http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:sw33tn3ssfalt3rs&section=today deviantART RSS for by:sw33tn3ssfalt3rs en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:26:09 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25219535/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25219535/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:19:11 PDT

go there for new stuff (and transfers once I have time)

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25196017/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25196017/ Wed, 10 Jun 2009 07:24:11 PDT
Anyways...so...yeah...mom...

Anyone's mom want to adopt a 17 year old genderfuck? Mine isn't too happy with me at the moment...threatened to call the cops on me last night. We were arguing about trans related stuff and she told me to leave her room because it was making her 'hurt' and I snapped and screamed at her about how does she think I feel about it (we were arguing about pronouns and names) she told me to leave her room and I stood in the doorway and wouldn't move so she picked up the phone and threatened to call the cops to come get me. She called my dad and told him HOW HORRIBLE A DAUGHTER HE HAS so this morning he called me and told me that I would have to apologize to her. Which is why I didn't have him come get me last night...I knew he wouldn't actually take me to his house.

So mom and her puppy (er...boyfriend) are both being assholes and I have to get myself to therapy today...CDTA here I come.

We almost got into this argument right before alt prom...but I stopped since I had something to loose. Last night I was fed up and I didn't really have anything to loose so I snapped. All I was asking her to do was to avoid using unneccessary female pronouns because she left the bathroom or something and was like 'its all yours missy' which that sort of stuff always bugs me, but I decided to say something (calmly) about it. She gave me crap about adjusting, but its been FOUR MONTHS and she hasn't made any changes. She's called me haeden like three times...and only after I've said something and when it suits her because shes in a good mood.

I don't want her to come to orientation. She's saying its TOO HARD for her to call me haeden and use male pronouns for a few hours. I need to start off the year male...i'm going to go nuts if I dont...but no ITS TOO DIFFICULT FOR HER. I know she might make mistakes but she isn't even making an effort right now. Shes just making fucking excuses. I'm tired of being patient with her because I didn't come out for her, I came out for me. Sure its fucking selfish...but I'm tired of her and really fed up with excuses. I didn't even ask her to do any pronoun changes until last week. And now its too much? All I'm asking is to avoid unnessecary stuff and to change for the orientation. Thats it. But she was like YOU EXPECT ME TO CHANGE IN FOUR MONTHS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING FOR 18 YEARS? I don't...I expect her to make a legitimate effort though.

She also brought the dog into the argument...she always does. She tells me if I yell around him he'll have another seizure. but SHES BEEN YELLING AT HER BOYFRIEND FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS. I'm sick and tired of double standards.

I want out...but if she ruins my orientation OH MY GOD I'm going to stab something. Haeden IS NOT a nickname...its MY NAME. I could care less if its legal...I know I have to fill out my legal name on legal papers...but that doesn't mean people that don't see my legal stuff have to know my birth name.

...my throat still hurts...alot...I really did snap bad last night. I really am fed up with this though...

Sorry for venting...just UGH...Gotta keep venting till I'm done with it cause I've got a lot pent up right now.


~

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25137172/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25137172/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 04:35:18 PDT

and...Romi sold...so I'm getting home double checking paypal and magic erasering his arms from when I was outside the other day (it'll come off xD his arms just got a little debris on them) and then shipping him out before I head over to UAlbany. It only took like...two weeks to get someone that wanted him. It's slightly bittersweet, but I don't really think I'm going to miss him like...at all.

so now the dilema is...wait, or get cosmas and damien (twins), or get onyx and octavian.

I've been planning on the twins longer...but I'm not totally sure right now so I may wait a few weeks.

edit: Well that makes it much easier. I have enough for Cosmas and Damien, but not enough for Onyx and Octavian (I'd have to save up atleast $150 more so I could also get their eyes and a wig for octavian) So now its a matter of how long I feel like needing to wait.

Anyways...alt prom is tonight 8D and then rocky horror afterparty (with soup!)

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25121680/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25121680/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 08:57:58 PDT His wig got here yesterday...need eyes, body, clothes

ps: I wasn't kidding about hedwig and the angry inch GET OFF YOUR BUM AND GO WATCH IT


-fin-

ps: they make plushy STIs...I KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING EVERYONE FOR CHRISTMAS 8D (and for you little boy...you get syphilus for being so good)

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25101204/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25101204/ Wed, 03 Jun 2009 05:03:21 PDT
]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25083495/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25083495/ Tue, 02 Jun 2009 06:29:50 PDT
[link]

Its sort of rushed, but I'm okay with it. Health is designed to be an easy passable class anyways.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I am going to switch accounts, but I'm going to wait until school is out to do it I think. I might make it now and switch later or something...I'm not sure. I might make it now and start uploading since I have a freeblock.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I gave widu his faceup yesterday...its really awesome except you can't see his eyebrows, because they're white. His body officially shipped yesterday, and his wig got accepted at the post office yesterday (because I totally didn't order it a WEEK ago x.x its coming from VT though, so it should be quick) I haven't heard anything about the eyes, but I'm assuming they've shipped and are on their way.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I'm popping in a CD and starting the account move now

-fin-

edit: crappppp I'm totally not sure about having an account under the name Haeden...MOVE DELAY until I figure it out

edit again: oh...I figured out my octavian and onyx dolls....mnf chiwoo for octavian and doc homme kirill for onyx...so currently I'm looking at them, my narsha twins, and a boyfriend for Kizzy. There are others I want, but that'll be about all I can handle doll wise for now. Considering that'll set me back anywhere from 250-400 a doll. I need a job...

I'm also wondering if I should spend money on dolls or work on saving up for stuff. Top surgery is really expensive and sort of a top priority, but although my dad would pay for it....theres no way in hell he can afford it until I'm done with college unless I manage a full scholarship (which means kicking ass at AIB or transfering to SUNY Albany if I don't like it there...which I doubt will happen), convincing my mother that it would be okay, and getting a therapist letter (my current one wont...which I totally get why, but is sort of frusterating). So...unless something wierd happens, I'm sort of stuck with these things for another four years ><

-edit fin for now-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25071845/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25071845/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:49:34 PDT
Haeden is available as a name...or I could think of something else nice too.

I'm sort of annoyed with this name...its impossible to explain to people, and its really OMG L33T AND GIRLY

uh...


anyone have any thoughts on the matter?

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25046533/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25046533/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:33:20 PDT

Done with fitness/nutrition and human sexuality as of last night

____________________________________________________________________________________________



First...sharing my English link (yeah...I had to use my real name -.-)
[link]

Second... Health Project...I'll set up a wiki for it when I'm done with it but for now you just get to see what its going to be xD

p1: Intro to health and wellness- What A GSA Can Do For Your School
p2: Mental And Emotional health- Transgender Teens & self injury (or suicide depending on what I can get more info on)
p3: Respect And Nonviolence- Domestic Violence in GLBTQ relationships
p4: Nutrition and Fitness- ?
p5: Addiction- ?
p6: Human Sexuality- How To Use A Dental Dam (seriously...like...no one knows how to for some reason)

so...I was looking up dental dam information...they make cola flavoured ones...WHAT? who the heck would use a cola flavoured dental dam o.o
but yeah...getting immature giggles out of the dental damn one xD



andddd
-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25017287/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25017287/ Fri, 29 May 2009 15:12:16 PDT
The skirt is massive, because I went with a circle skirt...and yeah. Its about a foot long, but then I sewed on a ruffle, which added another like two inches. Its gorgeous though...but would make someone OCD with symmetry issues die because I messed up the sleeves and bodice a tiny bit.

-is quite happy with it anyways-


Widu's body shipped today, so hopefully he'll be together by next weekend.


I'm not going to get to sew more before tomorrow >< I have to do my health project so I can actually go


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25011863/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/25011863/ Fri, 29 May 2009 09:06:06 PDT
I wouldn't care, but I NEEDED the money to afford the laptop I was told would be optimal. And I actually spent time working on it...I didn't just throw it out at random. It was a GOOD essay.

-.- so now my parents have to pay for a macbook pro
and wtf...my mom just texted me....my sister in law is pregnant again -blinkblink-

but anyways..yeah...i was going to be paying for my laptop and a new ipod with the scholarship money -.- which I'm not getting
sooooo I'm going to be searching fastwebs for scholarships from places THAT DON'T SUCK ^^


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24991687/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24991687/ Thu, 28 May 2009 05:07:51 PDT photo/advisory/french/math = massively boring
making clothing for kizzy and taking pictures = fun (though frusterating at times)
faceup for Widu = fun (though also frusterating and waiting until his wig and eyes get here)
having something in my eye = not fun

I can't wait until school is doneeeeee 10 days of classes left after today (the last day is senior picnic so thats not classes)

brainsssssssss are needed (senior zombie?)

50 minutes left...so I might rant again before the end xD (not that any of this information is useful)


-fin-

Onyx and Octavian just started eating my brain...I'm not sure what they want though

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24976129/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24976129/ Wed, 27 May 2009 09:18:39 PDT
I'm going to do it's faceup soon though.

I was sort of thinking...wouldn't it be interesting to have a doll character that had mpd? I'm not sure why the idea amuses me...but it does.

I have therapy today...not looking forward to it at the moment.

[link]

check it out...ignore the fact that it says Ashley...I couldn't change it for class. I had to present it today.

Uhhhh...I'm quite honestly lacking in any sort of normal though processing at the moment, so you get a list.

13 days left of classes...
doll meetup saturday at the library :3
waiting for someone to buy Romi -needs to bump thread-
uhhhhhh...I still need to figure out what I'm doing this summer. Vancouver can only happen if I find out I won the scholarship (I think I find out tomorrow)
If I won it, I get a laptop and ipod and maybe vancouver...if I don't the laptop will be a graduation present.
School is fail.......needs to be over. I want to go home...sleep perhaps.
I have to go home, go to walmart, go to therapy, go to dads and magically work out essays and french homework.

6/2 health poster
6/4 6 page health project
6/9 3 page french paper in french plus a presentation and a food dish
6/18 3-5 page french paper in french
? economics project

uh...lunch is over

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24930730/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24930730/ Sun, 24 May 2009 19:36:23 PDT

I ordered a puki body yesterday with the contents of my bank account (lol...20$ left -flail-) So my singing piki faceplate will have a body in like a month (it was in stock at featherfall) I don't know about gender or name yet, but I know what wig and eyes I'm getting. The puki will come with an outfit too because featherfall is doing a 'no naked doll campaign' plus it'll be a canadian :3 (featherfall=in canada)

[link]

[link]

And...I got a hat for Kizzy at Anime Boston, which will get a matching renfaire/steampunk ish outfit to go with. I also met the people that I'll be doing meetups with next year, they are quite awesome.


back to waiting land on dolls I suppose xD I'm pretty sure since early february there has only been like...a month where I wasn't waiting for a doll.

I need more disposable income (need to wig and eye my puki, as well as my twins when I order them D: ) , which means working on horse sales soon.

-fin-


edit: Ordered my Puki's wig and eyes...its name shall be Widu but I'm still not sure about gender

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24885480/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24885480/ Fri, 22 May 2009 05:35:58 PDT
Anime boston this weekend, leaving tonight. Shall be quite fantastic. I didn't have enough time to sew anything new for kizzy, so ze'll just have hir two outfits.

Block1 is almost over so I shall run ^^

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24851065/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24851065/ Wed, 20 May 2009 04:55:25 PDT
One of the focus kids....I was going across the hallway, and some kid was like "Watch where you're going faggot"

the focus kids are supposed to be the ones that get all the small group attention and learn about not being asses...(its a part of the school for kids that either have family problems or problems learning in a standard highschool environment so they get more small group and one on one attention as well as 'family' which is advisory (tutorial) where they do group support stuff)

I'm reporting it later...I honestly don't know who the kid was...but it shouldn't be too hard since I know the kid he hangs out with.

This really isn't a huge deal, I'm the president of alliance, I know how to deal with this crap. My problem is if he does it to someone else who doesn't know how to deal with it or that someone overheard and is getting pushed deeper into themselves and their closet. That's why I do what I do. Sure I don't like being treated badly, and I won't come out as trans because I know that would put me at risk...but I have a support system if I need it...and a lot of kids don't know that that's available at our school or don't realize that sexual orientation true and perceived are on our nondescrimination policy. (we're missing gender identity and expression...but little steps I suppose)

So, I get to go report it later, and see if I can get this cleared up.


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24834084/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24834084/ Tue, 19 May 2009 05:04:10 PDT
I was also stupid enough to save all my homework for today, and leave my reading glasses at home again. I can't fudge anything though, because its almost the end and I've got to keep my grades up to keep my scholarship stuff for next year.

In other news...I bought a Singing Piki Faceplate yesterday from someone on DOA...I'll probably use it as a practice head for now, until I have enough for a body. I think I do right now, I just need to check with my mom. They're in stock at one of the canadian dealers, so I might do that soon. (this wasn't random doll aquiring xD I've wanted one for a while and found the faceplate for 25$ so I figured I should go for it now) After that I'll be going for my Narsha twins. I decided against the french resin boys with white eyes and white hair and am just going to go for the urethane resin and order eyes and wigs with them (just not sure what color yet.)

Photo is so quiet today...we have a sub. Which is odd since I don't think we've ever had a sub. Maybe like...once.


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24816882/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24816882/ Mon, 18 May 2009 05:36:31 PDT
Can't do it now though...left the assignment sheet at home

Then I've gotta take on a one page health project, and a 6 page health project. Which need to be started before this weekend or I can't go to AB (wtf dad, you're really going to waste whatever you payed when we registered just because of something that isn't due for two weeks?)

I'm all set for AB except for stuff getting here and my hair. My vest should be here soon though, and my hair is getting prepared on wednsday. I'm just nervous because she said I'd need two treatments of bleach before the dye...but the last time I did my hair that color I only needed one and it lasted for a long time as far as odd colored hair dye goes. So I guess I'll talk to her about that, because as thick as my hair is, i'm not sure if it can handle two things of bleach and be okay. My eyebrows are going to look silly with my hair color xDD

I'm considering selling Romi...he's great and all, but he's huge and now that I have Kizzy I'm like WOW thats a hell of a lot more managable. Plus kizzy poses amazingly and Romi...not so much. I'm also bonding a lot better with Kizzy...Romi is okay, but he doesn't have a whole lot of character. Plus if I sell Romi, it will go back into dolls and probably get me my narsha twins (or a puki and Souldoll Liddel). I'm probably going to be asking $600 and including all his clothes I've made for him and his new wig and then free shipping within the US. I payed $565 for him (510 + shipping), and then he got a faceup from someone around here as well as his feet blushed, and I've got his box and origional shipping box to send him in, so I think that's reasonable. I've already talked to my dad about it, and he's more or less fine with it. I feel sort of wierd about selling him after only two months, but I really am so much more pleased with Kizzy's size, character, and poseability. So if you know anyone looking for a DIM Achernar, send them to me

I should be working instead of goofing off, but I hate working in the computer labs, plus the site I'm supposed to be working on is SLOW right now because everyone in here is using it at the same time. Therefore, I'm goofing off xD


My mom was in a good mood today...she said something about me being her little girl, but then corrected herself to boy but I was suprised and gave her a wierd look so she then corrected herself again and said child. She's also paying for me to order a new binder when I get home later o.o

19 days of classes left ^^ (not typing the schedule again, so...copy and pasting xD)

5/21 Alliance Thursday (handing out info for jeopardy and survey) -check in-
5/22-24 ANIME BOSTON friday-sunday
5/25 No school
5/27 Therapy Wednsday
5/28 Alliance Thursday (jeopardy part I) -no check in-
6/4 Alliance Thursday (jeopardy part II) -check in at the end if we have time-
6/5 ALT Prom friday 7-11 $15 at the door OR $12 with a toiletry or non-parishable food item to go to the Damien Center
6/10 Therapy Wednsday
6/11 The last Alliance D: (party and yearbook signing) -check in-
6/12 LAST DAY OF CLASSES! GLSEN probably friday?
6/13 Boston Pride Parade saturday
6/14 Albany Pride Parade sunday
6/15-6/26 Regents testing (I don't have any!)
6/27 Grad Party (not mine, someone elses xD) saturday
6/28 Graduation sunday
6/29 What next? Monday
6/30-9/5 Summer!
9/6 Move-in day Sunday
9/7 18th Birthday Monday
9/8 First day of classes at AIB tuesday



-fin-

that was way too long

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24766942/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24766942/ Fri, 15 May 2009 09:00:16 PDT
it was quite simple...I just was sure she was going to check so I hadn't done it before hand.


-sighofrelief-

ps: [link]
box opening plus a picture at the community center (please excuse the nudity)

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24765229/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24765229/ Fri, 15 May 2009 05:44:27 PDT I have to have a fable memorized by 3rd block...in french


I'm so fucked...I know the first four lines and I'm not sure where I can go to work on it since I have to talk outloud to memorize it.

I've had to memorize three things in my lifetime...an Elizabeth Cady Stanton thing that I did in 7th grade, a sonnet from romeo and juliet in 9th grade, and this. Memorization sucks, especially when its something someone else wrote that you have to know word for word.

I'm not sure how I'm gunna pull this off.


-flails-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24758830/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24758830/ Thu, 14 May 2009 18:05:42 PDT Zie's so...pretty? In a dress with a big shirt (Romi size) over it and then belted, and its quite awesome. My only complaint is his faceup, because the eyebrows are nice and the eyes aren't bad, but the subtle blushing is yellow tinted not pink and hir lips are orangy salmony colored and it makes it look like zie ate some cheetos and didn't wipe off hir mouth. Zie is desperately in need of underwear because of the length of the dress. The wig I ordered fits perfectly (a bit tight to get on, but doesn't fall off.) The shoes are the same thing, a little hard to get on, but they won't be coming off much so its fine.

Brought hir to the alt prom planning meeting...general consensus is that zie is creepy D:

and if you're wondering...kizzy has no gender so zie uses any pronoun (she/he/zie) (well zie has a penis, but since when do I pay any attention to bodies?)

Much easier to tote around than Romi, so probably will carry him and put Romi in my tote when I go places. Camellia Dynasty's joints = love...he's double jointed but it looks good and they all lock, so it takes a little work to pose him but he stays.

bed time

-fin-


edit: ohohohoh kizzy came with two extra pairs of hands o.o except either his body is yellowed already >< or his hands are a different tone of resin. Also came with grey glass eyes and a brown fur wig and these horrid brown boots. Only thing I'm using is the eyes since i got a blond wig a month or so ago. The brown wig is nice, but not what I want, and its big enough to slide off (came with velcro too, but yeah...like the blond one better)

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24741074/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24741074/ Wed, 13 May 2009 16:32:32 PDT [link]age=1


Earthlink is a no...There was an anti-gay marriage ad INVADING my email page
I just sent them a calm but angry letter a bit ago

Sarah Palin? FAIL



American Apparel is full of win
[link]
[link]

Absolut Vodka is also good (on gay issues, I haven't tasted it xD)

Governor Patterson is awesome

CDGLCC is awesome (duh)


This is totally not a complete list, this is just whats hit me in the face recently xD

-fin-


ps: kizzy is at the post office, so i'll have him tomorrow

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24732152/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24732152/ Wed, 13 May 2009 04:49:48 PDT

I had a hard time getting it onto the rolly thing though, so I'm hoping it comes out okay D:

edit: EPIC FAIL...everything from thursday is a bit overexposed, but probably salvagable...but nothing from saturday came out. I'm glad that was the roll I didn't need. Tulip festival was fun, but not a good picture opportunity this year. I'm pretty sure I need a new camera body, cause I'm thinking my light meter is fucked.

Still waiting on Kizzyyyy when I try and track him its been on 'despatch' since saturday so hopefully he's moving and they're just not keeping good track. Going to a meetup saturday in Syracuse, so fingers crossed he'll be here by friday.

HOW YOU TEMPT ME DA...seriously, I know I don't have a subscription...you don't need to have all these buttons that are like LOL IF YOU HAD A MEMBERSHIP YOU COULD USE THIS ._.
I've been a member for almost 4 years...I enjoy my subscription free-ness...a subscription is handy but not neccessary to function...especially when you'd rather spend your income on BJD and Trans (i need new binders) stuff


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24648605/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24648605/ Fri, 08 May 2009 09:10:03 PDT
]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24630024/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24630024/ Thu, 07 May 2009 05:29:21 PDT

~fin~

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24595939/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24595939/ Tue, 05 May 2009 05:11:46 PDT -yawn-
I totally forgot my camera card, so I don't have anything to do.

Our bus shrunk, the stop after mine we had to start doing three to a seat. Normally maybe a couple people have to do that, but like...there are 22 seats, and the maximum adult capacity is 44 (and max child capacity is 66), so we should be two to a seat right? xD There we're like 7-10 people had to be the third person in the seat...which means we were over capacity worse than usual.

I need a haircut desperately. I'm getting it cut and died light blue for Anime Boston...cosplaying George from paradise kiss. But that isn't for another couple weeks that I'll be getting it done.

should totally work on my wikispace/essays.

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24580676/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24580676/ Mon, 04 May 2009 09:18:03 PDT
I feel like I should have something good to write about to. I've been passing more consistantly (lol passing, bad word to use.) Passing being, wierd looks in the womens room and androgeny, not looking undeniably male

I've also decided that for the rest of the year, every paper or project I get assigned that I can write about trans stuff for, is going to be about trans stuff. I'm sort of tired of the ignorance in well everywhere, so why not start with a few teachers and classmates. The only place where I think I'll be doing a direct thing involving me is in English, and I'm in college level, so I'm expecting them to atleast be mature enough to listen. We have to write a paper about growing up female in america if we were raised female, and growing up male if we were raised male. I'm doing growing up as a transmale, because thats sort of a totally different experience, because in the past year I've had to relearn or atleast recognize all of the male vs female things. I'm hyper aware of it all, so I feel like just writing about growing up female would be insufficient and I wasn't raised male, so I can't really write about that. If all else fails, atleast I'll have a unique paper. We do have to present it at the end of the year in class, but I think I can pull it off.


sorry for writing novels all the time


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24525364/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24525364/ Fri, 01 May 2009 05:13:29 PDT





Two of our posters got ripped down on the fucking day of silence. CANT SILENCE US YOU FRICKEN BITCHES/BASTARDS/GENDERNEUTRALINSULT. Uh yeah

I put up a "HATE CRIME IN PROGRESS" thing where the tape was left over...I'm honestly pissed, becuase a poster IS NOT A THREAT TO YOUR WELL BEING. DOH. A poster CAN NOT THREATEN YOUR IDEA OF GENDER NORMS. A POSTER HAS NO GENDER, AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GAYNESS. OH WAIT, YOU TORE DOWN OUR OTHER ONE IN THE AREA TOO. (can't really complain, its been there since september, but GOD WHY THE HELL DID IT GET TORN DOWN)COFFEE HOUSES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING GAY. WE JUST HOST IT. STATISTICS ARE NOT A THREAT TO YOU EITHER, THEY JUST SIT ON THE PAGE. oh, wait, YOUR PROBABLY GAY AND SCARED THAT SOMEONE WILL REALIZE IT SO YOU HAVE TO PULL IT DOWN TO LOOK "Tough" GAH

Seriously, I don't usually care, but ON THE DAY OF SILENCE...And ya know what? We're one of the BEST schools in the area in terms of having an active GSA. We have one of the OLDEST in the area.

NO WONDER theres a crapload of CLOSETED kids...THE HALLWAYS ARE NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR QUEER STUDENTS. OR HALF OF THE CLASSROOMS. OR THE BUSES. I feel like I haven't acheived ANYTHING this year.

Seriously, nothing has changed this year except for the freshmen. Usually we get ignored, except for the freshman that don't know better and are stupid about GSA stuff, but this year our freshmen are LOVE. Gives me hope that the idiocy will grow out of the school after a few years maybe. Visibility is a huge thing, because if they see it as more 'normal' then they can't really say anything. Transgender though, thats a whole different issue. The only public place I really feel safe and free to speak about my trans identity is GLSEN activities and the internet. It makes me worry about anyone thats coming after me and what they'll face.

Harrington just came in. He was like "anyone being totally silent? can I try and get them to talk?" and gockly was like "we have one" and I waved...and harrington was like "hey! kiwi!" and gockly was like "don't mess with her dude" and I was like ._. sweet.

but yeah. looking forward to this evening...hoping that the rest of the day goes well


~fin~

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24517869/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24517869/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:01:42 PDT
day of silence at school, and then to my dads to help with garage sale set up (its on saturday!), and then picking up Ari at the train station, and then GLSEN :3

should be epic

~fin~

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24491657/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24491657/ Wed, 29 Apr 2009 04:50:18 PDT So not prepared, but I was like...I have to go to school today to make sure everything's setup right. Hopefully everyone else we need is here today. I have to cut up the ribbon and burn the edges and set them all up with pins before thursday afternoon. And then coffee house. There's never enough time to get ready for the coffee house...I'm going to get raffle stuff in NOHO this weekend, and I know what I need to get done, but we need more people signing up to bring food/drink stuffs (signups in room 601 on the board guys)

It hurts to sit right now, I messed up my back over the weekend.
The weekend was awesome, though way too hot and humid. Monday I wasn't in school because it hurt to move. Tuesday was Equality and Justice day, and now I feel empowered and want to go save the gay alphabet soup (glbtqqiaas etc etc) world.

Ari is visiting this weekend, which I'm excited for, but before tomorrow I have to write a 500 word essay and do a health project, and also be ready for DOS friday, as well as go to the Community Center at 430 on thursday.

I also figured out what I'm going to do summer 2010...yes I plan ahead. I was talking about being a facilitator at youth group, which would just be an every friday thing, but Nora mentioned that I could intern at the community center. Which would be fantastic. So summer 2010 is either top surgery (that only works if I have the money and support and approval for it though xD), internship, or both :3
But yeah, I love the community center, and I'd love to be able to do work there -coughcoughbeaslavecough-

If any one is interested in helping plan Alt Prom though, the first meeting is 430 at the gay community center tomorrow (note me for the address or find me IRL) If anyone from alliance wants to go help out, I can take a couple of you if you come to my house after alliance. My mom would be driving of course, and we'd be fully supervised at the community center.

I have to go write something up for DOS tableing

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24406689/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24406689/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:31:46 PDT
all week we've been in here for public policy, then I'm here during lunch. And on advisory days I'm in here all advisory. I got yelled at yesterday though. I spent almost the ENTIRE block working on typing something up, and then for the last ten minutes I got on DA/PI. The librarian (who normally likes me and is friendly) came over and was like "if you're coming here you need to do classwork"...and I was like o.o but I was doing work except for the very end. It was slightly odd. I was in there every advisory all last year, on DA and PI...and got yelled at maybe once. But the day I actually do work...

Anyways. School should be over and it should be the weekend. I'm going to be going nuts all next week, but atleast I'll be busy and destracted?


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24389888/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24389888/ Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:25:55 PDT Tzuvi is her name ._.
The question is, can I manage to actually write something worthwhile with her in it...

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24374156/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24374156/ Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:57:58 PDT
SCHOOL M-F 730-225 until mid june... excluding equality and justice day as well as the monday after Anime Boston

4/23 Alliance thursday
4/25-26 GLSEN Retreat saturday/sunday
4/27 Alt Prom meeting monday?
4/28 Equality and justice tuesday
4/29 Therapy Wednsday
4/30 Alliance Thursday
5/1 DOS/ARI/GLSEN Friday
5/2 Garage sale/ari saturday
5/3 NOHO/ARI sunday
5/7 Alliance Thursday
5/8 COFFEE HOUSE Friday
5/9 BOSTON? Saturday
5/13 Therapy Wednsday
5/14 Alliance Thursday
5/21 Alliance Thursday
5/22-24 ANIME BOSTON friday-sunday
5/25 No school
5/27 Therapy Wednsday
5/28 Alliance Thursday
6/4 Alliance Thursday
6/5or6 ALT Prom friday or saturday
6/10 Therapy Wednsday
6/11 The last Alliance D:
6/12 LAST DAY OF CLASSES! GLSEN probably friday
6/14 Albany Pride Parade (I think?), Boston Pride Parade sunday
6/15-6/26 Regents testing (I don't have any!)
6/27 Grad Party (not mine, someone elses xD) saturday
6/28 Graduation sunday
6/29 What next? Monday
9/6 Move-in day Sunday
9/7 18th Birthday Monday
9/8 First day of classes at AIB tuesday

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24338759/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24338759/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:08:31 PDT So, when I was in preschool (1994-1995)...I WANTED TO GROW UP TO BE THE GREEN POWERANGER! (I'm gaining more and more faith in my 3 year old self)

-fin trois-

edit: okay, in lunch now. Partner is not being obnoxious and STARING AT MY COMPUTER anymore, since she isn't in this class 8D

But yes, NELGBTC was awesome and transtastic. I hadn't really met that many trans guys that were my age irl, but there were a handful there, including another that lives around here and what not (I had actually met him online before, and seen him irl, but hadn't actually met him). There were others too.

And a really awesome drag show. by "bostons premier lesbian drag troup" All The Kings Men, as well as a local king Sebastian. One of the ones from ATKM did a burlesque thing xD I have her sock ._. which is so totally sketchy, but she threw it at us.

uhhh...and then it was a weekend of workshops and awesomeness. It should be held -atleast- twice a year.

Walnut stayed over, and he warned me that he took up alot of space, but I wasn't really thinking about it. UNTIL I woke up in the middle of the night and he had like, rolled half on top of me xD We also watched a bad lesbian flick called Go Fish. They have sex because of clipping fingernails with TOENAIL CLIPPERS. What?

And so, awesome weekend was awesome, but depressing since its over. Back at school. I feel like its a total double life thing, like online and there (and the next two weekends) I'm male and haeden and stuff, but then during the week when I'm at school I'm female and -insert female name here- or Kiwi but THEN when I'm at home...I just am nothing, because my mom makes an effort to just call me her child, instead of using pronouns and she calls me Ash alot of the time instead of my full name (sometimes)

But next year 90% of the time will be male and haeden, which will be nice. Until I go home or my mom visits...but hopefully we'll all be adjusting a little better by then. I actually need to call the school. When I go in for orientation in june I'd like to be able to use male name/pronouns...but I haven't asked about it yet.

39 days left of highschool

-fin deux-















______________________________________________________
I am in it right now ._.

NELGBTC was awesome, and should not have ended...

Now, I have to do a partner thing about psychotherapeutic drugs and whether they're overprescribed or not.

I would totally be writing more interesting stuff but my partnet is watching me journal ><

uhhhh...I'll edit this later with more fun stuff


-fin une-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24273267/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24273267/ Thu, 16 Apr 2009 12:27:58 PDT
she called me dude today...and I was saying I wouldn't bring these plates I painted when I was little to college...and she went into this thing about how "you painted them when you were a little girl...they'll get that your a teenage guy now and won't laugh at you" (I seriously would get laughed out of the dorm if someone saw those plates xD

We had a successful short conversation about trans. She was like "no matter what you can't deny that you have feminine parts to your personality, because you're WIRED female" and instead of being all RAWR I was like "I know, but I still consider the base of my personality/self to be male" and she was like "okay"

and I was like MINIATURE SUCCESS!


one step at a time perhaps?

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24259554/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24259554/ Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:50:57 PDT

my brain is just going like FRUSTRATION. I'm not sure why.

I've been thinking about transition a lot lately. I'm still really definite on top surgery, and would seriously like die if I could do that this summer. BUT, I talked to my therapist about it today and she was like CONSIDER THE PERMANENCE OF IT AND WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND. Yes, I know she's supposed to say that and I can totally see where she's coming from with everything she said...but its bothersome anyways. She also told me to talk about it with friends, to see what they thought. I just...I don't know. Even before I got what trans was, I didn't want boobs. Since I started talking to my friends about chest size, I've always wanted them to not be there. There are a ton and a half of obstacles in my way though. I was sort of tentatively planning to try for summer 2010, but its been bugging me a lot lately.

anyways, good stuffs been happening too, so I guess I shouldn't complain...ya know?

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24221128/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24221128/ Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:44:30 PDT
PONDERING

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24161352/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24161352/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 08:49:45 PDT -faildie-

haehae does not like driving @.@



but, my gpa is a 96.6 .__.
My lowest grade is a 93, and the highest is 100. Go easy senior classes!


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24151588/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24151588/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:35:25 PDT
He should be here in 2-3 weeks, but to my dads house (I think) which is problematic because he's at work all day so he can't sign for it. Excited anyways though :3


Also: I have two phantom messages. It's odd. They are there, yet not.

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24141095/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24141095/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 04:44:25 PDT
it doesn't get more fantastic than that :3


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24129290/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24129290/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 12:54:35 PDT
]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24126508/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24126508/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 09:16:07 PDT
I sort of want to complain...but I feel like I've been complaining way too much lately. My mom was being an absolute BITCH yesterday...and is now continuing her jekyl/hyde act, of being pleasent to come ask me something and if I answer her 'wrong' she storms out and slams my door. So, I've been really effing pissed of/upset since yesterday moreso than I was already. This is apparently not a good week. I'm at my dads this weekend so I get a break, but then 24/7 next week I'm home pretty much since I have April break. COME SAVE ME D:

I'm trying hard to just really look forward to the next while...but then I'm like OH MY GOD MY MOTHER. Its hard not to scream at her. And when I ignore her she thinks I'm ignoring her because I know she's right, but its because I know she doesn't respect me and arguing is worthless. She basically tried to go into a choice lecture, which just kept going into not okayness. (She brought this up at the doctors office while we were waiting for my appointment)

For the record. I'm not rejecting my FEMININITY, I'm rejecting my FEMALENESS x.x
I always talk about how I'm a girly boy, where the hell did she miss that? My boobs and vagina and uterus and ovaries and estrogen and progesteron etc. etc. etc. are NOT my femininity.

And to add insult to injury, jack told me to tell her something, so I did...it involved the word fuck so my mom didn't hear the rest of it only the fuck...so she was all WELL TELL -HER- THAT -SHE- CAN GO FUCK -HERSELF- ....and I was wondering how she can wonder about why I'm angry with her.

She wanted to know why I hadn't had a heart to heart about trans things with her, and I told her it was because I wanted her to have a basic knowledge so she knew what I was talking about. She was just I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT GOING ON IN YOUR MIND. IF YOU WANT ME TO SUPPORT YOU, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO ME AND BE CIVIL ABOUT THIS. (aka, if I don't agree with her about it being a choice she WONT support me.)

She also decided to touch on how I get mad at her because she cant SEE me and was all -looks at- I SEE YOU. I just sort of looked away, because thats not why I'm pissed since anyone who has seen this and my other journals knows why I'm pissed.

I don't want to allow my mother this kind of power over my emotions, and I sure as hell know ways to calm down and numb this all out, but it would dissapoint alot of people and if she found out it would just put her in a worse mood. I'm reluctant but under strong temptation anyways. I don't want to fuck the good stuff up though. (I'll remind you all I'm substance free so I'm not going to run out and do drugs or drink)

I really hate that she can effect me like this. I've had very little time today and yesterday where I wasn't thinking about what she's been doing. Its like this huge welled up ball of resentment (oh god an AA word) and anger and crap, and it started with the first argument and has just been growing day by day. I have fantastic grades and am going to a good college and I'm responsible, so shouldn't there be a little room for forgiveness in other places? Apparently not, because even if I did everything she asked me to, she'd be pissed because I didn't do the things she DIDN'T ask me to do. Which would mean I WASNT INVOLVED in the family, and I WASN'T PARTICIPATING in my own life.

erm -embaressed- can you say rambling? I'm shaking again too ><

lunch is over

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24072848/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/24072848/ Sun, 05 Apr 2009 09:57:21 PDT
Saw Ari and Cat and met Asher yesterday which was honestly odd because I didn't talk to them at all, except for Ari, because the music was loud and what not. It was also wierd, because my mom calls me Ash, and was calling me Ash, but Asher goes by Ash. I also forgot I had my name tag on, so Cat ripped it up (thanks, I forgot it was there xD)

At AIB, I had to explain me being trans to like 3 people in hopes of getting advice on room mate stuff, but NONE OF THEM KNEW WHAT TO DO (stupid admissions staff ._.) So I have to call again. I found a dorm though, and it's substance free, I can get a single room, and the bathrooms are gender neutral because they're a single toilet and shower in each of the two that are on each floor. It should be rather fantastic.

AIB is official, dropped off my deposit while we were there yesterday.

Not going to NOHO next weekend D: my dad doesn't want to drive. So I'm just going to a doll meet up saturday night in Albany, which should be fun since Romi will get his head back there.

Then I have
Spring Break 8D (aka, driving lessons and sewing my cosplay for AB)
17-19: North East LGBT Conference ([link]), and sleeping over
25-26: GLSEN gsa leadership related conference
1: Day of Silence/GLSEN (and hopefully Ari visiting for the weekend :3)
2: Garage Sale
8: Coffee House
22-24: Anime Boston

fun stuff ^^ but busy

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23982404/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23982404/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 09:06:16 PDT
I have pneumonia. But it isn't bad...just alot of coughing and tiredness...which is mostly from the coughing. I'm also not contageous anymore since I'm on antibiotics and all so alas, I have returned to school.

I missed alliance so I have no clue what we did D: just that we have to get in gear for the coffee house and day of silence (may 8th and may 1st)

I need to see about renting a movie I missed in public policy too.

My journals are more like mental organizers than anything worthwhile, I apologize.

But yeah, more romi pictures soon hopefully with his new outfits (er pants...I made him like 3 more pairs of pants and two shirts, but one I don't like for him because its too femmy so it wont get used for him) His head is out getting done right now though, so nothing until it gets back. His new eyes are here though, which means no more black pits of death that his old eyes caused :3 My dad is ordering my easter present once I'm done with my french paper and english essay. Which will be fantastic.

Going to boston on saturday for AIB accepted students day, and then seeing my girlfriend after :3

I need to do my photo work too...end of the quarter is FRIDAY DDDDDDDD:


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23902971/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23902971/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:59:09 PDT I recommend it to anyone that likes individual more student run learning. It's a really fantastic school, just not for me at all. I thrive on structure.

So, I'm going to Art Institute of Boston, and going to look into doing study abroad to Emily Carr (or Simon Fraser) in Vancouver and/or somewhere in France.

Anyways, tomorrow or monday when I go back to school I'm going to have a butt load to make up because I was out sick monday, tuesday, and today. Also missed alliance which I feel bad about. Wednesday we didn't have school, so I pretended I wasn't sick and went to Burlington for my college visit. It was sort of nice though...I've left the house like...twice since I got home Saturday night. So I haven't been worried about passing and crap, I could just lounge around and be my man self (that sounds...really stupid) without worrying about how people are reading me and crap, because I wasn't interacting with people. Usually I hate not being around people, but it was nice to get a break (even if I feel like a lazy bum because I watched tv from like 9am-4pm today)


-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23741609/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23741609/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:53:01 PDT I'll get over it though.

We've got new assignments that I need to start on soon...I'm probably going to hand in doll things for my 'independent study' because that ended up being a full year so I'm technically in photo two and independent study right now.

Assignments:
Early Morning Sun
Lowlight
Multiple Images (photo manipulation of some sort o.o)
'Images of our vanishing facility' (He wants pictures of the processing lab because its going byebye over the summer)
Choice

My friend gave me a book about a gay priest, who takes it upon himself to try to kiss the bishop (or something like that) I'm sort of scared to start it, but I will eventually.

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23678055/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23678055/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:42:32 PDT His name is Romi at the moment (pronounced rome e) His eyes and wig are slightly fail...he should have better eyes next week though. Yum resin fumes coming off of a well muscled 'man' xD

the mom saga continues, but I don't feel like continuing to rant today

ps: I have him at the desk with me, and leaning on a dictionary so my desk doesn't scratch him up...It fell open to the page with 'doll' on it so he's sitting on it open...because he is just that awesome.

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23671343/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23671343/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 05:44:06 PDT
Started last wednsday when we were having a conversation about where I'll be going to school next year. Apparently as a "girl, a gay girl" I need self defense classes (at a ywca no less) I basically kept asking her if she even had read the email I sent her. She hadn't understood it. I've been freaking out about her asking me if I'm a guy for the past year and a half FOR NOTHING she didn't even know what the word transgender was, she just thought she was asking me if I was a BUTCH LESBIAN. GAH. She was like 'oh, so you're like that girl that went on Oprah who had the baby?' me: 'thomas beatie?' her:'yeah' me: .____. ...So we talked (er, almost to the point of arguing cause I was annoyed) all the way to therapy and I decided to wait to bring it up again until my next appointment which is next week.

That brings us to sunday. I've been using the chat on Laura's Playground alot, because its a decent place to hang out and all. I ended up meeting someone that lives in the area on there, who I knew because I had heard him on the radio on coming out day. I was happy because I'll probably actually meet him next month at the GLBT Conference and there really aren't that many transteens in the area. So, I was telling my mom about it and she goes 'how much of a man is he?' me: 'WHAT?' ...she wanted to know what was in his pants -.- because thats apparently all she thinks about when she hears about a trans person.

Monday I wanted to talk to her about it, so on my way to the basement I was like 'you're getting a mini lesson on trans stuffs today' which is just me wording things like I tend to. She went "WHAT DID I DO WRONG NOW?" and I was like (off topic: toucha toucha touch me just showed up on my ipod o.o) "You keep asking me about whats in peoples pants" her: "I'M YOUR MOTHER I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO YOUR BODY" "THIS IS SO COMPLICATED, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE ASHLEY" I just left the room and went downstairs...I wasn't sure if I was pissed or hurt, I was just trying to talk to her about how rude it is for that to be the first thing you ask someone. So, I've been mulling it over all week and been in a pissy mood with my mom because of that.

Basically been pissy all week, but yesterday I got Transgeneration back, so I asked her to watch it with me. Good and Bad...I'm not sure how much of it actually made it into her brain. She wanted to know if Anime and DDR was just a trans/gay thing...and I was like what? and explained to her that it was just one of the more accepting hobbies out there. And she was like 'so photography and horse back riding aren't?' I sort of laughed, because both of those are just the average mix of gay (never met another transperson that rides horses though) So fast forward to like eight...set up my mom on the parents of transkids chat on Laura's Playground (she's rather computer illiterate and apparently isn't capable of learning so I have to show her every time) It was just her and three moderaters that came in...and me because she made me come in. She was getting all 'I NEED TIME TO ACCEPT THIS AND PROCESS THIS' and made me look like a horrible child that was forcing all this stuff on her. I've been trying to teacher her the basics and like, thats it. I'm having a hard time talking to her in general, and have been getting snippy so I've just been avoiding the topic honestly.

This morning I got a 'its 615 and I'm not telling you to get up again' from my moms boyfriend, which resulted in me getting yelled at at 625 to get out of bed (I get up at 620, because thats when I need to get up to get out the door and all) I fall back asleep really easily in the mornings, so I need reminders every few minutes or I oversleep. My mom gives me this lecture about how I spent SIX HOURS ON THE COMPUTER (I spent three hours on the computer last night, and 45 minutes of that was me staying on past nine because she wanted me to stay in the chat)and how I need to be responsible and wake myself up because next year she wont be there. NEXT YEAR I WONT HAVE TO GET UP AT 6 >< thats the only reason I have issues...If I was getting up an hour later I'd be fine.

So alas, I really need to go somewhere tomorrow, because I might just stab something if I don't. I'm going to stop ranting now

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23622260/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23622260/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:36:51 PDT My doll shipped today ^^ so he should be here in about a week.

but my mom is being stupid, so its mixed good and bad at the moment.

Anyways, yeah, thats it xD

~hae

edit:
Today I found What Happened to Lani Garver in the library. I had been wanting to read it for a while, but when I checked the school and public library neither had it. I was wandering the library today and there it was, facing out on one of the shelves. I started reading it at about 1230 and kept reading until I finished about ten minutes ago, with a few small breaks for school work and such (read through most of econ ^^). It is essential that you go and find it NOW (well, if you go to my school you'll have to wait a little while since I need to bring it back in the morning and such) It was very fantastic, the ending was a bit sicky sweet for me but that may just be because I'm getting used to the end of the movies we've been watching in SUPA English. They all end badly. ANYWAYS, I think considering the nature of the book, the book showing up on the school shelves right at this point was...more than interesting (cue twilight zone music?) I wasn't looking for it, but I saw the title and was like THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR WHOLY CRAP. So I read it, and it was rather awesome (especially compared to the last book I read.)

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23502184/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23502184/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:56:41 PST [link]


our assignmets are
contrast [link]
water (snow XDD never had time to get a good one) [link]
old [link]
blur [link] [link]
line [link]


._. water is boring...need to figure out an interesting way to do water ^^

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23412934/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23412934/ Thu, 26 Feb 2009 09:13:49 PST [link] <--free art journal

My chest got rammed into by a freshman shoulder causing shooting pain in my rib cage for a couple minutes. KIWI IS NOT PLEASED. They were pushing each other around in the hallway and one ran into me.

ANYWAYS
-TransAction is tomorrow (I feel pretty lame, we're just hanging up some posters, but may also be sponsering a petition to make it so drapes aren't manditory for girls in senior pictures)
-Fred Phelps is going to be in albany next friday at the highschool and then on fuller/washington. Not going to the counterprotest, since its not well organized and possibly not safe, -but- there is a candlelight vigil next thursday evening that I'm hoping to make it to. Friday night SUNY Albany is doing a showing of Milk.
- Our GSA is holding its 4th annual coffee house at the end of March (note me for details)
- Northeast LGBT Conference is April 17th-19th [link] Its workshops and speakers and should be fabulous. Friday the 17th is day of silence, so breaking the silence is going to be held there.

AND NOW
I came out to my family over the weekend in an email. I was away and didn't want to do it while I was around the house.
Mom: You will always be my beautiful daughter no matter what.
Dad: Wanted to talk to me face to face. We did. He's confused because all of the things he's watched about trans people have been where they've known since they were little. I don't think it matters though. He also mentioned that when I was 'little and feminine' I was the only girl allowed to sit at the boys table. I was slightly amused.
Brother 1: forwarded it to his wife. She says they support me in this 'new chapter of my life' and are there for me.
Brother 2: no response (mom says hes bad at responding to emails)
Sister: Your soul chose to be incarnated in a female body for a reason, you are female. You are soft butch at best (aka not masculine at all.) She doesn't see it, and is very caught up in both gender stereotypes (masc, fem vs male, female) and her new age crap.
She sent me a second email asking me how I was dealing with everyones reaction, still haven't replied.

So, essentially, most of my family is behind me with it and what not, which is fab.

SCHOOL
I've gotten into 4/5 that I applied to, still haven't heard from the last.
Me and my friend decided it would be fun to talk french in public policy. The other people at our table were not amused, but they annoy me so thats okay.
I need to print pictures so I can scan and post them. I've got great pictures of a couple peoples ABJD on film.
Highschool: In my last semester, wholy crap.

LIFE
fabulous (:

-fin-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23383271/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23383271/ Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:51:15 PST
The first 10 people who comment on this journal will get a sketch, free. However, in return, you must offer 10 free sketches in your own journal. If you've already done 10 Free Sketches, simply link the journal entry in your comment: You still qualify.

Specify what you want!

1: [link]
2: [link]
3: [link]
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10:

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23200345/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23200345/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:38:48 PST Got accepted to ALL of the ones I've heard from.
SFU, AIB, UAlbany
so, My top two, and my safety school.

just waiting on RIT and Burlington College














p.s. happy valentines day ari ♥

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23150426/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23150426/ Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:34:17 PST
I'd honestly been getting really fed up with photography, going 'WHY THE HELL DO I WANT TO MAJOR IN IT' but I've been reminded of how much I enjoy showing up early to class to get started before everyones here and working on everything.

I need film though, I'm going to start buying it instead of getting it at school. Mr. Gockley still cannot roll film.

~Kiwi

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23122815/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23122815/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:51:16 PST
Saved my mom 100$, that I'm going to spend on a face up by someone around here for him.

There's a meet up this weekend in albany
[link]
should be fun...and icecreamfull







_________________________________________________________________
So, Twice now my order from SOOM has been canceled by the ordering system (our payment never went through) SOOOO I decided I wanted to look at other dolls...not quite as in love with the boy I wanted originally as some of the others I've found.

So right now, I'm in between a few and just asking for opinions, I'll definitely be choosing on my own.

Achernar [link]
He was one of the two I was originally deciding between. I still like him.

Uni-Jado (bottom of page) [link] (the link for this one is fucked up >< add ' picture' (without quotes) to the end when you click) this one is awesome, I like the face, and its also a centaur, but comes with human lower body as well. (genderless sculpture)

Giselle [link]
totally gorgeous, but I sort of want a male doll.

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23114975/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23114975/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:53:05 PST came over last weekend...so I could work on my photo assignments.
TIME TO DUMP THE FIXER -dons cape and runs off-

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23087237/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23087237/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:41:43 PST My legs were about to fall off by the time we got back, but we found a horse and a donkey that were brilliant photographic subjects.

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23057174/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/23057174/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 09:16:11 PST
(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 5

( ) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 11

( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 11

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 17

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Begining
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Suddenly 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 17

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 19

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 23

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 25

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge (DO NOT WANTTTTT)
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 29

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 30

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 33

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 37

( ) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X-3
( ) Spider-Man
( ) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 42

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 43

( ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom... ]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22996438/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22996438/ Wed, 04 Feb 2009 05:05:19 PST He is actually legitimatly doing some teaching this semester -gasp- but hey, I've sat through this lesson like 3 times already.

So, Kiwi Update

My mom is leaving for florida again tomorrow, its sort of nice since I've been apparently starting to get on her nerves.

I have therapy today. For some reason I cant say what I want to and be sure of myself when I'm talking to adults, even though I can when I'm talking to my peers. So I've been talking to her about me being trans and all, but it always ends up sounding like I've just started questioning, opposed to being pretty sure of myself.

The screen is really bright, since the room is dark o.o;; and I'm trying to type really quiet so he doesn't realize i'm ignoring him....luckily I can type while I'm watching him.

I wish I was really as gender androgynous as I feel. Boobs get in the way of that alot, unless I get really slouchy. My binder gives me a stomach ache for some reason, so I don't wear it all that often. But yeah, I was standing there and this guy was like GIRL THAT I ALWAYS SEE IN THE HALLWAY, DO YOU WANT TO BUY A SODA?
and then my friend goes HER NAME IS KIWI and I was like gahhhh...and then he goes I USED TO CALL MY MOM KIWI so I'm like...what? so instead of being like I'M NOT A GIRL, like I was tempted to, I just scolded him for bad marketing strategies.

My teachers are having a technology rant.

My new classes are going to be really boring (public policy, health, economics) but a few of my teachers are epic enough to keep it interesting. My public policy teacher is from the middle school, so she's uber cheery.

Now he's talking about a rawhide mallet that he used to make a box.

Anyways, I've been in a better mood than usual, so despite my complaints, its been a pretty good week :3

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22969125/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22969125/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:10:41 PST

I have an idea for making a character (lazy instructions, it makes a lot more sense in my head)
Tools Needed:
mp3 player with shuffle feature
decent music
imagination
[link] (or something else thats good for names)

What to do:
Put MP3 on shuffle, write down first 5 songs
Find lyrics to each song
Pick out characteristics from each song for your character
Pick out a fitting name

Voila: new character

not sure if this will work or not, going to be trying it soon.

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22942624/ http://sw33tn3ssfalt3rs.deviantart.com/journal/22942624/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 12:21:11 PST [x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[x]dogs are better then cats
[x] its hilarious when people get hurt
[x] shopping is torture
[ ]sad movies suck
[x] you play XBOX 360/ PS2
[x] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[x] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] you own a DS PS2 or Sega
[x] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[ ]you watch sports on TV
[x] you go to your dad for advice
[ ] you own like a trillion baseball hats
[ ] you used to/collect footy collector cards
[ ] baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
[x] its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[x] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
[x]you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[x] sports are fun
[ ] you talk with food in your mouth
[x] you sleep at night with your socks on
[x] you have fished at least once
total = 17

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[ ] you love to shop
[ ] you wear eyeliner
[ ] you wear the color pink
[x] you go to your mum for advice
[x] you consider cheerleading a sport (unless you're just jumping around with pompoms that is)
[ ] you wear very little black
[ ] you hate wearing the color black
[ ] you like going to the mall
[ ] you cried watching walk to remember
[ ] skirts are a part of your wardrobe
[ ] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[x] you take around one hour to shower
[ ] you are/were in gymnastics/tumbling
[x] you smile a lot more than you should
[ ] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[x] you care about what you look like
[ ] you always/sometimes wear dresses
[ ] you like wearing body spray
[ ] you like high heel shoes
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[ ] you like putting makeup on others
[ ] pink is one of your favorite colors
[ ] you laugh more than you breathe
[ ] you absolutely love chocolate
total = 6

hit enter before I did it? o.o; then went back and fixed it
no clue why I did this one xD

]]> ~sw33tn3ssfalt3rs