http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:sycophant13x&section=today deviantART RSS for by:sycophant13x en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 20:02:31 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/18496458/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/18496458/ Sun, 25 May 2008 14:43:46 PDT
And you know what else? Pieces that have once been pushed aside and considered not part of the puzzle, are now falling into place. They show up on the carpet, camouflaged by it no matter what color the piece is, or what color the carpet is, and it fits.

The latter I notice with music more than anything as of late. Music I have set aside years ago, not with the intention of discarding it, but mayhap with the thought that I’ve outgrown it. Yet, somehow, it proves vital to me now. Music has always spoken to me, and even guided me to some degree. It’s one of my favorite art forms, regardless of the fact that I cannot produce it myself, or even understand it very fully. But lyrics, and the vibe of a series of notes... mmmm! It just has an effect on me. And to find that music I once deemed “unworthy” on some level is now speaking louder than music I have a deep connection to, is odd.

But I recognize the purpose. As always, I’m able to look ahead and see a greater purpose, a bigger goal. Maybe not all the details of it all, but a future nonetheless.

Clicking. Each snap another step towards something unknown. And if I got to paint the picture being pieced together, I could tell you in explicit detail what it would depict. It’s that inability to paint the picture that slows the clicking. Keeps me standing still even.

We’re supposed to be able to control our lives, our destinies. No? Or is that a tired belief of a theory that shouldn’t even be entertained. I’m not even sure now. If all of this is supposed to be happening, the ever impending “Why?” still hangs in the air. And if I’m supposed to be in control, “How?”

And the part that kills me about this puzzle... I already know a piece has gone missing. Maybe a few pieces, but one for sure. And so many other pieces have been scarred by time. Neglect. Important pieces. Pieces that may never make that satisfying click again.

But what’s the point of working a puzzle that cannot be completed?

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/15484732/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/15484732/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 19:39:12 PST
Not in the mood to share all the symbolism behind it... not sure if I'll ever share that publicly... but here it is for everybodies viewing pleasure!

Click the link to see it - [link]

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/15149579/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/15149579/ Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:43:10 PDT
Being the weekend, my insurance comapny can't do jack until monday. I work at 4am monday. Hmm... thank gods for a dad who is willing to take me to work at that ungodly hour. At least on monday. I think I can beg friends into giving me rides home the rest of the week. That is, if insurance won't cover a rental car.

The shittiest part... I've been planning for awhile now to drive up north to Redding, CA to visit a dear friend of mine. For Halloween. Now I'll likely end up flying, which is ok. But I LOVE driving. That's the shittiest part of this... my car, while just a lil Ford Focus, is MY car, and it's a bit like a home to me. And now it's all smashed up, and I don't even know if it can be fixed.

*sigh*

Things were going well for awhile too. Thus my lack of online time.

I'm alive and uninjured (except possibly for some whiplash that I'm not sure if I'm feeling or not right now). So I'm quite thankful for that.

Just thought I'd write that down. Helps me calm down a lil more from everything.

Peace, friends.

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/12311527/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/12311527/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 15:28:45 PDT I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no.

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
(mumbling)

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/11308054/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/11308054/ Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:49:35 PST
Looking back, I kinda feel like I stepped out of a dimensional portal sometime in the latter part of 2005, and finally stopped hiding in the shadows during 2006. It's been a year of awakening. To say the least.

So, I started off at the lowest I had been in a long while, and had to spend time fixing things I'd nearly screwed up totally. Even still, I'm working on that. Some things are more difficult to fix than others apparently. I thank my friends and family who have managed to not kick me to the curb for standing by me during the course of all this. I know it's not easy on them.

I met two of the greatest friends I've ever been blessed with this year. Who would have thunk it, right? I don't think I could ever express how happy I am to have met you guys (and I hope you realize who you are ). You have both helped me through so much. And if all I had to reflect on for the last year was meeting and hanging out with you guys, that would be more than enough for me. *big group hug*

It's been a year of love. Strained love, free love, earned love, gained love, lost love. But all of it love. And as is the case with love most the time, that's been the most difficult to deal with as well. Lost my heart this year... found it too. Funny how it changed hands the way it did. I still have yet to regain possession of it though, and maybe that's ok. Not sure what to do with that lil issue in the coming year though. See what happens.

I understand the whole "summer of love" deal. Lived it myself. And then some! Also, I finally learned to appreciate Pink Floyd (during the summer mostly)... to the point that I can hardly stop listening to them! Think what you will about me in regards to that. All I know is that I've discovered through Pink Floyd that my mind is still capable of creativity, and that's not something I'm gonna shun.

Speaking of creativity. I know now for sure what direction I want to go with a lot of my art. I have too many ideas brewing now to grab ahold of any one in particular. Well, not true. I have grabbed one from that flowing river, but it shant be discussed here. Not now. Needs time. Just as I needed a big chunk of time off from all the art stuff. I felt I reached a point where I simply couldn't express things in a manner I was comfortable with, or in a way that I felt was worthy of being shared. So I quit. Planned to take a year off... it's been just over that now. Was a much needed break though. See, my art was suffering for a long while... becoming more and more contrived. May not seem like it to some of you, but it was. I don't hate the work necessarily, just don't feel that it speaks from where it needed to speak from. As if that makes sense. I'd run the well dry, and somehow still managed to pump a drop or two out of it. That's the best I can describe it. Over this last year, I've filled the well up enough to last an eternity.

I love and hate that.

Which brings me to the bit about understanding. The bit I still can't put into words. I understand not why some things have happened this year, but understand the need for them to have happened. I understand why other things played out as they did, but not why they had to be in the first place. It's a series of paradoxes, this understanding. Even still, after so many nights spent pondering, I don't understand why one thing exists. Why it came to me now, teasing me, lifting me up as high as I've ever been, but with the eternal threat of dropping me so low so fast, that I don't know if I'll survive. Let alone recover.

The ultimate understainding is this though: I wouldn't trade a single second of any of it for anything in the universe.

I look forward to this year. I dread a part of it as well... but I guess even that will be an experience I will grow from in some way shape or form. My hope is to regulate some things to a point where I allow myself some more "me time" to work on art. That's how I believe I will achieve my resolution of finding peace. Peace in all that understanding of things that have been, things that are, and things yet to come.

Happy new year everybody! May it bring you all you deserve and more.

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/11066954/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/11066954/ Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:31:30 PST
Would you like to say something before you leave
Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel
We said good-bye before we said hello
I hardly even like you, I shouldn't care at all
We met just six hours ago, the music was too loud
From your bed I came today and lost a bloody year
And I would like to know
How do you feel, how do you feel, how do you feel?

Not a single word was said, delights still without fears
Occasionally you showed a smile but what was the need
I felt the cold far too soon in a room of '95
My friends are lying in the sun, I wish that I was there
Tomorrow brings another town and another girl like you
Have you time before you leave to greet another man
Just you let me know
How do you feel, how do you feel, how do you feel?

Good-bye to you
Charlotte Pringle's due
I've had enough for one day

And for those not in the know, that's Pink Floyd. and currently it speaks to me the loudest out of all the songs I know. Frighteningly so.

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/10828213/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/10828213/ Thu, 23 Nov 2006 21:24:13 PST
But I'm looking forward to tuesday. My art is supposed to be a part of the BT and Thomas Dolby show (that you may have read about in the dA news) in Anaheim this Tuesday, Nov. 28th. I'm excited and scared about it all at once. Many of my friends are going to try to attend. As well as my parents. My best friend will be there... even if I have to drag her ass there! I'm not doing this without her, dammit! But yeah, I'm excited because I've never been a part of something like this. Something that feels so huge. Something that is basically what I hoped to achieve so many years ago.

But I'm scared. I'm gonna be on display, not just my work. Many of the pieces in my gallery are little pieces of me, from various points in my life. The fact that I will be in a room, around strangers who may make comments on my work, comments I can overhear... it frightens me. Should I care what they think? Yes and no. Mostly no. But it's not like I can just tune it out, you know? Sure, I've had my share of comments on this very site that were less than uplifting. But something about it being public, and "live" scares the ever-loving shit out of me!

So yeah. Tough time of year, but also a very exciting time due to some unexpected good news. I'm trying to get out of my own head about everything that's getting me down, and just enjoy everything that's thrown at me. But it can be hard to do.

Anyways, I hope everybody had a good food day, and that the upcoming holidays are great as well!

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/10199299/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/10199299/ Wed, 27 Sep 2006 00:30:16 PDT
So why should I be so upset? I mean, honestly, most everything is looking up at the moment, even if some can't seem to understand that, and even if my financial situation is less than great. But still, I sit here, thinking I'll likely end up going outside to star gaze, get lost in my head, and end up too lost to come back if I know myself at all.

One thing I seem to never get past is the fact that I can't unload my problems on anybodies ear, because I HATE burdening others with that. Regardless of the fact that I like it when others trust me enough to do the same. I feel honored when people trust me to hear their issues... yet, I can't give back that same trust. Very few ever get that far with me... and, oddly enough, it always seems to end up being a person who is at some level I can't reach/be at. Interpret that as you will. I know what I mean by that, and sometimes that's enough I guess.

I've never felt more like ME than I do lately. As if maybe I have finally gotten my feet onto the right path. Given, it's just a beginning, and it COULD deadend just like all the rest have, but it feels different somehow. I want to say it finally feels right, but the truth is I guess I can't know "right" when all I have ever experienced is "wrong." There are some minor details I would change right now, but they are slowly fazing themselves out anyways.

I've grown so much in the last year... so much since the quiet nervous breakdown that I forced myself to deal with in a single drive. The breakdown that finally opened my eyes actually. There's atleast one person I owe a lot to for that point in time, for not overreacting like most would. I hope she knows who she is, and how great she is too.

I think getting my job was what finally made me force myself out of the shell of other people. By which I mean, I feel like I was living my life the way others expected me to, and not how I was wanting to... or even the way I was meant to be. I know not everybody likes me right now, but I'm ok with that. You know why? Because I like me right now. Dammit! Isn't that what really matters? If you are gonna sit around and blame all your problems and issues on others, and use them as a reason for your unhappiness, then fuck you. I'm sorry, but I just don't get that at all. I know it's easier to place blame on others, but trust me when I say it's far more rewarding to blame yourself, then find a way to "fix" it all. Again, I know what I mean, even if nobody else does. But really, don't expect a person to change who they are and what they've grown to love, simply because it goes against what you expected of them.

It's my belief that everybody will serve their purpose in life, regardless of the decisions they make. I don't believe in a hell, or a heaven for that matter. I do believe in karma, as I have experienced too much that fits that too well. It's the closest thing to religion that I will likely ever have. I'm personally still needing to have more "proof" of reincarnation, but can understand where it's coming from, and how it could be plausible. If you choose to think of it in those terms of being "real" or not. As for a higher power? Fuck if I know! There is atleast one very good reason I have to believe that there is something greater than us pulling the strings. Yet, at the same time, that seems completely ridiculous to me, due to my theories on energies and whatnot. Not to mention, there is a distinct possibility (in my mind at least) that none of this is actually "real" anyways, but that one takes me to a state of confusion too fast to deal with it all right now. So I will leave you to ponder than on your own.

Anyways, I'm tired of typing, and losing my steam. I just needed to vent some, and didn't want to call anybody this late at night. I'm not re-reading this. If it is senseless, sorry. If there are spelling/grammar errors, deal with it!

]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/9850880/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/9850880/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 13:06:21 PDT
Something about endings leading to beginnings... or beginnings ending endings. I don't know. It makes sense to me.

I have new art ideas in the works. When I will get around to them is unknown. What they will be is also mostly unknown. I'd say expect a new direction from me than much of what you have seen from me before... but then I'll likely just end up back where I left off. The last piece I made was a half-assed purging, that ended up being dealt with differently than I expected. It was cathartic enough, but more of a catalyst for real world events than anything else.

Again... endings, beginnings... something about all that.

Hope everybody is well, and hope to be able to share new work with y'all by the end of the year. Might take a lil help from some friends, but that's what they are here for, right? ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8646069/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8646069/ Mon, 01 May 2006 20:17:49 PDT Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
NO CHEATING!

How does the world see me?
Eriatarka - The Mars Volta

What do people really think of me?
Downer - Nirvana

Do people secretly lust after me?
A Message - Coldplay

How can I make myself happy?
Don't Make Me Prove It - Veruca Salt

What should I do with my life?
Passenger - Deftones

Will I ever have children?
Gingerbread Coffin - Rasputina

What is some good advice for me?
Over It - Otto's Daughter

What do I think my current theme song is?
Aint That The Way - Ani DiFranco

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Leaves - The Gathering

What song will play at my funeral?
Open Car - Porcupine Tree

What type of men/women do you like?
Breed - Nirvana

What is my day going to be like?
Replaced - Joydrop

Why am I here?
Carrighfergus - Loreena McKennitt

What will people remember me for?
Te Amo Corazon - Prince

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
Satellite - Jewel

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
John Anderson - Garbage

What will this year be all about?
What How When Where (Why Who) - Ani DiFranco

Is that person thinking of me now?
Soft Shoulder - Ani DiFranco ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8435650/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8435650/ Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:21:14 PDT "I stayed / on this track / Lost my way / can't come back"

Been walking down those tracks for years now. Stepping aside from time to time, taking a rest, exploring the waystations. Never really wondered if I would be able to go back or not; never really cared. Walked through too many doors planted too awkwardly in the middle of the track, to even really care about reopening them just to take another step back. The track ahead doesn't even exist anymore... not until the next step is taken. Only then do I know where the next tie is going to be, and where to plant my foot.

"And for once in my life, I feel complete / And I still want to ruin it"

And now that I've arrived, at the one waystation that still shows signs of life, I wonder how I got here. Why now? Why here? Why by this path? So many questions that need no answers, as they wouldn't particularly help matters at all. But I still trip over those questions... still seek their answers with a fervor that would make all think the answers hold true answers within themselves... or something.

"And in a dream, I'm a different me"

Up ahead, I can always see the shadow. The shimmer, or maybe "glimmer" is the proper word. It's just a hint, an idea of a thought, based on a theory, with it's feet planted in fact, and it's body positioned outside of reason. I've stared at it intently enough to allow myself certain missteppings along the way. Some things glow in the dark, you know?

"I'm ok / I'm on track / On my way / And I can't turn back" ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8229205/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8229205/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 16:52:22 PST While most people would want to avoid a 4-door car (apparantly), I actually wanted that... the ZX5 is the 4-door hatchback model, and was what I had in mind when we walked on the lot. Surprised we found one that matched our requirements.

Now, making the payments will be interesting. They aren't horribly high, and I should be able to swing em... but we shall see Luckily it's registered and financed in my parents name, so we got some really decent financing... whereas if it had been in my name, my payments would have gone way up by the sound of it. *shrugs*

I'll get pics to show off at a later date. I just finished stripping the stereo out of Mary Jane, and pushing her out to the curb *single tear* Need to decide what I want to keep and/or reuse from the stereo system, and then sell the rest if I can. Sound system in the Focus is really pretty nice for a stock system... I was shocked. And it has MP3 capability! *rubs hands together greedily* I just want to setup my 10-disc changer to be used with it if possible... probably not gonna put the bass box back in though.

So yeah, while worried about the payments and the soon due auto insurance... I am pretty happy right now ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8211831/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8211831/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 21:59:01 PST
I barely made it back home (techinically I didn't, but close enough to say I did). She blew a head gasket... and possibly other things as well. Simply put, it's not worth the hassle and the cost to fix her up this time around, so she shall soon be scrapped I guess. After I strip her of all the things I want to keep (stereo, battery, etc).

Tuesday, I go car shopping, and hope to find something decent in an affordable price range. *crosses fingers* Of course, anybody who knows me knows that Mini Cooper is the first place I looked when looking for a new car. Kinda out of my range I think, but not quite sure... must open discussions with financiers.

Been researching cars all night... worn out with it all now, but gathered some good info, imo.

But yeah, I'm dead in the water at the moment, and must find some way to get to work Wednesday afternoon. Hopefully via a Mini Cooper! ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8134291/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8134291/ Sat, 11 Mar 2006 20:20:28 PST
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Trent
Birthdate: 01.28.81
Birth place: Redlands, CA
Current Location: Yucaipa, CA (unfortunately)
Eye Color: bluish
Hair Color: brown... kinda on the dark side I suppose
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Scottish, Irish, Choctaw Indian... possibly a dash of a couple others in there, can't recall anymore.
What Shoes Did You Wear Today: My "boots" as I call them. Hefty black combat-looking things.
Your fears: Not achieving what I want to... not finding somebody to share everything with.
Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni & Cashew... possibly with some canadian bacon as well.
Goal you'd like to achieve: Finally make the mark I feel I need to through my art... even if it is only a mark I see myself.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: "in my opinion" (imo)
Your thoughts first waking up: "this again?"
Your best physical feature: I dig my nose
Your most missed memory: The calmness that was the chaos of woodshop

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: either one... not that picky
Single or group dates: I'll take whatever I can get at this point
Adidas or Nike: fuck name brand, cheap shoes last longer.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Tazo Tea!
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Both... at the same time! That's right, you know you like the visual!

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU/ARE YOU?
Smoke: Occasionally
Cuss: Daily
Single: Yeah
Take a shower: Most definitely
Have a crush(es): Usually, it seems.
Like(d) high school: Not particularly
Want to get married: Someday, maybe... not so much concerned about actual marriage per se.
Get motion sickness: Only if I try to read while in motion.
Think you're a health freak: Let's see... umm... no!
Get along with your parents: For the most part... but they still drive me batty.
Like thunderstorms: Oh, hell yes!
Play an instrument: Nope... wish I could though

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST 1-3 MONTHs
Drank alcohol: Yessum
Been on stage: Not that I recall
Eaten Sushi: Nope
Been dumped: Gotta be something other than single for that to happen, right?
Gone to the mall: Sure
Gone skating: Oddly, yeah (on ice)
Gone skinny dipping: Nopers
Dyed your hair: Hair? What's that?

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: No sir
Changed who you were to fit in: I wish it were that easy to fit in...

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: Don't give that much thought myself
Numbers of Children: Something else I don't think about... i'll wait til I have more purpose to figure that sort of thing out.
Describe your dream wedding: Probably something small... and definitely unique.
What do you want to be when you grow up: A Toys R Us kid! Nah... stupid question, imo... if you have that figured out, then are you really gonna live a full life if it's spent pursuing a career goal? That requres more explanation than I will go into here.
What country or state would you most like to visit: I'd love to have the financial stability to travel the bulk of the world eventually.

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color: Icy blue... but any color will do fine for me if there is the right stuff behind the eyes
Best hair color?: Whatever... I am quite partial to red... but again, not at all picky about it.
Short or long hair: Either.. though, some people look better than others in either length.
Height: Not picky about that either... as if it's not hard enough to find somebody; do you really think i'm gonna put a height restriction on it? I'm comfortable enough to be fine with a taller gal if need be... or shorter... or same height... or, whatever!
Best first date location: *shrugs* Whatever feels right for the situation I suppose
Articles of clothing?: Sense of style is cool, but not a requirement with me (obviously, right?)
Best first kiss location: See first date answer above.

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people i can completely trust? Could count them on one hand... with some room to spare.
Number of CD's I own: Nearly 200 I believe
Number of piercings: None
Number of tattoos: Nothing... yet
Number of times been on T.V.?: Zero
Number of times my na... ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8110636/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/8110636/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 09:06:42 PST
Why is it that we tend to crush the things we love the most? Why do we hold on so tight, when we know at our core that it is not required? Maybe it's just me.

So, sit and wait I will... and while I wait, I will deal with what I know I have to deal with. Probably in silence and as alone as possible. I guess that's just my way... I tried to be different, not to change, but to do something new... apparantly, it's not the best idea.

Ice like blue... *sighs* ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7985504/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7985504/ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 21:41:56 PST ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7854627/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7854627/ Fri, 10 Feb 2006 09:55:23 PST Early in 2005, I wrote this piece. I happened to remember it today... for some odd reason, and opted to look it up and see what it was about. I'm still sorta impressed by the very loose palindrome I snuck in there too.
---------------------------------------------------

What monster have I become, to be the one fawning after you to fill the final peace. The one whole left to complete the puzzle, and make the enigma... or break it, depending on which eye you opt to look through; sense vision falters if you blink successionally. What monster is this that owns; have of my life, just let me take you with me to show you, off in the depths of which you are too timid to tread.

The bottle floats, bobs... up and down in the aching pool. The cork barely fits now; it's that fool. You can almost... here, the laughs escaping, riding the tales of the screams who are clawing as the rains of the weeping Could Have begins. And if the jinni pulls you back into it's bottle, yore screams and laughs will be the ones wishing they could write the tales, and reap the could have beans. The bottle bobbles, shivers with EXcitement; it's going to break, free all the laughs and screams; and the scattered shards will mirror the roar, rim the world like a salted glass.

What monster have I become, to hold six years in a container of glass. Guarded by the Could Have Beings, and the Mighty Have Beens. So weak after weak, as a dey turns to a knight, your moon all that is clear to me anymore. ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7792222/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7792222/ Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:41:20 PST -------------------------------------------------------------------

Where E. galls sore,
I don't think so.
--And now,
--for something completely different...

Ice like blue,
or p'raps
Blue like ice.
Ice like ice
Icy

Every word
were it for naught.
Hot in my ear,
Cold on my tongue.

Corkscrewing,
the wringing.
Hairy twists falling,
Poking,
Teasing.

Soar grounded,
Grounded sores.
Impulse taut,
Learned control...

Still,
Ice like blue,
Blue like ice.
Melts my thaw. ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7621776/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7621776/ Mon, 16 Jan 2006 15:11:29 PST Listening to: Cold - A Different Kind of Pain
Watching: THe 40 Year Old Virgin

Wow, haven't written anything here in awhile... sadly I haven't a whole lot to say, as I find myself using my Myspace blog for my venting purposes anymore these days.

I had an AMAZING weekend though... one I shan't soon forget. I hope I remember to never hold back again after the experience of this weekend. Tis much better to just be open and upfront about things; regardless of the circumstances. I have gained one hell of an amazing friend by doing so, and no longer feel so overwhlemed by holding back feelings from her and such. *sigh of relief*

Still in a funk as far as art is concerned... but I am slowly working on trying to fix that. Need to find a job though, I'm afraid, so that I can hopefully get my plan of mixing my life up a bit set into action. And, since the art isn't "working" for me at the moment anyways, why not fill my time/mind with a mundane job or whatever?

I have been working on a CD Layout for a band lately, which should be soon coming to an end now. That's been the extent of my "arting" I'm afraid. I wish I had deeper, more personal pieces to share with the world. But, they just aren't happening as of late. I have my muse... just not a clear direction for how to "use" her yet. Probably because I'm used to drawing inspiration from an angrier place, and this time it's a very happy place that this muse takes me... a calm place. And it is just much harder to express that in a way I see fitting, especially considering that this muse is still somebody who is in my life on quite a regular basis.

Much of my past work deals with losing things/people I was afraid to reach out to and try to hold onto. And I now feel at peace with all that... and I really am mostly happy right now in my life. There is one thing going on that still upsets me, internally, but it's not something I can, or even want, to use for my art. So, what I have been thinking is that I need to get back to my pinups... but try much harder to find my own style for them (which I might have a direction for now). And a new technique for creating them. Plus, it might allow me to use my muse in a new and exciting way! You know, presuming I can sweet talk her into posing for some reference photos once I figure everything out

So, there ya go... that's my boring ol' update! Hope all you people out there on the inter-web are doing well!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7484582/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7484582/ Mon, 02 Jan 2006 00:31:23 PST
So, I don't know if anybody else sees this like I do, or at all even. But, when I close my eyes, especially in a semi-dimly lit environment, I see what I can only describe as a swirl of colors. Typically blues, reds and greens, and whatever colors they can make by mixing together. It is very much like a visualizer such as the one in iTunes. There aren't any "wavelengths" and such dancing around in these colors, but the swirl of color does move about. This is nothing special to me... I've expereinced it for as long as I can remember. I assume it is "normal" but have never really discussed it with anybody to find out.

What makes this evening's experience so odd to me was that this time, amidst those swirls, there was imagery. Very clear imagery. An eye to be specific about it. I can even tell you whose eye it was, but will refrain from doing so for some reason. Seeing the eye mixed in with the colors would be normal enough had it been just a static image; still would've been a new experience, but somehow not as weird. What really creeped me out though was that it was "animated." Nay, the fucking thing was ALIVE! I shit you not! Her eye was as real to me in this experience as it is in person. The way it moved, the way it blinked, the expressioning, I could even feel the vibe of what it was trying to put across. Uncanny... and freaky. And even though it wasn't "in color" per se, the iris was still obviously the color it is in real life. That probably doesn't make sense, but I know what I mean. The more I focused on the eye, the more chaotic the swirly colors became, until they reached a point where they became much like fast moving clouds; temporarily blocking my view of the eye. At some point, the cloudy effect dissipated, and all of a sudden a spiral of words came flowing from her eye... they were readable words, not dreamland mumbo jumbo (another reason I know it wasn't a dream and that I wasn't asleep)... unfortunately, the spiral was too tightly wound, and moving too fast for me to actually read what was shooting out at me. I caught glimpses of words, and they left me with that whole tip of the tongue feeling. It was like it had been flashed at me so fast that I wasn't sure if I actually saw the word I thought I saw, or if it was simply a projection of my mind. If that makes sense.

Oh yes, forgot to mention. When I first layed down to try to take this nap, I felt... something... right next to my ear. Best I can describe it is as the feeling of having somebody lean in close to whisper in your ear. I even had the sensation of hair brushing against my ear and head. The eye appeared to me no more than 5mins after that. Probably a lot sooner than that even, truth be told.

Weirdness like this keeps happening to me (oh, I could tell you stories!). It worries me, to be honest. I don't know if I should be concerned about my health (mental or otherwise), or if I should just be creeped out and excited about seeing something "behind the curtain." Am I going crazy? Possibly too far gone already? Or am I just... disintegrating? Slow-leaking until finally running the resovoir dry.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7374939/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7374939/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:29:22 PST

Mood: Dejected
Watching: Been watching Smallville on DVD

As another year to my life nears coming to a close (little more than a month away now), I realize now more than ever how pointless my life seems to have become. I am going to be 25, and I have not done anything to better my position in this world, or even to better the world for that matter. I have been lazy forever and a day, and all I have to show for myself is some art. Art that seems not to reach the people I want it to reach... and art that seems no longer to even reach me. I guess it's fairly typical for an artist not to like a lot of their work; I mean it makes sense. They want to better themselves with each piece, so when they are actually achieving that, then the last piece is obviously gonna fall and maybe even fail... in their eyes. But, I can't help but wonder now - after a near 6-month long dry spell (save for one lil piece) - if I have chosen the correct path for myself. I know not where to turn now though if this is the wrong path.

This next bit is not meant to come across sounding like a burden, but it might anyways. In the last few months, I met a girl who has totally captivated all my attention. Of course, this has been a wonderful thing to me... but also not so wonderful. See, I can't seem to bring myself to the point of risking our friendship completely by divulging my true feelings (familiar territotry for me, but totally different this time around); which happen to be quite strong feelings, so far as I can tell. The feelings have been half-assed revealed through an unfortunate situation. I say "unfortunate" because I'm sure it lessened the impact of my true feelings, making them seem as if they were forced into existence, and not naturally formed. I wake up everyday thinking about her, and go to sleep every night with her on my mind. She is not easily kicked out of my mind either. Actually, I don't think I have been at all successful in doing that. The only time she doesn't occupy my thoughts are during the moments when I am hanging out with her, or when sleep finally overcomes me. I know that might not make sense. It's not that I don't think of her when she and I are together, it's just that I'm too busy eating up the experience of her to realize what my thoughts are doing. Does that make it clearer, or not? I'm so horrible at this sort of thing. I know that she has an interest in another guy at the moment... but that's not been enough to keep me from seriously considering spilling the beans to her. I get along with her better than I have ever gotten along with anyone, imo. And even before I became infatuated by her, I was completely intrigued by her. Everything in regards to her seems so perfect... and we seem fairly comfortable together. I believe myself to be a decent looking guy... and I know I'm a good person... so why has it always been so fucking hard to find a gal that has an interest in me? Doesn't matter I guess. Except, you know, that it does.

Here's the odd thing about me... I have only ever been interested in three girls my whole life. You know, as far as a proper interest goes, excluding the couple grade school crushes and such. And that three is including the current situation. One of them I have mostly lost contact with and never got to reveal anything to her (at least not flat out); the other is still a friend of mine to this day (again, no actual revealing, but the knowledge is there now I think); and now, for the third time, I'm about to repeat my same pattern. Except for one difference... this time, I don't know if I can keep this to myself. Too many years of doing that has changed me a little bit I guess. For so long now, I have just wanted to grab her and kiss her, then cut the proverbial vein and let it all out. I don't think it's the proper way to do things, but it plays out well in my head.

Financially things are getting bad too. Which, oddly enough, has not stressed me out like it probably should. My finances tend to find a way to work themselves out most times. Though, having only double digits to my name is a bit unnerving. What upsets me most about that is that I have not been able to buy birthday or christmas presents for some people I would have liked to try to do that for... including my family. Even though I am not a huge supporter of the christmas thing, I usually try to at least give a little (because I take so much all year long). Wasn't in the stars for me this year though. Pity too, because I really do love the look on somebodies face when I watch them open something I give them.... ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7328050/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7328050/ Fri, 16 Dec 2005 13:09:19 PST Nereida by ~slaine. I don't know who did that, but you are too kind, and quite awesome as well Twas a complete and total surprise to see a tube from DA with my name on it.



Unfortunately, DA seems to have printed it wrong somehow... not the first time I've seen something like this from DA either. It's basically cut in half and stretched oddly. But I'm sure I can get that sorted out, so no worries there.

So, thank you so very much to whoever did that for me... I shall find a spot to hang it as soon as things settle down... and I get a fixed version heehee

I guess that ol' christmas spirit really is alive and kicking though, huh? And here I was being all pessimistic!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7223301/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7223301/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 18:51:48 PST Listening to: Tool - Undertow

It's funny to me. The way some people can rile themselves up over a subject. A topic. A mere intangible. I know that I am jaded, in many ways... and that I am uninformed, and therefore not the best person to talk about much of anything; but come on. Even I recognize an ill-formed argument, based in a simple idea that really is not much more than a glorified stereotype.

Something I always fear and see in myself, and readily pick up on in others, is the arrogance they hold regarding their supposedly brilliant and original ideas/theories/spewings. I know I possess intelligence... and I know how to use it when I want to; but I am also fully aware of the fact that my ideas/theories/spewings are not the be all and end all (and quite often are complete bullshit). Then again, I never have been able to articulate those things very well at all either. Thus raising an eyebrow to the whole thought of intelligence.

Should not an intelligent being be able to articulate themselves?

I always take that question back to the art... sorry, it's just my nature. I do not have a mind that thinks too well "on the spot" for most things. I need the time to let it settle in and leave an ass imprint on my mind. Only then will I even begin to assume that I can understand it well enough to explain it. Thus the reason for my art not being "fast," or constantly popping out. Digestion is the mother of creation (for me)... as gross as that can be twisted. I can't digest information on the spot, and thus cannot keep a debate/argument going most the time. Unless it is over something that does actually have a soild factual base, and the other side being argued is just completely and totally baseless and obviously bullshit. In that case I can typically put somebody in their place if I feel a need. But I often won't. I really do not see a reason in doing so, if it is all harmless. I mean, I am very much a dreamer... my thought process is not exactly weighted with cement shoes, and left to trample the same beaten path as so many others before me. So why would I want to beat somebody else down over something so trivial?

Is my floaty path therefore new and unique and far superior to so many others? Hell no... I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on my worst enemy.

See, I think a lot of people misinterpret the term "dreamer" these days. Head in the clouds is one way I often heaar it described. Yet a dreamer is so vastly different from somebody who simply cannot focus their mind. I won't speak for all self-proclaimed dreamers, but I will say what I know to be true of myself in this regard. Being a dreamer, I find it very hard to care about the actual world I live in... because my mind and my body are not on the same page; or in the same book even. While my body has to stay here, and keep itself "healthy" and whatnot... my mind does not. And it definitely doesn't try to do so. No. My mind is a part of me I still cannot quite hold on to; both because of it's being in a different book, and also because it is so ungrounded. Try to tie a dreamers mind down, and see how long it is before they start kicking and screaming. Keep it tied down, and you'll see the complete draining of their spirit. Like I said, these are all personal observations.

So, what's the point? Everybody wants a point, right? A reason to everything... a reason for their feelings, a reason for their thoughts, a reason why they are here. We want a cause... a place to finally point the blame. Women ruin everything; men are pigs; left is wrong; right is wrong; white is evil; grey is acceptable... senseless, useless, meaningless drivel. As far as this dreamer is concerned. My mind is stimulated by emotion... it is absolutely the only thing that keeps me interested in this world, as far as I can tell. There is no way to explain it (at least not to me), and there is no good way of controlling it. You can feel so much through experiencing so little sometimes.

Intangibles... I think that's the point.

"And you will come to find that we are all one mind/Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable."

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7162288/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7162288/ Sun, 27 Nov 2005 20:41:24 PST
Listening to: Tapping the Vein

It sucks... I can't have the one thing I truly want. Merry Christmas Trent. (yeah, I know... bitch, bitch, bitch) Honestly though, I'd likely just bore of it if I had it anyways... or simply destroy it... ever the eternal battle that. *shrugs*

What also sucks is that my mind always springs back to the negative. Can't seem to help it either anymore... years of being around it, you pretty much just become it. Positive focus seems so fleeting when I attempt it, and so unsatisfying. Though, positivity as far as being it, or around it, is wholly different. And completely wonderful. Takes me back to the Tool concerts everytime... and the playing of "Lateralus." *swoons*

I love my friends... the self-abuser in me doesn't understand why they put up with me though. lol I love my family too... but it is such a different and strained love(both in the sense of being filtered and "done or produced with excessive effort"). Love, love, love... hmmm. Odd to be so full of something I can't grasp. The slipperly lil fucker!

I'm a train wreck anymore.

Ever been so completely comfortable with sometihng, and yet also totally discomforted by it? Talk about wrecking the train. *In his stupid "no shit" voice* "Ever been walking forwards and backwards simulataneously?"

Cheesy ass songs get to me so much more now than I ever thought was possible. It makes me feel so dirty. LOL I laugh, but it's true! My musical tastes have expanded a bit lately though... more open-minded than I once was with it all.

I've never precisely felt as if I belong... it's not a feeling I dwell on, just something that is there. It doesn't make me feel at all tortured, or left out. It's just the way of things apparantly. Like a mole... I could cut it away, but the scar would always remind me of it, so why bother?

I tend to explain things in allegory (see "mole thing" above). What's odd is that I end up getting lost and twisted about if I try to speak about it directly... I liken it to a ventriloquist who can only communicate through his puppet/dummy. There I go again...

I could cry at the drop of a hat these days... I don't, but I could.

All the sex in advertisements and just everywhere in general has actually managed to get under my skin. Never thought it could happen, but it has. And I thought I was sexless before!

I used to drive too fast (as fast as my car would allow at least) on near-empty freeways in the middle of the night. To test a theory. I used to do this, only when I was alone. The theory tested out... it passed... I guess. Knowing that changed nothing though. Surprising, huh?

I spend too much time thinking about how to change things, and nowhere near enough time changing them.

Sometimes I can see myself as a functional person in a real world. Most time's though, I just see a disjointed, scattered and broken thing wandering about in a surreality; something too unreal to be, and too possible to be discounted.

I'm betting that I reveal too many of my thoughts and/or feelings for comfort. I find it odd how comfortable it is to spill such things through these journals/blogs online. Yet, ask me in person to do the same and I'll freeze (with rare exception).

Everybody seeks appreciation and acceptance, imo. Maybe not on the same levels or for the same reasons, but it tends to be one of the core elements needed by most people (this is all my opinion, I base nothing in fact anymore). But really, what are you gonna do when you get these things? What does it change? Especially if it was like pulling teeth to yeild the desired results.

What does anything change really?

Did you know? DO you know? How could you?

At times, I cannot taste or smell anything. Other times, those senses are so in tune that they are too intense to bear... due to the memories they bring with them.

You are so normal... and still so unique. It's a conundrum. Probably explains a lot more than I realize. I never could resist a good puzzle.

I beat myself up often enough... but rarely beat myself down. That's gotta cause some sort of cosmic oddness with the world. hmmm...

I despise spoken/written language... well, language of all kinds I guess (unfortunately art falls under that too). It feels like just another limitation to slow me down. But look at how often I resort to it as a thing I NEED. Things would be so much easier and clearer if we didn't all have to stop and read the signs, symbols, and glyphs.

Ok, ALL day long lil feathery thin... ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7088892/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7088892/ Sat, 19 Nov 2005 21:58:34 PST Listening to: Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
Watching: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

*sighs*

I think it's done. The studio I mean... as far as all my work goes. Art needs to be obtained and put on the walls. That's the next/last major thing to do as far as I know. Seems so fitting that I am calling it done on the 19th though; 12 and 19... numbers that always seem to pop up at odd times. Mysterious stuff that, but nothing worth boring everybody with.

Work on the studio began on Sept. 11th (odd huh?), putting the project at just over two months of pretty solid work. I'm not one to test my limits most times... but I do feel as if that happened without even trying while working on all this. I reached lows that I haven't even considered possible in years... and highs that were weird and trying; tested my ability to heal (and bleed randomly), while barely being able to lift my arms on some days due to the workout they were receiving constantly. I have bruises that are just now starting to fade away, and they were obtained weeks ago. I normally don't bruise easy, but sitting on my legs/knees for whole days, or running into things I forgot were there (and in once case falling off the workbench)... yeah, that was enough to leave a mark even on my tough exterior lol The weight loss was a pleasant surprise... amazing what a load of stress and continuous work will do to a person (physically as well as mentally). I still don't notice it when I see myself in a mirror, but when I see pics of myself, it takes me by surprise.

A sense of accomplishment as finally washed over me... my resentment expressed for the Studio recently seems to not be quite so present now (still has some fading to do). Making me realize I should likely allow things to settle in a bit before bitching about them... but what fun is that! Yeah... I feel like I did a good job, and got things done rather speedily considering I was flying solo 90% of the time.

Which brings me to something I need to do... some "thank you's." Not even sure if all the following people read these things... but it doesn't matter at the moment. Bear with me here (if you are gonna keep reading at all)... it's not a strong point for me, but I try.

First off... Troy. You drive me absolutely apeshit (is that even a common term?) most the time. Yet, even I have to admit that those lil "quirks" are likely what has made the Studio the beautiful masterpiece that it is. Not to mention, it was your brainchild, you birthed it, and you funded it. I just threw in my lil bit of design knowledge and my skillset. Sure, you pissed me off, and I likely pissed you off (seems to work mutually like that, imo), at times... but in the end we are still on good terms (I think!), and we are all working towards our dreams in a much more inviting, and comfortable environment. It's been great to see you finally working on art again these past few days... finally made all the long days and hard work seem worthwhile. So yeah, thank you... for giving us a place to breathe, and vent our creative passions collectively (as odd as that sounds).

Trevor... we share khef! You have been the sane face to turn to during this whole thing. Seems like you got dumped on a lil bit at times (not to mention beat in the head with a hammer), and that probably wasn't fair to do (the dumping, not the hammering)... but, you are the easier one to talk to in most cases! A voice of reason when my mind was unable to sort everything out, and nobody else was able to really get through (for various reasons). Just the fact that I know we are always on the same wavelength is helpful most the time. Being able to turn to you and share that knowing look in the eye, and the soft chuckle at whatever we just simultaneously realized/thought/whatever is great... not to mention creepy as hell. Thanks for being the crutch, allowing me to hobble about when needed... I'll try to keep my smelly armpit to myself now.

I should be thanking my parents right about here... but I'm gonna save that for later, and to them personally. So, onward we go. But who shall be next? *ponders*

Ok, on to Rachel. I know we have been known to go for handfuls of years without any contact, but always seem to be able to pick things right back up when we do get back in touch. It's odd, but somehow it works. You always seem to pop into my life at precisely the right time too... though, at first, it's like a drop of water into a still pond, and I don't mean th... ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7065870/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7065870/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 17:07:39 PST Listening to: Foo Fighters
Watching: May

I know I keep bitching about it, and I'm sure it's gotten old. But I'm still exhausted. It's been just over two months now... working pretty solid, and pretty hard, and pretty much by myself, with only small breaks here and there. That accounts for the physical tiredness I seem to be unable to escape. It's the mental wear that is really starting to bother me. Of course, there is more attacking me in that regard too (especially now)... but I swear, once I started to slip, I just fell. No balancing act before the fall (well, a very half-assed one maybe), just the slip and then right down on my ass. And who extended their hand to help me up? Oh yeah, that's right... I got myself up off the ground. Honestly though, I wouldn't expect anybody to help, mainly because I tend to push them away if they do anyways. Just sucks that the offers have quit rolling in. Another case of having a thing too much when you have no use for it, and not at all the one time you would truly benefit from it. *shrugs*

The question of "why" keeps popping into my mind while I'm working. Why is this taking so long... Why am I pushing myself so hard... Why did I agree to this... Why won't it end... Why can't I remember the "landmarks," as it were... Why do I not care about it anymore... Why can't I just be completely honest with myself and others??????? Most of those relate to the studio. Oddly enough, I find myself becoming very detached from the studio at the moment, and in turn, find myself withdrawing from the people around me. I look into their eyes, and don't see that comfortable place I used to see (there are non-familial exceptions to this). Now, the studio is awesome (if I do say so myself), and I feel perfectly comfortable in here doing my thing... when I take time to do that. Yet, the excitement and anticipation of it all has been obliterated for me... at least temporarily. I have personified the room into something that I loathe, because it is taking away from ME... not just my time, but from my being. Tainting my thoughts, coloring my perception, and just eating constantly. The room, not me... no, food hasn't tasted particularly good to me for some time now. I eat to live, and I can tell a bad taste from a good one... but that's about as far as it goes. All the good tastes are just equal though... even my favorite things have been knocked off their pedestals to join the ranks of the mediocre (or the medi-okra maybe? haha).

Enough about food though... it's of little importance to me. My concern still falls back to my mind. I feel like I tend to be the "strong one" in a given situation. I'm the one to keep my cool, and work through something calmly, and never give anybody any grief. The quiet one who is always willing to listen and help out as he can. As such, I feel rather emotionless most times. I attribute that to years of "sitting on the fence" about many things. I'll say this though... when I do feel something, it's strong, hard to control (if it needs to be), and consumes me completely; all whilst I hide it from public view (or try too). Unfortunately, that is where I believe myself to be at the moment... completely consumed by an emotion. And as wonderful as it should be, I tend to fight myself about it, and try to hold myself back for no reason at all; other than fear I guess.

So, consumed by a project, and consumed by a (rare) emotion... no wonder I fell on my ass... figuratively speaking, of course. Now the question remains, which beast do I conquer, and which one do I kill? Or should they both be conquered? Hmmmm... much pondering to do there I guess. It sure is hard to work on a project you've grown to hate though, with thoughts of feelings crowding your mindspace. It's rather foreign to me in this case... it's just so different this time, and I can't figure why.

This proabably still won't be the last I write of this... I apologize ahead of time to anybody who keeps reading it And also thank anybody who actually does read through my incessant thoughts.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7036498/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/7036498/ Sun, 13 Nov 2005 14:10:49 PST Listening to: Autolux

Ok, so I'm getting to this one a bit late... but it has been a slow week, sorta. I needed a break, so I didn't even begin working on anything again until... Wednesday? Yeah, pretty sure that is right. Tuesday night I double checked and tweaked the plans for the bookcase, and Wednesday I cut out all the pieces, and had it put together. Thursday was spent installing the face frame, and then sanding the whole thing like a mad man! After which it was time to apply the first coat of varnish. Since I don't have a stable elevated surface to work on, I ended up laying on my back on cold concrete to varnish the lower shelf areas. Let me tell you... cold concrete doesn't exactly warm up from body heat; and I don't like to wear even my light jacket in the garage (usually afraid one of the power tools will snag it's baggy sleeves and rip my arms off), so I got fairly chilled! But it was worth it! haha So, the second coat was planned for application on Friday, but I pushed it off to Saturday. Now the bookcase is in the Studio, being filled up. But I shall wait to post this after it's filled so that I can have pics of it both empty, and serving it's purpose

Some wrap-up, huh? Need to go over and tweak the plans for the paper cabinet (designed it too big apparantly) now so that I can start that tomorrow. I do not look forward to that one though... six drawers to deal with on it. I did good not going insane with the two drawers on the desk! Get the butterfly nets out now, because you will be wanting those things handy to use on me by the end of the week, I'm sure

Pictures are available to those who click this link.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6993456/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6993456/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 18:18:04 PST
Everything prior to "Discordia Conquers" came from a place of anger. Mostly trivial, some of it deep-seated, and nearly all of it anger towards myself for a few reasons. The anger that projected outwards was always aimless, and just an easy solution to temporarily solve a bigger problem that wasn't going away. "Discordia Conquers" marked a new page... or rather, a last page... of what is now seemingly a final step in a long travelled path. There is anger in that piece, but a smaller dose. Through my eyes, that's a piece full of hope; regardless if I succeeded in portraying that in a way others could pick up on or not. Without realizing I was doing it, I closed a door... and I hope that door stays closed, even though I know how easy it is to tap into it's energy, I would love to be done with all of that.

I've never considered myself an angry person. I used to have quite a temper I guess, and I used to be more of an ass than I believe myself to be now... but I don't believe I ever really emoted actual anger very often, if at all. Which is likely why I turned to it so often in my art; as the only way I felt comfortable exposing it. And after (counts it up in his head) 6yrs I finally realize that I just may have worked through all of that mess. I don't know if that is possible, but I feel self-aware enough today to say that it feels pretty damn true. "6yrs of bottled up emotion ready to be released, but I can't find a glass to pour it into." That line (which tittered in my mind at a party one night a few months ago) was the basis of a piece that I have now decided to abandon. I kept hitting a wall with it, no matter how hard or how little I tried. I now realize that it was because I was using faux anger towards a situation/person which I opted out of taking control over long ago. That piece taunted me, laughed at me, and broke me down completely. Which was odd to have happen after just finishing a piece I was very happy with; and I assume that to be the reason I have felt so unfocused lately. Being torn into those two completely opposite directions like that was more than I am capable of dealing with I guess.

Anymore, I am easily annoyed, irked, and occasionally upset; but I just don't think I can be angry now. Everything that seems to piss me off is, in actuality, a minor annoyance, and passes in a couple minutes at most. I can't comfortably call that anger myself, as I have always defined it as something of a more serious nature that lingers, even though it is an emotion defined differently for everyone in my experience. Knowing this, I now feel a need to search for something new to fuel my artistic passion. Maybe the simplicity of the pinup art is really enough to satisfy me; maybe I should seek out a situation that will leave me with something new to "say" in the end; and more than likely, I should just not think about it, and just let things happen. Fuel seems to find it's way to the engine, even when it's blocked. May not be enough to make the engine fire, but it gets to sit there and wait for the spark at least. Now I wonder which I am... the fuel, the spark, or the engine? *ponders*

There is a list of people I should be thanking right now... but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to do so at the moment. I've never been good at being gracious, or apologizing. And am absolutely horrible at showing/admitting love(whether it be platonic or otherwise). Maybe when I come back to this later and re-read it, I will amend this last part with the names that should be here. But don't count on it.

So yeah, I don't know how this sounds to anybody else, or how long it will be kept public. But for now, I feel much better and am willing to share my thoughts.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6958213/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6958213/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 23:01:22 PST Listening to: 30 Seconds to Mars

Another week of woodworking done. And one desk/sculpting station complete!

Yes, you read that right. After two weeks of work, Trevor's desk is complete. There is still a clear vinyl piece to sit on top of his images (look at the pics to know what I'm talking about), but the desk is done as far as I am concerned And, if I do say so myself, it looks pretty darn spiffy! The stain color came out better than I had anticipated, the finish seems great, and it all feels pretty strong.

Not sure that I actually recall the way the week broke down (I've kinda lost my mind a bit this week... and inhaled too many nocuous fumes too)... but I know the week started by getting the drawers all sorted out. Then I had a couple more frame pieces to install, and a footrest to get ready for installation. Also cut a hole in the top rear of the desk to install a power strip... while I would have liked that to come out more perfect than it did, it came out alright and is perfectly functional; so no worries I suppose. It's definitely gonna be a nice feature for Trev though... since he is always plugging various things in whilst sculpting. Some minor trimming of a couple of pieces to get the two halves of the desk to fit snugly, and then it was time to sand everything. I guess I was probably finishing the sanding and starting the staining by Wednesday, because I know I was applying the varnish yesterday, and we moved the beauty in today!

Today consisted of piecing the desk together in the Studio (it wouldn't fit through the door already assembled). Had to glue, clamp, nail and screw a few pieces together, mount the power strip, putty some holes, do a touchup job on some of the stain, then apply more varnish to the final few areas. But yeah, the desk is done in my mind And that makes Trent happy... happy enough to almost wanna dance... lol Ok, so that's going too far, I know... but still... I'm relieved to have that done, and I know Trevor's gonna be ecstatic to be able to finally work in the studio

Oh yeah, I installed the baseboard raceways for the network cable today too... gods is that ever so much nicer looking than just running the cable itself along the baseboard Plus, the cable will be better protected this way too. Slowly but surely this is all coming together, and nearing an end... gonna be nice when that end is reached; but I bet ya I will miss all this work once I get a week or two without it... lol

Pictures? What do you mean you want pictures? I ain't got no stinkin' pictures! Ok?

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6920933/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6920933/ Mon, 31 Oct 2005 21:53:56 PST
I've always wished I had musical talent... seems like a better form of expression for myself at times. Might be simply because It is foreign to me though.

I take things from my past, little things, and twist them about... turn em inside out even, and make them fit some thought that crosses my mind. This is why I have difficulty accepting most of my art when it's done. I have yet to be completely honest with it, imo, so it holds no weight when it is done.

Most times I feel like such a bumpkin... and for no particular reason.

I often wonder if my lack of interest is the result of a tumorous growth on my brain. Or if the brain damage simply hit a more critical part of me then was believed.

I haven't done anything artistic in far too long. Wonder if I can still remember how to use my chosen medium(s)?

I need to learn a foriegn language... or create my own language. Just for the hell of it.

Realized the other day that I will never again get to enjoy one of my grandpa's pecan pies... took it enough years to hit me, huh? And damn, did that sound good too!

Which leads me to my lack of expression when most people would deem it critical. Yeah, I have a lack of expression/emotion when it is deemed crucial to have such.

Also, I lack the ability to speak when asked something that I never planned on having to answer.

Every so often I see things that aren't there... not sure if I should worry about that or not And people wonder why I don't do drugs? hahah "The tiniest little dot caught my eye..." Yeah, that happened to me a few times... literally speaking. I have also heard voices that aren't there before.

Wondering if I have ever repeated myself in these random thoughts. Probably have... kind of inevitable, right?

Why is (in)evitable a word, but "evit" is not? It's able to evit, is it not? But if evit does not exist, then (in)evitability is faux at best.

Yep, I'm slipping back to that comfortable spot now... slowly but surely. It's getting there.

I lose touch easily... with people, the world, myself... reality.

She fascinates me... something very dream-like about her... she seems almost not real.

If past dictates anything, this all won't last... but it won't be completely over either. It's a weird little cycle we tend to go through.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6893999/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6893999/ Fri, 28 Oct 2005 19:23:19 PDT Listening to: Horropops - Hell Yeah!
Reading: Gunslinger - Stephen King
Watching: Troll 2

Ok, so as many of you have likely noticed, the journals stopped. Yeah, I got lazy, and progress reached a point where it wasn't exactly the most exciting thing to write about on a nightly basis. So, I quit doing so, and have now decided to try writing a weekly entry to update anyone who cares about the progress.

So, to bring you up to speed on what has happened up until the start of this week. Basically, we cleaned the tiles of the grout haze, installed the t-moulding, trimmed the heater to make it fit against the baseboards, and fixed up Troy's drafting table and moved it in. So, that takes care of all the workstations except for Trevor's.

Which leads me to the beginnging of this week. Monday started by retrofitting an old cabinet and making it a storage cabinet for art and misc supplies in the Studio. That went rather smoothly... though I ended up having to screw in the bottom shelf, as per Tory's suggestion, to make the cabinet stay squared and stable. The rest of Monday was spent clearing and cleaning the garage so that I could actually walk around and work out there for the rest of the week.

Tuesday. Trevor's desk begins construction. After thinking things through, and doing some figuring the cutting begins, and by the end of the day I basically have the skeleton of the desk completed.

Wednesday. Can't recall for sure what I did... I think I did a lot of the doweling Wednesday. Test fitting, cutting some more pieces, and began actual assembly as well. By the end of the day, the desk was standing on it's own, but needed some support pieces installed before it would be strong.

Thursday. Added the support pieces (cleats and footrests to be technical). Cut and installed the face frame... well, most of it... and the rear rails. The frame sits high by about 1/32 of an inch in order to allow a tansparent vinyl to sit on top without moving all over the place Trevor will be keeping reference for his sculpting under this vinyl top, thus it's purpose for being transparent. I cut half the pieces for the drawers as well.

Friday. Worked the whole day on drawers. I really do dislike those lil contraptions. They always end up being more of a pain than they seem they will. And it's no different this time. One drawer is all good to go, but due to something being a lil off somewhere, the other drawer is proving difficult. Just the front for it actually... the body of the drawer seems to be good to go, I'm simply having difficulty getting the drawer front to match up properly everywhere. I'll get it figured out though... but to be safe, I decided to close shop earlier today, and just leave it alone.

So, there you have it... the week in review... or some such shit.

Check out some new pictures here!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6841341/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6841341/ Sat, 22 Oct 2005 23:36:10 PDT Listening to: Tool - AEnima

I'm not perfect, but you are so flawed that it's colored everything you see.

Always sucks to find a piece that is sooo close to perfect, yet has one edge/side/corner askewed just enough to make it not fit.

It's harder to hold everything back now. Yet, I know I can't release the floodgates, because if I pause now, I'm not so sure I'm gonna stand back up anytime soon.

I find the smell of Cheerios to be be rather comforting. (See, I DO eat!)

It has come to my attention that I don't really feel "at home" too often... not like I used to anyways. Whether it be due to a wandering mind, daydreaming, or just feeling detatched from my surroundings; I just find it hard to call a place "home." People have felt more homey to be than places as of late, which is a new experience for me.

"You minimize my movement anyway / I must persuade you another way"

It's quite possible that it has started again.

Everytime I close my eyes, the same image comes to me; and I thought I was done with all that now.

Passing thought: The need for duality in this world is a major contributor to it's downfall.

Our little fingers are evolving into non-existence. Your great great great grandchildren (or something) may not even have little fingers when they are born, and it will be considered normal And we will be one step closer to becoming "aliens!"

I take offense to very little... if anything at all.

I tend to think that all problems have very simple solutions. So simple, in fact, that they are unimaginable.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6809269/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6809269/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 12:26:54 PDT Myspace blog... so if you happen to know about that and have read this there, then there is likely no reason for you to read it again here

Listening to: Marilyn Manson - Holy Wood

For the first time in at least two months (my bad concept of time prevents me from saying for sure how long it has been) I went through and looked at my works in progress. My art pieces in progress that is... for those who had no clue what I meant I haven't touched my art, or really even thought about it in quite awhile now, due to hitting a "dry spot" of sorts.

Anyways... there is one piece in the handful of pieces that still has potential, imo. The concept is there, the current execution sucks though. It dawned on me whilst looking this one over how funny it is... not it's purpose/meaning, but it's inspiration and how that inspiration has shifted; more specifically where it has shifted to currently. Some weird lil form of kismet at play there methinks. I'm not sure if I will abandon what is currently going with it in order to get a fresh start on the same idea, or if I'll try to fix it up and get it where it needs to be... but I don't feel like I should abandon it, that's for sure. Even though it's not particularly a place I like to go to anymore (not so much for it's pain factor as for it's redundancy), I am still more than willing to do it. Just can't help but repeat myself until my end I guess.

As for the illustration type of work (namely my pinups) I'm still uncertain where I'm going with those. I was toying around with a new technique before throwing in my proverbial gloves, and was liking the outcome well enough, but it still needs work. The pinups are fun, and I enjoy doing them when I need a break from my noisy head... but I really have no clue where to go with them. I feel like I should have a purpose for everything I do, no matter how meaningless that purpose may be, yet I don't see purpose for the pinups aside from stress relief and fun. Which is nothing to scoff at, I know...but should digital paintings of sexy women be something I keep dumping on everybody? I don't know... late night ramblings of a tired mind here... a very tired mind in fact.

I'm not looking for somebody to affirm everything for me in regards to my art (or anything else for that matter)... I just want to understand it from my own perspective for once. People have asked me before what a particular piece means to me, and I can never tell them. Sure, I may spout something off, but it's just to keep from explaining something I really don't understand. Stock answers to satisfy the masses. If you want to know what a piece means to me, then the best thing I could tell you is that it is likely traced back to a girl at some point, and that the only meaning it holds is whatever it exudes and transmits to you...because it likely didn't end up talking to me as much as I would've liked it too (or it spoke of thigns I didn't care to listen to).

Recently, I drove myself to the edge. Damn near over it too. My feet were hanging half off that edge, and I was teetering back and forth. I'd worn myself out, stretched myself thin (figuratively and literally this time), and have just generally felt shitty... and all the while I keep my lil costume handy so that I don't have to face up to any of it. Yet once again a simple strand of hair seemed to pull me right back, and make everything look great again.

That is what worries me... the cycle. I can't tolerate having to tell a simple story more than twice most times, yet here I am stuck in a rut of a cycle, spinning 'round and 'round at a fairly steady speed apparantly. At least this time there is something new to add to it. Some... thing! No clue what else to call it... maybe it's some tricky visualization technique I subconciously do, or perhaps just me finally opening my eyes and letting all the light in for once. Couldn't tell you in all honestly; but gods is it a thing of beauty!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6781869/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6781869/ Sun, 16 Oct 2005 09:34:17 PDT Listening to: Garbage - 13X Forever

Ok, I got tagged by ~ickledink for this 20 facts about you thing or whatever

01. I cannot define words to save my life, but I can use them properly in a sentence most times.

02. Talking to me on the phone is nearly as elusive a thing as Bigfoot.

03. I have a phone phobia of some sort, thus the reasoning for #2 above.

04. My mind tends to drift whilst thinking, and I end up entirely "off the page" and in a "new book" completely.

05. I also have a tendancy to link memories... kind of a six degrees of separation type of deal. Except there is really no order, sense or reasoning to this linking.

06. Getting myself to fall asleep is quite a task most times... doesn't matter how tired I am, my mind just likes to get REAL "chatty" whenever I want sleep.

07. I use ellipsis a LOT when I am writing... as if you have not noticed! No real purpose to it either, it just seems to spill out of my fingers.

08. I find inspiration at the oddest of moments from the weirdest of things.

09. My memory before 3rd grade is foggy at best... and everything before 1st grade seems to be missing from my mind. But things after that are typically QUITE vivid.

10. I got semi-lost in Los Angeles once trying to find the freeway. That was kinda fun!

11. Music is the only reason I stay as sane as I am I think.

12. The number 12 keeps popping up at me.

13. I am annoyed by the smallest things most times... while bigger annoyances faze me not at all.

14. I visualize the alphabet in three rows: A-J; K-T; U-Z

15. The calendar is visualized as a circle in my mind... maybe more of an oval actually... can't easily describe that one though.

16. I don't really keep any sort of visualized order to numbers in my head; which seems odd to me considering I was once prety good with numbers (until I fell out of practice).

17. Most the time I sit around with kleenex stuffed in my nose due to my beautiful (said w/ sarcasm) allergies. Oddly enough, I breathe better with the paper blocking one of my airways

18. I lose track of my train of thought.

19. Anytime I see the number 19 now, my mind immediately goes to The Dark Tower.

20. I have a weird way of seeing things sometimes that defies explanation. Tends to happen when I look at a person; they become "non-3D" yet not really 2-D either. It's like a dimension between I guess, like 2.5-D, or maybe it's a peek into extra dimension (4-D). I really have no clue... and words have never sufficed to describe it. So, I'm stuck just staring at this beautiful phenomenon, unable to share it... and occasionally get a weird look from the person I stare at because I stare for too long. lol


Now, I am supposed to tag four people I believe... so, I guess I'll tag, um... %fangedfem, ~madtoons, =lila-may-qt, and =MissShyly

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6762034/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6762034/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 22:11:50 PDT

After that, the new desk for the family computer was put together (mostly by me, with some of Trevor's VERY helpful help) Then I put together the new chair that was so graciously bought for me. My old chair is currently functional, but it does look fairly bad (the "leather" chipping off and such) and it did have to be re-welded not long ago. So yeah, I got a new chair... fabric one this time because the "leather" one ended up bugging the hell out of me.

After that was together, I began the semi-long process of cleaning all the computer stuff, moving it into the Studio, and setting it all up. This time I attempted to do some wire management to help keep things a bit more tidy... not sure how well that actually worked though... I think it could be better, just not sure how to go about it. Regardless I am now typing in the Studio, and reporting from it and such... and it feels fuckin' great!

Just need to figure out my cd rack/cd storage now. Need something to hold at least 200-250 cds, but still be semi-compact. Tough order to fill I think... anybody have any suggestions?

Tomorrow will likely be spent cleaning the house up from all the "construction dust" and such. And maybe doing some minor things in here such as installing the t-moulding, and sealing the grout. We shall see!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6753142/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6753142/ Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:36:52 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair - Everything To Me

Troy and I went shopping today to pick up some odds n' ends for the studio. Then this afternoon, I cut and fit all the baseboards and handed them off to Troy to paint while I moved on to more cutting and fitting. That went really smooth, quick and for the most part easy. and it looks 100% better not seeing that ugly lower part of the walls now!

We still need to trim and fit the vinyl t-moulding between the carpet and tiles, and seal the grout on the tiles... but it's all shaping up VERY well now. Feeling damn good to be this close to the "finish line." Sure, there is furniture to be built, but the room is ready to be lived in for the most part now. It's quite insane, and surreal

I will stop there, and leave you with a few pics of the empty room, showing the baseboards off a lil bit. Still need to install the trim around the cooler, it's ready to go, except for another coat or two of paint.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6744386/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6744386/ Tue, 11 Oct 2005 23:40:26 PDT
Today, I cleaned up the floor (once again) and did the lil things neccessary for laying in the new carpet. And then, guess what I did... go ahead, guess! Yes, that is correct, I layed down the carpet! Trimmed it up, fine-tuned it, and then glued it down! it is now drying, and tomorrow the baseboards should be able to start getting cut for installation. Though, we realized we think we need another can of paint before we can get those installed. No biggie though. I think once the baseboards are in, we will be moving the computers back into the room, and then it will be time for the furniture stuff to be built!

Oh yeah... safety warning to take away from today: DO NOT TOUCH THE SHARP PART OF A CARPET KNIFE BLADE! Seriously shard stuff there, even when they are "dulled" after use. I made the mistake of accidentally bumping my finger against the blade, and the blood was gushing from it by the time I made it to the bathroom to clean it out. Got a much more minor cut later on by again accidentally touching the blade with the side of my thumb... that one hardly bled though. So, after bandaging the bad cut, and finishing my carpet cutting and such, I superglued it together so it would quit bleeding... and look at me now, typing like the end of my finger isn't even split open! Superglue=GOOD STUFF!

New pictures here! The last two pages are new actually.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6724854/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6724854/ Sun, 09 Oct 2005 20:55:21 PDT Listening to: Lustmord - Carbon/Core

I used to feel so articulate when I would write (whether I was or not). Like I was able to finally let loose the things I would typically hold back... or simply like I was actually making sense for a change, instead of living out of my own personal dictionary that nobody else understood. (Ir)regardless, I no longer feel that way when I write. It's not as freeing as it once was, and a lot of times I have this unfounded sense that I have to be careful what I say because certain people might read it. But, really, who's going to read it if I simply never share it publicly? Even still, I can't bring myself to write as I was not too terribly long ago. Maybe it's because there is no purpose for it; I have no art in the works in need of a writeup/story, and I'm in a decent enough place mentally and emotionally to not feel the need to exercise demons and whatnot. Yet, I do feel a need to release SOMETHING... just can't pinpoint what it is!

This is partly why I hate being content. It's so rut-like, in my opinion, and completely pointless. Not to mention... contentness is so unnatural (for me), even though I may (or may not) be pretty easy going, below the surface I am always clambering about trying to fix things that likely shouldn't be touched in the first place.

And underneath it all, there is that festering question that has finally started to itch enough to bother me; Why am I still here? After what happened so many years ago, I should certainly not still be here amongst the living, and yet I am... and it's beginning to bother me somewhat. Makes me really ponder destiny, and if it exists, or how it even maintains if it does. I wouldn't say I have ever been a fatalist, but things have been weird lately... and that satisfying "click" of everything falling into place is ringing fairly loud as of late (even if a bit distant from me). Kinda makes me w(a/o)nder... and it certainly freaks me out.

I have never felt "special," or different, or even "unique." I don't really seem to "fit in" anywhere in particular either, but I find those two things to be totally seperate. Yet the people I tend to trust most tend to think I fall into one of those descriptions quite easily. Why I am so special/different/unique is a mystery to me (and perhaps to others as well), but it seems to keep coming up in various ways. It's possible I'm just too self-deprecating to see what they see... or that by default I'm just blind to it I guess. I can say this though, I have always been a loner by nature, and tend to do just dandy (if not better) on my own in most cases... but even a loner gets lonely.

And now is the point where I stop myself... for I have long ago lost my original train of thought, and feel as if I have just been senselessly rambling once again. Though, I DO feel a bit better I guess... but only a bit.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6706673/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6706673/ Fri, 07 Oct 2005 18:44:03 PDT Listening to: Horrorpops - Freaks In Uniforms

Today was the day... the day for the grouting! Haha... for whatever reason, I do kind of enjoy grouting though. It's not what I would call fun, per se, but it's damned satisfying. Smearing that liqudy sandy goodness all over the nice clean tile, and pushing it into the gaps... MAN! It's odd, I know, but I can't help it. The mess of it is therpeutic almost... somehow. Though, cleaning that mess up is no fun. Luckily Troy and Trevor helped out with the cleaning. I know they say to leave the "grout haze" and clean it up later or whatnot, but I like to go ahead and wipe it up as I go through and shape the grout. Kill two birds with one stone, ya know?

So, that was today... just the grouting. Tomorrow, when it's had time to dry out enough to show the color off, I will take some pics. Right now it's still wet enough that it looks dark grey, even though it's more of a mid-tone to light grey... but it looks nice and sharp having it all in there... no more gaps, a walkable surface, and it breaths a new life into the room.

Now, what are we gonna get for carpet? hmmmm... Oh, and here are a couple pics of Trevor cleaning the haze. We are getting kind of lazy with the pics lately. I meant to snap some of Troy cleaning, just for the hell of it, but forgot... oops!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6698085/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6698085/ Thu, 06 Oct 2005 18:31:39 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair - Sombody's Miracle

The final day of laying down the tiles. I only had roughly three and a half rows to do, plus one row of cuts, but it still took all damn day. I hate doing the cuts... it's slow and tedious work, imo. But, I did luck out, because I thought I had two rows to be cut, but it turned out the room is imperfect enough to allow for a full tile against the green wall... where my plans showed it has needing to cut just a bit. Guess I can't fault out-of-square rooms as much as I thought!

I ran into a lil trouble getting the last tile in... first off, I ran out of thinset and had to eyeball mix just enough for one tile. No biggie. But, for some reason it took me three trys to cut that tile right; I think I was more tired than I even felt (and I felt TIRED). But, it's all done now! well, except for grouting it, but if my previous experience with grout is anything to go by, that won't be bad at all. Especially in a wide open area like this. Just need to be double sure that we picked up enough grout to do the job

So yeah, thats the update for today... short and sweet! I'm really too worn out to even think straight, but still I'm trying. Amazing how squatting/sitting, then getting up and picking up a tile and such, and repeating that process over and over again, wears ya out.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6689940/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6689940/ Wed, 05 Oct 2005 19:23:20 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair - Sombody's Miracle

The first day of installing flooring. We got the call yesterday that our tiles were in, so we went and picked them up along with the need supplies for installing them. Took us awhile, but we got it all done.

So, after doing a lil more patching/repairing on the concrete last night, and finishing that off this morning, it was set to go! I think I started working on the floor at 11:30 or 12:00 this afternoon, and worked straight through til about 4:30. And still it's not all done. That was just as far as one bag of thinset got me. I have about two and a half full rows left to lay down, and then the to rows of cut tiles (which still need to be cut). Yeah, tomorrow is going to be another long day I'm sure, but it will be able to be broken into a couple stages at least. Stage1: Finish laying down the full tiles; Stage2: Cut all tiles need for the perimiter, then mix up the "glue" and lay them in place. I hope it won't be AS back-breaking tomorrow... but I know full well it's gonna be worse!

Troy and Trevor have been going through and doing the touchup painting on the edges of the color walls. It's looking good to me... and seems like it's going more smoothly than I had imagined it would. Can't say much about that though, as I'm not actually doing it

Oh yeah... pictures. There are new pictures. One set is a lil back-dated, so to speak, and the other set is from today. Sorry for not keeping up with the pics, but there were so many days of painting, and there is only so much painting you can do before it gets annoying/boring to take pics all the time. hahaha But yeah, new pics! So why are you still listening to me ramble?

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6658569/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6658569/ Sun, 02 Oct 2005 10:17:37 PDT Listening to: Right Where It Belongs

NINE INCH NAILS @ The Hollywood Bowl last night

Wow... what can be said about the NIN performance? We (Trevor and I) were half way back from the stage, and could still feel all that raw, visceral energy exuding from the stage. Personally, I rather liked our seats too... even though the people next to me were bitching about them at first (then they started talking while awaiting NIN, and they were "fucking dudes;" by which I mean, every other word out of their mouths was either "dude" or a version of "fuck.") Anyways, I liked the seats... we were in the front row of our section, so there were no obstructions to our view at all; we were at a fantastic angle to see everything going on; and the distance was close enough to tell who was who on stage, and far enough to see the entire stage at once too. Which, from my concert going experience is excellent for a NIN show, because they are the only band I have ever seen who actually seem to sync the light show with the music; and we got the full experience of that from our vantage point.

I'm not even gonna attempt a setlist... but I hear it was 22 songs, and I would say that is fairly accurate. It was a brutal, unforgiving onslaught of a solid hour and a half (maybe a wee bit over) of music. And it was truly beyond words; just like when I saw them on the Fragility tour in 2000. We got a good mix of tracks from With Teeth, along with the old favorites, and even a couple surprises! First surprise, Burn... omg do I love that song... and to hea it live was definitely a treat! The second surprise of the night, Reptile... hadn't heard that one live before (save for on the DVD), and it was definitely an amazing live song, and had a wonderful light show to go with it.

Another highlight for me was the "slow middle" of the show. It started with the gauze-like sheet coming down, and Eraser being played (another song I was surpised to hear actually), and then went into Right Where It Belongs, and finally Beside You In Time (I think I got that right). All the while, images were being projected on this sheet/screen that had a definite political slant, and that just brought a wee smile to my face I'm a sucker for the slower songs though, and that was a perfect way to present a good portion of them, imo. The only other slow part would be Hurt a lil later on, and as always that was an experience all in itself.

So yeah... I don't really know what else to had. A NIN show truly is one of those experiences that is hard to "define" or give a report on that is good enough to transport a reader to that place. I mean, I am STILL reeling over seeing them back in 2000, it was just THAT good; and if the indications are anything to go by, this show is gonna be the same way. If you like NIN at all, and you have the chance to go see them, then I say do it! Whatever it takes to get there, it will be well worth it!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6638576/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6638576/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 22:55:06 PDT Listening to: Autolux

So, let's see... the last door went back up today, and the trim got finished off with their coats of paint. except for some trim that we need to get for the A/C and the baseboards that will be going in, all the painting is done I think. OH, there are the touchups on the edges of the colored walls too. But, the major painting is done. Give it a day or two to dry really well and the masking tape can come off, and the walls can be seen in their FULL glory (as if they are not glorious enough already... damned attention-whore walls!).

Troy peeled off the tape from the windows on the door today... so we have a good view of how that will all look now. There was some paint leakage under the tape that will need to be cleaned, but that's no huge deal. The new door hardware all looks damned spiffy... antigue finish brass (I think) for the knobs and hinges. For whatever reason, I have never been a huge fan of shiny gold door hardware. It works and looks fine in most cases, but it just seems too stereotypical to be interesting to me. Hell, if I had things my way, door knobs would be made out of various woods (both common and exotic varieties), but no! haha

Except for getting and installing the floor, the room itself is damned near done. I still have some furniture to build once the designs are ironed out and we know where to head with it all, and once the garage is clear enough so I have access to my tools needed to build the furniture too. But yeah... I'd say we are easily 60-70% there.

And that is all the update for today. Was able to finish up the lil bit of work early, and actually have a bit of a relaxing day for a change. Twas nice!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6621250/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6621250/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 22:39:20 PDT Listening to: Veruca Salt

Ok folks... after days of silence, and leaving on what sounded like a sour note, the journals are back! haha

The reason I have not been keeping up with it is because of the boringness/slowness of the work that's been going on. Just a bunch of painting, some minor floor repair, and the installation of the new electrical outlets and switch plates. Literally, I have kept a record of what has happened the last few (work) days, and they read, "Painting, nothing much to report," or some variation on that.

First off... the progress of the paint. The color is now on the walls, but we have not gotten any pictures yet. Edges still need to be touched up anyways. I think we will likely wait until the doors are finished before snapping the pics. Speaking of the doors, one door was painted today. Between Trevor and I we got that done. It may need some touchups here and there, but holy moses does it look 100% better now! A good thick coat of paint makes all the difference in the world of doors. Now, just need the door handles from the Dark Tower on there... oh, umm, I mean we just need to get the handles on there, and the hinges and such, then it will be all set! Oh, and let me bitch a bit here: painting doors with windows in them (or glass panes of any sort for that matter) is a big ol' pain in the ass! I'm just not cut out for that sort of tedium I guess.

Troy did most of the painting of the window sills, and again, what a difference a fresh coat of paint makes. Also, since we went with satin finish instead of the horid flat finish that was in there before, we should be able to keep those window sills a bit cleaner than in the past Same with the doors actually. Satin finish is awesome by the way; it has just the right amount of shine to it, imo.

I started primering some and painting some of the trims around the doors and such as well, but still have work to do on those. I think that covers it for what's been painted. It looks awesome to me, I look forward to showing it off.

So, the floor repair. Basically there is a seam in the concrets where two slabs meet, and that needed to be filled and smoothed/levelled out. It had been done by the previous owner of the house, but the whatever they used to patch it up was all loose and chipping up. So, I smeared some Fix All on that bad boy, and BOOM! Probelem solved. Then the next day (today) I walk in there and, "What's this? The Fix All is loose in a couple spots!" Yeah, turns out the concrete had something on it; a coating of some sort. It was worn off in most spots apparantly (because the Fix All stuck), but not in a couple spots. So, I chipped that up, hit it with 40grit sandpaper, and repatched. Needs a top coat to smooth it out, but it looks like it's sticking now *knocks on wood* In addition to that, I also went around and patched the holes left by the carpet tack strips (or whatever the hell they call those things), and patched a minor, but noticable, crack. Except for sanding and the aforementioned topcoat, that is done and ready to have floor put on it... if only we had our floor! We did order our tiles, but they have no come in yet.

The replacement of the outlets and installation of the plate covers was pretty routine, tedious, and boring. It looks fantastic against the new colors though (white outlests/covers), and I only got a buzz once or twice on the last one I replaced. So, not too bad! I swear, I'm a bit addicted to that buzz you get from mistakenly touching the hot wire (or screw). LOL

Not sure if I mentioned that we installed all the trims on the recessed lighting... and oh my goodness gracious does that look sharp! Seriously... I love the look of recessed lights; especially when they are in a room with such a low ceiling. Once I can at least "test fit" my desk into place I should be able to go ahead and hang my speakers... woohoo!

Alrighty folks... I believe that I have covered it all now. And I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors. I just don't feel like proof reading right now.

Until next time, take it easy folks!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6575317/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6575317/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 17:42:21 PDT
After allowing the second ceiling coat to dry, we tackled the orange walls. Now, the color is not orange orange... it's called Harvest Flame, and is being considered more of a yellow by our parents. Next to the green that will go up, it looks more orange to my eye. One of the brothers said it best, imo... it's Sesame Street yellow. We're waiting on the first coat of that to dry before tackling it again... it definitely looks yellowy right now, because it's a very thin paint, and the primer is still showing through a bit causing it to look lighter than it is. Once that second coat is on, it will look awesome, if ya ask me.

Troy is way too much of a perfectionist for my tastes; but I will admit that I am no painter either. He was all in a hissy fit over the fact that the edges (where two walls meet or where wall meets ceiling) were not absolutely and perfectly straight. They don't look good, I agree with that, but he was wearing on my last nerve today rambling on about that lil problem. And the fact that the paint is sooo thin doesn't help with making a clean edge either, imo. The way I figure it, we make the wall-to-wall seams look as good as possible, then put a trim of some sort around the ceiling. I think it would look just dandy that way. Or, we could finish off imperfectly, then tape things off and touchup where needed to hopefully make a straighter line.

Irregardless, I don't think I will be doing any more painting. It's apparant that I cannot do it perfectly enough to please, so I simply won't do it. Mayhap not the best solution in general, but it seems to be the best option for this particular case. I'm tired of dealing with the same problem over and over again, even though it changes it's face/mask regularly. Besides, it's not my money being spent, so why should I care how it comes out in the end? I'm just the hired hand... minus the "hired" part; and I already passed on whatever knowledge I have in the painting dept. so I really don't see what use I am now.

Yeah, dissention in the ranks today... no pics taken that I am aware of, and thats the end of today's journal. I'll "see" y'all again once the painting is all over with I guess.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6567482/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6567482/ Wed, 21 Sep 2005 20:20:48 PDT Listening to: 30 Seconds to Mars
Watching: Sin City

Started today off with more sanding. And let me tell you, even though I have been working my shoulders out fairly well on the Bowflex for the last couple months, it was in no way a decent preperation for the sanding of the ceiling. Man, my shoulders are so damned sore that, ummm... wiping my ass hurts! Hurts my arms, not my ass... LOL Ok, so maybe I made that up, but they are sore. Resting my arms on the table to type actually puts a wee bit of strain on the shoulders, and causes them to ache (ergonomics are thrown out the window until I get my desk back, I'm afraid).

So yeah, the sanding is done now... the patch work all looked good enough to us to move on and start the painting. So that's exactly what we did after I caught my breath from sanding

We started by primering the ceiling and the one wall that will be white. I got "the boys" setup to get started on that, and we realized that we did not like the edge painter pads we got, so I went to Framco and picked up my trusty mini rollers and we did all the cut-in with those. Oh, despite saying that I was gonna sit out the whole painting process, I ended up being the "cut-in guy." Used my trusty lil mini roller to go around all the edges and windows and sockets and such. It was fun... and far less messy than painting the main areas. Though, it should be said, I ended up with a fleck of paint on my eyeball. Troy noticed it during lunch. it was pretty crazy, it was right at the edge of the iris and the white of my eye. It was looses and able to be removed very simply, but freaky that I couldn't even feel it or see it there

So, "the boys" handled the main painting. They did all the work today really, I just stood by to help out as needed, and make fun of their incompetence... lol.. just kidding guys! The primer used for the ceiling and soon-to-be white wall was fairly thin, and didn't seem to coat too great; but upon drying I think it will be ok... just may need a couple coats of the white. The tinted primers for the colored walls went on so great it was crazy... it was like putting on the final paint; it really helped cover all the marks on the walls. So, tomorrow, we hope to at least get the white and green painted. with any luck we might even get the orange on there, but I'm not guaranteeing that at all.

Oh, if you didn't know already, the aforementioned colors are what we are going with. But i'll leave the details to be told by pictures

So, let's see... sanding, patching the cooler, and painting all the primer on. Yep, that about covers it for today I believe.

New pics here...

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6558670/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6558670/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 20:36:08 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair

Another day full of sanding and patching. With any luck, this will be the last day of that, and tomorrow Troy and Trevor can start painting. That's right, if I can at all, I will avoid the painting altogether. I don't particularly like doing it, I'm not particularly good at it, and the brothers need something to do after just watching me patch all week.

So, today I was basically able to skim coat all the patching, making it look really smooth. A light sanding tomorrow, and more patching around the air conditioner, and I think that will all be done. I went through and searched for and fixed all the minor cracks and holes in the walls, recovered some of the bigger holes, took off all the switchplate covers and such. All in all, I did very little today, yet it took all day.

My day started with another trip to Framco/Ace Hardware to pick up another bucket of "mud" because I seem to be going through that stuff like water. Then I had to get all the sanding done. Now, even though we got a sanding pole/pad to make this part go easier, it is still killer on the muscles and body in general, imo; or I'm just doing something wrong. But yeah, the sanding wears me out. Then afterwards, since I get annoyed by moving the ladder around, I just stand on the ground and patch the ceiling (thank gods for the low ceiling). So, I get all the flat surfaces patched up and looking pretty good, then about halfway through doing the corners, I go to lift my hand to spread the "mud" and I cannot get my arm high enough to reach the ceiling. It just refuses to go any higher. I liken the feeling to when lifting weights, and only being able to get the bar to a certain point, and no matter how hard you try you just cannot finish the full motion of the repitition. I think I finally stood on tip toe to reach the ceiling at that point... then, after that one time, I never encountered the problem again. It made me laugh though... I was soooo close, but just could not move my arm any higher!

Anyways, I got it all done, then moved on to fixing all the cracks and misc shit I mentioned earlier.

Troy and Trevor had the fun of loading up a dumpster to get rid of all our debris and junk from the bathroom remodel ( a year ago now), and the stuff from this one. It's gonna take a few dumps to get it all, and I honestly haven't even looked to see what kind of dent they made in all that, but they got the dumpster full in about an hour I guess; in the sporadic rain no less! I figure I'll deal with that tomorrow when they start painting. If I can even move tomorrow. I swear, I can't recall ever being this sore all over before. Even back with the bathroom remodel, I don't remember being this sore (just sliced up from the old tile )

New pics are up... and the pages are all reorganized. Trying to keep a page per day now, to help the load times. So, go HERE for todays update (which is actually yesterdays pics, I think). I'm starting to lose track of the days, and as such, I may end up messing up the pics here pretty soon; by which I mean, putting them on the wrong day and such.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6548769/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6548769/ Mon, 19 Sep 2005 18:37:36 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair - Everything To Me

This weekend we picked up the paint, and supplies needed for that stage, and got the new room air conditioner (the kind that is supposed to sit in a window, but we have setup in a hole in the wall).

So, today entailed me sanding all the patching, and doing a second coat of patching... while Trevor tore out the old nail strips left behind from the old carpet, and chipped out the loose concrete-like stuff that the previous owner used to try and smooth the floor. Troy handled the removal of the baseboards, and managed to cut his finger doing so... what can I say, he takes after his lil brother (me) I guess... or he's learning from the best; however you choose to look at it.

They both cleaned things up a lil in there too, which is oddly nice while you are doing this sort of work. Something about a messy floor irritates me when working like this, yet has no affect on me in general household usage.

So, after lunch we tackled the removal of the old air conditioner, and the installation of the new one. It didn't go too smoothly, but wasn't a huge mess either. The new one is in there right now, and I just need to finish creating a good seal around it to keep bugs and such out, and the cool air inside. It's a cool lil air conditioner, imo. Has a remote control, and digital display and such, plus a thermostat to allow it to maintain a specific temp; the old one just ran until you decided it felt good.

My arms are all scratched up from removing that old clunker of an air conditioner; kinda looks like a cat attacked me.

That's all I can think to report on tonight. Tomorrow will likely just be more of the same; finishing off the AC (providing the rain doesn't get in the way), and more sanding and patching (hopefully the last coat).

No pic updates today, even though a few were taken. I just don't feel like messing with that. Plus, I really need to break that pic page into multiple pages to bring down the load time anyways. Simple fix, I just don't feel like messing with HTML tonight So, pics tomorrow!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6541518/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6541518/ Sun, 18 Sep 2005 22:22:41 PDT
Listening to: Anna Nalick
Watching: Family Guy

I never could have been anything or everything that you wanted . I believe this now, and realize just how much I was fooling myself . I just want you to be happy . It's just too bad that means that I have to settle for something less than the dream come true . But when haven't I put my entire life on hold for somebody else ? When haven't I destroyed something good for me just to make things right for somebody who needed it ? What was the last sacrifice I made that benefitted me ?

I was never anything . To you or anybody else . I'm fondly remembered and easily forgotten . Then again , it's not like I try too hard to carve a place into anybodies mind .

Why do my bleeding fingers leave no mark on everthing they touch ? Perhaps it's because there is no bleeding heart connected to them , or maybe it's just because I'm the only one who see's what potential there is in the least likely of subjects .

So , you see , I never could have been anything for you . My path along this beam too divergent to be able to focus where I want it most .

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6523436/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6523436/ Fri, 16 Sep 2005 20:14:24 PDT Listening to: Lullacry

Well, I guess I should document what happened today. Even though it's not much to speak of at all.

Today, I got to work all alone. Which, assuming I don't actually need the extra pair(s) of hands, is always nice. I just like to be alone most the time; especially if I'm concentrating on anything at all. So yeah, 'twas nice... though I TOTALLY appreciate all the help my brothers (and dad) have given so far on this lil project.

Taping and patching the sheetrock was the job at hand today... the taping went quick and easy enough (used the self stick fiberglass tape instead of the paper). The patching of all the joints is a pain in the ass though. And messy... I had that joint compound all over me. It kept dripping down into my face, onto my shirt, the top of my head, and on the floor. Of course, I'm kinda messy when working with the stuff too, so that didn't help any

That was really it though for today... just the patching, then the nurturing of my poor lil smashed thumb.. lol

There may not be another update until next week now. I just don't see the point in updating about the days of sanding and patching, and more sanding and patching.

No more pics for the time being either, more than likely. Might snap a couple to show the stages of the patching if I get bored enough.

So, 'til next time... see ya later folks!

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EDIT: Btw, the new Raster chapter is out in the wild... I have just gotten around to checking it out myself, and there is some fantastic stuff in there (as always). So, take a few minutes and go fill your head with some art!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6515602/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6515602/ Thu, 15 Sep 2005 20:34:00 PDT Looked forward to it, because it is a quick jump to making the room look finished; dreaded because I HATE working with sheetrock. It was a lil better to work with in this room (being a completely empty, wide open type of place), but still no fun. Just ask Troy and Trevor, they did the heavy lifting/holding in place, while I screwed the sheets to the rafters. But, we did it... in one day, we hung a whole ceiling. Not bad for three guys who don't do this sort of thing

I guess the funnier part of the day was hanging the first sheet. See, Troy and Trevor are holding the sheet in place, and I have fastened one end. Whilst trying to fasten the other end, I kept dropping screws, due to the bit not being magnetized, and not gripping too well. So, I would get a screw loaded, hold it up to start pushin it in, and it would fall to the floor. I swear, it happened at least five times; me cussing everytime one falls, and the brothers cracking up more and more each time (while holding the sheetrock up no less. So yeah, that was amusing.

Oh, and the special drywall bit we picked up for the drill broke while working with the second sheet. So the remainder of the room was done my throttling back the drill, and "freehanding" the countersink *flexes muscles* Now that is some skill, if I do say so myself!

I smashed my thumb with a hammer today... which is nothing new really, anytime I do any amount of work with a hammer I tend to smash a finger eventually. But, today was the first time the smash made the finger bleed Turns out it just pulled a lil skin loose around the edge of my thumbnail, so no biggie there.

I am now so sore all over that I can't even feel it anymore. It's an odd feeling. The brothers and I mutually decided that taking the weekend off would be a good idea. Need to pick up some more supplies anyways.

Tomorrow I "fly solo" in the room, working on taping and patching the sheetrock; and patching the walls as needed too. So, even though I don't expect it to be exciting, I will still update tomorrow... just don't expect much from it! (not that there is anything to expect from these anyways)

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The pics have been updated... go check them out! (this page is getting big, i'll make it more user-friendly later on)

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6507709/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6507709/ Wed, 14 Sep 2005 22:48:11 PDT Listening to: Liz Phair
Watching: Been catching Inside the Actors Studio lately

Day-4... otherwise known as "wiring hell day 2." So, due to this house being wired all funky (or at least the room we are working in is), I spent all day trying to figure out the last of the lights. ALL DAY. I mean, I am not electrically minded as it is, and then you throw some weird ass setup at me and I am totally lost. And everytime I thought I had a handle on it, it didn't work! I was beyond frustrated by the end of things; to the point of damn near breaking out in tears just due to the mental fatigue of it all.

Then, must have been in the 3:00 hour somewhere... I did it! I cheered and let out some sort of victory cry... fell to my knees even. I was so damned proud of myself for having it working (after looking up some things on the ol' internet).

But wait... let's go ahead and mount the switch in it's lil metal box in the wall... HOLY SHIT!! Where did all the sparks and smoke come from!? Yeah, the internet led me astray... I ended up with some shorted out wires somewhere. Not to mention, the original wires to the switch were more worn/rotted then I had first realized. So, I get this all sorted, stop the sparks and shorting, and then my dad comes home. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see him... lol Once again, after a lot of work, he saved the day, and all the wiring is done.

I ran my speaker wires, the phone line, and relocated the thermostat. As far as I know, that is all the electrical to be done. The brothers and I re-mounted the insulation, and then they cleaned things up for the night.

Tomorrow, only a couple days later that I had figured, the sheetrock can finally be started, and the patching of various things as well. With any luck, this bitch will still be ready for paint next week.

Oh, I should note... most of the dayt I was "working hot" with all the electrical. Which means I didn't bother to turn the breaker off whilst wiring. Let's just say I got my fair share of lil jolts today Also, I don't know why I think cussing is gonna solve anything, but I was definitely cussing more today while working on all that too. And I wouldn't say that I'm a light cusser to begin with.. lol

Day-5 tomorrow... only four days of work so far, and I feel worn out already. Oh joy!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6498651/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6498651/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 21:22:23 PDT Listening to: Sigur Ros

Man o man... Day-3. The day of electrical work. We started by taking down the insulation so I could have full access to all I needed for wiring the lights and such. Troy and Trev were real soldiers about taking the insulation down... I admittedly did very little in that department.

However, I made up for it by spending the afternoon/evening wiring the lights. But, seeing as how I am not accustomed to wiring a big project like this, I had to take awhile to look it all over and figure out exactly how it had to be done. The principle of it is pretty simple, but the way things were layed out was confusing me for whatever reason. But, after a couple hours, it all clicked into place, and I went to town on it all.

Trevor and I had already gotten all the cans into the ceiling, so I was able to just have at it all by myself for the remainder of the day. Well, except for the evening, when my dad stepped up to the plate to wire an especially confusing and difficult switch. He did a good job on that, and I give much thanks to him for tackling it

Who would have thought that wiring would be such a long damned project. Still gonna have to finish some of it off tomorrow; mainly due to not having all the supplies I needed, but partly due to just wearing myself out with tedium.

Oh yeah, I shocked myself only a couple times today Nothing serious, just a minor buzz feeling in the ol' hand.

So, that wraps up Day-3 I'm afraid. Not anything too exciting, and not a very long entry... but what can I say. It was a boring day of work really!

--

Pictures of what has happened thus far may be viewed HERE

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6488904/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6488904/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 19:27:17 PDT Listening to: Horrorpops (yep, again)

Today started with a trip to the News Mirror to place the Yrad Sale ad so that we can hopefully get rid of some of this furniture and junk that we don't still need or want.

After that, work began on tearing down the old, damaged sheetrock of the ceiling. This went quite well, and rather quickly too. Though, it must be noted, Trevor had an accident no more than 5min into the job. Seems he somehow brought his hammer down on his head... yes, his HEAD. Not his hand... his H-E-A-D. He was kneeling on the ground carfully rubbing the crown of his head, jabbering about something. Troy and I finally realized what happend and went to assess the situation. There was no blood, and Trev seemed to be fine to me, but Troy entertained Trev's paranoia of having cracked his skull, and gave him a more thorough checking out.

Trev just decided to take it easy, and relax for a bit after that. And by the looks of it, he is perfectly fine now (10hrs later)... so no worries!

So, Troy and I went on and ripped the ceiling down. It was down in maybe 20min... then there was all the cleanup. If you have never worked with sheetrock, let me be the one to tell you to avoid it at all costs.. lol The stuff is a giant mess; spreading dust everywhere, having to break it up to get it out of the house and to our lil junk pile that is awaiting a dumpster. Trevor came back to help us with the cleanup, btw.

So, after that was all cleaned up, I mentioned that we shoud just go ahead and get that damn carpet out of there... so, 10-15min later the carpet was out!

Lunchtime... Carls Jr. is GOOOOD

Now, twas time to go out and gather all our goods to fancy up the ceiling and such. Mainly the lights, and materials needed for that. So, the journey began!

Lowes: had the cans for the recessed lights that we wanted, but no trims that we liked, and no bulbs anywhere in sight.

Home Depot (Redlands): has the same cans as Lowes, but $3 more each; has a perfect trim, but not enough of them in stock.

Home Depot (San Bernardino): same story on the cans; has the trim; have a great selection of bulbs; we get everything we need here except for the cans.

Back to Lowes, we pickup the cans, I slice my finger, but don't realize it until we are checking out and I feel something sticky on my finger... look down, and "OOOO, blood!" I think. heehee

So yeah, thats a quick run down, but the shopping probably took us 3-3.5 hours, all said and done. Choosing all the right parts of the recessed lights was nerve-racking, and tedious. But, the kits weren't right for our purpose, so we had to go the pick-and-choose route. The running back and forth (both between stores, and in the stores themselves) got rather old quite fast; and it didn't help that while driving we hit damned near every single light as it turned red. But yeah... all just small, minor, lil annoyances compared to most anything else. We survived the journey, and live to tackle another day!

We have made it just a lil further than I had hoped to be by this point (taking the carpet up this early wasn't in the plan, but glad we did it), and hopefully we will get the lights hooked up tomorrow, and be able to hang the new sheetrock by Wednesday and/or Thursday. That would leave Friday for patching work and such, which would be great because I get the house to myself on Friday, and that's a job I can easily do myself (while pumping some music).

So, that's it for Day-2... hopefully day three will be injury free, and just as productive (if not more)...

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6480653/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6480653/ Sun, 11 Sep 2005 20:21:30 PDT Listening to: Horrorpops
Watching: Dracula (the orignal)

Ok, so today (or tonight really) was Day-1 of the work to be done to turn an old misued room into a fully functional, splendorous, Art Studio... with COLOR on the walls instead of the blah ol' flat white thats on there now.

Today consisted of finishing up the emptying of the room... and then the first step towards completion was taken; the removal of the acoustic material on the ceiling. That's as far as we got today with the actual deconstrustion, due to starting late. But, tomorrow the whole ceiling will come down

Now, to clue you into what is happening...

Basically, this room was our "computer room," where my comp, and the family comp was setup. There were also a couple cabinets full of useless junk in there, as well as the Bowflex. That as all been removed, and most of it will be sold, given away or thrown away. What we do keep is being relocated.

The Art Studio will consist of the two computers, setup differently and more effectively; a desk/sculpting station for my little brother; a drafting table for my older brother; and a paper cabinet/flat file for storage of papers and materials, as well as finished works.

I will be designing and building the desk/sculpting station, a bookcase, and retrofitting a cabinet to make it useful for storage of various things still needed.

Oh, and the ceiling is being replaced as well due to water damage and general wear and tear. Recessed lighting will be put in, an speaker wires will be run in the ceiling so I can have myself a nice sound setup (for my tastes at least) And, as mentioned, the walls will get some new paint as well, and hopefully some art prints and such on the walls (for which I hope to find at least a couple things here on DA for my area of the room).

When all is said and done, this SHOULD definitely be a fantastic environment to work in... and mayhap be a giant step into finally bringing to fruition a collaborative idea my bros and I have had for ages now. We shall see!

Tomorrow, I hope to have a lil more to write about the goings on of the room. I'm gonna try to keep a day by day journal... mainly for my own purposes. But, unfortunately, anybody watching my journal is gonna be seeing a lot of shit from me lately. I'll try to atleast get some pictures to post in these as well... to make them a wee bit more interesting.

Now off to rest up for more destruction!

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6426751/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6426751/ Mon, 05 Sep 2005 20:24:33 PDT [x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've run away from home
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I listen to political music. [not a lot of it, but some]
[ ] I collect comic books. [used to]
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes [particularly eyes]
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name. [not in the way most people do... mine actually serves a purpose ]
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with love
[x] I like to laugh. [like to cause laughter more]
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country. [Mexico baby!]
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I see a therapist.
[ ] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me. [I have to be, since nobody else is comfortable with me LOL]
[x] I play video games.
[ ] Gotten lost in my city.
[x] Saw a shooting star
[ ] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas [Technically, yes]
[ ] I have Kissed a Stranger
[x] Hugged a stranger
[ ] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[ ] Been close to love [Can't honestly answer that one... thought I was once]
[x] Been to a casino.
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[ ] Flashed someone
[x] Saw a therapist [Speech therapist... they are the sexy version of therapists ]
[ ] Played spin the bottle
[ ] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] bitten somebody
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[ ] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[ ] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Lied to a friend [Sometimes I just have to... or think I have to]
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[x] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada
[x] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[ ] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[ ] Been Skiing
[x] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ] Lost a child
[x] Gone to college
[x] Dropped out of high school/college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers [if you count the over the counter shit ]
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[x] Miss someone right now

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6374448/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6374448/ Wed, 31 Aug 2005 00:59:39 PDT Listening to: Patti Smith
Watching: Back to the Future

How is it that I got to be so lucky? To be the one who got left here to sort out the tedious details of life.

Just the thought of an idea, that can't even use it's real name; and I color you perfect.

Hand in a pot of room temp water; heated slowly. It never knows it's gotten hotter.

You bitch, and you moan, and you piss your vinegar all over the house; and still you think you are actually different.

When you can see a savior in just about everybody, without even trying... that's when you know you are off the track.

That person everybody else seems to see in you is foreign to you alone, apparantly.

I fear my mind has peaked. I retain nowhere near what I used to, and I remember less and less of what I have forgotten. Slow leak evaporation.

Before long, I will be one of them.

I don't have the dark mind that I once thought I possessed. No, not at all... it's much worse than I ever imagined actually. Decipher as you will.

It was all worked out in my head just a few nights ago... A beautifully genius something that was playing with words in such great ways. Unfortunately, it was lost it in the land of sleep somewhere.

What do you want me to say... that you're the best thing that never happened to me?

If I used your mouth like a microphone, would you finally hear what I have been shouting at you for so long?

When you are in a controlled fall, so much of what you don't want to know becomes quite clear.

I suppose that not leaving an impact is a good thing. After all, it likely means that no bones were broken in the fall, and internal bleeding would be far-fetched as well. Rule of thumb: if it leaves no mark on you, it leaves no impression on anybody else either.


--
These are my collected thoughts ove the last week or so. Surprisingly few compared to what I can typically churn out in a single day or night sometimes.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6279758/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6279758/ Sat, 20 Aug 2005 13:18:31 PDT
"More than once, I've cried for you."

The lies I keep telling myself are typically enough to straighten the mess out... somehow. It doesn't make sense to me really. The rubber is rotting though... quicker than normal due to the excessive stretching and twisting; before I know it, I'm going to have lost a piece of myself. One day I'll snap... somewhere deep inside more than likely; where it won't bee seen, and everything will still appear to be held together... but that one severed piece will eventually work it's way to the surface in one way or another. One small, inaudible snap, will unravel everything I have been trying so hard to keep together.

"And I believe it's you who could make it better, but it's not"

That preceding lyric rings especially true these days... searching for a savior and such it seems. It's not right, but it feels so right. I can't help but dream about that... finding that one who does make it all better. But, really, that's not what I want... what I really want, is some understanding I suppose. In more ways than may be apparant.

"There are times, plenty of times, I wish I could let it go"

But for now I shall just wrap a new layer of rubberband atop the others to hold it all together once again; to be that softened rock, quietly absorbing so many tears. They say you can't get blood from a stone... I'm not so sure.


----
Transported over here after first being posted on my Myspace page. Sorry, I am just that lazy at the moment. The words are really no less pertinent though, I promise.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6217566/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6217566/ Sat, 13 Aug 2005 15:30:19 PDT

Check out what we are offering, and make a bid if anything floats your boat.

I personally am selling my Bow and Arrow setup, and my Paintball Gun.

So yeah, go check those all out if they interest you at all! Thanks...

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6135043/ http://sycophant13x.deviantart.com/journal/6135043/ Thu, 04 Aug 2005 18:24:05 PDT Listening to: Bif Naked - Superbeautifulmonster

Sometimes, the smallest hint of trust is enough to wipe out so many doubts and ill feelings.

A voice can make or break how much I can tolerate some people. Sad, but true.

On that same not, certain inflections can make an annoying voice worth listening to.

Which brings me back around to the sound the tongue makes in the mouth whilst somebody talks... it's a thing of pure beauty I tell ya! (which is only intensified if you actually like the person talking)

I have a certain deeper respect for "shock artists" now, as I seem unable to produce something purely for shock value; even though I find it to be a good idea.

All day, I have had the sense that certain feelings simply cannot be expressed by anything other than a mere touch. A caress, slap, squeeze, whatever... sometimes it seems the only way to describe a feeling.

I scare myself.

For the past six years, all my art has come from the same place inside of me. And now I feel as if I stand a chance of putting all that to rest, and I can't even begin.

"One of us! One of us! One of us!" That chant seems neverending in my life anymore.

--
Small amount of thoughts this time around. Eh, whatever.... it's something new to gawk at, at least.

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BUY MY PRINTS ]]> ~sycophant13x