the Titles: See, we ended up taking home the guitar from the last one. It's not even real, just an undersized plastic one my mother and her sister played with when they were small, but at least 4 out of 7 strings are still real, not elastic and my own little sister wanted it. And from this one, i took a liking to the teapot in it, and when i asked, my grandma said she was glad i wanted it even though it was a bit cracked and weathered (it was out on the back porch for years since it cracked) because it belonged to my great-grandmother and would have been worth money if it were in better condition. So i took it and as soon as i can lay hands on some Superglue I will fix it up and put some flowers in it!

On flowers: My second greatest aquisition from the Omaha House is a rosebush. Officially, my grandfather (the one i must inherit my semi-green thumb from) says they are Chrysler Imperial roses, which are, like everything else from the house, antique in their own way, since they aren't bred anymore. And we agree that they are some of the most beautiful ever. The color and the scent are wonderful. You can bet i'll have photos up here if they make it. They are old, nearly as old as the house, and we had to dig them up from where they were ringed in by cement, which meant some root trauma, especially since they're blooming and this is the totally wrong time of year to transplant roses. Then we put the poor things in the back of a van for 5 hours driving home. Upon arrival, a storm was again brewing, and lightning threatened, but we managed to plant the roses in the middle back garden along with the seedlings we'd started before we left. They were a bit wilty, but since we got 4.5 inches (!!!!) of rain LAST NIGHT ALONE... our whole lawn is soggy and splashes. I have been warned they may not survive, but I fully intend to prove them wrong. The lovely old things WILL live. They MUST. I'm quite protective of my plants

On pictures: I have some photos and stuff from the trip too- at the end of the school year I got a new phone: It's called the Samsung FlipShot. It's not just a cameraphone, it's a camera AND a phone. It's brand new, and i finally got text, picture capability, and video. My old phone was REALLY old, haha. All my friends who have had Razrs for ever and liked to make fun of my old phone are soooo jealous now! But seriously. Where most cameraphones have 1.5 or 2 megapixel cameras, the FlipShot has 3, so i can take digital camera quality pics and video on my phone. You realize how much this means to an amateur photographer. Plus it's a sexy cherry-red. I adore it. Except i haven't quite figured out how to get my pix off the phone and onto my computer so you guys can see. No worries, will get there eventually.

Hope your summer is going well.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/18557502/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/18557502/ Thu, 29 May 2008 09:45:48 PDT Enough said.




Just kidding. As you guys know, I never have enough said, at least when i'm thinking online or have been drinking Mountain Dew.

So! Photos! I'm in a really creative mood today, kinda hyper, kinda artistic, cause it's raining a lot. So, obviously, the things to do are:
-Bake some cinnamon bread
-Take pictures of cinnamon bread
-Play with camera and rain
-Find good pics to put up on DA
-Watercolors
-Read my book
-Light some candles for luminance+ warmth
-Maybe get around to writing.

My room is an utter disaster but it will have to wait to be cleaned. Too many projects, and a whole summer! Wanted to play tennis today, but it rains, and our courts are all old and cracked and uneven and get puddles big enough to swallow Golden Retrievers.
Anyway. Stuff to be uploaded today. Fair warning, right?

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17925480/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17925480/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 10:01:10 PDT Started playing with a new story idea too.. not sure if that was a good idea, there's too flipping many of those little guys wandering my hard drive already. Only a choice few grow into the 300 page fellas. Okay, maybe more like three of them... er, two? Not sure. Anyway. Storytime?
Last weekend I spent at my friend's house in Ames- a lovely old Craftsman, her father was an architect. He didn't build the house, i mean, just appreciated it. We had a blast- book shopping, making pizza margherita (she's a vegitarian, and i just don't like sausages) and drinking Jones soda. I never much cared for pop until I was introduced to Jones. I actually find myself liking it once some of the fizz goes out of it! And i adore the photos on the labels... it's so... swanky. Art-snob-drink-ish. And the next day we went to a movie (a stupid one, don't ask) and more bookstores cause we're cool that way, and Best Buy and World Market, of all the random combinations. I love World Market-- we bought more Jones and some REALLY dark chocolate just the way we like it-- i still have some setting by my computer
So we drove home to my house listening to her punk-rock/heavy iPod playlist, because it's the one genre we can both agree on, and eating popcorn and 77% Dark Cacao Hachez chocolate and drinking Jones Cream soda. It was great- we brought her black Lab, Mya, and fed her some popcorn... Even though the car was awfully small for all of us
I might be able to find out how to get some photos of both of us together up here, but :idk: In meantime, i'll think poetic thoughts and whatnot and see what other inspiration strikes.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17457545/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17457545/ Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:42:36 PDT

Well, i wasn't going to say no .

So i signed it and left it there. Spent maybe an hour on it - the guitar angle was the hardest part. I was looking forward to sharing it with you guys, but that's okay. Sometime i'll take the camera down and get a shot of my sketch.

Cause i was doing some experimental photography and i want to get it downloaded onto my computer so i can start messing with it, but anyway. Also have loads due after break, and i really wanted to play some tennis but it got cold again. I am so done with winter. I'm even finishing my spring cleanings. I can actually walk on my floor again! XD

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17366257/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/17366257/ Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:08:43 PDT
Sounds like the opening line of a novella. Not necessarily a good one.

Anyway i'm holed up in my room. it's a disaster zone. everything EVERYWHERE. I tried to clean this morning and i think it just got worse lol. I'm cold and depressed- weekends like this there's nothing better to do than sleep.

My book Fevre Dream was awesome- I caught strep throat and skipped two days of school, conveniently just long enough for me to finish. I really was sick though, it was just nice to have the distraction of a great book.
The play... idk if i mentioned it before, but it came out okay in the end- dress rehearsal was scary as hell though I would do it again in an instant. My best friend and i played supporting roles. and i made some new friends too.
Secrets... - New friends, right? ------> well, i think i accidentally fell in love with one of them. Trying very hard to forget it- it wouldn't work.

But now all i can think to write are horrible romantic poems. Ugh.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/16853035/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/16853035/ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:48:17 PST
Inspiration is falling gradually into my head like snowflakes in my hair, but again- stupid math stuff. It sits in my lap mocking me right now. Grr.

You know what i really really miss in the winter? Rain. The smell, the feel, the sound, the thunder and lightning, the puddles... I'm probably crazy, but i miss it all so much. i can't wait for spring.

"Warn your warmth to turn away... here it's december, every day... press your lips to the sculptures and surely you'll stay... for of sugar and ice, i am made-- love like winter... oh..."
AFI, Love Like Winter

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/16708243/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/16708243/ Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:56:34 PST yeah we're bragging- I think the most nutritious thing i had all day was the bottle of water... that or the sunchips- it was pretty great. Even though about our total driving time was like two and a half hours there and backAnd the day before that i spent about eight hours on a field trip to Ames being a geek at their biotech lab, which is the career field i hope to reach-- someday!
Well, today i have a load of homeworks to get done, so i haven't done anything spectacular for you people recently. Don't worry- i shall return.

A: a lot. does lying down with your feet in the seat across the aisle so people trip over you count? Well, there's one more.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/15809306/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/15809306/ Wed, 05 Dec 2007 15:15:44 PST It's ok. But now i feel like this creative rush, and i can't really do anything about it cause you know pre-christmas break homework flood idk how it's all gonna get done... And i gotta be there for my friends who are in some tough times right now... and this whole week is booked right up until sunday afternoon, no kidding.
Yet i am at the point where all of this seems distant information. No worries.

I love music.

Caution: Randomness approaching. Yay! lol i love me when i'm random. And hyper. So do my friends, it's pretty funny.

I slept with a rock in my bed for teh past two nights. It's a magic rock. I didn't have any nightmares. XD
Oh well. I'm takin my assignments in the car with me, i don't think i'm driving. Its a 20 min ride to the somewhat bigger little town in the middle of nowhere where all us deprived small-town chicks shop. We could drive all the way to Ames or Des Moines, but that takes too long on a weeknight and it's getting dark and it's all icy and snowy here XD Oh that reminds me of more random stuff! Took my sister and my snowboard out to the hills this weekend, it was pretty much solid ice on grass so not a lot of steering but we had fun with the sleds. Now that there's a layer of soft stuff maybe i'll take my board out again this weekend. If i ever find any free time. Yeah and i have a few new pics to put up here, just bear in mind i'm practically living a deadline right now Don't worry, i can handle it. I always have. I work surprisingly well under pressure.

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
It's who I am, it's what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later
...
Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited it over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you've gone & raised the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough

-Natasha Bedingfield, These Words

Peace, world.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/15451503/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/15451503/ Sat, 10 Nov 2007 15:58:30 PST Cross-country was successful. We dominated our conference only to miss going to state by one place. Yay XC girls!
Marching band has been officially replaced by pep band. I am a flute once more as opposed to color guard. Our marching band rocked state competition too- we were like the smallest school there and we got a Superior Division I rating [the best kind!!] so yay for bandies too.
Now, of course, that XC and band practices are over I have play practice, but Sunday is our last night and i have to admit i'm glad. It's the Wizard of Oz, and even though i just have to lurk in the shadows wearing all black and pull the curtains when necessary, I go home every night singing those annoyingly fun munchkin songs.
I miss running [amazingly] and try to get it in when i can. I miss drawing [even though i love my art class, i want to work on my own stuff too] and get even less time for that. I write when i should be doing my homework, novels on my computer when i should be researching NASA, and poetry in my French notebook [hey, if you're going to be a romantic, at least take francais].
Winter is coming. So, i hope, is a slight break from the pressure. I'm holding out all right at the moment, if i didn't have anything to do I'd go crazy as fast as i do when i try to do everything.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/14032705/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/14032705/ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 18:16:19 PDT I only have a few weeks left to get it together because then teh stress will be back- school will start with more stuff going on than ever.
This is supposed to be my favorite time of year, but i'm still working on it.
Another birthday... August 1, at 8:45 in the morning. It wasn't anything spectacular. I still have a single piece of my lemon cake left. I got some nice presents, among them a set of Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, 36 water-soluble colored pencils in a nifty little tin case thanks to 'rents, who purchased it despite a rather steep price. Some pretty nice colors, even though i'm still considering my first project. I'm addicted to color. i have a new favorite shade every day, and when i see a really rich color i could stare at it for hours. i dont' know what i'd do if i was colorblind.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13624488/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13624488/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:52:44 PDT
fireworks last night, nothing huge compared to some displays but everyone in our lil' town pitches in some money and we can have a pretty good show most of the time. We have our own little festival most years, but this year it was sorta eclipsed by our sequecentenial celebration, which is supposed to mean the town's 150 years old. Anyway, i'm so glad i still have half my summer left. I'm just a better, happier, healthier person in general in the summer.
And i'm scanning my butt off, okay? Finished a few sketches, but also working on my second story. The first one still need some editing, but i can do that later.
Tonight we're going to go play with fire, aka sparklers and other small fireworks in our backyard. Freakin awesome. I love fire! Of course, you have to be safe and not do stupid stuff, but if you respect the elements it'll work okay. Ooh! maybe we'll make smores! we have a little fire-cauldron thing, i forgot what it's called, but it's pretty cool. One of these Beltanes i can jump an actual fire instead of just a candle on my bedroom floor... XD so yeah, i'm still hiding away in my broom closet. Although on solstice i insisted we make a fire, and ended up doing some candle magic in my room, which means i burned some paper in candles and prayed i didn't set off the smoke detectors and yeah parents gave me some teasing about 'dark rituals' and such... i only told them i burned the candles. lol i wonder sometimes what they know. Parents... Scary!
I am so happy right now, it's my favorite time of year. No stress, i can exercise and write and draw whenever i want, i can meditate and do magic whenever, and there's no damn homework! I'm not cold all the time, the world is its proper colors and plants are blooming, and i am not forced to interact with the Neanderthal intellects known as my 'eers.' Just me, my best friends sometimes, and whatever i want to do. Seize the day.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13463563/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13463563/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 19:00:50 PDT
I have been working doggedly all day, so i think it's time to shut off the computer about now, before i burn my new contacts right off my eyes. That would be bad.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13385247/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13385247/ Sun, 17 Jun 2007 19:42:01 PDT I told you not to read this journal.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13219711/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13219711/ Mon, 04 Jun 2007 19:11:29 PDT I fully intend to explore the world, every corner of it, see every ocean, every continent, and do all the various things one is allowed to do there. But right now i'm still in school and not quite old enough to move out and my parents seem fully content to live anonymous lives in the middle of the midwest. Hence, i have never actually seen the ocean.
This is the situation my main character finds herself in- from the middle farming area of her continent, her journey has brought her to the sea at last.
This is going to sound silly but anyone have any good adjectives or phrases describing the ocean?

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13137778/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13137778/ Tue, 29 May 2007 12:13:02 PDT
Anyway, that's what it's called. An Art attack. i have been engaged in one for the past 2 or 3 days. Began, worked and finished a little bit ago that watercolor i mentioned, only it turned into a very decent multimedia. I'll try to scan it but i don't know how well it will work. Then i finally got back to a character sketch of my main characters in my main story, finishing the last two... i started it almost a year ago. The story, and then the sketch. All i've done is be locked up inside my room with markers, colored pencils, watercolors and acrylics, pencils, gel crayons and shading sticks, and a good deal of paper. Been running with my best friend- she's a distance runner and wants me to do cross-country with her next year. It's half killing me- 4-5 miles?! i don't know why i keep going. It's been hot out, and sticky. All the way to the other side of town. Small town, yeah, but still. Then i started another character sketch and i'm almost done with it- tried color in it even though i don't like color- HARD. The radio on all the time-need music to keep creative juices going. a few breaks here and there to prevent getting jaded. I'll try to scan some stuff today. maybe going to the library now... some good books would be nice.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13115011/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/13115011/ Sun, 27 May 2007 16:41:59 PDT Are the awards, the ribbons, in the one with your name.
None are for me, it can’t be- don’t dare hope
So I go through the motions, heart here and there and down
The envelope has my name.
No… yes! Don’t believe it- which one did I get
I can’t wait to open it, I pull it open as I walk away-
Think I see a flash of red- what’s that, third? It can’t be that good, hope like a candle flame.
Pull out the folded paper, a schedule, and then, inside it… a coupon. It’s not even that red.
The inside of the envelope half kills me, just the printed pattern so you can’t read through the lying paper, over and over, dots and dashes, empty as the barren womb.
Not even… like this was supposed to be worth it… the stupidity bites like a razor blade.
So stupid
I look repeatedly during the next hour, hopeless like maybe if I look a hundred times a shiny, vivid jewel color ribbon will lie there, gold stamped words more precious than coin to me…
Don’t look, just walk…
Some of you perfect little things have three, five, ten, twelve… beautiful colored rainbows in your hands…
My hands are barren, white, desert sand…

The end of school. It was already writing itself in my head as i walked home. I guess this is how i explain my emotions to the world, since i'm pretty unreadable. It has some good lines in it, anyway.
School is over. I can't be thrilled just yet, i'm still swimming for the surface after nearly drowing in assignments. I need to breathe for a little bit before the gratefulness sinks in.
Some definate pluses- hanging out with my friends- god i don't know what i'd do without those two. Planting my garden(s)- i love plants. i treat them like my kids, lovingly and protectively. I like picking the last one from the rack, whose soil is dry, leaves are pale and weak, and roots are dying, taking it home and planting it and nurturing it back to life. Some times i feel like i have so much love to give the world but no one to give it to... i can't have pets at the moment although i absolutely love animals too. Strangely, i don't want kids. I don't connect well to other humans, but the ones i do i am pretty close to. Close for me anyway, i tend to prefer my plants and animals.
Time to get back in my summer routine. I don't like winter. I am so glad it's summer again, my favorite season. On a good day in the summer i run at least a mile, take my bike about 2 and a half miles, go through my whole yoga routine, play tennis, or something else like walking or rollerblading. I like exercise... it's focusing. Right now i'm planning a watercolor... so i'll let you know how it goes later.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/12530138/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/12530138/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 19:01:59 PDT So that's my rant for today. Oh wait- not done. Our district writing asessment prompt is especially stupid this year, dang it. Last year we had a good one. THis one can't be fiction (damn) and is really stupid. It has to do with your feelings. As in, "Tell about a time you felt...." with this whole list of stupid emotions. *tears paper to shreds*
*eats paper*
*laughs evilly*
That means i can't write fiction. That is terrible. I hate nonfiction.
And i have a cold. Or, actually, i think its my allergies responding to teh spring, although it's so freaking cold i don't see how the pollen can piss off my nose quite yet.
And we have tests for the rest of the week. Big, permanet-record, colleges-look-at tests that will follow me for the rest of my school career. Scary tests!! I score high on them every year, so all i want is to raise my score by one point every year because it gets harder and harder to do better when you're scoring highest in your class.
And if that's not enough, i have this big youth sunday thing at church next sunday. Sort of like confirmation, and since i am still exploring my faith im really not ready for the commitment and crap, and i have nothing to wear, and... it's not cool. And thursday is our first home track meet, and i hate them pretty much because there are all the ppl you know watching you if you screw up, and the only reason i run track is for myself, not other ppl, because i'm really not that great at anything. I'm the smart chick who aces the tests, not the cute one who kicks ass in the 400 meters. Or the 100 meters, or the long jump, or the hurdles, or... any other sport. I'm really not ready, i need more practice...
Life is sort of scary right now. I'm trying to keep up with the homework and people around me and make time to read and write and draw, but its hard. tried some sketching but although i have the idea i don't quite have teh pictures, and i'm not getting far. I did finish my 'black lace' song, and whipped out the 'burn' one while feeling inadequate, which is annoyingly often. But i felt like both of them were some of my best work, instead of teh junk i often end up posting because i have nothing else. At least i was happy with those.
Sorry for such a depressing journal, you guys, but it makes me feel better somewhat to say all of it.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/12236320/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/12236320/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 17:57:46 PDT
Been working on some sketches, which i've been neglecting. Also getting some more pics downloaded. And working on my 'big' stories. Pg. 361. The heroine accidentally makes herself invisible. Wouldn't that be totally awesome??? lol i know. Anyway, getting ready for the peak and then, 'gasp' in the hazy future, maybe actually finishing it! zomg. That would be sweet. Then i can start... book two. *sigh* It's a labor of love, people.
So, patience. School generally stinks-- so much homework and the kind of projects that weigh heavily on your grade, and i've been missing a few days being sick. Michelangelo did not have his math teacher constantly reminding him he has a two page quiz to make up. Leo Tolstoy was not harangued by his chem teacher about that lab he missed. That's all- more homework to do. Peace-love-harmony-and hippie thoughts to all.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11949798/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11949798/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 15:43:24 PST Broke up with my boyfriend of five and a half months last night. I haven't cried yet. Surprising, because i spent so many nights crying like i haven't cried for a long time while we were still going out. I was positive he didn't like me all that much anymore. i was afraid of what would happen when we broke up. i thought about breaking up with him myself, but... *secret* I've never done that before. I haven't had THAT many boyfriends.
So I was getting really frustrated. He barely spoke to me anymore. We sat together out of habit. After yesterday at school, i was completely out of love. We had a bunch of free time at school, and my friends' guys were with them, even though we were playing volleyball and they are not pros. I was all alone, which made me more angry with him than i have ever been. After school the wind came up and there was thunder and lightning, which made me a little crazy. I went sprinting up and down our street, gettin wet and cold and snowed on and trying not to slip on the hailstones. Track's coming up and I'm practicing. I went inside eventually and cried again, but that night, when i got on Messenger and the second thing he said was this big long thing about drifting apart and relationship going downhill, eventually getting to the part about us being friends instead, i said, i have been thinkin the same thing i think you are right.
And so we said friends, but we all know that's a lie.
And i did not cry. All those times, i kept thinking miserably if you are this unhappy while you're still together, imagine what's going to happen when we break up. But i am really not that sad. I mean, i am a little, but only when i think of the past and what we're going to do on Monday. We're going to screw up the whole unofficial 'system' of tables in the lunchroom. And we sit next to each other in third and sixth period, which sucks now. I hope the weather cancels school tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. Why do i always break up on fridays? Come to think of it, i tend to get asked out around them too. I like this- in this little bubble of house, with only whiteness and cold all around. Insulated from life and the world. I don't want to face reality, but I will with my head up, because I'm too vain to ever let people think they've hurt me. It's just the way i am.
I spent so much time being miserable over our nosediving relationship that I am not unhappy that it's over. No more worrying. I don't know what the future holds, but all i can do is live life to the fullest and never look back!
The wind right now is making the snow even thicker and the view from my window even darker. At least it's real snow and not freezing sleet anymore. This is whiteout conditions. My parents are not optimistic about going to church tomorrow. That's just fine with me.
Whiteout... if there was some sort of cosmic whiteout, with which we could erase the past and do it again, we would all change the path of the world irrevocably in trying to undo our mistakes. It's probably better this way. The past is gone and will not come again, and we don't want its hauntings. Forward is the only way to go, so I'm running ahead.
Hugs to friends who've stuck with me through the bumps in the road.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11913352/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11913352/ Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:22:47 PST
]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11763573/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11763573/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 17:42:26 PST I almost hate to admit it, but i watched 'Epic Movie' last night. OMG. That's about as messed up as you can get. I bet it pissed a lot of people off, lampooning their favorite movies. And, sadly, it was really funny in a perverted way.
I'm writing a lot on one of my stories, but nothing i can post here. Sorry. More soon, hopefully.

]]> ~summernightangel http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11580125/ http://summernightangel.deviantart.com/journal/11580125/ Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:09:06 PST So now she thinks i'm a suicidal slut. That teacher is such a prude, anyway. She didn't believe me when i said it was just art and neither the suggestive nor suicidal picture were representing me. She talked to the guidance counselor, who is cool, and talked to me and she believes me. It's only art, for god's sake!! It's supposed to be outside people's comfort zone, especially people my parents' age. Anyway. Very mortifying since parent teacher conferences were the next day. Luckily i got off without having to have some sort of 'discussion' [don't you just hate that word?] with them too.

]]> ~summernightangel